MaTTiOLA Presents

PORN STARS…

MORE THAN JUST MOANS

MATTHEW RAMSEY

AND

FABIOLA JOSEPH

This book is an original idea written by Matthew L. Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph. It is a work of fiction. Names, places, and incidents are the product of the authors’ imaginations and are used fictitiously. No parts of this book shall be duplicated, reproduced, or shared without the writers’ permission. By reading this book, you are agreeing to such terms. Any resemblance to any person dead or alive, place or incident is purely the assumption of others and will be considered just as such, an assumption.

Porn Stars… More Than Just Moans Copyright © 2012 by Matthew L. Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph. All rights reserved.

Written and created by Fabiola Joseph and Matthew L. Ramsey

Editor- Brandie Randolph – www.EditingCouture.com   

Typesetting and Interior designed by- Glenda Wallace at www.interiorbookdesigns.com   

Cover by- Mya Ayo – www.ThisIsMyaAyo.tumblr.com

ISBN: 978-1470110383

The Buzz Around PORN STARS!

Author Elizabeth LaShaun says,

M. Ramsey and F. Joseph deliver a classic. Jezebel and Krave are two characters that your heart will bleed for as you travel through this sizzling, fast pace novel.  The deadly lives of these porn stars are definitely filled with more than just moans. Have a lover close by and get ready for this eye opening erotic tale that’s filled with drama.

Brandie Randolph of Editing Couture says,

Did that title catch your attention? Let Matthew Ramsey and Fabiola Joseph keep your attention. Porn Stars: More than Just Moans is more than just a novel; it is certainly more than just a book about porn stars. You will not only get to know the main characters, Jazzy and Jamar, you will get to know the methods behind their madness. Through flashbacks and thoughts, you’re let into their lives with a goldfish’s view. The story will make you laugh, cry, scream, and wonder what just happened. This is the first novel for Matthew and the sophomore title for Fabiola and they are going to make waves with this read. They’ve displayed an adept ability to co-write and seamlessly transition as though this was just one writer. Their ability to play off of one another’s creativity and mesmerize their audience with an “outside of the box” concept is magical. I look forward to singular and collaborative efforts from these shiny, new literary stars.

Jeanette McMillan-James of Readers R Us say,

Fabiola and Matthew make a meticulously fabulous team.... RRU APPROVED!!!!!

Michelle Dcbookreviewer Rawls says,

Fabiola Joseph and Matthew Ramsey shoots straight from the hip in this exciting, fast-paced, drama filled novel. I got a voyeuristic glance into the world of porn and was shown the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you ever wanted to know what goes on behind the curtains… this is it!!!

Diamond Eyes Book Club says,

These two have rocked my world. Fabiola and Matthew mesh well and weave a page turning story. Every word comes alive and explodes on each page. Sexy, smart, thrilling, and just DAMN GOOD!

Ceci Noir says,

Porn Stars… More Than Just Moans turns the heat and the drama all the way up! In this adult novel, which is filled with twist and turns, Mattiola will have you begging for more, more, and more!

Anonymous says,

Even though there are two authors, the story reads as one journey. From Fabiola’s ability to form words and effortlessly make them invade your mind, body and soul, to Matthew’s ability to make a straight man curious about gay porn. These two are a breath of fresh air and hit you fast and hard… in a good way. This novel is rare, beautifully written, and tantalizing!

Dedications

To the only person in this world who knows me inside and out. The person who knows both the good and the bad about me, but loves me anyway. To the person who laughs, fights, and smiles with me. The one who listens to my ideas, reads my chapters, and lets me rant and rave about anything that may cross my mind… without judgment. To the person who knows that although my moods may sway with the blow of the winds, he never forgets that I still and will love him anyway. Up and downs, thick and thin… our friendship survived it all. For my best friend, Matthew Ramsey, from Duval High School to current day, I will be thankful for you and will love you always.

Fabiola Joseph

I dedicate this book to my best friend, Fabiola Joseph. If someone would've said you and I would write a bestseller when you walked into drama class, twelve years ago, I would've thought they were crazy. I can't believe the journey our friendship has taken us on, but I'm so happy to be here, alive, and a part of it. I love you like a sister, and I can't wait until we write out next “Mattiola Production”, whatever that may be. If it wasn't for you collaborating with me on this book, it definitely wouldn't be what it is now, because your ideas combined with my ideas add up to a very entertaining read.

Matthew Ramsey

Acknowledgements

Thank you from Matthew.

I want to thank my sister Rebecca, my cousins Sandy, Sherry, and Shelby, my good friends Faye, Crystal, Alexis, Lydia, Rachel, Chelsey, and Carnell, and everyone else who has ever read my poems, chapters, etc... and enjoyed them. Your kind words gave me the motivation to keep writing, and for that I'm forever grateful. Leon, thanks for giving me the inspiration I needed to finish this book. You have no idea how much that helped, well maybe you do (smile). Philip, for being a great friend, and letting me use your home when I needed a quiet place to get away and write, which was quite often. Mya Ayo for creating a hot cover, I still can't believe that's our book cover. I love it. Brandie Randolph, I hope your good deed comes back to you, you did an amazing job, and I hope I get to work with you again in the near future. I also have to thank my favorite authors Donald Goines, Stephen King, Omar Tyree, James Patterson, Zane, and Fabiola Joseph for entertaining me with your words, thoughts, imaginations, and for inspiring me to want to try my hands at this, THANK YOU! Last but not least, my mom, for basically helping me get over my fear of putting out this novel, and telling me, “Fuck what people think, and say about you. If this is your dream, and what you want to do... then do it.” I needed to hear that from YOU, and that meant A LOT to me. I feel so much better now. I love you. Oh, and don't be mad, because I quoted you. I mean, you did say it (smile). If I forgot anyone, please don't take it personally. It's probably because you didn't even know I enjoyed writing, or I simply just forgot. I still love you, though.

Thank you from Fabiola.

I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me. I’m sure I thanked most of you in the first book, so no name dropping in this one. Well, only for my new friends and readers, you all keep me going every day.

Thank you to the ladies of Diamond Eyes Book Club, Micole… you already know! Erica… you really are the best! Papaya, I hope you really do like to travel! Tracie, couldn’t have done it without you! Jeanette, you rock! I love your taste in music! B. Weiner, thanks for always spelling words for me, lol. Readers R Us. Sandy Barrett Sims, you are on my list. Thanks again! Carla Towns. Black Faithful Sisters And Brothers Book Club. Norlita Brown, thanks for the honesty. LD Hardy, such a good FB buddy! Glenda Wallace, you are good at what you do! Thanks! Author SK, I love an author who supports others. Denise Collier, I dream of readers such as you. Author Elizabeth LaShaun, thanks so much! I know it’s hard to find the time, but YOU did. Brandie Davis, (hey) Thanks again! My Urban Book Club. Mack Mama, thanks for the love! You are one of a kind! Sharon LadyShay. Terry Benjamin. Michelle DCBR Rawls, thanks so much. Radiah Hubbert. Malika B McLaughlin, thanks you. Brandie Randolph, you already know that I think you ROCK! You came in and saved this book. For that, I am so thankful! Editing Couture & More. Urban Hip-Hop & Street Literature. Ollie Moss, Sherika Williams. Tiffany Williams. Adina Spriggs. Sally McCargo. Adrenna Shipman. Dawn Jaspers, smile! Natoya Taylor, thanks so much! Christopher Joseph. Mya Ayo, thanks for the cover, so sexy! AAMBC.  ARC Book Club Inc. All4One. We Read Urban Fiction. Black E-book Club. Urban Reviews. The Daring Show Reading Club. The Sexy Situations Literary Suite. Thank you all!

If Fabiola or Matthew left any names out,  feel free to add yours here. _______________________________________

Most likely, it was not on purpose.

This is a work of fiction. Jamar and Jazzy live in our minds and on paper. They may go around having unprotected sex with multiple people, but that is not real life. Please WRAP it up! AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are real. Don’t live in a made up world where you think you can tell if a person has something. Look at everyone as if they have something. Get tested and use protection!

That is what I keep asking myself as I sit across from the person who is here to take my life. Being in this situation forces me to really think about life, my life. I have been Jezebel for so long that I can’t remember my prior existence. There are times that I would catch a glimpse of her but in that same second, she’d go away. I’ve thought about going home, but would that really help? It’s not like I knew who I was when I was there. Plus, I am too afraid to go back and face my past. I left behind so many expectations that going back would only force me to face lost dreams and family disappointments.

I knew before I came here that the streets of L.A. are paved with broken dreams and battered souls, but I really thought that my story would be different. I had the looks, the skills, and the drive to be the actress/director that I wanted to be, but the problem was that there are too many people here with the same qualifications. Being broke, hungry, and ambitious can be a deadly combination in this city and those words summed up the situation that I was in about a year ago. When I left Baltimore, I told my mother that the next time she saw me, it would be on TV. She was a big-time actress back in Puerto Rico in the 70s, and she had everything going for her until she met Jack, Jack Daniel’s that is. I went from living in an eight bedroom house with maids and drivers, to coming to America and dying in a one bedroom apartment in Baltimore.

When I say dying, I don’t mean it in a literal sense, but I was dying emotionally and mentally. The first blow came when my father told us that he wasn’t leaving his native island for a place that he knew nothing about. I tried for weeks to talk him into coming with us but it was no use. It wasn’t until later that I found out that he was just sick of my mother’s ways. After getting fired from the soap opera that she worked on, she turned into a monster. She was drunk 24 hours a day and berating my dad and I became her hobby. She wasn’t the happy woman she had always been, and my father’s heart had become broken and empty. So empty that he fed me to the lion that was my mom and never gave it a second thought. Can I now say that my current location in life is the result of my father’s abandonment and my mother’s drinking? YES. But then, I would also have to say that my own two feet ran to this destination and that I paved my own path.

What do I do now? Do I continue to climb that jilted ladder and fight the winds and turbulence of the porn industry and life? Or, do I climb back down and fight to live? To live past today, and to live a life that isn’t filled with sex, lies, and porn stars?

“Do you really think that I give a shit about what you’re telling me? Well, I don’t. I just want to know what drove you to do what you did today, ‘cause that’s what got you in this predicament, in this chair, tied down, and about to die.”

As the words leave my attacker’s mouth, I feel sick to my stomach. I think about the life I was about to have with the man I truly love and wish that things had turned out differently. I should have known that the seedy world of porn would take me down. However, like most of the others, it sucked me in and blinded me. The attention fed my once lost ego and I don’t think that there is any going back after that. Being the top-selling Latino porn star did not come easily. I thought that being a topnotch starlet meant that you had to suck a lot of dicks, fuck like a pro, and market yourself until you borderline overkill your fans. Boy, was I wrong. The adult industry demands much more than that; it asks for all of you and you must deliver every last drop. Most times, you must even give yourself up and become the person that it has formed you to be. Then, once you have hit that point of no return, you rarely even remember who you were before you became the devil that you are today. Plus, I didn’t know that I would be tied to a chair, bruised, and beaten, all because I chose to save my best friend’s life.

“Now, are you going to tell me what I want to know, or are you going to take it to the grave with you? Either way, you are going to the grave-today.”

I receive another blow to the face and as I relive the last year of my life, I pray that I can find the words, the rights words to save me from this real-life monster.

Chapter 1

“You’re my little Jezebel.”

“What makes you think that you can do this?”

The sexy man that looked like he was in his early twenties asked me. Not being prepared made his question echo in my head. Could I really do this? I could barely have sex in my private life with the lights on. Yet, there I sat, in front of a man that would want me to suck, fuck, and cum on demand. To make things worse, it may be viewed by millions, well, that’s if you’re lucky.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that I was ready, Mr. Breeze.”

The words just flowed out off of my tongue as if I were telling the truth. Although I thought that I had him convinced, I still had to keep my hands under his desk so that he wouldn’t see them shaking.

“Do you have your health papers with you?”

I reached into my purse and handed them to him. I watched his eyes go from the dates on the paper to my STD status.

“Well, it looks like everything is in order. Are you showered, shaved and ready to go?”

“Ready to do what; I didn’t think that I would be doing anything today?” I answered, as I shifted in my seat.

“Oh, you will be filming today; it’s just that it won’t be sold. I am going to have the pleasure of test-driving you myself,” Breeze answered, as he looked over my body. He didn’t do this with everyone, but he liked what he saw and he was very open about that.

Sensing the resistance in my voice, he tried his best to make me see things his way.

“You didn’t think that we were just going to sign you to a big movie deal without knowing if you have what it takes, did you? That’s not how things work here; you can ask any one of our girls.”

I had never really taken the time to really think about it. I just always thought that if you looked good and were clean, you would automatically have the porn doors opened to you.

“Look, Jasmine, this is not an industry for the faint of heart. A lot of girls walk through that door, but they don’t last too long. We, here at Fantasy Pictures, hold our actors to a higher standard. We like to give our customers a feeling of fantasy fulfillment .We want you to love sex. We want your moans and panting to be real. Our customers want you to get wet because you feel good, not because we poured a bottle of lube on your pussy. Well, not unless we get a request to do so,” Breeze laughed, as if what he just said was the funniest things that he had heard in a long time. I kept a straight face.

“It’s all about fun here, Jazzy. We want you to feel it down to the bone. When you cum, it has to be because your body is really exploding. We want your legs shaking and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. And we want it to be real.”

As he went on and on about the joys of really having sex, I started to faze him out. I don’t think that I had ever really enjoyed sex. My friends would always talk about cumming and, so I wouldn’t be left out, I would lie, join them, and talk about how good it was. But the truth of the matter was that I had never had an orgasm in my life. Not even when I masturbated.

“Here’s what I want you to do. I’m going to have Tanya take you upstairs. You can shower and have your hair and makeup done. While doing so, I want you to really think about this. If you show up on stage three, in about two hours, then I’ll know that you’re ready, if not, well, another one that may have been really good, bites the dust.

“Who’s that?” I asked, as I noticed the picture of the older, slightly overweight Italian man on the office wall.

“That’s my father. If I wasn’t here today, I’m sure he would have jumped at the opportunity to take you for that test-drive,” Breeze answered with a smile. I damn near trembled at the thought of what he just said. I’m sure that he could read my thoughts about his father, but I didn’t care. I really wouldn’t have gone through with it if that was the case. I sure was happy that I didn’t put off going there like I had planned. The future would have held one of the worst sexual experiences of my life, or so I thought.

Tanya walked in and was told to take me to the locker room. It was as if her presence was felt before she even walked into the room. She embodied everything that I thought a porn star would be. As I followed her to the locker rooms, I wondered if this is what I was going to become. Once there, Tanya handed me a set of towels, douche, and body wash. As I took them from her, I admired her beauty. She was an Amazon, standing 5’10” without heels. Her hair was platinum and it almost looked natural. Her eyes were blue, while holding a tint of black like the deepest part of the ocean. Her breasts held my attention as I wondered if they were as fake as her lips.

“What did you think of Breeze?” she asked me, as my eyes darted back to hers from her double Ds.

“Oh, he was okay, much nicer than the other guy I met at SLICK Productions.”

“Well, stay away from him, he’s mine. It’s been three years and I almost have a ring on this finger. The last thing I need is for some mixed bitch to come in here and fuck with my shit.”

Tanya held up her left hand showing me an empty ring finger.

“You do know that we are about to—.”

“Yeah, I know, but you mean nothing to him. Just because you’re about to suck his cock doesn’t mean shit. If it doesn’t have to do with work then I don’t want to ever see you near him. Understand?”

While Tanya halfway intimidated me, we were joined by a black girl who stood by the door with her hands on her hips. She let out a healthy laugh once Tanya stopped talking.

“Girl, please, ain’t nobody thinking about Breeze. I am so sick of this tired ass speech that you feel that you have to give all the new girls. Plus, if we really wanted him, you wouldn’t still have him.”

I let out a small chuckle while I watched DeeDee Delight in action. She had a fast tongue and wasn’t afraid to use it. I took a liking to her right away.

“All you bitches want Breeze and you know it. I can’t turn my back without one of you tramps jumping on his lap or getting in his face,” Tanya said, as she towered over DeeDee. But that didn’t scare her. She stood her ground against many women that did more than just pop their gums like Tanya was doing.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to tell your boss no when he’s the one asking for it after hours, know what I mean? Maybe your white ass doesn’t have enough ass to keep a man like him,”

DeeDee said, as she turned around and shook her ass like Tanya only wished she could.

“Plus, maybe you should be having this conversation with him, if he doesn’t replace you first.”

By then, Tanya’s once white porcelain skin was now turning red with anger.

“Fuck you, bitch,” Tanya said, as she stormed out of the locker room.

“Hi, I’m DeeDee Delight,” she said, while shaking my hand. Tanya’s outburst meant nothing to her; it wasn’t the first or the last time that it would happen. I told her my name as she gave me the once over.

“You’re cute and all of that, but the name has got to go.”

“Well, I haven’t really thought about a stage name yet.”

“Don’t worry, Breeze will give you one. He always comes up with one during or after his test drive,” DeeDee said, laughing.

“Well, I’m going to let you get ready. And remember, don’t pay that white ho no mind. She’s just lucky that the right bitch hasn’t come along forcing the Breeze to blow the other way.”

Getting ready to do something that makes you nervous is always the hard part. Before you bring yourself to do it, your mind plays so many tricks on you that you start to think that you’re insane. I was starting to think that taking my time in the shower wasn’t such a good idea. It gave me time to think about my mother and father. What would they think? Could they really deal with me being a porn star? Could I wake up in the morning and not think of myself as trash? Maybe I couldn’t.

“I’m ready for you, honey,” a voice called from the door. She told me that her name was Kayla and that’s she was from hair and make-up. I grabbed my things and hurried downstairs with her. Anymore time alone in that locker room would have had me heading home in tears.

“Hi, I’m Jasmine,” I said as I extended my hand. She took it and brought the palm of my hand close to her face.

“What a big heart you have, but you must be very careful. There may be an incident in your future that could leave you lost and damaged.”

I looked down at my hand and saw nothing.

“Don’t worry, honey; at least, I see big money coming your way.”

“So what’s better, a sense of self or money?”

I waited as she thought about it. Because I didn’t know the answer for myself, I was eager to hear her opinion.

“Different strokes for different folks, honey. I have made my choices and you will have to make your own. That’s just how life works. Now, sit down before Breeze comes down here.”

Kayla did my makeup as we made small talk. She never did give me an outright answer to my question, but she did tell me a little bit about herself. She told me that she tried the porn thing, but that it really wasn’t for her. She laughed her way through her story of Breeze’s father test driving her.

“The trick is to picture the man that gave you the best orgasm that you ever had. Close your eyes if you have to and just let it take over your body.”

I stayed quiet as she spoke. I wasn’t going to let her in on my little secret yet. No need to have her laugh behind my back and let everyone know how inexperienced I was.

Before I knew it, I was being turned around to face myself. At least, I thought it was me.

“First time seeing yourself in this much makeup, huh? Well, this is porn makeup. Get used to it.”

I sat and stared at myself, trying to find the real me. The only thing that looked the same was my eyes; other than that, I was void of my old self. I thought, hey, maybe I could use this to my advantage.

“If you think that this is something, wait ‘til you’re pumped full of silicone and your hair is dyed jet black or platinum blonde.”

“That will never happen. My 32 Bs are all right with me. Plus, men have always liked my breasts the way they are,” I answered, with all of the conviction I had in my body.

“Yeah, that’s what they all say, then, less than a year later, you all look like manufactured Barbies. Anyways, it looks like it’s show time,” Kayla said, as she pointed to the green light that was aglow at her station.

“Just remember to close your eyes and picture the man of your dreams.”

With Kayla’s words in mind, I forced my legs to move and take the steps to the future that I had paved for myself.

*****

I stood behind the double doors with clammy and shaky hands. I wiped them on the skimpy outfit that was given to me and took in a deep breath. I could hear Mr. Breeze asking about my whereabouts, and although I knew that it was show time, I couldn’t convince myself to push them open.

“Will someone go see about that damn girl?” I heard him semi-scream. Not wanting to draw more attention to myself by having someone come after me, I took in a deep breath and walked through the doors. Although I didn’t know who I was about to be, I knew that she wasn’t going to be me, and that she was going to be able to fuck and suck off anyone that came her way.

“We were starting to think that you didn’t have the balls or, should I say, the tits to come out here and do this,” Breeze said, as I opened my eyes and studied what looked like a well-built warehouse. Everything was sectioned off into its own space. They had four different stages that were interchangeable to suit whatever scene they were filming. On the far left, was a glass room that was filled with sex toys, lube, outfits, whips, and anything that you may have needed to make a bad ass adult movie.

“Where in the hell did you get that outfit, the dollar store?” Tanya asked, as she sat on the side of the stage, as if she was the queen of the porno kingdom.

“It’s better than the trash that was given to you for your first run,” DeeDee said as she walked over to me.

“You’ll be on this set today. It should make things easier since it looks like a real bedroom,” DeeDee told me as we walked over to the beautifully decorated set. Everything looked new and expensive. Way better than that low budget set they had at SLICK Productions.

“Okay, people, let’s clear the set. If you don’t have to be here, then get the hell out.”

“That means you, too, skyscraper.”

I let out a little laugh as DeeDee referred to Tanya’s height. But, she didn’t move. Tanya looked over at Breeze and he gave her the okay to stay. Once DeeDee saw this, she decided that she wasn’t leaving either.

Breeze took my hand and we made our way to the zebra print lounging chair. He took off his robe and revealed a smooth chest and black boxers. It was then that I really noticed his looks. He was 5’10” with a swimmer’s build. His body was perfect and his hair, long and full of curls, was slicked back. His face was as smooth as a baby’s ass, making him look like he was still in his early twenties instead of his real age, which was 33. His skin was light, but held a natural beige hue. Judging by the texture of his hair, the fullness of his lips, and the swag in his step, I knew that he was mixed with something.

Breeze told one of the crewmen to dim the lights and turn the cameras on. I turned to him with confusion on my face.

“I thought that this wasn’t going to be taped?”

“No, I said that it wouldn’t be sold, I film everything that I am in. Don’t worry, it’s just so that I can go back and watch it. If it turns me on to the point that I want to jerk off, then you’re in.”

Since there is no way for me to know if this was proper procedure, once again, I said fuck it. There was no turning back now.

“Should I take this off?” I asked, as I tugged on my outfit.

“No, I’ll take it off once I’m ready. Why don’t we just start off with you on my lap?”

I did what was asked of me as I looked around the warehouse. All eyes were on me and that wasn’t going to change. It was as if everyone was waiting for the two sideshow freaks to perform.

“Just close your eyes and enjoy my touch,” Breeze said, as his fingers slid up my stomach and gripped my breast. He wrapped his fingers around my nipple and rolled it slowly. It hardened under his touch, loosening me up a bit. I leaned my back into his chest and melted into it.

“Yeah, that’s right, Jazzy. Make that kitty wet for Breeze.”

His touch, along with just the smell of him, turned me on. It was sweet, yet masculine. His voice was like silk. I could feel his hands moving up my thigh and I spread my legs just a little to let him in, but he took his time. He kept his hand on my breast as he massaged the inside of my thigh.

“Oh, Jazzy, you’re just so soft and pretty, you’re almost like a doll. Can I make you feel good, Jazzy? Can I make that pussy purr?”

At that point, he had me. He probably could have asked me to eat shit and I would have said yes. To answer him, I just turned around and kissed him. I didn’t know how I was supposed to kiss him. I didn’t know if there was such a thing called a porn kiss or if I should have kissed him the nasty way that I saw in all of the adult films that I had studied. You know the ones where their tongues are doing some kind of sickening tongue fight. That was never a turn-on for me, so I kissed him my way, with as much emotion that I could muster for that moment. Just because I had never experienced an orgasm before didn’t mean that I had never loved before, so that’s who I pictured-my first love. Breeze must have liked it because he kissed me back just as softly as I had done to him.

By the time his hands were in the panties that I had on, I was feeling things that were new to me. My body was damn near shaking as he rubbed my clit and kissed me. My body moved with every stroke of his hand and small moans escaped my lips in the midst of our kiss. In the middle of my sexual awakening, Breeze pulled away as he felt me getting too close to the point of no return.

“Slow down, Jazzy, don’t lose control yet. This is porn, baby.”

“What is she some sort of virgin? Bitch is about to pop from a stroke of the hand,” Tanya said, as she let out a long, condescending laugh. It was cut short with just one stern look from Breeze.

“If you have anything else to say, you might as well leave. I called for quiet on the set and you heard that, didn’t you?”

There was no reason for her to answer; we knew she heard it, as we all did.

“You’re doing wonderfully, baby, just hold back a bit. Maybe we should move to the bed.”

I was barely looking at him now. That bitch Tanya fucked up my groove. Now all I could think of was my inexperience. Feeling the tension creep back into my body, Breeze whispered sweet words into my ears as we slid into the bed.

“Don’t feel too bad, you had me on the verge of fucking losing it, too. See?” he said as he slipped my hand in his boxers making me feel his rock hard dick that was wet with pre-cum.

Knowing not to give me any more time to think, he plunged his lips unto mine and we picked up right where we left off. I closed my eyes to avoid watching the camera men who surrounded me. Fifteen minutes into his finger action, he was ready to undress me. As he pulled my skimpy outfit off, it hit me that this wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. I almost liked it and didn’t mind feeling this way, either. Once Breeze had me completely naked, although it was a minor change, he noticed it, too. It seemed as though I was somehow more available to him now, more inviting. He looked down at my body and admired it. A beautiful body to him was always like a piece of rare art. He watched my firm breasts and hardened nipples and had to have them in his mouth, and I couldn’t wait. He lowered his head and licked me from my neck to my chest. To him, my breasts tasted like honey, and to me, his mouth felt wet and warm. My moans grew louder as he worked his way lower. When he reached my belly button, I wondered if he was going to be the first man to ever give me head. I had dreamed about this for years, but could never bring myself to let anyone do it. Every time a man would head down that way, I always made sure to bring him back up. I never wanted them to come so close to the lips down there, but today, I was damn near pushing Breeze’s head in that direction.

“Yeah, eat that pussy, baby,” I heard someone say.

“Eat that kitty real good, daddy,” I heard again.

“Don’t worry, Jazzy; this is what I do best.”

It wasn’t until I heard Breeze’s answer that I realized that those nasty words came out of my mouth.

“Oh, fuck, Breeze; yeah that’s it, right there!” I screamed as his wet, warm tongue invaded my cave.

If only I could describe the feeling that came over me. To this day, it may still be beyond words. My body was on fire and I didn’t want anyone to put it out. I felt the caress of a man and discovered what true pleasure was, and that will never be taken from me.

His tongue flickered so fast on my clit that I thought that it was a vibrator. He reached up and rubbed my nipples just as fast as his tongue played with my pussy. It got to the point that it was so good that I thought that if he didn’t stop, I was going to lose my mind. I tried to close my legs around his neck, but he just pushed them back further then what they were before. There I was, spread eagle, pussy out for the world to see and I didn’t care. I just wanted him to stop and keep going at the same time.

“Oh, God, please stop, wait, right there, yeah that’s it, don’t stop!” I screamed out in a confused, lust filled rage. By then, I was holding my legs damn near behind my ears and was shoving Breeze’s face into my dripping wet cunt. That’s when things started to get fuzzy. Little red dots danced around the room and everyone’s face turned into one. It seemed as if all of the blood rushed out of my brain and flowed down between my legs. My body shook violently under the sensations that overtook it.

“Goddamn, goddamn, I have got to get into that pussy,” Breeze said, as my bodily fluids squirted all over his face. I lay there, wondering how he could have been turned on after having me piss in his face. Not knowing that it was cum and not pee, I thought for sure that this whole experience was over. But it wasn’t, Breeze kept his word and slid the whole 10 inches of half-black, half-Italian dick into my cum-filled hole. The liquid from my body lubricated his shaft as he slowly moved in and out of me.

“This is some good ass pussy, man. Wet, tight, and deep,” Breeze said, into one of the cameras.

“You got to make sure to get a close up of this shit, man. Just a straight up pussy and dick shot at first and then I want you to pan out.”

I never could understand how Breeze was able to give out directions during our session, but he fell right into place, as if he never spoke a word. My moaning and groaning was becoming just as loud as his as he reached down and played with my clit. His rhythm was on point and his 10 inches filled my tight little kitty to the T.

“Get on top now; you do know how to ride, right?

“Uhhh, yeah, I can ride.”

I was lying through my teeth, but I was going to do whatever he asked to the best of my ability. Now this, I liked. I was in the driver’s seat and I was going to take us exactly where we wanted to go. But it wasn’t as easy as I thought; it took me a little while to drive that stick, but a couple minutes into it, I was damn near a race car driver. As I looked down at him, I started to think of all of the freaky shit that I never did and now wanted to do with him. This was the best dick that I had ever had and it had me sprung from the very first point of entry.

“You’re doing real good, Jazzy, now speed it up, but first turn around, that’s called reverse cowgirl.”

I did as told and was right where we left off. I worked my hips fast, steadily drawing Breeze closer and closer to the Promised Land.

“Oh, Jazzy, baby, you making Breeze feel really good, honey. Your pussy is the best, baby; Fuck me; I’m about to cum.”

“I want you to cum on my tits, baby. You gonna do that for me, Breeze?”

I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I just repeated what I heard on the last film that I watched.

“Yeah, I knew you had some slut in you. I’ll cum all over you, baby. Anywhere you want, any time, Jazzy. I’m hooked, baby; I’m hooked.”

As he said this, I looked across the room. Almost everyone looked intrigued and turned on. That’s not an easy thing to do when on a porn set. These people were around sex all day, but something about Breeze and I hit that spot. Maybe it was the fact that they just watched a sexually innocent girl turn into a stone cold freak. Then, I saw the face of disdain. Tanya looked like I ran over her cat and then served it to her for dinner on a shit filled plate. But, when I saw the smile on DeeDee’s face, I knew that I was doing one hell of a job.

Before I knew it, I was getting flipped over and rested on my back. Breeze’s dick came close to my face and hovered over my chest. It was when he started to cum that my porn name dawned on him.

“Fuck, it feels sooooo good, Jazzy. You’re my little Jezebel. You’re my little secret slut.”

And with that, I was named.

I think I’m at the warehouse, wondering who Breeze wants me to pretend to be in this scene. A police officer, thug, repairman, athlete, or simply just a freak? I open my eyes and realize I’m fucked. Not in a good way, either. I’m tied up in this chair, beaten, bleeding, and convinced tonight is the last night of my life. I’m young, sexy, and to some, a star. So, I shouldn’t be here right now. I should be on an island with the man of my dreams, loving life, not about to have my life taken.

My name is Jamar Rodriguez, but I’m better known as Krave. I’ve been making adult films in L.A. for two years now and I was loving life until today. My biggest regret is not being honest with my father. I wish I could call him one last time, tell him I love him, and that I’m sorry I lied. I know when he reads about my murder, it’s going to kill him to not only find out his only son was gay, but worked in the adult industry. My dad thinks I’ve been in L.A. pursuing my dreams of becoming an actor. In a way, I’m not lying because I am acting in movies. When I was younger, I used to star in school and church plays. It was fun and I was actually good at it. My uncle, Teddy, once told me, “Jamar, you’re talented. You’re going to be a star and I can’t wait to see you on television.” If he has, God help him because he’s seen way more of me than he, or I, would want him to. When I was 15, my parents were going to enroll me in some acting classes, but everything changed when my mother was murdered. She was shot and killed during a bank robbery; witnesses said one of the robbers accused her of trying to press the silent alarm button underneath the counter before shooting her in the head. My mother’s murderer must’ve been paranoid and panicked because that bank didn’t have those type of alarms. The robbers were never caught and my father was devastated. You could say I lost both of my parents that day because my father rarely spoke after the funeral. He kept busy and stayed to himself, so I was basically alone. Don’t get me wrong, if I wanted, or needed, something, he made sure I had it, but that wasn’t the kind of love I needed. I gave up acting and focused all of my attention on boys. I started noticing how cute and sexy they were. I had a lot of crushes, but I really fell in love with Atiba. He was from Trinidad and was so adorable. He was 5’7” and had a dark brown complexion, with a tight, runner’s build. We had chemistry class together and got paired up as lab partners. We became friends after that so one day; I grew some balls and asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at my house. I was thrilled when he said, “Sure, if my parents will let me.” I was planning on finding out if he was gay, bi, or curious, but I had no idea I’d lose my virginity that Friday night. While getting ready for bed, I put in a movie as he made himself comfortable. He was about to get on the bed in just his shorts as something came over me.

“Damn, you have a nice body,” sort of slipped out of my mouth.

He laughed and then said, “Thanks, I guess.”

“What do you mean, you guess?”

“Well, I’ve never received a compliment like that from another boy before.”

“Oh, my bad, did I offend you?”

“No, you’re straight.”

“Actually, I’m not,” I replied half-joking.

“You’re not what?” he asked, as if he was confused now.

“Straight!”

I replied with my head down because I didn’t want to see his reaction. I was scared it would be the look of disgust.

“OH!”

“Is that cool? Can we still be friends?”

“Yeah, you’re cool.”

After that, there was silence for the first hour of the movie. I didn’t know what to say at first and either he was really into Push, or he didn’t know what to say either. I waited 'til I built up enough nerve and asked, “So, Atiba, I was wondering, by chance, are you gay or bi?”

“No, I’m not. Why?”

“I asked because I have a crush on you.”

“I’m flattered, Jamar, but I don’t get down like that.”

Nothing else was said. I zoned out because I was disappointed and embarrassed. Then, he said, “Since you told me a secret, do you want to know one of mine?”

Of course I replied, “Yes!”

He reminded me about his ex-girlfriends before telling me he was still a virgin. Once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. He told me how he enjoyed watching porn and how he wished he was the men in the movies. I was definitely interested in hearing more.

“Why didn’t you try having sex with one of your ex-girlfriends?”

He told me he was scared he wouldn’t be good at it and he didn’t want that spreading around school. He would’ve been too embarrassed and humiliated. I started plotting and I figured since I had already put my feelings out there, I had nothing to lose.

“You can practice on me. I’m a virgin, too, so my expectations aren’t high. I’ve never even see a porno, so I don’t even know what to expect.”

He brushed me off and acted like he wasn’t interested, but he must’ve started fantasizing about some of the movies he watched because the bulge in his shorts was sticking straight up. It was hard not to stare, so I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. He noticed so he turned over on his stomach. I’ve always been persistent, so after asking him over, and over, and over again, “Are you sure you don’t to see what it feels like?” he finally cracked.

“If you put on some straight porn and promise you won’t tell anyone, I’ll try it. If you do tell, I’m going to deny it and then I’m going to kick your ass.”

I promised, but I didn’t own any porn. I had to turn on my computer so he could search for what he needed. After he pulled up one of his favorites sites, he showed me some clips. It was overwhelming at first, and pretty graphic, but it was turning me on at the same time. I asked if he was ready to try out some of the things he was looking at. He replied, “Okay, but I’m not kissing you and I’m not a punk, so you have to be the girl the whole time.” I was so happy to finally be with Atiba after many nights of daydreaming about it, to the point that I would’ve done anything he wanted. As we got completely nude, I couldn’t take my eyes off his body, especially when I looked down to see he was well endowed. He was much bigger than I was. Back then, I was a good seven inches and growing, but Atiba was already working with nine. On his short, muscular frame, it looked huge. I started touching and slowly stroking it up and down, admiring his masterpiece. He was shy about telling me what he wanted next, but his hand pushing my head down was all the direction I needed. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I just mimicked what the young, pretty, light-skinned girl was doing in the movie. If she would lick up, down, and all around, then so did I. If she worked her mouth and lips fast, slow, and then fast again, I worked mine on Atiba just the same. I kept going until my mouth started hurting. He was finally ready to get his first piece of “boy pussy” as he used to call it. I positioned myself on my back and, after 15 minutes of struggling, running, and using a lot of Vaseline, he finally arrived at his destination. At first, I could tell he didn’t know what he was doing, but it didn’t take long before he found his rhythm. From all the sounds he was making, I could tell he was enjoying it, but I, on the other hand, not so much. It hurt and was uncomfortable, to say the least. I was too scared he’d get mad and frustrated to make him stop. Eventually, I got used to it and loved it because I let him use me until the sun came up Saturday morning. Needless to say, he asked to stay over my house every weekend until that school year ended. I didn’t hear from him the following summer and, when our junior year started, his whole attitude had changed. He walked around as if he was the man and he was definitely feeling himself. When I asked him how come he didn’t call me or return any of my calls over the summer, he replied, “Because I have a girlfriend now.” I proceeded to ask, “Where does that leave us?” His response was, “I’m sorry, but there is no us. Jamar, you’re cool and all, but I told you what was up from the beginning. I don’t think we should hang out anymore and I’d appreciate it if you never brought up us again.” That was how I was introduced to love, porn, sex, and heartbreak.

“BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME ASK YOU AGAIN!”

I hear my friend being threatened and beaten some more. I think, HOW DID I GET HERE?

Chapter 2

“Satisfaction Guaranteed”

“Hey, are you okay?” Tyree asked. “We’re waiting for you to start this scene and you’re over here daydreaming, staring into space.”

“Oh, damn, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about some shit. I’m ready.”

“All right then, put your hat on, grab that pizza box, go around the stage, and knock on the door. Hurry up because I’m horny as fuck and can’t wait to get in that ass.”

Tyree “Konceited” Jones is my lover and my business partner. We were filming another movie together called Satisfaction Guaranteed. It was one of the latest productions that Fantasy Pictures would be releasing and it was the third movie we had worked on together that week. Tyree filmed a few scenes without me, but only because the director doubled his pay rate per scene. It’s pretty much known in the industry that we are a package deal, so you either hire both of us, or present one of us with an offer that we can’t resist. Once we realized how well our movies were selling, we had to request a pay raise and come up with other ways to make more money. It’s hard for men to make it in this business, especially straight men, so why not take advantage of our stardom. Since each of our movies sold over a million copies, we felt we deserved more than $3,000.00 per scene. Now we’re making anywhere from $6,000.00 to $10,000.00 per scene. We make more as escorts, which I’ll get into more details about later. Also, it’s known that we will only bottom for each other, meaning we will penetrate other men, we will penetrate each other, but we don’t allow anyone to penetrate us. Tyree gets more money when he bottoms because he is considered a gay for pay actor. I know he loves it when I fuck him on and off the set, but it’s just another way for him to make more money. Since we are the most requested men in gay porn, we know what we can and can’t ask for. I have to admit, Tyree’s actually the hottest gay porn star at the moment and I’m a little jealous because I was told I would be. I guess I can only blame myself since, after all, I was the one who introduced Tyree to this world.

I was relaxing and having some drinks at Shadows, one of the only straight bars that I enjoy with my girls, when I first noticed Tyree. He looked lost and out of place. Everyone was dressed nice and casually, looking like they just got off work, except him. He was wearing a black New York Yankees fitted hat, denim blue jeans that were slightly baggy, a black Sean John t-shirt, and some black Air Force Ones. It reminded me of back home when I would attend church. It never failed, every Sunday, everyone would wear their Sunday best except for those one or two individuals that just had to show up wearing street clothes like they came straight from the club the night before. I’ve always found that to be so disrespectful. My friend Christina, a pretty, white, thick, chick that I used to party with saw me staring and put me on blast.

“Ebony, look at Jamar checking out that eye candy over there.”

“WHERE?” Ebony, my roommate at the time, shouted.

“Over in the corner trying to hit on that fat girl,” Christina stated.

Which made me think why do big girls always make it a point to call out someone bigger than themselves? Christina knew she was wrong for saying that being that she was about 10 cheeseburgers away from being called “fat” herself.

“Oh, no, don’t even bother, Jamar, you don’t want him,” Ebony said, like she already knew all about him.

“First of all, Christina, I was just looking since he stood out, and second of all, why not, Ebony?”

“Uh huh.”

I heard Christina mumble under her breath. I should’ve just admitted I was picturing him naked at my place, but I was mad that Christina ruined my visual right as it was getting to the good part, which was the imaginary huge dick I pictured him having.

“You know Natalie, right?” Ebony asked.

“Natalie? Natalie? Umm, refresh my memory,” I replied.

“Natalie! Tameka’s cousin, light skin, long face, long black weave, nice body, real loud, and annoying.”

“Ebony, I still can’t figure out who you’re talking about.”

She sucked her teeth then let out a big “UGH!!” as if she was disappointed, and gave me a look like I was stuck on stupid.

“Come one, Jamar, stop thinking about dick for once, and focus, the girl that’ll fuck anyone who has money, who’s famous, or even if they’re somewhat famous. Hell, you can be an extra on CSI and she’d suck your dick, true story.”

After I realized Ebony knew I was thinking about dick I laughed to myself then remembered who she was talking about.

“OH, HER! I forgot her name, but now I remember who you’re talking about. Anyway what were you going to say about her?” I asked calmly still acting as if I wasn’t interested.

“Natalie found out he was about to be a model for Sean Jean, so she was all over him. One thing led to the bedroom, and he banged her back out.”

“Are you serious? How do you know?” I couldn’t hold back this time and asked with excitement.

“Boo, calm down, she told me the last time I was here to avoid him, just like I’m telling you not to bother with that loser.”

Of course, I was still curious and had to ask her why.

“Come to find out he got fired for being three hours late to his first photo shoot, now he’s broke, can’t seem to find a job, or any other modeling gigs, and he’s about to be homeless. You know Natalie wasn’t having that shit, because she needs a man to spoil her. She kicked him to the curb, but not before he beat that pussy up one last time. According to her, he had the longest and biggest dick she’s ever had in her life. She said she had to take some extra strength Tylenol, and soak in a hot bath afterwards to make her pussy stop hurting.”

“Damn!!! He’s hung like that?” I asked.

I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they knew what I was thinking. They could tell I was fantasizing about him even more now, but what they didn’t know was that I was plotting as well.

“Look at you, Jamar, all excited and shit. Close your mouth, I think he’s straight, hon. Besides, don’t you get enough dick on the regular? Damn, it must be nice to go to work, get some big dick, a big check, and then go the fuck home. Hell, I’d love my job if that was the case.”

“I told you before Ebony, I can hook you up if you’re interested. Shit you too Christina, they have a whole chubby chaser series about to come out that you’ll be perfect for,” I said before I laughed. I couldn’t help myself I had to let Christina see how it felt to be on the receiving end.

“Ha, ha, very funny, Jamar,” Christina replied sarcastically.

“I’m just playing girl.” I said in case she was upset.

“Boy, how would that look if I became a porn star? Didn’t I already tell you my daddy is a pastor? He’d kill me, and then die of embarrassment if he found out,” Ebony said, letting it be known that she wasn’t interested.

“Oh, I’m sorry Ebony, if I misled you. I didn’t mean I could put you in the movies. You gotta be hot like me to be porn star.”

I slowly turned around, and then put my hands up in the air like look at me; look how fine I am.

“I meant, I could get you a job as a fluffer,” I added, before I started laughing.

“What the fuck do I look like sitting around on the set sucking dicks in between takes? You must be crazy. Do I look like a Becky to you? Christina girl, that job has your name I mean lips all over it,” Ebony said as she looked at me and we both busted out laughing.

“WHATEVER! Screw you Ebony. This white girl does not suck dick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ll never do it. I just haven’t met a guy with a dick that looked so good that I’d want to put it in my mouth,” Christina said with a look of disgust on her face as if she was visualizing some of the dicks from her past.

“That’s because you keep messing with those little dick, Jewish boys and haven’t tried being with a brotha yet. You’ll want to suck on that Mr. Goodbar every chance you get. You know what they say once you go black, you’ll never go back,” Ebony said as if she knew from experience.

“I guess you haven’t heard Ebony, now they’re saying once you go black, you’ll go running back,” Christina replied.

We all laughed.

“Okay, okay, you got me. You finally cracked a joke worth laughing at,” Ebony said, still laughing.

“Speaking of the brothas, I’ll be back,” I said, as I headed over to get a better look at this tall, thug wannabe looking dude. I wanted to just walk up to him and introduce myself, but I was too nervous. The closer I got to him I could see how sexy he was. He looked to be in his early 20’s, about 6’1, gorgeous slanted eyes, clear smooth light brown skin, and some big juicy lips. His body looked slim, but toned like he played basketball, or worked out just enough to stay in shape. Of course I tried looking at his bulge but his long t-shirt was covering it up. He didn’t look like someone who was broke, and about to be homeless. I decided to go to the bar first. Luckily, I was cool with the bartender; he knew I was only nineteen at the time, but he still served me alcohol anyway. I ordered two shots of tequila, and two rum and cokes; one for myself, and one for Mr. Sexy since it looked like he was already drinking one. After I took both shots back to back, I had to get myself together since they were so strong. I turned around to head his way, but he was gone. I started looking all around, and spotted the girl he was talking to, but she was freaking some other dude on the small dance floor. I saw Christina and Ebony staring at me while those bitches were laughing, so I knew they were talking about me. I looked around some more, but he was nowhere in sight. I was going to head back over to the girls and tell them I brought each of them a drink, but Ebony was reading my mind, or she could see the disappointment written all over my face. She started pointing at the big window at the front of the bar, so I looked and there he was outside talking on his cell phone. I smiled and mouthed, “thank you!” to her, and damn near ran outside. I didn’t realize how close the window was beside the front door because as I bum rushed through it he was right there. Oh, shit, was all I could think. He was finishing his call while looking at me like I was crazy. I took a deep breath, and tried playing it off.

“There you are! I was looking all over for you.”

He looked around in both directions.

“Are you talking to me?” he replied as he pointed at himself.

I was really starting to feel the effects from the shots now, because I wasn’t as nervous.

“Yes, I’m talking to you. I saw you in the bar, and thought you’d be perfect for what I have in mind. I went to the bar to get you a drink, and then you were gone. I thought I’d lost my opportunity to see if you wanted to model for this company I work for. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

“No, not really, but I was supposed to model for the first time a few weeks ago, but stayed out too late partying and fucked up my opportunity.”

I didn’t bother asking him anymore details about it since Ebony had already filled me in.

“That sucks. Do you want to try again?”

“Man, at this point I’m willing to do anything. No one wants to hire me, and I’m down to my last two hundred dollars, and I’m sure you know that’s not going to last me long in L.A.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” I mumbled.

“Say what?”

“I said what are you doing here?”

“Man, I needed a drink, and I was hoping to find a girl I could spend the night with. You know how it is.”

I started laughing, but not because it was funny. I was feeling good and tipsy since I had already had a few drinks with the girls before taking those shots.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked.

“No, I’m sorry. I meant what are you doing here in L.A.?”

“Oh, I moved out here about a month ago with a couple of my boys, but things didn’t work out. I didn’t really come here with a plan, but I like it so I’m hoping to find some work so I can stay. I don’t want to go back to Detroit, because it’s nothing but trouble for me there.”

Later I found out that no one wanted to hire him because of his criminal record. He got arrested for possession of marijuana, and for theft. He said everyone he knew back home was either hustling, or involved in some type of gang activity so he knew if he went back he’d fall right back into that drama and end up in jail for breaking his probation.

“I see! Well if you’re serious about making some money we should exchange numbers. The company I work for would definitely pay to take some pictures and videos of you.”

“Is that right?” he asked as if he didn’t believe me.

“Hell yeah!” I replied as I lustfully looked him up and down.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Cuz, you are too sexy, but I’m sure you hear that all the time, huh?”

“Man, go ahead with all that.” he said with a little smirk on his face. I think I even saw him blush a little.

“Seriously though just give me a call, and I’ll make it happen.”

“Okay, put your number in my cell.”

I put one of the drinks down on the window frame as he handed me his cell phone. It was already at the new contact screen, so I entered my number and then saved it as “Krave, a money opportunity,” just in case he forgot who the hell Krave was when he came across the name in his address book. I took one last look at him, smiled, and then started walking back into the bar.

“Krave? That’s your name?”

“One of them.”

“I got you. Well, I’m Tyree.”

I turned back around.

“It’s nice to meet you. I hope you call me.” I started to walk away again. “Oh, damn, your drink. Talking to you made me forget all about it. It’s right there. It’s a rum and coke. I thought I saw you drinking one earlier.”

“I was, but I’m good. This girl told me she had a bad experience, so she’ll never drink anything out here from anyone she doesn’t know ever again. She said you never know what kind of drugs you might take unknowingly. Besides, the way you’ve been watching me all night, and with a name like Krave, I might have to watch out for you,” he said, and then laughed. I knew he was joking, but little did he know I was going to get that ass, literally, so I simply replied.

“I understand.”

I walked back inside, explained to the girls what happened, and then we enjoyed the rest of our night.

A week went by, and I still didn’t hear from Tyree. I figured he found a job, or was stretching out the little bit of money he had left. After filming an interracial scene with this cute, barely 18-year old white boy for one of Fantasy Pictures websites, Thugs vs. Twinks, I went to the locker room to wash up and change my clothes. I got all of my stuff together, grabbed my bag, and was about to walk out when I realized I had two new voicemails. The first one was from my dad checking up on me, asking how I was doing. He said if I needed anything to let him know. I called him back later that day and told him I was doing great, but could use a new laptop. Sure enough the following week he shipped it to me. I could’ve brought it myself because I had plenty of money in the bank, but I like making him feel good. I think it makes him feel like he’s being a good Father. I made a mental note to slip the money that he paid for it back in his “hiding spot”, that he thinks I don’t know about when I went back home to visit him for Christmas last year. The other call was from Tyree asking if I could still set that interview up, and if so to call him back. I didn’t waste any time and called him right away. I thought I was about to get his voicemail, but he picked up after the fourth ring.

“Hello!”

“Tyree?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Thanks for calling me back.”

“No problem. I’m glad you finally called. Are you ready to make some money?”

“Man, you have no idea. I’m broke and desperate at this point. Even if your company doesn’t hire me as a model, I’ll take any job that you can get me.”

“Don’t worry if you decide that you really want to do this, and like it then you’ll definitely be a model. There’s even some acting involved. Is that cool?”

“I don’t know how good my acting skills are, but I’ll definitely try my best.”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine, but I have to warn you so you’re not caught off guard. Some of the modeling and acting involves nudity.”

“Oh, for real?” he sounded a little disappointed, and he didn’t seem as excited as before.

“Yeah, but it’s cool, and trust me it’s a professional environment. Besides it looked like you had a nice body. Don’t tell me you’re insecure, or scared to show areas that you might be lacking in.”

“No never that. I don’t have any problems stripping, but that’s usually only when I’m about to get it in. I know I look good with or without clothes on. I keep my body right so if you ask me I should get paid to look this good, but I’ve never had anyone actually want to pay me to get naked. You see what I’m saying?”

“Look at you sounding all confident, and conceited. I can’t wait to see if you have that same attitude when you’re in front of the camera.”

“Trust me if I’m getting paid for it I will. I have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I hear that. Well, how about you meet me outside of Shadows tomorrow around noon. I’ll pick you up, and take you to the studio where I work. I’ll introduce you to Breeze, who’s one of the owners, and if you like what you see and hear we’ll go from there. There’s no pressure, so if you’re not feeling it then just say so. If you don’t want to do it I’ll treat you to a nice lunch, and I’ll drop you off where ever you need me to afterwards.”

“All right then, I’ll see you tomorrow at noon.”

I hung up, and I immediately called Breeze on my way home to make sure his offer was still good. I told him about Tyree the following day after I gave Tyree my number. Breeze informed me that if Tyree looked as hot as I described, and if I thought he had what it took to be part of Fantasy Pictures to bring him in for an interview. He said, “If I like his performance, and if he signs with us I’ll give you a referral bonus.”

“Hello!”

“What’s up Breeze?”

“Hello Jamar. How are you?”

“I’m great, and yourself?”

“I’m fine. Is something wrong?”

“No, everything is cool. I was calling you because Tyree finally called me back, and I was hoping you didn’t forget about what we discussed.”

“I didn’t forget, and you know I’m always looking for new talent. This week, I’ll only be able to interview him tomorrow between 1:00 PM and 2:00 PM.”

“Okay, great, that’s perfect because I’m meeting him downtown tomorrow at noon so that will give us enough time to meet you, but Breeze, there’s one thing that I failed to mention,”

I paused because I wasn’t sure how Breeze would respond.

“Go on, I’m waiting.”

“The thing is, I’m not actually sure if he’s gay, or willing to do gay porn. I told him it was a modeling gig, so I hope it’s not a waste of your time.”

“Jamar, how could you? This poor guy won’t know what he’s walking into tomorrow,” he said and then let out a devilish laugh.

“I know Breeze, but he’s perfect. I know he really needs the money so I think he’ll like what you have to offer him. Plus, you don’t understand how bad I want him.”

“Oh, you want him? Here I was thinking you just wanted the referral bonus.”

“You have no idea. I’m going to need your help convincing him though.”

“Trust me I’ll try my hardest, and you know me, I usually get what I want. I’m used to turning straight boys out, especially the broke ones. You haven’t worked on this yet but we have a series called “Straight Ass for Cash”, about half of the men claim to be straight, but the other half are gay but sell the fantasy really well. If your guy works out I’ll definitely need him for the next film.”

“Thanks Breeze, but I need one more favor. I know you have a procedure, and use Domingo to test out all of the men, but I want to be the one who tests drives Tyree.”

“Wow, Jamar, you’ve got it bad for this guy, and I see you’re really starting to enjoy being part of our business. I think my father was right about you when he said you’re going to have a long and successful career. I guess I’ll let you try him out, but I have to go now. I have some business to attend to.”

“Thanks again Breeze. You won’t regret it.”

Chapter 3

“Welcome to Fantasy Pictures”

I woke up wondering if the day before was all a fulfilling nightmare. I felt like I was alive again. I felt like I had just won a prize and I wanted to share it with everyone. I was awakened from my 19 year slumber and I was ready for the adventure of a life time. All night I dreamt of Breeze and all the things he had done to me. In-between my legs throbbed for more of his sex and I couldn’t wait to get it again. Although my mind was on him that whole day, I tried to go about life as if nothing had ever happened. I picked up my dry cleaning and went to the bank to set up an auto payment for my bills. It wasn’t until the teller told me that I didn’t have enough money in my account to cover all of them that I wondered if Breeze would ever call and give me the job.

“Well how much am I short?” I asked hoping that this month; I would only be short a hundred dollars.

“You’re about three hundred dollars short. Do you have any money in your savings to cover that?”

Now if I would have hauled off and slapped this silly bitch, would I have been wrong? Now, with all of my accounts pulled up on that computer monitor that’s in her face, she knew the answer to that question better than I did.

“Does it look like I have any fucking money in there?” I ask out of frustration with both the teller and my current situation.

I could tell that she was restraining herself as the red in her checks appeared. I stood there and thought about it. There are only so many things that I could go without. I need my electricity and water so that was a must. It looked like my car insurance and cable was going to be put on the back burner for the month.

“Can I have my damn ID back please?” I asked as I snatched my belongings off the counter. I knew that this wasn’t her fault but I didn’t care. I was mad at the world and was ready to blow up on anyone that I came across. It wasn’t even really because of my financial situation, I had been there before. It was because I felt that I had wasted my time. I felt that I had lowered myself and fucked a stranger on the hopes that I would become a porn star. Plus, my self-esteem was lowered. Why hadn’t he called? Wasn’t I good enough? What didn’t I do right? On one side of things, I had the best time of my life, and on the other hand, I felt inadequate. Fuck this shit, I thought. I just needed to go home, jump in a hot bath and smoke a fat one. I jumped into my car that would soon be uninsured and headed to the nearest weed spot. This was my only vice so far. I had always made sure to stay away from liquor after seeing what it had done to my mother. To me, weed was harmless; all I had ever done after smoking was eat and sleep.

I took a 20 out of the fifty dollars that I had left for groceries and brought a DUB. It would be enough to fuck me up and maybe put me in a better mood. Or at least take my mind off of the things that were bothering me. Once home, I dropped my bags at the door and headed straight for the couch. I let my body sink into it as I picked up my palmistry book. It was wide and long with a hard cover. It was my favorite thing to roll my blunts on. As I broke the lime green buds in-between my fingers, I knew that soon I would be in a foggy heaven, and I wasn’t wrong. The smoke invaded my body and made its way up to my brain. Within five minutes of my first drag, I was high. I walked over to the stereo that was on my book case and turned on Alice Smith’s For Lover’s Dreamers and Me. As her smooth yet deep voice swam through my apartment, I let her words flow through my soul.

When I wake up in the morning time, I like to see you sleeping by my side. I think about the nights we had before, want to give you this and more, let you know I truly adore you.

Every time the first song on her CD came on, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. The song Dream said everything that I had ever wanted to say to a man but never did. It was also everything that I wanted to hear myself. I swayed my way to the bathroom and let the almost too hot water run until it filled my small tub. I slipped off the little dress that I had on and stepped into the tub. I slowly sat down to let my body adjust to the hot water. As I relaxed, I lit the half smoked blunt and sang along to Alice’s Woodstock. Midway through the song, I thought I heard my cell phone ring. After trying to listen through the music, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything after all. If it did ring, I wasn’t in the mood to care.

After an hour of soaking and bathing, I was ready to move my one woman party to the bedroom. I barely dried off before visiting cloud nine again. Mid-way through my little piece of heaven, my phone rang. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but I didn’t want to take a chance and miss Breeze’s call.

“This better be good,” I said into the receiver. I didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID.

“I guess my little Jezebel isn’t in a good mood today.”

My heart skipped a beat when I heard him say Jezebel. I still wasn’t used to it but it sounded right rolling off of his lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t think that you were going to call.”

“What are you crazy or something? How could I not call you back, you blew my mind, Jezebel.

I wanted so badly to tell him that I felt the same way, but I didn’t have the courage to do so.

“So you have good news for me or should I just kill myself now?” I asked trying to lighten the mood with a little joke.

“Well, you better get your gun, rope, knife or pills ready. I’m sorry to say that it’s not looking good.”

My mind had begun to spin. How could I not get this contract? He just told me that I blew his mind. All of my plans to catch up on my bills and really save some money for a rainy day went out of the window, and I wanted to jump right after them.

“What did I do wrong? Is it something that could be fixed? I really need money right now and I am willing to learn if you’re willing to teach.” My voice reeked of desperation and I was too down and out to even try to hide it.  

“Calm down Jazzy. I was just testing you. I was calling to tell you that you made it. I just wanted to see how badly you wanted in, so calm down. Like I said before, this porn thing is not for the faint of heart. I don’t want to sign you to a deal and have you flake out on me after just the first one.”

My heart raced although I was relieved. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself for pulling that joke on me but I held it in instead. Now that I knew that I had made it, I was both scared and excited. I went after this and for a change, I got it. It was now go big, or go home.

“Look, I’m sorry for doing that to you. I shouldn’t play such games. Will you let me make it up to you?”

“And how will you do that?” I asked pulling hard on my blunt.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“You wanna put me to work already, huh? I know that I will be making money too but I will be working for you. That’s not quite making it up to me.”

He chuckled; he knew that I was right.

“Who said anything about working? I wanted to know if you can come see me. I have some things that I need you to sign.”

I was just as high as I needed to be and didn’t really feel like driving, but knew that I needed this contract and I didn’t want to wait and have him change his mind.

“I’ll leave now; see you in about 20 minutes,” I said as I got ready to hang up.

“Don’t you need the address first?”

I looked at the phone thinking that this dude is slow.

“I was just at your office yesterday, remember?”

“I’m not at the office, I’m at home.”

I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what to say. Why would he want me to meet him at his house? I thought that I would be signing my contract in a professional setting. I was even going to ask my friend Tina to come with me. She wasn’t a lawyer yet but she was in law school.

“Umm, I…I thought…shouldn’t I bring someone to look over the contact?”

“Look Jazzy. I know that you don’t know me well but you can trust me. My family has been in this business for a very long time. Do you think that we could have lasted this long if we were fucking people over?

What he said did make sense. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was having.

“Maybe we should do this some other time. Like when you’re at the office.”

I could hear the frustration in the words that he spoke next.

“Come on Jazzy. I don’t have time for this bull shit. My time is money and your time could be worth a lot too if you jump on this opportunity. You impressed me the other day and I am willing to sign you to a deal that does not come along so easy. I am even going to give you a thirty-five thousand dollar signing bonus. I am not going to beg you to take a step in the right direction. We either do this now or the offer is off of the table.”

I knew that he meant what he said so I had no choice. Plus at that moment, all I could think about was that thirty five g’s he just mentioned.

“Give me the address.”

*****

Breeze’s home was in the Hollywood hills. Although I had never ventured to this rich man’s land, I had always admired it from afar. I had dreamed of living the lifestyle of the rich and famous for so long that it was embedded in my mind. I started to feel really shitty once I entered Breeze’s neighborhood and realized that there wasn’t a car that looked like mine. I admired all of the BMW’s, Jaguar’s, Rang Rovers, and Porches that drove pass me. I hated my little burgundy 1999 Corolla even more that day. Breeze’s house took my breath away. I must have sat in my old car for about ten minutes just looking at it. My car and I felt out of place in front of his massive home. The driveway alone was bigger than my little apartment. I felt as if I was in a trance as I rung his doorbell that seemed to play a long song. I heard what must have been two or three monster dogs barking on the other side. I stepped back hoping that whatever it was that was barking didn’t run out when the door opened. I saw Breeze’s head down the stairs through the glass windows that were on the door. He told his dogs to back off and it was as if they were never at the front door.

“What were you waiting for?”

I felt embarrassed that he had seen me just sitting in my car like a dummy.

“You weren’t doubting yourself, were you?”

“Oh, no, I was on the phone,” I lied, and we both knew it.

I followed him to the living room area and took a seat. His place was very modern and looked sterile. There was a lot of metal and steel. It was very chic but it wasn’t very warm or inviting.

“So how do you like the place? Tanya decorated it. It’s not really me but I live with it.”  

I couldn’t believe that crazy Russian bitch lived here. Not only was I mad that her low class ass had the privilege to live in the Hollywood hills, but I was also upset that he had me up in there.

“Is Tanya here right now?”

“Oh, no, she has a couple of scenes to do tonight. Don’t worry; I made sure to keep her busy.”

He answered sensing my discomfort.

“So where’s the contract?”

I wanted to get those papers signed and out of there as soon as possible.

“Relax, there’s no rush. Let’s have some Champagne to celebrate. This is a big deal for you.”

I wanted to say no, but once he flashed his smile, I couldn’t turn him down. I watched him disappear into the kitchen to reappear holding a tray that held two champagne flutes and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. I had always heard talk about this drink but never had the pleasure of tasting it myself. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his arms as he poured our drinks. The muscles that protruded from them damn near had me wet.

“Here’s to a very interesting and profitable future together. Plus, you never know, we may end up having more between us than just business.”

Breeze looked at me hungrily as the words left his mouth. I downed my drink wondering if we were thinking the same thing. He refilled my glass as soon as I emptied it. I was feeling two things at that moment. For one, I was worried that the Amazon may show up and fuck up my night, and the other, well, I just wanted to spend as much time in Breeze’s presence as possible. He turned me on in the worst way. Plus he had this smooth calming aura about him. Even when my heart was beating a million miles a minute, it was as if it was hardly beating at all.

“So, tell me about that contract?”

I downed about four full drinks as Breeze went over the ins and outs of the contract that I was about to sign. It sounded pretty basic to me and the money sounded right. I would get my signing bonus and the average twenty-five hundred dollars for a straight fuck and suck film.

“So how do you really make it big in porn? How and when do you really start to make the big money? I read that some stars can make ten even fifteen thousand a film.”

“Wow, you’re ready to jump in with two wet feet I see,” Breeze said with a smile.

“Well, when I do something I try to do it to the best of my ability. I want to be at the top no matter what I am doing. I want to be top rated and top earned.”

“You are definitely top rated baby. Your pussy alone is one of the best.”

I didn’t know how to feel about what he was saying. Sure it made me feel good, but he was with Tanya.

“Can you pour me another glass?”

He did as I asked, then moved closer.

“Are you always this nervous and shy or is it because of me?”

“It’s both.”

He put his hands on my knee and made little circles with his fingertip.

“I have been with a lot of women, Jazzy, and none of them has had the effect on me that you have had. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not the only one that’s has blown my mind in bed. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have so many starlets working for me. With you, it’s much more than a good piece of ass. It was in the way you held me. It was in the way your body felt under and on top of me. It was the sound of your voice, it, it was something different.”

“Maybe it was the thought of banging out a hot young Puerto Rican girl.”

The alcohol had started to take effect on me and I was ready to say and do anything.

“I’ve had my fair share of rice and beans Jazzy. It goes beyond that.”

I let out a chuckle. His rice and beans statement although a bit racist, was a bit funny.

“Come here Jezebel.”

“Aren’t I close enough?” I asked teasingly. He pulled me on top of him, making me straddle him. I instantly felt his hard on. I watched him as he looked me over, making sure not to miss a thing.

“You look like a doll,” he said more to himself then to me. He caressed my face and let his hand glide down to my shoulders. I could tell that he was fixated on my golden brown hue.

“It’s as if your skin is glowing.”

His hands were now running up and down my arms. It was so soothing that in my tipsy and somewhat still high state, I just wanted to rest in his arms and fall asleep to that same feeling.

“You know, my mother used my golden brown skin to belittle me. She hated the fact that I didn’t inherit her clear pale skin. When she drank, she would stand in the door of my bedroom and stay there for at least an hour. She would scream and tell me that I was the same color as the mud pies she made in Puerto Rico as a child. She would say that I was just a piece of shit like my father. She even gave me a nickname; it was Poopie. She called me that until the day I left her house.”

I bared my soul to him as I buried my head in his chest. I was ashamed of my past but felt safe telling him all about it. It was the first time that I ever spoke about it at all.

“How could someone put you down for something so beautiful? Your skin is almost like gold. It's so tan, so shiny, so perfect. And your hair, I love that it’s so full, so curly.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed tight. No man had ever gone over my looks with such a fine tooth comb. I wanted to hear more, I wanted him to tell me everything that he had noticed and liked about me. He gently pushed me off his chest and looked at my face. I closed my eyes and took in his every word.

“Everything about you is right. From your small frame to you bubble butt.”

I smiled at that one.

“Open your eyes Jazzy. They are what first caught my attention.”

I looked at him, trying to find the lies in his words. I have heard a lot in my nineteen years on this earth, and I was never told that my eyes are what a man noticed when he first met me. He must have seen the disbelief in them and had to smile.”

“I know that it sounds like bullshit, but it’s true. When I saw you, all I could see were your eyes. They were secretive, mischievous, and lonely. They were also soft, needy, and well, beautiful. I even had to take a second look when I saw your lashes. I don’t want to tell you how much money the girls spend on trying to get lashes like yours.”

That man blew my mind right then and there. I was already hooked on his dick, but when he told me that he had even noticed my lashes, I know it’s silly to say but I fell in love. My daddy was the only other man that ever said anything about them.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay right there in his arms and lay my soul on the line. I wanted him to know all of me and love me. I wanted him to tell me that I didn’t have to become a porn star. He was supposed to tell me that he loved and wanted to take care of me. But I didn’t hear those words that night. I just felt his lips on top of mines. I felt his right hand grip my breast and the other gripping my ass.

“You wanna try something new?” Breeze asked me between our kissing, I shook my head yes and kissed him again. He held on to each one of my legs and stood up with them around his waist. He walked me to the even colder, almost all steel kitchen and laid me on the counter.

“Stay right there Jazzy, I’m about to make you both hot and cold baby.”

He walked to the glass door freezer and took out a hand full of ice. He tossed them the round shaped cubes on the counter beside me and slide his cold hand down my chest. I got the shivers from both his cold hand and his touch.

“Can I take off all of your clothes?”

“Of course you can, but you won’t have much to take off, I don’t have on any panties.”

It wasn’t intentional. When he called me, I was just sprawled out on my bed, puffing on my weed. When I sprang into action, the only thing I did was put lotion and perfume on. I slipped on a pair of short shorts and a tiny top, not even thinking of an under garment.

“You nasty little bitch, you came here ready to fuck, didn’t you?”

“To tell you the truth, I’ve been thinking about what you did to me all day long. I woke up wet from even dreaming about it.”

By the time his hand had reached between my legs, they were shaking. He slipped his middle finger inside of me while rubbing my clit at the same time. I watched him pick an ice cube and put it in his mouth before letting my eyes roll back in my head. I felt both coldness and the warmth of his mouth on my nipples. The melted water dripped upwards, downwards, and all around. I loved everything he was doing to me but I wanted more. I wanted some of that famous head. I wanted that big hard dick rammed inside of me. I wanted to cum on it while he told me how good it felt. When he finally hit my clit, it was heaven all over again. The same feelings took over my body, including new ones. The feeling of his warm tongue and the freezing ice made for an interesting explosion. I watched his head bob up and down as he fucked me with his tongue and wondered how many of the women at his company have had this pleasure. Was I really something special or was I just new? Did he see something different in me or was the fresh meat too hard to pass up? I was about to promise myself to ask him those questions but something made me lose my train of thought. My body instantly got stiff. I couldn’t move nor breathe. The feeling was too strong to do either. What the fuck was he doing? This was new, too new, and too weird for me. I always thought that this was too nasty. I never, ever, wanted to have this done to me. How could he bring himself to do this? A million thoughts ran through my mind. But stopping him was not one of them. I felt his tongue glide across my asshole and my mind was blown. I squirmed so much that I damn near fell off of the counter.

“Calm down Jazzy. It will feel better if you just relax.”

And how in the fuck was I supposed to do that? His tongue was going from my pussy and back to my ass again and he wanted me to relax? I couldn’t. Even with it feeling good, it still tickled.

“I’ve got something for your ass.”

When he said that, I hoped that he didn’t mean it literally.

“I know what you want. You’re just like all of the other little bitches that get a taste of Breeze. You want this dick don’t you? Yeah that’s what you want.”

He made my body beg for his meat. I tried to push my pussy into it but all he did was rub it on my clit.

“Yeah, get that pussy real nice and wet for me Jazzy. Let that pussy show me how bad you want it.”

My body shook violently as I came closer and closer to cumming.

“No not yet, you greedy little bitch. You have to work for your prize.”

I had enough of his games. I wasn’t in the business of begging for shit.

I sat up and looked down at his rock hard, juicy manhood. It was tan just like the rest of him with hardly any hair. He was a well groomed god and I wanted to worship at his feet. I slide off of the counter and grabbed a handful of his dick. I could barely wrap my hands around it as I used it for leverage to get on my knees.

“Do you know what you’re doing Jazzy? I’m not in the mood for no wack ass head.”

When I looked up, he had a full smile on his face. He thought that he was being funny but I took it as a challenge. This wasn’t the first time that I was going to go to work on a man’s dick, but it was going to be the first time that I was going to put my all into it and like it.

“Well, get ready baby, this is going to be a rare ride for the both of us.”

I wrapped my lips around his shaft, and felt the head of his magical wand forcing its way down my throat. I wanted to gag but I fought it and held it in. I worked that piece of meat like nobody’s business. I worked from his stomach to the head and back down again. I made my lips and mouth turn into a vacuum that was trying to suck the life out of him. I watched as his eyes closed and his knees damn near buckled. He put his hands behind him and held on to the counter for dear life. I made loud sleeping noises as I sucked the head and worked the rest of him with my hand.

“God damn, Jazzy, wait a second, hold up, stop.”

I ignored his pleads as I shoved all of him in my mouth and reached down and massaged his balls.

“I said stop it, shit.”

Breeze pushed me away with force making me fall back. He caught his breath before apologizing for his actions.

“It’s just that I didn’t want to blow my load without getting in that pussy Jazzy.”

I smiled. At least I knew that I had gotten to him.

“Come here and let me make it up to you.”

He stood me up and leaned me against the very same counter that he was holding onto. I lowered my back and spread my legs so that he could get in good. I could feel his hand between my legs rubbing on my sweet spot.

“That’s right baby, I see you listened. You’re nice and wet for daddy.”

“Well, stop playing around and fuck me.”

He slid into me with the same force that my words had. I let out a loud moan for it was both good and painful at the same time. He drove me as if I was the car of his dreams. He held onto my waist and put all of himself inside of me with each stroke, and I didn’t deny him entry.

“Yes, baby, get it; get all of it. Fuck me right, Breeze, make me cum.”

“Hold on tight, Jazzy, I’m going to put your legs up.”

I was ready for it all, so I did as I was told. This man lifted me up and made me wrap my legs around his waist backward. There was nothing between us but dick and pussy, and within five minutes, we were both on our way to cumming.

“Jazzy, baby, I’m about to cum. Cum with me baby; cum with me.”

He leaned on my back as we performed the Cum Goddess dance.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?”

We were so caught up in the moment that we never saw Tanya standing in the door way. We looked over to where the voice was coming from but could not stop our performance. It was as if her presence added fuel to the fire. We went at it faster and moaned out even louder. It was like watching Animal Kingdom, there was no stopping us.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU’RE JUST GOING TO KEEP FUCKING HER? YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD.”

As she spoke, we both released the passion that had built up inside of us. We came while never taking our eyes off of her. By the time she charged us with a knife she had taken out of the drawer, we were both ready.

“Calm the fuck down Tanya. You weren’t supposed to be here,” Breeze said as he disarmed the crazy bitch. I just wanted to find my clothes and get out of there. I had a good time but I wasn’t trying to end up on the eleven o’clock news.

“YOU FUCK THAT LITTLE BITCH IN THE HOUSE THAT WE LIVE IN? HOW COULD YOU? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MAN BREEZE. WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHARE OURSELVES UNLESS IT’S BUSINESS, YOU KNOW THAT.”

“Umm, I’m gonna go. We can do the contract thing another time, like maybe at your office,” I said this with a smile. I knew that I shouldn’t have come to his house and I wanted to let him know that I was right.

“YOUR GONNA SIGN THAT CUNT? I TOLD YOU THAT I DIDN’T LIKE HER BREEZE. YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T WANT HER ON OUR TEAM.”

“First off, Tanya, we don’t have a team. That business is for my father and me. I can’t pass up a good thing because of your feelings. I am going to sign her and she is going to be a star, trust me, I know.”

Watching these two was like watching both a horror movie and a drama. I wanted to leave but I couldn’t pull myself away.

“Don’t go anywhere Jazzy. You came here to sign your contract and I don’t want you leaving without doing so. I even made out your check already.”

When he spoke, he looked at Tanya. It was as if he challenged her to try to change his mind, but she knew better. She lived with him for long enough to know not to fuck with his money.

“FINE, DO AS YOU LIKE, BUT IF THAT BITCH COMES ANYWHERE NEAR ME I AM GOING TO RIP HER FUCKING THROAT OUT.”

I don’t know if it was her accent or the cold crazy stare that she gave me, but I got the chills. I knew that she meant what she said and I planned on staying out of her way.

“Come here Jazzy. This is what you came here for. Sign this contract and become a star.”

I took the pen from Breeze and without a second thought, I signed on the dotted line. He handed me my check and hugged me tightly.

“Welcome to Fantasy Pictures. May all your dreams come true.”

As I drove home, I wondered if Breeze knew that he had now become part of my many dreams. I wanted stardom, money, happiness, and now, I wanted Breeze. And if all of my dreams come true, I would have all of those things within a year. The next day I woke up and went straight to the bank. After depositing my check, I paid off all of my unpaid bills; dropped six months of future rent to my landlord and put a down payment on a new Lexus. I prayed that things would only go up from here, and they did, for a while.

Chapter 4

“Breeze, this is Tyree, Tyree…Breeze.”

The next morning I woke up earlier than I normally would have. I think it was because I was anxious. I had that feeling you get on the first day of school, except that time it felt like I already had uncompleted homework which was trying to figure out how the hell I was going to tell Tyree he’s actually auditioning for porn. I remember feeling scared that he would feel deceived. I kept thinking what if he cussed me out, and hated me afterwards? I decided to go for a run to clear my head, because I knew there wasn’t anything I could do except wait and see what happened. When I got back Ebony was up and cooking breakfast.

“Good morning Sunshine! You’re up early!” she stated.

“Good morning! I had a rough night, and couldn’t sleep.”

“Are you hungry? There’s enough for the both of us.”

“Sure, but I’m going to jump in the shower first.”

I took a quick shower before joining Ebony at the dining room table. She made some delicious blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, and crispy bacon, all of my favorites.

“Thanks for cooking breakfast.”

“No problem babe. I don’t get to cook for you that often. You’re so lucky because you normally get to sleep in. I have to wake up early as fuck to go work in that boring ass dental office.”

“I know, right.”

“So tell me what’s on your mind boy? Why couldn’t you sleep last night?”

“You remember that guy you warned me about at Shadows?”

“Yeah, the lame broke one that you wasted your time giving your number to. What about him?”

She didn’t have to point out that he was broke, but at least she remembered him.

“I’m picking him up today, and hopefully convincing him to sign with Fantasy Pictures.”

“Shut the hell up Jamar. It is too damn early to be fucking with me.”

“I’m not messing with you, I’m serious.”

“You mean to tell me that motherfucka is gay? Is he on the down low, or something? Damn, nowadays you can’t tell who is gay. I learn a lot living with you.”

“Well, not exactly, I mean I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure? Please don’t tell me he doesn’t know where you’re taking him, because I’m a fall out of this chair.”

“He knows I’m taking him to an interview, but he thinks he’s getting hired as a model.”

Ebony started laughing so hard that she had to get up, run around the living room, and then regain her composure before coming back to the table. All I could do was smile and laugh at her crazy ass.

“Damn, I wish I didn’t have to work today so I could go with you. I want to be there to see this. You know he’s going to kick your ass, right? Jamar, you can’t just set him up like that.”

“Whatever! We’ll be fighting on the set then, because I like him and all but I’m not letting him whip my ass; unless he’s hitting it from the back.”

“Boy, you are stupid.” She laughed, and then stopped. “On the real though he better not start some shit. If he does, call me and I’ll leave work and we’ll jump that ass. I got my knife in the car.”

“Girl, you are so crazy. Trust me it’s not that deep. If he’s not interested then that’s all he has to say. It’s not like I’m forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do.”

“YET!” Ebony shouted as she entered the kitchen.

I just smiled, and continued to eat my food. After I ate, I cleaned up, washed dishes, walked Ebony to the door as she left for work, checked my e-mail, and then watched some television. Around ten, I rinsed off again, and prepared myself to be penetrated so I was fresh and clean in case I was successful with Tyree. Finally, it was time to get dressed. I always like to look good no matter where I’m going, so that day I wore some nice fitted light blue denim jeans, a fresh white tee, with a black buttoned up shirt, with a cute pair of casual shoes all made by Versace. I knew I looked hot, but then again I’ve always looked good. I look like a younger version of my father, except I’m taller. I’m 6’0, with a slim muscular body, sexy brown eyes, with a smooth chocolate complexion, and I always keep my hair cut close.

By the time I left out the house, and made it to the bar, I was a little late. When I pulled into the parking lot, Tyree was leaning up against the building talking on his cell phone. I parked right in front of him so I could smile and nod. He nodded back and I could tell by the expression on his face that he was impressed.

“Well hello Tyree, it’s nice to see you again,” I said as he got in my SUV.

“Thanks! I appreciate this,” he said as he closed his phone.

“No problem. You didn’t have to get off the phone, you know. Were you on an important call?” I was trying to be nosey, and curious to know who he was talking to.

“No, I was just on the line.”

“The line?” I had no idea what that meant.

“I can’t believe you’ve never heard about it. It’s a chat line where you can talk and meet people. Almost like a chat room, but instead of sending instant messages to people, you send them voice messages.”

“Oh, ok. Did you meet anyone interesting?”

“No, it’s just a bunch of money hungry whores out here.”

I laughed then wondered if he would think I was a whore if he knew what I did for a living.

“That may be true but whores need money too.”

“I guess. This job must pay well since you’re driving around in a Range Rover.”

“Trust me, it does.”

“Well, I wanna be like you when I grow up.”

“You will if you can take it,” I said then quietly chuckled, because I pictured this straight looking guy taking some dick.

“Take what?” he asked liked he was confused.

For a second I thought he got the joke, so I felt nervous.

“The job,” I replied as if it was obvious that was what I meant.

There was this awkward silence for a while, but I think it was just my awkwardness toward the whole situation. I found myself driving slower than I normally do. I guess I was trying to delay the inevitable. It didn’t matter how fast I drove though, we were definitely going to be on time if not early. Tyree finally broke the silence by asking, “So are you from here?” I told him I was from Washington, DC, but I was raised in Silver Spring, MD. It’s easier just to say DC instead of having to go into more details. He wanted to know how I ended up in Los Angeles. I somewhat told the truth, which was I came across this website; I noticed that they were looking for new models, I sent them a few pictures, and then I received an invitation to come out for an interview. After the interview, I loved the offer, and I loved L.A. so I stayed. Okay so I left out the part that it was my favorite porn site, and the more I watched and fantasized about the men on there, I started thinking I had what it took to be like them. At first, I just wanted to see if they liked my pictures, and wondered what they would say about me. After I got the invite, and read online that they paid lots of money I was intrigued. I became obsessed with the thought that now I could be the one that men were watching and fantasizing about.

After we arrived, I didn’t see Breeze’s black Porsche anywhere in the parking lot, so I knew we had some time to spare. I drove around the building and parked, but I left the truck running. I wanted to relax, and at the same time try to loosen Tyree up a little. I reached for my gym bag, which was on the back seat pulling it forward just enough so I could unzip it. I grabbed the lighter and one of my already rolled up blunts out of the side pocket. After I asked and he said, “Go ahead. I don’t mind.” I rolled down the windows, and lit up. After I took a few hits, I reached over to hand it to him.

“I’m good man. I don’t want to smoke, and mess up this opportunity. What if they take pictures? I don’t want to look high and fucked up.”

I took another long pull then replied. “Here just take it. Relax, and don’t worry about looking high. Trust me Breeze won’t mind at all. He would actually encourage it.”

Now he looked at ease. I smiled as he grabbed the blunt from me. I watched him inhale the good green that I was providing. At that moment, I realized he looked even better then I remembered. I sat there imagining myself leaning over, and kissing him but all I could do was look and enjoy the view. After he took a couple of hits, he passed it back to me, and then he leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed. I wanted to get him as high as possible, so I took one good hit each time before passing it back so he’d smoke most of it. After we finished I drove back around to the front of the building, parked, then told him to follow me. By this time Breeze had arrived, and was in his office looking up something on his computer. I knocked on the opened door. Breeze looked up and smiled.

“Can we come in?” I asked.

“Yes, of course Jamar.”

“So Jamar is one of your other names, huh?” Tyree asked.

I had to laugh because I forgot Tyree only knew me as Krave.

“Jamar is my real name. Krave is my stage name.”

“Stage name?” Tyree asked.

I didn’t quite know how to respond without letting the cat out of the bag. I think Breeze could tell by the look on my face, so he took over.

“I see Jamar hasn’t explained everything to you, but don’t worry by the end of today I’m sure you’ll know everything you need to know.”

I thought that sounded a little suspicious as well, and I felt a little rude for not introducing them so I jumped back in the conversation.

“Breeze, this is Tyree, Tyree…Breeze.”

Breeze stood up, and shook Tyree’s hand.

“Thanks for meeting with me, and for giving me this chance,” Tyree said.

“No, thank you for coming, I hope you feel comfortable here and that everything works out. Hopefully we can help each other make some serious money.”

“Sounds good, but I have to warn you I don’t have a portfolio, or any previous experience as a model.”

Breeze and I both laughed but I could tell Tyree felt uncomfortable so I stopped.

“That’s not a problem. I need to send this e-mail, then I’ll show you around, and we’ll get started.”

I felt the sweat start to roll down my forehead, so I excused myself, and went to the bathroom. I splashed my face with some cool water, and thought fuck it. I dried my face off then headed back to Breeze’s office. I could see Domingo, one of the other actors, walking toward me. He looked like he was leaving. There’s been this weird tension between us ever since I started, especially since I was starting to steal the spot light away from him. We acknowledged each other, and I was going to keep walking but he stopped me. He wanted it to be known that after seeing Tyree he was disappointed I was going to be the one to turn him out.

“Don’t be jealous, Domingo. It isn’t that serious.”

“You know I’m the one who tests all the men out, Jamar. I don’t understand why you would go after my job like that.”

“I’m not trying to take your job. I get it, you’re just like a prison rapist, you like to fuck all the fresh meat that walks up in here, and that’s fine. I just really like this one, and I found him so I asked to test him out. Besides Domingo, he may not even go through with this, but if he does I’m sure it should be with someone less manly. You’re too big, and muscular. You’d scare him away, and he’d run out of here.”

“Go to hell!”

“I’m sure I’ll see you there.”

He pissed me off to the point that I almost forgot what I was there for, until he turned around and walked away. I finally made it back to Breeze’s office, but they weren’t in there. I knew they wouldn’t be in the locker rooms, so the only other place they could be was in the warehouse, so that’s where I headed to next. As soon as I walked out there, I heard Breeze telling Tyree, “You’re doing great. This time I want you to look into the camera like you’re trying to seduce someone.” I walked over to the set that they were on, and saw Breeze sitting off to the side behind the computer looking at the pictures Derek, one of the photographers took. I walked over and stood behind Breeze so I could look over his shoulder. The pictures were looking better than I imagined. Tyree was definitely photogenic, and he looked comfortable behind the camera. That was until Breeze told him to take off his clothes.

“You want me to get undressed right now, in front of four other men?”

“Don’t be shy Tyree. In this business, you’ll have to be naked in front of a lot of people. Derek needs to take some more pictures, and then Rob will take some video so we can see if you look good on film. Your pictures are turning out great. If it will help just take off your shirt for now, and we’ll go from there.”

Tyree took his shirt off and instantly my dick was hard. His body looked so good. I started licking my lips as dirty thoughts played out in my mind. A few pictures later he had his belt unbuckled, his pants unbuttoned, and unzipped teasing me only showing the top half of his boxers.

“Okay, now take off the rest. We need some pictures of you while you’re soft, and were going to need some while you’re hard.” Breeze directed.

“SAY WHAT?” Tyree asked.

“What did you expect? Consumers aren’t going to pay just to see a soft dick. They want to see the goods,” Breeze replied.

“I’ll try but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get hard.”

“Try your best, close your eyes and think about some of the best sex that you’ve ever had. If that doesn’t work we’ll try something else.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of Tyree. I watched him slowly strip. It looked like he was still debating if he should proceed, but he got completely nude. I don’t know if I was just too into him then but I couldn’t find a flaw on his body, he even had some sexy ass feet. I couldn’t tell what he was working with since he was soft, but he was definitely working with something, and I couldn’t wait to join him on the set. He almost looked ashamed, because he would look up for a picture but for the most part he kept his head down.

“Okay, Tyree. I know you’re feeling a little uncomfortable because it’s starting to show in the pictures. Just pretend like we’re not here and give us some poses like you know you’re sexy.”

“I am sexy.”

“Okay, that’s what I want to hear. Now, show us that on film.”

Tyree looked like he was starting to relax because he was getting into it. He even started to ask if he could pose in certain positions. Breeze let him do whatever he felt comfortable doing. I never looked to see how the nude photos were turning out because I liked the visual that was in front of me, but Breeze kept making great comments about them. I just knew Tyree was going to resist again when Breeze asked him to try to get his dick hard, but he closed his eyes, and started playing with his dick. It didn’t take long before his soft dick grew to be over eleven inches long, and it had to be at least six inches thick. I’ve seen some big dicks working here, but none of them were as long and thick as Tyree’s. I can’t say when I saw Tyree at Shadows for the first time that it was love at first sight, but when I saw his rock hard dick I fell and I fell hard. Derek took about 20 to thirty more pictures before Breeze looked at me and told me it was time. I knew what that meant, so I walked to the locker room, undressed, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. When I got back to the set I could see Tyree smiling and enjoying himself. I slowly walked up next to him, and I’ll never forget the expression on his face when he noticed me. First, he looked at me as if I was crazy, and then he had the you-better-step-the-fuck-back look on his face.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I looked at Breeze and made a face to let him know that he could answer that one since after all he was in charge.

“Rob, stop recording.” Breeze gave the camera man a second to hit the pause button on his camera. “Okay, let’s stop putting up these facades, and cut to the chase. Tyree, Fantasy Pictures actually produces adult films. All of our models are featured in them. All of the money I said you could make wasn’t a lie, but you basically have to fuck on film to make it. Just from looking at what we have here so far I can tell you’d be perfect for the job. If you decide to proceed and do a sex scene today I’ll give you three thousand dollars, and if the footage is as good as I think it will be I can present you with a contract stating you will make an additional 20 thousand to do five more films. If those films do well then we would present you with a new contract. If you feel like this is something you absolutely don’t want to be a part of then I can only give you five hundred dollars for the pictures, and for your time. If you need to take a moment to think about it, then please do so.”

“This is some crazy shit. Let me get this straight you want to record me and Jamar running a train on some bitch? I can’t believe this.” He paused before saying “Well, who is she, and where is she at?”

I could tell he was frustrated but at the same time curious to see who Breeze wanted him to fuck. I decided to finally come clean.

“There’s no female involved. He wants to record us in a scene together.”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I ain’t gay. Damn, you lied and knew about this all along didn’t you? I knew you were fruity, but I thought you could help me get a job. If there was a fine ass female in front of me right now then maybe we could work something out, otherwise there’s no deal.”

“I’m sorry Tyree, but technically I never lied to you. I said there was modeling, acting, and nudity involved. That’s exactly what this is. I thought maybe if you were here, and talked to Breeze you would be interested, especially since you need the money.” I felt bad that he was upset, but I wanted to remind him that he was broke.

“Tyree, I understand where you’re coming from, but I have more than enough straight actors. Besides the men who star in our straight films don’t make that much money, because they are considered props. Our straight consumers are paying to see beautiful women, not the men who are fucking them. I need men for our gay films, so the choice is yours,” Breeze stated.

Tyree laughed, put his hands on his head, and then squeezed his fists like he wanted to punch me before he started picking up his clothes. He looked at me and shook his head as if he was disappointed in me. I just looked at Breeze and then put my head down.

“Can I get that 500 dollars so I can get the hell out of here?” Tyree asked.

“Tyree, I know you’re upset, but you could make a lot of money. I’m talking thousands and thousands of dollars just by doing something that feels good. I don’t normally do this, but I have a feeling about you so I’m willing to give you an additional two thousand right now, but it will have to be one hell of a scene. That’s the best I can do. I’m a busy man and I don’t have a lot of time to waste. I have tons of e-mails to go through with men dying to be in your position so I really think you should consider my offer. You won’t get this chance again, and I guarantee you won’t make this type of money anywhere else.”

“I understand and I’m not trying to waste your time. I mean I really need this money, but I love women. I can’t see myself kissing another man, or letting some dude fuck me. Not only that, but what if someone I know finds out, I wouldn’t even be able to deny it because it’s on film.”

Breeze interrupted him.

“How about I make you a few drinks and let you think about it for a little while longer before you make up your mind.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to pass up all that money so yeah I could use a drink, but I’ll fix it myself.”

“Okay, no problem. I’ll be right back,” Breeze said as he started to walk away then stopped. “And by the way, Tyree, you don’t have to kiss anyone, or get fucked today.”

Breeze walked off the set so I followed him because I had a suggestion. It looked like he was heading to his office when I stopped him.

“Breeze, hold up I need to talk to you.”

Breeze jumped like he was just caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing, and then turned around and looked surprised to see me following him.

“What is it Jamar?” He sounded frustrated since I obviously just interrupted his thoughts.

“I don’t think he’s biting so I have a suggestion.”

“I’m listening.”

“Offer him some more money. Tell him you’ll give him a signing bonus or something.”

“Jamar, I’m going to tell you something, and if you repeat it I will deny it and you’ll be on my shit list. My father and I only give signing bonuses to woman who should really be super models, or A-list actresses. If we think she’s not trying to be on board we’ll offer her a lot of money upfront. The reason being is we know she will make us millions. Now men on the other hand, sure they will definitely make us money, but men are horny bastards and love to fuck. Why should we just give away money when so many men want to be in this business? We only give referral bonuses to men if they refer someone who signs a contract with us. With that said I’m not offering him anymore money. His pictures are great, he looks good on film, and if he can perform I’d love to hire him but I’m not going to be here all day trying to persuade him.”

“What if I pay him some more money to do it?”

“Wow, Jamar, I’m speechless. I’ve been in this business a long time and I’ve never had any of my actors or actresses offer to pay anyone to be in a film. This is definitely a first. How much are you willing to pay for some sex from Tyree, you trick?” he asked and then laughed. I knew he was joking, but I didn’t even think about it like that. In my mind, I was just trying to get Tyree in the business. I didn’t realize that in a way I was trying to pay for sex. I was going to offer more but I started to feel lame.

“I’ll give him three thousand dollars out of my own money, but I don’t want him to know it’s coming from me.”

“I like you Jamar, and I’m really enjoying doing business with you. I’m not going to offer it to him right away, but as a last resort effort I will. Now go back out there and check on him. I’m going to get some stuff out of my office.”

I went back in the warehouse and noticed Rob and Derek talking off to the side, and I saw Tyree pacing around the stage shaking his head as if he was debating rather he should do it or not. I’m not a punk but I felt so bad that I wished we weren’t alone at that moment. I also felt uncomfortable seeing that I was still in just a towel, hey at least I wasn’t hard anymore.

“Are you okay?” I asked

“What do you think?”

“I can’t say I know what’s going through your mind right now, because I don’t. I came here with the intentions of becoming a porn star. I will say this though, I love it, and because of porn, I’m living the life. I’m traveling to places I never thought I would, my Range Rover is paid for, my condo is paid for, I got money in the bank, I can buy anything I want, and I can do anything I want without having to worry about money. I know you’re going through a lot right now, and down on your luck but all of that can change. You can have all of this and more, but you’re gonna have to be a gay for pay actor.”

“I just don’t know if I can do it.”

At that point, Breeze walked back in with two glasses filled with ice, a half filled bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and two Red Bulls. He said the Red Bulls gave it flavor, which it did. He also suggested that I have a drink as well. I let Tyree mix his first and then I followed. We both sat there enjoying our drinks quietly while Breeze looked over the photos again to see which ones he would use to promote Tyree. I’m not a lush so I was feeling tipsy by the time I finished my drink. Tyree decided to have another even though he looked like he was feeling good as well. I kept staring at Tyree and became hard, and there was no hiding it. My dick was starting to come out of the towel, so I had to keep adjusting myself. Breeze came back over and told Tyree that he had some business to attend to a little later and needed to wrap things up. He pulled out five thousand dollars and placed in on the table in front of Tyree. He informed him that if he didn’t want a contract he didn’t have to sign one, but if he wanted the money he had to do at least one sex scene that may or may not ever get used, or seen by anyone. After a brief moment Tyree asked, “So you’re saying there’s a chance no one will see this, and I don’t have to kiss him, or get fucked?

“That’s correct! So what’s it going to be?” Breeze replied.

“FUCK!!!!” Tyree yelled out at loud as he could which caused his voice to echo throughout the warehouse. He put his head down, and then he looked back up at Breeze.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go through with it, but if I don’t do it I’ll have to use the money I have left to fly back home tomorrow, or I’m going to be out on the streets. I don’t have anyone here to depend on. To be honest I really don’t have anything back in Detroit either except drama, and a father who is a police officer that’s ashamed of me because of my past, so I need that money.” He put his head back down again and said, “Fuck it, tell me what to do.”

Chapter 5

“I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper.”

“I don’t want to dye my hair Breeze. I have had it this way since high school and it works for me.”

This was my first time seeing Breeze since our sexcapade back at his house and I wasn’t too happy. We had talked the whole week and he tried desperately to make me understand why I had to change the way I looked.

“You could stay the same if we were going to market you as the girl next door but that’s not who you really are. You are a sex kitten who has just found her wild side.”

“So are you saying that I’m not sexy or interesting this way? It turned you on, didn’t it?”

I was offended. It’s never easy hearing that you are not good enough the way you are.

“If it was up to me, I would leave you like you are now, but we are selling sex and the bedroom fantasies of our fans. You are not a housewife who just has to worry about turning her husband on; you are turning on and fucking the whole world. You have to fulfill their sexual appetites.”

We went back and forth on the issue all week and it still wasn’t resolved. I wasn’t going to change my mind about it, even though I did give in a little.

“You’re at the best salon in LA. Just sit back and let them work their magic. I guarantee you that you will love the end results.”

I gritted my teeth hoping that “go fuck yourself” didn’t come flying out. I was pissed that I was deemed by him as unsellable the way I was, but there wasn’t much I could do. I had signed my life away and now I just had to grin and endure it.

Seven hours, a bleach and dye job later, my dark brown hair was parted down the middle and platinum blonde. I could see it hanging down on my shoulders as the gay white hair stylist cut it in layers. I dreaded the moment he would turn me around. I didn’t want to see the porn monster that I had become. And as the make-up artist went to work on my face, I flashed back to my mother. I remember her sitting in the styling chair at the studio where her show used to be filmed. I thought that she was the biggest star on earth. People jumped to attention whenever she was around and treated her as if she were a queen on the throne. When they were done, I would walk over to her and ask if she was still my mommy because she looked so different.

“Oh, honey, what’s on the outside doesn’t change your heart or who you are. I will be your mother no matter how different I look on the outside. My heart will always belong to you, now breeze mommy’s face with two sweet kisses.”

She would say as I air kissed each side of her face. Once she was done, she would give herself one last look, and then blow a kiss to herself in the mirror. When she walked on the set, she represented a sex filled goddess. When her scene was done, it was as if all of the men’s eyes were on her. She had a way of walking that my father used to say stopped traffic. I embedded that walk and her style in my mind, and the more I thought about it, I realized that, that was the persona that I was going to try to take on. Although I didn’t think that her words were true, I knew that the lust that men had for her was undeniably true. I may have ignored it in my regular life, but I knew that it would help me in the adult movie world.

“Wait, don’t turn her around yet. I want her to put these on first.”

Breeze handed me a bag that was filled with what looked like stripper clothes and shoes. I must have looked at the bag funny because he felt that he had to convince me.

“Don’t give me shit about this too. I got them from a high end store named The Kitty’s Kat. It caters to the stylish porn stars and stripper.”

“I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to put them on, it’s just that---.”

“It’s just what? This is what you’re going to wear most of the time when you’re working anyway. Look, I didn’t have to do this. I have gone out of my way for you and I expect you to appreciate it.”

For the first time since meeting him, I could see the frustration in his eyes. He was going out of his way for me and I was acting childish. In a way, he was right. We all do change for our jobs in some way shape or form. We never are who we really are at work.

“That fire engine red with the side cut outs will look banging on you now that your hair is platinum blonde. When you come out I’ll have Charlie change your lipstick to match,” said the hair stylist.

I didn’t put up much of a fight from then on. I just got up and went into the bathroom to change. Breeze even got me a G-string so that I didn’t have a panty line, not that there was much room for anything else. After I came out Charlie removed and applied my new lip color and I was ready for the big reveal. I closed my eyes as I awaited the okay from Breeze to look.

“Go ahead and take a look Jazzy. You are stunning.”

I slowly opened my eyes and damn near fell out. Who was this person that I was looking at? She looked nothing like the old me. It was as if my eyes were playing tricks on me. I looked at myself and I looked good. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of myself. It was like night and day.

“You look great, baby, all you’re missing is this,” he said as he wrapped a three carat diamond necklace that had round stones from one end to the other.

“Oh, my God Breeze, it’s so pretty and sparkly,” I said as the chain mesmerized me. All of the good jewelry I owned was the stuff I had gotten from my mother as a child. That’s one thing that the alcohol never took from her. She always had a good eye when it came to jewelry. To this day, she has at least three jewelry boxes filled with only the best of jewels.

“Damn, Jazzy, if I knew you were going to be this happy with just the necklace, I wouldn’t have gotten you the rest.”

Breeze then pulled out and opened a jewelry box that held the matching ring, earrings, and bracelet to the necklace that he had just given me.

“Are you fucking with me or are these things really mine?” Everything just seemed too good to be true.

“Wait, this is not coming out of my future pay is it?” I had heard stories before. There were plenty of people in the music biz that were handed what they thought were gifts only to find out that they would end up having to pay for these items.

“I wasn’t going to say anything but since you asked, yeah, they will come out of future earnings.”

“Take it back. I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper,” I said, hurt and pissed. Here I was thinking that he had brought me a gift because he liked me. Boy, did I feel dumb, and the expression on everyone’s face had let me know that I wasn’t too far from it.

“Calm down, girl, it was just a joke. Nothing will be taken out of your future royalties. I just wanted to give you a little gift.”

The sad part about that day is that he really was going to make me pay for it if I didn’t throw such a fit. I let him put everything back on me and continued to look at myself.

“Are you happy that I made you do this?”

“It’s so different; I’m going to have to get used to it, but, yes, I like it.”

“What are you doing tonight, feel like hanging out?”

I had to think about it. If Tanya got wind of Breeze and I living it up on the town, I’m sure both of us would have hell to pay, and I have never really been a home wrecker. But those two things were my only roadblocks. When I stood there and weighed my options, the good things that would come out of getting closer to Breeze outweighed the bad.

“So what’s on the agenda?”

A smile like no other spread across his face. He was sure that I was going to turn him down, but I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I wanted to show myself off.

“First, we’ll go to dinner at a sexy new spot that I just found and then, well let’s just play it by ear.”

That was fine with me. He hadn’t given me any reasons to distrust him so I was ready for whatever.

I felt like the super star that I came out to L.A. to be when we pulled up to the restaurant. Breeze seemed to know everyone and they all seemed to have tons of respect for him.

“Damn, Breezy, you always have something sexy on your arm. I can’t wait to see what this one can do. When’s her movie coming out?”

I had to remind myself that because I was with him and dressed like a stripper, people would know what I was. It felt strange, disgusting, and excited all at once. I looked around and noticed a lot of eyes on me. I tugged at my dress and couldn’t stop. Maybe if I tried in vain to make it longer people would look away.

“Stop fidgeting with your clothes. Try to relax; people are looking at you because you look good, Jazzy. Try and enjoy it,” Breeze said to relax and enjoy things so much that he should have coined the phrase. He was acting as if I grew up in the same over exposed world that he did. Shit, I still hadn’t wrapped my head around what lead me there. But I still did what I could to please him that night. I spoke when spoken to and smiled and laughed when the situation called for it. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I felt so good about myself in the hair salon, but now I just felt like I looked like an out of place kid who everyone could tell was playing dress-up.

“Come with me Jazzy.”

Once in the unisex bathroom, Breeze took me to the mirror and made me look at myself.

“Isn’t that the same person who was in the salon today?”

“Why are you doing this to me, you know the answer to that question just as well as I do,” I said as I looked away from my reflection.

“So why aren’t you acting like her. I didn’t bring up out for you to shrivel up like a dying rose, I want you alive. I want the girl who had a back bone and a badass attitude to go with it.”

“It’s just that—”

“It’s just what? You’re in L.A. Jazz, there are going to be bad bitches everywhere you go. You just have to find a way to stand out and take control of whatever room you walk into. You look just as good as all of the other females out there, now all you have to do is act like it.”

All of his bullshit was starting to blow me. I didn’t know that fucking on film was going to bring me all of this grief. I just wanted to ride a dick, get paid for it, and go home. Now I had dude in my face trying to change me to what I thought that I could never be.

“Tell me this, Breeze; do you breathe down the backs of every bitch that walks through your office doors the way you are doing me? What does this mean to you and how will this help me suck a dick and cum on cue?”

For a brief moment I thought that I had taken Breeze over the edge. His face scrunched up and he looked like he just took a big whiff of a pile of shit.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really think that I am trying to mold you into a porn star?”

“That’s what it seems like. I just wanted a job; I don’t want to lose myself in your world.”

“I don’t give gift like these to just porn stars. I gave you the gift because I am interested in you. I like the fact that you’re not just another well put together Barbie who has no brain.”

“So quit trying to change me. Don’t get me wrong, I like the makeover but I still want to be me. If I am not comfortable in this revealing getup then you will just have to be okay with that. I may get used to it but then again, maybe it’s just not for me. Just relax and enjoy me.”

He smiled at me turning his own words against him. But he would not give up until I saw things his way. I wasn’t seeing the big picture. And as far as that night, he was going to get me to loosen up one way or the other.

After dinner, we drove to the next location with hardly any words spoken. Me in my thoughts and him in his, but once we got close, he asked me what my drug of choice was.

“I’m not into nothing heavy; I just smoke a little weed when I need to get away from the world, why?”

“It’s like a candy store in there when it comes to drugs so I just wanted to make sure that you’re not a recovering drug addict or something.”

Although he was joking I knew that the porn game held a lot of drug addicts behind its velvet and torn ropes.

“Nah, I’m good, where are we anyway?”

“It’s called the Devil’s Den. Now, there are some things that I gotta tell you about this place. First off, you’ve never been here, period. I don’t care how many times you end up coming here, you’ve never been here. Got it?

“Okaaaaay, now you’ve got me curious. What’s in there that could be that bad?”

“Second, don’t ask too many questions. If someone sends you a drink, drink it. If someone asks you your name, you answer with the number that is given to you at the door. Remember it because it will be yours forever. The last two important things to know are these rules. If you see anyone famous, forget that you saw them, and if someone touches you and you don’t like them, walk away and don’t make a scene.”

“What is this place that you have brought me to? This doesn’t seem like somewhere I want to be, Breeze. You’re talking about numbers and people touching me, shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were people in there with mask on.”

“You might see that as well.”

I sat in his car shaking my head in disbelief. There were so many things going on in this world that you may never know about unless it smacks you in the face, the way it had done me that night.

“Man, fuck this shit, Breeze, I think that there are just some things that I don’t want to be involved in. I’m about to lose my fucking mind over here. Maybe this is just too much too soon.”

“Bitch, what the fuck is your problem? Are you that fucking small town? I’m trying to show you how we live yet every step I try to make you take to move forward you insist on standing still. I’m about to be tired of your bullshit, Jazz. Get with the fucking program or get your ass out of my car and walk the fuck home.”

“What, you don’t think that I would walk? Fuck you and your fucked up lifestyle. You may be the son of the so called porn king, that doesn’t mean that you have to be such a spoiled sick little shit.”

I hopped my ass right up out of his car. I may have been “small town” as he called me when it came to back way secret sex dens, but I was “Big City” enough to let his ass hear what I really thought about him and his way of life. I walked to the nearest bus stop as I cursed myself for leaving my cell phone at home. My mind floated back to my drunken ass mother. Even in her drunken stupors, she used to manage to tell me to always make sure I had a phone with me. She may have killed me with her words every chance she got, but she didn’t want me to ever be in a situation where I couldn’t call her for help. I thought about the time I went to a party with a date who thought that he was going to get some. He got rough with me, which forced me to knee him in the balls and run to the bathroom. I called my mother and sure enough, she drove her drunk behind to that party and walked up to the bathroom where I hid.

*****

“Show me that low-life motherfucka that has to rape a bitch just to get a nut. I’m a cut his little dick off and feed it to him.”

“Let’s go home, Ma, things are bad enough.”

“Aww, bitch, fuck you. I didn’t drive all the way out here to just pick you up. I wanna know who he is, Jasmine. I’m not going no goddamn where until you point him out.”

Sure enough, she pulled out a chair and sat her ass right down. She asked one of the party goers for a drink and told them to party on, but no one did. The music had stopped and all eyes were on her.

“What the fuck is everyone looking at? I don’t give a shit, I’m not leaving. I wanna know who he is so if anyone else knows, speak up, since that little bitch over there got lockjaw,” she said, speaking of me. Then she started to laugh uncontrollably. Everyone looked around wondering if they had missed the joke.

“Come on y'all, that shit was funny. Here she is, scared to give up the goods and I say that she has lockjaw; hahahaha.”

The more she laughed the more the crowd got it. After her and most of the partygoers shared a laugh, she got back to business.

“I know that yah wanna get back to the party, just point him out and I’ll leave…after I teach his ass a lesson.”

People looked around but no one spoke up, then out of nowhere, the offender stepped forward.

“It was me, bitch. Ain’t nobody trying to rape that little ho of yours. I just tried to get the pussy that’s all. It ain’t my fault that she’s crossed legged and tight lipped. She knew what went down in those rooms before she stepped foot in it.”

“Now that’s a good one, crossed legged and tight lipped, I’m a have to remember that one. But here’s something that you didn’t know,”

The whole room gasped as she moved fast, and as if she didn’t have a drop of alcohol in her system. I never saw her pull out the butcher knife, but we all saw her holding it to my date’s neck.

“What you don’t know is that I raised her to keep shit locked away from sorry ass little dick niggers like you. If we were back in Puerto Rico right now, I really would make you suck your own stinky dick, but luck is on your side. I’m not going to be put in jail for a little shit like you. But, do me a favor, the next time you think of trying to snatch a kitty that hasn’t been offered to you, remember this face and knife. Think of what I would have done if I wasn’t in America. Then, back the fuck off.”

The crowd was frozen with fear and anticipation. I walked over to my mother and put my hand on her shoulder, hoping to calm her down. I prayed that she didn’t forget where she was at and let the wannabe rapist really feel the sharpness of her knife like he deserved.

“Come on, Ma, I think that he’s got the picture, don’t you Kenny?”

Kenny never did respond but we all smelled his answer.

“Now, lookie here, he really is a little shit. He done went and pooped on himself. Goddamn nigger, you smell like death ran over on a hot summer day.”

Like a choir, everyone let out a roar of laughter. Kenny just stood there too embarrassed and scared to move.

“Now see, I was gonna cut your ass a little bit just to leave you a visual reminder of what not to do, but you shitting yourself will leave a mental scar that not even this knife can do. Party on people, cheers to all of you, and as for that little shitter that you have amongst you, maybe someone should help him home, he’s starting to attract flies.”

The crowed all put their glasses and beer cans up and toasted the brave drunk woman who looked like an inebriated queen. And from what I heard, Kenny never did get that assistance home. He just got kicked out of the party on his shitty little ass.

*****

“Jasmine, what the hell are you doing, you were really going to take the bus home?”

Breeze walked right up to me without me even noticing.

“What are you doing here? You gave me no other option, and I don’t take too kindly to ultimatums.”

“Get your ass in the car. I’ll drive you home.”

I wasn’t getting into his car until I heard an “I’m sorry”. Plus it wasn’t going to be the first time I had to take the bus so it didn’t take any sweat off of my back.

“Why must you be so damn hard headed? You act like all of the things that I have done are for me. I am trying to upgrade your lifestyle. I am trying to introduce you to the porn world in style. Do you think that everyone is as fortunate as you are? Most women end up fucking in a shitty little motel room for five hundred dollars a pop. Most don’t get a contract and more than most don’t get the treatment that you’ve have received.”

“At what fucking price?”

“At the price of becoming a star, at the price of making real money, at the price of being booked for dance clubs, strip clubs, and movie signings all year long. At the fucking price of being the best at what you do Jazzy. Most pray to pay a bill that would give them those results.”

“I don’t ever want to be a slave to money. I don’t want to sell my soul to the devil just to end up in hell.”

“So why do this at all? You’re sitting there looking down your little brown nose as if I’m asking you to turn down a Hollywood movie deal to fuck on film for me. The women who are in this business that are at the top of their game knew to leave all of that bullshit behind. They knew to say fuck the world and all of their straight laced views. They knew that they were coming into the game to make some money and to have fun doing it. If you can’t do that than just let me know. I’ll tear up your contract and you give me back my money.”

He knew he had me. Most of the money was spent and without porn, I wasn’t going to be able to pay it back any time soon. But beyond that, his words were true. I was still thinking like a girl who didn’t sign on the dotted line yet. I was acting as if I had a choice in my near future. I would have to let go of all of my inhibitions and learn to live life the “porn way”.

“I’m still taking the bus home. I thank you for all that you have done and all, but no one talks to me the way you did. I got enough of that from my mother.”

“Come on, Jazzy, I’m sorry for blowing up. I will take you home, but if I could ask one thing of you it would be great.”

I did get the apology that I was waiting for, plus I was just tired of fighting. I just wanted to spend time with the Breeze that sent me spinning. The more I looked at him flashing me that sexy smile of his; I wanted to still be with him, in his presence.

“What is it?”

“I really like you and I want you to know that I wouldn’t do anything that would be detrimental to you or your career. Just come with me to the Devil’s Den. If it’s too much for you then we can leave.”

I didn’t say no. His voice begged me to be open-minded and to see the world through his eyes. I came to the conclusion that maybe my vision had been clouded for long enough.

*****

“Your number is 9785. All we need now is a picture and you are free to go in.”

I stood in front of a red wall and waited for my photo to be taken. I felt like I was in one of those weird French movies that I loved to watch. The ones where the main character is a member of a sex club that only the underground freaks knew and loved. It was dark and smoky with mostly all good looking people. There seemed to be a lot of foreign rich people of every color and that was just the entrance where you received your number, if you were lucky. From what I gathered, you had to know someone or be able to pay a lot of money just to get past the first checkpoint. After that, you went to what was called a viewing room. There the money that you just paid or the person who was a member that you knew meant nothing. There were two people who determined if you got in and they scared me. They sat in chairs that looked like thrones and just gawked at you. They spoke so low that I was only standing about a foot away from them and still couldn’t hear a word.

“Let’s go,” Breeze said, as he took my hand and pulled me toward a heavy, metal door. It had two big black men who looked like they ate the undesirables for dinner.

“How do you know that it is okay for me to go in?” I didn’t want to go anywhere near the entrance to hell unless I knew that the devil gave me permission.

“The green light above their heads gives the okay, that’s where my dad got the idea for the make-up room.”

I let Breeze lead me through the doors without a fight. It had just hit me that this place ran deep through his bloodline.

“Your dad comes here, too?” I asked in disbelief.

“He co-owns it with Vivianna and Carmine.”

“Who are they?”

“Don’t you mean what?” he asked this with laughter, but I left it alone. They both scared the shit out of me and that’s all I needed to know. I didn’t even ask if he was joking or not.

Stepping into the Devil’s Den was like entering another world. The furniture was black and the walls were the color of blood. The lights were dim and the likes of Maxwell, Sweet Back, Sade, and The Brand New Heavies spilled out of the speakers, filling the air with an aura of sex, and it seemed to be in every corner that I looked.

“People come here to be free, to do the things that they are too scared to do out there,” Breeze said pointing at the doors that we just walked through.

“How can they do those things with a club full of people?”

“You’re gonna be doing them in a warehouse full of people and you’ll be getting paid for it, and that’s the only difference. They are doing it because they enjoy it, because it feeds whatever sexual appetite that hungers them. You will be fucking for a check, but hopeful you will get to where these people have already gone.”

He had me there and to tell the truth, watching all of the club goers go at it turned me on.

Once seated, Breeze ordered an apple martini with a twist for me and a bottle of Patron for him and me, if I wanted some.

“I didn’t know that you could twist an apple martini.”

“Everything comes with a twist in here Jazzy.”

I enjoyed him kissing and nibbling on my neck before something took my attention away from it.

“What’s in there?”

There was a door that was painted a brighter red than the walls. I watched a woman who seemed to be the most beautiful creature that I had ever seen walk in with a man flowing behind her. The man in the suit seemed to be in the same trance that I was in. She was like the diamonds that Breeze had given me earlier that day. She seemed to sparkle and shine even in the all-black outfit that she had on.

“That room is called The Immortal Palace. I never go in there, it’s a little too out there, even for me.”

I was stunned. I didn’t think that nothing was too over the top for the porn prince. When the waiter came back with our drinks, my mind was still on the member’s only room, but I didn’t mention it again. If it was too much for Breeze, then I know that it was going to be way too much for me.

“Cheers to a whole new world. May you learn to welcome it as well as flourish in it.”

The apple martini was the best that I had ever had, and before I was even done, I had another waiting for me.

“The service here is wonderful.”

“Yeah, my dad’s motto is that neither a glass nor an ass should run dry in here.”

As we shared a laugh, a euphoric feeling came over me. My body tingled and my head felt cloudy. I downed another cold drink hoping that it would cool my heated insides.

“Something the matter, does your head hurt?”

After my forth drink, my head was in my hands as I tried to control the spinning.

“No, I just think that I drank too much, too soon. I’ll be okay in a minute.”

“Can’t handle your alcohol huh?” Breeze asked as he slid closer to me.

“Let daddy take care of you,” he spoke as if I were a three year old child.

“Please, Breeze, I can hang with the best of them. I just wanted you to come a little closer, that’s all.”

I leaned into him and tasted the strong alcohol on his lips, and I wanted more. I straddled him and kissed him as if he were the speed bump that I so desperately needed.

“Slow down, Jazzy, we just got here, save a little for later,” Breeze said as he handed me the fresh drink that the waitress had brought over.

“I love this song; it’s almost as if it’s taking over my body.”

“It’s Sweetback, it’s called Voodoo Breath.”

I guzzled down my drink and stood up. The song’s name was so befitting that it made me feel as if someone had put a voodoo spell on me. I was no longer in charge of my body. It wanted to dance without my brain stopping it. I stood up and let the man’s voice that sang the song take over my body.

Breeze sat there and watched as if I were the female spirit, Erzulie Freda. My mother would pray to her to bring my father back home, but he never did come back to us. I didn’t know much about her but I did know that to some she was the goddess of love. She was seductive and loved the finer things in life. And that night, I embodied her. I swayed my hips to the beat of the song and let all of my inhibitions go. I no longer tugged at my rising dress nor did I care that most of the men and women in the room watched me. I invited their prying eyes and preformed for my audience.

“Come dance with me baby.”

I tried to pull Breeze off the small couch but he wouldn’t budge.

“Fine, then I’ll just have to dance on you.”

I gave him a lap dance that any high priced stripper would be proud of. I could feel his breath on my shoulders as his dick hardened.

“You are my voodoo; you do know that, don’t you?”

“Well, maybe I can cast a spell to make you fuck me inside out tonight,” I said as I stood up and faced him. I pushed him back with my high heeled foot and stood up on the couch. I put a foot on each side of him and begun to dance again. I wined my hips lower and lower until I felt his face in between my legs. I moved my hips back and forth to the music, damn near ridding his face, and I didn’t stop until I felt him pull my thong aside. When his wet pointy tongue hit my sweet spot, I leaned into it and sang out loud to the song.

“You can loan it but I own it so come and help me sing my song.” I sang the lyrics at the top of my lungs as his tongue roamed my insides, but as quickly as that new soon to be familiar feeling hit me, it was gone, and to me it was as if everything went silent.

“What the hell are you doing, why did you stop?”

“We have all night, Jazzy, I was just giving you a little something to hold you over,” Breeze said as he helped me down off the couch. To say that I was pissed would be putting it lightly.

“Where’s the fucking bathroom in this place? I guess I gotta go clean up since you left me wet and hanging,” I said, as I stormed off without an answer. I heard Breeze yelling something over the music but I refused to listen. It seemed like I was a game to him. He wanted so badly for me to enter his world but when I did, he still only met me half way.

I walked around the club in search of the bathroom but it seemed like every door that I opened was just another sex den.

“You seem lost.”

“No shit,” I answered before turning around, but when I did, I had to take a deep breath because he had almost taken it away.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure, yeah, yeah, I’m umm, I’m okay.”

Both Mr. Chocolate bar and the alcohol had me mixing up my words.

“Why don’t you let me help you back to your table?”

“What makes you think that I need help? I don’t look like a damsel distress, do I?”

I said this in a very flirtatious voice while leaning into him.

“I wouldn’t say that, it’s just I’ve been watching you. You have walked from one end of the club to the other. You just seem to have no direction and I wanted to help.”

He hit that nail right on its head. I felt lost in all sense of the word, and to think, I just thought that I couldn’t find the bathroom. Mr. Chocolate made me realize that I also couldn’t find myself.

“I’m just looking for the bathroom,” I said with a lying smile.

“I think that you’re looking for more than that aren’t you?”

The way he asked this question threw me off. He seemed to say it in a sexual way but then again, I was looking for so many things.

“The directions to the bathroom will do for now.”

His smile revealed his pearly whites and pointed me to the ladies room. On my way there, I looked back at Breeze to see if he had noticed the exchange, but I’m sure he didn’t. Some white girl had his face buried in her breast. For a split second, I wanted to go yank his ass away and set her straight, but I was thankful that she had distracted him. Plus, I wasn’t Tanya and he wasn’t my man.

In the bathroom, I cleaned off the wetness that Breeze left behind but I was still throbbing down there. I felt like I was starving and although Breeze had a fridge full of food, he refused to feed me. Right then and there, I decided that I was going to get some dick that night. I figured that I would tempt Breeze to the point that he would be begging me to let him have some. I was going to be on some new shit. I entered this lifestyle due to money problems but I might as well get more than money out of it. With a growing thirst, God only knew what or who would quench the desert storm that was brewing inside of me.

“No, leave it down,” Mr. Chocolate said from behind me. I was trying to pin my hair up but decided against it to satisfy his request.

“Damn, I didn’t even hear you come in here. You do know that this is the ladies bathroom don’t you?”

He came up behind me and pushed my hair over my left shoulder, and as our eyes met in mirror, the throbbing intensified between my legs. When he got close enough for me to hear him whisper, he kissed my right shoulder and made me feel his rock hard dick that he deliberately pushed against my ass.

“I’m aware of everything around me, baby, and you caught my eye.”

“So, what do you think that means? That you can sexual harass me in the ladies room?”

“Oh, I came in here to do more than harass you, I promise you that.”

I turned around and faced him. His swagger was that of a royal prince. He stood with strength and assurance. His skin was smooth and as rich as coco. I took a second to look him over. His chocolate complexion seemed to flow through his entire body, and the dreads that swept his shoulders made my nipples hard. His eyes were a natural gray, which I thought was rare for his skin color. He towered over me at a height of 6’3”. He smelled like vanilla ice cream and I wanted a lick of his flavor.

He leaned down and parted my lips with his tongue. I could taste the mint that lingered from the candy that he popped before coming into the bathroom.

“You’re like the thought of summer on a cold ass winter day, you know that?”

“How do you know that I’m not really rain? Better yet, a rain storm that threatens to ruin a sunny day?”

“It’s almost like I knew you as soon as I saw you. It was like I could smell the pureness of you. You’re as fresh and new as they come.”

“So you must think that I’m inexperienced, huh?”

It was interesting to me that he thought that he knew me so well. I couldn’t decide if he was right or wrong and he knew it.

“I’m not saying all of that, baby, I’m just saying that I don’t think that you are the soulless L.A. chicks that I run into on a daily basis. Don’t take it the wrong way, it’s a good thing.”

I smiled and pulled him in closer. It was amazing that he could bypass my new L.A. makeover and still see the real me without even knowing me.

“I’m taking it for exactly what it is. Now are we just going to stand here and talk or are you going to keep your promise?”

When our mouths met, again his hands came along with them. I could feel him squeezing my ass as his lips left mines and landed on my shoulder. He glided his hands from my ass to my chest, pulling down the upper part of my sleeveless dress and just looked at me.

“What, they’re not pumped up with the usual silicone that you’re used to seeing?”

“They’re perfect. It’s been so long since I’ve seen real ones that I had to take a minute and take it all in,” he said while laughing. After admiring my realness, he cupped them with his hands and ran his thumb over my nipples. I closed my eyes as the spinning in my head came back. It was like I could feel his touch on every part of my body, and it was almost too much to take. I stumbled back and leaned against the sink.

“Maybe we should pick this back up another time.”

“No, no, don’t stop. I just needed to lean on something.”

He walked over to me and picked me up, placing me on top of the sink. He slid between my legs pushing me back, making me rest my back on the mirror. He lowered his head and licked my left nipple before taking it into his mouth. I watched his lip work on my chest as fireworks went off all over my body. I knew that he was licking my nipples but it felt like he was also licking my clit.

“Damn, that shit feels so good. Where have you been all of my life?”

He looked up without an answer and kissed me. His hand slid up my thigh and pulled my thong to the side. When his fingertip hit my clit, I had to scream out with pleasure. I saw the bathroom door open and heard the sound of high heels clicking against the tile, but saw no one. I didn’t care; I just hoped that he wouldn’t stop.

“Goddamn you’re wet. I know that pussy is just right.”

“So what are you waiting for, an invitation?”

I was out of control. I held up my right leg as he held up my left. His hand was magic and I fucked it as if it were a twelve inch dick. I thrust my hips toward him with every stroke and got closer and closer to cumming, and then he stopped.

“Turn around and get on your knees.”

I didn’t ask any questions, I would do whatever he wanted.

“No, don’t get off the sink, just turn around, and get on your knees.”

He helped me carefully adjust myself on the sink and lifted the tight red dress around my waist. I waited for his fingers to enter me again but instead I got something else. SMACK, SMACK, he slapped my ass hard. He spread my cheeks apart and rubbed his fingers back and forth on my clit. The sting from his huge hands tuned to pleasure. SMACK, SMACK, he did it again, this time never taking his other hand off my clit. He repeated this over and over until both pain and pleasure meshed.

“I’m getting close, baby, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.”

He stopped slapping my ass and put all of his energy into my pussy. His hands moved faster and so did my hips. My body was on the verge of a volcanic eruption as I held onto the sink for dear life.

“Jazzy, are you okay in there, should I come in?” Breeze asked after knocking on the door. FUCK! He had bad fucking timing. Mr. Chocolate’s hands stopped moving and I turned around and fixed my clothes.

“No, I’ll be right out, I just needed a minute to get myself together,” I said as I stood up and walked to the bathroom door.

“Just wait for me at the table, be there shortly.”

He left the door and I walked over to the sink and grabbed a folded towel.

“They must really know what kind of club they’re running, they know to leave towels out,” I said with a giggle. I was trying to make light of the situation but my heart was racing a mile a minute.

“Jazzy, that’s your name?” he asked with a funny look on his face.

“Yeah, it’s Jazzy, Jasmine, or the new Jezebel. You can use whichever one you like.”

“How do you know that guy, is he your man?” he asked pointing at the door where Breeze was just standing.

“I guess you can call him my boss.”

I waited for the follow up question of “what do you do?”, but it never came. He just walked over to the sink and stood beside me. Our eyes met and he looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He turned around and turned on the water to wash his hands. There was an awkward silence that fell between us that wasn’t there before. I felt uncomfortable as I washed off and dried in between my legs. I stayed silent and waited for him to break the newly formed ice.

“Well, Jasmine, it’s been fun, stay sweet okay?”

“Always,” I answered.

He came over to me and planted a long wet peck on my lips pulling my bottom lip when pulling away. I was mad as hell, I wanted him bad, and Breeze fucked up my shot.

“If only we had more time,” I said as he walked to the door.

“I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

I watched him exit the bathroom with regret. I hoped that he was right, and if that meant coming back to the club by myself to run in to him, then that was just what I was willing to do.

*****

“Are you okay, did you get sick or something, I thought you said that you could hang with the big boys?”

“I wish everyone would stop asking me if I am okay, I just needed some air, that’s all.

“Calm down and who’s everyone?”

“Oh, some girl in the bathroom wanted to know if I was okay. Is this for me?”

I asked changing the subject. I was feeling the heat and not in a good way.

“Drink up; I wanna get out of here. I got one more thing planned for us tonight.”

“Well, here’s to adding more bullshit to a crazy night.” I said as I held up my drink and slammed it back. I could tell by the look on Breeze’s face that I had caught him off guard but I didn’t care. My night was ruined as far as I was concerned and there was no hiding it.

The last drink left a bitter taste in my mouth. It tasted as if a pill had melted in my mouth and my face said it all.

“Here, have a shot of this. That’s why I don’t do Martini’s. They start to taste nasty as hell after a while.”

“Well, I guess I never drunk enough of it before to find out”

The Patron didn’t taste any better but it did take the melted pill taste away.

“Let’s get out of here I’m sick of this scene. I stood up and headed for the door. I took one last look behind me to see if Mr. Chocolate was in sight but I had no such luck.

“So where are we headed?” I asked as the streets began to look more familiar.

“We are headed to the warehouse.”

I stayed quiet, I was feeling more and more out of it, the closer we got to our destination. Once there Breeze had to help me out of the car. My mouth was dry, my heart was racing, and my body was on fire.

“I guess that last shot of Patron really fucked me up, huh?”

“Yeah, all you need is water and a cold shower, you’ll feel better.”

Once inside Breeze took me to the locker room. He took off my clothes and put me under a semi cold shower. I stayed there for fifteen minutes as he soaped me up and rinsed me off. Every drop of water that hit my body sent shockwaves through my body. I stood there thinking that I could feel every drop that hit me and it felt good. Now all I wanted to do was fuck and go to sleep. Breeze took me out of the shower and dried me off. He put lotion on my body and sprayed me with an apple scented body spray.

“We could have just gone back to my place to do all of this.”

“We wouldn’t be able to do this at your place, trust me. Now let’s head downstairs.”

I was able to walk with Breeze’s help. We headed to his office where I sat and waited for him to look through some papers.

“What are we doing here?” I finally asked.

“Tonight is your first real porn scene.” He answered without even skipping a beat.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am way too fucked up to do a scene right now. Plus you shouldn’t just spring some shit like that on me. I am not your property; I am still my own person Breeze.”

“Look you signed a contract so legally, you are mine.”

“I work for you, I do not belong to you, and that’s that. Plus, I don’t think that this is how things are supposed to work.”

“Look, I got a call from my dad while you were in the bathroom. He told me that Lust was back in town and he wants your first scene to be with him. I was going to tell you on our way here but you were so out of it that I wanted to sober you up a little,” Breeze lied.

“I just don’t think that I could do it. The shower helped a little but I’m still fucked up.”

“Come on Jazzy, he won’t be here for too long. I know that this is not the best of circumstances but sometimes things happen like this. I feel bad that this is what had to happen but it will be good for you.”

“You worked so hard on making me this glammed out porn star yet my hair and makeup isn’t done. Plus how will this help me if I look and feel like shit. The scene will probably be horrible.”

“Lust has a huge following. Once you have been in a movie with him, people will start to wonder about who you are. That makes you in hot demand and that’s when the money starts coming in. Plus I already called Kayla, she’s on her way.”

I knew that fighting him on this would get me nowhere so I stopped trying. It seemed as if he had everything already worked out.

“Trust me, Jazzy; this will be good for you. You’re going to love Lust. He always brings—.”

The bell rang cutting him off. He walked over to his desk and looked at the screen of his computer.

“Speak of the devil, that’s him now.”

With the events that occurred that night, I just hoped that this man could at least help me release all of my sexual frustration. Two unfulfilling escapades were enough for one day.

Chapter 6

“Is he better than your girlfriend?”

When I have the pleasure of working with Tyree I truly enjoy it, but I’ll never forget filming our first scene together. You would’ve thought it was my first time instead of his because I was freaking out. I was nervous because I didn’t know how I was going to handle him. I heard he was big, but I didn’t realize he was going to be that well-endowed. Of course a part of me was turned on, but I was scared I’d have to stop completely which would’ve ruined the shoot. Not only that, but I kept thinking what should I do if he flipped out once I started touching him. I looked over at Tyree to see if he was nervous but he was standing there looking calm, and confident. Breeze asked him to step off the set, and told me to have a seat on the black leather couch. He made it clear that he wanted the viewers to know basically what it was, that I was trying to turn out a man that was down on his luck, and needed some cash. He told us to play along his questions.

Once I was sitting on the coach, he told Rob to start filming, and then he started asking me questions.

“So, Krave, who is this guy you’re meeting today?”

I looked directly into the camera and almost slipped up and said his real name, but I caught myself.

“He’s a friend of a friend.”

“Is it true that he’s straight, and has a girlfriend?”

Even though Tyree said he was single, I just went with the flow.

“That’s what he said.”

“Do you think he’s going to do this for the money, or for the enjoyment?”

“He’s doing it strictly for the money, but by the time I’m done with him, trust me, he will definitely enjoy it.”

We both laughed, and I even noticed Tyree had a smirk on his face. After I answered the rest of his random questions, Breeze signaled for Tyree to knock on the door of the living room set that we were filming on. Once I heard him knocking I looked in the camera, smiled, and said, “I think that’s him now.” I answered the door and couldn’t stop smiling. I was blushing so much that if I were white my face would’ve been bright red. I welcomed him in and then stepped aside so he could walk by. I told him to make himself comfortable as we sat down on the couch. When I asked him how he was feeling he looked uncomfortable, but he said, “I’m good.” I flirted with Tyree as we made small talk for a few minutes, before Breeze started interviewing him.

“So you have never been with another man correct?”

Tyree looked in the camera and confirmed, “Correct!”

 “Have you ever thought about it?”

He shook his head from side to side before he answered, “Never!”

 “If that’s the case then why did you come here today?”

“If I didn’t need the money, trust me, I wouldn’t be here.”

“What do you think your girlfriend would do if she found out?”

“If she didn’t kill me, she would leave me for sure.”

Breeze asked a few more questions but the last one before we got started was “So are you sure you want to do this?” After Tyree replied, “I have to” Breeze looked at me, smiled, and then said, “Enjoy!” I took charge and reached over and pulled Tyree’s shirt up over his head. He put his hands up so I could completely remove it before I dropped it on the floor. I rubbed my hand down his smooth chest until I felt his abs, and then I started unbuckling his belt so I could unbutton his jeans. I continued to take charge and removed his shoes and socks then tossed them to the side. I slowly unzipped his jeans so I could pull them down. I couldn’t get them below his waist so he lifted up his lower body just enough so I could. I didn’t take them all the way off because I thought it would look hot to see him get sucked off with his pants and boxers around his ankles. He was quiet and just sitting there with his eyes closed. I was putting in work doing my best because I was trying my hardest to get a moan out of him. After a good fifteen minutes of non-stop sucking, Breeze asked Tyree to stand up, and told me to keep going. I never took his dick out of my mouth as he stood up. Breeze wanted a side view so we both adjusted our bodies. The cameraman focused directly on Tyree’s face, and told him to look into the camera for a close up.

“How does it feel?” Breeze asked Tyree.

“It feels good.”

“Does Krave know what he’s doing?”

“He definitely has some skills”

“Is he better than your girlfriend?”

Tyree laughed before he replied, “Definitely!”

I could tell he liked it because when I looked up and his eyes were rolling up in the back of his head. Before I knew it he was trying to use my mouth like it was a pussy, but I could only hold my breath for so long before I started to gag. Breeze had enough footage, because he said, “Okay, you’re both doing great, but I need you to switch places now.” Tyree thought he meant for him to stand where I was kneeling, but when I stood up and dropped the towel I had around my waist revealing my fully hard nine inch dick he looked down and realized what Breeze meant.

“HOLD UP! CUT! TIME OUT! I THOUGHT YOU SAID I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT?” Tyree shouted.

“Keep filming Rob.” He looked up at Tyree. “I said you didn’t have to get fucked. If you want the money then you need to get on your knees.”

“I’m not gay though,” Tyree pleaded.

“What if I was to offer you some more money?” Breeze asked.

“How much money are you talking about?

Breeze looked at me, and smirked before saying, “Three thousand”.

Tyree’s attitude changed from being upset to I’m listening just that fast.

“So wait, you’re saying you will give me the five thousand on the table plus an additional three thousand if I give him some head?” Tyree asked as he pointed at me.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Breeze said as he reached in his pocket and handed the rest of the money to Rob, and told him to put it on the table. Rob did just that then focused the camera on the table to get a shot showing all of the money spread out on the table.

“You’ve already went this far so if I was you I wouldn’t pass up all of that money because it’s all or nothing,” Breeze stated.

“I need that money,” Tyree said and then looked at me like he needed my advice. I looked him in the eyes and said, “You said you wanted to be like me, so if you want to make a lot of money then this is what you have to do.”

“I don’t think I’m going to do it right anyway,” he replied like he was hoping someone would say well in that case never mind you don’t have to do it.

“Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out,” Breeze stated.

“I wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t feel comfortable getting on my knees. Can we sit down?”

Breeze nodded yes so we both got comfortable on the couch again. Tyree reached down, picked up the towel, and put it over his head before slowly leaning over and doing what he was paid to do. At first, he didn’t move, and then he eventually started slowing bobbing up and down. After a few minutes, Breeze motioned for me to remove the towel off his head. I snatched it off and tossed it behind the couch.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Tyree asked with an attitude.

“Relax, they need to see what you’re doing,” I replied.

“I don’t want to show my face,” he stated.

“They’ve already filmed your face so stop playing and keep going.”

He looked at me as if he couldn’t do it so I started to get frustrated.

“Look, you already started so you might as well finish. We have a lot more to do so come on.”

I grabbed the back of his head, and pushed it toward my dick but he pushed my arm away.

“All right fine, but let me do it,” He said as if he was mad.

He leaned back over and sucked me just like before, but this time he was trying to get away with only jerking me off. Each time he stopped, I had to say, “Put it back in your mouth.” Once he got a decent rhythm going Breeze asked him, “So how does it feel to suck a dick for the first time?”

“It’s different, and I can’t believe I’m doing it but it’s not that bad when I think about that money.”

“Okay, well make us believe you like it then.”

Tyree definitely had a lot to learn but he did start to suck a little faster. It was feeling good, but I wanted him to put his all into it. I grabbed the back of his head, and told him to stay still while I moved my waist up and down. I got a little carried away and started going deeper than he could take. After he gagged for the sixth time, he stopped and said, “Okay, that’s enough. I did it, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.”

“Are you ready to fuck him now?” Breeze asked.

“I can’t. I’m not hard.”

I looked and everyone but Breeze was looking down to verify what Tyree just said.

“I’m sure Krave can help you out with that.” Breeze stated.

I was more than happy to help, and it took me less than thirty seconds before he was back up again. I’m not sure when Derek stopped taking pictures to step away to grab the condoms and lube but they were now on the glass coffee table. Rob stopped filming so we could get ready. I watched as Tyree stood up and put on the XL Magnum condom like he was an expert at it. Then, he stepped out of his jeans and boxers, and then stood there with his dick in his hand like he was ready. I grabbed the lube and poured some on my fingers so I could put it inside of me. Then, I rubbed some all around the outside. I knew it was going to be hard taking his dick so I poured some more all over it, and stroked his dick a few times to rub it all around. Rob told us he was starting to record again. I was finally getting what I wanted, but I knew the only way I was going to get it inside of me was if I rode him. I had to position myself on top facing him. It ended up taking me a long time before I could get it in, but I didn’t care because I knew if the footage ever got used they would edit the parts of me struggling out. I wasn’t going to tear anything just so I wouldn’t hold them up. Once I finally got most of it in, I sat there for a minute or two so I could relax and get adjusted to being that stretched out. After I felt comfortable, I started riding him like it was nobody’s business. Normally I don’t get hard when I’m being fucked but that day I was rock hard the entire time. I have to admit though the first time we had sex I couldn’t handle all eleven inches, when I would come down I would hit a spot that hurt so bad that I would instantly have to come right back up. Tyree surprised me when he said he wanted to bend me over the couch. It turned me on since he made the suggestion. Once I was in position he took his time easing it in me, but it didn’t take long until he was hitting it from the back so hard that I kept trying to get away. No one and I mean no one has ever made me moan so loud. The problem was they were moans of agony.

“I know you’re never gonna forget this dick. It’s the best you’ve ever had isn’t it?” Tyree asked.

“YES!” I shouted.

“Then why do you keep running? This is what you wanted, right?” Tyree said like he was frustrated, and was taking it out on me by fucking me harder.

I didn’t reply. I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend like it wasn’t hurting so it would look good on film. As bad as I wanted him, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

“Is he big enough for you Krave?” Breeze asked.

“Bigger than I imagined.”

Rob focused the camera back on Tyree’s face.

“Does his ass feel good?”

“Hell yeah, it’s nice and tight.”

It started to feel good once I was on my back, so good to the point that I had to start stroking my dick. I don’t know if that turned Tyree on or not, but he started fucking me harder and faster until I shot all over my chest and stomach. Luckily, Rob was ready and filmed the money shot. Finally, Breeze asked Tyree if he was ready to cum, and thankfully, he said yes because now my muscles were so tight that it only felt uncomfortable. Tyree pulled out, ripped the condom off, and came on my stomach as well.

After we were finished, and Breeze had all of the photos and footage that he needed he told us we could shower, get dressed, and then come up to his office. I wiped myself off and then told Tyree to follow me. He picked up his clothes, and the money off the table. Once we were in the locker room, I saw him put the money in his jeans, and put them as close to the shower as he could so they wouldn’t get wet. I think he was scared someone would run off with his cash because he kept his eyes on his jeans as he showered the entire time. Neither one of us said a word. I figured he was thinking about what he just did, and I was waiting to see what he would say. Once we dried off, and were dressed we went back to Breeze’s office. I just knew Tyree was going to give Breeze a hard time when it came time to sign the release form, but he signed it with no problems. Afterwards Breeze presented him with a short term contract explaining everything just like before. He briefly went over it with him, and then answered all of Tyree’s questions.

“That was the best scene you’ve ever filmed wasn’t it?” Tyree asked.

Breeze laughed out loud before looking at Tyree.

“Do you know how many years I’ve been in the porn industry? You might as well say most of my life, so I’ve filmed thousands of scenes. It was a good scene, but it definitely wasn’t the best.”

“You’re fucking with me right? That had to be the best. No one can top that. I’m the best at laying pipe.”

Breeze shook his head from side to side, and then looked at me.

“Jamar, your boy is conceited, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, when I spoke to him on the telephone yesterday I was telling him that,” I replied.

“You can call me conceited, confident, cocky, or whatever but I know I’m good with mine,” Tyree responded.

“You know what I think conceited will be your stage name. What do you think?” Breeze asked.

“Man, according to that contract I have an additional 20 thousand coming my way within the next couple of weeks so call me whatever you want.”

“I like it Breeze. It sounds good but you should spell it with a “K”.” I blurted out excitedly.

“Aww, you want it to be like your name, don’t you? Isn’t that cute?” Breeze asked but he was really being sarcastic, and putting me on the spot.

I didn’t mean to get that excited about it, and I didn’t even put much thought into it at all. Now I was embarrassed though, so I just smirked, and tried playing it off.

“I just think it will look cool, that’s all.”

“I’m sure,” Breeze replied as if he knew otherwise. “Well, there you go, Konceited, now you’ll be all set once you sign your life away to me.”

I can’t say if Tyree was hooked from the beginning, and realized how easy it was to make so much money but he didn’t hesitate to sign the contract either. Breeze explained to him that he had to get tested for STD’s immediately, then once a month, and he had to always bring his test results with him if he wanted to stay employed. The meeting lasted almost an hour before Breeze told Tyree he was looking forward to doing business with him, and asked him to give us a minute. Afterwards Breeze stood up, walked over to his door, and closed it. He explained to me that he would like it if I could take Tyree under my wing, take him to the clinic, find him a place to stay, and help him out with anything that he needed. I was already planning on guiding him, and explaining more about the business anyway so I agreed. After he said he was done for the day, and needed a drink, I got up to leave. I remembered I owed him for the extra money he paid Tyree, so I asked him how he wanted to work that out. He told me not to worry about it because he was considering it my pay for today’s shoot as he handed me a release form.

“So you really are using that footage? I thought that was just a test run, and you were making it seem like a real scene to see how well he would perform.”

“That’s what I wanted Tyree to think. I knew the moment he walked in that I was using the photos, and footage for the next “Straight Ass for Cash” film that I was telling you about. You need to talk to him about being versatile because I definitely need a scene with him being fucked for it to work. If you convince him to do it I’ll use you for that scene as well, because I’m sure you would love that.”

“I’ll try but I’m not going to put pressure on him to do it.” I said as I handed him back the signed release form.

“Well, just mention that he signed the contract so he’s gonna have to get fucked eventually.”

“Like I said, I’ll try. Was there anything else you needed?”

“No, but call me if he says he’ll do it.” He said as he handed me a check. “Here’s your referral money.”

I wasn’t expecting anything, but as I was walked downstairs to find Tyree I looked and Breeze gave me a check for ten thousand dollars. At that moment, my ass might’ve been a little sore, but I got a big check, and loved my job even more. I found Tyree standing outside calling a cab so I cut him off, and reminded him about us going to lunch. He ended the call before he gave them the address. He claimed he forgot, and was going to the nearest hotel to get a room. It was too late for lunch so we had an early dinner. I asked him where did he want to eat, and he replied, “Well, I normally eat fast food, or order from the carry out by the motel I’m staying at.” I wanted to take him somewhere nice so he wouldn’t forget it, and to show him how good he could be living. I decided to take him to my favorite restaurant, The Blue Room, because it was elegant and gay friendly. Even though it wasn’t a real date it was a romantic scene because the lights were dim and there was music playing softly throughout the restaurant. He recognized a couple of famous people, but I had no idea who they were. We both had a house salad as our appetizer, prime filet mignon as our entrée, and then for dessert, he had the tiramisu while I got the crème brulee. Everything was perfect and delicious, and I could see by the smile on his face that he enjoyed it as well. When it was time to pay the bill he offered to pay and said, “I got it, it’s the least I can do.” but I wouldn’t let him and I insisted on paying. After dinner, he asked if I could drop him off at a nice hotel. I was going to save him some money by asking him to spend the night at my place, but Ebony was home, and I was hoping to enjoy the night with him alone. When we pulled up to the Holiday Inn he thanked me for everything and said he would call me. I couldn’t let the night end like that.

“So are you sick of me yet?”

I was hoping to hear “Hell no!”, but “Not yet. Why?” was good enough for me.

“Do you want some company? I have another blunt if you’re trying to chill and relax.”

“Yeah, we can do that. I’ll go check in then I’ll call you with the room number. I’ll feel weird getting a room with another dude beside me.”

“I got you. I’ll find a place to park while you do that.”

I parked and waited until he called me. After I made it into the room, we watched reruns of Tosh.O, laughed and talked while we smoked. I asked him about his current situation and why his dad was ashamed of him. He told me that his dad is a well-respected police officer and was embarrassed when he got arrested. His dad used to brag all the time about how well Tyree was doing in college, but he was so busy trying to catch criminals that he didn’t realize Tyree dropped out of school and was actually committing crimes until it was too late. I found out the reason he was staying in motels is because his friend that he moved to L.A. with kicked him out for having sex with his girlfriend. He admitted that he slept with her but said he was drunk and she seduced him, but his boy was hurt and felt betrayed. He tried apologizing a few times since the incident, but it didn’t change the situation. His friend made it crystal clear that he never wanted to speak to him again. I didn’t know what to say after hearing all of that, so I wanted to change the subject.

“So if I wasn’t here what would you be doing?”

“I’d be relaxing watching TV like we’re doing now, or I’d be on the line trying to find a chick to come over, and spend the night with me.”

I smiled then excitedly said, “I’ll spend the night with you.”

He looked at me, smirked, and then said, “I had a feeling that’s why you wanted to come up to my room. You want some more of this dick, don’t you?” he asked as he grabbed his bulge.

I didn’t expect him to ask me that. He stared at me while he waited for a response but I just kept laughing since I was embarrassed.

“I knew it,” he said with confidence.

“To be honest that thought did cross my mind, but I wasn’t expecting to do anything. I enjoyed spending the day with you, and wasn’t ready to call it a night yet,” I responded sincerely.

“Yeah, right, you thought since you brought me dinner I was gonna give it up again. Do you think I’m that easy?” he asked playfully.

“Trust me I know buying you dinner won’t get me what I really want.” I paused and reached into my pocket, and pulled out some money and started waving it around. “But I know all I have to do is wave some money in your face if I want it, you money hungry whore.”

I had to go there. He set himself up for that one. We both laughed.

“Oh, you think you’re funny huh?” he asked.

“I made you laugh, didn’t I?”

He didn’t answer out loud but he nodded yes.

“So do you want me to stay or not?”

“If you want to stay that’s fine. It’s up to you.”

I was glad he didn’t say no because that would’ve been awkward. I sent Ebony a text so she would know I was okay, and that I wouldn’t be coming home that night. Now that I got that out of the way, I wanted to see how he felt about earlier.

“So did you enjoy yourself today?”

“Of course, thanks again for dinner. That was the best meal I’ve had in months.”

“You’re welcome, but I wasn’t talking about dinner. I was talking about your new profession Konceited.” I said before smiling at him.

“It was crazy. I still can’t believe I did that, and I can’t believe Breeze gave me so much money.”

“Once your contract is up do you think you’ll continue doing it?”

“Hell yeah if I’m offered a better contract. That’s easy money right there.”

“I know you like the money, but do you enjoy it, or should I say did you enjoy it?”

“I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t just because I’m not gay. It actually felt good.”

“I kind of figured that, because you’re dick was so hard. You were tearing my ass up.”

“It’s funny that you say that, because I was thinking about how hard I was too.”

I started to get horny and looked at Tyree.

“Damn, you’re making me hard now. You should let me fuck you, and show you how good that feels.”

“Okay, see now you’re tripping.”

“Why? Don’t you wanna at least try it?”

“For the fifty eleventh time I’M NOT GAY!”

“Look I know you’re not gay, but eventually, you’re gonna have to do it. I don’t know if you read all of the small print in your contract, but when I read over it at dinner it stated that you have to be a bottom in two of those five films.”

“I read it, but I think I can convince Breeze to let me get away without doing it. I can tell he likes me.”

“You just met him today, and you think you already have him figured out enough to make him change his mind? Well, let me tell you something; I’ve been working for him and his dad for a year now, and trust me if he wants you to be a bottom then he’s going to get what he wants. As a matter of fact after you left his office he mentioned it. He probably won’t appreciate me telling you what we discussed, but yeah he definitely wants a scene of you getting fucked.” I paused. “And I’m talking real soon too.”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious, he wants it for a new film he’s about to release. Look between you and I, just keep resisting until he offers you more money. There are plenty of straight men who get paid more than gay guys because they are considered gay for pay. Trust me he’ll pay you more if you keep resisting. That goes for any producer, or director who wants to hire you, so remember that. I wish someone would’ve told me before I got started, I would’ve pretended to be straight. Also, I can help you prepare for it before we do the scene together. Oh, yeah by the way Breeze also said I’ll be the one who tops you.”

“See, I don’t like the fact that you two were planning all of that behind my back.”

“It’s not like that. Trust me I like you a lot, so I’m always going to have your back, and fill you in on anything I hear that concerns you. As a matter of fact I’m going to let you stay with me until you find a place to live, so you can save your money if you’re cool with that. That will beat having to pay a hundred and fifty dollars a night for a decent place to stay. I’m also waking you up early tomorrow morning, because I’m taking you to the clinic so you can take care of that.”

“Wow, for real? You just met me, and you’re willing to do all of that? You’re the first decent person I met since I’ve been here.”

“Like I said, I like you.”

“Well, you’re cool too, but I’m not letting you fuck me tonight so get that out of your head. I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes, but I’ve been horny all day so if you want some more come and get it.”

“Well, just so were clear I’m not paying you for it,” I said in a flirtatious tone.

“I’ll give you a freebie this time, I need some practice so I can get used to this gay shit.”

“Okay, whatever makes you feel better,” I mumbled as I got up to get undressed. “Are you gonna take off your clothes, or do you want me to make me take them off again?”

He didn’t respond. He just took his clothes off, threw them on the floor, and positioned himself on his back in the middle of the bed. I noticed he had his eyes closed so I crawled up until I reached him lips. I took a chance and started kissing him, but he didn’t kiss back and quickly pushed me away. I grabbed his arms and held them down.

“Relax! There’s no cameras around so no one will see, just close your eyes and pretend it’s your make believe girlfriend.” I said and then laughed. “We’re practicing remember?”

He didn’t say anything, but he closed his eyes. I started kissing him again, and at first he didn’t move his lips or kiss me back.

“It’s okay. It’s just me. Kiss me for real,” I said as I reached back and stroked his dick.

He eventually gave in, and was one of the best if not the best kisser that I have ever met. I was so turned on that I started pre-cumming. After I had enough, I licked down until I got to his dick, put it in my mouth, and went to work. You would’ve thought I was Superhead. I sucked him for at least an hour, making him hold back. Each time he came close, I would stop, tell him to hold it, wait a minute, and then continue. After he said he couldn’t take any longer, and his dick was nice and wet I rode him throughout the night until he came twice before we were both exhausted and fell asleep.

Chapter 7

“Let’s give them something that they never will forget.”

I sat in Kayla’s make-up chair still unsure of who the mystery guest was. I tried to think of the porn that I watched when I called myself doing “research”, but the name Lust didn’t ring a bell. I can remember thinking that although I didn’t know who I was about to fuck, I wanted to fuck him. The only thing that terrified me was thinking that this man could turn out to be a monster, an ugly ass dude that I would have to close my eyes with, and imagine Breeze just to get through it. Or worse than that, a bad fuck, someone that can’t make me cum. As ready as I thought that I would be for this, my heart still raced and my mouth was as dry as an 80-year old’s cunt. My body still tingled and yearned to be touched but my brain was screaming, “You can’t do this!”

“Don’t be so nervous Jazzy, from what I hear, you’re a prized fucker,” Kayla said this and laughed as if she had just said the funniest joke. I knew that she meant it as a compliment but my nerves wouldn’t let me laugh. I just wanted to fuck and cum, then go home. I had a funny feeling that the hour long shower that I planned on taking would never wash off the dirty feeling that I was sure to have.

“Come on Jazzy, we’re all ready for you,” Breeze said as he came into the hair and make-up room.

“Trust me Jazzy, you will not be disappointed. I have worked with him before and he’s one to give you a ride of a lifetime.”

The thought of that ride made me smile. I looked in the mirror and for the first time that night, I stopped fighting myself. I didn’t feel like I was pretending to be Jezebel, I felt like I was the person I was seeing. I was the porn star that Breeze said that I was destined to be. I know that a lot of people may not find pride in that, but in a strange way, it filled me with a confidence that I had never felt before. This is what I had chosen to do and I needed to start to act like it.

“Lead the way baby,” Breeze smiled so wide that I thought his face would get stuck that way. He was just happy that I was starting to see things his way.

As we walked to the set, Breeze broke down the scene and direction he wanted me to take. It sounded simple enough, but I didn’t look forward to stopping for pictures and having someone scream out instructions on how and where to fuck. A lot of people think that a porn scene flows as smooth as it looks. What most don’t know is that things can go downhill when you have a hard dick that’s limping, a wet pussy that’s drying up and a mood damper that’s called the director.

“Jazzy, this is Lust; Lust, Jezebel.”

I damn near had a heart attack when our eyes met. I was stuck, unable to move. I felt as if my dreams and my nightmares were all coming true at once.

“I, I umm, well---.”

“Nice to meet you, Jezebel, I hear that this is your first scene,” he said as if we weren’t just getting down in that bathroom at The Devil’s Den.

“Yes, it is, and I guess it’s nice to meet you too.”

The smirk on his face said it all. It made me start to wonder how long he had known that it would be me that he was sexing that night.

“So do you think that we will have a good working vibe? Breeze always wants his actors to at least be attracted to each other. That way it will come off real to the viewers.”

I could no longer contain my laugh. I got what Lust was trying to do but to me it was just uncomfortable.

“I hope that the vibe between us is as if we met in a club and were about to fuck in the bathroom.”

His eyes widened and now the uncomfortable laugher belonged to him.

“Yeah, I hope so too.”

As Breeze left to make copies of his paper work, I took the opportunity to get some answers.

“So, how long did you know that we would be filming tonight?”

He got closer to me so that the two cameramen, the photographer, and the rest of the people who were there to do their jobs couldn’t hear, “I knew that I had to work tonight but I didn’t know that it was with you.”

“You’re full of shit. I saw it in your eyes the first minute I walked in here,” I said as I started to walk away. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me close again.

“I only found out when Breeze came to the bathroom door and said your name. When I walked into that bathroom the only thing I knew was that I was following a hot piece of ass. Why do you think that I was so shocked when I learned that you name was Jezebel?”

I looked as deeply into his eyes as possible and saw the truth. His reaction was rather odd when my name was revealed.

“Look, Jasmine, I know that I could have told you then but to tell you the truth, I couldn’t pass up seeing your face once you laid your eyes on me.”

Lust wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, sending ripples of sensations down my spine.

“I’m happy to see that you two are getting along.”

There was a small hint of jealousy in the way Breeze spoke, but he quickly covered it with professionalism.

“Okay, people, let’s get this show on the road.”

I walked on set and wondered why Lust didn’t follow.

“Hey, Breeze, I know how you like to do things, but I was wondering if we could take a different approach with this one.”

“How so?” Breeze asked as he racked his brain.

“I was thinking that maybe you could just let it flow. No stopping for pictures and no shout outs of directions. I read the memo and saw that there was no script or fetishes so I was just thinking of letting it go natural.”

Breeze seemed to still be thinking about Lust’s request. He hated the thought of losing the control he always had when a scene was being taped in his presence, but he also knew that Lust was a pro. This could either turn out better than anything he could have planned, or it could just be a big mess.

“We can try it out and see how things go, but if it’s too off, well we will all have to stay and reshoot it tonight, and that’s with no extra pay.”

Lust looked my way and waited for the approval nod. I was so thankful that he had asked that I was already shaking my head yes before he even looked my way.

“One more thing, do you mind if we use the bathroom set for the first half of the shooting, I thought that it would be hot if we started off there?”

“Let’s get things poppin’,” Breeze said, with a big, shit-eating grin on his face. Nothing got his engines going more than someone who really knew how to make things hotter for the fans. It only took fifteen minutes to get the new location set up. Now there was nothing to do but perform and perform well.

The smoke machine was turned on, the lights were dimmed, and a slow flashing red light gave me the same feeling that I got when I walked into the bathroom at The Devil’s Den, creepy, sexy, and ready for something new.

“Let’s give them something that they never will forget.”

Lust’s hands were around my waist before Breeze even said action. We needed no permission to engage in the fantasies that dwelled in our minds from our first encounter. His lips were just as delicious as I remembered, but his touch was different. It was needy, more intense than the first time around. Before I knew it, he had me propped up on the sink and his head between my legs. By the time he was standing up to enter me, I was ready to burst. I looked down at the biggest dick that I was ever about to fuck in my life and couldn’t wait. I looked at Lust and loved everything about him, especially the veins that seemed to be popping out of every inch of his body. When he leaned into me and I felt the tip of his dick slide from my clit down to my hole, oh, lord, did I think that I was in heaven. I was dripping wet and ready for all 12 inches of his meat. I grabbed his ass and pulled it toward me roughly. He seemed surprised as I made him hurry his speed. I didn’t want the slow although very good fuck that Breeze had to offer. I wanted what I had heard all of my high school, black girlfriends called a “slave fuck”. I wanted the fuck that Kunta Kinte would have given the master’s wife and he performed like a runaway slave. By the time I had a second to catch my breath, Lust was removing my legs from around his neck.

“Come here, bitch, I want you to bounce on this dick.”

His voice had become demanding and filled with rage. He was so deep in character that I didn’t recognize him.

“Yeah, that’s right you nasty little hoe, take that dick like it was dipped in gold.”

Lust had picked me up without ever slipping out of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist to secure my position. Thinking that I felt all of him before was a mistake. There was nothing, I mean nothing, between us. It was hurtful in a good way. He reached places in me that I didn’t even know was there.

“Oh, fuck, wait, let me put my legs down; please, I can’t.”

My pleas fell on deaf ears. He continued like this for another three or four minutes and then laid me down on the makeshift bathroom floor. There, he started off slow, tender, and loving. When I looked up at him, I didn’t see Lust, the porn star, I saw a man, a real one that had a love life beyond this artificial bullshit. I saw a man that I wanted to get to know outside of this warehouse.

By the time we were done with our scene, everyone was speechless. Lust helped me up and we waited for the final word from Breeze.

“Wow, well there will be no need for a reshoot,” Breeze said, as he walked over to us on the set. I was all smiles, for I was happy that I had satisfied my boss as well as my own appetite.

“That was on point, man; I haven’t seen you bang like that in a while. We will be using that scene for advertisements and the cover, really good shit, man.”

I stood there waiting for my praises as he patted Lust on the back. It wasn’t just Lust that had worked his ass off for the last 30 minutes; we both performed well.

“I’m gonna head back to my office to cut the checks. Make sure and let me know when you’ll be back in town. Maybe you and Jazzy here can rock the stage a second time, or better yet, maybe we can hook you up with a pro next time.”

I was shocked. I knew that I worked the shit out of my scene and I wanted credit for it.

“You didn’t mind being with a newbie, did you?” I asked Lust, as I leaned into him. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and planted a kiss on my cheek.

“Hell no, baby, I’m already thinking about planning my next trip out here,” he said. He faced Breeze and said, “I definitely gotta hook up with her again. She killed that scene, didn’t she?”

“I must have done something right,” I said to Breeze, letting him know I knew that I rocked my shit.

“Oh, yeah, that was good. You both performed well.”

Getting that compliment out of Breeze was like pulling teeth. His attitude seemed to come out of nowhere and I wanted to know what his problem was. I followed him to his office and closed the door behind me.

“What do you want?” he asked, as he sat down at his desk and finally looked at me.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You said yourself that I did a good job downstairs; what did I do to piss you off so much?”

“Just because I’m not kissing your ass for doing your job make you think that something is wrong? Maybe it’s the fact that you went well beyond your job, or maybe it’s the fact that you’re in my office filled with another nigga’s cum that you damn near begged for.”

“Oh, so that’s what it is. You’re jealous; it kills you that Lust just rocked my world. Who seems like the confused one now? Which way do you want it, Breeze, should I be your girlfriend, although you already have one, or should I be a porn star?”

I watched what seemed to be the pits of hatred consume Breeze’s eyes and his lip curled up and looked as nasty as his next words, “Get the fuck up out of my office, you smell like a cum bucket.”

We stared each other down and I could not help but smile. It hit me that this man had caught feelings and he was trying to hide them behind his ego. It disgusted me and I felt sorry for him. The brand new man with money effect was starting to wear off.

“You’re a sad piece of shit, you know that?” I said to his face and I was done. I walked to his office door before he replied.

“I thought you were different, but you’re not. You’re like every other whore that I show a little attention to. But, let’s not forget who pays the bills, bitch.”

I looked back at him and blew a kiss. His words had hurt more then I led on. As I made my way to the showers, I hated him, but I wanted him to forgive me, and praise me for a job well done, all at the same time. I liked him enough to go back up to his office with my tail between my legs but I was mad enough to go to the limit to piss him off a bit more. My confusion brought on a headache and I just wanted to go home and crash. I hoped that Breeze would be in a better mood the next time I saw him.

*****

“It was a pleasure working with you,” Lust said after we showered and got our belongings together to leave. He picked up his duffle bag and proceeded to walk me out.

“I still can’t believe that you’re the same guy from The Devil’s Den bathroom,” I said as I noticed Breeze walking our way. He handed Lust his check and just stood there as if he were my father and I had just been dropped off after a date.

“Well, I’m gonna catch you later.”

The air was so thick that Lust had to leave just to get some fresh air. When the door closed behind him, I waited to see what Breeze was waiting around for.

“So, you were just gonna leave and not say anything?”

“What’s there to say, Breeze? You said a mouth full upstairs. Excuse me if my mother verbally abused me enough for one lifetime; you know what I mean?”

“Look, I know that I overreacted. You did your job tonight and you did it well. It’s just that watching you two blew my mind. I have watched our tape maybe five times already and I didn’t think that it could have gotten any better than that, but tonight, I saw you give him something that you didn’t even give me.”

“It was just a fuck, Breeze, that’s it. I didn’t want to even do this tonight but you pushed and pushed. I can’t help that you didn’t like the outcome.”

“Look at you getting all brand new. Give a bitch a new hairstyle and some skanky clothes, she changes for the worse.”

“You know what I was thinking about as I got the scent of Lust’s good dick off of me? I wondered if you spoke to Tanya the way you speak to me. I really want to know if you just treat me like this because I’m new to your world or if you were always such an asshole.”

“I think that you should leave before you fuck up and say something that you won’t be able to take back.”

“That won’t happen, you’ve already beat me to the punch.”

I opened the door and walked out to him telling me to take my ass home and that he would be calling me to set my ass straight.

“That seemed serious,” I heard someone say. I looked around and saw Lust standing by his Navigator.

“You look just like the type to be pushing a big gas guzzler.”

“What can I say, I love me a good ride,” he said, referring to both to his Lincoln and to me. I walked away from my car and over to his.

“It doesn’t look like you’re doing too bad yourself.”

“It’s my new baby, courtesy of Fantasy Pictures.”

We shared a laugh and I knew that I didn’t want to end my night just yet.

“Where are you headed?”

“I’m going back to my hotel. Why? You’re thinking about round two already?”

His question was delivered both jokingly and seriously.

“I’m not saying all of that but I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink and chill.”

“Where are you thinking about getting that drink, it’s going on two o’clock in the morning?”

“I was thinking about my place, are you down?”

If he said no, I didn’t know how I was going to ever face him again. Getting turned down was never my strong suit.

“You lead and I’ll follow.”

We didn’t say another word. I just walked to my car and drove away with him behind me.

*****

“This is a nice place you have here,” Lust said as he looked around my apartment.

“Yeah, I went for the island feel. When I left my mother’s house back in Baltimore I took with me a lot of the art that we brought to the States from Puerto Rico.”

“She didn’t mind parting with them, a lot of these pieces look like they cost a lot of money?” he asked as he picked up an original Esteban Diaz wooden statue.

“Well, let’s just say that my mother went through different mood swings. One day she got up and decided that she wanted a change. ‘Out with the fucking old and in with whatever bullshit comes to mind.’ she said as she started taking pictures down and boxing the hand carved statues, so I took them. I kept them all in my room, knowing that I was going to take them anywhere I was going.”

“I wouldn’t say that I am an art genius but your mom has really good taste, and so do you for knowing to keep these things. So how about that drink you promised?”

I fixed us both some Amoretto sours and sat beside him. He smelled good and looked even better. I must have been looking at him longer than I thought because when I came to, he was smiling as if he caught me.

“Still can’t get over what you see, huh?” he asked, smoothing out his clothes and laughing.

“Please get over yourself, it’s not even that. I’m looking at you because you remind me of the guys I dated back home.”

“A Baltimore dude?”

“No, I didn’t date much of those; I’m talking about a D.C. guy. I was always attracted to their walk, their talk, it was always about the swagger for me, and they had plenty.”

“Maybe it just an east coast thing, I find myself being attracted to my home town Jersey girls more than these fake L.A. women. And it goes beyond just the fake tits, lips, and hips,” he said while laughing.

“It’s the fake personas that they have built for themselves. I mean, these motherfuckers are so fake out here that you can’t even trust their hellos.”

The look on his face while he spoke said it all. I had only been out here for a short time compared to him and I felt the same way. I was starting to wonder why he even came up to me. I had broken down and let Breeze turn me into the same packaged dolls that came a dime a dozen in California.

“That’s what caught my eyes about you in the club. I could tell that even with the blonde hair and stripper clothes, it’s like I still saw the real you.”

“Was it that obvious that I felt out of place and character?”

“I don’t know about other people Jasmine, but you stood out like a sore thumb. I’ve known a lot of people that L.A. has changed, but there is a small breed of us that are immune.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, I just got this so called makeover today. I wasn’t for it at first but I did end up liking the end results.”

He looked at me for a while then back at the picture that sat on my coffee table. Then he looked back at me, pointed at the picture, and made a funny face.

“I like you better that way.”

“Me, too.”

We sat there and drank our alcohol in silence both staring at the old me. Me wondering if I had lost that person and him hoping that he would get to meet her.

“Can I freshen that up for you?” I asked once I noticed that he was sipping on melted ice.

“No, I’m good, but do you mind if I smoke, and I don’t mean a cancer stick.”

I pulled out my lighter and small baggy of weed and swung it in his face.

“I’ll match you blunt to blunt.”

He smiled for assuming that I didn’t smoke from time to time. I handed him the two Game blunts that I had and made my way to the kitchen. I made up fresh drinks for the both of us even though he declined my offer. I was sure that the cotton mouth that comes along with smoking would kick in and he would be thankful.

I put down our drinks and was ready to get my smoke on, but before my butt could hit the seat, my cell phone rang. I knew who it was before I even looked at it, after four rings, I pushed end. I didn’t want him fucking up the high I was about to have.

“You ready for this; I bet that you ain't never had one like this before?”

“Faking concern is not your strong suit, Lust, what is your name by the way? I can’t go around calling out Lust every time I need you.”

“Well, at least I know that I’m not just a one night stand.”

His smiled revealing his sincerity, it made me wanted to lean into him and taste his lip, but I wasn’t trying to jump the gun. Plus, I wanted to do this differently than the way I had done with Breeze.

“Why don’t you stop staring at me and do the honors.”

“I wasn’t staring, I was just paying attention.”

I laughed and took the blunt from his waiting fingers that were perfectly manicured. I didn’t even bother to deny it because it was true, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. It even seemed like his jeans and fitted long sleeve t-shirt were all tailored just for him. The cream color bounced off his chocolate skin, making it seem to glow. And although his top fit him perfectly, I imagined the shirt screaming and begging just for a little more room. I took a puff of his strong weed, almost coughed, but held it in. I blew the smoke out of my nose and took in another one. By the third one, it started to seep into my bloodstream and as they say, elevated my mind. I passed him the blunt and leaned back on the couch. I knew that by the time we finished I would be right where I wanted to be.

“Are you gonna answer that?” Lust asked as I continued to push END on my phone every time it rang.

“Are you gonna pass that or what? You’re such a hoovah.”

We both knew that I was ignoring his question but he didn’t mind. He just took another puff and handed me what I asked for. I turned off my phone and asked him questions between my inhaling.

“So, did you come to LA just to work?”

“Yeah, I got a call three days ago from Breeze and he told me that he got a new girl named Jezebel that would rock my world. I wanted to say no at first because I really didn’t need the paper, but he wouldn’t let up. By the end of our conversation he had me curious.”

“Three days ago, that’s when you found out about me?”

I knew that motherfucker Breeze was running game when he told me that his dad had just set things up.

“Yeah, and I’m happy that I came out. You are quite intriguing.”

This time it was my house phone that rang until it went to the voicemail.

“Your turn,” I said, handing him back the feel good weed. I put my smoothly waxed legs up on his lap and waited for his hands to bless them.

“Someone really wants to talk to you,” he said, knowing exactly who that someone was.

“Maybe they smell that skunk you have between your lips.”

He laughed and finally rested his free hand on my thigh. It was as warm as his soul seemed to be.

“So how old are you, L?”

Since he hadn’t told me his name, I had decided to shorten the one that I knew.

“I’m an old 25 years of age, baby, I must seem like a grandpa to your young ass.”

“Boy, please, I’ve dated guys that were older than you, so that makes you just right.”

“Okay, Goldie Locks, come and get a shotgun.”

I smiled as I straddled him and took in the smoke the old school way. I hadn’t gotten a shotgun since high school. I exhaled what seemed to be a mile long puff of smoke, and from that moment on, I was fucked up. I sat on his lap trying to get my thoughts together as he watched me. He reached up, and pushed my hair behind my ears, and held the blunt up to my mouth so that I could take a pull.

“Are you trying to get me fucked up on purpose?”

He didn’t answer me vocally, but he did answer me with his mouth. When his lips touched mine, I leaned into them. They were cold from the drink that he sipped and warm from the heat that burned between us. Then the fucking house phone rang, making him pull away.

“I really think that you should get that.”

I wanted to say hell no but the look on his face left me with no other option. I walked to my bedroom and pushed the door leaving it cracked. I sat on the bed and waited for the phone to ring again, and sure enough no sooner did it stop, it started again.

“Who the fuck is this ringing my phone this early in the morning?”

“Where the fuck have you been, Jazzy? I’ve been calling your ass for a while now, and I know that you turned off your cell phone.”

“Look, I stopped and got something to eat after I left the warehouse and my phone lost charge. And why are you calling me anyways, shouldn’t you be spending time with Tanya?”

“You haven’t thought of Tanya all day yet you choose now to bring her up, don’t play these fucking games with me Jazzy.”

“Look, Breeze, it’s been a long day and I really don’t want to this right now.”

“We need to do this when I wanna do it and that’s the bottom line. I’m not one of those small time dudes you’re used to fucking with. And to tell you the truth, that’s why I’m still hanging in there with your ass. I realize that you’re not used to a man of my caliber so I’m gonna help you out. First off, you’re gonna have to learn how to stay in your place.”

I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. He was really popping off at the mouth as if he was Big Willie.

“Do me a favor, Breeze, call me if I gotta a job; other than that, don’t dial my number at all.”

I was done. I reached behind my bed, and unplugged my phone, and did the same to the one in the kitchen.

“Did you get that all sorted out?”

“Oh, that, it was nothing, I just had to ask them to please put me on their do not call list.”

We both laughed hard at that one. Hell, he was calling as if he were a telemarketer.

“What’s the deal with you and Breeze?”

I was somewhat shocked that he just came right out and asked but I appreciated the no bullshit approach. As I rolled our next blunt, I went over my whole story from my father and mother, a little about my journey with Breeze. And even after only receiving the short version of my life story, he seemed blown away.

“So now he thinks that you’re his, huh?” Lust asked in that famous ‘I got a deep pull of smoke down my throat and I don’t want to let it out yet’ voice.

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks I am L, it’s all about what I think of myself and who I choose to give myself to. No one can have you unless you hand yourself over to them.”

“Damn, Jazz, you just said a mouth full, baby.”

Instead of my feet, I laid my head in his lap. It was as if we had waited a lifetime just for that moment to talk. And as the sun came up, it found us stretched out on my couch, his hands roaming my hair, and us baring our souls like we had never done before.

Chapter 8

“WHAT MONEY?”

Tyree’s first film was an instant success, and he was so popular after it was released. Fantasy Pictures received so many calls, emails, and inquiries from fans, and producers asking questions about him. Most of them wanted to know his contact information, his age, where he was from, and what other movies could they expect to see him in. If he wasn’t conceited before he damn sure was now.

“Have you seen how much fan mail I’m receiving? I never knew so many men would want me. Damn I’m fine.”

I didn’t hear the end of it for months, hell I still haven’t heard the end of it. He always finds a way to bring up “I’m the best”, and “I got so many fans that I can’t even reply to all of them” every chance he gets. Yes, of course I’m a little jealous, because I thought I was going to have the top spot. At the same time, I’m happy for him, because I love him. Besides, I have plenty of fans as well, but I’m sick of reading, “Konceited deserves a better top”, or “Krave, you’re so lucky you get to fuck, and party with Konceited.” No, Konceited is lucky I found his broke ass and helped to make him the star that he is today.

Tyree was the one who insisted on us becoming escorts, so I often wonder if I would’ve got involved in that lifestyle if I never met him. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy it because it’s usually quick, and we make a lot more money. Black Dialect, a well-known east coast rapper, was actually the main reason I decided to do it. He found our email addresses on Fantasy Picture’s website, and sent us each an email stating he would pay us each fifteen thousand dollars in cash, and fly us out first class if we stayed the weekend with him in his suite, at the Hilton in Philly. He also said he would supply us with food, alcohol, weed, and cocaine if we wanted it. We both received smaller offers at gay clubs in the past. Tyree always wanted to accept them, but I always took it as a joke, and would laugh it off. This particular time the offer was the highest, and too good to pass up. Black didn’t say his name, or give away who he was. He finished the email with “call me if you’re down and serious”, and left his cell phone number. After I checked with Tyree, and he kept saying, “Hell yeah, let’s do it” I dialed the number. I didn’t know who to ask for so when he picked up I asked, “Are you expecting a call from Krave and Konceited?”

I could tell he was excited as he explained who he was. I became ecstatic once I realized it was really Black and that it wasn’t a setup; well, it wasn’t supposed to be. I put him on speakerphone so Tyree could hear what we were saying, and then I gave Black our real names so he could book our flights. He called me back the following day with all of the information that we needed, such as the hotel address, suite number, and flight info. I was disappointed he wasn’t picking us up, sending a car or limo for us, but I understood once he said he didn’t want anyone to know about this. He couldn’t risk being seen picking us up, sending a driver, or anyone period recognizing us, and telling the media that he sent for us. He was so anxious to see us that he didn’t give us much time to plan. We only had two days to pack, and prepare for our trip. Luckily, it was the first weekend we had off from filming, and doing club appearances, except I found out we had to do a scene with Domingo when we got back home. I was pissed since Breeze knew Domingo and I didn’t care for each other. I couldn’t dwell on it though, and had to deal with that once I returned from Philly.

Flying first class was nice and comfortable. We watched movies, played cards, and had a few drinks. I felt tipsy by the time we arrived at Philadelphia International Airport. After we picked up our suitcases from the baggage claim, I followed Tyree as he staggered outside so we could catch a cab. Black mentioned the Hilton was close to the airport, but damn I didn’t realize it was only a two minute drive. I gave the cab driver a 20 dollar bill, and told him to keep the change. We walked into the hotel, and I started to get a little nervous. I was hoping Tyree wasn’t too drunk, because I didn’t want him to embarrass me. As we approached Black’s suite I could feel the sweat on my forehead, so I used a cocktail napkin that I had in my pocket to wipe my forehead. I knocked on the door, and waited patiently until Black answered. He was smiling from ear to ear when he opened the door.

“What’s up, come on in. I’m glad you guys made it.”

“So it really is you,” I said, and then smiled.

“I told you it was me, and that I wasn’t playing.”

“I see, and I must say you look even better in person.”

“Thanks, Krave, you’re looking good yourself.”

I was enjoying the compliment, still smiling at him, and couldn’t think of anything else to say so I asked him how he was feeling.

“I’m good, well actually I’m a little nervous now that your fine ass is here.”

“Aww, don’t be nervous, I’m—.”

Tyree cut me off.

“Speaking of fine, where’s your boy, Tay’von, or should I say Mr. Too Fine? That’s one rapper I wouldn’t mind fucking,” Tyree slurred.

Black started laughing while I was looking at Tyree like he was crazy.

“Sorry, but Tay ain’t gay. Trust me if I couldn’t get it, you definitely wouldn’t be able to get that ass. You’re just going to have to settle for this rapper right here,” Black said, as he seductively looked Tyree up and down.

“Oh, don’t worry I’m gonna get that ass, too, trust,” Tyree said, as he shook his head up and down as if he was confirming his last statement.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Black said slowly as he lustfully looked Tyree in the eyes.

“I already know,” Tyree replied as he stared back.

“Well, um, should we --” I hesitated because I lost my train of thought.

“How about we get settled in, while you roll up some blunts Black,” I said as I stepped in between the two of them. They were staring at each other a little too hard, and I found myself getting jealous, but I shook that off. Well, more like smoked it off.

As we smoked in the living room area of the suite, I looked around. There were two bedrooms each with a queen size bed, separated by a basic looking living room setting. I liked the bathroom because it was huge, and the lighting was bright. There was a large mirror that almost took up an entire wall, a Jacuzzi tub, and a shower big enough for three people, that was surrounded by reinforced glass with a sliding door entrance. I looked over at the so called kitchen area which was small, and disappointing. I’m used to staying in rented mansions in Hollywood when we’re filming big productions, so he definitely could’ve picked a better place; but making fifteen thousand to have sex there was fine with me.

“I have a confession to make. I’m a huge fan, and I’ve seen all of your movies,” Black stated as he looked at us hungrily.

“I figured as much.” I replied.

“How is that?” Black asked as if he really wanted to know the answer.

“Anyone who is willing to pay a lot of money to spend some time with us must know who we are, and how we get down.”

“True, but I’m sure there are plenty of rich men who will pay big money for a chance to experience you two. You’re both sexy, and hung so rather they know you or not they’ll pay for some good dick.”

“Is that right?” Tyree asked as if Black finally got his attention again.

“Hell yeah! How do you think DL celebrities like me enjoy sex with men? We can’t go around fucking anybody that we want; we might fuck someone who likes to run his mouth. The next thing you know we will be on the cover of tabloids, and being talked about on the blogs, so we hire professionals who can respect our privacy.”

“That makes sense,” I replied.

“You said DL celebrities like yourself? Who else is DL? Tell us some big stars that we’d never suspect,” Tyree demanded.

“Come on, Konceited, you know I can’t put people’s business out there like that,” Black said, trying to laugh it off.

“Okay, fine, just tell us three.”

“I’m sorry but here I am trying so hard to hide the fact that I’m bi. What kind of hypocrite would that make me if I told other people’s sexual preferences? Plus, I don’t know all of the undercover celebrities in the industry so the ones that would actually shock or surprise you would surprise me, too.”

“Yeah whatever you know, you just don’t want to tell us. I heard about those parties, or should I say orgies you guys be having,” Tyree said and then laughed as he grabbed his bulge.

“I wish that’s how it was, trust me, but that sounds more like a porno flick if you ask me,” Black said.

“Speaking of porn what’s it like being a porn star?”

“It’s great. We are paid a lot of money to have sex, something we both already enjoy doing. It’s pretty much a bonus, the cherry on top if you know what I mean. I did some research though and do you know I could never be a teacher, a politician, or a whole bunch of other shit? Plus, if I ever wanted to be a serious actor, no producer or director would take me serious, or hire me no matter how good my acting skills are just because I’ve done porn. Isn’t that some fucked up shit?” I asked.

“Krave, put the blunt down, you’re thinking too deep into this shit. Plus, I think Black was actually asking me that question since I’m the star,” Tyree said before he started laughing. Black looked a little uncomfortable, but then he started smiling at Tyree. I didn’t find that shit funny at all, and Tyree could tell.

“You know I was just playing, right?” Tyree asked. “Come on, you set yourself up for that one,” he added.

“Whatever, you play too much,” I replied, but was still annoyed.

“Don’t be like that. I was just fucking with you. I thought you would find it funny since we were just joking about that the other day.”

“Yeah, okay, answer his question then,” I said with an attitude.

“Well, all I know is being a porn star is the best thing for me at this point in my life. I see myself having a long run at this, so by the time I’m finished, I should have enough money saved up so that I’ll never have to work again,” Tyree said as if he was sure of himself.

“You got it all figured out, huh?” Black asked.

“I like to think so,” Tyree replied.

“I hear you,” Black said.

“But none of that even matters right now, because right now we’re here to please you, so when are we getting down to business?” Tyree asked. “I’m feeling good, and I want do this while I’m still high,” he added.

The thought of sexing Black started to make Tyree’s dick hard, and it was obvious. It was interesting to watch how easy, and how fast Tyree got hooked on having sex with men for money. I doubt he would ever admit it, but I knew he enjoyed the sex just as much as the money if not more.

“I need to use the bathroom, while you two get comfortable in my room,” Black said as he walked toward the bathroom.

I got up, and started heading toward Black’s room when I felt Tyree smack me hard on the ass. It hurt, and it kind of turned me on at the same time, but I turned around and looked at Tyree like he had lost his damn mind.

“Are you still mad at me?” Tyree asked with that sexy smile on his face.

“Naw, I’m not mad at your drunk ass,” I replied.

“Good, because you know we’re both stars, so let’s get naked, and go make this money,”

Tyree said as he took off his shirt and tossed it on the couch.

As we were in the room naked and kissing waiting on Black, I thought it would be cool to record us so that one day we could sit back and watch our experience fucking a famous rapper.

“Ty, do you think I should hide my camera, and tape us fucking him?”

“Yeah, set that shit up, and hurry up before he comes in here,” I put the small digital camcorder on top of the dresser and threw some clothes on top of it. I made sure there was a clear view of the bed before I started recording.

“Make sure you cover up that light because it’s flashing, come on, man. If we’re gonna do this, make sure we don’t get caught. That’ll be embarrassing, and you’re explaining that shit if he notices it,” Tyree said as he was looking out for Black.

I moved the shirt over a little to the right covering up the red light, and then I jumped on the bed. Tyree joined me and started to kiss me as Black walked in. I was watching his eyes to see if he noticed the camera but his high ass didn’t even look over at the dresser. Black untied the towel he had around his waist and let it fall to the floor as he got on the bed. That was when I actually stopped and checked him out, and not only was he attractive, but he had a nice body too. His skin was the color of butter and looked like it was just as smooth. His lips had a natural hint of pink to them, and it made me want to kiss them to see if they tasted as good as they looked. When I looked into his eyes, they were absent of any hate, and did not reveal his hard past. They were small and slanted as if he was always high and I found that to be sexy. His baldhead and swagger made my dick hard and I couldn't wait to jump into that ass. Too bad I wasn't the first choice on his sexual menu. Tyree was the prized dish that night. He didn’t waste no time, and immediately started giving Tyree head. I was laying there watching everything, and it was hot because Black definitely had skills when it came to performing on the mic, but I felt like he forgot about me. I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him over on my side, but he just grabbed my dick and started stroking it as he continued to please Tyree. That made me even more frustrated because I could’ve done that myself. Since Black wasn’t paying me any attention, except getting my dick semi hard with his hand I had to get my dick wet another way. Tyree didn’t mind helping me out with that. After Tyree gave me head, I was fully hard and ready to get up in Black, since he seemed to still be enjoying the taste of Tyree’s dick. Black was definitely used to getting fucked, because after I put a condom on I slid right in his ass, surprisingly it was still good though. No matter what position, or how hard I fucked him he never ran from the dick. He was a pro, and threw it back on me. After an hour of nonstop fucking, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to bust. It felt so good that after I finished I was laid out on the bed beside them. Tyree was ready to take his turn now, so after he strapped up, he bent Black over, and started getting it in. Black was moaning louder, and was trying to run from the dick this time. I understood because Tyree’s dick takes some getting used to. After Black got used to it though and was relaxed, Tyree and Black were both moaning from the pleasure that they were receiving. I laid there watching my man fuck someone else wondering if that’s how he looks when he’s fucking me. Black was a greedy bottom too, because he couldn’t get enough. Almost two hours of riding, and taking it in multiple positions, he still didn’t want Tyree to finish. I started to feel horny again. I stood up so Black could suck me up while he rode Tyree. He was so focused on Tyree that he didn’t even realize I was there. I had to literally pick his head up, and face it toward my dick for him to get the hint. Black would suck me good for a minute, then stop, so I was pissed because he hooked Tyree up all that time, now he wanted to act like his mouth was tired.

“Man, you’re killing me. My jaw and throat hurts,” Black said.

“Well, I guess were both gonna have to fuck you then,” I replied.

“Don’t worry you can get it again as soon as Konceited is finished,” Black said letting it be known.

“Why wait?” I asked. “I think there’s room up there for one more.”

“Yeah right, I don’t think that’s happening,” Black said before he started laughing.

I wasn’t laughing. I put another condom on, grabbed some Vaseline, lubed up, and got behind Black as he was still riding. I pushed his body lower toward Tyree, and I slowly slid my dick inside of him. He tried to run, and pull away but we we’re both holding him still. He would go from “I can’t take it”, to “go faster” every other minute. Tyree has long stamina and can hold back for hours, but I think the tightness of the ass, and the rubbing of our dicks together at the same time was too much for him because he came a few minutes later. I didn’t care, especially since Tyree’s now semi hard dick wasn’t sliding out, so I kept pounding Black for a good 20 minutes in that same position before I finished.

That first night was awkward, because as Black rinsed off I hid the camera, and then after we both showered I couldn’t tell if Black expected us to sleep with him, or if he was sleeping alone. I was happy when he said, “I’m about to go lay down. Have a good night” because I wanted to sleep with my man alone. The next day was cool. Black ordered room service, and movies throughout the day. We got high, laughed, played cards, and talked. Black was actually a pretty cool guy. That night after we had a delicious dinner, Black wanted some more, and was ready for round two. The sex was better the second night, he made sure to give us both a lot of attention, and he even asked could we try to DP him again, which we did. I wish I caught that night on tape because we fucked him all over that suite. This time after he showered, Black started packing up all of his stuff. He said he couldn’t stay the night, but we could stay until checkout time, which was that Sunday at noon.

“There’s one blunt left, should we smoke it before I head out?” Black asked.

Of course I said yes because I never turn down free weed. As we smoked Black looked tense and nervous so I had a feeling something was up. After we finished the blunt he gathered all of his things, and was heading toward the door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked.

“Naw, I’m good. I got everything, and um… thanks again. I’ll hit you up the next time I’m in L.A,” Black said nonchalantly.

“HOLD THE FUCK UP. WHAT ABOUT OUR MONEY?” Tyree asked loudly.

“WHAT MONEY?” Black said defensively.

“I know this motherfucka didn’t just say what money,” Tyree said, as he looked at me and started to walk toward Black.

“Come on, Black, don’t do that. You know you owe us our money,” I said calmly as I stepped in between the two of them.

“Look, I don’t have it. You got a free trip, smoked up my weed, and you both got to fuck me so be happy with what you got. Peace out!”

“Oh, I am happy, happy that we got your ass on tape. I’m sure we will make more than thirty thousand when we sell it to the media,” Tyree said seriously.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Black asked nervously.

“You heard me, nigga. While you were in the bathroom, we set up a hidden camera. We just wanted it for our personal use, but now that we know you were planning on ripping us off…well the circumstances have changed now haven’t they?”

“You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t blackmail me.”

“It’s not blackmail…it’s business, so try me. You have until check out time to get us the money, or I’m selling the memory card to the highest bidder,” Tyree said, making it clear.

“Okay, calm down I just need to make a telephone call real quick.”

Tyree and I went back in the bedroom while Black was in the living room area talking on his cell phone. We laughed at how good we played him, and Tyree told me he was glad I thought about hiding the camera. We were high as shit, our adrenaline was pumping, we were feeling good until that pinch of paranoid kicked in and we started tripping thinking Black would send his people in with guns, or something forcing us to give up the camera. I’m quick on my feet so I downloaded the footage to my laptop, and emailed a copy to myself just for a little insurance in case he tried something crazy. If he did I was going to make sure the World knew how Black really got down. After I put the laptop away, and put the camera back in the dresser underneath some clothes Black knocked on the bedroom door. I told Tyree to answer it

“Did you work it out?” Tyree asked as he opened the door.

“Yeah, your money will be here before noon tomorrow. If you can just give me the memory card, or let me watch you destroy it I’ll be on my way.”

“You can have it when we get our money, until then we’re keeping it,” I replied.

“Look, I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you two. I got some business to take care of. I’ll tell Carmello to destroy it when he delivers the money tomorrow. Is that cool?” Black said as he reached out his hand for Tyree to shake.

“That’ll work,” Tyree said totally ignoring his hand gesture

“Okay, cool, well I’m sorry things went down like this. I—”

Tyree slammed the bedroom door in his face, and yelled “YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF OUT.”

Damn I was so turned on by my man standing up for us. I didn’t think his skinny ass had it in him. We started having sex as we watched the video of us fucking Black on my laptop until we were both tired, and worn out. The next day we got up, ordered a bunch of shit from room service knowing we weren’t going to eat it all. Black had to pay with a credit card so we charged some extra shit to his bill just for being a dick. We emptied the mini bar, ordered a movie, showered, got dressed, and then packed up our stuff. I started to think no one was coming with the money until we heard a knock on the door thirty minutes before check out time.

I looked at Tyree like you know the deal, so he answered it.

“WHO IS IT?” Tyree yelled as he looked through the peephole.

“Carmello.”

“Do you have something for us?” Tyree asked.

“I do.”

Tyree opened the door and stepped aside for Carmello. I was surprised to see this serious looking man walk in wearing a tailored made suit. He was tall, fine, with a smooth chocolate complexion, short wavy hair, and his facial hair looked fresh, the lines were shaped perfectly. I was expecting some big and tall bodyguard looking dude wearing street clothes to drop off the money.

“Hey, what’s up? Is that our money?” I asked referring to the hot Versace book bag he dropped down on the table.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t,” Carmello responded.

“I feel you, the whole thirty thousand?” I asked just to make sure.

“Actually it’s forty thousand for the inconvenience.”

“Are you serious?” I asked excitedly.

“You can count it if you want to,” Carmello replied.

“I think I will,” Tyree said as he picked the book bag up off the table.

“Once he counts the money I’ll destroy the memory card,” I said as I caught myself checking Carmello out again for the third time.

“Actually Black asked me to bring it to him, so he can destroy it.”

“That’s fine. It doesn’t matter to me.” I replied.

Tyree finished counting the money, which wasn’t hard since Carmello brought four stacks of hundreds each adding up to ten thousand dollars. I walked to the bedroom, retrieved the memory card, walked up to Carmello, and handed it to him. I’ll never forget the smirk he made as he looked it over. It made me think he had other plans for it, and as pissed as I was at Black, I hoped he could trust this man.

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there’s something on this tape that Black doesn’t want anyone to see, especially since the price tag was so high. Three men in a suite, with no women in sight I can only imagine what’s on here,” Carmello said not really addressing either of us, since he was still looking down at his purchase.

Neither one of us commented on that.

“Well, at least tell me he wasn’t the bottom.” Carmello said casually.

I didn’t respond, but I looked at Tyree and he was shaking his head up and down with a big ass smile on his face as if he was still thinking about that ass.

“It always seems to be the ones talking about no homo, or who you’d never suspect who are really getting it in behind closed doors,” Carmello said as started walking toward the door to leave. “It was nice doing business with you fellas. Here’s my card, call me if this should happen again, with Black, or with anyone else famous,” He added as he handed each of us a card. Then, he left out and closed the door behind him as we stood there in total shock. He was in such a rush to leave that he forgot his expensive book bag, but I didn’t mind because I kept it, and as a matter of fact I used it as my carry-on as we flew back to L.A. On the flight home, all I thought about was how wild that experience was. One thing I learned from it was to always get the money upfront, so from that point on that’s what we did.

Chapter 9

“They’re all the fucking same.”

I woke up to the sweet sounds of Sade and the smell of coffee brewing. I didn’t remember getting into bed or falling asleep with my clothes on, but my mouth was dry and tasted like the good weed that Lust and I puffed on earlier that morning. I made my way to my bathroom and put toothpaste on my tooth brush and entered the hot soothing shower. When I finally laid eyes on my little piece of heaven who I liked to call L, I was in the bedroom putting lotion on. I stayed quiet and waited to hear what he had to say. Although my mind raced with a million thoughts, I just couldn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to put them all out on Front Street.

“Why are you doing that?” he asked as I pulled up my pants.

“Should I have stayed naked?” I asked as I playfully pulled my pants down. When they reached my knees, I felt his hand pulling them back up.

“That’s not what I meant, although the sight of your ass ain’t a bad thing.” He patted me on my butt once my pants were around my waist than laid on my bed with his hands behind his head. I sat beside him and slipped my hand up his shirt and ran my hand up his rock hard stomach.

“What?”

He had just been laying there and looking at me for so long that I had to ask, “Why don’t you just say what you’re thinking, what you feel?” he asked.

“Who said that I was thinking about anything? What are you, a mind reader now?”

“Okay, hide if you want to, but your real thoughts will always find you and reveal who you really are.”

The shit that he had just said was so real that I had no come back. I just quietly removed my hands from under his shirt and pretended to look through the phone book that sat on my nightstand. He sat up with each leg on both sides of me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and kissed my cheek. For the first time since meeting him, his closeness felt uncomfortable.

“Didn’t you make coffee? I thought that I smelled some when I was headed to the shower?”

I got up and left him sitting on my bed. When he joined me in the kitchen, I had already poured myself a cup and asked him if he wanted a refill.

“Nah, I’m good. I was thinking about heading out anyways.”

My heart skipped a beat. I just knew that my fucked up way of thinking ruined my chance with yet another good guy.

“Where are you going? I thought that maybe we could chill a little more?”

The words fumbled out of my mouth at lightning speed, not that I wanted them to. It was an impulse that I could not contain, I had wanted him to stay and there was no denying that. He smiled as he thought of the words just spoken in the bedroom. There I was trying to stay mum on my thoughts, yet they flew out of my mouth with no filter just moments later.

“Well, I was going to head back home today. I was gonna go get my things from the hotel, ask you to have lunch, then head on my way.”

Well at least he was going to have lunch with me I thought as I sipped my coffee.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. That’s cool, okay, um, I thought, it doesn’t matter. I guess, I’ll see you in a few.”

My words came out a jumbled mess causing me to be embarrassed. I needed to get away as soon as possible. He must have thought that I was off my rocker. I couldn’t talk straight and I damn near ran to my bedroom. Once in there I closed the door and leaned against it waiting to hear the door slam behind him as he left. Usually I welcomed that sound but that day, I wanted to hear the opposite.

I must have stood there for 20 minutes before my feet would let me move. How could I have been such a dumbass? What did I expect? I had just met Lust yet I had already started to build false hope. It never even entered my mind that he would still get up and leave in the morning. It was as if I was in a dream world where only he and I lived, at least that’s how it felt the night before. I was blown, and there was only one thing that I liked to do when that happened. I went to the living room and sat down on the same couch that Lust and I shared. I took the half smoked blunt that we hadn’t finished the night before and lit up. The thoughts of Lust raced through my mind then settling on Breeze. What happened? When did he become such an asshole? There were so many things that I liked about him yet he turned me off when it came to other things. I puffed on my weed and daydreamed about combining Lust and Breeze into one man, god how good would that be? My thoughts ran wild the higher I got leaving me mentally exhausted. I was sound asleep before I could even finish my fantasy.

I opened my eyes and was fixated on the clock. Four fucking 30 and he still hadn’t shown up.

“They’re all the fucking same,” I said out loud in disgust. Then I heard what sounded like the page turn of a book. I slowly turned around and saw Lust sitting in the chair with his foot up on my ottoman.

“What are you reading?” I asked hoping that he didn’t hear my last statement

“It’s called The Art of Deceit by a writer named Fabiola. I don’t really read books like this but this joint is off the hook.”

“What made you pick it up? The cover is what would have grabbed my attention.”

“A friend of mine had it and put me on to it. I’m not done with it but it’s off the hook. It’s about a video girl that goes for broke. She will do anything to make sure she gets with the rich and famous. God help you if you cross her; Tangie is no joke,” he said, while laughing. He went over the book with me although I was only halfway listening. My mind was stuck on my last statement, and I just knew that he heard it. When I focused back on his voice, all I heard was, “There’s this girl named Shamika and she’s fucking with Tangie hard. I can’t wait to see how Tangie is going to set her up.”

“You’re gonna have to let me check that out,” I said, covering that fact that I only heard the end.

“So, I was thinking that maybe we could have lunch and hang out a bit before I leave. There’s a Caribbean day parade going on and I thought that it might be fun. We could have some Jamaican food for lunch and check out the different booths and performers.”

I nodded my head and went to the bedroom to get ready. I wasn’t happy that he had to go but I was going to enjoy the time that we were going to have together. I looked through the bag of clothes that Breeze brought for me and wondered if Lust wanted to or liked to see me in my new sexy attire.

“What do you think?” I asked turning around in an all-black number that Breeze brought with the back out.

“Um, that’s nice but maybe you can try this on.” Lust walked over to where two shopping bags were and picked them up.

“You got me a gift?” I asked, eyes damn near gleaming with excitement.

“Yeah, I didn’t know what your wardrobe was like and this is really a dress down kind of thing. I just wanted you to kind of fit in with everyone there. It’s still sexy but just not with everything showing.”

I didn’t know if I should feel offended or be thankful. I just knew that in the future, I would have to show him that I was not a one trick pony. Shit, he didn’t know me for too long so he shouldn’t just think that I dressed like a whore all of the time.

“When did you have time to buy this?” I asked as I pulled out the contents of the bag.

“While I was driving back here I saw the flyer in my car and thought that we should go. Then I thought about the number you had on last night and I thought, let me stop and pick her up a little something.”

He said this all while laughing but it wasn’t funny to me. I already had one guy trying to change me, I didn’t need two.

“You know what’s funny, the clothes that I had on is what attracted you to me, yet you don’t want to be seen out in public because of how I dress.”

“It’s not that at all, I just didn’t want to be over dressed for where we were going. Trust me; Caribbean girls are not shy when it comes to showing skin.”

“Whatever, I just wish that people would stop trying to change me. That shit is getting pretty old.”

“I’m not trying to fucking change you, goddamn. You just can’t wear that shit anytime you want Jasmine. If Breeze brought you that shit the least he could have done was explain THAT to you.”

He was pissed and I was at fault. I just couldn’t help it, I felt like I was being pulled at both ends.

“Look, you don’t have to wear the shit if you don’t want. I was just trying to be nice; I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s cool, I’ll try it on,” I said picking the clothes up and heading to my room. I was starting to regret my outburst and hoped that he could overlook it. In all actuality, what he bought wasn’t that bad. The more I looked at myself in the really short jeans shorts and cutoff shirt, the more I liked it. It wasn’t the skanky clothes that Breeze adorned me with, yet I felt sexy and womanly.

“Okay, I’m ready to go,” I said while picking up my purse and keys.

“Are we taking your car or mine?”

“We can ride in mine,” he answered, and then we left.

*****

We rode in semi silence with me only speaking when spoken to. I held in the contentment and joy that I felt. It made me feel almost normal to be out on a date. It also reminded me of the old days when I would just agree to go out with a guy just to get away from my mom.

“Why are you so quiet all of the sudden?” Lust ripped me away from my thoughts with his question.

“Just thinking about last night, I really had a good time,” I lied, while telling the truth. I put my hand on his thigh and gave it a light squeeze.

“You are fucking crazy, you know that?” Lust was joking when he said that but there was some truth to it.

“Well, a little crazy is okay sometimes.”

“And that’s the fucked up part about it, Jazzy, your craziness is what draws me to you. It makes things kinda fun and I’m sure it will keep me on my toes.”

He reached over and ran his finger through my hair and down to my neck, his hand sent the same chill down my spine as the first time he touched me. For the rest of the ride, we kept our hands on each other. Not sexually but in an affectionate manner. We felt to each other like lovers that still had the same heat between them, and that fire seemed to still burn with lust. I wanted him on top of me and inside of me as soon as possible.

The Caribbean festival was amazing. The food was on point, the performers rocked the stage and the people were mellow. Lust and I had a blast buying art, handmade jewelry, and enjoying music. We walked, ate, and danced as if we were the only two people there. We were never more than one foot away from each other. The heat was felt from more than the weather. We had gotten there at 3:00p.m., and by 7:00PM that night, I was ready to fuck his brains out, but he wanted to stay and see the last performer. The old school reggae singer cooed like a sweet humming bird as our bodies tried to become one. We slow danced and whined to the sound and words of the music.

“I wish you would stay longer, but just like magic you were gone.”

The performer sung and as our bodies intertwined, I felt the words in my soul. I held on to him as if I were losing him that very moment. When our lips met, they went deeper than the touch on the surface. I inhaled everything about him, his scent, his touch, and his love. I felt safe in his arms, I felt wanted, I felt needed, and I felt the affection he had for me. And as the rain started to pour, we and a lot of other people kept dancing. We figured that if the people on stage could endure the rain then so could we. The mood of the day shadowed us as the sun went down and nightfall graced us with its darkness. We sipped on the Jamaican rum chasers as rain drops dripped in our cups, making the strong liquor easier to get down. Once done with mine, I turned around and faced him. I slow whined my hips into him and leaned in to taste his lips again. After a minute of that, I was really ready to go. I took his hand and pulled him toward the car. Once in I jumped out of my seat and straddled him. I kissed his lips and pulled off his wet shirt before pulling my own off. I licked his rain soaked neck as I tried to unbutton his jeans.

“Hold up, Jasmine, there are too many people out here. I’ll drive home as fast as possible, trust me,” he said while flashing his seductive smile. I reluctantly went back to my seat and crossed my legs to stop the pulsating storm that was brewing between my legs.

“You really want what you want when you want it, huh?” he asked while rubbing my left nipple through my bra. He was teasing and I wasn’t going to take it lying down.

“Yeah, I like to have things my way, and to tell you the truth, I usually do.”

I reached over to him as he drove and unbuttoned his pants before he could stop me. I reached in and pulled out his rock hard dick and it brought a smile to my face. It was big, brown, and gorgeous.

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one who was ready to get it in.”

“What can I say baby, I may be able to lie but he’s never really had a good poker face,” Lust said speaking of his male parts.

I rubbed Mr. {not so} Mini Chocolate Bar and I was surprise to see that even though I was happy with its size before, it was a mistake to think that it couldn’t get any bigger. I wanted to taste him and I wasn’t going to wait.

“Whoa, what are you doing Jazzy, you gonna fuck around and make me crash.”

“Don’t do that, I wouldn’t want to be found with a dick in my mouth, know what I mean?”

We laughed as I covered the head of his dick with my lips. This wasn’t something that I loved to do, but with him it brought me great pleasure. I loved how he started to fuck my mouth the better it got for him, and when we pulled into my parking lot he was ready for the goodies. He damn near pushed me out of his Navigator, and we hurried to my door while touching and kissing each other. He stood behind me playing with my nipples and kissing my neck as I stumbled with the keys and couldn’t get it in the door.

“It’s a good thing that you’re not the one who has to find the hole,” he said as we let the alcohol’s effect take over us. While I tiptoed on the drunken border, Lust was only tipsy. Once inside of my living room, I started to undress and give out orders.

“Put on that Gregory Isaacs CD that you just got.”

On my way to the bedroom, I heard the sweet sounds of Gregory Isaacs singing his sweet love song.

“Tell her try her best just to make it quick, woman tend to the sick. 'Cause there must be something she can do, this heart is broken in two. Tell her it a case of emergency; it’s a patient by the name of Gregory. NIGHT NURSE.

The music took us both back to the festival and we picked up right where we left off. He must have kissed me from my head to my toes. He left nothing unattended to. He made pure love to me. When I got on top of him, I made sure to keep my eyes locked on his. I watched everything that he wanted to say flash through his eyes. We came together and sounded like wild beaches as our bodies trembled and shook violently. We both were pleased beyond any words could express. I lay beside him drenched in our sweet love sweat and I could no longer keep in what was on my mind.

“Why can’t you stay?”

“Here, with you or in Cali?”

“Whichever one, it doesn’t matter, you pick.”

“Well, I only really come down here to work, Jazz, this is not my home.”

“Why can’t it be? I just want to spend more time with you, is that too much to ask?”

He didn’t have the answer that I was looking for. There were things that he would have to tell me but he just didn’t think that it was the right time. Yes, we had only known each other for a few days but he was kind of feeling the same way I was. He would have loved to stay but he had other responsibility that he just couldn’t turn his back on.

“How about if I extend my trip a few more days? I’ll be back to see you soon and make it a longer trip. Maybe by then we can talk and figure something out.”

I wasn’t going to push the issue, he promised to stay a few days longer than planned and I was just going to have to take that deal.

“Fine, but don’t make me wait too long to see you again, I won’t be able to go too long without LUSTING.”

We took a shower together and he gave me another round of back breaking sex. We slept like babies that night, well, until someone tried to damn near kicked my door in at 3:00AM that morning.

*****

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked Breeze as he pushed past me.

“Where have you been? I’ve been calling and you haven’t picked up, and that’s not like you so I got worried,” he lied as he looked around my apartment.

“How did you know where I live?”

“I looked it up from your file. Are you here alone?” he asked although he already knew the answer to that. Unbeknownst to me, he was outside of my house ever since I came from the festival. It took everything in him not to jump out of his car and question Lust and me about out whereabouts.

“That’s none of your business, and didn’t I tell you not to contact me unless it was about work.”

Breeze was blown away by my new attitude. He thought that I was wrapped around his little finger. He just knew that he had me where he wanted me and to him it was because of someone new. He knew it was Lust’s fault and he blamed him for the change in me.

“What’s going on out here? Are you okay, Jasmine?” Lust appeared in the doorway of my bedroom with squinted eyes and no shirt.

“Yeah, it’s cool, Breeze just stopped by to check on me.”

The expression on Lust’s face said it all. He wasn’t buying my bullshit.

“Yeah, well maybe if I lived in L.A. I would have gotten the drop by and check in treatment, too. I guess Breeze is good that way, huh?”

The sarcasm was so thick in the air that you could have cut it with a knife. I watched Breeze’s jaw tightened as his temper boiled out of control.

“Did you piss and mark your territory in here or something? I thought that you already did that back in Jersey?”

I watched the two men face off as if they were two pit bulls waiting to rip into each other.

“What the fuck is your problem man? I thought that we were cool? If I was stepping on your toes, well Jasmine didn’t say so.”

“Maybe you should say that Jazzy might be stepping on your wife’s toes. By the way she called, she wanted to know why you haven’t called ‘cause from what she knew, you were set to come home yesterday.”

It was as if everything and everyone in the apartment had stopped. I walked over to the couch and sat down before I looked over at Lust. I was trying to read his face but he wasn’t looking at me. He was giving Breeze the death stare and looked like he was about to tic and fuck him up at any minute.

“You’re fucking married, are you kidding me?”

“Oh, he forgot to tell you that part, huh? Well, his wife is looking for him and she’s pretty pissed that he hasn’t called home.”

“Motherfucker you know that Kiki and me are separated. I told you way back that I caught her cheating and decided to leave her ass. Is this the only thing that you could think of to use when you came over here?”

“Yeah, you’re separated yet living in the same house. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit nigga. Get this, a porn star leaving his wife ‘cause she cheated, you’re gonna have to do better than that, COME ON!”

Breeze although laughing while delivering his last statement, was just as hot as Lust was. His tone had changed and had a hint of street in that I had never heard from him before. As Lust came out of the doorway and got closer to him, I couldn’t decide who was going to win a fight if they decided to take it there. Both Lust and Breeze looked like they were willing to go the limit.

“If he’s lying then why didn’t you tell me?” I asked as I got between the two men and faced Lust.

“I was going to tell you when I thought that it was appropriate. We just met and I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“Don’t you think that you should have given me the option to make my own choice and assessment of the situation? What the fuck is wrong with you lying ass men, DAMN.”

I was disgusted and disappointed. I thought that Lust was an exception to the rule but once again, my earlier statement was right.

“YOU ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME,” I screamed and I walked to my bedroom.

“Hold up, Jasmine, you’re taking this shit all wrong; I was gonna tell---”

“You weren’t gonna tell me shit, you fucking liar,” I said as I walked back toward him.

“Yo, the fucked up part about this is that you’re not even asking me if what this nigga just said is true. As soon as he said it you just took it and ran with it.”

“Is it fucking true, are you married and living with your wife?”

He didn’t answer and that told me all that I need to know.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

I was done with him. It wasn’t the fact that he was married, it was that he didn’t tell me. Lust and I had shared a lot of information yet he left that fact out. Although I’m guilty myself for not sharing the whole truth about Breeze and me, I didn’t care. The ties that bind Breeze and I didn’t run as deep as marriage.

I went into my room and closed the door. I didn’t want to see Lust leave because I may have stopped him. I heard it but wouldn’t be able to handle seeing it, my heart was too weak and open for that.

“Jazzy, can I come in?”

I heard Breeze asking as I lay on my bed. I didn’t answer forcing him to come in anyway.

“Jazzy, I didn’t want things to go down like that but once I saw him here I just had to let you know who you were dealing with.”

We both knew he was lying but I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore.

“I may be a lot of things Jazzy, but the good thing is that at least you know me. I don’t have much to lie about; I’m pretty much straight up.”

He lied so much that everything that just came out of his mouth was a fragment of his imagination. I hardly knew anything about him and he planned on lying to me constantly. Straight up shouldn’t have not ever been in his vocabulary.

“I know that I fly off the handle sometimes but I really like you Jazz. I’m not just gonna stand by and let some off brand dude play games with your head. I’m here to look out for you, baby.

His words although all lies, were what I needed to hear at that moment. I was never one for abandonment. I always needed someone there, someone to love me and make me feel special. And since I had just gotten rid of Lust, I was happy that Breeze was there to take the empty place in my bed where there once was a man.

I sat up and kissed his lips as tears ran down my face. It wasn’t as fulfilling as the tender kisses I had gotten from Lust, but they would do. As I once again let a man invade my body and mind that night, I thought of the one that left. I was missing him already. It was going to be hard getting over that one and I didn’t know if I was going to win that fight or if I was just going to throw the towel in and give Lust a call.

Chapter 10

“Dickin’ Down Domingo”

Once we got back from Philly, I called Breeze because I wanted him to recast Dickin’ Down Domingo. Everyone at work pretty much knew that Domingo didn’t like me, so I was surprised when I found out Breeze wanted us to be in a movie together.

“Look, sometimes in this business you have to put your feelings aside and film scenes with people you don’t necessary want to have sex with. Your main focus should be the money, and giving the fans what they want to see,” Breeze said as he tried to convince me.

“Look, Breeze, I hear what you’re saying, but just hire two other guys because I’m NOT DOING IT.”

“Okay, calm down, Jamar. I can tell you’re serious about this so I’ll take care of it.”

I was relieved to know that was over with. I was drained and tired so I just wanted to sleep in on Monday. I woke up alone a little after noon. I knew Ebony had to work, but Tyree should’ve been home that day. I tried calling his cell phone twice, but I received his voicemail both times. I assumed he went to the mall since that was his favorite place ever since he started making money. I waited until 3:00 PM, and since he still wasn’t home, or answering his cell I called Ebony to see if she saw Tyree when she was getting ready for work.

“Yeah, I saw him. I asked him what he was doing up so early, and he said he had to work today. Why? He didn’t tell you?” Ebony asked as if she was concerned.

“No, I didn’t even hear him get up, or get ready. He must’ve slept out in the living room last night,” I replied.

I couldn’t believe Tyree still filmed that scene after I told him we weren’t doing it.

“See if you were calling my insurance company figuring out what the fuck is wrong instead of gossiping on the telephone I wouldn’t be standing here wasting my time.” I heard some female yell, and it sounded like she was yelling at Ebony.

“Who is that? Is she talking to you?” I asked since I was confused.

“Yes, and I need to go because this bitch is pissing me the fuck off.” Ebony replied, and it sounded like she was frustrated.

“Okay, handle that,” I said as I laughed, and ended the call.

I wasn’t going to wait around for Tyree to come home to find out what happened. I drove up to Fantasy Pictures to see for myself. When I arrived Tyree’s new black Mercedes S600 was gone, so I must’ve just missed him. Domingo was smirking, and smiling at me as he got in his Cadillac Escalade. It seemed like he was trying to rub it in that he just had sex with my man. Before he drove off, he took one last look at me and winked. Right then and there I knew Tyree had just finished fucking Domingo. Breeze was still there so I went upstairs and knocked, well more liked banged on his office door.

“COME IN!” Breeze yelled loud enough for me to hear him.

I walked in and as soon as Breeze looked up from his computer and realized it was me he started smiling.

“I thought you were enjoying your day off Jamar,” Breeze said sarcastically.

“I was until I realized Tyree still fucked Domingo today. What happened? I thought you said you would take care of it. That’s fucked up Breeze. You lied to me,” I said trying to sound as mad and hurt as possible.

“I don’t have time for this, especially when I’m the boss and I say what goes down here, NOT YOU. You said you didn’t want to do the movie, so I helped you out and hired Blaze to play your part. I called Tyree and asked him if he still wanted to do it the movie, and he said, ‘I’ll do it. I’ve been waiting to fuck Domingo.’ As a matter of fact he was excited about it, so there you go… I took care of it.”

“Why did you have to call Tyree? I had already told him we were off today.”

“Look I appreciate you Jamar, but don’t you ever question me, or my decisions. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

I never saw Breeze turn so red, and sound so serious before so I didn’t feel like arguing with him, especially since Tyree agreed to do it.

“I understand,” I replied sounding disappointed.

I turned around to walk out of his office.

“And the next time I hire you for a movie I don’t expect you to question me about it, or back out of it.”

I didn’t reply. I just shut the door, and then headed home. Tyree finally called me back, and said he was going to the bank, the mall, and then picking us up something to eat for dinner so we could talk since he obviously knew by now that I had an attitude.

It was after 7:00PM when Tyree finally made it home that evening. He knew I was upset, but he still had the nerve to beep the horn, because he needed my help carrying stuff inside. He brought us a pizza, salads, and buffalo wings, but before we ate, he surprised me with a few new outfits, two new books, and an Xbox 360 Elite bundle pack. He remembered I mentioned I wanted to start getting back into the things that I enjoyed, which included reading, and playing video games. How could I stay mad at him after that? I couldn’t because not only was he sexy, but he was sweet, and he always knew how to make my day. Although I wasn’t mad anymore I still wanted to know why he went through with the movie.

“Breeze called me last night and said you weren’t doing it, but he made it clear that he still expected me there so what was I supposed to do?” He asked as he ate his salad.

I was shocked and appalled. I couldn’t believe Breeze made Tyree do it even though I asked him to replace us. Unless Tyree was lying to me, and wanted to do it as Breeze stated earlier that day. One of them lied, and the fucked up part was I couldn’t confront Breeze about it again, especially after he basically put me in my place. I just had to get over it, but it wasn’t going to stop me from venting to Ebony about it. I couldn’t finish eating my dinner with Tyree, because Ebony called and asked me could I pick her up; she was too drunk to drive. Not only was I going to vent, but I was going to find out what was going on with that girl. She never gets drunk to the point that she can’t drive, especially on a week night so something was definitely wrong. It took me a good 25 minutes before I picked her up from Shadows. It was obvious that she was wasted. She was about to leave without her stuff, so I made sure she had her purse, keys, and cell phone. She pointed out where her car was parked, which was down the street, so I knew where to drop her off at in the morning. On the way home, I didn’t even have to ask she just started telling me what happened.

“You’re not going to believe the kind of day I’ve had,” she slurred.

“If it was anything like mine I will.”

“Did you get fired?” she asked with an attitude.

“No… Why?” I asked slowly.

“Then it wasn’t like mine.”

“WHAT? YOU GOT FIRED, WHY?”

“This bitch kept getting smart with me, and cussing at me. At first, I was calm and I was trying to help her. I explained to her several times that her insurance company refused to pay for her previous visit, and that she had an outstanding balance. I believe her insurance expired, or she owed them money, either way she needed to have it taken care of before we could assist her. That bitch thought it was my job to call them and figure out what was wrong. I told her she needed to call them herself.”

“Was it that same lady that was yelling at you when I called you earlier?”

“Yeah, that’s the bitch. She had the nerve to be nice at first, kiss my ass and say, “From one sista to another, you should just help me out. Girl, you know I’ll pay them eventually.” Did she really think I was going to risk my job, because she didn’t know how to pay her bills? As soon as she knew, I still wasn’t going to help her she flipped out on me. If I knew they were going to fire me I would’ve just helped her ass.”

“But why did they fire you? What did you do?” I asked because I was still confused.

“I picked up the appointment book and threw it at her head, then told her if she cussed at me one more time I was going to take her outside and beat her ass. Of course that’s all she needed to hear before yelling for the doctor. Once Dr. Jaffe saw the appointment book spread out on the floor, and a room full of shocked patients he told me to just leave. I don’t care if she cussed you out, and if the book didn’t hit her. You were very unprofessional, and I won’t tolerate that here. This is a place of business. I’m sorry but you’re fired, and you don’t have to come back. I’ll mail you your last check.’”

“That’s fucked up Ebony. I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“I’m not sorry. Dr. Jaffe’s ass will be sorry he let me go. I never called out, or took off, not even once, I was always on time, and I kept that place organized. I was the best receptionist he’s ever had. I understand she was a patient, but she was rude as hell and didn’t have any insurance; she deserved more than what I did to her. I should’ve knocked her teeth out of her mouth. Anyway, I’m starting to get heated again just talking about it so let’s just change the subject. What happened to you today?”

I told her everything that went down. She already knew about Domingo and Breeze from our previous conversations.

“Aww, don’t be mad at my smoke partner, cuz it ain’t his fault. Breeze made him do it. Wow, if you’re this upset over your man doing his job, I’d hate to see how you would react if you found out he was fucking someone else behind your back.”

“I’m not worried about Tyree cheating. As much sex as he gets at home, and at work I don’t think he has the time, the energy, or the desire for anyone else.”

“Sunshine, I’m telling you this as your friend, you can’t be so sure, and be careful who you trust.”

“Thanks, but I know girl. Like I said, I’m not worried.”

“Okay, but don’t forget I tried to warn you. I caught all of my previous boyfriends cheating on me, all of them except for one, which was Marcus, my first. The fucked up thing about that story is I cheated on him and broke his heart. I guess what goes around does come around.”

That girl is so crazy. Every time she starts drinking, she starts talking about men, and her previous relationships. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about Tremaine, her ex-fiancé, who made her have an abortion, and then immediately afterward, confessed that he was leaving her for his ex. I think that really fucked her up, and made her stop trusting men. She seemed to be having a dry spell when it came to dating. As a matter of fact I didn’t see her go on a date, let alone hear her have an intimate conversation on her cell phone with a man the entire time that we lived together. I don’t know what the problem was because men used to hit on her all the time. Even though she looked stressed, and a hot mess that drunken night, when she’s sober and cleaned up she’s kind of fly. She’s only 5’5, but she has a cute face, with big eyes that luckily fit her face. She has a smooth peanut butter complexion, and she stays getting her hair, toes, and nails done. She reminds me of Kerry Washington, but younger since she was only nineteen at the time. Whenever we would go out men would stare at her full C cup breasts, and they loved watching her apple bottom booty as she walked, or danced around the club. Most of the time she didn’t even notice she was being checked out because she was so busy talking, or minding her business. I’ve tried setting her up on a few blind dates, but she turned them all down.

A week later everything was back to normal, except for the fact that Ebony was still unemployed. At work, Breeze pretended like our conversation never happened, and he acted like he was my friend so I never brought it up again. I needed my job so I didn’t want any problems with him. I damn sure wasn’t going to let Domingo fuck up my money, but I wasn’t expecting to fuck him. Breeze must’ve wanted to prove a point, because that asshole made us do a one on one love making scene together. I wish the cameras were recording as I walked in so I could watch the expression on my face when I realized who I was working with. Breeze thought he was funny. I admit there was a little part of me that wanted to laugh, but when reality hit me that I had to make out with Domingo, and lick his ass I was pissed the fuck off. I wanted to cause one hell of a scene on that set, but right as I was about to start cussing I thought what if Breeze was testing me. I didn’t want to give Domingo the satisfaction of seeing me get fired. I finally just sucked it up, and put my all into that scene pretending he was Tyree. I knew that scene was going to be hot before it was even edited and released. The crazy part about it, that’s one of the most ordered scenes online right now. The sex was good, and I must say his juicy lips felt great against mine and even better, when he was going down on me. His tight muscled ass was wet, and felt like it was made for me, so Tyree must’ve loved banging him out. I wouldn’t know because I still haven’t watched their scene, nor do I plan on watching it. What I do know is my scene with Domingo made twice the amount as Tyree’s. So I was finally just as popular as Tyree. It wasn’t a competition, but I knew I deserved it. I was happy, and proud that both of us were bringing in six figures. Not only that but I must’ve made Domingo think twice about me, because we never had any problems after that day. If he passed me at the warehouse, or if we had to work on other movies together he was cordial and professional.

Tyree and I were constantly making movies, everything from soft core to hardcore bareback group scenes. I have to admit I enjoyed filming all of them, because we got to fuck a lot of hot guys. Some who I would’ve been too intimidated to approach, because I never would’ve thought they were gay. We were still escorting on the side, and we started hosting parties for gay clubs all over California. Some of the clubs would pay us eight thousand a piece, and give us as much alcohol as we wanted for free as long as we mingled, and partied with the club goers. Some of the clubs would put up some hot looking booths, and have us sign our DVDS, and take pictures with fans while we had our shirts off, or standing there in just our boxer briefs. The first time we had to stand there all night in our draws, I was surprisingly nervous and uncomfortable. Tyree seemed calm, but he was also high and loving the attention. I wished I would’ve smoked with him before going in that club. As the night went on, I got used to standing there in my underwear, especially since I was being hit on all night long. There were so many guys, all different kinds, waiting to take our picture, and to talk to us. You wouldn’t believe how many men gave us their numbers, and wanted to show us a good time. Some of them even invited us to sex parties. They weren’t trying to pay us anything, so Tyree wasn’t interested. I wanted to go to a few of them, but not to have sex. I just wanted to get high and watch, but since Tyree didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to go alone. Ebony came with us to the clubs quite often, because she would get free alcohol too, and after she was fired, she started tagging along with us everywhere we went. She knew between Tyree and I that one of us would pay her way until she got back on her feet. I needed some space though. I wanted to be alone with my man when we went out to eat, or to a movie. It was cool the first couple of times, but every time was becoming a bit much. I didn’t want to come off rude, or hurt her feelings, so I didn’t know how to tell my friend she couldn’t go out with us anymore. Tyree and I had to start communicating with each other before we drove home, so we could meet up somewhere for dinner without her. Two months went by and I couldn’t take her sitting around all day enjoying a free ride. I started picking up applications for her, circling job listings in the newspaper, and I even introduced her to DeeDee Delight. I figured a female friend would do her some good. She could start going to straight clubs again, maybe find a man, have a female friend to go out with, and talk to, period. DeeDee was the only other female that I knew like that besides Christina, but that gold digging hoe married an older, wealthy Jewish man, who she hated and talked about all of the time. As soon as he asked her out, and started buying her things, she was all on his little dick. Bragging to Ebony and me about how much money he gives her, and showing us what he brought for her. You know how new money is, they always come from nothing, and then when they get it, they have to show off how much they spend and what they spend it on. She stopped hanging out with us after the wedding. She even stopped accepting our calls with no kind of explanation. I couldn’t believe how fake she was. Hopefully, her husband realized she was just using him for his money and divorce that bitch. Normally, I don’t wish bad things on people, but she wasn’t a good person. Ebony said she was going to smack the shit out of her, for ignoring her calls if they ever crossed paths again. I can’t see myself physically assaulting someone over something so petty, it would have to be absolutely necessary, or self-defense. I’m a lover not a fighter. Ebony is the complete opposite. Thankfully, she hit it off with DeeDee, they were getting along well. They both were big weed heads, so they loved hanging out with each other. I loved playing spades so one night I invited DeeDee over to meet Ebony, and to get a game going. I loved to gamble so we each bet five hundred dollars, so the winners would get a thousand dollars apiece.

“So, who’s my partner?” DeeDee asked.

I knew Ebony wasn’t that good at playing Spades, so I partnered up with Tyree. I’m very competitive so I hate being partners with someone who doesn’t know how to play the game, and I hate losing. Plus, I figured if Ebony and DeeDee were partners, they would have to talk and kind of get a feel for each other.

“I have to warn you. I don’t play cards like that, so I hope we win,” Ebony said to DeeDee.

“Don’t worry girl, we got this. Nobody can beat me at this game. Just make sure you bid right, and pay attention. We’re winning that money.”

Ebony looked nervous because she bet $500.00 out of the $800.00 dollars her father sent to her earlier that day. I couldn’t believe she didn’t offer me any of the money, especially since I’ve been financially supporting her for months; yet she could risk five hundred dollars on a game of Spades. I couldn’t wait to win and take her money.

“Damn, Ebony, are you going to pass the blunt? You’ve taken five hits off it already,” I said because I was frustrated.

“Wow, looks who’s counting hits,” Ebony replied sarcastically, as she laughed and passed the blunt to Tyree.

“He needs to be counting his books. Wait, he doesn’t have any,” DeeDee said as she burst out laughing. “And you bid four? You need the rest of these books to make your bid or you’re going to bump,” she added after she stopped laughing.

“I don’t care, just pass me the damn blunt,” I demanded.

“Aww, don’t be a bitter Betty, Jamar. It’s only a game,” Ebony teased.

“A game that he’s about to lose $500.00 dollars on. Talking about “we should play for money”, see, you’re the one that kept asking us to bet,” DeeDee said.

“I thought you said you could get four?” Tyree asked with an attitude.

“No, I said we had to bid four. I told you I could get three. Maybe if I had some help from you we would’ve made our bid,” I replied.

“Look, I told you I didn’t have anything as soon as I looked at my cards,” Tyree said, sounding as if he was frustrated, too.

“Calm down, boys, because I need everybody’s attention. I want you to watch this,”

DeeDee said, before taking a deep pull from the blunt. She held the smoke in for a minute and then released all of it out through her nose.

“Game over. We won,” DeeDee said as she laid down her last four cards. She had the big joker, the little joker, the two of spades, and the ace of spades.

“We ran a Boston on that ass. We got all of the books. Give me my money,” DeeDee said, before she started laughing as she grabbed the money off the center of the dining room table.

“That’s some bullshit. I’ve never had anyone run a Boston on me,” Tyree yelled.

“It’s the luck of the draw, baby,” Ebony said to Tyree.

“Whatever, shut up, you ain’t even that good,” Tyree replied as he got up to go sit on the couch.

“Yes, I am, and you know it. Don’t be mad ‘cause I beat you,” Ebony said, as she tried rubbing it in some more.

“We beat him,” DeeDee said as she looked and smiled at Ebony.

“That’s right, girl, we kicked their asses,” Ebony said as she smiled back at DeeDee.

“Here you go, sweetie. Here’s a thousand for you and a thousand for me,” DeeDee said as she handed Ebony her money.

Ebony doubled her money and still didn’t offer me a dime. She was going to have to do something soon because I wasn’t going to keep supporting her for too much longer. DeeDee and Ebony got drunk as they laughed and teased us all night long. It was annoying, but I was happy that they were getting along. I could tell they were going to be good friends. DeeDee didn’t live that far, so she decided to leave at 3:00 AM. After Ebony passed out on the couch, Tyree banged me out on the living room floor. He was high, horny, and hooked on this ass. He couldn’t wait to go into the bedroom and had to have me right there. I fell asleep on the floor shortly after he finished. I woke up butt ass naked at 11:00AM to find a messy house, no Ebony, and no Tyree. They managed to make it to their beds, but let me sleep ass up on the living room floor.

Chapter 11

Baby Bi the Way.

It was eight weeks later and Breeze and I were inseparable again. His nasty attitude would vanish, to reappear at any random moment. I was beginning to understand him and kind of know when he was going to get cunty, so I found myself walking on eggshells and minding my P’s and Q’s. It wasn’t the way I wanted to live in the long run, but for the time being, I was going to ride his bipolar wave. I was just going to be about having fun while making what was major money for me. That day on my way to the warehouse, I called Breeze on his cell to let him know that I would be there soon. It wasn’t easy keeping the peace and my distance from Tanya, but Breeze and I were finding ways to keep things civil at work, for the most part.

“What’s up DeeDee, who are you filming with today?” I asked as I entered the dressing room. DeeDee and I had gotten kind of friendly and somewhat joined forces against the evil we liked to call Sky Scrapper.

“Girl, I’m fucking Tommy Thunder. I been putting that shit off for months but it finally caught up with me,” she said while laughing.

“I thought that you would be thrilled to work with him, he’s hung like a horse from what I’ve seen.”

“It’s not the size that scares me; it’s what he does with it. He fucks as if he is a caged animal. You can barely walk when he’s done with you,” she said while damn near cringing.

“I had to use Mr. Purple all morning just to get my shit ready,” DeeDee said while holding up and eight inch thick dildo. Everyone in the dressing room let out a roar of laughter. Most understood what she was saying because they also had the misfortune of working with Tommy. As soon as I had seen his shlong, I told Breeze that I wanted nothing to do with it. I knew what I was able to handle and that was out of my size comfort zone.

“Who’s breaking your back today?”

“It’s gonna be my first threesome. I tried to talk Breeze out of making me do it, but he’s been pressing me about it hard.

“Who’s gonna run that train?” DeeDee asked as she dried between her legs with a towel.

“Some dudes named Konceited and Krave, and yes, I was told that they are both spelled with K’s,” I said while shaking my head. But who was I to judge? I went from Jasmine to Jezebel in one swell swoop of a fuck.

“Girl, you know that you gotta do anything to stick out in porn. To tell you the truth, I kind of like that they spell both names with a K, it’s different and memorable. Anyway, what did Breeze tell you about those two?” she asked with a weird look on her face.

“Exactly what he needed to tell her, why even ask? She’s a fucking worker bee just like the rest of you sluts, so she gets told enough for her to be able to do her job.”

Neither of us had noticed the wicked witch of Fantasy Pictures walking in. She towered over DeeDee as she spat her nasty words.

“Bitch, fuck you, I didn’t hear anybody talking to your ass did I?” DeeDee asked as she looked around the room.

“I think that Jazzy deserves to know who she’s about to fuck and that means that Breeze should have told her so. You’re the only one in here who would fuck a dog, horse, or she-male if Breeze asked you to. What am I saying? You can cross two of those things off that list from what I heard.”

The whole room laughed at Tanya and that pissed her off. She walked up on DeeDee and did the unthinkable. By the time Tanya’s hand slid across DeeDee’s face, her hands were already around Tanya’s neck and her fist was slamming into her face.

“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO STOP TRYING ME BITCH?” DeeDee yelled as she was being pulled off of Tanya.

“I HOPE YOU GET YOUR SHIT TWISTED WHEN THERE’S NO ONE HERE TO STOP AND SAVE YOUR ASS. I PRAY YOU GET FUCKED UP BITCH,” DeeDee yelled as she was taken out of the locker room. Tanya’s face looked a mess. I was just mad that DeeDee couldn’t get her the way I knew she wanted to. Tanya left the locker room with her flunky whose name was Juicy Jenny, half way carrying her to Breeze’s office.

“I don’t give a fuck what Breeze got to say, that bitch had it coming. She always gotta jump into someone’s conversation when no one is talking to her ass. I’ll get my shit and bounce. It ain’t nothing to me, I have built a name for myself and there are plenty of companies that would love to have me rep for them.”

She didn’t aim her comments at anyone. She was talking to whoever was listening and meant every word of it.

“What the fuck is going on down here? You all know that I don’t tolerate this nonsense.”

The fat man who would have looked a lot like his son if he lost the extra 100 pounds that he carried around asked. In my short time there, this was the first time that I had laid eyes on Breeze’s father in person. He was 5’10, 250 pounds of what used to be all muscle with a handsome face. He was dressed in a designer suit and smelled like expensive Italian cologne.

“You women better get your shit together. If I wanted to see a fight today, I would have one or more of you on the set with the boxing ring. Now who’s going to fill in for Tanya?”

“Who’s she fucking?” I heard a voice ask.

“She taping with…Mini Molly. It should be an easy shoot. It’s all about the toys and oil on this one,” he answered with a smile, even with all his years in porn, there were still some things that turned him on and made him smile.

“Come on, there’s gotta be one of you who wouldn’t mind getting messy. I’ll throw another two grand in for the short notice.”

After he said that, I watched at least five hands go up. He picked the tallest out of the volunteers. The film was called The Horny Green Giant and it needed a tall girl who would be painted green, but he left that part out. He figured once she accepted the money she would have to go through with it.

“And DeeDee, put your shit back in your locker, we’re not letting you go. Plus, I heard that you have a mean left hook, which may come in handy for a flick we’re thinking about doing.”

“What’s that?” she asked smiling.

“Cocky Balboa, it’s all about strap-ons and the women who use them. It’s gonna be in the boxing ring and we're gonna see who wins, real dick or chicks with plastic ones.”

He winked at DeeDee and patted her on her ass as he walked out. DeeDee was his favorite and everyone knew it. She always treated him as if he was the sexiest man in the room. She watched him put on the pounds and grow gray hair in the five years that she worked for him, but that didn’t change anything. He was the only man to treat her like a princess even though he knew what she did for a living. It was because of him that she was a star. Her affair with him had taken her off fluffer status in no time, but even after that, she continued to see him outside of work. Although Breeze didn’t like it, he knew that his father was the boss and wouldn’t take his disapproval too kindly.

“Do you really think that I should hit Breeze up for some info?” I asked DeeDee as things simmered down.

“Look, Jazzy, I know that as an adult film star, you may not know everyone that you’re about to get down with, but as for me, I like to have information on the players in the game. I think that it’s fair to at least ask and be told. There are not a lot of people out there like that but that’s how I roll.”

I thought about it and she was right. I really didn’t even want to do the scene so a little info wouldn’t hurt.

I walked up to Breeze’s office and was about to open the door until I heard Tanya’s screeching on the other side of it.

“I want that bitch gone, Breeze, look at my face. She’s a fucking monster; do you see what she did to me?”

I smiled as I pictured her face looking like Will Smith’s face did on Hitch when he had that bad allergic reaction.

“You know that’s not going to happen. She’s fucking my father for Christ sake. Do you really think that he’s gonna let her go and keep you around?”

Tanya knew that she was asking for too much. She remembered the day she stood behind that same door that I stood at and overheard the conversation that left nothing to the imagination. When Breeze told me the jest of what went down, I don’t know if I could have continued to work for his dad and not hate him, if I were Tanya that is.

*****

“Why her son, she’s total trash, don’t you see that?” Breeze’s father looked at him and tried to see what he saw, but the same thing always emerged.

“There’s not a specific reason, dad, I just like her.”

“You could have chosen any of the girls at this company or outside of it. Yet, you chose the one that I, and everyone else, hates the most.”

“And why is that, what did she ever do to you? She works her ass off, she’s always on time, and plus, you hired her.”

“Yes, I did, but I didn’t hire her for you to fuck. What, do you think that I’m going to pass up on a money maker? She’s one of our top earners and her fans love her, but that still doesn’t make her good enough for you.”

Breeze looked at his father and saw a hypocrite. He must have slept with half the girls at Fantasy Pictures, yet he was carrying on an illicit affair with one that strangely resembled his own wife when she was younger.

“Well, it doesn’t matter what you think, she’s moving in with me this weekend.”

“Goddamn it, Breeze, that bitch isn’t anything good son. She is as nasty as they come. Her heart is nonexistent and you’ll regret your decision.”

Breeze finished the drink that his father had given him when he first walked into the plush office and sat the glass down on the desk without a coaster. He knew that his father hated watermarks, and both men knew that he was only doing it to be defiant. To him, he was letting his father know that he may have been working for him, but he was done being his little boy. He was tired of all of the rules and was now going to play by his own.

“You can give me all of the advice that you want when it comes to work, but as far as life lessons, well maybe you should learn a few of them yourself, that is before you start trying to teach them.”

From that day on, Breeze’s father decided to let him crawl, walk, and fall on his own. He loved his son but he would just have to find his own strength to get up from his fall, and move on from the mistakes that he was bound to make.

*****

“What is it Jazzy, I’m busy right now,” Breeze asked once Tanya walked out of his office and I walked in.

“This won’t take long; I just wanted some info on the guys I’m filming with today.”

Breeze took in a long drag of air as if I was a split second away from getting on his last nerve.

“Your threesome is with one gay dude and a Bi one who happen to be real life lovers. You’ll be interacting with only the Bi one of course.”

I knew that he thought that I was going to overreact but I didn’t. I was working on accepting my current position in life and I wanted to prove that to him.

“It’s not a big deal, but in the future, I want a heads up on all of the scenes that I’m going to be in. As a matter a fact, make sure that the info is given to me at least a day in advance.”

I walked out of his office feeling proud and satisfied. The look on his face made me realize two things, he was surprised at my openness, and my message was understood.

I watched Krave and Konceited interact, trying to figure out their relationship. Who was the bottom, who was the top, who held who in bed, which one did the cooking and cleaning? I could have gone on for days with my list of questions but no one would have answered them, I never asked any out loud.

“What’s up sexy, my name is Konceited, Jezebel right?” Konceited asked while extending his hand. I looked over his body starting from the hand that he held out to me. He was cute, almost pretty. His light caramel skin was smooth and didn’t look like it belonged to the tall thug like boy-man who stood before me. I was told that he was twenty-three but he looked more like he was seventeen.

“I’ve heard a lot about you and I loved the scene you did with Lust. I’ve wanted to meet you for a while, so when Breeze told us that we would be working with you, my shit got hard the minute he said your name.”

The look on my face said it all. What did he mean his shit got hard?

“Aren’t you gay, women still turn you on, so you must be the ‘BI’ one, huh?”

I had almost forgot that Breeze did say that one was gay and the other Bi.

“I’m more straight than anything else to tell you the truth, dick mostly pays the bills,” he said as we shared a laugh. I was in the same boat as him, fucking to pay the rent so I didn’t judge.

“Well, what about him?”

We looked over to his lover Krave and I waited for his response. When I stole a glimpse at Konceited, it was as if he was trying to find the same answer that I was searching for when I looked at Breeze.

“Don’t strain your brain boo. Things can be complicated that way, I feel you on this one.”

There were times when I looked at Breeze and didn’t quite know what I was doing either. I liked him but I knew that it wasn’t forever.

“Your ears must have been ringing, huh?” I asked Krave as he walked over to me and his…boyfriend.

“Was he bragging about me again?” Krave asked while laughing. I laughed too, but for a different reason.

“So, how does this work with you two, have you done a Bi threesome before?”

I asked as I looked my first companion’s boy toy over. He was also cute but in more of a manly way. His skin was a bit lighter than hot cocoa and looked spotless. His short haircut was sharp and he shared the same almond shaped eyes as me. When I looked at him, I didn’t see a gay man, I just saw a man that was gay. He wasn’t too fagged out but if I was to put these two against each other, I would bet my money on Krave being the ass bandit.

“This isn’t our first time in a three-some but this is my first time so close to the fish tank if you know what I mean.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that you don’t have to go swimming in it, huh?” Krave high fived me as he laughed at my last statement.

The director of this scene, who happened to be Breeze’s father, went over how he wanted the film which was titled Baby Bi the way, to play out. Once we got everything down packed, Krave, Konceited, and I headed for showers, hair, and make-up.

*****

“ACTION.”

The green light flashed on telling everyone that a taping was in session. I turned into the sex kitten Jezebel while wondering if either Krave or Konceited had to also get into character, or if it just came natural to them.

“You’re late; didn’t I tell you to be here by three?”

“I was about to call you and tell you that I wasn’t coming but I figured that it would be better to do it in person.”

“You were going to cancel on me at the last minute?” I asked Konceited as he stood at the makeshift front door. He was dressed as a mechanic with a nametag and all.

“You being married just doesn’t sit well with me. What if he comes home, what if he---.”

I pulled him into my fake apartment and closed the door behind him cutting off his words.

“What did I tell you when we were at your auto shop; didn’t I tell you that my husband was always on the road? I rarely see him because of his job. I’m left here horny and lonely. Now tell me, what is a girl to do when she’s left alone in the house with a wet pussy and no man?”

I pulled him close to me tasting his delectable looking lips. They were plump, soft, and wet from him just licking his lips as he looked at me. To get into character, I put on a skimpy nighty that was sure to turn him on.

“Wait, wait, I’m not doing this, I can’t.”

“Sure you can, and if not, I’m a good teacher.”

I unzipped his fake uniform and stroked his long thick stick that was already rock hard.

“Your lips can lie but your body won’t; don’t deny it, baby, you want me, too.”

I slipped off the black slinky lingerie and stood in front of him naked. He grabbed his dick and let his body sway back with that thug lean. I sat down on the couch and spread my legs. He needed to see what he was thinking about turning down.

“Come one, baby, I’m so wet, I need you, and she needs you,” I said stroking my sweet spot, and as I played with myself, he walked over to me as if he had no choice, as if his dick and brain were two separate entities that never shared the same body. Once over to me, he picked up my right leg and slipped off my stiletto.

“NO, NO, I SAID TO KEEP THE HEELS ON.”

I thought that Breeze was specific when it came to directing, but his dad, Mr. Cappello, had to have things his way or no way at all.

Once he slipped my shoe back on the tapping resumed. Konceited kissed from my shoe, up my ankle and calf, and up my thigh. When he blessed my clit with his tongue, I was surprised to see that he knew what he was doing.

“NEXT SCENE, ON YOUR KNEES, MISSIE.”

That’s where I had to yell cut. Sucking dick wasn’t the first thing that I liked to order off the sex menu, so I really couldn’t see myself going down on him. All I kept thinking about was where his dick had probably been prior to this scene. So I walked over to Mr. Cappello and pulled him aside. When I told him my reasoning for interrupting things, I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or amused.

“I hope that you don’t think that you can do this work without sucking a man off. That’s a part of sex and fans of Fantasy Pictures expect to see that.”

“Well, maybe we can get around that. I’ve done oral before Mr. Cappello, but I just don’t think that I could do it to him, he’s…gay.”

“No, Jazzy he’s Bi but I get what you mean. I’ll let you off the hook this time but this is your one and only pass, understood?”

He called over Krave and Konceited and told them the change of plans. Action was called again and we picked up where I wanted to be.

“I gotta have you in me baby,” I said as I pushed his head away from me. I stood up and lay on the coffee table that was made of thick glass. It came in handy when the camera man wanted to film from under it. It made for a good visual.

“LUBE, LOTS OF LUBE, PUT IT ALL OVER HER, MAKE HER SHINE.”

I didn’t know why Breeze’s father found it necessary to scream out his orders but we heard him loud and clear. I was lubed up and ready to go. He got me hot while licking my nipples and sliding his little BIG man in me. I could tell that he was a thug boy because he fucked like one, straight and to the point. He was out to break backs and bus nuts, no love in-between. We made sure that his back was to the door so that he wouldn’t see when Krave, my husband entering the front door. I moaned load and working my hips as he put it on me.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

Krave yanked Konceited off of me and slammed him against the wall of the living room set.

“I’m, I’m her mechanic, I just came to drop off her car,” Konceited answered with Krave’s hand tightly around his neck.

“Looks like you dropped off more than just her car. I should kill you ass…and her too,” Krave added, as he looked my way.

“I knew you were a slut, but in my house, you fuck him in the house I’m killing myself to pay for?”

Krave was such a good actor that I kind of got caught up in the whole situation.

“Baby, please, I’m so sorry, I’ll make this up to you, I promise. Just let him go.”

I walked over to him and tried to pry his hands from around Konceited’s neck. Once he let go, I handed Konceited his clothes and told him to leave, fast.

“You think that you can just walk away from this shit? No one’s leaving here, not until you both pay for your sins.”

Krave pulled out a fake gun that could have past for the real thing.

“Get your nasty ass back on that table bitch, and you, get her nice and hot.”

Krave had become the monster that he was trying to portray. He embodied a gun-crazed husband who had gone over the edge. He stood and watched as Konceited turned me on with his hands and mouth. Krave pulled off his clothes, moaned and spoke as he stroked his stick.

“That’s right, little nigga, get her nice and wet.”

I don’t know about anyone else but nothing bothered me. Not even when we had to pause and wait for the stills to be taken. I was turned on to the max. There was something about the authority in his voice that had my sugar walls running wet.

“Turn around, let me look you over, I wonder if you’ll be good at it?”

Konceited didn’t answer. He just stood there as if he was scared for his life.

“Get on your knees and suck my dick.”

“I think that you’re taking things too far, baby, let him go, you’ve had your fun.”

Krave let out a devilish laugh and walked up to his real life lover. He put the gun up to his head and spoke slowly.

“If you don’t suck my dick the way that I tell you to, I’ll shoot you and make her a fucking cripple.”

Konceited did as he was told. He kneeled down and came face to face with Krave’s nine and a half thick dick. He acted as if he didn’t know what he was doing forcing Krave to take control of his head and damn near chocking him by going too far down his throat. I watched as Konceited tried to push him away but that only made Krave go deeper and faster.

“Yeah, look at him, baby, he’s kind of good at it, I bet he’ll be a pro in no time,” Krave said as he moved his hips to Konceited’s steady rhythm of dick sucking. I played with myself as I waited for my turn to come.

“Now go over there and fuck my wife, she’s waited long enough,” Krave said as he pushed Konceited away with a force that knocked him down. He stood up and walked over to me with his head hung low. His was supposed to be portraying a man that was being taken advantage of, and he was doing a good job. He slid back into me with ease and fucked me tenderly.

“Don’t make love to my wife nigga, fuck her brains out,” he said as he hit Konceited across the head with the fake gun. I moaned out in pain and pleasure as Konceited banged into me, then turning me around and hitting it from the back when he was told to do so. A few minutes after that, I heard the sound of the lube bottle being opened. I knew what was coming next and waited to see how things would work out.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

Konceited had stopped working me when he noticed Krave standing behind him with a full hard-on.

“You fucked my wife so now I’m gonna fuck you. Now both of you get on the floor and stay there.”

Once on the carpet Konceited tried to talk his way out of things, but Krave had a tight grip on the back of his neck and wasn’t going to let go until he got what he wanted.

“If you fight it, it will only hurt you more and make me get rough.”

“But I’m not gay; I came here to get some pussy, that’s all.”

“Well now it looks like you’re going to also be serving some ass. Get back in that pussy and SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Krave yelled as he hit him harder than the script called for. I could hear and see him applying the lube on Konceited ass. He tried to fake like he didn’t like it but I caught his eyes rolling to the back of his head when the cameras weren’t on his face.

“Stay still for a minute mother fucker, you got a tight little ass that needs working into.”

Konceited hollered and squirmed just like he was supposed to.

“Please, don’t do this, it hurts, I can’t take it.”

“That’s too fucking bad nigga ‘cause I’m giving it. Now listen and listen good. I’m gonna fuck you while you’re still fucking her. Keep the rhythm or I’ll blow your head off. Oh, and by the way baby, I’m Bi,” Krave said as Konceited fucked me and he fucked Konceited at the same time.

Everything fell into place and the scene went smooth. It had been the first time that I had seen a threesome scene go that way but if the boss liked it then I loved it. When everything was said and done there were only a few lines left to say. And as Konceited’s character pretended to get dressed to go back to work, I played shocked when finding out my husband was Bi.

“Don’t you think that you should have told me that you were into men?”

“Well, now you know. Come on, baby that was a win-win situation for the both of us. Plus, you never told me that you were such a whore while daddy was out to work.”

I sat in his lap and kissed his lips softly.

“So are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked as I looked over to Konceited. Krave pushed me on the couch and walked over to the man that he just pretended to violate.

“That was some good ass, nigga, we both enjoyed it. We were thinking that maybe we could do this again.”

It came out sounding more like a demand than a request.

“I already told you, sir, I’m not like that. If you weren’t holding a gun to my head then I would have never done that.”

“Same time, same day, same place, and same play, nigga.”

Konceited made his way to the door and once he had it open, Krave had once more warning to give.

“Don’t make us come looking for you, and I don’t mean my wife and I.”

Krave held the gun up to his lip and kissed it. He wanted to send a clear message to the man that was walking out of the door.

“CUT, that was perfection,” Mr. Cappello yelled from his director’s chair. It made me feel good to know that we had performed to his level of standards.

*****

“So, Jazzy, what are you doing tomorrow?” Krave asked as the three of us headed out of the warehouse.

“Nothing much, I was just gonna hang out and chill, why?”

“Well, we’re having a little barbecue at the house and I wanted to know if you wanted to come. Don’t worry, we didn’t invite everyone from work, just a select few,” he said while nodding his head toward Tanya and her crew. The word of what went down in the ladies’ locker room had spread through the whole warehouse before our taping was even done. And by the look on his face, I’m sure he knew about Breeze’s and my relationship.

*****

“We thought that maybe you had changed your mind,” Krave said as he opened the door to his upscale condo. He had been in the business for a good amount of time and his surroundings told the story. His house was decked out and every room seemed to look better than the last. As he gave me a tour, I saw some people from work while the others were strangers. He introduced me to his roommate Ebony and I liked her from the start. We sat on what seemed to be the newly build deck sipping our gay friendly colorful drinks and got to know each other. It was funny because she seemed to know about all the drama at work and even filled me in on some things that I didn’t know. Like how her roommate and his lover got in the game and how Breeze had a habit of getting with what she called the flavor of the month. She told me that neither Tanya nor I was the first and won’t be the last to fall for a snake such as Breeze. Those were her exact words. At first, I was offended but there was so much truth in what she said that I just sat back and put it in my mental file cabinet.

“Is she talking your ears off about Fantasy pictures?” Krave asked while handing both Ebony and I fresh drinks.

“I’ve been telling her that she knows so much about the place that she might as well work there.”

“Boy, please, how many times do I have to tell you that I couldn’t suck dick for a paycheck?”

“Well, you know what they say about people who are always asking about something.”

“What’s that?” I asked Konceited after he added his two cents in.

“Either they’re thinking about doing it or they will end up doing it pretty soon. Either way it all leads to the same thing. Thinking most likely leads to doing,” he said with a big shit eating grin on his face. I watched Ebony while he talked and from what I could tell, Konceited was right. Only she seemed too scared to jump in head first without giving it a long good thought, smart!

“Well, if you really want to get a feel for the job, maybe you should come to Vegas with us. There’s going to be a huge convention and award ceremony, you can room with me, I don’t think that Breeze is going to make it.”

I saw a spark in her eyes as soon as the words left my mouth, Konceited was definitely right about her.

“Well, when you’re sure about Breeze not going, let me know, I’m down for whatever,” Ebony said trying to play cool, but it was too late. Her face had deceived her and showed her true feelings on the matter at hand.

“Are you nominated for anything, K and I got news of our nominations two days ago?”

Krave seemed so proud to tell his news as he wrapped his arms around Konceited’s waist and kissed the back of his neck.

“Breeze said that the scenes that I did were filmed too late to be submitted. His father was supposed to try and pull some strings but my hopes aren’t up.”

“Don’t sweat that shit, from what I heard and saw, I’m sure that next year’s biggest awards have your name written all over them.”

Konceited’s words rang with both sincerity and truth, and deep down inside, I couldn’t wait to be able to stand in front of my peers and bask in the limelight, even if it would be because of porn.

Chapter 12

“Satisfy Your Kravings”

After filming “Baby, Bi the way” we started chilling with Jasmine, and she would occasionally go out with us. I knew I liked her from the moment we met. She was really nice and came off as a genuinely good person. In a weird way, she kind of reminded me of myself. Along with Tyree, all three of us filmed one hell of a scene together. Everyone in the industry was talking about it. We were told we received multiple nominations for the Adult Video Awards that year, just for that film alone. That was the first, and only piece of pussy that Tyree had since I turned him out. I knew he wanted her again because he would constantly bring her up. Even Ebony had to tell him to shut up, and to stop thinking about her. He mentioned to Breeze that we needed to film a sequel with her. I found out later from Jasmine, that Tyree asked her out off set but she turned him down. I was relieved to find out he wasn’t Jasmine’s type. At least he was still cool with her after she respectfully made it clear that she wasn’t interested.

A few weeks later Tyree had to leave for a week. It was the first time we were apart from each other since he moved in with me. A new porn studio that was just starting up flew him out to Santa Barbara to film their first big production. I wanted to go with him, but I was too busy shooting six one-on-one scenes for “Satisfy your Kravings”. I was the star of the film, and the only one who would appear nude on the cover of the DVD. You know you’ve made it big if you’re the only one, or the main one on the cover. It was hard being away from Tyree, so after I would get off work I would hang out with the girls. Jazzy, Ebony, and DeeDee all became close friends so they were hanging out together on the regular. Now I was the one tagging along. Nothing was new with DeeDee; she was still having an affair with Mr. Cappello. Ebony was still pretending like she was hunting for a job. Jasmine, on the other hand, had a lot to say. She told us all about her relationship with Breeze. We all kind of figured out Jasmine was sleeping with Breeze, but now we were hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth. I was thrilled to know the rumors were true. I knew if I ever needed something from Breeze, but had a feeling he’d say no, I would just get Jasmine to ask for me. Even though Ebony was my friend, and I knew her the longest, whenever we went out we all got along and had fun, but it was obvious to me that Jasmine and I talked more and became closer, since Ebony and DeeDee were usually kicking it with each other. DeeDee was sweet on Ebony. I knew she was Bi, but I felt like she was wasting her time if she thought she could get with Ebony. I hoped DeeDee’s intentions were strictly platonic. Ebony told me she was straight as an arrow the day she moved in with me, so I couldn’t see her dating, or sleeping with another female. Even though it did seem like they were dating since DeeDee would take Ebony out, and she didn’t mind buying her things. We hung out pretty much that entire week, and it felt like the longest week ever. I missed Tyree so much. He texted me once and said that by the time he was done shooting all day, he was exhausted, and would go back to his room and go to sleep. He was too tired, and didn’t feel like talking. I thought that was fucked up since I tried calling him all week, but his cell phone was off. When he turned it back on as he was returning home, he got the text from Breeze at the same time as I did, because right after I read it, Tyree called me.

“What’s up, baby? Did you just get this text from Breeze saying there’s emergency meeting today, and that everyone needs to come in for testing immediately?”

“I just read it, and was getting ready to head up there now. I need to shoot my last scene for the week anyway.”

“What do you think happened?” Tyree asked. “We’re not scheduled to get tested again until the end of this month,” he added.

“I don’t know, but we need to talk about you not returning my calls. I was missing you like crazy, and I was worried. This is the first time I’ve heard from you since you left L.A. That’s fucked up. Why couldn’t you check in with me?”

“Man, I told you I was tired and just wanted to rest after I was done working those long hours every day. It’s a new company so they weren’t as fast, and prepared as Fantasy Pictures is. I’m sorry, baby, next time I’ll make sure to make time for my boo and I’ll call you.”

“There’s going to be a next time?”

“Oh, yeah, they liked me so much they want to pay me double to come out there every other weekend to shoot some scenes.”

“Are you serious? They really expect us to travel out to Santa Barbara every other weekend? I don’t know if I’m going to feel like traveling that much.”

“Look, I’m driving right now. We can talk about this later. I should be there in time for the meeting. I’ll see you later sexy.”

I looked at my cell phone, and just shook my head. We were supposed to be business partners too, but he was starting to make decisions without me. I didn’t know what to say, or what to think. I got my stuff, and headed into work. As I pulled up, I saw the girls outside smoking, so I joined them since I had another fifteen minutes before I was supposed to be there anyway.

“What’s up ladies? What’s going on here today?” I asked.

“Hey, Jamar. I don’t know yet. I saw some nurses inside getting ready to take blood from everybody,” Jasmine replied.

I didn’t even have to ask her for the blunt she just passed it to me. I took three good pulls before passing it to DeeDee.

“I guess we’ll find out when Breeze gets here. My inside connect wouldn’t tell me, and said I’ll find out with everyone else,” DeeDee said before taking a hit.

We all knew she was talking about Mr. Cappello. Something was definitely wrong, and this was serious if she couldn’t get ‘“her man” to give her the scoop. I turned to Jasmine, and wondered if she spoke to Breeze about any of this, so I asked.

“Did Breeze mention anything to you?”

“No, why would he mention something to me?” she replied with an attitude.

“I just assumed he would’ve called you.”

“Oh, so just because were fucking, you assume he tells me everything?”

“No, calm down, Jazzy. I didn’t assume anything by it. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I was hoping you knew something, that’s all.”

I was surprised Jasmine ticked like that. She was the last person I suspected to have an attitude toward me.

“I’m sorry Jamar. I’m just on edge right now. I didn’t mean to snap on you. I was off today, getting high listening to some CD’s, when I got Breeze’s text. Now I’m here anyway stressing out, and wondering why I have to get tested again. I just got my results back last week from my previous testing. I’m cleaner than a homo’s ass after an enema.”

Everyone started busting out laughing. Even though she said homo, all of us had to take them before shooting anal scenes so we knew what she meant.

“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for the laugh, and for the weed, but I have to head inside to do this scene with Blaze,” I said as I looked at Jazzy.

“Don’t even waste your time boy. I was told filming is shut down until further notice.” DeeDee said as she put out the roach.

She was acting very nonchalant about everything.

“There’s no way. I’ll be back,” I said as I headed inside. I couldn’t believe production stopped so I needed to see for myself. I walked through the lobby to get to the warehouse. There were six nurses, four females, and two males in scrubs setting everything up. There were adult performers everywhere, outside, the lobby, and especially in the large warehouse. Some were talking in groups, while others were alone reading, listening to their iPods, or looking just as confused as I was. There were a few that looked happy and carefree. Especially a few of the blondes, like Juicy Jenny, who were all laughing and talking about themselves as they compared their fake breasts. I saw Mr. Cappello storming toward his office as he talked and screamed at someone on his cell phone. I looked over and noticed Blaze slipping Tommy Thunder a dub bag, as Tommy handed him a 20 dollar bill. I knew Blaze was a bold hustler, but damn in front of all those people. He could’ve at least handled his transactions outside. However, it did remind me that I needed to buy some more trees from him. I walked over to see what was up.

“Hey, what’s going on Blaze?”

“Nothing much sexy, just waiting around like everyone else, but I’m really waiting to get some more of that good dick that you got between your legs.”

I kind of chuckled, and blushed then asked.

“Is that right?”

“Hell yeah, I’ve been here since nine getting ready, and preparing for our scene. I should be riding your dick right about now,” Blaze replied as he grabbed my dick through my jeans.

“Man, stop playing.” I said as I moved his hand away. For some reason I was embarrassed because I felt like everyone was looking at us. I was going to ask him about the trees, but I didn’t feel comfortable right there. I told him to go into the locker room. He took it the wrong way, because as soon as he realized we were alone in there he walked right up to me, started kissing me, and grabbing on my dick again. Not only was he bold, but he was aggressive.

“Come on man, stop! What is up with you today?” I asked as I pushed him off of me, and took a step back away from him.

“Damn, it’s like that Krave? I thought you’d be happy to fuck me again.”

“I am…I mean I was, but then I got here and realized something serious is going on. Hell, I’m still waiting to find out why we’re all here. I’m not even thinking about our scene or sex right now.”

“I feel you, but I’m still thinking about it. I thought we were filming so I smoked a blunt and swallowed an E pill. I’m horny as fuck. As a matter of fact, my dick is rock hard right now. Don’t even worry about the testing that’s going on, because I always carry protection,” he said as he reached in his pocket pulling out a condom, but lifting his shirt high enough so I could see the gun he was packing. I don’t know a lot about guns, but it looked like a Smith & Wesson 9mm handgun. It was silver and black, and looked small enough to hide easily.

“Let’s get it in real quick before Breeze gets here, and before this meeting gets started,”

Blaze said as he dropped the condom on the bench.

I looked down and sure enough, I could see his big ten inch hard dick lying against his thigh through the print in his shorts. It was a shame that he was a bottom, because it was a waste of a big dick. At least he enjoyed getting head, especially ever since I went down on him the first time that we worked together. He’s a pretty but sexy wannabe thug. He’s about 6’0, slim, light skin, thick eyebrows, nicely trimmed mustache and beard with some pretty green eyes. He’s definitely hot, and a great fuck if you ask me.

“Blaze, you know work is work, but for play and pleasure, umm it’s not like that between us. I’d feel like I was cheating on Tyree.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Krave we’ve fucked at least three times before, and we were supposed to get it in today so what’s the problem?”

“We were supposed to work today. It looks like the scene is postponed, so we will have to do this some other time. I’ll be looking forward to it, but what I wanted to ask you …”

He kissed me again before I could finish asking him for some trees. I could feel his dick rubbing up against my leg. His lips were cool and wet so his kisses were starting to make me aroused. I had to push him off of me again.

“Like I said…”

He cut me off again.

“I know, I know, work. It’s always work with you. Fuck it we’ll work then.”

 He took his book bag off, unzipped it, and pulled out a big wad of cash. I could see inside his bag, there were different size baggies full of weed. He started counting out loud, and stopped when he got to fifteen hundred, and then he slipped fifteen one hundred dollar bills in my right pocket.

“There’s our pay for today. So there you go, were working now. And if it makes you feel any better Tyree doesn’t have to know about this. Trust me I don’t even talk to him like that.”

I couldn’t believe Blaze wanted to pay me for sex, but what shocked me the most was that he only made fifteen hundred per scene. I knew he was new to the industry, but damn Breeze fucked him over on his contract. I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him, and I wasn’t going to tell him how much I made per scene either. However, for some strange reason I thought about Tyree fucking Domingo. That was that moment I knew I was accepting Blaze’s offer. Tyree would’ve taken the deal in a heartbeat. I kept the money and then said, “I wanted you to come in here because I needed to get some more trees. I didn’t come in here for sex, but fuck it can I have an ounce too?”

He grabbed one of the bigger baggies out of his book bag, and put it in my other pocket.

“There you go. So what’s up?”

Damn that was easy. I guess if you don’t ask you’ll never know said the pimp to the hoe.

“Get undressed, and get on your knees.”

Blaze did as he was told. He wanted me so bad that it only took him three seconds to come out of his clothes. Then, he got on his knees, and instantly started to unbutton my jeans. After he unzipped them, he pulled them along with my boxers down to my ankles. He started sucking my dick like it was a drug, and he needed another dose. I still felt high from smoking with the girls so it felt really good too. It didn’t take long before I was fucking his throat just the way he likes it. It felt like I was fucking a tight wet ass, that’s how good he was with his. That dude was a pro. If sucking dick was a sport, he’d be the MVP every season, and he’d always win first place. We 69ed on the bench for a while, he was lying on his back, and I was on top. After we got each other’s dicks wet and rock hard I was ready to fuck. I grabbed the Trojan condom he put on the bench, and strapped up. I sat down and got comfortable so he could ride my dick. I didn’t even have to tell him what to do. He straddled me and slid down on my dick slow and steady until all nine inches was inside of him. He sat there for a moment as he loudly moaned out in pleasure. He pushed my back down so it was touching the bench. Then, he started bouncing on my dick like he was a horse jockey. My dick must’ve been his Black Beauty because he was taking charge and controlling my dick with every bounce. All I could do was put my hands on his waist, and enjoy the ride. We stayed in that position until he almost made me cum. I was able to hold back, so I told him to watch out so I could stand up. I bent him over the bench because it was my turn to show him what I could do. I slid my dick in him fast and hard because I wanted to hear him holler. Which he did, and it turned me on even more. I started to bang his back out. He was moaning loud, so loud that anyone walking pass the locker room could’ve heard him. I didn’t care because he had me hot and horny, so I wasn’t stopping until I was done. I came so hard that I was moaning louder than Blaze was. After we finished we both rinsed off in the showers. I got dressed then went back outside to see what the girls were doing, and to roll a blunt. Jasmine was in her car talking on her cell phone, while DeeDee was smoking a cigarette.

“Why are you smiling, and looking happy all of a sudden?” DeeDee asked.

“Cuz I got an ounce off of Blaze, so I’m about to roll up a fat ass blunt. Do you want to join me? You break, I’ll roll.”

“Sure, why not?”

DeeDee took a couple more drags off her cigarette and then joined me in my truck. She started breaking up while I was getting the blunt ready. As I was lighting up I asked her what was wrong, because she seemed too quiet, and calm about everything.

“I’m just blown. Ebony and I were supposed to hang out at the beach today, but it looks like my day will be wasted hanging around here.”

“At least were getting high, right?”

“True, but I don’t think that’s all “we’ve” been getting.” She said with a sly smirk on her face.

“What are you talking about?” I asked because I knew she wasn’t talking about what I thought she was talking about.

“Don’t play dumb Krave. I went inside to see what you were doing, but I couldn’t find you. I looked everywhere except the men’s locker room. Do you wanna know why?” She was talking about it.

“Why?” I asked just for the hell of it.

“Cuz I heard Blaze moaning out in ecstasy. I knew what was up, so I went back outside with Jazzy.”

“Whatever DeeDee, you’re tripping.”

“Oh, I’m tripping, huh? Well, I know I heard Blaze moaning, and you said you got an ounce off him, and then you walked outside smiling from ear to ear with a hard ass dick. Boy, I’m a lot...well a little older than you so don’t tell me I’m tripping. I know you fucked Blaze, but don’t worry it’s none of my business so I’m not going to tell anybody.”

She was right. I was hard as I walked outside. I was feeling good, and thinking about what just happened. I wasn’t going to confirm what DeeDee already knew, so I changed the subject, and flipped it on her.

“So what’s up with you and Ebony? Why are you always taking her out, and buying her stuff?” I asked as I grabbed the blunt from her. She kept the smoke inside her lungs a little longer than she normally does. I guess she was thinking about how she was going to answer my questions. She finally let all of the smoke out through her nose before replying.

“Oh, Ebony, that’s my girl. We’ve just been chilling lately. She doesn’t really have any money so I’ve just been treating her until she gets back on her feet. She’s funny, wild like me, and we always have fun together.”

“That’s all? You’re not trying to fuck her?”

“Okay, Jamar, now you’re the one who’s tripping,” She called me out, and told me she knew what I did with Blaze, so I returned the favor and let her know what I thought she was trying to do with Ebony exactly how she talked to me.

“Oh, I’m tripping, huh? Well, I know I trust my eyes, and I see the way you look at Ebony, especially when you get all touchy feely with her. I saw you staring hard at her ass when we were at the pool last week. If I was you I wouldn’t waste my time though. Ebony is straight…I think.”

DeeDee sucked her teeth, looked at me in the eyes, and then said, “Let me worry about that.”

I wasn’t hundred percent sure if DeeDee wanted to sleep with Ebony. I was just guessing, but she confirmed it. Right as I was about to respond Jasmine got in the truck, and sat in the back passenger seat. I looked at DeeDee who was still staring at me, and then both of us started to laugh.

“What’s so funny? What did I miss?” Jasmine asked.

“Nothing, DeeDee thinks she can turn Ebony out,” I replied as I handed Jasmine the blunt.

“I saw that coming. I’ve been waiting to see how that was going to play out myself.” Jasmine said as she was trying hard not to laugh.

I started laughing as DeeDee asked, “You knew too?”

“Girl, I’m straight and I don’t know any lesbians besides the ones that work here, but it’s obvious that you’re into her. I can read people really well, so I picked up on that the first time we all hung out.”

“Wow, do you think Ebony knows too?” DeeDee asked.

“I don’t know,” Jasmine replied.

“I think she knows you’re feeling her, but she’s enjoying the gifts and free stuff. She’s probably thinking as long as you don’t cross the line she’s cool with it.” I replied.

We all got quiet as DeeDee was hitting the blunt. After she took a couple of hits, she passed it to me.

“So, Miss Jasmine, who were you talking to? I saw you in the car smiling, and blushing. Was it someone special?”

“Damn, you’re nosey DeeDee,” Jasmine replied.

“I know, right,” I had to throw my two cents in on that one.

“You damn right, I am. Fuck, you all up in my business worrying about what I’m trying to do. Let’s just tell it all, so to catch you up, Jazzy, Krave fucked Blaze in the men’s locker room right before we got in here to smoke. So now, it’s your turn. Who were you talking to, Miss Thang?”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to say anything?” I asked.

“That’s what I said, but guess what? I changed my mind once you brought up Ebony. What’s the big deal anyway, you fucked him. Who cares?” DeeDee replied so nonchalantly.

“You had to do a scene with Blaze, right? They let you shoot the scene before the meeting? I thought production was on hold?” Jasmine asked.

“It is on hold. Their shoot was canceled, but he fucked him for fun anyway,” DeeDee announced.

“For real, Jamar?” Jasmine asked slowly as if she couldn’t believe it.

I was kind of pissed at DeeDee for telling Jasmine, but at the same time I thought it was fair since I told her business. I just shook my head up and down to confirm that it was true.

“Wow, Jamar, I hope it was worth it. Just don’t let Tyree find out, you little cheater. Pass me the blunt,” Jasmine said as she reached up front for it.

“I didn’t cheat. I was supposed to fuck him anyway, and I’ve fucked him before so I’m not a cheater.”

“Technically you did cheat Jamar. Come on think about it, what if you caught Tyree fucking somebody off set?”

“I’d be pissed.”

“Okay, there you go, point proven,” Jasmine said.

“Well, if you want to be all technical and shit I did get paid for it.”

The girls didn’t believe me so I showed them what Blaze gave me. We all started laughing, and then DeeDee stopped, looked at me, smirked, and then said, “You little pimp. You got mofos wanting to pay you even when you’re not in front of the camera. It must be nice. Go you!”

As I was about to respond Tyree got in the back of the truck with Jasmine. None of us even noticed that he had pulled up and parked.

“Hey Sexy,” was what I heard Tyree say as he closed the door.

“Hey!” Jasmine and I both replied in unison since I thought he was talking to me, but I felt stupid once I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that he was talking, and looking at her. She looked very uncomfortable. He leaned up in the front so he could give me a kiss. It felt passionate, but I couldn’t enjoy it. I felt guilty knowing that I had just finishing giving Blaze head, and now Tyree had his tongue all in my mouth.

“So why’s everyone still here, and waiting around? It took me longer to get back than I expected. I knew for sure that the meeting would’ve been over by now,” Tyree said.

“We’re waiting for Breeze to get here,” DeeDee replied.

“Speaking of the Devil, he just parked,” Jazzy said as she got out the truck to greet him.

“Breeze is finally here so this meeting should be getting ready to start. I’m going to get a seat upfront in case I have some questions. I’ll see you two inside.”

DeeDee got out of the truck, so Tyree climbed up in the front with me.

“So did you miss me?” he asked

“You know I did.”

“I missed you too. I was lonely because I didn’t have anyone to smoke with, and I didn’t have anyone to hold at night.”

“If you missed me that much, you would’ve called me.”

“Damn, you’re on that shit again? I’ve already apologized once, but I’m sorry all right?” Tyree asked as if I was making him frustrated.

“You’re right, my bad. So anyway tell me about this new company. Did you tell them about me? Did you let them know we’re a package deal?”

“I tried, but they said they can only afford to hire one of us right now.”

“Well, at least you tried, right? I’ll just go with you anyway so neither one of us is lonely when you’re in Santa Barbara.”

“We will work it out, but we better get inside. Breeze is probably about to start the meeting.”

We walked back inside, but this time no one was in the lobby. Everyone was standing around in the warehouse. Breeze was in his father’s office getting yelled at by Mr. Cappello. We walked over to where the girls were standing, and stood by them. As I looked around, I noticed Blaze staring at me smirking, and smiling. I started to feel hot and uncomfortable so I stopped looking at him, and just waited like everyone else. A few minutes later Breeze came out of his father’s office, slamming the door behind him.

“EVERYONE COME CLOSER TOGETHER. I WANT EVERYONE TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I’M NOT GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF,” Breeze yelled.

Everyone started to move closer filling in the empty gaps in-between Breeze and us.

“I know everyone is wondering why I called this meeting, and why everyone needs to be tested today. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. At least one performer who works for Fantasy Pictures has tested positive for HIV. This performer will remain nameless unless he or she decides to talk about it. Just because you don’t see someone here today does not mean he or she has HIV some performers were out of state and couldn’t be here today. Those performers will be contacted, and have to be tested as well. The performer who unfortunately caught the disease has worked with many porn studios, and in one way or another has slept with all of you, so we’re taking this very seriously. There’s no telling if the disease has spread throughout the company. I just found out from my father that Sticky Studios was just shut down completely. More than half of the performers were HIV positive and the owner of company knew, but he still allowed some of them to film scenes that included unprotected sex. The performer here most likely caught it from working with that studio. Production is shut down until everyone gets their test results back. From here on out everyone will have to get tested twice a month. I was told it’s my fault that we haven’t already been testing that way. I guess I’m the only one that can make those types of decisions around here. Fantasy Pictures will not get shut down because one of you was stupid enough to have unprotected sex. For God’s sake people when you’re fucking someone on your own time make sure to use a condom. You know the type of work you do. Why put so many people at risk? If you have any questions just hold them until after the results are returned. I’ve talked about this enough today. The nurses are ready to take your blood. They will call everyone in alphabetical order and then you’re free to go. You will be contacted ASAP. Try to relax, and don’t stress yourself out over this. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I mean I’m not a dumbass. I knew the risks, but I was assured every performer was safe and clean, and that they would remain that way at Fantasy Pictures. I wanted to know my results that day, but it wasn’t possible. I looked around, and the only people missing were Mini Molly, Tanya, and Domingo. Once I didn’t see Domingo my gut told me it was him, and I instantly felt like I had to throw up. It seemed like every time I would start to forget about Domingo something would happen, and it would remind me of him. I fucked him. Tyree fucked him a few times, once even bareback so I was worried. I looked over at Jasmine and she looked devastated. She didn’t say a word until she told us bye as she was leaving. Tyree and I told DeeDee we’d see her later, and we went straight home. I needed to get my mind right after hearing that bullshit.

Chapter 13

“What, did you call the save a porn star hotline?”

I paced my bedroom with a fat, hydro filled blunt that was half way smoked in my right hand, and a half empty glass that I had filled with vodka in my left. My heart raced as my mind seemed to jump to every conclusion. My active brain would not let me sleep, eat, or shit. My imagination had turned me into a self- taught doctor who had all of the answers, or so I thought. My bowels had been loose in the past week only to leave me constipated a week later. I was awoken by nightmares and night sweats every time I tried to close my eyes. During the day, my skin was clammy and I threw up everything I ate. I felt that the truth was staring at me every time I looked in the mirror. I had lost ten pounds in the past week and for me, that was next to impossible. I had been the same weight since high school, never fluctuating not even a pound lighter or heavier. I was FUCKED, and I found that to be kind of ironic being that I was in the fucking industry. I played the last few months over and over as if thinking about it would allow me to change it. How could this have happened? Well, that’s kind of a dumbass question. I’m a fucking porn star who was dumb enough to have unprotected sex, both on and off screen.

My nights were gloomy and they were followed by even darker days. Everything was put on hold, including my fate. I wasn’t working nor was I living. What was supposed to be my life was filled with booze and weed. I found myself drowning my existence in the substances that I brought both at the store and in the ally that my weed man worked out of. Breeze seemed to be unfazed by the horror that awaited us. I wasn’t the only one in limbo, if the sayings true about you sleeping with everyone your partner has been with, then that meant he’d fucked both Krave and Konceited. Oh, and let’s not forget Konceited’s banger, Domingo. Yet again, the results would be the same, and that left us all FUCKED! In my moment of solitude, I had prayed to God and told him that if He got me out of this one, I would try to better myself. I would try to find a way to become a better person. Maybe even try to find the person I once was. The person who was lost or who had run away, hell maybe I had ran away from her, I didn’t know. I just knew that the road that I was traveling on wasn’t paved for me and I needed to take a detour, fast. The only problem was, I was enjoying my journey, well minus this HIV scare, the hating bitches at work, and the shadiness that Breeze seemed to create. The more I was around him, the more he exposed his real self to me, and I didn’t like that person at all. There are people who are the devil in disguise, but with Breeze he was the devil in person, the devil that lets you see him without a mask, and I don’t know if it scared me or if I liked his honesty about who he was. There were so many things that I questioned and when you’re spending time alone, it gives you the time that you don’t usually make to contemplate on unanswered issues. It gives you time to clear the smoke and discover the bullshit that was buried under the clouded pile of mistakes. FUCK, what was I going to do? It seemed like I was suffocating and I had no way of getting any oxygen. My job, my so-called man, and even my friends, or maybe the lack thereof, were all taking a toll on me. I needed reassurance that everything would be okay, but even that seemed hard to come by. My circle revolved around my job so that meant that everyone was on edge. Everyone had to be tested so everyone was in the same boat that I was drowning in. I refused to go into work and mope around; I was depressed enough without having to see other worried faces. Filming had come to a halt but we were still expected to go in for photo shoots and interviews. “Fuck that bullshit” is what I told Breeze when he came over and demanded that I go into work that morning.

“You need to get it together Jazzy. I hope that you don’t think that you can just take off every time something goes wrong. You have to work until the results are in like everyone else.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Breeze was really acting like none of this affected him. I couldn’t even count the number of times that we had sex after my threesome with the boys. But there he stood, all high and mighty, as if he was a Teflon-don, as if he was invincible.

“I don’t give a shit about work right now. Work can kiss my ass, and if you throw my contract in my face, I swear to God I’m gonna tell you the fuck off.”

I knew that my contract would be his next line of defense so I warned him before I unleashed the beast that he had yet to meet.

“You’re gonna do what? Anyway, all I’m trying to do is help you get back on track. The world doesn’t stop because you’re having a bad day. I had to deal with my dad’s foot up my ass over this bullshit yet I still got my ass up and went to work. And by the way, YOU ARE UNDER CONTRACT.”

Once the last of his words left his mouth, it was as if my body was on fire. Rage filled me like a sink overflowed. I jumped out of my body and half way charged and walked toward him. I leaned over and extended my hand out so that it could reach him where he sat. The first slap across his face left him stunned, the second left him pissed and hurt. Never did he think that I would ever be so disrespectful.

“Bitch, have you lost your mind?”

My body was shaking and I no longer had control over my emotions. My devastation had taken me to a place that was dark and cold hearted. The person who was supposed to be my rock didn’t give a fuck about how I was feeling and only cared about “The business”.

“That’s right, I have lost my mind, and I’m in no hurry to find it. I’m just about sick of your fucking ass. All you care about is yourself and your pockets. You’re a fucking poor excuse for a man, friend, or whatever else you consider yourself to be. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE,” I screamed as I shoved him toward the door. When he pushed back, I went tumbling down. Not that he pushed so hard, but all the drinking and smoking I had done was starting to catch up with me. And even though I was on the floor, that didn’t stop me, it just added fuel to the vengeful fire that he had lit inside of me.

“You motherfucking bitch, you would push me back. I’m a female that you’re not scared of, but when daddy yells you shrivel up like the pussy that you are. Get out, you fucking coward, I can’t even stand to look at your bitch ass.”

I dug deep and my words came down like the wrath of God. I knew that this would cut him to his soul and the thought of that pleased me. He had struggled with the daddy- son syndrome for most of his life. It was always at the core of his being and thought that he was able to mask it well, but I watched. I watched and devoured that information. There had been many times that it was fighting its way up my throat but I held it back. I needed it and wanted to regurgitate it when I felt that it would have the most impact. His face was red with fury and his hands were trembling. First, I smiled. It was a smile that undressed my true intentions and left it naked. I wasn’t trying to hide them in this moment of hatred. I wanted Breeze to see it, I wanted him to feel it deep down inside.

“That’s right, daddy’s boy, that’s all you really are, A BOY. You run around like a chicken with its head cut off as soon as your father barks. The funny part is, you really think that you are a man. You walk around the studio as if you’re THEE MAN. No one is buying that shit but you. And you know what’s worse, they all laugh at your dumbass once you’re out of sight. They laugh because they all see that you’re trying to be something that you’re not. You put on your grown man’s suit and walk around like you’re the boss, as if you’re DADDY. Shit, we all know that you’re not. You couldn’t even get me nominated for NEW CUMMER. You knew damn well that this would be the only year that I would be eligible and you fucked that opportunity up. You had to go to your father to see what he could do. I’ll be surprised if I get any nods at all. Boss, my ass.”

Once the word daddy left my mouth, my smile had turned into full- fledged laughter. The lack of control that he had for his emotions as a man turned me off toward him, it disgusted me. He let what should have been insignificant mockery rock him completely. I didn’t know if he was about to cry or attack me for the evil I had spit at him. But, his anger did not sway my feelings on the matter; it was more like an instigator who was throwing water on a grease fire. My laughter was like a roar of thunder that seemed to echo through my whole apartment.

“You know what, Jazzy, I’m gonna get out of here before you go too far down this road and crash. You’re high and clearly drunk so I’ll chuck all this bullshit up to your intoxication. Cause if I don’t…well, I’ll leave it at that,” Breeze said as he walked over to the couch and grabbed his keys. I had crawled over to the coffee table and picked up the only thing that had been giving me refuge. I finished the rest of the vodka that was in the glass and just sat right there on the floor. It was as if I had just reentered my body and was surveying the damages. I watched him get his keys, straighten his shirt that I had grabbed on while attempting to throw him out, and walk to the door. Once he stood outside of my apartment door, he left me with some parting words.

“I’m gonna need some time to get over the disgusting statements that you’re probably gonna call “your feelings”. And since you seem to forget that beyond what you or anyone else thinks, I am the fucking boss. So how about you stay home, think about things and let me get back to you.”

“What am I suppose—.”

“Oh, no, baby girl, you’ve said enough. Don’t call me, maybe I’ll call you. Don’t worry; I’ll let it be known that I have asked you to stay home for a while. How long, well I just don’t know yet.”

With that, he turned around and slammed my front door. I stood up, refilled my glass, and rolled another blunt. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I had gone too far.

*****

Five days later, I was still drunk and somewhat high. It was getting harder and harder to get out of the house and drive down to the ally where I brought my poison. Like all drug dealers, my street pharmacist didn’t stay anywhere too long. I always found myself bumping into a new one who had what I would be looking for. My weed stash may have been low but the liquor cabinet kept me wet. I drunk so much alcohol that I was practically inebriated every waking moment, and since I couldn’t sleep, well there wasn’t a sober moment in those passing weeks at all. People were starting to call me once they noticed my absence from Fantasy Pictures but I ignored them all. My pity party had hit a new low and I didn’t want anyone joining me. I would listen to my messages every other night and wished that I had the strength to accept their shoulder to cry on. But in my selfish loneliness, I didn’t want to be burdened by their sorrow and worry. As I soaked in the tub for three hours, too weak to get out, my doorbell rang. I turned a deaf ear the first ten times, but by the fifteenth, I knew that my visitor wasn’t going anywhere.

“Who the fuck is it?” I asked as I stumbled to the door. I stubbed my toe on the foot of the couch and struggled to hold on to the towel I had just wrapped around myself.

“Fuck, I hate you, you piece of shit, damn that shit hurts,” I said to the couch as if it could hear me.

“Open up the goddamn door Jazzy. And who the hell are you talking to?” Jamar’s voice came through the door as if he was already inside of my apartment. He was worried and wanted in.

“What do you want, Kraaave?” I slurred his name as I took another sip.

“Just let me in.”

I unlocked the door, but left it closed. I walked over to the same couch that I stubbed my toe on and sat down in front of my dwindling weed pile.

“Where the fuck have you been, Jazz? Everyone has been worried and asking about you. When I asked Breeze where you were, he said that you were on punishment. What’s up with that shit?”

“Well, I’ve been right where you see me, and motherfuck a Breeze. Don’t say that piece of shits name around me.”

I sat there as Jamar watched me in shock and tried to gather the little bit of weed that I had left to roll.

“This is some bullshit, who’s a bitch gotta fuck to get high around here?” I asked as I wiped what I had left to the floor.

“Well, you know it ain’t me, I don’t swim for your team.”

I looked at Jamar and we both fell into deep laughter. He understood what I had been going through and cast no judgment. He sat down beside me and thank God that I had sat in the bath for so long. It gave me the opportunity to wash the smell of alcohol that was seeping through my pores.

“Low on the green, I see.”

“Sorry about that outburst. Smoking and drinking is the only thing that has been keeping me sane for the last week or so. Now that I’m running dry, I’m on the brink of a breakdown.”

“Looks like you’ve already jumped of that cliff honey. Look, let me call my man and he’ll be over here within a half an hour.”

I looked at him with a smirk that let him know that I knew who he was calling.

“Who are you trying to fool? I know that you just want to see Blaze and that long dick that he dropped on you not too long ago.”

“Girl, please, he wasn’t the one doing the dropping, I was, but that’s beside the point, I’m trying to help you out. Do you want me to call him or what?”

I told him yes, as I laughed at his last statement. I was just happy that he put a smile on my face. I felt like it had been a long, long time since that happened.

*****

“What’s up, black people, I heard some ones running low on the Blaze.”

He thought that he was so clever for using his name in a sentence; it just made me laugh at his tall lanky ass. Jamar stepped aside and let Blaze in as my mouth began to water at the sight of my new weed man. I watched as Jamar flirted his way into an extra DUB for free and waited for my blunt to be filled. As the smoke hit the ceiling, my body relaxed and I let my mind take a detour from what had become its normal destination.

“So what’s been going on besides all the worrying?”

Blaze knew the deal without being filled in. He had received more calls than the norm that week. Everyone was always trying to escape something but lately we were all running from the same thing.

“Shit, just tired of dealing with fucked up people and fucked up situations, am I the only one?” I asked and waited for them to answer. None came verbally but they both nodded.

“I know that I’m not Miss know-it-all but damn, why he gotta treat me like his rag doll? Like he can tell me to eat shit and I’ll just grin and love the taste? Fuck that, I may let you win some but I won’t let you win them all,” I said as my thoughts went back to Breeze’s disrespectful ass. My fight with him left me heated and, although I hated to admit it, a little scared.

“Poor, Jazzy, she’s in such a fucked up situation. She’s fucking the heir to a multimillion dollar porn empire. Oh, my God, she’s a porn star, what is she doing with him? She will never be able to make it big; he will never be able to help her.”

I watched as Blaze made fun of me and wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I knew what he was saying, and he was right.

“Lookie here, baby girl, you have positioned yourself so right that you wouldn’t get wet even if it rained. Use where you’re at and who you’re with to get what you want. Fuck a nigga and what he thinks or has to say. I wouldn’t pay that small shit no mind; I would work hard and prosper off that nigga’s sweat, yah dig?” He was right but I still wanted to tell them what happened, I didn’t want them to think that I was too much of a doormat; I needed them to know that I could put a man in his place too.

“Well, when he came over and started talking about how I need to get it together---.”

There was a knock on the door, which caused me to look around and wonder who the hell it could be. I really didn’t know too many people outside of Fantasy Pictures and wasn’t expecting anyone from there.

“Girl, open the door, Ebony told me that yah would be here.”

As soon as I heard the voice, I knew it was DeeDee’s loud ass. As soon as Jamar let her in, she pushed right pass him and came over to me.

“Girl, are you okay, we all have been asking about you. Breeze’s spoiled ass didn’t do anything crazy, did he? Walking around the warehouse talking about you on punishment, girl that couldn’t have been me,” she said as she took the blunt from Jamar and pulled hard on it. It was starting to be clear to me that Breeze had a big mouth. He wanted to make himself feel like a man and the only way he could do that was to spread the news that he had put me in what he thought was my place. He was such a little bitch that he disgusted me.

“You didn’t lock that door did you? I just saw your man and Ebony, they were sitting in his car I think smoking, I knocked on the window and scared the shit out of them, they said they would be in soon.”

“Damn, Jamar, what did you call, the save a porn star hotline?” I asked as I laughed and choked on the smoke that was in my lungs, and then came the knock.

“What took you so long baby?” Jamar asked as he kissed his lover hello. I watched for Blaze’s reaction and he didn’t let me down, it was quick but I caught it, he was envious. But he was too much of a slut to ever really keep a man, even when he had one and was happy, he always fucked things up.

“Well, Ebony called and once I told her that I was on my way to see Jazzy she asked me to swing by and give her a ride.”

I don’t really know why Ebony found that so funny but good weed will do that to you.

“Boy, you know I ain’t got shit going on right now, plus I heard what Breeze said about Jazzy and I wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“Goddamn, even you know what that mathafucka said? Yeah, I bet he didn’t tell you what really went down here. Roll another one for me, Blaze. I gotta tell yah this shit.”  

I was pissed to the max. And as I puffed on the feel good weed Blaze grew, I went over and half way reenacted the whole blow out between Breeze and I. By the middle of my story, everyone was damn near on the floor with laughter and by the end of it, so was I.

“Wait, wait, Jazzy, do the face; do the face. What did he look like when you said that daddy shit?” DeeDee asked as she held her sides. After another round of laughter it hit me that Breeze was really a joke. He only got respect because he was in charge.

“Girl, don’t say shit else until I finish using the bathroom. You got a bitch about to piss on herself.”

As DeeDee went to go pee, we passed around more blunts and laughed about company gossip, mostly about Breeze and Tanya, with DeeDee putting her two-cents in from the bathroom. And while we laughed and forgot about the gloomy fate that waited for some of us, it happened. One by one, our phones started to beep or vibrate. Blaze was the first one to get the text and the laughter that oozed out of him with ease was cut short. He looked like he had gotten the weed knocked out of him. Then I watched as everyone got the text. It seemed as if everyone was stuck, frozen even. The only one I couldn’t see was DeeDee, but her silence spoke louder than she ever could. As for me, I was the last one of us to get a text but by then, I had already known what it was about. Although no one had spoken a word, I knew what time it was. So I got up, slammed back what was left in my glass, picked up the rolled blunts and put a flame to both of them. I handed Jamar one of them to pass around and took the other one to the bedroom and got dressed.

*****

We all walked into Fantasy Pictures feeling high, drunk, or both. Sitting in that big warehouse with all of the actors made me feel like I was in the Twilight Zone. The same faces that greeted me every day somehow looked different. The smiles and laughter that filled the air was dry and thick, forcing us to face the truth about our profession. We would always be at risk no matter how much we tried to protect ourselves.

“Okay, people, one by one you will be called by one of the three nurses. Your results will remain confidential unless you reveal them. Some of you may be asked to stay behind, and unless you are asked to do so, please leave after getting your results.”   

I watched as Mr. Cappello spoke and something told me that we all would not be getting good news. So when the names started to be called, I sat in my chair hardly breathing. The closer and closer they got to the R’s. I gripped each side of my chair until my hands hurt, and even then, I didn’t let go.

“Rodriguez.”

SHIT! That was me. Okay, I can do this; it’s just one foot in front of the other. Reminding myself how to walk was just the half of it. It was as if I had lost my hearing, sight, and taste buds. The closer and closer I got to that tent, passing out seemed like the only sensible reaction.

“You’re not Mr. Rodriguez, are you honey?”

I looked at the nurse as if she had lost her mind.

“You did call me right, Jasmine Rodriguez, I’m a female?”

“No, I’m looking for Jamar Rodriguez honey.”

I started to laugh so hard that I had to hold onto the wall for support. I had just taken what felt like my last walk before death and it was all in vain. People around me were looking at me as if I was plumb crazy but I didn’t give a shit, nor could I have stopped even if I wanted to.

“Jasmine Rodriguez.”  

The confusion with Jamar helped put my nerves at ease. I semi laughed my way into the nurses makeshift office and waited for my fate to be revealed.

“You’re smiling as if you already know the good news.”

I looked at the nurse and begged her to tell me if she was joking or not.

“No, honey, you’re all clear. Everything came back negative.”

“But I have been so sick. I couldn’t keep anything down and was constantly running to the bathroom. Maybe they missed something, maybe---.”

“Look. Sometimes when people are waiting for the results of their test, their mind will play tricks on them. We don’t know what causes it but my bet would be on nerves. When nervous, you may throw up or have diarrhea, it’s normal. But trust me, we tested and re-tested all the blood, you are clean honey.”

You would think that I would have jumped for joy, but instead, it was a weird feeling. I was happy that everything came back okay, but what about the people that were asked to stay back. I looked at the left side of the room and how some were asked to step to the side and take a seat. The faces were recognizable, yet sullen with reason. Domingo and Juicy Jenny being the two that stood out in my mind. I will never understand what those people felt that day, nor would I ever want to.

“So?”

They asked as I entered the break room. DeeDee, Jamar, Tyree, and Blaze, all waited for me to answer. They didn’t trust that I not being asked to stay back was a sign of good news. I was the boss’s sidepiece, which to them meant I could have done what I wanted.

“Yeah, I’m good. Everything is clear.”

“So why are you looking like that, getting that news should be the best thing in your life right now,” Jamar said as he put his arms around my neck. Those faces were still imprinted in my mind, those men and women whose lives were changed forever. What were they gonna do? How would they go on?

“Look in the room, Jamar, look how full it is on the left. That could have easily been one of us.”

Jamar walked over to the door that lead to the warehouse and as soon as he peeked in, I knew he understood how I felt. His face resembled mine now. It was a shock to see more than 10 people on that left side of the room. When the rest joined him in looking, it hit them too that we were all too close to what that left side of the room represented. Out of the sixty- six porn stars that worked for Fantasy Pictures, thirteen of them had to now live the rest of their lives with HIV.

*****

“I’m guessing that everything was okay with your charts.”

I was so over Breeze, and the last thing I needed that day was to see his face. I didn’t turn around when he asked his question. He knew the procedures and my results. He just needed a gateway to start a conversation and used the easiest and dumbest way he knew how.

“Hey, I’m fucking talking to you,” he said as he grabbed my arm.

“Get the fuck off of me!”

I yanked my arm away from his hand and continued to walk. I didn’t stop until I got to my car. I jumped in, cranked up my Drake CD and sped off. The hunger that I suppressed was awakened and I needed to fill my belly.

All I wanted to do was go home, smoke a joint, and hit the bed. My mind was at ease and my belly was full. This was the best I had felt in weeks and I wanted to soak in the carefree feeling. I got out of my car and skipped up the stairs of my building. I sang as I put the key in my door and smiled the whole time. I had joy and my heart and nothing was going to take it away. Well, I felt that way until I saw Breeze standing in my living room with a very expensive bouquet of flowers.

“Why are you here?”

I didn’t yell nor did I show him how much he being here annoyed me. I was just so tired of the game that he was playing and was emotionally drained by it. I sat across from him and just waited.

“I came over here to talk Jazzy. I think that things have taken a left turn with us.”

“Really, and let me guess, you don’t know why?”

“No, I can’t say that I do. I try my best to give you that number one spot. I try to guide you and put—.”

“Are you kidding me Breeze? What number one spot? As long as you’re with Tanya I’ll always be number two.

“So that’s what this is about, Tanya?”

“Hell no, I was just correcting you. This is about the person that you are Breeze. You have to put people down just to make yourself feel better. You keep people around not because you really care for them or love them, but because they feed your ego. Now I know why you don’t like DeeDee. She won’t play into your hand. She knows who you really are and you can’t stand that. She won’t kiss your ass to keep her job nor will she let you walk all over her.”

“She doesn’t have to kiss my ass, she’s fucking my father.”

“That’s beside the point, but I also now know why you keep Tanya as your main bitch. She’s so desperate to be your wife that even if you pissed on her and told her it was rain, she would believe it. You know what’s fucked up; I think that you see me the same way that you see her.”

“What, now I know that you’re trippin'. You and Tanya are two different people.”

“Yeah, well you don’t see me that way. Tanya’s story isn’t too different from mine. She came into this game wide open and legs spread. She thought you were the god of the porn world and she felt so lucky to be under your wing. Sure you molded her and made her into “Tanya”, but who is she now? Not herself, I’m sure and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be so caught up in your world that I forget about my own.”

“That’s not what I am trying to do, baby. I just want you to achieve everything you want within the few years you are allowed in porn. It’s a short road before the younger and hotter thing comes in. You won’t be number one forever Jazzy.”

“Is that why you wanted to humiliate me at work, because you want me to prosper and be number one?”

He knew what I was talking about and wanted the word to get back to me. But now he was having second thoughts.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, baby, when I left here, I, I was so mad, your words fucked me up Jazzy. Yes, I wanted to make you feel small, to have people laugh at you. To tell you the truth, I hated you for a brief time. I thought about doing a lot of crazy shit to you, but as the weeks went on, I missed you. The thought of you consumed me and made me realize that I love you.”

As much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. Maybe he just needed someone to help change him, and maybe I was the one.

“You love me, Breeze?”

“I do.”

“Oh, my god baby, you do.”

 I got off the couch and walked over to him. His eyes looked glazed, tear like. When I put my arms around him, I could feel a light tremble in his body. He put his arms around me and hugged me so tight. He kissed my neck and put his mouth to my ear and told me that he loved me over and over again.

Butt naked and sweaty, I asked Breeze to get me a glass of water. He did so with a smile and pleasant attitude. I didn’t know how long it would last but Blaze’s words did ring in my head. “I wouldn’t pay that small shit no mind, I would work hard and prosper off that nigga’s sweat, yah dig?” I prayed that I would remember this every time that I wanted to curse his ass out.

“Hey, baby, do you feel like going to The Devil’s den tonight?” Breeze asked as he jumped in the bed and kissed my lips.

“Can I invite some friends?”

He didn’t seem to like the idea too much but he wasn’t in the mood to argue. I had just given him some good nookie and he was in a good mood.

“Is that girl whose been hanging out with DeeDee gonna come?”

“Now why would you ask that?” I asked with the “what the hell” look on my face.

“Girl, please you know I am not about climbing plump mountains.”

“Yeah, just tall ones.” I joked referring to Tanya.

“Anyway, it’s just that she and DeeDee seem really close if you know what I mean. I was wondering if she was interested in the business.”

“Well, she’s always asking questions and knows a lot about it. I think that she may be into it but you would have to ask her.”

He rolled over and got between my legs. He moved his hands down south and rubbed my sweet spot. As soft moans escaped my lips, he asked me to be his wing man.

“I don’t know, Breeze, I’m just getting into porn myself. I don’t know how to convince her that this will be the right move for her.”

“Just tell her the truth. Make her understand that with us, she can be the star that she has always wanted to be.”

As I thought about it, he lowered his head and kissed my clit as he sucked and licked bringing me closer to paradise, he asked me one more time.

“Come one, baby, I need you. Tell me that you’ll help me, tell me.”

“Yes, yes. I’ll do anything for you baby.”

*****

I made my calls and by the end of them, the whole gang excluding Blaze would be joining us at The Devil’s Den. Breeze and I showered and dressed to impress. Once we were ready to go, I couldn’t help but really feel like a super star. We made one fine ass couple. We jumped into his white Bentley and set out to convince Ebony.

*****

We pulled up to The Devil’s Den and got out of the car. There we no lines and no sign so we got out of the car and waited for our party to arrive. Ten minutes later the calls started to come in and I handed Breeze my cell phone so that he could give directions. Twenty minutes later, Tyree, Jamar, and Ebony pulled up.

“Where in the hell are you two taking us?” Jamar asked as he stuck his head out of the passenger side window.

“You’re here, silly.” I watched as all three of them looked around and wondered what the hell I was talking about.

“Just get out of the car; you all act like this is a set up or something.” Breeze said as he squeezed my ass. I got the feeling that he enjoyed the chase and Ebony was sure to be caught.

“So is this all of us?” Breeze asked as he took my hand. He knew damn well that DeeDee was on her way but he wanted to catch Ebony’s expression.

“Now you know we gotta wait for my girl,” she answered, playing right into his hand.

“That we do.”

As the words came out of his mouth, DeeDee came speeding down the street and into a parking spot.

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

DeeDee took the lead and knew the way. She had been there with Mr. Cappello and could get in with just the flash of her smile.

 Once inside, we were taken to Breeze’s favorite table and the drinks started pouring. Within an hour, everyone was relaxed and enjoying the night. We danced and laughed and even Breeze was getting along with DeeDee. When he saw Ebony leaving the dance floor for a breather, he taped me on the ass and pointed at the table. It was a good time to get in her ear. He told me that he would bring over some drinks and off I went.

“Hey girl, that dance floor is packed with fine honeys, huh?” I asked as she fanned herself.

“Girl, I need to bag me one of these niggas, all of them look paid.” There it was; she left it right open for me to get in.

“Girl, what are you gonna go, it’s been a while since you had a paycheck, right?”

“My pockets are hurting right now, maybe I should jump on this porn thing, what do you think?”

I knew that she was just joking but she was right, she needed a J.O.B.

“Maybe you should really look into that. I know that Breeze would love you have you on his team; you’re beautiful and have a great personality. You could really make it big if that’s what you wanted to do.”  

Her eyes lit up as soon as the words left my mouth. She was like a gay chick that was trapped in the closet. She always asked too many questions, and talked about being a porn star way too much not to want to do it.

“Do you really think that Breeze thinks that I could be a star?”

“Girl, yes, he was just asking about you before we came here. He can’t get over your presence. He’s always asking about you. Trust me he would sign you today if you let him.”   

I watched her as she thought about the big picture. She did need a job and she did love to fuck. She just wasn’t sure about doing it on film.

“But tell me, how is it to really get down in front of all of the crew and camera, you don’t feel weird?”

“Well…it’s something that you have to get used to. But by your third film, you start to think of it for what it is, a job.”

I felt bad lying to her but I was doing what Breeze asked me to do. Sure, I still cringed at the thought of what I was doing but the payoff was worth it…sometimes.

“Look, Ebony, I’m not going to lie to you, this job is not for everyone, but if it is, wow. I came into this with nothing to my name. I felt like a nobody and thought that I would never be famous. But now, now I have almost a half of million in my bank account, people stop me in the street just to ask me to sign a piece of paper, and men from all walks of life want me. I’m talking about football players, actors, rappers, you name it. Did it fuck with me in the beginning that maybe my family or old friends would find out, sure? However, when I think about them, none of them are living this nice. None of them have what I have and that’s saying a lot. If most of them had the balls that I do, they would all be showing their pussies to the world to live how I live. You can take that shit to the bank Ebony.”

She sat back and took in my words. I could tell that she was one step closer to closing the deal with Fantasy Pictures.

Everyone was back at the table talking shit and having a good time. By 1:00AM we were all tipsy and very well on our way to being drunk. Feeling good and very happy to all be healthy and wealthy, Breeze called over the waitress, “Can we have six rounds of Blood Lust?”

“Are you sure?

“Very.” We all watched the waitress walk away wondering what she meant by “are you sure.”

“What was that about, baby?” I asked as my curiosity got the best of me.

“Well, there is this drink here that only members can order. It’s $1500.00 a drink and tastes like nothing I have ever had before. It’s known to be an aphrodisiac.”

“Wow that sounds exotic. But $1500.00, that’s kind of steep,” Ebony said being that she’s the only one there that had to really worry about money.

“You’re well worth it honey.”

I had to hold back my laughter as I watched Breeze wink at Ebony and rub her thigh. When I looked over at her, she was eating that shit up with a golden spoon. She had a grin on her face that ran from ear to ear. After looking around for everyone else’s reaction, Breeze got up and went over to the bar to check on our expensive drinks. Five minutes later, he came back with two drinks in hand in front of the waitress. He handed Ebony hers and waited for us to receive ours.

“To new opportunities and open doors, back doors,” he said, trying to be funny. We all got his joke and laughed along. The drink that was called Blood Lust was just as red as the walls in The Devil’s Den. It smelled like blackberries but tasted like peaches. It was ice cold and not too thick with what looked like smoke coming off the top. I wasn’t sure what was in it but once it hit my mouth it tingled and tickled my tongue and throat.

“So, what do you all think, was it worth the money?” Breeze asked as he sat his barely touched drink down.

“I think that this is the best drink that I have ever had. What’s in it?”

“I never asked; it’s too good to ask and get the wrong answer. I don’t want to risk not ever drinking it again.”

We all laughed at Breeze as we downed our drinks. Ebony was the first to finish before asking Breeze if he was going to drink his. He handed it to her and everyone watched her chug it down.

“Wooooo, that shit is fire. My whole body is tingling.” Ebony looked fucked up. We all looked at each other, then at her, and laughed.

“Well, if that’s what this drink does to you, I’m gonna have to get a second round,” DeeDee said as she finished her first one.

“I second that,” I said as I sat my empty glass down. Five minutes later, we all were working on Blood Lust round two. As we all hit the dance floor again, our bodies no longer belonged to us. Every part of me wanted to be touched by Breeze. My nipples were rock hard and my pussy was throbbing. When I looked over at the other four, I thought that we would all end up going at it in front of everyone in the club. Tyree and Jamar were grinding on each other so hard that I had to look closely to make sure that neither of them had their dick out. Ebony and DeeDee well, there was no way that they could go back to just being friends after that night. They were kissing and touching every part of the other’s body. Once I saw this, I pointed Breeze in their direction and he went in for the kill. He walked over to where they were halfway dancing and half way fucking and he slid between them. He pulled Ebony and DeeDee close and whispered in their ear. He later told me what he said.

“You two look so fucking hot together, I would love to watch you two go at it.”

“Trust me, Breeze, I’ve tried my hardest to get between them thick thighs, but she keeps turning me down,” DeeDee said as she reached over and rubbed on Ebony’s ass.

“Are you fucking crazy, from what I hear DeeDee is the best at making women cum? You don’t know what you’re missing Ebony.”

“Well, I have been thinking about it. And maybe---.”

“Maybe what? What do you have to lose? I am ready to give you a thirty thousand signing bonus and make you a star. You’re the only one stopping yourself baby.”     The battle that was taking place inside Ebony’s head disappeared when everything collided and formed a decision that was a force to be reckoned with.

“Okay, I think that I am ready for this.”

Breeze smiled and wanted to grab her and kiss her. Not because he liked her in that way, but because he got his way. He was a spoiled brat that wanted what he wanted, when he wanted it.

“How about you DeeDee, are you up for a taping tonight?”

DeeDee was so ready to jump Ebony’s bones that she would have done it for free. The money she was going to make off this shot was just an added incentive.

“Are you ready to go?” DeeDee asked as she took Ebony’s hand. Breeze walked over to me and told me that it was about to be on and poppin’. I walked over to the boys and told them the news as DeeDee and Ebony followed Breeze to the bar. Either they were way too drunk or too into each other because neither Tyree nor Jamar seemed to give a fuck that Ebony was about to get her porn cherry popped. Breeze sent the guys one more round of Blood Lust before was all headed for the door.

*****

Back at the warehouse, Breeze and I played grab-ass as the ladies got ready. He felt as if I was there for him and held him down. At first, he thought that I may have fumbled but I proved him wrong.

“I really wouldn’t have closed this deal without you tonight. You worked your shit baby. This is what I am talking about when I tell you that you hardly know your own potential.”

He kissed my lips and pushed me onto the set couch.

“You know what I should do? I should say fuck this film and just spend the rest of the night giving my baby some sealing the deal dick.”

“Not after all of the work I put in tonight. There better be some pussies rubbing and some clit sucking,” I said with a drunken laugh. Breeze licked down my neck and would have gone even further if the features in his films didn’t show up.

“Well, goddamn, you two girls look like a hot fuck on a platter. I know this shit is gonna be off the hook.”

After a brief run though, the ladies took their place on set and action was called on the film. I watched as DeeDee kissed and sucked on every part of Ebony’s body. She moved slow and savored every part of Ebony. By the time she reached her clit, she had Ebony begging her to never stop. I guess Breeze was right about DeeDee, she sure did look like the pussy eating champ. At the end of the two hour session, DeeDee had fucked her every way a lesbian could. I counted six different toys and countless licks. I was tired from watching them work but oh, so wet.

“So when will this be coming out, what’s the name gonna be, will I be on the cover?”

As soon as “Cut” was yelled Ebony had a handful of questions. She had signed her contract earlier and felt like a full-fledged porn star.

“Calm down, girl, you’ll find all of this mess out in due time. But I was wondering myself what you were gonna call this one.”

Breeze looked thankful that DeeDee was there to calm Ebony’s inquisitive ass down.

“I’m thinking…DeeDee Delight’s Hidden Desires.”

“That’s cute, but what about my name. I thought that you always gave names after the first shot or test drive. How long do I have to wait?”

“You don’t, Ebony, that’s what I decided to call you, Desire. Do you like it?” Ebony stood still and thought about it.

“Yeah I like that. Desire, Desire,” she repeated the name to herself to see if she liked the ring of it.

“I definitely love it. It’s me in one word.”

Chapter 14

“We better win. We deserve it.”

A month later everybody was relieved and relaxed. We got our test results back two weeks earlier and, thank God, everybody was negative. Well, almost everybody. Tyree, my friends, and I were all good so I was happy, and thankful. I was also well aware now. That was the first time I actually stopped and thought about how easily I could’ve caught something that I couldn’t get rid of. Production was back up and running, so Blaze and I finally finished my last scene for “Satisfy Your Kravings”. That film was in the editing stages, while I started filming scenes for a new movie featuring a lot of stars, including Tyree and Blaze. It was an oral sex only movie called “Head Bangers”. Besides that all of Fantasy Picture’s big stars were getting ready to fly out to Vegas for the annual Adult Entertainment Expo that takes place every January to promote our movies, and to greet fans. The expo features the hottest adult stars, and the latest sex technology on the market today. We also had the AVN awards show to go to while we were there. Between Tyree and me, we were both nominated for seven awards, which included best threesome, best bi-sexual scene, most dramatic, best actor, best gay, best group, and best deep throat. Jasmine was nominated with us for best threesome, most dramatic, and best bi-sexual film, so I was excited that we could share that experience together. Jasmine invited Ebony to Vegas with us. She said if Ebony paid for her own flight she could stay in her suite with her. DeeDee wasn’t nominated for anything, but she was coming with Mr. Cappello.

Two nights before we flew to Vegas, Tyree and I went with Jasmine to her first club appearance. I had to put her on to it so she could make some more money. Don’t get me wrong she was definitely getting paid, but I told her she needed to profit as much as she could off her success while she was hot. The first time she came out to support one of our appearances it was so funny. It was tranny night, so a lot of the tranny chasers were hitting on Jasmine all night long telling her she was the best looking one in the club. Even the transsexuals were telling her she looked good, asking her for tips, and telling her that she looked just like a woman. I could tell she was getting tired of hearing it, and hated having to explain that she was a female over and over again. I don’t think any woman wants to be mistaken for a tranny, but she should’ve looked at the bright side, at least they were saying she was the best. I would’ve taken it as a compliment. I told her if she was at a straight club her experience would’ve been a hell of a lot better. She had fun though, and she could tell it was easy money so she wanted to start doing it right away. For her first time the club was packed with men trying to take her picture. I told her to make sure she looked good, but damn she looked sexy. If I was a straight man she definitely would’ve had me lusting after her, or if I was a woman I would’ve wanted to look just like her. She made at least fifteen thousand dollars that night, and she only had to stay until 1:00AM I swear some of those men in that club were L.A. pimps trying to get her on their teams. If she was nervous at all her first time she’s a good actress because she didn’t let it show. I saw Tyree staring her down all night but it didn’t bother me. Hell, I was staring her down too. After we left we went back to Jasmine’s place. We didn’t stay too long. Tyree was horny, and wanted to leave. I teased him on the way home and said, “You want to take me home right away so you can fuck me with your eyes closed while you picture Jasmine.” He denied it and laughed it off. Of course as soon as we got home we got it in. Afterwards Tyree was knocked out, but I wasn’t tired so I started packing for Vegas a little early.

The next day was crazy and long. Everyone was trying to finish up last minute errands before flying out the following day. All I had to do was see the barber so I could look fresh and clean, and I had to go to the tailor to pick up my suit. I brought a Christian Dior fitted suit, and it was a good choice because I looked good in it. Tyree went with me when I picked it out, and decided he wanted to wear one as well. He chose one that was a little different from mine so we weren’t looking like those corny ass couples who dress alike. That was the first time I saw him in something besides street clothes. He looked so handsome and sexy. I stopped, looked at us, and fantasized if that was how we’d look if one day we decided to get married. I was looking like something, and Tyree was definitely looking like something so we were ready to go. We were only going for the weekend so we didn’t have to pack that much.

Leaving for Vegas was a bitch because there was so much traffic, and LAX was big and confusing as hell. It reminded me of the first time I arrived there for my audition interview with Fantasy Pictures. I remembered knowing right away I hated that airport. It took us a little over an hour to get through security. Ebony was supposed to ride with us to the airport, but she waited until the last minute to pack, so we left her. She had to catch a cab, because she didn’t want to pay for her car to be parked at the airport all weekend but she was lucky enough to fly with Jasmine, DeeDee, and Mr. Cappello in a private jet. Our first class flight was packed but it was only an hour long which was perfect, because I hate flying. I feel like every time I fly I’m testing Fate. I was disappointed that we were flying into Vegas during the day, because it looked dull and deserted from the view above. Last year we flew in at night and everyone aboard the plane started yelling and clapping, because the entire city was lit up. A very handsome middle aged limo driver was waiting for us holding a sign that said “Fantasy Pictures,” after we greeted him he took our bags, loading them in the trunk of the stretch limo, and then drove us to our hotel.

We all stayed in the Palms Hotel and resort because the AVN awards took place there. Tyree and I shared the Fantasy Crib Suite because it was more than enough room for two people. It was huge, and the view of the city was amazing, especially at night. Everything was on point so I made some mental notes for interior decorations for my future home. There was a 42 inch plasma television hanging up on the wall in the living room above the fireplace, which was parallel to a comfortable cream colored wrap around leather couch, a really nice pool table, a huge balcony that over looked the city, and a state-of-the-art kitchen which included a sit down bar. The full bathroom had a whirlpool bathtub, which was nice and relaxing. The bedroom was my favorite room, it had a king sized bed, another 42 inch plasma television, and an additional balcony that I chilled on in the morning while I enjoyed some coffee. It was the type of place I liked staying at. I unpacked right away while Tyree chilled on the couch watching the sports channel. Twenty minutes later he wanted to grab something to eat while I wanted to gamble. I compromised with him since we had to appear at the Adult Entertainment Expo in three hours. We had no idea if food would be provided, especially since there wasn’t any last year. Tyree is picky when it comes to food so in case they were serving something it was probably something he or I wouldn’t want. We went to Simon Restaurant and Lounge in the Palms. Tyree was in the mood for lasagna, but I chose the spaghetti and meatballs with some bread, and a house salad on the side. The portions were just the right size, and everything was delicious. After we finished eating we still had some time to kill so we finally got to do what I wanted to do. I won three thousand dollars on my first bet at the roulette table. I put all of my money on black and won. I figured if I lost I could’ve easily went to the ATM machine to get some more money. After that, I won some, lost some, but by the time I was finished at that table I won over eight thousand dollars. Tyree lost six hundred dollars and then quit. He was scared he’d lose too much of his money. You know what they say “scared money won’t win money”, and “you have to play to win”. We walked over to the blackjack tables, but after I lost fourteen hundred of my winnings, I felt like Tyree must’ve felt and walked away. We had an hour left before we were expected to make an appearance so we went back to the hotel and changed our clothes. Breeze made us wear Fantasy Pictures t-shirts but they were hot though. We were able to add our opinions, and suggestions which helped. They were black with Fantasy Pictures written on the front in a rainbow pattern, and on the back there was a picture of Tyree and I naked facing each other while Tyree was grabbing my ass, along with names of clubs and dates for our upcoming appearances. Breeze hired the fluffers, and some of the girls who didn’t quite make top earnings yet to walk around promoting Fantasy Pictures with black t-shirts saying “Porn Stars” in hot neon pink on the front, with the company’s website on the back. We wore the t-shirts with nice fitted jeans, and fresh kicks. Tyree wore a skull cap on his head while I showed off my freshly cut fade. We both were looking like something so we knew the men were going to be all on us. Walking into the Sands Expo Center took me back to last year’s expo, except last year I was running inside instead of walking because I was late.

Breeze was waiting at my booth and I could tell right away that he was pissed. He lectured me on how being on time is important, and warned me that one of his biggest pet peeves was tardiness. Thankfully the second time around we were early. I looked around and it was chaos. People were running around plugging up equipment, hanging up lights, and still setting up their booths down to the last minute. Our booth was finished and empty as we approached it. It was just like last year’s booth, simple. It basically had Fantasy Pictures’ logo all over it, with pictures of the covers that made the most money that year. There were boxes and boxes of DVDs and solo pictures of Tyree and me. I wish we could’ve taken new photos, but Breeze used our promo pictures from our “Straight Ass for Cash” video. We were selling the DVD’s for thirty dollars apiece. If someone brought a DVD we would sign it, and give them an autographed picture. There wasn’t anywhere to sit unless you wanted to rest your ass on the black table clothed counter. I knew once the expo opened sitting down wouldn’t be an option because everyone would want us to sign stuff. Before the fans are allowed in, the Expo consists of industry professionals and the media in order to permit companies to make and build business and media contacts. One reporter asked Tyree, “Konceited, tell your fans what they can expect to see from you next year?”

“They can expect to see a lot more hot videos, and hopefully see me cross over into straight porn as well.”

“So what you’re saying is, you’re planning on starring in straight porn and gay porn?”

“As long as I’m getting paid what I deserve, I will, so for all you producers out there who are watching this if the money is right, I just might.”

I was stunned because I had no idea that Tyree wanted to cross over into straight porn. He never mentioned any of this to me. I knew he wanted to do another movie with Jasmine but that was it. As soon as the reporter walked away I questioned him.

“So what the fuck was that all about?”

“What are you talking about Jamar?”

“All that crossing over shit that you were talking about. You never told me that’s what you wanted to do.”

“Look I know I’m your man and all, but I don’t have to tell you EVERY FUCKING THING THAT I WANT TO DO.”

“Damn, calm down, Tyree. It’s not that big of a deal. I just thought we were business partners and worked together on everything, but lately you’ve been making decisions without me. I feel like you don’t even need me anymore, and let me tell you something, it’s not a good feeling.”

“Aww, don’t feel like that, baby. You know I got mad love for you, but things are moving so fast for me, and I love it. I’m trying to make as many movies as I can. I don’t care if they’re straight, bi, gay, with you, or without you. I’m trying to get paid, you feel me? Besides at the end of the day it’s you that I’m coming home to.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool, come here.”

I walked over to Tyree, and his smile made me melt. All I could do was smile back just as hard as he grabbed me and pulled me close. We started making out right there in the booth. Even though people were constantly walking by, to me it felt like we were the only ones in that convention center. I wanted to fuck him so bad, but I knew that would’ve been inappropriate, and I definitely didn’t want Breeze to hear about it. I didn’t need another lecture from him. The fans were finally allowed in, and we already had a line. Two hours later this bad ass bottom, who was trying to bring back the Eric Benet blonde tipped shoulder length dreads approached our booth. He was fine, and about 5’6” with a honey complexion, skinny body, phat ass, thick juicy lips, and had the sexiest light brown eyes that I have ever seen. He asked if we could sign his ass cheeks. All I could think of was those chicks who want famous men to sign their breast. I looked over at Tyree and he was laughing. We agreed to do it so he pulled down his skinny skins revealing a sexy black thong. We kneeled down and I signed his left cheek while Tyree signed the right one. His friends were taking pictures of us posing with him as we squeezed his ass. That made our day, but I’m sure that made his year, or it was at least the highlight of his day. There were still so many men waiting in line for a chance to meet us. There was even a bunch of looky-loos standing off to the side, watching us and taking pictures. I guess they didn’t feel like waiting in that long line to meet us. We weren’t there three hours before we were sold out of DVD’s. We still had lots of pictures to give away though. We stayed and continued to do what we normally do at the clubs, which was sign stuff, and take pictures with the fans. It was definitely fun and the best part of my trip.

 After four hours we decided to leave the booth, and walk around to see what else was going on. We walked over to see Jasmine, and to see how she was doing. She was just as busy as we were, and she had a line wrapped around her booth too. A couple of her fans recognized us from “Baby, Bi the Way” and asked if we could pose with her for pictures. We took about 20 pictures before we told Jazzy we would meet up with her later, and then we walked around some more. We were told there were over thirty thousand people in the convention center, and over two hundred and fifty booths. There were a couple of musical performances throughout the day but they weren’t main stream because I had no idea who they were and I hated the music that they played.

There were hundreds of popular porn stars standing at their booths, and walking around. Besides the stars, I saw all kinds of crazy things going on, there were people playing naked twister, artists doing body paint on naked females, people dressed in all kinds of costumes, ladies were lube wrestling in a large blow up swimming pool, people were riding this huge mechanical penis, strippers dancing on poles behind glass. The strippers were also giving free lessons, and having contests for the ladies who could do the best pole tricks. We walked a little further and there were some girls in laced panties lying on a bed passing out free samples of condoms. Most of the females in there were wearing sexy lingerie, racy clothing, or they were damn near naked. I saw some new shit that I didn’t know existed like 3D porn, which was kind of cool, some life sized sex dolls called Real Dolls, and some female sex robots that could hold conversations, and have intimate encounters with its owner. We could only walk a few feet before someone would stop us to ask us questions, give us compliments, and to take more pictures. I’m not rude, so of course, we stopped each time. By this point all I wanted to do was smoke, eat, smoke, and then fuck Tyree. All of those hot guys hitting on us all day made me horny, and I was sure Tyree felt the same. We grabbed something to eat at the bar of our hotel, and then went up to our suite to do everything that I was in the mood for. The next day Tyree, the girls, and I hung out, we went shopping, sightseeing, and rode some of the rides along the way. One of the rides that we decided to try was the roller coaster of New York-New York. It was cool because the entire hotel was made to look like New York City, and the coaster was designed to look like a taxi cab. DeeDee made it clear that she was not a thrill seeker, and that she wasn’t riding any of the coasters.

“You can count me out. DeeDee don’t do roller coasters.”

“Aww, come on, girl. Live a little,” I replied.

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do, and I’m going to live my ass right here. You can risk your life if you want to, but I’m not a risk taker. Besides if I get on someone will have to ride alone, so this way it works out perfectly.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind waiting? The line looks kind of long. It’s probably going to be a thirty minute wait.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Go ahead and have fun. I’m going to get a soda, smoke a cigarette, and chill right here.”

“Okay cool. We’ll meet you here after we get off.”

Twenty minutes later it was our turn to ride. Tyree wanted to sit in the front seat so Ebony got stuck riding with him. Jazzy and I like crazy rides, but neither of us will sit in the front. I don’t know Jasmine’s reasoning behind it, but my way of thinking is if the roller coaster falls off the track the front will most likely be the first to hit the ground, so hopefully if you’re in the middle there’s a chance you’ll live. The ride was so much fun that I laughed the entire time. Afterwards Jazzy and I walked over to the souvenir shop to see how our pictures turned out while Tyree and Ebony met back up with DeeDee. Jazzy had her eyes closed while I was smiling with my hands up in the air. I looked over and saw Tyree and Ebony’s photo.

“Look J, Tyree and Ebony were so scared, look at her face.”

“I see, she closed her eyes and had to hold Tyree’s hand,” Jasmine replied.

“I didn’t even catch that. Damn she was terrified.”

I started laughing because I never saw a picture of two people that scared on a ride before. I couldn’t wait to tease them about it later. I brought two copies of each so we all would have one to remember that day. After we met back up with everyone else we were hungry and decided to eat lunch at the Gallagher’s Steakhouse inside of the New York New York Hotel and Casino. It was a cute fancy restaurant. A little pricey but the food was really good so it was worth it. After we finished eating I showed everyone the photos, and Ebony looked so embarrassed because everybody was laughing her out. Then, we started to talk about the awards show.

“So are y’all excited about tonight?” I asked.

“I’m excited, but I’m so nervous,” Jasmine replied.

“Why?” Tyree asked.

“Well, what if I win? I have to get up on stage and talk in front of all those people. I have a little speech prepared, but what if I get up there and forget everything I want to say,” Jasmine replied.

“If you forget everything just play it by ear, and speak from the heart. It’s the AVN’s, to porn stars it is serious, but you don’t have to be so serious on stage. You’re not winning an Oscar on live television you know. Just have fun with it, because everyone else will,” DeeDee stated.

“Hold up I have to say something to Jasmine.” I paused and waited for everyone to look at me. “What do you mean if you win? You do know were winning a few awards for our movie right? So get those nerves out of your system girl because we’ll definitely be on that stage a few times tonight.”

“We better win. We deserve it,” Tyree said throwing his two cents in.

“No, trust me I know we will,” I said.

“I know that’s right Jamar. I love your confidence. I hope next year we’ll all be back here again and I’m nominated for something,” Ebony said.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing girl and you will.” DeeDee assured her.

“DeeDee, were you nervous the first time you won an award?” Jasmine asked.

“Of course, I think everyone is a little nervous before walking on stage, but I wasn’t nervous about talking in front of everyone, or forgetting my speech. I was nervous I’d trip and fall and embarrass myself,” DeeDee replied.

“Oh, shit, I’ve been so nervous thinking about what I’m going to say that falling never crossed my mind,” Jasmine said.

“Oh, great thanks DeeDee, for putting that imagine in her head. Now she’s going to be even more nervous,” I stated.

“Hell, she asked, so I answered. Jasmine you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re going to be just fine, and the more you walk up on that stage the more you’ll relax and love it,” DeeDee said as she looked at Jasmine.

Jasmine smiled, and then said “I know. Once I’m there and had a drink or two I’ll be fine.”

We left the restaurant and headed back to the Palm’s so we could all get ready for the awards show. Once Tyree and I were in the suite he rolled a blunt for us to share while I gave him some head. Once we, or should I say once he was finished, we showered then started getting dressed in our suits. We were both looking fine and ready so we headed down to the bar for a drink while we waited for the girls. DeeDee had to meet up with Mr. Cappello, but Jasmine and Ebony met us at the bar, and both of them looked gorgeous. When it was almost time for the awards to start we headed to the ballroom that was set up for the show. We found our seats and thanks to Breeze we were all seated together. The awards show was nice and definitely entertaining. Most of the adult stars were dressed to impress, unlike their public image that they’re known for in photos and magazines. Forty minutes passed before our categories approached. I actually started to feel anxious. I couldn’t wait to accept the awards I worked so hard for. Not only would the nominations help me maintain a successful porn career, but I knew if I won more producers would be requesting me for their movies; and they would hire me at a higher rate. Tyree was the first to win for best male in a gay porno. I was happy for him, and I could see it written all over his face the moment the presenter said, “Konceited” that he was thrilled and thought he was the man. He walked up to the stage calm and cool. He kept his speech short but sweet. He thanked Breeze and Fantasy Pictures for giving him a chance, all of the producers for making him look even better on film, his fans for supporting him, and most importantly myself for being there for him, and for introducing him to a whole new lifestyle. Jasmine was next to win for best new cummer, and she looked beautiful on stage. I knew she was happy she won because it showed. She didn’t appear nervous at all and gave a nice acceptance speech. Tyree and I, along with a few others were nominated for best gay group scene, but we lost to the boys over at Treasure Media. I lost best male deep throat to Blaze, who I didn’t even know was in Vegas let alone nominated for an award. I wasn’t upset though because he deserved it. Nobody can make twelve inches of dick disappear with ease like Blaze. He makes it look easy, but trust me it’s not. Plus, I knew it would help blow up his career. Breeze would have to pay him more money per scene now. By this point I was starting to feel left out, and didn’t think I was going to win anything. Jasmine won again for best female before I finally won for best gay scene, the one award I didn’t care if I won or not. I won it with Domingo for the scene we filmed for “Dicking Down Domingo”. I accepted it on both of our behalves, and thanked Domingo for a hot scene and wished him the best. I thanked my fans, and everyone who had made it possible for me to make it that far. After that the awards kept coming in. Jasmine and some sexy ass performer named Lust won for hottest ebony duo. Then, Jasmine, Tyree, and I won all three of the categories that we were nominated for, and we made shorter and shorter speeches each time we went back on stage together.

Chapter 15

VEGAS, HERE I COME!

Things were going okay in the passing weeks. Vegas was only a day away and my career was looking up. Jamar had put me on to the club game and I was bringing in big bucks. I was so damn nervous the first time I had to get up on that stage by myself, but I sucked it up and put on my game face. There was a big turn out and the fans put me at ease. Once I heard them cheering me on and saw the excitement on the men’s faces, everything fell into place. I even got turned on as the men were damn near drooling and lusting over me. It was like a power trip and I wanted more. I had gained the 10 pounds I had lost plus 5 extra, boy was that work. I ate everything in sight and loved my new plump ass and hips. I looked like the real Boricua I truly was. Everything was going good at work. I had filmed three movies in the past week. The names were, Jezebel’s Jubilee, which was about a couple who decided to swap partners on their honeymoon. Jungle Jezebel, in which I had to dress up like Jane from Tarzan. I did one scene in Mile High, where everyone got down on a realistic jet that was built in the warehouse, but I just had a “head” scene, which was okay with me.

Ebony had become a permanent fixture around the warehouse and was there even when she didn’t have a scene to do. She was soaking in as much as she could in hopes that she would become a top biller like the rest of us in our clique.

“Why are you leaving so early?” Ebony asked as I gathered my duffle bag and headed out of the dressing room.

“Girl, please, my job is done for the day, and I can’t stand being around these hatful bitches for too long, it may rub off,” I said with a smile. She was a sweet girl and I was trying hard to like her. But there was something in her that was putting me off. I watched her dealings with DeeDee and it seemed to me like Ebony wasn’t putting as much into their friendships as DeeDee was. Watching Ebony flirt with Mr. Cappello was disgusting. I had heard that she was sharing a bed with not only DeeDee but with the head man in charge. That she was hardly sleeping at home and spent most of her time with them. It wouldn’t have been a problem if she did it in front of DeeDee but she was always dropping game on him when DeeDee was gone.

“Anyways, I have to really start packing for Vegas. Did you find out if the company was sending you?”

She stood up and got close to me so that the other women in the locker room wouldn’t hear.

“I have been meaning to talk to you about that. Since I am so new and my first film won’t be out until next week, Breeze said that I have no reason to go. I’m gonna try and work my way in with DeeDee and Mr. Cappello, but I know I won’t want to room with them. Do you think that if I fly in I’ll be able to share a room with you, is that offer still on the table?”

I wanted to really have time to think about it. Like I said before, she was cool and all but I didn’t want to get too close. I know that she was considered to be Jamar’s good friend and roommate, but I just wasn’t too sure about her.

“Let me find out about Breeze and I’ll let you know.”

I got out of there before she asked me anything else. I headed up to the office to say goodbye to Breeze and collect my check. Once again I was stopped by the yelling in Breeze’s office and a glass crashing against the wall.

“WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY. DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT WE WEREN’T GONNA USE THAT SHIT ANYMORE. WHY CAN’T YOU FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS?”

“YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE DAD. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME ABOUT MIXING THAT SHIT INTO PEOPLE’S DRINKS. NOW YOU WANNA GET ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY, PLEASE.”

I heard Mr. Cappello take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You are making my life so fucking hard, Breeze. All I need you to do is listen when I fucking talk. NO MORE USING THAT SHIT ON POTENTIAL ACTORS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

“I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here. I am so tired of being your damn punching bag. Maybe while I’m in Vegas you’ll see how much work I really put in around here.”

“You’re not going and that’s final.”

“WHAT, I’m supposed to be flying in with Tanya, and what about Jazzy, I told her that I would be there for her?”

“I’m going, and Tanya can fly there on her own dime. I don’t want her in my private jet that I paid for. As for Jazzy, she can fly with DeeDee, and I.”

“This is going to be her first year there and I was going to show her the ropes. I have to be there for her dad.”

“Oh, give me a fucking break. You did everything you could to make sure she didn’t get nominated for any awards. You even tried to blackball her nomination for her movie with Lust. How fucking dumb can you be? Those nominations and wins are what separate the stars from the ordinary and there you were trying to roadblock her. I thought you said you cared for her son? It’s a good thing I’ve been good to the people in this industry. Someone was nice enough to call me and tell me that someone had it out for one of my top earners. How do you think I felt when I found out it was my own son?”

“Dad, it’s not about the business…that was personal.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WHEN IT COMES TO MY STARLETS IT’S ALWAYS BUSINESS. SEPARATE YOUR DICK FROM YOUR POCKETS, SON. IF YOU CAN’T DO THAT THEN THIS IS NOT THE JOB FOR YOU.”

Breeze said nothing. I was fuming behind the door and my heart skipped a beat when I heard Lust’s name, but I decided not to show it. I knocked on the office door and asked for my check. Breeze handed it to me and I left the office and half way ran to my car. I sat there without starting it and just thought about things. Everything in me was telling me that I was one of Breeze’s drugging victims the night I filmed with Lust. I remember feeling out of it and woke up with an unusual hangover. I sat there wondering who the fuck it was that I was sleeping with. What kind of crazy sick monster was he? Being a little bratty bitch with a big ego was a far cry from a psychotic person who went around drugging people. I knew that I was already playing his crazy game he considered life, but I didn’t want to end up being a dispensable pawn when he found no more reason for me to stay around. He was so controlling that he would rather I not win anything just to keep me in the palm of his hand. Damn, every time I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, he was right there to fuck it up.

*****

That night I went home and refused to pick up Breeze’s phone calls. I knew that this would drive him crazy, forcing him to drive over to my house, and that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted to see what he would come up with when he had to tell me why he wasn’t going to Vegas with me. I wanted to see his face when he would have to lie and tell me his dad’s reasoning behind his choice in going instead of sending him. I wanted to know if he would hesitate or flinch when he was going to blatantly lie in my face. And like clockwork, as I packed my suitcase, my doorbell rang. I greeted him as if nothing was heard or wrong.

“Where were you, baby, I must have called 10 times,” Breeze asked as I kissed him hello.

“Really, my phone must still be on silent,” I lied as I walked over to my phone and pretended to put the ringer back on.

“So, are you all packed, I’m just about done?”

I was on my way back to my bedroom and he was behind me. I made sure to turn around and looked directly in his eyes when I asked my question. He stuck his hands in his pockets and jingled his keys. I said nothing as we stood in the doorway to my bedroom.

“Well, that’s what I was calling you about. I was talking to my dad earlier and I got some bad news. He told me that since he was going to Vegas with DeeDee, I would have to stay back.”

“But, why? I thought you told me that you wouldn’t let me go alone?”

He put his arms around my waist and didn’t flinch one bit as he lied.

“You know that I am the second in command. There’s a lot that has to be done. Films, photo shoots, and interviews. We both can’t be gone. Trust me, I tried to fight him on this but he wasn’t gonna let DeeDee go to Sin City on her own.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT,” I yelled as I stormed to the room. I was about to put on an Oscar winning performance and he would be none the wise.

“What am I going to do without you there? I need you; you’re supposed to be my rock. I can’t do this alone, wait, maybe I can call your dad and change his mind. He seems to like me enough. If this is just about work then maybe he can get Rickie to fill in, he is the manager right?”

I held up my phone and started to look for his father’s number. He panicked and grabbed the phone out of my hand.

“There’s no fucking use Jasmine, I’m not going. I have to run a business and sometimes you have to stay back and fucking work. Don’t you get that?”

Noticing the look on my face, he tried a softer approach. I was ready to make myself cry if that’s what I had to do. I wanted to see how far he was going to take this bullshit.

“Look, baby, there’s nothing more that I could do. I would give heaven on earth to be there for you but…but I can’t.”

I let the tears roll from my eyes and wet my cheeks. I sat on the bed and looked like my world had just come crashing down.

“Well, I won’t go. It’s not like I’m nominated for anything so fuck it, I’ll stay here with you.”

I could tell that he was getting annoyed because I was putting up such a fight, but I really didn’t give a shit.

“You gotta go; I found out today that you are nominated with the boys for Baby, Bi the Way. Plus you’re gonna be flying out in style. You have to go and represent for me Jazzy, show them what hot bitches from Fantasy Pictures are supposed to look like.”

He thought he was so slick throwing in a compliment. But I was done with our conversation. He was full of the foulest smelling shit on this green earth and that’s all I needed to know. He sat down beside me and kissed me softly. He pushed me back and tried to slip his hands in my undies.

“Sorry, baby, it’s that time of the month. That’s why I only did a blow job today.”

I pushed him off of me and went into the bathroom. I smiled to myself and wanted to laugh. I had just used the oldest excuse in the book and it wasn’t even true. I wasn’t bleeding but I sure as hell didn’t want him in it. I called Ebony and told her that Breeze wouldn’t be joining me. She damn near jumped for joy when I told her that she could room with me.

*****

VEGAS, HERE I COME! Mr. Cappello sent a limo to pick me up from my apartment the next afternoon around 1:30p.m., and hour later I was pulling up to LAX. Now usually, I go in the same way as everyone else, but that day we took a totally different route. Once I was checked in and passed security, I sat down and waited for DeeDee and Mr. Cappello. About 20 minutes later DeeDee was the first to appear followed by Ebony. I never really took the time to really look at her, but that day she looked like a star. She looked stunning in her leather jacket and tight blue jeans. Her thigh high boots seemed to go forever around her long legs. Everything about her was perfectly styled and she definitely looked the part of a billionaire’s mistress. Ebony looked good too, just not as pricey.

“Hey, girl, you ready to party?” DeeDee asked as she took a seat beside me.

“Hell yes, and you won’t believe what I found out yesterday. Do you know that Breeze did everything he could not to get me nominated for any awards this year?” I watched for her reaction but didn’t get the one that I thought I would.

“Girl, I found out last night. Bobby came over and was so heated over that shit. I keep telling him to get rid of Breeze’s no good ass but you know how that goes. His wife would have a fit if he fired her baby boy.”

“Girl, that man is something else,” Ebony added although she could have kept her feelings to herself.

“Where is Mr. Cappello now?”

As soon as I asked he came walking in. He and DeeDee was a sight to see, and in a weird way, they looked good together. She greeted him with a big hug and kiss. He was well dressed and smelled like money.

“Well, hello Jasmine, my god you are looking good enough to eat,” Mr. Cappello said as he stood me up and hugged me. This was the nicest I had ever seen him and it was a welcomed change. He was always all business and it was good to see him on his off time.

“Did you hear the good news Jasmine, I know my honey dip can’t keep her mouth shut when it comes to good news?” he asked as I sat back down. I knew what he was talking about but played dumb.

“What, that I get to fly up there with you?”

Mr. Cappello laughed and took my hand.

“Jazzy, you are nominated for six awards, and one of them is for that scene you did with Lust.”

“What, are you for real? I thought that it was too late for me to get any nods?”

“Stick with me, Jazzy, you’ll go straight to the top. Shall we go?” Mr. Cappello asked as he pointed to the private jet that awaited us.

With DeeDee and me on each arm and Ebony on DeeDee’s arm, he was the envy of all the rich men that sat in the waiting area. We boarded the plane that he named Delightful and headed for the entertainment capital of the world.

*****

We were treated like celebrities when we arrived at the Palms Hotel. I was in awe of not only the hotel but the whole city, aside from the tourist. It seemed like all of the beautiful people were stockpiled in one place. The women at the check in desk alone should have been on the big screen or a fashion runway, they were that beautiful.

“I have a surprise for you Miss Jezebel.”

I turned around and saw Mr. Cappello holding a key card.

“Since this is your first year with us in Vegas and being that you’re nominated for six awards, I took the liberty of giving you a little gift.”

My mind was spinning at the thought of my boss giving me a gift. I was learning that Mr. Cappello really appreciated a top earner.

“I want the memory of your first AVN awards to be the best. I got you a nice room here. I think it’s called the Erotic suite. Hope you like it Jazzy, you deserve it.”

I was smiling from ear to ear. I didn’t book a room ahead since I had planned on Breeze handling all of that. I was just going to take whatever they had so I was so thankful.

“Oh, my god, Mr. Cappello, this is so nice of you. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say much at all. I have been watching you around the warehouse and I like your style. You’re never involved in the petty bullshit that goes on around that place. You know how to handle yourself like a lady. Plus you’re one of our biggest new comers this year. Enjoy, honey.”

DeeDee gave me a hug and congratulated me on my nods as Ebony looked on wishing that she was in my place at that exact time.

*****

Walking into the suite made me wish that I never promised Ebony that she could stay with me. Red was my favorite color and there was no shortage of it in the suite. The big round rotating bed made me wish I had a man with me, but I would make do. I headed to the bedroom and surprisingly so did Ebony.

“Hey, I don’t mind you staying with me and all, but you see that bed? I’m gonna be the only one to sleep in it, is that okay?”

Her face turned real sour real quick but I was going to stand my ground. We were cool and all but this was my moment in a way, and I didn’t want her in my face every time I turned around.

“Umm, yeah, that’s cool,” she said clearly a little ticked off. She would just have to deal with it. The bell boy sat my suitcases down in the room and I tipped him fifty dollars. I lay on the bed that wasn’t rotating at the moment and reached for my cell phone.

“Hey J, you have got to come over and see my room. Mr. Cappello hooked my up right.”

I gave Jamar my room name and within 15 minutes he was there.

“Damn, Jazzy, Mr. Cappello got this room for you? Did you blow him on the ride over here?” Tyree joked as he looked around. I went on ahead and told them what Mr. Cappello said and the night’s event with Breeze. I left out the drugging part. I decided that I was going to keep that info to myself, for the time being.

We sat and talked for another 20 minutes but everyone was kind of on a tight schedule. The Adult Entertainment Expo was that afternoon and we all wanted to get some time to ourselves before we had to work. I promised to see Tyree and Jamar’s room later on that day as they left. Ebony said that she was going to see DeeDee and left with the boys. I got back into the bed, ordered room service and just chilled for a while. I took the time to think about my life and where my decisions had taken me. I knew that things weren’t always peachy but it was days like this that made it all worth wild.

*****

I was in the middle of the tastiest burger that I had ever had when my cell phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw DeeDee’s picture that she had taken and set on my phone.

“Talk fast, honey, you know I don’t talk while I’m eating.”

“I’m not even gonna ask what you’re eating ‘cause it’s probably some nasty ass meat. Anyway, Bobby has one of the hottest hair and make-up duos out here to come and hook me up for the Expo and awards. If you want I’ll have them fit you in?”

I ignored DeeDee’s remark about me eating meat. Ever since she saw a documentary about the living condition of farm animals, she’s been on this whole vegetarian kick. She tried to bring that shit to us but I had to let her know that I was a pure meat eater and wasn’t changing.

“Will they come to my room or should I just come up to yours?” I asked with a mouth full of cow.

“Just be up here as soon as you can. I already called Ebony so you two can just take the elevator to the penthouse.”

“Oh, look at you, looking down on all of us small people.” I joked. We shared a laugh before hanging up. I finished my meal and told Ebony that we would leave as soon as I showered.

*****

Mr. Cappello sure didn’t skimp on anything when it came to DeeDee. She had a rack full of expensive clothes, two hair dressers and a make-up artist. Their room came with a butler and was the best the hotel had to offer. DeeDee, Ebony and I got our hair and make-up done and within an hour we were all decked out in out Fantasy Pictures/Porn star tee shirts and little shorts. I was so thankful that there was plenty of Champagne in the suite because I needed something to cool my nerves. Mr. Cappello tried to calm me down as much as possible once he noticed how badly my legs were shaking.

“Calm down, Jazzy, this isn’t such a big deal. You take pictures and you sign shit, that’s about it. Just remember that everyone who stands at your booth is there to see you. You and no one else, you are our breakout star this year and it’s about time you start acting like it.”

He kissed me on the cheek and out we all went. It was going to be an experience that I would never forget.

It was like a world of its own. Thousands of people walked around and gawked at us as we stood at our booths. We were catching major shade from actors that worked at other companies but DeeDee kept telling me to brush it off. It seemed like everyone had heard of my nominations and some weren’t so happy at my late admission. But within three hours, I was feeling myself and the elements. The fans had my blood pumping and the line around my booth seemed to go on for miles. Jamar and Tyree came over to see me, which caused the fans of Baby, Bi the Way to go crazy. We took some pictures with the requesting fans before they went their own way. Five hours at the Expo and I was beat. I looked around for the boys to tell them that I was leaving but Tyree was in the middle of an interview. I stood a few feet away from them and waited for him to finish, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to them. As soon as Tyree was done, the reporter came my way and pushed the mic in my face.

“Jezebel, can we have a moment of your time?”

I forced a yes as I watched the boys get into what seemed like a semi heated conversation.

“Sure, I’m always up for a good interview,” I answered all of her questions about being new in the business and what it was like to work for Fantasy Pictures. She asked me about my nominations, but really pressed about Baby, Bi the Way and Lusting for Jazz, which was the movie I did with Lust. When she said his name, I blanked out. I heard nothing after his name, which caused me to ask her to repeat her question.

“Have you seen him since filming and if so, did you two discuss working together again?”

I took my time before answering. Hearing his name made me wonder where he was and if he was going to be at the award show.

“Well, I haven’t seen him since shooting and as far as working with each other again, only time will tell.”

“From what I have heard from your fans, they can’t wait to see you two together again.”

“Yeah, we had great chemistry, but it’s really up to Fantasy Pictures.”

“Well, if that’s the case I’m sure you two will work together again. I heard that no one can keep that flick in stock. It’s really a work of art and due to word of mouth, it’s flying off the shelves.”

I thanked her and let her run down her list of questions for another five minutes. Once we were done. The boys had left so I headed straight for my room. Ebony wasn’t there and I was grateful. After my day, I just wanted to relax, alone.

*****

The next day, we all went to an amusement park and although I had fun, my mind was on Lust the whole time. Would he be at the award show? What would it be like when we saw each other again? Would that crazy attraction be there after all of this time? No matter how much I wanted to lie to myself, I couldn’t. He was and had always been like a swan that floated on water. He treaded through my mind endlessly, floating from thought to thought. When I worked, he was there, when I slept with Breeze, he was there, even when I just lay in my bed alone, smoking, thinking deeply, he was there. I missed him desperately. My thoughts were and had always been filled with the thoughts of him touching me, him looking at me as if he saw my soul with just one glance. I wanted him to be there, almost needing him there, but I was scared. Breeze was so deceitful that he had me rethinking everything that he had every said to me, including the Lust situation.

“Girl, don’t worry about it, you’ll be okay. Just don’t trip.” DeeDee joked. We were having a conversation about my big night and I had zoned out yet again thinking about Lust. As the day went on, I prayed that he would be there and that we would get a chance to reconnect.

*****

On our way back to the hotel, Mr. Cappello called DeeDee and told her that she, Ebony and I should meet him in the lobby of the hotel. I asked her what it was about but she didn’t even know.

“What’s good daddy?” DeeDee asked as she greeted Mr. Cappello with a big hug and kiss.

“I’m taking you girls shopping at the Bellagio. They have the best shops and I only want the best for you three.”

My mouth dropped open. Since my time at Fantasy Pictures I had really stepped up my shoe, handbag, and dress game but shopping at the Bellagio, that was a whole different ballgame.

“So why are we standing here for, let’s spend some money,” DeeDee said before giving him another kiss and taking his hand.

The shopping in Vegas was crazy. My mind was spinning when I saw the price tags. DeeDee was like a professional shopper for Ebony and I. She knew all of the major fashion players and what clothes were from what season. By the time we were done at the first store, DeeDee had racked up thirty thousand dollars while Ebony came at a close second at twenty two thousand, as for me, I only got what I needed, one dress that was under four thousand dollars.

“Okay, now it’s time for the real fun, the shoes. That’s what breaks or makes an outfit,”

DeeDee said as she led the way. Since my dress was black, short, and tight, I went with these sick Jimmy Choo Niagra Plex crystal adorned platform sandals. They were four inches and had a heel that looked like it had liquid inside of it.

“My, my, Jezebel, those are some sexy ass shoes,” Mr. Cappello said as he rubbed my back.

“Will you be putting them to use?”

I could tell that he was joking but I wasn’t going to joke back. He was still in fact Breeze’s father.

“Just to walk up on stage and accept my awards.”

“Ahh, come on, Jazzy, you know what they say, anything that’s done in Vegas stays in Vegas. Have some fun baby, it won’t hurt. Plus, I have heard that someone that you know really wants to see you tonight, that’s if he can make it.”

My heart skipped yet another beat. I knew that he was speaking of Lust. Mr. Cappello stood and watched my reaction. I tried not to give him one but the smile that I was fighting spread slowly across my face.

“Look at her, she can’t even keep that big shit eating grin off her face. Puppy love is so cute,” DeeDee mocked as she walked over and pinched my cheeks like grandma would.

“Get the hell off of me, I’m not even thinking about Lust,” I said as I playfully pushed her hand away.

“Yeah, okay, we’ll see about that tonight,” DeeDee answered as we headed for the cash register.

Getting ready for the award show was hectic. Although I was a nervous wreck, the man and woman that were in my room to do my hair and make-up did an excellent job. I looked like a star, and not just a porn start but a Hollywood star. Looking at myself made me wish that I had made it the way I wanted to. I should have been sharing the big screen with the best of them. I was beautiful, talented, and headstrong. My down fall was my lack of patience. As a little girl, my daddy always made sure I wanted for nothing. It didn’t matter if it were a ten dollar toy or a three hundred dollar pair of shoes, if I wanted it, I got it. That was one of the hardest things to get used to once he left. I had to learn to be patient although I’m still not done learning as an adult. I wanted things to happen fast. I wanted them NOW and couldn’t wait a second longer. So when I got to Hollywood, I thought that my star would start to shine as soon as I got there. After months of trying with disappointing results and rising debt, I had to make a move. Fucking on film was never my first choice nor was it my only. I could have worked someone’s desk or counter, but where would that get me? I needed something that was going to put cash in my pocket and my face on a poster. Porn did those things for me. Porn made me a star. So as I stood looking at the girl I no longer knew, I wanted to cry and smile all at once. I was proud of her; she had come a long way. She had done so many things she had only dreamed of. She was known, women wanted to be her, men wanted her, she was desirable from all angles, but at what cost? She was diving deeper and deeper into the seedy world of porn. Her boyfriend has a girlfriend who would spit in her face if she could. Her man belongs to a real bitch, but that real bitch calls Breeze her man nonetheless. She hasn’t talked to her mother in god knows how long and would die if her mom found out what she really did for a living. Her father is gone and loves another child in her place, and the man that could have saved her soul, well…she kicked him out in a fit of rage.

“Yeah, look at you now Jazzy,” I whispered to myself as I got close to the mirror. I made sure to say Jazzy and not Jasmine. She had been gone for some time now and I wasn’t about to go searching for her on my big night.

“My god you are beautiful. It’s crazy how lucky some people are. A lot of people in this world pay a lot of money to a plastic surgeon and still can’t look like you. And look where these looks have taken you. Mr. Cappello told me that this is your big night and that you have a lot of nominations, he seemed really happy about it. He wasn’t shy in letting us know how happy he was that you are working for him, he seems to really like you. Count your lucky stars, Miss Jezebel, you are thee it girl of the moment.”

I looked at the young, clearly gay, cute white guy who had walked over to me and was touching up my hair. He had done a banging job on it by the way. My hair was full and with big blonde curls that draped my shoulders, I looked like a sun-kissed Puerto Rican Barbie

“Can you get that, please Ebony?”

Ebony had her hair and make-up done before mine at my request. I wanted time to really soak in the tub and relax.

“Damn, Jazzy, I ain’t sitting next to your ass tonight, you’re gonna make me look bad,” DeeDee said as she walked over to me and air kissed me.

“You have some nerve to talk looking like someone’s runway model.”

She had on a silver shimmery dress that was cut short…really short. It hugged every inch of her perfect body and she looked good as hell in it.

“Damn, baby, you’re serving that ass on a platter,” DeeDee said to Ebony as she reached around and patted her ass. I watched as Ebony smiled proudly and gave DeeDee a quick peck on the lips.

“Hey now, let’s not start that shit so early tonight, girls, I don’t want to have you two on my mind while at the show,” Mr. Cappello said as he walked into the suite and slide between his two bedroom companions. He wrapped his arms around both of their waists and gave each of them a squeeze on the ass.

“Holy shit, I think that I’ve got the best looking group of ladies at Fantasy Pictures right here in this room. A man could die and go to heaven looking at you three girls.”

Bobby, as DeeDee liked to call him, was full of compliments. The best part about them was that he really meant them.

“I’ll get that,” Mr. Cappello said as the bell rang again. Once the door was open, two men with brief cases hand-cuffed to each wrist came walking in with a white lady in front of them. They followed Mr. Cappello to the bar area before opening what turned out to be treasure cases.

“Okay ladies, here is one of my last surprises for the night. Ebony, you’re up first,”

Mr. Cappello said as our mouths salivated over the sparking jewels. DeeDee and I watched as he clipped on a two caret diamond bracelet on Ebony’s wrist. Followed by a two 2 ½ caret diamond invisible necklace.

“This is a gift, thanking you for choosing Fantasy Pictures, and for…well you know,” Mr. Cappello said while laughing and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“Okay Jazzy, it’s your turn.”

I got up slowly and thankful. I took off the jewelry I had on and walked over to the bar.

“As for you, she will give you everything you deserve.”

The lady that had walked in with the two men stepped up and looked me over. She walked around me and stopped when she was standing eye to eye with me again. She just looked at me, staring, gazing into my eyes. I was about to look away when she finally spoke.

“She has a soft soul, let’s drape them on her, layering will be the key.”

One by one she layered four platinum and diamond thin chains of different lengths around my neck. Then she picked up a pair of three caret stud earrings and put them on for me.

“Your name is Jasmine, right?”

The woman, whose face once seemed ice cold, now seemed warm and welcoming.

“Yes it is, how do you know that?”

She smiled and reached into one of the brief cases. “Because someone asked me to give you this,” she said as she pulled out a ring shaped like a single Jasmine flower. It was covered with white and purple diamonds and looked like it cost a whole hell of a lot of money.

“Oh, my god, Mr. Cappello this is too much, I can’t accept this.”

He laughed and walked over to me.

“That’s another thing I like about you Jazzy, you’re clearly not out to use people, but, this you must accept. I thought that it was a bit much too but I said what the hell, it’s not my money.”

We all laughed at his joke and everyone in the room, including me, went back to admiring the ring.

“Okay, DeeDee come on up here, I know you’re about to burst waiting for your turn.”

DeeDee walked so fast that she stepped on the men that came in with the jewelry. We all laughed and waited to see what massive gift her Bobby had for her.

“Now this isn’t much, but it’s just right for you.”

When Mr. Cappello opened the ring box we all gasped. In it sat a four caret diamond ring.

“What the hell is this, did you finally leave that bitch?” DeeDee asked as she took the ring and slid it on her finger.

“Are you asking me to marry you, Bobby, is this what this is?”

We all waited for the answer, but as I read Mr. Cappello’s face, I knew it was just a placeholder ring. It would be there for her when he was with his wife.

“There you go again jumping to the end without knowing what the beginning is.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and buttered her up.

“This ring is to let you know that I do want and will marry you, just not now. I love you DeeDee, and she can’t take that from you. This is a promise ring, a sort of engagement ring. You will be my wife DeeDee, just be patient.”

Right then and there I knew where Breeze got his bullshit from, but she fell for it hook, line, and sinker. We walked out of my suite with over five million dollars’ worth of jewelry on. DeeDee and I with a big lump sum of it on our fingers.

*****

I sat there fascinated with everything and everyone that I saw. I laughed at some of the high or drunk men and women who were out of control. I fantasized about the sexy men of all races who I knew were packing in the pants. And I cheered on the actors that I knew deserved the accolades. I was having a pretty good time all the while wondering about Lust. Where was he, and why hadn’t I seen him yet?

“Our next category is best female new cummer. These ladies may be new to the scene but when they cum, they cum just as well as the best of us.”

Okay, now I was really paying attention. My hands clammed up as I held Jamar’s hand. I tried desperately to stop my legs from quivering and held my breath.

“And the winner is…Jezebel, representing Fantasy Pictures.”

Oh, shit did they just say my name? I think they did, did they, yes, they did, that’s me. Mr. Cappello stood up and took my hand. He kissed it and moved to the side so that I could walk to the stage. With every step taken, I prayed that I didn’t fall. I didn’t want that memory to stick when I thought about winning my first award. The cheers got louder the closer as I got to the stage. I felt so loved while up there. Jamar was by far my biggest supporter in that room. His face gave me comfort.

“Wow, I really didn’t see this coming but I’m sure glad “I” did.”

My little joke got plenty of laughter and that helped put me at ease. I went on and did my thank-you’s, leaving Breeze’s name out on purpose, but I did thank his dad.

I exited stage right and handed the stage award to the lady that led me off of the stage. I went back and took my seat with well-wishers along the way.

As the show went on I started to get nervous for Jamar. He didn’t win a couple of the awards that he was nominated for and I knew that it had to hurt. But it didn’t take too long for his name to be mentioned as a winner. He grabbed an award for the film he did with Domingo and I was so happy for him. After we took a quick intermission and gossip quickie, we all took out seats for the rest of the show. I grabbed another award for best female lead but was kind of down once I realized that Lust was a no show. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for the night I was having so I didn’t let it show. I smiled and laughed at the right time and played the un-fazed game.

“Our next nomination is for the chocolate men and women who turned us on the most. They made us all want to be down with the brown.”

I damn near fell out of my chair with laughter watching Tanya. She and a sexy brother were on stage announcing the nominees and boy was I tickled pink. The irony of her having to announce a category that I was nominated for gave me such pleasure.

“And the winner for hottest ebony duo is…Jezebel and Lust for Lusting for Jazz, of Fantasy Pictures.”

I had closed my eyes as the winner was read and was once again shocked when I heard my name. I got up, pulled down my rising dress, and headed for the stage. I was half way there before I saw him. He was on the other side of the room and heading to the stage. I wanted to stop walking but I knew that I couldn’t. He got to the steps that led to the stage before me and waited. I thought that my legs were about to give out but he took my hand just in time to catch me. My eyes went from his fingertips, up his arm, slid up his chest, and landed on his face. My god that man looked good, he made me wet right then and there. We went up on stage and he never let my hand go. I can’t remember what we said to this day because I let him do most of the talking, and even then, I was zoned out. I watched his lips but didn’t hear anything that came out of them. After he spoke, I said thank you to a few people before we left the stage hand in hand. As soon as we were back stage, he swung me around and wrapped his arms around me tightly. It felt like tears were welling up in my eyes but I held them back.

“I have been dying to see you all day but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Damn Jasmine, I have missed you so much.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to run the chance of this being a dream, maybe if I spoke, it would force me to open my eyes and miss the opportunity to hear what he would say next.

“What’s the matter Jasmine, aren’t you happy to see me? I see that you’re wearing the ring I got you. I thought of you as soon as I saw it.”

I looked down at my hand then back at him.

“You got this for me? Mr. Cappello wasn’t joking when he said he didn’t buy it?”

He smiled at me before kissing the hand the carried the ring, the ring that he got me, the ring that would now mean the world to me.

“Why would you spend so much, this had to cost a lot of money Lust, why---?”

He kissed my lips to stop me from talking, and because kissing me had been on his mind since the last time he got to taste them.

“Look, I know that I’m not balling all out of control like Breeze or his dad but I’ve made some good investments. I wanted to do this, so money wasn’t even a thought. I kept looking for something that would mean something and when I bumped into Bobby, he told me that he was going to see his jeweler. I tagged along and was so happy I did. The ring caught my eye but when she told me the ring was shaped after a jasmine flower, I knew I had found your gift.”

I don’t know what words I could use that would make someone understand how I felt in that moment. I had only felt a fraction of it in my life time and now I was feeling it full force. My heart and his had taken over my entire body leaving me…leaving me, touched, fulfilled, and loved. My heart raced and my mind clouded with the thought of his existence. I looked at him and it felt good to know that he was the truth, everything about him was real and I welcomed that. I later found out that my ring had set him back over one hundred and 25 thousand dollars. However, that didn’t matter; it was truly the thought behind the ring that rocked my world.

“So will I see you after the show?”

It was my turn to kiss his lips and answer him. “I want to see you for a long as I can.”

We went back and took our seats and I couldn’t wait to tell Jamar what just went down. Tyree, Jamar and I won three awards for Baby, Bi the Way marking a perfect end to my first award show. Winning was fun but I had something even better waiting for me after the show, and I couldn’t get to him fast enough.

Chapter 16

“Oops, I guess the pussy is out of the bag now.”

After the show there were multiple after parties going on throughout Las Vegas. We decided to check out the parties that were going on at the clubs the Ghostbar, Rain, and Moon that were inside the Palms. None of us had been to them before, and we kept hearing so much about those clubs that we decided to celebrate our wins there. DeeDee was able to get away from Mr. Cappello, and Jasmine decided to come along too. We started out at Moon, and it was nice, the music was okay, but it was a little too mellow. Then, we checked out the Ghostbar, which was great. It didn’t matter where you looked there were celebrities throughout the club so it was the place to see and be seen. The view of the city nightlife was amazing. It didn’t matter if you were inside or out on the sky deck you could pretty much see most of Las Vegas. I saw Blaze out on the sky deck so I went out there to congratulate him. He saw me walking toward him and his face lit up almost as bright as the city.

“What’s up, sexy?”

“Hey you, I saw you out here and wanted to congratulate you on your big win.”

“Thanks Boo. Sorry if you were looking forward to winning that one.”

“It’s all good, Blaze, you definitely deserved that one.”

“I know.”

We both laughed.

“Look at you, you win one award and you’re already getting cocky.”

“Naw, man, I’m not getting cocky, I’m getting cock.”

“Blaze, you are so crazy. Are you alone?”

“Kind of, why, do you want to be with me tonight?”

“Actually I was going to invite you to join us inside.”

“I think I’ll pass on that one. I saw you were with your man inside so what I want tonight, I’m sure you can’t and won’t give me.”

“See there you go again, and you’re right I can’t give you that.”

“It’s cool because you see those two fine ass thugs over there?”

I looked over to my right and there were two dark skinned sexy ass dudes looking our way while they sipped on their drinks. One of them smiled at me and licked his lips. I smiled back then turned back to Blaze.

“I see ’em, and let me guess, that’s your dick for the night.”

“You mean dicks, sexy. They’re willing and ready whenever I give them the green light. I’m going to get so high, then turn their asses out so I’m gonna have to pass up your offer this time.”

“Okay, well I’m going to head back inside. Have fun and be safe.”

“Trust me I will, and, hey, congratulations on your wins too. I’m proud of us.”

“Aww, thanks, Blaze, I’m proud of us, too.”

I walked back inside and I noticed Jasmine walking over to me with Lust. I instantly remembered passing him at the warehouse one time hoping he was gay and praying that I’d get a chance to work with him. That fantasy was crushed that night once I realized he was straight and only worked with females. He was cool, funny, and that night in Vegas he fit right in with our little clique. We got our drink on, and mingled with so many people that we didn’t realize a couple of hours had passed. Everyone decided that we might as well check out Rain too before it was too late. It was huge, and as soon as I walked in I must’ve looked bug-eyed. I had never seen anything like it. It was dim, with spotlights moving all around in different directions, but most of the light came from the fireballs that were lit up above the dance floor. There was so many people dancing, drinking, making out, and partying throughout the club. I had some flashbacks of MTV’s The Real World Las Vegas, because the club pretty much looked the same as it did on that show. There were a couple of performances throughout the night by Nina Sky, Maino, and Waka Flocka Flame. Pauly D from the Jersey Shore was the DJ for the night so a lot of girls were crowded around him the entire time flirting with him. He was looking fly too so I checked him out a few times myself, but he was very professional the whole time concentrating on spinning, and playing good music. Two hours later everyone was at the bar either feeling good, or tipsy except for Ebony. She was wasted from drinking too many free drinks, and was still sipping on something. She kept yelling, “We’re porn stars, bitches,” which was true, but at that moment, it was somewhat embarrassing. She kept congratulating us, which was okay, but she was yelling it out and was too loud. She kept bumping into us, bar stools, and other people, then giving them dirty looks like it was their fault. At one point she even realized how drunk she was, but it didn’t slow her down one bit because as she yelled, “I’m so drunk you guys,” she took another shot of Vodka. She got her nails, hair, and makeup done at the salon earlier with Jasmine and was looking hot in her short black shoulder less dress, and cute black high heels, and she knew it so I guess that’s why she wanted to show off. She loved the attention she received from the men, and was even flirting back with some of them. You could tell she was horny and was in need. I saw her exchange numbers with some fine ass dude with dreads. I think working for Fantasy Pictures made her realize how much she missed men, and great sex. I turned around to ask the bartender for another Sex on the Beach, and asked him not to serve Ebony anymore alcohol. When he asked me to point her out, I turned around and it looked like Ebony tried to give Tyree a lap dance. He pushed her away then stood up and started yelling at her.

 “What the fuck are you doing? You’re embarrassing me, but most importantly you’re embarrassing yourself. You look a hot mess. I think you need to go to your room and lie down. No good is going to come out of this night if you continue to drink.”

As he finished yelling he grabbed the drink out of her hand and slammed it on the bar so hard that the glass shattered. Everyone nearby was looking at Tyree with the shocked face, because none of us had ever heard him yell at someone like that before, especially a friend. Ebony stared at him shit faced and stayed quiet. She looked like she wanted to say something smart, but she must’ve thought about what he said before she slurred, “You’re right. Good night y’all. Nice meeting you Lust. I hope to work with you soon.” She said as she rubbed her hand slowly across his chest, and started walking out the club. He looked embarrassed, but flattered and just smiled. DeeDee decided to help Ebony to the suite. Lust, Jasmine, and I decided to dance and have some more drinks. Tyree still looked pissed and didn’t feel like dancing so he just stayed at the bar. Jasmine and Lust were getting down on the dance floor. I’m not going to lie I felt lonely dancing by myself, but it was hot watching them. A little while later I noticed Tyree was gone. I didn’t think anything of it, because I figured he went to the bathroom, or stepped out for a minute. Once we were tired of dancing Jasmine looked at Lust and I and smiled before saying, “I’m having a blast with you guys, but I can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t want to leave so soon, I’m having too much fun.” She stopped and paused for a second. “Oh, shit I just realized I haven’t gambled yet. Who comes to Vegas and doesn’t try their luck? I have to at least try, and I’m going to be too busy tomorrow. Do you guys want to go with me now, or do you still want to party some more?” she asked.

“Hey, I’m down.” I replied.

“Whatever you want to do is fine with me,” Lust replied. He was such a gentleman.

I took Jasmine aside and asked her did she really want me to go, or did she want some one-on-one time with Lust.

“No, I want you to come too. You said you won a lot of money yesterday, so you can show me what to do, and hopefully bring me some luck. Do you mind walking back to my room with me? I want to change out of this dress, and get my purse.”

“Sure, let’s go.”

Jasmine hugged Lust and asked him to walk with us to her suite, which he did. It seemed like he was walking a step or two behind us on purpose so he could check out Jasmine’s ass as she strutted down the hallway. As we rode the elevator up to our floor I noticed her and Lust staring at each other smiling hard, which for some reason made me smile. If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought they were a couple. As we entered Jasmine’s suite we heard Ebony yelling out as if she was in pain. It sounded like she was being raped. I knew DeeDee wouldn’t take advantage of her like that so I was confused. All I wanted to know was what the hell was going on? We ran to the bedroom and before we could enter the door I heard Tyree yelling.

“What the fuck did I tell you about being so hot and bold, bitch? I told you I didn’t want Jamar to find out about us, but you just had to get drunk and show the fuck off. If you ever do that shit again I’m gonna fucking kill you, you hear me, bitch?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Tyree sounded like someone I didn’t even know, so I had to see what was going on. Jasmine moved her hand off the bedroom doorknob as if she didn’t want to be the one to open it, so I stepped up and did the honors. Tyree was so busy banging out Ebony from the back while pulling her hair to the point that Ebony was damn near looking up at the ceiling that neither one of them heard or noticed we walked in. Jasmine and Lust were standing behind me. I was so in shock that I turned around to see if they were seeing what I was seeing. Jasmine looked as shocked as I did, but Lust had a smirk on his face that looked like he was being turned on. He obviously didn’t realize the betrayal that was happening right in front of us. I looked back at Tyree and Ebony and felt so many emotions at once that I felt like I was having a panic attack. Tyree kept pounding her out, while I just froze up. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t speak because I was honestly lost for words. I didn’t know what to do. Finally, Jasmine slammed the bedroom door shut so they would realize we were standing there. Tyree turned around first and the look on his face was priceless. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. His eyes were big, and his mouth was wide opened. What killed me even more was he stopped fucking, let go of Ebony’s hair, but he didn’t pull out. He knew he was caught, and couldn’t deny what was happening at that moment. I remember looking at him as if he was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen. Ebony finally turned around.

“Why’d you sto---oh, shit, Jamar.”

She might’ve been drunk out of her mind but she realized she was caught.

“Oops, I guess the pussy is out of the bag now,” she said then chuckled to herself.

No one was laughing, especially not me. She was lucky I’m not a female because I wanted to charge her, beat the shit out of her, and then choke her ass ’til she passed out, but all I could do was envision it in my head.

“So you think this shit is funny, bitch?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes before replying. “Hey, it is what it is.”

I couldn’t believe she was acting so nonchalant about it. I figured she would’ve cried, or at least apologized.

“Ebony, how could you do this to me? You wanted to come out to L.A. but had nowhere to live so I let you stay at my place, I paid your bills after you got fired, and on top of it helped you get back on your feet. You repay me by fucking my man. That’s some trifling ass shit. You’re supposed to be my best friend, but now I know you’re just fake, and flat out no good.”

“Look, Jamar I don’t know what you want me to say. You think you’re “Krave”, but I have what your man really craves, and that’s PUSSY! So don’t be mad at me because I got that REAL wet-wet. You need to be mad at your man, not me.”

“Oh, trust me, I am and I’ll get to him, but I gotta say when you told me I should be careful who I trust, you should’ve been referring to your damn self.”

Ebony rolled her eyes again as she sucked her teeth. Then, she made sure she looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I was.”

I snapped and couldn’t stop what happened next. I grabbed the first thing I could reach, which was a really nice glass ashtray that still had a half blunt in it, and threw it as hard as I could directly at her face. She screamed as she jumped to the right side of the king sized bed. The ashtray just missed her before hitting the headboard and shattering all over the bed.

“OH, SHIT!” Lust yelled.

I looked for something else, but as I grabbed the lamp Tyree jumped off the bed butt naked and grabbed me. Even after our HIV scare, that asshole didn’t even have the decency to use a condom.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You could’ve killed her. Put the lamp down baby.”

“I don’t give a fuck. That bitch needs her ass beat, and don’t fucking touch me, or call me baby ever again.”

I got out of Tyree’s grip, and I don’t know if the anger inside of me took over or what, but I felt like I wasn’t controlling my body. I was possessed with hate. I swung and hit Tyree in the face as hard I could with my right fist, and then followed it up with a left hook. I hit him one last time right in the center of his face. The force made him step back, and he looked shocked, even more so than us catching him fucking Ebony. He stopped, put his hand up to his mouth and realized he was bleeding. He only paused for a second, before shoving me to the floor with all his might. He started to lean over me to hit me, but Jasmine ran over and grabbed him.

“Hold up Ty—.”

Before she could say anything else Tyree shoved her off of him and into the wall. The force was so strong that all you heard was a loud thump sound. Now Jasmine looked shocked. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell she wanted to fuck Tyree up. I wish she had so we could’ve jumped his sorry ass.

“Whoa! Hold up man. You need to calm down. There’s no need to put your hands on her.” Lust said as he grabbed Tyree and stood in front of him.

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry Jasmine. I swear I didn’t mean to do that. I just felt someone grab me and my instincts took over.”

I love Jasmine but that hurt, he was more apologetic for pushing her then he was for cheating on me. Jasmine didn’t say anything she just shook her head. I stood up and made sure she was okay. She was fine so I addressed Tyree.

“I can’t believe you fucked Ebony. Why would you do that?”

Tyree didn’t reply. He put his head down.

“Do you want us to go?” Jasmine asked.

“No, you’re here and this is your suite so I want you to hear this,” I replied. “So how long have you been fucking that bitch?” I asked as I stepped toward Tyree.

Jasmine put her hand on my shoulder to try and stop me from hitting him again.

“It’s cool. I’m not going to hit him. I just want him to look at me. Tyree, seriously, how long have you and Ebony been fucking?”

He looked up as if he was frustrated. He face was swollen, and he had a fat bloody lip.

“Man, pretty much since I moved in.”

“Wow, that’s fucked up. This whole time I’ve loved you, and trusted you. Here I am thinking you love me too, but you’re just as fake and trifling as she is.”

“Jamar, it’s not like that.”

“Then, how is it? Flatter me.”

“Look I never meant to lie or hurt you. It honestly just happened one night after we were smoking and drinking.”

“Why couldn’t you think about us, and stop yourself?”

“I missed being with a female. I missed pussy, and here I was living with a nice looking young chick. Not only did she turn me on, but she’d walked around damn near naked whenever you weren’t home. Before I knew it I couldn’t stop fantasizing about her. You fell asleep early one night, she was drunk, I was drunk, and she started dancing. The next thing I know she’s giving me a lap dance, grinding all over my dick, and then well without even saying anything we just fucked.”

“So you’re just going to put this all on me, huh?” Ebony asked.

“Shut the fuck up, bitch. You know what I’m saying is real talk,” Tyree yelled.

She sucked her teeth before saying, “Whatever!”

I looked at her like she was crazy, then I looked back at Tyree. “I can’t stand your ass right now. Why couldn’t you just come to me the next day so we could’ve worked it out?”

“I wanted to, but it would’ve been weird and awkward for everyone.”

“So fucking her all the time behind my back while pretending you’re just friends wasn’t weird and awkward?”

“Jamar, to be honest at first it was, but then it became a thrill and a turn on. You don’t like pussy so you don’t understand the power it had over me. Ebony hadn’t been with a man for a while so fucking her felt so good that I can’t explain it in words. I would go to the studio, have sex with men, and while it was good it wasn’t as satisfying as it was fucking her.”

“Just tell him you want to be with a woman, with me, instead of him, Tyree. Just be honest,” Ebony slurred.

“Bitch, I told you to shut the fuck up,” Tyree said as he charged her and then grabbed her throat.

“What the fuck are you doing, Ty, you’re choking her.” Jasmine yelled.

He must’ve realized what he was doing and let go. Ebony ran into the bathroom, and locked herself inside. Tyree banged on the door telling her she needed to shut her fucking mouth before she got her ass beat. I walked over to him, and turned him around so he could look at me again.

“Is that true? Do you want to be with her for real?”

“No, she’s just drunk man. She’s tripping. She’s crazy. I love what we got going on. I love our life. I love our careers. I love you. I want to be with you. I don’t love her. I just enjoyed fucking her. Honestly, Jamar, I love you.”

I wanted to believe it but after imaging every time I was asleep, or wasn’t home he was with her I couldn’t believe anything he said. I was devastated.

“You know what I love you, too, Tyree; but not today and I don’t know if I will ever again.”

“So what does that mean?” Tyree asked.

“That means that I can’t be with you anymore and both of you need to find a place to live when you two get back to L.A.”

I turned around to head toward my suite to pack up my stuff. My entire trip was ruined, so I just wanted to go home.

“Enjoy the rest of your trip Jasmine, I’m outta here.”

I walked out the suite and got half way down the hall before Jasmine came running toward me.

“Hold up Jamar!”

I stopped then turned around to face her as tears ran down my face. I could no longer hide how much I was hurt. Jasmine looked as if she was about to cry as she hugged me, and said she was sorry that happened to me. I told her it would be okay, even though I felt it wouldn’t be. I just needed to leave Vegas before I snapped again and really hurt somebody.

“Jamar, if you want me to, or need me to, I’ll go pack my stuff right now and fly back home with you.”

“Thanks, Jasmine, that’s nice of you, but I’ll be okay. Don’t let those trifling hoes ruin your experience too.”

We were both quiet as I noticed Lust waiting down the hall. I gave her another hug and whispered, “Besides that sexy ass man behind you is waiting, so like I said before stay and enjoy the rest of your time here.”

She turned around and looked at Lust, and then turned back around with a big smile on her face.

“Okay, Jamar, but as soon as I get back I’m coming to see you.”

I smiled at her and went to my suite to pack up my stuff. Afterwards, I walked out of the Palms not only feeling cheated on, sad, frustrated, angry, but I also felt cheated out of my experience. I had fun, especially winning those awards, but all of that was over shadowed by my best friend fucking my man. I didn’t know who I should be more upset with, Ebony for knowing how much I loved Tyree, or at Tyree for not only cheating on me, but for fucking my best friend who lives under the same roof as we do. I caught a cab to the airport, and the whole way there, the entire flight back to L.A., and the cab ride home from LAX, all I could think about was how many times they’ve fucked in my home, and how stupid I was for not seeing the signs. The more I thought about it the angrier I got. I knew it was going to take some time for me to move on, but before that could happen they would have to move out.   

Chapter 17

“Can’t stand yourself, huh?”

As soon as the show was over, it was PARTY TIME! I had won six awards and was the happiest I had been in a while. I was successful, had friends by my side, and a sexy ass man who wanted me just as badly as I wanted him, things couldn’t get any better.

“Come on and go to the bathroom with me, girl, we got shit to talk about,” DeeDee said as she pulled on my arm. She and the rest of the crew looked like they couldn’t wait to get the dirt on Lust. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left him standing with Mr. Cappello.

“Damn, Jazzy, when did you and Lust get so cozy?” Jamar asked as he waited for the juice.

I ran down the short version of my history with Lust, making sure to keep in the key points. I ended our tale by showing them the ring.

“He got you this ring?”

Jamar couldn’t contain his excitement, which caused his voice to get louder toward the end of his question.

“Keep your voice down J, but yes, isn’t he sweet?”

I peeped out of the bathroom to make sure that my baby was still out there. I still wasn’t over the fact that my whole night wasn’t a dream. Looking at him reminded me of everything I liked in him.

“Damn, he’s fine as hell,” I said out loud but really to myself.

“Girl, yes he is,” Jamar chimed in.

“Wait, Bobby wasn’t the one who got that ring for you, so he wasn’t joking, huh?”

Ebony asked as she picked up my right hand and gave the ring a once over…again.

“Well, damn girl, that nigga’s got taste. This really is your day, Jazzy, enjoy; ‘cause I sure as hell would have, especially him.”

Ebony was smiling, and it looked like a real one this time.

We left the bathroom after freshening up and headed back out to the lobby. Mr. Cappello told DeeDee that he would be flying back to L.A. that same night but that she should stay and enjoy herself for a few more days. Before walking away, he pulled me to the side to tell me how proud he was of me and that a very good friend of his would be contacting me here in Vegas for an appearance. I thanked him for both his approval and recommendation. With his goodbye, we headed to Moon to party the night away.

We all slid into a booth and the drinks started to pour. It was cool and mellow but we were in the mood to party, not chill, so we left and set out to find The Ghost bar. Once there, we were all feeling the vibe. This was the place to be if you wanted to party. We all went over to the bar and put in our orders. Ebony seemed to be drinking heavily and for some reason, I just knew that it wasn’t going to be good for her. The night had only just begun yet she already had a huge buzz going on.

“Hey, how are you, I’m Ebony. You are one sexy motherfucka,” she said, as she held her hand out to Lust. I smiled as Lust shook her hand. He looked like he wanted to back away from her closeness but out of kindness, let her lean on him.

“Nice to meet you, Ebony, you’re feeling nice already, huh?”

She smiled, held up her drink to show him that he was right, and then drank it all down. She slammed her glass on the bar and while she called the bartender over for another round, I grabbed Lust’s arm and pulled him away. I didn’t want to dance yet but I sure as hell wanted to get away from her.

“Hey Blaze, congrats on your win.”

Jamar was standing to the side talking to who I liked to call his fuck-boo. I called out his name, letting Jamar know that I peeped his game.

“Yeah, it’s about time a nigga got some recognition, but hey, you’re the queen of the night. Six wins and counting, I know old Bobby probably jumped for joy over that shit.”

“Yeah, he seemed happy about it, so, you two good?” I asked while nudging Jamar on the side. Although he liked to deny it, I had always picked up the vibe that simmered between him and Blaze. They may have fucked each other for pay and play in the past, but clearly it wasn’t enough.

“Well, I’m gonna head out to the dance floor, you two have fun.”

Again I took Lust’s hand and let the sound wave be my guide. We hit the crowded dance floor and had a ball. Within minutes, we were joined by everyone else. Hours would pass without anyone’s knowledge.

“Are you all still trying to hit up Rain tonight?”

DeeDee looked like she was still in party mode so we all decided to go and check out Rain. We had only been there for less than an hour and Ebony was becoming unbearable.

“Girl, I am getting tired of Ebony’s ass; she can’t hold her liquor for shit.”

I had taken a bathroom break with DeeDee and Jamar to clean up the mess all of the dancing left behind.

“I keep trying to tell her ass to slow down but she’s claiming that tonight is her night and she’ll party if she wants to. I just left her alone about it ‘cause I know she’ll regret that shit in the morning.”

I had stayed as far from Ebony as possible since we left the Ghost bar, she was working my last nerve yelling like she had no sense. I was having too much of a good time to let her ruin my time with Lust. Plus she was really Jamar and DeeDee’s friends, so I was going to let them deal with her ass.

“I’m gonna go and talk to the bartender and ask him not to serve her anymore alcohol,”

Jamar said as we headed back out to the club area. As he spoke to the bartender, I ordered Lust and I another bottle of Dom Perignon. As I turned around to head back to the table, the shit hit the fan between Tyree and Ebony. I looked over at Jamar to see if he was catching the drunken exchange and he was. We walked over in time to catch the end of it. Tyree grabbed the glass out of her hand and slammed it on the table causing it to shatter. All eyes were on them as we waited to see what Ebony’s next move would be. I was expecting her to go off on Tyree but instead she just said goodnight. I looked around and took a mental note of what everybody’s face looked like. I just wish that I could have seen my own as DeeDee helped Ebony back to her room.

The crazy outburst could have put a major damper on our little party but I wasn’t having it. I bugged Jamar and Lust until they slung back their drinks and made sure that we headed back out to the dance floor to live up our night. Tyree was a lost cause. He was still steaming and headed for the bar. I said “fuck it” about him. If Tyree wanted to be a party-pooper, well I wasn’t going anywhere near him. The three of us danced until we were about to pass out. I was about to call it a night before realizing that I hadn’t gone gambling yet.

“Who comes to Vegas and doesn’t try their luck, I have to at least try?”

After a short conversation with Jamar, we were heading up to my room for a quick change and so that I could grab my purse. On our way there, Lust and I sent each other telepathic messages with our eyes and all was understood.

*****

I just knew that my eyes were deceiving me. There was no way I was watching Ebony and Tyree go at it. What the fuck were they thinking? I looked around the room and took in everyone’s reactions. Lust had a weird look on his face that I couldn’t decipher and Jamar’s face was demented. He looked like his heart had gone black and died. When I turned back to the betrayers, they were so deep into their deception that they never noticed us standing there. I took a couple of steps back and inched my way to the door. I grabbed the knob and pulled it shut hard. I prayed that the noise would stop the two heathens from dancing the Devil’s waltz. When they did turn around I almost wanted to laugh. They looked like they were about to shit on themselves, well Tyree more than Ebony. I walked over to Lust and leaned into him. I got comfortable and waited for the shit storm that was sure to hit this room.

“You think you’re “Krave”, but I have what your man really craves, and that’s PUSSY! So don’t be mad at me because I got that REAL wet-wet.”

I squeezed Lust’s hand so hard that he wrapped his left arm around my waist to calm me down. I couldn’t believe that Ebony had just said those words to Jamar. “But I have what your man really craves?” is she fucking crazy? I felt like fucking that bitch up myself.

“When you told me I should be carefully with whom I trust, you should’ve been referring to your damn self,” Jamar said with rage filled eyes. This shit was like watching a Spanish telenovelas, and when Ebony hit the “I was” my blood was boiling. Jamar looked like he was searching for something to throw at the bitch and I prayed he found it soon. When he decided on his weapon of choice, he flung it at her head with me cheering him on, on the inside. I wanted the ashtray to split her wig, and as I waited for my dream to come true, the bitch moved just in time for it to miss her. I tried to pull away from Lust so that I could try my hand at throwing something but he pulled me back, DAMN! But it was as if Jamar had read my mind. He headed for the lamp and I knew that one wasn’t going to miss her, but there was interference this time by Tyree. He took the lamp out of Jamar’s hand and tried to hold on to him while spiting bullshit about how Jamar could have killed Ebony. How dare he care about that bitch. I tell you this much, if he did kill her, I would have stayed in that room all night trying to help him come up with a lie that would spare him from jail time.

I wanted to jump for joy when I saw blood trickling from Tyree’s mouth. The blows that Jamar landed made an impact and that sent Tyree over the edge. He pushed his lover to the ground and stood over him ready to strike a blow. I escaped Lust’s grip and jumped on Tyree. In my mind, he had no right to fight back. He was the one caught with his bare dick in Ebony.

“Hold up Ty—.”

That’s all I got out before he went all Supermen on me. He flung my little ass into the wall hard as hell. I grabbed my head to try and stop the hurt from the thump I endured while Lust came to my rescue by grabbing Tyree and putting him in his place.

“Whoa! Hold up man. You need to calm down. There’s no need to put your hands on her.”

Tyree tried to apologize but he was lower than dirt in my eyes now. As Jamar asked and waited for answers that would help him understand the unbelievable. I asked if he wanted Lust and I to leave. This was embarrassing enough without having Lust and I intruding any more than we already did. He said no and got right back in Tyree’s face. I put my hand on his shoulder hoping that this would have a calming effect on him. They went back and forth with Ebony adding her unwanted two cents in. Standing there was torture, my heart ached for Jamar and my temper flared when I thought of the other two. I had really hoped that Jamar would tell us to leave but since he didn’t, we were stuck being witnesses to his heartbreak.

“That means that I can’t be with you anymore and both of you need to find a place to live when you two get back to L.A.”

Jamar had finally said what I was waiting to hear. Both of them needed to fucking leave his house PRONTO! They were two trifling motherfuckers. He walked out of the room and I went after him. I knew that this was a bitter ass pill to swallow and wanted to offer him my support. I almost lost it when he turned around. Tears streamed down his face like heavy raindrops. Although seeing Lust again had only come second to my winnings that night, I was prepared to walk away from him and console Jamar.

“Jamar if you want me to, or need me to, I’ll go get my stuff right now and fly back to L.A. with you.”

I held my breath and waited. It would have been tuff but I was ready to go back to L.A. with him.

“Don’t let those trifling hoes ruin your experience too, besides, that sexy ass man behind you is waiting.”

I turned around and looked at Lust who was leaning against the wall. It felt so good just knowing that he was there with me. I had missed him terribly. I couldn’t wait to unload and get some alone time with him.

“Okay, Jamar, but as soon as I get back I’m coming to see you.”

*****

“Can you believe that shit, I did not see that one coming?” I asked Lust as we sat at the bar. My mind was spinning as I thought about the events of the night.

“So, you mean to tell me that Ebony is Jamar’s best friend? Wow, that’s some messed up shit. Why would she do something like that to him? He seems like a really cool cat.”

“He is sweet as pie and he’s been so helpful to that bitch. He even pulled some strings to get her into Fantasy, and this is how she repays him. Ugh, don’t even get me started. I feel like killing that bitch.”

Lust smiled and rubbed my back. It turned him on to see me so heated.

“Well, I hope Jamar is okay. I don’t even want to know how he’s feeling right now.”

As Lust and I went back and forth about the situation, DeeDee and Mr. Cappello came walking up.

“Damn Jazzy who the hell died, you look like you lost your puppy or something.”

I slung back my cocktail and hopped off of the barstool. I pulled DeeDee to the side and gave her the lowdown.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, SHE WAS FUCKING TYREE THE WHOLE TIME? BOBBY, COME HERE, YOU’VE GOT TO HEAR THIS SHIT!” she yelled in disbelief. I watched Mr. Cappello’s reaction as he learned the news of his suspected bedmate and it wasn’t pretty. He looked like someone had turned the heat in the bar on high. His face was a red as a beet.

“So where’s Jamar? At least tell me that he’s up there beating both of their asses?”

“No, he should be on his way back to L.A. I just feel so bad for him. Finding out the way he did was like a kick in the gut,” I said as I waved the bartender back over.

“Let me have eight rounds of Patron, two for each of us.”

I was already half past drunk and the shots took me even further into the place called FUCKED UP.

“Well, I’m going to put this bullshit on the backburner and tell you the good news that I just got. Because you are the big winner of the night, I was able to get my good friend at the Black Oasis to feature you tomorrow night.”

DeeDee and Lust seemed to be beaming with light, but I was still lost.

“What is the Black Oasis?”

“Girl, you don’t know shit. Remember that strip club we walked by on our way to the amusement park?”

“The one that you told me was in the movie about the strippers who were also assassins, oh, my god. They want me to perform there, that’s like really big, right?”

“Hell yes that’s big, baby, it’s “Thee” biggest strip club in Vegas. Only the big acts perform there,” Lust said with pride and joy.

“If they want you that means “you’re it,” Jazzy. Trust me I was the feature three years ago. They are going to treat you like royalty. No one does it better than them. After you do this, you won’t have to do porn if you don’t want to. You will be able to work any club and strip for big money.”

“Don’t go telling her that shit, Dee, she our big money maker. We wouldn’t want to lose her to doing shows in Vegas.” Mr. Cappello said with a grin. He may have been smiling, but we all knew that he would have hated losing me while I was at the top of my game.

“Nonetheless, you are going make a big impact in this crazy world of porn. Hell, you already have. Here’s to you, don’t let us down tomorrow night. I’ll be calling Gina for a full report,” Mr. Cappello said as he held up his shot glass.

“You guys won’t be there?” I asked DeeDee and her man.

“We have to get back to work, my dear. But I have arranged for you to stay three more days. Depending on how well you do Gina may ask you to do a second night. Now you don’t have to do it but feel things out. If you like it the first time around, I say go for it. You may bring out the hard core fans that second night that didn’t hear about your first time around. As far as the third day, well you and Lust just take that time to get reacquainted.”

They stayed and got me all pumped up for another 20 minutes or so before they left. They had an early flight in the morning and retreated to the high priced suite for much needed rest. I couldn’t believe how cool Mr. Cappello was about me being with Lust right in his face. Hell, he damn near encouraged it. It made me wonder if he was trying to get me away from his son or his son away from me.

*****

Lust and I returned to an empty suite that had somehow been cleaned up. There was no sign of the train wreck that had taken place in the suite less than two hours before and I was thankful that it not only was clean but that Ebony seemed to have packed her things and was gone.

“Can you believe they want me, little old me?” I asked, as I lay beside Lust on my heart-shaped bed.

“Of course I can. You’re Jezebel, the new cummer of the year.” He joked as he ran his hands up my thigh. I had over done it on the drinks and he half way had to carry me to my room.

“I would have never thought that fucking on film would have taken me all the way here, do you know what I mean? My name will be on a big marquee tomorrow night and people will leave their homes just to come see me. That is fucking crazy,” I said as I looked up into the ceiling mirror. Big things were happening to me, but inside I still felt like the same wide eyed girl who went to L.A. to become a star. I still felt like the plain normal person I had always been. I still needed to see myself as a rising porn star that was starting to get recognized for her ability to fuck on film…well. Lust noticed my change of mood and knew that it could have gone south at any moment. The highs of our profession were short. You may have felt like you were on top of the world for a long minute but for some, when the reality of remembering that it was all because of porn set in, the high quickly became a low. So my sweet and thoughtful distant lover got my mind off of the issue at hand.

“How about I get a preview of what you’re going to dish out tomorrow night. Maybe I can give you some pointers,” he joked, but all in all seriousness, he had missed me sexually too. He would have killed to see me get on that pole and get a rise in his pants. He hadn’t known that I had been doing some moonlighting around L.A.’s top strip clubs so he was in for a surprise. I stood up and while almost tipping to the side, I managed to slip my dress off. I picked up the remote and started to dance to the first song that came on as he sat in one of the chairs. He was surprised as hell when I jumped on the pole and spun around while doing a split in the air. I stripped for him like a pro.

“Damn, Jasmine, who knew you had these moves under your belt? Think you’re in the wrong profession,” he joked.

I watched him as he gazed at me. Something was different in the way he stared at me. At the clubs, the men there looked at you like a piece of meat. You could read them from a mile away. They were just thinking about doing nasty things to you. Yes Lust wanted me but it went deeper than just wanting to know how my insides felt. I stopped dancing and walked over to him. I got on my knees in front of him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned into him and rested my head in his lap. He felt so strong, so safe, and so good. He reached over for the remote and turned the radio off. His hand rested in my hair as I said the things that had seemed to be suffocating me for the last few months.

“I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. My mind was filled with thoughts of you and I really didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t know if I should hate you or if you hated me for reacting so crazy after getting the information Breeze gave me. I wasn’t sure if you did ever see me, that you would even let me explain and—.”

“Jasmine…”

He waited for me to look up at him.

“There hasn’t been a day where I don’t think of you. I—.”

“So why didn’t you come and see me Lust? We work for the same company; it wouldn’t have been that hard to find me. I just kept asking myself why hasn’t he been up here, why?”

“To tell you the truth, I didn’t know if you wanted to see me. I didn’t know if me walking into Fantasy Pictures was going to set you off or if it would fuck up things between you and Breeze.”

I scrunched up my face and was somewhat disgusted by the mere mention of Breeze.

“You act like he’s my man or something.”

“Isn’t he?”

His question left me speechless. Did Breeze fit in the spot reserved for “my man”?

“WELL?”

His question came out a level higher than the last. The thought of that “slimy motherfucka” as Lust liked to call him, touching me pissed him off. He had known Breeze for many years and had heard some things about how he got down when it came to business. The only reason he even dealt with him was because of the pay and the name he had built for himself through the company.

“NO, he is NOT my man. He, he’s just there.”

That was the best that I could come up with and that didn’t get past Lust. He knew it was a bullshit answer.

“Well, how can we ever get “HERE” if his occupying that space, you can’t have the both of us you know?”

“I never said that I wanted the both of you. I know what I want, but my question is, if he’s available?”

He knew what I was talking about. His marriage from what I had heard was still in limbo.

He leaned up in the chair and reached in his pocket. He pulled out his stash of weed and a blunt. This conversation as about to get deep and he needed something to calm his nerves.

“Want to join me?”

I didn’t answer verbally but took the illegal drug and went to work. Ten minutes later I was giving the freshly rolled weed the last lick before lighting it. We did nothing but inhale and exhale for the next 20 minutes or so. My last inquisition hung in the air with the smoke that escaped out of our lips. With both of us deep in our own thoughts, the blunt finished with him putting it out only when it reached “roach” status. When Lust stood up, I had no idea where he was going but he soon showed me. He took my hand and helped me up. He walked over to the couch and asked me to join him. I sat next to him, facing him, kind of afraid of what he was about to say.

“Look, Jasmine, I know that my situation right now is unclear. I wish I had more to say about it beside that I’m trying to get a divorce. I am not living with her nor do I still sleep with her. The only thing that has blocked things from moving faster is my son. She wants to keep him so that she can keep cashing the hefty checks I supply and I just want my son.”

“You have a son?”

My heart hurt for him. His eyes said it all. He wasn’t lying. I could tell. There was a pain in his eyes as he spoke about that part of his life, and although I didn’t have all of the information, I knew that it was probably DRAMA-filled. As he went more in depth with the ins and outs of his private pain. I wished that I could have just snapped my fingers and fixed it all but that dream was just that, a dream. Another 30 minutes had past and I was yet again left speechless and amazed.

“So is she using your profession against you, can she do that being that she strips?”

“She can do anything with the high priced lawyer she hired with my money. But, it’s cool; I don’t give a shit about the money. I just want to make sure that my son is safe and is not just being left with whatever nigga she’s with at the moment. That’s the shit that really burns me up. I know some of the dudes that she be fucking with and they are straight up trash. I’m talking about drug dealers, pimps, and stick up kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. All she cares about is money.”

I watched as the hurt in his eyes turned into anger. His hand shook as the irritation of his place in life got the best of him. I sat quietly as he rolled up because I really didn’t have much to say. There really was nothing that would have made him feel better about what he was telling me. So as he lit up again, I turned the conversation to myself.

“I don’t really know how to explain Breeze and I. I can’t say that I love him and I can’t say that I even like him all of the time. That’s kind of what I mean when I say that he’s just there. It’s not all bad with him, there are times when we are on a high and everything seems to be going okay. I’ve learned to somewhat read him and go along with his program, but, I, it’s---.”

“What do you mean by go along with his program?” Lust asked as he blew out a big cloud of smoke. I took the blunt from his waiting fingers and tried to put my truth to words.

“Breeze likes things his way and when you try to go against what he wants, he gets sour. It’s just easier to shut up and ride his wave. I just get tired of fighting with him all of the time. Because I am really alone back in LA, I guess that having him and his shitty ways is better than being alone. I’ve never really been good at that. The silence of loneliness drives me crazy.”

“Can’t stand yourself, huh?”

When he asked that it caught me off guard. I tried to think of what he could have meant by his question as I sucked my green treat.

“I know that it’s a hard question to stomach, but don’t worry. I’ve been there. Being alone gives you too much time to think. It pushes you to look at what you have chosen to push aside.”

“Have you ever regretted doing porn, does the thought ever make you sick?”

He got a funny look on his face once I stopped talking, but I could read it.

“This wasn’t my first choice in life but I say fuck it. I’ve done it and I can’t change that. Even if I quit fucking on film today, what I have already done will be on film forever.”

He made total sense.

“Do you like what you do; does it make you sick when you think about it?”

I took a deep pull off of the blunt and said, “I choose not to think about it.”

With that he moved on.

“So what do we do now?” he asked. I handed him the weed filled cigar and reached for the remote.

“Now I dance.”

I moved my body to the music and gave him a lap dance. We put aside all of our bullshit and decided to act as if none of it existed. The more I danced the further away it all went, and with our bodies on fire, we headed to the bed to do what had been on our minds the whole time we were away from each other. He took off his clothes in record time. After the moments wasted with time apart, all we wanted to do was fuck the shit out of each other, and we did.

Chapter 18

“Okay, enough talking about nonsense, I’m ready to party.”

Once I returned home from Las Vegas it was late into the morning. I didn’t even bother to unpack. I just dropped my suitcase by the front door and left it there. I knew I needed to rest, but I had so much anger and adrenaline still running through my body that I couldn’t sleep. I needed to try and relax. I walked over to our bookshelves, and lifted up the lid on our African decorated box that we turned in our blunt and weed spot. Between the three of us we always made sure there was at least a half ounce in there. I grabbed a blunt, and more than enough weed and then sit down at the dining room table. After I broke up the weed fine and small as I could, there was enough for two blunts but I thought FUCK IT and rolled one fat ass joint. I grabbed the blunt, lighter, and ashtray and went into the master bathroom. While I filled the tub up with warm water I lit the three juicy watermelon Yankee candles that I had in there. I undressed, leaving my brand new fitted suit on the floor wrinkled and messy but I didn’t care. I stepped in the tub and the water was hotter than I expected to be. I had to get used to it by slowly easing myself down into the water. Once I was all the way in up to my neck it felt great and it was just what I needed. I reached down beside the tub and grabbed the baby blue hand towel that matched the trim on the walls and dried my hands off. Then I reached down for the blunt and lighter and blazed up. I felt better, but couldn’t stop replaying the events in Jasmine’s suite over and over again in my head. The more I thought about it the more upset I got. I probably should’ve never smoked that morning and just took my ass to bed because halfway through the blunt I was fucked up. I couldn’t inhale anymore so I put it out then realized the water was a little too cool for my taste. I wanted to add more hot water, but when the water started draining out to make room for more, I thought about Ebony and Tyree and how I should be putting them out, not the water. I got a high idea and jumped out of the tub, dried off, put on some Calvin Klein sweat pants, and slipped on my comfortable Armani sandals. I ran to the garage to see if the boxes Ebony moved in with were still there. I found them folded up against the rear wall next to a case of boxes from Lowe’s that she never opened. I took all of them in the house along with some duct tape. Now all I had to do was decide was whose stuff I wanted to pack first. I started in the living room and since all of us had stuff in there I threw Tyree’s belongings in one box and everything that belonged to Ebony in another. I’m a neat freak so I knew whose books, CD’s, and movies belonged to whom so it was easy for me to sort through it all. By the time I finished the living room it looked half empty and sad. I moved on to Ebony’s room and picked up the pace. I thought about packing up everything nice and neat, but it hit me again that she didn’t care about me, so why would I handle her stuff with care? I didn’t bother folding any of her clothes which I was sure would piss her off, nor did I wrap any of her picture frames or glass objects in newspaper. I just starting throwing everything and anything in boxes until each one was filled. I was able to pack up everything except her large items that were too big to fit in boxes. Next, I got all of Tyree’s clothes, hats, and shoes out of the hallway closets and threw everything in large black trash bags. Finally, I packed up all of Tyree’s belongings that was in our bedroom and moved it all out into the living room. By the time I was finished I noticed the sun had come up, and I was exhausted. I knew everyone would be flying back into L.A. in a few hours, so I didn’t want to see them when they got home. I locked my bedroom door then lied down in bed as I grabbed my BlackBerry off the dresser so I could send Tyree and Ebony a text message which said “I took the liberty of packing up your shit. The boxes are labeled with your names on them. The garage bags belong to Tyree. I’m going to bed now and when I wake up I expect both of your trifling asses to be moved out of my house.” I turned my phone off and put some ear plugs in my ears so I wouldn’t hear them when they came in and moved out. I didn’t want any disturbances and hoped to get a full eight hours of sleep. Before I knew it I was knocked out.

It was a quarter after three in the afternoon when I woke up. I didn’t hear anything, but I could smell the weed coming from the living room. I dreaded going out there but I knew I had to, especially due to the fact that I was starving. I stalled by brushing my teeth, and washing my face. After I was finished I was ready to see which liar was still in my house, and had the nerve to be chilling on top of it. I walked passed Ebony’s room, looked inside, and saw that it was completely empty which made me smile. Then I saw the big cloud of smoke floating above Tyree as he sat on the couch with a beer in one hand, and a blunt in the other. I stopped and stared at him as I thought I KNOW YOU GOT MY TEXT. When he noticed me he put the blunt in the ashtray, and then jumped up.

“I got your message. I know you don’t want me here, and I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please don’t say anything and let me say what I have to say.”

I looked at him like he was crazy but I didn’t say anything, I just waited for him to continue.

“I am SOOOO sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you. You’re a good person who didn’t deserve to be lied to, and disrespected like that. I don’t know what I was thinking cheating on you. I’m telling you man it was the power of the pussy. I couldn’t help myself. It didn’t help that it was constantly in my face all night every night. I know I fucked up and it’s my fault so I regret everything now. If I could go back and change what happened I would, because I know you love me and you have my back. That’s why I love you and I know it might take you while to trust me again, but I hope that you can forgive me.”

Again, I wanted to believe him so bad but I put my head down because I couldn’t even look at him, and I started shaking my head back and forth.

“PLEASE, Jamar don’t leave me. Don’t kick me out. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I know I can get a hotel room, but this my home and this where I want to be. I want to be with you forever. PLEASE give me another chance to make it up to you, and to prove to you that we’re meant to be together.”

By this point he was on his knees begging as the tears constantly flowed down his face. To this day, I don’t know why I did what I did, but I chuckled as Lily Allen’s lyrics “at first when I see you cry, it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile” played in my head but unlike Lily, after I laughed, I felt so sorry for him. I actually got down on my knees and hugged him. I didn’t say anything, I just let him cry and get it out. I knew I was stupid for feeling sorry for Tyree, but I loved him with all of my heart. I don’t know if it’s because he’s the third man that I’ve had a serious relationship with, the first boyfriend that I ever lived with, or if it’s because he was just so damn fine. I stopped hugging him and waited for him to wipe his tears away before I spoke again.

“Tyree, what you did is killing me inside. I honestly want to beat the shit out of you right now, but at the same time when I look at you I just want to hug you.”

“I know I’m so sorry, baby. I—”

“Hold up! Let me finish saying what I have to say. I let you speak.”

He shut up and nodded.

“Every time I look at the couch I picture you fucking Ebony, to be honest everywhere I look I picture it. I think about how stupid and naïve I was to not realize what was going on sooner. You were probably fucking her all the nights we weren’t. Anyway enough about that, before I say anything else I need to know if there’s anything else I should know about? Are you done with the lying and cheating?”

He shook his head up and down before saying, “No, that’s it. I fucked up with Ebony, but I haven’t lied about anything else, and I can swear on my life it will never happen again. I love you and I don’t know what I would do without you. Even though you now know my conscience is still bothering me, and making me feel bad and guilty about everything. Please forgive me, Jamar.”

“I feel like such a dumbass right now. Anyway, look, Tyree, if I give you another chance there needs to be some rules in place.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, for one, you can’t lie to me anymore. I don’t care how big or how small the lie is. You don’t have to lie to me about ANYTHING. Just be honest and I promise you whatever it is we can work it out as long as you tell me the truth. Second, you can’t cheat on me again. That’s unacceptable, and I don’t think I could handle it. Besides you get to sleep with a lot of people at work. If that’s not enough, and you still feel the need to sleep with other people then you shouldn’t be in a relationship, period. If you can do that for me then I’d be willing to forgive and TRY to trust you again.”

“I can live with that because I’m never going to lie to you again, and fucking Ebony was a huge mistake. I was thinking with my dick and didn’t see the bigger picture, which is us. Baby, look at me, it will never happen again.” Tyree said while his eyes were still watery.

“Everyone is going to think I’m stupid and a fool for forgiving you.”

“Who cares what they think. It’s your life, and it’s what you think, and how you feel that really matters.”

“Okay, cool, but first we need to move.”

“WHAT?”

“I can’t live in this house anymore, like I said before, everywhere I look I see you and Ebony and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. If you really want to be with me then prove it. Buy a house with me. There will be a lot more space for the both of us, I’ll sell this place, and between the two of us we can buy the house flat out. Oh, and before I forget, since the couch is ruined, you can buy us new furniture.”

“Fuck it, let’s do it. Hell, I’m already packed.”

We both laughed and then I smiled as I thought I can’t believe I’m doing this, but it feels right, and I happy again, kind of.”

I didn’t waste any time because the next day I paid a visit to my realtor Tom Jenson, who found the condo I shared with Ebony and Tyree. I informed him that I wanted to sell it, and purchase a new home. I could see it on his face, and hear it in his voice that he was excited because he perked up so fast. That was without even touching his coffee that was still steaming and sitting on his desk. Realtors love dealing with people who are ready to buy with cash or pre-approved loans like myself because they don’t have to work as hard to try and convince you to buy. That week, Tom showed us 15 houses in L.A. The funny thing about it was we ended up buying the very first house that he showed us. One of the reasons being the husband of the family selling it was wearing the same exact shirt as I was on the day we checked it out. He was 20 some years older than I was, so the fact that he was into the same clothing designers as us was surprising. Everyone started laughing and said that it was a sign. I’m a big believer in Fate, so the fact that we both had on the same shirt might have had a minor part in choosing that house, but truth be told it was the best one out of all the houses we visited. It had everything that I was looking for, and it was in our price range. It was a five-bedroom, four-bathroom single family home. It had a three-car garage, huge backyard, swimming pool with a connecting hot tub, and fenced in with a security pad driveway entrance.

Tyree and I were finally settled in our new home so for our first party we decided to throw a house warming/cookout/pool party all in one. I had a strong feeling I’d be the one running around preparing everything, and stressing out while Tyree was high as hell playing video games. He should’ve gotten off his ass and helped me since the party was for the both of us. I asked him to help me twice, but I couldn’t make him and I wasn’t going to argue with him about it because that would’ve been a waste of time. At that point I didn’t have any time to waste, and I wished I said the party started at 3:00PM instead of 2:00PM. I just did everything myself and then I still had to get ready. I shaved and then took the quickest shower that I have ever taken in my life. It was one of those showers that felt so relaxing that you don’t want to get out of, too. As soon as I was dry, put some lotion on, and was pulling up my swim trunks I heard the doorbell ringing. The one time I had hoped everyone would be late, like they normally were, they were actually on time, go figure. I wanted to be ready and have everything finished earlier so I could’ve relaxed and smoked before anyone arrived. Jasmine and DeeDee walked in first both looking sexy in their new bikinis. It was obvious that they had just left the studio because their hair, nails, and makeup were on point. I knew right away they weren’t getting in the pool with me. They looked good though. Unfortunately for the ladies, all of the men that were coming were gay. Besides the girls, the only friends that we invited were some of the other gay porn stars who worked with us.

“Heyyy!” DeeDee said as she walked in.

“What’s up, ladies? I’m glad you could make it,” I said with a big smile on my face.

“Jamar, you know we wouldn’t miss it,” Jasmine said as she smiled back.

“I got one question for you, Jamar. Where’s the alcohol at? I need a drink.”

“There’s some Smirnoff in the fridge, some Coronas and Heinekens in the coolers out back, and if you want a mixed drink, there’s plenty of bottles to choose from on the bar. Help yourself, DeeDee.”

“Where’s Tyree?” Jasmine asked as we watched DeeDee head toward the kitchen.

“He’s in the other room playing the game. Why, do you want me to call him in here for you?”

“HELL NO, I was just wondering if he was here or in Santa Barbara. It seems like every time we hang out lately he’s been out of town.”

“Oh, no, he’s here. He wanted to leave but I told him this was our party, and that he had to be here.”

“That’s good. Well, I’ll let you greet the other guests while I go see what DeeDee’s fixing.”

I watched as Jasmine walked to the kitchen and noticed how beautiful and naturally toned her body was. As I turned back around some of the guys were at the front door. I smiled and welcomed everybody in. Blaze was the last to arrive, and he brought Karma, the youngest and newest addition to Fantasy Pictures with him. Blaze called me the night before and asked if it was okay to bring him, he mentioned he was sexy, funny, and down to Earth. He sounded like someone I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. Plus, I heard some good things about Karma around the studio and wanted to put a face to the name so I told Blaze, “Sure, you can bring him.” He walked in with a big smile on his face showing off his white teeth and beautiful smile. He was 5’9, slim, green eyes, with smooth light brown skin, and short black curly hair. He was wearing a fitted blank tank top with some red swim trunks, and some red and black Nike sandals to match. I wouldn’t say he’s feminine, but he’s definitely not masculine either. I’d say he was a pretty boy with a fag swag about him that was hot and likeable.

“What’s up Blaze?”

“Nothing much except I’m ready to get twisted. Sup wit’ you?”

He stood there giving me that all too familiar I-want-to- suck-your-dick-so-bad stare instead of introducing me to Karma. I avoided his stare by saying, “Damn, Blaze, you could at least introduce us, rude boy. Hi, I’m—”

“I know who you are, sexy. I’m Karma,” he said, as he shook my hand. I couldn’t believe he cut me off in my own house. Luckily for him, he threw that compliment in there; otherwise, we might’ve had a problem. I figured he was just excited to meet me, and knew me through porn.

“Do you know my real name? I’m asking because I’m only Krave when I’m working.”

“Like I said I know who you are Jamar. I also know you’re 20 years old, a Leo, and you’re from Maryland,” he replied sort of in a seduction tone. I just looked at him and smiled because I was flattered, but at the same time taken back because it also came off kind of weird as if he was a stalker.

“Do you know what I don’t know?” he asked.

“What?”

“I don’t know Blaze’s real name.”

“That’s makes two of us,” I replied.

We both looked at Blaze awaiting his response but all he said was “Okay, enough talking about nonsense, I’m ready to party.”

I tried to find out his real name awhile back, and he played it off then too. I’m assuming a.) He has something to hide, b.) He hates his real name, or c.) He was like those drug dealers who go by Black, or Slim, because they don’t want you knowing who they really are. Seeing that Blaze sells drugs on the side I’ll go with “C” as my final answer. We walked outside in my big backyard and they already had the music playing, everyone was drinking and mingling. Jasmine and DeeDee were lying by the pool on the lawn chairs with their shades on talking and laughing. I walked over to check on them and to see if they needed anything else to snack on, or drink. As we were talking I noticed they both looked confused.

“Who’s that?” Jasmine asked.

Before I could turn around to look I felt someone grab me and the next thing I know I’m falling. Once I felt the water I was relieved that it wasn’t too cold. It was a hot and sunny day so the water was cool and actually felt good. I came back up to see who pushed me in the pool.

“It’s your party. You had to go in first so you can let us know how the water feels,” Karma said.

He started to laugh but his laughter was quickly interrupted, because Jasmine pushed him in pool so fast, and then jumped back on the lawn chair as if she didn’t do it. I waited for him to come back up before answering her question she asked earlier because the timing was perfect.

“That’s Karma.”

He looked shocked and a little pissed off as he turned around and looked at Jasmine. She just waved and smirked. I couldn’t stop laughing and was happy my friend had my back.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?”

I couldn’t even say yes because I was laughing so hard. I just shook my head up and down until I felt the water splash my face. Water got in my eyes so I couldn’t see, but I just started splashing water back at him. It took me back to my childhood, splashing and swimming with my cousins. He was quick because I thought I was splashing him back until I felt him pull me under the water. We wrestled and tried to dunk each other until we were both smiling and laughing. I looked over and Jasmine and DeeDee were quiet and staring as if we were putting on a show. More people were starting to get in the pool now so Karma and I settled down and started talking.

“So Karma, what’s your real name? You know mine so I think it’s only fair that I know yours.”

“It’s Rebel Robertson, but you call me by my first name or just call me Karma.”

“Nice name. I like that.”

“Are you flirting with me, Krave?”

“You are so silly. No I’m not flirting, and don’t forget I said call me Jamar.”

“Okay, daddy,” he said in a sarcastic tone. We stared at each other until I started to get hard so I looked away. I’m pretty sure he picked up on it, because he got closer to me, to the point that I thought he was about to kiss me and said, “So that’s your man Konceited over there? It’s funny because he looks so much better in his videos than he does in person, but you on the other hand, you look even better.”

Who did he think he was fooling? I wasn’t stupid; I knew Tyree was finer than I was so I looked over and noticed Tyree did look tired, and not as hot as he normally did. Now that he had money, he smoked all day every day, and he must’ve been tired and stressed out from traveling back and forth from L.A. to Santa Barbara so much. It got to the point that he traveled there every weekend, and sometimes a day or two during the week. As I was checking Tyree out, I noticed him talking to a few guys from work, but staring at me as he spoke. I felt uncomfortable now so I thanked Karma for his kind words, and told him I was getting out the pool to check on the chef, and his assistant to see how the food was coming along, which I did, but not before I walked over and talked to Tyree.

“Hey you, do you want to get in the pool with me in a minute?” I asked.

“Nah, that’s okay. You look like you’re already having fun with your boy toy over there.”

“Who? Karma? Whatever, that’s Blaze’s friend. Besides I just met him like an hour ago. I think he likes me though. What are you jealous, or something?” I asked in a playful flirtatious tone.

“Jealous? Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve fucked everyone here but DeeDee, and your little boyfriend so why would I be jealous? If you really want to see jealous I’m pretty sure I can make you, and show you jealous. Those white boys have been flirting with me ever since they’ve got here. They’re dying to get some more of this dick,” he said as he grabbed his bulge.

“Damn boo, that weed has you tripping. You’re paranoid. I was just playing with you and like I said before that’s Blaze’s friend.”

I felt like I needed to show him I only wanted him so I gave him a deep and meaningful kiss. Once are lips parted he smiled as if he understood so I was pleased.

The food was ready, so people were lining up to fix their plates. There was steak, barbequed chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, and a bunch of side dishes. I loved the steak, potato salad, and the deviled eggs the best. While we were eating I was curious to know if the girls heard anything from Ebony.

“I haven’t seen, or heard from her,” Jasmine replied.

DeeDee finished chewing her bite of food before she said, “Look, don’t hate me Jamar, but she’s been staying with me until she can find a place of her own.”

“What? You can’t be serious?” Jasmine quickly asked.

“She called me crying and said she had nowhere else to go. What was I supposed to do? She’s my friend, too.”

“I can’t believe you trust that bitch after what she did to me,” I added.

“What she did to you was fucked up, but I couldn’t let her live on the streets. Besides we all make mistakes. Trust me she feels really bad about what happened.”

“She should,” I said.

As we were talking, I noticed Blaze selling a dub bag to the chef’s assistant. I needed to re-up so I left the girls talking and walked over to Blaze.

“Damn, yo, you hustle hard anywhere and everywhere.”

“You ain’t never lie.”

“I need to get an ounce off of you while you’re working then.”

“Let’s go out to my truck and I’ll hook you up.”

As I’m walking with Blaze toward his truck I noticed Tyree walking inside with his arms around two of the white boys he was talking to. I’m not going to lie, instantly I was jealous and already thinking negative about it. I figured he was about to go inside and cheat on me again. I guess that’s what happens after you catch your lover or spouse cheating on you once before. Blaze and I walked through the house so I could get some cash, and then we walked through the garage. Blaze stopped me.

“I was wondering how I was going to get you alone.” he said.

“Why?”

He didn’t say anything he just pushed me up against my truck, and pulled my shorts down to my ankles as he got on his knees.

“Not this again. You play too much.”

I reached down to pull my swim trunks back up but he stopped me.

“Just relax Jamar. I know you saw your man take those boys inside because I peeped you looking. What do you think he’s doing right now?”

I didn’t respond. He got in my head because I pictured all kinds of things going on in one of our bedrooms. Blaze was sucking me so good that I couldn’t stop him even if I wanted to. I just closed my eyes and pretended it was Tyree taken care of me until I actually heard Tyree yelling for me. I was able to pull my shorts up, and pull Blaze up to his feet right before Tyree opened the door to the garage.

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

“I’m getting some more tree from Blaze.”

“Oh, okay. Is there anymore ice?”

“I put all the ice that we had in the coolers. Why?”

“Why would you only buy two bags of ice? That’s not going to last all day. It’s already pretty much melted.”

“I meant to get some more but I forgot. Why didn’t you buy any?”

“Just run down to the store and get some more.”

I didn’t like the way he was telling me what to do. Of course I thought he was just looking for a reason to get rid of me so he could do what he wanted to do with those guys.

“Why can’t you run down to the store? I did everything else earlier.”

As I was talking to Tyree I was getting pissed, and I could heard Blaze mumbling just loud enough for me to hear him. “I’ll take you.”

“Never mind, Tyree, don’t even worry about it. Blaze can run me down to the store real quick.”

“Thanks Blaze, you’re all right sometimes,” Tyree replied.

“No problem,” Blaze responded.

We got in Blaze’s Silver Range Rover and headed to the nearest super market, but halfway there Blaze pulled over on a side street. He parked the car but didn’t turn off the ignition.

“What are we doing here?”

“Finishing what I started,” Blaze said as he took off his seatbelt and leaned over so he could finish sucking me off. He must love my dick because he was worshipping it as if it was the best thing on Earth. As much shit as I talk about Tyree cheating there I was getting some of the best head that you could imagine. Oh, well, Tyree was probably back at the house doing whatever with whomever, so I felt even better about it. Besides I was still pissed about Tyree making me do everything that day, so that was the relaxation that I needed.

Back at the house I put away the weed for later, and I filled the coolers back up with ice, and then put the rest in the freezer. As I was closing the door to the refrigerator Karma appeared out of nowhere scaring the shit out of me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Now you out of all people should know, you never sneak up on a black man like that. You’re lucky I didn’t come across your face with a quick right hook.”

“Look at me Jamar. Would you hit this face? Really?”

He was starting to remind me of Tyree and how conceited he was when he first got into porn.

“If you run up on me like that again I just might.”

He did just that too. He ran up on me to the point that I thought he was going to kiss me again.

“What is up with you?” I had to ask. “You play too much,” I said as I softly pushed him away from me.

“You don’t play enough.”

I wanted to change the subject again.

“Anyway I heard some good things about you. I was told your first movie was off the hook and that it should be a hit with the freaks.”

“Oh, yeah, it will be for sure. Breeze already said I’m about to be the next best thing and one of the top, if not the top earner here.”

A Breeze speech that sounded oh so familiar.

“Oh, wow, the top spot, huh?” I asked sarcastically. “I’ll have to check out this movie of yours, and see what the buzz is about, and see what you can do.”

He stared deeply into my eyes for a brief moment before saying, “Take me in one of your bedrooms and I’ll show you what I can do.”

“Wow. You are funny.”

“I am, but I’m not joking right now.”

I stopped and stared at him to see how serious he was. He never took his eyes off me. He was one bold young man.

“I’m serious!” he said breaking the silence.

“Wow, I’m flattered Karma, and you are hot but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea.”

“If you’re worried I’ll run my mouth, I won’t,” he said so innocently.

I did want to fuck his bold ass, but after already feeling guilty about what I did with Blaze my conscience didn’t need anything else piling up on it.

“It’s not that. I have a man who is in the basement shooting pool with our friends. How fucked up would I be to fuck someone in our new home during our housewarming party?”

He chuckled before saying, “Pretty fucked up when you put it like that.”

“See. Thanks for understanding and feeling where I’m coming from.”

“Sure. I’ll just wait to show you what I can do on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday? What are you talking about?”

“Breeze liked what I brought to the table so much, that after we wrapped up my first movie he asked who I wanted to work with next. I told him…you,” he said with a smirk on his face before walking away. For barely being eighteen this dude had some nerve but he was sexy with it. I was shocked but turned on at the same time. Now I was the one who needed a drink. Before heading outside I took two shots of Patron to loosen me up and grabbed a Corona out the cooler. As I was about to head over to the girls to fill them in on how my day was going I heard Tyree talking to Breeze. I didn’t expect Breeze to show up, and I only invited him because he overheard me talking about it, and I didn’t want to be rude and not invite him.

“What’s up Jamar? I must say you and Tyree have great taste. I like your new crib.”

“Thanks Breeze.”

“I think your living room needs a little something extra so a delivery truck should be arriving shortly to deliver your new 103 inch Plasma flat screen television, and a Blu-ray disc player.”

“Stop playing,” Tyree said. You could hear the excitement in his voice.

“When have you known me to be playing? It’s about time you upgraded from that 27 inch anyway. You’re porn stars, so live like it. You make great money, and should only have the best.”

Not as much money as you make I wanted to say.

“Thanks Breeze. We really appreciate it.”

“No problem. Jasmine’s here, right?”

“Yeah, she’s lying out by the pool,” I replied.

“Okay, well don’t be upset, but I’m gonna have to steal her away. I know it’s her day off, but Larry Ziggerman over at Hardcore Erotica just called and needs her desperately for a shoot in West Hollywood. I told him she wasn’t available, but after he said he would triple her pay…well you know how it is.”

“It must be nice,” Tyree said.

“Well, she’s out back with DeeDee. Help yourself if you’re hungry or thirsty,” I said as he stepped outside. I watched as some of the guys were kissing the boss’s ass as he walked over to Jasmine. I could tell she was pissed because her body language said I’m not going, but I’m assuming after Breeze mentioned the pay her attitude changed because she gathered her belongings, hugged DeeDee, and headed toward me.

“Hey boo, I’m sorry but I have to go, even though I’d rather stay here.”

“It’s cool. Breeze already filled me in. Make that money, girl.”

“You know it. I’ll call you later.”

Her and Breeze left right as the delivery truck was pulling up with Breeze’s gifts. I let them in, showed them where the living room was, and where I wanted everything setup. While they were busy doing that I shot a few games of pool with Tyree and DeeDee, and she was kicking our asses.

“Yeah, you didn’t think a bitch knew how to shoot pool did you?”

“Hell nah,” Tyree replied.

“Bobby used to play back in his day so he taught me a few things here and there on some of our dates. Watch this shot right here, and take some notes Tyree because you might learn something.”

I don’t know how the hell she made the shot she did but I could tell Tyree was tired of losing.

“Man, I don’t even feel like playing anymore.”

“Don’t be like that. Don’t be a sore loser. Go ahead and walk your ass over there and rack ’em up. Let’s play one more game before we check out that new TV of yours.”

After they finished that last game and Tyree finally beat her, although I think she let him win, he was happy again, so we all cleaned up the backyard. It was Saturday night so our guests left to get ready to hit the clubs and party the night away. After we finished cleaning, put the leftover food away, and put the nice gifts we received and gifts cards up, Tyree, DeeDee, and I got high while we watched the roast of Flava Flav on Comedy Central on our new big ass TV. We were laughing so hard that at first we didn’t hear the doorbell ringing. Tyree heard it first.

“Did anyone else hear the doorbell ring, or am I high as fuck?”

“No, I think I heard it too,” DeeDee replied.

“I’ll go look. Somebody probably forgot their cell phone or something,” I said as I jumped up to go check it out. As I was walking toward the door I thought about the party, Blaze, Karma, and Tyree and couldn’t believe the lust pyramid that I had built.

“Who is it?” I yelled when I was close enough to the front door, but no one responded. As soon as I opened the door up wide enough to see who it was my mouth dropped and I froze up instantly. What was he doing here? Why did he come unannounced? Why does he have his suitcase? So many questions were running through my head, but I couldn’t think of any answers. I was shocked.

“Well aren’t you going to invite me in son?”

Chapter 19

So this is what being on top feels like.

I turned on my phone and put in a call to the Black Oasis’s owner Gina the next morning and confirmed that I would perform there that night. She told me that she would have my picture and name up in bright lights in front of the club and on a billboard within the hour. She wanted the whole city to know that Jezebel was in town. She also told me that there would be a delivery man with a rack of costumes for me to choose from and a car to pick me up so that I would be on time for my big gig at her club. I thanked her and was told to report to her club at six, I would be on at ten, sharp. After our conversation I turned my phone back off. I didn’t want anyone interfering with my time with Lust. If the world was ending, well that was too damn bad, I wasn’t taking any calls.

“So when did you start doing this?” Lust asked noticing how nonchalant I was about my big day. Little did he know, I was beaming with pride, excitement, and nervousness. I just wasn’t letting it show.

“Not too long. Jamar and that asshole put me on to it just a couple of months back. It pays well and is fast money. About two hours in and then I’m out.”

He smiled at me as if he could see right through me.

“Well, tonight sounds a little different. You may have to work a little harder than you do in L.A. and for much more time. This is Vegas, girl, you’ve hit the big time Jazzy.”

I could tell that he was somewhat being funny. He knew that even though I was playing cool, my heart was in my throat.

“What, you don’t think that I can deliver? Well, you just wait and see,” I said as I climbed unto his lap and straddled him.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, baby, I know you can handle yourself off the pole. That show you put on for me last night was off the hook. But this is VEGAS, and I’m just telling you this because I want you to rock that shit. You gotta come harder, meaner, and longer on their asses down here.”

I could tell that he was in my corner and rooting for me. He didn’t let me know but he had been to that club before and knew that it was much more than your average strip club. It was a border line burlesque Vegas style show that not only turned you on but entertained you with its big show production. And here I was, about to perform with what sounded like only a few hours of practice.

“Well, how about you make me cum harder, meaner and longer right now?” I asked feeling my nipples get tender as they rub against his chest. Yes, he turned me on but he was also scaring me. With all that was going on, I never stopped and thought about how big this was. I was in the biggest city where women dominated the lust filled shows they danced in and here I was a newbie.

“Well, I ain’t never had a problem with that,” Lust said as he slipped me his tongue. As we proceeded to get what we needed, there was a knock on the door. I got off of Lust and answered it.

“Hello Miss Rodriguez, we have a delivery for you.”

I looked over at Lust and gave him the “What is this?” face. He shrugged his shoulders as I signed the delivery slip.

“You might as well have a seat, Miss, this may take a while.”

I watched as rack after rack of well-made costumes were brought in. The last bell boy stepped in with the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen in my life. After tipping, the bell boys let themselves out and I read aloud the card that accompanied the flowers.

“It is our pleasure to have you at the Black Oasis. We hope you find that special outfit for your show tonight. Break a leg, Gina. P.S- Don’t forget to check out our marquee and billboard on the main strip.”

My heart raced. My body felt warm and tears formed in my eyes. I felt Lust arms around me and his encouraging words.

“Don’t worry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just that when I look around and know that all of this is for me. When I think about my time here in Vegas, the award show, my accomplishments in such a short time, it, it, it’s just WOW, you know? I just gotta let it all sink in.”

He just stood there with me not talking. He let me look around, feel the clothes, and smell the flowers. I was proud of myself and he was proud of his girl. I seemed a little different to him, like I had grown, blossomed into a humble star. My good heart was not clouded with the allure of fame or fortune. I was still the person I thought I lost a long time ago. I was still Jasmine, and he saw her in me even when I didn’t.

*****

After skipping the sex session we were about to get into and taking a shower, I tried on what seemed like hundreds of costumes. Then I saw it. It was black, red, and gold. Real show girl like. I had a thong bottom, big head piece but there was no top.

“Damn, the one I wanted would be missing a top,” I said as Lust helped me look through the rack.

“Wait, Jazz, I think this is the top.”

When I looked in Lust’s hand all I saw was two pasties.

“This is going to be an interesting night, huh?” Lust asked as I held the outfit up against my chest.

“Damn, I can’t wait to see you in that tonight, I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”

I laughed at him as he grabbed his massive chocolate bar. I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me, but the phone rang.

“Hello Miss Rodriguez, I have a message for you. A Ms. Gina wanted you to know that the billboard is up. She wanted to know if she should send a car to take you to see it.”

I didn’t hesitate one minute before I answered, “Absolutely.”

Within five minutes I had gotten a call back letting me know that a car would be there to pick me up within a half an hour.

*****

The car couldn’t get cold enough for me. I was burning with excitement. Picture it, my name in big lights, and my picture bigger than life shadowing the Vegas strip, WOW! This was it! Lust held my hand the whole way there. We sat close, with me almost in his lap. Him kissing my neck and shoulder while telling me how happy he was to be there with me. Although you couldn’t squeeze an inch between us, the closeness I felt to Lust was beyond the physical. It hit me that this was the man I wanted to be with. Even with all that was going on, my mind still floated back to him, his smile, his hands and how they felt against my skin, his lips and how soft they were, how sweet the smell of his cologne was, how the sound of his voice sent chills down my spine, and how his love made me feel wanted, needed, and loved. As the car slowed and the privacy window went down and I heard the driver say the magic words.

“There it is, Miss Rodriguez, your billboard is straight ahead.”

I jumped out of the car so fast that I almost fell down. My eyes canvassed the scene until I saw it.

“Oh, my God, Lust, oh, my God.”

My grip tightened around his hand. I felt light headed, faintish almost.

“Tell the driver to call Ms. Gina and ask her if I can come in now instead of later. With all of this…,” I said while pointing at the picture of me that loomed over the city.

“I’ve got to be on point.”

Lust left my side as I gazed at the billboard.

“Tonight, at the Black Oasis, Fantasy Pictures own, JEZEBEL. Tickets on sale now, show at 10:00p.m.”

I read the electronic words over and over as they moved across the billboards screen. When Lust came back and told me that it was okay for me to go to the club early, I took a couple of pictures with the billboard in the background and jumped back in the car. So this is what being on top feels like.

*****

I got that same feeling when I arrived at the club. We got out of the car and I admired my name that appeared in red letters. Lust already had his camera out knowing that I would want a few shots. When I was done, I walked inside of the plush Vegas style club and was greeted with another bouquet of flowers and Champagne.

“Jezebel, I can’t tell you how nice it is to have you here at the Black Oasis. Tickets have been flying off of the shelf since we put up the marquee.”

I looked the big woman over and noticed her beauty before her size. She must have been standing at about six feet tall. Her platinum blonde hair had big curls past her shoulders with the help of extensions. Her make-up and clothes were flawless. She was big, but big in a way that would have all of the “brothas” drooling. She got close to me and gave a somewhat hard elbow to the side.

“I’m almost ashamed to say it but I am such a fan of yours, you really know your shit,” she said with a wink. I thanked her and looked over at Lust who was cheesing from ear to ear.

“Well, let me show you around, and is that Lust, he was in a film with you, right?”

I giggled at my fan. She was all beside herself. I could tell that she had gotten off to our movies many of time. I answered “yes” before she walked up to Lust and shook his hand.

“Come, come, we must toast. Here’s to Jezebel, Lust, me, the club, and PORN STARS.”

We laughed, we drank, we took a tour, and then we got to work.

*****

“You’re going to do fine baby, just relax.”

It had been a long day. I started rehearsing at around three and it was now going on 7:30PM Yes, my pole moves came in handy but this was way more of a showgirl’s type show than I thought. What was Mr. Cappello thinking when he put me up for this gig? I had to remember dance moves while wearing my costume in the first half of the show, than coming out in my thong and pasties in the second half. My mind was at ease when I thought of my second act because that was more on the stripping end. But remembering the choreography with six inch heels on had me on edge.

Lust could see the tension on my face as the make-up girl went to work on it. My leg wouldn’t stop shaking and my palms were wet.

“He’s right you know, I watched you out there, you’re a natural.”

The make-up girl seemed genuine, but my nerves were still rattled. I asked Lust to refill my glass with Champagne.

“Don’t overdo it,” she said while looking down at my drink.

“You don’t want to be wobbly on them heels.”

She had a good point. I took one sip and put the drink down. After she was done, the hair person came into my dressing room and did his thing. After that, the lead costume designer came in and dressed me. It was thirty minutes till show time and it was time to get myself together. I asked everyone to leave the dressing room, including Lust. I locked the door behind them and for the first time since I came out of the shower, I turned and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I took my breath away. I looked like a brand new person. Yes, I had on heavy make-up and my hair was big enough to make a Texas girl smile, but it wasn’t in that slutty porn way. I looked classy, clean, but still sexy.

“Okay, girl, you can do this. No falls, no slips, and no missteps. You’re gonna rock that shit.”

I said this over and over until I believed it. Fifteen minutes later, I was being led to the stage.

*****

The bright lights were almost blinding, which was good. Someone had told me that it was a packed house before I went out on stage and this way I wouldn’t have to see all of the peering eyes. The music started and the background dancers were out there doing their thing. I waited to emerge from what looked like water. My first costume had me looking like a mermaid. I went over the dance steps in my mind and once I was through the makeshift water, I did what I had practiced for hours. I moved my hips and kept up with the other girls as if I was a pro. Half way through the first set my body and mind relaxed and everything feel into place. I enjoyed the once intruding eyes. I marveled at their smiles and excitement. Their cheers and applause gave me a rush in a way that porn never did. Sure, being on the stage accepting my awards felt good, but this was pure; clear even, like I was supposed to be doing this full time. I fell in love right then and there. I wanted to be a show girl.

“Oh, my god Jazz that shit was crazy,” Lust said as he met me off stage after the first act.

“Sorry, but we have to get her changed,” the stage coordinator said as she pulled me away from Lust’s arms. I blew him a kiss and followed the hair, make-up, and costume people.

“Go back out, this second half is all for you,” I said before entering my dressing room. There was a seven minute interval between my first and second act. Everything and everyone was moving fast and before I knew what hit me, I was standing stage side in the costume that I picked out with Lust earlier that day. I waited for my cue and as soon as I got it, the lights dimmed and I made my way to the middle of the stage and stood between the two guys that I handpicked to dance with me. The spot light shined on me and it was SHOW TIME. We bumped and grinded to Maxwell’s Suite Lady. It was sensual, it was steamy, it was intense, and I could feel the want the audience had for me. It was as if they were in my world, the world I created for myself, where only I existed. Only my wants and needs mattered, and they were always met. I looked over at Lust and he was totally captivated by me. The thought of him made me wet and it showed in my dancing. One by one the men pulled at the robe I had on. They pulled at it tearing it off of me just like they were supposed to. They tore it all off until I was left standing in my thong and pasties. Water started to pour and it looked like rain. Our bodies glistened under the lights as our body parts slipped and slid off of each other. We danced until the breakdown, my favorite part of the song, came on.

The lights flickered and the strobe light was turned on. I pushed down one of the male dancers and climbed on top of him. We engaged in what most would think was full on sex. I rode him, moaning, thrusting, and shaking as if he were hitting all of my right spots. He threw his head back and moaned with me. The other male came behind me and rubbed his hands all over my chest, back, and stomach and acted as if he was kissing and sucking my neck. The red light was added to the strobe and with each flicker of the light; the audience was taken to the brink of total ecstasy. As we reached the show’s climax, in a way so did the audience, they were experiencing something new, something that would have them talking and fucking for weeks. As the song went off, as planned, my two dancers and I lay there breathless, sweaty, wet, and completely ravished, as if we just had the best sex of our lives. The room went crazy, screams and cheers roared on. I stood up and took a bow. I had done it. I was a success. I didn’t mess up and I didn’t let my fears cripple me. I took my fears on and refused to take a backseat to them, I now found a dream I never knew I had. I could now look past porn and know that there was something else that I could do. Being in adult film would not stop me from being the star I always knew I could be, outside of porn and without Breeze. I found my passion and I had the man I really wanted. Lust was right there once I got off of the stage. I fell into his arms and cried. They were not tears of sorrow or embarrassment, no, they were tears of bliss. Happiness that I hadn’t felt in a real long time, my heart was at ease and my mind was clear.

“You did it, baby, and I knew you could.”

Lust was so filled with happiness for me that he had to fight back his own tears. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling the way he did. Something special had happened out there and words would never be able to explain what it was. He had watched me transform as if I were a blank canvas before only to slowly gain color by the hand of a gifted artist. It was as if I were born, reborn in a way, right in front of him. He knew that this was nothing he had ever seen before and he also knew that it was something that he would never see again. He never said it but as he watched me his whole body shook, and he didn’t know why, but he did know that it was because of me and what just transpired on stage.

“Jeze-fucking-bel. What the fuck was that? Matthew wants to see you right away,”

Gina was talking a mile a minute. I gave her the “Who the hell is Matthew?” look.

“He’s my business partner, don’t worry about it, just come with me.”

I held on to Lust’s hand and followed Gina into her partner’s office. After ten minutes of talking to them, I was presented with a contract for two shows a month at thirty thousand dollars a show. With tickets ranging from one hundred seventy five dollars for what was considered the cheap seat, three thousand dollars for the first five rows, and with the first rows reserved for high rollers at five thousand dollars a pop, they would be bringing in serious money if they had a sold out show every time I came out.

“There wasn’t one ticket left to sell even if we needed one. The whole show, sold the fuck out, and that was within the first two hours of putting the billboard up. Are you sure you don’t want to make this a permanent thing? We could make a lot of money,” Matthew said as he leaned back in his chair. He smiled as if he could already count the money I could possibly bring in. If I agreed, he would up the price of admission and figured that if his place was licensed to hold up to five thousand people at once, well this could be the beginning of a beautiful and lucrative working relationship.

“If I were you, now don’t take this the wrong way cause I love Bobby, but,”

I could tell that Gina was trying to choose her word carefully.

“You could be so much more out here. You could make so much money, gain fame for more than fucking on film. We know you’re good at what you do, but this is a chance to start over. I hope that I’m not out of line here but Jezebel, you are something special. I wouldn’t waste your talent if I had it.”

FUCKKKKKKK, both her and Matt were making so much sense. I knew that they were right, but I was under contact with Fantasy Pictures.

“But my contra---.”

I didn’t get the word contract out before Matt spoke up.

“We would buy you out.”

I looked over at Lust hoping that his head wasn’t spinning like mine was. So much, so fast.

“At least think about it,” Lust said with a warm smile.

“He’s right; you should think about it and let us know. But in the meantime, at least we’ll have you here twice a month.”

We spoke for another hour or so working the kinks out of the contract and waiting for two lawyers to make their way to the club. It was late but you could get anything at any time in that city, good or bad. They made everything sound first class. They would put me up in the best hotel for three days and two nights, even though I would only have to work one night. They would also send a plane out every two weeks to take me from L.A. to Vegas and back. I would also have a car service to pick me up from my house and anywhere I wanted to go once I got to Vegas. They promised only the best their city had to offer, five star everything, all the way. Once the lawyers looked over and explained everything to both parties, it all seemed kosher, so I signed the contract.

*****

Could you believe that they asked me to feature at their club? The money, are they crazy, thirty G’s?”

I had showered, changed and now Lust and I were on our way back to the hotel. I jumped into his lap and spoke a mile a minute.

“Picture me, Jasmine Rodriguez, a Vegas showgirl. OH, MY GOD!” I screamed.

“Why are you so surprised, doing porn wasn’t your ultimate goal was it?”

I looked at him like he was crazy.

“Hell no, I wasn’t even supposed to be doing that shit. I went out to L.A. to act in “Real” films, you know, on the big screen. It just didn’t come as easy as I thought it would, so I had to find a way to pay the bills.”

“Can I ask you something Jazz?”

I shook my head yes.

“How come you didn’t jump at the opportunity they’re giving you? It’s way better than that porn bullshit and I’ve even been thinking about my exit, why don’t you do the same?”

He didn’t know that my heart was already set on transitioning. Although I didn’t know when or how I was going to leave my new-but-old life behind, I did know that I would leave it without ever looking back. So I stayed in his lap and told him everything. By the time I was done, the concerns he had before were soothed. He was so happy for me and with me that he knew it was time to fess up. He took my face into his hands and kissed me tenderly. He felt so good, so damn right.

“You know what, Jasmine?”

“What is it baby?”

“I think you should know that I have fallen in love with you.”

I just sat there, frozen, still unable to move. He must have thought that he weirded me out or that maybe I didn’t feel the same. He looked scared, embarrassed even. Then the laughter came, I couldn’t stop it even though I tried.

“What in the fuck is so funny?”

He looked so cute. He looked like a seven year old who hadn’t gotten their way.

“Calm down, baby, it’s not what you think. It’s just, well, I’m laughing because I have been in love with you for some time now and I don’t even know your real name.”

I laughed again. “I call the man I love by his “Porn name.”

Now we both were laughing. I don’t know if I had never thought about it before, or if it just hadn’t mattered until then, but it was odd that I only knew him as Lust.

“Well, Jasmine, you can call me Lanell.”

“Lanell?” I asked.

That was one I hadn’t heard before.

“Yeah, I was named after my mom’s first kiss. She thought that it was funny pulling that one over my dad.”

We laughed and I kissed my man. His kiss somehow tasted sweeter than before.

“I’m in love with you, too, Lanell.”

*****

The flight back was draining. Leaving Las Vegas was like leaving my soul behind. In a way I was. Lust had decided to stay a little longer. He said that he needed the time away from the real world and that since he was enjoying himself, he wasn’t in a rush to leave. I was afraid if he stayed that he wouldn’t be able to come and see me when I went back, but he promised to never miss a performance. I questioned his ability to go to Vegas every two weeks. It wasn’t like they were going to be flying him out like they were doing for me. But he told me not to worry, that he never broke his promises. So as the taxi pulled up to my building in L.A., I kept my head up and told myself that soon enough I would be kissing this place and all it held goodbye. I could and would be walking away from Breeze and his fucked up ways. I would turn my back on L.A. and the dreams that it swallowed whole. I would tell the porn biz to kiss my ass and break free from the shackles that it continuously puts on its participants.

I walked in to my apartment and noticed how small and unimportant everything in it was. Leaving all of this bullshit behind was going to be a breeze, no pun intended. I sat on my couch and turned on my phone, it hadn’t been on since I turned it off after speaking to Gina. I dialed Lanell’s number and waited to hear my lover’s voice.

“Hey baby, how was your flight?”

I sunk deeper into the couch. His voice relaxed me.

“Lonely, I miss you already. I should have stayed,” I said, feeling fed up with myself. I should have said fuck it and never came back.

“I wish you were here too but you did what you had to do. I have been thinking about you since I left you at the airport. I was like, damn nigga, man up, you’ll see her soon,” he said with a light chuckle. I closed my eyes and thought about out last night together. It was like saying the “Love” word changed everything. We made love over and over savoring every part of each other’s body. It was better than it had ever been, and it was because we loved each other deeply.

“So what are you gonna do while out in paradise?” I asked trying to sound up beat.

“Relax, think of you, gamble, and eat, and then go home.”

“Well, have fun.”

I was jealous.

“I’ll have more fun two weeks from now when I’m with you. I love you Jasmine.”

“That’s music to my ears, Lanell.”

“No, tell me you love me too so that I can sleep well tonight.”

“I love you with all my heart.”

“Now go to bed, call me once you’re done with work.”

*****

I got up the next morning and told myself to just go with the flow of life. I had a plan and although it would take some time to get there, I WOULD get there.

“Oh, shit, look what the cat dragged in,” DeeDee said as I entered the locker room. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.

“Girllllll, you know I want to hear all about it, but I’m about to go on set. Drink after work?” she asked as she headed for the door. I told her yes and watched her leave. I looked around and saw all of the same old faces including Ebony’s trifling ass. I rolled my eyes and went to the call sheet. I went down the whole damn thing and didn’t see my name on it anywhere. What in the hell was going on?

“No work for the big star, huh?”

I knew who it was before I even turned around. I should have just ignored her ass but she had caught the right person on the wrong damn day.

“How many times do I have to tell your ass not to look at me, let alone talk to me? Are you fucking hard of hearing or something? You say one more fucking thing to me and I’m gonna put my foot deep in your ass, understand?”

Tanya stepped up like she wanted to test me, I was ready.

“I will fucking kill you, bitch. DeeDee’s not here this time.”

I put my duffle bag down and was about to get it in. I didn’t need DeeDee for me to show this bitch what time it was.

“Tanya, get your ass out here, we don’t have all day,” I heard one of the directors say.

“You’re one lucky bitch,” she said as she walked by me bumping me with her shoulders. I walked up behind her and pushed her hard. She went flying into one of the lockers. I waited for her to come back at me but she didn’t. She just fixed her clothes and stood up straight.

“You may have won the battle but I won the war, hoe.”

“Yeah, whatever, Tanya. Come at me when you really wanna see me.”

I threw my bag into my locker, locked it and headed for Breeze’s office.

“Hey girl, don’t tell me that you’re just getting back?”

I was happy to see Jamar and gave him a hug.

“Yeah, I am but I can fill you in on that later. You should join DeeDee and me for drinks after work. But let me tell you what Tanya just tried to pull.”

I told him what just went down in the locker room allowing myself to get heated all over again.

“That’s one crazy bitch but she may be right about winning that war. Breeze called me yesterday asking if I heard from you. He was acting all crazy and he sounded pissed.”

“He knew where I was, his dad said that he would tell him about me staying a few extra days.”

“I don’t know; have you seen him yet?”

I didn’t want to tell Jamar that I was avoiding Breeze but he could tell. In a crazy way, I was kind of scared to find out what would happen when I did see him.

“Well, he’s around here somewhere so you’re bound to bump into him.”

“Who cares, I’m over the both of them to tell you the truth.”

Jamar looked at his watch and told me that he had to get on set before they started looking for him. I head straight for Mr. Cappello’s office. I wanted to know if he told his son the reason behind my absence.

*****

“Hello, hello, Jazzy, I’ve been hoping to see you. I spoke with Gina and I heard you tore the place down. How are you, did you enjoy yourself?”

Mr. Cappello was standing without stretched arms. He gave me a warm hug and I took in a nose full of his expensive cologne. He always smelled so good.

“I love being up there on that stage, it felt right you know?” I was so comfortable around him now that I felt free to speak candidly.

“At first I was like what in hell were you thinking? But once I hit that stage, I lost myself in the music and it just came to me. I really do have to thank you.”

He smiled and I could tell that he felt that he had done something right.

“Well, Gina is going to send me a copy of your performance and I can’t wait to see it. She couldn’t say enough about you, Jasmine. I’m proud of you, I really am.”

That meant a lot coming from him.

“So what can I do you for?” I took a seat and came right out with it.

“Did you tell your son that I would be staying and performing at the Black Oasis?”

“Of course I did, I told you that I would.”

“Did, umm, did you tell him about—?”

He knew what I was trying to get at. I wanted to know if he told him about Lanell and I being together.

“Look Jazz, I don’t meddle in my son’s personal life. I told him what I needed to tell him and that was it. But I did hear something about him knowing—.”

Mr. Cappello stopped talking and just stared at the door. I turned around and say Breeze standing.

“So you’re back?” he asked with piercing eyes.

“Yeah, got in last night.”

“And you didn’t call, must have had someone else to talk to.”

You could have cut the tension in that office with a knife.

“Well, I have work to do. I’ll see you later, Jazzy.”

I wasn’t going to let Mr. Cappello leave without bring up the fact that I wasn’t scheduled for any movies just in case Breeze was trying to pull a fast one.

“I may not be here, Mr. Cappello. I figured that I would just go home since I wasn’t taping.”

“What are you talking about? I set up three feature films for you myself. You’re fresh off major wins, who would be crazy enough not to use that and put you to work?” he asked as he looked at his son as if Breeze was crazy. There he was thinking with his dick again.

“Don’t leave without seeing again, I’ll go check on it,” he said while exiting his office. Once Mr. Cappello was gone, I just sat there. I didn’t know what angle to take with Breeze. After just standing at the door and looking at me for a while. He walked into the office, slammed the door, and sat down behind his father’s desk.

“So how was your trip, I heard about your wins.”

“Yeah, it was all great.” I kept my answers short and sweet.

“So my dad hooked you up with Gina, how did that go?”

“It was fun, something different.”

“The weather, was it okay?”

That was a weird question but okay, I would play his game. “It was lovely.”

“So, no power outages, no lines down.”

Okay, now I knew where he was going.

“No, nothing like that.”

“SO WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU CALL ME? NO BETTER YET, WHY WAS YOUR PHONE OFF?”

I remained calm even though he was yelling.

“Just didn’t feel like being bothered. I guess I was still mad that you couldn’t come with me.”

I prayed that he brought the bullshit I was selling.

“So you really wanted me there, huh?”

He looked me right in the eyes when he asked me this but I wasn’t backing down. I stared right back into his eyes and lied, “Of course I did. You knew how upset I was that you weren’t coming.

He leaned back in the desk chair and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re looking me right in my face and lying to me.”

“What are you talking about?”

My stomach had started to do flips at that point.

“If I was there you wouldn’t have been able to hook back up with Lust.”

He stopped talking and watched for my reaction. When I didn’t give him one he continued, “Yeah, that’s right. Tanya told me all about you two lovebirds. How you two were making out at the award show and how you two damn near fucked in the club, yeah I know it all, fucking slut.”   

My anger was boiling over. If that bitch was going to tell she could have at least told the truth.

“That’s a fucking lie right there,” I said standing up.

“Which part?”

“What do you mean?”

“Which part are lies? The kissing, groping, or are you telling me that you didn’t see him at all.”

I looked down at the smug look on his face and said fuck it.

“You know what, Breeze, fuck you and fuck Tanya; you two can have each other.”

He jumped up so fast that the desk chair was still spinning by the time he got to me. He grabbed both of my arms and pulled me to him.

“NO, FUCK YOU! I gave you everything and you stoop down to what, Lust’s level. He doesn’t have what I have, he will never be me.”

“His level? You will never know what his level is, you will never be able to reach it, baby. See, he doesn’t have some hoe living with him while he’s in another relationship. If you really liked me the way you say you did, you wouldn’t still be living with that bitch. You wouldn’t take her word over mine, and most of all, you wouldn’t talk to or treat me the way you do. And that’s why you will never be on his level.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not the one who’s married?”

“That one is old already, find something new,” I said breaking his grip. I now had the info on Lanell’s marriage. I knew that he was separated.

“You already knew the situation between Tanya and me when you first started messing with me. She caught us fucking for crying out loud.”

“Well, shame on me,” I said as I headed for the door.

“Come back here, Jasmine.”

“Sorry, but this conversation is over, see you around.”    

Chapter 20

“Karma Is What He Kraves”

I couldn’t believe my father was in L.A., let alone standing at my front door. He looked the same since I last saw him except his hairline was receding a little more. He was wearing some black slacks, a cream colored polo shirt, and some freshly shined dress shoes. Since I looked just like him I was happy to know I’d be handsome when I got older. I didn’t know what to say, I was speechless. My father opened the storm door himself and that’s when reality kicked back in.

“Dad, what are you doing here?”

“I was traveling with a coworker of mine on business. Since I was in L.A., I decided to stay an extra day so I could visit you, and see your new house. You sounded so excited about it when you called me last week. I thought I’d surprise you. Are you not happy to see me?”

“I am. Come in.”

I gave him a big hug as I thought about how I was going to hide my porn, my awards, and Tyree. Well, not really Tyree, but hide the fact that he was my man.

“I was hoping I could spend the night here, if that’s okay with you. If not, I’ll need you to drive me to the nearest hotel in a few hours.”

“Of course you can stay here. I have a few guest rooms. Give me a minute and I’ll be right back to give you a tour of the house.”

I walked down the hallway, and then I turned the corner. Once I knew my father couldn’t see me I ran to the living room.

“MY DAD IS HERE. MY DAD IS HERE. QUICK PUT THE BLUNT OUT, AND I NEED YOU TO HIDE OUR PORN AND OUR AWARDS.”

“WHAT? CALM DOWN,” Tyree replied as he jumped up.

“Did you hear what I just said? My dad just showed up. DeeDee can you light some candles please. Tyree I need you to hide anything that will give away that we’re porn stars, and I need a big favor. I need you to sleep in one of the guest rooms and pretend it’s your room until he leaves tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay, I got you, baby, and calm down. It’s going to be okay.”

“Hold up, you still haven’t told your father anything about your lifestyle here?” DeeDee asked.

“Hell no, he doesn’t even know I’m gay.”

“Wow, on that note I’ll help Tyree clean up but then I’m outta here because I’m scared I might fuck around and slip up and say something by accident.”

I was giving my dad a tour of the house, and the backyard as I introduced him to Tyree and DeeDee as she was leaving.

“Do you still have a lot of boxes to unpack?” my father asked as he noticed some of Tyree’s boxes in the garage.

“No, not really, that’s Tyree’s stuff. He hasn’t finished unpacking yet. You know me, I couldn’t wait, and had all of my stuff unpacked the same week we moved in.

“So Tyree is the one you live with, right?”

“Yes, that’s my roommate and my best friend.”

Hey I wasn’t lying. I just wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

“How did you two meet?”

“We meet at a club.”

“You met him at a club, and now you’re living together. How does that happen?”

“Well, we realized we were both aspiring actors, so we started hanging out and going to auditions together. I needed a roommate to pay half the bills, and he needed a place to live. It worked out perfectly.”

“I always thought you were living with your girlfriend Ebony?”

I forgot I told him I was living with my girlfriend. Again, technically I wasn’t lying I just let him assume we were dating.

“I was but things didn’t work out. She was a liar and she couldn’t be trusted.”

“Well, it’s like that sometimes son.”

I walked over to see what my dad was staring at so hard. He was holding a picture of me and Jasmine.

“That’s Jasmine, my other best friend. Isn’t she gorgeous?”

“Yes, she is. Is she famous or something, because she looks familiar?”

Now I was starting to panic because all I could think about was my dad recognizing her from starring in porn. What if he looked up all of her movies now that he knew she was my best friend? What if he discovered the movie we filmed together with Tyree? What would he think of me?

“She’s an aspiring actress.”

“Oh, ok. Well I’m sure she’ll make it. She’s beautiful.”

I was nervous as hell and needed a drink because he instantly killed my buzz.

“Dad, can I get you anything to eat or drink?”

“I am quite hungry. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch and that was about 1:00p.m.”

“I’ll fix you something.”

I made my dad a plate of food that we had earlier at the party, heated it up, and served it to him with a gin and tonic, his favorite.

While he ate I had another Corona.

“When did you start drinking? You’re not even 21 yet.”

“I don’t really drink like that. I might have a Corona or two every now and then.”

“Son, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be straight up with me.”

I was nervous and sweating now, because I thought he was about to ask me if I was gay. I wasn’t ready for that talk so I was prepared to lie.

“Go ahead and ask me.”

He paused for a second, took a big gulp of his drink finishing it off, and then he sit the empty glass back on the table.

“Are you selling drugs? Are you a drug dealer?”

Wow. I was relieved, but shocked at the same time. He caught me off guard causing me to laugh out loud.

“Why are you laughing? This is serious.”

“I’m sorry dad; I didn’t mean to laugh at you. Why would you ask me that?”

“Because you’re living in an expensive house, better than mine I must add, you’re driving a Range Rover, and you have the biggest television that I have ever seen in my life. How can you afford all of this?”

He definitely had a point and knew something was up and I had to come up with some answers quick.

“No, I don’t sell drugs. The TV was a gift from a friend. I just got it today actually. I’m renting the house, and I brought the truck after I started making money doing commercials, and being an extra in a lot of films.”

“So you mean to tell me you make that much being an extra, and why haven’t I seen you in any commercials?”

Now he was really starting to stress me out, and making me lie to him.

“The commercials that I filmed only air here in California, and I get three hundred dollars a day as an extra. Sometimes the films take weeks to finish so I’m making about two grand a week.”

I had no idea how much extras made but I had to come up with something.

“Well, I’m just checking because you know I raised you better than that.”

“I know and trust me, dad, I’m not doing anything illegal.”

We were both quiet now, and into our own thoughts. I’m assuming he was proud of me and thinking I was doing better than he was. I was wondering how well I actually pulled that off. After a few more drinks we talked about everything. I found out my father was dating again, no wonder he seemed happier. He showed me a picture of his new girlfriend Lydia. She was pretty and thick in all the right places. She was seven years younger than he was so she must be putting it on him, and that’s why he’s been in a good mood. However, I didn’t want to think about my dad like that, let alone picture it. After a few hours of talking and catching up I showed him to the guest room, I took a shower, and then I went and kissed Tyree, who was still playing his PlayStation 3, goodnight. The next morning I woke up to my father cooking breakfast. He really made himself at home.

“Good morning. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Dad, you didn’t have to do this. I was going to take you out for breakfast.”

“It’s not a problem. I wanted to thank you for letting me spend the night, and hopefully for driving me to the airport in a few hours.”

“Oh, ok. Sure, I’ll give you a ride.”

“The food is almost ready. Let Tyree know, I made enough for all of us.”

I wanted them to have as little communication as possible, so there was no way I was going to wake up Tyree.

“I’m pretty sure he stayed up most of the night playing video games, so he’s not going to walk up anytime soon. I’ll make him a plate, and leave it in the microwave.”

“Okay. I thought I was going to have a hard time finding utensils, but I noticed you store everything like I do at home.”

“Out of habit, I guess.”

We ate homemade pancakes, eggs sunny side up, bacon, grits with butter and cheese, and sausage links. That was the first time my father cooked breakfast for me since I was fourteen. I liked the change in him, too bad we lived so far apart. When it was finally time for him to go I was a little sad, but at the same time happy I didn’t have to pretend I lived that lifestyle I portrayed any longer. I was tired of acting in my own house, even if it was only for twenty four hours. I gave him a hug, slipped a check for ten thousand dollars in his carry on, and then waited until he was inside the airport before I headed home.

Three days later it was time to go back to work, and I was working with Karma. I walked into the studio excited and anxious. The day before he was all I could think about. I checked in with Breeze to see if he had both of our STD results. Everything was fine and we were both clean. After I got the results Breeze handed me a small script. Written on the cover was Karma Is What He Kraves.

“Jamar, read that over before we get started. You don’t have to have it memorized word for word as long as you know the main concept. You can play it by ear. Also, check in with wardrobe because they should have something for you to wear.”

I walked over to wardrobe and Amy, a short, petite, white chick waved me over.

“Jamar, I have a few things here for you to choose from.”

I quickly looked it all over and realized everything was black. I ended up wearing a t-shirt, jeans, Timberland boots, sunglasses, and a hoodie.

“Here are some props too.”

She handed me a plastic gun, and a fake knife.

“I believe you'll be using the knife and Karma will be using the gun.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I was ready to get started now. I walked out into the warehouse and was surprised to see how well they made the sound stage look like a street corner with a back alley. I noticed Karma off to the side looking over the script. He looked good, especially since his character was more masculine than he really was. He looked thugged out, but pretty. He had on some jeans that were sagging and showing off his black boxers, a white wife beater, some fake gold chains, a black skull cap, and some fresh Jordan's. The crew was getting all of the cameras and microphones set up. Breeze walked in and made his presence known.

“LET’S GO PEOPLE. WHY ISN’T EVERYTHING SETUP ALREADY? “

No one spoke up because they didn't want to get yelled at. Everyone started moving faster until we were ready to start.

“Karma and Krave, are you ready and prepared for this scene?”

We both acknowledged that we were ready.

“Karma, I want you to stand on the corner and wait till one of the crew members walks up and acts like he's buying some drugs off you. After you two make the transaction and he walks off the set pretend like you’re making a call, and then start walking down the alley.”

“I got it Breeze.”

“Krave, do you know what to do from there?”

“Yes!” I replied as I nodded my head up and down.

“OKAY, PEOPLE QUIET ON THE SET. ACTION!” 

I waited till Karma started walking down the fake alley until I ran up on him, put my arm around his neck, and then grabbed the cell phone with one hand while putting the knife on his throat with my other hand.

“Don't fucking move or I'm going to kill you.”

“Whoa, hold up! Let's talk about this.”

“Did I tell you to speak?”

He shook his head back and forth confirming that I didn’t.

“Then, shut the fuck up until I say you can talk.”

“Okay! Okay!”

I put the cell phone in my pocket and then started patting Karma down until I got to his waist.

“Nice gun. Thanks, I needed one.”

“Wait I need that--”

I smacked Karma upside the head with the gun softer than it appeared.

“I could've sworn I told you to shut the fuck up.”

I started going through his pockets and pulled out his money. I already knew how much it was but I pretended to count it anyway.

“Sixty dollars? That’s it? Where’s the rest of your money?”

“That’s all I got, yo.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me. Show me where the rest of it is, or I’m going to stab you.”

“That’s it, I SWEAR.”

“What else do you have?”

“Here take the rest of this.”

Karma handed me his baggie of fake drugs.

“What am I going to do with this? I don’t want this shit. You better come up with something else valuable.”

I eased up so he could turn around and face me.

“What about my chains? Here take them.”

“I don’t want your fake ass jewelry,” I said as I threw them on the ground.

“What else do you have?”

“That’s it. I don’t have anything else. You got it all.”

“Nah you need to come up with something. As a matter of fact get on your knees.”

“What? Come on man. Why are you doing this?”

“Cuz you’re a pretty ass motherfucka who shouldn’t be hustling. You’re too soft. I’m going to teach you a lesson, and show you how I treated bitches like you when I was in prison.”

I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans just enough to pull my dick out.

“Now get on your knees and suck my dick, bitch. Don’t make me ask you again.”

As he slowly got down on his knees he took off his watch and tried handed it to me.

“I forgot about my watch. Please don’t make me do this. Here.”

“Nah, that’s okay. You need to keep that cuz you know what time it is, bitch.”

I grabbed his head, pushed him forward enough so I could rub my dick all over his face first.

“Now open up and suck this dick. I better not feel any teeth either because if I do I’m going to slice your face, then shoot you with your own gun.”

Karma started doing what he’s wanted to do since my housewarming party, but he started off pretending like he didn’t like it.

“You better make me believe you love it, bitch.”

I got undressed first and I was only wearing my Timbs now. Karma started getting more into it and although he was young, he had more skills than some of the older cats we worked with. He had my legs trembling and I actually had to hold back from cumming a few times by stopping him.

“Damn, yo, I can tell this definitely isn’t your first time. Now go deeper!”

I grabbed his head and started getting rougher with him. He started swallowing me whole as I fucked his mouth. It was so good I had to step back for a moment. He followed and continued doing his job. He was earning that pay check.

“CUT!!!! Jamar what's wrong with you today? Do you need to sit down or something?” Breeze asked.

“I'm trying not to cum. Shorty got skills.”

“If you cum now can you still perform for the fuck scene?”

“Hell yeah, I might need a little break but I'll be all right.”

“Okay, people we are going to film the money shot now, and then we will take a fifteen minute break. Make sure there's a fluffer on the set for Krave during the break. ACTION!”

I was already rock hard and throbbing, so it didn't take much before I gave Karma a facial.

“CUT! We got it. Everyone, make sure you're ready in 15,” Breeze said, as he looked at his watch and then walked off the set. As Karma wiped his face off, I grabbed a water and sat down in a chair while I waited for a fluffer to come over and make me hard again. Chris, a young white male, who wasn't ugly, just wasn't quite photogenic to star in porn started walking over to me.

“Hey, Krave, are you ready for me?” he asked with enthusiasm.

“Yes sir.”

Karma cut him off in his path and carried the fuck out of him.

“Calm down, white boy, slow your roll, I got this.”

Chris walked away pissed and disappointed. Karma got down on his knees, in between my legs, and started hooking me up again. This time I could relax and handle it without busting.

Breeze walked back in when he thought it was time to start filming again. He was in a bad mood today and it was written all over his face. Fifteen minutes hadn’t even past yet and he was yelling again.

“WHY IS EVERYONE STILL SITTING DOWN? WE NEED TO WRAP THIS UP ASAP.”

Everyone jumped up and got back in position. I just stayed in my chair because I knew he wasn’t talking to me, and I was enjoying Karma’s mouth way too much to stop him. Breeze looked over and finally spoke directly to us.

“Karma, you didn’t have to do that. We have fluffers for that.”

“I know. I wanted to do it.”

Breeze just looked at him funny then said

“We need you two on the set for the fuck scene. Hurry up.”

I walked over to the set naked and rock hard while Karma was still fully dressed.

“Let’s start with Karma on his knees, and then Krave will make him strip. ACTION!”

Karma gave me some more head but only for a minute because I stopped him and gave him my demands.

“Now take off all of your clothes. I want some of that ass.”

Once he was undressed, he stood there looking so innocent. His body was so smooth and perfect. I wanted to taste him. I bent him over, up against the wall, and even though the script didn’t call for it I started licking his ass. Breeze didn’t seem to care either way because he didn’t stop me. I could tell Karma was enjoying it but I only gave him a few minutes of tongue action before I stood up, and slowly slid my dick in his tight hole. Karma had some good ass too. He was already wet inside. After only a couple of strokes there was white cream all over my dick. Thankfully I had already came otherwise the sight of that alone would've made me bust. I really wanted to take my time and make love to him, but since it was a robbery scene I had to be rough with him. I was banging his back out as hard as I could while he was pressed up against the wall. I even pretended like I was choking him a few times. He acted like I was hurting him and begging me to stop at first, but then he couldn't deny the pleasure he was receiving. He started moaning as loud as he could, not even realizing it, as he poked his ass out waiting for each stroke. I thought it would be hot to make him grab his ankles so I did, and continued to pound that ass. Once Breeze had enough footage he yelled out, “CUT! THAT'S A WRAP!” Karma tried to stand up, but I didn't care I bent him back over because I wasn't stopping until I was finished. Karma didn't seem to mind and kept throwing it back on me until I pulled out and came on his ass a few minutes later.

Chapter 21

I am a firm believer in fate and karma.

“Girl, give us the juice,” DeeDee said as she sipped on her drink. I went over the details of my time with Lanell and they were eating all of it up.

“Damn, Jazzy, that is off of the hook,” Jamar said, as he did the “Awww” face.

“Then he says to me, ‘Well, Jasmine, you can call me Lanell.’”

While I told them my story, I could still feel my heart skipping a beat. The thought of Lanell still drove me crazy.

“I would have said fuck L.A. and fuck Fantasy Pictures. I would have let them buy my contract out and gave Breeze the deuces,” DeeDee said while holding her two fingers up.

“Yeah, well I told them that I would think about it.”

“Are you fucking crazy?” Jamar asked.

“They are offering you the world, I would jump on it a.s.a.p.”

“Yeah, right, as much as you love doing porn?” I asked Jamar with the “There’s no way you would ever give up porn.” look.

“Well, I’m not talking for myself, I’m talking about you. This has never really been your dream; you just fell into it and happened to make it big. You should go, I’ll miss you like hell but you should take that job.”

“I am going to take it, I just needed time to really think about it and plan my move. There’s no need to miss me, I’ll be expecting the both of you out at least once a month. You two will stay the weekend and catch a performance,” I said as if I was telling them and not asking.

“Yes, ma’am,” DeeDee said as we shared a laugh.

“I’ll be there; I love Vegas, how about you?” DeeDee asked Jamar. He said that he would be there no matter what, and I believed them both. We all pinky swore to keep in touch and moved on to the next subject.

“So have you seen Tyree since Vegas? How long did it take him to move his shit out of your house? Fucking asshole.”

Jamar and DeeDee got a weird look on their faces and I was confused.

“What? Don’t tell me that he moved in with Ebony or something?”

I didn’t get why they were looking like they were out of place. I had asked two questions yet neither of them answered.

“WHAT?” I asked getting annoyed.

“Go ahead and tell her,” DeeDee said as my patients started to run out.

“Well, he didn’t really move out---.”

“Well, I was expecting that, how did you throw his ass out. Did you go all Angela Bassett on him and burn his shit, or did you just throw them out on the lawn?” I asked laughing. I could almost picture Jamar putting all of Tyree’s things in a trash can and lighting it on fire, with a blunt in hand.

“No, nothing like that, I decided to let him stay.”

“WHAT? I thought I heard him wrong, I had to.

“Yeah, he came over damn near crying and apologized. I just couldn’t bring myself to let him go. That dude has a hold on me and I’ll admit, it’s hard to break.”

I didn’t say anything for a while, and with their silence, I could tell that they were waiting for my reaction. There was so much I wanted to say and ask. I wanted to know how he could be so dumb. I want to tell him that I thought he was crazy for giving him another chance, and how I thought that Tyree would cheat again. I wanted to ask him if he really thought Tyree loved him, ‘cause in my mind, he didn’t. But then I started to think of myself and Breeze. He had taken me to hell and back yet, even when I wanted to leave, I stayed by his side. I realized that we are all at one time or another, crazy for love, and even when we just like some, we can still be dumb. So I pushed all of my questions and opinions to the back of my mind and forced them out of my head. How could I ask questions that I didn’t even have the answers to? How could I feel a certain way about life when I was doing the same things? That would only make me a hypocrite. So I shrugged my shoulders in defeat and said, “I understand, but between us, he’ll always be known as Asshole to me. Here’s to the hearts on their sleeve club,” I said as I raised my glass of alcohol. They slowly rose theirs, sipped, and all of the sudden laughed in agreement.

“Quiet as kept,” Jamar said after a long chuckle.

“I call him that at least once a day.”

*****

I must have spent a good two hours with Jamar and DeeDee just talking and shooting the shit. I was in disbelief when Jamar told me that he and Tyree were looking for a new house but I played it off. There was something in me that was never really that fond about Tyree. He was cool and was Jamar’s boyfriend, but that’s as far as I went. I didn’t hate him before; it was just that we were never as close as Jamar and I are. Oh, well, to each his own. I would just have to grin and bear it for the sake of friendship, especially at the barbecue. Meanwhile Lanell and I spoke every day. If I wasn’t calling him he was calling me. We talked about everything under the moon. We didn’t seem to keep anything from each other. But it did take me a few days to tell him about my run in with Breeze.

“So when did this happen?” he asked as if he knew I had been keeping secrets.

“A couple of days ago, I just wanted to calm down a little before I brought it up. He really knows how to work my nerves.”

It wasn’t all a lie.

“I don’t know why you let him affect you so much. If you two are over, than ignore him. If you don’t talk to that motherfucker than there won’t be a problem.”

I could hear the annoyance in Lanell’s voice. That was another reason I didn’t tell him right away. I knew that Breeze bringing up his soon to be ex-wife would piss him off.

“What do you mean “If” you two are over? There shouldn’t be an “If” in that sentence.”

Now I was getting upset. How dare he question if Breeze and I were really over? But he didn’t go for the bait. He ignored my question and continued with the conversation as if he didn’t hear me. He knew that things could have gotten out of hand at the rate we were going and wanted to keep things on the right track.

“So, what are you doing today; you still going to Jamar’s place?”

I sucked my teeth before answering, “Yeah, I have to go and smile with Tyree as if I can’t stand his ass. I’m just gonna try and stay as far from him as possible, that way I won’t have to be so fake,” I said with a light chuckle.

“And what are you doing today?” I asked him.

“I’m gonna see if I can get my son today. Kiki knows that it’s my weekend but she’s always playing game.”

Again annoyance dripped from his voice. I couldn’t think of anything that would make him feel better about the situation so I just said, “I’m sure it will all work itself out, for both you and me.”

*****

I was having a really good time laying out by the pool and getting a tan. There was plenty of liquor and the sun was beaming. I rode with DeeDee since my house was on the way to Jamar’s new one. We were two fly ass chicks with our sexy bikinis and perfect hair and make-up. I didn’t know about DeeDee but there was no way I was getting into the pool, no matter how good that water looked, and it did look good. I thought about saying “fuck it” a couple of times. But one good look in the mirror and I changed my mind.

“Look at you two looking like models by the pool, can I get yah anything?” Jamar asked as I oiled my body.

“Who’s that?” I asked as I notice a cute but clearly gay stranger walking up behind Jamar. He turned to see who I was talking about but he didn’t make it all the way around. They guy threw him in the pool without warning. I couldn’t stop laughing. Thank god he pulled that shit with him because if it were me, we would have been fighting.

I waited for the unknown guy to turn his head and I was right behind him pushing him in. Jamar’s face was funny as hell when he hit that water but I couldn’t let that shit slide. Who threw the party thrower into the pool at his own house?

“That’s Karma.”

I waved at him and smiled like “Yeah I did it”. He didn’t seem too happy about it but that was too damn bad.

The day was going perfect. I was feeling good and couldn’t wait to see Lanell that following week. My money was right and I was headed for the right track. Life seemed to be looking up and I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down, but I also didn’t know that Breeze would show up later that afternoon. DeeDee, Jamar and I sat eating our food when he asked if we had seen or heard from Ebony. When DeeDee said that she was staying with her I almost choked up my food. I thought that Jamar would lose his shit but he didn’t. I guess he realized that he could tell DeeDee who to be friends with. I thought that was mature of him. After I ate, I went back to lying by the pool and relaxing. I couldn’t wait for people to start leaving so I could just chill with my two good friends. I wanted to tell Jamar and DeeDee some more about my plans to move and ask Jamar if he would come out to Vegas and house hunt with me since he did such a good job picking out his own. I knew that we would laugh and enjoy the night’s air as we filled it with smoke, and I couldn’t wait.

“Are you going anywhere after you leave here?” I asked DeeDee.

“No, just home. Bobby said he was working late tonight, so I ain’t doin’ shit. Why?”

I told her that I was going to ask Jamar if he wanted to hang for a little bit after everyone left and she thought that it was a good idea.

“Well, I’m gonna check Blaze out and see what he’s holdin’,” she said as she got off of the lawn chair. I went into my purse and handed her three twenties and asked her to get me a half. She turned around to go look for Blaze but then quickly turned back toward me.

“Damn girl, I hate to shit in your ice cream but look whose here, and he’s coming this way.”

“What are you talking about, who---?”

I didn’t need to continue. I saw for myself as I slid down my dark shades. I was so damn mad that my body started to shake instantly.

“Hey Jazzy, I got some good news,” he said as I slide my shades back on and leaned back in the lawn chair. I looked straight ahead and ignored him. He smiled and spoke as if everything was normal.

“You don’t seem too happy to see me. I’m telling you that I have good news.”

He actually had the nerve to sit down at the foot of the lawn chair and put his hand on my thigh. I sat up, removed his hand, and slipped on my cover-up.

“Larry Ziggerman from Hardcore Erotica called and asked us if he could feature you in one of his films. He ---.”

“I can’t do that, I’m under contract with Fantasy Pictures,” I reminded him.

“That’s what I told him but he offered to triple your pay.”

That shit sounded fishy to me and I let him know it, “Why would he do that? You know that I’m not into no crazy shit. He’ll want me to get beaten or some fake snuff shit and I’m not doing it.”

“It’s nothing like that. It will be a straight guy, girl fuck; nothing you haven’t done before. Maybe a little anal is all.”

“So, why would he pay all of that money for a simple shoot?”

Breeze went on to tell me that Hardcore Erotica wasn’t doing so well. They had a fleet of male stars that were killing the porn game but was lacking when it came to female starlets making a big splash. He said that because of this dilemma, he was willing to pay any amount of money to me. So after doing the math and taking out Fantasy Pictures fifteen percent, I was going to come out okay in the deal. After a few more minutes of going back and forth I grabbed my things and headed out. He wore me down and the money sounded really good.

Breeze drove and I stayed silent. I didn’t have anything to say to him and remembered Lanell’s words about staying away from him. He tried to make small talk but I hardly answered. He must have found this funny because he was doing a good job of making light of the situation. I guess that’s why I had never been able to really stay mad at him for long. He knew how to pep up and let things roll of his back when he wanted. Now why couldn’t he have been like that all of the time? Oh, well, I had moved on and he was old news. The shoot went as normal as possible. The white guy I was filming with, Chris Cumming, was nice and made sure that I was always comfortable. When I saw the size of his dick, I had to let it be known that there was no way I was doing anal. Everyone was okay with that except for Breeze. He thought that they were paying me enough money to have me do whatever they wanted. But when I threatened to walk off of the set, Larry asked Breeze to let the anal thing go. He knew that pairing me with his biggest male star would bring big revenue and he didn’t want to risk losing me. It seemed like everyone knew how valuable I was except for Breeze, but I didn’t fret. I knew that he would feel the burn once I walked out of Fantasy Pictures for good. I thought about having him drop me off at Jamar’s house but I was way too tired. When we got to my building Breeze stopped the car and looked like he wanted to say something but I didn’t give him a chance. I jumped out of his car, thanked him and power walked it to my apartment. I didn’t want to give him a chance to come after me. After a long bath, I called Lanell and filled him in on my day. I left out the part about Breeze altogether. Instead of saying that he showed up at the BBQ, I said that he called and that I had DeeDee drive me to the shoot. I figured that I was lying to keep the peace, and in my mind, that was always okay.

*****

The weekend was gone before I knew it. Walking into the warehouse was becoming a chore. If it weren’t for my friends being there I probably would have hung myself in the locker room.

“I wonder who I’m filming with,” DeeDee said as we stood at the call sheet. Neither of us knew who we were working with, not that it would have mattered. As she looked for herself, I ran my eyes down to my name. I looked and looked again. I didn’t stop re-checking until DeeDee saw it too and fell out laughing.

“Oh, my god, Jamar, check this shit out.”

He had just arrived to work when DeeDee saw him and called him over. Their laughter seemed to fade as I went deaf with rage.

“Tanya, I’m set up to do a scene with that bitch?”

I looked over at the two cackling hens and they shook their head in unison.

I had to stop and think. What in the hell was Breeze trying to pull? I knew that this was one of his games so I decided to play along.

“Aww, come on, Jazzy, don’t be mad, we couldn’t help it,” Jamar said, as I started to walk off.

“Oh, no, I’m not mad; I think it pretty funny, too.”

“So are you on your way to cuss Breeze out?” DeeDee asked as they caught up to me.

“Nope, I’m gonna hit the shower, go to hair and make-up, get the script, than hit the set. If this is what he wants, this is what he will get.”

Jamar and DeeDee stopped walking and looked at each other in wonder. They didn’t know if I had gone crazy or if I was joking, but they both knew that they were going to be there to see how things would go down.

*****

The movie was simple. It was kind of a play on Baby Bi the Way, except for Tanya would be the one catching me with her man. There were some parts that called for her to touch me and even one that called for her to use a dildo on me with a little tongue action. Breeze knew that I wasn’t into girl on girl and once I hit the set, I reminded him so.

“I’m okay with most of this but you know I don’t do girl-girl,” I said with my hand on my hip. I had a major attitude and wasn’t afraid to let it show.

“I’m so fucking sick of you bitching, you’re here to do a job so shut the fuck up and do it. I could care less about you not liking girl-girl scenes; today that doesn’t matter ‘cause you’re doing it.”

His tone was nasty but he had a smile on his face. I realized that I was feeding the beast and decided to lay off. I walked away from him and went over to DeeDee and Jamar.

“He thinks that he’s got me but I’ll show him. I’m gonna play this fucking game better than he does.”

“So does that mean you’re gonna go through with it, you’re really gonna film with her?”

Jamar asked as if he was hanging off of his seat waiting for the answer.

“Yeah, I’m gonna do it, but if this shit gets too crazy, I’m walking off. I don’t give a shit about a fine, if this bitch tries to get cute, I’m done.”

Their mouths hung open with disbelief. It was a big no-no to walk off of a set. It would be a waste of money for the company if an actor did so, therefore you would be fined. But, I didn’t care; I would pay a million dollars just to prove a point.

Everything started out okay. Tanya and I were filming with Phill Driver, a nice looking Spanish guy who the ladies loved to fuck. He was a Sauvé dude who didn’t have sex like he had something to prove. He was one of those rare actors who were into pleasing whomever he worked with. He played with your tits and ate pussy like a champ. He had a nice ten inch dick that he worked at a nice pace. At first, Tanya would come in and stand behind the door furious that her man was in bed sexing me down, but the more she stood there and watched the more she got turned on. She joined us in bed as we pleasured him to no end. Then her hands would venture on to my side of the bed first massaging my nipples then squeezing my ass. As I watched her, she seemed to be enjoying it. She got off of Phill and got on top of me. I looked at her and hoped that the hate I felt for her wasn’t showing on my face. She leaned down and licked my neck and nibbled on my earlobe. I was starting to relax under her touch when she started whispering in my ear.

“Yeah, that’s right; get that pussy nice and wet. Look at you moaning and trembling under my touch. I’m about to show you how a real star fucks. You ain’t no pro; watch and learn.”

I pushed her off of me and played it off by turning around and jumping onto Phill. I could feel his hard dick rubbing against my pulsating pussy and it turned me on. I tried to block her out as I reached down and slide his dick in.

“CUT, what the fuck are you doing? I didn’t say it was time to fuck yet. You get back on your back, and Tanya, get back on top of her.”

I rolled my eyes and hopped off Phill’s dick. I retook my position on the bed and waited for Tanya to get back on top of me. She went back to touching and licking and did just about anything to please the director. When it was time for her to “lick the plate” I tightened up. It was like she left a burn mark everywhere she touched me. My skin was not on fire because she hurt me in anyway, it was on fire with disdain. I had never really hated anyone with all of my soul but Tanya brought me close to it. As she “ate my box” I felt nothing when I normally would have been climbing the walls. But I played it off and let out the normal porno yells and screams. When she was done, Breeze finally told me to fuck Phill; and I did it with much pleasure, but it didn’t last long. Breeze had him pull out and told Tanya to get the toys. I waited for her to come back with the rabbit the script called for.

“Does she need any lube?” Breeze asked from his director’s chair.

“No, just like a good little hoe, she stays wet,” Tanya called back out.

Breeze called action and she turned on the toy. I knew that although I hated this chick, I was about to cum and cum hard. I closed my eyes and pictured Lanell’s tongue against my clit. I pictured his hard dick going in and out of me as he rubbed my clit, and Tanya’s words seemed irrelevant by that point. Thoughts of Lanell had taken over not only my mind but also my body.

“It feels so good, huh, is it as good as when my man has his dick up in your ass?”

I didn’t answer nor did I open my eyes. I heard Breeze tell her to take it easy as the toy stopped pleasuring me. I waited, with my mind on my one true love, with my eyes tightly closed, and his face etched in my mind. But I was not ready for what came next. I felt a sharp pain. My pussy was really on fire. I screamed out, stuck, unable to move.

“Oh, hell no, Breeze, that’s some fucked up shit. I’m about to kill that bitch myself.”

I heard DeeDee say. When I looked down, the huge black dildo was still in me. I could not move; all I could do was scream. I heard footsteps coming toward me, it sounded like everyone was standing on the set. They called for the nurse who was always there and waited for her to come down. I could hear DeeDee on the phone with Mr. Cappello telling him what Tanya did. It was a madhouse with Breeze in the background cursing at Tanya and Jamar trying to hold DeeDee so that she really wouldn’t kill Tanya. As for me, I just laid there wishing that I had never come back to Fantasy Pictures.

*****

“Are you okay?” Jamar asked as I lay in the nurse’s office. When she came down to the set and called the doctor in, he was able to remove the toy Tanya had rammed inside of me without much more pain than I was already in. He told me that I had a small, one-inch tear on my vaginal wall and that I should watch the bleeding for another hour or so. If it didn’t subside, I should go to the hospital for stitches. He gave me some strong pain pills and told the nurse to give me an ice pack.

“I don’t give a shit what that bitch says, she did it on purpose. You should have seen her face right before she did it. It was kind of crazy to tell you the truth.”

I didn’t say anything. The three Percocet I took had kicked in and the pain I had endured was a far thought, for now. DeeDee came in about an hour later and they both just sat with me. Thirty minutes after that, her phone rang and she had a quick conversation before hanging up.

“Bobby’s here and he said that if you can, I should wheel you up to his office. Tanya and Breeze are already in there.”

I really didn’t feel like getting up at all but I knew that Mr. Cappello would be on my side. I told DeeDee that I could make it on my own even though I was a little wobbly when I got up. Both she and Jamar rushed to my side but I held my hand up.

“Nope, I got it. Be back soon.”

I made my way to Mr. Cappello’s office slowly. The Percocet had me fucked up and I was enjoying the high. The doctor had given me fifteen of them and I was sure that within a couple of days, they would be all gone.

“DO YOU THINK THAT I AM CRAZY? I WOULD NEVER HURT THAT GIRL ON PURPOSE! I JUST GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY IS ALL!”

I stood behind the office door listening to Tanya lie. I could tell that she was crying and carrying on. She sounded so sincere that I would have given her an A. I pushed the office door open without knocking and took a seat. I didn’t offer them any words, because really I didn’t care to. I wanted to kill Tanya and no amount of talking was going to change my mind. So I sat there and listened to them bicker and found it to quite amusing. Tanya was playing her part as the victim, Breeze was stuck between defending her and somehow knowing that she wasn’t so innocent. He was there and saw what everyone else saw. He recognized the evil that slid across her face before she violated me, but he wouldn’t tell his father that. He sure as hell wasn’t going to take up for me after the way I had been treating him. He would wait until he got home to chastise her and save her and himself from public embarrassment.

“What would you like to see happen, Jazzy?”

CappelloMr. Cappello wiped the sweat from his brow and waited for me to answer. His face was beat red with anger and I could tell that he was just waiting for my word. If I wanted Tanya gone, subsequently she would be. I just sat there and looked at how pitiful Breeze looked. Sitting over there in the chair all coward like, my mind went off track as I looked at him and tried to see what I had ever seen in him. Mr. Cappello got out of his chair and walked over to a picture and pulled it off of the wall. Behind it was a safe and I watched him enter the numbers 09-19-28-63 into the key pad. I knew that I would remember the code because my mind had a weird way of holding on to numbers. I watched him take out four stacks of bills and placed them on his desk.

“I will buy this rotten bitch out of her contract right now Jazzy, but I’m leaving the choice to you.”

I looked over at Tanya and for some reason unbeknownst to me, the craziest shit I’ve ever said came out of my mouth. I didn’t even know at that moment that I had bigger plans for her. Sure I knew that I was going to fuck her up, there was not getting around that. So I knew that I needed her to stick around. But I didn’t know the genius plan that would pop into my head for her.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t think that she meant to do it.”

No one was more shocked than Tanya. Mr. Cappello looked so disappointed, but I figured hey, I would be out of there soon so to hell with all of them, and before I left, I would fuck her with a bigger dildo then she had used on me, metaphorically.

I got up to leave without another word. The pain was starting to peek its way through the foggy haze of pills that gave me comfort and I need to re-up, but something told me that I should listen behind the door once I left. Again I heard Mr. Cappello spiting nasty words at both Breeze and his lover. Then over the intercom I heard a code red being called. That meant that a big fight was getting out of hand. Then I heard DeeDee’s name being mentioned. I slipped behind the door as it swung open and waited for all three to clear out. I was about to walk away when something hit me. I made my way into the office and looked around. I saw two cameras with wires that led to an old style VHS player. I shook my head and smiled. Mr. Cappello should have stepped up his security game. I popped the tape out of the machine and slide it in the waist of my pants. I then walked over to the picture with the safe behind it and pulled it off of the wall. I stood there for a few seconds as I was hit with a jolt of pain in-between my legs. It was as if I was outside of my body watching myself. I didn’t want to steal from Mr. Cappello but I wanted to fuck them over as I left. I didn’t really need the money but I knew that taking it from them would drive them crazy.

“I’ll be right back; I left my purse in your father’s office,” I heard Tanya say as her heels clicked closer. I put the picture back on the wall quickly and ran into the private bathroom that was in Mr. Cappello’s office. I pushed the door closed making sure to leave a thin crack so that I could watch her to make sure when she left. I watched as she looked around, saw her purse, and turned to leave, but then she stopped. I watched as she looked around then walked back over to the desk. She took another look around the room before lifting one of the stacks of bills that was taken out of the safe. She thumbed through it before putting it into her bag. She then walked over to the VHS player and pushed eject. When nothing came out, she stood up straight, fixed her skimpy skirt and headed out, closing the door behind her. I ran out of the bathroom, took the picture back down and pushed in the code. The safe opened and I took all ten stacks of the money. They all had a band around them that said $10,000. I put all of the money in my waist band beside the tape and headed out. As I walked back to the nurse’s room, that’s when it hit me, Tanya’s ass was grass.

*****

“What did DeeDee get herself into?” I asked as I went into my purse and popped two more pills.

“All I know is that she said she was going to her locker, the next thing I know the nurse is running out of here. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that DeeDee was fighting again and that she had to go back to the set.”

I smiled. That girl was something else, and I loved her for that reason. After taking my pills, I walked over to the nurse’s desk and took the plastic grocery bag that was sitting on her desk. I walked back over to the bed and emptied my purse. Once I was done I started to take out the money I had stuffed in my pants as if it belonged to me.

“Where in the fuck did you get all of that money, Jazz? Did you make them pay you for what Tanya did to you?” Jamar asked with eyes wide and happy. I felt bad that I was about to involve him in my plan but I needed him. After putting the money in my purse and my belongings in the plastic bag I sat on the bed. I didn’t have long so I spoke fast. I went over what happened in the office with Breeze, Tanya, and his dad, then I told him about me eavesdropping and how I slipped back into the office. I told him how Tanya’s thieving ass stole a stack of bills off of Mr. Cappello’s desk, and finally how I opened the safe and cleared it of everything that it held.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he asked as he stood up.

“Wait, I’m not done. I have something to ask you. I need your help.”

He looked frightened, as if I had asked him to help me burry Tanya’s body or something. But like a good friend, he sat down and listened.

“I need you to look out for me while I go into the locker room.”

“Why in the hell do you need a look out, what’s in there?”

I sat on the edge of the bed and slide the melting ice pack between my legs. “Tanya’s locker is in there, I’m gonna put the money in it.”

Jamar started to pace the room. I looked at my watch and realized that the fight would only keep them busy for so long and I needed to move quickly.

“Come on, Jamar; if I’m gonna do this, I need to do it now.”

He looked at me and the ice pack I held on my throbbing pussy and took my hand.

“Come on, bitch, you owe me a couple of blunts after this.”

I smiled as we hurried to the ladies locker room.

I am a firm believer in fate and karma. It was as if the universe aligned and gave us clear passage to set that bitch up, after all, she was a thief. The locker room which usually buzzed with people and noise was like a ghost town. I walked through every row expecting to see a face or two but no one was there. I hurried back out and asked Jamar for my purse. As I turned around the pain hit me like a ton of rocks. I leaned against the wall and told Jamar that I needed a minute.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I just have to stand here a minute.”

“Sorry to say but you don’t have a minute.”

I watched him look around and think for a second. He reached for the purse he had just given me and unzipped it.

“What are the locker number and combo?”

That was an easy one. I guess she was so in love with Breeze that her lock combination was his birthday, instead of the year 1980, she put 08.

“Locker 11 and the combo is 06-01-08. Don’t leave the purse; just stick the money on the top shelf. Try not to touch the inside of the locker so that you can wipe off the outside of it and the lock,” I said handing him the towel that was wrapped around the ice bag. As I stood there waiting for him to come out, I smiled. I smiled because of two things. One, I was setting Tanya up with a knife that was dipped in Novocain. She wouldn’t know what hit her until the knife was deep down in her flesh, and by then it would be too late, the damage would be done. The second reason was because of Jamar. Only a friend would put his neck on the line for you. Only a true friend would take the gun out of your hand and do the actual shooting. In a way, that’s what he did for me. He saw that I was wounded and hurt. He knew that I was too weak to hold myself up and hypothetically speaking, pull the trigger, so he did it for me. He came out and wrapped his arms around my waist to help support me. As we walked back to the nurse’s office, he leaned into me, kissed my forehead, and then said, “It’s done.”

I took a deep breath and waited for fate to take its course, it just needed a little help from me and Jamar, and we sure as hell gave it the little push it needed.

Chapter 22

“Did you invite him over here?”

After Karma and I finished filming our scene together I took a quick shower. Once I was dried off I walked over to my locker in just my towel and sandals. As I opened my locker and reached for my boxer briefs and jeans, someone snatched off my towel.

“Let me see that ass boy,” Karma said smiling as he stood there in a black thong that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, holding my towel.

“There you go scaring me again. One of these days, I’m going to fuck you up,” I said, as I snatched my towel back and snapped it forward, hitting him with it, and then pulling it back very quickly.

“OUCH! That shit stung. Damn, boo I was just playing with you.”

“See what happens when you play with fire?”

“No, because Blaze doesn’t do that when I play with him, but I get what you’re saying, you’re hot Krave. You must work out and do squats every day because your body is sickening, and you have a phat ass.”

“Thanks, but I only workout two or three times a week.”

“You worked me out today, that’s for sure.”

“You liked it, huh?” I said as I smirked because I already knew his freak ass did. How could he not?

“Hell yeah, you raped my ass. I can finally scratch that fantasy off my to-do list,” he said jokingly before laughing.

“Good! Maybe next time you’ll get to really show me what you can do since I was in charge and did most of the work today.”

“You already know. Anyway I’m about to get outta here, but before I leave I wanted to invite you out to dinner tonight. Is 7:00 PM okay with you?”

I might’ve taken his cocky ass up on his offer, because who doesn’t want to be taken out to dinner, but I had already made plans with Tyree.

“I wish I could, but I’m actually leaving here, and going grocery shopping. I promised Tyree I’d make his favorite meal tonight.”

“It’s cool, but you shouldn’t have told me you could cook too,” he said as he stood there with his hands on his hips.

“Well, I’m not a chef, or anything like that, but I can do a little something in the kitchen.”

“I’ve tasted your dick, now I just need to taste your cooking to see if it’s just as good.”

“You will one of these days.”

“Hopefully sooner than you think,” I had to get going otherwise Tyree and I would’ve had a late dinner, so I wrapped that conversation up.

“I’ll see you later Karma, but before I go, I need to know. What the hell are you wearing?” I said as I laughed out loud.

“Men’s thongs, we’re porn stars Krave. Get into it.”

I watched as he smacked his ass then strutted like he was on runway over to his locker. All I could do was smile and shake my head.

By the time I left work it was late in the afternoon, but I still got caught up in traffic. I sent Tyree a text letting him know I was on my way to the store, and then I’d be home. I finally made it over to the super market closest to our house. I brought everything I needed to make some extra meaty spaghetti, and a pineapple upside down cake for dessert. I knew Tyree liked my spaghetti since he requested it, but I couldn’t wait for him to taste the cake. I was a little nervous though since it had been going on almost two years since I baked anything. Since I was cooking for my man I wanted it to be perfect. I rushed home from the grocery store and to my surprise Blaze’s Range Rover was parked across the street from my house. Either he knew my neighbors, he didn’t want to park in front of my house, or he was watching my house. I slowly drove past trying to look through the tent on the windows to see if he was in the truck. I was going to ask him if he needed something but I didn’t see him. I pulled into my driveway, pushed the button in my truck that opened up the gate and garage, parked, and then walked inside excited to spend the evening with Tyree. I put the groceries on the kitchen counter, and then started walking toward the living room to let him know I was home. I could smell the weed coming from the other side of the house all the way in the kitchen. I told his ass to light some candles or incense while smoking so the house would always smell good. I thought about getting on him about it when I entered the living room but I didn’t want to start an argument. I wanted us to enjoy our night, but when I saw Karma sitting on my couch playing video games with Tyree I knew at least one of us wasn’t going to enjoy it. The first thing I thought was what the hell is he doing here? I told him I was making dinner for Tyree tonight.

“Hey baby, did you get everything you needed from the store?” Tyree asked not even looking up from the television.

“Hey!” I said so quietly that I don’t think even he heard me.

“I would ask you about your day, but Karma here already told me all about it. He said the movie y'all did is going to be a big money maker.”

I couldn’t believe Karma had the nerve to show up at my house, chill with my man, and then tell him basically how good our sex scene went. Who the hell does that? Tyree and I don’t even talk about our scenes unless we’re in them together. I needed a minute to gather my thoughts before I confronted Karma.

“Oh, he did, did he? Well I’ll be in the kitchen preparing dinner. When you get a minute I need your help with something,” I said to Tyree, but I was lying. I didn’t need his help with anything. I wanted to know if he invited Karma over, or if he just showed up.

I was preparing the hamburger meat when Tyree walked in the kitchen. He was looking at me like what do you want, I need to get back to my game.

“Did you invite him over here?”

“No, he said you invited him. He’s cool as shit; we’ve been playing the new Mortal Kombat game and getting high since he got here.”

“WHAT?” I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he lied to Tyree. “That dude is a little off. I never invited him here. As a matter of fact, he invited me out to eat, but I told him we were having dinner together, and you mean to tell me he showed up to our house anyway. That’s fucking crazy if you ask me,” I said as I shook my head while stirring up the meat.

“Jamar, why are you over reacting?”

I couldn’t believe Tyree thought I was over reacting. I turned around so fast that I almost knocked the meat off the stove, because now I was pissed and I had an attitude.

“I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOUR ASS WHY.”

“Damn baby, calm down. You’re wrong. I was just messing with you. I called Blaze earlier and asked him to bring us an ounce. He was busy, and since Karma had his truck, he sent him over here with it.”

“That’s fucked up, Tyree, you got me, and now I feel stupid.”

“I don’t want to say you should feel stupid, but you definitely should feel bad. It’s late so go ahead and make enough for all of us. I’m sure he’s got the munchies and hungry too.”

“Are you sure? I thought we were going to have a nice dinner alone.”

“Yes, I’m sure. We can do that some other night.”

I felt bad for having negative thoughts about Karma at first, but then I was really disappointed. It had been a few weeks since Tyree and I had a home cooked meal alone. I took my time, preparing, seasoning, and cooking everything now that I was cooking for three. I didn’t know if Karma would like my cooking, but one thing that I knew for sure was they weren’t going to be the only ones enjoying their dinner high. I walked into the living room, officially invited Karma to dinner, and then I grabbed the ashtray with their blunt in it, that they were letting burn, wasting it, while they played the game.

“I’m taking the rest of this because you could’ve at least rolled me a blunt Tyree. I’ve been in the kitchen making a delicious dinner, which by the way will be ready in a few minutes,”

I said as I walked back toward the kitchen.

“You got it,” I heard Tyree say right before they laughed me out.

I finished cooking the food, tasted it first before serving it, and it turned out just the way I like it. I thought we were all going to eat at the table and talk like regular folks, but they decided to eat in the living room while they watched the game. It seemed like Tyree had found a new friend. I’m not into sports so I ate at the table alone while I checked my email, and replied back to some fan mail. After I sent about the thirtieth e-mail saying, “Thanks for the love and support. Krave.” I came across an interesting e-mail that said, “I met you before at one of your club appearances, but I would love to officially meet you, and spend some one-on-one time together. If it leads to anything else so be it. Money isn’t an issue, so just name your price.” I was curious to know who it was. I've met so many people at club appearances that it would've been impossible to figure it out on my own. I e-mailed whoever it was back saying, “Who is this? I'm definitely interested and curious to know who you are. Are you a cop, detective, or someone trying to entrap me in anyway?” As I clicked on the send button Tyree walked in asking about the cake.

“I'll cut it now, and bring it in there to you.”

I cut Tyree and Karma each a big piece of cake, and put the rest away. I was too excited about the e-mail that I wasn't hungry anymore. Tyree turned into the biggest pothead I know, he was rolling another blunt as I sat the plates down on the coffee table. They were still watching the Lakers play, so I headed back to the kitchen with their dinner dishes. As I put the dishes in the sink my BlackBerry alerted me that I received another e-mail. I looked and it was from the same e-mail address, daddiesboys@yahoo.com Damn, that was quick; I thought it would take at least a day or two to get a response. He replied, “I don’t feel comfortable saying who I am in writing, but you can trust and believe that I do not work for any type of law enforcement, and I’m not trying to entrap you. What you should know is that I’m a very wealthy man. Also, please don’t be offended when I say this, but I would love to hire you as an escort. If you’re not into that, then please accept my apologies. I would still enjoy spending the day with you either way. Yours Truly, P.V.”

P.V. had my full attention, whoever he was, but at the same time I was still nervous about meeting him. As an escort, I’ve never gone alone; Tyree and I were always hired together. I thought about it for a while as I replied to other emails. Finally I came to the conclusion that I didn't really need the money, and I didn't want to meet him alone, however I still felt bad for turning him down so I thought if I gave him a ridiculously high amount he'd turn me down instead. I also wanted to make some strict rules hoping to turn him off, so I replied back, “My fee is $50,000, I'm strictly a top, and I don't kiss, rim, or cuddle. Also, I will only be free Saturday afternoon till Saturday evening. Let me know what you're interested in doing before we meet…IF we meet.” Before I could send the email Karma walked in the kitchen with their dessert dishes.

“I must say, Jamar, that food was really good, especially the cake, it hit the spot. My grandmother would say you put your foot in it.”

“Good, I'm glad you liked it.”

“The only thing that was missing though was you. I couldn't believe you didn't eat with us, and left me in there. I was stuck watching basketball, YUCK-O. I was bored out of my mind. Thank God for the weed.”

I didn't see that coming. Every time I walked in the living room they seemed like they were having fun and enjoying themselves.

“You should've eaten in here with me then.”

“I wanted to but Tyree seemed like he needed a friend. Don't get me wrong, he’s cool and all, but he's such a man's man, literally. He wanted to play video games, and watch sports. I was waiting for him to start talking about cars and shit. Shoot give me a blunt, a good book, put on some reality TV, a funny movie, or some porn and I'm entertained.”

“Well Tyree was telling me earlier that he likes chilling with you and thinks you’re cool.”

“Yea, I know.”

“How? Did Tyree tell you himself?”

“No, I overheard your conversation, so I also know you thought I was a little off and crazy.”

WOW I WAS BUSTED! Why the hell was he even listening? The more I thought about it, I was convinced he was a crazy.

“Anyway I’m not crazy. Maybe a little crazy about you sexy, but Blaze just sent me a text saying he needs his truck back so I have to go. I wish I could stay the night, but I have to get home to my man.”

“Your man? Since when?” I asked.

I was confused, because I knew Karma and Blaze were cool, but I had no idea they were dating. As much as Blaze gets around and likes to bottom I didn’t think Karma would be his type of man.

“Oh, Blaze didn’t tell you he let me move in with him? We’re basically dating. Hell, you should know better than anyone else, nobody is going to date a porn star unless they’re in the porn business themselves.”

“No, Blaze definitely didn’t tell me that.”

“Well, I’d rather date you, but I guess Blaze is cool for now. Anyway thanks for dinner, speaking of which I didn’t have the kind of dinner I wanted with you, but technically we still had dinner together. I can always find a way to get what I want.”

“Bye, boy,” I said as I watched him walk out the front door. His weird ass was starting to get on my nerves. I was happy to finally see him go. I walked back over to my cell phone and replied back to P.V., and just like the first one he answered me right back. I pictured some rich pervert sitting at his desk anticipating my responses. I hoped he wasn’t too disappointed, but too my surprise he said and I quote “I’d feel like the luckiest man alive if you spent the day with me.” He made it known that he wanted us to get to know each other, have lunch, have some drinks, do some lines of coke, then go down to his dungeon themed basement so I could dominate him and make him my bitch. He insisted on sending a stretch limo to my house to pick me, and he’d have the cash for me upon arrival. I wasn’t interested in doing lines, so I knew I’d have to bring a blunt or two. I told him to have the limo service call me so I could give them my address, because I didn’t feel comfortable with him knowing where I lived at. Besides pretending like I was raping Karma, I’ve never been rough or dominated anyone so I knew it was going to be a challenge, but for fifty thousand dollars I knew I was going to put my “acting” skills to good use. I had a few days to prepare for what I had in mind.

*****

The next day started out like any other day in the life of a porn star, wake up, work out, shower, then suck and fuck on cue for what seems like hours, but if you’re anything like me you love it. I filmed my scene early in the morning so by the time I was leaving, the afternoon crew was arriving. I saw Jasmine and DeeDee looking over the call sheet. DeeDee looked like she was about to lose it and bust a gut, while Miss Jasmine on the other hand looked like she just read an old friend’s obituary, and was devastated. Before I could say anything DeeDee called me over.

“Oh, my God, Jamar, check this shit out.”

When I read Jasmine and Tanya’s name on the same line I started to die, not because it was funny but because it was shocking. I know Mr. Cappello didn’t cast that shit, so why would Breeze do such a thing, knowing how much they hate each other? I tried to stop laughing but every time DeeDee let out her contagious hearty laugh I’d lose it some more. Jasmine looked at us then stormed off. I started to feel bad for my friend, because I put myself in her shoes, and I’d probably quit before I allowed Breeze to make me work with Ebony.

“Aww, come on, Jazzy, don’t be mad. We couldn’t help it.”

After she confirmed that she wasn’t mad, and was going to go through with the film, I looked at DeeDee with the did-I-just-hear-that face. She confirmed by saying, “Oh, I got to see this shit.”

After a long day I was so ready to leave, but for once I didn’t want to hear the gossip, I wanted to witness it. I followed DeeDee to the set and talked while Jazzy and Tanya were in hair and makeup.

“Do you think she’s really going to go through with this? Jazzy doesn’t even like girl on girl action, let alone with that big bird looking bitch.”

“Hell if I know, but I ain’t gon’ miss it, and I wish someone would tell me to leave the set. I'm a flip out and beat a bitch like Chris Brown up in here.”

“Damnnn, DeeDee, you’re serious. Watch out now.”

“No, you don’t understand Jamar, Tanya’s known to tell everyone who isn’t working on the film to get away from the set like she’s the director or the H.B.I.C. up in here, when we all know Breeze is the head bitch in charge. As soon as she comes out, I’m going to give her the don’t-even-try-it-bitch-cuz-I-ain’t-going-nowhere look.”

“Well fuck it, if you’re not leaving than neither am I.”

“No, you’re good. Jasmine will have our backs if it comes to that.”

Tanya walked out of hair and makeup first as if she owned the place and as she approached the set she stopped, and then started to say something but when she saw DeeDee put her hands on her hips and give her the I-dare-you-to-say-something-bitch face, Tanya just rolled her eyes and walked over to the side of the set to look over the script. Fifteen minutes later, Jasmine walked out looking fierce. She was wearing sexy, form-fitting lingerie with some hot Christian Louboutin, shiny, black Lady Peep platforms with the signature red bottoms. Tanya looked good, like every other typical female porn star, but she couldn't even be compared to Jasmine. All the crew members instantly stopped what they were doing and were damn near drooling over Jasmine. I'm sure they were wishing and fantasizing they were the guy about to have sex with her because I could see that some of them already had hard dicks in their pants. Jazzy although sexy, looked serious and focused as she walked onto the set without even noticing us or anyone else. DeeDee and I looked on as she got into it with Breeze about the script, you could definitely feel the tension between those two. Breeze was being a dick as usual. Jasmine finally acknowledged us and walked on over. She let it be known that if she didn’t like the way things were going she was walking out and leaving. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want to see that happen, but at the same time I was hoping my friend didn’t do anything stupid. I’d hate to see her get fired, or pay a huge fine. As I stood there and watched I couldn’t believe how good Jasmine’s acting skills were. If I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought she was enjoying every minute of her interaction with Tanya, until Tanya rammed the biggest black dildo I have ever seen inside her. Even though Tanya looked like the Devil in disguise I don’t even think Hell could predict she was going to do that. Jasmine screamed so loud that it echoed throughout the warehouse. Everyone charged the set to help her, and I wanted to as well but DeeDee said she was about to kill that bitch so I had to grab her before she charged Tanya.

“Where’s my cell phone? I need to call Bobby, that bitch is trifling and needs her ass beat,” DeeDee stated as she grabbed her cell phone out of her purse.

One of the crew members ran off the set to get the nurse as Breeze was yelling, DeeDee was screaming, Jasmine looked like she was in so much pain but scared to move, and Tanya’s evil ass was acting all innocent like she didn’t do anything wrong. I stood there staring at the dildo stuck inside my friend lost for words, and didn’t know what to do. I knew I wanted to take that dildo and shove it down Tanya’s lying throat, but I knew that wouldn’t look good on my part.

I tried consoling Jasmine as much as I could in the nurse’s office, while I was convinced Tanya did it on purpose. It was on tape for God’s sake, anyone who watched the film could see the hatred in her intentions. I turned away as the doctor removed the dildo, but made sure to stick around with her as long as she needed me. I would’ve stayed there with her all night if she asked me to. DeeDee joined us and made sure Jasmine was okay. She said she was going to get Tanya back for Jasmine the first chance she got. A little while later DeeDee got a call, Mr. Cappello needed to see Jasmine in his office. Now why in the hell would anyone make someone with a torn pussy walk to them, let alone up some stairs? I started to tell DeeDee to call him back and tell him they needed to have the meeting in the nurse’s office, but Jasmine stopped me and insisted that it was fine. Jasmine asked us to watch her purse until she returned. I started to make small talk with DeeDee as she walked away, but DeeDee cut me off.

“Watch Jazzy’s purse. I need to get something out of my locker.”

I waited and wondered what was happening up in the boss’s office. I was hoping he was firing Tanya, but I had a hard time believing that was possible since that was Breeze’s main piece of ass. I started to text Tyree and let him know what was going on when the sirens started going off. Another crew member ran into the nurse’s office yelling.

“Nurse, I think we need you on the set again. DeeDee is fucking them white girls up.”

Damn I can’t leave that girl alone for a second without her getting into it with someone. I ran out behind the nurse but as I saw the crew members pulling the girls apart I realized I forgot Jasmine’s purse and missed the good shit anyway, so I headed back to the nurse’s office to wait for Jasmine. I passed Breeze, Tanya, and Mr. Cappello running toward the warehouse, so I expected to see Jasmine any minute. When she finally came back into the nurse’s office she was walking slower than usual. I could only imagine the pain she was in. I filled her in on what little bit of information I had about DeeDee fighting. I expected DeeDee to storm in and tell us all about it, but what I didn’t expect was Jasmine pulling stakes of money out of her pants.

“Where in the fuck did you get all of that money Jazz? Did you make them pay you for what Tanya did to you?”

She filled me in on what she did, and what she intended to do with the money. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe my friend had the balls to steal from Fantasy Pictures after everything they’ve done for her, and was going to frame Tanya for it. I understand she was mad at Tanya, but I thought she was crazy. This wasn’t the Jasmine I knew. I thought all of those pain pills were forcing her to think irrationally. I paced the room trying to decide if I was going to help my friend, or if I was going to stay out of it. My life was perfect, so I didn’t want to do anything to compromise it.

“Come on, Jamar; if I’m gonna do this, I need to do it now.”

I turned around and saw that Jazzy was still in pain, and that there was no way she was going to be able to do this on her own without getting caught if she didn’t have a look out. FUCK!!!!! She was lucky I loved her. I held the purse full of money, as I waited impatiently outside of the woman’s locker room as she checked to make sure the coast was clear. I was starting to get nervous, and was about to open the door and yell for her when she came back out almost hitting me in the face with the door.

“Quick, give me the purse.”

I handed Jasmine the purse and was relieved I was no longer in possession of the stolen cash. I couldn’t wait for Jasmine to get it over with so we could get away from there but she obviously needed to rest. She needed a minute before heading back in the locker room, but there was no time for that. I knew I needed to take charge if I didn’t want my friend getting caught, fired, or worst arrested. I looked around to make sure no one was looking before reaching for the purse. I asked her for Tanya’s locker number, and the combination.

“Locker 11 and the combo is 06-01-78. Don’t leave the purse; just stick the money on the top shelf. Try not to touch the inside of the locker so that you can wipe off the outside of it when you’re finished.”

The women’s locker room was much bigger and designed differently than the men’s, so I didn’t know where to go. I ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. I didn’t know which way to run. I was panicking and sweating so badly that I actually ran passed Tanya’s locker twice. Once I realized it, I felt like a dumb ass, so I turned around and ran back until I found it. I slowly turned the lock, making sure to get every number right on the first try since I wasted too much time already. Damn, that bitch was messy; it looked like she just threw everything in her locker. I put the money on the top shelf and then covered it up with a couple of the shirts that were on the bottom of her locker. I wanted to make sure if she needed anything out of her locker, she didn’t see the money and remove it before anyone else noticed it. I slammed her locker shut, wiped it down, and then ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Thankfully, no one was around when I finally made it back out. Jasmine smiled at me as I quickly wrapped my hands around her waist and got her away from there. I didn’t want anyone telling Mr. Cappello they saw us hanging around the locker room if anything went down. She looked over at me and even though she was still in pain, she gave me the biggest smile, so I leaned in and kissed her forehead before confirming that it was done.

Chapter 23

“What in the fuck did you get me into?”

I was thinking about asking Jamar to take me to the hospital once we were back in the nurse’s office but I didn’t want to miss the “Big Bang”. I popped another two pills and lay back down as Jamar and I made small talk. Neither of us brought up what we just did in fear that someone would over hear us. I secretly prayed that no cameras caught Jamar sneaking into the ladies lock room. And although I played calm, cool, and collected, my heart was racing a mile a minute.

“Fuck them bitches, they shouldn’t of been talking shit,” DeeDee said as she stormed into the room with Mr. Cappello hot on her heels.

“You can’t do this every time someone says something you don’t like. This is my place of business, Deanna.”

Both Jamar and I looked at each other at the same time. Neither of us needed to say anything because we knew what the other was thinking. Deanna? We both knew then where the nickname DeeDee came from. It’s funny how weird it always seemed once you found out a porn actor’s real name, as if their film characters were who they are in real life. I knew better than that, but it still seemed surreal.

“Yeah, I know, but they both were laughing as if what Tanya did was funny, reenacting that shit as if Jazzy wasn’t really hurt. They saw me walk by; that’s why they got louder with that shit.”

Mr. Cappello walked over to his chick on the side and put his hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

“I get what you’re saying, DeeDee, but this has got to stop. There can’t be any more fights. Hell, if you were anyone else, I would have fired your ass a long time ago. Keeping you around after you done put your foot in half the girls’ asses just isn’t fair. Just promise me that you’ll try to calm your temper. That’s all I’m asking.”

Wow, Mr. Cappello sure as hell wasn’t Breeze. He seemed to treat DeeDee with such respect, as if he knew she wouldn’t accept anything else. There was tenderness in his heart for her and it showed in the way he spoke to her and treated her.

She seemed to calm down with each word that came out of his mouth. She smiled at him and understood his point. Everyone knew that she was his side piece. We knew that she was somewhat the queen of the warehouse and at times, she did make him look bad. It was almost as if he allowed her to run amuck, like a dog without a leash.

“Okay, Bobby, I’ll try, but please, warn them hoes to stay the fuck away from me and to watch what they say ‘cause I am only human.”

Mr. Cappello laughed and bent down and kissed her lips.

“Let me run up and get my things out of the office; be ready to leave in 10.”

I watched him leave the room and gave Jamar that “Oh, shit” look. It would be a matter of minutes before it hit him, as the pills took effect, I waited.

*****

The sirens went off as if the warehouse was on fire.

“Attention everyone, this is a lock down, please head to the main set, attention, this is a lock down, do not attempt to leave, the doors are all locked.”

The voice said over and over again on the speaker system. DeeDee looked at me, I looked at Jamar, and he looked at her, DeeDee being the only one amongst the three of us who didn’t know what was going on. They both stood up and waited for me to move my now very high ass off the cot. It seemed like the pills I swallowed all night although slowly taking the pain away, had now clouded my system all at once. I was dazed, my body was loose, and I was really relaxed. The worry I had before seemed to slip away as euphoria stepped in its place. We walked to the main set with everyone else and waited to hear what was going on. First Mr. Cappello walked in followed by his son and four security men. He was as red as an apple, I guess he never thought that anyone would have the nerve to steal from him, but come one, who walks away from a stack of money on their desk? I don’t care what is going on, you make sure that you put it away, let alone letting anyone see you put in the safe combination.

“LISTEN UP, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO GO INTO MY OFFICE AND TAKE MONEY OUT OF THERE BUT IF YOU’RE STILL HERE THEN THAT MEANS THE MONEY IS HERE TOO. AND I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART BEFORE I LET ANY OF YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS.”

One of the security men stepped in and patted Mr. Cappello on his back to try and calm him down. As he yelled, his body shook with anger and his voice trembled with vengeance.

“So this is what we’re gonna go,” Breeze said as he continued where his dad left off.

“Women on this side, guys on the other, step behind the tables and empty your purse and pockets. After that the men will be taken to the locker rooms followed by the ladies. You will stand in front of your locker without opening them. Wait for someone to come up to you and then and only then, you will be told to open the locker, understood?”

Everyone answered yes and went to the designated sides of the room. I looked over at Jamar and he looked as though his heart was in his mouth threatening to scream “I did it, I did it”. I looked at him until we locked eyes and mouthed (relax).

“Damn Jazzy, look at Bobby, my baby looks like his about to lose his shit, huh? Who would be dumb enough to do that shit, don’t they know that everything is taped around here?”

“They are?” I asked.

“Girl, yes, Bobby’s not that dumb. Don’t you see those things that look like fire alarms? Well, they are also cameras. They’re everywhere, hallways, locker rooms, and even the bathroom, not the stalls but where the sinks are,” she said as she pointed to one of the fire alarms. FUCK, I messed up now. What am I gonna say when they go over the tapes? Jamar, they’ll see him putting the money in Tanya’s locker. Shit, shit, shit.

“Girl, are you okay, you just turned ghost white?”

I grabbed onto the table and help it for support.”

“Yeah, these pills got my dizzy is all, is there a chair around that I could sit on?”

I looked over at Jamar and he looked as if he could hear DeeDee and my conversation from where he stood.

After checking the content on the men’s side, I watched as they disappeared. Jamar gave me one last look as he turned the corner and out of my view. I sat and waited for my purse content to be looked over as I watched Breeze and two of the security guard went down the table.

“Where’s your purse, Tanya, why don’t you have anything down in front of you?”

Breeze asked only to seem fair, I’m sure.

“This is fucking ridiculous, I was with you the whole time, plus, I put it in my locker.”

I watched as a bead of sweat broke on Tanya’s forehead. After all, she did take a stack of bills off of the desk. Her heart must have been beating just as fast as mine by that point.

I watched as Breeze looked at her. He probably wanted to just let her slide thinking that any woman who dated him had no reason to steal from his father, but then he remembered what his father said, “Leave no fucking stone unturned”.

“We’ll check hers once we hit the locker rooms,” he said to the bodyguard before moving to the next person. Now I don’t know where she put the stack she took off the desk once she left the office but judging by her face, it must have still been in her purse. I wanted to laugh as I sat there visualizing her reaction when the contents of the safe are also found in her locker. Once he got to DeeDee, she let it be known how she felt about having to stand in line with the would-be thief.

“Now you know I didn’t take anything from Bobby. I was up here kickin’ ass,” she said, with her hand on her hip.

“As if you haven’t taken enough from him,” Breeze said with disgust hanging off of his words. She sucked her teeth and said, “FUCK YOU” loud enough for all of us to hear. He just kept it moving.

“And where are all of your things?” Breeze asked me as he picked my keys and the pack of gum that were in my pocket.

“That’s all I have on me, the rest is in my locker.”

I wasn’t going to even mention my bag that was left in the nurse’s office; it had the damn tape in it. He told the guard he spoke to before to put me on the same list as Tanya. I cringed when her and my name was spoken in the same sentence, damn I hated her.

“Okay, just have a seat, you all can go once the girl’s locker room and the rest of the warehouse has been search,” Mr. Cappello said as the men walked back out. Now everyone else knew what Jamar and I knew all the while, the money would not be found in the men’s locker room.

“Okay, ladies. Follow me.”

We all got up and followed Mr. Cappello, Breeze, and two of the bodyguards in a single file line. Once in the locker room, we all stood by our lockers and were reminded not to even touch them until someone was standing with us. I watched as each locker was opened with Breeze and his dad there to oversee the content inside of them. It seemed with each empty locker, Mr. Cappello’s anger rose. It was as if he wanted to find the money just to put his nerves at ease, almost wishing that it would be found in one the countless of lockers they looked into. I stood by my own almost about to burst. Although I knew that my revenge may be short lived due to the cameras, I still couldn’t wait for them to hit Tanya’s locker. I stood there, with them at locker number ten and braced myself for what was about to happen. Just as I suspected, Tanya’s guilt for taking the money off of Mr. Cappello’s deck made her speak too soon.

“I have money in my purse but I went to the bank before I came into work. I’m sure I have the withdrawal slip somewhere in there.”

I watched Mr. Cappello’s eyebrow rise. He turned to Breeze and stared him down.

“Didn’t you two come in together this morning?” he asked, daring his son to lie to him with just the curl of his lip and killer like stare.

“Yeah, we came in together,” Breeze answered.

“What bank did you stop at?”

Breeze couldn’t answer his dad’s question because there was no bank stop this morning. His heart was racing just as fast as Tanya’s and mine. It couldn’t be! Why would Tanya lie? Would she have the guts to steal from his dad? The questions burned through his mind and set his nerves on fire. I watched as he wiped the sweat that was now forming on his brow.

“Open the fucking locker,” Breeze told Tanya between clinched lips. She picked up the lock and turned to the first number…06, then around passing the next only to come back to it…01, then she stopped. We all waited to see or hear what she was going to come up with next but she just stood there.

“What the fuck are you waiting for?” Breeze asked. He knew Tanya and something was up. She was always bold, yet now she was hesitant. Her hands shook uncontrollably as the seconds ticked by.

“You got one more fucking second before I yank your ass away from the locker and pop the lock, OPEN THE GOD-DAMN THING!”

Breeze’s frustration was at an all-time high. All of the conversations, all of the warnings that were given to him by not only his dad but by other workers at Fantasy Pictures all fell on deaf ears, and now here he stood, with the one person he always took up for, about to be publicly disgraced right along with her. Revenge couldn’t taste any sweeter. She started all over, first the 06, then the 01, and finally the 08. POP, it was open. She removed the lock and swung the door open slowly.

“Give me your purse.”

She did as Breeze asked and handed him her purse. It seemed like everyone in the room was on the edge as we heard the zipper open. He stuck his hand in and brought it back out, with the 10K stack that she took from Mr. Cappello’s desk. Everyone gasped, including me. I wish I had a camera to record Tanya’s reaction. Breeze looked like he wanted to die while his father looked like he had murder on his mind.

“Okay, wait, let me explain---,” Tanya pleaded, but Mr. Cappello didn’t give a shit about what she had to say. He pushed her aside and shut her up with the wave of his hand. He went through her locker like a hurricane. We all watched as he emptied the bottom half of the locker with rage. The closer he got to the top half of her locker, the more out of control my breathing and heartbeat become. My legs trembled and I felt as if I was on the brink of yelling, “THE TOP; IT’S ALL ON THE TOP HALF OF THE LOCKER.” But, I just waited like everyone else. On the top shelf were a few shirts, neatly folded. I knew that was Jamar’s doing because Tanya’s locker was always a mess. Nothing was ever folded in there. I watched Mr. Cappello pick up the shirts and throw them behind him. Then, he stopped. He didn’t move or say a word. His body covered the locker, so we all waited for him to move aside. However, he just stood there for a short while.

“Is it empty? Did you find anything else?” Breeze asked, almost out of breath.

When Mr. Cappello stepped aside, the room went crazy. There the money was, in neat stacks on the top shelf.

“That bitch is fucking crazy,” DeeDee yelled to me. I looked at her and shook my head in what she thought was disbelief. I looked at Tanya who was being held by one of the guards and she looked just as shattered as she did confused.

“That shit is not mine. I swear, I didn’t put it there, oh, my God, please baby, you’ve got to believe me.”

Tears were running down her face and ruined her always perfect porn make-up. Her snow white skin was as red as a beet as she cried and gasped for air.

“You fucking bitch, how fucking dare you?” Mr. Cappello asked. Meanwhile, Breeze was just stoic and that was scary. I don’t know if it was because he was still trying to process what was going on or if it just didn’t hit him yet but he just stood there staring into space.

“You’re not listening to me; I didn’t take that money,” Tanya said, while trying to shake the guard’s grip. Mr. Cappello held that bundle of cash that she took of his desk and put his glasses on.

“You’re not a very good liar, Tanya. See here, I always put my initials on the band that is around every stack of money I keep in the safe. There it is, right there,” he said, as he first showed Tanya his writing then holding out for everyone else to see. That’s when the tears really started to come down. And what do you know? They were just as real looking as the fake ones she had not too long ago in Mr. Cappello’s office. See? That’s what she gets, if you cry wolf long enough, your cries will get no reaction when you’re really being eaten, case in point.

“Okay, okay, I did take money off your desk, but I didn’t take the rest of it.”

Breeze, who had been standing there like a statue, pushed his hair out of his face, walked over to Tanya, looked at her, and slapped the shit out of her. No one moved or said anything. We watched as the guard let her go and Breeze pulled her by the back of her head and brought her close to him. She was so close to his face that, as he spoke, the spit that flew out of his mouth landed directly in her face.

“I fucking took you from a nobody to a star. I gave you everything that you’ve ever wanted. I moved you into my house and turned my back on my own father’s warnings for you. I treated Jazzy second rate because of you and put you in that number one spot…and this is what you do?”

Again, he slapped her and was about to do it again before his father stepped in.

“Enough, son, let her go…let her go.”

He repeated it twice before Breeze finally took heed. He pushed her back into the hand of the guard and straightened his suit. Tanya fell to the floor, almost groveling at Breeze’s feet.

“Please, baby, you have to believe me. Yes, I did take that money from your father, but it was just one stack, I didn’t take the rest, I swear, Breeze, please.”

She was now holding on to his leg as he tried to shake her loose, but she had a death grip.

“Someone is setting me up, just think about it, why would I steal all of that money and put it in my locker?”

There was a desperation in her voice that none of us had ever heard before. The gratification I felt crept up my spine and made its way to my lips. At first it was a smile, but the more I watched, the more it would grow.

“Why would you steal ten thousand dollars and put it in your purse? Hell, none of your bullshit makes sense to me. You’re a liar, a cheat, a bitch, and now we know that you’re a thief. If you’re spiting more lies for me, don’t bother, I ain’t buying what you’re selling. Now my son may have been pussy whipped by you but I’m in the clear, baby. I wouldn’t fuck you with a ten foot pipe so save the bullshit. Here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to get up, clear your locker, and get the fuck out of my place of business. I don’t want you to ever dream about this place let alone step foot in it, you got that?”

He waited for her to answer but none came. He lowered himself so that he was kneeling beside her on the floor. He lifted her head with his hand and looked her straight in the eyes.

“You better fucking answer me before I lose my temper you fucking cunt.”

She didn’t answer with words but she shook her head up and down.

“No, answer me with your mouth, I want to make sure that there are no misunderstandings.”

She cried a little more before mustering enough strength to tell him what he wanted to hear, “Yes, I got it, never come back.”

Tears were pouring out of her eyes like a waterfall. Her make-up was now all over her face with the colors merging and making it look like mud. I was now fighting back the need to lean back and let out a long laugh. I watched as Mr. Cappello stood back up and turned to leave, but then he stopped. He reached for the stack she had taken off of his desk and un-did the paper band that held all of the bills together. He walked back over to her and spoke directly to her.

“Oh, and by the way, I’m gonna let you keep the ten-k you claim you only stole, and every time you spend a cent out of it I want you to remember this day. To tell you the truth, I’ve been waiting on it for a while. I knew it wouldn’t be long before you showed us all the trash you really are.”

With that he threw the stack of bills against her head as if it were a game of 52-pick-up.

“Don’t even think about going to the police because my son smacked your ass, I’ll press charges against you for theft and make you a felon before you can even blink.”

“But I didn’t do it, I really didn’t take all of that money,” she said sounding more broken than before.

Something in her voice must have hit a nerve because the next thing I knew, Mr. Cappello was asking everyone to go back out to the main set. Once we were all seated, he filled the men on what had just happened. Then he said the words that were sure to seal Jamar’s and my fate.

“So since she’s insisting that she only stole the money off of my desk and not the money in my safe, we’ll all just go through the tapes and see, not that it would matter anyway, a thief is a thief.”

He sent the guards to collect the tapes from his office, hallways, and ladies locker room. As we waited, someone asked if we were allowed to go to the bathroom. Breeze said yes, but that we still weren’t allowed to leave. He said that we could go for a smoke, coffee, or bathroom, but just had to make sure to be back in 15 minutes. I looked over at Jamar and he knew to follow me. DeeDee stayed with her man, thank god.

*****

“What in the fuck did you get me into?”

Jamar was in a panic and I couldn’t blame him. My head was spinning, too.

“Calm down,” I told him as we walked over by his car. I looked around and made sure that no one was in earshot of our conversation.

“I’m gonna take the blame for everything. Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t know what else to say. However, I knew that I wouldn’t let him go down for my bullshit.

“They’re gonna see me going into the locker room, not you,” he said, while pointing in my face and rolling his eyes and head. His voice was even higher than normal. I knew that he had a damn good reason to be pissed, so I wasn’t going to hold his attitude against him. His fag flag, however, was sure as hell waving. I guess the saying was true; a gay guy can’t hide the truth about himself when he’s mad, happy, or scared.

“Just trust me, Jamar, you will not go down for this.”

As the words left my mouth, I saw DeeDee in the corner of my eye running our way. She was saying something, but because of her heavy breathing, I could not make it out. It wasn’t until she got close that I understood what she was saying. But still, I thought I heard wrong.

“They what?” I asked, looking at Jamar.

“Girl, it seems that Miss Tanya took the tape out of Bobby’s office and the rest of the cameras had no tape in them. The guards never turned them on. Bobby is losing his shit in there. He already told the head security guy he was fired.”

I took off walking without a word. I wanted to get back inside and hear my good news for myself. Jamar and DeeDee were right behind me. Once on set, hearing Mr. Cappello going off on Breeze and the guards, I knew it was all true.

“HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU ALL BE? I’M PAYING GOOD MONEY TO MAKE SURE THIS PLACE IS SECURE AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT ALL THIS TIME THE SECURITY CAMERAS WEREN’T EVEN FILMING?”

He looked around the room in disbelief.

“AND YOU,” he said, pointing at Breeze.

“YOU’RE FUCKING USELESS. I COULD NEVER IMAGINE TURNING FANTASY PICTURES OVER TO YOU. YOU CAN’T EVEN MAKE SURE THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE DOING THEIR JOB!”

“THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING JOB!” Breeze yelled back. In the middle of their screaming match, Tanya stepped up and tried her hardest to keep her top slot as Breeze’s queen bee.

“So, you can’t fire me now. There’s no proof, Bobby. You all have to just take some time and think this over. None of it makes sense,” she said, still pleading with both Breeze and his dad.

“This just proves that you’re smarter than I ever gave you credit for. You have 10 minutes to grab your shit and get off of my property.” She looked at Breeze for support, but found none.

“Don’t look at me and don’t even think about bringing your trifling ass back to my house. I’ll have your things brought to you. Just call the front desk and let them know where you will be.”

Breeze looked her over for what seemed would be the final time and then walked away in disgust. His father took off the other way, filled with anger. As she stood there like a wet dog, I lost it. I laughed because I was happy; I laughed because she lost and I laughed because I had won. It was loud, it was real, and it was meant for her to hear. She looked over at me through slanted eyes and just started to cry even harder. As Jamar and DeeDee joined in on the festivities and giggled along with me, I prayed that she knew why I was laughing. I watched the security men lead her to the locker room to collect her things and then watched them escort her off the premises. I waited as Jamar went to the nurse’s office and got my things before all three of us headed to the local bar. Once there I went to the ladies bathroom, made sure I was by myself, and then crushed the tape under my heel. I cracked it open, pulled out the film and made sure it was destroyed past recognition. After I was done, I headed back out to the bar area, brought three rounds of drinks for Jamar, DeeDee and I, and toasted before every drink. “Ding dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead. Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead.” As they both sang along with me.

*****

With all of the drama behind me it was time to blow L.A. and head for my promised land. With a short flight, it was lights, dancing, and action. Being in Vegas always got my juices flowing. I don’t know if it was the fact that Lust was there or if it was the thought of my upcoming new life there, but I loved it. I had just had another sold out show with a standing ovation at the end of it. My dressing room was filled with flowers from the club, high rollers, celebs, and admires. Lanell, being my number one fan, provided me with the biggest bouquet of them all.

“So have you thought any more about making this your day job?” Lust asked as I sat at the vanity reading the cards that came with the flowers. I looked at him through the mirror. He looked so damn sexy with his dark Armani suit on. His dreads were pulled back and I could tell that he had just gotten them twisted. His piercing gray eyes looked as far deep into me as they did that first night we met in The Devil’s Den.

“Of course I have baby. I’m just waiting for the right time to announce my decision,” I said as I got up and stood in front of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and melted under his touch.

“But how long is that gonna take, what’s holding you back?” he asked as I tried to find the answer to his question within myself. The truth was I really didn’t know, and he once again sensed it.

“I think I may have something that’s gonna help you say fuck L.A., I’m ready for my new life,” he said as he stepped back and pulled at the knot on my robe.

“Can’t you even wait until we get to the hotel?” I asked thinking that he wanted sex. I kissed his warm lips only to have him gently push me away and laugh.

“Get your mind out of the gutter; I’m not talking about sex. I have something I want to show you.”

“So what is this about?” I asked looking down at my open robe.

“Get dressed and I’ll have the driver take us to what I want to show you. Now promise me you’ll keep your eyes close until we get there,” he said while smiling from ear to ear.

“I promise.”

He looked at me like he knew I was lying. He told himself that he would just have to cover my eyes himself.

“I love you Jazzy.”

“I love you too,” I told him as he walked out of my dressing room.

*****

The ride to Lanell’s secret destination was short. My mind raced as I thought of what this game changer could be. My stomach did flips when the thought of him proposing to me ran across my mind. I loved him and all, but I wasn’t ready for that.

“Okay, Jasmine we’re almost there,” Lanell said as he helped me out of the car. With his help, I managed to get to whatever he was about to show me or tell me.

“Okay, enough if enough, I’m about to open my eyes,” I said frustrated with the wait. He begged me to give him another few minutes before finally allowing me to open them.

“Where am I?” I asked as I looked around the empty club.

“This is for us baby. I want to open this club and have you perform in it like you do at the Black Oasis.”

My mouth dropped open. I started to look around and took it all in, it was huge. It was just as big as the Black Oasis, or even bigger. I walked over to the stage, climbed the stairs and stood in the center of it.

“What do you mean this is for us?”

“Well, I figured that after your contract is up with Gina you would have made a real name for yourself out here. People would want to come to the club that A- you either perform at, or B- the club that Lust and Jezebel own, but to tell you the truth, I don’t care either way. You can own it and never perform here or you could be the main act. Just as long as I’m with you every day, I’ll be fine.”

Wow, that was a lot to take in, but still everything about what he was saying felt right. My love for him was right, Vegas was right, and now this place was right, too. I got off of the stage and walked over to him. I just stood there looking at him doing two things. I wondered how I had managed to find him in a world that was so full of dead souls. It wasn’t easy finding that one true person whose heart beat thumped to the same beat as yours, but there he was, the man that was meant to save me. And secondly, I stood there and thanked God that I had found him. Tears streamed down my face as I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

“Wait, don’t thank me yet, you haven’t seen this yet.”

He took my hand and took me over to a door. Behind it was some big storage unit. I felt around for the switch on the wall and once he hit it, a sign that was as wide as the room lit up.

“That’s the name of the club,” he said as he stood behind me and kissed my neck.

“I’m gonna name it Jezebels.”

I started to really cry, and I’m not talking about that cute “oh, my god I’m so touched” cry. No, I let the ugly “oh, shit I can’t believe this is happening” cry out.

“Don’t fall apart on me now, I haven’t even asked you to come up to Santa Barbara with me tomorrow. It’s my parent’s anniversary and I want you to come, will you?”

I couldn’t stop what was happening. It was just… everything was just so right. I couldn’t help the tears, I couldn’t help my happiness. So with my eyes bloodshot red, my heart racing, and my knees buckling, I shook my head yes, because I was speechless.

Chapter 24

“It’s nice to finally meet you again Krave.”

Back in the nurse’s office I was trying to calm down and relax. I couldn’t believe I just helped frame someone. Who does that? What the hell did Jasmine get me involved in? I thought if I talked about something else it would ease my mind.

“Jazzy, are you feeling better now that you’re lying down?”

“Not really, but I just took some more pain pills so they should kick in soon.”

“Can I get you anything else to make you feel more comfortable?”

“Unless you can make my bathtub appear, with an already rolled up blunt in an ashtray on the side of the tub…then no.”

We both started to laugh before being interrupted by DeeDee charging in the nurse’s office like she was still hyped up and ready for round two. Mr. Cappello was right behind his mistress trying to calm her down. Jasmine and I watched on as Mr. Cappello reminded her that he was the boss and in charge, but in the sweetest, kindest way possible. It seemed like DeeDee understood and was actually smiling now instead of looking like the brown female version of the Incredible Hulk. Mr. Cappello smiled and waved at Jasmine and I before telling DeeDee he was heading up to his office to get his things so they could leave. Jasmine looked at me like she was worried. Great, just as I was starting to feel better my heart started beating faster again. I knew any second now Mr. Cappello was going to flip out. What I didn’t expect was for the sirens to go off, and Mr. Cappello yelling on the loud speaker that he was locking down the place, and that no one could leave. I started praying that no one saw what Jasmine and I did. I had no idea how I would explain myself. I jumped up ready to get this over with and to see what was going to happen. DeeDee and I helped Jasmine up, and made our way out to the warehouse. There were only forty people at work that day, so I knew Mr. Cappello wasn’t leaving until he found his money. He was a business man, and took pride in his company so I knew how much that money meant to him. Even though he had millions in the bank, he wasn’t going to allow someone to disrespect him, and steal his petty cash. I stood there, nervous as hell, as Mr. Cappello, Breeze, and the security guards walked over to us.

“LISTEN UP, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK WOULD BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO GO INTO MY OFFICE AND TAKE MONEY OUT OF THERE BUT IF YOU’RE STILL HERE THEN THAT MEANS THE MONEY IS HERE TOO. AND I WILL TEAR THIS PLACE APART BEFORE I LET ANY OF YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS.”

I knew it, he was going to have us there all night if need be. I had no idea why Breeze separated the men from the women until he explained that the men’s locker room was being searched first as everyone emptied their pockets. I guess they assumed only a man would have the balls to steal from them, so why waste time searching the women first. I probably looked like the thief, because I was shaking. I was getting antsy and wanted to say you’re wasting your time, search the women’s locker room, but as I looked at Jasmine, she mouthed “relax”. I knew I needed to just play along, and not fuck it up. Our lives, in a sense, were depending on it. Every time I would try and convince myself that everything was going to be okay, I would get scared and paranoid all over again. If Breeze and his dad had money to pay for an on-call nurse, on-call doctor, and four security guards, then I knew they had to have security cameras. How else were the security guards watching what went on at Fantasy Pictures, when ninety percent of the time they were in their office? The other ten percent was when they would walk by the set pretending like they were checking to see if everything was okay, but really just trying to get a peek of the hot action that was being filmed. I know at least two of them were on the down low, because I noticed how they always slowed down as they walked pass the gay shoots. Realizing all of this I started to get sick to my stomach. I almost threw up on the table as they looked to see if anyone had a lot of cash in front of them. Thankfully all I had on me was my wallet with three hundred dollars in it, my cell phone, and my car keys. After the table search, Breeze led us into the men’s locker room. I looked back at Jasmine like this is it, here we go. Inside the locker room I felt like we were in prison and Mr. Cappello was the warden.

“EVERYONE STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR LOCKER AND DON’T MOVE UNTIL WE ARE FINISHED SEARCHING ALL OF THEM. BEFORE WE START DOES ANYONE JUST WANT TO CONFESS NOW? IF YOU DO IT WILL SAVE US A LOT OF TIME, SO I PROMISE YOU I WON’T PRESS CHARGES!”

For a second I felt like a little bitch because I wanted to just confess, get everything off my chest, and get it over with. I felt so bad for betraying the man who had helped make my life what it had become, perfect; but I knew I couldn’t rat out my best friend. She never would’ve forgiven me. If they had me on tape, and played back the footage then that was a different story, but for that moment I just stood in front of my locker feeling scared but safe knowing nothing but my gym bag was in there. They searched the first few lockers and everything was going smoothly until Phill Driver, opened up his locker, started throwing everything out of it, while yelling in his strong Spanish accent.

“This is fucking crazy. Here search through all of my stuff already, I need to get out of here. I have things to do. First that crazy bitch ruins our film, and now I’m being held hostage over some missing money.”

The security guards ran over and grabbed him while Mr. Cappello started yelling.

“I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, AND I KNOW YOU HEARD MY SON SAY DON’T OPEN YOUR LOCKER UNTIL WE TELL YOU TO. ARE YOU GUILTY AND TRYING TO MOVE THE MONEY, PHILL?”

“With all due respect, boss, you know I was on the set filming today. I was there the entire time. How would I have time to get up to your office, find out where you keep your money, put it in my locker, and get back to the set, and wait until all of this went down? Can you just check my stuff so I can be excused? I need to leave, or I’m going to be late for my part time job.”

Mr. Cappello looked him in his eyes for a minute, and it looked like he believed him because he finally responded.

“Search all of his stuff, and then I want one of you to escort him to his car. Make sure you check the car too, and if everything is clear let him go, and when you’re finished make sure you get back in here right away.”

I waited patiently because I knew my locker was next. I just wanted that day to be over with and know I was fully in the clear. Phill Driver was cleared and escorted out before Mr. Cappello and the other security guard approached me.

“Okay, Jamar, thanks for all you hard work earlier, and I know you don’t have anything to do with this, but I’m going to need you to open up your locker for me.”

He said as he patted me on the back.

“No problem, Mr. Cappello.”

Now I was really feeling guilty. If he did have me on tape in possession of his money, I was going to look and feel like the biggest asshole ever. I knew he’d feel betrayed and press charges on me for sure. My name would be ruined in the porn business forever. The security guards quickly searched my gym bag, and cleared my name. Mr. Cappello smiled and winked at me, I’m assuming he was relieved that the thief wasn’t one of his top money makers, but if he only knew. After searching the men’s locker room Mr. Cappello seemed like he was disappointed, but still on a mission. I thought I was able to leave now, but all of the men still had to wait until the rest of the place was searched. Breeze announced that they were ready to search the women’s locker room. I looked on wondering if Jasmine was just as nervous as I was. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before the money was located. I wished I could’ve followed them in there, or had been a fly on the wall because I knew the expression on Tanya’s face when they discovered the money in her locker would be priceless; a Kodak moment and I didn’t want to miss it. At least I knew I’d heard about it later from Jasmine and DeeDee. Once I heard Mr. Cappello yelling inside of the women’s locker room I moved closer, without making it too noticeable so I could hear what was going on. I was relieved when I realized he wasn’t yelling at Jasmine. I mean I knew he had to be screaming at Tanya, but my paranoia had me thinking somehow he found out Jasmine really stole the money, and that I was her accomplice. How would I have explained to him that I was only helping out a wounded friend who I loved dearly? If I could’ve taken her place, and let Tanya ram the dildo up my ass so none of this would’ve happened, I would have. Who knows, after taking Tyree’s huge dick on the regular I may have liked it, but poor Jasmine, no matter how relaxed she was her little pussy wasn’t prepared for all that dick, or should I say plastic? Inside the locker room I could hear Tanya crying and pleading that she didn’t do it, so when I turned to see if anyone else was hearing what I was hearing, I saw all of the men had moved closer to hear too. I felt better since I wasn’t the only nosey one inquiring about what was going on in there. At this point all of the men assumed Tanya was the guilty one, and that she was being terminated. When we heard Mr. Cappello tell everyone to head back out to the warehouse, we quickly moved away from the door and stood around like we didn’t know what was going on.

“So since she’s insisting that she only stole the money off of my desk and not the money in my safe, we’ll all just go through the tapes and see, not that it would matter anyway, a thief is a thief.”

Mr. Cappello said the words I feared the most. Now that he just confirmed that there were cameras, I knew I was finished. I put my head down because I was ashamed for what I had done. Don’t get me wrong Tanya had it coming, and I was happy to hear her crying; but now all I could picture was Jasmine and I being escorted out of Fantasy Pictures in handcuffs. The embarrassment alone made me start to have a panic attack, although I hid it very well. When Breeze told everyone we had a fifteen minute break, I needed to speak to Jasmine so she could calm me down.

“What are we going to do? We’re going to get arrested. I just know it.”

She told me to calm down for the second time, but I needed more than those two words to help me. I knew I looked like a punk, but at that moment I didn’t care. All I cared about was our future, and how the hell I was going to explain to my father that I got arrested? I opened my car door, pushed out the ashtray, and grabbed the half smoked blunt that I didn’t finish earlier that morning. As we shared the rest of my tree, she made me feel somewhat at ease when she confirmed again that she would take the blame.

“Don’t worry about it, I got you Jamar. You were only helping me out because I couldn’t walk at the time. I promise you I’ll explain everything to them, and I’ll make sure to take full responsibility for this, if they caught us on tape.”

“Are you sure Jazzy? Please tell me everything is going to be okay before I have a heart attack.”

“Trust me, Jamar, I won’t allow you to go down for this.”

I think for the first time since we stepped foot outside I stopped shaking. To know that Jasmine had my back proved to me that she was nothing like Ebony, she was my true friend.

“Here comes DeeDee; what is she saying?” I asked as I saw DeeDee running over toward my car. Jasmine shook her head, and shrugged her shoulders because she obviously couldn’t hear her either.

“They what?” Jasmine asked DeeDee while looking at me bug-eyed as if she was shocked.

DeeDee made me want to jump up and down and scream out loud when she confirmed that there were no tapes in the VCRs, because that meant there was no evidence linking Jasmine and I to the “crime”. Before DeeDee could fully finish talking Jasmine was already walking back toward the building. I quickly put what was left of the blunt out, and threw it in the bushes, before following her inside.

When we walked back in Mr. Cappello’s face, ears, and neck was blood red. I never knew he could get so mad. He was pissed off and was yelling at the security guards before really letting Breeze have it. I’ve heard him yell at Breeze before, but this time he sounded as if he was disgusted with his son. Breeze tried to defend himself, while Tanya tried one last time to prove her innocence and save her job.

“So you can’t fire me now, there’s no proof Bobby. You have to just take some time and think this over. None of it makes sense.”

It was too late though, Jasmine’s plan was a success. Tanya took the blame, and would forever be known as a dirty thief, and would never be allowed on Fantasy’s Pictures premises ever again. Tanya could’ve walked out of there with her pride, and dignity; basically with her head held high knowing she didn’t take the hundred thousand dollars; but she chose to go out looking desperate and pathetic just like those criminals on Cops, who know they’re going to jail, but cry and beg for mercy anyway. It was actually quite sad to watch, especially since she got fired, and kicked out of Breeze’s mansion all at once. I know I shouldn’t have laughed at her too when the girls busted out laughing, but Jasmine’s laugh caught me off guard and it was a mixture of that and knowing that I was safe. After Tanya was finally escorted out of there, Breeze came back and announced that production was shut down for the rest of the day, and that everyone was free to go.

After we left work the girls and I headed over to Shadow’s for a few cocktails to celebrate. Jasmine and I were celebrating for a lot more reasons than DeeDee was. We would’ve loved to let her in on our little secret, but that was one we’d take to the grave. I don’t know if Jasmine felt the same way, but I didn’t know where DeeDee’s loyalty laid the most, with us, or with Mr. Cappello. I’d like to believe with us, but it was too much at risk, so it wasn’t worth letting her in on it.

*****

The next couple of days went by so fast that before I knew it Saturday had arrived. I lied in bed restless the night before thinking about how everything was going to go down. I planned on getting up at 8:00a.m., but ended up waking up at 6:00AM. I went for a run to clear my head and think about how I was going to please P.V. and make sure he got his monies worth in case he wanted to hire me again. Once I got back it was still only a quarter to seven so I took a shower, then cooked something to eat, and had some coffee to give me the energy I was going to need in case he was boring. I checked my cell phone, and e-mail again for the twentieth time in two days making sure he didn’t cancel, or reschedule on me. I also didn’t tell Tyree anything about my date with P.V., now I really felt like I was the one keeping secrets. I hate it when Tyree keeps secrets from me, but here I was doing the same thing. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I knew he would’ve been pissed, and asked how come I didn’t make sure he was invited so he could get his cut of the money. In a way I wish I would have, but at the same time he was working so much between L.A. and Santa Barbara, and pleasing me at home that I thought he would be all sexed out. Besides P.V. never even mentioned anything about him, I’m sure if he wanted Tyree he would’ve sent him an e-mail. Maybe he did, but Tyree doesn’t reply back to fan mail as often as I do, so the hell with it. One thing I was worried about though, was the fact that no one knew where I was going, or who I was going to meet. I still didn’t even know who I was meeting, so my first thought was to text Jasmine and let her know. Then, I thought about her worrying about me while she was out in Vegas performing, and spending time with Lanell. I didn’t want her mind anywhere but there. I wanted her to enjoy every minute of it and live it up, so I did what I necessarily didn’t want to do, but had to do.

“Hey girl, I just wanted to give you a heads up, I’m going on a blind business meeting, I guess you can say, and I wanted someone to know where I was going, and who I’m with in case things go wrong. I’m meeting P.V. in Beverly Hills, and his e-mail address is daddiesboys@yahoo.com (don’t ask). I’ll text you again when I’m leaving, so you know everything went as planned. If you don’t hear from me by, let’s say 11:00PM, come save me girl. I’m just playing DeeDee, don’t trip I know how you are, no but seriously come save me, LOL, oh, and keep this between us.”

DeeDee texted back telling me to be safe, and that she’d be waiting to hear back from me. I was expecting her to ask a hundred questions, but then again she’s not really into texting, she’s more of a in your face kind of girl. I threw my cell phone on my bed while I got dressed. Once I was looking fly, I grabbed my wallet, my BlackBerry, and my keys and headed downstairs to check outside. Sure enough, the limo was pulling up as scheduled. It was a stretch limousine, so I’m assuming he wanted to impress me, and he did. The limo driver, who was a handsome Latino, who looked to be in his mid to late 20’s, got out of the limo and waited for me to approach the door before opening it.

“I’m Eddie; I’ll be your driver for today. If you have any questions, just put down the divider and feel free to ask.”

“Okay, thanks!”

Inside there were all kinds of alcohol to choose from, but I didn’t want to arrive intoxicated so I chose to wait until I met P.V. and decide then if I would need a drink or not. Besides the light traffic, the ride to Beverly Hills was relaxing. It felt good not having to drive myself around, it was definitely something I could get used to. The limo pulled into his gated driveway, which felt like a street because we were driving for a few minutes before seeing the private mansion. I had to put down the tinted window to see if my eyes were deceiving me. I knew Beverly Hills had some nice mansions, and we passed a few on the way there, that I wouldn’t mind owning; but nothing like the one we were pulling up to. I filmed plenty of movies in rented mansions, but none of them were even half the size as P.V.’s mansion. I waited for Eddie to let me out of the limo. He was very nice and professional. I started to walk away but realized I did have a question for Eddie. I turned back around to ask.

“Will you be out here waiting until I’m ready to go, or will there be another driver taking me home?”

“I’ll be out here waiting. The limo was reserved for the entire afternoon and evening. Whenever you’re ready, just come back outside and I’ll take you back to L.A.”

“Okay, great!”

I turned back around so I was facing the mansion. I couldn’t stop staring. Who the hell lived here? Was I meeting another celebrity? Damn, I wish I brought my camcorder in case he tried some shady shit like Black did. I looked around and some huge lion statues caught my eye, they looked tacky and out of place. Rich people always find things to waste their money on. Then, I saw the large running fountain that was captivating. It was my first time seeing a beautiful fountain in front of someone’s home. It reminded me of my childhood when my mother would take me to the zoo, give me some change, and then tell me to make a wish as I threw the money in the fountain. For a second I wished I had a quarter on me so I could run over and wish I’d have a mansion like that one day, and that was before I even saw the inside. To get to the front door there were two sets of steps on each side of a lovely garden full of colorful flowers, so I chose to walk up the steps on the right side since they were closer. I have no idea how someone who was handicapped would get inside, because I didn’t see a ramp anywhere. I started to ring the doorbell, but Caleb, PV’s young, adorable butler I like to refer to as his houseboy, opened the front door before I could put my finger on the buzzer.

“Hello Krave. I see you’re right on time.”

He stood there in his fitted Armani suit smiling and blushing. His curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes turned me on. My dick started to rise as I thought damn I hope this is P.V., but instantly I knew better. There was no way his barely eighteen looking ass could afford that place.

“Well, don’t just stand there, come in already. Mr. Visage is waiting out on the back deck for you. He has a delicious spread ready for you, so the two of you can have an intimate lunch together.”

“Okay, cool just lead the way.”

I started to ask Caleb, who the hell was Mr. Visage, and how did he get the money to buy that place, but I decided to wait and ask myself, that way I’d have something to talk about. As soon as I walked in I was amazed at how well decorated the mansion was, and that was just the foyer. Everything looked like it was meant to be in its place, and looked brand new. I found myself walking down the hall without paying attention to where I was going because I was so mesmerized by the incredible art work that was hanging up on the wall. Caleb opened two large doors before we walked out on the deck. The view was just as amazing, and he had acres of land behind his mansion. Not only was there plenty of land, but it looked like a resort. There was a nice tennis court, a long pool that had a large lion face designed in the concrete at the bottom, so big that you could see it through the water. A guest house, comfortable expensive looking lawn chairs, a grill area, multiple cabanas with silk curtains tied back to show off the lounge areas, and a huge gazebo that made my backyard look cheap, and boring. I finally turned to the table and there he was sitting at the table drinking scotch on the rocks, smoking a cigar, while typing something on his laptop. I knew right away it was going to be a long day, and that I was going to smoke both blunts before I could have sex with him. Mr. Visage wasn’t my type at all, he looked to be in his late 50’s, he had a full head of gray hair, he was overweight, and I could tell by his arms and legs that he had a hairy body. He looked like he would sweat during sex, gross. I wanted to turn around and run back to the limo, and just go home to my sexy man; but I figured this could be a good investment. I’m not stupid; I knew I couldn’t be a porn star forever. I’d just had to keep thinking I’d get fifty thousand dollars each time he hired me to get through the day. He finally looked up and smiled so big that I wondered if his teeth were real, or false. Then, I looked at his light blue eyes and realized he still had a handsome face, he was just old and letting himself go. He stood up to greet me, and shook my hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you again Krave.”

I forgot he met me before at one of my club appearances. I’ve met so many men these past two years that I didn’t remember meeting Mr. Visage at all, which is strange because I don’t how I could have forgotten him.

“Can you refresh my memory, which club did you meet me at again?”

“Did I say club? I’m sorry about that, I actually met you at the Adult Expo in Las Vegas a few months ago, but you probably don’t recognize me. I didn’t look like this that day. I have some friends in the business that can make me look like anyone I want to, so I’m not recognized.”

“The business?” What the hell was he talking about?

“You’re obviously only into adult movies otherwise you’d know who I am. I’m Patrick Visage; I’m one of the biggest horror movie directors in Hollywood.”

“Hold up wait, you’re thee Patrick Visage?”

He smiled and nodded.

“I’ve definitely heard of you, but I never knew who you were or what you looked like.”

“I see, so you are into my movies?”

“Of course, anyone who loves good scary movies is a fan of your work.”

“Well you’re in for a treat. I just received the final cut of Self-Absorbed, the latest movie I directed. It’s based off the novel written by Mattiola.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“Don’t worry you’re gonna love it, so let’s eat. Afterwards, I’ll give you a quick tour of my home, and then you’ll be the first person besides me to see the movie.”

“That sounds good to me.”

On the table there were all kinds of cheese, different types of crackers, sliced up fruit, plenty of fresh deli meat, homemade baked croissants, a couple bottles of wine, and a pitcher of iced water. It definitely wasn’t what I expected, but it looked good and made me hungry.

“I wanted to eat something light so I hope this is okay. If not, just let me know and I’ll have Caleb get you something else.”

Just for the fun of it I started to ask for a steak, a loaded baked potato, and some asparagus just to see if I could get whatever I wanted, and to delay what he ultimately wanted, me. I chose otherwise.

“This will be fine.”

He smiled then looked at Caleb, who was staring at me the whole time.

“Thanks, Caleb, that will be all for now.”

I watched as Caleb walked away, and all though he was dressed up I could still see that he had a nice round ass that I wouldn’t mind tapping. He closed the doors as we connected eyes and smiled at each other.

“Do you like what you see?” Mr. Visage asked.

The smirk on his face let me know he caught me staring at Caleb.

“He’s cute,” I said as I started to make my plate.

“I know that’s why I hired him. After I’m finished with you, if you’re still up for it I’ll let you play with him.”

I started to laugh because I thought he was joking.

“Would you like that Krave?”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course, he does whatever I want. I invite some of my other rich friends over once a month when they can get away from their wives, and Caleb is the party favor, he loves it.”

That was more information than I needed to know, because I was interested and excited before he said that. I figured I’d still make him feel special though.

“I’m only here to see you.”

While we ate we got to know each other. He told me the ins and outs of making a movie, and I told him all about the porn business. I also found out he paid sixty million for his mansion, which made me realize I’m working in the wrong industry. I could only dream about having that much money to spend on a place to live.

*****

“Did you get enough to eat?”

“I did, thank you.”

“Okay, well, let me show you around. That way, in case you become a regular guest, you’ll know where everything is.”

Typical rich person looking to show off what he owned. I didn’t mind at all, because I wanted to be nosey, and see what all he had in that place. His living room looked a little too fancy for me. The furniture looked expensive, but it looked like no one was allowed in there. There was marble and hardwood flooring throughout the entire place. The dining room was just as fancy, crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the long dining room table could sit eighteen. Although I only used one of his twelve bathrooms, I'm sure all of them were just as nice. My favorite room was his red and black theme room that looked like it should be featured in some kind of style magazine. It had a grand piano, a lighted fire place, some red and black leather lounge chairs, two matching love seats, and a bar with bottles of every kind of alcohol that you could think of; which made me realize I was now ready for a drink. He made me a Vodka and cranberry before pouring himself some more scotch. We walked down the hall so he could show me his library, which put my bookshelves to shame. After that he insisted on showing me his eight bedrooms, including the master bedroom, he said, “In case you ever decide to spend the night over here, Krave, you must know where the guest rooms are.” I could've cared less what his bedrooms looked like, I was just ready to collect my cash and head back to L.A. But, I did like the fact that he was talking as if I would be invited over more than once. We had to go upstairs, which he had two sets of. On the left side there were more beautiful paintings, while on the right side of the steps, the entire wall was a mirror. All of the rooms were nice, but of course the master bedroom was the best. He had what I thought was a connecting bedroom, but it turned out to be his walk-in closet. I couldn't help but notice there were men's clothes on one side, and woman's clothes on the other. My curiosity got the best of me so I asked.

“What's with all of the dresses, heels, and gowns?”

“That's all for you beautiful. Pick out something sexy to wear for me, for later.”

“OH, HELL NO. THAT WAS NOT PART OF OUR DEAL. I AIN'T A BITCH, SO I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'RE PAYING ME; I'M NOT WEARING WOMAN'S CLOTHES!”

He let out the hardiest laugh that I had ever heard. He was laughing so hard that he had to hold on to a dresser, and catch his breath before speaking again.

“Calm down and loosen up a little, I was just fucking with you Krave. It was worth it though, because you should’ve seen your face.”

He started to laugh some more, but when he saw that I wasn't laughing he finally answered my question.

“That's my wife's half of the closet.”

I had no idea he was married, and now I was nervous because all these scenarios of her catching us in the act played out in my mind.

“Your wife, is she home?”

“Oh, no, I sent her on vacation with some of her girlfriends on a trip to Europe. She won't be back until sometime next month.”

That was a relief, but I still felt bad for her. He must have noticed my expression changed, or somehow knew what I was thinking.

“My wife knows I live an alternate lifestyle, so don't let the fact that I'm married bother you. I don't think it matters how many men I fuck, as long as I continue to spoil her rotten.”

I don't blame her. I could tell this man was worth a fortune, so if I was her I'd put up with his “alternate” lifestyle too.

As we were taking the elevator down to the basement he said he wasn't going to bother showing me his garage because he had 20 cars in there that were way too expensive, and he didn't want to show off, but it was a little too late for that. His wine cellar was fully stocked. He grabbed a bottle, which he said was his favorite, and said that we could enjoy it during the movie. As we headed to his movie theatre we passed his gym, which looked like it didn't get much use which was a damn shame. It looked better than any private gym that I've been too. Once we finally made it to the movie theatre it was really nice. There were 25 red leather recliner chairs that were very comfortable. He pushed a button on a remote control that made the curtains open revealing his huge movie screen. He offered me some popcorn and candy, but I was still full from lunch. He poured each of us a glass a wine before we took a seat in the middle of the theatre. He lit his cigar, so I lit one of my blunts. Finally, he pushed another button on his remote which started the movie.

“That movie was so good, but it was sick and twisted. Every time I thought I knew who the killer was that person was murdered.”

“I had a feeling you'd like it. I'm excited about it, because I know it's going to be a big money maker.”

“I'm sure, so what's next?”

I had a feeling he wanted to get it in, but I thought I'd just ask for the hell of it.

“Now it's time for us to play, and have fun.”

We walked two doors down, and it was the first room that he had to actually unlock, which let me know right away that it was his private room.

“Don't let the next room scare you, or turn you off. It's my fantasy room.”

I didn't know what to think, or say so I just smiled and waited for him to open the door. As soon as I walked in my mouth went from a smile to frozen wide opened. I was shocked; he had me in a dungeon that looked like it was straight out of one of his horror movies. I reached for my cell, because I was scared this old pervert was about to lock me up, or torture me. There were all kinds of cages, handcuffs, whips, sex toys, leather body suits, paddles, chains, and a sling in the middle of the room. Now I was really ready to run the hell out of there. He walked over to this table that had a silver briefcase on it. I waited to see what he was about to do with it. He unlocked the briefcase before slowly opening it revealing a lot of money.

“I'm sure you had to be wondering when you were going to get your fee. Well, here it is. Feel free to count it, but I promise you it's all there.”

“I don't need to count it, I trust you.”

“Okay, well make sure you grab it on our way out, but for now let's get started.”

He must have been real comfortable with himself because he stripped down butter ball naked, and then walked over to the wall and picked out a leather skin tight outfit that had a hood with a zipper over the mouth area, and an open area in the back to reveal his ass. He put it on right there in front of me, and I had to hold back from laughing because he was having a lot of issues pulling it up over his body. He eventually got it on, and was sweating grotesquely. I've never seen anyone in that kind of outfit before let alone a fat, old white man. He went from being a normal looking rich citizen to a freak. After seeing that I can only imagine the things people are doing behind closed doors. He unzipped his mask and talked.

“Don't be shy Krave. Go ahead and take off your clothes, and make sure you take everything off, I want you completely bare. The only think I want on you is one of my black cock rings.”

Ok now I was starting to feel like a piece of meat. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but this was definitely different than filming a movie. I just had to stay focused on my suitcase as I did what I was told.

Once he was in his outfit he looked scary, I didn't know how I was going to get turned on enough to get through our session. He made me help him in the sling, make sure he was locked in to the connecting chains, and then reminded me that he wanted me to be aggressive, dominate him, and degrade him. I needed my other blunt because my high was long gone. While I smoked I made sure he served me orally, and to get hard I closed my eyes and pictured it was Caleb. Each time he gagged on my nine inches I would smack him across his masked face, and then make him beg me for more. It was far from my personality, but I was able to put my acting skills to use. I was half way through the blunt when my cell phone started vibrating, I didn't pay it any mind, because I wanted to give Mr. Visage my full attention. I finished smoking than walked over to his wall of shame, and grabbed the wooden paddle. I started off lightly smacking his ass, but each time I made contact he would scream out “HARDER!” It didn't matter how hard I smacked his now bright red ass, he would continue to moan for more. My arm got tired before he did. I finally switched it up and beat him with the whip all over his body while calling him degrading names. I moved on to the toys, and used everything from different size butt plugs to large dildos in his used and abused hole. He begged me to fist him, and I told him he had a choice, my dick or my fist. That sick fuck chose my fist. I was relieved that I didn't have to penetrate him, but turned off that he wanted my fist up his ass. I had never done that before, so I didn't know what to expect. He told me where the Vaseline, and gloves were, that when on they covered not only my hand but covered my arm all the way up to my elbow. I felt like I was about to impregnate a cow, no pun intended. I only got four of my fingers inside him, before working on my thumb when my BlackBerry would not stop going off. Even though it was in vibrating mode, it was still annoying and distracting. I apologized and told him I had to get that, and afterwards I would turn my phone off. The first few missed calls were from a number I didn't recognize, but the other thirteen missed calls were from DeeDee. I also noticed she sent me a text saying “CALL ME ASAP. 911 911 911”

I didn't feel like hearing her drama at that moment, but being the good friend that I am, my conscience wouldn't let me ignore her. Her phone only rang once before she picked up and dropped a bomb on me. I thought my heart stopped because I was frozen again, and didn't know where I was for a few seconds. When reality kicked back in, I cut her off from talking and yelling at me for taking so long to pick up and told her “I'M ON MY WAY!”

I was in frantic mod. At first I didn't even know where my clothes were. Finally I realized where they were, ran over and started putting them on so fast, it was as if I was Superman trying to get back in his every day Clark Kent clothes before someone recognized him. Once Mr. Visage realized I was fully dressed, he demanded that I stop what I was doing and finish what we started, but I wasn't hearing him. I mean I was hearing what he was saying, but it wasn't registering in my brain. Finally, I grabbed my suit case and started to run out, so he realized I was leaving for real.

“Can you at least unlock these locks, and help me down? The key is on the table.”

At that moment I felt bad for him, and realized I couldn't leave him hanging up in the sling could I? Well after I checked, and double checked the table for the key with no luck, I couldn't search any longer.

“I'm sorry Mr. Visage. I can't find the key, and under any other circumstance I wouldn't leave you like this but it's an emergency. I have to go, I'm so sorry.”

As I ran out the dungeon and headed for the elevator I heard him yelling for me to tell Caleb he needed help down. When the elevator made it to the main level I ran past Caleb cleaning up and with one breath I told him

“Your boss needs your help I'm sure you know where to find him.”

I ran outside and Eddie was leaning against the limo smoking a cigarette. When he saw me charging toward the limo like a linebacker, he quickly put it out, and opened up the door for me.

“Is everything okay? I expected to be out here for a few more hours.”

“No, it's not. Take me Good Samaritan Hospital in L.A. as fast as you can.”

Chapter 25

“We’re here for the Dash party.”

The drive to Santa Barbara was surreal. I felt like I was in this brand new space, one that was unearthly, a place where only Lanell and I existed. Our love was our oxygen and our passion was the food that silenced our hunger. Several times as he drove, I looked over at him. I couldn’t get over how fate had thrown us together. He came up to me in The Devil’s Den without even knowing that we would meet again. He had no idea that we were going to be filming together that night, yet something pulled him toward me, and something kept us together.

“What are you thinking about Jasmine, you look like your plotting something?”

I wrapped my hand tighter around his massive hand and leaned over and kissed his neck. I sat there trying to find the right words, the words that would make him fully understand my hearts reaction to him, but I felt like nothing could come close.

“Just thinking about life and what it has offered me. So many times, we wake up and pray for the things that don’t matter or the things that in the end, will be meaningless. But sitting in the car with you right now… it just makes me realize that most of what I have wanted doesn’t matter, it’s the people that we meet, the people that we love, even the ones we hate, they are the ones who shape us, who shape our lives. Like you and me, out of everyone in the world we found each other and that’s a needle in a hay stack. I bet if just one thing in our lives was changed, we wouldn’t be sitting here together today.”

“So are you saying that you’re thankful for porn?” Lanell asked as if he only half way understood where I was going with my statement.

“What I’m saying is that if it weren’t for porn I would have never met you.”

“You never know,” he said with a shrug of his shoulder.

“That’s just it, we will never know. But what we do know is that because of it, I have found you and I’ll always be thankful for that. I can’t really see my life without you now, even if I did have all of this going on with the dancing and the move. I just don’t think that it would be the same without you. It’s almost as if my heart beats for you,” I said looking straight as him. When the words left my mouth he took his eyes off of the road and stared at me. Then he pulled to the side of the road and undid his seatbelt. I took his hand and put it up to my heart as if I was trying to prove my statement true. It wasn’t long before his lips were on mine and my body was on top of his.

“You really wanna do this out here?” he asked, as I pulled up the skirt that I had on and adjusted myself on top of him.

“It’s not like we’re not used to having people watch.”

The cars zoomed by as I unzipped his pants. He pulled off my top and slipped one of my perky breasts from my top and slipped his mouth over my nipple. I moaned as I reached over and turned the volume knob up higher.

“Trying to set the mood?” Lanell asked with a smile.

“You fine as hell, I guess I met you for a reason only time will tell.”

I rapped along with J. Cole as if the lyrics were written for me. And since it was about eight in the morning I asked what Drake and Mr. Cole asked on the song. Can I hit it in the morning? I felt his stiffness between my legs and I was just as ready as he was. I reached down and pulled out the part of his body I wanted inside of me. I smiled at the chocolate thunder that was his dick and knew I was about to get my world rocked. I slid down on his pole really slow, wanting to feel every inch of him in me. As I did my job holding a steady pace, he slipped his hand down and eased the seat down. I lowered my chest back to his mouth and he continued making wetter and wetter. As the songs changed and our love sounds now merged with the song Red Lips off of Trey Songs Passion, Pain, and Pleasure album. We we’re both close to finishing the race. He leaned up and kissed my red lips and made me cum. Within the next minute or so, he followed suit.

*****

The drive from Vegas to Santa Barbara was about five hours, but that didn’t matter. Lanell and I enjoyed each other’s company, sex, and conversation. We talked about the new life we were going to have in Vegas and as far as we both were concerned, the stars were the limit. We checked into the hotel and after showering, we took a short nap. We woke up around four, got ourselves together and went out for lunch.

“I’ve been thinking,” I said before taking a sip of my drink.

“I wanna go shopping and pick up something nice for tonight, plus I want to bring a gift.”

Lanell looked up from his food and smiled before shaking his head.

“What?” I asked with my own smile crawling across my face.

“I remember when we went to that Caribbean day thing and I brought you an outfit to wear, you gave me hell for that shit so I wasn’t even gonna ask if you wanted to shop for…for something more appropriate.”

I laughed. Wow that only seemed like yesterday.

“Well, I was just thinking that the clothes I have with me aren’t right to meet your family in, not with my ass hanging out and all.”

I stood up and turned around so he could see the short shorts that barely covered my round ass.

“And there’s one more thing,” I said while taking my seat. He waited to hear what I had to say.

“Would you mind if we told your family that I was a performer in Vegas instead of the truth? It’s not like we would be completely lying,” I said with a sly smile. I couldn’t tell how he was taking my request. His face was blank and I started to worry that asking him totally was wrong.

“That’s really sweet Jasmine.”

“What?”

“That you want to make a good impression for my folks. That shows that you’re in this 100%.”

I walked over to him and kissed his lips.

“You should never have to wonder Lanell ‘cause you’ll have 100% of my heart always.

*****

“Are you sure this dress is okay, maybe I should have gotten the black one, don’t you think that it shows too much?”

I was freaking out. I must have tried on fifty dresses that afternoon and I still didn’t think that I had gotten the right one.

“Calm down, Jasmine, you look banging baby.”

I smacked my lips and threw my hands on my hips.

“Banging, I didn’t want to look banging, I wanted to look classy,” I said giving myself the one over. The red dress Lanell helped me pick out was tight, strapless, and cut right above my knee. Although this was considered covered up compared to my slut wear, I still felt naked.

“Trust me Jasmine, you’re fine. Plus, I wasn’t gonna have you looking like a grandma. I still want you to look sexy. My dad and brother are going to love you in this dress.”

His joke helped calm my nerves as he came up behind me and wrapped his hands around my waist.

“My family’s gonna love you just like I do. Plus, you never know, you may have a couple of fans there who know your work.”

Now why did he have to go and say that? My face frowned up and worry filled my gut again. He laughed and thought that it was cute, but to me, I was on the verge of throwing up.

*****

“Are you ready?” Lanell asked as he looked over to my shaky leg. We were sitting outside of the restaurant where the dinner for his parents was being held and I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car.

“Just give me a minute.”

He sat there patiently, not wanting to rush or push me too fast. He actually liked the fact that my heart raced and that my legs were shaky.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I say after a few deep breaths. He pulled up to where the boys in red jackets were waiting to park the cars and jumped out. The valet guy walked to my door and opened it. Lanell was there to help me out of the car and held my hand as we entered the restaurant.

“We’re here for the Dash party,” Lanell told the hostess. She led us upstairs to the private room where at least thirty or so people were sitting and talking. I squeezed Lanell’s hand as all heads turned our way and my eyes landed on the two people I knew were his parents.

“Hi, mom, dad, this is Jasmine, my baby.”

I extended my hand first to his mother since she was the closet to me. She smiled sweetly and shook my hand.

Hi, Jasmine, I’m Robin, I love that dress. Did Lanell tell you that red is my favorite color?”

I smiled as I looked into Robin’s eyes. I had seen them before, the way they seemed to look right through you. They were the same gray eyes that Lanell hypnotized me with.

“No, he didn’t tell me that but he did have a heavy hand in picking out the dress. Guess he was covering all angles, huh?”

We all laughed and she swept her hand against his cheek.

“That’s my son, ever so thoughtful; well this is my husband, Tino. My first born takes after him the most, as far as personality.”

As I shook Tino’s hand, I couldn’t help but catch the admiration each had for the other. He and his wife looked at the other as if they had just met yesterday. As if Tino had never seen her naked and fantasized about her body as she spoke to him. I understood why, Robin was still stunning in her fifties. She was tall, about 5’9 with a bee hive complexion. Her hair was short, soft, and cut very stylishly. Her body looked as if she never missed a day at the gym and her shape was that to be envied with her small waist, round behind, long legs and shapely hips. Without knowing her age, no one would ever say that she was a day over 35.

“Wow, son, this girl is gorgeous, she should be in the pictures somewhere, what do you do, Miss Jasmine?”

“I perform in Vegas; I’m a dancer,” I answered, as soon as the question came out of Tino’s mouth.

“That was my dream, you know, to be a showgirl. I even appeared at small clubs around Vegas. I started to make a name for myself and had even been asked to be the understudy for the lead in Medusa.”

I was impressed, that used to be the biggest show in Vegas.

“So what happened, did you say yes?” I asked while totally captivated with the conversation.

“I said yes, but then I found out I was pregnant with Lanell. That was it for me, you know how it is in Vegas, you snooze you lose. So I got married, went back to college, and became a college professor, but a girl can still dream,” she said smiling at what seemed like a distant thought.

“What do you mean dream, you’re a showgirl for me damn near every night,” Lanell’s father said while leaning into his wife and patting her ass. I laughed as Robin blushed and leaned into her husband.

“Damnnnn, dude, who is this?”

Right away I knew that this was Lanell’s younger brother. He was just as fine and looked like he was also molded from his parent’s cloth. Both him and his brother seemed to have gotten the best attributes from the two people they called mom and dad. Tino’s younger son, who was named after him, looked more like him, chiseled face, short haircut that shined with natural waves, and smooth skin with no facial hair. He had his father’s eyes which weren’t gray but were just as sexy as Lanell’s. Both his eyebrows and lashes were dark, full, and soft. He was also tall, I would give him about 6’2 with a body that begged to be touched. Damn, they had some good genes. I knew Robin must have gotten some trouble out of not only her sons, but also their father.

“Jasmine, this is my brother Valentino. Excuse him as he wipes the drool from his mouth.

I watched as Valentino pretended to wipe his mouth, we all laughed.

“You damn right I’m drooling, she’s nice, she should be my date,” Valentino said without taking his eyes off of me.

“And which one of your dates did you bring?” Lanell asked but got no answer.

“Men,” Robin said as she shook her head.

“Hey Jasmine, happy you could come, heard so much about you, maybe we can sit and talk a little later?”

That Valentino was so fine that I melted right into his flirtation. My smile was as big as the whole damn room. I knew it was wrong but it just happened, I couldn’t help it.

“Sure you can talk to us,” I managed to get out. Lanell pulled me closer and wrapped his arm around my waist.

“That’s right, you heard her, US.”

Everyone who was in ear shot giggled. I stood by as Lanell, Valentino, and their mother and father loved on one another with hugs, kisses, and admiration. I could tell that their house was always full of love and happiness. I wished I had that and couldn’t help but hope that his family would become mine.

*****

The whole night was magical. It turned out that I was nervous for no reason at all. Everyone made me feel so at home and welcomed. It was as if I had known them all of my life. By the middle of the night I had talked to virtually everyone there. They all wanted to hear about my life in Vegas and thank God that the things that I did say were true, even if I only did them part-time for the time being. Lanell told his parents the news about the club and they seemed really happy for him. While speaking to a group of teenagers who seemed to be smitten with the thought of the life I lead with their family member, I saw Lanell and his father get up and walk out of the room, probably to go talk about me. Twenty minutes later I saw his father come back without him. I waited another ten minutes before getting up to go look for him. I looked all over and right when I was about to give up, I saw Valentino walking my way.

“You seem lost.”

I got chills as soon as the words left his mouth. It was like déjà vu, his brother had said the same thing to me when we first met.

“No, I’m just looking for Lanell, have you seen him?”

He didn’t answer, he just smiled the said.

“You know Jazzy, my brother really likes you.”

He gently pulled my hand and took me over to the ramp. We stood there overlooking the bottom half of the restaurant.

“I really love him, too; that’s my boo.”

Again, he looked at me with those sexy eyes of his and smiled.

“I’m about to tell you something that I probably shouldn’t but you seem cool enough.”

I held my breath as I waited.

“I’m the only one here, well as far as I know, I’m the only one here who knows what my brother really does. Now if anyone does know, they know better than to bring that shit up. So where I’m trying to get to is that I also know about you.”

I got a knot in my stomach as big as a basketball and he could see that I was uncomfortable.

“No worries,” he said patting my shoulders.

“I’m not one to judge, hell, I’m a fan.”

I smiled at his honesty.

“I don’t know how close you and my brother are but I have a secret life of my own so your secret life is safe with me. Plus I’m told that you won’t be in that life for too long anyways. From what I hear my brother is about to----.”

He stopped talking as something caught his eye. His face became angered and disgusted. I tried to find who or what he was looking at but there were too many people downstairs.

“Excuse me Jazzy, I got to handle something.”

He was running down the stairs before I could even say, “No problem.”

I was about to head back to the party when something caught my own eye. I stopped, did a double take and just stood there. It couldn’t be, wait why is he touching her like that…oh, hell no. I took the stair down slowly making sure not to miss a second of what I was watching. There he was kissing, caressing, and loving on some bitch that I had never seen before. The closer I got the more clear their conversation became.

“When are you gonna move down here and give up that bullshit office job you have out in L.A. I told you that I could get you a job where I’m working, plus I hate spending nights without you. I can’t continue to do this when the baby comes you know?”

I watched as he reached over and rubbed his hands on what looked to be her four or five month pregnant stomach.

“I’m gonna put in my notice soon baby don’t worry about. I know that you need me, and there no way I’m gonna still be in L.A. once my son gets here.”

I should have had steam coming out of my ears. I was so mad that I wanted to run up to his table, pour the drink that I’m sure was an alcoholic beverage on his head, and take the candle that was on the table and light his ass on fire. As they continued to kiss, touch and talk, I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and started to snap pictures. After taking about ten of them, I went to the video button and pressed record. I knew that the sound wouldn’t be that clear but I could always tell Jamar what I heard that asshole saying to his chick on the side. But the question was how in the hell was I going to tell him THIS? Tyree was the love of his life yet there he sat with a girl who was about to have his baby, he was even planning on leaving Jamar to move out to Santa Barbara, and it sounded like his move would be happening soon. FUCK!

After filming two five minute videos I headed back upstairs. I must have looked sick because Lanell came up to me and asked if I was okay.

“Oh…yeah, umm, I’m fine. Where were you, I went looking for you?”

“My dad and I had a talk, then we went to his car 'cause he had to give me something. Are you sure you’re okay?”

My mind was on Jamar at the moment and what I had just seen, but I wasn’t going to bring it up at the party. I quickly kissed his lips and assured him that I was okay. I played normal for the rest of the night. I sat and listened to people talk about how great love was and how Robin and Tino were meant for each other from day one. I smiled and awed at all the right places although my mind was no longer in the room.

*****

The next morning Lanell and I got dressed to have lunch at his parent’s house before he drove me back to L.A. I still hadn’t told him what I saw at the restaurant and since we were in such high spirits, I kept it to myself for the time being. Plus I had slept on it and got over the initial shock of it by the next afternoon.

“My brother said that he spoke to you while I was out talking to my dad?”

He asked this because I had said nothing to him about the conversation with Valentino. He thought that I would be a little upset that his brother knew the truth I tried so hard to hide.

“Yeah, I know that he knows,” I said cutting to the chase.

“I’m so sorry Jasmine, I had told him about you way before so it was too late to lie to him. He’s cool though, we won’t---.”

“Don’t worry about it baby, I know the deal.”

“You do?”

He was shocked.

“Yeah, I know that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I figured that you must have told him about me way before. Plus he said that he’s a fan,” I said laughing.

“He said that shit?” Lanell asked, while shaking his head and smiling.

“Did he tell you what he does?”

“No, but he said that he had his own secrets,” I told him with a growing curiosity.

“What does he do?”

Lanell stared to laugh while I hung on to every one of his words.

“He’s a hoe, a male hoe.”

“WHAT? What do you mean?”

He was really laughing now. My face was priceless.

“He gets paid to sleep with women out in Miami. He gets paid well too. I’m talking trips around the world, cars, jewelry, anything you can think of, he gets it to throw the D.”

I was speechless. He had to be kidding me.

“You think I’m lying don’t you, well go ahead and ask him, he won’t lie to you.”

I must have laughed for the rest of the car ride. Once in front of his parent’s house I collected myself enough to get out of the car.

“You Dash brothers are something else. You’re throwing D your way and his definitely throwing it his way,” I told Lanell with a light chuckle.

“And you love every bit of it,” he said as he rang the doorbell. The whole time at his parents’ house, I couldn’t get Velentino’s profession out of my mind. I smiled every time I pictured him “at work”. It wasn’t such a bad way to occupy my mind at all. At one point in the day Lanell went up to him and whispered something in his ear, and by his brother’s face, I knew that he had told him that I knew about his secret life as a male escort. While Lanell laughed so hard that he had to hold his sides his brother looked at me, smiled, winked, and shook his head yes. From that moment I knew that Lanell hadn’t lied to me.

By that night, I was back in my apartment, in my bed, with Lanell next to me, it had been so long since he had been there and we had come so far from that first night we stayed up talking in my apartment. I wanted him to stay longer but by the next afternoon I was driving him to the airport and saying goodbye to my baby-love. I savored the taste of his honey coated lips and breathed in the scent of his intoxicating cologne. I would miss him just as much as I always did when we were forced to say, “See you soon.”

Chapter 26

“Your boy tried to kill me.”

The stretch limo finally pulled up outside of the hospital. Eddie parked, and ran around to let me out, but I was already opening the door. There were some people standing around outside, who were staring, and trying to figure out who I was, but I seriously doubt any of them recognized me. Since Eddie was so nice, and went out of his way to get me to the hospital as fast as he could I handed him two hundred dollar bills out of the suit case, and then ran inside the emergency room. Inside I had no idea where to go, I was confused and looking around for any sign of direction. DeeDee spotted me before I could grab the nearest nurse.

“Boy, what the fuck took you so long to get here?”

I ignored her question because I was too worried. Plus, she obviously forgot I was at a “business meeting.”

“Where's Tyree? What happened?”

“Shit, I don't know, they've been so busy, and acting like they can't take a second to give a bitch some information.”

“Then how do you know he’s here?”

“The hospital tried calling you a few times, but you didn't pick up, so I'm assuming Tyree had them call me. When I spoke to the lady on the phone, all she would tell me was that Tyree was in a car accident.”

“This is crazy, watch out.”

Without even realizing it, I slightly pushed DeeDee out of the way, so I could get to the nurse's station. The nurse looked up when she heard me coming.

“Excuse me.”

She looked back down and continued writing.

“Miss, I know you heard me. Can you tell me where Tyree Jones is?”

“Who are you looking for?” She asked as if she was annoyed.

I repeated his name, and looked at her like I'm not the one you want to get smart with. Even though I'm as sweet as sugar, I wanted her to know I'd cuss her out.

“He's being seen by a doctor right now.”

“Can I see him?”

“And you are?”

“I'm his boyfriend.”

“Oh, okay. He was asking about you when he arrived, but you can't see him right now. Have a seat and as soon as he's allowed to have visitors, I'll let you know.”

I was frustrated as I turned back around because I had to wait to figure out what the hell happened to Tyree. I started looking for DeeDee to see where she was sitting. When I finally spotted her I stopped in my tracks, and stared at her giving her the evil eye. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to bring Ebony to the hospital with her. I was disgusted and wasn’t prepared to see her, but I finally stormed over to them.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?”

“Calm down Jamar.” DeeDee replied.

“CALM DOWN, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO SEE HER AT WORK, AND NOW YOU BROUGHT HER HERE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”

“Jamar, you haven't even let me explain yet. We were already out getting our nails done when the hospital called. I wasn't going to drive her home then have to come back up here when I was already in the area.”

She stopped talking and turned to look at Ebony.

“See I told your ass to stay in the car.”

Ebony sucked her teeth, and rolled her eyes before responding.

“I told your ass to leave the truck running, but you didn't want to waste your gas. I wasn't staying in that sweat box as hot as it is today.”

DeeDee looked at her like talk to me like that again, and you'll need to be admitted in the ER, so Ebony quickly looked away and put her head down, and went back to playing on her cell phone. By that point everyone in the waiting room was staring at us, so I didn't want to continue causing a scene. The tension was thick, and all three of us were quiet. My thoughts kept shifting from Tyree being hurt, to Tyree fucking that bitch. After about ten minutes Ebony finally looked up and spoke.

“Jamar, can we please talk?”

Was this bitch serious? I thought we were clear that I never wanted to see or speak to her ever again. Then, I figured I would try to embarrass her, and let our audience, who I noticed we’re still looking and listening know the type of person she was.

“Oh, you want to talk, huh? Well, sure we can talk. I see you found someone else to use and live off of. Are you fucking DeeDee’s man when she’s sleeping too?”

“Excuse me, I beg your pardon,” Ebony replied with attitude.

“You heard me.”

DeeDee looked up and turned her head so fast to look at Ebony’s reaction before adding her two cents in.

“We’re waiting.”

“What? Are you serious DeeDee?”

“Hell yeah, answer the question, bitch,” DeeDee replied, with a smirk on her face.

“DeeDee now you know you’re my girl. I would never do anything to betray you.”

“I know I’m just fucking with you. Besides, I would never leave my man alone with you, I know better.”

Ebony’s mouth was wide opened, and she looked surprisingly shocked at DeeDee’s response.

“You better not DeeDee. I was her boy, and you see what she did to me.”

“Oh, I know. I’m not stupid. I learned from your lesson.”

“You two aren’t just going to talk about me like I’m not here.”

“Oh, we know you’re there, whoever you are, because you damn sure aren’t real, or a friend.”

“Look, Jamar I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, and I doubt we’ll be friends again, but I think you should know Tyree was the one who seduced me. I was vulnerable, and missed the feeling of having a man. Someone I could lie in bed with, someone who wanted to hold me, not just fuck me, and then leave me. I also think you should know… I’m still in love with him, and that’s the real reason why I didn’t wait in the car.”

“WHATTTT?” DeeDee screamed out loud.

I didn't know what to say, but I knew what to do. I jumped across the chair and hit Ebony in her face so hard that her head jerked back almost hitting the wall.

“Oh, shit he hit her,” I heard some young guy sitting by us yell out.

While Ebony was trying to figure out what just happened I started choking the shit out of her. I had both hands around her neck squeezing as hard as I could. I wasn't going to kill her, but I wanted that evil bitch to damn near black out before I planned on letting up. The fear I saw in her eyes let me know she'd never test me again.

“Someone help her, he's going to kill her,” some old lady screamed.

Right when I was about to tell her if she even looked at Tyree again I'd kill her, two hot males nurses, one white, one black, came out of nowhere and pulled me off of her.

“Here take my keys and go wait out in the car, but you're filling my gas tank up when we leave. Trust me you'll thank me later because that death stare that Jamar is giving you doesn't look good,” DeeDee said as she interrupted my daydream, bringing me back to reality.

“You low down, dirty, disgusting bitch, you're lucky we are in a room full of people right now, especially those nurses because I was a millisecond away from jumping up, and if I did, I was gonna try MY BEST to fuck you up.”

“I wish you wou...”

Before Ebony could finish her comment, DeeDee covered her mouth with her hand.

“Girl, take your disrespectful ass out to the car right now, you know you're wrong for that shit. Now I'm starting to get pissed,” DeeDee said as she was damn near pushing Ebony up out of her chair. I didn’t even think about what I did next, but as Ebony walked in front of my chair, I stuck my leg out causing her to trip up; but that lucky bitch didn't fall on her face like I pictured, she was able to catch her balance.

“You're lucky I didn't fall.”

“No, you're lucky I didn't choke the shit out of you.”

“It's all good, you'll never have what your man really desires, and you'll end up all alone and devastated… eventually.”

That hoe hit a nerve in me that made me jump up, but before I could do anything DeeDee grabbed me, and held me back. Ebony strutted away laughing as if she knew something I didn't know.

“DeeDee, you better control your bitch.”

“Don't worry about it Jamar, she's gone. Trust me, I had no idea she would take it there. I pictured that going totally different in my head. I really wanted her to wait in my truck, but when she refused I thought it would be the perfect time for you two to talk. I assumed she'd apologize, or if anything cry and beg for your forgiveness.”

Before I could reply my thoughts were interrupted.

“Excuse me. Is everything okay over here?”

Neither one of us replied. DeeDee and I just looked at the nurse like she should mind her own business.

“Well anyway I just wanted to let you know that Mr. Jones is okay, and he can have visitors now.”

The nurse didn’t say anything else she just led the way to Tyree’s room. As soon as I entered I was relieved to see that he was up and he seemed okay, but I was sad when I saw that he was all bandaged up, and his arm was in a cast. He smiled as soon as he saw me, which let me know everything would be all right. However, I still wanted to know how he ended up in the hospital.

“Oh, my God, Tyree are you okay?” I asked as I grabbed his hand, and gently kissed him on the lips.

“Yeah, I’m okay now, thank God.”

“Baby, what happened?” I asked softly and sincerely as my eyes started to get watery as I looked at the love of my life laid up in a hospital bed.

“Your boy tried to kill me.”

“My boy? What are you talking about?”

I was so lost, and confused. I wished he’d spit it out already.

“Karma, he tried to kill me.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

None of it made sense to me. I’ve always thought Karma was a little off, but why would he want to hurt Tyree? I didn’t think he was capable of killing someone, but then again how well did I really know him?

“Well, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but he got arrested, so the police are investigating it. They should be questioning him as we speak.”

“Are you serious? Tell us everything and start from the beginning.”

“Well, he called and asked me if I wanted to go out for some drinks and get high. I was finished with work and bored so I decided to go. Everything was good at first. We had lunch, laughed, and talked like we’ve been boys for years. That was until he got a few drinks in him, and sniffed some coke. After that he wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

*****

Karma and I left the sports bar, both feeling good and tipsy. Before we pulled out of the parking lot we decided to smoke a blunt in Blaze’s truck first.

“So how long have you and Jamar been dating?”

“About two years now, why?”

“I’m just wondering. How is everything going between you two? I heard you go out of town a lot?”

If this dude keeps asking me about Jamar I’m calling it a night. I came out to have fun, not talk about my relationship.

“Were doing great, are you writing a book about us or something? Damn you ask a lot of questions.”

“What’s Jamar’s favorite kind of cologne?”

What the fuck? This dude’s mind is all over the place. What the fuck was he snorting earlier, because he is not the same person I was speaking to earlier.

“Yo, why the fuck do you keep asking questions about my boy?”

“Don't get buck, Tyree, I'm asking because now that I'm dating Blaze, I wanna know how long the honeymoon phase will last.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I see the way you look at Krave, I mean Jamar as if he's just your boy, and not you lover. You even called him that yourself. If I had a man as fine as him I'd be staring him down, and making love to him 24-7. Since you're not doing those things, there has to be someone else in the picture.”

“Nigga, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and you don't know my life. Take me the fuck home before we have a problem.”

“Look, I wasn't trying to make you mad; I was just stating the obvious and trying to look out for Jamar.”

“Damn, he must've really dicked you down cuz you're on his dick hard.”

“If you really want to know he did work me over, I can't stop thinking about it. I've been trying to get Breeze to set up another scene for us, but he said Jamar's schedule is too full right now.”

Hold up he's sweating Jamar? I'm the light skin, big dick, pretty nigga at Fantasy Pictures. He should be sweating me. Something isn't right here, but I know how to fix that.

“The reason you're all on Jamar's dick is because you haven't had mine yet.”

I didn't even bother to look at his reaction, or wait to hear his response. I just pulled my semi hard dick out and started jerking it until my shit was on rock. I knew his young and willing ass wouldn't be able to resist it.

“Oh, my God, you're dick is huge! I remember seeing it once in a picture on the company website, and thought it was big and now that I've seen it in person I don’t know how anyone can take that shit.”

I didn't say anything because I could tell by the lust filled look in his eyes he wanted it. I grabbed his small smooth hand, and put it on my dick. He couldn't even close his hand around my thick piece. He didn't reject my invitation and he knew exactly what to do with it. He stroked it a few times instead of instantly going down on me, because he didn't want to look so hungry, but just as I thought he had to have it. His oral skills were okay. I could tell he wasn't used to dicks my size; but I knew with time he'd be on Supa head’s status. While he was serving me up, I stuck my hands down the back of his jeans and started rubbing on his smooth bubble butt. I couldn't resist playing with his hole, so I put two of my fingers in my mouth to get them nice and wet before I started exploring. Feeling how tight he was inside made me crave more than just head. I knew Blaze had condoms and lube in his glove department from hanging out and fucking him in the past. That freak was always prepared and never left home without them. I reached forward, and opened up the glove box so I could get the items I needed.

“Take off your clothes nigga and get in the back, oh, and put the seats down,” I demanded.

“Huh, for what? I can finish this up here?”

“Don't play dumb nigga, you know why. Besides, I rarely cum from head.”

“I don't think I can take your dick, it's too big.”

“Yo, hurry the fuck up and stop playing. I need to get home soon, and don't worry I'll be gentle.”

I was lying. I couldn't tell you how many times I've used that line on bitches, and as soon as I was in deep enough I'd beat it up. Nine times out of ten they'd cum quick from my stroke game and moan out in ecstasy begging me not to stop; but not Karma, he kept squirming and running from me, he was too tense from the thought of us getting caught.

“I swear to God, yo, if you don't stay still and let me get it, I'm gon' rape your ass.”

“I'm trying, but it hurts,” he pleaded.

“Well, just fucking relax already, no one is going to catch us. Get high again if you have to.”

Sure enough he reached in his pants pocket, pulled out a baggie, made two long straight lines of white powder, rolled up a 20 dollar bill in the shape of a straw, and sniffed both lines up his nose. I watched as his eyes rolled up in the back of his head, he was feeling the effects, so I knew he'd be ready for me now. I bent him over and didn't waste any time getting back inside of him. Now Karma was taking my dick like a pro. Once he started moaning I sped up and was banging his back out as hard as I could. His moans would turn into screams, then back into moans over and over again. I pushed him down so he was lying flat on his stomach and went to work for at least 20 minutes straight, as his high came down he would try to get up, or move but I'd push him right back down, hold him still, and keep going. It was so good that I wished I could've used him for my pleasure all day, but happy hour was starting and the crowds were coming in and out of the bar so I had to force myself to cum, however it didn't take much effort since I had been holding out for a while. After I pulled out, I took off the cum-filled condom, wrapped it up in some napkins, and threw it out the window. I quickly got dressed and realized   Karma was still lying down and lightly moaning.

“Mannnn, what the fuck are you doing? Hurry up and get dressed. I told you ass already I don't have all night. I wanna get home before Jamar does.”

Karma slowly got up to put his clothes on. I knew by looking at his body language, and from experience, that I stretched him out good and he'd feel me inside of him for the next day or two. I left my mark hoping he'd forget all about Jamar, but I didn't get what I had hoped for. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, that little motherfucka still asked me questions about my boy.

“So do you think if I break up with Blaze, we, meaning you, Jamar, and myself could work something out? I'd loved to date you both, we could do threesomes, or I’ll be there when one of you isn't in the mood, or when you're out of town I'll fulfill Jamar's needs.”

“Look, shorty, it ain't happening point blank. Jamar is crazy in love with me, and I already got too much going on to deal with you. Just stay with Blaze and hope and pray you get to film some movies with us from time to time.”

“Okay, I see how you are now.”

“Whatever, it is what it is, so stop with the fucking questions already?”

“Fine, but I have to ask you one last question.”

“WHAT, YO?”

Okay, now his drunk ass was irritating the fuck outta me. I started thinking I should've just caught a cab home.

“Do you think if you weren't in the picture Jamar would consider dating me?”

I noticed as he asked his last question, he started speeding up. By the time I looked forward and realized we were going through a red light, I had no reaction time and couldn't do anything so I tensed up. I heard and felt the strong impact on my right side before I blacked out from either the force, out of fear, or both.

“So you mean to tell me, you had a few drinks, and as soon as you left the bar he tried to kill you by running a red light?”

“That's exactly what happened.”

“Did you ever think that he was just too drunk and too high to drive and you should've called for a cab?”

“Ever since I came to I wished I had, but the more I think about it I'm convinced he tried to kill me.”

“Baby, Karma is definitely a little strange, but he wouldn't risk killing himself or going to jail for murdering someone right after hanging out with the person. It was an accident.”

“Whatever, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.”

I felt like Tyree wasn't telling me the whole story, but there wasn't much I could do about it. He rolled his eyes, and started getting frustrated like a bitch, and didn't want to talk about it anymore. At that moment I thought about my mother, because she would always say “What is done in the dark will come to light.”

“Well, Ty, I'm glad you're alive, and I hope everything is going to be okay. I gotta get outta here. I don't like hospitals; Lord knows I've been to enough of them, and who knows what Ebony is doing in my truck. She might've fucked around and left me.”

“A'ight, DeeDee, thanks for coming and for calling Jamar. Oh, and...never mind, I'll holla at you later.”

DeeDee gave me a hug and told me to be safe, and that she'd call me later. The nurse walked back in and said Tyree would have to stay overnight because they were waiting on the x-ray results. The doctor wanted to make sure there was no internal bleeding, or other serious injuries. Tyree told me to go ahead and go home, but there was no way I was leaving my man like that. I gave him a kiss, caught a cab home to put my suitcase in a safe hiding spot until I could get to the bank, I sent Mr. Visage a text explaining what happened, apologized for the way I left, and told him next time I’d turn my phone off and he'd have me all to himself. Then, I finally grabbed some clean clothes for Tyree and myself and headed back to the hospital. As I walked back in his room he asked if I had any weed on me, and we both laughed. I apologized for forgetting his favorite thing, gave him a kiss, and finally I lied up next to him and we watched some TV until we fell asleep.

Chapter 27

“I’m sorry Jamar but I had to tell you.”

I spent the day after Lanell left at the spa. I pampered myself by getting a full body massage, my hair and nails done, a facial, and full body wax. Once I was done and dressed, it was around six in the evening and I got a strong urge to see my friends. I hadn’t seen them since the whole fiasco at the warehouse so I gave them a call. I dialed DeeDee first.

“Hey bitch, whatcha doin'?”

“Not a damn thing. Bobby and I just came from an early dinner since he got to work tonight, why, you wanna hang?”

“Hell yeah, I’m gonna call Jamar and see what’s up with him, but I’m gonna tell him to meet us a half an hour later ‘cause we need to talk.”

The words hadn’t even left my mouth yet and she was already asking what I needed to talk to her about.

“Just get over to my house. I’m leaving the spa now, and if you can, stop and get that from Blaze---.”

“Owww, girl, I’m on my way and I just re-upped, so we're good on the green.”

I got into the car before calling Jamar. I knew that I needed to tell him about Tyree but still didn’t know how he was going to take it.

“Hey lover, where you been, I can’t even get a phone call or nothing?” I asked before laughing. I knew that this is what he was planning on saying to me so I beat him to the punch.

“Bitch please, you get with Lust and it’s like “Fuck the rest of the world”. You know I was only giving you one more day before I got real nasty on you answering machine, right?”

“I know, I know, but you know how it is?” I asked but wanted to yank my tongue out right after I said it. Here I was about to break this horrible news to him yet I’m telling him he knows what it’s like to be with the man you love.

“So what are you doing today, feel like hanging out?” I asked as if I was erasing my slip of the tongue.

“I’m game, plus I have some shit I gotta tell you. Some crazy things have been going on and you know I need your ear.”

Damn I hope he didn’t want to speak to me alone, I had already invited DeeDee.

“I already asked DeeDee to come, is that okay?”

“Oh, yeah that’s cool, plus she already knows what’s up.”

I told him to meet me at my house in an hour or so. I wanted to have plenty of time to talk to DeeDee.

By the time I got home DeeDee was already there waiting for me. I could tell that she was dying to know what I wanted to talk to her about.

“Damn girl, what did you do, fly over?” I asked as I greeted her with a hug and friendly kiss. She was as stunning as always. Tall, smooth cocoa skin, regal, and almost queen like, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even her stance was strong, giving off an air of importance. Her cat-like arrogance dared to be offended and slowed you down. She made you feel like nothing about her was to be missed, and therefore you had to stop and look.

“You know I got to get my news hot off the press. Now let’s go upstairs, roll up, smoke, up and spill the motha-fuckin' beans.”

*****

I sat there and watched DeeDee lick, split, fill, and roll the long game blunt and admired her skills. We all knew that if you wanted a well rolled fat blunt, call on her.

“So, go ahead and let it out, I’m about to light up.”

I still said nothing. I didn’t speak until I felt the effect of the herb seep through my body. The feeling of clarity yet fogginess relaxed me and I knew that I was ready to talk.

“Well after Vegas, Lanell asked me to go to Santa Barbara to a family thing and I said yes.”

“Ooookaaaayyy,” she said, drawing out the word, prompting me to get to the point.

“Well, while there, I saw Tyree with someone else.”

She took in a deep drag only to choke on it as I finished my sentence. She passed me the blunt and tried to clear her throat before said, “What do you mean, who in the hell was he with?”

Telling her wouldn’t give the effect that I wanted so I took out my phone and showed her the pictures that I had taken.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”

I put my finger up to my lips and shushed her. I didn’t want Jamar to arrive and hear our conversation. I went over what I saw at the restaurant and still tried to make sense of it myself.

“You mean to tell me that he’s really not gay, but what about Jamar, that’s his boyfriend?”

DeeDee was just as confused as me. She spent the next ten minutes asking questions I had no answers to.

“So how are you gonna tell him this shit?”

DeeDee started to roll two more blunts but I stopped her.

“Go ahead and make that three, he’ll be here soon and he’s going to need it more than us. As far as how I’m gonna tell him, I still don’t know.”

“This nigga is just triflin’. How he gonna have a girl all this time and do what he does? Plus she’s about to have a baby…I don’t think any of us really knows that dude. If he could do something like this…what won’t he do?”

I sat there in my haze filled rage and hated Tyree more than I ever did. Not only was he betraying my friend but now I was dragged into it by error. Now I had to be the one to break what I’m sure would be devastating news, fucking asshole.

When Jamar knocked on the door, it was like a rude awakening. I knew that the time had come and I needed to shit or get off of the pot.

“You sure you don’t want to tell him?” I asked DeeDee even though I knew that I had to be the one to do it. I just wanted to see if she would take the bait and somehow save me from being the bearer of bad news.

“Girl…no I not telling him that shit, plus you are the one who was there, you heard everything firsthand, sorry, but you gotta do it.”

She was right, there was no use trying to find an out.

“Hey lover, missed you,” I said to him as I gave him a tight hug. My heart was racing as if I had run ten miles, but I didn’t let it show.

“Oh, you miss me now? What about when you were under Lust getting dicked down, did you think of me then?” he asked and waited for me to answer.

“Hell no, I was thinking about Lanell, and only Lanell,” I said as we took our seats. DeeDee handed him the long fat blunt she rolled for him and I picked up my own. We all lit up and within ten minutes Jamar was filling me in about what went down when I was gone.

“You mean that dude I pushed into the pool at your barbeque?”

He didn’t seem so crazy to me then, but I didn’t know him so I couldn’t say.

“Yes girl, and now he’s at my house all of the time and pushing up on me. I liked it at first but once I realized that he was crazy and stalking me, I was so over it.”

“So how do you know that he crashed the car on purpose?”

Jamar took a big pull off of his blunt before answering me.

“I don’t,” he said in the “I have smoke in my lung” voice.

“That’s why I haven’t really gone to the cops. Even Tyree’s confuse about the whole thing. My baby was in so much pain when I got to the hospital. I almost lost my shit on the drive there.”

“Damn Jamar, why didn’t you call me?”

I could hear the emotion in his voice when he talked about Tyree. This was making it harder for me to tell him.

“I knew you were with your man, I didn’t want to ruin that time for you since it’s so far and few. Plus DeeDee was there. I knew that she would have my back if I went crazy.”

“That’s right, you know I got your back,” DeeDee said slapping five with him.

“I know, but you ain’t have to bring Ebony’s ass with you.”

I almost spit out my diet coke.

“She brought who?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I wish I was there for that confrontation.

“Okay, okay, I didn’t think. But, she said she wanted to go and see if he was okay---”

“Of course she did,” I said between laughter.

“No, that’s not all, she said she also wanted to speak to Jamar and apologize. She’s really been talking about how sorry she is about everything.”

Jamar and I looked at each other and laughed.

“Fuck that bitch, she should be sorry. Just as sorry as he should be.”

That slipped. I didn’t mean to say it…but I did.

“You’re right, but I was just trying to dead all the bullshit. I just thought that we could air things out and even if they were never friends again, well maybe they could be.”

“Could be what, friends?” Jamar asked with a disgusted face.

“HELL NO, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.”

I smoked and laughed to myself. I guess it’s easier forgiving a lover than it is a friend.

“So, what’s been going on with you?” Jamar asked after going over all of the things I missed while out of town. DeeDee looked over at me and I knew what she was thinking.

“Why don’t you roll us another round of blunts, I’ll get us some more drinks?”

I went into the kitchen and took out the strong stuff. I took out the martini glasses, but then said fuck it; I took the long glasses instead. I made three very strong pomegranate martinis and filled the glasses up to the brim.

“Hey DeeDee, would you mind helping me?” I asked as Jamar headed to the bathroom. I waited for the sound of the door closing before freaking out.

“I don’t think that I can tell him. Did you hear how he was talking, my baby this, and my boo that? There’s no way I can deliver this blow.”

DeeDee looked at me as if she wanted to slap me. I was really freaking out. My hands were shaking and my heart was still beating out of control.

“He has to know Jazzy, you gotta tell him. You saw that shit with your own two eyes, it’s not like you’re making it up, he has to know who he’s dealing with.”

That shit was easy for her to say, she didn’t have to do anything but sit back and watch the fireworks.

“Okay, okay, just help me bring these in.”

We went back to the living room and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. I waited for both him and me to finish our drinks, and as the cigar wrapper inched its way closer to our flesh, I decide to speak or forever hold my peace. I started out by telling him about my time with Lanell, about the club we planned on opening, and then the anniversary dinner.

“Damn, Jazzy, that dude really loves you. I can’t believe he wants to open a club with you, plus to name it after you; that’s so nice. You know I’m going to be there all the time, do Tyree and I get free drinks?” he asked while smiling from ear to ear.

“What about me, you know I’m gonna be there at least twice a month, with or without Bobby?”

“Free drinks for everyone,” I told both him and DeeDee. Now why did he have to add Tyree in the mix?

“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?”

I could have killed DeeDee, but she must have sensed my reluctance to spill the beans.

“Who, don’t tell me you ran into Tyree. He was there this past weekend working?”

The room seemed to be closing in. I fidgeted with my shirt as he waited on my answer.

“Well…who was it?”

“I did see him, Tyree I mean. He was at the restaurant.”

“Okayyyyyy?”

It was more of a question then a statement. He could tell that everything wasn’t kosher by my tone and facial expression and he wanted to know what was up.

“He didn’t tell me that he ran into you. He didn’t say anything rude to you did he?”

I shifted in my seat as I waited for the right words to come to mind.

“Ummm, no he wasn’t rude. As a matter of fact, he didn’t see me at all, but I did see him.

“Okayyyy.”

Again, he waited for more information

“Well, I was talking to Lanell’s brother when I happened to look down and saw Tyree at the table with this girl…a pregnant girl. And he, well he, from what it looked like to me...”

“What did it look like?” Jamar asked standing up.

“I think that he was with her, like dating her.”

I spit the words out so fast that I was surprised I didn’t get tongue tied.

Jamar stared to laugh. I must have sound really crazy to him. Tyree with a girl, please, he was gay, he was his lover, his man, his love. But could he have forgotten about Ebony? I knew he didn’t, we were just talking about her. It had to be denial.

“Maybe he was hanging with someone from work. You know that they do all type of movies now, maybe she was some pregnant freak that he worked with or something.”

As he sat back down, I stood up and walked over to him with my phone in hand. I pushed play on the first video and as it ended, I played the next.

“I know that it’s hard to hear but if you listen closely, you’ll hear her ask when he’s going to be moving down there, he tells her that he’s gonna put in his notice soon.”

Jamar replayed both of the videos at least three times each. I watched as his hand clung to the phone as they uncontrollably trembled. His breathing was coming in faster and his eyes weld up with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Jamar, but I had to tell you.”

I was sitting on the arm of the chair as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. I could feel the rage filled tremors that ran through his body.

“Is that it?” he asked as he tried so desperately to keep himself together.

“There are pictures too.”

Jamar didn’t wait for me to show them to him, he went through my phone and looked them up himself. One by one he saw the love of his life, kissing, touching, and loving on the mystery girl. My heart hurt for him as the tears really started to fall.

“How could that motherfucker do this to me? I gave him everything, and he told me that Ebony would be his last time, and now this?”

DeeDee and I just sat there not knowing what to say. What do you say in this situation? He paced my living room fuming, disgusted, and ready to kill. We consoled him for the next thirty minutes or so but I don’t think that we were much help. After a while, we just sat back, smoked, drank, and listened.

“You know what, fuck this? Fuck him, fuck our relationship and fuck love. I’m over this bullshit. I’m over crying for this no good motherfucker when he clearly doesn’t give a fuck, and that bitch is HAVING HIS BABY?”

He half way yelled as he wiped his tears away. I watched him closely, trying to figure out if he was just putting on a show for us, trying to prove that he’s not some love sick puppy who was hurt and confused. I watched his eyes, his hands, and his body trying to find a lie, a hidden truth about his real emotions that he was maybe trying to bury. However, the scary thing is, I couldn’t find it. Yes he was upset and hurt but that was just on the surface, the expected. What wasn’t the norm was how fast he was to be able to shove the hurt aside and lean on the anger.

“So, what are you two trying to do tonight, and please don’t say nothing ‘cause if I go home I’m liable to kill that nigga.”

So we did what any good friend would do, we stayed with him, ordered in food, and got fucked up.

*****

I heard from Jamar every day for the next week and that night, he was going to a club appearance that was being held in the heart of L.A. with me. I had been on the phone with him night and day since I gave him the bad news. That really didn’t bother me, he was a friend who needed me, and I would be there at two in the morning or two in the middle of the day. What was bothering me was that I really hadn’t heard from Lanell. A call here and there but not like we used to communicate, I was used to hearing from him 3, 4, 5 times a day. Now it had been two full days since his last call, and I was losing my mind. I only had two days till I would go to Vegas and see him but I didn’t like this not calling business. I needed my Lanell fix so what did I do, I persistently called hoping that I would hear his voice.

“Hey, I can’t talk, leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

Again, his fucking voicemail, I can’t take this shit.

“So are you ready?” Jamar asked as he picked up my duffle bag. I nodded yes and was out of the door before my thoughts caught back up with me again.

In the car, I asked Jamar how things were going at home. I need to talk to stop myself from thinking.

“I still haven’t said anything to him. I feel like if I do, I’m gonna explode and stab him, or worse. I just need time to figure out how to handle things.

“What, you gonna go to jail over some dude, please, dick ain’t worth all of that?”

I said as I rolled my eyes.

“This is no longer about dick; it’s about the betrayal, the dishonesty, and the knife in my motherfucking back. He walks around the house as if he’s not living a double life, like he doesn’t have a baby on the way with a fucking FEMALE. Every time I look at him…I just wanna, I wanna fucking light him on fire.”

I smiled as I watched Jamar white knuckled the steering wheel. That was the same feeling I had in the restaurant.

“You must think I’m crazy, huh, talking about burning my man and all?”

He caught me smiling and felt like I was judging him. He didn’t want me to see him like this but he couldn’t help it. When it comes to the matter of the heart, no one should be held accountable for the unstable thoughts that creep through their minds. In that state, we are all unhealthy, unbalanced, and incapable of making the right choices, but then again, what about the people who are able to stay calm. The ones who don’t let their broken hearts lead them down that slippery slope that is stained with blood, lined with dead bodies, decorated with fragments of traumatized hearts, and the keeper of the insane and the irrational mind. What about those people who left that road untraveled, and where were they, where did they hide, where was the sanity that housed their minds? How could I get it, see it, learn it. How could I find them so that maybe they could tell me what their secret was? How were they able to handle the hurt that had your insides feeling like it had evaporated? The hurt that actually gives you chest pains, as if all of the love you had to offer was dead and gone. Where were they, ‘cause I sure as hell never met them, never seen them, and didn’t understand them? So I listened to his rant and prayed that sometime soon, he would be the chemically balanced Jamar he always was.

*****

“Damn, girl this place is packed, are you nervous?” Jamar asked as he came into the tiny locker room that held half naked stripper who click-clacked in and out as their names were announced. I looked around and tried to wish myself to the Black Oasis. It was nothing like this hole in the wall. There I had my own dressing room, my own bathroom, and the dressing room there was nicely decorated.

“Why are you looking like that, it’s not that bad in here,” Jamar said as he noticed the disgust in my eyes.

Granted, it wasn’t that bad. It was clean and…and it was considered high class for a strip club. Truth be told, I would have been happy performing here a few months ago. It really wasn’t the hole in the wall I was making it out to be but compared to Vegas, it was trash.

“I know, I’m just tripping, used to the high life now,” I said as I spoke in proper English voice.

“It’s gonna be okay. You just have to put on a 20 minute set or so and that will be it. After signing a couple of DVD’s and magazine covers, you’ll be done.”

He was right; there really wasn’t nothing much to it. So I told myself to cheer up. I was lucky to be making seven thousand for about two hours of work. Plus, it wasn’t the club that had me feeling down, it was the lack of Lanell’s calls.

“Two minutes Jezebel,” the guy who was running the show announced. Jamar walked me stage side and went and took his seat. I looked out and saw a full house. I shook the nerves off and waited for the DJ to call my name. The music came on and I got ready. Rude Boy by Rihanna came on and I walked out and went to work.

“Come here, rude boy, boy, can you get it up? Come here rude boy, boy, is you big enough?”

I let her seductive lyrics take over me and I became the secret slut Breeze groomed me to be. I swayed my hips, rode the pole, climbed it, slid down, spread my legs, and popped my ass like a seasoned stripper. Men came up to the stage and slipped five, 10, 20, and 50 dollar bills down my G-string and top. Once the second song ended and Do I, by Alice Smith came on per my song request list, I slowed things down as she sang.

“I must express the way it feels to ride all day, without a care, conversation and a coffee.”

I swung my hair, took off my top and crawled over to a hand I saw holding a one hundred dollar bill. I sat at the edge of the stage and spread my legs and wined my hips to the beat. Once my big tipper leaned forward, I saw his face. It was Breeze, almost salivating over what used to be his. I felt his chilled hand slide up my thigh as his eyes fucked me. As the music played, under the dimmed lights, and the absence of Lanell’s affection, I reminisced on the lust we had. I turned over and got on my knees, his favorite position. I leaned over, made my chin touch the stage, and as Suitelady by Maxwell came one, I did a split and worked my ass.

“It’s been so long since I have got you lady, since I have had your brown legs wrapped around me. The smell of she just drives me crazy, imagine what the sight of her can do, wooo.”

Damn, was that song true to form? He stood up and without me knowing, grabbed me and turned me around. I watched as the security guard headed toward the stage only to be stopped by the owner. Breeze was the prince on Tinsel Town and could do whatever the fuck her wanted, and he knew that too.

He pulled me close and with his right hand pushed my chest down, asking me to lie back without words. As Maxwell sang about not being the type of guy who would want to settle down, Breeze lifted my left leg and put it on his shoulder.

“Love can do, me and you.”

The song was our soundtrack as he leaned into my foot and kissed from my high heeled toes, up to my thigh. The club was on fire as the patrons looked on wishing that they had the power to do what he was doing. Once he got to my garter, he leaned back up, stuck another hundred dollar bill in it and took his seat. I had to force myself to stand up without falling. Breeze was a slimy bastard but he did know how to turn my freak button on high. The last song I had chosen, Pay Me by Miguel was coming on as I got back on the pole and sped up my pace. I tried to let the music take hold of me and prayed that it would block any further thoughts of Breeze fucking me.

“Give me Pound, give me Pound, give me Euro, give me Yen. I’m international baby, I’m international baby, I’m international baby, I’m international pay me.”

It wasn’t easy getting my energy back up to a level ten after almost cumming right there on the stage, but I did. I worked my shit as I stole glances at the devil I loved to hate. He was back to playing his game of human chess and yet again, I was his queen to be had.

*****

“Girlllllll,” Jamar said, as he burst into the locker room.

“What the fuck was that about, you and Breeze. People were going crazy off of that’s shit?”

“I don’t even know, it just happened, did you see him out there when you when and sat down?” I asked as I cleaned myself up and changed clothes. I went from my thong to a Fantasy Pictures baby-tee; very short shorts, and the staple six-inch clear stripper platform heels.

“Nah, I didn’t see him at all but you two were on fire. You could feel the sexual tension between y’all. Thank god Lust, I mean Lanell wasn’t here.”

He corrected himself after he remembered me asking him to call my man by his real name and not his porn name. Calling him Lust was okay, but I now knew his real name, and hearing it was music to my ears.

“Well, that’s all it is, tension,” I said, trying to convince myself more than him.

“Yeah, okay, but I know what I saw. You two were ready to fuck the brakes off of each other.”

“Okay, Jazz, they’ll be ready for you in a minute or two. They’re getting the table ready now. Do you still want to come out to Lady’s Yankin’?”

I told him yes as Jamar and I laughed.

“You’re not really gonna walk out to that song are you?”

I stood up and threw my hands on my hips.

“You should have never put me on to it; I can’t get it out of my head. It’s your fault so suffer through it.”

That was my new ghetto anthem. It was country, had a tight beat, and was nasty. What else did you need in a strip club named Down South Sexy? They were known to have the fattest asses that were imported from the south.

“I can’t even lie, I fuck betta when I’m drinkin’, ride dick like a pro, throw the pussy like I’m famous.”

I bobbed my head to the beat as I walked out and took my seat at the table. There was a long line of people waiting for the sign and meet and I would deliver on every level. I stayed until everyone in line was served. I looked around for Breeze while I met my fans but there was no sign of him, he was long gone.

*****

“Hey Lanell, I don’t know what’s going on but you need to call me, are you okay…just call and at least let me know if you’re okay.”

I ended the call and thought about calling again but what good would that do? I had heard from him only twice in the past week and the last call a day and a half ago was short…way too short for my liking. The phone rang, I picked up, and he was brief.

“Hey Jasmine, how have you been?”

How have I been? I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself but instead I stayed cool.

“Been doing okay, also been wondering where you’ve been. What keeping you from calling?”

He took in a deep breath but didn’t say anything and I wasn’t in the mood for his guessing game.

“Is there something wrong, if there is, you should just tell me? I thought things were going good, but now, now you don’t even call. What about our plans, our future---?”

My mouth was moving faster than my brain and he could hear the confusion in my voice.

“I can’t really talk but it’s not what you’re thinking. You’re still my love, but look, I gotta go. Just know---.”

Now it was my turn to cut him off.

“Will I see you in Vegas?”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

“Well---.”

CLICK, he had hung up. WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? This was not like him. He was holding things from me, hanging up on me, and not fucking calling.

Shit, I had to go. The time on my phone read 10:00AM and I was set to fly out of L.A. in the next hour. I grabbed my suit case and ran out of my apartment to the waiting car. And although I was in a limo, flew to Vegas on a privet jet, and had a room reserved at a top hotel, I wasn’t happy. And I wasn’t going to be any happier once I got there either. Lanell wasn’t waiting for me at the airport as usual, nor was he at the hotel. I put my bags away and went down to the front desk.

“Has anyone been here asking for me?” I asked the young black girl who was juggling the phones and live customers. She took my name and typed it into the computer.

“No, there are no messages here saying that someone was here for you. But you can check back with us in another hour. Tina went to lunch, maybe she would know.”

She was nice and all but I wasn’t in the mood. I walked away from her fuming. I went back to my room and blew his phone up to no avail.

*****

Later that day I went into the Black Oasis for rehearsal. My mood was still foul and performing was the last thing on my mind.

“Okay, take five,” the choreographer said as I missed another step. I went straight to my dressing room and dialed his number again. This time I got a hello.

“Lanell?”

“Bitch, you know this ain’t no mothafuckin’ Lanell.”

I started to hyperventilate.

“Who in the hell is this?”

“Who do you think this is?”

I could tell that she was smiling as she asked me this and it made my blood boil.

“I don’t have time for your fucking games, put Lanell on the phone,” I demanded.

“Oh, listen to this, you’re asking ME to put MY husband on the phone?” she asked in a sarcastic tone.

“YOU FUCKING RIGHT I AM,” I was staring to yell without even realizing it.

“And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“I’m the new bitch; you’re the old bitch so get over it. So now that we have the introductions out of the way, give him the phone,” I said as I tried to get some air in my lungs.

“Well, old must be new again ‘cause he’s here in my house, I’m in my bed.”

CLICK, she hung up. I looked at my phone and threw it against the wall that was outside of my dressing room. I watched it shatter and didn’t give a shit about it either. I picked up the closet thing beside me, which happen to be a vase with fresh flowers in it, and chucked that at the wall too.

“Are you okay?”

Scarlett, my understudy happened to be walking by and ran into the room.

“What’s wrong Jazzy, wait, try and calm down.”

I was crying, screaming, and shaking all at once. My knees buckled and I slid down to the floor with her help. I cried in her arms as I tried to get her to understand, but I kept repeating the same thing over and over.

“Her house, her bed, her house, her bed.”

I looked into her eyes and saw fear. She must have thought that I had lost my mind.

“Whose house, whose bed? What are you talking about?”

“Her, he’s with her, at her house, in her bed.”

Over and over we had the same conversation. After a while she just stopped asking who, why, and what and just consoled me. I never went back out to rehearsal but I did perform the next day. I managed to get a standing ovation even though I felt like a zombie, the walking dead with no heart and soul.

Chapter 28

“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?”

I was so relieved when Tyree was released from the hospital. I needed a hot shower, and I wanted to spread out and take a nap on my king size bed. Thankfully, Tyree wasn't seriously hurt; he just had a broken arm, a couple of bruised ribs, a mild concussion, and some minor cuts from the shattered glass. I prayed the night before, thanking God for not taking him away from me so soon. For the next couple of days, I catered to Tyree’s every need before and after work. While at Fantasy Pictures I had to not only film the movies I was scheduled for, but I had to fill in for Tyree's shoots as well. I was so worn out that I had to take some Viagra pills Breeze gave me just to keep it up. By the fifth day Mr. Cappello set up a hospital scene so Tyree could still go into work and star in a movie. Tyree was the patient and I was the male nurse seducing him while he was “drugged up on medication”. Tyree just had to lie there and moan while I did all the work, but it still turned out to be a hot movie.

The following weekend Tyree and I were already booked for a club appearance before the accident and we couldn’t cancel, it was the grand opening of a new LGBT club called Perplex. The club had two levels that were divided by triple reinforced glass, so you could see whatever was going on above you, or below you. A lot of people showed up just to see us, most were gay men of all races, with a few lesbians. We mingled and took pictures all night long. The atmosphere was fun and exciting. The DJ played a variety of good music so there was something for everyone to dance to.

I was enjoying the free liquor that the club provided for Tyree and me, a little more than usual, so you could say I was having a blast. However, my night started to go downhill as soon as I saw Karma walk in. Here Tyree was with a cast still on his arm, while Karma didn't even have a cut or a scratch on him. I thought he was still locked up for driving under the influence, and for possession of marijuana. So to see him there pretty much ruined my night. Fantasy Pictures had a table set up for us with photographs to sign, so when I noticed Karma walking toward us I downed which had to be my eighth mixed drink, give or take a few. I stood up and was ready to cuss his ass out.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?”

“Besides you, sexy?”

Was he serious? Accident or not, how could he even show his face after being so inconsiderate, and dumb for driving as drunk and high as he was? Since I didn't reply to his “flattery” he decided to speak up.

“When Blaze bailed me out of jail the other day I heard about the club opening, so I thought I'd come and show my support for my new Fantasy Pictures family. I brought some photos to sign and everything. I hope you guys don't mind me sitting with you.”

“OF COURSE WE MIND, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!” Tyree said, as he stood up and approached him.

Once I noticed the hatred in Tyree's eyes, I knew I had to step in. Tyree was still sore and I didn't want him to hurt his healing arm any more than it already was.

“Chill out, I got this, baby.”

I turned around to face Karma, who was pulling photos out of his book bag.

“I think you better leave. You weren't invited and Tyree's still pissed at you for almost killing him.”

“First of all, this is a club and it's open to everyone, so I don't need an invite. Second of all, Tyree wasn't pissed at me when he was fucking the shit outta me in the back of the truck right before the accident,” Karma replied, with one hand on his hip and a big ass smirk on his face.

I quickly turned around to look at Tyree.

“Tyree, what the fuck is he talking about?”

“That nigga is crazy; he's lying, Jamar.”

I turned back around to see how Karma was going to respond.

“Oh, I'm lying, Tyree? Really? You weren't grunting, and moaning while holding me down? You didn't tell me if I didn't let you get it you were going to rape my ass? None of that happened?”

I didn't want to believe Tyree cheated on me again. There was no way he would after he cried, begged for my forgiveness, and swore to me he'd never do it again. Karma had to be making it all up, but the way he said it, along with his body language almost had me convinced he was telling the truth.

“Jamar, look at me,” Tyree turned me around so that I was facing him.

“HE IS CRAZY! Don't believe anything he says. I'm telling you he's trying to break us up, because in his sick little mind he thinks he's going to be with you.”

“FUCK YOU, TYREE. YOU KNOW I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. YOU CHEAT ON HIM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

I couldn't take it anymore, all of my backed up frustration since I caught Ebony and Tyree fucking resurfaced; and I took it out on Karma whether he was telling the truth or not. I pushed him so hard that he fell back and slid on the brand new shiny floor. While all of his photos flew up in the air and landed all over the floor. He jumped up fast and looked around to see if anyone saw what just happened.

“GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, ALL YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IS CAUSE DRAMA!”

“OKAY, I'll LEAVE, BUT I WASN'T TRYING TO DO ANYTHING BUT SHOW YOU I REALLY LIKE YOU, AND HERE I PAID TO HAVE THESE MADE MYSELF!”

He handed me one of the photos, and then walked away looking sad and hurt. I looked down and it was the cover of our movie that we filmed together. I looked really hard with a gun pointing at him, and he looked innocent and sexy while on his knees looking up at me. He had them photo-shopped so there was a hotter background, and had a lot more color added. I had to admit it was definitely a hot picture. I started to pick them all up since he left them there and I felt bad, but the guys in the club were already taking them for themselves. Tyree and I were quiet the rest of the night. I put on a fake smile each time someone asked to take a picture with me. My high was gone and I just wanted to go home. Finally our time was up, so we picked up our envelopes full of cash from the manager, and got out of there. Tyree was quiet, and played sleep on the ride home, which made me think he was guilty and lied to me about fucking Karma.

“Why are you so quiet?”

“I'm tired it's been a long day.”

“So that was wild, Karma showing up at the club like that, huh?”

“More like weird, stay away from him, he's nothing but trouble.”

“It's funny you're telling me to stay away from him, when you're the one that's hung out with him a few times.”

He didn't say anything else. I started to leave it alone, but I really wanted to know.

“So did you fuck Karma? Be honest, and tell me the truth.”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I ALREADY TOLD YOU THE TRUTH AT THE CLUB! I GUESS YOU’RE STARTING TO BELIEVE HIM OVER ME NOW!”

“Why are you yelling? I just asked you a question.”

“Because you should've forgotten about that at the club; but since I fucked up one time, you’re always going to think I'm lying, and cheating on you. What kind of person do you think I am?”

I didn't bother to reply. I already knew how the conversation would go. I'd tell him how I felt, he'd tell me how I was wrong for feeling that way, and that I needed to start trusting him again. He was right though, I was always going to be paranoid that he was cheating on me. He's fine and I notice how so many other fine men and beautiful woman checked him out on a daily basis. I can only imagine how often he gets hit on when he's by himself. It doesn't help that he slipped up once before. Once we got home he asked me to roll us a blunt while he took a shower. My initial reaction was to say, “I'm good” and go to bed, but when I looked up and he was holding his bulge, all while giving me that irresistible smile of his I couldn't say anything but “Okay”. I rolled up an extra fat blunt because I needed to clear my head and forget about the things Karma accused Tyree of. He came back in living room in just a towel knowing I would want nothing more than to lick and suck all over his smooth flawless body, and that's exactly what I did.

The next day I awoke to Tyree preparing breakfast. I was surprised because I didn't even know his ass could cook, but I was quickly disappointed when I saw the restaurant containers. I knew it was too good to be true, but it was still a sweet gesture.

“Good morning baby,” I replied and gave him a quick kiss.

“This is a nice surprise.”

“I thought you deserved to wake up to breakfast for a change. I would've cooked for you, but it's hard to do a lot of things with this stupid cast on my arm.”

“Right, right.”

He was taking full advantage of his injuries and he knew I couldn't say anything. I just had to continue catering to him; otherwise, I'd look like a dick.

While we ate, I checked my e-mail and the first one I opened was from Mr. Visage, he cussed me out something fierce. He was pissed, and told me I was an unprofessional asshole, and that he had never been so humiliated in his life. He made sure I knew to forget about ever stepping foot on his property again. That ended my relationship with him, but I wasn’t tripping because at least I made a quick fifty g's off of him.

Later on that afternoon, I was chilling, reading Dopefiend by Donald Goines when Jasmine called me to see if I wanted to hang out. It had been some time since I heard from her that I quickly realized how much I missed my friend. I needed my Jazzy fix because she always knows how to make me laugh and put me in a good mood. I couldn’t wait to tell her about what went down with Karma and Tyree. I wanted her honest opinion if she thought it was truly an accident or not. I knew Jasmine wouldn’t sugar coat it and would tell me if she thought they fucked or not.

She wanted me to meet her and DeeDee at her condo, so we could have some drinks, gossip, and get high as usual. I was curious to see what happened with her and Lanell while she was in Vegas. As fine and hung as Lanell was I knew she enjoyed herself. Even though traffic was a bitch I enjoyed the ride there, I was jamming and listening to the radio. I’m not a singer but I was singing along to every song as if I was performing on stage. I had worked out, and chilled in the hot tub earlier that day so I was relaxed, but still anxious to blaze up with my girls. Jazzy and DeeDee loved and cared about me no matter what, I felt like I could be myself around them. I’m definitely not a queen, but I’m not masculine either, I’m somewhere in the middle so I fit in where I get in, which is where ever I choose to fit in.

As soon as I walked in Jazzy gave me a big hug and held me tight. It was as if she hadn’t seen me in years and didn’t want to let go. I knew at that moment that I was missed just as much as I missed her and I could feel the love. DeeDee smiled and said, “What's up Jamar!” as she handed me a fat ass blunt, instead of giving me the hug I would've preferred; but once I saw how big and nicely rolled it was my mind drifted elsewhere. I felt like it was my birthday or a special occasion when I noticed we each had our own blunt. I was ready to get our evening started. Jazzy and I sat on the couch while DeeDee chilled on the love seat. I did the honors of lighting the candles and incense. After all, they did roll and mix the drinks. Once we all lit up and were feeling a buzz our conversations got started.

“So what did you want to tell me?” Jazzy asked.

I filled her in on everything, how DeeDee called me in a panic and told me Tyree was in a car accident, how I rushed to the hospital worried sick, my confrontation with Ebony, and that Tyree thought Karma ran the red light with wicked intentions.

“Wait, are you talking about that dude I pushed into the pool at your barbeque?”

I confirmed and went on to tell her how he had the nerve to show up at the club opening like nothing happened.

“So what did you do?” Jazzy asked as before taking a deep pull and inhaling some more smoke.

“What do you think I did? I stood up for my man.”

I noticed DeeDee making a face as she looked at Jasmine.

“What, DeeDee?” I asked.

“Nothing, finish what you were saying.”

I found it strange that DeeDee didn’t say what was on her mind when she’s normally the first one to tell it like it is. After I finished telling Jasmine how I pushed Karma, I handed her the picture he made for me and the fans.

“Aww, he must really like you and you had the nerve to push that little boy. What did he do?”

“He didn’t do anything. I think I embarrassed him and hurt his feelings. He got the hell out of there real quick.”

“Tell Jasmine why you pushed him Jamar,” DeeDee said with a big grin on her face.

Jasmine stopped laughing long enough to say, “He did tell me, Karma almost killed Tyree.”

DeeDee shook her head back and forth before saying, “Nope.”

“Oh, shit, there’s more. Tell me tell me, I can’t take it.”

I looked at DeeDee like damn you got a big ass mouth. I was definitely going to tell Jasmine everything I was just building up to it.

“Karma claims he and Tyree smashed in the back of Blaze’s truck right before they crashed,” I said nonchalantly since DeeDee rushed it out of me.

“Interesting,” was all Jasmine said as she sat back on the couch and finished off her blunt before putting it out in the ashtray. She looked serious and straight ahead as if she was picturing how it all went down in her head.

“So?” I asked anticipating her response.

“So what?” she replied as if she didn’t already know I was waiting.

“Do you think they fucked or not?”

I looked Jasmine in the eye but she looked away and looked at DeeDee before they both said as if they rehearsed it.

“Yeah, he fucked him,” they said right before they both laughed. I was sort of shocked. I knew it was a possibility and an option, but I expected my girls to make me feel better, and tell me what I had believed, which was that Karma was just trying to stir up some shit. I was sure he heard from Blaze how Tyree cheated on me in the past, and just wanted me to break up with him.

“So just like that? You don’t even have to think about it. You think Tyree actually cheated on me again?”

She stopped smiling and had a look of concern on her face. She reached for her blunt but remembered she finished it already and quickly pulled her hand back.

“Jamar,” she said, then paused and took a deep breath.

I looked at her like a confused puppy with my head tilted to the side wondering what she was trying to say.

“I know Tyree cheated on you again. I – ”

I cut her off and shook my head in disbelief. Tyree knew better than to fuck up again, so neither one of them was going to convince me otherwise. I quickly changed the subject.

“So what’s been going on with you? Did you have fun in Vegas?”

She looked at DeeDee again which gave me a strong feeling they were talking about something before I arrived and it pissed me off a little bit because I wanted to be nosey too.

“Why don’t you roll us another round of blunts, I’ll get us some more drinks.”

I watched Jasmine walk in her kitchen before looking over at DeeDee.

“What’s going on? Why do you two keep looking at each other like you’re keeping secrets and shit?”

“You’ll have to ask Jasmine when she comes back in here.”

“Let me guess, did Lanell propose?”

As I waited for DeeDee’s response she was saved by the bell which was Jasmine yelling for her.

“Hey DeeDee, would you mind helping me?”

I smiled at DeeDee as she stopped rolling before saying “You’re lucky she needs you because I was about to drill your ass with questions.”

While Jasmine and DeeDee were making us more drinks I had to use the bathroom. All I could think about was either Lanell proposing to Jasmine, or they were drunk and crazy enough to get married while in Vegas. If she did I was going to support her but I was going to give her hell. First of all for not inviting me, second for having a tacky ass Vegas wedding, and third for rushing into marriage. They haven’t even known each other that long. I’ve been with Tyree for two years and while I love him with all of my heart I didn’t know if I would marry him. It had nothing to do with Tyree; I just knew I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. When I got back to my seat Jazzy and DeeDee were already there. There was an awkward silence, but after DeeDee finished rolling our next round of blunts and we sparked up, Jasmine finally spoke up. She told me how much fun she had being with Lanell.

“And get this, he’s buying a night club in Vegas.”

“Shut the fuck up. When?” DeeDee asked with excitement.

“Actually I take that back, it’s official, he bought a night club in Vegas, and guess what he’s naming it?”

“LUST,” I blurted out.

“Close, but naw, that’s not it. Take a guess DeeDee.”

“What? I don’t fucking know,” she said before letting out a hearty laugh.

“Jezebel’s!”

“WHAT?” DeeDee asked, more like yelled.

“Are you serious?” I asked because I thought that was the best present ever.

“Yes, I’m so excited and I can’t wait until it opens. I’m going to be part owner, and the top earning performer. Until the club picks up business I’ll still work at the Black Oasis, but once we’re making enough money I’ll only perform at Jezebel’s. It’s only fitting since it’s named after me.”

She didn’t have to point that out you could hear the excitement in her voice. I was happy for her. You don’t find too many men who want to buy you a night club and name it after you, well after your porn name. Jasmine went on to tell us how Lanell took her to his parents, anniversary dinner.

“So I’m assuming his parents know what you and Lanell do for a living?” I was curious to know so I asked.

“Hell no, how embarrassing would that have been? His fine ass brother knows though.”

She filled us in on everything then paused to take a couple sips of her drink.

“Guess who Jazz saw in Santa Barbara?” DeeDee asked with a you’re-not-going-to-believe-this-shit tone.

The only person I could think of was Tyree since he was there for the weekend filming a few scenes. After I guessed, she confirmed but I could tell she was leaving something out. Since Tyree never mentioned seeing Jasmine knowing how much I missed her, I assumed they got into it. I knew Jasmine wasn’t a big fan of Tyree’s but when she said she saw him but he didn’t see her I was confused. I thought that was weird, because even if I didn’t care for Lanell, I would’ve still spoke and asked him to tell Jazzy I said hi and that I asked about her, out of respect. She continued to talk and the more she spoke the more confused I was.

“…a pregnant girl, and he, well he, from what it looked like to me.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted her to speak up so I stood up and faced her before asking.

“What did it look like?”

When she said “dating” I lost it. Why the hell would Tyree date someone when he was dating me, and a pregnant girl at that? I felt in my heart that she was thinking negatively and automatically assumed the worst in Tyree. I was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. I knew the other porn company that Tyree worked for had him working with men and women, at least that’s what he told me. He had to be hanging out with a co-star.

I sat back down because I was convinced that’s who she was. Jasmine got up to grab her cell phone and then sat down beside me and played some videos of Tyree and this woman. I couldn’t believe it and thought my eyes were deceiving me. It had to be someone who looked like Tyree. I played the videos a few more times before reality sunk in. I felt betrayed and hurt. How could he not only cheat on me, but be stupid enough to get some bitch pregnant?

I don’t know what it was about seeing Tyree with another woman but it hurt even worst the second time around. I think it’s because he had been lying the entire time, and because he wasn’t just fucking this chick like he was doing to Ebony. In the videos it looked like he was in love with her. The way he held her hand, looked her in the eyes, and touched her, crushed me. I wanted him to treat me and look at me like that. Don’t get me wrong there have been times far and few where I recognized that look but never out in public. I got teary eyed because I felt like Tyree rammed his hand through my chest, squeezed, twisted, and turned until he ripped my heart out, then stomped on it.

Not only was I hurt but there were so many questions I wanted to ask. How long has this been going on? Was he sure the baby was his? Was he really planning on leaving me or was he going to continue living two lives? Did he ever truly love me? Why beg and plead for another chance if you’re just going to fuck it up again? Why not just be a man and go your own separate way. So we both can find the person we are meant to be with, without any road blocks. Then anger kicked in and I was lucky Tyree was on camera and not in front of me because I would’ve gone to jail.

Seeing the pictures only made it worse because he was kissing her and rubbing her belly as if he was a normal, straight man. I felt like I didn’t even know him, hell I’d bet she didn’t even know Tyree. I paced the room trying to figure out the answers to my own questions. I was also trying to decide how I was going to handle the situation, and what my next move was. I couldn’t just kick him out since he paid for half of the house and his name was on the lease, but I knew right away my feelings for Tyree would never be the same. Luckily I was with my two closest friends and they helped me get through the night. We got twisted, watched some comedies, and talked about anything and everything so I wouldn’t concentrate on how devastated I really was. After thinking about it over and over all night, I finally passed out on Jasmine’s couch.

Chapter 29

Our bodies danced to the Devil’s music.

I stayed in Vegas for an extra three days on my dime. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to go back to L.A. and face reality or maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to leave the town I would soon call home, I wasn’t sure why I stayed. All I did was order room service during the day, and at night I would go down to the casino, gamble away large sums of cash, and get drunk until the wee hours of the morning. Once in a while a fan would recognize me or a guy would hit on me, but other than that, nothing else really happened there.

On the third morning of waking up with a hangover, surrounded by clothes, garbage that I had allowed to pile up, and with the same feeling of emptiness that I prayed would go away with each drink I took and every dollar I wasted, I decided it was time to go home. I had called in sick to Fantasy Pictures and told them that my vagina was still healing. Mr. Cappello told me that I could have four days off but that I had to be back in for a big interview he booked for me the following week, but I said to hell with Vegas, I needed to do other things to get over Lanell. So I flew home, spent the next day in the house and the day after that, I was back at work.

“Happy to see you back at work, how are you feeling?” Breeze asked as he walked up behind me. I turned around and couldn’t help but smile. He was looking fly and had that smile that I missed seeing on his face.

“Doing okay, I guess. I’m not filming any sex scene, just head and the interview, right?”

“You don’t even have to do that if you don’t want.”

I stopped walking and looked him dead in the face. I have never heard Breeze tell any of his actors that they didn’t have to do something just because they didn’t feel like it. He must have been having a hell of a day to make that suggestion. I looked at him and tried to see the Breeze that once was there, the man that turned me out and kept me going. He used to be such a man, THEE man to me. But now, for some reason, I just couldn’t see past the man he had become, and I use the term man very loosely.

“No, it’s just, well, I know that you may not be one hundred percent with all that went down and—.”

“And what exactly are you saying went down?” I couldn’t help but ask. I wanted to see if he was now able to realize what that crazy bitch did to me, on purpose. I stared him down with piercing eyes, and for the first time, he looked away first. Guess he couldn’t look at me for too long without reality setting in, guess the truth was hard to face.

“Well, you know, the Tanya thing, it looked painful and I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush back to work for me, I know that you need time to heal.”

“That Tanya thing?” Guess he still couldn’t say it, what a shame.

“Love the show you put on the other night, you really have stepped up your game since the first couple of times, huh? Looks like you’re really going to do well at the Black Oasis.”

Just the mere mention of the Black Oasis brought me back to the last time there, it depressed me deeply and I didn’t want Breeze to see it.

“Well, I couldn’t be your little Jasmine forever could I? Time here, doing what I do, it teaches you a lot, and I guess working the pole like a pro is one of them,” I said with a light chuckle. Never let them see you down, that’s what I was going for. We just stood there, him looking at what used to be, wishing that he was smart enough to have made the right choices. As for me, I was just lost, hurt and feeling the loneliness that occupied my bed. I was starting to learn that I was one of those people who couldn’t stand her own company for too long. It gave me too much time to think about the should of, could of or would of’s, and I needed that like I needed a hole in my head.

“So is it okay if I just go home until I feel better I know that I have to do the interview but as far as filming…can that wait?”

“Sure thing, Jazzy, go ahead…I miss you, you know that, right?”

I could have said and asked a lot of things in that moment but…why? He moved close enough to me to sniff my perfume and spoke as if his life depended on it.

“I don’t have much regrets in my life but the way I treated you, well that’s my biggest one. I think about you all of the time, it’s like you’re haunting me.”

I looked at him but still had nothing to say.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry, for everything, I really am.”

So much had gone down, so many things he’s said, so many things he’s done, or didn’t do, what else was left? With him, you never knew what was real, what was fake. He was an enigma, hard to figure out, impossible to understand, and unworthy of trust. Yet standing there, with his dick tucked between his legs, I felt something for him, for our time together, and for the lack of companionship that we both had.

“Do you think that I could check in on you, while you’re off I mean. Just to make sure you’re okay?”

I tried to fight the word that was racing up my throat. I tried to swallow it so that it wouldn’t surface. I even tried not breathing, hoping that I’d pass out before I let it out, but it was choking me. The desire to say it was debilitating to my willpower. So there we were, standing in the place where we stared, I gave up on Lanell and I, I gave up on love, and I gave up on the thought of starting a new life with him in Vegas. Maybe this is what was supposed to be, Breeze and me.

“Sure.”

*****

The next week flew by without me noticing. I spent most of my days in bed. I watched old movies from the 90’s and puffed on the packages that I would have Blaze deliver. My cell phone stayed off and my home phone was unplugged. Breeze hadn’t come by and in a way, I was relieved. I thought that maybe I had made the wrong choice out of desperation. I knew that he was bad for me. Even though I was still nursing the fresh wounds Lanell left behind, a Breeze Band-Aid would just have covered it up, instead of healing it. I shut the world out and wanted it that way. I hadn’t told anyone what happened with Lanell, fearing that speaking it would somehow make it more real, as if it weren’t already. I wouldn’t allow myself to call him anymore either. I had all the information I needed, why make myself suffer even more? So as I watched Love Jones, Poetic Justice, The Best Man, Boomerang, Jason’s Lyric, and The Player’s Club over and over, I purposely removed any thought of Lanell from my smoke filled brain and replaced them with the movies that had inspired me to head to L.A. and pursue an acting career.

Midway through my fourth run of Poetic Justice for the week, I heard a knock on the door. I looked at my stash and knew that it couldn’t have been Blaze, I had a fresh package. I threw on my robe and went to the door. I had just finished thanking god that Breeze never showed up but there he was. I thought about not opening the door, knowing that nothing good could have come out of him walking through it, but being alone in that apartment had me going crazy. My self-imposed seclusion was starting to wear on me and I needed someone, anyone there with me. I needed to be heard, seen, touched, loved, and I knew that Breeze would give me all of those things, even if his attention was short lived.

“Hey Breeze, what took you so long?” I asked knowing that this would pump his head up. He needed to feel wanted just as badly as I did.

“I have been calling both of your phones but couldn’t get you. So I called in and told my dad I would either be coming in late or not at all. How are you feeling? What have you been doing? I even asked Jamar and DeeDee if they heard from you and they both said no. Is something wrong, well besides the obvious?”

I thought about opening up to him and letting him know how devastated I was over what happened with Lanell. Then I looked at him, remembered who I was dealing with and said “Hell No” to myself. He would have been too happy to hear about my misery. I pictured him praying for the day some shit like this happening, and I wasn’t giving him that satisfaction.

“Nothing really, just laying low, trying to forget what your bitch did to me.”

I got up and headed to my bedroom before he could even answer. I knew that he was hoping that I wouldn’t bring Tanya up but I really wasn’t over it yet. In some ways, I still wasn’t over how he acted in his father’s office. I knew that he was upset with me for cooling things off with him. I knew that he didn’t understand how I had the nerve to speak and act the way I did toward him. Especially, after helping me blow up, but what about the way he spoke and treated me? Did he think that because he was the son of the porn king that he could treat people like shit and make them jump to his every whim? Well, it may have taken me a while to get up from under his thumb but once I was out, I saw the light.

I no longer had dreams of being Princess to the Prince he thought he was. I no longer dreamed of the day he would change, respect me and treat me as his equal, I knew that day was never going to come. Now I looked at him and saw him for who he really was. So going into anything with him no matter how small or big, I knew the deal. Fucking him, talking to him or even being in his company was plain and simple to me. It will be what it is and nothing more. No false hopes, no daydreaming about what is to come, and no lying to myself. That put us on an equal playing field, whether he knew it or not.

“She’s not my bitch anymore, and she should have never been,” he said as he followed me into the bedroom. I sat on my bed and picked up a half smoked joint. I lit the end and took in a deep pull.

“Now you see that, huh?” I asked with a smile on my face.

“You should have been number one.”

He was standing in the door way of my bedroom leaning to his right with his hands in his pocket. The funny thing about Breeze was that he was a good liar. He may not have felt that way about me a month ago but you would have never known it. Every word he spoke was coated with sugar and false truth on the outside. He made everything sound so sweet, as if certainty was his strong point. But deep down in the cracks of his words, there was something bitter. Poison laced filling ruined the sugary taste that would fade away as soon as you swallowed whatever bullshit he was feeding you.

“Should have been me, would have been me, but you ruined that, want a puff?”

I asked knowing that I was blowing him, the wrong way. He sat on my bed and I pushed play on the DVD remote.

“I came up with one thing and I don’t believe I’m wrong, nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone.”

I laughed as Janet recited the poem in Poetic Justice. Breeze was there, in my home for that reason alone, I didn’t want to be alone.

We didn’t do much talking after that, small talk here and there about the movies we watched or about who was going to roll up next. We laughed, and even cuddled as we watched one movie after the next. It was nice having him there, being the old Breeze I fell in love with in the beginning. All of the pretentious crap that he carried around was left behind as I laid in the arms of the real man, the man he tried so desperately to hide.

*****

I felt him next to me, taking a minute to remember who he was, his hands traveling up my legs, sending chills up my spine. Smelling him reminded me of his name, sending flashes to my brain of our day that past. It was three in the morning and I was still nestled in his arms, lying there feeling his breath on my neck and his hardness against my ass. His skin was cool like the breeze that blew through my vents. His heartbeat was almost loud enough to hear, as its rapid rhythm played a lost lovers’ tune of regrets. The television was on but the screen was blank, radiating a light blue light that shadowed our bodies.

I wished that I could have turned around and saw the love of my life. The man with his dreads sweeping his shoulders and his gray eyes glowing like a cat in darkness. But I couldn’t, so I stayed with my back to Breeze resting as if I had never woken up, feeling like there was still something missing. I waited until I felt his hand in my shorts before putting my hand onto his, letting him know that I was no longer asleep.

“You feel so good, Jazzy, so warm, so soft; I couldn’t help it. I had to touch you.”

His voice dripped honey on my battered soul. It was the kind of words I needed to hear, the medicine I needed to take, and the distraction from the empty spot in my chest.

“Turn off the TV,” I told him and waited until he did so before turning around. The darkness provided me with the illusion I needed. I could pretend that he was the one, the only one I needed and wanted. As I faced him and looked into the blank spot where his face would have been, I felt his cool lips on top of mine. They were soft and smooth. His mouth still tasted the same; fresh, clean, almost sweet. He still kissed the same, lightly sucking on my bottom lip, slipping his tongue gracefully against mine reminding me of his skills. Before I knew it, he was between my legs tugging at my shorts, once off; he gripped each side of my thong and pulled it down. I closed my legs tightly which threw him off.

“I don’t think I should, I mean, I don’t know if I can yet.”

He prompted me to relax and open my legs. He slid his body on top of mine and went back to my lips, moving down to my neck and back up.

“We don’t have to fuck, just let me feel you.”

A kiss

“Taste you.”

Another kiss.

“Have you my way.”

A kiss again.

“Have you anyway I can without hurting you.”

I savored his flavor. It was as if his deviousness added sweet molasses to his skills. He moved slowly, pleasing me with just his hands and mouth. Laying there, not even knowing when I had become completely naked, he took my nipple into his mouth and made me yearn for more. Like a garment filled with static, my hands now clung to his body and roamed his back, his chest, his hair, and his throbbing dick. We were submerged in lust, wanting each other for all of the wrong reasons. Our bodies danced to the Devil’s music as we rediscovered each other’s flavor.

“Damn, you taste good,” he said as he nursed on my clit like a new born puppy who had found his mother’s tit. I screamed, and threw my head back and forth as if my brain was fighting my body. My hips shook violently as I reached my sexual peek. I pushed his face in deeper, almost trying to bury it, as if I was trying to hide who he was. I threw my hips into his lips, wanting him to stop and keep going all at once.

“That’s right, Jazzy, let it out, baby; let it out.”

He went back to sucking and now had me trying to run, I couldn’t take anymore but that didn’t stop him. He was trying to prove a point. He wanted to remind me that he was a good lover and that he still had the magic touch.

*****

I didn’t know how to feel the next morning. I knew that my actions the night before were not out of love or even because I liked Breeze. He was my seat filler, my man of the moment, the one who could fill that burning spot where my heart used to be. I lay there, quietly, no wanting to wake up and see him in the light, not wanting him being there to be real. I laid there not moving, hardly breathing, hoping that if I never woke up, he would get the hint and leave. After an hour of not hearing anything I opened my eyes and looked at the other side of the bed. It was empty and after sitting up and waiting a few more minutes, I realized that no one was in my apartment but me.

I took in a deep breath, laid back down and relaxed. It felt good to be alone again. I had space to think and be myself. I reached over and picked up one of the rolled blunts that we never got to and lit up. I tried to figure out what exactly I was doing. Why did I tell Breeze he could come over, and furthermore, why did I open the door? Did I really hate being alone that much, or was it that I had to have a man at all times? When did this happen, where was I at when this change took place? As the smoke surged through my brain, more and more questions ran through it. The head was good as hell that Breeze laid on me but I didn’t need it. I wasn’t starving for head. It’s not as if I needed to cum, as if I hadn’t in years, so what the fuck was that shit about?

Then something started to happen. The more I smoked, the more I started to reason with what I thought was the truth. Fuck him, I told myself. Lanell never gave a shit about me. He was still fucking his wife. God only knows the number of lies he probably told me. What was he going to do, stay married and continue to fuck me when it was convenient for him? Fuck that shit, I wasn’t going to be his bitch on the side, I wasn’t going to be his side piece. Not when I thought that I was going to be his one and only. Not after he had told me how much he loved me and how we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. NO, FUCK THAT!

Why was I sitting at home worrying about him, as if he was even thinking about me? How many times was I going to let people into my life just to hurt me? When would my skin thicken, when would I learn? I had to stop setting myself up for disappointments. At least with Breeze, I told myself. At least with him, I knew what it was. I knew how to play his game now, I knew the rules, so I knew how to play to win, game on.

*****

I took a long hot shower and lotioned my body. I didn’t feel like putting any clothes on, so I opted for a fishnet cover-up that I brought to L.A. with me. I slipped on a cute pink thong with no bra. I called Blaze and asked him to stop by and didn’t bother to change, he wouldn’t have cared less if I opened the door naked. As I waited for him, I changed my sheets, picked up around the house and, and rocked the Miguel CD. “You could be my piece, click clack, click clack, tell 'em all get back, 'cause we shootin', we shootin’ 'em down.” That was my jam of the week and I blasted it as I turned the volume on my radio as far as it could go. As I rolled my last blunt and lit it, my cell phone which had been turned back on only moments before rang.

“Where are you?” I asked as I strained to hear Blaze.

“Behind the door, open up.”

I hung up and opened the door. I let him in then walked over and turned the music down.

“I hope you weren’t out there too long, it’s one of those days where I need music. Do you ever get like that? I know for some its movies, weed, alcohol, but for me, when I get in this mood, I need music, the beats, the words, you feel me?”

He looked at me as if he was trying to figure out if I was okay. I smiled as he let his own slip out of his lips.

“Yeah, I feel you; I thought that I was the only one like that. I could just sit in my house, blast music, smoke, and fuck,” he said as I handed him his own product. He took a few long pulls before handing it back to me.

“You always gotta put dick in the mix, do you really like fucking that much?” I asked as I waited for his answer. I didn’t know much about him but what I did know was that he loved to fuck, at work, at home, in the streets, in the sheets; it didn’t matter, as long as he got it.

“Even more; dick, weed, and money make my world go round.”

At least he was honest.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked as I got up and pulled a wine cooler from my fridge.

“I don’t want to interrupt whatever you were doing,” he said as he pulled his top grade weed from his back pack.

“I wasn’t doing anything, just chillin’, I wouldn’t mind the company,” I said as I handed him a wine cooler. He laughed as he stood up and headed to my kitchen.

“I would love to chill but I ain’t drinking this shit,” he said as he replaced the cooler with a beer. I guess being a bottom hadn’t softened him up enough to enjoy a fruity drink.

Blazed stayed about two hours and we had a blast. We smoke a blunt or two from his different strain of smoke. Some with orange hairs, some looked blue, and the other looked as if it had crushed diamonds on it. Needless to say, I WAS FUCKED UP. We talked about porn, movies, Fantasy Pictures and the people who worked there. We spoke about music and the different sounds out there that came out of different countries. He loved Samba, Reggae, Rap, and list went on. I couldn’t believe how well versed he was in music. I could have talked to him for hours without getting bored. But as we laughed and dug deep into each other’s minds, he got a call for another delivery. I was sad to see him go but understood. I bought an ounce of what he called Glitter and walked him to the door.

“You cool as shit, you know that?” he asked as we stood at my door.

“I know,” I answered with a smile.

“Who knew we had so much in common. I gotta try and make it out to your spot to check out that CD collection. You know I’m coming over with blank CD’s to copy all of your shit right?”

“No problem,” he said as he laughed.

“By the way, you killin’ it in that top, boo. You got some really nice titties, all nice and perky. And that ass…if you had a dick…I would be all over you.”

I laughed so hard that I turned red.

“You are so nasty, what is wrong with you? You would be all over this? I bet you would,” I said as I unlocked the door.

“I ain’t even lying to you, if you had a big dick between your legs…it would be on,” he said as he grabbed what I knew to be his huge dick. I shook my head and laughed some more. This boy was a trip. No wonder Jamar liked him so much.

*****

By six that evening my stomach was growling, all it had in it was smoke and wine coolers. I went to my kitchen and looked at the many take-out menus. I was ready to eat anything, but couldn’t decide. I thought about Chinese food, Italian, Greek, Indian, and even Jamaican. They all sounded good but after fifteen minutes of not being able to make up my mind, I said fuck it, I was gonna hit up a drive thru and the corner store for snacks. I grabbed my keys, walked a makeshift straight line to test my sobriety, and headed for the door. As I opened it to step out, Breeze’s body stopped me.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” he asked as I bumped into him.

“Going out to get a bite to eat, wanna come?” I asked half way annoyed and half way happy to see him.

“Let me go in and put my things down, then we can go anywhere you want.”

I hadn’t noticed the suitcase in his hand until he asked to go into my apartment. What in the hell was this dude thinking? I let him in and sat down. Fuck the food; I wanted to know why he was packed and coming to my house.

“Going somewhere?” I asked as I nodded my head toward his suitcase.

“What do you feel like eating?”

Was he joking, why hadn’t he answered my question?

“Are you going on a trip, why are you packed?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he walked to the kitchen and asked if I still kept the menus in the same spot.

“Sure am.”

He came back out with the same ones I had been looking at earlier.

“Pick one.”

I just looked at him without moving.

“For real Jazzy, pick one, any one.”

Breeze spread the menus out like a fan on the coffee table and waited for my choice. Again I was having a hard time making up my mind but picked one up anyway. I could have gone for some good oxtail or curry chicken right about then. He picked up the menu and smiled.

“Good, I could stand a good tan, got a bathing suit?”

I looked at him as if he was crazy. I was hungry, not in the mood for tanning, the beach, or a pool. He walked to my room and went into my closet. When he came back out, I was standing at the foot of my bed waiting for him.

“What are you doing with my suitcase?”

“Packing.”

“Packing, why?”

“Because you want Jamaican food tonight.”

“So what, what does that have to do with packing?” I asked as he went through my drawers.

“The best place to get Jamaican food is in Jamaica, so that’s where we’re going.”

He had lost his mind. Who did things like this? Who in their right mind would just get up and plan a trip like that without even asking the other person? I couldn’t help but smile. To be the prince of porn; what a life.

“And what would have happened if I chose Greek or Italian food?”

He looked up from neatly folding a shirt and said, “Guess we would be going to Greece, or Italy.”

And that’s how he got me all over again. Only Breeze would do such a thing. Granted we were going to be flying on his father’s private jet, but still, he planned it. He thought of it, and he knew that I wouldn’t say no. His arrogance once again turned me on. I changed clothes, helped him pack my things, and was out of there within the hour. The flight had us new again, as if nothing from the past ever happened. And as we sipped on Champagne and ate fresh, sweet strawberries and chocolate, I forgave him for all that he had done. Every time Lanell tried to creep into my brain, I tried flushing him out, unsuccessfully.

*****

We landed in Ocho Rios, Jamaica and headed for the Sandals Plantation Resort where Breeze had booked the Governor General’s oceanfront suite. It was breath taking and having a butler was a plus. I went out on the patio and took in the view and the night air. It was all so beautiful, I felt like I was in a dream.

“Does this make you smile, baby?”

Breeze had joined me on the patio and wrapped his arms around me kissing my neck.

“So very happy, how did you pull this off?” I asked as I watched the waves roll in.

“There isn’t anything money can’t buy.”

I got a chill up my spin. He was definitely right about that. And I was starting to think that I was one of those things his cash would keep around.

“It’s late, why don’t you jump in the shower and I’ll join you in a minute?”

I turned around to leave without even looking at him. We were in the right place, at the right time, and something was still not right. I undressed and turned on the shower. I went into it with a weird feeling, not even knowing why. I stood under the hot water trying to figure myself out. I was so confused. I wanted to forget him, stop him from invading my mind, I wanted him erased from my memories, but he was still there lingering, leaving his imprint on every thought that popped up.

Why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? He was a fake, an illusion, a mirage. His love did not exist, it was never mine for the taking, and it was never mine to be had. I kept telling myself these things in hope that these feelings would go away, but they didn’t. Tears, out of nowhere, stared to form. I missed him so, and for some reason, standing on that patio looking at that water, dropped all these thoughts on me. I wished that I were there with him; I wanted Lanell to have been the one to walk out there and kiss my neck. I managed to stop myself from crying out loud. I just let my tears fuse with the water that came out of the shower head and pretended that they would wash away the yearning for Lanell with the soap I rubbed against my skin.

“Damn, baby, what are you trying to do, burn your skin off?” Breeze joked as he slipped in behind me. I slipped my head under the pouring water so that he wouldn’t see my tears. I smiled at him and faked my way through our sex session in the shower.

The next day was okay. I still wasn’t feeling any better but I put on a good show for Breeze. We got massages at the spa and dined on delicious food. I indulged on the top shelf liquor as often as I could. It helped me deal with my fickle mind and the absence of the man I really loved.

“You better slow down, Jazzy, you don’t want to get too fucked up,” Breeze said lightly. I ignored him and downed the rest of my drink.

“Just having a little fun honey, nothing to worry about, I know how to hold my liquor.

We were on the beach working on our tans while I pretended to read a book and get drunk. I wasn’t very talkative and he could tell that something was bothering me.

“Are you okay, baby, is there something wrong?”

Again, I put on my poker face, smiling and bullshitting my way through our conversation.

“Hell no, I’m in paradise, what else could a girl ask for?”

I took off my shades and looked him dead in the eye as I lied to him.

“Well, there might be a few more things that I could give you, that you may want,” Breeze said with a sly smile on his face. Okay, he had me interested, what else could he offer?

“And that is?”

I waited as he took his time to tell me.

“Well, I was talking to this guy, a friend of mine---.”

“Yeahhhh.”

I was running out of patience.

“Well, he’s a writer for that show…Roommates, you know the one that’s a huge hit for CBS?”

I was all ears and he knew it.

“Yeah, yeah, I know the show, what about it?”

My eyes were big and if I wasn’t careful, I’m sure my tongue would have been hanging out of my mouth. That’s how excited I was at the prospect of his news.

“Well, they are looking for a girl for that actor on there, what’s his name…Rob, I think? Anyway, his character on the show is supposed to start dating a porn star and he told me that the director was looking for a real one, an adult film star that is.”

My mouth was dry and my heart was racing. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

“Well, he told the director that he was a friend of mine and that maybe I could help him by placing one on my starlets in his show. But I told him that I didn’t think that anyone would be interested. I mean, who wants to be on a sitcom when they are already doing porn?”

Was he out of his fucking mind? I looked over at the beer bottle I was using as a chaser and thought about breaking it and slicing his neck wide the fuck open.

“Why would you tell him that, I would have done it?” I said almost breathlessly.

“Calm down baby, I’m only joking. Of course I told him about you. They thought that your look would fit right in with the other actors. You’ll have to go in for a test read and if you’re good, you got the job.”

It took me a while to get over his little joke but when I did, I jumped right into his arms and kissed him passionately, this time it was real.

“Oh, my god, Breeze, thank you so much. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do. That’s why I moved out to LA, HOLY SHIT,” I screamed as I pictured myself on the set.

“There is one more thing I wanted to ask you.”

“What’s that?” I asked as I gave him another kiss.

“I was thinking that maybe when we got back, maybe you would want to move in with me.”

Silence filled the air. Now why did he have to go and ask me that right after he gave me such good news? What was I supposed to say? Umm, I know that you just did this really nice thing for me, not to mention this trip and all, but…no thanks?

“Why would you want me to move in, you just ended things with Tanya?” I asked as I got off of him. He looked out at the ocean and I watched as his jaw clinched.

“I’m in love with you Jazzy, always have been. Now that she’s gone, I just want to make things right with us. Treat you the way I should have.”

Too bad I wasn’t feeling the same way. What we were, in that moment was cool. But moving in?

“You’re a top star at Fantasy Pictures, Jazzy, you should be living like one. Not in some little apartment, with mediocre furniture, driving a fucking Lexus, fuck that. I wanna give you everything you should have, and more.”

I listened as he went on and on about why moving in with him was the right move for me to make. Sure he was offering me the world, but what about the world I was building for myself in Vegas. I still wanted out of the porn game, and I wanted to get out of whatever this was I had with him.

“I don’t want to do porn forever, Breeze. That has never been my dream, it was just convenient. I want to still go to Vegas to dance, and perform.”

“So what, you can still do that, I’ll just be with you. You don’t have to be in porn to be with me. I want you, not the porn star, well, maybe in the bedroom,” he joked as he moved closer to me.

“Just think about, would you do that for me?”

I told him that I would, but I knew that what he was asking would never happen. He went to the bar to refill our drinks. As I watched him take out his cell phone and make a call, I realized that I didn’t love him anymore, hell I didn’t even like him most of the time. He was just there, there to occupy my time, and that was it. Were there moments I let my mind drift back to what we had, the good times, yes? But it wasn’t enough. Thoughts weren’t enough to keep me anymore. So I spent the next two days thinking about the show. That’s really what kept me going until I got back home. I watched the ocean and pictured myself on the small screen, not doing porn, but really acting.

*****

I couldn’t wait to get back home. I needed to be alone, to think about things. I needed to call my friends and tell them all that had happened and ask them for their thoughts. Maybe I was missing something; maybe I wasn’t seeing the big picture.

“I really enjoyed being with you Jazzy, it was just like old times. Making love, sleeping next to you, walking up with you in my arms, I miss that, you know?”

Again, his words pulled me from my thoughts and again I played his game.

“Oh, yeah, me too, it’s been a long time you know, too long.”

I felt bad, lying to him like that, but what was the truth between us, and what were the lies? I was on an emotional rollercoaster that would not stop.

“Is that your building?” Breeze asked as I watched the flame blazing out the window above my apartment.

“What the fuck, oh, shit, that’s right above me; stop the car, STOP THE CAR.”

I jumped out and raced toward my building. Cops and fire fighters were outside and they stopped me from going in.

“I live there, that’s my apartment just below that window,” I said as I pointed to my bedroom window.

“You can’t go in there, the ceiling collapsed and your living room is now on fire. You might as well go to a hotel if you can; it’ll be days, if not weeks, before anyone will be able to go back in there.”

I stood there hopelessly watching everything I owned go up in flames. What was I going to do, where was I going to go? My whole life was in that apartment.

“What did they say? What happened?” Breeze asked once he parked his car and walked over to me.

“He just said that it’s going to be a while until I’ll be able to get in there. What am I going to do Breeze? All of my things are gone, everything. Things I came from Baltimore with, things I’ve had since I was in Puerto Rico, they’re all gone,” I said as I started to break down. I didn’t care about my clothes or expensive purses. I was thinking about the things that had been in my family since before I was born, things that reminded me of my mother, before her downfall. And things that I held on to because of my dad, things that he had given me or that reminded me of him. And now, they were all gone, burned to ashes from what I could tell.

“My offer is still on the table Jazzy. If you come with me, you will want for nothing, I will give you everything. Even if it’s just for now, move in with me. I’ll understand if you change your mind later, but for now, give it a chance.”

I stood there for ten minutes thinking. I had enough money to rent another place tomorrow if I wanted to. I also had friends who would take me in at a drop of a dime. But I wasn’t going to go over Jamar’s house. He had way too much going on. Plus that asshole was there. And DeeDee had Ebony staying with her, so I sure as hell wasn’t going there. Okay, so what if I did rent a place until I left, would Breeze be mad, would he take the show opportunity from me?

I looked at him and instantly remembered who I was dealing with, of course he would. He may have been offering me the world on a diamond platter, but I also knew that his diamond platter came with strings attached. It all could be taken from me if he didn’t get his way. FUCKKKKKKKKKK, I guess I had to do it. As I walked to his car, with him smiling from ear to ear, I knew that this would only be temporary. I would do the show, pack my shit, and leave without looking back.

Chapter 30

“You and Only You”

The next day was horrible, not only was I hung over but I had to go home where I was bound to see Tyree. I knew before I left Jasmine’s place I was going to act like nothing happened. I was pissed and wanted to hurt Tyree as much as he hurt me, but I didn’t know exactly how, seeing that he was heartless. I just had to play it by ear, and be careful seeing that we sleep in the same bed four days a week. All I could hear in my head was Dru Hill singing, Somebody’s Sleeping in my Bed and I came to realize I had no idea who that somebody was. I pulled in the drive way and saw his truck and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I parked the car, turned off the ignition, and just stayed in the car until the ninety degree weather made me sweat and feel sticky.

Now it was time to face the music. I got a little excited when I walked in the house and didn’t smell any weed burning That meant one of two things; he caught a cab somewhere, since it was still difficult for him to drive with his cast on or he stayed up all night playing video games and was sleeping the day away. I was as quiet as I could be when I peeked my head around the corner just enough to look in the living room. The first thing I noticed was that the television and PlayStation were still on. Then I darted my eyes to the couch, and there that lying bastard was, passed out with one leg hanging over the top of the couch, and his good arm hanging off while amazingly still holding on to the controller.

I started to turn everything off but quickly turned around once it occurred to me that I might wake him up by doing so. I did however manage to pick up the baggie of weed off the coffee table without even making a sound. My mouth had a nasty taste in it and even though I was going to smoke the rest of the day and all night, the first thing I needed to do was get my mouthwash and electric toothbrush ASAP. After my pearly whites were fresh and clean just the way I like them, I kicked off my Dior Homme leather high top sneakers, stripped out of my jeans, boxers, wife beater, and blue polo shirt and left everything on the floor. I turned the water on as hot as I could take it so the bathroom would get hot and steamy, because what I really wished I had at that moment was a sauna.

The weirdest thing happened, which I’ll never forget, I was so horny I masturbated thinking about the hot times Tyree and I had in the shower, but as soon as I relieved myself I felt ashamed and disgusted. I just stood there and cried. I cried so long that the water turned cold. After I dried off I looked in the mirror, and my eyes were still watery and blood shot, and I hadn’t even smoked yet. I couldn’t believe it was actually over, at least to me it was over.

What do you do when the future you planned for you and the love of your life is no longer an option? You move on, right? Well, that’s exactly what I had planned to do, as soon as I got my revenge. At first I started with small things like taking a lot of the weed and hiding it for myself every time we re-upped, just so he’d have to keep buying it. I also continuously asked him to pick me up some new shirts, jeans, and cologne when I knew he was at the mall. I even researched stores in Santa Barbara that sold brand name sunglasses and had him buy me a thirty five hundred dollar pair the next time he was out of town.

He started to catch on and said, “Hold up, J, you’re been asking for a lot here lately. I need, I mean, we need to start saving money because you never know what’s going to happen in the future. We can’t be porn stars forever. I didn’t bother to ask him why because every responsible person should save money when their expecting a child, so I lied and said I’d put the money in his account as soon as he got back to L.A. That was then, this is now, but I failed to mention the first time I saw him after finding out the truth.

I was in the kitchen getting my mind right and needed to get some things off my chest, but since I couldn’t tell Tyree how I felt yet, I just wrote it down.

You and Only You. From: Krave To: Konceited

Your face continues to haunt me in my dreams

You’re trapped in my memory bank so it seems

Everything I enjoy reminds me of you

I want to forget you but what can I do?

What happened to you, I thought you were my boo?

I dreamt of us while you looked for something new

I tried hard to make it work with you and me

As the days went on it became clear to see

You weren’t into me, as you appeared to be

You feed me nothing but lies being untrue

Silly you, thinking I don’t have a clue

I just need some time to think this through

I’m not sure what I want to do to you

After Ebony I hoped you would change and see

Basically how much you truly meant to me

Do you want to know what I find so strange?

How the things you know will suddenly change

And everything you know is rearranged

Like I never thought one could have me tamed

Next thing I knew you were the one I claimed

I was blinded by love while you were lame

Using me as a player in your game

All your games and lies made me go insane

I hope you know you’re the one to blame

For my broken heart though it beats the same

It’s sad to think there was nothing behind your kiss

You and only you has ever hurt me like this.

Just as I was finishing my blunt and poem Tyree walked in the kitchen yawning and rubbing his eyes as if he was still trying to wake up.

“What’s up sexy? What are you doing?”

“Nothing just writing.”

“Writing? Writing what?”

“A poem.”

“Oh, word. I didn’t even know you liked poetry. Is it about me?” he asked with such arrogance as if he already knew it was about him, and then stared at me with a huge ass grin on his face.

“You and only you,” I replied in a happy tone but it should’ve sounded sarcastic because in reality I wanted to cuss him out.

“I’m hungry. What are you fixing for dinner?”

“I’m not feeling that good so you might have to order us something.”

“Okay, I can do that, but what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m a little hung over. I hung out with Jasmine and DeeDee last night.”

“I bet you had fun. What did Jasmine have to talk about? Didn’t she just get back from Vegas?”

“I mean it was fun, but the night didn’t go exactly how I thought it would go.”

“Why not, what happened?”

“We just hung out, and got fucked up. I thought we were going to go out or something. Anyway Jasmine went to a few places with Lanell. It looks like those two are pretty serious now. He’s opening up a club in Vegas for her. Oh, yeah, she took a few pictures and videos with her cell phone and showed them to us. They were very interesting. I think you would’ve been shocked if you saw them.”

“Oh, for real?” he answered as he half listened to what I was saying because he was too busy looking in the refrigerator.

I didn’t bother responding since I realized I lost his interest, in more ways than one.

“So, J, you really aren’t cooking anything tonight? Come on man, I’m starving over here.”

“Nope, go ahead and order us something.”

“Come on baby, please. I’m in the mood for some steak, potatoes, and carrots for some reason.”

Was he fucking serious? He had some nerve.

“YOU TRIFLING ASS NO GOOD MOTHERFUCKA, HOW ABOUT YOU CALL THAT BITCH IN SANTA BARBARA AND HAVE HER FIX YOU SOME FUCKING STEAK BECAUSE I’M NEVER COOKING FOR YOUR SORRY ASS AGAIN!” I screamed as I threw the notebook at his head, distracting him long enough so I could stab him in the neck with my pen. As blood squirted out, I grabbed his head and put in the freezer and slammed the door closed over and over and over again.

“SOOOOO?”

Damn, I did it again, blacked out picturing what I would love to do to those people who I’ve loved the most but been hurt by the most. They have really made me lose myself in a sense, and think evil things that I have never thought of. Anyone who knew me in the past would tell you I’d never even cussed someone out let alone physically hurt someone, but I guess sometimes the Devil gets the best of all of us. I looked back up from daydreaming and realized he was still waiting to see if I was actually going to cook for him.

“How about this, I’ll call in the order, and then throw some clothes on, drive you down to The Steak House and you can run inside and pick it up since I’m not feeling that good to eat there?”

“But, baby, it’ll be cold by the time we get back.”

“Stop sounding like you’re begging, Tyree, it’s not a good look on you. You can eat in YOUR car on the drive back, get back here, smoke, and then heat the rest up later. Think about it, it’s not rocket science.”

Okay, so my acting skills need major improvement, since I was pretending to be nice, but snapping on him. The more I think about it the more I get disgusted with his dumbass and wonder how I was stupid enough to fall for such a loser.

“Good idea boo, I’ll get ready now and grab my wallet.”

Too easy! That was the start of my revenge.

Once we got back I rolled up, smoked, and ate all at the same time, I know I’m ass backward but I wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. I wished I never smoked that night because I started thinking about everything he did behind my back; filming a porno with Domingo even though I asked him not too, fucking my best friend on numerous occasions, in my house no less, and now getting some bitch pregnant. At first I started to shake my head and laugh to myself because I was in shock all over again, and had to laugh from crying. I kept looking at him like you don’t care about anyone but yourself. Then, I started to get pissed. I wanted to punch him in the face so bad but every time I balled up my fist, I couldn’t do it. That just made me even madder. I started shaking and I got really cold, freezing cold to the point that my teeth were jittering. I had no idea what was happening but the more I dwelled on it the more I shook. My chest started hurting and getting tight, so my initial reaction was that I let this motherfucka cause me to have a heart attack. I put my food down on the coffee table and raised my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them to ball up and try to warm myself up. When Tyree tried to pass me the blunt he could tell something was wrong right away because I saw it in his eyes.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“I don’t know. I’m freezing all of a sudden and my chest hurts; I think I’m having a heart attack.”

If I wasn’t disgusted before, I was now because he moved closer to me and put his arms around me. Then, he started moving them up and down quickly, as if he was trying to warm me up. I wanted to scream “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, LIAR”, but I decided to jump up. I ran to the bathroom because I remembered someone telling me once that if you take a shower it will bring your high down. I figured what the hell, since I was obviously either too high and having a panic attack or I was having a heart attack. I stripped down and got in the shower for the second time within a few hours, but even though the water was warm I was still freezing and couldn’t stop shaking, it was actually getting worse. I quickly jumped out the shower and almost fell, my legs split apart and one hand was on the wall and the other was on the sink as I caught my balance. I shook that off, thinking how fucked up that would’ve been and dried off, ran to our bedroom butt naked, jumped on the bed, and got under the sheets and comforter as fast as I could. After ten minutes I started to warm up but my chest was still killing me. No matter how I moved or tried to lay I felt a sharp pain so I just stayed still. I must’ve freaked Tyree out because he finished the blunt before he came in the bedroom to check on me.

“Damn, J, what’s wrong? You’re tripping tonight?”

“I don’t know but it’s freaking me out.”

“Do you want me to call 911?”

“And tell them what? I was getting high and now my chest hurts? Get the fuck out of here.”

“Damn, I was just making a suggestion.”

I didn’t say anything else I just held my chest and closed my eyes. I never expected Tyree to crawl in bed beside me and hold me. I wanted to push him off of me, but I won’t lie and say it didn’t feel good to know he was concerned, even if it was only for that moment. Plus I was so scared that if I made any sudden movements, I would really cause myself to have a heart attack and die high as fuck butt ass naked, not a good look. Anyway the more I thought about it the more nervous I got. I almost started to cry but my pride wouldn’t let me do that in front of Tyree, so I started praying to God instead.

 I made a promise if He helped me I would never smoke again. I’ll be one hundred percent, at that moment I had full intentions on holding up my end of the bargain, but a true weed head can only hold out for so long. I needed to think about something else besides my heart beating faster than it ever had before, but I couldn’t stay focused on a single thought. My mind was racing my heart beat to see who could move the fastest. I had never experienced anything like it. I was having 20 different thoughts a minute. Till the day I die I’ll never forget what happened next because afterwards I was ashamed, embarrassed, and a few tears actually crept down my cheeks.

“Tyree, take off your clothes,” I said in a panic.

“Say what?”

I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“You heard me, take off your clothes and fuck me.”

“Are you sure you should be having sex right now?”

“I don’t give a fuck. I need to take my mind off of having a heart attack before I scare myself to the point that I actually have one. Feel my chest.”

He put his hand on my chest and again I could tell I was freaking him out. Tyree did what I said, and grabbed the Vaseline off the dresser before getting back in bed. I positioned my body so I was lying on my left side, that way he could lay behind me. I think he was worried about hurting me because normally he’d bang me out but that particular time he slowly slid inside me, moving in and out with slow smooth strokes. Surprisingly it worked. I was able to relax long enough so that as soon as he finished, and I knew that he couldn’t see the tears fall down my face, I laid there and fell asleep.

When I woke up later that night or early in the morning depending on how you look at it my chest was still a little sore and I was scared to move a certain way, but since I wasn’t high, I wasn’t freaking out anymore. I realized I was just having a panic attack. Tyree was out in the living room doing his thing, getting high and playing video games.

“Yo, do you feel better now?”

“My chest still feels kind of tight, but I’m okay.”

“Man, this weed had you tripping tonight baby, you were praying and talking to God begging Him to make the pain go away. I would offer you some, but I heard your promise and I don’t want you to have another bad trip.”

I laughed to myself because I couldn’t believe I actually did that.

“It’s cool, I’m good.”

I left him alone because I still couldn’t believe what happened let alone that I had sex with him again. He was considerate enough though to put my food in the microwave. So I heated it up and ate it in the kitchen alone.

The next few days were okay. I avoided Tyree as much as possible. At work we had to film a few scenes together but luckily they were all threesomes. Tyree and I were the tops so we didn’t have to interact with each other; the bottoms got all the attention. After work I found other things to do to take up my time. I went to the movies alone a lot, I hung out with DeeDee a few times or I just chilled out by the pool by myself thinking and plotting.

Jasmine was sweet enough to call and check up on me every day. So when she called and asked me to go with her for support at an upcoming appearance I couldn’t turn her down. I needed to see her and wanted to get out of the house so it was perfect timing. The club was okay, but it was a straight club. So, I wasn’t getting the attention I craved. I got a couple of looks and had to wonder, I bet he’s DL and thinks I’m hot, or he’s a fan but too scared to approach me because he’s with his boys. The funny thing about that was I caught one of his boys checking me out too. I knew after a couple of drinks I’d break the ice and speak. I kept Jasmine company while she changed into her revealing, but sexy outfit. I watched her fix her hair and do her makeup before finally rubbing lotion all over her body.

A couple of minutes before show time I went back out in the club so I could get a front row seat. There was no doubt in my mind that she could dance but I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. As soon as the lights dimmed the men started whistling and hollering as if they were all hard and ready. I didn’t expect her to perform multiple songs and kill them all, but I guess when you’re that good you get a rush out of being on stage in front of a big crowd. It didn’t hurt that they were constantly throwing money on the stage, and putting it on her. I was getting into it and cheering her on “GO GET IT, GET IT GO” until I noticed she was getting up close and personal with a man on the other side of the stage.

The way she was getting down and giving him basically his own private show, while bumping and grinning all up in his face, made my curiosity get the best of me. I had to get up and walk over to see who was fine enough to grab her attention, but I quickly stopped in my tracks and gasped when I realized it was Breeze, our boss for God’s sake. I had to wonder what the fuck was wrong with her. Lanell just brought her a club and now she’s turning on her previous lover, if that’s what you want to call him. I wouldn’t dare, but then again maybe she wanted to show him what he was missing out on, either way I was disgusted with both of our recent actions.

After her performance I stood to the side and got a different perspective of the meet and greet. I watched as she signed pictures, talked to fans, and took pictures. It was nice to see what it looks like from the side lines and it made me appreciate my career even more.

*****

I was doing so good holding up my end of the deal I made with God until later that night when we got back to Jasmine’s condo, damn peer pressure is a bitch, or a friend named Jasmine.

“Please tell me you saw that fine ass motherfucka get in line three times. His ass was thirsty, he kept whispering in my ear, “I’d eat your pussy for days.”

“Eww, not with that foul mouth; did you see those gold teeth or were they just yellow? I couldn’t tell from where I was standing.”

“So you did see him. He was fine, but damnnn, his grill was fucked. YUCK!”

“What was up with that dude in the fur coat as hot as it was out tonight? Please don’t tell me he was a pimp. I hope you didn’t look him in the eyes, because he might think he owns you now.”

“I know right, I signed his picture and pushed it to the side real quick so he knew to keep it moving, but hold up he gave me something for you.”

“FOR ME?”

Jasmine jumped up laughing and talking to herself “I can’t believe I forgot this” as she grabbed her purse. She pulled out something then ran over and flicked it at me, but since my ass couldn’t catch, it fell on the floor beside me. I noticed as I was picking it up that it was his business card, he really was a pimp.

“There you go lover, maybe he can help you out on your “side jobs,” she said while moving her fingers as if they were quotations.

“BITCH, fuck you. I don’t need no motherfucking pimp when I am the pimp; them hoes pay me. Plus, I’m as sweet and good as Now and Laters. While you were doing your thing I figured why not get some now, and got this boy’s number so I could get some ass later. How you like me now?”

I failed to mention the rest of that night. I knew those dudes were cruising me. Behind a club isn’t my place of choice, but with my truck keys in Jasmine’s purse locked up and dealing with a dude who’s scared his boys will walk up in the bathroom looking for him, you gotta do what the scary cat, or should I say alley cat suggests.

“Jamar, please don’t tell me my plus one fucked someone in the club.”

“Calm down girl, I didn’t.”

“Oh, okay, good, cuz I was about to say.” I cut her off before she could finish.

“I just got my dick sucked behind the club. I had to satisfy my fan while you were almost done greeting yours.”

We both started to laugh as she shook her head. I’m pretty sure she and millions of others got it in at a place, or two that she or they aren’t so proud of it either.

I decided since we were having so much fun laughing and talking about her show that I’d stay the night again, instead of going home and having to sleep in the same bed as that asshole.

Chapter 31

“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee,
that bitch is like Mike Tyson on crack.”

The next few days at Breeze’s house weren’t so bad. I had forgotten how lovely his place was. He had his home rid of anything that had to do with Tanya and as a surprise; pictures of me had taken the places where hers used to hang. The biggest of them being above the fire place and in the master bedroom Portraits standing taller than two men and wider than three people standing with their arms spread out. It was a nice touch even though I wasn’t planning on staying too long.

“What time are you going in today?” Breeze asked as he stepped out of the shower.

“I’m not sure.”

I knew where he was going but wasn’t going to meet him half way.

“Why don’t you ride in with me?”

I knew it, and I knew why he wanted me to go into work with him. He was all about the show, wanting to show them that he had won, again, and the prize was me.

“No, you have to go in way too early, my shoot is at three.”

I tried leaving the bathroom before he made up a reason why I would have to go in earlier than my call time. I still hadn’t called Jamar or DeeDee to tell them that I was now living with Breeze. I was looking forward to seeing them because I thought that telling them in person would allow me to better explain the how, what, and why’s.

“Hey don’t forget I have the New York trip coming up soon. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

There was no way in hell I wanted to go with him. All he was going to do was check out some girl he had been hearing a lot about from a friend. It was going to be a two day trip that I had no problem missing.

“No, I have a lot of things to do around here, I’ll go next time.”

Breeze went on to work without me. Before he left out, he told me that after he got off we were going shopping. He got no arguments from me as far as that was concerned. Once he left, I showered, and took my time getting ready. He had a nice bathroom that was so roomy that I could fit half of my old apartment in it. I looked around for lotion, and other toiletries, under the sink, in the closet, and behind the glass in the bathroom. I didn’t find what I was looking for but I did find a funny looking bottle with liquid in it. I typed in the name that was written on the bottle into my phone and had to fight myself so that I wouldn’t throw up. That motherfucker had a date-rape drug just chillin’ in his bathroom cabinet. As I thought about things, I realized that he had used it on me, Ebony, and god knows who else. Breeze was a dirty low down dirty dude, but I was sure happy to finally have something on him. I knew that one day, I would need it.

*****

Hey bitch, where you been?” DeeDee asked me as soon as I walked into the dressing room. All eyes were on me and although they always were, something seemed different.

“Long story girl, I hope that you and Jamar could hang a little after work?” I asked as I put in my combination for my locker before opening it.

“Girl, please, I’m sure I know at least half of what you gonna tell me. Shit is flying around here as if there’s a tornado near.”

I knew by the way DeeDee spoke that she was aiming her words at not just me. She let the bass heighten the volume in her voice as she looked at the other girls and rolled her eyes.

“You know how it is; bitches like to get reckless with words without knowing a motherfuckin’ thing. By the way, have you seen all of your new pictures?”

I scrunched up my face and shook my head.

“What are you talking about?”

There’s no way she could have known about Breeze replacing all of Tanya’s pictures with mine at the house. She took my hand and led me out of the dressing room. As we walked through the warehouse, my face was everywhere. Life-size, bigger, smaller, retro style, futuristic, you name it, I had a picture in that style and size.

“This is why all them bitches are talking. This is what Breeze had done when he got with Tanya, so now they hating on you, hard. But you know what? I want to know what the fuck is going on myself. Things have been flying around here for days but I don’t believe any of it. I am right for not believing it, right?”

“What did you hear?”

This was my first day back at Fantasy Pictures since Breeze told me that I could go home, yet she had already heard things? I just didn’t get it. I hadn’t spoken to anyone and I don’t think that Breeze told anyone anything.

“You know what I heard, are they true or what?”

I couldn’t even answer her. I was ashamed to tell her that I was now sleeping with the enemy and she knew it.

“You know what, don’t say anything. I’m gonna text Jamar, I think he’s filming. I’m going to tell him that we’re going to my place once we’re all done working, I can’t get over this shit. You got a lot of explaining to do.”

DeeDee walked away with her phone in hand. She looked disgusted and confused, and so was I. I couldn’t even be mad at how she was feeling, Jamar and her needed to be filled in on myself destruction, but as far as the reason, well, I didn’t have one.

*****

I followed DeeDee and Jamar as we headed to her place. I had never been there but as soon as we pulled up to her gated community, it definitely looked like a place Mr. Cappello would call his part-time home. This bitch was living large, just like the bosses concubine should. We all parked around her oval water fountain that sat in front of the house and headed for her front door.

“Damn, girl, why we always hanging out at my place when we could have been chillin’ here? Your place is sick.” I said as she unlocked the door.

“Wait ‘til you see inside. I ain’t fucking for free, you know. I love Bobby now, but when I first met him, I knew that getting with him would get me shit like this,” she said, as she pushed the door open. I walked around her house and took everything in. She had exquisite taste.

“Like father, like son, huh?” I asked, pointing at a huge picture of DeeDee that almost covered a whole wall.

“I guess so,” she said as we shared a laugh. So I’m gonna go get a cold bottle of bubbly and pull out my stash so we can get this inquisition started.”

Jamar and I headed to her cream colored living room as she headed to the kitchen. I tried to get my thoughts together and get ready for the shit they were sure to throw my way. As we waited for her to come back, Jamar leaned in and put his hand on my knee.

“Please tell me that what I’ve been hearing ain’t true?”

I didn’t answer. I figured if I was going to break things down and plead my case, I should only have to do it once.

“Jasmine, I know you heard me.”

Still I didn’t answer, I just smiled.

“Oh, hell no, yah can’t start without me,” DeeDee said as she sat the tray down and handed us Champagne flutes.

“So go ahead and quit your grinning and spread your linens girl, go on and tell us what’s been going on between your sheets.”

“Well, I guess I should start after the lockdown.”

I took a deep breath, and then started to talk. I didn’t stop until almost every detail of the recent happenings in my life was all laid out for them to scrutinize. I told them everything about Breeze and I, decided to drop the Lanell bomb after hearing their thoughts.

“Wait, so it just so happens that your apartment was set on fire after he got you to go to Jamaica with him, AND it happened after he asked you to move in with him?” DeeDee asked, with the “this shit don’t sound right” face.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked before I took a big sip of my drink.

“I ain’t saying shit; I’m asking if my timeline is right.”

I sensed a little attitude in DeeDee’s voice and that caused me to get one of my own.

“Yeah, you heard right, so, and?”

She rolled her neck and stood up as she picked up on the sharpness that was starting to take over my tone. Breeze was a lot of things, but for her to be hinting at him being an arsonist was going too far. I watched her as she smiled and shook her head. I would bet money on her thinking that I was the dumbest bitch she had ever met in that moment. Or maybe she was thinking that I was lucky she considered me a friend. If anyone else had spoken to her that way in her own house, god only knows what would have happened.

“Look Jazzy, you have got to try and put shit together, try and add one plus one. If the math on that equals three or four, well you know things aren’t right, am I right?”

Her question was directed to Jamar who looked as if he had a whole lot to say but was holding back. We both waited to see what side he would take.

“Well…” That’s all he said before picking up his glass.

“Look, I know that Breeze is a little off and all, but what you’re saying, I don’t think---.”

“That’s the fucking problem; you ain’t fucking thinking, Jasmine. I mean, come on. This nigga pops out of nowhere and---.”

DeeDee was now standing and flailing her arms in the air as if she was trying to take flight. My naiveté’ disgusted her and pushed her rage level to high.

 “He didn’t pop out of nowhere, I fucking invited him,” I said as if this fact would make me seem any smarter or make the situation any better. She let out a sinister growl that I’m assuming was laughter and picked up her glass. She took a long swig and flopped down on her couch before crossing her legs.

“What, you think that changes what I’m thinking? That only makes you look worst. So you mean to tell me that after all the bullshit he has put you through, after meeting a dude like Lust and falling for him, making plans to start over and have a better life, you go and pull this shit? How fucking dumb can you be?”

I had passed my boiling point. She didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. She didn’t know about the pain and anguish that I have been holding in since that shit with Lanell went down, and she had the nerve to be coming at me like this? Who in the fuck did she think she was, my drunk ass mother? I jumped off of her expensive couch and didn’t give a shit when half of my drink landed on the seat cushion.

“First of all, I’m not going to be called dumb too many more times before I go off on your ass. Second of all, you should really know what the fuck you’re talking about before you start running your damn mouth. What the fuck you know about Lanell? Do you know that he never showed up on my last trip to Vegas? Do you know---?”

“SO THE FUCK WHAT? He didn’t show up, that don’t mean shit, that don’t mean that you have to jump right back in the damn bed with Breeze. And did you just spill your drink on my custom made couch?”

DeeDee never looked at me as she spoke. She just kept looking at the wet spot on her precious couch. Now as much as I liked DeeDee, and as much as I considered her to be a friend, my anger was to the point of no return. The more I looked at her looking at the unimportant damage to the cushion, the angrier I got. What I was trying to tell her was so much more important than her furniture. I needed them in my corner, as my friends, but I didn’t feel like I was getting that. So in my fit of fury, I did something so disrespectful. I filled up my glass, took a sip, and then poured the rest of the liquor on her couch.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

DeeDee was off of the couch before the words finished leaving her mouth. It was then that I realized the depth of my actions. Rage had blinded me to the situation at hand. DeeDee was a friend, a friend that would kick my ass from here to kingdom come.

“Come on Jazzy, that shit was foul,” Jamar said as he stood up and got between me and DeeDee. He had to literally restrain her from reaching me and doing damage.

“Oh, hell no bitch, I’m about to tap that ass.”

I wanted to say sorry, tell her that I didn’t mean to do it. I wanted to plead with her to forgive me, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it.  

“FUCK YOU, BITCH. YOU RUN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH TOO MUCH.”

My phone rang as Jamar did his best to keep her from me. I walked over to my purse, making sure to take the long way around DeeDee, and picked it up.

“I’ll be there soon,” I told Breeze after he asked me where I was at. I hung up the phone happy that I had found a way out.

“Stupid bitch, you better leave my fucking house. I was just telling you the truth, that’s what real friends do. Trying to help you avoid a big ass mistake before you make it, but no, you want to fuck things up before they even get started.”

I was on my way to the door as she spoke and almost made it out, but her words struck a chord and made me turn around.

“NO, you know what real friends do, they listen, they comfort, and they wait to hear the whole fucking story before they put in their two cents. Lanell never showed up because he was fucking his wife, the wife he told me he was divorcing. And to make matters worse, after calling a million times, that bitch picked up and told me that he was in her fucking house as we spoke. He didn’t even give me the common courtesy of calling and at least lying about why he couldn’t come, and he still hasn’t called now. So now what, am I supposed to wait and sleep on a friend’s couch until I make that move to Vegas? Fuck that shit. I’m gonna lay up in a big ass house, do a feature on a sitcom, drive nice cars, and make my money. Isn’t that what you’re doing here, fucking the boss to live a better life? And you have the nerve to turn your nose up at me? FUCK YOU, BITCH.”

Both she and Jamar seemed to be in shock. They didn’t think that my explanation was headed in that direction.

“Wait Jazzy, don’t leave, come back here,” Jamar said with sadness in his eyes and concern in his voice.

“No, I think that I’ve had enough of her for one day. I’m going shopping; maybe we can catch a drink later on or something.”

The sound of my heels clacking against her marble floors echoed loudly. I was damn near running for the door, praying that I made it out before the tears that were forming in my eyes fell. But Jamar had seen them, and he wanted to wipe them away with a hug and a shoulder to lean on, but for me, I just wanted out. I made it to my car before I heard DeeDee calling me back.

“Jasmine, come back, my bad, I didn’t know.”

I got in my car and didn’t look back. I didn’t look back because of two things. I had hurt a friend, I had hurt her because of my own pain, because of my own disappointments, and because I wasn’t dealing with the issue at hand in the right way. It was all bottled up, choking me, causing me to be irrational. I couldn’t face her so soon, so soon after walking out of her house. I needed time to deal, I needed to think, and I needed time to pull myself together. The second reason, well, it was pride. My pride didn’t want to let her see me cry. I didn’t want her to know that her words had gotten the best of me. I didn’t want to show her that her verbal assault was like pouring salt on a fresh wound. And although I should have said, ‘fuck pride’ and run into the arms of good hearted friends, instead, I got in my car and burned rubber. I sped off without the comfort I needed, without the assuring words I was looking for. I sped off without knowing if I had lost one of the two true friends I have ever had.

*****

I really couldn’t enjoy shopping with Breeze like I wanted to. Everything was weighing too heavily on my mind to jump for joy at the eighty five thousand dollar damage I had done on his card, but I tried my best to play it off. Once we got home, I jumped in the shower and tried to wash off the day’s bullshit. I made the water boiling hot, hoping that it would sanitize me and burn away the bad Juju that seemed to be taking over my life. After getting out, I felt lonely, Breeze was there, but I didn’t need nor want him. I need a friend. I needed Jamar. I slipped on Breeze’s robe and went into the bedroom. He was lying in bed watching some game on ESPN. I was hoping that he wouldn’t bother me and just keep on watching his game.

“Damn Jazzy, you smelling good as hell. Why don’t you come on over here and watch the game with me?”

I rolled my eyes before turning around and faking a smile.

“I don’t do basketball, besides, I was about to call Jamar and ask him if he wanted to hang, do you mind if I have some company for a while?”

“Okay, okay, I see how it is. But no, you can do whatever you want. This is your house too Jazzy, you can have whoever you want over here. How many times to I have to tell you this?”

He had gotten off of the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I hugged him back wondering if he could feel the coldness in my touch. As I walked out of the room, I looked back at him. Judging by the sadness in his eyes, he had felt every bit of the chill my feelings toward him housed.

“Maybe after he leaves, you and I can put on a good movie like we did at my old place and chill, how about that?”

He smiled, but he couldn’t hide the truth that my rejection had caused.

“Sure thing baby, whenever you ready, I’ll be here, I’m gonna wait.”

He and I both knew that he was talking about more than just the movie.

*****

“I’m so happy that you came,” I stepped aside as Jamar slipped by me and entered the house.

“Is he home right now, cause that’s gonna be awkward?”

“He” was Breeze and I knew better than to tell him that he would be here when I asked him to come.

“I know right, but what can I do? Plus, it’s cool we can go out to the veranda.”

I walked Jamar through the house and hoped that Breeze really did leave us alone. I needed my friend to hear me out and make me feel better. I wouldn’t be able to talk so freely if Breeze was around.

“I can never get over how nice this place is.”

“Yeah, well, all that glitters isn’t always gold; remember that.”

Jamar smiled and shook his head in agreement.

“So, what the fuck was that shit about today?” Jamar asked as he pulled out an already rolled blunt from his pocket. Guess he knew that we were going to need it. I didn’t answer ‘til we were at least half way through the J.

“You know what?” I asked with smoke still in my lungs.

“I don’t even fucking know. Now you know that I would never spill no shit on someone’s couch on purpose, how tacky was that? Let alone to do that shit to DeeDee, what was I thinking?”

I passed the mellow green back over to him after taking in a big old puff.

“You weren’t fucking think at all, she was going to kill your ass,” he said as we both laughed at the thought of me fighting wild ass DeeDee.

“I would have been able to handle my own.”

We both looked at each other and neither of us could stop our laughter. My last statement was not only false, but it was unbelievable.

“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee, that bitch is like Mike Tyson on crack. She moves fast and carries a mean punch. And she won’t stop until she sees blood or until you’re on the floor and have stopped moving.”

He was right.

“Do you think that she will ever talk to me again?” I held my breath hoping for the best.

“You were bold as hell going at her like that. I think that if it were anyone else…The good thing is that DeeDee really likes you. She always says that you’re like a little sister to her. I think that she was over it the minute you dropped all that heavy shit on us. But if I were you, I would call and apologize. Oh, and don’t ever try that shit with her again. I think that this was your one and only free pass.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, it won’t happen again. I’m just happy that she cooled down before she blew up.”

“So how are you really feeling, about the whole L thing, are you sure he hasn’t called?”

I looked around before I answered him. I wanted to make sure that the would-be night stalker known as Breeze wasn’t around.

“Nope, haven’t heard a word, not one. Now tell me that ain’t some bullshit. After our first time in Vegas, I spoke to him all day every day, now not a fucking peep. Guess he knows that the jig is up, that I found out about him still being with his wife.”

“I’m so sorry, Jazzy; I really didn’t see that shit coming. Isn’t it crazy how you and I are kind of in the same spot, as far as love is concerned? We really do know how to pick them, huh?”

“Like two fucking peas in a pod.”

We smoked and laughed and at times almost wanted to cry. The world wasn’t as bright for neither of us as it was before. And as we wallowed and chuckled at our current space in life, two hours had passed without us noticing.

“Well, I’m gonna head out, gotta go home and fake contentment and blindness to the fact that Tyree’s a cheating asshole.”

“Fake it ‘til you make it, boo.”

We stood up and headed to the door. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his second to last J.

“You can have this, I got more at home. Plus something tells me that you’re going to need it tonight.”

I took it from him as we both looked at the stairs that lead to Breeze.

“Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you for a favor. Before I head out for my audition tomorrow, I have to go to my place and survey the damage. I wanted to know if I could store some things in your garage; that is, if there is anything left after the fire?”

He looked confused and I already knew what question was coming next.

“I just don’t want to move anything personal in here. I still plan on leaving. If I have things here, I won’t be able to just get up and go. I promise they won’t be there for long, I’ll have movers come and pick them up as soon as I get to Vegas, please?”

“You don’t have to beg, Jazzy, you can use my garage for as long as you want. I was just wondering why you wouldn’t want to bring them here, but I get it now. That will be no problem. But I have to tell you, I really don’t think that this is a good idea, living here and all. It just doesn’t seem right. And what if Lanell ever found out? I know that things are crazy with you two, but I just don’t think it’s right for you to be here. I’m just telling you as a friend.”

“That’s why I don’t plan on staying here too long.”

He was right and we both knew it. I gave him a tight hug and watched him as he got in his car and drove away. I was so thankful that he was in my life. I closed the door and headed up the stairs. Once in the room, I lit the blunt Jamar left behind and crawled into bed with my current bedmate.

“So, what do you want to watch?” Breeze asked as I slid into his arms and passed him the weed.

*****

The next morning, I went over to my place and held my breath before I turned the key. I was afraid to open the door and see my place completely destroyed. I pushed the door opened with my eyes closed and just stood there. The vacant smell of smoke and burnt materials invaded my nostrils. My stomach sank to my feet as my imagination ran wild. Finally I just said fuck it and opened my eyes.

“Oh, my God,” I said as a smile crept across my face. I could forget about salvaging any electronics due to water damage, but besides that, most of my things were okay. I walked around and put pink post-it notes on everything I wanted the moving company to pick up. There wasn’t much that I wanted. I was going to be leaving a lot behind. Didn’t want the old memories, just taking my mother’s art pieces and some things I had since Puerto Rico. All together I think I had about ten boxes worth of stuff. An hour later, I had my jewelry box in hand and was ready to head for my audition.

*****

“So we’ll call you and let you know our decision.”

I had been in the director’s office for no longer then fifteen minutes before he gave me that old Hollywood bullshit line about calling me.

“I can do it again, read it a different way maybe?”

I was willing to try anything to get this part. And I’m not sure that sleeping with him was off that list.

“No, that won’t be necessary, we’ll call you.”

With that, I knew that it was time to make my exit. By the time I got to my car, I was close to tears. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. To me, that was one of my best readings yet. I picked up the lines right away and didn’t even have to look at the script. I just didn’t know why he didn’t like it, and that was frustrating. I drove straight home with one thing in mind. I needed a stiff drink and to be alone. My dream, the dream that kept me alive through my mother’s bullshit, the dream that was so close today that I could smell it had yet again eluded me. I couldn’t wait to kiss this fucking town goodbye.

When I got home, I walked directly to Breeze’s well stocked bar. I poured myself a tall glass of liquor and drank it straight. I poured myself a second one, kicked off my shoes, and was on my way upstairs when I heard the doorbell. I stopped and looked at the door hoping that whoever it was would go away. When they didn’t ring again, I continued on my way up the stairs. Boom, Boom, Boom! Who the fuck is that, I asked myself. I looked at the clock on the wall and it read 1:30. When the banging continued, I made my way back down the few steps and unlocked the door.

“WHO THE HELL IS IT?”

I swung the door open and immediately wished that I had kept it closed. The glass that was in my hand crashed against the floor. It shattered into millions of little pieces, as if it were imitating my life.

“What, how, what are…”

“Just had to see it for myself, wouldn’t believe it unless I did.”

“What are you doing here…who told you, how did you know?”

“Does it matter?”

Lanell turned his back on me after giving me the dirtiest look I had ever gotten in my life. My right foot dug into the sharp glass on the ground and begun to bleed, I didn’t even notice nor did I feel any pain as I followed him, leaving a trail of blood behind.

“What are you doing here Lanell, and how did you know where to find me?” I asked as I grabbed onto his arm forcing him to turn around. He stopped walking, yanked his arm out of my hand and looked straight at me.

“Someone told me where to find your trifling ass, someone who couldn’t stomach the thought of me not knowing that my fiancé is fucking and living with her boss.”

“Your fiancé, really? You still considered me that after fucking and laying up with your wife? I didn’t know you could have both of those at the same time, a wife and a fiancé.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Was he really trying to stand there and play the dumb card? What did he take me for, an idiot?

“What, she didn’t tell you that I spoke to her?”

“My wife?”

“Oh, now you remember that you have one?”

He didn’t answer. He just stared.

“Why didn’t you come to Vegas?”

“Why are you here, in this house, are you really living with him?

He heard my question but wanted his answered first.

“Was it because you were in her house, her bed, your wife that is? Did you tell her you loved her as you fucked her, you know, how you do with me? Is that one of your favorite lines? Does it turn you on to play with people’s minds and hearts?”

I wanted the truth this time and I wasn’t going to stop asking my questions until I got it.

“So how long did it take you to move in with him, a day, a few, a week maybe?”

“Did she tell you that I spoke to her, the night you were supposed to meet me in Vegas? She told me that you were there, in her bed. She told me that you two were still together. So, how long have you been lying to me, filling me up with your lies, your fake dreams, your bullshit?”

“When did you speak to her?”

“That night. The night you were supposed to come. That night my whole fucking WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN.”

I was losing the cool I was trying to hold on to. He was still lying; he was still treating me as if I was dumb.

“That night, that night, I was with my son. He was sick; I had a hard time seeing him before that. I was going to call but---.”

“But you never called. Not that night, not the night after. YOU NEVER CALLED.”

“I was there FOR MY SON, NOT MY WIFE.”

“No, you were there for her too, she told me so. Said that old was new again. Said that you were in her bed as we spoke. Was she lying?”

We were face to face, eyes to eye. I wanted to see if he could just lie to my face without even blinking, without even caring.

“I was there, in her house, in her bed, not with her, but I feel asleep with my son.”

“Why didn’t you call me Lanell, you never called?”

His eyes softened as he heard the pain in my voice.

“I couldn’t Jasmine, my phone was gone. Couldn’t find it when I got up, she said she couldn’t find it either. I called her every day, but she said she never found it. All my numbers were lost; I couldn’t even call my brother until I spoke to my parents. I waited for you to call once I got a new phone. Kept it with me night and day, just waiting. When you never did, I thought I would come out and surprise you, tell you what happened.”

“So it was all a lie, what she said?”

I felt dumb; I was dumb for believing her.

“All lies. But this isn’t, you living here, being with HIM. It’s all true, and that’s a shame. Didn’t want to believe it but I have to believe my eyes, WHAT THE FUCK, JASMINE, HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT, AFTER NOT HEARING FROM ME, TO MOVE IN HERE?”

“We can fix this Lanell, we can figure everything out. Just calm down, you have to understand.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to his truck. Panic started to set in once I realized that he was about to leave. I grabbed onto his arm again and held on tight.

“I didn’t know that she was lying, Lanell. I was hurt, in shock. I needed a place to go; my place was set on fire. I needed a place to go. Don’t you understand that’s all this is, a place to live, nothing more?”

“Did you fuck him? Have you fucked him since you said yes to me?”

I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t answer.

“You can keep the ring,” he said that with such closure, as if I would never see him again. And as he pushed the unlock button on his keychain, I lost my mind.

“NO, PLEASE LANELL; YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE, JUST UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS HURT, I NEEDED A PLACE TO GO, PLEASEEEE.”

We were having a fight of tug of war, I was holding onto him, any part of him so that he wouldn’t leave, so that he couldn’t leave. He was pulling away, trying to get away from me.

“We can work this out, please, just listen to me, Lanell, just listen.”

I was crying, trying to hold on to him, trying to hold on to what we had.

“Nah, I’m good, the proof is in the pudding.”

With that, he pushed me away from him and slammed his car door.

“I thought you said you loved me?” We asked in unison.

“I did,” he answered.

“I still do,” I said before he drove away.

Chapter 32

“Here’s to new beginnings.”

A few weeks went by and it seemed like Tyree was doing his own thing while I was doing mine. We didn’t discuss it but I didn’t care who he fucked, when he fucked, as long as he fucked me when I needed it. Even though I wasn’t in love with him anymore I still had needs and you don’t find dicks like Tyree’s too often. Once or twice a week I’d walk up to him, pause his video game, suck and ride his dick long enough for both of us to get off then I’d let him be. I wanted him to think we were still good so there were no emotions attached to our sex, it was strictly me doing what I had to do; kind of like the “straight” men in prison, I’m assuming that’s what some of the men in there who crave pussy do when their hands are no longer good enough to satisfy the urge and their only option is to fuck another man.

I was feeling good, I had come to grips that we were just roommates and I was ready to move on. The weekend was over and Tyree just returned from seeing his girlfriend so I had the urge to spend his money. Tyree caught on to me using him for free stuff and in so many words cut me off, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I stole his check card out of his wallet when he wasn’t looking and headed to the mall. I brought a bunch of shit I didn’t even need from the stores I knew they wouldn’t even bother asking for identification. I had plenty of money, way more than the average 20 year old has or needs but I wanted to waste his.

Just for a laugh I brought him a couple of outfits with his own money, just so I could smile and say I was thinking about him. After getting a quick bite to eat on his dime I was driving down Sunset Boulevard when I spotted someone. At first I almost didn’t recognize him because he looked like he had been to hell and back. I noticed it looked like he was begging for money from everyone who walked passed him. As I slowly drove pass I started to just go home and pray for him, but I put myself in his shoes and thought Damn, I would hope if I was ever homeless and someone recognized me, he or she would help me out. I pulled over real quick, and then got out my truck so I could walk down to where I saw him standing. I smiled and started to say hi but he spoke first.

“Excuse me, sir; do you have any extra money that you could spare? I’m starving and haven’t had anything to eat in days.”

I knew right away that he didn’t realize it was me, but then again he had his head down as if he was ashamed. He had on some torn jeans that were stained, especially in the knee areas, his shoes that were once white were now grayish black, his hair which used to always be in long braids were now a small uneven afro. His lips which used to be plump and juicy looked dry and crusty. I almost gave him the four hundred dollars I had on me and planned to just walk away but something told me he needed more than my play money.

“Domingo?”

He slowly looked up, put his head back down and said, “If you’re a fan and aren’t buying keep moving, otherwise if you got a place to go I’m down for whatever as long as you have sixty on you.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was almost pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t judging him since I’ve sold my soul pole a few times too but I felt like what he was doing wasn’t right. He deserved a lot better.

“Domingo, it’s me Jamar, my bad, I mean Krave.”

He quickly looked up and his eyes opened wider as he stared at me for a moment. After he realized it was me he checked me out from head to toe, and then kept his head down.

“What do you want?” he asked so nonchalantly like he wasn’t excited to see me.

“I saw you as I was driving by and at first I just wanted to say hi, but now I want to help you.”

“Help me? Please no one can help me now. Besides why would you want to do me any favors? Never mind I know what you want, you want to rub it in my face every chance you get, right?”

“It’s not like that at all, I know we didn’t care for each other in the past, but I want to help you for real. I promise you I’ll never throw it in your face. As a matter of fact if you let me, I’ll take you to a nice hotel, clean you up, feed you, and I’ll never bring it up or speak about it again.”

“So you’re not going to tell everyone at Fantasy Pictures you saw me out here like this?”

“I won’t tell a soul.”

He started to cry, and at first I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Finally he spoke up. “I do need help, I want help, but it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late, come on, trust me.”

I had no idea what I was doing nor did I know how I was going to help him, but someone had too and I guess Fate would have it that I was that someone. The first thing I wanted was to get a room because he needed a shower bad, and he needed to soak in the tub for a while because he was funky. Normally I ride with the air condition on full blast, but I had to put all of the windows down or it would’ve been unbearable. He noticed and apologized over and over so I told him to relax and not to worry about it so he’d feel a little bit more comfortable. I was just happy my seats were leather so I could wipe them down later. As we were driving I looked over and he was shaking. I knew he wasn’t cold, as hot as it was outside so I assumed he was nervous.

“Relax, Domingo it’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not that man. I need a fix. I haven’t used since last night so I’m starting to feel sick. Please help me.”

I didn’t understand. I was trying to help him.

“Tell me what you need. Are you hungry? Do you need some medicine?”

“Do you have a hundred dollars? I’ll pay you back when I can.”

I knew he wouldn’t be able to pay me back but since I was prepared to give him all of the money I had on me it wasn’t a problem at all.

“Thanks Krave, I owe you one. Can you do me another me favor?”

“Sure just tell me what you need.”

“Make a right at the next light.”

We drove for a while as he gave me the directions. I knew shortly afterwards where we were heading once I saw the kind of neighborhood we were in. We finally pulled up to an apartment complex with mad people hanging outside. I’m not going to lie I was scared and thought I made a mistake taking him there.

“I’ll be right back.”

At first I thought he was going to run off and leave me sitting there inside my truck while I got stared down by men and women. Some looked like they were trying to check me out while others were mean mugging. After about ten minutes I decided I was going to drive around the block, come back, and if he wasn’t outside waiting I was going to leave. As I took the truck out of park he came running out of the building with a big ass smile on his face. He knew he’d be high soon so that made everything better in his eyes. I was disappointed because here I was trying to help him and all he wanted to do was get high.

“How can I help you if you just brought what I think you brought?” I asked as he got inside the truck.

“Man, you don’t understand I have to have this. I’m going to try and let you help me but I can’t just stop cold turkey. You feel me?”

“Okay, just tell me how to get back to L.A.”

He showed me the way and finally we were back to a familiar city. I found the closest and nicest hotel because I was starving and I was tired of driving. I asked Domingo to wait in the car while I went inside to get us a room. I asked for the best room available and handed the young Latino girl my credit card and I.D.

“Here you go, suite A is on the 22nd floor.”

I started to walk back to the truck when she asked.

“Do you need any help with your bags, Mr. Rodriguez?”

“No thanks, I got it.”

As I approached the truck I caught Domingo about to put a needle in his arm so I banged on the truck door and screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

He jumped so hard to the right that he bumped his head on the window and dropped the needle on the floor. He looked at me all bug eyed.

“Man, you scared the shit outta me. I thought you were the police.”

I almost laughed but instead I said, “Well that’s what you get for not waiting until we were in the room. Now put that shit away and help me carry some of this stuff inside.”

As we walked pass the front desk the Latino girl who was smiling at me just moments before was now looking at me sideways as if she was disgusted I brought a homeless man inside the hotel. Once we were in the suite I wanted to order room service right away but I wasn’t eating until Domingo showered.

“Hold up before you get comfortable and do your thing, let’s clean you up.”

He looked a little disappointed and put his stuff down but agreed so I turned the shower on, and had the soap and shampoo ready for him. I turned around and he was already naked. Even though he lost all of his muscle mass he still had a nice slim athletic body. His huge dick on the soft still hung nicely, it took me back to the first time we met.

“Well, Jamar, we liked the pictures you sent in. If your test shoot is just as good I’ll have a contract ready for you that I’m sure you’ll be pleased with by the end of the day. Stick around for a little while and watch some of the other scenes that are being filmed so you can get a feel for it. I’ll let you know when we are ready for you,” Mr. Cappello said as he walked around his expensive looking desk to shake my hand.

I was so nervous but excited at the same time. Two weeks ago I was at home wishing I could do this and now I was moments away from having sex in front of an audience. I walked around the warehouse and checked out some of the scenes being filmed feeling confident I had what it took to be a porn star.

“Follow me.”

Mr. Cappello led the way back down the warehouse. A lesbian scene was just finishing up on stage 1as we approached stage 2.

“Domingo should be here in minute, he was in the locker taking a shower and getting ready while we were discussing your future here. I think you'll like him, he's mixed with black and Spanish. All of the other men here and even those who didn't make the cut all thought he was attractive when they got tested out by him.”

I didn't reply, I just smiled and nodded my head because I was too nervous and anxious. All I could think was dick don't fail me now because I only got one chance to impress this man. I waited and waited patiently while this dude took forever. Mr. Cappello on the other hand was impatient.

“DAMN, WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING HIM SO LONG, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GO CHECK ON HIM. I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.”

As the sound guy ran to get him, Domingo ran into warehouse.

“I'm sorry, sir, it took me longer to get ready than I expected.”

As soon as I noticed him I thought he was fine, sexy, all that and then some. He had long cornrows going straight back, a smooth butter pecan complexion, fat dick sucking lips also known as DSL lips, and muscles for days. I would've bet money that he worked out six or seven days a week.

“Are you serious? This young buck is supposed to top me?” he asked as he laughed and shook his head as if he was disappointed and expected someone else.

“That’s the plan.” Mr. Cappello responded.

There was no script or instructions besides simply make out and have sex so Mr. Cappello could see how I performed in front of the cameras. It was very intimidating the first time I had to strip and stand there naked in front of five other men, including Domingo. I just closed my eyes and kissed him pretending he was a lover going away who I would never kiss again. Since I was going to be the top I knew I couldn’t show off how good I was at being a bottom so I figured I’d at least show them I was orally talented. Everything was going okay until I sucked and sucked giving him my best and he wasn’t getting fully hard. I had to wonder if he was just too big, before doubting my skills. I did however get him back for embarrassing me earlier.

“Are you serious? Does this old head need some Cialis or Viagra?”

Mr. Cappello laughed and told us to switch.

“Oh, you got jokes I see. Well for your information I already filmed two scenes today so I’m drained and exhausted.”

I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I just smiled and sat back like I was the man and pointed at my piece which was hard as a rock, letting him know to get on it. The rest of the scene went great because I fucked him like he stole something from me and had to pay for it. I might’ve been young but I showed him and everyone else who was watching that I knew how to lay some pipe. Mr. Cappello knew I’d make him millions so he wasted no time and convinced me to sign his contract right away, but it didn’t take much convincing since it was something I desired and craved, hence my porn name.

“The water should be nice and warm, here’s a towel and washcloth. If you need anything else just call me.”

“Krave, I’m broke, homeless, and addicted to drugs. I’m not retarded. I know how to take a shower,” he said in a joking tone.

“I know man I’m just trying to show you I care. I want to do everything I can for you. Anyway take your time and get yourself fresh and clean, and when you get out I’ll call room service and order us something good for dinner.”

While he was showering I went through the bags and took out the outfits, socks, and briefs I brought for Tyree. Since Tyree and Domingo were about the same size now I knew Domingo needed them more than Tyree did. Speaking of Tyree, he kept calling my cell phone over and over. I finally picked up because I had a feeling I knew why he was calling me.

“Hey baby,” I answered as if I was excited to hear from him.

“Jamar, please tell me you have my check card. It’s not in my wallet and I can’t find it anywhere.”

I knew it. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to sneak it back in his wallet when I got home liked I planned on doing.

“Why would I have your check card? Maybe you left it at a store or gas station.”

“Damn, I was gonna be pissed if you took it, but I would’ve been relieved to know you had it.”

“Nope, I got my own money. Plus, I would never take anything of yours without asking baby. Do you think someone broke into your locker while you were filming scenes in Santa Barbara?”

“No, because I don’t leave my wallet in my locker, I leave it locked up in my truck. I’ll tell you one thing though if I find out who took it I’m gonna fuck them up.”

“Calm down Tyree. Look, I’m staying over Jazzy’s tonight. I’ll call the bank for you now and report your card stolen and have them send you a new one. Tomorrow when I get home I’ll check your account online to see if your card was used and where.”

I lied because I knew he wasn’t into computers and didn’t know how to look up his account, and I also knew he would appreciate the fact that I wanted to help so I loved it.

“Thanks boo, you’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Knowing he was planning on leaving me soon and those were his words, I suddenly felt less guilty and I wished I had brought more stuff. We said our good nights, and then I turned my cell phone off. After forty minutes I heard the water stop so I picked up the clothes I brought for Tyree and walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Domingo, open up, I have some clothes for you.”

He opened up in just a towel and didn’t look half bad. You could still see the drops of water in his hair and his skin looked nice and smooth. He must’ve been in there scrubbing away.

“Thanks, but I don’t think your clothes are going to fit me.”

“They won’t, but you can have these outfits I brought for Tyree earlier today. Their nice and they should fit.”

“You’re still with that fool. You shouldn’t trust him, he’s an opportunist.”

I just smiled and handed him the clothes. As bad as I wanted to know his business I wasn’t ready to open up about mine. When he came out wearing a black Atlanta Falcons t-shirt, Tyree’s favorite football team, and some fresh jeans he looked like a completely different man than the dirty homeless guy I saw just a couple hours ago. He was shaking more now than before so I figured I better let him do his thing. I asked him what he wanted to eat but he said, “Surprise me.”

I was in the mood for some pasta so while he was getting high I looked away and ordered us both some chicken Alfredo, two Caesar salads, and a bottle of their most expensive wine. I turned around and for a split second I was terrified because the way his eyes were rolled up in the back of his head, and the way he was lying in the chair I thought he was dead. Once I realized he was still breathing I calmed down and left him alone while I figured out what I was going to do with him. Almost an hour later, which was ridiculous, our food finally arrived. I was scared the bellboy was going to see Domingo so I had him roll the cart of food in just enough for me to hand him a 20 dollar bill and sent him on his way. After I put everything on the small round table I woke Domingo up to eat.

“Wake up, our dinner is here and you need to eat something.”

He got up and smiled at me so hard that I knew he was convinced now that I genuinely cared about his wellbeing. Out of all the people in the World I bet he never thought I would be the one to come to his rescue, hell I was shocked myself. I’m not one to have a save a hoe syndrome. I’m usually the one to sit back and observe, but I guess I’m a sucker for fine men, seeing I saved Tyree’s ass when he was about to be homeless. This time I wasn’t as sure what to do though, I was just trying to get through the night and go from there.

During dinner I found out everything about Domingo’s life that he would share. His parents died in a tragic car accident back in Texas, his hometown. Since he was sixteen at the time he had to go live with an uncle until he was 18, that’s when he moved to L.A. with five thousand dollars in hopes to becoming famous. He claimed no one would take him serious as an actor because he was “too pretty”, but I’ve filmed scenes with him and watched some of his movies and he can’t act to save his life. He’s always had a nice body so he started dancing and stripping at night to make ends meet until a porn scout spotted him one night and talked a hole in his head. He mentioned how the scout boosted his ego and told him how rich he’d be and that’s all it took. Porn and partying was his life up until he found out he was HIV positive, since then his life had gone downhill.

 First he started drinking more to numb the pain which was understandable. Then, he met his ex who introduced him to all kinds of drugs. He was so depressed that he wasn’t STD free and that he got fired so that was his escape. Drugs were the only thing he had to look forward to everyday. As soon as he ran out of money his ex-boyfriend left him and that’s how he ended up being homeless and begging for money. He told me depending on how much he made he would walk and get the drugs if his dealer didn’t bring them to him, and that food was his second priority so that’s how he lost his muscles.

We talked and I told him a little bit about what’s been going on with me, but not too much because I knew he had nothing so I tried to down play my success. I did get him to promise me he’d go to rehab, so I promised him if he completed it successfully I’d help him get back on his feet when he got out. We felt like watching a movie so I ordered Kick Ass, we were laughing and hanging out like friends but I noticed toward the end of the movie he was antsy. He couldn’t stay still and was shaking again, so when he got up to do his thing I grabbed my wallet, keys, and headed back to the mall. I brought some hair clippers, tooth paste, two tooth brushes, mouthwash, deodorant, a couple more outfits, some new tennis shoes, and a gym bag all for Domingo.

Tyree didn’t know how much money he had so he wouldn’t miss it. Once I was back in the truck I cut Tyree’s check card up in little pieces and called the bank pretending to be Tyree and reported it stolen. Back at the hotel Domingo was passed out so I put all of his stuff together and then went downstairs to look up local rehab centers on the courtesy computers. I found a few different ones in the L.A. area that were free clinics but I figured since it was free he wouldn’t get the best treatment plus he could only stay there for thirty days. I found one called 2nd Chances that had a sixty day program, and had nice facilities with plenty of daily activities to keep you busy. I called and arranged to bring Domingo in the next evening with the hopes that he wouldn’t change his mind. I walked back upstairs an hour later and he was up and had poured us both a glass of wine. He smiled as soon as we made eye contact.

“Thanks for all stuff you brought me. Will you have a drink with me?”

“Of course.”

I put my stuff down on the dresser and walked over to him and grabbed my glass.

“Here’s to new beginnings,” he said excitingly.

“And second chances,” I added.

He smiled and nodded before we touched glasses.

I was exhausted so after I finished my drink I brushed my teeth and he followed me and did the same. As I was about to walk out he grabbed my arm and said “Hey.” I turned around to him staring me down like he was undressing me with his eyes. I didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to be rude so I turned around to leave so I wouldn’t give him the wrong impression. It was too late. He grabbed me again and kissed me. At first I was shocked and just stood there and allowed him to continue doing it, but when I felt his tongue enter my mouth I softly pushed him away.

“Hold up, Domingo, I can’t do that.”

“You have to let me repay you.” He reached for my jeans and started to unbutton them but I stepped back.

“You don’t owe me anything. I didn’t do it for pay back. I just wanted to help, but if you want to pay me back you’ll go to this rehab facility I found online tomorrow. It looks nice and all of the reviews left on the website were good reviews. That’s how you can repay me.”

He looked embarrassed and apologized but agreed to go to rehab. Finally we laid down for bed and as I laid there and thought what I was going to tell Tyree about his stolen card, Domingo thought about us.

“Can I ask you a question? I want you to be one hundred with me though if you answer it.”

“Sure, go ahead and ask me.”

“Did you turn me down because I’m positive?”

Where did that come from? I didn’t expect that question at all.

“No, I turned you down because I’m already in a relationship and when I’m dating someone I don’t cheat.”

I lied, but it wasn’t because he was positive. I turned him down because I didn’t know what else he had. All I could picture was him sharing needles and sleeping with a bunch of random people on the streets for money. Rather it was true or not those were the images in my head.

“Oh, okay I can respect that.”

I don’t know if I felt bad for lying or if I just felt sorry for him but I turned over on my side so I could hold him all night and prayed everything worked out for him.

The next morning I woke up first and took a shower, and then I got dressed. He looked too comfortable so I let him rest while I ordered us a big breakfast. I knew he had a long battle ahead and I wondered if he was strong enough to win and beat his addictions.

After breakfast we were sipping on some coffee and making small talk. I asked him if he was ready to start his new life.

“I think so; I mean living on the streets is no joke. I never thought that’s where my life was heading. I pictured myself living in a mansion living the life of luxury, not begging for people’s loose change and sleeping on whatever hard ass bench I could find.

“Well, don’t worry we are going to change that starting today.”

“So what kind of job will you have lined up for me when I get out of rehab?”

“Let me worry about that, but trust me I’ll have something good for you.”

I had no idea what or how I would find him a job but I wanted him to focus on starting over. Since we had some time before we had to check out I convinced him to let me cut his hair. I couldn’t allow him to go into rehab looking set up and I didn’t have enough time to take him somewhere to get it done professionally.

“Of course I know how to cut hair.”

I lied again. I only cut my own hair a few times and seeing that I was going to cut it all off so he’d have a low fade I didn’t think it would be too difficult. After I was finished he kept staring at himself in the mirror. I don’t know if he was looking to see if I fucked up, or if he was trying to adjust to his new look.

“Wow, this is the first time since I was a kid that I had my hair cut this short. Ever since I was a teenager I’ve only rocked cornrows.”

“Well, you look damn good and clean. You look a lot younger too, no bullshit.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right I do. I’ll have to get used to this, but I’m feeling it. Thanks man.”

“You’re welcome. Here take the clippers with you, maybe you’ll have a fan in there who’ll want to keep you looking fresh.”

“Shit, I’ll find someone up in that bitch to hook me up. Thanks again.”

I just smiled and got all of my stuff together while he took a quick shower. After we were ready to go I printed out the directions to the rehab center. During the ride there I thought he needed another fix so I pulled over in a shopping center and parked so he could get his last high before checking himself in.

“Why are we stopping?”

“I saw that you were shaking again. Are you getting sick? Don’t you need to handle your business?”

He laughed out loud before he replied.

“No, I’m shaking because I’m scared and nervous. I don’t know what to expect, and I’m scared I’ll fail. Plus, I’m scared I’ll let you down, but most importantly let myself down.”

“OH!”

I felt stupid and embarrassed for assuming I knew the symptoms already, especially when he never did say what drugs he was hooked on.

“Besides I only got a little bit left and I hid it in my clothes for emergency purposes only, if they don’t find it.”

I smiled as I shook my head and continued to drive. When we finally arrived, he seemed excited because he was smiling and cheering himself on.

“Okay, I can do this. It’s only thirty days, and I’ll get a bed and food every day. It’ll be a walk in the park.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was sixty days, he’d find out in due time. We were greeted with smiles and handshakes. We were informed that eight specialists worked there and at least three of them were there at all times. Domingo filled out some paperwork while I handed the nice white lady my credit card. Once it was finally time for us to say our goodbyes I didn’t want to leave him. I was actually worried about him. The doctor could see it written all over my face.

“Don’t worry; he’s in good hands now.”

I gave him a hug and whispered, “Be strong, I know you can do this.”

He squeezed tighter and said, “See you soon.”

I got out of there and was proud of myself as I finally headed home. All I had to do now was figure out the lies I was going to tell Tyree about his missing check card.

Chapter 33

Paul Huffington

“CUT.”

Two days later I was on the set of Roommates, I had gotten the part after all. I got the call three hours after Lanell sped off. The casting director was waiting for me to scream and yell with joy but that didn’t happen. I didn’t even smile about it until the morning of shooting.

“That was really good Jezebel, fucking fantastic. You timing is so right on, you got this girl,” my TV boyfriend said as he patted me on the back.

“You keep this up; old Marvin will fuck around and make you a regular.”

I smiled and thanked him. My dream was coming true; I was on a real Hollywood set, really acting. Not just moaning and fucking. But the moment wasn’t all that it could be. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had called him nonstop but he still hadn’t picked up. I just wanted to hear his voice, even if he were to pick up and tell me to fuck off. I just need to hear something, anything from him. And after a twelve hour day on the set, I was still calling. I called as I walked to my car, I called once I was in my car, and I called him all the way home when he didn’t pick up, I sent him another text. Please Lanell, just pick up and talk to me, or at least text me back. Just let me explain. If you ever loved me, give me that chance. I need to talk to you, I need to see you, I need to be with you, and I need you to forgive me and love me. Don’t you love me still, don’t you want to give me a chance to at least try and fix things?

I sat in front of Breeze’s place and waited for a response that never came. I felt numb and vacant inside. I tried to feel the pain that was there when I spoke to his wife but that was gone, I tried to feel joy from my time on the set and couldn’t feel that either. I couldn’t feel anything, I was empty. So as I sat there, in my car, erasing all of the calls and texts to Lanell out of my outgoing call list, I tried to get used to the feeling, thinking that this was how I was going to feel for the rest of my life. After a short while, I mustered up the strength to get out of my car and head inside.

“SURPRISE!”

I looked around the room and saw familiar faces. They were all from work, some friends and some foes.

“We got her, look at her face,” Breeze said as he headed my way.

“This is to congratulate you on your first year in the business, and for your first day working on Roommates. How did it go, did you have fun baby?”

He wrapped his arms around me and planted a big kiss on my lips. I looked around the room, really looking for a way out, but I knew that getting out wasn’t going to happen.

“It was great, had a blast, thank you,” I said as he handed me a drink. I looked around and saw Jamar; he was giving me the “Sorry, I didn’t tell you about this” look. If only he knew how I felt at that moment. If only he know what had gone down with Lanell in the last few days. Maybe he could have told Breeze to postpone his little party. Right next to Jamar was DeeDee. My heart skipped a beat when I thought of the last time I saw her, but she was all smiles, she didn’t seem mad at all. There were so many people there. It had to be about fifty to seventy-five, at the very least.

“Hey, Jazz, just wanted to stop by and show some love, Breeze said I should come.”

It took me a while to realize that it was Ebony that was talking to me. She looked so different, like money. Guess Mr. Cappello and DeeDee were treating her right.

“Thanks,” I said as I kept it moving. I gave Jamar the “what the fuck” look as I headed toward him.

“What in the hell is she doing here?” I asked before noticing Tyree. I still couldn’t stand the sight of him but offered a hello anyway.

“Nice place you got here Jazzy.”

“It’s not my place, just stopping through.”

My answer to him came out a little colder then I intended it to. I turned my attention to DeeDee hoping to camouflage the heat in the air.

“Hey girl, I been meaning to call you. I am so sorry---,” she cut me off with the wave of a hand.

“I ain’t stuntin’ that shit. Plus, I should say sorry too. I should have waited before running my mouth; I’m trying to get off that judging shit anyway.”

We made small talk before Breeze walked over and joined us. As we stood there, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He wanted everyone to know that I was the new bitch who occupied his heart. It was all for show, he wanted them and needed them all to know that he had won me after all. I played along and gave the crowd and Breeze what they wanted to see.

An hour later the party was in full swing. Breeze and I were making our rounds, the music was pumping out of the speaker, and the food and alcohol were flowing. Although most smiled in my face, I knew that most of the females there wanted my spot. They wanted to be Breeze’s number one, thinking that this was the ultimate prize. Well, maybe for them it was, for me, it was just a stepping stone.

“OKAY, OKAY, EVERYONE, please simmer down.”

Breeze waited for the room to get a little quieter before speaking. “Now you all know that Jazzy has been a top biller for Fantasy Pictures for some time now. She came into this business and stole that top spot from a lot of you who are still mad about that shit.”

He waited for the room to laugh at his joke before continuing, and they all did.

“You walked into my place of business and not only took over the world of porn, but you took over my heart.”

The fake aww’s fell right where they were supposed to.

“You are dancing at the Black Oasis in Vegas every two weeks and from what I hear, you’re shutting it down. Now you’re taking Hollywood by storm.”

The bit about taking Hollywood over was a bit much but I wanted to see where he was going with his little speech.

“You are a star Jazzy; you should have the best and buy the best. That means that you should also drive the best. So if everyone would please follow me.”

They almost killed themselves to get to the front door. I looked on and laughed to myself as they acted as if they were giving out free money in the front yard. Once we were standing outside. Breeze pulled a car cover off a new Maserati. I was impressed. Breeze was really pulling out the big guns. But those guns still weren’t enough to shoot me down and keep me in L.A. with him.

“Thank you so much Breeze, this is really nice, but you know that my car is almost brand new right, about a year old?”

He laughed as if I didn’t know what I was talking about.

“This is why I love her, people. She’s really not after my riches. Jazzy, please. You drive a Lexus. That’s okay for your average Joe, but you’re a star. It doesn’t suit you, you need luxury.”

I thanked him and plastered a smile on my face that was so fake that my cheeks were staring to hurt.

“Damn girl, most people would kill for their man to give them a car like that. Can you teach me some of your tricks, you must be killing the fuck game to get a car like this,” Jamar said teasingly.

“It is nice, huh?” I asked as I looked the car over. Everyone had gone back inside including Breeze. I don’t even think that he noticed that I wasn’t there. If there was one thing Breeze loved to do, that was entertain. He was in his element, he was the focus of everyone’s attention, and he was in heaven.

“Hell yeah it is. Are you going to keep it?” DeeDee asked.

“I don’t know yet. I’m thinking no right now, but that may change once I get in it and drive it, may not be able to turn it down.”

They both laugh and shook their head YES in agreement.

“So how have you been feeling lately? You didn’t look so happy when you first walked in.”

“Well I don’t like surprises, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this shit the other night,” I said to Jamar as I gave him a little push.

“He swore me to secrecy. He even threatened me and said that he would kick my ass if I told you.”

I pretended to beat Jamar up some more as DeeDee stood with her hands on her hips.

“So you’re really not going to give up the juice?”

I gave her the confused face as she faked an attitude.

“What are you talking about, the show?”

“BITCH, PLEASE,” DeeDee said, with the wave of her hand.

“I’m talking about Lanell, did he hit you up?”

My mouth dropped open. How did she find out about the crap that went down with him?

“How do you know, did he tell you?” I asked, moving in closer to her. My heart was racing as the thought of everyone knowing what a big mistake I had made. Was he going around bashing me all over town?

“I saw him at the warehouse. He stopped there looking for you. He told me that he saw Tanya at the gas station and she told him what went down. He said that she told him to look for you at work. Did he stop by?”

It felt like I had stopped breathing. So it was that bitch? She told him about me moving in with Breeze? I promised myself right then and there to fuck her up on sight.

“Jazzy, did you hear me, did he call you?”

“NO, HE FUCKING SHOWED UP HERE,” I yelled with tears in my eyes. Both of them looked as confused as I did the day Lanell showed up on my doorstep.

“What? Wait, he came here, to Breeze’s house?”

“How did he know you were here?”

Jamar’s question followed DeeDee’s.

“That fucking bitch must have told him that I was here. Her little clan of followers must be giving her updates on what’s going on at work.”

I was trying so hard to keep it together. I was feeling so many things at once but none of them was as prevalent as the hate and anger I was feeling toward Tanya.

“Oh, my god, Jazzy, what did he say? What did you do when you saw him?” Jamar asked as he put his arm around me. I wondered if he was trying to stop me from trembling.

“It was awful. I opened the door and wanted to die, or at least be invisible. He looked at me with so much disgust, as if he never ever loved me at all. As if he would never love me again. I broke him, I could tell. He was done with me, finished as soon as I opened that door.”

I went on and gave them the play by play details.

“So you really think Tanya told him that shit?”

“Who else would tell him? Did he speak to anyone at Fantasy Pictures?”

“I don’t think so. He walked up to me asking if you were at work, I told him I didn’t know hoping to stall his ass. I told him I was going to go change and would come back out and let him know if I saw you in the locker room. I called you over and over but you never picked up.”

“I had my audition that day, my phone was off.”

Now all I wanted to do was go back in time and turn my phone on, even put it on silence. At least I would have seen the missed calls.

“What happened when you came back out of the locker room, what did you tell him?”

“I didn’t see him where I had left him standing so I asked Ebony who was headed my way if she had seen him. She told me that she saw a tall guy with dreads walking out of the side entrance. I ran and tried to catch him before he drove off but I was too late.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. If only one thing had changed, everything would have been different. FUCK! But I didn’t have much more time to talk to my friends or think about all of the new information DeeDee was giving me. Breeze came out and told me that I was being rude to my guest. I wanted to ask him if he thought that the people in his house were really MY guest but said fuck it. Why not continue to play my part?

*****

By the next week, I was wrapping up my shoot on the Roommates show. I did end up having a ball. The people were nice and the special treatment I received while at the studio was crazy. I got anything I wanted, when I wanted it, all I had to do was ask. We worked long days but it was better than being at Fantasy Pictures or being at home with Breeze. I spent the week working hard and turning down advances from the male actors, one D-L female actor, and even the director, but I turned them all down. They were all kind to me but also so full of themselves. I watched as they barked orders at their assistants. I saw them throw hissy-fits when their sodas were too cold or too warm.

It was crazy how they could go from a laughing and joking scene to being total asshole once “CUT” was yelled. But even in the haze of the tantrums the over privileged and over paid actors threw, there was one who stood out. He was British posing as an American. Even I had caught some episodes of the show and would have never guessed that under his southern drawl lived a deep home grown British ascent. We spoke between takes and I watched him closely when we all were just standing around. He was the only one who seemed human, the only one who seemed to remember that before stardom he lived like everyone else. He spoke to everyone with respect and I could tell that he demanded the same.

He was smart, worldly, almost as if he had been everywhere, knew everything about anything. He was funny, had swagger for days. He was sure of himself, but not in an asshole kind of way. And on top of all of that…he was FINE. Tall and ripped, his body looked illegal, not an ounce of fat on him. I wanted to stare at him for hours. I was so tempted to ask him how someone so tall and thin could have such a body. He wasn’t too thin, just not overly built. And it didn’t matter if you were looking at him from the back or front, both sides had something that made me wet. From his curly blonde hair, his small pink lips, his strong jaw line, and down to his chest and stomach, his looks were made for TV. And when he turned around, I just wanted to walk up to him and feel his back. It looked so strong, well defined, like a man’s back should look.

“So what are you doing after we wrap?” he asked as he leaned into me and bumped my arm with his. We were taking another five minute break so that the female stars could have her make-up touched up. All the while, she was yelling about the make-up artists not doing her job right.

“Nothing much, maybe stop for a drink or two.”

“Who are you going with?” he asked while giving me his full attention.

“With myself, why?”

Boy, did I want him to invite himself.

“You mean to tell me that none if these guys wanted to celebrate with you? This is your first time doing a show right?”

He was smiling and I was melting. His blue eyes had me stuck, damn he was fine.

“Sure they did, even a female,” I joke.

He laughed.

“Shane up to her old tricks again, huh?”

I didn’t confirm or deny his question.

“Well that’s bollocks, you can’t party alone.”

“Sure I can,” I said teasingly.

“Don’t be daft. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”

And that was the end of my fight. And although I intended for him to win that one, I let him think otherwise. Plus, it gave me pleasure to watch him leave with more pep in his step. He was feeling like he had just done what the other couldn’t, and that was cute.

*****

I followed Paul Huffington to the ultra-plush, ultra exclusive club Elite. They only let in the rich or famous. You had to know someone or be someone just to get in. I imagined that’s how Studio 54 must have been in the seventies. I followed him into valet parking and got out of my car. He came over to me and took my hand.

“Ever been here? It's super private and kind of a members only place,” he said in that sexy accent.

“Members only, how do you join?” I asked joking and flirting all at once.

“Be good looking, rich, and known. Good thing we both have all three covered.”

He was a slick dude, seemed as if he always had the right words at the tip of his tongue.

“Welcome back Mr. Huffington. Jezebel, right? I’m a big fan,” the beefy security guy said as he moved the ropes and let us through. I was flattered and embarrassed all at the same time. Did he really have to use my porn name?

“See what I mean, good looking, rich, and known, you’re all of those things and more.”

It felt good to be with a guy who wasn’t in the business. Sure he was in the acting game, but he wasn’t fucking on film. We spent most the night laughing, talking, and drinking. He was everything I would have wanted in a guy, and he just kept throwing one compliment out after the other. And I was eating that shit up with a silver spoon.

“Do you know how many times I jerked off to you?” he asked as he leaned into me. We were both pretty drunk and were so close that if we got any closer, I would be sitting in his lap.

“No, but I would love to know.”

I could feel his cute little pink lips against my ear. His breath was warm and his tongue slid against my lobe as he spoke.

“You think I’m joking don’t you, well I’m not. There’s something about you, the way you move, the way you speak, the way you fuck. You drive me crazy.”

Boy, was it getting hot in there. I picked up my drink and took a big sip.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a hotter Zoe Saldana, just sexier, thicker, you look more womanly, more dangerous even?”

I laughed.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Bradley Cooper, just younger, hotter, with a little more edge, and with a better body?”

We both looked at each other and both answered at the same time.

“ALL THE TIME.”

We were laughing and having a good time. He seemed to have found me just as interesting as I found him. The more we talked, the higher his hand moved up my thigh. And the more he told me about his jerking off to my movies, the lower my hand went. Once his was up my skirt and mine was on his rock hard dick, we were both ready to get things popping.

“Oh, my god, you’re so fucking wet.”

I looked around curious to see everyone’s reaction to our PDA, but it didn’t seem like anyone cared. The more he rolled his finger against my clit, the more I wanted to lose control.

“I wanna fuck you right here on the table, right in front of everyone, can we do that, can we?”

Was he fucking crazy? The answer was yes and it was turning me on. But I knew that there was no way I was gonna give everyone in the club a free show. I wasn’t THAT girl, that porn girl who would jump at that chance and somehow become infamous. That girls story would live on and be told by many. The story about the porn star who fucked a TV star at one of the hottest clubs on the Sun set strip. People would add to the story as the years went on. Some would claim that they were there to watch me do the whole club, and god only knows what else they would add to it. I would turn into that woman who is old and dried out, hanging on to that story as if it would keep me relevant and interesting. I would be that old hag who would try to still go to the next hot club, maybe getting in, and woohooing as I scream, “That was me; I fucked Paul Huffington at Elite night club 25 years ago.”

“Ummm, give me a second, gotta use the girls’ room.”

I needed an out. Things were moving way too fast with him. Did I want to fuck him, hell yeah? Was I ready to do it, should I do it, hell no? I took one last look at him before entering the bathroom and BAM; I knew that I was leaning toward doing it. He was too fine to pass up.

I emptied my bladder and pulled out the wet wipes I always kept in my purse. I wanted to be fresh down there because I was planning on having his Brit tongue inside of me for at least ten minutes, just not in the club. Right when I was about to leave the stall, I heard him walk in.

“Jezebel, where are you?”

He found me without an answer. He walked into the stall carrying two shots in each hand.

“So what about in here?”

I wanted to turn him down, but as I looked into his blue eyes, I couldn’t do it. I wanted him and I was going to have him in the bathroom. So nasty I know, but I had to fuck him right then and there. I took the shots from him and drunk down three of whatever they were. If I was tipsy before, the shots were on their way to making me drunk. He sucked on my lips, both of them. He licked my chest; he touched my body all over. He moved with technique and precession. I could tell that the groupies that must have frequented his bed taught him well.

“Wait, my phone… give me a sec, it may be work calling.”

Our hands were touching any and every part we could find. We were wild animals, rough and attentive all at once. I could barely take my phone out and read my text but I managed. How can you fix this? I needed you, I loved you, I was leaving my old life behind and starting a new one because of you, for you. I love you, always have, but how can you fix THIS? Don’t see that happening to tell you the truth, don’t see it at all. His text changed everything. Changed my mood, changed the way my body felt, and changed how I was thinking. The stranger named Paul no longer mattered. His blue eyes, his pink lips, and his ripped body disappeared and were now minute details that no longer held its weight. Lanell's words had penetrated me to the core and sex was the last thing on my mind after that.

“Stop,” I said as I read the text over again.

“Would you quiet it for a minute?”

Paul was too far gone to hear me. He was burning with lust, my please fell on deaf ears. He continued to stand behind me and fondle my breast. He sucked on my neck and pressed his rock hard stick against my ass.

“I said to fucking STOP,” I said, as I turned around and pushed him away. I shoved him a little harder then I wanted to. I wanted to say sorry but instead I read the message again.

“Oh, you like it rough, huh?”

This time it was him who pushed me into the stall’s wall, which caused me phone to fall and break into three pieces.

“I’m gonna fuck you good you dirty little porn star.”

The more I fought him off, the more it turned him on. He was unaware of the fact that this was not part of my game plan. I really didn’t want him; I really wanted him off of me.

“No really, I have to go, something just came up,” I said, turning around to face him. He went in for another kiss but I turned my head.

“Are you serious right now? You mean to tell me that you really have to go?”

He was blown. How could I get him to this point and want to back out? He couldn’t understand. He hadn’t had a woman back out on sex ever since he became famous.

“It’s fucked up, I know, but I really have to go.”

He looked at me and for a second, I thought that he would let me go.

“FUCK THAT SHIT, I’M GETTING SOME ASS.”

And just like that, he was no longer the guy that I was hanging out with. The cool guy from the set, the charming Brit from earlier that night was gone. He held onto me and began to kiss and suck on my neck, his hand were pulling my thong aside as he roughly ran his hand against my vagina. I tried to kick, I tried to push but he had me in a stronghold.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled as he pushed a finger inside of me.

“Oh, god, I’m gonna enjoy fucking you. How do you get your pussy to stay so tight after fucking all of those blokes all day?”

Now he was just trying to add insult to injury. I guess to him, I was just a low down dirty porn star that he could violate with no repercussion. I was left with no choice but to leap into action. I leaned into him and bite the left side of his face. I didn’t stop until I saw blood.

“AHHHH FUCK, YOU CRAZY BITCH.”

He grabbed his face then looked at his hand. He was in shock at first but then anger took over. He slapped me so hard that my ears started to ring.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

I wasn’t staying around to find out if his threat was only just that, a threat. I kicked him in the balls and as he leaned over in pain, I picked up all of the parts to my phone and ran out of the bathroom. Once outside I took off down the street. I didn’t even remember that the valet had my car. I walked for a few minutes until I came up to a bar. I walked in, sat on the barstool, and turned on my phone.

Chapter 34

“Your little boyfriend is helping Jasmine leave me.”

When I got home I drove around to the back, and was surprised to see Tyree sitting out by the pool smoking a blunt. I wanted to sneak in the house before he noticed me, but out of nowhere I heard a car speeding up the driveway. I quickly turned around because no one could get on our property without a key pass or the pass code to open up the gate. It only took me a second to realize it was Breeze’s bright yellow Lamborghini. My first thought was what the fuck does he want and then I wondered why he showed up unannounced. He got out of his car and slammed the car door shut before storming over to me.

“Breeze, what are you doing here?”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE JAMAR?”

I never saw him look that intense before.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her today.” I figured he was talking about Jazzy.

“DON’T LIE TO ME.”

“Breeze, I have a lot to do today so if you don’t mind…” I paused because I started to say can you just leave, but I didn’t want to be rude to my boss. “I’ll tell Jazzy you’re looking for her if I speak to her before you do.”

I thought he would get the hint and get back in his car and go, but now he looked even more pissed than before, but a second later he switched to being calm.

“Come on, Jamar, tell your boy where she’s at.”

My boy? We hung out a few times but to me he was just the man who signed my pay checks.

“LOOK, I honestly don’t know.”

He stood there and stared at me like we were having a “who will blink first” contest. A minute later I started to laugh but noticed he looked away and he looked furious.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“You’re helping her leave me after everything my father and I have done for you. THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?” He screamed as he pushed me out of the way to step into my garage.

“I brought her all of these fucking dresses, so why are they hanging on a rack in your garage Jamar?”

I just kept thinking in my head Why me? Why today? This man was having a mid-life crisis on a day where I just wanted to be alone and get high. He was giving me a migraine headache and he was a second from getting cussed out. I silently counted to ten before responding because I needed to calm down.

“Breeze, I have no idea what’s going on between you and Jazzy, or where’s she’s at right now. The last time I spoke to her she asked me if she could have a moving company drop off some stuff. She told me to store it for her until further notice.”

“Oh, that bitch thinks she’s slick. She has no idea who she’s dealing with. Help me put this stuff in my car.”

“I don’t think it will fit in your car and besides she wanted it here so it’s staying here, and I don’t think she’d appreciate you calling her a bitch.”

He stepped up to me and got in my face to the point that our noses were damn near touching.

“How would she know I said it?”

He paused so I assumed he was waiting for my response. I started to say because I’m going to text her right now but before I could speak he cut me off.

“NOW HELP ME WITH HER STUFF. I’M NOT ASKING YOU EITHER.”

While he was yelling like he was my father I pushed the button on my key chain so the garage door would close. He noticed the door was shutting and tried to grab my keys out of my hand.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, AND WHY DO YOU KEEP YELLING, BREEZE? WE DO HAVE NEIGHBORS YOU KNOW.”

That was rich coming from the man smoking a blunt in plain sight of the surrounding houses.

“Your little boyfriend is helping Jasmine leave me.”

I thought it was funny how his tone seemed to change once Tyree came around the garage yelling at him.

“I think that’s something you need to take up with Jasmine.”

“Oh, I am, as soon as I can reach her. She turned her cell phone off, and I must’ve called at least fifty times already.”

“Well, I don’t know what that has to do with Jamar, and I don’t know if you noticed but it’s our day off so I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Breeze turned around like he was offended and started walking toward his car before he stopped and turned back around to face us.

“I almost forgot I’m throwing Jasmine as surprise party next weekend. I want everybody from the company to come so make sure you’re there, and if you tell her Jamar I’m going to kick your ass.”

He finally got in his car and drove off.

“What the fuck was that about?” Tyree asked.

I didn’t feel like repeating everything, especially to him.

“I don’t know, but his ass is crazy. I hope Jazzy really does leave him ASAP,” I replied as I walked away.

“Damn, hold up baby, come here.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I could feel his hard dick rubbing up against my ass.

“Man, get off of me, you’re all wet.”

“So what, don’t you wanna get wet with me?”

“HELL NO, I’m not in the mood Tyree.”

My response came out meaner than I intended it to.

That was the first and last time I ever turned him down when he was in the mood the entire time we dated. His high, big ego having ass did not appreciate it either.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO!”

I didn’t realize what he was doing to me until he threw me and I was submerged in the cold water. I instantly came back up to see him staring down at me in the pool.

“Tyree, what the fuck is wrong with you? That wasn’t funny.”

“Your attitude stinks and you obviously just finished fucking someone else so you’re dirty. Clean yourself off. I’ll just get off by myself,” he replied with a nasty attitude and with that he turned around and walked in the house.

“YOU’RE LUCKY MY CELL PHONE WAS CHARGING IN MY TRUCK” I yelled before mumbling “asshole”.

As I got out of the pool and looked at the water racing down to the pavement I found it very interesting that the cheater automatically assumed I was cheating. I guess it’s true, “the one doing the dirt will be quick to accuse you of being the dirty one”. I waited ‘til he went to sleep before I went back out to the truck to get all of my nice things he unknowingly brought me. I put everything away as I continued to think about what I would tell him. The next day I was cooking breakfast when he walked in the kitchen trying to be funny.

“Oh, look who’s up and dry.”

I ignored him and flipped over the pancakes.

“So you’re mad at me now? I guess you’re going to ignore me all day.”

“Nope, I’m not mad at all.”

But you’re going to be, I thought.

“Good because we’re filming a scene together today.”

“Oh, yeah that’s right. Breakfast is ready.”

While we ate I told him how there were purchases made with his card.

“Stop playing. How much did they spend?”

“Thousands.”

“FUCK! I’ve been trying to save all of my extra money.”

“Save it for what?”

I was hoping he’d slip up. He looked up like he was stuck for a moment, but just like the playa he thought he was he played it off.

“For emergencies, or if I decide I want to trade my truck in for something else.”

“Well whoever took your card must be having a baby.”

He almost choked on his food before asking.

“Why do you say that?”

“All of the money was spent at different baby stores in Santa Barbara. I told you someone must’ve taken your card at the other studio.”

“That bitch.”

“What bitch?”

He looked stuck on stupid.

“Oh, this pregnant chick I worked with. I didn’t know she was trifling like that. I’m going to cuss her out and confront her ass the first chance I get.”

Lie after lie after lie. How could someone be so fake and dishonest? I knew what I did was wrong, but I felt like fuck it if he wanted to play with my life and my emotions, I’d have some fun playing with his. I just wish I could’ve been on the call to hear him confront that “pregnant chick”. When he thought I was in the shower I heard him yelling, cussing, and asking her why she didn’t just ask for the money. I’m assuming the more she explained she didn’t know what he was talking about, the angrier he got. When he said, “Just tell me the truth because I already checked my account and know you did it” I almost lost it. The last thing I heard was “We’ll talk about this when I see you in two weeks.”

*****

“Hold up baby, slow down. Why didn’t you wait for me?”

Tyree put his arm on my shoulder as we walked in the locker room.

“My bad I didn’t know you wanted to ride into work together.”

“Didn’t you hear me yelling hold up I’m just grabbing my hat?”

“Nope,” I lied.

I heard him but I just shook my head and went out to my truck and left as fast as I could.

“It’s all good just don’t let it happen again,” he said jokingly as he smacked my ass.

I don’t know why but it turned me on, and for the first time that day I was actually in the mood to have sex with him. We put our stuff in our lockers and then walked over to the wardrobe department to see what they had for us to wear. I was blown as soon as I stepped foot inside the room because Karma was in there laughing and joking with Amy. He seemed to pop up wherever we were. When he heard the door open he turned around and looked up to see who was coming in.

“What are you looking at, you damn weasel?” I mumbled under my breath.

Tyree heard me and laughed before saying, “I know right”.

“What’s up girl, what do you have for us today?” I asked.

“Hi, Jamar. I’ll have to double check my list because I think I only have outfits for Karma and Konceited right now.”

I looked at Tyree to see if he was as surprised as I was. Well then again I wasn’t really surprised; I knew right away it was Breeze’s doing.

“That’s strange, my original list shows you and Tyree are supposed to film today, but the revised list that I received this morning doesn’t have you listed on here Jamar. You probably should check in with Breeze.”

“I intend to, thanks Amy.”

“That’s some bullshit. I’m not working with his crazy ass,” Tyree yelled as he followed me out of the wardrobe department.

I looked back and Amy and Karma’s faces were priceless. Karma looked disappointed, and she looked embarrassed for him.

We didn’t even bother to knock, we just bum rushed in Breeze’s office. He looked up with a big smile on his face.

“Good morning Jamar. Something told me you’d be stopping by to see me today.”

“So what, just because I didn’t know where Jasmine was, and I didn’t let you take her stuff you’re replacing me with the newbie. What the fuck Breeze?”

“Jamar, now you know we’ve been through this before, this is my business and I call the shots. I can ensure you this decision had nothing to do with our meeting yesterday. Karma needs some more exposure, and I’m hoping you’ll work on the live feed webcams today because the monthly subscribers have dropped, and we need you to bring in new business. It’s a win-win situation for Fantasy Pictures all around.”

I could tell by his arrogant smirk that he lied. He was trying to get in my head and piss me off for standing up to him the day before.

“Well, fuck all that shit I’m not working with Karma. I’ll work with anyone else but him. As a matter of fact call Blaze he’ll come up here real quick.”

“Tyree, shouldn’t you be downstairs getting dressed? I don’t even know why you’re in here right now. You’re filming the scene with Karma, or you’re fired, period, end of story.”

“You can’t fire me I have a contract.”

“A contract you didn’t take the time to read. It clearly stated in small print that the owners have the right to terminate your contract for any reason, at any time, and I think a performer refusing to work is a perfect reason to terminate a contract.”

“Man, this is some BULLSHIT. That nigga tried to kill me, and now you want me to do a one on one scene with him.”

“Oh, you know what, I did hear something about that but it slipped my mind, which sucks for you because you’re playing an escort, and Karma’s going to pull over, pick you up, and drive you to the hotel that we’re filming at today.”

As pissed as I was, I still almost laughed out loud because Breeze had a sick sense of humor.

“Oh, hell no, you want me to ride with him too.”

“HELL YES. Now go get dressed. Oh, and don’t worry there shouldn’t be too many red lights on that street.”

“You’re a fucking asshole Breeze.”

“It takes one to know one Tyree,” Breeze said right as I thought it.

Tyree walked out and slammed his office door so hard I thought the glass was going to break. A little part of me wanted to tell Breeze thanks for fucking with Tyree, until I quickly remembered he was messing with me too.

“Breeze I’m going home, if you fire me you fire me. If you don’t, call me when I’m the star of the movie.”

I turned around to walk out before he called me back.

“Jamar, hold up, I didn’t think you had it in you. Look I really need you to work on the webcams today. If you do it, I’ll triple your pay.”

Talk about multiple personalities. One moment he’s threatening us, and the next he’s being nice and telling me he needs me. I never could figure him out. I sucked it up because I was already there and ready. Plus, I got paid a lot of money to show off my body, jerk off for people who paid for a one on one private session, and I got to fuck a cute Dominican boy while five thousand people logged in to our site to watch.

*****

My week was full so I stayed busy but thankfully it went by fast, because I was ready to have some fun. Breeze wanted to show off so he was throwing Jazzy a surprise party, congratulating her on her first year in the business, which for her was a great and successful year. Breeze not only demanded that everyone from the company show face, but he arranged for everyone to be picked up. He didn’t want her to see all of our vehicles parked out front, and he wanted everyone to drink and have a good time without having to worry about getting home.

The stretch Hummer limo picked us up at 9:00 PM as scheduled. When we were informed that a car would pick each of us up I assumed everyone would get picked up individually. I was surprised to see thirteen other faces staring at me as I entered the limo. Some people couldn’t wait for the real party to start because they were dancing in their seats as the music played, and taking shots on the ride there. When we arrived at Breeze’s mansion we were greeted by guys and girls all dressed in black and white suits smiling, and handing us tall skinny glasses of champagne. Inside was decorated really nice; he obviously hired a party planner because I know he didn’t go out of his way to set everything up. You could tell he spared no expense. There were banners, ice sculptures, fully stocked bars with bartenders mixing drinks, tables of snacks, a buffet table with servers behind each item, and a huge cake that said “Congratulations Jezebel”. The D.J. was on point playing a hot mix of music. Everyone was dressed to impressed and smiling as they enjoyed themselves. I noticed a few of the girls were standing next to the fire place looking up at the painting of Jasmine laughing, so I told DeeDee to follow me so we could hear.

“I don’t see what the big deal is. She’s not even that pretty,” Vicky Vixen said right before all of her followers agreed.

“He needs a bad bitch like me, not this typical boring porno hoe.”

She was pretty but she was the complete opposite of Jasmine. She had shoulder length jet black hair, with a nicely toned tanned body, big fake breast, and both of her arms were covered with tattoos. She paused to see if the other girls were going to laugh but when they didn’t she continued with her spill.

“I promise you by this time next year, if not sooner my painting will be hanging over this fire place, and I’ll be living here.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, so I cleared my throat so Vicky would know DeeDee and I were behind her listening to every word she was saying. I waited for here to turn around before I spoke.

“Bitch, you barely got your foot in the door, and you’re acting like you’re the shit. You can’t even compare yourself to Jezebel.”

“Who the hell are you?” she asked.

“I’m her best friend, bitch.”

“Hold up, Jamar, I got this.” DeeDee said as she stepped in front of me.

She got in Vicky’s face.

“I know, you know who I am hoe, so I’d advise you to shut you’re fucking mouth.”

“What’s your problem DeeDee? Don’t tell me your friends with that whore too.”

DeeDee grabbed Vicky by the throat faster than I could blink. Vicky tried to pull away but DeeDee grabbed her by the hair with her other hand.

“Let me go right now, I’m not playing DeeDee.”

Vicky barely could speak, and all of her friends looked nervous and scared.

“I don’t want to cause a scene, but I don’t have a problem doing so. Here’s what we’re going to do. I want to hear all of you apologize for talking about Jasmine, and then I want all of you to enjoy the rest of your night, but if I even see any of you looking at us or Jasmine sideways all of you are going to get a beat down. Got it sluts?”

“SORRY!”

They all said in unison as if they rehearsed it.

We watched as they headed to the bar while one of the girls was trying to fix Vicky’s hair.

“Did you see how scared they were?”

“Yes, you had them shook.”

“I really wanted to pull her hair out, the whole time I was hoping she would get smart with me, or refuse to apologize.”

We laughed our asses off as we headed to the dance floor. I was having a good time and then sometime after ten o’clock all of the lights shut off. A few of the females screamed which I found to be hilarious only because I was tipsy.

“EVERYONE BE QUIET. I JUST GOT WORD THAT SHE’S ABOUT TO PULL IN THE DRIVEWAY NOW.”

After standing there in the dark, in silence which felt like forever, Jasmine finally walked in.

“SURPRISE!”

She was definitely surprised and startled. I should’ve given her a heads up to expect something but I knew she’d tell Breeze to cancel whatever he had planned. He would’ve automatically assumed I told her, and I didn’t want to deal with him. Everyone stood around and watched as Breeze informed her why we were all there. She finally made eye contact with me so I smiled and motioned for her to join us. I waited to speak so her and DeeDee could clear the air since the last time we were all together.

“Hey girl, did we scare you?”

“Did you? I damn near pissed on myself.”

We laughed and I gave her a hug.

“It’s nice to see you again. Your ass has been M.I.A. lately.”

“Don’t take it personally, you know how I do. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit, plus I’ve been rehearsing and working on Roommates.”

“Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much.”

“Just the drama you missed earlier,” DeeDee added.

“What happened? What did I miss?”

“Those hoes over there were talking reckless about you, and Vicky Vixen hasn’t even been here two months and was talking about how you don’t deserve Breeze, and that she’d be living here soon.”

“OH, REALLY?”

“Yeah, but don’t sweat it.”

“DeeDee and I checked them bitches.”

“And you know they’re scared of me. I had their scary asses apologizing and everything.”

We laughed some more.

“Fuck them bitches.” Jazzy said.

“Fuck who?” Breeze asked as he walked up and joined us.

“Nobody,” she replied.

After he kissed and rubbed on her, he told us know he had to steal her away for a little bit. She changed into a stunning red dress with some sexy ass heels, before walking around with Breeze to acknowledge her guest. DeeDee and I were hungry so we got a plate of food and sat down to eat while we watched everyone dancing and having a good time. The rest of the night I had a blast. I was able to avoid Ebony and Tyree.

I think all of us were just as surprised as Jasmine was when Breeze surprised her with a new car. At that moment I thought this is the kind of man I need in my life, I’m never dating a broke ass loser ever again. Later that evening when Jasmine, DeeDee, and I had some alone time she filled us in on what happened with her and Lanell. I think we were shocked that Tanya hadn’t learned her lesson and told Lanell where Jasmine moved too. She must’ve been bitter and missed living the life of luxury with Breeze. Even though it was such a good night and Jasmine’s professional life was better than ever, I knew my friend was hurting inside.

Chapter 35

“They wait for you to look away, to fall asleep,
for you to underestimate them before they strike.”

An hour had passed without notice. I must have texted Lanell back ten times before losing count. I even tried to call but he wouldn’t answer. The bartender had cut me off, saying that I had reached my limit. “Fuck him” I thought. How could he tell me what my limit was? I was in pain, I had no limit.

“Please, just one more. I am not driving, I’ll call a cab.”

This was my lowest. Begging the bartender for just one more drink, but it worked. I swung back my last shot and headed out of the door. I didn’t know where I was going, or if I should have been walking around in that drunken state, but I couldn’t just sit there and let my mind run wild with thoughts of him. As I walked down Hollywood Boulevard, I watched everyone go by. I wondered if some of them had come out to L.A. with big dreams that never manifested. I wondered if they were all just as broken as I had become. I wondered if they were all as lonely as I felt in that moment. After a fan asked to take a picture with me, I knew what I had to do. I had to call the only person who could make me smile, the only person who could save me from myself and not judge me.

“Where are you?”

“I’m on Hollywood, right in from of my new poster for WET WALLS. You know…the more I look at it, the more it looks like someone different. I can’t even tell that it’s me, Jamar, I can’t see myself in that person at all.”

I had started to cry. I knew why I was crying but in the same instance, I didn’t. It was as if looking at that poster made me realize that I had lost so much of myself. Some lost parts were good, others bad. But all in all, I had lost too much.

“Have you been drinking, you sound drunk?”

“Yes, I have, and I still need a fucking drink.”

We were both silent for a second before laughing.

“I’m on my way. Is there somewhere you can go to sit down until I get there?”

I looked around and saw a bus stop. I told him that I would wait for him there, my hero.

*****

It didn’t take him long to get too me. As he pulled up to the bus stop, I could see the pity in his eyes, and I hated that it was there.

“Don’t look at me like that Jamar, I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess, I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”

He got out of his car and held out his hand to help me to his car. He didn’t answer me until we were both sitting in the car and buckled up.

“It’s not pity Jazzy, just sadness. I know that you’re in pain, just wish I could make it go away. And don’t be sorry, I would drive to the moon for a true friend.”

I said nothing, didn’t have to. I just reached over and held his hand.

“So, where do you want to go?” he asked as he started his car. I thought about it for a minute and knew that I didn’t want to go home.

“Vegas.”

Jamar looked at me as if I was joking.

“I just can’t be around him right now. Are you coming with me, we can fly first class,” I asked trying to entice him.

“Fuck it, I’ve been planning to go out there and see you dance anyway. And when you’re not so drunk, remind me to tell you about that crazy fucker Breeze.”

And with that, we were off to the airport. I didn’t ask what he had to tell me. I knew if it had to do with Breeze, it could wait.

*****

Once we landed, I called the Black Oasis and told them that I was in town. By the time we made it to the hotel, they had the penthouse suite booked and waiting.

“Damn bitch, you living like Beyoncé. Just put in a call and BAM, shit is done,” Jamar said as I walked over to the bar and made us a drink.

“Learn how to move your ass like I do and BAM, you’ll have this too,” I said as I moved my ass in a slow circle. I sat down beside him and handed him his drink.

“Haven’t had enough yet?” Jamar asked as he held up his drink.

“Shit, I’m just getting started. Now drink up, you have a long night ahead of you.”

He didn’t ask any questions. He knew that I needed to wild-out, even if only for one night.

We hit up as many clubs, casinos, and bars as I could find. We stayed at some for an hour, and others for less than 20 minutes. If they weren’t fun enough to distract me, I would leave within a drop of a dime. Vegas provided me with all of the access for destruction I was looking for. I had started to make a name for myself there and no place had I gone to denied me. I danced on stages, in cages, and entered any V.I.P area I wanted. Jamar and I had a ball, but by 7 in the morning, he had had enough.

“Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go,” he demanded as he grabbed onto my arm. I was on the dance floor bumping and grinding with some random blonde. I was pissy drunk and held onto him for support.

“I’m not ready to go yet, just one more hour?” I pleaded like a child at the park as I pulled away from him.

“Look around Jasmine, there are only about fifty people here, it’s time to give it up, boo.”

I looked around and he was right, but I didn’t want to stop, or slow down. I wanted to ignore the pain.

“You go ahead; I’ll meet you in the room.”

He looked at me as if I was crazy.

“I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”

This time he grabbed my arm with force. I was out of control and he realized that he had to take on the father role and make me do what he said.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled. I tried to pull away from him but he had a firm grip. He turned me around and made me face him. He didn’t look like the friendly Jamar I knew and loved, no; he was serious and fed up.

“Get a fucking grip, Jazzy. I’m trying to help and love you right now but you ain’t making this shit easy. You think that you’re the only one with problems, well you’re not? Now let’s go before I say fuck you and really leave your ass here like you’re asking me to.”

He started to pull me out of the club and I let him. I’m sure I looked like I was being dragged out of the club by my angry parent but I didn’t give a damn. He was right about everything that he had just said. He dragged my ass the whole way down the Vegas strip. I had to hurry my steps just to keep up with him. He didn’t let go of my arm until we got to the hotel.

Once in the suite, I sat down on the couch too embarrassed to speak. Jamar had been a really good friend to me yet here I was dragging him into my bullshit. He didn’t say much either. I just watched him disappear into the bathroom and thought about dipping out while I had a chance, just to spare him from anymore of my crap. Just as I was getting up to leave, he came back out and told me that he had drawn a bath for me. I walked to the bathroom and took off my clothes as he stood by. There was no need to even think about being naked in front of him, because he had seen everything I had to offer. I slipped into the Jacuzzi tub and tried to relax. I tried to think of anything besides my life at that point but it wasn’t working. It seemed like the more I sat in that tub, the more I had to deal with what was lacking in my life. Tears started to fall and I couldn’t stop them. Jamar climbed into the tub, with his clothes and all, and just let me cry in his arms. He didn’t try and tell me that things would be okay, nor did he give me any shit for feeling so down. He just let me cry, and I needed that.

*****

After crying and bathing, Jamar ordered breakfast. We ate in silence as we both dove deeper into our own thoughts. After we were done, he put me in the bed and gave me an Ambien pill.

“Sleep well Jazzy, then you’ll wake up, and we’ll figure where to go from here.”

And as I drifted off into a well needed sleep, I thanked God that he was my friend.

I don’t know how many hours or days I slept, but when I woke up, the room was completely dark. I could feel Jamar’s warm body next to me and I nestled into him. He truly was my knight, the prince that was there to save me. It didn’t matter that he was gay and unattainable, it just mattered that he cared and loved me without doubt. He was the brother I always wished I had. So I stayed in bed for another hour before the hunger pains started to kick in. I wanted to call down for room service but didn’t want to wake Jamar up. So I slid out of the bed and tip-toed my way to the living area. I walked over to the bar and looked for the menu the hotel provided but was stopped in my tracks. Jamar came walking out of the bathroom and scared the shit out of me.

“Damn Jazzy, you could wake the dead up with that scream.”

He was holding his ears while I held on to my heart.

“What are you; I thought you were…wait.”

If he was out here then who in the hell was in the bedroom? I was confused and it showed on my face.

“I called him once you fell asleep. You’ve been sleeping for a day and a half; did you know that, out like a light?”

Who gave a shit about how long I was sleeping, he knew I didn’t? He was smiling. As if he was waiting for me to freak out and go all Jasmine on him. I swallowed hard. Could it be; could it be HIM?

“What, I mean, how did you get him to come? Isn’t he still mad, what did you say to him, what did he say? Wait…is that really him, Lanell?

Jamar took my hand and led me over to the couch. My hands were shaking and a million thoughts ran through my head.

“After you fell asleep I got your cell phone. I tried calling him from your cell but he wouldn’t pick up. So I called him from mine. At first he thought something was wrong, like you died or something----.”

“So that’s how you got him to come out?” I asked impatiently.

“No, are you crazy? Anyway, he wasn’t trying to hear nothing I was saying, but the more we spoke, the more he listened. I told him the truth he wasn’t trying to hear from you. I broke everything down and told him how you ended up living with Breeze. I also told him that shit didn’t seem right when it came to that fire, but that’s a whole other story.”

“So what did you say to get him to come, you had to have said something more, something that touched him in some sort of way?”

Jamar looked as if he was holding something back, like he knew I was about get mad or something.

“Well I kind of told him how you were falling apart. You know, with the drinking and going crazy in the club. And when I told him about that Huffington guy well, he kind of went crazy.”

“You told him about that?”

My eyes were big and my mouth was open. It was as if I was watching a crazy movie and couldn’t believe what I was hearing and seeing.

“I didn’t tell him his name; I just told him what went down.”

I stayed quiet for a while. If Lanell was there, that had to mean something right? That had to mean that he still cared.

“How did he look when he came in?” I asked as I reached for Jamar’s drink.

“Calm, nervous, pissed, sad, and all kinds of other shit, he looked like he was also really worried.”

Jamar said as I took one deep breath after the other. This was going to be the first time I saw him since Breeze’s house. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react, what he would say, or what was going to come out of my mouth.

“If there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that he’s still in love with you. He flew here on the first flight he could find…that’s love.”

There was sadness in Jamar’s voice when he said that. Maybe that Tyree shit bothered him more then he let on.

“I love him too, even with all of my bad decisions, I love him.”

I got back up and stood at the bedroom door. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly; I peeped in and saw him, still there, sleeping. I closed the door and went back over to Jamar.

“What was that thing that I had to remind you about?”

He made a disgusted face which raised my interest even more.

“Breeze.”

And that’s all he had to say. I sucked my teeth and threw my hands on my hips.

“What?”

“He came to my house; saw the boxes you left in my garage.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit is right,” he said as he fixed himself another drink.

“He came to my house acting all crazy, talking about he was going to hurt me if I was helping you with some grand scheme to leave him.”

“Oh, my god, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I played it cool. But he did kind of scare me. Not in the “ohhh, he’s gonna whip my ass” way. But in the “This motherfucker is off his rocker” way.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, Breeze was really crazy. And what made it worse is that I didn’t even know about this. Breeze never brought it up.

“I just wanted to let you know in case you had to think of something to say, if and when he brings it up.”

“Did he call while I was asleep?” I asked as I looked around the room for my phone.

“A million times, I turned your phone off after I spoke to Lanell. That shit was driving me crazy.”

I turned on my phone and it seemed like Breeze called every other minute. I thought about calling him back just to let him know that I was in Vegas. But when I looked at the door that led to Lanell, I turned the phone back off and looked at the clock. It read 8:30. I hung out with Jamar and ordered dinner. I was hoping that Lanell would wake up and come out but he never did. Guess I was going to have to go in and face the sleeping lion.

*****

The room was still pitch black. I maneuvered my way around the room until I felt the bed. When I made it to my side, I just sat there, then after a few minutes I slipped my hand across the bed, it was empty. I started to panic, where was he? This would have been so much easier if he was still asleep. The light in the bathroom came on and I waited. I could hear every move he made, even over my pounding heartbeat. After he washed his hands, I waited, not breathing and terrified. When the door opened and he saw me, he just stood there. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking and that scared me.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he walked over to the chair by the bed. I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my folded arms.

“Better.”

And then the silence came, neither of us finding the words to fix the situation.

“So,” he said.

“So,” I answered.

“Jamar told me a lot of what happened and I still don’t know what to say,” he shifted in the chair and ran his hands through his long dreads.

“I know that knowing the truth can’t fix the fact that the truth hurts, but all I am asking is that you let ME try and fix it.”

I watched as he battled with himself. It’s seemed like the war that was brewing inside of him was too strong to contain within, it oozed and showed itself on his face, his body language, his everything. I got off of the bed and walked over to him. I got down on my knees in front of him and leaned onto his lap. That night, I pleaded, I explained, I tried my hardest to convince him, and I told the truth. I did everything that I could to get my point across.

*****

The next morning came too soon. Lanell and I had only slept four hours. We spoke about any and everything that had to do with us and our relationship. By the night’s end, I had a complete understanding of his family dynamic and he understood the many perils of my life, one of the many dangers included Breeze.

“So you told me that you’re moving out within a week or two of getting back to LA, right?” Lanell asked as I got dressed.

“I’ll be out of there within a week. It’s not like I have much there, most of what I am keeping is at Jamar’s anyway.”

We seemed like us again. We were smiling, talking, and touching again.

“I am going to put in a call to Gina and ask her if she knows any good real estate agents. I’m tired of renting,” I told him as he came up behind me. The sweet smell of his coconut oil filled the air and I was in heaven again.

“You may not have to do that.”

I was hoping that he didn’t take what I just said as me trying to hint at him moving with me. I knew that we had a lot to work out. Hell, we were just getting over my bullshit.

“Why do you say that?” I asked as I turned and faced him.

“Do you remember how I used to stay out here after you would leave? Well, I was really looking for a house.”

Again, my mouth was left open.

“Why are you so surprised? Isn’t that where we were headed, at least that’s what I thought?”

Oh, shit, I hoped my reaction didn’t deter him.

“No, it’s not that, I just didn’t think that you would want to move so fast.”

He laughed and kissed my cheek.

“I’ve wanted you and only you since the first day I met you. I never thought that we were moving fast enough. And now that I have you again, I want to go full speed, well, just as long as we stay on the right path.”

“Honey, this will be my only path from now on, promise, just me and you.”

At breakfast, Lanell told Jamar about the house he was thinking of buying. We were so excited that he put in the call to his agent and before I headed to the Black Oasis, we took a drive over.

“Damn, this house is even nice from the outside,” Jamar said as we pulled up to the gate. And if he liked the outside, we all loved the inside. It was so extravagant that I was scared to ask the price, but I did.

“Well, it is a buyer’s market so you will be able to get it for a steal. The owners are asking for four but we may be able to talk them down to 3.5.”

Okay, so both Lanell and his agent were drunk. I looked at Jamar and have him the “did this bitch just say 3.5 million dollars as if she were saying ten bucks” look.

“So, do you like it?” Lanell asked.

“I love it but the price is crazy.”

“We’ll take it,” he told this agent, and just like that, we had a house.

*****

I was backstage waiting for Jamar to come back and tell me what he thought of the show. After a long day of rehearsal, I freaked my performance.

“So, am I thee bitch, or am I thee bitch?” I asked as he came into my dressing room. He had seemed a little down the whole day and I wanted to make him smile.

“You are definitely thee bitch. I am so proud of you girl. You rocked that shit; you have to show me some of your moves.”

Jamar was all smiles but something was off. And no matter how many jokes I cracked, whatever was off, stayed off.

*****

Gina came by my dressing room and told us about some really big party. The owner of one of the biggest hotels in Vegas was having a huge bash and she thought that it would be a good idea if I went. She said that my name was really starting to circulate and if I wanted to make it big, I had to play with the big boys, and Anthony Rondell was one of the biggest. So as the boys headed back to the hotel to change, I got ready at the club, Vegas style. Two hours later, the limo was pulling up to a palatial estate. The security was tight and everyone there looked like money.

“Who in the hell lives here?” Jamar asked as we looked around like “New Money”.

“All I know is that he’s one of the richest black men out here in Vegas. Not too many black men own big ass hotels and casinos. Oh, my god, is that a fucking panther?” I asked with my mouth opened.

“No girl, that’s not a panther, that’s two fucking panthers, this dude is crazy.”

Lanell laughed at Jamar and me. We were acting as if we had never left our back yards, but a panther, that didn’t seem normal to me.

“I can’t wait to see what he looks like, he must be some kind of crazy to have panthers in his backyard as if their house cats,” Jamar said as we watched the big cats.

“I wouldn’t say crazy, just innovative.”

We both turned around to see who was putting their foot right in the middle of our conversation.

“Well, there’s nothing normal about a man keeping panthers in his backyard, ain’t normal at all.”

As Jamar spoke, I had a feeling that he was speaking to the “Not normal” man who owned the house. Everything about him said “Vegas money”. He reeked of big money, a fast lifestyle, and he smelled like a major player. I wanted to tell Jamar to shut up, but in a sick way, I wanted to see “Big Money’s” reactions.

“I don’t think he’s crazy at all. Have you ever taken the time to really watch a big cat?”

He asked Jamar as he got close to him. Jamar shook his head no. I could tell that this stranger’s closeness was starting to make him uncomfortable, “Big Money” never backed away and kept getting closer and closer.

“Turn around and look at them, go ahead, look.”

He waited for Jamar to turn his attention back to the cats before moving closer and continuing.

“Look at how strong they are, look at the strength that runs throughout their whole bodies. They don’t have to jump around and scream, “Hey, I’m a bad mothafucka; I’ll kill your ass.” No, they don’t have to do that. Why? Cause you already know. They are silent killers, they watch, they listen and they learn. They move when you move, and stand still when you’re still. They wait for you to look away, to fall asleep, for you to underestimate them before they strike. They always take your kindness for weakness, they will bite the hand that feeds them, and they will claw at their owner’s feet. They are panthers, true to form.”

Lanell and I stood there waiting to see what Jamar would follow that statement with.

“That’s exactly why people shouldn’t keep them as pets, why keep something close that can’t be trusted?”

Jamar did have a good point there.

“What makes them any different from anyone else we let into our lives?”

He waited but Jamar had nothing to say.

“I’ll tell you what the difference is; it’s the fact that they will never be anything else besides what they are. They don’t come into our homes like house cats; they don’t sleep in our bed, cuddle, make love, and say I love you only to betray you in the end. No, they come in as killers, deceivers, as themselves. Now, shame on you if you let yourself forget what they really are.”

Damn, “Big Money” was one sexy man. The way he spoke, the way he moved, his body, his voice, his everything was on point. He was powerful in his stance, just like the panthers he spoke of. I stood there wondering if Jamar was thinking the same thing. And although he turned me on, something about his energy, the way he spoke, and the look in his eyes told me he was dangerous. He seemed like he gave a lot of shit and accepted none back. He seemed like he was speaking of both himself and the panthers. But I guess you had to be a real hard ass if you’re in his position.

“I get what you’re saying and all but…with people; they can’t rip you to shreds. At least you have a fighting chance, at least---.”

“People rip each other to shreds all the time. Sure you may have a fighting chance if it’s a physical attack but nothing can prepare you for a back handed emotional strike, well unless you learn to see people for what and who they really are…Like I do with my panthers.”

And there it was, Mr. “Big Money” was the big boy I was supposed to play with. So as Jamar got himself together and took his foot out of his mouth, I extended my hand and introduced myself.

“Yes, Jezebel, I was expecting you. I caught your show last month, it was spectacular. I would love to sit down with you some time; I have an offer I’m sure will be hard to refuse. Now who are your friends?”

His eyes went from Lanell back to Jamar. Something told me that they were both playing for the same team.

“This is my fiancé, Lanell.”

“Oh, yes…I know you. Love your work.”

We all knew that he was talking about the porn actor LUST, and not Lanell. But then again, that’s all he knew of him, his “Work”.

“And this is Jamar. He ---.”

“Yes, yes, I know him as well, big fan. I recognized the three of you right away. I have always wanted to meet you. I’m Anthony Rondell, owner of The Brutus Temples, The Brutus Cascades, and The Brutus Gentlemen’s Clubs, have you all stayed at the hotel yet?”

We all shook our heads no.

“I will have one of my assistants put all three of you down for a free three nights stay in my best suites. Here’s my card, just call ahead before coming. Now, would you like to join me for a drink by that bar?” Anthony asked Jamar. And that was the last time I spoke to either of them that night. I wouldn’t see Jamar until the next morning, after his walk of shame.

*****

“Look at you, looking like last night’s hooker,” I joked as Jamar came walking into the suite as if he was floating on air.

“Now, how are you going to explain yourself to your man?” I asked with a light chuckle.

“My man? Now, how many times did he explain putting his dick into anyone else to me? NONE!”

I watched as Lanell damn near spit out his orange juice. I guess our smut talk was almost too much for him to take.

So as we ate our food and laughed at all of the crazy things we saw at the party the night before, Jamar’s cell phone rang. He excused himself from the table and took the call.

“You thought he was going to give me the dirt on his night didn’t you?” I asked Lanell as we waited for Jamar to come back.

“Mannn, I was hoping not. You know I’ll be the first one marching with him or any other gay person for their rights but, the sex talk…I can go without that,” Lanell said as we shared a laugh.

“I’ll spare you this time but you’ll have to get used to it, we’re worse than guys when it comes to that,” I said as I rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hey, Jazzy, can you come here for a minute?” Jamar asked from the bedroom. Lanell gave me the “What’s up” look but I just shrugged my shoulders. When I walked into the room Jamar was pacing the floor.

“What’s wrong?” I asked knowing that this wasn’t going to be  anything good.

“Nothing really, Tyree just called,” he answered with a slick smile on his face. I would have bet a large sum of money that he was feeling the euphoric haze of revenge, his smile told me so.

“And?” I asked while throwing up my hands on my hips.

“Same old bullshit, just felt good is all.”

And there it was, the haze I just spoke of.

“Do you think that you and I could drive back home? I’m feeling like a road trip.”

Although I was looking forward to flying back home on the private jet, I agreed to drive back with him. I was sure that we were going to have fun no matter what we took, whether it was planes, trains, or automobiles.

*****

“See you soon, baby, I love you,” I told Lanell as he leaned over the rented car and kissed me. We were going to be together soon and everything was looking up. I slid on my seatbelt and Jamar stared the car. I took one more look at my man and couldn’t wait for soon to come.

“So, are you going to give me the dirt on that Anthony guy or what?”

A smile crept across Jamar’s face at the mention of Anthony’s name. I knew that whatever he was going to tell me was going to be juicy.

“Girl, now you know that I’m not really a bottom, but for Mr. Rondell, I’ll bottom any day. That man turned me out,” Jamar said as he hit my arm. I sat up in my seat ready to devour anything he was about to feed me.

“Get the fuck out of here. You mean to tell me that you let HIM bend YOU over…wow. He must have had that good dick.”

My eyes were big and I couldn’t wait for the next spoonful.

“Jazzy, I don’t even know how or when it happened but the next thing I knew; I was head down and ass up.”

I was losing my shit on the passenger side of the car. My sides were hurting from all of the laughing I was doing.

“Wait, start from the beginning. The last time I say you, you were headed to the bar.”

I listened to every word Jamar had to say and was blown away. I wished that I could have been a fly on that wall and watched those two go at it. And after a few hours of talking and laughing, my long night of making love to Lanell was starting to catch up with me.

“I’m gonna take a nap, is that okay?” I asked as I yawned.

“Girl, please, I got this, I’ll wake you up if I need you,” Jamar said this so easy, as if he had nothing to hide, as if we were headed straight home.

*****

“Girl, wake up,” I heard Jamar saying but I was in such a deep sleep, I thought that it may had been a dream.

“Jasmine, wake up, we don’t have much time.”

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. It was still day light and bright outside. I searched through my purse for my sunglasses. Once on, I looked around.

“Where the fuck are we?”

Nothing looked as it should.

“Santa Barbara.”

That’s all he said, as if those two words were supposed to answer all of the questions that were brewing in my head.

“What are we doing here?”

I watched as he reached into a bag that was in the backseat. I waited on the edge of my seat to see what he was going to pull out.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?”

That was the first time I had been so close to a gun. It was as if I could feel the heaviness of it and I wasn’t even the one holding it.

“Calm down, Jazzy.”

“CALM DOWN? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?”

My heart started to race. Jamar had gone off the deep end and was pulling me in with him.

“Look, I’m just going to get a little even, I just want to get in that bitch’s face and let her know what her and “Her man” took from me. I want to---.”

“Did they take away your sanity?” I asked as my head stared to hurt.

“Where did you get that?” I asked while never taking my eyes off of the gun.

“And who the fuck is she? Wait…Jamar, no, don’t do this, Tyree is not worth it.”

I was looking at him hoping to see that my words were sinking in, but I had no such luck. He was cold as a glacier with no sun in sight.

“I’m not gonna kill the bitch, I’m just gonna let her know what’s up with Tyree. What, do you really think that I would go to jail over that asshole?”

“So just put it away, you can confront her without it, please Jamar, I’m begging you. Don’t do this!”

Okay, now I had him thinking. I watched him as he looked at the gun, then back at me, then at the gun, then back at me.

“Nah, nothing says “Bitch, you’re pregnant by MY man” better than a big ass gun.”

With that, he was out of the car with his black bag in hand. I had a choice to make and I had to make it fast. Did I let this nut go into this unsuspecting girl’s house alone, or did I go along and make sure that he didn’t do anything stupid? “FUCK!” I yelled as I opened the car and jumped out. I walked quickly and caught up with Jamar, cursing him for getting me into this.

“Why did you park so far if you’re not planning on doing anything crazy?” I asked Jamar as I halfway ran to keep up with him. He was walking like a man with a mission and I was having a hard time keeping his pace.

“What if we need to make a quick getaway without being seen?”

I could tell that he was joking when he asked this, but I wasn’t laughing. I stopped walking and threw my hand on my hip.

“Give me the fucking keys to the car, I’m not doing this,” I demanded.

“Okay, you need to stop; you’re bringing unwanted attention to us. Either bring your ass on or go to the car, but please, make a fucking decision.”

I was in my right mind and wanted to run to the fucking car. But something told me that I would be needed, something said just shut up and follow his ass. Now, I don’t know if it was my good angel talking to me or if it was my bad angel, but it didn’t matter, I ended up listening to it.

“Do you even have a plan, how do you know if she’s home or not? She may have company, hell, Tyree may be there. And how in the hell do you know where she lives?” I asked as we stood behind the girl’s door.

“I sat in front of her place for almost an hour as you slept, she pulled up by herself and no one else has come to her house.”

“What about Tyree, what if he shows up?”

“He won’t, he called me when we were eating breakfast. He said that he had to work at the warehouse today, and then he would be driving to Santa Barbara this afternoon. He’s not due here until later.”

I stood there holding my head. I was trying my hardest to wrap my head around everything that was going on, but I couldn’t.

“You sure you want to do this with me?” Jamar asked as he held his fist up. He was ready to knock on the door but was waiting on my answer. I didn’t give him one, I just nodded my head. There was no “Ready” when it came to situations like this.

*****

We sat in that girl’s house after Jamar knocked on the door and told her that he was a friend of Tyree’s. She hurried and took the chain off the door possibly thinking that something was wrong with her baby’s father. I watched her wobble to the couch and sit down before offering Jamar and me a seat. After making small talk about the drive down, she wanted to get down to business.

“So how do you know Tyree, is he okay?”

I couldn’t sit still. My legs were shaking and it felt like someone had lit a flame under my ass.

“We are very close, we work together,” Jamar told her, almost with a smirk.

“So, is he okay?” She asked with a hint of panic in her voice.

“Yeah, he’s fine, but I’m not.”

Oh, shit, here we go. I thought to myself. She was looking at him like “who gives a shit?”

“Who did you say you were again?”

I could tell that she wasn’t feeling as comfortable as she was before.

“I’m his fucking boyfriend.”

Jamar was starting to reach into his bag and I was getting nervous.

“Here, take a look for yourself. There he is, your baby-daddy, and MY man. There, how’s it feel, bitch? Does it hurt? ‘Cause you out here playing house with my GAY lover, my motherfucking man.”

She picked up the stacks of DVD’s Jamar sat in front of her and looked at each one. When she stared to hold onto her belly, I thought that the shock had sent her into early labor.

“I need a glass of water,” she said as she got up and headed for her kitchen. Once she was out of ear shot I turned my attention to Jamar.

“Now what? You know that she’s going to tell Tyree that you were here. She is going to tell him about the DVD’s too you know?”

I was confused. I couldn’t tell where he wanted to go with what was happening.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT SHE TELLS HIM. I WANT HER TO TELL HIS LYING ASS THAT I WAS HERE, HELL, I HOPE SHE TELLS HIM EVERYTHING.”

I sat and waited to see what would happen next. Jamar was staring to lose his cool and nothing good could come from that.

“So, you mean to tell me that I’m supposed to believe that Tyree is a porn star, and that you’re his live-in boyfriend?”

Tyree’s baby-mama came out of the kitchen with a new found attitude that she didn’t have before.

“The truth is looking right at you, honey. You’re gonna have to face the fact that we have been sharing the same no good, lying man. But at least I’m just walking away with a lesson; you’re walking away with major baggage,” he said while pointing at her stomach. She didn’t like that too much. She got in his face and that’s when the yelling stared. She was yelling about Jamar being crazy and about him lying. Jamar was yelling because he was hurt, because he was gone mentally, and because he was on a mission. He wanted to ruin Tyree’s life and anything he had going with this girl named June.

“BITCH, you better back the fuck up out of my face!”

“Or what?” June challenged.

“Really? I’m here with proof and you’re coming at me like this?”

“And? What the fuck are you going to do about it?”

Jamar was now disgusted.

“You heard what I said, what the fuck are you doing to do about it?”

Jamar reached into his bag and pulled out the gun. He pushed it into her face and the room went silent.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

Jamar had a weird demented look on his face. I had a feeling that he was enjoying this much more then he should have been.

“Oh, my God, Jamar, that’s enough. Put it away, she’s scared, look at her.”

My whole body was shaking by that point.

“Now, are you going to calm down or am I going to have to help you?”

She didn’t make a sound, and after a long pause and staring contest, Jamar sat the gun down on her entry table. I moved closer to the front door praying that this meant we were about to leave.

“I’m just telling you this for your own good. I don’t know what he told you he did but he’s sucking my dick and getting bent over by me. He not only does this for work, he also does it for pleasure.”

“For my own good? You think that listening to your lies is doing me good? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

I had to give it to her. She was really trying to convince herself that Jamar was lying.

“I’m leaving, but only because I said everything I had to say. I thought that I was bad, but you’re one sorry bitch.”

I don’t know if Jamar missed it, but I saw fire in her eyes after he said that. As he gathered the five movies he had brought with him for proof, I saw something in the corner of my eyes. I looked at Jamar to see if he noticed what I did but his back was turned.

“JAMAR!” I yelled as June went charging toward him. She had something long, sharp, and shiny in her hand and she was ready to do damage. I had to think fast, I had to stop her. As I reached for the gun, I wasn’t thinking about shooting her. I just wanted to make her back off. I just wanted to put a stop to her attack on Jamar.

“Oh, my god, what did you do?” Jamar asked as I stood there with the smoking gun. It was still pointed at the same spot the pregnant woman once stood in. My mouth was open, and my mind was cloudy. I didn’t know what had happened or how.

“Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, did I just, wait, is she? She was going to stab you with the knife, I don’t know, I just reacted.”

*****

I couldn’t find the words. Everything in my brain was melting into one big shit pile. I had just picked up a gun and pulled the trigger. I didn’t know if June was dead or alive but I did know that I went blank. I didn’t come back to myself until we were on the highway heading home.

“Was she…is she…dead?”

That’s the first thing I had said since pulling the trigger.

“Yeah, she’s dead,” was all that Jamar said. I was only left with one thought and it echoed in my head over and over again. All I heard was, “You are now a murderer.”

Chapter 36

“Damn, I got your whole body shaking. You like it, huh?”

Besides avoiding Tyree and trying to figure out what I was going to do with him and our situation everything was good. I was relaxing and watching reruns of Martin when Jasmine called me out of the blue.

“Hey, lover.”

“Hey what’s up, Jazzy?”

“I need to see you. Can you come pick me up right now?”

“Where are you?”

As she told me where she was, she sounded sad and lost. Not lost as in not knowing where she was located, but lost in life. I could tell she was wasted and had one too many, but I asked her if she had been drinking just for confirmation. Not only did she confirm, but she made it clear that she hadn’t had enough. There was no way I was going to allow her to drive or walk the streets of L.A. alone. I told her to have a seat and wait for me to pick her up. Once I turned onto Hollywood Boulevard, I saw her swaying left to right on the bench, so I knew it was going to be a long night. I thought I’d make light of the situation, so I slowly pulled up until I was right in front of her. She didn’t even notice I was there until I put the window down and started speaking.

“Hey, baby, don’t I know you? Aren’t you that slut in those porno movies? How much for a date, honey?”

She looked up and I could tell she wasn’t in the mood to joke around.

“Ha ha, very funny; fuck you, Jamar. You’ve sold your loose booty more times than I ever will.”

“Actually, it’s my dick that I sell; but touché.”

I put my truck in park, got out, and ran around to help her get inside. I made sure she had all of her belongings and was buckled in. Once I got back in the truck, I zoned out. I was staring at her, wondering how she could be so sad and let herself get so drunk. I just hoped she wasn’t heading to the point of no return like I did when I got that drunk. I was underage and hanging out with some friends when I was dared to take 20 shots of Hennessey on top of everything else that I had to drink that night. Of course, I thought I could hang with the big boys and there was no way I was going to turn down a dare. I never made it to the 20, though. Once I got to the sixteenth one, I was constantly blacking out and coming to until I threw up like the exorcist all over the place. It was one of my most embarrassing moments, so thankfully, I learned that lesson young. I just hoped and prayed that night with Jasmine would be vomit free, at least until we got out of my truck. I didn’t mind being the designated driver, but I couldn’t deal with her throwing up.

“Don’t look at me like that, Jamar; I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess. I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”

She caught me staring which took me away from my thoughts. I let her know I was just concerned and that I didn’t mind helping a friend. She knew I was sincere so she held my hand.

“So where do you want to go?”

I could tell she was in deep thought because she paused and stared straight ahead before replying “Vegas”. At first I thought it was the alcohol talking but once she kept going on and on about it she had me at “we can fly first class”. She didn’t want to be around Breeze and I would’ve been stuck in the house with Tyree’s lying ass, so even though it was so random, her plan sounded better than renting a movie and talking about our issues like I had in mind. I was impressed with my friend, because even though she was drunk she was a functional drunk. She called up the airport, booked us two first class flights on the fastest flight out of L.A.

Then, as soon as we landed she called the Black Oasis and like a super star, she had them get the penthouse ready for our arrival. I was envious of the power of the pussy, especially when we walked in and I saw that pent house. Besides my new home it was better than anywhere else I had ever lived. It was straight out of an old episode of MTV’s cribs. After I admired where we would be staying I was shocked that the first thing she did was head to the bar especially since she had two cocktails on the flight there. She let it be known that she was just getting started. I figured, fuck it, if you can’t beat ’em, you might as well join ’em. With that, we touched glasses and I had my first drink of the night.

 After hitting up all of the major clubs and casinos it was the next morning. I’ll admit that  was the best night with just Jasmine alone since I met her, but I wanted some much needed rest. Jasmine had other plans in mind, she wanted to keep dancing so she wouldn’t have to stop and think about her problems. I knew she had a performance coming up and would need some rest if she wanted to put on a great show. I had to take care of her because she definitely wasn’t taking care of herself.

“All right girl, it’s late or early depending on how you look at it. Either way we have to go.”

“I don’t want to leave yet.”

“Do you know what time it is?”

“I don’t care what time it is, as a matter of fact it’s that time for another drink.”

“No, it’s not. You’re going to fuck around and get alcohol poison. Let’s go, I’m serious.”

“Okay, fine but one more song. Come on dance with me, Debbie Downer.”

“Fine, one more song, but that’s it. I’ll be over there waiting.”

“Whatever, suit yourself.”

I waited by the exit door while she was dancing with some random female who seemed to be one of her fans. Once that song was over and the next one started playing she didn’t miss a beat so I knew I had to step up and be the bad guy.

“Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go.”

I grabbed her arm and headed back to the exit door so we could finally leave. She pleaded for one more hour, one more song, but none of that was happening.

“I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”

I was pissed. How could she be so inconsiderate? I knew she was drunk but damn there’s always another night. I grabbed her harder and started walking faster. I wasn’t in a good mood, or sober either so I was about to drag her all the way back to her suite if it came to that. She was cussing and yelling for me to let her go, so even though it was embarrassing me I didn’t care and wasn’t having it. We finally made it back to Jasmine’s penthouse in one piece and no throw-up, so I was happy but exhausted. I felt like I had been babysitting and taking care of a child ever since I picked her up in L.A.

After I helped bath her, I ordered us some breakfast, and then finally put her to bed. I took a quick shower before I planned on crawling into bed with her and sleeping like a baby, but suddenly I wasn’t tired anymore. I don’t know if it was because Jasmine’s cell phone kept going off which irritated the fuck out of me, or if it was because I finally stopped and thought about my own issues. I checked her cell phone to see who kept calling and as soon as I saw Breeze’s name popping up I waited until it stopped ringing and turned her phone off. I sat down on the couch and tried to watch some television but my mind kept wandering.

 I kept trying to figure out how I could fix our problems so we could both be happy again. I eventually passed out and woke up at eight o’clock that night. The first thing I did was check on Jasmine and she was peacefully sleeping. While I was taking another shower I remembered the craziest dream I had about Lanell, Jasmine, Blaze, Tyree, and myself. I was lost in this dark cave, and the louder I yelled the deeper I fell into the darkness. I was running around the cave with just the little bit of light from my cell phone. Each time the light would go out I would panic because I thought I was going to die down there.

My heart was beating so fast that I could hear it, so I thought it was over and I just wanted to lie down and give up but something whispered, “Don’t stop you’re almost there,” which scared the shit out of and lit a fire under my ass. I turned a corner and found Lanell on the ground asleep and wounded. I was so relieved to see another face that I jumped down beside him and hugged him so hard before yelling at him, “GET UP, LANELL. WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY OUT OF HERE. JASMINE IS IN PAIN, AND WE NEED TO BE THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE WAKES UP SO YOU CAN SAVE HER.”

As I used all my strength to hold his heavy body up and walk through the cave, Jasmine ran into us. At first we all screamed. I dropped Lanell and took off running, but when I heard Jasmine laughing at me and telling me to come back, I turned around and damn near cried. I thought, great, now everyone who knows I’m here and lost is lost with me, but Jasmine hugged me and said, “It’s okay, Jamar, don’t cry. I found a way out of here and I was just coming back to get you. I can’t believe you found Lanell; I didn’t even know he was here. Thank you so much, love. Now come on, man up, we still have to find Blaze and Tyree before we can leave this hell hole.”

Lanell didn’t seem hurt anymore and suddenly perked up as if he was ready to run a marathon. We found Blaze first who was chilling as if he didn’t have a care in the world and knew we’d find him. He spoke up as soon as he made eye contact with me. “What took you so long sexy? I’ve been waiting here for you for like forever.” I didn’t have an answer for him. I just kept asking about Tyree. “Oh, it’s not looking too good for your boy. The darkness has seen what Tyree’s been doing to everyone who cares about him. I don’t think he’s escaping this one. Come on I’ll show you where he’s at.” Blaze led the way until we reached a dead end, and there was Tyree looking lonely and pitiful.

The cave had actually started to mold onto Tyree’s body as if they were becoming one entity. He looked up and started to cry and beg for me to take him back, “I promise I’ll never do it again. Please get me out of here. I love you and you’re the only one I want to be with now. If you take me back it’ll let me go. Please baby, I love you.” It was sad to see even in my dreams the love of my life was lying to my face. He was only looking out for himself in my dreams just like he had been doing the entire time we dated. I started to cry and just as I was about to pull him off the wall Jasmine stopped me and whispered in my ear, “Let him go Jamar. He’s no good for you, and he’s right where he belongs. The darkness knows this, that’s why it only wants him. It got what it wants so you’re free now, we’re all free.”

I let go of Tyree’s arms and hugged my friend, she had my back and was there for me when I needed her the most. We joined Blaze and Lanell and started to walk away. Tyree was furious “THAT BITCH IS LYING. GET YOU’RE PUNK ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE. YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME.” Blaze looked at me and smiled before asking, “Do you want me to do it, or would you like to do the honors?” I grabbed the gun out of his hand and replied, “I’ll do it.” I turned around, took one last look at his sorry ass, and said, “Goodbye Tyree.” I pulled the trigger and just like that, the wall absorbed him and I woke up.

Normally I don’t act out my dreams or give them that much thought but suddenly it was clear and I knew what I had to do. I jumped out of the shower, dried off, got dressed, and ran to get Jasmine’s cell phone. I turned it on, went to her address book, pushed “L”, and Lanell’s name popped right up. I called him at least ten times back to back but he wouldn’t pickup. I finally tried calling him from my own cell phone and he picked up on the first try. He was worried something bad happened to Jasmine, so after I calmed his nerves, I broke down everything she had been through.

I was able to convince him to come to Vegas and talk everything over since they both had some time a part from each other. I just hoped Jasmine wouldn’t be pissed and mad at me for doing this without asking her first. I felt like it was a win-win situation, either they would work it out and she’d thank me later or they would realize it wasn’t meant to be and she’d know at least I tried. After that part of my plan was in effect I ate dinner, and then got ready to go see Blaze. We bumped into him at the club the night before and he mentioned that I should come see him before he leaves Las Vegas. I decided I would take him up on his offer.

Walking up to Blaze’s room I knew exactly what my intentions were. I was going to do whatever it took to get his gun. I knew he didn’t go anywhere without it so he’d definitely be holding. I was a little nervous because I didn’t know how to come out and ask for it though. He knew I was coming because I had sent him a text an hour before, so I wasn’t surprised that he answered the door in just his drawers that had “BOOTY” written on the back of them. His body from head to toe looked perfect and shiny from the baby oil he obviously just rubbed all over himself.

“Come on in sexy.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much, I’m just relaxing.”

“I see.”

I noticed a blunt burning in the ashtray next to a big pile of marijuana. It was obvious that he was bagging up individual baggies full of my favorite hobby.

“You know how I do.”

“So what are you doing in Vegas? I was surprised, but excited to see you at the club last night.”

“I’m a business man so you know I’m all about my money. I had a photo shoot with Hung magazine, I hosted a party last night at Rage, which was off the hook, you would’ve loved it, and on top of all that I’m selling product left and right here.”

“Damn, every day you’re hustling.”

I tried singing the hook to that song but I fucked it up, so we both started laughing. I had to get him in a good mood before I could make my move. I picked up the blunt and hit it a couple of times without asking before giving him a shotgun. While he was feeling it and getting higher I walked behind him and started massaging his shoulders.

“Damn Jamar that feels so good.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Hell yeah, please don’t stop.”

I started rubbing all down his back and arms mimicking what my massage therapist does to me.

“I have a big favor to ask you Blaze.”

“Whatever you want I got you.”

“I need that fire.”

“How much do you need? Do you want a half or an ounce?”

“My bad I should’ve said I need something that fires.”

“SAY WHAT?” he asked as he turned around to face me to see if he heard me correctly.

“You heard me. It would mean a lot to me if you helped me out. I’ll give it back to you once we’re both back in L.A.”

“Do you need it for protection? If so, just let me know and I’ll have my boys handle that.”

“No, I don’t need it for protection. Who would want to hurt me?”

“What do you need it for then?”

“I might want to scare somebody a little bit.”

“I got you. Well what do I get?”

I walked around the chair and slowly positioned myself on his lap. Once I was comfortable I grabbed his head pulling him forward so I could passionately kiss him. After a couple of minutes of our tongues playing together I felt his hard erection so I stopped and finally replied.

“Whatever you want.”

“Damn, you got me hard as shit.”

“I know, I feel it. So, what’s up? Are you going to let me borrow your gun, or not?”

“As long as you don’t hurt anybody with it, and bring it back to me I don’t see why not.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Okay, done deal. So what’s up? Are we going to fuck or not? Karma will be back soon so I don’t have a lot of time.”

I stood up to take my clothes off.

“Are you serious? Karma’s here too.”

“Yeah, he damn near begged me to come, and I couldn’t say no to that face.”

I just shook my head as I put him on his knees.

*****

As I was leaving Blaze’s room with what I came for I was waiting for the elevator. When it was arrived I was surprised to see Karma but not as shocked as he was to see me.

“Krave, what are you doing here?”

“IT’S JAMAR, damn how many times do I have to tell you that shit?” I asked as I walked passed him to get on the elevator.”

“Look, Jamar, I don’t know how things ended up this way, but I really do like you. What do I have to do for us to start over? Do you think it’s possible for us to eventually be friends again?”

“HELL NO!”

I started to push the close door button but he stood in the middle of the elevator door.

“I guess I won’t ever get the chance to tell you what I know about your girl’s condo burning down then.”

I knew what he was trying to do and it worked because he definitely had my attention now. He started walking away and when I called out his name he kept walking.

“Shit,” I mumbled to myself.

I ran out the elevator to catch him before he entered Blaze’s suite. I grabbed his little ass and pushed him up against the wall.

“What do you know about that fire?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Look, little boy, don’t play with me. If you tell me, we can hang out sometime,” I lied. I figured I’d play his game, knew he’d fall for it, and lose.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. Now tell your boy what you know,” I thought I’d try Breeze’s line on him.

“Can I trust you not to tell anyone I told you?”

All I could think was got him.

“Of course.”

I actually told the truth that time. I figured if he told me I would owe him that little bit of respect.

“Well, I was going up to Breeze’s office to tell him my check was short when I heard him talking to someone. I don’t know who he was talking to but I heard him say, “I’m going out of town so keep your cell on. If I call you from Jamaica, that’s your okay to burn it down.”

I couldn’t believe what Karma was telling me, I was shocked. Breeze was crazy, but he wasn’t crazy enough to risk lives by having someone burn down Jasmine’s condo was he? I was pissed and confused, and took out my frustration on Karma.

“Man, why the fuck are you always trying to start something? That sounds like some made up shit right there. Breeze wouldn’t do that to Jazzy, he’s too obsessed with her. Don’t ever repeat that again.”

I started heading back to the elevator.

“Jamar, wait I’m not making it up. I SWEAR.”

He grabbed me by my shoulder. I turned around and looked at him like he was crazy, then down at his hand, and then looked back up at him. He got the hint and quickly moved his hand.

“Think about it Jamar, Breeze and Jasmine went to Jamaica and the day they returned, her place almost burned down. She couldn’t live there anymore, and had to move in with Breeze. There’s no way that’s a coincidence. I tried telling you before but you wouldn’t speak to me.”

He sounded worried and sincere but I was still hoping he was just trying to start some drama.

“Bye, drama, I mean Karma.”

“Hold up, let me give you my new cell phone number so we can chill sometime.”

I laughed him out before I was about to get back on the elevator.

“Why are you laughing? I’m serious.”

“I know that’s the sad part, but… I lied.”

His eyes were filled with hate. I wondered if he was more embarrassed and mad for being naïve, or because I actually lied to him.

“That’s fucked up.”

He pushed me but it only made me step back a few steps. He tried to push me again but I grabbed his hands.

“Whoa, young buck, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“You’re cold Jamar, you know that?”

“You’re crazy Karma, you know that?”

I pushed him back before finally entering the elevator.

“So why were you in my man’s suite?” he asked.

I smirked and replied. “I was just trying to stay ahead of the game.”

Then, I zipped up my jeans.

“KARMA’S A BITCH JAMAR.”

That was the last thing I heard as the elevator was taking me to the first floor.

I got back to Jazzy’s room just in time to let Lanell inside.

“Thanks for coming. I’m sure she’s going to be surprised, but happy to see you.”

“No problem. Where is she?”

“She’s in the bedroom, asleep. Do you want me to wake her up?”

“No, let her sleep. I’m kind of tired after that flight myself, so I’ll go in there and join her in a minute.”

“NICE!”

I paused.

“I mean that’s cool.”

I got a little too excited thinking my plan had already worked. He laughed before he spoke again.

“Thanks for calling me, Jamar, I appreciate that. I’m going to unpack my bag and get some rest in case she wakes up soon. I don’t wanna fall asleep on her while we’re talking.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

I watched as he approached the door to Jasmine’s bedroom.

“Hold up, Lanell.”

I waited for him to turn around before I finished.

“She really has missed you and I know she loves you. You’re all she ever talks about.”

Okay, so that last line might’ve been a stretch from the truth but it was for a good cause.

The next morning I was the only one up and needed some new clothes, and wanted to get out of the room. As I exited the bathroom Jasmine screamed so loud that she made me jump.

“Damn, Jazzy, you could wake the dead up with that scream,” I said as I covered my ears.

I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to be up because she looked confused and I knew why. I told her all about how, why, and when Lanell arrived. I was relieved that she wasn’t pissed that I invited him, because that could’ve went either way depending on her mood. I convinced her not to worry because I could see in his eyes, and hear in his voice when he talked about her that he was still in love with her. Instead of going out shopping, I decided to say in and have dinner with Jasmine so she wouldn’t be alone with her thoughts while Lanell slept.

Before we ate I gave her a heads up that Breeze saw her stuff in my garage and knew she was planning on moving, so she would be prepared in case he tried something crazy. She didn’t seem that worried about it because she laughed it off. After dinner Jazzy decided to face Lanell while I finally went out to get something else to wear since we were staying longer than I thought we were. Jasmine and I both were scheduled to work that day, but neither one of us called to say we weren’t coming. I think as much as we loved our jobs, we were both getting tired of it.

I figured Tyree’s money hungry ass would fill in for me, especially since he lost all of that money thanks to me. He assumed the bank would replace it since it was fraud but since I never really called the bank he’d be waiting a long time for it. By the time I shopped, gambled a little bit, posed for some pictures, and talked to some fans I was exhausted and my feet hurt. Since they were still in the room I slept on the couch again. The following morning Jasmine woke me up early because we had a busy day. Lanell wanted to show us the house he planned on buying before they had their fight, and was still considering buying it since they made up and decided to give their relationship another chance. I thought it was a bit fast since they had been back together for only a few hours, but who was I to judge; besides living anywhere away from Breeze was a great place for Jasmine.

When we pulled up to the house he had in mind I was very impressed. Not only did it look like a famous person lived there but I had no idea there were houses like that in Las Vegas. I thought it was all hotels, clubs, restaurants, and casinos. When I heard the price though I wondered how long it would take for them to come up with a reason why we had to leave. When Lanell said, “We’ll take it,” I liked him even more, and was thrilled for Jazzy. Her problems were solved, so now it was time to solve mine which I knew wouldn’t be as easy.

Lanell and I went to a sports bar for some drinks and an early dinner while Jasmine was rehearsing for her show that night. He was not only intelligent but he had a sense of humor. Of course when he talked about the players and games that were playing on the many different televisions throughout the bar I just nodded and wondered what songs Jasmine would perform to. After her show, which was amazing we were all invited to a big party where everybody who was somebody in Las Vegas would attend. I was excited and couldn’t wait to mingle with the rich folk.

 Gina arranged for a limo to take us there which started the night off right. I was blown away as we pulled up to the mansion. It looked so expensive that it made Lanell and Jasmine’s 3.5 million dollar house look like a middle class home. Inside was just as fabulous. I wanted every painting I walked pass, and all of the furniture too because the owner had great taste. Out back we noticed two panthers in a huge cage walking around, and looking at all the people like they were just waiting for their chance to have a late night snack. Of course, I would be the one to get caught talking about them by their owner, Anthony Rondell.

Anthony was hosting the lavishing party at his home and as soon as I saw him I was infatuated with him. He was the finest man I had seen in a while. He looked to be in his mid-thirties, 6’0, 185lbs, athletically built, chocolate complexion, brown eyes, and a bald head with nicely trimmed facial hair. He was definitely my type and from my view he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him except for the fat budge in his pants. While we discussed his “pets,” I assumed his wife would join us, but the longer we talked I could see it in his eyes that he was down. Jasmine helped out with the awkwardness that I got myself into by introducing all of us.

He knew exactly who we all were and what we were known for, and offered us to stay in his hotels for free. When he handed me his card, and asked me to join him for a drink with that sexy smile of his I knew what time it was. Of course I said yes. I didn’t want to be rude, and I wanted to see what the night had in store for me. He walked me over to the bar, and had the bartender fix us two Long Island iced teas. We talked for almost two hours. I learned a lot about how he got into hotel management to owning the Brutus franchise. He also told me a little bit about his family, and what he likes to do when he isn’t working. We were interrupted a few times by people coming up to him to say hi, or to thank him for inviting them. I felt bad because most of the people were there for him, but he was giving me most of his attention.

“Sorry about that Jamar.”

“It’s cool, I understand.”

“Good, so where were we?”

“You asked me if I was single.”

“That’s right and you replied it’s complicated. See I was listening.”

He smiled which made me smile and caused my mind to head into the gutter. If he only knew I was picturing what was under that suit, and what I would do to him.

“So why is it complicated? Either you’re single, or you’re not.”

“Well, I consider myself single, but technically I’m in a relationship and living with someone who I’m about to break up with.”

“You’re about to break up with him? Why is that?”

I liked how he threw in “him” letting me know, he knew what was up.

“He’s been cheating, lying, got a chick pregnant, and from what I heard plans on leaving me soon anyway. You know typical asshole.”

He laughed like I had just told a joke.

“Why are you laughing? You think that’s funny?”

“No, no, I’m sorry. That’s just a lot to take in, and you’re so nonchalant about it. The way you said it was cute.”

“Well, I’ve had some time to dwell on it, but anyway I didn’t mean to vent, so enough about me. What about yourself, are you dating anyone?”

“I wish I could say I’m dating someone, but no I’m single.”

“Why is that? I would think you get hit on all of the time.”

“I do, but mostly by women, which if you haven’t figured out by now isn’t my cup of tea.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Plus, the guys that I meet are usually only interested in what I can buy them, or they get tired of me working majority of the time so it never works out.”

I just looked him up and down and wondered who would be crazy enough to leave him. The cufflinks on his suit alone looked more expensive than my entire outfit. After a few moments of silence he spoke again.

“So where are you staying while you’re here in Vegas?”

“Jasmine gets to stay in the penthouse at the Black Oasis, so I’m staying with her until tomorrow evening.”

“I know you’re not sharing a bed with her and Lanell.”

“No, of course not, before he got here I was going to share her bed; but I ended up sleeping on the couch.”

“A fine young man like you shouldn’t be sleeping on a couch. You can stay here tonight if you like.”

“Where would I sleep?”

“You can stay in one of my many guest rooms, or you could just sleep with me,” he said the words I was waiting to hear. I hoped he’d respect me in the morning, but I was leaving the following evening so it didn’t matter either way.

“The second option sounds better.”

He threw his drink back, put the glass down on the bar, and then looked at me like he was ready, so I did the same.

“Okay, come on, let’s go.”

“What about the party, and your guest?”

“What about them?”

“Don’t you have to socialize, and entertain them?”

“Fuck these people. They aren’t my real friends. They only want to brown nose, and try to get me to either invest in something, or donate to something. These people are boring as hell. I’d rather be entertaining you, so follow me.”

While we walked to his room he was giving me so many compliments, and telling me how good I looked. Anthony even went as far as to tell me he fantasized about me, and got off to my movies. I’ve heard that before but something about the way he said it wasn’t just flattering; it actually turned me on even more. He spoke lusting fluently to the point that I was pre-cumming in my boxer briefs, especially once he started telling me the things he said he was going to do to me. I was enjoying everything he said as we approached his bedroom. I wish I could’ve seen my face when we walked into his master bedroom. I had never seen anything like it. It was definitely over the top. You would’ve thought an Egyptian Prince slept there. On top of it he had a California king sized bed which was my first time seeing one so I couldn’t wait to fuck on it, and sleep on it.

“Do you have some shorts, or something I can wear? I wasn’t expecting to stay over.”

“Don’t worry about that baby. You don’t need to wear anything.”

He walked over to me and without asking or hesitating, he started undressing me. I didn’t mind and wasn’t going to stop him, and he knew it because I was fully hard. Once I was completely nude he picked me up and laid me down on the bed. He got on top of me and started kissing me as if he had waited a long time to do so. It felt good and made me throb and jump between my legs. After a few minutes he stood up to undress himself. His body looked delicious. All of the cuts and rips got me really excited. I couldn’t wait to slide inside his phat muscled ass. He walked over to the edge of the bed and stood there.

“Come here,” he demanded

He waited until I was in front of him before putting his hand on my head to lead me down to where he wanted me. I had no problems taking direction and knew what to do from there. I started sucking on his nice dick right away. He went from a nice six inch on the soft to a huge ten inch thick dick in a matter of seconds, he was definitely a grower. His dick was too big for me to deep throat all the way, but it didn’t stop me from trying my hardest. He loved my skills because he kept moaning and saying, “Yes baby” as he softly rubbed the back of my head. A few times he would stop me and make me look up as he bent down to kiss me for a few seconds. Once he was orally pleased he switched it up. It caught me off guard because he picked me up and turned me around so my ass was on the edge of the bed facing him. At first he just started to rub and massage my ass cheeks as he stood there and enjoyed the view.

“Damn, you got a nice ass,” he said before kissing it all over. Once I felt his tongue go to work I put my head down on the bed, closed my eyes, and let him do his thing. I was trying to hide my emotions but when he started tongue fucking me I lost all control, and started moaning out louder than I realized it at the time. He grabbed my hands and made me spread both cheeks apart as far as I could so he could get all up in it. In the past when I had my ass ate it sort of tickled, or really didn’t do anything for me, but the way he did it made me realize how good it felt.

I didn’t think it could get any better than that, but when he reached forward and pulled my dick back between my legs and started sucking me from the back that was the cherry on top. He had a very good technique too. He would suck me for a little bit, then switch back to licking me, and then back to sucking me. He had my toes curling from all of the pleasure I was receiving. He stopped and I was wondering what he was going to do next, so when I heard him opening up the condom I looked back and saw he was putting it on. I was surprised because I planned on being the top, but the way he had my ass feeling I didn’t care, he had me at his demand and could’ve done whatever he wanted at that point.

I was a little nervous to take him, but thankfully Tyree was good for something and helped prepare me for that moment. It hurt and made me squirm as he worked it inside, but thankfully he took his time and knew what he was doing because once it was in I was able to breath and relax. He took his time moving in and out with slow easy strokes. I just closed my eyes again, and enjoyed every minute of it. The more I relaxed the deeper he would go until he was all the way inside of me. When he would just hold it there I would grab onto the sheets, moan, and try moving forward. He would hold me still and tell me to “relax”. It actually helped because he kept it deep inside me until I stopped fighting and my ass got really wet.

“Damn, you just creamed all over my dick.”

He wasn’t lying either, because I could feel the white cream leaking out of my ass. This dude was trying to turn me out like no other man had done before and it was working. He not only teased me with his stroke game, but he made me beg him to go harder and faster. Once I knew I was open and ready, I did just that. He had me in there bitching out, and doing a mixture of screaming and moaning like I had done to most of the bottoms I banged out. The thing I liked the most about him was he wouldn’t just bang me out like Tyree would, he would go hard and fast for a few minutes, then slow it down and start making love to me, then out of nowhere he’d just start pounding it again. He kept mixing it up which made me love it even more. Every time he would take it out, then slide it all the way in for a second, and then take it right back out, my body would shake uncontrollably and he noticed.

“Damn, I got your whole body shaking. You like it huh?”

I couldn’t even say yes that’s how zoned out I was. I couldn’t believe he had me feeling that good without even being high. It was a totally different experience than I was used to.

“Watch out, let me lay on my back.”

He lay down so he was in the center of the bed spread out.

“Come on, get on top.”

I stood over him until I positioned myself down on his dick. At first he just let me do my thing, so even though riding was my least favorite position I wasn’t going to let him know that. I did my best to bounce and ride him as fast as I could, so I would turn him out the way he was doing me. It was working because twice he stopped me and told me not to move, and made me lean forward so I could kiss him. After the second time he took charge and the force from him fucking me was making my whole body bounce up and down. He was hitting spots that I didn’t even know existed, so out of nowhere I felt it. At first I thought I was about to pee on him so I grabbed the head of my rock hard dick and squeezed tight because I didn’t know what to say or do. I tried to tell him to stop but he kept going. The pressure and feeling was too intense so I thought fuck it and let it go. I came so hard, all over his chest and face without him even touching my dick which I didn’t even know was possible.

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I tried to get you to stop.”

I just knew I fucked up the moment and grossed him out, but like a true freak it didn’t bother him.

“No worries baby. That’s what I wanted to happen.”

He got up and when to the bathroom to wipe himself off before coming back and fucking me some more in every position he could think of until he got off twice. It was early into the morning when I finally fell asleep in his arms. When I woke up later that morning I felt amazing, but different. It was the first time I felt like I had made love to someone; well actually someone made love to me. It was the best sexual experience I had ever had, and I loved it even if it was just for one night and I had to be the bottom. I knew the moment I opened my eyes I was ready to move on with my life, because I needed to find a man like Anthony ASAP.

“Good morning Jamar.”

“Good morning.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great thanks to you.”

“That’s good, so I take it you enjoyed yourself last night.”

“Hell yeah, that was the best night I’ve had in a long time.”

“Same here baby.”

I sat up to look around for a clock. I had no idea what time it was, so when I realized it was 8:00AM I sort of panicked a little. I suddenly realized I didn’t tell Jasmine were I was staying, so I wanted to rush back to her room in case she was worried. I texted her and told her I was on the way back before I got dressed.

“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat before you leave?”

“Damn, you can cook, too?”

“Believe it or not, I can throw down in the kitchen, but you wore me out last night, so I’ll have my chef fix you something.”

“That’s okay, I need to get going. Jasmine is probably freaking out wondering what happened to me. Do you think you can have your driver take me back to the hotel? I’m assuming you have one.”

“Sure, but I won’t have Terrance drive you. Give me a couple of minutes to throw something on and I’ll drive you back myself.”

This dude had me hooked. It was a shame he lived in Las Vegas. I waited for him while he rinsed off real quick and put on some gym clothes.

“Don’t mind the way I look; after I drop you off, I’m going to the gym.”

“You look hot, actually.”

“Thanks, so do you. So, are you ready to go?”

I smiled and followed him out to his silver Maybach, which had custom, red leather interior. I was even more impressed with his taste and style of living. We talked about what we each had going on the next couple of days and exchanged numbers on the ride to the Black Oasis. When he pulled up out front, I was a little sad and disappointed that our time together was coming to an end, but I sucked it up and put a smile on my face. I wasn’t expecting a kiss goodbye, but he reached over and started making out with me. His full lips were wet and felt really good. I didn’t want to stop, but eventually, he pulled away.

“Okay, baby. You got my number, so hit me up whenever you’re in Vegas, or whenever you want to come back to visit, on me, of course.”

“Okay, will do.”

I rode the elevator to the penthouse, cheesing because I was happy and felt good. I had actually blocked out everything that was going on in my personal life for one night. As I entered the room, Jasmine and Lanell were already up and just about to have breakfast.

“Look at you, looking like last night’s hooker.”

“Actually, he didn’t have to pay for it this time. I gave it all away.”

Jasmine teased me some more and I made Lanell a little comfortable by talking about Tyree putting his dick in other people. While we ate breakfast and talked about last night, Tyree called.

“Excuse me; I’ll be right back.”

I walked into the bedroom before I answered.

“What’s up?”

“What’s up? Are you serious? Where the fuck are you?”

“In Las Vegas.”

“Why are you in Vegas, and why didn’t you tell me you were going?”

“Tyree, I’m grown. I haven’t had to tell anyone where I was going since I was 16. Were you just calling to see where I was, or did you need something?”

“You could’ve at least texted, or called me to tell me where you were.”

“Well, I didn’t; my bad. So, what’s up?”

“Oh, so that’s how you feel?”

I could tell he was about to have an attitude so I flipped it on him. I had to watch my tone too because I didn’t want him to expect what was coming.

“Did you miss me? Were you worried about me?”

“Of course you’re all I’ve been thinking about all day.”

I wanted to scream out “LIAR”, but I kept it cool.

“Aww, that’s sweet, but umm, I’ve having breakfast with Jazzy and Lanell, so I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, but unlike you, I was actually calling to tell you I’m driving up to Santa Barbara tonight after work. I’ll be there for a few days, maybe even a week depending on my schedule.”

“Okay, well, have fun. See ya when I see ya.”

I hung up before he had a chance to say anything else. I finally knew how I wanted to handle everything. I was going to scare the shit out of his baby mama, and tell her Tyree’s lies. Since he broke my heart, I wanted to destroy his. I asked Jasmine to come into the bedroom.

“What’s wrong?”

She had a look of concern on her face.

“Nothing really, Tyree just called.”

I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking just yet, but I couldn’t hide my excitement either. My smile gave that away. I asked Jasmine if she’d drive home with me, and once she agreed I was ready. Jasmine called down to the front desk and asked if they could have a rental car waiting for her at noon. It didn’t take me long to pack up my stuff, so while she packed up her belongings I ran out to buy some of the movies that Tyree and I starred in together.

Chapter 37

“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what they deserve.”

“Oh, my God, what am I going to do? My life is over, I’m gonna spend the rest of it in jail, FUCK!”

Jamar had been trying to calm me down for the last minutes without success. My whole life had flashed before and the rest of it didn’t look so promising. I looked at my hands as if I could see June’s blood on them and started to scream and cry all over again.

 “Calm down Jazzy. You freaking out isn’t helping things; we have to get our story straight.”

Story straight? What in the hell did I get myself into? I never thought that I would be on the other side of those words. I felt like I was about to be on an episode of the First 48. I could picture myself in one of those little rooms. The rooms I liked to call the sweat box and the detective standing over me, questioning me over and over again. I could just hear him or her now.

“So, you’re telling me that you didn’t know that he was going there to kill her?” And I would answer, “That’s right, I had no idea.” Not believing me, the questioning would go on. “Did you know he had a gun before you went into June’s apartment?” that’s when my legs would start to shake. “Yes, I knew, but he was just using it to scare her, he was just using it as leverage.” This is when the cop would laugh at my childish answer. “So you mean to tell me that he needed a gun with a pregnant woman as leverage? Now we both know that that is bullshit. Now tell us what happened or you’ll take the fall for this. We already have you prints on the gun; we just want to know why you were there. We want a play by play. Tell. Jamar already told us that you were the shooter. We know that you are the killer in the situation. But tell us, why, how, and tell us about Jamar.”

Now there may have been a chance that Jamar never said anything. There may be a chance that they are just saying this, hoping that it will get me to start talking, but how would I know this? How would I know that Jamar wasn’t singing like a bird, just to save his ass? I looked over at him and wondered how deep our friendship went. I hadn’t known him that long, it had been less than a year, and I didn’t know how he would react once he was in that sweat box.

“Look Jamar, I know that things have gone too far to turn back now, but we can never tell anyone what we did today. I don’t care if they have you in a small room and they are telling you that I told them everything, from start to finish, you have to trust in me and know that they are lying. Deny, deny, deny Jamar, don’t say shit.”

My tone had changed. The once panicked shriek that lurked in my voice was almost a distant memory. The more I thought about things, the more I realized that we were living on a limited amount of freedom, that is, if we didn’t get things straighten things out.

“Who in the hell is “They”, and why would they have me in a little room? You don’t think that the cops are going to know that we did this, do you? Damn Jazzy, why did you have to shoot her, why did you have to kill her?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he really asking me why?”

“’Cause she was about to stab your ass, that’s why. Should I have just let the knife swing down into your back, should I have let you die?”

I could tell that he was really thinking about my words.

“I was the one who told you know to go in there, let alone to go in there with that fucking gun. You are the one who dragged me into your bullshit. You ---.”

“Don’t blame me. I gave you a choice. You could have stayed in the car,” he said, interrupting me.

“Oh, hell no, you should be thanking God that I made such a bad choice. If it weren’t for me, you may be dead right now. How fucking dare you act as if this is my fault? I thought that we were going home. I didn’t drive us to Santa Barbara to face off with some bitch my man’s fucking. No, that’s you. You’re the one who gives a shit about Tyree’ cheating ass. You’re the one who cared enough for him that you risked not only your freedom, but mine by going into that girl’s house. You wanted revenge, but in the end, if we get locked up, who really won here? Tyree will be free to do as he pleases. Free to fuck and cheat on whomever he wants. So tell me, what the fuck have you accomplished by pulling your little stunt today besides fucking both of our lives up?”

I knew that my words must have hurt him but I needed things to be crystal clear. We both needed to be on the same page, after I set him straight. There was no way that I was going to take the blame for this alone. I would have never been in that situation if it weren’t for him, and he needed to know that and appreciate what I did for him, I saved his life.

“You’re so right, Jasmine, I’m so sorry. You freaked me out when you started talking about the cops. I owe you my life right now, I’m so sorry.”

He took my hand and held it tight. I wasn’t mad anymore, I could understand. Shit, I was just as scared as he was, but now, we needed to think.

“Okay, Jamar, this is how it’s gonna go, you’re gonna have to die with this shit. I don’t give a damn if god himself comes to you and asks you what happened the day we went to June’s house. The only thing you should ever answer is “Who is June?” Now as far as the cops, I don’t give a damn if they play a tape and they tell you that it’s me confessing. I don’t give a shit if they bring me in there and have me tell you that I have confessed, don’t believe that shit. Don’t believe your ears, your eyes, or anything they may try and pull, 'cause I will never tell, not even on my deathbed. Do you understand me?”

We spent the rest of our ride home getting our stories straight. We were together that whole day. We drove straight home after leaving Vegas, then chilled at Breeze’s house since he was out of town. That was the story I was going to tell and that was the story I was praying he would stick to.

*****

We were five minutes away from Breeze’s house when Jamar said that the car was running on empty. He pulled into the Texaco Gas station and asked if I could pump the gas. I took the money from him and stepped out of the car, heading inside to pay. Once there, I made two coffees, knowing that we would need them and made my way to the line. I stood there, lost in my thoughts, never seeing Tanya walk in. It wasn’t until I heard her voice in my ear that I knew that she had been standing behind me.

“I knew that I would see your bitch-ass around town. Now we can finish what you started.”

She said this as if she was really going do something  to hurt me. Once I heard her words, it’s as if something in me clicked. Something in me was set free, forcing me to unleash the violent rage that brewed inside of me. As she talked shit, I let the heat from the coffee fuel my fury. I felt the heat and knew that it was hot enough to hurt, but not hot enough to scar her. I sat one of the coffees down on the counter and took the lid off of the other without arousing suspicion from her or anyone else. As soon as the lid was off, I turned around and splashed the hot coffee in her face. As her mouth hung open and her hands flew to her face, I attacked. I punched, scratched and tried to pull out every piece of hair on her head. She had caught me on the wrong day. She was paying for the check her ass could never cash, and I was doing my best to make sure that I got paid every single red cent I had coming to me.

“Jazzy, stop, come on, let’s get out of here!” I heard Jamar say as he pulled me away from Tanya. I pulled away from him and made my way to the shocked cashier.

“Sixty on 3, and two coffees,” I said as if I didn’t just have my foot in Tanya’s ass. He took the money and gave Jamar the receipt after ringing us up. I went and refilled our cups as Jamar went to pump the gas. As I left the gas station, I looked back at Tanya and she just stood there, holding her lip, giving me the finger. I laughed all the way to the car. That bitch would be the same ‘til the day she died. But I had to give it to her, she sure did know how to take an ass whipping and keep on ticking.

*****

“How long will Breeze be in New York?” Jamar asked as he brought our bag in from the car. I looked around to make sure that he had really left. Knowing Breeze, he may have stayed just because he hadn’t spoken to me. Once I saw the note on the bar, I know that there was a big chance that he was gone, and I was thankful for that.

Dear Jazz, I’m really getting tired of your bullshit. How many fucking times do I have to tell you that you just can’t get up and disappear? This is not about me controlling you; this is about you not having the consideration to at least let me know that you are safe. If I didn’t have to go to New York, I would have flown down to Vegas and checked your ass myself, of course I knew that you were going there, I have my ways. Now let this be the last goddamn time that we have to have this conversation. I love you and have been missing you. See you when I get back. Call me as soon as you come home please.

I started to laugh as soon as I was done reading the note. I handed it to Jamar and shook my head.

“I love how he tells me that he loves and misses me after being a total cunt.”

“Are you gonna call him?” Jamar asked as he joined in on the laughter.

“Yeah, I’m about call him now, just in case I need him to bail our asses out of jail.” I said only half way joking. I could tell that Jamar didn’t find my little joke funny so I turned on my phone and dialed Breeze. The conversation was short and not so sweet.

“I just got here, what’s up?” I asked.

“Let this be the last fucking time I have to go looking for you.”

“All right, it won’t happen again,” I answered. It wasn’t like I was lying. Soon, I would be gone and he would have some new bitch to run around looking for. I would be old news to him soon enough.

“Get some rest; I’ll see you in two days. Put that pussy on ice until I get there. I’m really fucking horny and I’m gonna be needing some of that good pussy when I get home.” And with that he hung up. I looked at the phone and asked myself who the hell I was just talking to. I knew that it was Breeze, but he wasn’t being himself. He never spoke to me like that, guess he was trying to sound harder then he really was, must have had people around.

“Well, we have two whole days to ourselves. Will you be going home or will you be keeping me company?”

I really didn’t want to be alone. I was still freaking out on the inside and wanted someone with me.

“I’ll be here for now. Gotta figure shit out, gotta get my nerves together enough to face him. I know he’s gonna find out today so he’ll he in a fucked up mood. I gotta prepare myself for whatever happens.”

Just as Jamar said this, his cell phone started to ring. And as he mouthed to me that it was Tyree, I sat back and waited for him to tell me what was said.

*****

NOW

“I was asleep when you rung the doorbell. I cursed you for waking me up even when I didn’t know that it was you. I was deep in a much needed rest and BOOM, you had to show up. As soon as I saw you, panic hit me like a ton of brick. I got a splitting headache as soon as I opened the door. Why the in God’s name were you standing on my door step? I asked myself. Jamar told me that you were going to Santa Barbara to see…to see your…to see her.” I watch as Tyree shifts in his seat. I’ve lost track of time. My hands are numb from the rope Tyree has tied tightly around them and I need to go and pee so fucking badly. All I have been able to do is talk about the year that has just past, and think about what has gotten me here.

When he walked in and asked me for Jamar, I tried to speak loud enough to wake him before Tyree and I made it to the living room, but that didn’t work.

“So what have you two been doing all day?” Tyree asked with a friendly smile. He had even complimented me and told me how cute I was even though I had just woken up.

“Just laying low; it’s kind of a long ride from Vegas and we were tired.” I answered as I headed to the bar.

“Can I get you a drink?” I watched him as I waited for his answer. I was looking for anything out of place, but so far, he was cool.

“Sure, make it a double; a nigga is kind of parched.”

Okay, now he was starting to joke around, I told myself. Maybe he hadn’t gone to see June like he had planned.

“Wake up baby, I missed you.” I watched as he leaned over Jamar and gave him a sweet little kiss on his forehead as he woke him up. My mind and heart were at odds. My mind kept telling me that Tyree was a sneaky little fucker that shouldn’t be trusted. My heart kept telling me to look at how sweet he was being with Jamar. I watched as he gave him a long wet kiss once Jamar was up. I prayed that he couldn’t read the shock that was written all over Jamar’s face.

“What…what are you doing here?” Jamar asked as he caught his breath.

“I wanted to surprise you. Why, aren’t you happy to see me?”

Something about the way he asked that question didn’t sit right with me. I started to look around the bar for something, anything to protect myself with if it came to that, but nothing was good enough to take him down with, if need be.

“How about that drink, Jazzy?”

I jumped at the sound of my name. I was so busy looking for a weapon that I had forgotten about his drink. As I looked under the sink of the bar for a fresh bottle of Vodka, I saw it. And right then and there, I knew that I was going to use that little bottle Breeze used on people to control them. I might have been disgusted with Breeze at first, but there are times like these, where something so bad can come in very handy.

“Vodka okay?”

“Fine,” he answered from the living room.

I had to think and act quickly. I poured the drinks, added a little cranberry juice and last but not least, added my poison of choice.

“So what are you all talking about?” I asked as I walked over to Jamar. As I handed him his drink, I gave Tyree my back. I looked Jamar dead in the eyes then moved my own down to the drink. I could tell by Jamar’s face that he knew what I was trying to tell him.

“Just shooting the shit, wondering why he’s not so happy to see me.”

“Boy, please, you’re trippin', you know I’m always happy to see you,” Jamar said, as he nervously sipped his drink.

“Are you now? Cause you’ve been really distant lately. I thought that it may have something to do with June.”

If I wasn’t such a good actress, I would have started hyperventilating right then and there. Jamar and I stood up, but before we could move, Tyree stood up, punched Jamar dead in the face, and pulled out a gun.

“SIT THE FUCK BACK DOWN!” Tyree yelled as I tried to go over to Jamar to help him. I did as I was told.

“Get the fuck up, nigga; I didn’t hit you that hard.” Tyree’s voice leaked venom, the same venom that was shooting from Jamar’s eyes.

“What in the hell is wrong with you Tyree, and who the fuck is June?”

Good, Jamar was remembering what I taught him in the car about denying everything.

“You really don’t want to play them games with me right now. Trust me when I tell you this. It will be for your own good.”

There was no going back from there.

*****

“So, you mean to tell me that you all didn’t plan to kill my child and his mother? What, it just kind of happened? MAN STOP FUCKING PLAYING GAMES WITH ME!”

That was maybe the tenth punch I had received from Tyree. And with every one that lands on my face, I think that I am getting closer and closer to death. Plus, he still hasn’t taken a sip of his fucking drink.

“Tyree, I’m telling you the truth, I didn’t mean to shot her, she was going to kill Jamar, I swear.”

Tyree just sat back down and laughed. He picks up his drink for the second time and holds it close to his lips. This time, I pray he quenches his thirst.

“So what am I supposed to do now? What do you expect me to do? Put yourself in my shoes. Everything that you love is dead and gone, and they were killed by your lovers and his sister. So, tell me. Would you let yourselves live?”

“Everything you loved? I guess I wasn’t one of them huh, cheating asshole?”

I don’t know how Jamar has the strength to still be talking so much shit, but I guess the pain Tyree was inflicting on us with his fist couldn’t compare to the pain he was feeling on the inside.

“What do you mean his sister? We’re close but we’re not related.”

Damn, I shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s putting the glass down again and walking toward us. I know it’s fucked up, but I sure do hope that he’s going over to Jamar. Both my eyes are already swelling and I can taste the blood that is running from my nose and mouth. At least these prayers are answered. I can’t see Jamar but I can hear Tyree’s fist hitting against his face. I can hear the groans escaping Jamar’s lips, and I can hear the evil laughter spilling out of Tyree’s soul.

“Keep talking to me like that, you’re only making this easier. Now as for you Jazzy, I thought I told you not to question me?”

Tyree is now standing over me with a fist full of my hair. He wraps it around his hand twice and yanks my head back so that I am looking up at him.

“You heard me right, what, Breeze didn’t tell you? You two are brother and sister. You two share the same father. A Mr. Rodriguez, right?”

My head starts spinning, and it’s not just from the blows Tyree landed on my face and body, I was also off quilter from his news.

“Bullshit,” I say through blood and tears. My answer is met with a slap across the face, and a breath taking blow to the chest. He takes his seat and tells us the mind-blowing story of our connection.

“Breeze was going through some files at his office after the AIDS scare when he came across the both of yours. The first thing that grabbed him was the matching last names. But as the weeks went on, he dug a little deeper. That’s when he tracked down your drunk ass mother,” he says as he points at me.

“Then he got me to give him your father’s number. After speaking to the both of them, he realized that you two are more than just friends, you two are blood. And to think, Breeze was going to have Mr. Rodriguez come out here next week. It’s a shame you two won’t live to see him again.”

Now, I am starting to feel sick to my stomach. I have yearned for my father since the day we left Puerto Rico. I have missed him with every breath that I have taken. And here I am, finding out that I was going to see him in about a week, and that I have a brother.

“Jamar, are you okay? Did you hear what he just said, do you believe him?”

I wiggle my halfway blue fingers around and try to find his hand. Once I find them, I squeeze it, trying to gain some sort of comfort from Jamar’s touch. He holds my hand but never answers.

“So, I want to make a toast,” Tyree says as he picks up the tainted concoction that is now merged with more melted ice than anything else.

“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what they deserve.”

A smile creeps across my swollen face, I try to suppress it but the thought of him drinking down the date-rape drug makes me happy. And just when I think that I’m getting away with my premature celebration, it happens. He looks over at me and thinks he knows what is going on.

“Ahhhh, you almost got me, you sneaky little bitch.”

His words are just as harsh as the blow to my stomach.

“How about you have my drink, and I’ll have yours?”

He may have made it seem like he is asking, but I know that he is telling me that I am about to have his drink.

“I’m not thirsty.”

“Who gives a shit? I don’t. Now, I’m gonna put the glass up to your lips and I want you to swallow every fucking drop, understood?”

“It’s not like I have a choice now do I?”

I would have preferred for this to go down the way I planned it, but being prepared for the unexpected came in handy. Now all I need him to do is drink from the glass that sat in front of me.

“Can I make a toast?” I ask as he stood in front of me. But before I could go on to hear his answer, my phone rings. I look at it with a burning desire to pick it up. I knew the ring, it was Lanell’s ringtone. Tyree doesn’t miss a beat.

“Let me guess, it’s Lust right? Damn I’m good,” he says as he picks up my phone.

“Don’t you wish that you could just talk to him one last time? Tell me, what would be your last words to him. Would you just tell the nigga that you love him, or would you come better than that?”

I don’t answer. He just wants to torture me in more ways than one. I’m not giving him the satisfaction.

“If you’re going to kill me, just do it already,” I say trying to sound tough.

“Aww look, he’s calling again. Too bad, huh?” Tyree asks as he pushes the end button.

“Maybe if I keep sending him to voicemail, he’ll think that you’re up in here being the slut that you are. Maybe he’ll think you’re fucking Breeze.” If I could turn into the hulk and brake through the ropes that tied me down, I would. I would have killed Tyree with my bare hands and called Lanell back. He doesn’t miss the fire that is shooting from my eyes.

“Good, he left a message, wanna listen?” I looked away from him as the reality that I may not get to see Lanell again starts to set in.

“No, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Too fucking bad,” Tyree says as he calls my voicemail and asks for my password.

“Bitch, don’t make me ask again.” I still don’t give it to him.

He reaches me before I can even blink. He hits me, over and over again. He is so heavy handed that if I couldn’t see him, I would have thought that I was being hit with an object.

“3-3-6-6” I say as I feel my lip explode and start to drip blood. I cry and plead as the pain becomes unbearable.

“Please, Tyree, if you’re going to kill me, just do it already. I can’t take any more of this.”

“No Jazzy, just hold on, don’t give up,” I hear Jamar say.

“You better mind you own fucking business nigga. Being nosy is what got you into this in the first place. Now shit the fuck up so we all can hear.”

Tyree puts the phone on speaker, and Lanell starts to talk.

“Hey baby, you must be sleeping, I know that it was a long ride. Anyways, I have some good news. I found out that the club will be up and running within three months. Jezebels, will open its doors on December 23rd, your birthday. Anyway, give me a call when you wake up. I miss you already baby. Can’t wait to see you again, love you.”

Hearing Lanell’s voice gives me the strength to beg for my life, our life.

“Look, I know that this shit that we did hurts, but killing us won’t bring anyone back. Think about our lives, think about your own. Killing us isn’t worth it, can’t you just think about what I am saying?” I ask while pleading for mercy with my eyes. And although they are almost swollen shut, he still is able to read the look of desperation on my face.

“Man, get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Make your fucking toast before I shove the glass down your throat.”

I start to cry as he waits and enjoys the show.

“Please, Tyree, don’t do this, not like this, please forgive us.”

My pleas fell on deaf ears.

“Fuck you, fuck forgiveness, and fuck Jamar. You two motherfuckers are gonna pay for your sins.”

Now ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black, I think to myself.

“Fuck your toast; it’s time to drink up.”

I can feel Jamar pulling at the ropes that has us tied to the chairs back to back.

“Don’t drink that shit, don’t drink it, Jazzy.”

As Tyree held the glass up to my lips, I held them shut.

“You have one more fucking second to open up your goddamn mouth.”

Tyree is running out of patience. The more he tries to force feed me the drink, the more I struggle to get away. Finally fed up, Tyree grabs my throat and starts to squeeze the life out of me. This causes me to gasp for air, and that’s when he starts to pour.

“Thought you would poison me huh? Fuck your stuck-up ass. Always walking around here like your better than me, as if you couldn’t give a nigga some ass here and there. Don’t think that I didn’t peep how you were acting on the set of Baby, Bi the Way, acting as if you weren’t enjoying it. I hope this drink kills you slowly and painfully.”

“Who the fuck are you? I can’t believe I was living with such a monster. Have you hated her this whole time, you sick fuck?” Tyree doesn’t respond to Jamar. Instead, he speaks to me.

“Now that’s a good little girl. You know what; I think this deserves to be celebrated.”

He walks over to the coffee table, picks up what was supposed to be my drink, and swallows all of it down.

“Now that was refreshing.”

“For you it is,” I answer as I still gasp for air.

*****

Thirty minutes later, I am starting to feel the effects of the drug. My head is spinning, and my eye lids are getting heavy. At times, I just zone out and refuse to listen to any more of Tyree’s verbal abuse. It isn’t until he strikes me with another blow that I am brought back to reality.

“Okay, it’s time to get this show on the road, I’ll be back,” Tyree says as he makes his way to the bathroom. He had been drinking on and off as he berated us for several hours. I was thankful, this was to our advantage. As soon as we hear the door close, Jamar springs into action.

“Jasmine…Jazzy, wake up…try and untie my hands.”

I hear him, but my body is starting to feel like a ton of bricks.

“Come on, fight through that shit, this is our only chance.”

I try my hardest to pull at the rope, but my effort isn’t good enough.

“Bitch, get your shit together, this nut is going to kill us if you don’t unite me.”

Now I know that Jamar is frustrated and scared, but fuck that, so am I.

“I’m fucking trying. You’re not the one whose drugged, I am. You don’t know how that shit is making feel right now.”

As I fight to untie him, I hear the sliding glass door being opened. My heart races as I see DeeDee’s face.

“DeeDee, what are you doing here? It’s Tyree; he’s trying to kill us.”

“DeeDee’s here, where?”

“I’m right here, now shut the hell up,” she says as she comes over to us and starts to untie our hands.

“I came about a half an hour ago. I tried to call you guys but no one picked up. When I asked Bobby, he said that he had spoken to Breeze and he told him that Jazzy was back. Since I was in town, I thought I’d stop by.”

“But how did you know to come around back?” I ask as my hands are set free.

“I got here and was gonna scare the shit of out you. When I tried the front door, it was unlocked. I tiptoed in and saw you two tied up. I stood there and watch that asshole beat and curse at y'all. I have a lot of questions, but this ain’t the time.”

“Did you call the cops?” Jamar asks her as he rubs his wrist.

“After what I heard, I don’t think that either one of you want the cops to be called.

“So what the fuck are we gonna do?”

I can tell that once Jamar realizes that the cops aren’t coming, he starts to panic all over again. And as I stand looking at him for the first time since being tied up, I can see the full range of damage Tyree has done with his fist. I decide to try and not look into any mirrors.

“I don’t feel so well,” I say as I start to lean over to the left. DeeDee catches me and sits me back down.

“Now what do you have in here that we can use to take this motherfucker out?” DeeDee’s eyes roam the room looking for something sharp, hard, or just plain lethal. As she picks up one object after the other, we hear the toilet flush and we all freeze.

“Fuck, he coming back out! What are we going to do?”

Before any of us can come up with an answer, we hear a loud crash. It sounds like everything that is breakable in the bathroom is shattering. When the bathroom door opens, Tyree comes stumbling out. He looks out of it. He is unable to stand straight and he is pain stricken.

“What the fuck is going on, what did yah do to me?”

Tyree is reaching out and hitting the air. He breaks everything he comes in contact with. The blurriness of his vision sends him spiraling out of control. Once he slips on the liquor he spilled, he sits on the floor trying to shake off the effects of the drugs, but it’s not working. And as the world starts to close in on him, he hears my laughter in the background.

“I thought he made you drink the one with the poison in it?” Jamar asked as he looked at his lover.

“He did, but the one he drank had it too,” I said as I continued to laugh.

“YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

Tyree yells as he lies on the floor.

“Guess I was a sneaky little bitch after all,” I say as my eyes are getting too heavy to hold open. I give in and let them close.

*****

“Wake up Jazzy; we have to get out of here.”

I feel like I have slept for hours, but my head is pounding.

“Go and pack a bag, take everything you want to take with you, but only the important shit. Don’t take too long.”

DeeDee ordered as Jamar helped me up to my feet.

“Are you okay?” he asks as I catch my balance.

“Yeah, just give me ten minutes. Where is he?” I ask as I look around for Tyree. Jamar nods his head toward the same chairs he tied us in. It makes me smile to see him in the same position that Jamar and I was in not too long ago.

“Enough of the sentimental bullshit, if we’re gonna do this; we have to do it now.”

“What is she talking about?” I ask Jamar as I start on my way out of the living room.

“Him, I have to take care of…him.”

With that, he lets me know that I won’t be the only one with blood on my hands today.

*****

Once upstairs, I grab my jewels, some clothes, and some cash from Breeze’s safe. He has about 20 grand in there, and since I am being nice, I only take half of it. By the time I am done, I have three duffle bags packed and am so ready to blow this joint.

“All set to go?” I ask as I walk over to the sink and get a glass of water. I pop two Advil’s and waited for Jamar to get the job done so we could leave.

“He’s asleep, he won’t even know it’s coming,” DeeDee says as she tries to get Jamar to get a move on it.

“Just aim the fucking gun and shot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”

I look at Jamar and he reads my mind.

“I have a lot to fill you in on. She’s apparently a pro at this.”

DeeDee laughs at his statement.

“Well this pro is going to take the gun away from you if you don’t shoot that asshole, and soon.”

I watch as Jamar struggles to pull the trigger. I can’t even begin to imagine having to shoot a man that I shared a bed with. A man who I thought loved me, a man that I could see spending the rest of my life with. I can’t blame him for stalling, but in the end, the sooner he shots him, the better.

“We really have to go,” I say to him as I put my hand on his shoulder.

“I know Jazzy, I know,” he says as he rests his hand on mine.

“I just don’t know if I can do this. I mean, this is the man I once loved.”

“Yeah well, just think about where he was when he wasn’t in your bed. Think about how he was about to kill you if I didn’t untie you. I know it’s hard but you gotta tell yourself that it’s better that he die then you.” DeeDee had a point there. But only I knew what would really give Jamar the push he needed.

“Plus, after what he did to your face, hell, our faces, we may never be the same.” Jamar’s face says it all. I knew that Tyree possibly ruining his good looks would make him tick. And as he held the gun up that I used on June, I knew that neither of us would be visiting L.A. any time soon.

“So, I guess this means you’re coming to Vegas with me, right?”

Jamar nods his head yes and puts his finger on the trigger. I take a seat and turn away. I try to focus on the one good this about this situation. Jamar is not only my friend, but he is also my brother.

Chapter 38

“Bitch, get your shit together,
this nut is going to kill us if you don’t untie me.”

Once it was time to go I waited for Jasmine and Lanell to say their goodbyes, while I typed in the address I found on Tyree’s GPS so I’d know where I was going. As soon as we started driving Jasmine asked me about Anthony.

“Girl, now you know that I’m not really a bottom, but for Mr. Rondell, I’ll bottom any day. That man turned me out.”

Jasmine knew I preferred to top, so she was dying to know what happened.

“Jazzy, I don’t even know how or when it happened, but the next thing I knew, I was head down, ass up.”

She couldn’t get enough. I hadn’t seen her laugh that hard in a while.

“Wait, start from the beginning. The last time I saw you, you were heading to the bar.”

I told her how everything went down, and she told me how she and Lanell spent their night talking and catching up. Jasmine was getting sleepy and decided to take a nap. The adrenaline was flowing inside of me so I was wide awake and anxious to get there already. I was so deep into my thoughts that I let Jasmine sleep the entire way there, and while I staked out Tyree’s baby mama’s house. I finally decided it was time, so I woke Jasmine up. As she looked around it was obvious she was confused.

“Where the fuck are we?”

“Santa Barbara.” I replied.

She was still confused. I figured there was no better time to tell her what was going than at that moment. I reached in the back for my gym bag so I could get out the gun.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?”

“Calm down Jazzy.”

She thought I was crazy and looked worried now. She tried talking me out of doing what I wanted to do, but there was no turning back at that point. It was time to get even with Tyree.

“So just put it away, you can confront her without it, please, Jamar, I’m begging you. Don’t do this!”

I started to take her advice but I wanted to make one hell of a first impression. I wanted this woman to remember me, and know that I’ve been fucking, and living with her man. I got out of the car and started walking toward her house. I thought my plan was crazy, but a normal plan wasn’t what I craved. I wanted to not only hurt Tyree, but I wanted him to know I was the one who told his secrets. Jasmine came running up to me questioning me again. I told her to make up her mind and join me, or head back to the car before I just walked away. She stood there and thought about it for a second before following me. The moment I waited for finally happened; I was standing outside of her front door.

I thought about everything I wanted to say, while Jasmine continued to ask questions. I reassured her that this woman was alone, and that Tyree wouldn’t arrive until later that night. I figured I’d give Jasmine one last chance to change her mind. She didn’t say no, so I knocked on the door a few times. When she opened the door I could tell right away she was trying to figure out who we were. I figured I’d tell her I was a friend of Tyree’s in hopes that she’d invite us inside. It worked because she introduced herself as June before welcoming us inside, and leading us to the living room. She was so gorgeous, and that was without any make up on so I could see why Tyree liked her. She was also huge, and looked like she was going to have a big baby sometime soon. She offered us a seat, so we made ourselves comfortable as we made small talk.

“You look like you’re about have that baby any day now. Do you know what you’re having yet?” I asked.

“A boy.”

“Do you know what you’re going to name him?”

“Well, Tyree wants him to be a junior, but that’s not happening. I’m naming him James after my grandfather.”

I looked around and admired her small home, it was nice and clean. I was trying to wait for the right moment to tell her why we were really there, but she wanted to know how I knew Tyree, and if he was okay. I told her we worked together, and I’m not going to lie, I got a little pleasure out of telling her the half-truth; but I wasn’t going to play around with her and beat around the bush any longer, so I spoke up.

“Yeah, he’s fine, but I’m not.”

I heard the concern in her voice as she asked, “Who did you say you were again?”

“I’m his boyfriend.” I replied calmly as I reached into my gym bag to show her the DVD’s I brought.

It wasn’t until I had the cases in my hand that all of my built up anger came rushing out. I put the movies in front of her while rubbing it in her face that Tyree was my man.

“I bet he never told you he was a gay porn star, did he?” I said as she stared at the movies. You could see the hurt and confusion written all over her face. June excused herself, so while she was in the kitchen getting some water Jasmine stood up and questioned me. I made it clear that I didn’t care if June told Tyree everything I said.

“So you’re not worried about what Tyree’s going to do when he finds out what you did?”

“FUCK HIM, as soon as I get back to L.A. I’m renting a condo, and moving out until we can figure out who’s keeping the house. I’m finally done with his trifling ass.”

Jazzy didn’t look convinced, or relieved. She just sat back down and was quiet.

“So you mean to tell me that I’m supposed to believe that Tyree is a porn star, and that you’re his boyfriend?” June said as she came walking out of the kitchen.

I confirmed that it was the truth, and that Tyree was no good. I think I pissed her off though when I said her unborn baby was major baggage. She got in my face, and started yelling and accusing me of being a liar.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF GAMES YOU’RE PLAYING, FAGGOT, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE YOUR LIES.”

That was when I lost it. I started yelling back at her and had to stop myself from smacking the shit out of her.

“BITCH, you better back the fuck up out of my face.”

She didn’t let her guard down, and was actually standing up to me like I was the one who should’ve been scared. The nerve of her, here I was trying to warn her that she was planning a future with a man who was living a double life. She should’ve cried and thanked me but she was yelling at me and challenging me like I was the bad guy. I wanted to put her in her place, and scare her so I got the gun out and put it up to her cheek. She was terrified now; I could see it in her eyes. Jazzy tried to stop me and looked petrified too. Once I knew she was going to calm down, shut up, and back the fuck up I put the gun down so I could get my point across. I wanted her focused only on my words, and not the gun.

“Not only does he have sex with men in front of the camera, but he’s fucked random men for money off camera too.”

She was still in denial. She thought I was making everything up even though the proof was in the pudding. She finally decided she heard enough and told us to get out. I felt like I did enough damage, even though she was faking like what I said didn’t bother her. I was going to leave but first I had to tell her how sad she was, and told her to Google “gay porn star Konceited” if she didn’t believe me. I started gathering all of my stuff so we could get out of there when I heard the gun shot. It scared me so I threw the DVDs in the air and jumped to the ground. I looked in Jasmine’s direction and the first thing I noticed, she was holding the gun.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?” I asked as I turned to look at June. She was lying on the floor with blood all over her chest. I noticed she had a big ass Michael Myer’s butcher knife in her hand. I didn’t move at first, because I didn’t know what to do.

“Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, did I just, wait is she? She was going to stab you with that knife. I don’t know what happened, I just reacted.”

Jasmine was pale and in shock. I slowly got up and grabbed the gun out of her hand. I put it in my gym bag, picked up the movies, and got Jasmine out of there without touching anything. I put my hand in my shirt and opened the door so we could exit, and left the front door opened hoping whoever discovered her would think it was a robbery that went bad. I held Jasmine’s hand as we walked in a fast pace back to the car. I wanted to speed off like a NASCAR driver, but I drove out of her neighborhood like everything was normal. Both of us were silent and looking straight ahead. Now I was scared, and regretting going there in the first place. I didn’t expect that to go down the way it did.

A part of me wanted to hurt her, and put it all on Tyree so that both of us could be sitting there waiting for him to arrive. I wanted to see his face and hear his reaction when June confronted him, but when she started yelling at me I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I should’ve just left right then and there with the satisfaction that I told her, and that Tyree would’ve been caught off guard when she talked to him about it. Jasmine finally spoke, and asked me if June was dead. Once I confirmed that she was gone, Jazzy started to panic. I wanted to calm her down, but I couldn’t. She was freaking out so bad that it was making me paranoid. I knew one thing though we needed to figure out our next move, and we had to come up with a plan fast. Both of us had to be on the same page and make sure our stories matched in case we were questioned by the cops. I think mentioning this to her made her stop and think about what really just happened, and what she would say.

After another brief moment of silence, she made it clear that she wasn’t going to confess to anything, and she expected me not to either. Now she really had me thinking about the cops finding out we did it. I couldn’t believe there was a big chance that we could get arrested for murder. I didn’t want to point fingers but I asked Jasmine why she had to kill her. I knew I was wrong for that because she saved my life. I wanted to thank her, but at the same time I wanted to shake her and scream, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TRY SHOOTING HER IN THE ARM, OR IN THE HAND?”

She started to put the blame on me like it was my fault because I brought the gun inside. I had to let her know she had options, she didn’t have to follow me inside, but I quickly regretted that too. She made me feel so small, and so stupid for even allowing things to go down the way they did. She had some very good points too. I felt bad when she pointed out that I was dishonest, and led her to believe we were driving home, not to Santa Barbara. At that time I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I didn’t look at it like that. All I could see was hurting Tyree, not Jasmine. Now all I could picture was us going from porn stars to convicted murderers, shown on every news channel, talked about on every blog, doing time in prison, while Tyree was doing whatever he wanted to do.

I couldn’t turn around, and do it over again although I wished I could. I realized that Jasmine was right, and that I owed her big time. I apologized before we held hands and were both silent again. After a good thirty minutes she told me what to say which was only “Who is June?” if we were ever questioned by anyone. If we got away with it, she made it clear that she would die with this secret we shared, so I agreed that I would do the same. I continued driving toward L.A. while we discussed what we were going to say we did that day. Even though it was a lie, all we could do was stick to the plan and hope that no one would ever suspect we killed her. I think once we had our story straight we were both a little more at ease. We didn’t talk anymore, and we almost made it home before I realized the car was almost out of gas. I didn’t want to risk the car running out completely because we would’ve had to walk to get some more, or we would’ve had to walk the rest of the way to Breeze’s house. I pulled into the first gas station that I came to. I was still a little nervous and shook up about everything so I handed Jasmine seventy dollars and asked her to fill up the tank.

I figured she could use some fresh air, and I needed to be alone for a couple of minutes. I just wanted to get to Breeze’s house so I could relax and feel somewhat safe. I realized Jasmine was taking a long time to come back out of the gas station, so I decided to get out, and see what she was doing. As soon as I could see inside I was shocked. Jasmine was kicking Tanya’s ass, bringing even more attention to her like she didn’t just murder someone. That’s all we needed was her on video beating up a former porn star. I ran inside and yelled at her.

“JAZZY, STOP, COME ON LET’S GET OUT OF HERE.”

I watched as she calmly threw the cash on the counter and told the cashier how much gas we needed like nothing just happened. I looked at him and he looked shocked, but he started pushing buttons on the cash register.

“I’m going to refill my coffee cup, go pump the gas, and I’ll be right there,” Jazzy said as I waited to see if the cashier really just accepted our purchase, I just knew he was going to turn us down, and call the cops. Once he started handing me the change I told him to keep it, ran outside, and started filling up the tank. Jasmine walked to the car as if she didn’t have a care in the world. I was so worried that I didn’t even wait for the gas to finish pumping. I stopped it, and got back in my truck and drove off.

“What the fuck was that? Do you really want the cops looking for you after the day we’ve had?”

“Look, the bitch threatened me like she was about to beat my ass or something, so I shut her up, and took her tall ass down. You should’ve seen her face when the coffee landed on her. She looked disturbed, and couldn’t even defend herself.”

“So what are you going to do if she calls the cops, and they have you on camera fucking her up?”

“I’m not worried about that, if I know Tanya, she’s too jealous of me. She will want revenge before she will want me locked up.”

I couldn’t believe the day we were having, first Jasmine kills June, and then she assaults Tanya. I needed that day to end already. We made it to Breeze’s mansion and realized Jasmine would have the house to herself for two days, so she asked me if I’d keep her company. There was no way I was going home, because I couldn’t be alone after what went down. As I was telling Jasmine I was staying, Tyree called. She looked at me like answer it and find out what he has to say.

“What’s up Tyree?”

“Nothing much, I’m driving right now. I was just thinking about you so I wanted to call you. What’s up with you?” he asked calmly, which made me start to doubt that he made it to Santa Barbara.

“I’m chilling with Jasmine.”

“What are you two getting into tonight?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t really decided. We’ll probably just rent a movie.”

“Oh, okay, that’s cool.”

He was silent which gave me the opportunity to figure out if he knew anything.

“Did you make it to Santa Barbara okay?”

“Naw, I’m just going to drive up there in the morning. I’m tired and don’t want to fall asleep behind the wheel. I was going to pick up something to eat on my way in the house and wanted to see if you needed anything, but I see you already have plans. Have fun, I’ll see you later.”

I hung up with a feeling of relief because Tyree wouldn’t find out about June, and his unborn son until the following day. He would never suspect Jazzy and I had anything to with their murders. As long as no one saw us leaving her house, and recognized us we were good. All I had to do now was deal with my conscience which I prayed over time would get easier. Jazzy and I talked and flipped through all of the different news channels to see if there was any mention of the murders. Two hours had passed and my eyes were so heavy, I tried to fight the sleep but I couldn’t. I stretched out on the couch, closed my eyes, and while Jazzy was still talking I was out.

*****

Waking up from good nap after that long ride and seeing Tyree’s face was not what I expected to see. It was quite scary so I froze and stared at him. At first I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or awake, but once I knew it wasn’t a dream there was no hiding the fear in my eyes. I was wide awake now, but speechless.

“Wake up baby, I missed you,” he said before kissing my forehead. He looked at me and smiled, which made me feel good but I hadn’t missed him at all. I felt the exact opposite and wanted him to leave. I sat up so that I could be more prepared in case he tried something. He was standing in front of me so he had to lean down to kiss me again. His kiss was so passionate and romantic; I couldn’t even remember the last time he’d kissed me like that. I had to know what he was doing there so I asked.

“I thought I’d surprise you, and show you how much I missed you. Plus, I just had to see you tonight.”

Tyree surprising me was like winning the Power Ball, the odds were against me so his tone and words said one thing while his actions said another. I looked around to see where Jasmine was and he noticed.

“How about that drink Jazzy?” he asked as he sat down beside me on the couch smiling at me. I needed Jasmine to hurry up because I didn’t know what to do or say. There was this awkward silence so I just said the first thing that I could think of.

“Guess who I ran into in Vegas?”

“I have no idea, who?”

“Blaze and Karma were there.”

“Oh, for real? That’s cool.”

I could tell he wasn’t interested, so I tried changing the subject.

“So how was your day?”

“It was long and crazy.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Nothing I just need to get away. I need a vacation.”

“You’re right. We should go to Jamaica, or the Dominican Republic. Would you like that?” I asked as if I wasn’t planning on ending our relationship.

“Yeah definitely, we should do that.”

Jazzy finally walked back into the living room carrying our drinks. She put them down on the coffee table, and looked at me like something was wrong. After she pointed her eyes in the direction of the glass closest to Tyree I knew not to drink that one. I had no idea what she was up to, but that gave me confirmation that Tyree definitely wasn’t being himself because she picked up on it too. Tyree told Jazzy he was wondering why I wasn’t happy to see him. I tried my best to fake like I was excited.

“Are you now? ‘Cause you’ve been really distant lately. I thought it had something to do with June.”

He said it so calmly we wouldn’t expect it coming, and he’d see the shock written all over our faces. Jazzy and I both stood up at the same time, but before I knew it I was back on the couch. Tyree hit me so hard that I had figure out what just happened. I had an instant headache, but I was ready to attack. I got ready to charge him, but I stopped in my tracks when he pulled out a gun, not just any gun, Blaze’s gun. I wasn’t thinking when we got back to Breeze’s house, and left my gym bag in the rental car. Not only did he have the gun, but he must’ve found the DVD’s too. I didn’t know what Tyree planned to do to us, but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I thought I’d try acting my way out of it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Tyree, and who the hell is June?”

He hit me up side my head with the gun with such force that blood started to run down the side of my face.

“I told your ass to get up. If you don’t want the other side of your head to leak I’d advise you to do so.”

I couldn’t take another hit like that so I did as he demanded.

“Now open up my book bag, and take out the rope, and duct tape.”

“HELP!” Jasmine screamed out and started to run toward the front door. She wasn’t fast enough because Tyree caught her and hit her in the back of her head with the gun.

“BITCH, IF YOU SCREAM, OR TRY TO GET AWAY AGAIN I’M GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY. NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE.”

I was speechless. I never expected Tyree to hit me let alone hit a woman. He looked at me and told me to bring two chairs over from the dining room. I was too scared not to.

“Tie her up in the chair right now. Make sure she can’t get up either.”

He pushed her down onto the chair.

“Damn, you don’t need to manhandle me Tyree.”

“Shut up bitch.”

He punched her in the mouth which busted her top lip. When Jasmine turned back around to look at him she had blood in her mouth, and she looked furious. I would bet anything that she wished she would’ve killed Tyree instead of June.

“I SAID TIE HER UP.”

I whispered “I’m sorry” loud enough for her to hear me as I kneeled down, grabbed her arms, and folded them behind the chair so I could tie her up.

“Now get your ass up and get in the other chair.”

I looked up at him and he looked evil. I didn’t have anything to lose, so I tried talking my way out of what was to come.

“Baby, why are you so mad? Why are you doing this?”

My questions were followed by a kick in the face, and then a kick to my ribs. I was stunned, and couldn’t even move from the pain. He grabbed me and forced me to get up, and get in the other chair. He wasn’t as gentle as I was when I tied Jasmine up.

“Now which one of you should I start with?”

I thought he was ready to kill us, so I just stayed quiet, and tried to think of a way out of there.

NOW WHAT?

“I’ll start with you bitch, and you better not lie to me.”

Tyree says as he looks at me. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s serious.

“How did you find out about June, and how did you know where she lived at?”

I want to tell him the truth so he’ll go easy on me, but I can’t answer his questions. Answering them would only bring more pain on Jasmine. After all she was the one who found out about June, but I take her advice and answer the way she told me to.

“Tyree, seriously who is June?”

“Okay, that’s it. I tried to give you a chance to tell the truth.”

He starts to use my head as a punching bag, and I can’t even block his hits. I have never felt pain like this before. I black out, but come to when I hear Jasmine scream.

“STOP HITTING HIM. IT WAS ME. I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU AND JUNE.”

I’m relieved because if he would’ve kept punching me like that I’m sure he would’ve done some permanent damage. I feel useless and ashamed because I can’t protect myself, or Jasmine.

“BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

I zone in and out so I only hear half of their conversation because I’m in my own head, and feeling regret. I can’t believe I was naïve and allowed this man into my life not once, but twice and he still fucked me over. My head is throbbing and feels swollen. I can’t see how my face looks but I want to cry because I can’t stop picturing Will Smith in Hitch, I can’t see out of my left eye, and I have to spit out a mouth full of blood. Jasmine finishes explaining everything, and Tyree seems even more furious.

“I can’t believe you snitched on me? You’re living with one man, but out in Vegas fucking another, and have the nerve to tell on me for having a girl on the side.”

He doesn’t say anything else, but I can hear him taking his anger out on her. I cringe each time I hear his fist make contact because I know the pain she’s experiencing. He makes her tell him what went down at June’s house too. Even though she explains it was an accident he isn’t buying it. He hits her again, and by the sound she makes I know he didn’t hold back. He starts venting to us like we care.

“My girl and my son who I didn’t even to get to meet are both dead. That was my heart right there. Everything I loved was taken away from me, and I know you’re both the reason why. You can only imagine my reaction when I found June lying there slowly dying. Do you want to know what her last words were?”

He pauses to see if either of us will answer, but I’m too shocked to find out June was still alive. I thought I felt terrible before, but now I know I’ll never forgive myself for going there. Only if I would’ve called 9-1-1, maybe they’d still be alive.

“She said you two killed her as she held onto our movie, then I watched her take her last breathe.”

We both stay quiet.

“So what am I supposed to do now? What do you expect me do? Put yourself in my shoes. Everything that you love is dead, and they were killed by his lover and sister. So tell me would you let yourselves live?”

Even though the words hurt just as bad as his fist I don’t shed a tear. I want to, but I won’t allow him to take away my pride since he already stole my heart. I would like to believe he loved me, but I don’t think he’s capable of loving someone. I don’t think he even knows what love is.

“Everything you loved, I guess I wasn’t one of them huh, cheating asshole.”

He talks, and punches me at the same time.

“You’re right I didn’t love you, I’m not gay.”

“You were pretty damn gay when I was fucking you up the ass. You loved it.”

He doesn’t like to hear the truth because he grabs me by the throat, and damn near squeezes the life out of me.

“Why would I love someone who tricked me into porn?”

He lets go, and I gasp for air.

“I didn’t put a gun to your head and make you do it,” I say after I catch my breath.

“I was broke, confused, and needed somewhere to go. What would you do when that much cash is put in front of you?”

“If I wasn’t gay, I know I wouldn’t have done it.”

I know I’m only pissing him off even more, but I can’t hold my tongue. I see him ball up his fist again.

“What do you mean his sister? We’re close but we’re not related.”

Hearing Jazzy ask this makes me realize what Tyree said earlier. I only get to marinate on it though for a second before Tyree starts hitting me in the face again. He taunts me before moving on to Jazzy. I hear him tell Jazzy that not only do we share the same father but Breeze knew since the HIV scare. I’m shocked and taken back. All of these years I thought I was an only child. When I was a kid I wished I had a sibling. If it’s true I wonder why my father never told me. Also, I can’t believe Jasmine and I never paid attention to the fact that we share the same last name. I love her like a sister, and she’s my best friend but I always just call her Jazzy. I never even stopped to ask her about her last name, or about her parents.

I think back to my father staring at her picture in my house. Did he recognize his daughter? Did he realize then that his children know each other? I’m also shocked he agreed to meet with the both of us. Why now? I’m curious to know what he has to say for himself. I want to ask Tyree what all Breeze said, but I don’t want to bring any more attention to myself now that he’s walked around to Jazzy. She asks me if I believe Tyree and if I’m okay, but I don’t know how to respond. I’m more focused on trying to free our hands. Tyree tied the rope so tight around my hands and wrists that I can barely move my fingers.

“Here’s to revenge, and people getting exactly what they deserve.”

I pray Jasmine put rat poison or something just as venomous in his drink. The way he’s abused us, I could care less if he dropped dead. The pain starts to become unbearable. I close my eyes and start to dream that I’m a child again, and I’m out shopping with my mom.

“BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME ASK AGAIN.”

I wake up hearing Jasmine begging Tyree to kill her. I try to convince her to hold on.

“No, Jazzy, just hold on, don’t give up.”

Tyree doesn’t like this and threatens me some more, so I shut up. After getting her pin number to her voicemail he plays Lanell’s message for all of us to hear. He finds it funny that he’s teasing Jazzy, and using Lanell’s voicemail as his punch line. I know it’s killing her inside to know he finalized everything in Vegas, and is waiting for her to move there. It’s sad that won’t happen, and they won’t see each other again. Tyree has gone mad, and I’m sure will kill us before the night is over. Now I start to give up but then I think about how much I want to live, and think of all the things I want to accomplish. I finally stretch my hands far enough to touch her rope with my fingertips. I try to move my hands a little further just enough to untie Jasmine’s rope, but I can’t. I tap her fingers hoping she will get the hint, and untie my rope but she just tries to hold my hand.

After giving us both our worst beat down ever, Tyree makes Jasmine drink the Vodka that was meant for him, and then he gulps down hers. The rush from his drink, he took down like a shot, makes him ready to kick and punch us some more. I finally just slump over in my chair and pretend like I’m knocked out. Tyree goes in the kitchen to pour himself some more alcohol, because he needs the liquid courage to finish what he’s started. Jasmine hasn’t made any noises, or moved so I’m assuming he knocked her out, or the poison that was meant for Tyree killed her. I want to check on her, but that will just make things worse for me. After a long night of abuse he finally leaves us alone, and goes to the bathroom.

“Jazzy, wake up, try to untie my hands.”

I hear her moving, and trying to pull the ropes, but she’s not moving fast enough.

“Bitch, get your shit together, this nut is going to kill us if you don’t untie me.”

The drugs Tyree forced her to drink are in full effect so she can’t really move, but thankfully I hear DeeDee. She unties us, and explains that she’s witnessed all of Tyree’s evil intentions.

*****

I stand up for the first time since Tyree tied me up, and I almost fall back down. My body is in so much pain, and when I turn around and look at Jasmine, and then look in the mirror I realize Tyree didn’t hold back on either one of us. I pray everything will heal, and we’ll look like ourselves again. I’m so consumed with staring at myself that I forget about Tyree coming back to kill us until DeeDee asks for something to knock him out with.

“Fuck, he’s coming back. What are we going to do?” Jazzy asks.

I see him come staggering down the hallway, and start to charge us, but as soon as he clears the hallway DeeDee smashes a statue over his head. He falls down to the ground, and cusses at Jasmine before he is out. Jasmine enjoys her victory for a moment before she realizes she needs to sit back down, and go to sleep herself. I, on the other hand, can’t sit still; I’m scared he’s going to get back up. I see the gun on the table so I pick it up and hand it to DeeDee.

“Here, you take it. I’m going to tie his ass up.”

I try to lift his heavy body but I’m too weak.

“Man, watch out,” DeeDee says before lifting Tyree up like he was a rag dog.

“Get the rope, and tie him up. If I let him go he’s going to fall out of the chair.”

I do what DeeDee says, and once he’s tied up. I punch him in the face a few times before she stops me.

“Chill, we want him to stay passed out. You need to figure out what you’re going to do with him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know you can’t let him live right?”

“DeeDee, what the fuck have you been smoking? I’m calling the cops and letting them deal with him.”

“Okay, and then what? He gets locked up for year or two, while you and Jazzy go to jail for two counts of murder. By the time you get out, half of your life will be over. You need to think about this, trust me I know.”

“Well, what if we just leave him here, and leave L.A.”

“You could do that, but he’s not going to stop until he finds you, and kills you both.”

“And you know this how?”

“I used to deal with a man like him years ago. He would get high and drunk and instead of making love to me he would beat up on me. He told me he was going to kill me if I ever left him. I never deserved any of his abuse, I loved him, I did everything around the house for him, and I was faithful to him.”

“Why would he hit you then?”

“He started using all kinds of drugs which made him nervous and paranoid that I’d leave him, or that I was cheating on him. Plus, he was much older, and miserable that his life didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to, so he took his anger and frustration out on me.”

“What did you do?”

“I wanted to leave him, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. I wasn’t working, and I didn’t have any money so I was stuck. That was until I met Bobby, he saw me at the beach with my best friend at the time. He kept trying to talk me into working for him. I turned him down until I woke up one morning with two black eyes.”

She stopped talking and just stared at the ground.

“Well, what happened?”

“Let’s just say I called Bobby, and told him everything that, we’ll just call him Andre. I told Bobby about all the beatings, black eyes, bruises, and busted lips Andre gave me.”

“Mr. Cappello killed him?”

“No, I did. Bobby gave me a needle full of drugs, and told me the next time Andre hit me to wait ‘til he was sleeping, inject him with the needle, make him die from an overdose, and give him a call so that’s what I did. Bobby had some men come and take his body away. I waited two days and reported him missing. By the end of that week I was identifying his body. As I left the hospital Bobby was waiting for me, and assured me that he’d never let another man hurt me. Ever since then Bobby and I have had a mutual love for each other.”

“Can I ask you something else without offending you?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“How come you’re his mistress, and not his wife?”

“It’s complicated, and that’s not for here nor there. Anyway you know what you have to do, right?”

“I take it you want me to shoot him, but then what are we going to do with his body?”

“Let me worry about that. You need to wake Jazzy up so you two can leave L.A. for a while. I’ll make sure everything is cleaned up. Oh, and don’t call me for any reason. Once I know everything is good, I’ll call you to let you know it’s safe to come home.”

I love DeeDee but you think you know someone, but you really don’t. Now I understand why she’s ready to pop off on anyone who even looks at her funny. I take her advice since she seems to know what she’s talking about.

“Wake up, Jazzy, we have to get out of here.”

I tell her what I have to do, and tell her to pack some bags. She listens and heads upstairs.

“Here, Jamar, take the gun. I’m going to lay him down on the foyer; it’ll be easier to clean up the blood over there than on this cream carpet.”

For the first time since I got the gun from Blaze I have anxiety just from holding it. I’m sweating and shaking because of what I was told I have to do. I close my eyes and wish this is just a dream, but Jasmine quickly reminds me that it’s not.

“All set to go?” She asks as she puts her bags down, and then heads into the kitchen. I looked at DeeDee and she’s looking at me like, well, are you going to do it or not. She tries to make me feel better by saying he’s asleep, but I just feel wrong killing a defenseless man. Especially since he’s the only man I’ve ever loved. On the other hand though he beat me so bad that I don’t even recognize myself, and he was planning on killing me. I walk over to DeeDee and stand over Tyree. She smiles at me and nods her head letting me know that I’m doing the right thing. My hands won’t stop shaking, and I can’t move.

“Just aim the fucking gun and shoot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”

Jazzy walks over to us, and looks at me like she’s confused. I told her I’d tell her later before DeeDee puts pressure on me to hurry up and do it. I want to kill him for what he’s done to me, to Jasmine, to my friendship with Ebony, to even lying to June, but I’m not a murderer. I’m a porn star.

“We really have to go,” Jasmine says putting even more pressure on me, but letting me know it’s okay by putting her hand on my shoulder. Although I hate Tyree a small part of me still has love for him. I want to pray for him, and hope he gets some help. He doesn’t deserve to die. He just has to learn it’s not okay to lie to everyone around him, and that you can’t just abuse people because of an accident. I almost hand the gun to DeeDee and walk away but she and Jasmine both have valid points. DeeDee is telling me it's better that he dies than me, while Jasmine is reminding me how badly Tyree fucked up our faces. It just reminds me how much this man, this stranger who I thought I knew, didn’t care about me at all, and cheated, lied, and used me this whole time. Then, on top of it, he had the nerve to plot to kill me and my best friend, or should I say my sister? I think about my dream, and realize this is the only way to get rid of him so he never hurts me again.

“Goodbye, asshole.”

I aim the gun at Tyree, close my eyes because I can’t look, and pull the trigger three times. Afterwards I just stand there for a couple of seconds before looking around. I drop the gun on the floor beside his leaking body, and start walking toward the front door.

“Hold up, wait Jamar,” DeeDee says before giving me a hug.

“You did the right thing. I watched the way he was punching you, and looking at you. He wanted you dead, so believe me when I say he wouldn’t have stopped until you were, but now you don’t have to worry about that. Now get out of here. I’ll call you after everything is settled. Breeze and Bobby are going to wonder where everyone is at, so I’ll let you and Jazzy come up with something to explain your absence, but I’ll make sure Breeze knows Tyree quit the business and moved away from L.A.”

I didn’t say anything I just nodded in agreement. I watched as DeeDee hugged Jasmine.

“What are you going to do with his body? Breeze will be back in two days. It needs to look like nothing has happened in here.”

“I got this girl. I’m about to call Bobby, he’ll know what to do. Come on; let me help you with your bags.”

DeeDee walks us to the car, hugs each of us one more time, and tells us she loves us like family, and in typical DeeDee fashion she has to try to make us laugh.

“Girl, when you get back to Vegas you need to lay low for a few days, just go ahead put a whole bag of ice on your face, and let that swelling go down.”

We both sort of chuckle.

“Is it really that bad?” Jasmine asks.

“Yes, bitch. Tyree turned you into a monster. I’m assuming you’ll plan to stop at Jamar’s house so he can pack up some of his clothes right?”

I nodded yes.

“Good, while you’re there grab some hats and sunglasses because y'all look like some sort of endangered species of ugly right now.”

“Bye girl. I love you,” Jasmine says as she gets in the car.

“I love you too.”

“Bye DeeDee. Thank you.”

“Bye boy. Take care of her. I’ll see you soon.”

With that over with, Jasmine and I drive off into the night. I don’t know how things got to this point, and what’s going to happen to us; but I’m just happy I’m not alone.

Chapter 39

WHO AM I NOW?

These motherfuckers must think that I’m playing with their asses. That bitch must have lost her fucking mind, asking me to let them live. She should be counting her lucky fucking stars that she’s still breathing. I stand in Breeze’s fancy bathroom and wonder what happened to the old me. I know that I am a shitty dude at times, but this? No one would have told me a year ago that this would be happening. But what can I do? They killed my kid, and they killed the best thing that has ever happened to me. Man, fuck that, and fuck them. Both of them have to die. As I look around the bathroom it hits me, I really didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do when I was driving over here. How could I? Nothing could have prepared me for that scene at June’s house. She was just lying there, almost lifeless. I thought that she was dead until I heard her moan. When I walked over to her, she was holding something in her hand.

“They…they… told me. I know who you really are.”

I took the DVD out of her hand and damn near lost my mind once I realized that she was holding my work, our work on Baby, Bi the Way.

“June, baby, hold on!” I was panicking. Her body started to shake uncontrollably. Blood was shooting out of her mouth and I could tell that she couldn’t breathe. Before I could get her any help, I knew that she was gone. I must have sat there for an hour trying to piece everything together. But no matter how I played it out in my head, Jamar and that bitch were behind it. So I did what I had to do. It killed me to just leave June there, without calling anyone. But I got up, whipped down the apartment, and got all of my shit out of there, including the DVD them motherfuckers used to shatter the new life I was planning on starting.

NOW, OR NEVER

Damn, I shouldn’t have had all of those drinks. I should have kept a clear mind for this. I turn on the water and splash some on my face. It helps, but I still feel messed up. Fuck me for not staying clear of the liquor. Oh, well, at least they are tied up. They aren’t going nowhere. “Okay, Tyree, think. What are you going to do with them?” I thought out loud to myself. On the way here, I picked up a large duffle bag. I just kept picturing myself cutting them up, while they are still alive, and stuffing them in the large bag. I felt that they deserved as much, but now, now that I have calmed down, that doesn’t seem like such a good idea. One, it would be a lot of work, two, we’re in Breeze’s house. How would he explain…wait. What the fuck am I talking about? Fuck Breeze, and fuck everyone else. I am the one who has lost everything.

So that’s it, I’m a chop them motherfuckers up and throw them out like the garbage that they are. I gotta sit down for a minute, damn, I’m fucked up. But wait, why is the bathroom spinning, why am I sweating? FUCK…that bitch got me. As I try to stand up, I fall right back down. My legs won’t work, and my vision is getting fuzzier with every second that passes. I have to get it together. They can’t fucking live. I have to at least kill that bitch for drugging me. Come on nigga, pull it together. Again I pull myself up. I knock over almost everything that’s on the sink, but at least I’m standing. Taking one step at a time, I make it to a freshly pressed suit Breeze left hanging behind the bathroom door. As I reach for it, I feel my legs giving out, but I manage to grab onto the suit and it comes down with me. It takes everything in me to get Breeze’s clothes on. I fight to get dressed, and I devise my plan. I’ll kill both Jazzy and Jamar and just leave their bodies here. I’ll burn the suit when I’m done, and the cufflinks will stay in the fireplace. This will give the cops reason to believe that Breeze did it, and that he was trying to cover it up by burning the clothes he killed them in. That’s right, I am gonna go hard on all them niggas. Like I said before, fuck them all!

Now I just have to build up the will to get up off this floor, but I don’t know how far my strength will take me. I put my all into it and manage to stand on my feet. Little by little, I make it out of the bathroom. One step at a time, that’s right. But you know what? I ask myself. If I want to make it to my gun, and at the very least, kill that bitch, I’m gonna have to make a run for it. So with legs that feel like cooked spaghetti noodles, I push my body forward. I see the gun sitting on the table right where I left it. I’m only five feet away from it, I can do this. I’m almost there. I’ll just kill her and take care of Jamar when I wake up. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, but as soon as I feel the blow to my head, I know that there will be a change of plans.

*****

What the fuck just happened? How did they get loose, and who the fuck hit me? I start to get up, and just start swinging but I hear DeeDee and Jamar standing over me.

“Just aim the fucking gun and shot. Now, if you don’t want to do it, give it here. I’ve been dying to shoot this dude for a while now.”

DeeDee, what the fuck is she doing here? She’s been dying to shoot me? I actually liked her and thought we were cool. Ebony mentioned that bitch was jealous of our relationship. Well I guess she’s going to have to die, too. Fuck, here comes Jasmine. I need to time this right, because all three of them are standing around me. I know Jamar’s punk ass won’t shoot me, but he might panic when I charge DeeDee. I’ll need to take her out first, or I won’t stand a chance.

“Plus, after what he did to your face, hell, our faces, we may never be the same.”

I wish Jasmine would just shut the fuck up. I’m going to save her ass for last because that bitch needs to know I’m not the one to fuck with. Just when I ball my fist up I hear the gun go off, and feel the heat. That nigga actually shot me not once, but twice. The third shot misses me, but my shoulder and arm are burning so bad that I almost scream from the pain. I play dead, and let them think they’ve won but the game isn’t over. I’ll never stop until they feel the kind of pain that I’m feeling. I control my breathing, and wait like a tiger hunting its prey.

I know the gun is still beside me, but it’s on the side he shot me on. I can’t move that arm, so I’ll have to wait a little longer. They start to leave so I wait a few more seconds and finally look up. While they’re outside I maneuver my body so I can grab the gun with my good arm. I want to run outside and just shoot all three of them, but I know Breeze’s nosey ass rich neighbors will wake up to see what’s going on. It looks like I’ll have to wait to finish what I started with Jamar and that fucking bitch that ruined my life. I hear the front door open so I hide my hand holding the gun under my body, and lay my head back down.

“How the fuck do I get myself in these situations? Where the fuck is my cell phone?” I hear DeeDee talking to herself as she walks pass me. I wait until she’s over by the table about to grab her cell phone before I make my move.

“Bobby better not give me any shit for this either, I just saved two of his top billers.”

“DeeDee.”

I wait until she looks over at me.

“FUCK YOU.”

As I point the gun at her, her eyes damn near pop out of her head. I pull the trigger, watch her take a few steps back, then pull it again, again, again, and again until I see her fall to the ground. For a second there’s silence, and then I hear a crash outside the patio. I quickly run to the patio door ready to empty the magazine on whoever is outside. I slide the door open and see her lying there.

“PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME. I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING.”

I know this bitch is lying, but I want to know why she’s here.

“Tanya, what the fuck are you doing here, and what happened to you? You look like you’ve had a rough ass night.”

Her face is all red, and scratched up. She also has a couple of bald spots that look like they were caused by someone pulling a hand full of her weave out of her head.

“Jasmine, she threw coffee in my face, and then she attacked me when I couldn’t see. I knew she’d be here so I wanted a chance to get her back.”

“How long have you been here?”

“I just got here.”

“You’re fucking lying, bitch.”

I point the gun at her, pretending like I’m ready to kill her.

“Okay, okay, wait. I’ve been here for an hour or two. Well, I honestly don’t know how long I’ve been here. When I first got here I saw DeeDee sneaking around back so I followed her. When I realized she wasn’t moving, or going inside I was stuck. I knew I wouldn’t get close to Jasmine with DeeDee around, so I waited to see if she would leave. I knew something was wrong, so my curiosity got the best of me. When she finally snuck inside I was able to get close enough to see what was going on.”

“Well, you know what they say curiosity killed the cat, and you just happen to be that dead fucking cat. I’m sorry it has to be this way, because you were always nice to me, but it is what it is.”

I aim the gun at her ready to shoot because I can’t let her live, she will turn me in for sure.

“WAIT, PLEASE WAIT, I PROMISE I WON’T TELL ANYONE. I NEVER LIKED DEEDEE ANYWAY. I LISTENED TO HER TALK JAMAR INTO SHOOTING YOU, SO SHE HAD IT COMING IF YOU ASK ME.”

She paused.

“Plus, she was mean, made fun of me, and never showed me the respect I deserved when I worked at Fantasy Pictures.”

“Why should I let you live?” I ask for the hell of it, but my mind is pretty much made up. She has to die.

“Because I want revenge just as bad as I know you do. Help me up, and I’ll prove it.”

She reached her hand out for me to grab it.

“Get up yourself bitch. What the fuck I look like?”

I watch her stand up, and brush the dirt off of her dress.

“Now what, how are you going to prove it to me?”

She has a lot of convincing to do, because I’m ready to drag her in the house, and shoot her too.

“Give me the gun. Let me finish her off.”

“BITCH, YOU MUST BE CRAZY. THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE FEELING THIS GUN IS WHEN IT GOES OFF ON YOU.”

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. I’ll hand her the gun, and she’ll shoot me, but you’re wrong. We can work together. You want revenge on Jamar, and I want revenge on Jasmine. Plus, if I shoot DeeDee then both of our prints are on the gun, and if anyone finds out we’ll both go down for her murder.”

I like the way she’s thinking. I’m definitely going to need help moving DeeDee’s big ass since my strong arm is fucked up, but I’m nervous about handing her the gun. On the other hand if she does shoots DeeDee then I know she’s one hundred percent down and committed to helping me.

“TANYA, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU FUCK ME OVER AND TRY TO MAKE A MOVE, I’M TAKING YOU OUT.”

I walk her over to DeeDee, and stand behind Tanya so I can choke the shit out of her if she doesn’t do what she said she would. I reach forward and hand her the gun. Without hesitation or warning she points at DeeDee and shoots her in the face.

“See I told you,” She says as she hands the gun back in my direction. I grab it before speaking.

“Damn, you shot her right in the dome. I couldn’t even go that hard.”

“Well, at least she’s not getting back up like you did.”

“Oh, I put five rounds in her chest; she wasn’t getting back up.”

“So what are we going to do with her body?” she asks.

“I don’t know I didn’t think that far ahead yet, you fucked that part up when you scared me. Plus, my shoulder is killing me right now. Do you have any ideas?”

“We could always take her out to one of those jogging trails around here, strip her down, and leave her naked body lying in the bushes. Maybe the police will think one of her crazed fans stalked her, and killed her since she is sort of famous.”

“Damn, why didn’t I think of that? Good idea, but will need to come back and clean up this mess. I heard them say Breeze will be back in two days.”

*****

After dumping DeeDee’s body deep into the trail hoping some animals would come along and feast on her body, or at the very least buy us a few days before anyone found her we went back to Breeze’s house and cleaned up. I made Tanya do most of the work, because I couldn’t do much with one arm. I tried to clean up my wounds as best as possible since both bullets went straight through. Once Tanya was done cleaning up everything inside, and even cleaning up the pots she knocked over outside, we said our goodbyes.

“Thanks for helping me clean up. It doesn’t look like anything happened in here at all. You must’ve done some shit like this before,” I say and laugh, hoping she’ll think we’re cool.

“Well, being around the Cappello’s as much as I was, I witnessed a lot. They definitely are the kind of men you don’t want to fuck over, and I’ll just leave it at that.”

“Okay, well look it’s been real, but I think we need to go our separate ways. You got my cell phone number so if you find them before I do give me a call, and I’ll do the same. As far as being partners or going after them together, that is out of the question. I work better alone.”

“That’s fine with me. You let me live, so I owe you my life. Take care of them holes before they get infected.”

I watch her walk out, get in her car, and drive off. I wait a second, look around, and make sure I don’t make the mistake of leaving anything behind like those other dumb asses, and bounce.

*****

TWO WEEKS LATER

“I just finished unpacking all of my stuff. Are you sure Jamar isn’t coming back home? He left a lot of his stuff behind,” Ebony asks.

“Damn, I already told you to stop tripping. He’s not coming back. He sold me the house and told me I could have whatever he left behind.”

Damn, this bitch has only been here a week and she’s already getting on my nerves.

“That’s just stupid. I can’t believe he left that big ass TV, his furniture, and his paintings, he loved those. I mean I’m not complaining or anything, it just doesn’t seem like something he would do.”

“Well apparently he came into some money, and plans to start over and buy all new stuff.”

“Whatever, oh, well, enough about that loser. How are you feeling? Are your wounds healing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Tyree, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how come when the police questioned you at the hospital, why did you tell them you didn’t know who shot you? I could tell you were lying, because you started talking all proper and shit. You know who shot you don’t you?”

“Of course I know who shot me. I didn’t tell the police because I’m going to handle it myself…as soon as I fully recover.”

“Will you tell me who did it?”

“Look, chill out with the questions. I don’t want you to get involved because who knows, they might try to kill you, too.”

I knew that would scare her and make her shut up about it. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my neck.

“That’s so sad. I still can’t believe DeeDee is dead. Mr. Cappello said he’s not going to stop until he finds the sick fuck that killed her.”

I put the newspaper down on the table and turn around to face her. The more I lie, the easier it gets.

“I know I hope he finds whoever did that, too. She didn’t deserve to go out like that, especially after everything she did for my boo.”

I give her a quick kiss and start to get up.

“Hold up, since you’re so concerned with the news here lately, I have some news for you.”

June, why did you have to die? I didn’t want to settle for this bitch, but a man has needs and Ebony definitely has that area covered.

“Good news or bad news?” I ask with enthusiasm, as if I really care.

“Well, hopefully, you’ll find it to be good news.”

“Well, what is it? Spit it out already.”

She stands up straight, bashfully looks away, and then turns back to smile.

“I’m pregnant.”

Acknowledgements

Thank you from Matthew.

I want to thank my sister Rebecca, my cousins Sandy, Sherry, and Shelby, my good friends Faye, Crystal, Alexis, Lydia, Rachel, Chelsey, and Carnell, and everyone else who has ever read my poems, chapters, etc... and enjoyed them. Your kind words gave me the motivation to keep writing, and for that I'm forever grateful. Leon, thanks for giving me the inspiration I needed to finish this book. You have no idea how much that helped, well maybe you do (smile). Philip, for being a great friend, and letting me use your home when I needed a quiet place to get away and write, which was quite often. Mya Ayo for creating a hot cover, I still can't believe that's our book cover. I love it. Brandie Randolph, I hope your good deed comes back to you, you did an amazing job, and I hope I get to work with you again in the near future. I also have to thank my favorite authors Donald Goines, Stephen King, Omar Tyree, James Patterson, Zane, and Fabiola Joseph for entertaining me with your words, thoughts, imaginations, and for inspiring me to want to try my hands at this, THANK YOU! Last but not least, my mom, for basically helping me get over my fear of putting out this novel, and telling me, “Fuck what people think, and say about you. If this is your dream, and what you want to do... then do it.” I needed to hear that from YOU, and that meant A LOT to me. I feel so much better now. I love you. Oh, and don't be mad, because I quoted you. I mean, you did say it (smile). If I forgot anyone, please don't take it personally. It's probably because you didn't even know I enjoyed writing, or I simply just forgot. I still love you, though.

Thank you from Fabiola.

I would like to thank my family and friends for supporting me. I’m sure I thanked most of you in the first book, so no name dropping in this one. Well, only for my new friends and readers, you all keep me going every day.

Thank you to the ladies of Diamond Eyes Book Club, Micole… you already know! Erica… you really are the best! Papaya, I hope you really do like to travel! Tracie, couldn’t have done it without you! Jeanette, you rock! I love your taste in music! B. Weiner, thanks for always spelling words for me, lol. Readers R Us. Sandy Barrett Sims, you are on my list. Thanks again! Carla Towns. Black Faithful Sisters And Brothers Book Club. Norlita Brown, thanks for the honesty. LD Hardy, such a good FB buddy! Glenda Wallace, you are good at what you do! Thanks! Author SK, I love an author who supports others. Denise Collier, I dream of readers such as you. Author Elizabeth LaShaun, thanks so much! I know it’s hard to find the time, but YOU did. Brandie Davis, (hey) Thanks again! My Urban Book Club. Mack Mama, thanks for the love! You are one of a kind! Sharon LadyShay. Terry Benjamin. Michelle DCBR Rawls, thanks so much. Radiah Hubbert. Malika B McLaughlin, thanks you. Brandie Randolph, you already know that I think you ROCK! You came in and saved this book. For that, I am so thankful! Editing Couture & More. Urban Hip-Hop & Street Literature. Ollie Moss, Sherika Williams. Tiffany Williams. Adina Spriggs. Sally McCargo. Adrenna Shipman. Dawn Jaspers, smile! Natoya Taylor, thanks so much! Christopher Joseph. Mya Ayo, thanks for the cover, so sexy! AAMBC.  ARC Book Club Inc. All4One. We Read Urban Fiction. Black E-book Club. Urban Reviews. The Daring Show Reading Club. The Sexy Situations Literary Suite. Thank you all!

If Fabiola or Matthew left any names out,  feel free to add yours here. _______________________________________

Most likely, it was not on purpose.

About the Authors

Matthew Ramsey was born and raised in Prince George's County, Maryland. He currently lives in Bowie, Maryland, where he continues to write, and works full-time as a benefits specialist.

Fabiola Joseph was raised in Silver Spring, Maryland. While in middle school, she found her passion for reading and writing. In 2011, The Art of Deceit, a novel about the grime that dwells behind HipHops velvet ropes, was released. She continues to develop new stories and poems at her home in Florida.

MattiolaWrites@yahoo.com

Both authors can be reached on Facebook, Twitter, and by the email above.