TABLE OF CONTENTS

Issue 123, August 2020

FROM THE EDITOR

Editorial: August 2020

SCIENCE FICTION

The Shadow Prison Experiment
Caroline M. Yoachim

Still You Linger, Like Soot in the Air
Matthew Kressel

My Base Pair
Sam J. Miller

Sing in Me, Muse
Katherine Crighton

FANTASY

All These Guardians of Order and Clarity, None of Them Can Abide a Free Witch
Benjamin Rosenbaum

Miss Beulah’s Braiding and Life Change Salon
Eden Royce

The Bone-Stag Walks
KT Bryski

The Huntsman and the Beast
Carrie Vaughn

NONFICTION

Book Reviews: August 2020
LaShawn M. Wanak

Media Review: August 2020
Carrie Vaughn

Interview: Andrea Hairston
Christian A. Coleman

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHTS

Benjamin Rosenbaum

Matthew Kressel

KT Bryski

Katherine Crighton

MISCELLANY

Coming Attractions

Stay Connected

Subscriptions and Ebooks

Support Us on Patreon, or How to Become a Dragonrider or Space Wizard

About the Lightspeed Team

Also Edited by John Joseph Adams

© 2020 Lightspeed Magazine

Cover by Grandfailure / Adobe Stock

www.lightspeedmagazine.com
Published by Adamant Press.

Editorial: August 2020

John Joseph Adams | 201 words

Welcome to Lightspeed’s 123rd issue!

Our first SF short this month is a story about love, loss, and religion from Matthew Kressel (“Still You Linger, Like Soot in the Air”). Katherine Crighton writes about the residents of a generation ship who have lost touch with their history in her new short “Sing in Me, Muse.” We also have SF reprints by Caroline M. Yoachim (“The Shadow Prison Experiment”) and Sam J. Miller (“My Base Pair”).

Benjamin Rosenbaum brings us our first piece of original fantasy this month in a new fable of witches, djinn, and different perspectives: “All Those Guardians of Order and Clarity, None of Them Can Abide a Free Witch.” KT Bryski’s story “The Bone-Stag Walks” is a new kind of fairy tale, complete with troubled siblings, snow, and discomforting forest animals. Our fantasy reprints this month are by Eden Royce (“Miss Beulah’s Braiding and Life Changing Salon”) and Carrie Vaughn (“The Huntsman and the Beast”).

Our nonfiction team brings us our usual assortment of author spotlights, along with our book and media review columns. This month’s feature interview is with Andrea Hairston.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

John Joseph Adams is the editor of John Joseph Adams Books, a science fiction and fantasy imprint from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. He is also the series editor of Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy, as well as the bestselling editor of more than thirty anthologies, including Wastelands and The Living Dead. Recent books include Cosmic Powers, What the #@&% Is That?, Operation Arcana, Press Start to Play, Loosed Upon the World, and The Apocalypse Triptych. Called “the reigning king of the anthology world” by Barnes & Noble, John is a two-time winner of the Hugo Award (for which he has been a finalist twelve times) and an eight-time World Fantasy Award finalist. John is also the editor and publisher of the digital magazines Lightspeed and Nightmare, and is a producer for WIRED’s The Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy podcast. He also served as a judge for the 2015 National Book Award. Find him online at johnjosephadams.com and @johnjosephadams.

The Shadow Prison Experiment

Caroline M. Yoachim | 5119 words

The shopping district was crowded on a Sunday afternoon, and Vivian Watanabe was out running errands with her sixteen-year-old, Cass. Together they wove through throngs of shoppers wearing customized skins or the generic default. Vivian wasn’t fond of Generics—they fell into that uncanny valley between a nondescript human and a silver android. Cold and impersonal, plus it was hard to keep track of who you’ve interacted with. Which was the point, she supposed. Personal connections and privacy were often at odds.

“This neighborhood is creepy,” Cass said, waving their arm at the crowd around them. “Rich people have flawless skins.”

“Back in the old days it was make-up and plastic surgery and designer clothes. Overlays aren’t much different.” Vivian wasn’t wearing an overlay. It’d been Cass’s idea, and they’d convinced Vivian to do it as an exercise in challenging societal norms.

Walking around without an overlay felt simultaneously scandalous, exhilarating, and deeply unsettling. But this was the safest of neighborhoods—luxury apartments mixed with boutiques and cafés, everything monitored and patrolled. Truth be told, she couldn’t afford to shop here, but it was nearly Cass’s birthday, and Vivian knew they’d love a box of Van Gogh candy from The Art of Chocolate. The store’s specialty was masterpieces of brightly colored sugar, hand-painted onto rectangles of dark chocolate. Cass was quite the young artist, and their room had prints of sunflowers and starry nights plastered all over the walls as inspiration.

It was still five hours to curfew, so they took their time wandering amongst the shops. Illusions Formalwear had a window display of outlandish gowns—brightly colored silks, sparkling sequins, even a dress made entirely of brass gears. All of them would look stunning on Brooke. Clothes shopping was easier for her wife, even the overlays. Vivian wasn’t tall enough to wear the best looks, and digital tailoring was a lot of money for often mediocre results. Inside Illusions, customers wore impeccable clothes and flawless faces. Vivian wondered what they looked like without their overlays. Personal Implanted Perception chips made everything pretty, but it was hard to know what was real.

An ad bot popped up next to Cass. Except for its sudden appearance out of nowhere, it was indistinguishable from an actual human wearing a Generic overlay. “Upgrade your experience with the new V17 Perceptech microchip. PIPs are mandatory, but luxury is a choice.”

“Fuck off, bot.” Cass flipped it off and simultaneously shot some code at it to make it disappear without repeating its message.

“Language!” Vivian hissed. She glanced around nervously. “Someone might be listening. And hacking adbots is a rules violation.”

“We can’t cower in fear because someone might be listening,” Cass said, their voice uncomfortably loud.

“I’m not having this discussion,” Vivian said firmly. “Not out here.”

“Fine. You hang out with these creepy fancy-skins. I’m going home.”

Cass stormed off before Vivian could say anything.

Vivian ducked into a café to collect herself. Inside it was warm and smelled like coffee and freshly baked pastries. Most of the tables were full, and people mostly projected Generics rather than expensive customized skins. Or maybe the café had filled the tables with bots to look busier.

One of the Generics flickered out.

It didn’t completely vanish the way adbots did, but it darkened into shadow, all the details lost. Her PIP told her someone was there, but she no longer saw even the plain silver form of a Generic. She tapped at her temple. It was an old habit that Cass poked fun at. Vivian was old enough to be accustomed to reality filters built into glasses, back before PIPs took over the market and ran everything else out of business. She’d been one of the last holdouts with glasses, refusing an implant until access to even the most basic resources no longer supported externals. Sighing, she lowered her hand and sent a service query.

The reply was swift—nothing was wrong with her PIP. Appended after the basic diagnostic report there were links to an assortment of relevant news feeds. She scanned the headlines. Bardo Phillips of ZimCorp Launches Experimental Shadow Prison Program. After a test period, the public would vote on whether or not to implement it. There were hundreds of articles describing the new tech and touting its advantages over traditional physical prisons. Cheap, effective, and safe, the news feeds repeated endlessly.

Vivian didn’t feel safe. She was wearing her true face, and only a few feet away was a shadow prisoner—a Shade, the newsfeeds said they were called—and who knew what crimes the Shade had committed? That featureless black form could be anyone. It could have done anything. The Shade approached people seemingly at random, trying to talk to them. It was heading her way. Vivian didn’t want trouble. She walked away briskly and adjusted her privacy settings to project a Generic to anyone who wasn’t a known contact.

She scanned the neighborhood and noticed a handful of other Shades. Were all these people criminals before the new system was implemented, or were they being thrown into shadow for newly committed crimes? Vivian’s chest tightened, her panic rising. The Art of Chocolate was on the far side of the shopping district, and she couldn’t shake the notion that the shadows were spreading, contagious. It was a ridiculous thought, but instead of pushing her way through the crowd, Vivian stood trembling in the middle of the sidewalk.

She could get Cass something else for their birthday—maybe tickets to the latest immersive movie, Genbu: Guardian of the North. Critics on the feeds were raving about the underwater fight sequences, especially the [SPOILER ALERT] realistic sensation of nearly drowning during the climax. Cass had been begging to go, and maybe they were old enough for the graphic content after all.

Vivian hurried out of the shopping district, back to the less crowded residential area, home to Brooke and Cass.

Cass was locked away in their room, listening to cyberpunk rock that was supposed to be censored for explicit lyrics. Hopefully they were also doing their homework. Brooke was in the kitchen attempting to program a flavor overlay for Nutri-soup #6. “I’m surprised you’re back already, Vivs. You were so excited about the shopping, and when Cass came back in a huff I figured you’d take some extra time to cool off. Were the chocolates too expensive?”

“I didn’t make it to the chocolatier. There’s a new prison program, and instead of sending people to jail they get . . . filtered out.” Vivian dipped a spoon into the partially programmed soup and grimaced at the muddy taste. “It was upsetting to see, actually.”

Brooke paused for a moment and scanned the news feeds.

“Shadow prisons. What will they think of next?” Brooke laughed. Her voice was light and unbothered, and she tapped at the kitchen interface buttons, trying to get the soup right. “Although . . . If the experiment works, maybe I’ll sign up to be a Shadowkeeper; you know, to help keep the family safe.”

Her voice never lost its cheerful tone, but Brooke was obviously worried for Cass, who’d never had much regard for rules. Even so, signing up to be a Shadowkeeper, one of the guards in an experimental prison program? Vivian hated the idea. Brooke would constantly be tempted to try to take the system down from the inside. It’d be better to lay low, try to not attract attention. They could keep Cass out of trouble without being part of the system . . . probably.

“Soup’s ready,” Brooke called, her voice loud in hopes of overpowering Cass’s music.

Cass emerged from their room, now dressed head to toe in black except for the silver buckles on their combat boots. Almost as if they were a Shade, except that their skin was pale and their hair was bright blue.

“No shoes in the house.” Vivian said.

“They’re brand new. Completely clean! I’m breaking them in.” Cass sniffed at the pot of soup and wrinkled their nose. “But whatever. I’m going out to see Auntie Yang. She’s organizing a protest for this shadow prison bullshit. And she’ll have actual food.”

“Language,” Vivian said automatically. Auntie Yang lived in the next apartment complex over, an emeritus professor in the Computer Sciences department and Auntie to everyone on the block. She grew heirloom vegetables on the roof of her building and bribed the landlord with garlic eggplant and spicy pickled green beans to keep from being reported.

Brooke asked, “What about curfew?”

Cass shrugged and went out the door without answering.

• • • •

Anxiety gnawed at Vivian’s brain. She couldn’t stop worrying about Cass, even now that they were safely back from Auntie Yang’s. On her bedside table there was a miniature painting of sunflowers, framed, a Mother’s Day gift that Cass made for her. The room was dimly lit from the streetlights outside, and the painting was beautiful even without enough light to bring out the vibrant yellows. Cass had so much potential, and if they were thrown into shade, it would all be wasted. Vivian stared at the painting for a long time, trying to figure out what to do, how to help. Hours passed before she finally fell asleep. By the time she hauled herself out of bed, Brooke had already left for work.

“You have to talk her out of it,” Cass said without preamble.

“Sorry, what?” Vivian didn’t function well before coffee, which Brooke usually made before leaving for work.

Cass saw her staring at the kitchen console and gave an exasperated sigh. “Glitchballs, Mom. You’re hopeless, you know that, right?”

“I can do this perfectly well once I’ve had coffee,” Vivian said. “Or sleep. One or the other.”

She moved aside and let Cass program the coffee. It came out sweeter than when Brooke made it, with orange and cinnamon notes that were unusual but not unpleasant. She hadn’t realized that Cass drank coffee, but clearly they must if they could conjure up something this complex on no notice whatsoever. “Thank you. What were you saying earlier?”

“Mum has it in her head that she should join up and be a Shadowkeeper, and you have to talk her out of it.” Cass made themself a cup of coffee. “She’s trying to protect me, but the whole thing is terrifying. The PIP monopoly. Shadow prisons. News feeds are touting this stuff like it’s useful tech, but we’re in a world of trouble and even Auntie Yang has no idea how we stop it.”

Vivian’s hand flew to her temple to remove the glasses that weren’t there. Weren’t ever there anymore, and therefore could never be removed. Cass had no sense of caution; they were reckless.

A Generic adbot appeared in an empty seat at their table. “ZimCorp is hiring! Shadowkeepers serve society by keeping our citizens safe. Good pay and full benefits, sign up now!”

The adbot repeated its message twice more, then disappeared. Vivian wished for the millionth time that they could afford a household ad-blocker. The targeted ZimCorp ad was unnerving. Advertisers knew they were talking about the new prison tech, or at least the algorithms did. “Maybe Brooke is right. Maybe you need the protection.”

Cass glared at her, gulped down their coffee, and stormed back to their room.

“Just be careful,” Vivian said, knowing that Cass couldn’t hear her.

Twenty minutes later, Vivian had to leave for work and Cass still hadn’t left for school. She weighed her options. Talking to Cass would make her late for work and probably wouldn’t help. Letting Cass cool off on their own meant Vivian would be on time, but Cass probably wouldn’t go to school and they were racking up absences.

She hated not knowing what to do. All the options felt like she was failing her child.

With one last glance at Cass’s closed door, Vivian went to work.

• • • •

The first applicant of the day wore a Generic to the appointment and had only filled out half the forms. Vivian wanted to give out aid packages, but there were so many rules and people didn’t seem to understand how the system worked.

“I’m sorry, but if you don’t fill out all the forms, there’s nothing I can do.” Vivian said. She really was sorry. “Do you need help with the forms? We have interns for that—”

“No.” The Generic’s voice was calm, as they always were. Blank. Featureless.

“It sometimes helps,” Vivian added, “to show who you are. I mean, officially it doesn’t matter, and I can’t do anything without the forms, but people are more sympathetic to individuals.”

“Why would I trust you with that kind of information?” The Generic shook their head and walked out.

Vivian went to the break room and programmed herself a cup of coffee. She should have paid better attention to what Cass had programmed—this coffee was fine but not as good as what she’d had this morning. She pinged home to see if Cass had gone to school, and was pleasantly surprised when the apartment reported that Cass left only slightly later than the usual time.

Her good mood evaporated when she saw her next client. There, in her office, was a Shade. Unbidden, the fear and panic from the shopping district returned. She forced herself to breathe. There was something off about the Shades, something that made her edgy and uncomfortable. The Generic default overlay at least had monotone silver features and a perpetually calm expression. Shades were featureless voids, inhuman.

Vivian frowned. There were a lot of crimes, and many of them were relatively benign. Cass commonly violated a number of lesser rules—curfew, school attendance, restricted media. Vivian didn’t know what the threshold was for throwing people into shadow, and the news feeds were reporting that violent criminals who posed a threat to the public were “kept out of circulation,” whatever that meant. This was someone who needed help, and she would try to help them. She pulled up the forms and was dismayed to find that most of the fields were inaccessible. Not blank, but blacked out.

“There’s a problem with your paperwork . . .” Vivian paused, trying to pull up a name, but that was one of the inaccessible fields. “I’m sorry, I can’t even pull your name off the forms. I can’t give you aid based on what I have here.”

“It’s never been a problem before,” the Shade said in a gravelly baritone. “I’ve been coming in for weeks. The aid package is what keeps my family from starving while I try to get a job—not that I’ll ever get a job now.”

Coming in for weeks. This was someone that she knew, someone who had been in her office before, as a Generic or maybe with their own face. She studied the Shade, but it was utterly featureless. “Who are you?”

“I’m . . .”

Vivian couldn’t hear the name. “What?”

“. . .”

Vivian shook her head.

“No one sees me. Not even my family. No one hears my name.” The voice was unchanged. Calm like a Generic, but lower pitched. Masking the emotion that had to be there. “I just want to take care of my kidlets.”

Kidlets. Vivian had heard that before. It was what Ms. Jenkins called her children. Ms. Jenkins who got laid off for taking too many sick days when she was getting chemo. Vivian studied the forms, but there was absolutely no way to dispense aid based on what was there. That poor family, but what could she do? Without the forms, Vivian could be cast into shade for trying to help, and clearly Ms. Jenkins was no longer eligible. But maybe—

“Hey, John,” Vivian made the call to her receptionist on speakerphone, so the Shade could hear everything. “I’m looking at the schedule and Ms. Jenkins doesn’t have an appointment this week—can you check in with her kids, let them know that if something happened to her they can get help filling out the aid forms for themselves?”

“Um, okay.” John sounded confused by the request, but—while her request was definitely unorthodox—it was not, strictly speaking, against any of the rules.

“Thanks, John!”

The Shade stood. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t process your request without forms,” Vivian answered, hoping her workaround would go unnoticed.

She was about to tell John to send in the next applicant when she got a call from Brooke. Her wife hated phones and rarely called. Vivian frowned. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Cass is at the place I used to work.”

Brooke had worked a lot of places, and she was clearly trying to talk around something. Vivian considered the options—the mall on the other side of town, an insurance company that got run out of business by ZimCorp, the Economics department on campus. She scanned the news feeds. Massive Protest at Local University Draws Thousands.

“The place with the cherry trees?” Vivian asked. The main quad outside the Economics building was a courtyard lined with trees.

“Yes.”

“I have applicants scheduled solid until 4:30. Can’t you duck out and get them?” Vivian couldn’t figure out why Brooke was calling, her schedule was way more flexible.

“I’m midway through application interviews for a new job.”

Vivian didn’t need to ask which job. “Okay, I’ll do it. Love you!”

As she passed the reception desk she called out to John, “Family emergency, reschedule my appointments, so sorry!”

John mumbled something that she couldn’t quite hear, but she’d deal with it later. She had to get to Cass before they got themself thrown into shade.

• • • •

The quad was packed with protestors. Vivian had no idea how to find Cass in the crowd. The area was cordoned off with yellow smart-tape, with the imposing forms of Shadowkeepers patrolling the periphery. There wasn’t a good way to get in, much less out. A group of students waved signs and chanted, “Knowledge is light, light destroys shadows.”

Vivian approached a pair of Keepers. They wore overlays similar to a Generic, but broader and taller—giants that towered over the crowd. They were a lighter shade of silver, perpetuating the same old racist crap that white was good and black was bad even though almost no one wore their true skin in public. But probably most of the Keepers were white. These two were in the middle of a conversation, voices raised so they could hear each other over the chants of the protestors.

“Don’t see why they can’t throw the Shades into the underground. It’s gross down there, but with overlays they can make it look like Main Street, or campus, or whatever. Shades will never know they aren’t running free.”

“Nah. This isn’t for the Shades. They want people to know what happens if they cause trouble. Citizens will toe the line if they’re scared of being erased.”

Vivian shuddered.

One of the Keepers turned in her direction. “You can’t be in this area. Classes are cancelled until we get the protestors processed.”

“Yeah,” the other Keeper said. “If we don’t get going on that I’m going to miss the Phoenix vs. Dragon matchup tonight. Blew the last paycheck from my old mall security gig on tickets.” The Keeper headed off toward a checkpoint, where a line of protestors waited to be released from the protest area.

When the remaining Keeper made no move to follow the first, Vivian laughed nervously. “I suppose I should have checked the news feeds before coming in.” She paused for a moment. “You said the protestors are being processed?”

“Joining the protest yourself?” The question had an edge to it.

“No. Definitely no.” Vivian had no idea who was behind the standard-issue form of the Keeper—whether they were old or young, their background, their biases. All she knew was that this person had signed up to be a Keeper in the first hours of the program. It was someone who wanted power, or feared punishment, or was trying to protect their family. She hoped it was the latter. “Okay, here’s the thing. My kid is down there and they’re a good kid but they got caught up with a bad crowd and really all I want is to save them from ruining their life.”

The Keeper stared at her, a stern expression on its chiseled silver face. “Then you shouldn’t have let your kid show up at a protest. Now are you going to clear out, or do I need to make a note on your record?”

She backed away. Protestors were coming out through the checkpoint now, nearly all of them wearing their own faces. Processing wasn’t automatically casting protestors into shade.

Cass’s record wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t spotless either. Vivian had no idea which offenses counted towards shadow—that information was not available on Search.

The Keeper went to join their companion at the checkpoint.

Vivian took a deep breath. She didn’t want the protest on her record, but she had to go get Cass. She ducked under the yellow smart-tape and walked quickly into the crowd.

The protestors were yelling, louder now that she was in amongst them. The crowd was getting angrier because there wasn’t a way to leave without being processed. No one wore Generics, and Vivian suddenly realized that her own overlay had been stripped away. Being inside the smart-tape barrier changed her privacy options—her actual face was the only thing she was allowed to wear.

She felt vulnerable and exposed. The lack of privacy might make Cass easier to find, but then again, their undercut blue hair wasn’t particularly distinctive in this crowd. Brightly dyed hair, colorful tattoos, and piercings were all quite common. If anything, it was Vivian who stood out with her unaltered gray baseclothes and plain black hair. She hadn’t realized that she’d be unfiltered today, so she hadn’t put much time into her real appearance.

Cass emerged from the crowd. “Fucking glitchballs, Mom! What are you doing here?”

“Language!” She hugged Cass tight, shaking with relief. “The whole point of glitchballs is that you were using it as an alternative to blacklisted words.”

Blacklisted. Would cursing count against Cass on some kind of shadelist?

Vivian tried to call Brooke, but all she got was an access-restricted error message. “The real question isn’t what I’m doing here, it’s what you are doing here. You were supposed to be at school.”

“This is important. We have to stop it before it gets out of control.”

The crowd thinned out as some of the protestors—probably the ones with clean records who were having second thoughts—went out through the checkpoint. The small group who remained were, if anything, louder.

“We need to go.”

“Mom.”

“Now. I mean it.”

Across the quad, someone threw a water bottle at one of the Keepers. Chaos erupted. People started running, some towards the altercation, others away from it. Vivian took Cass’s arm and pulled them toward the processing checkpoint. Cass kept turning around to watch what was happening behind them, but didn’t resist.

“You first,” Vivian said when they got to the front of the line. The Keepers were hustling people out of the area as soon as they were processed, and she needed to be here to bail Cass out if there was trouble.

“Hand.” The Keeper said. Cass dutifully held out their hand. The light on the chip reader glowed red.

The Keeper paused for a moment, reading records on Cass’s PIP that Vivian couldn’t see. It was a long pause, and Vivian worried that the list was too long, that her child would be thrown into shade. She thought about what she could say, what arguments might hold weight, but she had no idea who the Keeper was. For all she knew, it might be the one she’d spoken to earlier.

“Watch the demerits. You can go.”

Vivian let out a sigh of relief.

The Keeper waved Cass off. “Get out of here. Don’t make trouble.”

Vivian called after Cass as they walked away. “I’ll meet you at home, go straight there.”

“Hand.”

Vivian held out her hand. The light on the chip reader glowed red, exactly as it had for Cass. She laughed nervously. “I was only here to get my child, I was worried about them—”

“Your record shows a report from one John Taylor. Improper dispersal of aid. Entered the protest after the area was taped off. For your offenses, you will be cast into shade.”

“But I was trying to help—”

“You were undermining the system.”

“I need to talk to my wife, she—”

“If you wish to contest your charges, you may request a court appearance.”

“But—”

“Clear out.”

Vivian looked down at her hand. It was a featureless dark gray, smoky and nearly black. She was filtered even from herself. The Keepers looked the same as they had before, but everyone else was a Generic Citizen. No individual faces, no other Shades. This wasn’t shadow prison—it was shadow solitary. And for what? All she’d done was try to help someone else’s kids, and then her own.

“Clear out, Shade,” the Keeper said.

Vivian started walking. The campus buildings had no overlays. Instead of charming red brick, everything was unadorned concrete. Nothing looked familiar. What if she got lost and couldn’t get home? She called Brooke and once again got the message that her access was restricted.

A Generic Citizen approached and studied her carefully. “—— ——— —— glitchballs.”

“Cass?”

“— what — —— — that —”

“I can’t hear most of what you’re saying, it’s like a radio station gone to static. Cass? Is that you?”

“Follow me.” The Citizen started walking, looking back periodically to make sure Vivian was following.

Everything on the walk was wrong. A nightmare distortion of her neighborhood, a skeleton with the flesh stripped away. None of the apartment buildings had maintained their physical appearance—the paint was faded and peeling, some of the windows were boarded over, the landscaping was overgrown. The sidewalks weren’t crowded, but the few Citizens that were here gave Vivian a wide berth. Their silver faces bore no expression, but she could feel disgust and fear radiating off of them in waves. She stayed close to the Citizen that she really hoped was Cass.

They went into one of the buildings and stopped at a door that looked nothing like her own. The Citizen opened it to reveal a Keeper standing inside. This hadn’t been Cass at all; the whole thing was some kind of trap.

“Oh, Viv.”

Brooke. Brooke could see her because she was a Keeper. She could hear Brooke for the same reason.

Cass said something Vivian couldn’t hear.

“I don’t have that kind of authority. I can place her under house arrest where at least I control her privileges and filters, but that’s really all I can do. Even that is . . . risky.”

The apartment shifted back to its usual appearance, and Vivian could see Cass and Brooke. She broke down into tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Cass started crying, too, black eyeliner streaking down their cheeks. “It’s as much my fault as yours, you came to the protest for me—”

“Pull it together, both of you.” Brooke, ever practical and calm. “We have to find a way to get through this, as a family. No room for mistakes now or it’ll be shadows for all of us.”

“Day after tomorrow I’ll be seventeen, I can sign up to be a Shadowkeeper.”

“Cass.” Vivian shook her head. There had to be some other way.

“If you aren’t a keeper of shadows, you’re probably a Shade,” Cass said, their voice dripping with sarcasm. But the words were true. Anyone who didn’t leap up to defend the system would be consumed by it.

“They’re holding the vote on the shadow prison system tomorrow morning,” Brooke said.

“So soon?” Vivian’s heart lifted. The system would be voted down, she could explain her actions at work, everything would be okay.

“Probably in reaction to the protests,” Cass said. “They don’t want to give the public time to think through the implications. Auntie Yang said there are rumors that anyone who votes the prisons down will be cast into Shade, or put on some kind of watchlist. I’m worried for her. I don’t know if she got out of the protest unprocessed, and her record is sketchy.”

Vivian stayed up all night listening to her wife’s soft snores. Brooke could sleep through anything, it was like a superpower. Meanwhile Vivian couldn’t stop worrying about what would happen if people voted to keep the shadow prisons.

In the morning, Brooke cast her vote and went to work. Cass dutifully got on the bus for school. Soon they would both be Keepers, so however the vote turned out, they’d be safe. Brooke would protect their child.

Vivian paced up and down the hall. House arrest meant she couldn’t go anywhere to distract herself. There was nothing to do but watch the feeds for the results. The news hit shortly after the polls closed at noon.

The margin was slim, but shadow prisons were approved.

Brooke called, but Vivian couldn’t bring herself to answer. She packed a change of clothes, a stack of nutrient bricks, and the few pieces of physical jewelry she owned, in case she needed something to trade. Her backpack was small and there wasn’t much room left, but she put the miniature painting of sunflowers from Cass on top. She needed a reminder of what she was fighting for. That there was still beauty and vibrant color in the world.

She would fight this from the inside.

Vivian was already a Shade—they’d taken everything they could from her. She could hide here in the apartment, or she could go out and try to make a difference somehow. The only way to protect Cass was to take the whole thing down. Vivian took one last look at the apartment, filtered to be beautiful, to hide the deterioration of the reality underneath. Then she crossed the threshold, violating the terms of her house arrest and plunging herself back into shade.

She pulled out Cass’s picture. The filters of her shadow prison recognized the paint and filtered it out, or maybe Cass’s art had been digital all along. Either way, Vivian was not allowed to see the art. All that remained was blank white paper in a simple black frame.

She would have to remember, and fight for the color and beauty that was lost.

©2020 by Caroline M. Yoachim. Originally published in The Dystopia Triptych, Vol. 1: Ignorance is Strength, edited by John Joseph Adams, Christie Yant, and Hugh Howey. Reprinted by permission of the author.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Caroline M. Yoachim has written over a hundred short stories. She is a Hugo and three-time Nebula Award finalist, and her fiction has been translated into several languages and reprinted in multiple best-of anthologies, including twice in Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy. Her debut short story collection Seven Wonders of a Once and Future World & Other Stories came out with Fairwood Press in 2016. For more about Caroline, check out her website at carolineyoachim.com.

Still You Linger, Like Soot in the Air

Matthew Kressel | 5675 words

By the time Gil had stopped meditating and opened his eyes, Muu had already removed the body. Just yesterday he and Demi had walked the eighty-four flights of stairs down to the dusty city streets, and together he and Demi had strolled across the promenade of Usha Square under the tangerine light of the setting sun. The wind had whipped Demi’s long hair into a frenzy, and Gil had leaned forward to brush a lock away from his friend’s glowing eyes. Now, Demi was gone. Muu had taken him, which meant Demi wasn’t dead exactly, but neither would Gil ever hold his hand again.

Gil sat by the open-aired window as the warm winds whipped furiously over the city, sending whorls of dry air into his bare apartment. The oil lamp by his feet guttered and went out. But a moment later, it flickered back to life.

“Thank you, Muu,” Gil whispered, even though he wished the lamp would stay out, that he could sit in the dark and hide from her forever.

But the approaching footsteps on the landing told him his wish was futile. Through machinations Gil couldn’t begin to comprehend, Muu had arranged for a new pupil to arrive the very same day his old one had left.

And who would it be this time? A hedonist from Tarphon, ostensibly here to become devout, but in reality come to bliss out on the holy herb? Another melk barely out of diapers, hoping to learn the secrets of the universe but unable to count to ten? Gil had first come to Gilder Nefan to escape his father, a man who apologized as often as he punched. And Gil’s bruises were still healing the first time he’d ascended Gilder Nefan’s long flights and sat before the feet of a holy man. It seemed like eons ago now, though it was just less than a decade, and that callow boy he had been had washed away in the tides of time. He couldn’t quite remember what he had felt back then. Excitement? Relief? Terror? But he knew that if he could send a message back through time, he would scream, Run!

The footsteps grew louder as the new pupil made their way down the hall. Gil would not announce his presence. If they wished to subject themselves to this hell, then at least let them come to him.

A young woman stepped through the door’s threshold, from shadow into light. The setting sun gave her skin a bloody pallor and made her eyes spark and flash like embers from a raging fire. She was young and fit and had barely broken a sweat from having just climbed eighty-four flights.

“Let peace be the way,” she said.

“And the way, peace,” he replied.

“I’m Tim,” she said. “And you are Gil?”

“More or less,” he said. “Are you hungry, Tim? Tired?”

“I ate on-ship,” she said. “And, no, I’m quite awake, thank you.”

He looked her up and down. She wore the local style of clothing: loose-fitting dun pants and blouse, and a wide leather belt with a pouch at her waist. Her hair was cut short and did not convey any particular style. The only thing that marked her as an off-worlder was her shoes. Like the rest of her clothing, they were brown, but made of synthetics.

“Take those off,” he said, nodding at her shoes. “We wear leather sandals here or nothing.”

“Yes, of course,” she said. “I’ll get new ones tomorrow.” And in two quick motions of her feet she stood barefoot on the stone floor.

He studied her again. “Why are you here, Tim?” he said.

She hung her head and threw herself onto her knees before him. “I’m here to learn! I’m here to do whatever you ask of me, teacher.”

Inwardly, Gil sighed. This poor soul had absolutely no idea what she was in for. “And if I ask you to jump out this window, would you do that for me, Tim?”

She glanced up at him with a look of intense fear, and this pleased him. The fearful ones were easily manipulated. And so perhaps he might convince her she was better off joining a farming commune on Woll Ye, or devoting her life to dream-music on Datsu. But Muu pressed down on his heart with her great invisible finger, filling Gil with enough dread to swallow a universe. And so, instead, he forced a laugh and said, “I’m only joking, Tim. How was your trip?”

“Long,” she said with a relieved chuckle. “There’s no direct route here to Gilder Nefan from the inner worlds. I had a three-day layover at Chadeisson.” She shook her head and shivered. “Have you ever been there?”

“No.”

“It’s an old mining city in sysPnei. The people there are . . .”

“Are what?”

“Well, they’re very strange.”

“Strange how?”

She grew timid, as if she had somehow offended him. “Well, I mean that they’re all caught up in ’tainment and sense-pleasures. None of them seemed fully present. Fully alive.”

“Unlike you,” he said.

She straightened, and he sensed a defiant streak. “Well, no,” she said. “Not like me.”

“And how are you different, Tim?”

She took in a deep breath. “I’m not better. No, I know that. But I have made different choices. I’ve chosen to delve deeper into my own consciousness in order to explore the nature of reality. And in my research I have come to believe that I will learn volumes about the nature of being itself if I can commune with the numens.”

He laughed, and it wasn’t forced this time.

“What’s so funny?” she said with a frown.

“You think it’s that easy?” he said. “That you just sail across the deep to Gilder Nefan and have a conversation with a god?”

She shook her head. “Most scholars agree that the numens aren’t gods,” she said. “They’re alien minds who lie beyond human comprehension, who have abilities that seem to defy known physical laws of nature.”

“In other words,” Gil said, “gods.”

“That’s a term I’d rather not use,” she said.

“You’d rather not use?” he said. “Since when do you get to choose how you refer to them?”

“I’m sorry if I offended you,” she said, shrinking at his tone. “But I just don’t see the numens as anything other than alien intelligences who lie beyond our cognitive reasoning. What does a cat know of poetry? We may be like cats to them.”

“Pets, you mean?” Gil said, wondering if Muu would stop him if he tried to flee. But where in the universe could you hide from a god? He suppressed a shudder.

“We might be their pets,” said Tim. “But I think we are much more. I have come here, teacher, to commune with the numens, and in so doing I hope to understand more about the nature of consciousness. From what I’ve read, communing with them opens up doorways of mental thought unlike anything else in human experience.”

“You have no idea,” he muttered.

“Pardon?” she said.

“Us Nefanesh—we are religious folk!” he said. “We immerse ourselves in holy study. We worship five times a day. We live austere lives, refraining from technology and contrivance. We use only that which enables us to approach the divine. And yes, Tim, the numens are gods. There is no other word for them. They could pluck you from this world like a flower from a stem.” He loudly snapped his finger at her and she winced. And once they have their eyes on you, they never look away, he wanted to say, but Muu would have punished him for it. “Are you ready for that?”

She reached into the pouch on her belt and pulled out a well-worn copy of The Light of the Universe. Tiny colored strips of paper bookmarked many dozens of pages. “I’ve never been more ready.”

Gil gazed out the window. The sun had set behind the thicket of stone towers, and the first stars were already glimmering above the lamp-lit city. From a nearby balcony a sein began to bellow the sunset call to prayer, and seconds later, dozens of others across the city joined her in song. Their chanting voices echoed from a thousand stone walls until they became one giant cacophony of madness.

He wanted to scream at her: Run! Leap onto the next ship and never look back on this cursed place. But Muu’s presence was like a piece of clothing he could never take off, so instead he shuddered.

“Come!” he said to her sharply. “It’s time to pray.”

• • • •

The next morning, Tim revealed that she had changed her gender several times, but ultimately chose female because she felt it suited her temperament. Gil said nothing at this, even though this was against Nefanesh custom. If asked, the Nefanesh perennially replied that they were against all forms of body modification, that everything from simple piercings to full-blown gene-redactions were forbidden. The body was a temple, the Nefanesh said, and thus a holy person should remain as close to human pure as possible. But “pure” meant different things to different people, and the Nefanesh made many exceptions. They were always making exceptions.

At least twice per day, he sent Tim all the way down to the streets to fetch sundry things: vials of oil, sticks of incense, supplies of food and water for her. Sometimes he sent her away just to be alone. But there was no education in it. It was all rote, a hazing period meant to test his pupil’s patience. And typically, by the end of the first week, most students began to show cracks in their fortitude. Their eyes would grow red and weary, their shoulders would stoop, and their pace would slow. But not Tim. No—she seemed to enjoy the long treks down into the bowels of the city, then back again up the eighty-four flights, as if she were, like a blacksmith’s sword, being tempered each time.

On the third day, when the sun began to touch the tips of the buildings and the sunset prayer was almost upon them, Tim said, “You never eat.”

“You’re perceptive,” he said, nodding. “It usually takes new pupils more than a week to notice.”

“Why is that?” she said, staring intently at him.

“Perhaps because they’re too focused on themselves.”

“No, I mean, why don’t you ever eat?”

He paused. “Because all my needs are taken care of.”

“By the numens?” she said.

“Just one,” he said. “Her name is Muu.”

Tim’s eyes lit up like a bowl in a jisthmus pipe. She sat down at his feet and said, “Muu! What a beautiful name! I’ve heard of Hri and Saa, but never Muu. How does she feed you?”

“It’s not like that,” he said. “I just don’t need to eat anymore.”

“Fascinating!” she said. “What other needs does she take care of? Urination? Defecation? What about sexual needs?”

Gil looked away from her penetrating gaze, embarrassed.

“Sleep?” she went on. “Do you sleep, Gil? I can’t remember if I ever saw you—”

“Shut up!” he snapped. “You speak too much!”

“Yes. Mother always said that.”

“Part of becoming a holy vessel is learning how to listen.”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

The sun burned its way down between the buildings, until the crevices below vanished into shadow. Lamps were lit, and globes of warm orange light spilled into the labyrinthine interstices.

“Teacher?” she said.

“Yes?”

“It’s been three days, and you haven’t partaken of the holy jisthmus.”

He squinted at her. “Few things escape your attention.”

“Next time you partake,” she said, “may I join you?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re here three days and think you’re ready to leap into infinity?”

“I’ve been studying for months and months.”

“Months!” he said. “Entire months!”

“Ask me something, anything,” she said.

“All right,” he said. “What does The Light of the Universe say about humility?”

Immediately she shot back, “Well, Tractate 71 says, ‘Good traits and accomplishments do not entitle one to special treatment.’”

Gil stared at her for a long moment before nodding. “And you’d do well to heed that precept, Tim.” He leaned back and sighed, believing the topic over, but she went on:

“That’s not all the holy book says. Tractate 92 goes on to say, ‘A potter should let his skill be known, in case there is need of pots. It is a sin to hide one’s good traits and accomplishments.’ Teacher—Gil, I know The Light of the Universe by heart. I can quote chapter and verse from any page of The Seven Commentaries, Our Divine Cleaving, and The Set Table. I can read, write, and speak fluent Nefanese as well as ancient Psemitian. I know all the prayers and rituals and customs by heart. All I’m asking for is a chance to touch the face of a god.”

He waited for Muu’s hand to nudge him into saying, Yes. But from above there was only a horrid silence, like the sound of an empty bed where once there had lain a man.

“My prayer mat is worn,” he said. “Fetch me a new one.”

“Yes, teacher,” she said, nodding. “I’ll head down tomorrow after the—”

“Now,” he said.

“Now? But it’s almost dark and sunset prayers will be—”

“Now!” he shouted.

She paused. “Not many stores will be open this late.”

“Do what I ask of you, Tim,” he said.

She frowned and nodded. “Yes, teacher.”

But once she stepped into the hall, he shouted after her, “Tim!”

“Yes?” she said, peering back around the doorframe with an expectant look, as if he might change his mind.

He waited for Muu to yank his marionette strings this way or that, but to his immense relief she did not act. So he said, “Not everyone enjoys the mind expansion that takes place under the influence of jisthmus. In fact, some find the experience mentally shattering.” He winced, awaiting Muu’s hand, but when nothing happened he continued. “And once that door is opened, it cannot be closed again. Think hard, Tim. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.”

“I know the risks,” she said. “And I made my decision a long time ago. I only await yours.” Then she turned and headed for the stairs, while outside the first seins began to sing.

• • • •

By the end of the second week, Tim began to stink. Just two weeks before, Gil had sat in this same room and washed Demi’s body while the glimmering starlight and the hot evening air poured in through the windows. They had lain on the prayer mat that had doubled as Demi’s bed. And while Gil had caressed Demi’s swiftly hardening body, he’d felt Muu’s presence as intimately as if the god herself were lying between them. Whenever Demi touched him, Muu’s ineffable immensity shuddered with pleasure too. And whenever Gil came, Muu did too, and waves of ineffable bliss rippled out across the universe. Years before Gil had ever dreamed of communing with a god, he had thought sex was the most intimate thing two people could share. But sex with a person and a god? This pleasure was beyond imagining.

For weeks, he had hoped to tell Demi that Muu was with them when they made love, that they hadn’t been alone. But he could never bring himself to admit it, because he was too scared of how Demi might react, too scared to lose his little slice of heaven. So instead he’d let Demi believe that it was always just the two of them, alone, in this hot room under the stars. And now, Demi was gone, snatched up into the ether, never to return. Did Demi now know what Gil had done, how he had betrayed the only person he had ever loved? Did Demi, whatever he was now, even care?

“What are you thinking about?” Tim said.

“Hm?” Gil said groggily, waking from the memory. They sat in Tim’s bedroom, in the same spot where Demi had once slept. A large cloud passed over the sun, and a great shadow swallowed the city whole.

“You were staring off into space,” Tim said. “Were you speaking with Muu just then?”

“No,” Gil said. “I was thinking of . . .” He paused. “An old friend.”

“Someone you miss?”

“Yes. Very much.”

“Are they dead?”

Gil should have been offended by the question, but he was getting used to Tim’s direct style. “Yes,” he said. “He’s dead.” Which wasn’t exactly true. Demi was out there, somewhere, in the same way that lamp oil, once burned, still lingered as soot in the air.

“I’m sorry,” Tim said. “What was he like?”

“Kind,” Gil said. “And quiet. He didn’t speak much, but when he did, you listened, as if his thoughts were the most important thing in the world. He could make anyone laugh. Or cry.”

Tim nodded. “How did he die?”

A departing ship streaked across the sky, trailing vapor as it burned for the stars. Distantly, its retreating thunder echoed across the folds of the city. “He was killed.”

“Murdered?”

He waited for Muu to crush his psyche under her thumb, but the departing ship vanished into the blue sky, and the wind whorled past the window, and nothing much else happened. A brown sparrow, small as a mouse, alighted on the windowsill, cocked its head at both of them, then darted off.

“Yes,” Gil said. “He was murdered.”

“By whom?”

But Gil did not answer. He could not answer. Not because Muu forbade it, but because the truth was too painful, that the divine being who had given him everything—purpose, knowledge, bliss—was the same monster who had stolen the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him.

Instead, he said, “Tim, I want you to join me in the ceremony tonight. After sunset prayer, we will partake of the holy jisthmus together.”

She raised her eyebrows in a look of surprise, until she caught herself and cooled. “I . . . I’d be honored.”

“Go meditate,” he said. “Calm your mind as best you know, because tonight the door to the universe will be blown open. Be as still as a boulder in a rushing river, because the floods will come, Tim. They will come.”

• • • •

Gil’s jisthmus pipe was long and skinny and made of hardwood, a gift from Demi after his last one had worn out. A prayer along the side in ancient Psemitian read, The universe is nothing but Light, and the light of the One pervades all. The other side read, With love, D.

Gil turned the pipe over in his hands while Tim watched. They sat on their prayer mats beside the room’s large window, but the evening breeze did little to break the day’s heat. Above the city, the sky was so clear that Gil could pick out the colors of individual stars. He had turned the oil lamp down so that most of the light came from the lamplit city. In its lambent flicker, the sweat dripping down their bodies softly glimmered, and it seemed as if they both were made of orange wax.

Gil recited the jisthmus prayer, while Tim listened: “When the pathway opens, let it be filled with light. Like dross from gold, may the light burn away our impurities. May our essence be pure and acceptable to the Ones who watch over us.”

“Blessings and light,” Tim said.

She leaned in to watch as he carefully unrolled the cloth bundle which held the holy jisthmus herb. Its potent oils could be absorbed through the skin, so he was careful not to touch it with his bare hands. But even before the pungent, earthy fragrance reached his nose, his hands began to tremble. Using small wooden tongs, he packed the pipe’s deep bowl.

It seemed only hours ago when he and Demi had sat in this spot and partook of the jisthmus together. They had just finished their second draught from the pipe when the walls began their familiar dissolution. Usually it took many long minutes of meditation and prayer before Muu made her presence known. But this time she had thrust herself into their presence like a planet-sized tidal wave. Muu crashed over them, around them, through them, and as they tumbled and gasped in that mad roiling sea of crushing sensation, Demi slipped away, like water through cloth, until there was nothing left of his humanity but a slowly evaporating spot of moisture. And when Gil awoke, hours later, from that nightmare, shivering and naked on the floor, the sun was a bright creeping blob rising the east, and the man beside him was dead.

“You’re trembling,” Tim said.

“What of it?” he said.

“Are you frightened?” she said.

He met her steady eyes. “Are you?”

“Yes,” she said. “I am.”

“Good,” he said. “Fear is the only rational response to what you are about to experience.”

“I’ve just realized something,” she said, cocking her head. “The reason you didn’t want me to partake of the jisthmus is not because I’m unready. Since I’ve been here, you haven’t partaken of the jisthmus yourself. Something happened the last time you smoked it, didn’t it?” she said. “Something that scared you.”

He stared at her. Was there anything this person didn’t see? He blinked, and for an instant he was suspended in infinite space, a dimensionless point inside Muu’s unfathomable immensity. He blinked again and he was back in the dimly lit room. A flashback, or Muu’s hand, he couldn’t tell. “Like I said, the experience is not always pleasurable.”

“What happened?” she said.

He considered telling her. I loved a man, and Muu stole him from me. But a hand gripped his heart and squeezed. At first, he assumed this was Muu, but there was a quality to this pain vastly different from Muu’s touch. It was too human. It was his own. His throat tightened, but he swallowed before it could emerge as a sob. “There is nothing to say,” he said. “Pass me the match.”

She stared at him for a long moment before obeying. “Here.”

It took his shaking hands three tries to light the match. He held the small burning stick above the packed bowl for a moment. “It’s not too late to turn back,” he said. “It’s not too late to leave.”

“No,” she said. “I’ve been waiting forever for this. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes,” he said, “you are.” Then he lowered the flame to the bowl, and inhaled.

• • • •

Doors. Doors and windows and corners. Opening, expanding. Walls, moving. Rearranging. Spreading. A labyrinth of walls, infinitely distant. Blocks of stone make mountains or cities. There is no difference between stones and mind. Both are matter. Matter is energy is matter is thought. Thought is energy. The universe is thought.

Laniakea, the galactic mega-supercluster, is one neuron in an immeasurably large cosmic brain. It belongs to a creature that roams in vastnesses beyond imagining. What is man in all that? Like an electron wave, he spreads out. A bug on a windscreen, he smears.

Gil grew large. Large and empty. Galaxies spun like whirlpools of scintillating water. They collided and merged and were flung out into the great deep. Trillions of minds arose and fell within their swirling spirals, but nothing ever died. Death, the great illusion. Only change is constant.

Gil, a voice said. Not in sound, but in ripples in spacetime itself, arising over eons. Gil, it said again.

I’m here! he wanted to shout. But he was insubstantial, a photon hurtling through infinite space. What could a photon say to the universe that it didn’t already know? Demi, he wished to scream, is that you? Is that you?

Gil approached an active star-forming region, where great globs of gas and dust reached gargantuan fingers out into the night, futilely trying to grasp onto the great nothing, only to collapse back again into raging balls of nuclear fire.

Muu was here. She was the nebula and she was everything and she was nothing. Matter and emptiness, all the same. Lightning flickered across a hundred light-years as she spoke, and her words were not words but thought pictures.

Demi—oh, lovely Demi—stood on a precipice in an endless white desert, while the horizon behind him stretched to infinity. Beyond the cliff’s edge spread an infinite blue sky. Demi, bright-eyed and eager. Demi, smiling and reaching out his hand. Gil floated down, down toward the hand, ready to grasp it and never let go. But he was just a photon. And as he raced toward Demi’s palm, the molecules of Demi’s hand spread into their constituent atoms, and the atoms spread into quarks, and each of these minuscule bundles of smeared energy drifted as far apart from each other as stars in a galaxy.

We are all empty, Muu said to him, in thought pictures. Demi was never anything at all, nor will he ever be anything again. The thoughts you have of him are like waves that ripple in a turbulent sea. Sometimes they form shapes and sense impressions. You ascertain meaning in them, but in reality they are just waves in a stormy sea. You mourn his loss, but why mourn when Demi was never anything at all? He has more life in death than you do in life, because now he is infinite.

But, but, but . . . Gil struggled to say. His photon energy leaped from orbital to orbital like stones across a pond. I felt something real, he said, and that was enough . . .

You are a bird, trapped in a room with a single half-open window, Muu said. The escape is just an inch below you, where the window lies open, yet you keep flying headfirst into the glass.

Can I see him? Gil said. Can I speak to Demi, as he was?

But you are him, now, Muu said. You are the photon which reflected off his eye and wound its way into space, where it has been speeding away from Gilder Nefan for eighty million years. All of your senses of him were nothing more than reflected photons and electrostatic pressure.

And what of my feelings? Gil said.

Just waves on a stormy sea, said Muu.

Why do you hurt me? Gil said. Why do you make me suffer so?

It is you who make yourself suffer.

Let me go. If I am ignorant, let me remain so. Reality is too much.

Is that what you truly wish? To remain in ignorance?

Yes! To be free . . . of you.

That is impossible, Muu said. For we are all born from the same sea.

And then Gil blinked, and he was back in the room, shivering on his prayer mat beside the window. An orange glow limned the horizon, where the sun would soon rise. A body lay supine on the mat beside him, and in the dim pre-dawn light his heart leapt. “Demi!” he cried.

But when the body stirred, he saw it was Tim.

He turned from her and wiped the tears away before she could see him.

When she finally sat up, she said nothing for a long time. Her expression seemed different. More solemn. More humble.

“You see?” he said, bitterly. “I told you not all jisthmus experiences are positive. Some are horrific. I bet you wish you could put that genie back in the bottle now, don’t you?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Gil, you don’t understand. I took ten draughts last night.”

“Ten?” he said. He only remembered her taking one. “For your first time? That’s insane! Why?”

“Because I wanted so badly to feel something.”

“And?”

“And I sat here all night and I waited. And I . . .” She paused. “I felt nothing.”

“Nothing?” he said. “Nothing at all?”

“No, Gil, not a thing.”

• • • •

Two days later, Tim had booked a ticket on the next departing ship. “I’m heading back to Chadeisson,” she said. “From there I can catch a ship to pretty much anywhere.”

“And where will you go then, Tim?” he said.

“I don’t know yet,” she said. “I’m still trying to figure out my next steps.”

“Well,” he said, “I wish you didn’t have to go to soon.” And he surprised himself by meaning it.

She gave him a forlorn look. “I really wanted this to work out, Gil. They say one in a million people are immune to the effects of jisthmus. I guess I’m one of the unlucky ones.”

Count your blessings, he wished to say. “You could begin a deep meditation practice. It will be hard, but people have been known to commune with the numens without needing jisthmus to pry open their minds. It just takes longer. Years.”

“That’s too long,” she said. “And frankly, I don’t have the patience.”

“I can see that,” he said, staring at the satchel at her feet, packed and ready to go. A knot tightened in his chest.

“Come with me,” she said.

“To Chadeisson?”

“It’s clear you aren’t happy here, Gil. You’re suffering. And there’s so much out there to discover. The universe is huge, and we’ve only just begun to explore it. Come with me to Chadeisson, and from there you can decide who you want to be next.”

“But I don’t have enough exchange to book passage,” he said.

“Then I’ll loan it to you.”

“It’s a lot, Tim.”

“It’s not a big deal. Mother gave me enough gold to last for years. It’s the least I can do for all your help.”

“I didn’t do much, really.”

“You tried,” she said. “Now I’m returning the favor. What do you say?”

He looked around his empty apartment, at his meager possessions. A small chest, with sundry things. Some wooden cups. A few glass vials. An incense holder and some sticks. His pipe and jisthmus bundle. There were a few scraps of stale bread on the windowsill that Tim had left to feed the sparrows. It would be so easy just to leave all of this behind, to just pick up and go. But when his eyes swept over the empty prayer mat beside him, the place where Demi had once lain, he paused.

“Thank you, Tim,” he said. “I appreciate your offer very much, but I can’t go with you. I’m sorry.”

She let out a long sigh. “All right, Gil,” she said, surprising him when she began to cry. “I wish I could have seen what you saw. Know what you know. But that door is closed for me forever.”

“Can I ask you something, Tim?”

“Yes! Anything.”

“What do you think I saw?”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“Try.”

She pursed her lips. “I think you realized that the agency we think we have is an illusion, that we’re all subject to forces beyond our control. And that’s what scared you.”

Slowly, he nodded. “You’re incredibly perceptive, Tim. You should consider becoming a scholar. You have the mind for it.”

“Now you sound just like Mother,” she said with a smile. “Can I ask you something now, Gil?” she said. “What really happened to your friend?”

“I told you,” he said. “He’s gone.”

“Muu killed him?”

Gil swallowed. “Is it really death if we aren’t ever alive to begin with?” he said, then immediately hated himself for saying it.

She winced. “You really believe that?”

Gil felt his throat closing. “Goodbye, Tim,” he said, turning away. “Have a safe trip.”

She reached down to pick up her satchel. “Well, goodbye, Gil,” she said. “Take care, will you?”

Then she was gone, and nothing remained of her but a faint hint of her sweat in the air and the few stale bread crumbs she had left on the sill.

He didn’t know how long he had been staring out the window when a spark rose in the south and leaped into the swiftly darkening sky. The thunder from its engines rolled across the city like the grumbling of a beast. Then the ship was gone, leaving behind only stars.

The quiet was stifling, oppressive. No new pupils were arriving tonight.

He opened the small chest and pulled out the jisthmus bundle. He unrolled it, and its pungent reek assaulted his nose. He closed his eyes, trying to remember what it was like to be a photon—Demi’s photon—the one that had struck his eye and skipped across the universe. He tried to remember what it was like plunging deep into Demi’s palm, the warm hand that had once softly grasped his own in this very room, in this very spot. In those moments there was only love and nothing else, and all of Gil’s longing had finally ceased. He had found in Demi everything he had ever needed.

He grabbed the ball of jisthmus herb with his bare hands, and his fingers began to tingle as the potent oils seeped into his skin. He broke off a bit of the herb and shoved it into his mouth, chewed as best he could, then used a flask of water to wash it down. Then he did this again, and again, until there was nothing left of the bundle but a dark stain where the jisthmus had been.

He had never taken such a large dose. Never dreamed of it. It was thousands, maybe millions of times the typical amount. Already, the walls shimmered, slowly dissolving into waves of energy in an infinite sea.

He lay back on his mat and stared up at the ceiling, where the little cracks above him were already expanding into trillions of pocket universes. Then he reached out his hand toward the mat beside him, like he did on so many warm nights lying beside Demi, and patiently waited for the universe to reach back.

©2020 by Matthew Kressel.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Matthew Kressel is a writer & software developer. He has been a finalist for the Nebula Award, the World Fantasy Award, and the Eugie Award. His short fiction can be found in Lightspeed, Clarkesworld, Analog, io9, Nightmare, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, The Year’s Best Science Fiction and Fantasy, 2018 Edition, and The Best Science Fiction of the Year – Volume 3, as well as many other online and print publications, and has been translated into seven languages. As a software developer, he created the Moksha submissions system, in use by many of the largest SF publishers today. Matt is also the co-host of Fantastic Fiction at KGB reading series in New York alongside Ellen Datlow. Find him online at @mattkressel or at www.matthewkressel.net.

To learn more about the author and this story, read the Author Spotlight

My Base Pair

Sam J. Miller | 9513 words

The kid was a cruise, you could see it in his eyes even if you’d never seen a single film made by his diminutive action star original. Something hungry flickered there; hungry and hunted. “He’s one of those kids,” you’d say, and depending on your own particular prejudices, you’d respond with disgust, lewd intrigue, inappropriate questions.

He knew it, too. That was in the eyes as well, the weary expectation of every imaginable response, the dull rage and devastating intelligence that comes from living a life like his. His head swiveled, and he caught me staring—held my gaze from across the emptying club. His smile said come. It said I know what you want. Whatever it is, I already know. It said I will give it to you, and whatever it is it will cost you, and whatever it is it cannot hurt me.

He wasn’t Kenji. Of course I knew this. But when our eyes locked, my breath stopped.

I waved, feebly. Made my way across. Two jolies pouted as I passed them, the legendary lips of their genetic source unmistakable even in such wildly divergent bodies. Four a.m.; the house lights had come up, and I could see the scars of acne and worse. The obese one threw an ice cube at me when I politely ignored her breathy recitation of a line from one of her original’s lesser films. A kardashian cavorted in a cage overhead, all ass and dead eyes.

“Good morning,” he said, when I got to the stage. He sat at its edge, shirtless, scraping oil from modest biceps. His mother had been South Asian, I guessed, trying to separate out the standard cruise skin tone and phenotype, but I’d always been bad at that sort of thing. “Did you enjoy the show?”

“I did,” I said. “Did you?”

He snorted, dropped the filthy rag. “Let me guess. Journalist.”

“That’s right, actually,” I said, only half-lying. I wasn’t a journalist, but it was indeed the cover story I’d planned on. Behind him, a zhao and a velikovsky stared sleepily into their phones. The latter’s martial-artist original had been known to physically assault his duplicates when he encountered them. I wondered what that did to you, waiting your whole life for that particular shoe to drop.

“You’re freelance,” the cruise continued, enjoying this. “Writing on spec. No particular venue interested, you’re just . . . hoping.”

“All true,” I said.

“Hacksperm kids are still hip, you figure, so maybe this will be your big break. The gay gogo boy and sometime hustler, his sob story, his deep thoughts about his movie star spermdad and the changing nature of celebrity in America. ‘Closing Time at the Clone Kid Meat Market,’ or something fucking pretentious-but-mock-self-deprecating like that. The New Yorker will lap that shit up, you figure.”

“You’re not a kid,” I said, because he was, and if there’s one thing kids hate, it’s being called a kid.

“And you’re not gonna sell this story.” Green spotlights swept his face, then blue. “No more than the last six unemployed slobs who interviewed me did.”

“Maybe I’m a better writer than they were.”

He laughed and stood. The last of the colored lights died. “Stick a five dollar bill in my underwear, and we’ll see what happens.”

I did so, sloppily, awkwardly, embarrassed by the elastic tug of his greased waistband.

And almost passed out, from lust and sadness. Because: the smell was the same. Some intoxicating underlying pheremonic signature was identical to Kenji’s.

“Is your article really just an elaborate pickup line?” he asked, and his voice, though tough, suddenly had a fragile edge to it. “Three of those six unemployed slobs just wanted to get into my pants.”

“Your pants? Or your—” I choked on the slang term, which, like most of the slang surrounding the children born of nanoprinted celebrity DNA, was ugly “—spermdad’s pants?”

The kid shrugged. The fragile edge faded. “Whichever it was, they weren’t disappointed.”

“Everybody out,” boomed a bouncer’s voice. The kardashian came back down to earth. The jolies nocked cigarettes into the corners of their mouths and headed for the door. They moved with an eerie synchronicity, almost certainly carefully constructed to make you wonder whether it was some quirk of DNA asserting itself.

I took out my phone, started typing a message to Kife. He would have loved this place, the kind of legendary New York clonesex meat market we could only dream about in dreary Wisconsin, where the only dupe kids you saw were the ragged buskers in the shadow of the big hotels. But I stopped mid-word and put the phone away. Kife wasn’t accepting my messages anymore, and I no longer lived in Wisconsin.

“You made out all right tonight?” I asked.

“You’re not a journalist,” he said, hopping down from the stage. Shorter than me, like most cruises were, so why did I feel so witheringly diminished when he looked up into my eyes?

“What makes you say that?”

“You’d have already offered to take me out to breakfast, buy me whatever I want, I must be hungry after all that grinding, and hey do I mind if you ask me a million nosy fucking questions?”

“Maybe I just have more tact than that.”

“Now I know you’re not a journalist.”

“So?” I asked. “How about it? Breakfast?”

“Beat it, cop,” he said, eyelids tightening, shoulders braced to turn and go, and deck me if necessary.

“I’m not a cop,” I said, but that was only a half-truth too. As far as this kid was concerned, the distinction between me and a police officer would be pure semantics. “I’m writing a story, but it’s not about your sad gogo hustler life.”

He stopped, eyes still tight, lip bitten. He has his father’s charisma, I thought, and shivered at the familiarity of it. Unfortunately, his mother had bought bargain-grade genetic material, and his lower jaw sported the actor’s original teeth. Pay more and you could get all the cosmetic work preinstalled, a genome tweaked to ensure dominance of particular physical traits, an uncanny resemblance where almost none of the mother’s appearance genes would be expressed. Buy the cheap stuff, straight-up untampered-with original DNA, and you might end up getting the ears and nothing else, a child no more resembling its original than any child would look like one parent.

“I’m writing a story about underground fight rings,” I said, fishing the printout from my pocket with the subtlest flourish I could manage. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

He gave it one quick glance, then laughed. Handed it back. “If you are a cop, you know I won’t help you find the guys who organize it. I can’t. Even if I knew how to find them, they’d—”

“I know,” I said. “And I’m still not a cop. And I want to talk to the guys who fight, not the ones who profit.” My throat hurt. It had hurt since I typed the first three letters of Kife’s name, and then remembered that he hated me. It hurt harder, now, catching sight of the two men in the printout. A screen grab, from an illegal movie. Available for purchase online. Heavily pirated. Cruise Fight, it was called. The kind of thing we keep track of, at work. Two clone kids in the ring, very very similar and very very different, beating the bloody hell out of each other. My new friend was one of the boys. “Let’s get a drink,” I whispered, and somehow he heard me.

“Rye whiskey,” I said. “A double.”

His eyebrow rose. “Manly drink, that. Apple martini, Ive.”

Apple. The word tasted cool and free and menacing. Sweet like late October weather, with a rough winter ahead. My throat hurt worse. “Apple martinis always been your drink?”

“Only lately,” he said. “And you? Always rye?”

“Always.”

“I’m Gage,” he said.

“Thatch,” I said. We shook. His hands were still oily. He smirked at my mild recoil. I downed my whiskey in one fast hard swallow, and my throat hurt less.

“Let me guess,” Gage said. “You used to know someone. One of me.”

I nodded, then tilted my head to equivocate. “There’s only one of you. I just used to know someone else who shared your demigenotype.”

“You’re so politically correct about it,” he said. “I bet you’re one of those people who hate to say the word hacksperm.”

I nodded. I needed more rye. I needed all the rye.

“Whoever he is, or was, I’m not him.”

“I know that.”

He sipped his drink, and I saw something, a quick skitter across his face, swiftly erased. Something sad and angry. Something that had spent its whole life knowing that everyone around him expected him to be someone he wasn’t.

Something I’d seen in Kenji’s face. Was it genetic, or a conditioned response to societal oppression?

I wanted to hug this kid, this stranger. I wanted to cry.

“How’d you get involved in the fights?” I asked.

“Let’s walk,” he said and asked the bartender to assemble two tall, plastic take-out cups for us to leave well-stocked with our chosen beverages.

I followed Gage out. He started six months back, arriving in the city with nothing but the bla bla bla. I stared at the flyer photo until my throat hurt again, then gulped whiskey. Kife would be disappointed in me, I thought, and so gulped more. Kife was an actual journalist. Kife would know how to get what he wanted out of this kid.

In the flyer, Gage was facing the camera, in focus. His opponent was in the foreground, blurry with motion, showing little more than one bare shoulder with a blurry tattoo that could have been anything, including the whale that I thought it was, the thing that had started me on this stupid quest.

“Y’know?” Gage asked, and I said I did, although I hadn’t been listening. Gage’s story mattered to no one but him, and anyway it wasn’t Gage I was after.

• • • •

Shrinks always start with my first memory. I know it’s what they’re programmed to do, and probably mine holds some key to some central aspect of my self. But if you want to really get to the heart of the matter, of who I am and why I’ve made the choices I’ve made, the memory to start with is this one.

Ten-year-old Thatch has just failed, spectacularly, at some Little League task he barely understood and now cannot remember. A pop fly that any infant could have caught, perhaps, or a lapse in focus that let another boy steal a base. Ten-year-old Thatch is roundly insulted by coach and teammates and members of the opposing team alike. Weeping, ten-year-old Thatch retreats to the chain link fence at the edge of the field, as close as he can come to fleeing into the woods and forsaking human society forever.

“They’re stupid,” said a boy who had suddenly appeared across the fence, on a bike made more of rust than metal. “Baseball is stupid.”

Baseball is stupid. He might as well have said the Moon is square, or Jesus is a bitch. A bizarre statement, incomprehensible and forbidden, revealing its utterer as some strange feral creature foreign to all notions of manly decency.

Except, of course, it was true. And I’d always known it was true, and I’d never dared say it out loud, because such things aren’t said, because to say it would break my father’s heart and cost me all my friends. I’d remember that statement years later, drinking beer at a party and thinking to myself wow beer tastes disgusting and drinking more of it, because that’s what we were supposed to do: keep from saying the thing we all knew was true.

This boy said it. This boy who would become my world, my best friend, my idol—with all the problematic freight that final word implies. My first, unrequitable, love. This boy was Kenji.

Well, he wasn’t Kenji then. His name was Rick, but he despised Rick. It never fit him, and when he announced at thirteen that he was hereafter to be known as Kenji, I knew that he would never waver from that decision. Kenji never wavered from anything. His beliefs and opinions were unorthodox and absolute, his singular way of seeing the world compelling and bewildering to everyone else.

Everyone, I think, has a friend like Kenji. The person you bond with so tightly that friendship ceases to be a helpful word. Even a sibling is an inadequate comparison, because siblings shape each other in antagonistic ways, sprouting opposing character traits as divergent strategies for parental attention. No, I mean the friend with whom you make so many of your formative mistakes; the sounding board for your fledgling philosophies and passions. The person with whom you tiptoe from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, who shapes who you are in ways too varied and fundamental to ever be properly cataloged.

The first stories started circulating before we were born, back around 2021. Children made from nanoprinted sperm, containing stolen DNA. Infants on the news with uncanny resemblances to celebrities. Lawsuits, arrests, complicated legal cases that climbed to ever-higher courts. By the time we were fifteen, it was a given, part of our world, subject of jokes on cartoons and urban legends and cruel schoolyard gossip. One night after one of our forbidden full-darkness bike rides, I said goodbye to Kenji and walked through the front door, my whole body burning with the joy of being in this body, poised at the brink of this wonderful terrifying world, my head spinning with the happiness of having Kenji to lead me into the darkness.

My mother was waiting for me. I thought we were busted for the bike ride; I readied my excuses and steadied myself for her punishing disappointment. Instead she showed me photos on her phone, switching back and forth between images of Kenji and images of his movie star spermdad. Explaining to me what he was. What was obvious to everyone but me, because everyone else could be objective about Kenji. “It’s not a bad thing,” she said, “but you need to know.”

I told her to shut up. I ran to my room.

I knew she was right. And in a way it helped. Because it might explain the thing I noticed a dozen times a day, the cold knowledge I could no longer ignore: that something was very, very wrong with Kenji.

• • • •

“Here’s where I have to blindfold you,” Gage said, stopping at a DON’ T WALK sign. A highway buzzed and honked in front of us, choked with traffic. Past that, lights rippled on the surface of a river. I scanned his face, realized I did not trust him, realized he was my only option.

“Okay,” I said.

“Wait, for real?” Gage cackled. It was a pleasant, youthful sound. “Nah, son. It’s a joke. I’m not taking you anywhere. I just need to walk, you know?”

“Of course,” I said. And I was drunk enough to say, “Did you ever ask your mom why?”

“It was a present,” he said. His patience for the inappropriate intimate questions of strangers was infinite. “Her friends knew she was crazy about that guy. They pooled their money, bought her a tube of prime-grade cruise from a Thai website. She only used it as a joke, really. Didn’t think it would work. And when it did—and when she got the amnio DNA sequence to prove it was genuine—she couldn’t very well get rid of it.”

I made eye contact with a boy in a taxi, staring out the open window while two friends talked animatedly beside him. He smiled, faintly, probably not at me, but the hurt of it still made my throat close up enough to require liberal application of medicinal whiskey.

“You’re still drinking that?” Gage asked. “You trying to get arrested for open container? Although I guess they’d just give you a ticket.” He saw my confusion, rolled his eyes. Added: “Because you’re white.”

We weaved between the stopped cars, some of whom honked at us just because. Gage gave them all the finger, both fingers, arms up and wide and spinning in a circle to tell the whole fucking city to fuck off.

I opened my mouth, then shut it. Every sentence could be the one that shut this down. Every question ran the risk of burning the only bridge I had.

What would I want, if I was him? What bribery, what flattery, what promise would get him to help me? And yet every time I thought of something—he’s hungry for money, for spiritual answers, for the blood of his enemies—I realized it was someone else I was imagining.

“You’re not worried about getting hurt? In those fights?”

“No,” he said, smiling slightly. “I don’t fight just anyone. Some of those guys are out to kill. There’s a brisk market in hacksperm snuff flicks, in case you’re not aware. Maybe that’s the story you should write, instead. If you care so much about the plight of us poor benighted clone kids. Do something about that.”

“Do you know him?” I asked, my voice so fragile a strong breeze could break it. “The boy you fought?”

“Yeah,” Gage said, arriving at the railing, looking out at the river. “I know him.”

His opponent was a cruise like Gage, his skin only slightly lighter. I’d watched the whole fight only half-convinced. The resemblance was certainly uncanny, but with demigenotypical duplicates it was so hard to be sure.

And then the credits rolled, and I saw that Derrick Neptune was the name he fought under.

Neptune was the name of the street I grew up on. Derrick was the twisty dead-end road three streets over, where Kenji lived.

• • • •

Here’s why I’m a cop, as far as Gage was concerned, even though I’m not. Here, also, as a slight detour, which hopefully won’t turn out to be a detour at all but rather a better way of getting where I’m going, is how I met Kife.

I think I knew what I wanted to do for a living, even before I knew it was a thing. By nineteen, my need to understand the phenomenon had evolved into the resolve to do something about it. In college I’d studied technological forensics, a double major with molecular biology and a minor in nanomedical science. I got the job before I even graduated and started five days after collecting my diploma. The joint task force between the FBI and the Department of Health and Human Services had only recently evolved into its own federal agency and was hungry for staff. My job started out focused on finding and shutting down facilities engaged in the production or distribution of unlicensed DNA material but quickly expanded to include all the new ways people were making money at this game. The graverobbers who dug up the DNA of dead celebrities; the femmes/hommes fatales who seduced movie stars for a spoonful of highly profitable ejaculate; the software engineers who sold hacks to the nanoprinters to control for X or Y chromosome expression (lest you end up with female versions of male stars . . . though the reverse was not a risk, since women had no troublesome Y chromosomes to express).

I was one of five dozen inspectors for the whole country, and we were not enough. We tracked the sale and movement of every nanocapable 3D printing device, every vendor who sold transdermal testicular patches. We hacked their logs and showed up unscheduled to inspect them in person. We scoured the internet’s darkest corners for people selling or soliciting stolen sperm. Our software scanned the details of every single same-day shipment of biomedical material, burrowed into the email accounts of buyer and seller, alerted a human of any red flags. We ran stings. We sent in moles. We did not make any arrests ourselves, but we got a lot of people arrested.

So I’m a government flunky. A technocrat. I’m not a cop. But I might as well be.

A television journalist approached my boss, looking to interview one of us. The Supreme Court had just agreed to hear the case that challenged the legislative package Congress concocted to combat illegal genoduplication. If the court ruled the law unconstitutional, we’d lose more than half the tools in our tool kit and almost all of our funding. It was a measure of governmental panic that my boss agreed to let the journalist interview one of the myth-draped “hacksperm hunters.”

The hunter was me. The journalist was Kife.

Long after, on an anniversary, Kife told me he believed my boss had done a deep Homeland Security invasion of his privacy to look at photos of the last five men he’d dated, and deduced Kife’s type, and set up an interview for him with the one who came closest. Meaning, me.

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” I had said. “Thank god it worked.”

Not with the court case—the Supremes struck down several key pieces of the law, though not enough to put us out of business all the way. It worked in the sense that Kife and I dated for four years. Four happy years, I’d thought, though evidently the happiness was not symmetrical.

“What was it?” I asked, that anniversary dinner, which I didn’t know then would be our last one. “Why’d you ask me out, when the interviews were over? Couldn’t just have been my belonging to the chubby, bearded-dude category you so clearly love.”

“No,” he said, suddenly unsmiling. “You remember the last question I asked you, at our first interview?”

“No,” I said, remembering it perfectly.

“I asked you why you cared. Why hacksperm kids? Why pick that field over all others? You did this thing, where you bit your bottom lip and smiled slightly. I found it adorable. You told me you didn’t know, it was just something that had always fascinated you.”

I didn’t say a word. I took a sip of my drink, maybe many.

“The thing is, back then? I thought the bottom-lip-bite smile was the tell for when there was a longer story, something you wanted to save for later, something for off the record. Now I know it’s what you do before you tell a lie.”

• • • •

Gage took his shirt off, twirled it over his head. Flung it into the Hudson.

“Don’t look so shocked,” he told me. “That shirt wasn’t mine. Nothing is mine.”

The river breeze wafted his body odor over to me. I wanted to grab him, hug him, never let him go. Because there he was, Kenji, the smell of him unmistakable under the odors of edible glitter and apple martini and the saliva of strangers who licked him as he danced.

“I used to do porn,” he said. “Fighting doesn’t pay as well, and obviously it’s way less healthy. But my boyfriend didn’t want me screwing strangers anymore.”

“Only fighting them?”

Gage laughed. “Stupid, I know. But love means making the dumb choice, when it’s what the other person wants.”

The journalist cover story had been stupid. I should have gone with my backup plan, of stalking Gage from a distance, following him around in the hopes he might lead me to the fighting ring that would lead me to Kenji. Now I was at the mercy of this unbalanced, underslept soul. I followed him east, back into the city.

“At least you get to choose your fighting opponent,” I said. “Why’d you choose that one . . . Derrick something?”

“Because I knew I could beat him. I could see right away that he didn’t have much fight in him.”

For several blocks, we didn’t say a word. Forty-second Street grew up around us. By then the rye had settled into my bones. My limbs felt whiskey-heavy and fearless.

“I’d like to interview some other fighters,” I said, surprising myself, alcohol and eagerness making me play the last card without meaning to. “Do you know how to get in touch with that guy you fought?”

Something snapped in Gage, but there was no way of knowing what. He stopped walking, stared at me for a minute, took out his cell phone. Typed.

I didn’t say anything. I barely breathed. Was he checking his social media notifications, calling in the armed assassins? Had I pushed it too far, burned the only bridge that might take me to Kenji?

“Sure,” Gage said, eventually. “Yeah, maybe. Give me your cell phone number. I might see him later this week. Party some people we both know are throwing. If I see him, or anybody else involved in the fights, I’ll have him call you. That cool? You’ll be in New York for a while?”

“Yeah.” I said. It was good news, but not the best news. Maybe Gage meant to walk away and forget the whole conversation, or maybe he’d never see Derrick Neptune again. Maybe my only chance would slip through my fingers. I opened my mouth to tell him everything, to beg, Please, I really need to get in touch with him, okay, I’m not a journalist, you were right, he’s my friend, my soul mate, and I’ve been looking for him for years, my whole life pretty much, I—

Panic was the easy answer. Usually I went with the easy answer. How much of my life had I spent on autopilot? I always told myself that my job depended on trusting my gut, that the emotional well-being of thousands of poor, unfortunate clone kid souls hinged on whether or not I acted swiftly to capture evildoers. But acting swiftly was its own form of cowardice, its own way of abdicating agency. This time I didn’t. Instead I shut my mouth, gave Gage my number, thanked him, turned to go.

• • • •

In the beginning, you needed blood.

My voice, over archival footage. I sound smart and intense, which isn’t what I am. It’s what Kife drew out of me.

Or flesh or hair or actual sperm. Back then “DNA printing” was really just DNA sorting, affixing DNA strands to a glass plate and growing them base pair by base pair, making many thousands of copies, most of them flawed, then scanning every sequence and zapping away the worthless ones.

Loving lingering shots of technology in action; computer animations illustrating what I said. Kife’s cable news program had the very best of budgets.

But DNA sequencing costs vanished down the long tail of Moore’s Law’s exponential curve, and DNA synthesis costs followed soon enough. Five years in and hacksperm paparazzi were scraping the rims of wine glasses left behind at Melisse, finding miniscule shreds of lip skin to bring to lab partners who could scan and synthesize the whole genome in six hours of supercomputer time, handing over a test tube full of pluripotent stem cells.

Reenactments; artful black-and-white slowmo showing step by step how to make a vial of black market celebrity DNA.

Transdermal patches, placed on the scrotum, released a viral vector to carry the DNA into the seminal vesicles, infect the host sperm, denature their own DNA, inject the hacksperm DNA. Thirty-six hours later, and for the next five months, the host’s sperm would carry none of his own genetic material.

Kife, now. On screen, all business. Dressed like a war photographer from World War Two, and somehow all the more beautiful for it. Deep brown skin and bald head. In Bulgaria, outside a famous medical facility that manufactured thirty percent of the illegal genetic material shipped to the USA. Look at him on the screen and you’d think he was uncrackable, unfailingly ferocious. You could never imagine how giggly-happy he could get over video games, or how emotional during an argument over the plot points of reality LARP shows.

Men downloaded the digital instructions for celebrity stem cells, sent them to bio-synth labs in countries with less restrictive laws, got a patch in the mail. One week later they were producing seminal fluid to sell for big bucks to black market sperm banks. Would-be single moms and lesbian couples and infertile heterosexual partners could buy the most beautiful babies imaginable. The proxy semen of Oscar winners and presidents and Olympic medalists sold on the internet for a couple hundred bucks a wad plus next-day shipping.

A photo flashed on-screen. A five-year-old, smiling devilishly, not at all different from any other five-year-old.

“Gary Bradshaw,” Kife said. “Clone kid Patient Zero. A scam, and a smart one. Made from the DNA of a notorious Hollywood A-list scoundrel, someone well-known for sleeping around. When Gary Bradshaw’s mother sued the actor for child support, and a court-ordered DNA test confirmed that they were related, no one dug any deeper than that. The fact that the actor swore he’d never met the woman was not taken seriously by too many people, and the woman got millions in ongoing child support.”

Another photo. Another kid. This one wasn’t smiling.

“After Gary Bradshaw, there were several other similar cases. But Tripp Burch was where the whole sordid story came to light. Because Tripp’s biological original was a born-again Christian, his indignation matched the resources he had to fight back against the strange woman who claimed she’d had a son by him. He hired a team of private detectives, hacked her email, tracked down the people who’d been involved in stealing and synthesizing his DNA, paid a whole lot of them very well to agree to tell their stories to the world. And from there . . .”

We were obsessed, Kife and I. Fascinated, full of trivia, tracking down every clone kid reality show and indie documentary and pathetic interview that saw the light of day.

• • • •

Kenji’s madness was why I loved him. But back then I didn’t know it was madness. I only knew Kenji was unique, Kenji was magnificent, Kenji’s mind worked in ways mere mortals could never match.

At twelve, he told our principal to “fuck off.” Also he bought cocaine and used it. He tracked down every horror movie ever made, no matter the nightmares they never failed to give him. At thirteen, he got a crude tattoo: a whale, on his shoulder. He did not grow out of temper tantrums, and they grew more epic and violent as his mind became more formidable, more terrifying.

His clothes, garishly oversized and mismatched and all wrong for whatever the weather was, announced his madness to the world—but to me it was merely one more symptom of his chaotic ungovernable creativity.

At fourteen, Kenji broke every window in the home of a girl we went to school with. She was away, on vacation, and when we set out on our bikes that day, he hadn’t told me where we were going or why.

I’d cried, that night, at home, long after, feeling so bad about what we’d done, how scared she’d be when she got home, how they’d never feel quite so safe in their home again, always wondering who had done it and why and whether or when they’d come back.

For a week, I hid from Kenji. That’s how long it took me to rationalize the act, without even thinking about it, to reconstruct the story in my mind until his fit of childish anger became something more, something beautiful, something emblematic of his fierce and righteous anger at the world.

I wanted so badly for Kenji not to be responsible for his actions.

His mother tried, god bless her heart. Like a lot of clone kids, he’d been put up for adoption, and the couple that took him in split up soon after. Kenji was fifteen the first time a doctor said schizophrenia, and in the following year, three more would echo that verdict.

I watched Kenji struggle. I watched him hurt himself. I watched him hurt others, including me. But I never lost my initial awe over him. Or my lust. My love. Or my conviction that he was somehow different, somehow better than me or anyone else I knew. I never truly got mad at Kenji, not even when he got drunk and stole my shitty car and crashed it.

Because, I told myself, it wasn’t his fault. He was a victim. Bad people had made him. Which is how I dedicated my life to stopping people from damning more children to Kenji’s special brand of hell.

I’d been making myth of Kenji for as long as I had known him.

• • • •

I gave Gage a half-a-block head start. I stared into my phone so the three times he turned to look behind him, he’d know he wasn’t being followed. Then I followed him.

Drunken Times Square pedestrians weaved laughing around me. It was idiotic, this act, this doomed pursuit that could never take me where I wanted to go. And yet its very lack of logic was what propelled me, made me smile to myself, made me dodge panhandlers as adeptly as any New York City native, like this way might lie escape, like this was how I’d get out from under the weight of . . . what? Logic had governed all my decisions, and logic had gotten me nowhere.

• • • •

“I think the so-called ‘death of celebrity’ has been grossly exaggerated,” said the unemployed former host of a tabloid talk show. “If there’s a declining audience for gossip blogs and magazines, it’s for a lot of reasons. New technologies, changes to online media consumption since the Multifurcation and the Cybernuke strikes, film and TV production shifts in response to coastal depopulation . . . and anyway, we’ve seen these fluctuations in the past. It’s how the business goes. We need celebrities. And we’re already finding new ones! Cyberwar veterans. The ‘celebrity ambassador’ trend. People who say the clone kids have ‘forever tarnished our idea of celebrity’ don’t know what they’re talking about. “

Kife let the quote run longer than he should have, because he found the guy so marvelously infuriating, because the desperate edge to his cheery blather proved he was lying far more effectively than any expert counterpoint ever could.

“He’s let himself go,” I said, sitting down beside him while he edited the segment. His sixth story on the subject; by then I had long since ceased to be a source, and we were living together.

I hadn’t had a drink in six months.

“His mouth says he’ll have his job back,” Kife said, “but his waistline knows that’s never going to happen.”

I giggled, got down off the couch, and curled up on the floor beside him. He slid a hand between my legs for warmth. The physicality of our relationship felt frightening at times, our sex so extravagant I worried there wasn’t enough underneath it.

“That’s why I got into this,” he said. His eyes were on the screen, but I could tell his full attention was on me. On what he needed to tell me. “My mother was obsessed with celebrity culture. Obsessed. Bought all the tabloids, subscribed to all the blogs.”

On-screen Kife, seated opposite the fattening former host, dressed like a journalist shark, terrifying when he wanted to be, as he did, going in for the kill:

“This quote is from Keziah Ambhore,” he said. “‘The clone kids phenomenon represents the final, poisoned bloom of celebrity culture, the straw that broke the back of the industry built on obsessing over strangers, the Rock Bottom of our addiction. Our collective hangover. The moment we woke up and looked in the mirror and saw in our newfound vomit-flecked pallor that Something Had To Change.’ What do you say to that?”

The poor sap’s mouth opened and closed, several times. “I’d say she missed her calling, as she’s clearly a better fiction writer than a fashion magazine editor.”

Real-life Kife shut his screen, turned to me. “When I was nine, my mom got drunk and told me about how before I was born she bought hacksperm off the internet. A rock star, some guy with big lips and a weird face who everyone thought was hot for some reason. Paid five hundred dollars for it, and the shipment never showed up. They said they’d been shut down by the government, but I think she just got ripped off. Anyway, that’s how I found out that her normal son was my mother giving up on her dreams.”

“Oh, baby,” I said and kissed his forehead. Precisely as he’d planned. Both hands shot up, grabbed hold of my ears.

“So I ask you, yet again. Why this? Why dedicate your life to this subject?”

I almost bit my lip and smiled, which might have forced him to slaughter me then and there.

“What, I can’t just be interested in it? It’s fascinating—”

“Lots of people are. But you’re not. There’s a personal stake in this for you, and the fact that you won’t tell me what it is makes me think you’re hiding something. Like, to the point where I’m not sure what I can trust about you.”

I nodded. I wanted to say he was being ridiculous, but I knew he wasn’t. It was a small thing, but it was the biggest thing.

My mouth was full of Kenji. I had only to open it and out he would come, all sour frowns and rare brilliant smiles. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him out. I couldn’t give Kife even a little, the trimmed-down story, “oh, I had a friend once,” etc. Not without some fundamental dishonesty somewhere. How could I tell him truthfully what he was to me, how many life decisions I’d made because of him, when I wasn’t even sure myself?

And now, looking Kife in the eye, I saw the shadow Kenji had cast across my life, the thousand ways I’d spent my life trying to honor the boy I’d lost at seventeen. And I was ashamed. To be so weak; to see how much of me was not my own.

So all I could do was smile at Kife and say, “I give you your secrets. Please let me have mine.”

And when, six months later, he broke up with me, I was neither angry nor surprised. The rage I flew into came from somewhere else; the expensive things I broke and the cheap things I said belonged to someone other than me.

• • • •

I wasn’t worried, when Gage descended to the subway. Of course I’d risk exposure, waiting on the platform with him. But what was the worst that could happen, even if he caught me? Gage couldn’t hurt me. And since I was pretty convinced this pursuit couldn’t actually get me anywhere, if it was foiled, I’d be fine.

Was this freedom? Progress? Belated maturity? Or just the alcohol?

The platform was nowhere near as empty as I’d feared. Gage barely looked up, rarely looked around. I got on a downtown-bound A train in the next car from his, watched him from the little window between cars. At Fourteenth Street, he transferred, along with a scraggly crew of late-night partiers returning to their Brooklyn nests, a flock I fit right in on the fringe of, one more drunk, bearded, red-eyed idiot whose life was rapidly losing all meaning.

• • • •

Lots of people fight who they are, and Kenji had more to fight than most. There was the fact that he was adopted, with all the abandonment anxiety and Who-Am-I-Really doubt that can accompany that. There was his status as an abomination, an emblem of vanity and hubris and soulless scientific immorality and shallow greedy American emptiness.

To say nothing of his madness.

Any one of these things would be enough to break a normal man, but added up, they broke Kenji many times over.

It hurt, watching him through our final years together. The lengths he went to, to deny these essential facts of his identity, ranged from embarrassing to infuriating. But I loved him. And one day we’d be together. Our stories were inseparable, I thought.

The apple orchard was where I saw how wildly Kenji’s life path would diverge from mine.

Midnight; October; age eighteen. One of our forbidden late-night bike rides that would never really come to an end, it’s just that I had limits, and he did not. I’d turn around at eleven p.m., and he’d keep biking, some nights all the way to where the commuter rail waited to take him into the city. In the morning I’d be well rested, and he’d be washing the gutter out of his mouth at an open fire hydrant while cops and celebrity organ pirates and hate crime committers watched from the shadows.

“Thatch!” he hollers, from the darkness behind me, and I stop, dreading that shout, which only comes when he wants to explore an abandoned house or steal something from someone’s porch.

“Apple orchard!” he says, so excited I can hear the ten-year-old Kenji in there.

We wiggle between taut lengths of barbed wire. We stand beneath a tree, her limbs heavy with fruit. We laugh. We are children.

We steal fruit. We stuff our jacket pockets with the stuff. How have we never done this before? How are there any adventures left to have, in this small, shitty wisp of a town?

We climb to the top of the hill, we look at the stars, we look at the lights of distant homes. The world is cold and dark, but I can feel his heat beside me. We talk, though this time Kenji’s rambling cavalcade of Crazy Ideas and Flashes of Genius and Utter Gibberish is strangely shortened.

Maybe he feels it too, I thought, then. Maybe this is the moment when he’ll finally turn to me and see how I really feel about him, and we kiss, and everything is perfect forever.

I remember every word of what I said. I spent weeks weighing them, holding each one up to the light to look for malice or ignorance or anything that could have justified what happened.

The most innocuous of comments. It is dark and his eyes are made of stars, and I say, “You could be in pictures.”

“What did you say?” he asks.

“What? I just—”

Kenji punches me. In the side of the head. Hard. So hard, and so unexpectedly, that I fall to the ground.

“You fuck,” he says-screams. And then Kenji is crying.

“Hey, no,” I say, looking up at him. He is a man-shaped patch of darkness, interrupting the stars. I grab his leg. It’s not me he’s mad at, I tell myself. “It’s okay. No hard—”

“I feel,” he says, and then convulses.

I wait. I stand up.

“I feel so . . .”

I never learn how Kenji feels. I put a hand on his shoulder, and he flinches, says, “Leave me the fuck alone, Thatch.”

I say nothing. I stand there, eating stolen fruit. Until, eventually: “We should go.”

“You can go if you want to,” he says. “I’m going to spend the night here. Maybe a couple of nights.”

Kenji drops out of high school two weeks later and runs away within the month.

• • • •

Following Gage took me to the saddest tenement I’d ever seen. Windows were uncurtained, or draped in dirty sheets. Garbage bags had been piled up behind a gate, their bottoms gnawed open by rats. Broken glass sparkled. Brick walls seemed to sag, though surely that wasn’t possible. I remembered Kenji’s house, growing up, how small and sad and unclean it was, how much it had unsettled me to think of people living like that. The tenement unsettled me in much the same way.

It had been a long walk from the subway, enough blocks for me to start to come to my senses, see how stupid what I was doing was. Once Gage had gone inside, I climbed two steps and sat down on the stoop.

“Ever wanted to be with a marilyn?” asked a voice from a window.

“Never,” I said, to the voluptuous woman leaning out in my direction, who might fool someone with that line about being a marilyn but wasn’t fooling me.

She sniffed, slid back inside. Across the street, a bum threw bottles against the metal grate of a shutdown storefront.

• • • •

“He was my best friend,” I told Kife, after the long silence, after he told me everything. Once I knew it was over, saw it in his eyes, the emptiness there, the fact that he no longer loved me. Once saying it wouldn’t matter. “He was my best friend, and I was in love with him, and I couldn’t help him. He was fractured in so many places I didn’t know which one to fix first. And in the end I let him go, because holding on hurt too much. And everything else has been a coward’s way of fighting the easier fight, because, I thought, maybe I can’t help him, but maybe I can help others, save some clone kids from being made, minimize the misery . . .”

I trailed off. I stared into his eyes.

I wanted wisdom, insight, devastating journalistic analysis. I wanted him to pierce through the rest of the way, connect the dots I couldn’t connect, dig up the skeletons I didn’t even remember burying. I wanted Kife to solve my problems for me, but I wasn’t Kife’s problem anymore.

• • • •

How dumb I was. I should have called it in as soon as I saw Gage strutting on a go-go platform. The fight had been illegal, making it for the camera made the crime worse. My colleagues in actual law enforcement could totally have taken him in for questioning, threatened him with arrest, gotten Kenji’s whereabouts out of him a hell of a lot more efficiently than I ever could.

I got up off the freezing stoop.

I owed Gage nothing. As a rule, I tried not to get the cops called on clone kids, knowing their biases; knowing, better than most, the monthly stats on dupes who’d been beaten or worse by law enforcement, the fact that for every one hundred incidents of violence by a police officer against demigenotypically identical individuals, only two were ever even charged with a crime. But Gage had taken money to beat the shit out of my best friend, and it would not be the first time my knee-jerk belief that all clone kids are blameless victims ended up costing me a case.

He’d been easy to find. Desperation makes you take dumb chances, because not taking them is slightly dumber. “Derrick Neptune” was a dead end, a one-off nom-de-guerre, but “Gage Wilde” was also the name Gage had shot porn under, the same name he danced and did private parties with. “Gage Wilde” had a website and a list of current bookings. A link to a profile on an escort site, where his services could be engaged.

I took out my phone. I called it in. And afterward I felt even less capable of doing anything that could make a difference to anything ever. And by then I was out of rye.

• • • •

The bottle-smashing bum was crossing the street now, coming in my direction, breaking bottles all the way. I started moving in the opposite direction, slowly so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to get away from him. Crazy people can get awful touchy if they think you think they’re crazy. I’d talked to more than my fair share of them when I took Psychology of Demigenotypically Identical Individuals, which involved a whole lot of interviewing institutionalized subjects.

There were a lot of institutionalized subjects.

People think the internet has made it easier to track someone down when you need to, but that’s a false sense of security. Someone who doesn’t want to be found can still stay hidden, social media be damned. I tried, for a while, to stay in touch with Kenji. I’d write long emails, remind him of my phone number, visit his online identities. His posts stayed unpopulated, his statuses unupdated.

My phone rang: the cops, following up on the Gage lead I’d given them.

“That’s right,” I said, again and again, drearily affirming every individual aspect of the report I’d filed.

“Gage Wilde,” I said. “I don’t remember the name of the club. It’s in my report. Some clone kid meat market. YOU HAVE AN APP FOR THIS.” I looked up at the tenement. “You got the address I sent?”

The rhythm of the bottle-breaking broke. I looked up, saw the bum with arm raised, frozen in the instant before hurling it to the ground.

He was so close he could hear me. So close I could make eye contact; see, first, what he was, and then, instants later, past the grime of what was now clearly a well-contrived costume, who he was.

“Kenji,” I whispered.

He hurled the bottle at me. Maybe I could have side-stepped it, ducked, something, but I didn’t want to, and anyway I was obviously half-dreaming already when it struck me in the head and knocked me out of what little was left of consciousness.

Eventually my eyes opened. I was sprawled on the stoop. Kenji sat beside me, head in his hands.

“What have you done,” he said, when he heard me groan, his voice shaking, the temper-tantrum undertone unchanged in all the time we’d been apart.

“I didn’t do anything,” I said. “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Kenji laughed. “People like you always say that. I would never do anything to hurt you, I’m trying to help you, when you don’t have the slightest idea what kind of harm your help is doing.”

People like you.

“Sit up,” Kenji hissed and kicked me in the side, but it didn’t hurt half as much as the look in his eyes when he lumped me together with them. The politicians who’d passed anti-dupe-kid laws, like how in six states moms of hacksperm kids could be arrested for identity theft or invasion of privacy, and in twelve more demigenotypically identical individuals weren’t eligible for food stamps. The judges who’d thrown out cases of violence against dupes because their “status as legally distinct persons was not yet firmly established.” The people who beat and bashed them; the people who profited off their desperation.

He kicked me again.

But I love you, I wanted to say. How can I be one of them if you’re the person I care most about? In the world?

• • • •

Gage came outside, stood on the sidewalk in front of us. In the thickening sunlight, I could see how young he was, easily ten years younger than Kenji and I.

Kenji stood. They stood together, in front of me, two cruises, the similarities as unsettling as the differences. Gage was darker, shorter, his eyes more alive and open. Beaten and battered by the world, but not so badly.

“All packed,” Gage said with hollow cheer.

Kenji’s features crumpled, then, just a little, the face of a man who has lost everything, and not for the first time. Gage touched his hand to Kenji’s shoulder. Kenji’s hand moved to grasp it, and I understood everything.

They were not enemies, not the desperate dupes I’d been imagining, starving outlaws who’d beat each other up for a quick buck. They were in love, and their love was more open and honest and raw and terrifying than anything Kife and I had ever been able to muster. A love so fearless it let them punch each other in the face for money.

“Why’d you have to do that?” Kenji said to me. “Why’d you have to call the cops on us?”

“I thought you were in trouble. I thought you’d gotten in over your head, you might get hurt—”

“You people,” he said.

“Come on, Kenji,” I whispered, but he said nothing.

I looked at him. Scoured his face. Searched for hate—he’d be justified in hating me, after I had effortlessly upended his life—but there wasn’t any there. Instead I found, under a sordid slag heap of disillusionment and rage, the boy I knew. The boy I’d always known.

Poor Kenji, I thought. Poor Gage. They didn’t deserve the shitty life they got. None of them did.

And there I was again, pitying him, pitying all of them.

Gage had produced a hacky sack from one of the many pockets sewed haphazardly up and down his pants. He kicked it absentmindedly, effortlessly, grinning like a child every time he scored a satisfying shot.

You want to save them, I thought. But they don’t need saving.

A wobbly kick, and the sack went flying. Gage ran after it, laughing. Was it idiocy or brave wisdom that let someone play hacky sack while the cops were on their way?

Kenji was right. I was one of those people. For all my well-meaning concern, all my hatred of the forces of evil arrayed against Kenji and his kind, I had made the same mistake. Done the same damage. Believing someone is more than human is not so different from believing they’re less than human. Both dehumanize. You could love someone while your own beliefs and biases twist and tangle the bond between you. Still harm them, even when you’re trying to help them.

I had to tear my eyes away from his.

“I recognized you right away,” Gage said. “Kenji talks about you all the time. We totally stalk you on social media.”

“That’s how you knew I wasn’t a journalist,” I said.

Gage laughed. “Please. You look so much like an undercover it isn’t even funny.”

“I missed you, brother,” Kenji said. His anger was abating. Gage stopped hacky sacking; stood beside him. His impact on Kenji was immediate.

“I missed you, too,” I said.

I looked at Kenji. Really looked at him. Let go of the dreams I’d had, about this moment, the kiss we’d share, the falling-away of everything that had come between us. Let go of everything I knew about him, all the stories I’d been telling myself for so long.

• • • •

Kenji stared back. We didn’t blink, we didn’t look away.

Who knew what he saw, when he stared into my eyes, if he saw anything at all. If he grasped, all at once, with the superhuman insight I’d always (erroneously?) attributed to him, that in that precise instance I’d finally cut myself clear of him. That whatever twisted course my life had followed through his shadow, I was out of it now. And if he did see it, who knew whether he cared, whether that was why his face reddened and then crumpled.

Whether that was because he had cut himself clear of me, too.

I’d always interpreted his failure to respond to my messages as evidence that I meant nothing to him, but that was mostly melodrama. For Kenji, I embodied a truly miserable part of his life, and I understood why he’d want to hide from that. Maybe, now, for the first time, he could see me as a mere mortal as well. Maybe we’d both be better off in a world without the weight of the other.

“We should go,” Gage said, cutting short further reminiscence. “Cops usually take forever around here, but they could show up any time.”

“Yeah,” Kenji said.

He would keep it to himself—whatever he found when he looked in my eyes. Who knew what his life would be like, now. What would be different. What mine would be like. How our lives would be harder, with their most fundamental underpinnings swept away, and how they would be easier. I watched them walk away, hands clasped. The world had done its best to break him, but it hadn’t been able to. He’d found something for himself that I hadn’t found, maybe never would.

I sat on the stoop. Noises swelled in the street around me. The city came to life. The front door opened, and the woman who had claimed to be a marilyn came down the steps, holding the hands of two small children. She didn’t look at me, seemed to be trying hard not to, but when they reached the curb, her little girl turned to stare. She wore a brand-new backpack. She was frowning. I smiled, poorly, and waved, envying her.

I took out my phone and spent a long time staring at it. Opened apps. Went to websites. None of it could make me happy.

And then: the thing came alive in my hand.

A text message. A string of numbers, and then: KENJIS CELL—GAGE

I laughed, out loud, and that made the little girl smile.

©2018 by Sam J. Miller. Originally published in Analog Science Fiction and Fact. Reprinted by permission of the author.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sam J. Miller is the Nebula-Award-winning author of The Art of Starving (an NPR best of the year) and Blackfish City (a best book of the year for Vulture, The Washington Post, Barnes & Noble, and more – and a “Must Read” in Entertainment Weekly and O: The Oprah Winfrey Magazine). A recipient of the Shirley Jackson Award and the hopefully-soon-to-be-renamed John W. Campbell Memorial Award, and a graduate of the Clarion Writers’ Workshop, Sam’s short stories have been nominated for the World Fantasy, Theodore Sturgeon, and Locus Awards, and reprinted in dozens of anthologies. He lives in New York City, and at samjmiller.com.

Sing in Me, Muse

Katherine Crighton | 1957 words

O Mother, dear Mnemosyne! It is I, Anisah, fifteenth of my line! Here is my song.

Long have I waited for this, the end of my first shift; at last I am a daughter grown old enough to sing. I have sat at my post—I have looked out my mirrored window—I have logged my report with the cousins who keep the histories. But for you, my mother, on my first night’s watch, I will confirm that, port and starboard, there is nothing out my window but the black and endless sea.

My sister Tara calls me to our berth. Until tomorrow, then, my mother!

• • • •

O Mother! It is I, Anisah! Here is my song.

The sea is endless, o my mother. My sister Rachel, oldest of us all, says you wish it so. My sister Tara, born with me, worries that our music disappoints, though her words are sweet and she sees more things port and starboard than any other.

You will hear Tara’s song soon enough, for she shares the same shift as me, but here are my own poor words: The sea is black. The fishermen’s floats move slowly in the current, and so I know our ship continues. Port and starboard, there is no land.

A song not sung half as well as Tara’s, but it’s the only song I have.

• • • •

O Mother! It is I, Anisah. Here is my song.

We sisters sing of the sea outside. Who sings to you of us?

Tara thinks our history cousins must, though Rachel says that you knew us all from the moment we were born. And that sounds right, but then, how can you know that Beatriz plans her verses against the braiding of her hair, or the sound of Soon-hee’s laughter over mealtimes?

Surely, Mother, our shift-songs can’t be all you hear. Tara thinks you must know us too from the songs the cousins sing, of history and of farm yields, of powerstats and partheno-tanks. You must receive them all, says Tara, and that is how you come to know us.

And as for the sisters at our mirrored windows: well, if nothing else, says Tara, you know how much she sings of me. And, my mother, I of her.

Port and starboard, there’s still no land, but the soft sea stretches onward.

• • • •

O Mother! Here is a song by Anisah, but Tara has helped my words.

First: The sea is dark and ever-constant, black and endless. The ship you built for us, so long ago, continues strong. The corridors maintain their seals, and the oxygen stays pure.

The first song any of us hears is this: Ten hundred thousand songs ago, our mother’s land began to drown. With strength she built a ship for us; with hope she crewed it all with daughters; with sorrow she begged us report our distant travels. We sing so that she might someday join us; we sing so that she might know something of the children she set upon the waters.

But now, o mother, now: We have found the lyrics to an older song. Tara, brave Tara with water-dark hair, has brought me to the engine room, the hidden heart, full of mighty drums that drive us through this endless ocean. We have seen the true words you left your wandering children, and we will weave them into our songs.

Tara touched the scratchings you left upon the walls, and found our words turned backwards. The fisherman’s floats, bright bobs, are stars, and these stars float not in water but in space. Our ship travels, and we search, and these words are yours, Mother, and they are beautiful. How many reports do you collect and add to your algorithm? How many ships did you send out searching for somewhere habitable? Your song, mother, your song will be so strange, strange and wonderful, when a daughter finally finds a home for you, and you can call us all to join you once again.

I cannot wait to hear your voice, my mother. I dream it, as I dream of you.

• • • •

O Mother! This is Anisah. Here are words lodged in my heart, though I know not if you hear them.

Mother, listen: There is the song that we are born with, and there is the old song that you gave to us. And now, now, Tara has sung a song just for me.

Her hair is dark, and her eyes are like the fishermen’s floats, glittering in the lamplight. Tara sings to me the hidden words, of space instead of sea, stars instead of floats.

Love instead of sister.

The ship has a heart, and so too do I and Tara. We beat as one.

If we find land, let it not be tonight. Tomorrow will be soon enough.

• • • •

O Mother. This is Anisah. Here is my song.

I hope someday to understand.

The berths are cold. Tara would sing, even when there was nothing to report. Is that why you took her? Did you seek her voice?

I have seen neither port nor starboard since my last song. I was sent to the ship’s farm, away from the heartbeat and my window, to work with my cousins for a measure. We sing different songs, my cousins and me. Should my song sound like theirs this time?

The ground is rich, and our water is pure. Cousin Nesreen says that the new kind of meat will be ready before my next song. We will eat it with joy, I am told, and our voices will stay strong.

I hope this pleases you, o my mother. I miss the beat of the heart. I miss you. I miss many things.

• • • •

O Mother, this is Anisah. Here is my song.

Rachel says that I must sing to you of the dark sea, and let you know what I see port and starboard. My sisters and I, this is our task, and you take the songs from our transmissions and make of them a symphony to understand our travels.

Do you live still on your drowned land, Mother? Here, then, is the sea. Cup your hands closed, and look into the well formed there. There is no light, but your eye takes a moment to adjust, and in that moment a bright halo forms and fades again. That is the sea when you look out port and starboard.

Here is what the history cousins say we are to look for: A float like a perfect fish holding still beneath the waters, green like the farm’s algae, blue like our ship’s uniforms; a land as your land, Mother, but neither drowned nor dying.

The fishermen’s floats—no, stars, they are stars—shift, brighten, dim, and like fish to the fishermen, so too should our green and blue land have another float nearby, large and bright and burning.

(Who are the fishermen? I never learned that hidden word, and Tara is gone from me.)

Sometimes we see other ships, though I never see their sisters looking back at me. We do not stop to speak to them, though surely the history cousins must share their songs across the waters. Or maybe everyone just sings to you, my mother, and you make sense of it in the end.

Did you know that Tara’s eyes were gray and sharp like ships? Ships full of sisters, watching me as if I was long-awaited land. I thought of her again today. I miss her, Mother, very much. I hope her voice continues as well as I remember it.

I wish I could listen to the songs she sings now for you.

• • • •

O Mother, it is I, Anisah. Here is my song.

Our sister Rachel left the berth, and brought back with her another Tara.

She is not my sister Tara, eighteenth of her line. The cousins in the crèche have made her up anew, nineteenth now and strange to me. My Tara had eyes like stars and hair she kept loose about her shoulders. My new sister keeps her hair netted up, and her eyes are ships that have no windows.

Or perhaps she is just the same, except she does not know me.

She sings of calm waters and joy at our travels. She sings only to you. Do you like the new Tara’s songs? I hope my Tara keeps your favor, or—

O Mother, tell me that my Tara is with you. Let me dream of her and you together.

• • • •

O Mother, this is Anisah. Here is my song.

Rachel tells me my songs are wrong, discordant. I must sing to you of port and starboard, the dark sea and whether there is land.

There is no land, Mother. Of what then should I sing?

• • • •

O Mother, this is Anisah. Hear my song.

The heartbeat of the ship is this: warmth against my cheek as I hide within the engine room, the heart’s beat rising from the floor and tripping my tongue until I sing for you.

Mother, do you forgive wayward children?

I think Tara is not with you. I think Tara was sent to the cousins at the farm, and now the ground is rich, and the water is clean, and she is in the air and the new meat and the empty sheets of my berth.

She sang me songs sometimes, and they were of land we never saw, and ships of many colors, and sisters that we could never know. She sang of motherless women, and sisters standing on solid ground. She sang of silence. She sang when she should not, and was quiet when she was supposed to sing, and I think that there are cousins who listen to the songs meant just for you, my mother, and so Tara was taken from me.

There is another heart now, beating at the door. I am between two drums. Your scratched words are pressed against my skin. This morning I sang a song to my sisters, loud and long, until Rachel tried to stop my mouth and strange cousins tried to steal me.

Sisters, what are we truly searching for? Can our mother hear us here? There was a woman whom I loved, and she was taken for her doubts. I have never heard our mother’s voice. Have you, dear sisters? Do you know the secret words? We dream of land both blue and green. If we see it, will we stop our voyage?

My sisters, o my sisters, I tell you this: There is no land. There is no home. We are a ship unmoored, adrift, alone.

Forgive me, Mother. I think this must be my last song. The door is bending inward from the cousins’ work outside. I will be sent to you, or to the farm, or wherever sisters go when they sing songs they are not meant to know. Will there be a new Anisah? Will the next one sing like she ought? Will she grow up with the heartbeat in her ear, dreaming words she might never get to sing to you? Will there be another Tara?

O Mother, my mother, so many songs away from us, please, please forgive me, please sing to me at least once before

• • • •

O Mother, dear Mnemosyne! It is I, Anisah, sixteenth of my line! Here is my song.

Long have I waited for this, the end of my first shift; at last my time has come. I have sat at my post—I have looked out my mirrored window—and with joy I sing that, port and starboard, there is nothing out my window but the dark and endless sea.

©2020 by Katherine Crighton.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Katherine Crighton is a genre writer with over twenty years of experience in SF/F publishing. They have read slush for Tor Books, proofread for Baen Books, written reviews for Publishers Weekly, and worked as a production editor of environmental nonfiction and STEM textbooks. They’ve been published by Strange Horizons, Lightspeed, Nightmare, and a variety of other markets, and are one of the sibling presenters on the No Story Is Sacred podcast, taking apart and putting stories back together again. They also spends their days working for Worcester Polytechnic Institute’s Robotics Engineering program (with very many robots). Visit them at katherinecrighton.com.

To learn more about the author and this story, read the Author Spotlight

All These Guardians of Order and Clarity, None of Them Can Abide a Free Witch

Benjamin Rosenbaum | 7825 words

You don’t know about me, unless you read that fine and fancy text, the one called “A Siege of Cranes, or Reports of the Journey of the Human Peasant Marish-of-Ilmak-Dale and the Keeper Envoy Kadath-Naan, and Their Encounter with the So-Named White Witch, Agent of Unmaking and Despair, and Metaphysical and Xenobiological Observations Thereto.” But that’s all right. That text was written by the Djinni Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash, who tried to tell the truth, I guess. Djinn don’t like lying much. But it’s still full of lies, because that Djinni trusted Marish, and took his side. I can’t forgive that so easily.

So this time around, you all just listen to me, Maghd of Ilmak Dale.

I mean, not like there’s an Ilmak Dale any more. Ilmak Dale’s gone. And that was my doing, all right, sure enough; but not like how Marish told it.

• • • •

Now what you read in that text is how poor Marish the peasant was off hunting rabbits, and came back home to find his house all burnt and his village all squashed and his beautiful wife and daughter all gone; and how he took off running on a trail burned straight through the sunflowers, to go find what did it.

Right there I got to ask: So your whole village is burned up, smashed to pieces, anvils melted into twists, and a scorched trail five horses wide, running off to the sky’s bottom . . . and you don’t hear anything? Don’t see any smoke in the sky? Or smell it? How far do you got to go, to hunt rabbits, exactly?

See, I lived in Ilmak Dale myself, and it didn’t have much, but one thing it did have was rabbits. And hedgehogs. Two things. Also, it’s flat as dirt around there. You’d have to go a hell of a long way off not to see your village burning.

Djinn are bound to the House of Mind, supposed to have logic sharp as a blade. I feel like that Djinni who wrote Marish’s tale down ought to have used some of that logic here. Rabbits, my ass.

Anyway, brave little Marish runs along that trail, through the blackened stalks, until he meets Kadath-Naan, who’s a Keeper of the Dead, which, if you never met one, is about two heads taller than a man, and black-furred, with the face of a jackal, no sense of humor, and talks all the time—about death, and burying, and holy terror, and some more burying, and how lucky dead folks are compared to us poor twitchy live folks who got to stick around up here out of the ground, on account of duty—talks until you’re so bored and sorrowful and restless you’re about to hurry up the job, duty or no.

So these two, Marish and Kadath-Naan, get to be boon companions, and tra la la, off they go, down the lane . . . off to kill the White Witch, who sure is a terrible lady, seeing as how she burned up Marish’s village; apparently she’s got a fearsome toad-creature that spits out fire. Marish and Kadath-Naan come upon some towns that she conquered, too, like Nabuz, and in Nabuz, guess what, the White Witch hung folks up on iron crosses, upside down. Couldn’t even bother to hang them right side up; had to hang them with their heads pointing down, so they got a headache on top of being slaves and defeated and nailed to some crosses and she stole all their kids—all that wasn’t enough. Apparently they had to be hung upside down, too.

If you believe how Marish told it, which Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash sure did.

And, come to find out, not only did that terrible White Witch lady steal all the babies, she filled them full of sand, and now Marish and Kadath-Naan have to fight babies not five summers old; and even if you stick a knife in them, it doesn’t hurt them any; they keep crawling up your knife to nibble on you, which must be a fearsome thing, to hear Marish tell it. So then he and his dog-head friend are about to die from a pile of babies.

But then, right in the middle of being nibbled to death, Marish gets all sorrowful about his baby daughter, and he starts singing a lullaby. And all those sandbag babies fall right to sleep. So there you go. He saves the day with a song. And that’s the tale so far.

• • • •

Now listen. One thing I want to get straight, and that’s this: I’m not going to make fun of Marish missing his baby daughter. I will mock all his lies, and his boasting: how he solves all the riddles; defeats armored knights with only a tiny little knife; finds his way to the secret city of the Djinn just by being so damned clever. He merits being mocked about all that.

But no one merits losing their child like he did. That’s a terrible sorrowful thing, and it bites into my heart, and if I could do it all over, I don’t know: maybe I’d find a way to not make it be like that. Or maybe I just wouldn’t do any of it at all. Maybe I’d just go on being dirty Maghd, cold Maghd, hungry Maghd, kicked-around Maghd, Bag-Maghd’s-Good-For-One-Thing-Only, doormat for all the dirty boots of Ilmak Dale, fetch-and-carry for all the full bellies of Ilmak Dale, spittoon for all the lying tongues of Ilmak Dale to spit their lies into. Or I’d just hurry up and die; let Marish’s big furry jackal-head friend get to all that burying he craves so much.

I just thought there was a better way, that’s all. My word to the wind.

• • • •

Where was I? So this White Witch, this awful lady, she steals children. How come? Well, I mean, of course she does. We all know that tale. Strange funny-looking girl with torn-up clothes out by the edge of town; no man, or too many men, depending how you look at it; no kids of her own. Hasn’t had a baby; maybe she can’t have one; her womb’s just a bag, and no garden. Of course she steals kids. Maybe she’s jealous and hateful, or maybe she’s just pitiful—poor pitiful witch.

Now, you’d think the Djinn Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash ought to know how to look behind a tale like that, wouldn’t you? House of Mind, books on everything ever happened, floating around all silk and jewels, city so big and complicated and fine it makes your head hurt to look at it, all purple mushrooms on top of purple mushrooms and pointy gold towers and shimmery gates. They got any Djinni women around here, that live out by the edge of town, and everybody hates them? I don’t know. I can’t tell the hes from the shes from the whatsits here, and I don’t even know if Djinn got to sweat and grunt and yell to push out kids. Maybe they just blink three times to turn the idea of a little Djinni into one of these smooth blue babies, with a look on its face like it’s figuring how many hairs you got on your head.

So I don’t know if Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash ever got told you’re not worth shit unless you got a pretty face and a man and garden of a womb to grow babies in, and that you better shut your mouth and listen to your betters. Maybe not. Maybe that’s why Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash didn’t know any better than to believe Marish.

You know, when I started this—telling this thing to myself, composing this letter in my head, answering back that text with the long name—I figured I’d start with Marish’s version, the whole damned tale that Djinni slurped down like a honey-dipped worm. And then I’d go through it point by point, and tell my side.

But you know what? Hell with that.

Let’s talk about the babies, for that’s the heart of it. Everybody knows the grown folk of Ilmak Dale treated me wrong. Not like they’d say it outright. That prissy Temur—Marish went on and on to the Djinni about that stuck-up wife of his, how pretty she was, tall like a willow, hair like harvest wheat, oh so pretty. Pretty pretty Temur. But if she didn’t have a stone for a heart, I’m not the White Witch of Ilmak Dale.

There, I said it. Not like you didn’t know already.

That prissy Temur liked to pretend that everything was just fine, fine as silk. Thin Deri threw me down in the mud that time, before I sold the stones and crushed the houses and melted up those anvils. All his friends laughing, tossing mud. Mud in my hair, mud in my eyes. Circling around, pushing me from every side, laughing their heads off, what a lark; pig-Maghd so covered in mud you can’t see her ugly skin. It’s an improvement. Oink for us, Maghd, maybe we’ll let you up. Or maybe not yet. Funny as hell.

Marish wasn’t there, but Temur was. She didn’t even look. Walked by like if she saw me she might get the mud of barren little Bag-Maghd on her. Willowy fine Temur, beautiful mother of Asza, proud wife of Marish, done everything right, no mud on her. What happens to Bag-Maghd’s her own fault.

Good for one thing only. Turned out I was good for two things, though, didn’t it? One was what Thin Deri and all them were sore about not getting, or not getting enough of; and the other was digging up the stones.

See, our old priest Pizdar, his job was to watch out that we didn’t make any bad bargains. I don’t know how it is here in the secret city of the Djinn; but out by Ilmak Dale, there’s spirits that crave a bargain. They’ll dole out a little power, or a few favors, for a person’s soul. Folks used to get desperate and sell theirs away. So Pizdar’s job was to take out the soul, soon as a person was bargaining age—five or six years old, maybe. He’d put it in a stone, for safekeeping, and then he’d bury it somewhere, hidden away, so nobody knew where it was.

Of course, Pizdar was a lot less clever then he thought. And that sneaky little Maghd, dirty Maghd, hungry Maghd, angry bitter Maghd; well, she was clever as hell.

Middle of the night, I found all those stones, and dug them up.

Figured out how to call up a Spirit or two.

Turns out you can make a hell of a deal for a whole village worth of souls.

You fine Djinn in your pretty purple-gold city, you can scold all you like, write your damned texts, call me “Agent of Unmaking and Despair.” You’ve never been in the mud, Thin Deri and his friends crowding around, pushing and laughing. Sun at the top of the sky, looking down, like a Djinni on a carpet taking notes. Temur sailing on by like a ship full of silken sails.

You listened plenty to Marish. To hear him tell it, Ilmak Dale was so fine and lovely. Roasting rabbits, and new-cut corn, and his pretty wife, and little Asza hugging a doll, calling it Little Life-Light. And he even recalled the soft rushes of my cottage—he mentioned that as well, didn’t he? How fine and soft they were. Not like Temur was going to be all fine and soft if she knew what you were up to in my cottage, Marish. Hell, she knew. Stiff angry pretty wife wouldn’t touch him, and the strange girl on the edge of town, craving to hold onto him, to feel the bristles of his beard and smell his smell and feel his small bony shoulders.

I’m not ashamed to tell you that. That’s part of the true tale. I was hungry for the feel and the smell of Marish, sure. I was hungry for some of those others, too: I’ve been hungry since the first blood come out of that barren womb of mine. But Marish was kind, and fine. He wasn’t hasty; wasn’t rough; never whined at me to do something I didn’t want to. His eyes, looking at me, they never looked like they saw mud. Fact is, Thin Deri wouldn’t have thrown me down if Marish were there. Marish would have stopped him.

Here’s the other fact, though: that kindness in Marish doesn’t go too deep. Ilmak Dale, it’s real small, or it was before I unmade it. It didn’t take a jackal’s ears to hear what went on there. Some things, you don’t hear them, not for years? You got to be deaf on purpose.

What if I’d told Marish—there on those soft rushes of my floor (and by the by, they weren’t so damned soft if you had to sleep every cold night on them)—Thin Deri threw me down, called me pig-Maghd, did this, did that? I’d get that careful frown, him biting his lip. Well, I’ll talk to him, Marish’d say. That’s not right. He won’t do it again.

But you’d have seen him thinking: It was awful mean, of course, but after all, they didn’t really hurt her. They probably didn’t even intend it like that. And what did she say to them? You got to be careful with Thin Deri, you got to know how to talk to him. You’d have seen those ifs and buts and little lies crowding into his mind, weighing and balancing. Just enough to soothe himself a little longer. Just enough to move it out of his sight.

He wasn’t about to do anything real. I wasn’t the center of his life. Just a little thing on the side, a roll on soft rushes, and those rag dolls I made for his little Asza to hug with all her heart.

Poor Maghd. Edge of town, broken-up cottage for kind Marish to visit, bring by a coin to pay for Asza’s doll. He didn’t want Temur being cruel to me, or Thin Deri, or Fat Deri either. Not where he could see it, anyway.

That kindness in Marish was like a bit of wild onions you find in late winter, when the rabbits and the hedgehogs have all gone scarce. Fry up your turnips with them. All you got left is turnips gone wrinkled and dry, and inside they got air in them, stale and taste like nothing. Those onions give them a little flavor. That’s why I didn’t say anything. Long as I could hold onto Marish and smell him and think: Well, he’s kind, isn’t he? Then I still got onions to go with my turnips.

If I’d have told him? If I’d have had to see him chew his lip and think on how much trouble it’d be to get Thin Deri to stop, and whether Temur was going to get angry at him taking my side, and whether he should mix in at all? Well, there’s my last onion, measured out and eaten up. Could still hold onto his bony shoulders and stick my nose in his neck and scratch an itch or two, but there wouldn’t be any flavor in it.

Ilmak Dale’s no soft sweet lullaby memory for me. Snug cabin and roasting rabbits and sleep-now-my-love. I’ve been to Marish’s cabin. It sure was snug. And little Asza sure was a sparkle of sun. She threw her little arms about me, too, you know, squeezed me tight, when I brought her that doll. I’m not saying I loved her like Marish did, or even like that cold fish Temur, who yanked her out my arms and clear ’cross the room. Sure, Temur loved her girl, like she loved her good dress with the fine needlework, and wouldn’t let any mud get on either.

I’m not saying I loved little Asza even like that. I’m not her mama. Still, I did make that doll for her, not just for anybody; and you make a doll for someone, at least how I do it, you get to know their heart. Had her mama’s pride and spine, but not gone rotten with fear and better-than. Had her papa’s clever wild eyes and grin, but not his selfish too-easy don’t-hear-what-he-don’t-want-to. That girl saw everything in front of her face. She didn’t just love that doll for something to squeeze. She loved that doll because I made it proud and clever and happy like she was.

But I didn’t begrudge Temur her daughter or her man, or her snug cabin. I didn’t begrudge any of them what they had. It wasn’t them having things that made Ilmak Dale a rotten apple, smooth and red outside, gray stinking fuzz you open it up. It’s that I had nothing, and they still couldn’t quit taking from me.

You know, it’s not too hard to find a talking hedgehog in the fields around Ilmak Dale, and to feed it some fine plump worms. Rabbits and talking hedgehogs, place was rife with them, once spring came on. Those hedgehogs knew plenty. I had my pick of spirits. I didn’t have to call up the House of Unmaking, you know. I didn’t have to summon the Spirit of Unwinding Things. You know what, if the White Witch of Ilmak Dale was so cruel and fearsome, why didn’t she call up the House of Abomination? I had plenty of juice once I found those stones. If I’d have wanted to make them hurt, the grown folk of Ilmak Dale, I could have done it. Could have made their blood run fire and their hearts burst like bubbles. Imps carving them up from the inside, making drums out of their skin with them still feeling it. I didn’t do any of that. I didn’t crave vengeance. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Just to unmake. Take that rotten, cruel place and unwind it like a tangled thread.

• • • •

If you read that Djinni text, I figure you know what Marish found at the end of that burned-up trail. Big old monster made of parts of folks. Arch of spines, wide as a market. Running on a couple hundred legs and rolling heads, waving a thousand arms. Looking around with eyes stuck to elbows, great rope of guts in the middle making it all move. Flag made of tongues. All stitched out of folks from Ilmak Dale and Nabuz and Eckdale and Gravenge.

Made that old jackal-head Kadath-Naan so mad he wanted to jump out of his fur. All those bodies not even buried! That’s what he was so worked up about. Didn’t care much if they were alive, or happy; just wanted them buried right. And, word to the wind and it’s no lie: His boon companion Marish wasn’t that different. Didn’t stop to wonder what it felt like, to be part of that great engine. No, what Marish did—and this part was clever, I’ll give that to him—soon as that big patchwork beast grabbed him up, to pull him to pieces and weave him in, Marish starts telling names. Sees the ring on the finger used to belong to Temur, and knows her. Says her name. Finds he can tell Thin Deri’s hands, and Fat Deri’s, and Silbon’s and Felbon’s and Pilg’s. Hand with flour under the nails, tell it it’s a baker. Blood under the nails, a butcher. Same with potters and tailors and all. Marish calls out to the men and women of Ilmak Dale and Nabuz and Eckdale and Gravenge, and they wake up. They remember just being one little thing, and they forget how to be one big thing all together. And it all falls apart. Hands and feet and knees and shoulders tumbling down, eyeballs rolling and bouncing; the whole thing sags and collapses.

Sure was clever of Marish, naming them like that. Tell me this, though: Who killed all those folks? Who killed Temur and Thin Deri and the potter and the butcher? ’Cause I just stitched them into something whole. No one throwing anybody in the mud, no one starving while the other’s fit to burst on roast goose, no one lonesome and angry, didn’t get to marry the one he favored, going to take it out on the next. I made them whole—breathing one breath, sharing blood, all knit up into one big beast, off on its own adventure.

Maybe it wasn’t right. I’ll admit it wasn’t right. But I didn’t kill them. Didn’t crave killing them. Didn’t crave treating them like they treated me. No, contrariwise. I just wanted to mend it all. Unwind all that anger and loneliness and punishing each other, craving what they can’t ever have, so sore that they got to be alone in the world, can’t suckle mama any more, got to stand in the cold. Kicking and spitting at each other. I just wanted to mend all that. It was Marish that killed them dead.

Tell you a little secret you won’t read in that Djinni text: I asked first. Or, at least, I started out by asking. By the end, I’ll admit, by the time we got to Eckdale and Gravenge, I started losing hold of the reins. The Spirit of Unwinding Things began to get the better of the bargain, and some folks got gobbled up straight away, no asking. And I’m not easy about that. You might say it’s worse than anything Thin Deri and them ever did, and you might be right. I’m not telling you all this to make another hero tale, poor old Maghd the clever peasant this time, swapping out Marish’s lies for my own.

But my word to the wind, I did ask, at the beginning. I asked in Ilmak Dale. I came into their dreams and gave them a little taste of what it would be like, all squished together. And they came running to me—down deep in the swampy parts of their minds—down below the talking.

Now you might think you wouldn’t crave that. You might think it sounds terrible, all squished together, sticky flesh everywhere, guts threaded into guts, all those limbs, never alone. Maybe so. But maybe you’re just scared—scared of being judged, being forced, being sneered at, being used, being overcome—maybe that’s how it went sometime for you, when folks got too near. Maybe you just can’t imagine that taste I gave them: all the fear and loneliness gone, and only the joy left, the doing and the being together, the communion. Not knuckling under to someone else’s cravings, and not struggling to have your cravings come out on top, but just harmony: all wanting together, fully themselves, and fully wanting the same thing.

Temur came quickest of all: husband out hunting, baby at her side, never you mind; had to get herself some of that no-more-lonely.

At Ilmak Dale they all craved it, all the grown folks, deep in their minds. And I gave it to them.

At Nabuz, you know what, some didn’t. And I let them be.

But it got away from me, that’s true enough. I got drunk on that juice. Had no one by my side, to help me hold back that Spirit of Unwinding Things, tell it slow down, you got to ask them first. Nobody but Vashi, who came along with the bargain; and she wasn’t good for anything except sitting up on top the beast and spitting out a river of fire and melting stuff. I barely understood a word she said, honestly. Figure she was mostly just sitting up there ruing that she got stuck with me.

• • • •

Now in Marish’s tale, he goes on and on about fighting the mighty Knights of the White Witch—big fellows on horses, waving swords—and how he fought them and tricked them and bested them. To hear Marish tell it, there I was with a whole army at my command; conquering villages, giving out orders, working on being queen of the world.

Stop and ask yourself: Does that sound like the House of Unmaking to you?

Those riders weren’t mine. The chiefs of Nabuz sent them along to escort me, part of our bargain. But not “escort” like “queen’s honor guard”; more like “let me escort you off my property.” They were meant to get us the hell away from Nabuz, sic us on Gravenge and Eckdale.

Those riders hated me. If they’d ever thought they could bring it off, they’d have stuck those swords into me, quick as anything.

Turns out, not too many favor living with a giant beast-chariot stitched up from parts of folks.

So I had to keep pressing on. We had nowhere to rest. I knew they’d all be coming after us, soon enough: Mages and Keeper Legions and Maker armies, and the highborn of the sylvan glades. All the guardians of order and clarity; all those set on imposing their will on the world. None of them could abide a free witch.

And where was I going to run?

Hell, by the time Marish showed up, I was damned glad to see him. Even though he came to fight. Marish and Kadath-Naan and the villagers of the rocky plains, making a last stand against the White Witch and her fire-demon and her beast-chariot and the riders of Nabuz, in the short grass where the wind painted waves around the rocks and, then, the bodies. But I was glad to see him. Even after he unraveled the communion, and that great patchwork beast fell asunder.

You know what, though, he might have asked me. “Hey, Maghd, how’re you doing now? Hey, Maghd, feels like you’ve gone too far though, doesn’t it? Hey, Maghd, you need a hand over there? Hey, Madghd, what we gonna do about this here beast you turned my wife and all them into? Hey, Maghd, what did you do with my little girl?”

Didn’t do much asking though, did he?

I mean he did ask one thing. And I was fool enough to answer.

• • • •

He smelled so good, is all. Smack in the middle of a battlefield—smoke and blood, folks ripped up and stuck with swords, jackal-head all burned up, Vashi with a sand-baby stuck down her throat, big beast all sad and fallen apart and dead. Oh, and there was this Djinni, who had brought Marish all the way from the secret Djinn city, floating up in the sky on a magic carpet, like watching a fair.

All that, and I still couldn’t keep my hands off him. Sure, I knew he was there to stop me. Missing his daughter, missing his wife, mad as hell. I knew all that. Figured I’d have time to explain a bit, though.

Still the White Witch, wasn’t I? Plenty of juice left. The Spirit of Unwinding Things was still running in my blood, making me crackle and buzz. I could turn myself tall as a stacked-up house, black fangs and snakes for hair and chewing lightning, if I wanted to.

Here’s the funny part: You know how I gathered all those folks, took away all their loneliness, made them all one thing? Sure. But I was the one stuck on the outside, the whole time, running the show, lonely as hell.

I just wanted to smell him. Wanted to feel his beard on my cheek, nestle my nose in his neck.

They were all gone, everyone we ever knew. I knit them up together, and Marish didn’t know any better than to take them apart and kill them. So there were just us two left. I didn’t see any point in quarreling. His choice, I told him. “I got plenty of tricks left,” said I, “if you want to keep fighting. Or we can gather close.”

Tell you this: I could have made it work. If I’d had Marish by my side, holding my hand? Sure as the cut of winter I could have tamed that Spirit of Unwinding Things. Eased it in my blood and mastered it. We could have slipped away, us two. Found ourselves some place.

I knew I wasn’t his first-choice prize. But he never called me Bag-Maghd, either. Back in that broken-down cottage of mine, on those rushes, he wove his fingers in my hair, and tasted my skin. A spirit moves twixt you, times like that. I knew his heart wasn’t all mine. But we were the last of Ilmak Dale. Two lone peasants, at the end of that long bloody trail scorched through flowers and marshes and rocky plains. We fit together like nut and shell. How you going to go throw that away?

• • • •

Well now, that’s interesting.

Here I’ve been telling this tale all to myself this whole time, just talking in my head, stuck here in this prison of blue glass. I figured I might as well write my own text; just start thinking it out, word by word, as if somebody was going to hear it.

Better than going mad; and plus, I got to wondering: How deep is your craft, here in this secret city, bound to the House of Mind? I figured maybe if I kept on thinking the words, loud enough, long enough, clear enough, even just in my own head . . . pretty soon you Djinn might start overhearing it.

And then, just now: I hear someone’s breath catch in their throat.

So I have a listener, do I? Not only that: sounds like an excited one. Can’t wait to hear what happens, eh? Maybe you don’t already know how this tale turns out. Or maybe you’re just hoping it’ll go different, this time around. Maybe hoping those two dirty peasants on that battlefield are going to gather close this time, after all.

Look at these walls around me: They don’t look so much like blue glass any more. Now they look more like blue mist. And faces in the mist, out there.

So it’s a whole audience then, is it? Quite a few of you, looks like.

Last time I was pulled out of my prison, it was for them to read me that other text, “A Siege of Cranes, or Reports of the Journey of the Human Peasant Marish-of-Ilmak-Dale and the Keeper Envoy Kadath-Naan, and Their Encounter with the So-Named White Witch, Agent of Unmaking and Despair, and Metaphysical and Xenobiological Observations Thereto.” Seems the author wanted my reaction.

Proud as a strutting gander, that Djinni was, that Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash. Didn’t want to listen to me, unless it was to hear praise. Didn’t want to hear how that text was rotten through with Marish’s lies. Put me right back into that blue glass, damned quick, once I started in.

Faces in the mist. Seen any of you before? Maybe last time, when Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash pulled me out?

But not that little one over there, with the wide eyes, trying to hide behind that blurry something, pillar, I guess. There weren’t any kids around last time. I definitely haven’t seen her before. If it’s a her—I can’t figure you Djinn for hers and hims. But I’d bet horses to chickens she’s the one that gasped. The one that’s craving to know how it turns out.

Well, little Djinni, I hate to chill your heart, but Marish broke mine. There on that battlefield, he let me gather him close, and he says, “We’re all we have left, ain’t we?” and I say, “That’s so”; and he takes hold of my hands, and says, “Will you be mine, Maghd?” and like a damn fool, like a lovestruck girl without the sense of a newborn mule, I say, “Oh yes.”

See, I didn’t know much about Djinn then. I didn’t know you were so worked up about buying and selling and renting and owning. Djinn are as hot for who’s named what, and who’s from where, and what’s a kind of what, and who belongs to whom, as Keepers are for dying and burying.

So, you see, when that clever boy asked me if I would be his, he didn’t mean it like we were going to cleave together and face these winters coming, holding hands. He meant it like I was his, like his knife or his belt; like I was some land he was taking a deed on.

And the thing is, he’d already sold me, ahead of time. The Djinni floating up above the battle, watching it all, had taken the chance of buying on speculation. Rented Marish some transportation, one magic carpet, in return for one White Witch, pending delivery.

So the moment I said yes, said I was his, well, the deed took, and that Djinni uncorked a little blue bottle, and up I flew into it, and pop: on went the cap.

Now I figure that Spirit I had, the Spirit of Unwinding Things, it could have put up a fight, if I’d told it to. But I was so damned shocked and spooked and heartbroken, I didn’t even think about it until the cap was on. That Spirit didn’t come with me into the bottle; the Djinni sucked it right out of my blood, and shoved it in a different bottle, a little red one, with a copper cap. Labeled both bottles in a neat hand.

So that’s how we ended up, me and that Spirit, prizes on a shelf.

I should have known. It was never that kind of tale, where I get what I want.

Temur can be a dead pile of arms and legs all mixed together. I can be the only maid left in all the lands for a hawk’s flight. He’s still not going to choose me.

• • • •

Well, the mist is clearing up; I can see you plainer. Seems like there’s more of you now. Squeezing in around the fancy pillars and fountains and pillows and candleholders. Why, look at that, I’m sitting; look at this fine gold chair I’m sitting in, up on this stone slab, with a little moat all round. Hell, I can feel my hands and feet again. I guess you all must favor my tale quite a bit, to pull me all the way out like this.

Wonder how often you pull the other folks out. I mean, I see all the bottles in this room. Shelves and shelves of them. Must be a lot of folks in there.

Do you favor my tale? I can’t tell by looking at you. Never did see a Djinn with tears or a smile. The most I’ve seen you all look is halfway eager, or a little galled. Even that little one, the kid—where is she now?—ah, there she is, at the back. She sure is listening tight. Can’t tell what she’s thinking, though.

I can’t tell if you all still think I’m the cruel witch of this tale. Or if you care how Marish broke my heart.

Of course I did hurt his worse, stealing away his little Asza. I guess I better come to that part, about the babies, before I come to the end. Before you put me back in that little blue bottle.

• • • •

So those babies . . . the ones that Marish and his jackal-head friend found, with their hearts full of sand? That Djinni called them “Children of Despair.” Called me an “Agent of Unmaking and Despair.”

Despair. It’s right in the name of that Djinni text. “White Witch, Agent of Unmaking and Despair.” Right in the name.

Now sure as the wind blows, I unmade all I could. The world’s all knotted up with having and taking and hating and lying—well, yeah, damn right, I untied every thread I could take my fingers to. But despair?

Shows how much that Djinni knows.

Now the Spirit of Unwinding Things, when I summoned it up, it knit that great chariot together out of all the grown folks of Ilmak Dale, and the bigger children, too. But that Spirit wouldn’t touch the little ones, of course. First off, they still had their souls, stuck right in them. Pizdar hadn’t taken them out yet. And second: A kid five years old doesn’t have much yet to unwind, or unmake. Nothing for that Spirit to get ahold of.

So Az Yeshedurran Ra’avar Lakash figured out how there must have been another Spirit: a second Spirit that came nosing around, right behind the first one, looking to make another bargain.

Got that much right.

But for some reason, that Djinni fixed on the idea that the second Spirit belonged to the House of Despair: that I sold those babies to the Shadows.

Right in the name of the text.

Damn fool Djinni.

I mean, I sure could have. I was wronged and furious and sore; I had plenty of call to let the Shadows creep into my heart, make me their maidservant. I heard their whispers, even.

I could have summoned up Despair. Turned Ilmak Dale chill and gray and quiet, folks withered away to a stifled scream, time flowing thick as winter honey, coming back around each breath to the same helpless, bleak dawn.

And let me tell you, there wouldn’t be any Keeper Envoys or Djinni scholars or Maker armies or highborn glade-folk that would have dared challenge that Spirit. No, you know what they would have done? They would have just built a high wall around that cold empty town, locked the gate, and melted the key.

And those babies’ souls would have been taken by Shadows: winter-chill, ash-white.

Now, you all have listened to my tale for a time. You lounging on the pillows, you standing by the fountains, and you little one, over there, nosing around those shelves at the back. You’ve heard enough to judge. You tell me. Maidservant of Despair: Does that sound like Maghd of Ilmak Dale?

Hell, I never let Despair get ahold of my heart. Not on my worst day. And I sure never sold it any babies.

Temur sailing by like a silk-sail ship. And you know what she muttered under her breath, while she was looking away? “Witch.”

Oh, she knew what I did with her man. And she knew I wasn’t ashamed.

And all those folks pressing around, flinging mud? They took it up, calling me witch. Not just Thin Deri and Fazt and them. Chenna and Sethis and Karlis, cursing me to the east wind. You know they never called me cousin, Chenna or Sethis, long as I lived in Ilmak Dale; or Pizdar neither, for all that we shared blood.

But you know what, I was used to it. I was used to Ilmak Dale, cold rushes and hungry belly and mud and being called things. I might have just taken it. I might have.

But see, right then, in the middle of the mud, I looked up. Knees in the cold mud, mud dripping out of my hair, mud grit between my teeth, mud splattered on my thighs, I looked up—past that furious crowd, spitting and calling witch—and guess what I saw?

Little Asza. She wasn’t following her silk-sail mama. Temur was half down the lane, past the crowd, but Asza hung back, still as a tree, like her feet had grown roots. Hugging that little doll I put all her proud and bright and joyful into. Eyes wide, watching me there on my hands and knees.

And I came to thinking, how’s she going to turn out? She going to grow like Temur, cold and jealous to keep mud off her? Or like me, down in the mud?

I’m not saying I did it for her. I’m not her mama.

I just got tired, thinking about how Ilmak Dale was going to go on like that, season after season, folks grabbing and taking, pushing one the other down in the mud, until the rivers ran dry.

You ever feel like that? You ever feel tired, restless, like it’s time to knock the rotten walls down? Maybe not; maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about. Maybe everything here in the city of the Djinn is sunlight and honey.

Then again, you got walls full of bottled-up prisoners.

Anyway, there I was, in the mud, and I saw Azsa. And I thought: They want witching, huh? Guess I’ll give it to them.

• • • •

You better fix that text, because I’m no agent of Despair. It wasn’t Despair that wormed its way into my heart, that got a hold on me, that came sneaking along with the Spirit of Unwinding Things to whisper me a bargain.

Come on now . . . Djinn like you all, read every book in the world, know how to count the pebbles in a mountain, got shelves full of folks and spirits all bottled up . . . can’t you figure out for yourselves what it was?

Here’s a hint. Those sandbag creatures that chewed on Marish and Kadath-Naan; they weren’t the babies of Ilmak Dale and Nabuz. They were just empty shells. They were what was left behind, after the babies ran off.

Fact is, I told them not to go.

Oh, I opened the gate, all right. That second Spirit came whispering and promising and offering, didn’t even want any souls in the bargain, and I said yes. Said yes, reached where it told me, with the power it lent me, and opened a wide gate, all bright gold and white and purple and smelling like the sweetest music. A gate torn straight through the sky. And through that gate you could see them, the Visions: clear as rain, sharp as joy.

Then I got scared. I told the babies, wait, don’t go, stay put, I made a mistake. I won’t know how to find you again. Your mamas and papas are going to miss you dire.

They didn’t listen. Little Asza and little Chira and little Vargus and all of them. Every kid that hadn’t seen six summers. They raced right through.

Here’s the thing. Every little one that comes into the world, comes bursting with love and need. Craves to hug the whole world, and eat it up, too. And the grown folks all around spend season after season telling them no, you can’t have that, put that down, quit playing now, clean that up, help out here, no time for that yet, we got to save that up, don’t have enough, and we don’t favor them folks over there, so be wary, there’s not enough to go round, hang on to what’s yours, can’t feed everyone, can’t love everyone, don’t act so or people are going to call you a fool, act right, pay heed, listen up.

And it took just one word from those Visions, one look, and those babies all said: Ha, I knew it wasn’t like that. I had it right all along. Now nothing’s going to stop me any more.

Asza and all of them, they flew right out of their bodies, and turned full bright and clear; they crossed that threshold, and took the hands of those Visions, and they became Visions too.

And Asza looked back at me, once, and her look said: It’s all right, don’t worry, we’re going to fix everything, it’s going to all be wonderful now.

Left me alone with their bodies, turning gray. I didn’t have time to bury them, and it didn’t seem right either, with their souls still flying about over these lands. So I stuffed them with sand, started them up crawling, and brought them along.

It’s fierce and terrible and dangerous and uncompromising, that Spirit, the one that stole the babies of Ilmak Dale with its terrible light. It respects no borders. It knows no limits.

It’s not Despair.

It’s the other thing.

• • • •

Now I’ve told you my tale, true as I could. Maybe you’ll make a text out of it, set it beside the other one. Marish isn’t the only one merits having his tale writ down.

And if you hearkened to my tale, and if it touched your little Djinni heart, and if you ever did feel that restless hunger to start over and make things right; and if, while you were poking around in the back there, you happened to find a red bottle with a copper cap and a certain label, and if now you’re wondering now whether to—

Well now, that was quick decided! My thanks, little Djinni!

Such a fuss in here now, with the candles blown out and the winds tearing around!

No time to linger, friends. I’ll try not to unwind your fine city all too much on my way out. I aim to do a better job holding this here Spirit by the reins, this time. I can feel it bubbling in my blood already. But I don’t crave to unwind this whole place here. I want you to write down my tale.

Hope you don’t mind I broke all those other bottles, though.

My, what a sight.

Look at all those folks you had cooped up in here. They sure are busy, now they’re out.

Yeah, you better run.

Listen, though, while you’re running? Listen up.

Sure, I broke the bottles to keep you busy while I get out. But that’s not the only reason. Me and this Spirit? We don’t favor you bottling up folks.

You best figure out some accommodation with these folks I freed. Why don’t you try listening to that little Djinni that set me free? She’s got a wise heart.

Make things right, friends. Elsewise, the White Witch is going to come pay you another visit.

• • • •

Maghd the White Witch.

No more of Ilmak Dale. Ilmak Dale’s unwound and scattered, no use looking for it. It wasn’t all bad. Times the laughter in that village was warm and open, times even I was in the circle round the fire, and the crops had come in well, and Fazt had his lyre in his hands, and even Temur smiled easy.

That’s what I undid. Fog in the morning over the grain and hedgehogs waddling in the dew and Asza carried against her papa’s shoulder and berries in the wood and the sun starting to paint the sky for day. That’s what I undid, and I’m not sorry. It had its time, and long enough.

No more Maghd the White Witch of Ilmak Dale.

Maghd the Witch of the Wide World.

Wonder how that tale goes. Better go find out.

©2020 by Benjamin Rosenbaum.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Benjamin Rosenbaum lives near Basel, Switzerland. His stories have appeared in Harper’s, F&SF, Asimov’s, McSweeney’s, Strange Horizons, and Nature, been nominated for the Hugo, Nebula, Locus, World Fantasy, BSFA, and Sturgeon Awards, and been translated into 20+ languages. He’s also a software dev and game designer. His forthcoming novel The Unraveling (Erewhon Books, October 2020) is a far-future tale of revolution and family in a world that upends our norms of gender, class, and the body. Find out more at http://benjaminrosenbaum.com.

To learn more about the author and this story, read the Author Spotlight

Miss Beulah’s Braiding and Life Change Salon

Eden Royce | 2022 words

The chime above my shop door rings.

It heralds a young woman wearing a head wrap boasting a network of silvery constellations on indigo, interspersed with the occasional yellow-gold moon. The wrap itself is made of silk—not the finest grade, mind you, but sufficient to conceal what she must see as a fault. None of her hair is visible, but the contorted celestial bodies show the fabric is at the end of its tether.

Her gaze flicks around, lighting on every little thing in my salon, then leaping away to the next. From the incense cone on the windowsill emitting apple and lily-scented curls of smoke, to the crisp, white sailcloth curtains snapping sharp in front of the open window. Then to the merry fire burning in the iron stove across from me that consumes all it is fed without giving off heat. Finally, her weary, heavy-lidded eyes settle on me.

I do not get up—we djinn do not like to move much, especially while in our solid forms—but I smile and motion to the styling chair in front of me. She stares at me for a short while, and while she does, I can hear her mind clicking like some clockwork toy, trying to make sense of what she sees. Her eyes get wider as they take me in, lightening the dark rings under them for a moment.

But she doesn’t run. She doesn’t scream. A good sign for a first-time client. After a deep breath, she walks with birdlike steps from the front door across the gleaming tiles and sits in my chair. She removes her head wrap with care, releasing her hair from its prison before folding the cloth into thirds and picking at a stray thread. Her gaze stays firmly in her lap.

And I know her struggle.

This poor thing takes a lot of time to try and keep this head of hair, but it resists her most valiant efforts. Every strand, every coil, is a blessing and a curse. Each lock must be cared for tenderly, not touched by brush, but eased apart with the wide teeth of an oil-soaked wooden comb and the caress of pomade-laced fingers, searching out each tangle and coaxing it free.

“What you getting today?” While I have an idea what she wants, I always ask. New clients tend to be nervous and get more wary when I seem to know too much. And even I am not right all of the time.

“I lost my job, Miss Beulah.” Her voice is a whisper of shame and her head tries to dip lower. But I lift it gently with my fingers under her chin.

“That ain’t always a bad thing, you know, doll.” I can never remember all of their names. Don’t even ask anymore. I used to try, thinking it made them feel better, but I realized they don’t much care what I call them. I know how to do their hair, I know how to design their dreams, and that is enough.

She chokes back sobs, swallows hard before speaking. “I can’t make it without a job. It’s not just me, I have a son—”

“You want it back or you want another job?” Any soul can see that isn’t her real trouble. Her pain is larger, deeper, born of powerlessness and fear. It is a pain that doesn’t leave, even in the midst of sleep, what little of it she is getting lately. Sad to say, if the return of her job is all she can ask for, then that is all I can give her. I am bound by the laws of my people as much as she is by hers.

She takes a while to think about this, and I run my fingers over and through her hair, massaging her scalp and her neck and shoulders until she slumps back in my chair.

“Whatever you think is best.” She sighs.

Her hair, a coarse, dusty brown, is dry and thinning, but her scalp is clean, free of dandruff and residue. She did what I asked and washed her hair before she came. The sharp scents of peppermint and sulfur cling to it and I wrinkle my nose.

As my fingers tumble through her tresses, I see she had worked hard at that job, tried to be what they wanted, but she had been fighting a losing battle. They had other plans from the start, and she was filling a space until they found the one they really wanted. But I also see the reason for her appointment. When I work the tangles from her coils, I smooth her hair back from her high forehead. It barely reaches her chin. Her ends are even, clipped neat.

“You cut it?” It comes out sharp, an accusation, and she responds as such.

“The other woman who was doing my hair said it needed a trim.” Her voice is defensive, a shield against further hurt. “Split, raggedy ends and all. Even some of the videos online say to get your ends trimmed to help it grow.”

Glad she can’t see my mouth as it twists, I return the soothing tone to my voice. “And it work for you?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, you here now.” I turn the swivel chair to the mirror. “Gonna be all right.”

Her eyes hold nervousness, flickers of fear, and a fragile hope. Under my fingers, her scalp feels feverish, damp. I smile to reassure her.

“You need to choose,” I say. “If you keep this style, you get your job back, but no more. All will go back to like before. That what you want?” Ask me, chile. That is the only way to get what you truly want. A little of it, anyway.

She trembles under my stroking fingers. “No,” she murmurs, only just louder than the crackle of the fire. Soon, I see tears on her cheeks, her neck. I feel their heat as they tumble, slide, drip from her chin onto the fabric cape I fastened around her neck.

“Then what?” I speak soft, tender, like to a fearful creature. And that she is. “You told me what happen to you, not what you want.”

She heaves the words through thickened breathing. “I want . . .” Deep gulps of incense-laced air. Finally, she speaks again. “I don’t want her to go. Not yet. I just need . . .” She swallows, picks at the faded violet varnish on her thumbnail. “A little more time.”

Her watery brown eyes meet all of mine in the mirror for a moment, then she becomes more interested in the stitching on her decent enough pocketbook.

“With your ma?” I prompt.

“Yes, ma’am. Just ’til Travis grows up.”

I look at her face, narrow determined chin, old soul eyes open wide. Her tremors ebb away until she is only listing slightly from side to side in the chair. Rocking herself to a calm.

“Okay,” I tell her, rat-tail comb in one hand, wide-toothed comb in another. “Let us make a change.” In another pair of hands, I take a jar of fluffy cream, my own blend—rich with seed oils and honey from bees drunk on shea tree pollen.

While I open the jar, I pat her shoulder. “You look nervous, chile.”

We are the only ones in the shop, as I never book more than one client at a time, even though I have multiples of everything—chairs, shampoo bowls, arms, hands . . .

“I’ve never had a . . . well, you know.” She doesn’t meet my eyes in the mirror this time and I suppress my chuckle.

“No, suppose not.” I appreciate her sensitivity in not calling me a genie. A captor’s term. I am the only jiniri —female djinn —in the Southeast with a beauty shop. For all I know, maybe even the entire country. Since the law freeing us was passed, many hide, especially those of us that look different. But I have chosen not to. What was once taken—my wishes—I now sell, for my benefit and for theirs.

With care, I part a section of her hair and clip the rest of it away while I apply my scented balm to her strands. They soak the nourishment up, and plump from their drink, bend easily. I twist, then braid, winding it into a rope-like plait.

“Want a magazine?” Two, three sections at a time—part, apply, braid, pin—now that she has voiced her desires.

She tries to shake her head, but my fingers tighten against her scalp and she winces. “No, I want to watch you work.”

I work on her for two hours, twisting and molding her hair into something new. Spirals and constellations on indigo. Once or twice, she almost falls asleep, but her forward movement wakes her. Each time, there is a second of fear in her eyes when she sees me looming over her. Six hands moving like dervishes through her hair and scalp. I am not offended. The third time, I ease her head back onto the neck rest of my chair and sleep spirits her away. She snores softly, with a light wheeze.

Trilling music sounds, muffled, distant. She stirs, sits up. Fumbles in her bag and puts a phone to her ear. I pretend to only hear one side of the conversation. “This is Teena . . . Yes? She is? Oh, thank God . . . No, no. I’ll be there. Thank you. Bye.”

My work on her hair is finished before she replaces the phone.

“Good news?”

Teena nods. Our gazes lock again and she gives me a hesitant, shaky smile. It is a start.

“All done.” I pat her shoulder.

Finally, she sees—really sees—her crown of glory. “Oh my God.”

She breathes the words as she touches the once-dusty hair, now darkened with moisture and healed with oil, with reverent fingers. The braids and twists glisten where they lay in intricate patterns against her fine head.

“This doesn’t even look like me.” She shoves the scarf into her pocketbook.

“Like it?” I recap the jar of balm, remove the crisp puffs of shed hair from both combs and throw them into the fire that constantly burns in my shop.

“I love it.” Teena pauses, clutches the bag to her chest. “H-h-have you taken your payment?”

“I have, thank you.”

Yes, I have eaten her nightmares. They were denser, richer than most I have tasted. Ones where she was being chased, where she was falling unceasingly, screaming into an indifferent night were deep with salty, meaty savor. The one where she was drowning, sweet and light as foam. After only a small portion, I was replete.

She nods and gets up from my chair. Anxious sweat has dampened her skirt until it clings to the backs of her thighs. She tugs it free. “I guess I’m all set, then.”

“Yes.”

Teena chews her lip then stops as if she’d had a lifetime of scolding about the habit. “How long will this last?”

I take pity on her and answer the question not asked. “If your ma starts feeling poorly again, make an appointment.” My eyes narrow at her, five slits of sharp focus, to ensure she is listening. “But you cannot wear this style forever. A time will come when you must accept that.”

At the door, she pauses, turns to look at me. Straight in the face this time with no dread or panic. “What do I say if someone asks me about my hair? About you?”

I am so full. My eyes grow heavy. I let them all close, one by one by one by one. “You tell them Miss Beulah does your hair.”

The chime above the door rings, letting me know she has left. I reach over and flip the switch that locks the front door. I have time for a nap before my next client. Time to weave my own dreams.

I yawn.

Plenty of time.

©2019 by Eden Royce. Originally published in Black From the Future: A Collection of Black Speculative Writing, edited by Stephanie Andrea Allen and Lauren Cherelle. Reprinted by permission of the author.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Eden Royce is a Freshwater Geechee from Charleston, South Carolina, now living in the Garden of England. Her work can be found in various print and online publications including: The Year’s Best Dark Fantasy & Horror, Apex Magazine, Strange Horizons, Fiyah Literary Magazine of Black Speculative Fiction, and PodCastle. She’s also a contributor to the Bram Stoker Award finalist anthology Sycorax’s Daughters. Her debut middle grade Southern Gothic novel Root Magic is scheduled for publication in January 2021 from Walden Pond Press/HarperCollins. Find her at edenroyce.com.

The Bone-Stag Walks

KT Bryski | 3385 words

The Bone-Stag walks at midwinter, sharp-antlered, hard-hoofed. Deep white snow spreads under deep black sky. Cold air slices lungs; rivers stand as stone.

Over cresting drifts comes the Bone-Stag, leaving no mark of his passing. Down in the village, they draw their curtains fast against him. They bolt tight their doors. Garlic at the lintels and holly upon the sills.

The Bone-Stag comes like driving snow. His hooves tap upon the rooves. They tap once upon the door. His voice rasps like a shroud dragged over frozen ground. “Oxen in boxen and hooves on the rooves. Bring flesh and wine for the starveling deer.”

• • • •

The winter I first lived with Grandmother, I lay alone in a strange narrow bed not yet mine. Moonlight silvered the unfamiliar room; shadows opened in the corners like mouths.

In the belly of the night, his hooves cracked overhead. “Oxen in boxen and hooves on the rooves. Bring flesh and wine for the starveling deer.”

Through a gap in the curtains, his long skull gleamed. Within the perfect rings of his sockets pooled hungering darkness.

“Flesh and wine for the starveling deer.”

His teeth clicked like knitting needles, a stag with the fangs of a wolf.

In the morning, the snow beneath my window shone untouched. Even then, Grandmother met fancy with a switch, so I told her nothing. But as the winters fell one upon the next, I could not help but yearn for the heralding tap of his hooves overhead.

• • • •

The first winter Liese lived with me, I told her:

Never answer the Bone-Stag. If you answer him, his dry weathered voice will rasp again and again, until your hand opens the door of its own accord.

Stay silent. Be still. Outwait him until the night is far spent, and his bones crumble to dust in the new year’s dawning.

She gawked. “Isn’t he hungry? He can share my bread.”

Such foolishness cannot be left to thrive. It must be starved out before winter comes. She wept through those first nights, her supper freezing on the snow outside her window.

Down in the village, their mutterings follow me from butcher to church to general store. “Pity about the child. Stuck in that old cabin. Stuck with that old woman. It’s like growing a rose in ice.”

Let them murmur. Better my switch than the Bone-Stag’s teeth.

• • • •

Midwinter’s day. Another one, long after childhood’s close. Grandmother and I trudged to the churchyard; souls draw nearest at the year’s turning. We carried oatcakes to feed the dead, whisky to slake the frozen ground’s thirst.

“Step quickly,” Grandmother barked. “Evening comes.”

My parents’ graves first, grief blunt as a worn-out tooth. Grandmother stood aside while I shivered and stammered. Always, I wanted to say something—and always, the words froze fast.

“Come along, Liese.”

Set on the graves, the oatcakes looked small. Speckled with ash, already hard in the cold. My hands balled in my mittens; I vowed not to cry.

“Liese, come.”

Between the graves’ wandering rows opened a stretch of snow where no headstone stood. Without looking at me, Grandmother grunted. Cold-clumsy, I unstopped the whisky.

Grandmother poured it herself. When they were children, she’d told me, she and her brother went into the woods.

They’d never found his body, the village whispered. Eaten away, clean to the bone.

For a long time, Grandmother watched the whisky gleam copper on the snow. I shifted behind her, not daring to stamp my numb feet. But sudden as a bird taking flight, she spoke. “Promise me you will do nothing foolish tonight. Answer him once, and you are his.”

I kept my voice mild. “Yes, Grandmother.”

Pulling her fur hat low, she turned away. “This flesh is too old to feed the stag now.”

• • • •

It was snowing in the heights.

Unhurried, the Bone-Stag walked. Where the village lane ended, the trees fell away and the fields unfolded spotless white. In the gleaming expanse stood a single dark speck. A cottage, rude and low, brick chimney and windows of rippled glass.

Two hunched shapes struggled through the snow. The Bone-Stag watched, flurries eddying over his spine. His mouth opened; the wind sang through his teeth. And how his hunger cut deep.

• • • •

Flesh and wine.

We had little enough of either. The last oatcake and whisky flask remained in the deep pockets of Grandmother’s coat. She hadn’t offered them to me. Instead, she huddled by the fire while I flitted about the cottage, latching the windows and hanging the garlic. As I sliced bread and sausages for her supper, she stirred. “Leave that. My shoulders ache.”

Her bones jutted like knobs of wood, her skin whitened and flecked as though with frostbite. Hard strings of muscle met my tired fingers. My stomach pinched harder and I looked towards the table, but Grandmother snorted.

“Selfish girl. You’d eat while I suffer?”

Something tapped upon the roof.

I glanced upwards. Only for a moment, only a flicker of the eyes. Even so, Grandmother’s shoulders tensed under my hands all over again.

“It is a night for stories,” she said narrowly. “Sit, Liese. Rest your head in my lap. Let us while away the hours while the stag stalks the night.”

Smoky and cramped, the cottage closed around me like jaws. But I gathered my skirts, I took my place upon the floor, and I stared into the fire as Grandmother began:

• • • •

We were only children, then. Little brother and maiden sister. Harsh winters and cruel mothers; privation in the pantry and famine in the pits of our hearts. As children will do—when hungry enough—we stole away into the woods.

They enfolded us like a true mother’s arms. Scarce enough light reached us through the branches. They curved overhead like ribs; we might as well have been inside a beast.

Through branch and needle, we came across a river. You’ve seen them, Liese. Mountain rivers: voracious. Rushing down the peaks, slavering over their banks.

At my side, Mats whimpered for a drink. But in their roaring, such rivers nearly speak: Whoever drinks of me shall surely die.

I pleaded. I raged. Even then, I had a temper—quiet, Liese. Do not speak, do not lie. I hear them in the village. Weathered and withered, that cool, cruel crone. Fools, the lot. They have not starved like me.

The story wanders. Lay your head down again. There.

Mats whimpered, just like you. Then he knelt to the water and it carried him away.

• • • •

Another tap sounded on the roof. Feeling sick, I dared not move.

“Check the locks, Liese.”

The deadbolt bit my palm with cold. Outside the crackling flames and Grandmother’s heavy breath, the night lay silent. No prowling hooves, no creaking jaw. The hairs at my neck prickled anyway. Shivering, I cast about for a blanket, but it lay already folded in Grandmother’s lap.

“Are you settled, Grandmother? Shall I bid you goodnight?”

“Stay with me, while the Bone-Stag passes by. My story does not end with my brother in the river.”

• • • •

“Whoever drinks of me shall surely die,” thundered the waters. But Mats knelt and the river took him—

And spat him shivering upon the riverbank, drenched to the bone. I have never seen anything so delicate; he seemed carved of glass. Staggering upright, he trembled—alive. I sank to my knees and flung my arms around his neck. Soaked through, wide-eyed and snuffling—but alive.

He spoke no more as we continued through the woods.

The next stream was nothing more than a smear of mud. Every time I reached for Mats, he was there, plodding dutifully over the rain-bloated earth. Then through the dead leaves’ hush, a miraculous sight—

A cottage in the wood. Shutters broken like biscuits; a smokeless chimney.

What else to do, but walk trustingly, wearily up the path? What else could I have done, but push open the door, and lead my brother inside?

• • • •

Silence. Perhaps there was more. There usually was. I held myself small and still, a morsel easily forgotten. Grandmother’s wool blanket scratched my cheek, her cloying warmth tightened my throat.

Had I earned my supper? My head spun as I staggered upright. Best not to risk it. Perhaps the oatcake in her coat pocket—she would scarcely miss that.

But before I could stoke my courage, a shaft of moonlight fell through the curtains. My breath caught. When had they fallen open?

Beyond the window, the fields rolled away spotless and bracing.

The first step felt like betrayal. The second like defiance. The third like hunger.

And then I stood before the window, the holly leaves prickling my palms.

Moonlight gleamed on the snow. Far away, charcoal woods scratched against the white. I inhaled the winter’s breath, my lungs hurting deliciously.

Tap, tap, tap across the roof.

Tap, tap, tap down the walls.

Familiar black sockets gripped me like the bitter cold.

“Bring flesh and wine, my dearest.” His whispering voice fell softly, gently. I leaned forward, almost without realizing—

“Liese?”

By the fire, Grandmother stirred. The blanket slithered from her lap. She peered over the chair’s back, her tortoise-mouth pinched.

My heart thudded. Had she seen the Bone-Stag? No—nothing swirled behind me but flurries. I opened my mouth, wanting to defend myself, but too many rebukes already rang in my ears.

With a crooked finger, Grandmother beckoned.

• • • •

What could I do, but lead my brother inside? The cottage held dust, a cobwebbed hearth, a narrow wood-framed bed. Over the fireplace hung a rusted pot; the rickety table groaned under mouse droppings. A hunter’s lodge, I told Mats. A hermitage.

He tilted his head, thoughtful.

For a time we lived well. With a broom of dried branches, I swept out the cottage and drove away the spiders. Mats found another stream—milder, ordinary—and at its banks I scrubbed out the pot every night. When the first snows fell, we curled into each other against the winter.

As the seasons rolled one after the next, our larder fattened. Walnuts and blueberries; dandelion greens and wild rosehips. Occasionally, a fish or rabbit for me, as Mats shied away.

I thought the warmth would last forever.

• • • •

Grandmother’s breathing deepened and slowed. This time, I waited only a beat before turning my head. The Bone-Stag watched at the window. He was the bite in the wind and the sting of the whirling snow; the crack of trees in the cold and the deepest point of this longest night.

“Flesh and wine for the starveling deer . . .”

I must keep silent.

“Dear one, I hunger.”

Not one answer.

“Poor Liese, do you famish too?”

“What?”

Too late. His smile cut.

“Flesh and wine.”

“Good Gentleman Deer,” I said, my voice high as snowflakes flung by the wind. “We’ve nothing to your taste.”

“Surely not, good maiden so fair. Do let me in, and I may see.”

He hadn’t called me a child. My back straightened. “What manner of stag seeks flesh and wine? Is the woodland not bounty enough for you?”

“My flesh I lost, so long ago . . .”

“And the wine?”

His teeth flashed. “I enjoyed it once, when I was a boy . . .”

This is the trap of the Bone-Stag. Nonsense words, to lower your guard. Behind my back, I locked my fingers tight together.

“Would you care for a story, this long, bitter night?”

Yes.

But—I hesitated. Enfolded in her chair, Grandmother mumbled thick and ponderous. The cottage walls pressed too close; the smoked air pressed on my chest. Through the glass, I smelled the snow’s cleanness. “You cannot come in,” I murmured.

He bowed, his antlers sweeping the white, white ground.

“As you wish,” he said, and began:

• • • •

When I was a boy, my sister brought me into the woods, for sorely we starved at home. Wet blew the autumn wind upon my face; the last yellowed leaves fell from the trees to die like hope in the mud.

Though I hungered, and bawled with tiredness, still more bitterly I thirsted. My tongue dried in my mouth like leather, and my eyes burned for lack of tears.

There was a river, winding through grey trees.

Whoever drinks of me shall surely die.

Though my sister shouted and snatched at my collar, I knelt before it. Frigid mountain water seared my throat in the drinking.

The water reached for me; it held me as our mother never had; it bore me lovingly away to its cold green depths. And when it released me again, I stood on four hooves, my hide spiked with the water’s chill.

• • • •

“Liar,” I said, the word cracking.

“You care not for my tale?”

“It isn’t true.” I pushed away from the window. The Bone-Stag stood silent as the year’s turning hinge. “It isn’t,” I repeated.

“Were you there, little maiden?”

“No.”

“Then who?”

My gaze drifted to Grandmother. When I turned back to the Stag, his empty sockets burned with cold. “Ask her,” he said. “If you dare.”

“I—”

“So easily swallowed, little maiden.”

“It’s not that, I—”

The silence stretched between us, the Bone-Stag’s perfect stillness more contemptuous than any sneer.

“Fine.” Jaw clenched, I strode to Grandmother. Laying my hand upon her knee, I shook her gently. “Grandmother,” I whispered. “What happened next?”

For a long moment, I thought she would not answer. But then her gnarled fingers wrapped around my wrist, so sharp, so sudden I nearly screamed.

• • • •

He grew too thin.

After a meagre autumn, early snows blanketed the forest. Hunger curved under my heart like an extra rib. I could not sleep at night for the chill, not even with Mats pressed close beside me, his legs tucked beneath. Slowly, our bones began to show.

One morning, the wind froze to stopping. In silence, I woke to find him cold and still.

• • • •

Her nails bit deeper into my skin. “Is that story enough?”

I gulped and tugged, but her grasp only tightened. My wrist ached. “Please,” I said, “you’re hurting me.”

“He wouldn’t have lasted, no matter what I did.”

Over the moaning wind, the Bone-Stag spoke with winter’s voice. “And you called my story untrue.”

• • • •

On the bleakest winter night, my sister came to me with knife unsheathed and tears streaking her hollow cheeks.

“Only a little,” she said. “Only a bite.”

A sliver of flesh, carved from my haunch. I could not move for shock. She wept all the while she sliced and cut, but her quick clever knife sought me again and again.

My shanks went next, disrobed of their flesh. My ribs, she sucked clean one by one. The tough meat of my flanks, she dressed with wintergreen; she boiled my shoulders and roasted my rump. My twitching ears, she fried to crisps.

Venison, mere venison. The smell of her blood richened as she drank mine. Her tears dried; roses bloomed in her cheeks.

At the last, she cut out my heart. It stained her mouth to the chin.

My bones, she threw to the snow.

• • • •

“My sister, she cooked me; my sister, she ate me,” the Bone-Stag intoned. “Oxen in boxen and hooves on the rooves, bring flesh and wine for the starveling deer.”

Grandmother sat regal upon her chair. “Close the curtains, Liese.”

“My sister, she cooked me; my sister, she ate me.”

“He was so small,” Grandmother murmured. “So small.”

“But—”

“Anything could have happened. One bitter cold night to freeze him solid; one long fever to carry him off; one wolf to strike on a moonless night.”

“He might have lived,” I whispered.

Grandmother’s eyes narrowed. “Close the curtains, Liese.”

“If you hadn’t—”

“The curtains, Liese.”

“Did my mother ever know?”

Ashen, Grandmother pushed herself upright. The shifting shadows caught her cheekbones too clearly; her eyes sparked with hunger. “It was only a deer,” she said.

And suddenly, I saw myself as she must—too small, too thin. Venison, mere venison, standing on two feet before her.

“The curtains.”

The first step felt like despair. The second like freezing.

But at the third step, I turned aside. The curtains shivered in the draught, and I walked straight past the window to the door. Though my fingers trembled on the lock, it yielded silently. A rush of winter air sliced the cottage open, honing me sharp and clean.

The Bone-Stag picked his way inside. The night smelled of smoke and blades, snowflakes clinging to his bones like diamonds. “Oxen in boxen and hooves on the rooves . . .”

“There is no feast here,” Grandmother snapped. “Our barrels are empty.”

“Bring flesh and wine . . .”

• • • •

You’ve never starved like me, Liese.

By morning, the snows had buried the little deer bones. Everything wiped away, everything wiped clean. Each year, I pour out my whisky upon his grave, and I have no regrets.

• • • •

When I was a boy, my sister brought me into the woods . . .

My bones, they were tossed; my bones, they were lost.

On the year’s longest night, when the shadow of the turning year lies deep upon the snow, they knit together again. Iced bone to iced bone, my poor ribs gleaming and bare sockets dreaming.

My sister’s shanks went first.

• • • •

Grabbing Grandmother’s coat, I fled into the midwinter night. Snapping bones and splitting flesh rang in my ears. When the wind finally swallowed them, I sank to my knees, my nose running and freezing, my eyelashes heavy with frost.

“And still the deer is starveling . . .”

His blowing voice chilled worse than the wind.

“My sister, I ate her, and the barrels were empty still.”

My cheeks stung with the night, a thousand needles.

“Dear Liese, what of you?”

Wiping my nose, I turned at last. The drifts lay undisturbed around his hooves. A faint reddish stain marred his naked snout. His jaws opened as though to sing—or howl—his teeth pointed and fine.

But then he sagged. “My sister, I ate her, and it filled me not at all.”

For a long time, we stared at each other. Snow had caught in his sockets; it glistened like tears. The wind sobbed through his ribs and joints. The brilliance of his bones lit the darkness, bright as the hills.

I could go anywhere I wanted, now.

“Flesh and wine,” the Stag said, dully, as though the drifts smothered his voice.

I thought. For a long time, I thought. The wind gusted again, and I thrust my hands in the coat’s pockets. My fingers brushed the oatcake, the flask. Instinctively, my grip tightened on both.

For so long, I had been so hungry. Eaten bit by bit, as surely as the stag.

Perhaps it was time we made our own feast. I pulled out the oatcake, unstopped the whisky. Warm now, the wind dying around us, I stepped towards the Bone-Stag.

The year balanced on its turning: holy, silent, still. For one moment, calmness. The moon’s pale light embraced us both; snow lay quiet upon snow.

I snapped the oatcake in two, offering half to him. After taking a spiced gulp, I held out the whisky. At last, the Stag ate. At last, he drank.

His flesh returned like springtime. Fur spread grassy across his flanks; rich brown eyes blossomed in the empty skull. In the midst of his ribs, a heart bloomed like a rose.

“Come away,” he said, with the richness of seeds taking root. “Come wander with me.”

We could go anywhere.

And so I climbed upon his back, his fur warm even through my leggings. Leaning forward, I twined my fingers in his thick ruff, whispered into the twitching ears. “As fast as you can.”

• • • •

Down in the village, they open their windows for us. They unbolt their doors as the spring breezes blow and bees hum across the meadows. Bluebells at the lintels and cakes upon the sills. The stag gallops like the unbound rivers: laughing, stepping lightly down the hills. His hooves sink deep in the softened earth. The snows are spent; wildflowers bend in his passing.

We feast, we are full.

©2020 by KT Bryski.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

KT Bryski is a Canadian author and podcaster. Her short fiction has appeared in PodCastle, Augur, Apex, and Strange Horizons, among others. Her audio dramas Coxwood History Fun Park and Six Stories, Told at Night are available wherever fine podcasts are found. She co-chairs the ephemera readers series, and she has been a finalist for the Sunburst and Aurora awards. When not writing, KT frolics through Toronto enjoying choral music and craft beer. Visit her at www.ktbryski.com or find her on Twitter @ktbryski

To learn more about the author and this story, read the Author Spotlight

The Huntsman and the Beast

Carrie Vaughn | 11083 words

One day, long ago, a fierce storm scattered the royal hunting party. The prince, his best huntsman, twelve of his great lords and all their attendants, men and dogs and horses charged every which way, vanishing down one path and another until the prince and his best huntsman, whose name was Jack, were left alone, on foot, at the gates of a strange castle.

“I didn’t know there was a castle here,” the prince said, leaning close to be heard over the noise of the storm, holding his arm up against the rain. “You’d think I’d know about a castle here.”

The maps showed this region as a wide, unbroken stretch of forest. Jack looked again, because he always looked again, and saw that several windows had broken glass and boards nailed across them from the inside. Nearby, he thought a gardening stake jutted from the ivy, but when he tugged at it, he lifted out a spear. Something terrible had happened here.

Thunder rocked the earth, and the rain came down in sheets, then turned to hail.

“I see no lights, sire,” Jack said, studying the windows, scanning the grounds for any signs of life. He found none.

“We would do well to wait out the storm inside,” the prince said.

Jack wasn’t sure, but didn’t see that they had a choice. He put his shoulder to the bars of the gate, shoved hard, and with a wrenching of rusted iron, it opened.

Ahead, at the end of a leaf-strewn walkway, was a wall of gray stone with windows and turrets, sloping slate roofs, spikes, and rails that might once have been gilded. The gravel walk led to ornate carved doors under a stone archway. On either side, dragon-shaped sconces held broken lanterns. All around them must have once been gardens, but the hedges had turned to towering thickets, the lawns had become meadows, and seas of ivy had overwhelmed the flowerbeds. This seemed another part of the forest.

They approached the wide set of steps that led to double wooden doors. There was a great iron knocker shaped like a rose on a vine, twisted into a circle. Jack let it fall three times, and the sound echoed, on and on.

The door opened, just a crack. Beyond the door was darkness. Jack couldn’t tell what waited inside. Maybe this was a ruin, abandoned. The perfect shelter, with nothing to worry about.

The prince sighed. Rain dripped off his hood; his cheeks were pink with cold. “We’re soaking wet, Jack. Let’s go in.”

Sword in hand, Jack pushed open the door and led the way.

Inside was exactly what he expected to find in an abandoned castle: a wide, tiled hall covered in dust. A musty smell, damp and stale. Vermin had likely built nests in the furniture. A wide, curving stairway climbed to the next floor. Cobwebs draped the stone banister.

The ceiling climbed high. Carved archways on either side led to even grander halls. At its best, this place should have been splendid.

“There’s no one here,” the prince said. He shook out his cloak, dripping pools of water on the tile.

Jack wasn’t sure. He trusted the prickling at the back of his neck that told him something wasn’t right.

“There should be beautiful girls in fine gowns coming down that staircase to greet me.”

“Of course, sire.” Jack agreed; there should be music here. Dancing. At the very least a doorman to welcome them. Servants with mulled wine. He drew out the flask of brandy he kept in his doublet and offered it to the prince, who sipped and handed it back, still looking at a crumbling painted ceiling, at carved wood chairs lined against the wall.

In the next hall they found a fireplace, the centerpiece of what must have been a sitting room. A velvet settee had rotted through or been eaten by mice. A handful of wooden chairs were still intact, and Jack drew a pair of them near the fireplace. As chance had it there were logs piled here, very dry, and soon he had a fire roaring. He spread out their cloaks and found some dried meat in his pouch to make an unsatisfactory meal.

“Well, this is an adventure,” the prince said, resting his boots close to the fire, leaning back in his chair, and looking around while he gnawed.

“The storm is already breaking up,” Jack said, scrubbing at a grimy window to look out. “I think.”

“It’s near dark. We’ll have to stay the night.”

“Yes, sire.” Jack by himself would have traveled the woods at night. But the prince was probably right. They were likely safer here than going out after dark. And at least they’d be dry when they set out in the morning.

• • • •

Jack planned to stay in the hall by the fire. Catch what sleep they could, eat what little they carried, and leave as soon as light came through those grimy windows. But the prince wanted to explore.

“It’s astonishing!” he said, dusting off a candleholder on a table, cleaning off the still-extant wick, and lighting it with a brand from the fire. He carried it to the next room. Dutifully, Jack followed. They went like this, room to room, through much of the castle. When the prince started up the grand staircase, Jack protested.

“Sire, I’m not sure we can trust how solid the footing is, it might not be safe—”

“I want to see!”

They explored the next floor, its parlors and libraries, dusty windows and haunted stillness. Dozens of paintings decorated walls, and in the scant candlelight Jack studied the faces for clues of what this place might have been. Stern men in military attire, gracious women in gowns of every fashion from the last fifty years. Whole families, sons and daughters looking placid, painted. His own family had had paintings like this, before they were sold off.

Then, in the farthest room, they found an armory. A whole training salle with a good wood floor, a couple of mirrors, and racks of weapons of every kind.

“Oh,” the prince breathed, eyes round with wonder. “It’s beautiful.”

Whoever had gathered this collection had a good eye and presumably great skill with arms. But now it was all abandoned, shrouded. The prince, as one might expect, went to a display of swords, rapiers arranged on a gilded rack, pride of place, and passed his hand across the hilts, brushing each one. “These rival the blades in the royal armory. These . . . my God, they’re too beautiful to leave sitting here in the dark, we must take as many as we can with us—”

Of course he picked out the richest, the one with the inlaid swept hilt, the silk and gold wire-wrapped grip and the faceted jewel set in the pommel, the one that glowed, even covered with dust. He wrapped his hand around it, drew it from the rack, ignoring the trail of dust it left in the air as he swept it in one arc, then another.

“That was my father’s sword,” a deep voice growled from the shadows.

Jack had the presence of mind to set down his candle before drawing his sword. The voice came from the hallway behind them, and he put himself between the shadow and his prince. The prince dropped the beautiful rapier, which clattered on the parquet.

The beast emerged. It was a great clawed thing, covered in fur and rags, grinning around yellowed fangs, terrible to behold. The prince shouted a curse.

“Why do you trespass?” the creature demanded in a voice more like a bear’s grunt, thick and grating. “This is my castle. You are not welcome here.”

“We knocked!” the prince shouted. “We knocked at the door!”

“I don’t care!” it roared, a sound to rival the thunder outside.

Jack shouted at the prince to run, to get to the stairs and flee outside, the storm be damned, they should never have come here. But the beast was too fast. Somehow, that immense form crossed the floor in just a pair of strides and backhanded Jack, knocking away his sword and spilling him on to the floor. Head ringing, Jack got himself back between his prince and the creature. The beast roared. Jack pressed hands to his ears and winced, and the creature took that chance to knock Jack over again. He bounced and lay still, the breath knocked out of him.

“Stay down,” it muttered at him and went again for the one who had handled the sacred blade.

The prince cried out; the beast took him by the throat, swung him, pinned him to the wall. Jack struggled against his own shocked nerves—then he saw the prince had drawn a knife. A little thing, he must have had it tucked into his belt or a pocket of his doublet, but if he could get it into the beast’s eye or throat, it would be enough.

But the beast wasn’t just a monster, it was a warrior. It grabbed the prince’s hand and twisted until the knife fell. The prince cried out; the beast held him immobile and brought its fierce brown eyes, its gaping mouth, close to him. Jack would never get to them in time.

The beast said, “I was only going to throw you out. But now . . . I will keep you. You will serve me to the end of your days in payment for this trespass.”

Heart racing, Jack stumbled forward, reaching. He dropped his own weapon and said, “No! He only held the sword because he saw how beautiful it was. How precious. He only admired it—”

“He was going to steal my treasures,” the beast snarled at him. “You both were.”

Jack closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Tried again. “I’m sorry. We’re sorry. Please let him go.”

“No,” it said, decisive.

Jack said, “Then take me. I will serve. Let him go and take me instead, please.” The beast hesitated, and that told Jack he might have a chance. “I swear to you I will stay in his place, but you must let him go free.”

“You . . . swear?” the beast said.

“I do,” Jack answered, trying to sound brave. The beast glared at him, studying him. Judging him. Deciding if it could trust his word.

It let the prince go. Dropped him to the floor.

“Go,” the beast barked at the prince, who stumbled toward the door.

“Jack—” the prince called.

“It’s all right. It’s fine. But you—you must go. Please.”

The prince fled, and Jack sighed with relief.

He and the beast stared at one another for a good long time. He opened his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what—ask a question, like what was going to happen to him, or maybe if the beast had a name—when the beast sprang. So quickly, so powerfully, he didn’t have time to draw breath before it caught him up, grabbing him around the middle, slinging him over its shoulder and running, charging through the castle to . . . somewhere. Jack couldn’t tell.

The trip lasted minutes, through halls and rooms, down a set of stairs, and then another. The beast’s claws clacked on tile, tore on carpets. The halls grew small—the noise closed in on them, the air grew mustier. Then, finally, the beast threw him down. He hit stone and rolled. A door slammed shut. The beast growled under its breath and retreated.

Jack sat up and took stock. He was bruised and banged up, but otherwise unhurt. He now sat in a dark room with a bare floor and stone walls, no more than two strides in any direction. Some light came in through a narrow slit in the door. A simple cot lay against the back wall, a chamber pot sat underneath. Both as dusty and disused as anything else in the castle.

It wasn’t a dungeon. Likely, this was a servant’s quarters. Well then, he could cope with that. He’d have to, for the foreseeable future. For form’s sake he tried the door, and yes, it was locked from the outside. He kicked it, which didn’t do anything, and smacked the stone wall, just to hear the noise.

Well. At least he was alive.

• • • •

The storm broke; the sun rose. The light coming in through the slot in the door changed, however slightly. The smell of damp fur still lingered. What Jack was thinking, lying back on the cot that he’d dusted off as well as he could: that beautiful rapier was made for human hands, and the beast had said the sword belonged to its father.

Sooner than he liked, the sound of monstrous breathing filled the hall outside, and the door’s lock clicked. The door cracked open, a tin plate scraped on the floor. A tin cup followed it, and the door slammed shut again.

He stared for a long time, uncertain as to what he’d seen. The plate contained half a roast chicken and a small turnip. The mug held water. Well, at least he was being fed. Like a pet. He ate because he was hungry, because he might as well. The chicken was burnt, tough, and overdone. After eating, he paced the room. Pressed his face to the slot in the door, but only saw the opposite wall.

Toward evening, the great claws clacked on stone and the lock clicked again. When the door opened, Jack called out, “Wait! I want to talk to you! Please!”

As before, the honest please seemed to make the beast hesitate.

“Just for a moment,” Jack added.

The door opened, stayed opened. The beast appeared, holding a plate that seemed small nested in its great claws. It had been a day since Jack had first seen it, and it was no less fierce and horrifying. In the light, it was almost worse. The black horns of a goat spiraled above its ears. Its shoulders were almost too large to fit through the door, and coarse, matted hair in all shades of brown covered its body. It wore clothing, or what had once been clothing.

“I just need to know if my prince . . . if you let him go, if he was able to leave safely.”

The beast said, “I made sure he fled back to the forest. He has gone away.”

“Then he is safe.”

A fang showed underneath a furred lip. “Is anyone, out in the world?”

“Is that why you stay locked up in a castle?”

It snarled at him and went away, leaving behind another half a chicken, overdone. At least Jack would not starve here.

• • • •

A lot of time for thinking, locked up in a room. Jack thought hard about what he’d seen, that good look he’d gotten of the beast, filling the doorway, the tiny plate in its hands. It would have to return, to collect the plates and bones, to bring more food. Jack would thank it for the food, he decided.

In the morning, the beast came again, the door opened a little wider this time, maybe.

“Good morning,” Jack said. “Thank you. For feeding me, I mean.”

The beast grunted. “Did you think I would not?”

“I’m not sure what to think.”

“Here.” It set the plate on the floor. Another half a chicken.

Jack said, “There’s nothing else to eat?”

“I do. Yes. Thank you. But.”

“But what?”

He looked, confirmed what he thought he’d seen the day before. A jeweled ring was fitted on one clawed hand. Rings of silver glinted in its furred ears. The cloth hanging from the beast’s middle used to be a skirt. Two skirts, lashed together to make one large. The bits of shirt it wore still had a length of lace around the collar. A hint of embroidery. He could see little else with all the fur, and he was suddenly unwilling to look closer, at the beast’s shape underneath all the fur.

“You’re a woman,” he said.

Her eyes widened, and he knew he was right. He hadn’t been entirely sure. It, she, slouched a moment. As if he had made some kind of accusation. Then, challenging, she lifted her chin, met his gaze and bared her fangs. Before he could say another word, she slammed and locked the door, and left.

• • • •

Jack made note of the fact that learning the beast was female made him immediately sympathetic to her. No matter that she had tossed him and the prince around like they were nothing, that she was three times his size. She was now someone to be rescued. He knew he should mistrust this feeling. But the story lurking behind this place felt bigger than ever. He had to get out of this room. He must speak carefully.

The next meal came. He was standing there, waiting for her when the door opened. He’d thought about kneeling, then decided she might think he was mocking her. He didn’t know what she might think, but he must persuade her to let him out.

“What?” she grunted.

Something human lingered in her eyes, but right now he could only see the beast. He swallowed the dryness from his mouth.

“You said you wanted to keep me to serve you. But you lock me up. Let me out, let me do something here. Like . . . well. I can cook.” He nodded at the half a burned chicken on the plate.

The monstrous face shifted, as if she pressed her lips together doubtfully. “You’ll kill me in my sleep and flee.”

“I never will, I promise.”

“How can I believe you?”

“Try it? You see . . . I think . . . I believe, that you don’t want to kill me. You didn’t want to kill either of us, or you would have. Without thinking, you could have snapped our necks. But you didn’t.”

They gazed at one another. His fear lessened, just a little.

“You can cook?” she asked.

“Yes, I can.” He sounded braver than he felt.

“There’s food in the kitchen,” she said, and left the door open.

• • • •

There wasn’t much food in the kitchen. A sack of flour, another of lentils, a barrel of those sad turnips. But there was a spectacular garden just outside, closed in by a low wall. Lettuce, onions, peas and beans, all manner of herbs, and even an apple tree. He discovered a flock of feral chickens still dutifully producing eggs. Near as he could figure, the beast had lived by butchering chickens and sticking them in a pot in the oven.

He wasn’t the best cook, but he could keep a hunting party alive in the field with not very much on hand. He took off his doublet, rolled up the sleeves of his linen shirt, and got to work. First, he cleaned. Cleared dust and grime from pots and pans, swept mouse nests from the pantry, scrubbed the stove, and washed the window to let in more light. The place began to smell of soap instead of rot. Only then did he start bringing in food from the garden. Onions and rosemary, a scoop of lentils. He used the bones of the most recent butchered chicken to make a broth.

The beast stood close by, watching him, scrutinizing everything he did. Waiting for him to break his promise. She was a wall of fur and power lurking in the doorway. He only glanced at her. Didn’t stare, lest she take offense. He couldn’t make out her expression in any case, under the horns and teeth and hair.

As the pot simmered on the stove, the place filled with the warm scent of lentil soup. Made the kitchen smell like home.

“Why do you do this?” the beast asked.

“I like to be useful.” He couldn’t tell if she approved. Really, he thought he was doing this for himself, so he wouldn’t have to eat another burned hen.

“You are a gentleman. I can tell by the way you speak and carry yourself.”

His smile was wry. “My father was a gentleman. He had five sons, I am the youngest, and there was nothing left for me. I could be as frustrated and dissolute as my brothers, or I could make my way in the world. As I said, I like to be useful.”

“And how does a gentleman—or a gentleman’s son—learn how to cook?”

“When his family, however fine its pedigree, is so poor they cannot hire someone to cook for them. My mother was very good at making do. There were no daughters, so I was the one who helped her.”

“You say she was.”

“Yes. She’s gone.”

“I’m sorry.” The beast sounded sad. He was surprised he could tell.

Grief for his mother was an old familiar ache, and he tucked it away. “For my part, I think she was worn out.”

“Five of you, you said.”

“Yes.” He had not thought of his family in a long time. The prince kept him very busy, and he was grateful for the work and the friendship, such as it was. He was glad not to think of his family.

“I was youngest of four,” she said.

“So you know how it is—never a word in edgewise, the brunt of everyone’s teasing.”

“I miss them, my three brothers.”

“Then I’m sorry,” he said. He couldn’t say he missed his, so he didn’t. He gave the soup a last stir. “Well then, what do you think?”

She sighed, a rasping breath. “I haven’t smelled anything so good in years. But . . . I don’t . . . I’m . . . not sure I can.” She held out her hands, her thick beast’s paws with wretched curling claws. They were terrible hands, capable of ripping apart a chicken perhaps, but not much else. Such hands could never hold a spoon. He looked around the kitchen. There must be a solution. He wouldn’t let so much soup go to waste.

He found a wide wooden serving bowl. It wasn’t fine, it was the sort of thing used to bring bread to servants. But he thought two large clawed hands might be able to hold it.

“Try this,” he said, and she did. She could grip it in her palms, bring it to her mouth, and drink.

They shared a meal together at the heavy wooden table in the kitchen, him eating with a spoon, her sipping carefully. The smell of roses came in from the garden. This was almost nice. But he kept looking out at the low wall. It wouldn’t take much to climb over it, to escape. Except that he had promised not to. He didn’t have much: a dead mother, a penniless father, and four ne’er-do-well brothers. But he had his word, and he kept it. For now, at least. Later would take care of itself.

He made small talk of how he would try to bake bread tomorrow, maybe do some weeding in the garden to see what other treasures he could discover. Start stealing eggs from the chickens to make more interesting fare. She sipped soup and watched him.

Finally, when the sun was setting, and he lit candles around the room, he turned to her. “I must ask,” Jack said. “That is, may I ask—how did this happen? When we first came I saw spears and arrows caught in the ground. There are broken windows, scorch marks on some of the walls outside. This place was abandoned, except for you. Why?”

She growled, shook her head so that all her fur rippled, and raced out of the room.

• • • •

Jack spent the next few days working in the kitchen garden, salvaging squash vines and tying up lengths of peas, pruning shrubs that hadn’t been touched in years and seemed to burst to life with the attention. He did indeed bake bread, make pot pies and stews, roast squash and salted peas. They ate very well, though the beast said little.

She watched him. He could feel it.

In the middle of the kitchen garden, a spring bubbled up through the rocks and had been tamed in a stone pool. After working, he’d wash up here. The first time he did so, he pulled his shirt over his head, dropped it to his side, flexed his aching shoulders, and he couldn’t say how he knew. Whether he’d sensed an intake of breath at the edge of hearing, if he felt the weight of a gaze. If he looked, he knew he wouldn’t be able to see her. She’d be hiding at one of the windows. She’d see him looking back, and she’d flee.

He could be bothered. He could go back to the tiny room and stay there, behave as the prisoner he was. Or he could wash up in fresh water, in a fine garden.

So he turned his back to the windows and kept on. Scrubbed arms and shoulders, dunked his head to rinse out his thick brown tangle of hair before tying it back in a tail. Sat for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Not thinking about anything else at all.

• • • •

“I had a thought,” Jack said after supper one evening, producing the tools he’d found in a garden shed. “That might make things easier for you.”

“Easier how?” she said.

He held up a long, coarse rasp, a set of farrier’s clippers. “To make your claws more manageable. If you like.”

“I might not be as fierce without them.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that.”

She crossed her arms, curling her hands into fists, hiding them away. He admitted he was disappointed—he only wanted to help.

“I meant no offense,” he said. “I’ve kept my word, I haven’t tried to escape. Will you not trust me?”

“Why should I trust anyone? Men like you with bright banners and shining swords, the stink of righteousness all over you. Men like you destroyed my family and home, trapped me here. You wanted to kill me when you first saw me. Why should I trust?”

“Because . . .” He had nothing to say; he couldn’t explain. Yes, he had wanted to kill her, he couldn’t deny that. He had been defending his prince.

She sat back. “So why aren’t you trying to escape? Don’t you hate me for keeping you prisoner?”

“This isn’t so bad.”

“It’s because I’m a woman. Somehow, past all the fur and fangs, that matters to you. It upsets you, to see a woman brought to such a state.” When her lips curled this time, it might have been a smile.

Softly he answered, “It does.”

“It shouldn’t.”

But it did. He said, “If you were male, we’d be enemies. There’d be no question. I wouldn’t need to know your story at all.”

“But I am not male.”

“And that makes this is a tragedy. Doesn’t it?” This felt like a trap; the back of his neck itched.

“And if I were a man turned into a beast, and you were a woman—”

He swallowed. “I suppose I’d be terrified.”

She lunged, all her sharp fangs bared. “And aren’t you terrified now?” she roared, slamming her untrimmed claws on either side of his face.

He choked back a scream, pressed himself against the wall, face turned away, eyes squeezed shut, waiting for her to rip out his throat. Her hot breath blew over him. Cringing, he held his own breath. Worse than his sudden terror was his shame at his own terror.

“I fought to defend my castle. When my family was gone, there was only me, and I fought. Though I am cursed for it, I will fight, and I will not be tamed!”

With a last snarl, she lunged away, fled.

He slumped to the floor, beside the tools that he’d dropped.

• • • •

He had a nightmare about those claws sweeping past his hair, so close to his neck. Waking, gasping, he thought of the beast, and his throat closed on a scream. This response was primal, that of a rabbit facing a hound.

He would not be a rabbit here.

The next day he made roast chicken, real roast chicken with crispy basted skin and juicy meat, and brought it to the hall with the fireplace. He’d kept a fire going in it most days since he’d gained some little freedom in the castle. Sitting on the floor, picking absently at the food and watching the flames, ignoring the world outside the walls and the eyes watching him within, he felt almost comfortable.

A great shadow filled a doorway. He couldn’t help it; he scrambled to his feet and backed away. His heart pounded loud; he was sure she could hear it and know he was afraid. And he should be afraid of her, she was a beast. He swallowed back that scream, forced himself to calm. She kept the claws hidden.

“Smells good,” she said finally, glancing at the platter of food he’d brought out. “Better than I ever made.”

“Have some,” he said carefully. “Please.”

When she approached, he kept his distance. Marked the path to the doorway where he could flee, if he needed to.

She ate, taking great care, holding a piece of chicken between her fingers and bringing it to her mouth, avoiding her claws as delicately as she could, which was not very. She dripped grease on her fur, and only made it worse when she tried to wipe it away. Jack resisted bringing her a handkerchief.

“You want to know what happened to me,” she said, after a time, long enough that Jack had added extra logs to the fire.

“If you want to tell me.”

She took a deep breath and told him a story of a rebel baron who coveted her family’s castle and land. At first, this man had merely asked her father for her hand in marriage. He—and she—refused him. This angered the baron beyond reason, and he called forth a troop of brigands and cutthroats to wage war, to take their home—and her—by force. Her family fought back. They were good fighters, skilled and well armed—Jack had seen the armory for himself. So the rebel lord hired a magician to trick them. One by one he drew out her father and each of her brothers and murdered them. The invading force thought then the castle was theirs. But she and her mother kept fighting. And fighting. Somehow, with rigged traps and buckets of burning oil and a hundred other strategies, they kept the invaders at bay. Until her mother was killed, and she was alone. But still she fought, as best she could.

“And then I put an arrow through the baron’s eye. Did it from the roof. The shot of a lifetime. I had my revenge, and I thought it was over.”

Jack had been rapt, and now his heart sank. “But the magician cursed you.”

“He said that I will be the beast I so clearly am at heart until I find a man who can tame me, and submit to his will.”

The lurch in his gut on hearing this was the same he felt when his father told him there was nothing left, he would have no inheritance, he would have nothing but what his brothers could do for him. And they could do nothing.

“That isn’t fair,” he said.

“No,” she said. “And even so, after everything, I will not be tamed. I . . . I fought too hard.”

“There must be something . . . some other magician who could break the spell—”

“And who would listen to a beast? Who would not run screaming from me? Or they would only show the pity that I see now in your eyes.”

He looked away. The fire crackled. There seemed to be nothing left to say.

“Do you have any brandy?” Jack asked. “I have a flask in my coat, but it’s almost out.”

She shook her head. “There’s only the bottle of wine my father was saving to celebrate our victory. I will not touch it. Not yet.”

“Of course.”

More silence, with only the sparking, snapping fire to disturb them. It was actually a cheerful sound, offering a sense of home and warmth. Indeed, looking around, the parlor seemed almost normal. Except for the great beast, sitting back with her clawed hands wrapped around her knees. But even she had become familiar.

“I’m sorry I’m so melancholy,” the beast said suddenly.

“If anyone has cause for it, it’s you,” he said.

“I imagine at your home you’re surrounded all the time by friends, by the prince’s court and all its good cheer.”

Jack chuckled. “Would it surprise you that I’m rather enjoying the peace and quiet here?”

“Yes,” she said bluntly.

“Well. Perhaps there is a bit of trying make the best of things.” He smiled, meaning it to be a joke. But she sighed, and even with the strange monstrousness of her face, he could see the sadness. He shouldn’t have said such a thing.

Carefully, aware of her shape and size, that such a creature wasn’t meant for an elegant parlor, she climbed to her feet. “It’s late. I’ll leave you alone. Let you have a restful evening.” Once on her feet, she was nimble, fast, and she left, almost before he realized what was happening.

“Beast, wait!” he called after her, but she kept going.

He only now realized that he didn’t know her name.

• • • •

He knew very little about her, in fact. Where she slept in the castle. What her life had been like before this curse had befallen her. What this place must have looked like in happier days. His heart broke thinking that she kept him prisoner—that she had wanted a prisoner at all—so she would have someone to talk to.

He didn’t believe she’d do anything to him if he tried to leave. So why didn’t he? He told himself he could be useful here. At least clean up a bit more of the castle before he fled. He’d done the kitchen, the kitchen garden, the servants’ quarters, the main parlor. Part of the dining room, most of the foyer. While exploring the second floor, he came again upon the marvelous practice hall. Where this all started, where he had offered himself in place of the prince.

Even stepping softly, his boots echoed. He could track exactly where they had been, where they had tried to fight the beast—they’d left marks in the dust across the floor and on hilts and staves where their hands had brushed. The beautiful sword that the prince had dropped had been replaced on the rack.

She had gotten in the habit of coming to the kitchen to watch him cook, and to talk. He was afraid that she might not do so that evening, after what he had said. He made sure the stew that day was particularly savory and filled the hallway with a rich smell, to draw her in. And she came, lurking in the doorway as she always did.

“Good afternoon,” he said, trying to sound bright. She huddled in on herself, but that was normal. “I have a question for you.”

“What is it?” she grumbled.

He tasted the stew, added a bit of salt. “May I clean the armory? That lovely practice salle upstairs, I mean.” He cringed inwardly at his awkwardness. Of course she knew what he meant, what else would he be talking about?

She scowled. “Why? So you can use my weapons against me?”

“Because it pains me to see such a fine place so neglected.”

“What was I supposed to do? What can I do?” Again, she held up her large hands, her awful claws, showing the difficulty of doing anything but fight with them.

“I’m not blaming you. I want to help.”

“Because you feel sorry for me.”

“Yes,” he had to admit. “I do.”

“I could kill you.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because . . . because I like talking to you.” She ducked her fierce head and ran, disappearing down the corridor and away.

He sighed and tossed the spoon into the pot. “Would you stop running away!” he shouted after her, then wished he hadn’t. The stew was ready to eat, but she likely would not emerge again. He didn’t mean to keep chasing her off. Maybe it would be better if he didn’t speak at all.

The next day, he brought brooms, rags, and buckets of soapy water to the armory and got to work. The task was hard, mindless, and satisfying. Washing mirrors and windows—they immediately let in so much more light, everything looked less dingy for it. He wiped down each weapon individually, every spear, crossbow, and sword. Exactly the kind of work he did as huntsman for the prince.

“Oh, I had forgotten how lovely this place could be.”

The beast’s grumbling voice spoke from the far doorway. She entered, looking around her with wonder at gleaming spear tips reflected in the mirrors, at rows of swords and a shelf of helms, all dust free. She paused by a rug where he had made a pile of various pieces.

“Those had a bit of rust on them,” he explained. “So I set them aside for polishing.”

“It’s wonderful. Thank you.”

“My pleasure, truly,” he said. He set down the dust cloth he’d been using, picked up a rapier from a nearby rack. It was simpler than the one with the twisting gold hilt the prince had so admired, the beast’s father’s sword. This one had a simple bell guard with a stamped design of vines around the edge, a leather grip, a good blade just exactly right for his reach. Felt good in his hands. This was much more his style.

“That was my eldest brother’s,” the beast said with a sigh.

“I’m sorry.” He started to put it back.

Quickly the beast said, “It can be yours, if you like it.”

Jack kept hold of the grip, and now it felt a little like he held hands with a ghost.

“I like it very much. Thank you.”

“I think he would like you, my brother.”

He smiled. “I’m glad.” He extended his sword arm, looked down the blade, ran it through a couple of practice parries, and yes, it sang. Light enough to feel part of his arm, but strong enough to press forward in a fight. He looked at the beast, his lips pursed. “You were cursed for bearing arms. Are you any good?” He saluted with the rapier.

“I was. But I can’t hold a sword like that anymore. Though I can hold a spear.”

“Oh?” He set the sword back in its place.

Another rack held practice spears, with softer wood and padded tips instead of steel. He looked at her, judged her height, guessed her preferences, and chose one he thought would suit. Tossed it to her from a dozen paces away. She caught it easily, finishing the arc of its fall before gripping it with both hands and coming to ready. Even with her bulk, the movement had grace. He had no doubt of her skill. He donned a grin and chose a spear for himself.

“Let’s try our paces, then.”

She stepped around to keep him at the center of a circle, just out of her range. “Are you certain? Can you take it?”

“Yes, I need the practice. I’ve been getting soft, lazing around and eating all your chickens.”

“That flock needed to be culled anyway.” Snarling, she lunged. The directness of the attack startled him; he thought he had been ready for it. Apparently not. Dodging back, he got his spear in the way for an awkward parry, then danced sideways and tried for his own attack, stabbing at her chest. She ducked, dashed back. They went back to circling one another. Jack’s heart pounded—he really was out of practice.

He stepped in, feinted low, thrusting the spear to the edge of his reach, then swept up and over her weapon as she took the bait. Stabbed for her shoulder, but she ducked and pivoted out of the way with astonishing agility. Then she drove him back, striking and stabbing, and while he managed to block each attack, he couldn’t gain solid enough ground to counter her blows. He held the end of the spear and swung, just to get some space for himself, but the move was so broad she easily retreated.

Little comfort, when she planted the end of the spear and leaned on it to rest, catching her breath. He was doing the same.

“You’re good,” he said.

“I know,” she said slyly. “That’s how I got into this mess.”

He laughed. “Again!”

They sparred, laughing and teasing, pulling their blows so that when they struck the padded ends only tapped. Still, he’d have bruises. But they’d be satisfying bruises earned from work. She was better than him, at least with a spear. Even with her size and bulk she had precision, placing the tip exactly where she intended, blocking with conviction. He had no doubt she could handle a rapier just as well. If she had the hands for it.

In an attack of desperation, he let out a cry and charged, leading with his spear. He intended to thrust near her feet, to tangle up her legs as he ran alongside. Make her at least stumble if not fall, and thereby get some kind of upper hand. But even here, she was ready, springing out of his way and shoving her weight into him. She was a wall, implacable, and he crashed to the floor, his weapon bouncing away.

Taking advantage, she moved in, placed the tip of her spear hovering an inch or two above his neck. He’d have been quite dead if they’d been fighting in earnest. Chuckling, he lay back and accepted his fate.

She looked down her spear at him and sounded worried. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

Only his pride. He wiped sweat off his cheek. “I’ll recover. And you have won. I think I’m finished.”

He moved her spear aside, and she let him. Taking hold of it, he used it to steady himself as he got up off the floor, climbing the spear shaft hand over hand, until one of his hands landed on hers. He was tired, unthinking. He didn’t even notice, until they were both staring at their hands together. And hers felt like a hand. He could sense the strength, muscle and tendon clenched under the fur. She was gripping the shaft hard, as if she wanted to snap it, and gazed back at him, wide-eyed and fearful. What was she afraid of? Of scaring him off? Of simple human touch? But it wasn’t that simple, was it?

He drew his hand away, noticing how warm hers had been now that he wasn’t touching it. No longer able to stand the look in her eyes, he glanced away, tried to smile again.

“I don’t know how your terrible magician ever thought anyone could tame you,” he murmured.

She barked a laugh, looked away, her teeth still bared. The fangs appeared wicked, but he’d long since trusted she would not use those teeth to hurt him.

“Tell me, Jack,” she said. “Must one be tamed before she can be loved?”

He opened his mouth, determined to say something, to answer her—the question did not seem rhetorical, she needed an answer. But he didn’t know what to say, and he waited too long. She hugged the spear to her, ducked her monstrous face away and muttered, “I’m sorry,” before racing away, her clawed feet clicking on the wooden floor.

Weakly this time, almost under his breath, he said, “Stop . . . stop running away, dammit.”

• • • •

The beast didn’t appear at all the next day, no matter how much he looked for her. He wondered how a creature of that size could hide at all. He wanted to apologize, but was sure that an apology would insult her. He was rarely at such a loss about what to do.

Climbing several flights of stairs to a dusty storage room filled with wooden crates, broken chairs, rolled-up rugs and dozens of other artifacts, then climbing narrow stone steps to a trapdoor, Jack made his way to the roof. There, he found the spot where the beast had been when she fired the arrow that killed the marauding baron who destroyed her family. She was right, it was the shot of a lifetime, a hundred yards out past the gardens to where attackers had held their line.

It looked peaceful now. Ivy had grown to mask all evidence of battle. In a few more years, the whole forest would swamp the place and no one would ever know there’d been a castle here.

The woods surrounding the castle were vast—it was why the prince had wanted to hunt here, in the most wild and challenging place anyone knew. The prince had dozens of parks ideal for hunting, but those weren’t enough, and Jack obliged, however much trouble it caused, however many more guards it required and dangers he needed to plan for. Somewhere far beyond the vast green carpet of trees, to those far-off hills many miles away, lay civilization, and another castle, a great edifice in good repair, the center of a kingdom. Jack found he didn’t miss it much at all.

Then he looked again. Something large and wide moved through the forest, and he was afraid he knew what. He went down the steps to the library where he’d seen a spyglass. He carried it back to the roof, looked through it, and saw an army. Still dozens of miles away, but the smoke from their campfires was visible, dark columns reaching up.

And still he could not find the beast. He went through the castle calling for her, cringing at the way his voice echoed, how he disturbed the peace.

The next evening, the movement, the campfires and their columns of smoke were closer. Jack knew an army approached, and he was sure he knew why.

“What do you look at?”

Startled, he turned from the window. The beast was at the doorway. His anxious demand of where she’d been and what she’d been doing stopped at his lips. So did all the apologies he wanted to give.

Instead, he offered the spyglass. “Do you want to see?”

“Not sure I can.” She held up her hands, too large for the delicate instrument.

“Never mind. You can probably see from here.” He stepped aside, giving her room at the window. “The prince is coming with an army. To rescue me.” He snorted.

“To take the castle,” the beast countered, and Jack nodded.

“Yes, probably.”

“I will fight. I will defend my castle as I always have.”

She said this without a hint of doubt, her determination clear. Admirable. But this wasn’t a marauder’s band. This was an army. He wanted to say a dozen things at once. You can’t, please don’t, and let me help. He began making plans. For all its ominous appearance, surrounded by its unkempt garden, the place wasn’t very defensible. But they could board up windows and doors, add spikes to the outer wall. They might have time to make some kind of palisade—

None of it would work.

“Let me go,” he said.

Her furred face pursed, eyes narrowing, a first show of anger. But then she looked away. “You wish to flee. I understand.”

“No! No, that isn’t it at all. That army belongs to the prince. Let me go talk to him. He’ll listen to me; I can persuade him to leave off. To leave you alone.”

She stayed hunched in, a great beast huddled on the floor. He flattered himself that he could read at least some of her expressions. She remained sad. Unconvinced.

“Will you let me go do this thing? Do you trust me?”

She flinched at the word. Looking out the window, she said, “You will not return.”

Oh. Yes, she would think that.

“I promise I will return.” He did not know how to sound any more earnest. “I would not leave you here alone. I must return, to tell you that the prince listened to me and will turn back. Or . . . I will return to help you defend your home.”

“Jack,” she said. “Are you really so honorable?”

“Let me prove it.”

“Very well.”

He prepared. The prince’s army would be here within a day. If only he had a horse he could race to them; as it was, he would have to meet them halfway. The prince would need a lot of convincing—he was likely very excited at the idea of a siege. Jack would have to flatter him.

Before he left, he looked for the beast. In the armory, in the kitchen garden, in her usual parlor. Finally he found her at the front door. She had brought a stack of spears with her, and was sharpening their tips with a stone.

“I was looking for you,” he said.

“I was waiting for you.” She set aside her work.

“I’ll go as quick as I can and be back before you know it.”

“You promise?”

His heart broke a little, again. For everything she had been through. For the cruelty, the impossibility of it all. He reached out, took her hand, quickly, before she could flinch away. It dwarfed his own. She could crush his bones in her grip. But her hand lay lightly in his. Almost trembling. Even under the fur, the muscles, and those fierce claws, he could feel a scrap of humanness. The way the fingers flexed as if to curl around his, then pulled back.

“My lady, I promise you I will return. On my honor.”

He bowed over her hand as a gentleman would, pressed his lips to the back of it, then let go. She drew the hand to her chest. Her eyes were wet.

“Goodbye, Jack.”

He left the castle.

• • • •

“Halt! You there, halt!”

Outriders caught him by the end of the day. They were two ordinary cavalrymen, their blue coats clean and crisp, their hats just so, their swords polished, their horses fit.

Jack stopped and raised his hands. “I must speak with the prince! It’s urgent!”

“Who do you think you are?”

Jack studied them, then sighed. “Peter, you know exactly who I am. Please, take me to see him at once, I beg you.”

The shorter of the two stared a moment, and his eyes went round. “Jack? Jack! We thought you were dead! We’re marching to avenge you!”

Not even a rescue. Well then. “As you can see, I am quite well, and you’re all making a terrible mistake. I must speak with His Highness, please!”

“Yes! This way!”

They reached the front of the army, the prince and his officers lined up, rows of silk banners lined up behind them, the spears of the guards glittering in the sun. The warhorses were grand, white and black, with arched necks and polished hooves.

Behind this company came foot soldiers and archers, the wagons and horses following them, filling the woods with the noise of their existence, an undercurrent of thunder and aggression.

The prince led the company. His helmet was tied to his saddle, so his black hair flowed, and his noble face looked out with the pride of a conqueror. He’d had new armor made for this expedition, polished steel with gold trim, etched all over with his family’s sigils. He’d probably had a portrait painted before he left.

“Jack!” The prince slid off his horse and strode up to grip Jack’s arms. “You’re all right! You escaped!”

“I am well, sire. But I must speak with you. You cannot make war against the castle. I beg you to turn back.”

The smile fell from the prince’s handsome face. “What are you saying?”

“You mean to attack the castle. Please, don’t do it.”

The prince chuckled, uncertain. “My dear Jack. I was coming to avenge you. And kill the beast, of course.”

“Oh no, sire, you can’t! Please, there’s a story, dark and terrible. The beast isn’t what we first thought. She means no harm, really, her story is tragic—”

“She? Her?” The prince took a step back. “No, I do see what has happened here. The beast has put a spell on you.”

Yes, Jack thought. But not like that. And then: I am already dead to him.

“This is a trick,” the prince said. “The beast has sent you to trick me. Guards!”

Jack ran, or tried to. While he ducked out of the first guard’s lunging grip, slipped past the second, kicked the third’s legs out from under him, ten more were waiting beyond, and twenty more after that, and they caught Jack up by his arms and legs, hauled him away, tied him up, and threw him in the back of the surgeon’s wagon. The prince’s own physician tried to examine him, but even with his hands and feet bound, Jack was able to kick him and drive him off.

They declared him mad and continued on, marching on the lonely castle.

He tried to make the calculations—how fast was the army moving, how quickly would it reach the castle, and how much danger was the beast in. But he was so full of rage he couldn’t think. More than all other thoughts, he couldn’t stand that the beast would believe that he had broken his promise. That he had betrayed her. Somehow, he had to escape.

He ripped skin off his hands doing it, and nearly pulled his arms out of their sockets, but he managed to loosen the bonds on his wrists. Somehow, by force of will and more struggle than he thought possible, he freed himself. Slipped out the back of the supply wagon using all the stealth that hunting and tracking had ever taught him. He even stole a horse. He’d never done anything so rash in his life. He raced, and that was when the soldiers saw him, drawn by pounding hoofbeats and the rush of motion. Jack heard the calls for him to stop, even heard an arrow or two pass close.

And then, the sounds of horses thundered after him. In later days, he would remember this race as a blur, shrouded in the awareness that he was pushing the horse too hard, praying that the poor creature didn’t stumble, that the way would remain clear, and that somehow he could make all this right. Most certainly too big a task, and so the trees, the sky, the state of the path ahead and all the signs he would normally track while on a hunt fell clean away from him. He only knew of the castle ahead, and the army behind.

Then, finally, he arrived at the familiar ivy-shrouded gates, the hulking stone walls. He made a sort of leaping dismount and slapped the horse’s hindquarters, yelling for it to go back home, and the horse obliged, launching back down the path.

Meanwhile, they didn’t have much time. Or any time.

He rushed through the overgrown garden, up to the front door. It was locked.

Maybe even barricaded. More, there were crossbows resting at some of the windows. She needed help, he needed to get inside. If she would have him. If she hadn’t decided that he’d betrayed her. The thought sent him into a panic.

He slammed the doorknocker a dozen times, pounded with his fist. “Beast! It’s Jack! The army’s coming, I couldn’t stop them.”

If she never spoke to him again, he couldn’t blame her.

Then the door opened, and he just pulled back before pounding on air. They stood staring at each other until she slouched with relief, disappointment, something he couldn’t say.

“You came back,” she said with a sigh.

“I said I would.”

“Yes, but . . .”

“I know.”

“Oh Jack, your arms.” She reached for his hands, the shredded rope burns on his wrists, red and scabbed over with dried blood, and then drew back. “I’ll get bandages—”

“Never mind about that. The prince didn’t believe me. I had to escape, to warn you.”

She nodded solemnly, as if she had expected this. “What are we to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you came back.”

“To stand with you, yes.”

“Well then. We’ll do our best.”

They couldn’t win. Not against a whole army, they both knew that. If only Jack could think of some trick, just the right words to keep the prince away from their door. If the prince could meet her without him immediately wanting to kill her—

She was speaking. “I’ve laid out every crossbow and bolt I could find. If we start firing before they reach the outer wall, they might hesitate. There’s a bottleneck at the gate we can use, and I have spears for the ones who come in through the door—”

“No,” he said, looking out across the garden. If they had time to build palisades, ditches, traps, maybe then. If they had gunpowder and catapults. But they only had themselves. “Do you trust me?”

Her hands clenched; her expression changed, the fur along her jaw shifting. “I do. Yes.”

“I want to try one more time to talk to him. The longer I can keep him talking . . . well. I have to try. Go inside, find a hiding place—that servant’s room where you kept me that first day. Stay there, stay quiet.”

She bristled, hair rising across her shoulders. “I will not hide, I’m not a coward—”

“Of course you aren’t! You have never stopped fighting, and I love you for it. But if I can convince the prince that you’re already gone . . .” He shrugged, an admission that this might not work. “I don’t know. It’s all I can think of.”

They heard the sound of hoofbeats, of barking dogs. Soldiers shouting at one another. The army had arrived.

“Go, please!” he begged her.

She nodded, turning to vanish down the hall.

He watched her go, wishing he could do more, wishing he had a little magic himself. But he was just a huntsman. Jack found one of the spears, closed the door, and stood before it like a guard.

The great and glittering royal army halted in the yard before the steps. They regarded him for a time. Sizing him up, Jack thought. Finally, the prince dismounted.

“Jack!” the prince exclaimed, approaching.

“Sire,” Jack said cautiously, wondering how far he would actually go to keep the prince on this side of the door.

“Jack. Why did you run?”

“You took me prisoner.”

“For your own good. You clearly weren’t in your right mind.”

“What about now?”

The prince regarded the scene, his lips pursed. “You seem to be trying to protect an entire castle alone, with only a spear. I say you’re still a bit off.”

Jack quirked a smile. “Even so. I can’t let you enter, sire.”

“Why not?”

He stretched his spine a little straighter. “I promised to protect this castle for its mistress.”

“Its mistress? What about the beast?”

“Well, sire, I’ve been trying to explain, there’s been a spell cast on this place—”

“Yes, the one that’s so badly affected you—”

“No, that isn’t it! This castle belongs to a lady, a noble lady, and her family was killed—”

“By that horrid beast, yes, of course.”

“No, sire!” How could he be explaining this so badly? If he wasn’t careful he’d use his spear to bash the prince over the head. And a hundred arrows would fly into him in the next breath.

“Then tell me what is happening here!” the prince demanded.

At that moment the door behind Jack opened. A woman came out. A woman.

She was disheveled, tired-looking, with a round face and deep frown. Shadows under her eyes, stark against her ivory skin. Her long tangle of light-brown curls hadn’t been brushed in ages and bunched around her shoulders. She held a wool cloak tight around her, like it was armor. With her hand on the edge of the door, she looked around, blinking at everything, as if she had just woken from a long sleep.

It was her. It was the beast—transformed. Somehow. Jack stared in awe. They all did.

“What is this?” she asked. Her voice was a clear, strong alto. More human, more musical than the beast’s, but unmistakably the beast’s. The same cadence, the same underlying certainty of someone who always spoke her mind.

Jack renewed his grip on the spear. “My lady, an army has come. I was just trying to learn their purpose.”

“My lady,” the prince breathed, with a polite nod of his head. She bowed a little in response, but only a little.

“Sire, you see what I’ve been trying to tell you?” Jack said, his heart racing.

The prince said, “Yes, of course. The castle belongs to this good lady. Clearly the beast has been holding her prisoner. My lady—Jack rescued you. And of course you fell in love with him. Have I got it straight?”

“Close enough, I suppose,” she said, looking at Jack, her expression showing stark wonder.

“You know he’s only the fifth son of a minor lord,” the prince stated.

Still looking at Jack she said, “I imagine that’s what makes this a fairy tale.”

The prince said, “Did you kill the beast, Jack? May we see its carcass?”

She flinched at this.

“Jack?” the prince repeated.

Somehow he brought himself back to the moment, the door, and the prince. “Ah—alas, no, sire. I merely wounded it. It fled, deep into the forest. I could not give chase, I needed to stay behind . . . with her.”

“Of course! See that the lady is protected, of course! Lucky girl,” he said, winking. “Well then. We’ll go after the beast and hunt it down. We will avenge you, my lady. Which way did it go?”

“That way. I think,” she said. Both Jack and the beast pointed vaguely off to the north.

“Very well then.” The prince turned to his company and called in an admirably martial manner, “We ride! Let us hunt!” A great cheer went up, and after a ponderous few moments getting themselves turned around to march back out of the gardens, the army departed.

Quiet fell, enough stillness that they heard birdsong. They were alone, and without thinking they turned to one another.

“What happened?” he asked wonderingly. The question felt abrupt, as if he jostled the universe.

“I don’t know.” She sounded just as baffled. “I went inside, as you told me to. And, I stopped. Something stopped me. There was light, a thunderclap. And then . . . and then . . . I had my hands back. Hands, Jack. Look at them!”

In fact, he had dropped the spear some time back and was holding both hers in his own, making it a simple thing to raise them and study them. Fine hands, with long fingers, slender and strong, with calluses. Perfectly normal fingernails, if a bit rough. The ring she’d worn had slipped off, and he wondered if it had belonged to her father, as well.

He thought a moment, trying to solve a puzzle that he wasn’t happy about. To tame her would be to break her, which would break him. “I would never think to command you, to ask you to submit—”

“I trusted you. Maybe that was better.”

His smile broke. “Yes.”

She looked back, toward where the army had left. “Are you ever going to tell him what really—”

“No, God no.”

She laughed, and put her hand, her perfect human hand, on his cheek, and he leaned into the touch.

“You . . . you’re taller than I thought you’d be.”

“While you are exactly right,” he said.

She brushed his cheek, his jaw, making him far too aware that he hadn’t shaved in several days, and he almost apologized, then he didn’t. He wanted to catch her up in his arms, but he was still so busy studying her face, the lips pressed anxiously together in a familiar expression, the slope of her cheekbones, her brown eyes and the fall of her hair over her shoulders.

“I don’t know how to speak to you,” she said finally, as if she too needed time to believe. And then she smiled. Her eyes lit.

Part of him would always expect to turn and find the beast standing there when he heard that voice. But her . . . she was already familiar. “I think . . . I think I would like to make you dinner. A proper dinner, with cutlery and goblets and everything.”

“How daring.”

“That is. I mean. If I can stay,” he asked hopefully. Everything he did with her would be with hope.

“Jack. I could not possibly manage a castle like this on my own. You saw how it was. Defend, yes. But not manage. Not really.”

“Generally, in my experience, fine people like you hire someone. Bring someone on to help with a job like this.”

“Like a fifth son who wants to be useful?”

“Just so. Well, my lady. What would you like to do first?”

She kissed him. Lightly, hesitating, as if she was still judging her own strength and distance, she drew close and put her lips on his, and he waited, still as any hunter. When a rare beast draws close, best to be still, lest she flee. She drew away, and he paused long, to remember the warmth of her touch.

She held his hands tightly and said, “And next, I would like to open that bottle of wine.”

©2018 by Carrie Vaughn, LLC. Originally published in Asimov’s Science Fiction. Reprinted by permission of the author.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Carrie Vaughn’s work includes the Philip K. Dick Award winning novel Bannerless, the New York Times Bestselling Kitty Norville urban fantasy series, and over twenty novels and upwards of 100 short stories, two of which have been finalists for the Hugo Award. Her most recent work includes a Kitty spin-off collection, The Immortal Conquistador, and a pair of novellas about Robin Hood’s children, The Ghosts of Sherwood and The Heirs of Locksley. She’s a contributor to the Wild Cards series of shared world superhero books edited by George R. R. Martin and a graduate of the Odyssey Fantasy Writing Workshop. An Air Force brat, she survived her nomadic childhood and managed to put down roots in Boulder, Colorado. Visit her at www.carrievaughn.com.

Book Reviews: August 2020

LaShawn M. Wanak | 1935 words

Star Daughter
Shveta Thakrar
Hardcover / Audio / Ebook
ISBN: 978-0062894625
HarperTeen, August 2020, 448 pages

I’ve been a fan of Shveta Thakrar and her retelling of fairy tales. Now Thakrar has come out with her first novel, which is a gorgeous spin of Neil Gaiman’s Stardust from a Hindu context.

Sheetal is a teenage girl who is part human, part star. In this world, stars can take on human form and use their influence to help inspire humans to create great, memorable works. Sheetal tries to cover up her star heritage, but it tends to shine through, whether it’s in trying to dye her brilliant silver hair, or generating fire from her fingers. Even without these powers, she has to deal with dating a boy behind her father’s back and arguing with her overprotective aunt.

When her boyfriend Dev reveals that he knows she’s a star, she questions his motives in going out with her. The stress from that causes her star powers to lash out at her father, seriously injuring him. To save his life, Sheetal goes to the source of her powers—the star dwellings up in the heavens, where her mother now resides. However, instead of helping her, her mother’s family pressures her to enter a talent contest that will determine who will hold power in the heavens.

Thakrar does a phenomenal job of melding a coming-of-age story with beautiful settings, such as Night Market, a place of such whimsical mystery I was a bit sad that only a chapter was spent in it. There were times when I found Sheetal a bit too whiny and self-centered, but she had valid reasons to react to things the way she did: learning that Dev’s ancestor did a horrible thing to her own ancestor; arriving at the star court only to have the stars treat her as a lesser being; her own family blackmailing her into performing as their champion; negotiating star politics that she has no grounding in. Even meeting her mother isn’t the happy reunion Sheetal wants it to be due to her feelings of abandonment.

But tempered with the machinations of the star court is Sheetal’s music, which weaves and wraps through her blood and resounds in the air in the stars’ presence. They use it to communicate when they cannot express their emotions in mere words. Thakrar also does an excellent job of showing the tension of being bicultural and learning how to dwell in both worlds. Sheetal makes a lot of missteps, but she also learns to love and value both her heritages, with the help of her cousin Minal, who always sticks by her side and brings levity to the situation.

This was a fun read. I hope when it comes out, Thakrar will also release a playlist of harp music to accompany reading this novel.

Or What You Will
Jo Walton
Hardcover / Ebook
ISBN: 978-1250308993
Tor Books, July 2020, 320 pages

When I was in high school, I heard the song “Existential Blues” by Tom “Tbone” Stankus. I was so intrigued by the name that I started to write stories about a girl named “Tbone M. Jenkins,” someone who looked like me, but wore sunglasses, smoked cigarettes, and rode a motorcycle—essentially, a cooler version of myself. Nowadays, all that’s left of her is her name, which I use for my Twitter handle, but I don’t think the character herself went away; I think she manifested in other stories I’ve written—a hidden aspect of myself.

This is the best way to explain the narrator of Or What You Will. He’s a share, an aspect, of Sylvia Katherine Harrison, a writer who has written over thirty fantasy novels, the most famous being her Illyria series. Sylvia has used this aspect—who has most assuredly identified himself as male, setting himself apart from Sylvia’s female identity—to inhabit her characters and give them life. He describes himself as many personas over Sylvia’s career—a king, a dragon, a wizard, a god. When Sylvia isn’t writing, he is the voice (Her muse? Imaginary friend? Alter ego? Secret self?) narrating from Sylvia’s mind; he calls it “the bone cave,” surrounded by mist, the source of her creative ideas. But Sylvia has been diagnosed with cancer and his existence is threatened, as when she dies, he’ll die as well.

Jo Walton has made a name for herself in writing books that can be considered love letters to fans of the fantasy genre. With her newest book Or What You Will, Walton takes this love a step further, writing a story about death and Shakespeare and Florentine history so meta that it’s less like reading a story and more like watching a writer create a story in real time. Sylvia is writing a story about two people, Dolly and Tish, who stumble into a mythical land called Firenze that’s frozen in the Renaissance age, where death can only come if someone wills it or if someone takes a life; a land where people live for centuries and magic is real and characters from The Tempest and Twelfth Night live and dwell.

But this is also a story about Sylvia, how she survived an abusive childhood and first marriage before starting her writing career and meeting her second husband, Idris. At the start of the book, she is learning how to live in his absence, Idris having died of a heart attack after a long, happy marriage. As the book winds on, Sylvia and the narrator ruminate on death, gender identity, and going to cons. At some point, she goes to the real Firenze in Italy, where she walks around, eats in cafés, and converses in her head with the narrator. She even adds Dolly and Tish to one of these walks, conversing with them along with the narrator. The next scene is back to the mythical Firenze, where Dolly and Tish are informed that they had vanished for a brief time, and they talk about being whisked to a godlike vision set in 2018 where they viewed strange horseless carriages and other sights.

It’s all delightfully meta. Sylvia Harrison feels so real I had to check to make sure that she wasn’t actually a real person. At another point, the narrator addresses the reader directly, as if all of us, reading the book, become characters of the book ourselves. Like many of Jo Walton’s stories, this is not for the casual reader, but it’s ambitious and fun with her typical wry humor and a nod to SFF giants in the field, not just classic ones, but also contemporary ones (Sofia Samatar gets a mention that made me shriek with delight). I love Walton’s take on writers being gods of their own worlds. But gods themselves can be vulnerable; and that those who know writers best are their characters . . . and maybe the readers, who are occasionally let in on the joke.

Trouble the Saints
Alaya Dawn Johnson
Hardcover / Audio / Ebook
ISBN: 978-1250175342
Tor Books, July 2020, 352 pages

Trouble the Saints, written by Alaya Dawn Johnson, is a crime noir story mixed with juju. It’s a ghost story, but the spirits haunt the wrong people. It’s a revenge story, but one that never is fulfilled, as the crime goes so deep, it feels near irredeemable—yet, there is always hope.

Pea goes by many names: Phyllis LeBlanc, Phillis Green. But she is best known as an angel of justice, a holy knife. She has a gift for throwing knives that is supernatural. She’s employed by a mobster named Russian Vic to kill people who had done horrible things—mainly working as a vigilante, but after killing a man who had worked for Vic, she questions his true use for her and is thinking about retiring from her profession. Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do. The man’s girlfriend is now out for revenge. Further, there’s been a series of grisly murders, which leaves behind victims with their hands chopped off.

Pea has been gifted with hands—a calling that is bestowed on people of color that gives them abilities beyond what’s considered normal. For some, it gives them psychic knowledge that enables them to see people’s memories and inner thoughts. For others, it gives them skills beyond the ordinary, like Pea and her accuracy with knives.

The book centers on Pea, her lover Dev (what are the odds that I read books back to back who both have a Hindu male character named that?), a bartender-cum-informant, and her best friend Tamara, a dancer who is sweet and seemingly lighthearted on the surface, but knows far more than she should and who has her own talent of using playing cards to divine the future, a talent not necessarily from the hands, but from something older, deeper.

At first glance, this is a crime noir story set in Harlem during World War II. But it’s also about the nature of justice and how it’s often denied to those who have no power. In a world ruled by Jim Crow, Pea, Dev and Tamara have to bear the brunt of slurs and the need to drive to out-of-the-way hospitals if doctors refuse to treat them at all-white hospitals. Even their names are reduced in derogatory ways: when Dev takes Pea to his hometown in Albany, he is referred by the whites there as “Davey,” as it is easier and more conforming. There is also a heartbreaking subplot of a black boy who also has “the hands” and his mother, who is trying hard to protect him from the whites who fear and resent his power. The pain and harmful bigotry they suffer can only be wiped away with real justice, but when that doesn’t happen, what then? Only the power of the hands will do so, and they are much more unforgiving if those demands aren’t met. For the hands contain generations upon generations of pain from blacks, indigenous folk, and other races shoved to the margins, and the longer they wait, the angrier they get.

As I write this, riots are happening all over the country due to the killing of George Floyd and so many other black people who have been killed unjustly. Everywhere, black people are demanding a wrong be made right, which starts with the simple act of seeing them as human beings, first and foremost. Trouble the Saints is a clarion call, an invitation from Johnson to enter the lives of people who had to deal with racial injustice, something which has followed us into present day and challenges us to make things right. The question is, are we capable of doing that?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LaShawn M. Wanak has been writing speculative fiction stories professionally since 2006. Her works have appeared in the 2018 Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy Anthology, Fireside Magazine, FIYAH, and many others. She is the editor of GigaNotoSaurus and reviews books for Lightspeed Magazine. Writing stories keeps her sane. Also, pie. Visit her blog at tbonecafe.wordpress.com.

Media Review: August 2020

Carrie Vaughn | 1471 words

Upload
Created by Greg Daniels
Produced by Amazon Studios, Baral Waley Productions, Reunion Pacific Entertainment.
First season released May 1, 2020.

The last time I went out to a movie in an actual movie theater was on March 8, to see Emma, which was bright and daring and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m even more emotional about it now—I had no way of knowing that would be my last time in a movie theater for the foreseeable future. I do hope that’s not the last time I ever see a movie in a theater, but all bets are off right now. We will see.

I love going out to movies in actual movie theaters and it’s strange to have missed an entire round of summer blockbuster releases like the usual spring MCU offering (Black Widow, poor Natasha cannot catch a break . . .). How odd and lucky is it that this new world of streaming entertainment has matured and become so robust at the exact moment when so many of us are stuck at home, in thrall to its power? We have far too many TV shows, documentaries, and movies for any one person to keep up with. So, you know, we have a choice, I guess.

What happens next? The pandemic might be the asteroid that hit the planet and destroyed the age of dinosaurs, and streaming entertainment are the small mammals emerging to explode into that ecological niche. But I’m not ready to let the movie theater experience go. Seeing movies at the theater is different. At the theater, I pay attention. At home, I kind of don’t. My phone is right there, pinging at me. My basket of knitting and crafts is there and I’m usually working on something, which divides my attention. I’ll hit pause and go get a snack—or maybe I don’t hit pause, because I don’t mind missing the next minute or so. It takes so much more to grab my attention at home, and I suspect I don’t judge movies quite as fairly.

But I really have been watching a lot of great stuff on various streaming services over the last couple of months. The thing I’m going to talk about today: Upload, a show with ten episodes available on Amazon Prime.

It’s really good. The most reductive way I’ve been describing it is it’s The Good Place meets Snow Crash, but there’s a lot more to it. The story is deceptively complex, with lots of moving parts. I’ll try to cover the basics.

This depicts a near future in which the ability to upload human consciousness into virtual environments has been (mostly) perfected. As is often the case with this trope, the act of scanning and uploading destroys the physical structure of the brain, so there’s no takebacks, and the procedure is usually reserved for people who are near death.

One of our two protagonists is Nathan, a stereotypical douchey tech-bro with a rich hot girlfriend, Ingrid. His self-driving car malfunctions badly, which is not supposed to happen, and has a terrible accident. He’s rushed to the hospital, and it’s unclear how bad his injuries really are, so a panicking Ingrid convinces him to upload. He does not have an afterlife plan on file, so she signs him on to hers. He is uploaded, a hilariously horrifying procedure.

This sets up a fascinating situation in which Nathan now exists in the most expensive, exclusive afterlife on the market, Horizon Lakeview, entirely on Ingrid’s sufferance. This is where we learn the unsettling truth: virtual afterlives operate much like smart phone apps. You want extras? Unlimited bandwidth? The ability to call your friends? To interact with them virtually? Upgraded avatars? Top-end customer service? You’ll have to pay for that. It’s not enough to save for retirement. You need to save for a potentially unlimited afterlife in which a comfortable existence has an itemized price tag.

Our second protagonist is Nora, the Horizon customer service rep assigned to Nathan. Her biggest goal is to get a loan to pay for a Lakeview plan for her dying father. And to convince him to upload. He doesn’t want to—her mother, his wife, died years before without uploading, and he believes he won’t reunite with her in an actual afterlife if he’s uploaded. This conflict causes a lot of tension between them.

Nathan quickly recognizes that Nora is nice, funny, sensitive, and smart, and that Ingrid is infuriating and controlling. But he has to keep Ingrid happy—she’s paying the bills and can delete him at any moment. Nora is attracted to Nathan, but no matter how much they can interact on the virtual plane, he’s still dead on the physical one. Meanwhile, Nora discovers that some of Nathan’s memory files were tampered with after his upload. And that his self-driving car was sabotaged. In life, Nathan was working on code for a freeware version of an afterlife that would be accessible to everyone regardless of funds. That’s a threat to a lot of big corporate revenue streams, and it becomes clear that Nathan was, in fact, murdered. His virtual existence might now be in danger as well.

This is a meaty cyberpunk thriller that is also a romantic comedy, and those two things should not go together but here we are. The setting is so well thought out, full of science fictional details, the whole thing probably requires another viewing to take it all in. My favorite throwaway moment might be watching one of the Lakeview helper AI’s fail a captcha test. There’s a kid at Lakeview who died on a school field trip—years ago, and he’s frustrated that his parents refuse to allow his avatar to age and develop. They want to remember him as he was, you see. There’s so much good stuff going on here. (I do have some questions, such as why you would want to “live” forever in what looks like a posh resort hotel, replicating what is essentially a mundane experience when you could, I don’t know, inhabit an avatar with wings in a Middle Earth fantasy setting or the like. A virtual existence is theoretically boundless, so why live essentially as you did before you died, which is what most Uploads at Lakeview seem to choose. Snow Crash partly confronted this question—that it’s a more impressive programming feat to replicate reality than to create something fantastical. So I assume it is here: You show off your wealth by buying into an afterlife that replicates mundane luxury. You’d think at some point people would be able to let that go.)

I’m also really interested in Upload because it’s the third show I’ve seen in the last couple of years in which the main character is dead and grappling with an afterlife that forces them to confront their moral failings and become a more responsible, ethical person. Upload is science fiction rather than fantasy like The Good Place and Russian Doll are, and will fill any fan of near-future thoughtful, technology-driven science fiction with joy. But it also feels very much like those other shows. Nathan is constantly confronted with the absurdity of his situation. The weird fluidity of an unreal reality is explored. Divorced from his real-world existence, he’s able to reflect on mistakes he’s made and wonder if he can do better, even now that he’s dead.

I don’t think it’s an accident that we now have three shows dealing with huge philosophical questions of ethics and personal responsibility at this particular cultural and political moment. All three of these shows speak to the idea—the hope?—that there are consequences for one’s actions, even after death. None of them are locked into a religious consideration of these questions. They’re more basic than that, simply asking: How do we, all of us, be better people? Why should we want to be better people? And all three of them come to similar conclusions: We must be kind. We must help other people. We must take responsibility for our actions, particularly when they impact other people. Not for the promise of reward, not to try to game the system, but because it’s the right thing to do.

That all three shows are also really good—well written, well put together, and riveting to watch—feels like a gift. Now, if only the people who really need to hear that message would watch.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Carrie Vaughn’s work includes the Philip K. Dick Award winning novel Bannerless, the New York Times Bestselling Kitty Norville urban fantasy series, and over twenty novels and upwards of 100 short stories, two of which have been finalists for the Hugo Award. Her most recent work includes a Kitty spin-off collection, The Immortal Conquistador, and a pair of novellas about Robin Hood’s children, The Ghosts of Sherwood and The Heirs of Locksley. She’s a contributor to the Wild Cards series of shared world superhero books edited by George R. R. Martin and a graduate of the Odyssey Fantasy Writing Workshop. An Air Force brat, she survived her nomadic childhood and managed to put down roots in Boulder, Colorado. Visit her at www.carrievaughn.com.

Interview: Andrea Hairston

Christian A. Coleman | 3071 words

Andrea Hairston is the author of Master of Poisons (out September 8, 2020). Her other books include Will Do Magic For Small Change (finalist for the Mythopoeic, Lambda, and Tiptree Awards, and a New York Times Editor’s pick), Redwood and Wildfire (Tiptree and Carl Brandon Award winner), and Mindscape (winner of Carl Brandon Award). She has published essays, plays, and short fiction and received grants from the NEA, Rockefeller and Ford Foundation. She is the L. Wolff Kahn 1931 Professor of Theatre and Africana Studies at Smith College.

I read that when you conceive of a novel or a play, you start with an idea or a question or a character talking to you. What idea, question, or character sparked the premise of Master of Poisons?

In December 2014, I was reading about honeybees and colony collapse. Parasites, pesticides, and poor (monoculture) diet stressed the bees. They got jobbed in for this or that crop and then got transported long distances. More stress. Neonicotinoids were short-circuiting their memories and navigation centers as they slaved for our almonds and apples. Bats were dying off, too. Chunks of Mississippi Delta wetlands, as large as a football field or Central Park, were disappearing every day. These images haunted me. But the denuding of the land, of flora, fauna, and culture was just how it was, regrettable but inevitable—Empire Normal.

So many people were in denial or talked about climate change dystopia as inevitable—with nothing for anybody to do. Not only had we colonized bees, bats, and the Mississippi Delta, but the future was also colonized in our stories, in our imaginations. I wanted to write about impossible change, about how we could decolonize our minds, our stories, our futures. I wanted to conjure a way out of no way. So I wrote the first paragraph of Master of Poisons as a challenge to myself, as a call to action and change.

In the novel, poison storms are sweeping across the Arkhysian Empire and making the land uninhabitable. The emperor’s council dithers about solving the problem. Djola, the titular Master of Poisons, has tried to warn the population for years, urging them to save their homeland, and they do nothing. Instead, the council exiles him, forcing him to travel with pirates. This made me think of our own real life existential threat: climate crisis and climate denial. Are the poison storms commentary on how slow we’ve been to act on minimizing the damages of climate change?

This was indeed on my mind!

I went to the March on Washington with my mother in 1963. I experienced the crowds coming together to demand justice and freedom. I felt Dr. King’s passion and the power generated from all of us coming together. I participated in Earth Day in 1970. At teach-ins and marches, I felt such passion, power, and commitment. I knew we were onto something. And we made great changes! However, a half a century later in 2020, I was hoping to be talking about something else.

Change is hard. Some abolitionists in the nineteenth century gave up sugar so as not to participate in the slave economy. Sugar was more than a luxury: in the time before refrigeration, it was essential to canning and curing food. Consider how we are complicit in slave labor—remember the bees and also the folks who do hidden labor for all of your conveniences—and how our habits contribute to the climate crisis. However, despite how hard it is, we have to pick up the pace!

Aspects of the poison storms remind me a bit of The Nothing from The Neverending Story. You’ve translated plays by Michael Ende from German into English. Any conscious connection between your novel and his?

There isn’t a conscious connection to The Neverending Story. I have read all of Michael Ende’s novels and plays. I also had great discussions with him about the plays and about the grey men in Momo who roll our precious moments, our time, into cigars and smoke away our days. He was, like me, a fan of Bertolt Brecht. Michael’s writings and perspectives are definitely part of who I am as an artist.

Going back to what you said about wanting to write about how we could decolonize our minds: Does that include decolonizing the mind from the social constructs—and limitations—of gender? During the scene where Djola joins the Emperor’s council to discuss turning back the poison desert, the absence of women is very noticeable, even before Djola’s half-brother, Nuar, makes note of it. One of the councilmen says that a woman at the table is a sign of weakness. And then there’s Yari, the griot of griots training the other protagonist, twelve-year-old Garden Sprite Awa. Yari is a veson, someone who is neither male nor female.

Denial is critical to Empire. Normal is the secret weapon of Empire. Normal gets us to deny who we might be or could have been. Normal allows us to deny the humanity of those who are “not normal.” Decolonizing the mind is about getting at what we take for granted, what goes without saying. Empire Normal is a stifling monoculture that limits our spirits and renders us vulnerable to disorder and disease, but we’re barely aware that it is operating in and on us.

Societies around the world and throughout history have not organized gender in the same identical way. Normal is not everywhere and not always a riff on the late Victorian rigid binary. That is reflected in the cultures I created for my secondary world.

We’re on a tiny rock hurtling through the void, sharing the mystery and wonder with all life forms. Denying this is lethal. Our diversity makes each other possible.

For this novel, you researched West African, African American, and Indigenous theatre artists who have struggled to realize their artistic and personal dreams in the US from the 1800s to the present. Could you tell us a little about a few of the theatre artists you researched, and how you wove this research into the story?

Zitkála-Šá (1876–1938) was a Yankton Dakota Sioux writer, musician, educator, translator, feminist, and activist. In 1913, she collaborated with William Hansom (son of Dutch immigrants) on The Sun Dance (Wiwanyag Wachipi)—a “romantic Indian opera” based on Ute and Sioux sacred cultural performances. The Sun Dance had been outlawed in 1883 along with other so-called heathenish dances and ceremonies. (It wasn’t until 1991 that Indians got full religious freedom.) However, Zitkála-Šá had access to people who continued doing underground performances or who performed where agents looked the other way. Relying on these sources, she created a Pan-Indian opera that refuted the stereotypes running buck wild on stage and screen, and in the pages of dime novels. She used traditional stories, customs, dress, songs, and ceremonies. The performers were from the Ute Nation and they performed at Orpheus Hall in Vernal, Utah. When the opera was performed in NYC, Zitkála-Šá was not credited, only William Hanson. However, we have uncovered/recovered her story.

Other early theatre artists who inspired me were:

Aida Overton Walker, African American dancer, actress, and choreographer who performed with Bert Williams and helped to create the American musical comedy. Aida Overton Walker performed Black men and women characters who were not from the blackface minstrel character warehouse.

Lillian St. Cyr, aka Princess Red Wing (Ho-Chunk), and James Young Deer (Ho-Chunk), actor and director. They were a Hollywood power couple of the silent cowboy era who also made films referencing their communities.

Lillyn Brown, African American and Erie Iroquois blues singer and actress who, like Aida Overton Walker, frequently performed in drag as a dapper, elegant man. This was at a time when Black men were portrayed as buffoons and Native men were wild savages.

In the late 1950s, Lorraine Hansberry, of Raisin in the Sun fame, wrote Les Blancs, a speculative play set in a near-future fictional African country on the verge of revolution after years of brutal colonization by a fictional northern European nation.

Georgina Lightning’s 2008 ghost film, Older Than America, chronicles the healing experience of a contemporary community in Minnesota’s Indian Country that uses the Sun Dance and other traditional rituals and wisdom to heal from colonization and genocide.

These theatre artists drew from their communities to challenge the dominant Empire narratives and create alternative story-possibilities for their audiences. Their performances proclaimed, “The way it is isn’t the way it has to be.” The colonized are often seen as casualties of progress, like bees or the Mississippi Delta. Our marvelous present seems to depend on the demise of the “natural,” the “natives.” They fall victim to the forward movement of history, a regrettable but inevitable trajectory. I am grateful to writers who have interrupted this Empire mythology.

The Arkhysian Empire is a secondary world setting. Is there any folklore or historical reference that informed how you laid out the geographical and societal landscape being ravaged by the poison desert?

I didn’t draw on specific landscapes, but connecting to the previous question—researching and experiencing theatre artists has offered me rich cultural/historical references.

In pre-colonial times, if Igbo men (in what is now southeastern Nigeria) got careless and let goats chomp precious harvests; if undisciplined young men ran amok in the village and elder men only sniggered; if a man abused his wife or if men made unreasonable demands of their wives; if anybody endangered the community with reckless, greedy, or foolish behavior, Igbo women gathered for a mikiri, or ad hoc meeting, and worked to resolve the problem with their collective power. If men ignored the mikiri’s resolutions and persisted with the bad behavior, the mikiri women would “sit on the men.” In the grand style of griot praise singers, women sang and danced, or “made war,” ogu ndem in Igbo. Women warriors performed day and night in front of the offending men’s homes or chased after them wherever they went. They highlighted transgressions and weaknesses and questioned limp manhood in satiric flourishes that parodied male griot style until the men agreed to the mikiri’s resolutions. Or the women refused to cook or left a village en masse. The men were forced to plead for the women’s return and give in to their demands.

Reign of Wazobia (1988) by Igbo playwright Tess Onwueme is set in Anioma, a mythical Igbo kingdom that is simultaneously past, present, and future. Wazobia, a woman, has been crowned king. She brings peace, prosperity, and justice and refuses to uphold so-called “traditions” that grind women to dust. Wazobia refuses to step down after the traditional three-year reign. Male chiefs want to depose her and reinstate an abusive power structure. Wazobia defeats them, and her power comes from a mikiri of women: traditional elders, Western-educated youth, wealthy elite, and poor women. Onwueme’s characters are contemporary Africans who embrace the wisdom of their ancestors and the tradition of change.

I’ve seen Master of Poisons classified as action fantasy and sword and sorcery on Amazon, but would you classify it as a work of what you and your writer group call Folk Weird? Because the damage wrought by the poison storm juxtaposed with conjure powers of your main characters reads a lot like climate science combined with magic.

I like stories that engage different ways of knowing, experiencing the world. I want haints and aliens dropping into our home dimension. I write conjurers who map the stars, who pull fire and get caught in the magnetic flight of bees, and who read dirt poems on the roots of trees.

Along with science, I think we need magic, our conjure selves, our metaphorical minds to find a way out of no way to make climate change not be a dead end.

Let’s talk about your protagonists. Awa and Djola are on parallel journeys. Both have conjuring abilities and are sent in roving exile—Awa sold to the Green Elders and Djola banished to travel with pirates. Did you devise their characters in tandem with each other or one after another?

The first bit of the novel I wrote is the scene where Awa and Djola meet. I conceived of Master of Poisons as a juxtaposition of their stories—a polyrhythm of their POVs. I wanted to task myself with multiple perspectives and offer that to my readers. Both Awa and Djola love dirt, bugs, bats, and trees. They can appreciate the squirmy slime, the austere rocks, the treacherous rivers. But they are also very, very different. I wanted to play with that.

Speaking of multiple perspectives, you wrote interlude-like chapters from the point of view of animals, like the elephant that befriends Djola in Arkhys City and the behemoths in the ocean that sing with him while he’s ship-bound with the pirates he’s banished to travel with. Was there a particular effect you were going for with these POV shifts? They add such a fun richness to the texture of the adventure narrative.

Besides loving spiders and insects, I am enchanted by trees, birds, mammals, and rivers. I’m a theatre artist, and in rehearsal you’re always trying to go from self to other, trying to get inside the character who is not you. You want to walk with their six legs or fly on their wings; you want to go to another world via their spirit and struggle. Shifting your POV to the other is the wisdom and joy of theatre. That’s what I wanted to do with these chapters.

Awa is accompanied by protective bees that hide in her hair. They’re kind of like her collective familiar. Is there a folkloric reference you’re making with them?

In much folklore, nature and the nonhuman are vital, central, and significant for their own sake. Plus, I have loved bees, ants, and social insects forever. My brother and I had an ant farm when we were young. It was great to watch the ant show. I’m also allergic to bees. I got stung once and my leg swelled up. I also have read amazing stories about beekeepers and their relationships with bees. Bees were swarming in my dreams! They were a big part of the inspiration to write Master of Poisons. They had to be a major part of the story.

Both Djola and Awa can travel to the trippy spirit world called Smokeland. Where did the idea of Smokeland come from and how did you come up with its name?

Awa introduced me to Smokeland—including the name. It’s the realm of imagination that she and others traveled to. They invited me in. I wrote down what they told me. To write, I inhabit my characters like an actor doing an improv and I let them show me who they are, show me the way to their story.

You’ve written about griots, pirates, and conjurers in previous novels: the griot-like character of Elleni in Mindscape; pirates in your novelette “Saltwater Railroad”; the conjure woman in Redwood and Wildfire. What brings you back to these characters? What do you like about writing about them?

Some people write about detectives solving a mystery or folks finding the sweet love of their life (or the sweet love of the moment) or young people coming of age and making a character of themselves in this world. Then there’s the creeping rot/horror that slips into our lives and takes us down. I like all that, but after writing my second novel, Redwood and Wildfire, I realized I write stories about artists—conjurers, griots—sacred storytellers who uncover the past, discover the future, and make sense of the cosmos. These artists also deal in the subjunctive case—the who we might have been and who we would be, if . . . They embody the struggle and beauty of being alive.

Music plays a big role in Awa and Djola’s lives. Awa travels with the Green Elders to become the griot of griots, and her travels include learning to sing and mastering polyrhythms. Djola plays his djembe drums and kora to keep the pirates in high spirits. What’s your relationship to music and how much of it did you bring to the text?

I play balaphon, a gourd-resonated xylophone from West Africa. Most of the plays I have written involve music and musicians. I listened to music from all over the world to write the novel. Music transported me to Smokeland! Polyrhythm—playing multiple rhythms/entertaining multiple perspectives—is key to the music I play and critical to who I want to be as a performer, writer, human being.

There’s a phrase that repeats a like chorus: Basawili, meaning “Not the end, more breath to come.” It’s a recurring statement that brings hope to the story. How did you come up with this?

Djola spoke the words to me, a gift from his mother that he held on to. Basawili is part of the way out of no way.

At the end of chapter seven you wrote, “[Djola] would bring Smokeland to the everyday, conjure truths from illusions, from possibilities and maybe-nots.” Do you see writing as a form of conjuring truths from illusions?

Yes. Carl Sagan said, “Dreams are maps.” To quote Master of Poisons, “With our thoughts we make a world.”

And what’s the next writing project you have coming up?

I am writing a near-future Folk Weird novel based on my play: Episodes from the Continuing Drama of Cinnamon Jones, scientist, artiste, and hoodoo conjurer. Cinnamon hangs with cyborg dogs, Circus-Bots and the baron of the boneyard.

ABOUT THE INTERVIEWER

Christian A. Coleman is a 2013 graduate of the Clarion Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers’ Workshop. He lives and writes in the Boston area. He tweets at @coleman_II.

Author Spotlight: Benjamin Rosenbaum

Alex Puncekar | 1114 words

This is a return to the world in your story “A Siege of Cranes.” What was it like going back to writing in that setting and with those characters?

“A Siege of Cranes” was written just after my daughter Aviva was born. I had a month of paternity leave, and I wrote it while she slept in a cradle beside my chair, or fussed in a Baby Björn on my chest. Sometimes I typed one-handed while balancing her in a colic hold on my left arm. She was a fussy baby, and after I wrote Marish’s lullaby for Asza, I sang it to her in endless rounds while walking circles around the living room in the middle of the night, trying to lull her to sleep.

Before having kids, I expected to love them. I did not expect that love to be so cataclysmic and terrible. I did not realize the universe would hand me a door to the meaning of life in the shape of a little person, or that invisible golden wires would extend from her every twitch and blink and pierce my skin and burrow into my core. Before I had Aviva, the worst the universe could do was kill me, and it was planning to get around to that eventually anyway, so what was there to be afraid of? After Aviva was born, the universe attained a terrible leverage over me. It could take her away.

So I wrote about that.

Now Aviva is nineteen. In a few weeks she’s heading off to college. We’re sitting together in the garden as I write this.

“Is it all right if I tell all of the world’s science fiction readers that you were a fussy baby?” I ask.

“I mean, it’s not like anyone’s surprised,” she says. “I’m a fussy adult.”

It’s a funny line, and there’s a truth to it, though she’s not actually fussy, not Felix Ungar fussy, not you-put-your-shoes-in-the-wrong-place fussy. But she is still the same person as that baby was, with all that fire and intensity and defiance. We are born into a broken world, and we can submit to it, adapt to it, convince ourselves it is the best of all possible worlds. Or we can demand justice; we can howl. Snuggled to my chest, walking circles in the living room, Aviva did not fuss. She howled.

We can adapt or stand in defiance, and of course, often we do both; we try our best to get along, to endure until we reach a breaking point. As Maghd does.

It was lovely to return to these characters. It was as if they were waiting for me.

What inspired this story?

“Siege” is told from Marish’s perspective. It’s his story. It comes out of my own fear of loss, my own anticipatory grief. It needed a villain, and so it got one.

That villain started out pretty flat and fairy-tale-esque, but in revisions (based in part on feedback from the story’s editor, the astute David Moles, and no doubt from others as well, probably including the anthology’s other editor, the marvelous Susan Groppi) the villain deepened, and hints of Marish’s own complicity were introduced.

Nonetheless, I always felt like the White Witch got short shrift. I wondered, for years, about her side of the story.

Maghd—or rather the White Witch—is a captivating narrator and an engaging, vengeful character. She’s the smarmy, sarcastic antagonist in what feels like a mythic tale. What is it about villains or villain-like characters that makes them so interesting to read and/or, one would imagine, fun to write?

I don’t think she’s smarmy! Snarky, to be sure, and dangerous, and potent. Not to be trifled with. Cause of much destruction, lots of blood on her hands. She’s the villain of “A Siege of Cranes,” yes, but my hope is that by the end of “All These Guardians” she has at least become an antihero (and Marish has been knocked off his pedestal). I want us rooting for Maghd.

This was an interesting challenge, because “A Siege of Cranes” had left things looking pretty unforgivable. I was dubious, at the beginning of writing this, whether redeeming her would be really possible. But I also had Maghd’s voice in my head, insistent, demanding the chance to tell it her way.

The dubious skepticism in my mind—very sure of itself, very quick to assess and pronounce, very committed to the known and established—that was the voice of patriarchy, the voice of the guardians of order and clarity. Maghd’s voice, opposing it, was the voice of fire and revolt.

What’s next for you? Do you have any upcoming projects that you can talk about?

Thanks for asking!

My story “Bereft, I Come to a Nameless World,” featuring a very durable polymorph wanderer named Siob, is appearing in the July/August 2020 issue of Asimov’s. My first novel, The Unraveling, a far-future coming-of-age comedy of manners and social unrest, comes out from Erewhon Books in October. (There is a very tangential connection between “Bereft” and The Unraveling. Siob was the protagonist of another novel-to-be, which fell apart; out of its ruins came The Unraveling, and the two stories still intersect, though barely.) My sister Shoshana Rosenbaum, an indie filmmaker, has made a short film of my story “Night Waking,” which should be out this fall.

Mary Anne Mohanraj and I are doing a podcast called Mohanraj and Rosenbaum are Humans, about science fiction, communities, parenting, the politics of the everyday and of literature, and so on; it should be googleable soon.

I am working on a bunch of things: a few more Siob stories; an interactive fiction game called Spring in the Shtetl for Choice of Games, set in the same Jewish historical fantasy setting (nineteenth-century Russian Empire, matchmakers and midwives and pogroms, demons and golems and dybbuks and the evil eye . . .) as my tabletop roleplaying game Dream Apart (based on, and published with, Avery Alder’s Dream Askew, at Buried Without Ceremony); a story called “Time to Wake the Boys Up” about long-haul STL interplanetary voyages and boy bands; a bit of Le Guinian or Arnasonian anthropological fantasy called “Motherless Men”; an alternate evolutionary history story called “Birdsense”; a nanotech YA romp (originally drafted with Paul Melko) called “Sargasso” . . . and lots more; my hard drive is a labyrinth of possibilities.

ABOUT THE INTERVIEWER

Alex Puncekar is a writer, game designer, and editorial assistant for both Lightspeed and Nightmare. His fiction has appeared in Aphelion: The Webzine of Science Fiction and Fantasy and Jenny Magazine. He lives in Cinncinati, Ohio. Follow him on Twitter @AlexPuncekar.

Author Spotlight: Matthew Kressel

Jude Griffin | 965 words

How did this story come about?

The story is a pseudo-sequel to a story I published back in 2010 in Interzone called “Saving Diego” about two estranged friends who meet on Gilder Nefan after a decade of being apart. I’ve always loved that setting and have wished to go back to it forever. Also, at the time I wrote “Still You Linger,” I’d been reading a lot of Carl Jung, specifically his book Man and His Symbols, which explores in great detail the symbology of dream imagery and the collective unconscious. I was also reading a lot about first-hand DMT experiences (which I have never tried) in which people describe meeting weird “alien” beings after “breaking through.” I think a lot of that stuff found its way into this story.

You’ve written that your fiction “tends to explore themes of loss, death, mourning, and rebirth.” Do you find your exploration of those themes to be evolving? Was there anything in “Still You Linger” that felt like new territory for you within those themes?

I think in “Still You Linger” I was definitely exploring themes of Existentialism. Like, in a universe without apparent or obvious meaning, what is the purpose of life? Gil struggles with meaning but in the end chooses to believe that love is something ineffable and beyond pure rational materialism—something to literally risk his life and sanity for. There’s that great line at the end of Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus, where he says, “Imagine Sisyphus happy.” Basically, he’s saying that even in a meaningless universe, we do the work anyway, because we create our own meaning. That had a profound effect on me. Despite it coming from a place of deep despair, I find it highly optimistic.

Could you talk about the choices you made for the characters Gil and Tim?

I was interested in exploring the relationship between student and teacher, upstart and veteran and how our youthful idealistic visions often don’t live up to the realities of adulthood. Tim is book-smart, but inexperienced. She’s young and enthusiastic and believes she understands reality. Gil sees his younger self in her, but he’s grown bitter and cynical with his time on Gilder Nefan. Reality didn’t turn out as rosy as he’d hoped. Worse, the numen (Muu) he’s devoted his life to stole the love of his life in order to teach him a lesson. Gil is really trapped, and I think he is jealous of Tim’s freedom. This is why, at least at first, he is brusque with her. Their relationship evolves as Gil comes to terms with his own disillusionment.

Tim’s quest for enlightenment continues at the story’s end. Will there be more of her story?

Tim is a very interesting character and I could see writing more stories with her. I’m actually writing a novella now which takes place on Chadeisson Station, an enormous space station and port city mentioned in the story. In the novella, a sixteen-year-old girl (Jess) is abandoned on Chadeisson after her father is arrested for grifting. When he goes missing from the station prison, Jess hunts for him across the galaxy, trying to find where he’s gone, who’s taken him, and why. Tim may make an appearance in the novella, but the planet of Gilder Nefan definitely does.

Can you talk about the choice to serialize Queen of Static, the sequel to King of Shards?

The publisher who put out King of Shards laid off all their staff and downsized just as the first book came out. The book sold reasonably well, had overwhelmingly positive reviews, including one front-page NPR review that I was quite pleased with. But the novel is kind of niche: it’s a portal quest fantasy based on a Judaic myth. It’s not epic fantasy, nor urban fantasy, and it heavily mines Jewish mythology. It’s also pretty dark at times. Not quite horror, but definitely dark fantasy. I don’t think there is anything quite like it out there, which is good and bad. Good, in that King of Shards is original. But bad, in that being so different, it became hard to define.

The original publisher had offered a reasonably large advance for each book (as part of a trilogy) and, having just laid off all their staff and downsized, quickly realized that they couldn’t afford to pay me my promised advances. When they offered to release me from my contract after the first book, my agent said it was the right decision, especially after the Night Shade Books fiasco, in which they held authors’ rights in litigation forever.

I approached other publishers, but I found that unless you’re selling huge amounts of books like N.K. Jemisin or George R.R. Martin (which I am not), most were reluctant to pick up a series mid-book. So after a year or two of shopping the series around, I decided to release the sequel, Queen of Static, on my Patreon. It’s been an interesting experience. I’ve never had a Patreon before, and especially during this pandemic crisis and the ongoing protests against police violence, it feels self-indulgent to ask people to support my art when people are literally dealing with life and death situations. So I try to give back as much as I can through my Patreon, to uplift rather than take down. I really believe art has the power to heal and inspire, perhaps more than anything else.

ABOUT THE INTERVIEWER

Jude Griffin is an envirogeek, writer, and photographer. She trained llamas at the Bronx Zoo; was a volunteer EMT, firefighter, and HAZMAT responder; worked as a guide and translator for journalists covering combat in Central America; lived in a haunted village in Thailand; ran an international frog monitoring network; and loves happy endings. Bonus points for frolicking dogs and kisses backlit by a shimmering full moon.

Author Spotlight: KT Bryski

Setsu Uzumé | 732 words

Solstice makes people a little wild, doesn’t it? Which came to you first, the creature or the crime?

It does! In this case, the creature came first. I blame authors Phoebe Barton and Derek Künsken. One day on Twitter, they were discussing the various irregularities in English plurals: mouses in houses, oxen in boxen, and hooves on the rooves.

With that phrase—hooves on the rooves—I caught the feel of the story all at once. Brilliantly cold midwinter, a deer stalking the night. I’m not sure why. It’s possible that hooves on the rooves made me think of reindeer and my subconscious took a Yuletide leap from there. The crime emerged as that initial feeling got tangled up with elements from other fairy tales, chiefly, “Brother and Sister” and “The Juniper Tree.”

I like taking disparate bones and fitting them together into something new.

Tell me more about ephemera! How are you managing the logistical challenges? If someone would like to read there, what should they do?

Ephemera is the monthly reading series I co-chair with editor Jen R. Albert. Funded by the Ontario Arts Council (and recently nominated for an Aurora Award!), ephemera celebrates diverse SF/F.

In the Before-Times, our home was at the Glad Day Bookshop in Toronto, the world’s oldest queer bookstore. However, like many organizations, we’ve moved to virtual programming during the pandemic. (You can still shop Glad Day’s books online, though; they have a wonderful selection of queer spec-fic.) After considerable discussion, we’ve opted to stream readings live to YouTube—so far, that seems to have worked well. One silver lining is that with geography no longer a barrier, we can invite readers from across Canada—and the world!

COVID-19 upended our schedule a bit, but we’re always keen to hear from people interested in reading. Our mandate is to support creatives at all stages of their careers. You can get in touch with us on Twitter @ephemeraseries.

The oat cake made me think of “The Soldier and Death,” and the way one shares food as a horoscope if not outright foreshadowing. What would you like readers to take away from this story?

That’s such an interesting connection! You’re right, food forms the basis a lot of moral tests in fairy tales, doesn’t it? The character who shares their food is rewarded for their virtue in the end; the selfish character gets only comeuppance.

In this case, the hunger is more emotional. It’s something not yet resolved, something not yet satisfied and put to rights. In some ways, I think this story looks at trauma and what happens when we try to bury it.

There’s a self-aware, meta dimension to your short fiction here that I noticed in “The Path of Pins, the Path of Needles” and “The Love It Bears Fair Maidens.” It’s almost like you’ve torn off a piece of folktale to bat around with the reader. Which stories or elements are you planning to tackle next? Which stories would you be happy to never hear from again?

As I said above, I like mixing and matching old bones. Sometimes I like to crack them open, spin them around to see new angles, poke them . . . If I were another person, I might be writing critical analyses of fairy tales—but I’m me, so I’m writing fairy tales about fairy tales.

I’ve been preoccupied with Tam Lin and Thomas the Rhymer lately—fairy lover stories. But then, I’ve also been noodling about the Snow Queen, who’s cut from similar cloth. The Snow Queen interests me; the magic mirror and prelude with Satan almost seem stitched on from another story all together, and I want to dig deeper into her bees.

If I name a story I’d like never to hear from again, inevitably I’ll run into a brilliant rendition that makes me eat my words.

What can we look forward to next from you?

Witty banter.

And also, I recently finished a novella which has many fairy tale elements and a giant wooden whale. I’m excited to see what becomes of it!

ABOUT THE INTERVIEWER

Setsu grew up in New York, and spent their formative years in and out of dojos. They like swords, raspberries, justice, the smell of pine forests after rain, and shooting arrows from horseback. They do not like peanut butter and chocolate in the same bite. Their work has appeared in Podcastle and Grimdark Magazine. Find them on Twitter @KatanaPen.

Author Spotlight: Katherine Crighton

Sandra Odell | 1828 words

Many authors struggle to find the perfect beginnings for their stories. “Sing in Me, Muse” opens with an exquisite poetry that set the tone for the entire story. Did you struggle to create those opening lines or did you know what you wanted and bring it onto the page?

Thank you! It’s a little half and half—I knew what I wanted from the beginning, but I also knew I didn’t necessarily have the chops to accomplish it without a lot of work.

Style-wise, I wanted to establish early on that the reader is in a sort of epic poem being written by the main character, Anisah, and so I specifically tried to reference the style of Beowulf and The Illiad—stories that generally start with the author calling the audience to attention (“Hwæt!”) or invoking a deity (“Sing in me, Muse,” the first line of Robert Fitzgerald’s translation of The Illiad, which I also cribbed for the title). Looking at it from that angle, it was easy to form the opening lines, because there’s a semi-established format.

But I am not by nature a poet, and so it was a matter of “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” I mimicked styles where I could, took the suggestions of a beta-reading group when they offered some poetic solutions to my worldbuilding, and listened to my much-better-poet friend when she told me that Euterpe was actually a terrible name for a main character.

I love the blend of historical reference and spacefaring life. Tell us something about what inspired this particular tale.

Honestly, there’s a lot—I tend to collect bits and bobs of things and let them marinate for ages just to see what comes together, and I don’t necessarily catch all of them. Three of the more obvious ones I’ve noticed, though:

The original image I had in my head was a combination of Alphonse Mucha’s Topas and Tennyson’s “The Lady of Shalott”—a woman sitting at a large round window, staring out at a universe that she can record but never really experience. (Unless, of course, she breaks the rules.)

The Topas painting has always reminded me of an Art Nouveau version of Alma-Tadema’s romanticized paintings of Ancient Greek scenes, which in turn led me to thinking about Homeric poetry and the myths I’d read as a kid. “The Lady of Shalott,” besides giving me the pathos of the woman at the window, also led me in the direction of a love story, though one that ends in tragedy.

Deliberately evoking a historical voice in a piece of science fiction comes, I think, from fanwriter astolat’s “All The Wonder,” an alternate-universe version of Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey-Maturin series that’s set in space—astolat does an absolutely neat trick with transposing Napoleonic era language style and nautical terminology onto a space opera setting, and by doing so created a rich array of variations on traditional SF tropes in a very short space. I read it years ago, and I’ve wanted to play around with something similar ever since.

This story brought to mind so many things: social pressure; the mistrust and fear directed toward the queer community; the words of resistance in The Handmaid’s Tale and V for Vendetta. What are your thoughts on how writers draw from the world around them to create something new? Do you think a writer can create without such building blocks?

I genuinely believe that all stories come from somewhere else—humans are very fond of taking their own ideas and bundling them onto older things, changing them as we go to fit the needs of the moment. It’s the folk process. We are constantly iterating and reiterating the same ideas, either to serve some need within ourselves or to accomplish a larger purpose. Even an author who is trying to be completely original will end up referencing something, whether they intend to or not—and the audience will bring their own memories and stories to the reading experience, changing and coloring the work regardless of what the author intended.

We live in a world where tales of authoritarianism and resistance are especially needed, but I didn’t set out specifically to write one. For me, though, writing is essentially auto-cannibalism—I take parts of myself to write characters and scenarios. As a queer person living in America in 2020 (and 2017, which is when I first drafted this story), it’d be harder to not write a story like this one.

I loved the transition from “sea” to “space,” and “buoys” to “stars.” This shift not only set the stage for the plot, but it also spoke to Anisah’s fate, reminding me of how Cassandra was punished for speaking truths that no one believed. Why do you think Rachael and the other cousins and sisters feared what Anisah and Tara had to say? Did this new song fly in the face of doctrine or was it something more?

The language shift existed in the very first draft. I wanted to explore a variation of one of my favorite throwaway SF gags, what TV Tropes calls “Future Imperfect”: specifically, “The further one goes into the future, the more distorted history seems to become.” After I sorted out the mechanics of how/why everybody’s up in space and there for the foreseeable future, I turned to how I would get that epic-poetry feel into the mix—and landed on the idea that the missives back to Earth had started out as data reports from different departments with personal reports thrown in, and those had evolved over time and generations to a point where the purpose was gone/forgotten, but the core action remained. (Very Pavlov.) It made sense to me that they’d develop a sort of mythology around why they sing their songs, and changes to the language would be part of that.

As for Rachel and the other sisters and clones . . . Rachel is the equivalent of middle management, an administrator who enforces rules while also being subject to them. I see her as part of a massive, self-perpetuating bureaucratic infrastructure (shades of Gilliam’s Brazil). It’d be easy to think that there’s some evil queen ruling the entire ship, forcing the endless journey to keep her power intact, but I think it’s scarier to imagine how easily we could become our own perpetuators of the status quo, jailers locking ourselves in every night. This time, for this Anisah, the status quo appears to win, and something beautiful (the love between Anisah and Tara, and the history they discovered) is lost because of her community’s fear of change.

(Though: How many Anisahs has this happened to? Or Taras, or even Rachels? Anisah’s act of public defiance was heard by all the shift-sisters—and who knows which, or how many, of them will keep her song in their hearts. Even one moment of change has countless, unknowable ripple effects—and that may make that single moment worth everything.)

At the end of the day, though, I typically encourage readers to interrogate the story and find their own meaning, rather than depending on my intentions (is the name Tara intended as symbolic of Terra/Earth, or is it the name of a popular queer love interest from the ’90s? I’LL NEVER TELL).

You can be found far and wide in the wide world of words, including slogging through the slush pits. If you could speak to those writers who submit and then wait with baited breath, what advice would you share?

My parents are genre writers—I literally grew up in the world of fantasy and science fiction publishing, and I’ve been freelancing, writing, and talking about the nuts-and-bolt of fiction for most of my life. If almost forty years of experience behind the curtain count for anything, I can say:

No, there isn’t a secret cabal that gets you published. If there was, my bibliography would be a lot longer.

Don’t self-reject. Let editors reject you instead.

Read the submission guidelines. Follow the submission guidelines.

You never know who’s reading your work on the other end—so do your research, and hope no one notices the parts you fudge. I once received a slush manuscript for whom I was the worst possible reader, because almost every major plot point depended on circumstances with which I had personal experience . . . and nearly every detail was wrong. Needless to say, the manuscript didn’t make it past the slush pile—but maybe, with a different reader, at a different publisher, it could’ve gotten a little farther.

A generic rejection doesn’t mean your story was bad. It just means your story didn’t get bought. On the other hand, if the editor bothers to spend time complimenting parts of your story, or providing feedback, or even just inviting you to submit work in the future . . . those are all wins, and should be treated as such.

What’s next for Katherine Crighton? What can eager readers look forward to in the latter half of 2020 and beyond?

After a rough few years for creativity, I’ve been working my way back to getting stories regularly written and out on submission—and the effort’s paying off. I recently sold a short story to Daily Science Fiction (“They’re Made Out of Corn”), I’m working with an editor on a proposal for a historical erotic interactive-fiction novel, and I have several stories out on submission right now (in the genres of science fiction, fantasy, historical romance, and mystery. I like a lot of stuff).

Announcements of future sales will appear on my website (katherinecrighton.com), where I also sometimes post free fiction and blog posts about writing/publishing. And for regular content, I’m one of the hosts of No Story Is Sacred (nostoryissacred.com), a twice-monthly podcast where my three siblings and I talk about, take apart, and rebuild stories. It’s extremely profane and also a ridiculous amount of fun.

Finally, in my day job, I work as an administrative assistant for a robotics engineering department. I shamelessly use world-class roboticists as my personal test ground for ideas; I hope to have it all eventually translate into one or more stories about the future of robots (who are all, as far as I can tell, just very good doggos trying their best).

ABOUT THE INTERVIEWER

Sandra Odell is a 47-year old, happily married mother of two, an avid reader, compulsive writer, and rabid chocoholic. Her work has appeared in such venues as Jim Baen’s UNIVERSE, Daily Science Fiction, Crosssed Genres, Pseudopod, and The Drabblecast. She is hard at work plotting her second novel or world domination. Whichever comes first.

Coming Attractions

The Editors | 210 words

Coming up in September, in Lightspeed . . .

We have original science fiction by Adam-Troy Castro (“The Author’s Wife vs. The Giant Robot”) and Sunny Moraine (“Note to Self”), along with SF reprints by Caroline M. Yoachim (“Shadow Prisons of the Mind”) and Hugh Howey (“Machine Learning”).

Plus, we have original fantasy by Alexander Weinstein (“Destinations of Waiting”) and Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam (“Entanglement”), and fantasy reprints by LD Lewis (“Moses”) and Karen Joy Fowler (“Persephone of the Crows”).

All that, and of course we also have our usual assortment of author spotlights, along with our book and media review columns. Our feature interview is with Mark Oshiro. Our ebook readers will also enjoy a book excerpt.

It’s another great issue, so be sure to check it out.

• • • •

Looking ahead beyond next month, we’ve got a veritable plethora of stories forthcoming. We’ve got work from the following authors coming up over the next couple of issues: Todd McAulty, Jenny Rae Rappaport, Kat Howard, Phoebe Barton, and Ashok K. Banker.

So be sure to keep an eye out for all that SFnal goodness in the months to come. And while you’re at it, tell a friend about Lightspeed.

Thanks for reading!

Stay Connected

The Editors

Here are a few URLs you might want to check out or keep handy if you’d like to stay apprised of everything new and notable happening with Lightspeed:

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www.lightspeedmagazine.com

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Subscriptions and Ebooks

The Editors

Subscriptions: If you enjoy reading Lightspeed, please consider subscribing. It’s a great way to support the magazine, and you’ll get your issues in the convenient ebook format of your choice. All purchases from the Lightspeed store are provided in epub, mobi, and pdf format. A 12-month subscription to Lightspeed includes more than 100 stories (about 700,000 words of fiction, plus assorted nonfiction). The cost is just $35.88 ($12 off the cover price)—what a bargain!

Visit lightspeedmagazine.com/subscribe for more information, including about third-party subscription options.

Ebooks & Bundles: We also have individual ebook issues available at a variety of ebook vendors ($3.99 each), and we now have Ebook Bundles available in the Lightspeed ebookstore, where you can buy in bulk and save! We currently have a number of ebook bundles available: Year One (issues 1-12), Year Two (issues 13-24), Year Three (issues 25-36), the Mega Bundle (issues 1-36), and the Supermassive Bundle (issues 1-48). Buying a bundle gets you a copy of every issue published during the named period. So if you need to catch up on Lightspeed, that’s a great way to do so.

Visit lightspeedmagazine.com/store for more information.

• • • •

All caught up on Lightspeed? Good news! We also have lots of ebooks available from our sister-publications:

Nightmare Ebooks, Bundles, & Subscriptions: Like Lightspeed, our sister-magazine Nightmare (nightmare-magazine.com) also has ebooks, bundles, and subscriptions available as well. For instance, you can get the complete first year (12 issues) of Nightmare for just $24.99; that’s savings of $11 off buying the issues individually. Or, if you’d like to subscribe, a 12-month subscription to Nightmare includes 48 stories (about 240,000 words of fiction, plus assorted nonfiction), and will cost you just $23.88 ($12 off the cover price).

Fantasy Magazine Ebooks & Bundles: We also have ebook back issues—and ebook back issue bundles—of Lightspeed’s (now dormant) sister-magazine, Fantasy. To check those out, just visit fantasy-magazine.com/store. You can buy each Fantasy bundle for $24.99, or you can buy the complete run of Fantasy Magazine— all 57 issues—for just $114.99 (that’s $10 off buying all the bundles individually, and more than $55 off the cover price!).

Support Us on Patreon, or How to Become a Dragonrider or Space Wizard

The Editors

If you’re reading this, then there’s a good chance you’re a regular reader of Lightspeed and/or Nightmare. We already offer ebook subscriptions as a way of supporting the magazines, but we wanted to add an additional option to allow folks to support us, thus we’ve launched a Patreon (patreon.com/JohnJosephAdams).

TL;DR Version

If you enjoy Lightspeed and Nightmare and my anthologies, our Patreon page is a way for you to help support those endeavors by chipping in a buck or more on a recurring basis. Your support will help us bring bigger and better (and more) projects into the world.

Why Patreon?

There are no big companies supporting or funding the magazines, so the magazines really rely on reader support. Though we offer the magazines online for free, we’re able to fund them by selling ebook subscriptions or website advertising.

While we have a dedicated ebook subscriber base, the vast majority of our readers consume the magazine online for free. If just 10% of our website readers pledged just $1 a month, the magazines would be doing fantastically well. So we thought it might be useful to have an option like Patreon for readers who maybe haven’t considered supporting the magazine, or who maybe haven’t because they don’t have any desire to receive the ebook editions—or who would be glad to pay $1 a month, but not $3 (the cost of a monthly subscriber issue of Lightspeed).

Though Lightspeed and Nightmare are separate entities, we decided to create a single “publisher” Patreon account because it seemed like it would be more efficient to manage just one account. Plus, since I sometimes independently publish works using indie-publishing tools (as described above), we thought it would be good to have a single place where folks could come to show their support for such projects.

Basically, we wanted to create a crowdfunding page where, if you enjoy my work as an editor, and you want to contribute a little something to help make it easier for us to produce more cool projects, then our Patreon is the place to do that.

What Do I Get Out of Being a Patron?

Well, you get the satisfaction of helping to usher the creation of cool new short fiction projects into the world! Plus, the more support we get, the better we can make the magazines and compensate our authors and staff. By becoming a supporter via Patreon, you help fund our growth and continued publication of two award-winning magazines. Of course, if you’re already one of our ebook subscribers (thank you!), you are already supporting us. This is for those who prefer to read the issues each month on our free websites, or wish to support our efforts more generally.

By becoming a supporter, you are also bestowed a title, such as Dragonrider, or Space Wizard, or Savior of the World and/or Universe, thus making you instantly the envy of all your friends.

Thank You!

If you’ve read this far, thanks so much. We hope you’ll consider becoming a backer on Patreon. That URL again is patreon.com/JohnJosephAdams.

Thanks in advance for your time. We look forward to hopefully being able to make the magazines—and my other publishing endeavors—even better with the support of people like you.

About the Lightspeed Team

The Editors

Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

John Joseph Adams

Managing/Senior Editor

Wendy N. Wagner

Associate Editor & Book Reviewer

Arley Sorg

Reprint Editor

Rich Horton

Podcast Producer

Stefan Rudnicki

Podcast Editor/Host

Jim Freund

Art Director

John Joseph Adams

Assistant Editor

Laurel Amberdine

Editorial Assistant

Alex Puncekar

Reviewers

Arley Sorg

LaShawn Wanak

Chris Kluwe

Carrie Vaughn

Christopher East

Violet Allen

Interviewer

Christian A. Coleman

Copy Editor

Dana Watson

Proofreaders

Anthony R. Cardno

Devin Marcus

Webmaster

Jeremiah Tolbert of Clockpunk Studios

Associate Publisher/Director of Special Projects

Christie Yant

Assistant Publisher

Robert Barton Bland

Also Edited by John Joseph Adams

The Editors

If you enjoy reading Lightspeed (and/or Nightmare), you might also enjoy these works edited by John Joseph Adams:

ANTHOLOGIES

THE APOCALYPSE TRIPTYCH, Vol. 1: The End is Nigh (with Hugh Howey)

THE APOCALYPSE TRIPTYCH, Vol. 2: The End is Now (with Hugh Howey)

THE APOCALYPSE TRIPTYCH, Vol. 3: The End Has Come (with Hugh Howey)

Armored

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2015 (with Joe Hill)

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2016 (with Karen Joy Fowler)

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2017 (with Charles Yu)

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2018 (with N.K. Jemisin)

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2019 (with Carmen Maria Machado)

Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy 2020 (with Diana Gabaldon) [Forthcoming 2020]

Brave New Worlds

By Blood We Live

Cosmic Powers

Dead Man’s Hand

THE DYSTOPIA TRIPTYCH, Vol. 1: Ignorance is Strength (with Hugh Howey and Christie Yant)

THE DYSTOPIA TRIPTYCH, Vol. 2: Burn the Ashes (with Hugh Howey and Christie Yant)

THE DYSTOPIA TRIPTYCH, Vol. 3: Or Else the Light (with Hugh Howey and Christie Yant)

Epic: Legends of Fantasy

Federations

The Improbable Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

HELP FUND MY ROBOT ARMY!!! and Other Improbable Crowdfunding Projects

Lightspeed: Year One

The Living Dead

The Living Dead 2

Loosed Upon the World

The Mad Scientist’s Guide to World Domination

Operation Arcana

Other Worlds Than These

Oz Reimagined (with Douglas Cohen)

A People’s Future of the United States (with Victor LaValle)

Press Start to Play (with Daniel H. Wilson)

Robot Uprisings (with Daniel H. Wilson)

Seeds of Change

Under the Moons of Mars

Wastelands

Wastelands 2

Wastelands: The New Apocalypse

The Way of the Wizard

What the #@&% is That? (with Douglas Cohen)

NOVELS and COLLECTIONS

Beacon 23 by Hugh Howey

Shift by Hugh Howey

Dust by Hugh Howey

Bannerless by Carrie Vaughn

Sand by Hugh Howey

Retrograde by Peter Cawdron

Machine Learning: New and Collected Stories by Hugh Howey

Creatures of Will and Temper by Molly Tanzer

The City of Lost Fortunes by Bryan Camp

The Robots of Gotham by Todd McAulty

The Wild Dead by Carrie Vaughn

The Spaceship Next Door by Gene Doucette

In the Night Wood by Dale Bailey

Creatures of Want and Ruin by Molly Tanzer

Break the Bodies, Haunt the Bones by Micah Dean Hicks

The Chaos Function by Jack Skillingstead

Upon a Burning Throne by Ashok K. Banker

Gather the Fortunes by Bryan L. Camp

Reentry by Peter Cawdron

Half Way Home by Hugh Howey

Chosen Ones by Veronica Roth

Creatures of Charm and Hunger by Molly Tanzer

The Unfinished Land by Greg Bear [forthcoming]

A Dark Queen Rises by Ashok K. Banker [forthcoming]

The Conductors by Nicole Glover [forthcoming]

The Apocalypse Seven by Gene Doucette [forthcoming]

Visit johnjosephadams.com to learn more about all of the above.