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BUGS in Writing

A Guide to Debugging Your Prose

A Catalog of Prosaic Catastrophes

Th e T e xt Engin ee ring Guide

Listening to Prose

Cataclysmic Blund e rs, Muffed Lines, and Slips of th e P e n

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

How to Banish Fallacious S e ntences

A Diverting Guid e to Errorfrec Prose

Error Trapping and Extermination

Dedication To Max, my transporting and transported angel.

DLicL

aimer

The possible-world actio/is and speech ascribed to the characters in this book are festal ions of the author's immoderate imagination; no relation to the blocks world is implied or intended.

mam

Foreword

JL have been publishing books for more than 15 years, yet I have never before been given—nor have I requested—the opportunity to write a foreword to one of them.

In this special case, the author and I agreed, I was a natural choice. I have worked with Lyn Dupre as closely as anyone has during much of my publishing tenure, and I am therefore as familiar as anyone is with her unique ability to help writers communicate more clearly. She has been my most valued editor, valued not simply for cleaning up other people's prose, but for helping them to develop their own effective style. Lyn holds that most people will write more lucid prose if only they can learn to listen carefully to what they are writing, and to be aware of the most common errors that a writer can make. I have seen up close how she has taught so many writers— from graduate students preparing their first research paper for a journal to world-renowned authors developing their latest book—to pay closer attention to their writing. I am delighted that, with BUGS in Writing, Lyn is able to share with a much broader audience her knowledge of the language, her experience with writers across disciplines (but especially in technical fields), and her unmatched talent for making a guide to a subject so prosaic as writing style as enjoyable as it is practical.

As an editor for me and my colleagues, Lyn has worked with a "Who's Who" of computer-science authors, including Fred Brooks, Rick Cattell, Steve Feiner, Jim Foley, John Hughes, Don Knuth,

Nancy Leveson, Kirk McKusick, Carver Mead, Peter Neumann, Christos Papadimitriou, Yoh-Han Pao, Ben Shneiderman, Ted Short-liffe, Avi Silberschatz, Andy van Dam, Gio Wiederhold, Patrick Henry Winston—the list is long! These successful authors, to be sure, are among those writers who need the least help; each had already developed a style that works. As Lyn teaches, however, every author can learn to write more effectively. And the most skilled authors are also the first people to recognize the importance of lucid writing for the aspiring—or the established! — scientist or other professional.

Lyn has also worked closely over the years with scores of university students and faculty members. With graduate students in Ted Short-liffe's program at Stanford University, in Carver Mead's laboratory at the California Institute of Technology, and in other academic institutions around the country, she shaped and refined her techniques for helping would-be (and must-be!) writers. Correcting her students, instructing them, getting them ultimately to produce their own highest-quality results, she had a direct influence—anyone who has spent a moment with Lyn would never say "impact"—on their professional writing. Papers, theses, and proposals were never done until, as their writers said, they had been "Lynified." In the process, the editor was herself edified: Seeing the same mistakes made over and over, yet knowing that her clientele possessed fine minds and keen wits, Lyn devised the principles of lucid writing that have now been collected into this one handy guide.

I have often been impressed by Lyn's ability to teach good writing through her editing—an ability reflected on heavily marked manuscript pages, in spirited e-mail exchanges, in lectures and conversations. With BUGS in Writing, I find that the teacher and editor can herself write! In 150 short segments, each of which can be read and absorbed in a brief sitting (or standing, for that matter, if you are an urban commuter), she has boiled English down to the essence of

what every (scientific) writer needs to know to write clear and effective prose. Amazingly, with a collection of offbeat examples— sometimes clever, often hilarious — she has managed to write a book about language that is fun to read! But if the examples in BUGS in Writing are funny, the instruction that they provide is decidedly practical. I personally hope that legions of new writers will find, as I have, that the good habits spread by B UGS in Writing are, like the author's own style, infectious.

Peter S. Gordon

Publishing Partner

Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, Inc.

Reading, Massachusetts

September 1994

Read Me: Ear

^JJiven that you are reading this page, I assume that you want to know how to write well. Given that you have that desire, I assume that you already know a considerable amount about writing. Any person who pays attention to, and thinks about, the techniques of good writing already has the necessary basis for developing ear/ Ear is the ability to hear whether a given word order, sentence, or term is correct.

The simplest way to improve your expository writing substantially is to learn to avoid a limited set of extremely common errors. Because these errors are endemic in scientific literature, they sneak into the prose of even extremely bright people who write well. You probably have become so used to seeing them that you do not immediately recognize that they are problematic.

My purpose in this book is to teach you to recognize common errors instantly by describing as clearly and simply as possible what those errors are. My intention is to convey to you the basic principles of good writing, and thus to help you to develop ear, without subjecting you to the pain and boredom of absorbing the voluminous body of formal and technical knowledge on the English language. I aim to present information in a form such that you will read because the

* Chances are that you have the normal complement of ears—those appurtenances attached to the sides of the human head. Ear is different from an ear; most people lack ear, but almost anyone who wants to can develop ear.

material is amusing and interesting, and in the process will learn the principles that you need to know to improve your competence in written English.

When you have a smooth, intimate relationship with written language, you have at hand a tool of enormous power: You can communicate with and convince your fellow humans.

You write a manuscript to convey information, to communicate concepts, and to persuade people. You may have numerous opportunities for writing in your work, such as the following:

• You complete a research study, and want to convey your results and conclusions to your colleagues.

• You design a software package, and want to write a manual that will tell users how it works, or to write advertising copy that will tell people why they should buy it.

• You have a hypothesis that you wish to test, and want to write a grant or contract proposal in the hope that you will obtain funding to carry out your research.

• You have been invited to contribute a chapter to a book on a topic related to your area of expertise, and want to restructure your thinking so that your theories will be accessible to people who are not familiar with your field.

• You have completed a review of work on a specific topic, and now want to write an article for a specialty journal.

• You have been asked to give a talk at a conference, and want to develop the slides for your presentation.

• You have been asked to report the progress that your department has made on a project, and want to write a memorandum or business report.

Whatever your specific reason for undertaking a writing project, when you write, your goals are to communicate and to convince.

The principles of syntax, style, and semantics structure your writing to reduce ambiguity and to add clarity. Lucid, clean writing conveys thoughts rapidly and effortlessly; murky, obfuscating prose makes readers work hard to glean any sense at all. Many of the principles boil down to common sense; implementing them reduces potential or actual confusion. Patrick Henry Winston 1 " suggests these reasons for learning to avoid common mistakes:

• Errors such as split infinitives and nonparallel fragments make reading difficult, because they place an unnecessary burden on that part of the brain that makes use of syntax. If you overload that part of the brain, there are fewer brain cells available to handle meaning.

• Errors such as word shifts — a shovel in one paragraph becomes a spade in another — place an unnecessary burden on that part of the brain that is trying to deal with semantics. They make your reader wonder whether the shift conveys meaning or merely reflects a misguided sense that word repetition is bad.

• Errors in general distract the careful reader, in particular a reader who writes and who cares about his writing.

I add only that errors in general detract from your credibility. Even if your reader does not herself know precisely what rules you are breaking, she will certainly notice whether your thoughts are easy to understand. If you write muddy, indecipherable prose, riddled with mistakes, your reader is bound to wonder how carefully you designed your study, collected your data, applied statistical techniques, validated your system, or otherwise behaved like a respectable scientist.

f Personal communication, 1994,

Many of the principles of syntax, style, and semantics are not strict, in the sense that experts may disagree about them. Anyone who studies language develops her own set of principles; the one presented in this book is my own, subject to my unique, opinionated biases. I have developed this set for computer people (a class that I shall identify in the next paragraph), but the principles are applicable to all technical writing; for that matter, they are applicable to any writing at all. Whether you are writing a doctoral dissertation or a love letter, your goal is to convey information to, or to convince, your reader; limpid clarity will get your point across.

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I have written this book for all people who might plausibly be found wandering around in that section of a bookstore that has on the shelves computer-related books; such Homo sapiens I have dubbed computer people. You may be a computer scientist, or you may hark from any discipline that uses computers as an integral component of its work. I have explored challenges that are specific to such disciplines, such as how to set code or to style the names of the keys on a keyboard. I have also used numerous examples throughout the book to show you ways to use wisely the terminology of computers. If you are any breed of scientist, even one who does not differentiate RAM from a male sheep, you will still find this book highly applicable to your work. If you are a businessperson, you also will find in this book many techniques to help you communicate effectively and thus to work productively.

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This book comprises numerous short, unordered,* unlinked,** easily digestible segments. That is not the usual structure for a book, and you deserve an explanation. When you begin reading, you may find the lack of hierarchy irritating. Because this book is so noticeably different from other texts whose purpose is to teach you how to write well, let us first examine the more usual approach.

Language is evolving stuff that exists in the world. We humans generally try to learn about stuff by observing it and seeking patterns that will let us classify it, and make predictions about it. Many intelligent people have observed English for ages; they have developed an immense body of knowledge, a classification system that codifies the patterns according to one model of language. The result is a huge hierarchical rule base; such rule bases are presented in style manuals.

A style manual is thus a highly organized exposition of this rule-based model, presented in a specialized terminology. Style manuals contain terms such as possessive case, appositive, restrictive function, and antecedent. Style manuals are comprehensive: They classify everything you might need to know about the rules governing the English language. I strongly urge you to purchase a good one—my personal recommendation is The Chicago Manual of Style [Chicago: University of Chicago Press], because it is used by most publishers in the United States—and to use it to look up answers to specific questions that arise as you write.

There is nothing wrong with that approach to modeling language; on the contrary, it is an admirable, scientific, comprehensive way of going about the business. Most editors, for example, use that rule-

t The segments are numbered, but the numbers are merely identifiers to help you find a segment that you want to read. They do not denote a preferred reading sequence.

** That is, the segments do not contain cross-references; each stands alone.

based system in their work. There is, however, a different way, and that way is what I will teach you in this book.

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The alternative is a more intuitive, right-brain observation of language, the result of which is the development of ear. As I said earlier, ear is the ability to hear whether a given word order, sentence, or term is correct. Ear is based on numerous principles that have to do with the logic and rhythm of language. To develop ear, you learn the principles; once you have ear, you can make judgments without resorting to any specific principle. You are thus equipped to handle new, unexpected situations.

In this book, I give you a set of principles; the set is not comprehensive, but it does cover most of the problems that mistuned ears miss. I would like you to think of the segments of this book as, say, daily columns that might turn up on the opinion page of your newspaper, waiting for you at the breakfast table. Each segment covers one conceptual chunk of information, and each stands alone. You can read the segments in any order, as many at a sitting as you wish. Certain information shows up in more than one segment, for two reasons. First, because the segments are independent, I want to ensure that you do not need to refer to more than one at a time. Second, showing you how a notion applies in different situations is a good way to familiarize you with it.

I have written the book in this way, refusing steadfastly to organize it in the traditional manner, because I believe strongly that attempts to impose organization on the principles lead you to the analytic system of style manuals, rather than to the development of ear. Had I organized this book well, I would eventually have ended up with a structure identical to that of a standard style manual, and you would have in your hands a mediocre, incomplete book. I have, instead,

purposely introduced chaos so that I can actively discourage you from trying to read this book linearly, memorizing the principles as you go. Instead, I want you to open the book randomly, or perhaps to find in the table of contents a segment that interests you today. No one can absorb more than a few segments at a sitting, and I do not want you to try to do the impossible. I want you to keep this book on the breakfast table, next to your hammock on the porch, on your nightstand, or wherever you will be inclined to pick it up for a bit of grazing when you have a quiet moment or two.

I want you to read around in this book, now and then, over a period during which you also do your own writing, because, as you write, you will understand more and more about how the principles apply. Every segment in this book describes a problem that many writers have; any individual writer has her own set of frequent glitches. You might want to identify your own personal subset of the principles in this book. As you read, flag those segments that describe the errors that you make most often. Then, if you learn to avoid that small set of errors, you will write smoothly and well.

Eventually, you will absorb a new model of language; you will start to understand a way of looking at language that lets you tell instantly whether the wording of a sentence sits well with you. You will develop ear, and that is my intention.

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If you are teaching other people to write, this book will be a valuable tool. If you are supervising graduate students who write research reports and dissertations, for example, or are training your staff to write clear progress reports, or are helping colleagues to prepare papers for presentations, first ensure that each person has her own copy of this book. Then, help her to identify her own set of, say, her 20 most common errors. As she writes, have her check her writing

for those specific problems, before she gives you the text. You will both profit from the exercise.

At the end of the book, I have included an Index by Category. You can use that index to find segments that discuss, for example, punctuation marks, or terms to be avoided. I have also included an Index of Principles. There, you will find the titles of the segments listed alphabetically, and annotated with the relevant principles. This index will allow you to relocate information when you want to refresh your memory.

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No single principle is essential; once you have developed ear, you may well reject several of my ideas. If you do not yet have finely tuned ear, however, I recommend that you first simply follow the principles in this book. What sounds right to you now may well sound gratingly clumsy in the future. What sounds stilted and formal and overly correct to you now may well sound clean and pleasant in the future. Your ear will change.

Eventually, you will be able to forget the specific principles—both the ones given here and any that you discover for yourself—because you will have an accurate sense of the natural rhythm of language.

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It is critical that you understand that the principles are derived from the language, rather than vice versa. That is, the principles are descriptive, rather than prescriptive. If you know how to apply the principles, you have competence in written English. Because the principles are descriptive, there is not always an answer to the question, "Why is the language that way?" There often is an answer, and that answer usually depends on logic and has to do with disambigu-

ation; where the answer exists, I tell you about it. Sometimes, however, there is no apparent reason why the language behaves as it does: It just is that way.

Furthermore, in certain sections (for example, styling of numbers), I describe a set of conventions. The rationale for such conventions is that they are standards: You and other writers follow the standards to maintain consistency within and across documents.

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When I write in this book

You should <follow a principle>.

I mean that, if you wish to bring your writing into line with competent written English, then you should follow the principle that I describe. I might say, for example,

You should not split infinitives.

I have used this construction because omitting you from the discussion would be unfriendly, and would leave me various unappealing options, such as simple commands (which are even more directive, in essence telling you that you must, rather than that you should)

Do not split infinitives. or passive voice

Infinitives should not be split.

or verbosity

If you wish to write well, then you might consider adopting the principle of never splitting infinitives.

or bad grammar

To write well, infinitives should remain unsplit.

Thus, I want you to understand that I am not so much telling you what to do, as I am telling you what you can do if you want to improve your writing. I needed the construction you can, however, to tell you about those situations in which there are various— equally good—alternatives.

Furthermore, as I mentioned, language is evolving: Language is a form of human behavior, and it is never stagnant. Be aware that the rules of spoken language are substantially different from those of written language. Be aware also that, at any given moment, a person who has competence in the language knows where to place the boundary between incorrect usage and usage that has become correct over time. The precise location of that boundary is a matter of judgment; most of the boundaries 11 expressed in this book are reflections of my own judgment. They are here to guide you, rather than to bind you.

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Because I am offering you an alternative model of language, I have avoided, to the extent practical, the terminology used to describe the rules of style and syntax. I do assume that you know, or can infer from context, the meaning of verb and noun; in general, however, I have used few such terms; when I do use them, I make sure that you and the term are properly introduced before you play together. For the most part, however, I encourage you to think of language as describing activities undertaken in possible worlds by various

ft In particular, the location of the boundary between ugly and good, as I shall describe in a moment, is a matter of judgment and ear.

agents; objects or creatures can undertake activities or can be the recipients of activities.

A large portion of the pedagogy in this book is by way of example. My own experience in teaching writers has convinced me that people acquire ear by contemplating myriad examples. Two examples may seem excessive to the person who already understands the point being made, but six examples may be insufficient for the person who is trying to grasp a new pattern. If, after you read the first example, you comprehend the distinction, or structure, or other point, then by all means skip the others; they are there for other readers.

In most cases, I have given the examples in pairs or sets,** showing you first the problem, and then the solution. I have not used identical sentences in the sets, for two reasons. First, reading the same sentence repetitively would bore you. Second, I want to teach you to read for structure, as well as for content. Even though the words in the example sentences are different, the structures of the sentences in a given set are identical (or are sufficiently similar that they are identical for the point under discussion).

A good writer reads a sentence in two ways: for structure and for content. If you read sentences for content only, you will be unable to discern many of the reasons for the principles, and you will be unable to apply the principles to your own writing. If you read for structure only, you will be unable to understand what a sentence means. You must read for both. Thus, I have chosen to set up the examples such that you are forced to read for both structure and content, so that you will be able to apply what you learn. Your own sentences will certainly have content different from those in the examples, but they will have the same structure. Because you will

XX The example sets are separated from each other by pathways frequently used by bookish felines, as evidenced by the spoor.

know how to read for structure, you will be able to see that your sentence is like the one on page xx of this book, and you will know how to write your sentence correctly.

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Because, as I said, many principles of syntax, style, and semantics are not hard and fast rules, but rather are, to a degree, subject to opinion, I have developed the BUGS system to classify all the examples in this book. BUGS is a four-point scale, denoting

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable.

ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct.

When you write well, you get your point across.

splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion.

Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

Keep firmly in your mind, as you read, that the distinction between bad and ugly is one of kind, rather than one of degree. There are many bad (technically incorrect) sentences that are considerably less objectionable than are many ugly (technically correct but klutzy, horrific, stultifyingly dry, or otherwise unacceptable) sentences.

The distinction between ugly and good is, like that between bad and ugly, one of kind. It is also, necessarily, one of judgment, or of ear. That is, members of both classes are technically correct, but those in the ugly class are objectionable on a different, valuative measure. Thus, the border between ugly and good will vary across experts; the one presented in this book is mine, offered for your consideration.

In contrast, the distinction between good and splendid is one of degree, as well as one of ear. In most cases, a good sentence (one that solves the problem under discussion) is as good as it gets, so to speak; there is no splendid case. Splendid sentences are rare; they occur only when (i) there is a more graceful, more communicative, or otherwise more desirable solution, or (2) there is a solution that applies correctly to more than one of the lessons in a given segment of this book.

I have classified every example so that there is no room for confusion about whether I am showing you a problem or a solution. In certain segments, I am pointing out that different word order, for example, results in different meaning; there is no bad or ugly example because all ways are correct—you just need to be sure that what you intend to write matches what you do write. In other cases, the topic of the segment is a beast that you should generally expel from your prose, such as a redundant brutish monster beast; in those segments, the only examples are ugly ones.

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I have had great fun writing this book, and I hope that you will similarly enjoy reading it. I encourage you to swim into it playfully, and to let it lap over you without worrying about what you are learning. Soon enough, you too will be entertaining yourself by writing your own manuscripts.

Lyn Dupre

Woodside, California September 1994

Do not read any further

until you have read the preceding

Read Me material!

Otherwise,

much of what follows may

make little sense to you.

1 Passive or Missing Agents

JLf you want to learn only one technique to improve your writing substantially, you should learn to avoid using passive voice. Passive voice is the form in which you can say only that an event or action took place in the world, without necessarily admitting what or who the causal agent was, such as

ugly: Several of the data sets were lost. ugly: The Waterford crystal was dropped. ugly: The car was dented.

I recommend that you take responsibility in your writing, and always name the creature or object that is acting.

Naming the agent in active voice will give your prose a more vigorous rhythm.

good: Lyn lost the data sets.

Lyn is the agent. good: Dona dropped the Waterford crystal.

Dona is the agent. GOOD: Max dented the car.

Max is the agent.

In contrast, passive voice is boring, even if you reveal the agent.

ugly: The Waterford crystal was dropped by Dona.

Dona is the agent, but the sentence is still in passive voice.

Furthermore, using passive voice generally will expose you to the risk of failing to deliver on the promise of another part of your sentence—the promise to identify an agent in a specific location. We shall return to this point after we have examined the simpler case of correct (but ugly) use of passive voice.

Failing to name the agent in a sentence is uninformative and boring, and tends to lead you into all manner of grammatical errors. Yet, incomprehensibly, generations of scientists and technical experts have had drilled into them that keeping secret who performed actions is the correct way to undertake formal writing. You will read numerous scientific papers written predominantly in passive voice, and your colleagues may try to rewrite your prose to introduce passivity. 1 Fight back! Stick to active voice, except for the occasional sentence here and there, and say who did it, rather than it got done. Your writing will be exponentially clearer and more interesting.

f^l You should avoid passive voice because it allows you to fail to inform your reader of who or what took action in, or otherwise influenced, the world. By switching to active voice, you give your reader possibly vital information.

ugly: The data were collected. good: Brendan collected the data.

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1. I am sad to say that even certain publishers' copy editors may try to passify your prose.

ugly: When memory is so short that it cannot be freed sufficiently fast to satisfy demand, swapping can be used.

good: When the operating system becomes so short of memory that the paging process cannot free memory sufficiently fast to satisfy demand, it can use swapping.

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ugly: In a stack, both insertions and deletions are performed at one end only; both popping and pushing are allowed.

good: When you use a fifo list queue, you make insertions at one end of the list, and deletions at the other end; you therefore must maintain rear and front pointers.

As I mentioned, you can name an agent in passive voice if you wish. Although that construction is not incorrect, active voice has considerably more verve.

ugly: The book was written by Lyn. good: Max designed the software.

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ugly: The lamp was broken by BB. 2 good: Red pounced on the banana slug.

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2. Contributed by Red.

UGLY: The critical-region construct can be used by people to solve the critical-section problem.

good: Any programmer can use the conditional critical region to solve synchronization problems.

There is one justifiable use of passive voice. Passive voice emphasizes the receiver of activity (the object), rather than the actor (the subject), and there may be occasions when that emphasis is important. In the following example pair, we might have ample grounds for thinking that the critical information is that the book file (recipient of activity) was erased (activity), and that the identity of the eraser (the power outage, which is the actor) is immaterial. In such a case, the first example might well be more apt than the second.

ugly?: Lyn's book file was erased by a power outage. good: A power outage erased Lyn's book file.

Nonetheless, because most people overuse passive voice to the detriment of their writing style, I urge you to avoid the construction as much as possible, until you have got into the habit of writing in active voice.

You should not mix in one sentence parts that contain words ending in ing with parts cast in passive voice.

There is nothing wrong, grammatically speaking, with the previous examples of passive voice. You create an error, however, when you mix within one sentence a part that has no identified agent, and a part that contains a verb that requires an agent to keep that verb under control. Such errors are perhaps the most common in formal writing —they are so common that it probably will take time for your ear to adjust to the notion that the form is incorrect. Using an ing word is one way that you create the need for a matching agent.

SEGMENT I PASSIVE OR MISSING AGENTS

Consider this example:

bad: By pouring water on the flame, the fire can be extinguished.

What is wrong here?

The first chunk of the sentence— by pouring water on the flame — creates in your reader the expectation that you are about to reveal who or what is doing the pouring. The noun fire shows up, and grammatically you have made the claim that the fire is pouring water. Not only is the conjured picture illogical (in this example), but also there is another string of words— can be extinguished —of which your reader now tries to make sense. She backpedals, realizing that the fire is not doing anything at all; it is merely sitting there, about to become the victim of a homicidal act. Although your reader will probably figure out what you intended to say, what you have actually said is grammatical nonsense. Your sentence parts, or clauses, do not match.

Note that rearranging the order of the parts will not help you at all; the error lies in the failure of the parts to match. 3

bad: The fire can be extinguished by pouring water on the flame.

What you need to do to make your sentence work is to cast both parts in the same manner—with or without an agent. Thus, it is correct—but inadvisable — to leave out the agent entirely, as follows:

ugly: If water is poured on the flame, the fire can be extinguished.

3.1 am grateful to Jan Clayton for suggesting that I should mention this point.

Also correct, and decidedly preferable, is to recast such that both parts speak about an agent.

good: By pouring water on the flame, you can extinguish the fire.

There are other forms that you can use to avoid the problem.

good: To extinguish the fire, you can pour water on the flame.

good: If you want to put out a fire, [then] drown the flame in water.

good: Pouring water on the flame usually will extinguish the fire.

Note that the final example in the preceding set contains no agent, and speaks of only an activity, but is still perfectly reasonable.

Thus, if one of your clauses has a form such as

• By doing an activity...

• Using an object (or creature)...

• In holding an object (or creature)...

• On realizing an idea...

then the rest of your sentence must inform your reader of who or what is doing, using, holding, or realizing.

bad: By using the same primary key, the implication is that the same real-world entity is being represented.

good: When combining user views, you should merge entities that have the same primary key.

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bad: Using a reallocation register, dynamic reallocation can be implemented.

good: By loading the user process into high memory down toward the base-register value, you can ensure that all unused space lies in the middle.

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bad: Using the hysteretic differentiator, the output is primarily responsive to major changes in the sign of the derivative of the input voltage.

good: Applying a waveform of a fixed shape to the input of the circuit, we can change the magnitude of the time derivative by changing the frequency of the wave, while maintaining the input amplitude constant.

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bad: Using great expertise, the model was constructed by Max.

good: Using her noodle, Lyn constructed the tree house.

Note that naming the agent does not get you out of the problem if the clause is in passive voice: The first example in the preceding pair asserts that the model used great expertise in being constructed by Max.

You should not mix in one sentence parts that contain the verb form to X (to laugh, to cry, to write, and so on), called an infinitive, and parts in passive voice.

bad: To get advice, an expert must be consulted.

The problem is the same as that in mixing passive voice with ing words: The infinitive creates the expectation of an agent. The first chunk of the sentence— To get advice —leads the reader to expect to

know, from the next noun, who is getting advice. Instead, the writer creates informational havoc by plunking down an expert after the comma, whereas it is not the expert who requires the advice. What the writer intended to say was

good: To get advice, you must consult an expert.

If you attempt to squeeze out of this trap in passive mode—that is, if you cast both parts to exclude the expectation of and naming of an agent—you will create a convolution such as this muddled statement:

ugly: For advice to be gotten, an expert must be consulted.

If your purpose is to provide an alternative to counting sheep, this style will serve you well.

Thus, if one of your clauses has an infinitive form—

• To dive in the deep end, ...

• To run a mile, ...

• To fall in love, ...

• To scream like a hyena whose foot is caught in a tube of toothpaste, ...

then you need to follow through by naming the diver, runner, faller, or screamer after that first comma.

bad: To communicate a probability distribution over quantity x 1 conditional on the value of x z , a two-dimensional graph can be used.

good: To show two-dimensional uncertainties, you can use probability density functions, cumulative probability functions, or Tukey box plots.

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bad: To get to our house, Highway 280 can be used.

GOOD: To find our home, you must drive up a winding road through the redwoods, avoiding the deer and opossums on your way.

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bad: To implement an algorithm, it must first be understood.

good: To implement a data structure, you must know how the data will be accessed.

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bad: To proof a manuscript, sufficient sleep during the previous night bin a goos idea.

good: To check page layout, you need to have had sufficient food that your glucose level is passable.

splendid: You should be well rested and well fed before you do any work on the final manuscript.

Note that, when the first part of your sentence contains an infinitive, you do not necessarily have to name the agent directly after the comma. Sometimes, another thought will intervene:

good: To relax, assuming that doing so is safe, you should kick off your shoes.

Structurally, the chunk assuming that doing so is safe is merely a parenthetical remark inserted into the sentence To relax, you should kick off your shoes.The following two examples have the same structure as that of the preceding one:

SEGMENT I PASSIVE OR MISSING AGENTS

good: To reload the operating system, after an extremely nasty crash, you can boot from floppy disk.

GOOD: To retrieve information, in various applications, you can use an associative memory.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, to the extent possible, you should avoid using passive voice in your writing; you should instead use active voice and should name your agents. In addition, by using clauses such as this one, you promise your reader to name an agent: Keep your promise.

2 You and Your Reader

ne goal in writing is to engage your reader, and a sure way to foil your attempts in that regard is to address your audience as the reader or to refer to yourself as the author.

You should speak directly to your reader, declaring that you are the writer and addressing her as you. If you are the sole author of an article or book, do not be afraid to refer to yourself as I. If you have coauthors, then say we. In almost all cases, you should call your reader you.

ugly: The author wishes to remind the reader that it is often helpful to know the probabilities of class memberships, rather than only the class memberships themselves.

good: I used bottom-up processing to obtain the following weighted sum, which you will recognize from the previous example.

good: We suggest here a neural-network algorithm for cluster formation.

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ugly: The careful reader will wonder precisely what sort of couple comprises 4 Max and Lyn.

4. The whole comprises the parts; the parts constitute the whole.

good: As you read this book, you will probably develop your own portraits of Max and Lyn.

You should avoid vigorously the poisonously dry one; do not use one to denote yourself or anyone else.

ugly: One should realize that there are several data structures that describe the state of a process.

good: You can detect thrashing by observing the amount of free memory and the rate of memory requests.

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ugly: One has written previously about alternative scheduling priorities.

good: I reported previously a scheduling algorithm that handles the assignment of priorities to tasks.

In expository writing, when you are acting as a guide for your reader, you can say we —meaning you and your reader—rather than I. (When you are expressing your own opinion, however, you should stick to I.) Thus, I generally prefer to say, for example, we shall examine this matter in detail in Section y.4, where I denote by we both myself and my readers, undertaking a joint endeavor.

ugly: In this discussion, it is assumed that it is possible to get a closed form for at least one kind of sum.

good: In this exposition, we shall assume first that n - a is a perfect square.

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ugly: One can reduce entities to first normal form by removing repeating or multivalued data elements attributed to another, child entity.

SEGMENT 2 YOU AND YOUR READER

13

good: We can use first normal form to organize data as flat structures with no repeating groups.

You should remember that, often, you do not need to use any pronouns when reminding or instructing your reader. However, you should avoid using passive-voice constructions.

ugly: The cat should be grasped firmly, with care taken to ensure that she feels secure when lifted.

No pronoun is used to denote the reader, but the construction is passive voice. 5

good: You should grasp the cat firmly, being careful to support her body and to tuck in her legs, so that she feels secure.

The pronoun you denotes the reader.

good: Grasp the cat firmly. Carefully snuggle her close, to ensure that she feels secure.

The imperative form simply directs the reader to action, without recourse to a pronoun.

The principle for lucid writing here is that I encourage you to speak directly to your reader: Call yourself J if you are the only author, or we if you have coauthors; call your reader you; and call the team comprising you and your reader we.

5. The pronoun denoting the feline is a red herring (Red cat?).

3 So, So That, Such That

o, so that, and such that have distinct meanings; failure to distinguish among them can lead you to convey a thought that you did not intend to convey.

• So means therefore.

• So that means in order that.

• Such that means in such a way that.

Thus, the following three sentences have notably different meanings, although all represent correct usage:

good: Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m., so she was tired.

Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m.; therefore, she was tired. Because Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m., she was tired.

good: Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m., so that she could drive Max to the airport.

Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m. to make it possible for her to drive Max to the airport. Lyn's reason for arising at 5:00 a.m. was that she planned to drive Max to the airport.

good: Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m. such that she was grumpy all day.

Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m. in such a way that she was grumpy all day. An aspect of the way that Lyn arose at 5:00 a.m. —perhaps out of the wrong side of the bed — caused her to be grumpy all day.

Let us consider other examples.

good: I love you, so I am happy.

/ love you; therefore, I am happy.

good: I love you, so that I am happy.

The reason I love you is that doing so makes me happy.

good: I love you such that I am happy.

The way I love you makes me, or allows me to be, happy.

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good: Peter drove from San Francisco to Woodside, so he took Lyn out to dinner.

Because Peter drove from San Francisco to Woodside, he took Lyn out to dinner; perhaps he decided that, having braved the traffic, he might as well brave Lyn.

good: Peter drove from Woodside to the beach, so that he could get a chestful of fresh air.

The reason that Peter drove from Woodside to the beach was that he wanted to do his deep-breathing exercises.

good: Peter flew from San Francisco to Boston, such that he was tired and sore the next day.

An aspect of the journey from San Francisco to Boston —we can surmise that Peter was routed via Taiwan — caused Peter to be tired and sore the next day.

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I 6 SEGMENT 3 SO, SO THAT, SUCH THAT

good: Lyn wrote a book, so she nearly developed an ulcer.

Lyns incipient ulcer was a result of her decision to write a book.

good: Lyn wrote a book, so that she would have an excuse to take a vacation from editing.

The reason for Lyns decision was that Lyn wanted to avoid correcting other people's words on an individual basis.

good: Lyn wrote a book such that Peter nearly developed an ulcer.

The manner in which Lyn wrote the book caused Peter serious gastric distress.

Now we can look at examples of how you might mislead your reader by choosing incorrectly among so, so that, and such that.

You should use so when you mean therefore.

good: Misha never slept, so he was occasionally tired.

If you wrote so that, you would imply that Misha is simply a masochist; such that would imply that Misha never slept in a way that made him tired.

good: Holly adopted two goats, so she was in seventh heaven.

If you wrote so that, you would make the reasonable assertion that Holly adopted the goats to increase her happiness quotient; such that would assert that the way that Holly adopted the goats —perhaps the journey home with them — made her happy.

SEGMENT 3 SO, SO THAT, SUCH THAT 17

good: Hard disks provide speed, efficiency, and convenience, so most people prefer them over floppy disks as the primary storage medium.

If you wrote so that, you would ascribe a teleological status to the hard drive; if you were writing about the hard-disk developer, however, so that might be most appropriate. Such that would mean that the way that hard disks supply those features (rather than the features themselves) causes people to prefer hard disks.

You should use so that when you mean in order that. As you read each example, think about what substituting so or such that would do to the meaning.

good: Misha stayed up all night so that he could finish the proposal.

good: Holly stayed up all night so that she could talk to DeeDee.

good: Max came home early so that he could spend time with Lyn before they were both comatose.

You should use such that when you mean in such a way that. As you read each example, think about what substituting so or so that would do to the meaning.

good: Misha set the placecards such that no one was sitting near an enemy.

good: Holly wrote her program such that patients would not feel threatened when they were asked to use it.

good: Lyn greeted Max on his return such that he was exceedingly surprised and pleased.

SEGMENT 3 SO, SO THAT, SUCH THAT

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should distinguish among the three terms so, so that, and such that, so that you write more accurately, such that you use words correctly, so you feel confident when you publish your document.

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4 Two or More

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^-^ertain words apply to only two objects or creatures; other words apply to only more than two objects or creatures.

You should use between when precisely two agents or objects are involved; you should use among when more than two are involved.

bad: Misha's latest epicurean creation was shared out between the eight guests.

good: Misha's gastronomic marvels were distributed among the three buffet tables.

« i; « »

bad: Devon, Shiela, and Lyn have between them but one common attribute.

good: Brendan, Joe, and Greg have among them but one modem.

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bad: The printer is shared among the two machines. good: The data are shared between the two systems.

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bad: The data are passed among the server and the client.

good: The messages are passed between the spy and the agency.

ftp I Similarly, you should use each other when precisely two agents or objects are involved; you should use one another when more than two are involved.

bad: Red and BB hissed at one another. good: Max and Lyn kissed each other.

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bad: The two men eyed one another warily. good: The two women hugged each other.

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bad: Drs. Owens, Henrion, and Provan forgot to send papers to each other.

good: Drs. Rutledge, Detmer, and Middleton refer patients to one another.

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bad: The various nations regarded each other with deepening suspicion.

good: The various wombats regarded one another fondly.

You should use either when there are precisely two options; you should use any one of when there are more than two, or, in most cases, you can simply leave out the phrase entirely and create a less awkward sentence.

bad: Either go to sleep, read a book in bed, or get up and work.

good: Either fish or cut bait.

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bad: The flight attendant offered us either coffee, tea, or booze.

good: You can order any one of fish, fowl, or floribunda.

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splendid: You can use any one of these programs with either system. 6

splendid: The can might contain apples, peaches, or pears. 7

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You should use a couple only when precisely two objects or agents are involved; you should use several only when more than two are involved.

bad: An automatic navigation system for a car must have at least a couple of capabilities: (i) recognize an obstruction, (2) decide when to steer right, (3) decide when to steer left, and (4) decide when the most appropriate choice is to slam on the brakes.

6. We classify this example as splendid because it uses correctly both terms under discussion.

7. We classify this example as splendid because leaving out the phrase any one of is a more elegant solution than is the correct (good) solution of using that phrase. The construction does not rule out the possibility, however, that the can might contain two of the mentioned fruits.

SEGMENT 4 TWO OR MORE

good: The key equations have a couple of important consequences: (i) the partial derivative of performance with respect to weight depends on the partial derivative of performance with respect to the following output, and (2) the partial derivative of performance with respect to one output depends on the partial derivatives of performance with respect to the outputs in the next layer.

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bad: I have a couple of reasons for disliking you; they are too numerous to list here.

good: I have several reasons for loving you; three of them have nothing to do with you personally.

Several does imply fewer than many, but there is no rule for how many; you must use your judgment.

ugly: An enormous crowd of several people struggled to touch the star.

good: When you want peace and romance, several people constitute a crowd.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use the terms between, each other, either, and a couple to refer to precisely two entities; and you should use the terms among, one another, any one of, and several to refer to more than two entities.

5 Only Y

JLou should use care when you use only. The location of only m your sentence determines the meaning.

The word only causes writers multitudinous problems. It is always getting itself into the wrong position, and mangling the meanings of sentences. Learn to watch its location carefully, to avoid making an extremely common error.

Quite simply, only modifies the term that follows it. Thus, the meanings of the following four sentences are substantially different:

good: Only I love you. good: I only love you. good: I love only you. splendid: Only I only love only you.

To understand the meaning of a phrase that includes the troublesome only, you should posit the counterfactual:

good: Only I love you; John, Dick, and Harry do not love you.

good: I only love you; I do not respect you.

good: I love only you; I do not love King Kong.

splendid: Only I only love only you (only I am not certain that only that is true); no one else has just one feeling about you and about no one else (except that I am uncertain whether this truth is unique). 8

Because misplacement of only is so common, you will have to train your ear rigorously. Consider the following examples:

bad: I only have a few minutes. good: I have only a few minutes.

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bad: I was only trying to help.

GOOD: My only intention was to support you in your moment of need.

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good: Only this garbage-collection algorithm is slow when memory is nearly full; the other techniques will work quickly to free up memory.

good: This garbage-collection algorithm is slow only when memory is nearly full; if you use it often enough, you should have no problem.

good: This garbage-collection algorithm is only slow when memory is nearly full; it does not freeze up completely.

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good: Max ate only breakfast; he had no lunch or dinner.

good: Max only ate breakfast; he did not throw it on the floor.

good: Max had only an apple for lunch.

8. Not only I, but also Peter Gordon, wrote this example, and not only this example—we also cowrote this footnote.

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good: Red wanted only to catch a rat; he did not want to eat one, given the availability of more palatable human food.

good: Red only wanted to catch a crow; he knew that his desire was unrealistic.

good: Red wanted to catch only a mouse; he did not care about grandiose hunting schemes.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, whenever you use only, double-check that you intend it to modify only the term that follows it directly.

6 Redundant Terms

t ir \

here are times when it is pedagogically correct to repeat an idea, to ensure that your reader understands that idea. In general, however, it is cleaner to avoid repeating yourself. 9

On the word level, you should avoid phrases that express the same notion twice (or thrice), and you should more generally avoid using duplicate (or triplicate, or quadruplicate) words to express one thought. Consider the following examples:

ugly: The clock hands move in a right-handed, dextroro-tary direction—that is, they move clockwise.

ugly: The reeking, stinking pong of boiled and steamed cabbage permeated the house pervasively.

ugly: Moises at times could be hotheadedly incautious.

ugly: When Doug had on his Halloween gear, he looked like a severely corrupted pervert.

ugly: When Lyn asked Peter whether he wanted to contribute to this segment, he told her to stop worrying about all the little details.

9. This book contains redundant material. Each segment stands alone, and that already entails a certain degree of redundancy. In addition, I want you to see how principles apply across various situations, so I repeat material in different contexts. The disorganization of the volume, however, is highly unusual, and I do not recommend it as a template for your formal scientific writing. In what way is this note self-referring?

z6

SEGMENT 6 REDUNDANT TERMS 27

ugly: Please remain seated, with your seatbelt fastened, until the airplane has come to a full and complete stop; when you deplane from the airplane, be sure to take with you all your personal belongings. 10

ugly: Lyn figured that life could be worse: She could be married to a prodigal wastrel.

ugly: Shellee asked Lyn whether it seemed that perhaps they should maybe pay a visit to the prognosticating prophet.

ugly: Lyn said that she would rather see the famously popular, consummately finished and perfected live, real-time performance of the accomplished virtuoso.

ugly: When Dona tried to cook red tomato sauce in the pressure-cooker pot, the resulting explosive blast left a concave depression in the ceiling.

ugly: If you are a member of the Christian church, you should avoid committing a blasphemous sacrilege.

ugly: Greg resolved decisively to spend a day indulging gratifyingly in introspective self-examination.

ugly: "Why don't you believe me?" cried Max. "I'm telling you the honest truth!"

ugly: Lyn's mood and humor are always inevitably manifestly self-evident.

ugly: Nicola decided to invest financially her money in a dependable security, without a protracted, drawn-out discussion that would leave her lying down prone, prostrate with fatigue and exhaustion.

10. Based on a suggestion by Marina Nims, who has been wondering what to do with her impersonal belongings when she derides at the amusement park after the rides come to only a full stop.

ugly: Maria pointed out to Geoff an attractively handsome man who was reputedly known to be a philandering womanizer.

ugly: Geoff told Maria that he had heard that the man was merely a lying knave; from whence" the man came he knew not.

ugly: Lyn was in such a furious rage that she stooped down to vituperative contumely.

ugly: Max's response was to remain inarticulately mute; he had no desire to be assaulted, assailed, or attacked.

ugly: Lyn decided that the home in which they lived was turning into a crazy madhouse.

ugly: "Well," Max comforted her consolingly, "at least life isn't tediously boring."

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should express a thought only once, and should not express your ideas twice.

11. The phrase from whence is redundant because whence means from what place, source, or cause.

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pronoun is a little word that stands in for a name, or for a noun; a pronoun denotes an object or creature without naming that object or creature. You should be extremely careful that your pronouns denote (point to) what you intend them to denote. You cannot simply spread them about in a sentence and expect them to take on the meaning that you intend.

If the subject and the pronoun in a sentence match each other (in case, number, and gender), then the pronoun refers to the subject. If they do not match, then you are courting trouble.

good: Max admired the singer's dress; he had never seen so many sequins.

So far, everything is fine; we are speaking of Max's experiences in both portions of the sentence. However, consider the following:

bad: The singer swished past Max to the stage; he was blinded by the sparkles from the sequin-covered dress.

Here, be is the singer, rather than Max—a meaning perhaps divergent from the one that the writer intended to convey.

The next two examples have the same grammatical problem; however, once the singer is clearly identified as female, the male pronoun is free to denote Max. Thus, although the sentences are, strictly speaking, incorrect, most people would accept them because

29

}0 SEGMENT J PRONOUNS

they are unambiguous. 12 The third example solves the problem correctly, by avoiding the pronoun for the second actor. You should strive to use the third construction, simply because writing correctly keeps you out of trouble.

bad: The singer moved her lips close to Max's ear and hit a high E; he had never heard such a noise.

bad: The singer brushed against Max as she passed him; he was overwhelmed by her perfume.

GOOD: The lion moved his whiskers close to Lyn's nose; Lyn had never experienced such a sensation.

Similarly, if the pronoun matches the subject of the previous sentence, then it denotes that subject.

good: Gooch frisked down the stairs. He was in a decidedly good mood.

We may not know what manner of creature Gooch is, but we have information about his psychological state (and his gender).

Because the pronoun refers to the subject, you can face the same problem, without the clues afforded by gender-specific pronouns, when you are speaking of objects.

bad: The ball bounced off the pavement and through the window; it was cracked already.

12. Thus, these examples highlight that a sentence classified as bad may be (albeit rarely) acceptable, whereas a sentence classified as ugly is not acceptable, even though it is correct; that is, the distinction between bad and ugly is one of kind, rather than one of degree.

The sentence states that the ball, which bounced through the window, was cracked already. However, we might entertain the suspicion that the writer was careless, and intended rather the meaning of one of the following recasts:

good: The ball bounced off the pavement and through the window; the window was cracked already.

good: The ball bounced off the pavement and through the window; the latter was cracked already. 13

good: The ball bounced off the pavement and through the window, which was cracked already.

Which denotes whatever is named or otherwise identified before the preceding comma (in almost all cases); thus, which denotes the window here.

Pronouns and their denotations can fail to match on several other dimensions. Consider the following abomination:

bad: One can easily use their modem to cruise the web.

My objection to this sentence is two-fold. First, I strongly urge you to avoid the pronoun one as though it had a peculiarly nasty communicable disease. The disease is stilted writing, and use of one is the fastest way to contract it. 14

13. Many people object to the latter, either because they think it is overly formal, or because they think it makes the reader work too hard. I like it and use it often; it is a precise term that our language offers to get you out of having to repeat what may be a long, cumbersome phrase. The same reasoning (from all parties) applies to the former.

14. Note that the first it in the paragraph correctly refers to the offending pronoun, and that the second it correctly refers to the disease. Do you understand why?

My second objection to this sentence is the singular-plural mismatch of the pronoun one (which is singular) and the pronoun they (which is plural). If, for whatever suicidal reason, you insist on using one, at least be consistent:

ugly: One can easily contract a cold if one shakes hands with everyone within reach.

Using the plural pronoun they to denote a singular creature is one of the most objectionable errors that you can make.

bad: When the office manager ran into the conference room, they found the board of directors asleep on the job.

bad: When the user sits at their terminal, the world is their mussel.

Remember that each is a singular; do not try to marry it to a plural pronoun. Furthermore, always respect creatures of gender by giving them a matching pronoun—do not insult them with an it.

bad : Each woman at the conference was carrying a cellular telephone, which they had slipped into their briefcases.

bad: Each tomcat on the block was boasting about its latest catch, which it had carried to the party in its mouth.

good: Each man at the retreat was accompanied by a miniature teddy bear, which he had slipped into his pocket.

There are many possibilities for singular-plural mismatches.

bad: A person should be careful when they drive at night on mountain roads.

good: People should be careful when they critique the work of their partners.

good: A person should watch her manners when she edits another person's writing.

« « « is

bad: Lotfi created the set of fuzzy kittens, and handed them to the gardener.

good: BB created the set of chewed-up snapshots, and laid out its members artistically on the living-room floor.

good: Red created the set of chewed-up rats, and left it on the bedroom floor for Lyn to find in the morning.

« fc « iz-

bad: The audience was restless; they sniggered and wriggled throughout Blackford's talk.

GOOD: The audience was clearly fascinated; it sat quietly through 3 hours of presentations.

good: The audience went wild; every member jumped to her feet and shouted "Bravo!"

In the latter two bad examples (Lotfi and the audience), the writer has switched without excuse from the singular set or audience to the plural members thereof.

You should never use it in a sentence both as an anticipatory it (it is a far far better...) and as a pronoun it.

bad: Adrienne thought that it was a good idea to write the book first, and then to worry about designing it.

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34 SEGMENT 7 PRONOUNS

good: Adrienne advised against spending hours designing a dingbat, only to reduce it so drastically that you could not see it anyway.

You can thus solve the problem by recasting the phrase that contains the first it; here, it was a (bad) idea is replaced by advised against.

good: Adrienne thought that it was a bad idea to spend hours writing a figure caption, only to discover that the caption would not be needed anyway because the figure was irrelevant.

As another option, you can solve the problem by using an alternative form, of identification in place of the second it; here, rather than it, the second clause contains the caption.

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bad: Brian believed that it would be alarming to release the software without testing it first.

good: Brain was alarmed about the features list, so he asked Max to assign priorities to the entries in it.

Recast to avoid the first it.

good: Brian thought that it was enlightening to examine his competitor's software, so he ordered the program by mail.

Recast to avoid the second it.

Whenever you use gender-specific pronouns, you face an obvious decision: How will you handle the denotation of the various generic actors (such as users, programmers, designers, or cat fanciers) in your text? How will you handle the gender problem, as it occurs in writing? As we all know, for centuries, people simply used the male pronoun to denote all actors. I urge you not to maintain that tradi-

tion. Even if you do not find it offensive, you can be certain that at least one-half of your readers (of both genders) will so find it; why offend the people with whom you wish to communicate?

ugly: The user reaches for his mouse.

There are several fixes for the gender problem that I find awkward. Many writers sprinkle their text with she or he, her or him, risking a form of stilted-writing disease, albeit in a good cause. Certain people 15 simply use female pronouns for all their characters, assuming that there cannot be any harm in redressing centuries of all-male pronouns holding sway, and that affirmative action is appropriate. A few people deteriorate into ungrammatical oblivion, using plural or neuter pronouns where such pronouns have no business being (as I just discussed).

bad: The user is likely to become grumpy when their software crashes the system.

bad: The system administrator was late for work, as was its habit.

Certain writers go to extremes to write all their sentences with only plural actors, because the plural pronouns are not gender specific; alternatively, they avoid use of pronouns completely. Again, either approach is likely to leave you tangled in a number of silly sentences. In the following example, you can see that pronouns are useful in discriminating among actors; you can also see that correct use of pronouns is not sufficient to create a good paragraph:

15. I am one such person.

ugly: When the decision analysts begin a job, they must interview the experts. The experts tell the analysts what variables they use, and the analysts try to understand the relationships among the variables. The analysts also ask the experts for values. The project directors meanwhile kibitz, and ask the analysts to hurry up. But the experts must also give the analysts probabilities, and the experts do not necessarily have the skills required, so the analysts may have to show the experts how to do such an assessment, even though the directors are impatient.

good: When a decision analyst begins a job, he must interview an expert. The expert tells him what variables she uses, and he tries to understand the relationships among them. The project director meanwhile kibitzes, and asks him to hurry up. But the expert must also give him probabilities, and she may not have the skills required, so he may have to show her how to do such an assessment, even though the director is impatient.

As shown here, the simplest solution is simply to switch about even-handedly between the two genders. Once you have assigned a gender to an actor, let that actor keep that gender at least for the duration of the paragraph. If you talk about the user frequently, you can let that character be sometimes a male and sometimes a female. Alternatively, depending on the subject matter of your writing, you can assign genders to roles at the outset, explaining in a footnote that you are doing so for convenience of notation, rather than out of a prejudice regarding what genders tend to be correlated with what roles. In such cases, it is good practice to use the less-expected gender. Doing so cues your reader to your sensitivity to the gender problem; failing to do so is likely to turn off a number of your readers, even if you are trying to be sensitive by switching between

SEGMENT 7 PRONOUNS

37

gender-specific pronouns. In a medical book, for example, if you assign genders, let your nurses be male and your doctors be female. In a book on business, speak of male secretaries and female presidents. In an article on process reengineering in a software company, make all your senior researchers female, and give them male peons to carry out the implementation.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you need to watch your pronouns with a i hawk's eye, to ensure that they denote what you intend. 16

16. Patrick Henry Winston [personal communication] points out that you may need to pay extra attention to this matter, "especially if your mother (father?) tongue is a language with gender, which makes antecedents easier to figure out, thus leading you to overuse pronouns when you switch to English."

8 Undefined This

V

JL ailure to use an accompanying noun leaves words such as this, these, that, and some undefined, masquerading as nouns that know what they are about. Just because you know what you mean does not guarantee that your reader will prove to be a psychic gymnast. Be kind, and specify your meaning.

f^l You should always use a noun after words such as this, these, that, and some.

bad: Lyn asked Max to turn the garbage can upside down. This proved to be ill-advised.

What was ill-advised? Perhaps asking Max was a bad idea, because Max was in an exceedingly grumpy mood and responded by throwing the garbage out the window. Or perhaps turning the can upside down was a bad idea, because it resulted in the obvious debacle. Or perhaps Max slipped a disk 17 attempting to please Lyn. Clarification is in order:

good: This intrusion on Max's privacy proved to be ill-advised.

good: Making this request proved to be ill-advised.

good: This maneuver proved to be ill-advised.

17. There are two possible spellings of the word: disk is the general preferred spelling, whereas disc is the variant.

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SEGMENT 8 UNDEFINED THIS 39

You should also provide a noun in situations where the ambiguity is nonspecific.

ugly: Some become distraught when they cannot exercise.

Some whats become distraught? Hamsters? Mynah birds? If you mean athletes, then say so.

good: Certain athletes get the heebie-jeebies when they are unable to exercise.

« » « is

ugly: This does not grow in the garden. good: Certain trees do not grow in the garden. splendid: Decision trees do not grow in the garden. 18

You should avoid the phrase this means that; you can substitute thus, in many cases, or you can use a more specific phrase.

ugly: All the information that you need is given in just 100 pages; this means that you can learn to program in i week.

GOOD: All the information that you need is given in just 100 pages; thus, you can learn to program in 1 week.

« *:- e *-

18. This sentence receives the classification of splendid because decision trees is considerably more specific than is certain trees, which in turn is considerably more specific than is this.

SEGMENT 8 UNDEFINED THIS

ugly: The simple relation between F(z) and A(z) is due primarily to 19 C. Jordon; this means that C. Jordon is the person who wrote about it first.

good: The complex relation between Jim and Lauralee is the result of two highly complex, interesting, and creative personalities; this assertion implies that Lyn likes both Jim and Lauralee.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not leave running around in your text words that are defined insufficiently. Rather than writing that this is a bad example, you should write that this example is a good one.

19. The term is due to, used to mean was developed by, was invented by, was written about by, and so on, is extraordinarily clumsy; limit your use of is due to to mean is caused by, if you must, and to the notion of quid pro quo.

'nly animate objects possess motivation. Motivation is commonly misused to mean rationale, basis, foundation, or justification. For example, people often make claims such as

bad: Our research was motivated by an intense desire to breed guppies.

What they mean is more along these lines:

good: We were motivated to undertake this study by our intense desire to discover how quickly wombats reproduce.

splendid: Our intense desire to learn how to teach people to write well motivated us to undertake this book project. 20

Or consider these examples:

bad: The study was motivated by the Brillig algorithm. good: The study was based on the Slithy algorithm.

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20. Based on a suggestion by Richard Rubinstein; the switch from passive to active voice is the basis for the reclassification.

41

SEGMENT 9 MOTIVATE

bad: Our work was motivated by greed. good: Greed provided the basis for our work. GOOD: We were motivated by greed to perform this work.

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bad: This hypothesis is motivated by previous work on possible worlds.

good: This hypothesis is based on previous work on possible worlds.

splendid: Our previous studies of possible worlds led us to formulate this hypothesis.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should never attempt to motivate any entity that is not a living creature.

10 Oxymorons

xymorons are terms that contain inherent contradictions; a logically coherent oxymoron is an oxymoron. 21

Of course, you may write intentional oxymorons, where the contradiction is a source of humor. Unintentional oxymorons, however, can make your writing look moronic.

The point is that many people fail to pay attention to the meanings of their words, and end up writing nonsense when they intended otherwise.

ugly?: Richard told his boss that he would need a massive vacuum in which to run the experiment.

ugly?: "You're an honest liar, Richard," his boss replied.

ugly?: "It's a fact, " insisted Richard—"those guys in military intelligence asked me to set it up." 22

ugly?: Our law courts often apply the standard of a reasonable man, but Lyn insists that the standard has an intrinsic problem.

ugly?: Misha presented Holly with a necklace of genuine fake pearls.

ugly?: "Devon!" called Max from the conference room, "Can you get this underfoot overhead out of here?"

21. Based on a suggestion by Peter Gordon.

22. Based on a suggestion by Max Henrion.

ugly?: "Why not replace it with an artificial-reality teleconferencing system?" replied Devon.

ugly?: Oxymorons are the bugbear of intelligent machines. 23

ugly?: Gwen was disappointed to find that she had wasted her money on a lying soothsayer.

ugly?: Garrett told Gwen not to worry, as perhaps the experience had been a fair-value ripoff.

ugly?: When Lyn shops for silk, she spends with parsimonious prodigality.

ugly?: Peter was propelled by inertia to fall alertly asleep on the couch while listening (in one ear and out the other) to the soporific wake-up broadcast.

ugly?: Red told BB to stay away from that clumsy cat down the block.

ugly?: The party was a resoundingly successful failure.

u G ly ?: Certain people believe that they have a right to defend themselves with assault weapons. 24

ugly?: The smart bomb exploded without reason.

ugly?: BUGS in Writing: A Catalog of Prosaic Catastrophes

A related class similarly sets up impossible relationships between two terms, because one term admits of no modification.

ugly: "There are ten to the almost literally infinite power. " 2i

23. Contributed by Peter Gordon; machines were originally, by definition, not intelligent.

24. Here the sentence, rather than a specific phrase, is oxymoronic.

25. Spoken by Walter Pidgeon on Altair-4 in The Forbidden Planet, MGM 1956.

ugly: When Elizabeth was extremely pregnant, she went on a tortuous 7-hour hike with Lyn and Jeff.

ugly: The cottage in which Max and Lyn live is moderately ideal, given the odd combinations of a perfect location and a near-falling-down construction.

ugly: Lyn wondered whether hiking up Windy Hill in her bikini might be slightly illegal.

ugly: Numerous people have told Lyn that she is very unique.

And while we are in the vicinity of misused and abused words, there are puns, which are worth the groan when they are intentional.

good: In an attempt to attract customers, the airline reduced its fare; passengers, however, complained that they were served almost nothing to eat. 26

good: The program's sponsor, a maker of insecticides, interrupted frequently with routines to get rid of bugs.

good: The model, caught napping on the painter's palette, arose hastily and red faced.

good: Lyn saw Red every morning. 27

good: The promotion manager for StickyStuff styling gel has come up with another hair-brained idea. 28

good: Lyn told Brendan that, at her house, a plum tree reached its branches across the upper deck, allowing her and Max to pluck ripe fruit as they relaxed; "Gosh," sighed Brendan, "How decadent!" 29

26. This example and the two that follow are based on suggestions by Peter Gordon.

27. Contributed by BB.

28. Based tangentially on a suggestion by Patrick Henry Winston.

29. Based on a conversation with Brendan del Favero.

SEGMENT IO OXYMORONS

splendid: Lyn explained to Carver that certain people find it easier to hear what she has to say if she writes a parable, instead of just blurting out her point. "You mean," suggested Carver, "that the story is sufficiently parabolic?"

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not use phrases that are internally inconsistent unless you do so knowingly, with the intent to amuse your reader. If your words are intelligibly incomprehensible, your reader may become clearly confused.

The BUGS Classification System

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable. ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct.

When you write well, you get your point across.

splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion.

Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

11 Shall Versus Will

[E terms shall and will have usefully different meanings. You should distinguish between them, so that you can convey information precisely.

You should use shall when you are simply predicting the future and are speaking either as J or as we. i0 Certain people regard shall as archaic, but I think it is a respectable word with a job to do; that is, it conveys a meaning quite different from that of will. You should always use shall, for example, when you are speaking about what comes later in your manuscript, because presumably, by the time someone reads your words, whatever comes later is no longer subject to your will.

good: We shall discuss creative uses for CD-ROM drives in Section 12.4.

good: In Chapter 5, I shall analyze the differences between Jim and Lauralee's constitutions.

good: After we work through the proof, we shall discuss how the theorem can be applied.

good: We shall define a to be the number of ducks in the living room, and b to be the number of spots on the carpet.

30.1 do not myself use shall with he or she or they, or generally in talking about other people; my concern in this section is to encourage you to use shall when speaking about yourself, alone or in company.

splendid: We define s to be the speed (in mph) at which Max travels, t t to be the current time, and t + t x to be the time of Max's first appointment, where t t is the time that it takes Max to travel to the office.

In such cases, it is correct to use shall, but it is cleaner to use nothing at all.

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good: I shall find the article in Excerpta Medica. good: I shall be crushed if Avi does not like this book.

You should use will when you mean to imply intentionality; that is, a creature's will should be involved. Will is much stronger than shall. In certain situations, the choice is not clear cut, and you must use your judgment.

good: After we dance the night away, we will make a champagne toast to the sunrise.

J am determined to drink champagne at an ungodly hour of the morning.

good: After I stay up all night working, I shall be too exhausted to play.

J am merely predicting that I shall be burned out after a long all-nighter.

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good: I shall scream if I see a mouse.

/ shall emit piercing shrieks, perhaps without volition, if a mouse shows its furry little face.

good: I will scream if I see your face again.

/ will choose to emit piercing shrieks if you show your face.

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good: I shall cry if I have to edit another book on DOS. good: I will refuse to edit another book on Fortran.

« is Jfc »

splendid: I will drown! No one shall stop me! 31

I recommend that you always use will when you are writing a research proposal. You are contracting to do the work, so you should sound as though you intend to carry it out. Consider the contrast between these examples:

good: We shall complete the project within 2 years.

We predict that the project will take 2 years to complete; use this form in, for example, a report to your supervisor.

good: We will complete the proposed work within 2 weeks.

We will do what it takes to complete the work within 2 weeks; use this form in a proposal.

Note that shall (when used in the first person in certain circumstances) can be stronger than will, even though—or precisely because—it does not bring volition into the picture.

good: "Whatever you decide to do, Moises," Tania explained firmly, "I shall go dancing tomorrow night."

31. Contributed by Wynter Snow.

SEGMENT II SHALL VERSUS WILL

Tania is saying that there is no question about what she is going to do tomorrow night, no matter what Moises does. Tania is not even asserting that she wills her dancing; she is simply stating that she is going to dance.

« fc « fc

good: If you drop my cat, I shall drop you out the window. A simple warning, and a serious one.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use shall to predict the future (when you are speaking of yourself, alone or with other creatures), and will to imply inten-tionality. I shall teach, and you will learn.

12 Key Terms

JLn any document that you write, you should consider applying the concept of a key term. A key term is a word or phrase that is critical to your exposition or discussion.

In most cases, you should define key terms in your text. In almost all cases, you should define them the first time that you use them. The exception occurs when you use the term only parenthetically or tangentially in your discussion, and later will use it as central to your presentation; in such cases, you should define the key term where it is essential, provided that its meaning is sufficiently clear that your reader will get the idea on first mention.

Certain elaborate textbook designs define key terms in the margins, essentially maintaining a running glossary. The key term is highlighted in the text, and the definition is set in a marginal text column in the vicinity of the term.

Note that your definition may be implied rather than explicit.

good: Expert systems give advice about specialized subjects (such as finance, mineral exploration, and medicine).

good: We define question-answering systems to be systems designed to answer queries posed in a restricted but large subset of a natural language.

good: A theorem-proving system verifies that the computer programs and the digital hardware meet the stated specifications.

SI SEGMENT 12 KEY TERMS

You should choose a typographical distinction for key terms, and should use it when you define the term. If you do not define the term, use the typographical distinction the first time that you use the term in the discussion of which the term is a critical part.

Whenever you set text in a typographical style different from that of your base text, remember to set the accompanying punctuation marks in the same style. Set a boldface (or italic) comma, period, quotation mark, parenthesis, question mark, exclamation mark, and so on next to a boldface (or italic) letter.

In almost all cases, you should use boldface type for key terms. Boldface type is easy to spot. If your reader is looking for the discussion that describes what a term means, she will find it easily if you have set the term in boldface type. Italic type, in contrast, tends to disappear into the page, and is thus much less well suited for use on key terms. 32 Certain textbook designs that use color pick up key terms with colored screens, 33 which can work exceptionally well. Underlining and other highlighting techniques are possible, but be certain not to use one that will detract from your reader's ability to comprehend your text. You should never, for example, use boldface, italic, and underlined type .

32. Note that, to the extent that this book has key terms, those terms are set in italic type. I made this decision because too much boldface type becomes distracting, and the short segments and numerous critical terms would have created a text page that resembled a Rorschach test.

33. A screen, in book publishing, is a block in which colored or black dots are laid down uniformly; a screen is described by the percentage of the area that is covered by ink, as controlled by the dot size. Thus, a 20-percent screen has 20 percent of the area covered by black or colored dots; a 100-percent screen is solid color or black.

ugly: The author submits a final manuscript.

ugly: The manuscript is torn apart and then reconstructed by a copy editor.

ugly: A castoff is a count of the book pages that will be made up from a manuscript.

good: Publishers use blue lines to check the film created from the electronic file.

good: The individual sheets of film are made up into signatures, from which the plates are created.

Note that you should set the key term in boldface type (or however you are highlighting it, except when you use italic type) only once. Thereafter (or before then), you should use italics when you wish to emphasize the term. 34

good: A guardian angel is a being who deflects sorrow and pain that threaten you. Guardian angels are believed to result from cross-fertilization of fairy godmothers and genii. Transporting angels and guardian angels bear little resemblance to each other.

good: Plan-It Venus is the Weltanschauung held by Lyn. Plan-It Venus is a complex set of interrelated imperatives and valuative functions that permits navigation of life's tricky decisions.

good: Max, on the other hand, adheres to Plan-It Pluto , a set of views that is way out there. Max's custom-tailored version of Plan-It Pluto includes advice from Mars.

34. You should, in general, use italics for emphasis of any terms, rather than only for subsequent use of key terms.

SEGMENT 12 KEY TERMS

good: Dial-a-solution allows you to choose the planning perspective of your advisor: press i for Plan-It Venus, press 2 for Plan-It Pluto, press 3 for Plan-It Mars, or press o for further options. 1 ' Dial-a-solution is similar to dial-a-confessor, a system designed and implemented by Christopher Lane.

good: We suggest mediation ,<s to solve insoluble difficulties; you can also use meditation to ponder imponderables. Note that mediation and meditation bear superficial resemblances to each other.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should consider organizing your presentation based on key terms, which are terms critical to the meaning of your discussion; that you should usually define key terms in text; and that you should use a form of typographical distinction (usually boldface type) to highlight key terms.

35. Note that the text after the colon constitutes a list, and therefore the first letter is not capitalized.

36. Be careful and sparing in your use of underlining. In many typefaces, underling is exceptionally messy. Nonetheless, it is useful when you have assigned other semantic meanings to the alternative forms of typographic distinction.

13 Proven Versus Proved

P

JL roved is a form of the verb to prove, whereas proven is an adjective.

bad: The theory has proven to be correct.

bad: The theory was proven to be correct. good: The theory has proved to be correct. good: The theory has been proved correct. GOOD: This theory uses a proven technique.

£ £ £ &

bad: A flock of sheep in a field is a proved approach to lawn mowing.

good: A kangaroo in a crystal shop is a proven recipe for change.

good: Red and BB proved that a brace of determined cats can hold armies of rats at bay.

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bad: For the problem of simulating an elevator system, Knuth offered a proved algorithm.

good: For his treatise on truth propagation, Winston proved that a truth-propagation network is a type of value-propagation network.

$6 SEGMENT 13 PROVF.N VERSUS PROVED

good: For their adventure in space, Richard and Betsy used a proven algorithm.

« i:- « iz-

bad: Various studies have proven that exposure to danger increases the probability that you will fall in love with the next person you meet.

good: The scientists nonetheless proved that it is impossible to fall in love while diving from a tall building.

GOOD: A proven alternative is nude duo bungee jumping.

The principle for lucid writing here is that we have proved that you should use ' proven only as a modifier.

14 Everyone, Someone, No One, None

K

Y changing the styling, you can change the meaning of various words that indicate how many ones you intend.

You should set someone (meaning a person) and everyone (meaning all people under discussion) without a space, as one word.

bad: I wish I had some one with whom to play.

good: Someone just called to ask me out for dinner.

splendid: Max just called to ask me to go dancing.

Someone is a slightly fuzzy word; whenever appropriate, specify which someone you mean.

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bad: Not every one appreciates good writing.

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good: Everyone prefers to read well-written prose, given the alternative of reading garbage.

should set every one (meaning not just certain of the individuals, but rather every one of them) as two words.

bad: Everyone of the files was a mine of information. good: Every one of the files was a text, source, or object file.

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bad: Max made everyone of his minutes count. good: Lyn made every one of her cats fat and happy.

You should set no one (meaning not one person) as two words.

bad: Noone turned up at the meeting. good: No one knew that the meeting had been called.

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bad: Noone in the HyperTalk class understood the lock-Text property.

good: The teacher told no one that wideMargins applies to only fields, whereas only style is common to both fields and buttons.

You should understand that none can mean not any or not one. If your phrase would be recast as none of them, then you should use a plural form of the verb; if the phrase would be recast as none of it, then you should use a singular verb.

bad: None of the rats is squeaking.

You would say none of them about the rats, so the is is incorrect.

good: None of the kittens are lonely.

You would say none of them about the kittens, so the is is correct.

« fc £ fc

SEGMENT 14 EVERYONE, SOMEONE, NO ONE, NONE

59

bad: None of the raster-scan systems is up to the task.

You would say none of them about the systems, so the is is incorrect.

good: None of the screen displays are comprehensible.

« fc « *-

bad: None of the meal were edible.

You would say none of it about the meal, so the were is incorrect.

good: None of the pie is left; none of the ice cream has melted.

« fc » fe

bad: None of the audience are clapping.

You would say none of it about the audience, so the are is incorrect.

good: None of the wire-frame model is visible.

The principles for lucid writing here are that everyone should remember that only no one and every one have a space in them, and that someone should remind you that none can be singular or plural.

15 Colon

A ~ : ~

J^^ colon signifies that what follows it expands on or explains what precedes it: This sentence is an example.

ff^X You should use a colon at the end of a sentence followed by a list. (Note that, even if the list constitutes a full sentence, you should not capitalize the first letter of the list. The list and the introductory tag together constitute a single sentence.)

bad: Lyn was worried about Red for several reasons. Red was sneezing, Red's eyes were running, Red's nose was hot, and Red was drooping around the house all day.

good: Although she had planned to take Red to the vet that day, Lyn decided to wait because she saw good signs: when she got home, Red came out to greet her by rolling in the dirt; Red remembered how to purr; and Red left a shrew for her on the deck, so she figured he couldn't be all that sick.

« » « iz-

bad: This tutorial assumes that you know the basic techniques needed to use a Macintosh computer, how to point and click, how to double-click, and how to drag an object using the mouse.

good: This book does not assume that you know the basic skills needed to write a manuscript: how to form a

sentence, how to use words correctly and precisely, and how to laugh at your own errors.

You should use a colon at the end of a sentence followed by any text that further explains that first sentence. Note that, in such cases, either a period or an em dash usually will work also, and sometimes a semicolon will serve as well, but each punctuation mark has a slightly different meaning. The colon ties the two sentences together and designates their relationship to each other more tightly than do the other punctuation marks. Sometimes, the period, em dash, or semicolon will fail to convey the relationship, in which case the colon is clearly indicated.

good: Lyn could tell that BB was going into heat. BB had been howling and yowling the entire night through.

The period works, in that it is correct; a semicolon would yoke the two sentences and would thus convey more information; a colon would be precisely right, because the second sentence explains the first one.

good: Lyn could tell that Max had had a tough day—Max frowned dreadfully when she greeted him, after which he sat reading an upside-down newspaper for several hours.

The em dash works and is correct; a semicolon also would work, and so would a colon.

good: Max could tell that Lyn had had a superb day: She was reading a newspaper upside-down, while practicing her headstands.

The colon is correct; an em dash would work also, but not as well.

splendid: Lyn could tell that Red had been out hunting again: There were three mice neatly laid out on the upstairs silk rug.

Here, the colon is by far the most informative punctuation mark.

« £ £ £

good: Nicola was pleased that she had succeeded in her goal—making it through the first term.

The em dash is OK, but a colon would be preferable.

good: Greg was happy with his talk because the audience clearly responded well. He received a standing ovation.

The period is OK, but a colon would be preferable.

splendid: Greg and Nicola were delighted with the cottage because it had one exceptional feature: an apricot tree laden with fruit.

The colon is precisely right.

You should set a capital letter at the beginning of a sentence that follows a colon; 3 ,38 you should not use a capital letter if what follows is a fragment, or if what follows is a list, even if the list entries are full sentences.

ugly: Soren was fiddling with his Porsche yet again: this time, he was changing the spark plugs.

good: Soren was fiddling in the kitchen once again: This time, he was making double-chocolate mousse with hazelnut liqueur.

37. If you prefer not to adopt this convention, do not do so; however, apply consistently whichever style you choose.

38. Except that, as noted, you should not capitalize a list that happens to constitute a sentence.

%,

SEGMENT 15 COLON 63

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ugly: Shellee went wild on her shopping trip with Lyn: she brought home nine new blouses, but she took three of them back because she had no room in her closets.

GOOD: Shellee promised to come back to California soon: She agreed that dancing to Dr. Loco is one of those necessities of life that cannot be denied for too long.

« » « fc

bad: Dona had only one home: The house on Quadra Island.

good: Dona and Lyn collected only one kind of wild mushroom: chanterelles (Cantharellus cibarius).

You should use a colon only at the end of a clause that constitutes a sentence. One of the most common errors that writers make is to place a colon in the middle of a sentence merely because a list follows, which is an insufficient excuse, whether the list is intext 39 or displayed.

bad: Jeff's few items of furniture were limited to: a couch, a chair, and a bed.

good: Jeff's numerous cars included an enormous old Buick, a massive pick-up truck, and a Mustang.

« » £ »

bad: To confine the display to columns A through C, you:

1. Move your cursor to the beginning of the range you will use for display—Ai, say.

SEGMENT 15 COLON

GOOD:

2. Type/Range Justify.

3. Highlight the cells in the range Ai. .Ci with the right arrow key.

To create a documentation copy of a worksheet, you

1. Use/Worksheet Global Format Text to set the global format to Text.

2. Use /Range Format Reset PI . . X15 and ENTER to reset all the Range formats back to Global settings.

3. Move your cursor to column R, use /Worksheet Column Set-Width, and press the Right Arrow Key until column R is the desired number of characters wide.

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Ac

>>

ugly: Max decided to change: his shirt, which had salad dressing on it; his tie, which had spaghetti sauce on it; and his beer, which had egg in it.

good: Lyn decided to change her habitat, because the old one was too full of Homo sapiens; her sheets, because they were covered with white fur again; and her mind, because consistency is interesting only when dispensed in small doses.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use a colon at the end of a sentence to indicate that further explanation follows: An explanation might consist of a detailed list, for example, or of an example.

B

16 Effort

T

-Lhe word e/"/br£ is widely overused and abused in formal writing; it shows up so often in research papers in certain disciplines that it loses all meaning. Call on it to denote only its most narrowly defined meaning.

You should use effort to indicate strenuous physical activity of the sort usually accompanied by groans and perspiration, or to indicate strain of the mental-anguish variety.

good: The women huffed loudly at the effort it took to carry the piano upstairs.

good: Asking for a divorce took as much effort as did asking for a raise the previous year.

You should avoid using effort when you mean project or program.

ugly: The Teach Everyone Frisbee effort failed because of a worldwide shortage in plastics.

good: The Teach Everyone Singing project failed because of a worldwide shortage in decent voices.

« fc « fc

UGLY: The software-development effort was huge; it required enormous funding.

good: The implementation program was well thought out, and required only a small investment.

SEGMENT l6 EFFORT

m

You should also avoid using effort when you mean time or work or mottey; that is, it is more informative to specify what sort of effort you mean.

ugly: Eddie had invested a huge amount of effort in decorating the MRI room.

good: Eddie had invested a huge amount of time in decorating the CAT scanner.

£ » « fc

ugly: Lyn had wasted only a little effort trying to get the car started, before she noticed that the distributor 40 was missing.

good: Lyn had wasted only a little time trying to get the car started, before she noticed that the gas tank was empty.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should view effort as a tired, thin, overused word; omit it, or make an effort to substitute for it a more informative term that indicates more precisely what you mean.

40. When she went back to complain, she discovered that the dealer was missing as well.

17 Which Versus That

T ~ :

-Lhe words which and that have distinct meanings. If you are familiar with those meanings, you can convey information precisely; if you are not, you risk confusing your reader. There are several ways to understand the difference between these two words.

That identifies the objects about which you are speaking, whereas which merely provides further information about those objects.

good: The car that is speeding down the road is about to crash into a stuffed piglet.

good: The car, which is speeding down the road, is about to crash into a fricasseed mongoose.

In the first example, we can answer the question

Which car is about to crash?

(The one that is speeding down the road.)

The use of that picks out a single car, perhaps from among hundreds of staid cars that are toddling along at the speed limit. The second example, in contrast, does not answer the question

Which car is about to crash? (We do not know.)

What we have instead is a parenthetical remark, an aside, that informs us that the car, in addition to being about to crash into a pseudocreature, is speeding.

SEGMENT 17 WHICH VERSUS THAT

Or consider this example:

good: The bacteria that live on your skin can cause an infection if you are cut.

good: The bacteria, which live on your skin, can cause an infection if you are cut.

In the first case, we know that the bacteria that cause infections are those that live on your skin. In the second case, we know that the bacteria—whatever they are, however they have been identified— live on your skin. We have knowledge; we do not have identification.

A that clause picks out one among many, whereas a which clause often implies that there is only one.

good: The ABC computer that has the most bells and whistles will sell fastest.

good: The ABC computer, which has the most bells and whistles, will sell fastest.

In the first sentence, we are given sufficient information to draw the conclusions that ABC makes several computers, and that, among this set, the one that will sell fastest is the one with the most features.

In the second sentence, we might draw the conclusion that ABC makes only one computer, or at least that only one computer that ABC makes is relevant to our discussion. This ABC computer evidently is in competition with other brands of machine, yet we are reassured that it will sell fastest, because we have the added information that it has more features than do its competitors.

If we remove a that clause from a sentence, we destroy the original meaning; if we remove a which clause, we leave the meaning intact.

good: The machine that has the color monitor is your Christmas present.

SEGMENT 17 WHICH VERSUS THAT 69

good: The machine, which has a color monitor, is your Hanukkah present.

The identification of the machine as being the one that has a color monitor is critical information in the first sentence; in the second sentence, the information about the monitor's characteristics is a remark that could be removed without substantial harm.

You should not set off that clauses by commas, whereas you should set off which clauses by commas.

good: The cave that is dark and dank is where we shall spend the night.

good: The cave, which is dark and dank, is where we shall spend the night.

Note that commas may show up to confuse you even in the vicinity of a that clause.

good: The cave that is dark and dank, and the ledge outside it, is where we shall spend the night.

good: The cave, I fear, that is dark and dank is where we shall spend the night.

Here, the extra commas are protecting their own clauses (and the ledge outside it; I fear); they have no truck with the that clause.

Note also that a which clause must have commas around it — omitting the commas is an error.

bad: Lyn's eyes which had been strained all day by reading microfont were telling Lyn to knock off.

good: Max's arms, which had been supporting telephones and lecture pointers all day, now were wrapped firmly around Lyn.

t J A related point that you should understand is that which always refers to whatever happens to be sitting in front of the comma preceding the which. So now you have a new trap to avoid.

bad: Richard argued with the lamp, which was foolish.

The preceding sentence asserts that the lamp was foolish; we suspect that the intended meaning was rather along these lines: 41

good: Richard argued with the lamp, which behavior was foolish.

Note that you can change the denotation of which with this device.

splendid: Richard argued with the lamp; such is the habit of fools under stress.

faj r In summary, when you need to distinguish between that and which, you should ask yourself these questions:

1. Does the clause identify the object under discussion (that), or does it merely add information (which)?

2. Does the clause pick out one among possibly many like objects (that), or is there only one such object under discussion (which)?

3. Does the clause contribute information critical to the meaning of the sentence (that), or is the contribution more in the nature of a parenthetical remark (which)?

4. Should the clause be left without commas (that), or should it be set off by commas (which)?

41. A reviewer suggested as a solution the sentence Richard argued with the lamp, which was a foolish idea. This solution is no solution, as it asserts that the lamp is a foolish idea. In addition, there is no idea in the sentence, whereas there is a behavior. The suggested construction is extremely common; avoid it!

SEGMENT 17 WHICH VERSUS THAT

71

Even if this distinction is new to you, you will eventually retune your ear, and every which that should be a that, every that that should be a which, will annoy you intensely. While you are in the process of retuning, consider using your word processor to help you. When you finish writing your document, check each instance of both words to make sure that the word is correct. The exercise takes only a few minutes, and ensures that you think about the distinction. You can use this technique for any phrases for which you are learning new or more precise applications.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use that to identify objects (which may be creatures), and should use which to make remarks that provide extra information about objects.

18 Spread-Out Phrases

Y

JLou should keep intact, to the extent practical and graceful, phrases that belong together. Such phrases may be action descriptions comprising more than one word, or action-plus-object descriptions. Thus, you want to pick up tips, rather than pick tips up; look up tricks, rather than look tricks up; and make up examples, rather than make examples up.

As a general rule, you want to avoid forcing your reader to backtrack. If you make your reader wait to find out what you are doing, or to what you are doing it, until you have thrown in long strings of related information, you will force backtracking. 42

ugly: Lyn put Red, BB, and the mail, which looked like it contained several checks, down so that she could unlock the door.

good: Max put down his briefcase, laptop-computer case, suitcase, and LCD-screen case so that he could embrace Lyn when he got home from his trip.

« » « »

42. To get a clear picture of this problem, as well as of numerous others, see Mark Twain's essay "The Awful German Language" for a description of the German habit of putting the verb at the end of the sentence.

ugly: You can build the model using expert opinion, obtained through interviews or questionnaires, and the existing database as inputs.

good: You can draw the network using as inputs the variables' values, obtained from published statistics, and the relations among variables.

« fe K* iz-

ugly: Anthony takes his work, which comprises acting the roles of numerous different characters, and for which he prepares carefully, seriously.

good: Anthony played the character of a cantor, for which he took singing lessons, because he takes his work seriously.

« fc « iz-

ugly: StdPutPic is the standard low-level routine for saving, as the definition of a picture, information.

good: StdGetPic is the standard low-level routine for retrieving information from the definition of a picture.

« fc « »

ugly: Tim stumbled as though he was drunk, even though he was not even slightly happy, down the stairs, taking as he went his jacket and tie and shoes off.

good: Suresh pranced around the office as though he was a handsome, clever young man taking off a year to find out what he wanted to do with his life—and that's precisely what he was.

SEGMENT l8 SPREAD-OUT PHRASES

« » « fc

ugly: Even though it was only 5 a.m., Lyn began to wake Max, who had a breakfast meeting scheduled and had not gone running in 3 days, and as a result was getting noticeably cranky, up.

good: At 6:40 a.m., Red began to wake up Lyn, who loved to have her field of vision filled in the morning by 21 pounds of flame-point Siamese magnificence.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not force your reader to backtrack by spreading relevant phrases, over the expanse of your sentence, out.

B

19 While

T

.Lhe word t^/7//^ refers to frrae; it does not mean whereas or although.

You should use while to mean <z£ £^e same time as. The phrase at the same time as is redundant.

bad: Max could type on his laptop computer while talking on the telephone at the same time.

good: Lyn could brush her teeth while petting Red.

You should not use while when you mean whereas —even though people often use while incorrectly in that way.

bad: Max could write impeccable reports, while he could not articulate his feelings about oatmeal.

good: Lyn could write impeccable reports, whereas she could not tolerate business meetings.

« fc « fe

bad: A spreadsheet is used primarily for calculating and analyzing numbers, while a database is used for storing them. 43

good: Workgroup computing is designed to facilitate collaboration among team members, whereas bulletin-board systems tend to encourage mental absenteeism.

SEGMENT 19 WHILE

You should not use while when you mean although, even though people often use it incorrectly in that way.

bad: While Max could do almost any task himself, he was at the moment incapable of delegating the simplest grunt work without giving himself stomach cramps.

good: Although Lyn could give the most luxurious back rubs in the world, she was at the moment incapable of kneading bread without giving herself a finger cramp.

» Z- « fe

bad: While we use the base-10 number system, we must translate it for computers, which have fewer fingers.

good: Although computers use machine language, we must translate it for humans, who have less patience.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, while although people use while incorrectly, you should use it to mean only at the same time as; you should not use it to mean whereas or although.

43. Peter Gordon points out that we could be talking about a multitasking system running the concurrent tasks of spreadsheet analysis and database input. If that situation was the one that we meant to describe, then while would be correct.

20 Repeated Prepositions

JLou should not be stingy with the little words that form relationships in your sentences— of, by, with, to, from, for, on, in, and other prepositions. You should use as many of them as you need to disambiguate the information that your sentence conveys. Prepositions make clear how far any given clause or phrase extends.

bad: You can try to assuage your baseline guilt by overtip-ping, giving sandwiches to people on the streets, or calling your mother, or you can study the effects that guilt has on your blood pressure.

There should be two additional bys in the sentence.

good: If you are upset, you can help yourself to feel calmer by taking a walk, by lolling in a hot bath, or by eating your favorite food, or you can revel in your misery.

splendid: If you are lonely, you can cheer yourself up by talking to your cat, by calling a friend, or by taking yourself to a movie; alternatively, you can notice how peaceful and pleasant it is to be alone. 44

44. The preceding good sentence is fine, but all those commas and ors have the potential to confuse the reader; the semicolon and alternatively make the meaning more apparent.

bad: Steve was getting flak from Judy for not doing the dishes, his boss for coming to work in neon purple cycling shorts, and himself for not eating sufficient breakfast.

There should he two additional froms in the sentence.

good: Lyn got tips from men on how to cope with her mother, and from her mother on how to cope with men.

« 6 « <?

bad: Now let us speak of networks that have learned how to hear as well as see, search tools that are able to locate and print an abstract, and administrators who know how to maintain security and protect confidentiality.

There should be two additional ofs in the sentence.

good: Now let us speak of mice who have learned how to roar as well as to speak, of lions who are able to cuddle and purr, and of men who know how to cry and how to dance.

« » £ fe

bad: Have you thought of icons for the program and the company, dialog boxes for the interface, and a type style for the on-line help and the manual?

There should be two additional ofs in the sentence.

good: Have you thought of flowers for the wedding and for the reception, of dresses for the bridesmaids, and of food for the guests and for the cats?

« * « »

SEGMENT 20 REPEATED PREPOSITIONS

79

bad: Thermal expansion occurs with strongly bonded solids and weakly bonded solids.

good: With successive ambient-temperature increases, and thus with successive energy increases, the median interatomic spacing increases.

£ » « fc

bad: Judy can dance with Steve on Sunday, Mike Monday, and herself Tuesday, but then she will have to comfort Steve Thursday.

There should be two additional withs and three additional ons in the sentence.

good: Max works with fools who know everything and with geniuses who know nothing, and on his business plan now and then.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should repeat prepositions to indicate governance of the words that follow, or of entire terms.

B

21 Abbreviations and Acronyms

JLf you use numerous abbreviations and acronyms, you will make it difficult for your reader to understand your meaning. In computer science, an overabundance of abbreviations and acronyms will cause your writing to nose dive into utter incomprehensibility. Avoid the temptation to shorten every term in sight.

You can, and usually should, use the most standard shorthand terms, such as

good: You can use terms such as RAM, CPU, CRT, LAN, IBM, and snafu, 45 but be sure to define them on first use.

It is also perfectly reasonable to use standard abbreviations for units of measure, such as

45. In Great Britain, true acronyms (BUGS, RAM, LAN, snafu —words that are formed from the first letters of other words, and that are pronounced as they are spelled, rather than being pronounced as a string of individual letters (IBM)) are set with only the first letter capitalized. In the United States, however, acronyms are normally set in all capital letters. A few terms, such as snafu and radar, have become accepted words, with their derivations as acronyms forgotten; they are in set all lowercase letters.

good: You can give measurements in units such as MIPS, 46 MHz, Mbyte, 47 ' 48 sec; 49 you should define them on first use unless you are writing in a forum where the abbreviations are common and are well known to your audience.

You can use shorthand terms when your subject is denoted by a cumbersome phrase that you use often in a given document.

good: We report on the International Chest-Thumping Men's Back-to-Nature Summer-Camp Experiment (ICTMBNSCE).

In such cases, you may wish to avoid creating the abbreviation from first letters, and to use instead a more informative term.

splendid: We participated yesterday in the International Chest-Thumping Men's Back-to-Nature Summer-Camp (Thumper) Experiment.

46. Note that in MIPS (an acronym for million instructions per second), the S is part of the acronym, rather than an indication of a plural, so it is set as a capital letter.

47. Megabyte, MB, and Mbyte are all acceptable; what is not acceptable is mixing them within one manuscript. Also unacceptable is mixing, for example, KB and Mbyte.

48.1 strongly recommend that you avoid using K and M alone as abbreviations, closed up to numbers, in manuscripts where you will also be writing about, for example, Kbyte and Mbyte. You will find it almost impossible to maintain a consistent style when you talk about 3K and 3 Kbyte. Furthermore, you will tend to forget to specify the unit of measure, writing instead, for example, that your computer has 69K of storage available; you should instead always specify 69 Kbytes (or $69,000, or whatever you intend).

49. Note that you do not add a final s when you refer to more than one abbreviated unit of measure. That is, you can write either 3 seconds or 3 sec, but you should not write 3 sees; you can write either 3 megabytes or 3 Mbyte, but you should not write 3 Mbytes.

\Sm If you wish and if you arc writing for an academic audience, you can ^^ use standard Latin abbreviations.

• E.g. 50 (exempli gratia) means for example, and should always 51 be followed by a comma.

• I.e. (id est) means that is, and should always 52 be followed by a comma.

• Etc. (et cetera) means and so on, and should always 53 be preceded by a comma.

• Et al. (et alia) means and others; you should use it only in reference citations—do not use it as a substitute in text for and colleagues, and associates, or and coworkers.

Use Latin abbreviations only in parentheses, however; do not use them in the regular text line. (Use instead for example, that is, and and so on.) Do not set these abbreviations in italic type; use roman. 54 ' 55

50. The Latin abbreviations in this list are set in italic type because the words themselves are under discussion. In all other cases, however, they should be set in roman type.

51. The exception occurs in sentences such as this one, where the term itself, rather than the denotation, is under discussion.

52. See previous note.

53. Except in the highly unusual circumstance where the term begins a sentence.

54. It is a source of amusement to me that slanted type is italic (Italian), whereas plain type is roman (also Italian). Note that roman type is not set with a capital R, whereas Roman toga is; similarly, we write about italic type, but about Italic branches of languages.

55. The general rule is that you should set in roman type any foreign terms that have become so common in English that they are now considered to be English words. Look up the term in the most recent edition of Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary (Springfield, MA: Mirriam-Webster); if the term is set in roman in the main body of the dictionary, set it in roman.

ugly: Joe had had a tough day; e.g., he had to drive all the way to Berkeley to pick up the fonts for the book.

good: Joe also freaked Lyn out by going off line at the wrong moments (e.g., he forgot to mention that he was on his way to Berkeley).

good: Joe did recognize that the day had a few silver linings; for example, he got to drive his brand new car.

« » % fe

ugly: At three levels— i.e., those of testing, confirmation, and denial of nodes of the causal network— casnet's reasoning is probabilistic.

good: Selection (i.e., of a diagnosis and associated plan) depends on the designer's understanding of the possible causal pathways through the network.

good: Perfect accuracy in diagnosis thus is not an unrealistic goal; that is, there is no inherent reason why the system should not be able to perform flawlessly.

« i:- « &

ugly: Lyn gave John Gamache, the cover designer, various informational materials: the book manuscript, her mother's rough sketches, photographs of Red and BB, etc.

good: John had to work under severe constraints (time, trim size, color, type of cat, etc.).

good: Lyn was so delighted by John's interest in the project that she immediately started cogitating about other ways that they could use the design: in posters, on T-shirts, on coffee mugs, and so on.

e

84 SEGMENT 21 ABBREVIATIONS AND ACRONYMS

e » « ^

ugly: Dupre et al. [1994J reported a need to reengineer the publishing process to match technological advances.

good: Lyn's team [Dupre et al., 1994] reported that conversion of an electronic file to film was an unexpected process, fraught with demons and saved by angels.

good: Dupre and associates [1994] reported that producing a book at home is wildly satisfying, if a bit too exciting.

If you begin a list with e.g., do not end it with etc. —both indicate an incomplete series, so using both is redundant.

bad: There are several network-interrupt status bits (e.g.,

NETISR_RAW, NETISR_IP, NETISR_IMP, etc.)

good: There are also several input queues (e.g., rawintrq, ipintrq, and impintrq).

good: The values vary as well (pf_unspec, pf_inet, pf_implink, etc.)

You should follow compulsively one simple rule with all shorthand terms: Define them on first use, and use them always thereafter. You define a shorthand term by placing it in parentheses directly following its parent term.

bad: The ERROR (Editors and Readers Ridiculously Odd Reprobates) Association forgot to hold its annual meeting.

good: The Smart Igloo-Living Leaping Yang (SILLY) Club held its annual meeting at Asilomar.

B

SEGMENT 21 ABBREVIATIONS AND ACRONYMS 85

Note that you can define on first use and thereafter in various ways. First, 56 in a journal article, anything that you write (or define) in the abstract does not count in the body of the paper—the abstract is considered to be a separate document. Thus, in most cases, you will not want to define any terms in your abstract; if you do define a term, however (say, one that you use many times), you will still need to redefine it on first use in the text. Second, in a book, you may well want to define terms on first use in each chapter, rather than in the book, to keep your reader oriented. If you choose this approach, use it consistently across all shorthand terms.

You should never define an acronym or abbreviation that you will not use later. Furthermore, if you find that you use the shorthand term only a few times, chances are that you should not be using it at all.

You should not capitalize the initial letter of a word that you are about to abbreviate^ unless you have a separate reason for doing so. 58

56. Whenever you write first, be sure to follow through by writing, at a minimum, second. Do not commit a common error by leaving your reader hanging, awaiting the next list item when no such item exists. Do not italicize numbers in lists, whether they are spelled out numbers or Arabic or Roman numerals.

57. You should generally avoid capitalizing any term unless circumstances (such as that the term is a trademark) force you to do so. Extraneous capital letters merely confuse your reader, and visually clutter the page. They can also lead to a Pooh-bear mode of writing, in which Everything takes on Great Importance, which may be all right for Children's Books, but is not Appropriate in Formal Writing. (Note that using capital letters to emphasize certain words is not the same as setting a line in capital and lowercase letters (cap/lc). In the former style, more words are left lowercase.)

ugly: Lyn's Randomly Accessible Memory (RAM) is becoming entirely too random.

good: Lyn's random-access memory (RAM) gets dumped daily.

If the letters that you use in an acronym are not the leading letters in the words of the term, you can indicate the derivation of your acronym by using boldface, small capital letters, or underlining.^ 9 In most typefaces, you should avoid using italic type for this situation, as the combined roman and italic type may not set up well.

ugly?: Our new software, quick out (QUIT), is designed for people who want to switch careers fast.

good: The system uses RAdio Detecting And Ranging (radar)

good: Lumina distributes decision modeling software (Demos).

good: The Sophomoric Doggerel Comedy Tour (SOD YOU) was a blistering success.

You should not use periods in abbreviations and acronyms.

bad: Converting to R.I.S.C. architectures is fraught with danger.

good: It is foolish to ignore RISC architectures.

« *:- « fc

bad: The A.A.A.I. Spring Symposium was held in the fall. good: The AAAI annual meeting was held in Seattle.

59. Underlining generally clutters up the page and is visually objectionable. However, there are cases (and typefaces) in which use of underlining may be your preferred solution.

There are several exceptions, however:

bad: We are US citizens.

good: They are U.S. tourists.

Note that you should use the abbreviation only as an adjective; when you refer to the noun, spell out United States. Note also that U.S. is one acronym that you do not have to define.

K* » K: *:-

bad: The new popular drink in Geneva is the UN cola. good: The new popular song in China is "U.N. Forgiven."

£ is « f:~

bad: Certain people (eg, Moises) do not like to find bugs in their hair.

good: All programmers (e.g., Brian and Brian) do not like to find bugs in their code.

£ fc « fc

bad: Max's office manager (ie, Devon) also answers the telephones.

good: Our head of household (i.e., Red) never answers the telephone.

« » « fc

bad: Pavel M, et al, 60 I cannot see the point. Journal of Vision Research, 14(2): 45-51, 1990.

60. Note that, in text, you should write and colleagues, and associates, or and coworkers. Use the abbreviation for citations and references only.

bad: Mulligan J, et. al., Points of View. Sunnyvale, CA: Technics Press, 1991.

good: Ahumada A, et al., The View from the Hot Tub. Santa Cruz, CA: Sybarite, 1995.

Because the term et al. is short for et alia, only the al takes a period.

« » « »

bad: Max was so tired that he could not distinguish 3 AM from 3 PM.

good: Lyn was at her desk at 6 a.m.; she was still there at 6

P.M.

Remember to use small capital letters.

« » « fc

bad: The period of interest ran from 40 BC to AD 1.

good: Chinese medicine in 400 b.c. was more advanced than was Western medicine in a.d. 400.

Remember to use small capital letters, and to place the a.d. before the year.

« fe « fc

bad: BCE and CE offer an alternative notation. good: You can use b.c.e. instead of b.c, and c.e. 61 instead

of A.D.

Remember to use small capital letters.

61. Because c.e. can be an abbreviation for common era, as well as for Christian era, certain people prefer it to a.d. (and similarly prefer b.c.e. [before common era] to B.C.), viewing it as a term without religious connotations.

El

B

SEGMENT 21 ABBREVIATIONS AND ACRONYMS 89

You should be sure to remember what your shorthand term represents, so that you avoid redundancies.

bad: We have implemented the systemic infection system (SIS). The SIS system is a decision-support tool designed to save lives.

Error! SIS system means the systemic infection system system.

When you are quoting dialog, you should spell a term the way that it is said. 62

bad: Lyn asked, "What on earth is 20 MIPS?"

bad: Mike, an experienced programmer, asked, "How many em eye pees does the system afford us?"

An experienced programmer would never mispronounce MIPS (which rhymes with slips), so we assume that the writer, rather than the programmer, is at fault.

good: "The correct way to pronounce it," Max explained, "is twenty MIPS."

« fc « fc

bad: "Apparently," Soren told Lois, "the source of the problem was a discrepancy over 30 vs. 40."

good: "Thirty versus forty whats?" asked Lois.

« « « »

62. Similarly, you should always spell out all numbers in quoted dialog

bad: "The speed limit on this road," Betsy pointed out, "is 40 mph."

good: "Well," replied Richard, "I am driving at sixty miles per hour."

« *:- « »

bad: "Let's meet at 2:00," Moises suggested.

good: "I'd rather make it three o'clock," replied Adnan.

good: "Actually," murmured Max, "even I am usually asleep at twenty-three-hundred hours."

You should use a or an, depending on how the shorthand term is pronounced.

good: You need a CPU.

CPU is pronounced see pee you. good: I hooked up a LAN for an LIS.

LAN is pronounced Ian; LIS is pronounced el eye ess.

If, despite heroic struggles, you find that your text contains numerous shorthand terms (for example, many trade names and proper names are abbreviated letter strings, and you have to use them), consider setting the terms in small capital letters, rather than in regular capital letters. An abundance of terms set in regular capitals destroys the appearance of the page, because the capital letters break up the text line. Small capital letters, which are the same height as the lowercase letters, 63 do not create such ugliness and offer an acceptable solution.

63. The classifications bad, ugly, good, and splendid in this book are set in small capital letters.

SEGMENT 21 ABBREVIATIONS AND ACRONYMS

91

good: If IBM and DEC join forces to bring out a new PC, the CPU may be confused, but the RAM should be OK.

Somewhat tangentially, you should know that either okay or OK is self-denoting, whereas Okay is not (except at the beginning of a sentence that follows a period or a colon). You should not define OK as an abbreviation for okay; on the contrary, OK is an abbreviation for oil korrect (or all correct), and okay is merely a phonetic spelling of the abbreviation.

ugly: Alright is not Okay. good: All right is OK, as is okay.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use a minimum number of abbreviations and acronym terms in your text (i.e., num abbrevs and ATs can be dfclt to read). Any that you do use, you should define on first use, and should use always thereafter.

22 Verbize

I

T is a nasty habit to verbize your words. Verbizing is taking an inoffensive noun that is just doing its job, and tacking onto it an ize, thus turning it into an offensive verb. The habit of creating verbs from nouns leads to highly jargonized speech.

bad: We hypothesized that our algorithm would run faster than Laurel-Spitwater's.

good: We formed the hypothesis that our machine would run faster than Twithouse's.

splendid: Our hypothesis was that our cat would run faster than Soren's.

splendid: We postulated that our water would run faster than Dona's.

£ fc « *:-

bad: We want to computerize our accounting system.

good: We want to automate our dating system.

splendid: We want to develop a computer-based love-life system.

£ & £ £

bad: Let's prioritize our tasks. good: Let's put our goals in order of priority.

SEGMENT 22 VERBIZE

93

GOOD: Let's order our wishes by priority. good: Let's assign priorities to our lovers. good: Let's determine a task ordering by priority.

e fc « »

bad: Let's lunchize our leftovers. bad: Treat your staff well, so as not to mutinize them. bad: I think we should customerize our friends. bad: We need to productize the laboratory system.

Note also that you should avoid the term customize, albeit less violently, because there is a more elegant phrase:

bad: Bob customized the software to meet his own needs.

good: Max custom-tailored the model to suit his clients' needs.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid verbizing, to avoid f miserizing your reader.

23 Commas

B

C : [ :

V-/ommas are useful punctuation marks. They give your reader considerable guidance in parsing your sentence. You generally should place them wherever a speaker would pause, or whenever there is a logical shift in your sentence.

You should use the series comma. 64 The series comma is the comma before the and or the or in a list of several items.

ugly: I don't want any ifs, ands or buts. good: I don't want any coffee, tea, or milk.

« » « iz-

ugly: The monitor, keyboard, mouse, printer and software are all included in the package deal.

good: The woman, the children, the house, and the car are all included in the package deal.

64. In Great Britain, writers use open punctuation, in which noncritical commas are left out (for example, the series comma is omitted). In the United States, it is correct to use closed punctuation, in which such commas are included. Certain magazines and various informal arenas choose to use open punctuation; in formal writing in the United States, however, it is correct to use closed punctuation. In addition, and to me more important, closed punctuation gives your reader more parsing information and makes your text easier to read.

e » « »

ugly: Please read pages 1, 2, 6, 7 and 39. good: Please do Exercises 1, 2, 6, 7, and 39.

You should place a comma after an introductory word, phrase, or clause.

ugly: Greg was worried; however he remained calm.

GOOD: Brendan was hungry; however, he remained calm.

splendid: Lyn and Richard were still puzzled, however many times they reread the directions for assembling the stepper climber; however, they remained calm. 6 '

£ >ir « »

ugly: In summary we can deal with the problem of nonmonotonic reasoning by defining a logic that uses nonstandard, nonmonotonic inference rules.

good: In summary, we can block unwelcome transitivity in one of two ways.

e is K* is

65. Eventually, after many days of sweaty hard work, not only was the stepper-climber assembled, but also Lyn had written a letter to the manufacturer that resulted in her receiving a beta-test version of the reengineered design. After Lyn had solved the minor problem of the new machine's brakes catching fire when she exercised, with a contribution from Soren of a special heat-proof material developed for the Space Shuttle, she gave the second stepper climber to Marina, and Cosmo and Reno used it regularly.

ugly: By the time that Lyn reached Wall Street Gunnar had ridden back and forth across the Brooklyn Bridge 14 times.

GOOD: By the time that Gunnar found Lyn, she had already eaten blue-corn patties with jalapeno sauce, and she was settling down to the gumbo.

You should use commas around (that is, on both sides of) clauses inserted in the middle of a that remark.

ugly: I want you to know that whatever happens, I will always think of you when I lounge in a papasan.

good: I want you to know that, whatever happens, I will never let another man put ice on my bruised fingers.

« fe *s is

ugly: Please remember that despite recent events, this software has always functioned without erasing the hard disk.

good: Please remember that, despite recent events, this woman has always functioned without pulling out her hair.

You should use a comma wherever there is a logical pause, or whenever you begin a new thought.

ugly: Misha wanted to buy black, squid-ink pasta so he went to Menlo Park.

good: Holly wanted to live with goats and rabbits and chickens and ducks and cats, so she moved to Oregon.

« £ « fc

ugly: We found some baby raccoons that were completely adorable but they chewed all the bristles off our toothbrushes so we decided to take them to the veterinarian who lives in my sister's town to see whether she could find a home for them with people who don't use toothbrushes.

good: We found four baby raccoons that were completely adorable, but they chewed all the bristles off our toothbrushes, so we decided to take them to the veterinarian who lives in my sister's town, to see whether she could find a home for them with people who don't use toothbrushes.

splendid: We found four baby raccoons and took them home. They were completely adorable, but one day they chewed all the bristles off our toothbrushes. After a heated family discussion, we decided to take them to the veterinarian in the town where my sister lives. The town is called Gumsville, and we thought the vet might be able to place the babies in a household where no one needed toothbrushes. Such is what copy editors do for a living.

H J Do not use comma splices.

bad: A comma splice is a joining of two sentences (that should remain separate) by a comma and an and, and this sentence is an example. 66

66. The sentence is incorrect because it contains a comma splice; it is properly two sentences, the first ending at the comma, and the second beginning with This sentence.

SEGMENT 23 COMMAS

good: Note that a semicolon can be used to join two sentences; this sentence is an example.

bad: I had been typing all day in the airless office, and I was ravenously hungry, I got up and stretched wearily, suddenly, the office turned upside down, I heard myself scream shrilly.

good: I had been sleeping all night in the airless bedroom, and I was fully rested. I got up and stretched luxuriously; suddenly, the room turned inside out. I heard myself giggle idiotically.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should always include commas that are logical and helpful, such as those indicating pauses, or those after introductory remarks^ and also remember that you should not splice together artificially two sentences simply by inserting a comma and an and.

24 Number Spelling

T

here is no single rule governing when you should spell out numbers and when you should use Arabic symbols. It is generally accepted practice in scientific writing, however, to spell out zero through nine, 6 and to use numerals thereafter. There are, not surprisingly, 68 several exceptions to this principle.

||frj r You should spell out all numbers at the beginning of a sentence that follows a period or a colon. 69

bad: 2 2 bar-code readers arrived at the supermarket that morning.

good: Twenty-five people were shopping that afternoon in the produce department.

I « fc « fe

bad: Max's briefcase was missing: 112 rats had spirited it away during the night.

67. The zero and the nine in the text are examples of spelled-out numbers less than 10.

68. Every rule must admit of exceptions. In English, every rule pleads guilty to myriad exceptions.

69. Max Henrion suggests that the basis for this rule is that otherwise you cannot tell whether the word is set with a lead capital letter.

good: Lyn's facial tissues were missing, too: Ten raccoons and two cats had joyously covered the house with a light dusting of confetti.

£ £ £ £

bad: z-dimensional drawings can be rendered in 3 dimensions.

bad: 2D line drawings can form the basis for wire-frame models in 3D. 70

good: Two-dimensional graphing works for two variables, but you need a representation in three or more dimensions for this problem. 71

You should use numerals for all units of measure.

bad: The banana was six inches long. good: The banana slug was 7 inches long.

« fe « fc

bad: The distance from the primary host to the gateway is seven miles.

good: The distance from our house to the top of Windy Hill is 7 kilometers.

70. Certain people argue that the acronyms 2D and 3D are acceptable for two-dimensional and three-dimensional. I find the terms ugly, but find them acceptable in documents that use them frequently. I do not find acceptable, however, use of 2D and 3D to mean two dimensions and three dimensions. This and the previous example would be classified as bad in any event, however, because they begin with a numeral: You should always spell out numbers that occur at the beginning of a sentence.

71. See previous note. I encourage you to spell out two-dimensional, three dimensions, and so on in all cases, however, rather than only at the beginnings of sentences.

*5 « « *

bad: The play started at eight-twenty, which was twenty minutes late.

good: Max got home at 6:00 in the evening, which was either 22 hours late or 2 hours early, depending on Lyn's mood.

« fc « fc

bad: The intrinsic conductivity (ohm 1 • m" 1 ) of Silicon is five times ten to the minus four.

good: The energy gap Eg of Silicon 72 is 0.176 10 18 J, 1.1 eV.

« fc £ i:-

bad: Max had been home for only two evenings in the preceding five months.

good: Max had been home for only 2 minutes before he was snoring peacefully, because he had not had an 8-hour sleep in 1 year.

£ fc « fc

bad: Marina noted a three-fold increase in the number of fleas in the house after Swix had been running gaily through the fields.

good: Spud chewed on Swix sufficiently to cause a 2-fold decrease in the population of ticks on Swix's neck.

72. Note that, in certain disciplines such as materials science, the names of elements are set with lead capital letters.

« » £ fc

bad: The company's income decreased by a factor of six during this quarter.

good: Lyn's mood lightens by a factor of 3 after she has taken a long, strenuous hike.

« fc « i:-

bad: A seven-point scale that offers only six points is bound to confuse test subjects.

good: The users were asked to rate the interface on various dimensions, using a 4-point scale.

Note that, in computer science, bits and bytes are used as units of measure and thus should take numerals. 73

ugly: Lyn freaked when she had only two megabytes of RAM left and could not save her file.

good: The file requires only 5 kilobytes of disk space.

« » e fe

ugly: The first seven bits are used to encode the data; the final bit is used in the error-checking protocol.

good: There are 7 bits, plus 1 with glop on it.

73. We sometimes speak of bits as objects (for example, toggle switches), or as containers for a value (the 8 bits encode information). However, if you attempt to spell out numbers in such cases, and to use numerals in the other cases (where bits are units of measure), your algorithm is likely to be too complex for your reader to understand it, and your writing will appear inconsistent. Thus, stick to the one stvle.

j

Also note that, to many people, using a numeral below 10 with decades is jarring; I thus spell out numbers in this case, but I do not object when a writer uses the numeral.

good: Cosmo and Reno are each less than one decade old.

good: Cosmo and Reno together are still less than i decade old.

Similar reasoning applies to orders of magnitude.

good: This relationship is three orders of magnitude more complex than were my previous friendships.

good: Greg felt 2 orders of magnitude more relaxed after he had gone for a long bike ride.

You should use numerals when you are referring to the number itself.

bad: Maria pulled the three and the zero off the birthday cake, and ate them happily.

good: If Geoff adds 2 and 2, he may not get 4.

e » « *?

bad: We use a lz , where the one and the two are indices to the matrix.

good: In the string 1234, the 2 represents a dickybird.

You should use numerals when you are counting.

bad: Lyn spilled her grapefruit juice on page four.

good: The picture on page 3 shows Red and BB relaxing in a hammock.

E

y

iTXr

IO4 SICMENT 24 NUMBER SPELLING

« fc « fc

bad: Max tripped on Red, who was sprawled on step six, when he came home at two in the morning.

good: The algorithm hung on step 5.

« * « fc

bad: Use file two in folder seven. good: Insert disk 3 into drive A.

e » « »

bad: Steve and Judy left on September nine, 1993.

good: September 23 is the day on which Max and Lyn celebrate their anniversary.

Note that, when you set a date in the form of the preceding example, you are counting the days of the month. You can also spell out the date, if you wish, as follows.

good: For the twenty-third of September, 1995, Max and Lyn have outrageous plans.

You should use numerals when the number that is less than 10 is in a series that contains numbers greater than 10.

ugly: The blue herons that built nests in the redwoods around Max and Lyn's home had three, seven, and 11 chicks.

good: The rabbits that Max and Lyn saw on Windy Hill had varied litter sizes: 4, 11, and 18 bunnies.

You should use numerals when you are speaking of multiples of millions, billions, and so on.

SEGMENT 24 NUMBER SPELLING IO5

bad: Lyn found four zillion errors in the manuscript that she was editing.

good: A cloud comprising 2 million butterflies settled around Max and Lyn as they lay in the field of spring flowers.

There are also exceptions to the rule that you should use numerals for numbers greater than nine.

You should spell out all numbers in quoted speech.

bad: Max moaned, "I have 43 reports to write tonight— and it is already 11 o'clock!"

good: Lyn bragged, "I wrote fifty pages before five o'clock today."

Note that, when you are quoting printed material, you should follow the style of the original, even if it does not match your style.

good: Calamity Jane's reports are suspect:

An earthquake ol magnitude seven point two destroyed San Francisco at three ten in the morning yesterday. Many residents slept through the tremor, which caused little property damage (about twenty dollars' worth). Fortunately, only two people were killed, one fatally- [Calamity J, Golden Gate Daily, September 1, 1994, page Al]

You should spell out terms that are used to mean approximate amounts.

ugly: Doug was so nervous that he drank 45 cups of coffee.

This sentence would be fine if you wanted your reader to know precisely bow much caffeine Doug imbibed.

good: Lyn was so confident that she crushed dozens of competitors. 74

« i:- K* fc

ugly: Max and Lyn have 100s of rats (or skunks) peeing on the plasterboard in the ceiling directly over their bed.

good: When two people live together, there are hundreds of opportunities for smooching.

Note that you should use such terms 75 only when you are speaking generally. If you mean precisely ioo, do not write a hundred. Do write a day or two, about a week, almost a year, and so on; that is, do use a rather than i when you mean approximately but not necessarily precisely i.

You should spell out first, second, and so on.

bad: The 2nd time that Max saw Lyn, she was suffering her 3rd migraine of the week and had just lost her breakfast for the 5 th time; she was sporting an intriguing green tinge.

GOOD: The first time that Max saw Lyn, she was sitting in the twelfth row in the second room; that event took place during the first hour of the gathering.

Note this trick while we are near the subject:

good: We are interested in the [x + 5]th number in the series.

The x + $th number, if it made sense at all, would be calculated in a different way.

good: The [2 - y]th kangaroo jumped through the window.

The 2 - yth kangaroo is a different creature.

74. Contributed by Patrick Henry Winston.

75. That is, terms such as hundreds and thousands and zillions —rather than such as smooching.

SEGMENT 24 NUMBER SPELLING

IO7

good: Swix's [x + i]st 76 puppy was a squeaky toy.

In situations where you would use numerals for whole numbers, also use numerals for the fractions; in situations where you would spell out the whole number, spell out the fraction as well.

bad: Brian ate 4 of the cake; Adrienne had only 1 slice.

good: Adrienne left one-half of the shrimp; Brian ate nine of them and saved the rest.

Note that fractions take a hyphen.

good: Adrienne had only 4 hour left before she had to go to work.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, in general, you should spell out numbers from one to nine, and should use numerals otherwise; there are, however, many exceptions that you should learn. This area is one of the few in which ear will get you nowhere; rote memorization or frequent lookups are your choices.

76. Ronald Barry notes that "It is not uncommon for mathematicians to use the

form / ]st for every such expression; admittedly, it sounds peculiar to the

ear, but it looks natural to the eye." Following this alternative style, you would write, for example, [x + 3 ]st.

25 Impact

T

-L here are only two pleasing uses of impact: to denote a forceful collision, and to mean packed or wedged in.

good: My car hit the curb with enormous impact. good: My wisdom tooth was impacted.

Impact, however, has become one of the most overused, ugly words in the language. If you avoid using it, except in the two respectable cases just given, you will improve the quality of your prose.

fa4 You should avoid using impact to mean influence or effect.

ugly: Ursula's dancing had a major impact on Blackford.

good: Blackford's dancing had a major influence on Ursula.

good: Blackford, dancing, crashed into Ursula with major impact. 77

« *:- « »

ugly: The impact of Max's grumpiness on Lyn's happiness is a bidirectional relation.

good: The effect of Lyn's writing a book on the level of Lyn's housekeeping is appalling.

77. Based on a suggestion by Joseph Norman. 108

« i:- « fc

ugly: Choosing a categorical-reasoning mechanism carefully can permit you to have a big impact on decision making.

good: Choosing a limited domain where assumptions can be accepted with confidence will increase your chances of having a major effect on decision making.

Admittedly, use of impact to mean effect or influence has become so common as to be nearly unavoidable by all but the most vigilant writers. Using impact as a verb, however, will quickly loft you to an entirely different level of unacceptability.

bad: The new billing system negatively impacted the accounting department.

good: The new dispensing system affected positively the operations of the pharmacy.

splendid: The new desktop-publishing system proved totally disastrous for the documentation department. 78

« fc « »

bad: Lyn is a superb editor; she impacted Doug's writing greatly. 79

good: Doug is a superb friend; he influenced Lyn's mood powerfully.

« fc « *:-

78. Rather than writing about positive or negative effects, specify precisely what the effect is.

79. Contributed by Douglas K. Owens.

si (IMENT 25 IMPACT

bad: Sarah's screaming impacted Max adversely.

good: Max's scolding affected Sarah adversely.

splendid: Sarah's screaming made Max's ears ring and his nose run/

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not use impact when you mean influence or effect, and you certainly should not use impact when you mean affect, because impacting people is incredibly impolite.

80. Identifying the effect, rather than simply noting that it exists and is negative, supplies your reader with more—and perhaps more interesting—information.

26 Lists

T

^Lhere are numerous ways to set lists; you can set them in text or display them, and you can use delimiters such as numbers or bullets. Familiarity with the various types of lists will allow you to select and use those that are most appropriate to your content and presentation.

r*—[

|mJ f You should use intext 81 lists for short items that do not require special emphasis. Intext lists all constitute one sentence, so each entry obviously cannot be itself a sentence. 82

bad: There are many errors that you can make: (i) You can forget that entries in an intext numbered list must together constitute a sentence. (2) You can put periods at the end of the entries of intext numbered lists.

good: Instead, just remember two rules: (1) the entries are only clauses in a sentence, and (2) they should be separated by commas or semicolons.

good: The cat brought in several items: a mouse, an old sock, and what looked like old leftover roast chicken.

81.1 am teaching you a small subset of the terminology of publishing; intext is a member of that subset. An intext list is one set in running text, as opposed to displayed lists, which are broken out.

82. Note that you should not capitalize the first entry of the list, whether or not the list could stand alone as a sentence. In all other cases, you should capitalize the first letter of a sentence that follows a colon.

! I 2 SEGMENT 2.6 LIS I s

Note that it is incorrect to set intext lists that have entries that are sentences. You can use displayed lists (discussed later in this section) in such cases, or you can use a series of sentences starting with First, Second, and so on. I shall discuss such lists in a moment.

You should use unnumbered intext lists in most cases. You should use numbered intext lists when you specify the number of entries in the list, when you want to emphasize the number of entries, or when you want to refer later to the entries by number. 83

good: There are three monkeys: (1) see no evil, (2) hear no evil, and (3) speak no evil.

You should always use Arabic numerals, rather than letters or Roman numerals, in an intext list.

bad: What would you prefer: (a) a pony, (b) a horse, (c) a goat, or (d) a car?

bad: I can get the references from (i) the library, (ii) my home office, or (iii) a review article.

good: Red can get into the house in three ways: (1) through the cat door, (2) through the window, (3) through pitiful meowing.

Note that, if you are writing numbered exercises that have parts, you should use letters for the parts. Such lists are not intext lists—they are parts. You should also use letters for parts of a figure caption.

good: Exercise 4.5. Give your opinion of the following animals: (a) cats, (b) dogs, and (c) hippopotami.

83. In the last case, however, a displayed numbered list is preferable, because your reader can find the entries more easily. A display is text that is not set in the text line; I describe displayed lists later in this section.

E

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SEGMENT 26 LISTS 113

good: Figure 4. Artist's conception of different bugs, a: Syntax bug. b: Style bug. c: Semantics bug.

You should always use both a left and a right parenthesis around a number in an intext numbered list. You should never use only a right (or only a left) parenthesis for any reason, and you should never use periods after the numbers in an intext numbered list. 84

bad: I want to have these items on my desk by noon tomorrow: 1. a progress report, 2. your time sheets for the past year, and 3. a self-rating assessment report.

bad: If you fail to meet these requirements, I will 1) hang you up by your toenails, 2) gag you with a silk scarf, and 3) flog you with a daisy.

GOOD: If you come home early tonight, I will (1) make dinner, (2) serve dinner by candlelight, and (3) keep you company while you wash the dishes.

You should use commas to separate entries in intext lists if no entry itself contains a comma. If any entry contains a comma, you should use semicolons to separate the entries.

bad: I would like you to do these chores for me: (1) wash the dishes, and try not to break them, (2) make the beds, and (3) scrub the bathtub.

good: In return, I will do the ironing, and try not to scorch your shirts; take out the garbage; and feed the pet lion cub.

If you are setting a list where one entry must contain at least one sentence, and you do not want to emphasize the list items by

84. You can thus err in three ways by using a right parenthesis and a period in a displayed numbered list. Resist any temptation to sin so successfully.

displaying them (or do not want the visual effect of displays), then you should simply make the entries part of running text.

good: It was not a pleasant morning. 85 First, Cleo, Helen's cat, kept insisting that there was a mouse living under the fridge. Second, the milk curdled in Helen's coffee. Third, when she went to break eggs for breakfast, Helen managed to slop them all over the counter, which shorted out the toaster. Finally, Helen's boss called to say that Lyn had left so many voice-mail messages that the system was full and no one else could pick up mail, so would Helen please hurry into the office, given that she was the only person who could soothe Lyn at such times.

GOOD: Our marketing strategy will include several actions. We will organize a kickoff meeting. We will write to all the magazines in the field, and wil try to get them to review our product. We will rent booths at several conferences. We will purchase two mailing lists, and will send out brochures.

Note also that you should never use a colon to introduce an intext list (whether or not the list is numbered) that has sentences as entries (that is, a list that has periods in it).

bad: There are three activities that Red detests: (1) He does not like visiting the vet. (2) He does not appreciate having his ears cleaned. (3) He is not fond of baths. 86

good: Red has three particular sources of contentment in his life. First, he enjoys sharing Lyn's meals. Second, he enjoys eating the yeast and garlic treats that Lyn gives him every morning. Third, he enjoys eating catfood.

85. Note that there is no colon here.

86. Contributed by Red.

good: BB also has favorite activities. She prefers to sleep on top of the telephone in the dining room (but she does not appreciate the telephone ringing). She likes to claw her way up the sleeves of Max's finest silk jackets, so that she can sleep on the top shelf of his closet. She enjoys sleeping on top of Lyn's computer monitor (but she hisses at Max if he uses the machine). 87

You should use a colon before an intext or a displayed list only if the colon is logical and correct. Do not throw in a colon simply because a list follows.

bad: If you so request, I can install: drop-caps, initial-caps, and rotating-text functions on the DTP software.

bad: Be sure that you have both: a kerning control, which lets you make fine adjustments between the individual letters, and a tracking control, which allows you to specify a general setting for interletter spacing in a block of text.

good: Both WP and DTP systems may allow you to import graphics, to set custom headers and footers, to link documents for printing, and to run text around graphics.

« » « fc

bad: If you go shopping before lunch time, please pick up:

A pastrami sandwich on sour corn rye A can of cherry cola soda A box of extra hard, sour-dough pretzels A package of dark-chocolate-fudge

cookies A bottle of indigestion pills

87. Contributed by BB.

good: If you go upstairs, please bring down

Ten or 20 candles A bowl of ice cream The open bottle of port Red's box of treats

good: If you go shopping, please pick up the following five items:

1. A bag of arugula

2. A quart of plain yogurt

3. A box of semolina pasta

4. A package of biscotti

5. A bottle of mineral water

6. A packet of vitamin supplements

You should use displayed lists to emphasize list entries. There are several types of displayed lists.

An unnumbered displayed list has no markers before the entries. In certain designs, the first line of each entry is set farther to the left than are the subsequent lines—called a hang indent —so that the reader can see easily where each entry begins.

good: The rule for unnumbered displayed lists follow:

Neither numbers nor bullets are used to

mark the entries. The entries are indented from the left

margin. The entries may be hang indented, as these

entries are. The entries can be of any length, and can

include multiple sentences, as is true of

any displayed list.

A bullet displayed list is the same as an unnumbered displayed list, except that each entry is marked with a bullet or other symbol. Be-

cause the bullets help to keep your reader oriented, 88 I recommend that you always use a bullet list (or a hang-indent unnumbered displayed list), rather than a plain unnumbered displayed list.

good: We might wish to list the reasons for living in a city:

• Convenient shopping

• Great theaters

• Good restaurants

• Exciting nightlife

A numbered displayed list uses numbers, rather than bullets, to mark each entry. You should always use Arabic numerals, rather than Roman numerals or letters, in a numbered displayed list.

good: Consider these three reasons for living in the country:

1. The sights, or lack thereof

2. The sounds, or lack thereof

3. The smells, or lack thereof

A multicolumn list is just what it sounds like.

good: In the Chinese system, there are five key concepts:

water winter

wood spring

fire summer

earth late summer

metal autumn

Remember to style the list entries consistently; I prefer all lowercase letters.

A multicolumn list with heads also is just what it sounds like.

88. Icons serve the same purpose in certain books, such as in this one.

GOOD: The system associates colors with emotions:

Emotion

Remember to style both the heads and the entries consistently across lists. I prefer to use lead capital letter or capital and lowercase letters for the heads, and all lowercase letters for the entries, in a multicol-umn list. A multicolumn list is a type of unnumbered table, so it is a good idea to style the entries in the same way as you style those in your tables. Note that you can center the items within each column, or can set them left justified.

An outline displayed list is set in the familiar outline format. You can use a numbered list with bullet subentries, or you can use the standard outline style, switching back and forth between letters and numbers. Generally, you should not use outline lists of the latter kind unless you absolutely have to do so—for example, because that format is required by a request for proposal (RFP). 89,90 You should indent each level of entry in an outline displayed list to the right of the level above it.

good: Here are three tips for maintaining sanity when you are machine dependent:

89. This example provides an exception to the principle that you should not define abbreviations or acronyms that you will not use frequently. When your readers are likely to recognize the abbreviation or acronym much more readily than they will the spelled out version, then you may be justified in providing it.

90. If you work with RFPs, then chances are that you also know that it is critically important to follow meticulously the directions for preparing a proposal.

i. Remember to back up your work often:

• Do frequent saves while you are working.

• Copy your files to tape or floppy disks on a regular basis.

2. Remember to use a surge protector.

3. Remember to protect your equipment:

• Use a screen saver, and set it to turn on automatically after a few minutes of (your) inactivity.

• Put your machine to sleep whenever you take a break.

• Turn off your monitor when you are not using your machine overnight.

You can begin each entry in a displayed list with a tag. A tag is a sentence fragment that names a text object—in this case, it names the list entry. 91 Within a list, you should be consistent in setting tags on all or no entries. Across a document, you should be consistent in how you style tags and in what end punctuation you use with them.

You can style tags in italic or roman type; I recommend italic type, because it sets off the tag. You can also use boldface type, but only in cases where the entries are important enough to constitute subheads within your section, and only if you are not using boldface for key terms or have not given boldface other semantic meaning.

I strongly discourage you from setting tags with any capital letter other than for the first letter. Extra capital letters only clutter the page visually and disturb your reader.

You can set at the end of the tag a colon, a period, or an em space. I recommend that you not use an em dash.

91. A tag may also, for example, name a figure when used in a figure caption.

You should begin the list entry after the tag with a capital letter; the tag stands alone, and should not be considered to be the beginning of a sentence or fragment that carries on to the entry.

ugly: Lyn was proving to be a difficult author on many dimensions:

• Proofreading—she found an error in the manuscript that the proofreader had missed.

• Interior Design—she wanted to use fancy icons and graphics.

• Cover Design—she wanted actual portraits of Red and BB on the cover, not to mention realistic bugs.

• Schedule—she wanted to rush along at her usual breakneck speed, acting as though her publisher had no other books on its list.

• Size—she had originally contracted to write a slim little book that would fit in someone's back pocket.

€ » « fc

good: Lyn had to keep track of numerous tasks:

• Cover: She had to tell the artist about the book and to send snapshots of Red and BB.

• Back cover: She had to write or approve the copy, check the layout, and check the typeface.

• Interior design: She had to develop and approve the final design pages.

• Page makeup: She had to arrange proofreading of laser printout, and to read and check the pages herself.

E

SEGMENT l6 LISTS 121

• Film: She had to arrange for a test run and to determine a schedule for filmout, in addition to ensuring that cover film was shot simultaneously.

• Manufacturing: She had to coordinate with her publisher for makeup of signatures, creation of plates, printing on the correct stock, and binding.

You should use a period after the number in a numbered displayed list. You should never use only a right or only a left parenthesis in any case, and you should never use pairs of parentheses in a numbered displayed list.

bad: This example shows what not to do:

Do not use a single parenthesis, ever

Do not use a period and parentheses for list

B

entries ever 92

Do use a period at the end of each entry

when all the entries are sentences

Do not use numbers unless you have a

reason to do so

Do not misnumber the entries when you do

use numbers

Do not forget to indent your list entries from

the left margin of your text column

You should always begin each entry in a displayed list 93 (unless the list is multicolumn ) with a capital letter, whether the entry is a word, a sentence fragment, a full sentence, or numerous sentences.

92. That is, do use parentheses in an intext list, but do not also use a period.

SEGMENT 26 LISTS

bad: The following items have been purloined from your bathroom:

• toothpaste

• toothbrush

• shampoo

• hairbrush

good: Peter requested this list:

• Sushi

• Ice cream

• Chicken kabobs

• Fermi 94

You should use no end punctuation for those entries in a displayed list that constitute less than one full sentence. 95 Never use commas or semicolons in such cases, as you would in an intext list.

bad: The items in a displayed list

1. Are not the same as entries in an intext list,

2. Should never be followed by a comma or semicolon;

3. And should never include the word "and" in the final entry. Nor should they include a period on the final entry just because it is the final entry.

good: The following is correct:

1. No end punctuation for fragments

2. No "and" at the beginning of the final entry

94. Fermi is a concoction made from milk, cornstarch, rosewater, pistachios, and almonds. It is unrelated to reactors.

95. That is, the entry constitutes less than a full sentence; a displayed list never constitutes a full sentence.

You should use a period as end punctuation on any entry that constitutes one or more sentences.

bad: The entries in the following list are sentences, and therefore

• Each entry should end with a period 96

• Each entry full sentence 97

good: In this case, the entries fulfill the criteria:

• Each one ends with a period.

• Both are full sentences.

The critical point for you to learn here is that, if one entry in a displayed list constitutes a full sentence, then all entries must be full sentences (and must end with periods). You should never mix fragments and sentences as entries in a single displayed list.

bad: Many writers absolutely cannot handle displayed lists:

1) They make so many mistakes that copy editors cry,

2) Break all the rules—forget parallelism.

3) Do they sometimes add questions as well?

4) Either make the point or stop writing

96. One reason why this example is classified as bad is that the entries do not end with periods.

97. This example is classified as bad; one of the reasons for this classification is that this entry is not a full sentence. If one entry ends with a period, then all should; for an entry to end with a period, it must be a full sentence.

SEGMENT 26 LISTS

good: You, however, are now equipped to handle displayed lists:

• If you use numbers, use a period rather than one or two parentheses.

• However, do not use numbers unless you have a good reason to do so.

• If you do not use numbers, use bullets rather than nothing to mark each entry.

• Be sure that all or none of the entries are complete sentences.

• If the entries are sentences, use periods; if they are not sentences, use no end punctuation.

The three principles for lucid writing here are that (1) at first blush, you may find the rules associated with the correct use of lists too numerous to swallow (but you should keep chewing); (2) you should learn to distinguish among the various types of lists; and (3) you should use the type and format that are most suited to the message that you want to communicate.

2 7 Like Versus Such As

T

:e terms like and such as have usefully different meanings that allow you to say precisely what you mean. Like and as also have different uses.

jwl When you are referring to a set, the members of which have in common a given characteristic, and you wish to give an example that is a member of that set, you should use such as. When you are referring to a set that does not include your example, but that contains members that resemble your example, you should use like.

good: I do not understand baroque composers, such as Vivaldi.

good: I do not understand baroque composers like Art Garfunkel.

In the first sentence, the author is saying that all baroque composers, of which Vivaldi is an example, are incomprehensible. In the second sentence, the author is saying that she finds incomprehensible those baroque composers who bear a resemblance to—are like — Art Garfunkel. She may find Art Garfunkel transparent. It may help you to think through your sentence with the implied words:

good: I do not understand baroque composers [who are] like Art Garfunkel.

K* iz- « fe

good: I cannot tolerate errors such as failure to distinguish like from such as.

I cannot tolerate a set of errors — say, common confusions about the meanings of terms — and a member of that set is the error named.

good: I cannot tolerate people [who are] like my sponsoring editor.

/ cannot tolerate people who resemble my sponsoring editor; however, I may find my sponsoring editor delightful.

« » « »

good: Mary wanted riches, such as a mansion or a yacht.

The riches that Mary desires include a mansion and a yacht.

good: Doug desires a wife [who is] like Moises's.

Doug has no adulterous thoughts — he merely would like to wed a woman who resembles Moises's spouse.

£ & £ £

good: If you use a compiling text formatter [that is] like Scribe, you will probably be reduced to tears before the document is in final form.

If you use Scribe, you may be happy; if you use another text formatter that is like Scribe, however, you will probably go berserk.

98. [Sponsoring editors, in contrast, tolerate a good deal more than their favorite authors think—ed.]

good: If you use typesetting languages such as T£X, however, you can set equations without being institutionalized."

If you use T£X to set equations, then you will not change your sanity level; if you use, for the same purpose, a language that is like Tj?X, then you will also remain baseline sane.

You should use as for comparisons of activities (verbs), and like for comparisons of objects (nouns).

good: Lyn's mother becomes excited and happy given the smallest excuse, much as Lyn does.

bad: Lyn's mother runs up stairs and dashes about the house much like Lyn [does].

good: Lyn's mother is like Lyn.

« » « fe

good: You feel as I do?

bad: You feel like I felt yesterday? good: You feel like Roger Rabbit?

« fc « »

good: Tania walks across the room much as the most graceful ballerina pirouettes.

good: Tania's walk is like the pirouette of a ballerina.

good: Tania walks like a ballerina.

bad: Tania walks like a ballerina does.

99. The implied assertion is that it may be worthwhile to subject yourself to the berserkogenic characteristics of a compiling program if that program allows you to set equations with equanimity.

SEGMENT 27 LIKE VERSUS SUCH AS

In the second sentence in the final set, for example, you are saying that Tania is like a ballerina, at least insofar as her movement is concerned. The final sentence is wrong because the does means that we are now comparing the movements (Tania's and the ballerina's), rather than the people (Tania and the ballerina); in that case, we require as, rather than like.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should always use like correctly to refer to likeness, or resemblance. You should use such as to indicate an example member of a group about which you are speaking. You should use as to indicate a likeness in activities. If you use your ear as I do, then your prose will be like mine, and you can compose sentences such as this one.

28 Either and Both

T

£

he placement of words accompanying either or both markedly alters the meaning of your sentence.

You should always set exactly two arguments with either or both.

bad: Judy ate up both the chocolate truffles and the fudge and the chocolate-chip ice cream.

good: Steve declined both the milkshake and the cake.

good: Judy grabbed the plates, the glasses, and the silverware, and washed the dishes before Steve realized what had happened.

£ fc « iz-

bad: You can either leave a message, telephone my assistant, or press i for further options.

good: You can either try to leave a message or scream in frustration.

good: You can press any one of several numbers, but the system will disconnect you regardless.

You should place before either any word that applies to the two alternatives. You should place after either any word that applies to only one of the alternatives.

bad: I want to travel either on a camel or a tiger.

bad: I want to travel on either a condor's back or in a stork's beak.

Here, in the first example sentence, on applies to only the camel; because it should apply to both the camel and the tiger, it either should be repeated or should precede either. In the second example sentence, the on precedes the either, and thus the in is invalidated, making a mishmash of the meaning. The solutions are thus as follows:

GOOD: I want to travel either on a rickshaw or on a public bus.

The on follows the either and is repeated.

good: I want to travel on either a bicycle or a soap box.

The on precedes the either and is not repeated.

We could also say

good: I want to travel either in a coffin or on a white elephant. 100

That is, when the preposition follows either, you can designate more than one relationship (in, on, atop, with, and so on).

We would run into trouble, however, if we tried to place in front of either a word that had no business spanning both terms.

bad: I want to travel in either a car or a bicycle. It would be difficult to travel in a bicycle. good: I want to travel either in a balloon or on a kangaroo.

100. All seats on the elephant are standby only, because of overbooking.

g

9

SEGMENT 28 EITHER AND BOTH 131

Slightly tangentially, when you use either, you should use the verb that matches—singular or plural—the noun nearest to the verb.

bad: Either a widget or two wombats is required. good: Either I or they are being silly.

e » £ «

bad: Either several cats or one lion are making all that noise.

good: Either several adults or one 3 year old 101 is making all that noise.

As you should do with either, you should place before both any word that you want to apply to the two following terms, and should place after both any word that applies to only one of them.

bad: Lumina both needs a message-handling service and a local-area network.

The relationship of Lumina to the local-area network remains woefully undefined.

good: IDSR both needs a new multiplexor and can afford one.

Needs and can follow both.

101. Note that there is no reason to hyphenate a compound noun such as 3 year old. If (and only if) you use the term as a compound adjective, then you should hyphenate it: 3-year-old sausage.

good: Lumina invites both your suggestions for the product name and your attendance at the launch party. 102

Invites precedes both and thus modifies both the suggestions and the attendance.

K* >':- £ £

bad: I want to ensure both confidentiality and to protect privacy.

Both follows to ensure and thus invalidates to protect.

good: Our remote-log-in procedure both requests information and institutes a call-back routine.

Both precedes requests and institutes.

good: The person logging in must supply both a unique user-identification code and a password.

Supply precedes both.

# fc « *

bad: I want to eat both steak and to drink wine. hungry: I want to eat both steaks and to drink wine. 103

J£ & £ i-

bad: The system can perform both linguistic strings and generate parse trees.

102. The sentence Lumina invites both suggestions for the product name and you to attend the launch party might seem to demonstrate how grammatical accuracy is not always sufficient to provide ease of parsing. There is a lurking error that explains the problem: X for Y and X to do Y are not parallel.

103. Contributed by Joseph Norman.

SEGMENT 28 EITHER AND BOTH

133

GOOD: A natural-language parser must contain both a lexicon and a grammar.

good: To create our grammar, I both used a Backus-Naur metalanguage and built a restriction component.

£ » Jg »

bad: I want both to cuddle Red and BB.

good: Red wants to catch both bats and rats.

good: Both Red and BB like both to snooze on the roof and to snuggle in bed.

The principle for lucid writing here is that a word placed before either or both applies to both alternatives, whereas a word placed after either or both applies to only (but not to either) one. You can either remember this principle or mark the page, but both remembering and marking would be redundant.

29 Hyphens

T

-Lhe most important use of the hyphen is to tie together two words that modify a third, when the third word follows the first two. If you learn how to use hyphens in such compound adjectives, you will be able to tell your reader what you intend to modify what, and that is useful information. Without the hyphens, compound adjectives are ambiguous.

There are three kinds of dash; the hyphen is the little one:

- hyphen

- en dash — em dash

Certain people prefer to follow the principle of hyphenating compound adjectives only when failure to do so would lead to confusion. My response is that failure to do so always leads to grammatical confusion, and grammatical confusion is bound to cause comprehension confusion; I have even classified unhyphenated compound adjectives as errors, as bad rather than as ugly. I strongly recommend that you take advantage of the richness of written language to disambiguate your sentences whenever possible. Hyphenating compound adjectives will reduce ambiguity enormously: Make a habit of it.

fofr] You should place a hyphen between two words that together constitute a single adjective.

bad: The viscous forming process involves melting and shaping of a viscous silicate.

good: Figure 8.2 shows sodium-fluoride sintering.

In the first example, viscous and forming have been transformed from two words, one modifying the other, into a single term that modifies a third, process. Thus, you should place a hyphen in the term viscous-forming process. Similarly, Figure 8.2 shows sintering of sodium fluoride; hence, there is a hyphen between sodium and fluoride.

You should not place a hyphen between two words that together constitute a noun or between two words that constitute an adjective-noun pair.

bad: We need to develop a more intuitive front-end. good: This car has a dented back end.

Front end has evolved from an adjective-noun pair to become a compound noun; there is no good reason to hyphenate it. Back end is an adjective-noun pair. Note, however, that any compound noun can suddenly become a compound adjective, desperately requiring a hyphen transplant, simply because has it been dropped into a different sentence.

bad: The front end code was written by a lunatic. good: The back-end dent was simple to fix.

You should not place a hyphen between two words that together describe an activity.

bad: Decision-making under uncertainty can be stressful. good: Love making under a starry sky can be thrilling. 104

Both decision making and love making are activities. Note, however, that the terms can also serve as adjectives, in which case they should be hyphenated.

bad: Decision making paradigms are scarce. good: Love-making paradises are scarce.

KJ You should not use a hyphen when a single word modifies a term comprising two other words.

bad: The red-fire engine 105 took off in a blur of noise and commotion.

In this case, red modifies the compound noun fire engine, so the phrase should be set without any hyphen. We change red fire engine to blue china dog, and obtain

good: The green dragon lady waltzed down the street in the arms of the blue china dog.

104. The possible implication that decision analysts are subject to heart attacks during outdoor sporting events is neither intentional nor intended.

105. You could stack up a huge compound adjective by writing red-fire-engine smoke, but that would take you into the realm of the en dash, which we shall get to in a moment.

c

SEGMENT 29 HYPHENS 137

You can think about hyphenation of compound adjectives as an English-language equivalent of the use of parentheses in mathematics to demonstrate the scope of the operation. Let us look at an example:

good: Internet-specific advisory information, such as ICMP error messages, also may be read from raw sockets.

Here, we have four words,

Internet specific advisory information We wish to show that the first two modify the third and fourth:

(Internet specific) (advisory information)

That is, the first two constitute an adjective, whereas the third and fourth constitute a noun. So, we hyphenate the adjective, but not the noun:

Internet-specific advisory information Now let us examine a second example:

good: Written language is a rule-based system. Here are the relevant words:

rule based system Here is the parsing:

(rule based) system Here is the result:

rule-based system

We shall work through several examples, to be sure that you get the hang of hyphenation.

good: A 4-MB RAM soon proves insufficient.

4 MB RAM

(4 MB) RAM

4-MB RAM

GOOD: A moldy style manual can be soporific reading, although it may be a fabulous reference.

moldy style manual

moldy (style manual)

moldy style manual

good: Bruno will be a high-school student in less than two decades.

high school student

(high school) student

high-school student

good: When Lyn first fell in kitten love, her feet hardly touched the ground, and she was drunk on love; she was a joyously high school student!

high school student

high (school student)

high school student

good: The discussion starts at the system-call level.

system call level

(system call) level

system-call level

fi

SEGMENT 29 HYPHENS 139

good: The various call levels have been high at the office lately; yesterday, the system call level 106 got out of hand.

system call level

system (call level)

system call level

You should not use a hyphen when the first word of a compound adjective ends in ly. In essence, the ly serves the same purpose as that served by the hyphen; therefore, inserting a hyphen would introduce redundancy.

bad: You should avoid writing badly-formed sentences. good: You should never use grossly deformed pencils.

« fc « »

bad: Max likes to work with a highly-motivated team.

good: Lyn likes to live in a sparsely populated (and sparsely road-signed) 107 area.

You should not place a hyphen in a compound adjective when the first word is more, most, less, or least.

BAD: Can you imagine a less-appealing creature? good: I cannot imagine a more attractive cat.

106. We are talking about the call levels, of type system. In the previous example, we were talking about the levels of type system call.

107. Contributed by Joseph Norman, who, like most novice visitors to the house, took an unanticipated tour of Woodside and Portola Valley.

** >> K: >r

bad: Only the least-used keys still had legible letters.

good: Only the most sought-after fat cats had dates on Saturday night.

You should use an en dash as well as a hyphen when you stack adjectives. Stacking adjectives means stringing together a bunch of words to form a single compound adjective. Stacking adjectives is not good writing practice, and you should avoid it; however, when you cannot avoid it, an en dash will at least keep your meaning clear. (We shall not delve into all the intricacies of en dashes in this segment.)

bad: Wide-area-network connections encourage open business communications across diverse sites.

Both the mark between wide and area and that between area and network are hyphens.

good: Local-area-network connections are easy to install.

The mark between area and network is an en dash.

Let us parse the terms as we did earlier:

local area network connections {(local area) network] connections (local-area network) connections local-area-network connections

So, you can think of the en dash as being the English-language equivalent of the square braces.

Be aware, however, that a more elegant solution is

splendid: Connections for local-area networks are easy to install.

That is, whenever possible, unstack your adjectives.

Here are a few more examples:

good: Be careful not to make an operating-system-command error.

operating system command error

[(operating system) command] error

(operating-system command) error

operating-system-command error

splendid: Be careful not to make an error in an operating-system command.

« » « fe

good: Will you enter the grade-school-student spelling competition?

grade school student spelling competition

[(grade school) student] (spelling competition)

(grade-school student) (spelling competition)

grade-school-student spelling competition

splendid: Will you enter the spelling competition for grade-school students?

« fe « fc

good: Soren and Lois were eagerly awaiting the car-seat-cover sale.

car seat cover sale

[(car seat) cover] sale

(car-seat cover) sale

car-seat-cover sale

splendid: Soren and Lois were eagerly awaiting the sale on car-seat covers.

\3g& You should not place a hyphen in adjectives that follow the noun that they modify.

bad: This programming system is not user-friendly.

good: This user-unfriendly interface is hypnotic.

good: When Lyn has not had sufficient sleep, she is not user friendly.

« » K* *Z-

bad: Some people think that learning all the rules of hyphenation would be overly time-consuming.

good: A time-consuming process is not necessarily a not-worthwhile process.

good: Writing well is worth the effort, although it can be time consuming.

£ >> £ &

bad: The changes in organizational structure were profit-driven.

good: A demand-driven operation can be most cost effective.

good: The economy was currently modeled as demand driven.

splendid: A cost-effective decision may be driven by necessity.

SEGMENT 29 HYPHENS

143

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should hyphenate most compound-adjectives terms, but should not hyphenate terms that are compound adjectives that follow the noun. A user-friendly book is not user unfriendly.

The BUGS Classification System

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable.

ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct. When you write well, you get your point across. splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion. Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

3 0 Full Versus Incomplete Infinitives

JLn sentences that contain multiple infinitives—the verb form of to be, to cough, to hiccough, to squeak, and so on—you should know when to include the to in each infinitive.

fl^J When you are listing numerous activities, you can leave out the extra fos, although it is not incorrect (and can be preferable because it is simpler) to leave them in.

good: Lyn likes to play, to eat, and to sleep. splendid: Max likes to work, eat, and sleep. splendid: Cats like to sleep and eat.

When you are using two or more infinitives that are modified in different ways, you should always use the to.

bad: Max likes to eat sour cherries and rise early.

good: Lyn likes to slurp chocolate sodas through a straw and to sleep late.

« » « fc

bad: To install this bus network, you need to purchase a jabber controller and design a collision detector.

SEGMENT 30 FULL VERSUS INCOMPLETE INFINITIVES

145

good: The transceiver must be able to send and receive data to and from the cable, to detect collisions on the cable, and to provide electrical isolation between the cable and the interface electronics.

« fc « fc

bad: Max likes to use his laptop computer, negotiate deals, and conduct meetings.

good: Lyn likes to take bubble baths, to dance in the rain, and to swim naked.

splendid: Max and Lyn like to spend quiet evenings lolling on the papasan together, talking of mouse devices and anthropoids, and burning zillions of candles but few calories, and to expend energy together, hiking on their favorite trails.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use full infinitives in a series in which the infinitives are modified in different ways. That is, to write well, or to avoid mistakes, you should learn when to repeat the to.

31 Titles

JLn general, there is no reason to capitalize titles except when they are accompanied (at least by implication) by the name of the holder of the office. When there is no reason to use a capital letter, do not use it; it simply clutters the page visually, and purports to have meaning when it has none.

l^j You should not capitalize a reference to the title or office itself.

bad: Max wished often that the President and the Chief Executive Officer in his company were roles held by different people.

good: Max learned quickly that being the president of a startup company can be hard on your personal life.

« fe « Z-

bad: The Pope lives in the Vatican.

good: The commander in chief should be well rested before she makes critical decisions.

« » « fc

bad: Are the Kaiser and the Fiihrer still squabbling with the Queen?

good: The professors argued furiously with the chair of the department.

SEGMENT 31 TITLES

147

You should capitalize the title when you are referring to a specific person who holds it.

bad: The sales representative tried to make an appointment with president Clinton and secretary of state Bilbo Baggins.

good: "Come back tomorrow," Chief Quality-Assurance Specialist Suresh told the sales representative, "so that you can demo the system for President Henrion."

« fc « fc

bad: Chief financial officer Chaitin was wringing his hands over the $8 bill for the photographic film, and eluci-dator Dupre was rolling her eyes in disbelief.

good: Associate Director Provan was running around the office in his gym shorts again, when he bumped into Office Manager Brown.

You should capitalize the title if you are using it to refer to a specific person, even if you leave out that person's name.

bad: "Hey president!" shouted Richard as he clapped his boss on the back, "How's life?"

good: "You can pick out the Princess of Wales," encouraged the announcer, "as the little blue blur with the yellow spot above it in the upper-right corner of the display."

« fe « &

bad: The ambassador, who had been dawdling at the buffet table, waddled across the room and tripped on her train.

good: The Mayor, who had risen early, gave a rousing speech to his bathroom mirror while shaving.

(ISJ You should not capitalize references to generic departments or divisions. If the name of the department or division is part of a title, you should follow the preceding rules to determine when to capitalize it.

bad: To install a laboratory information system, you need the cooperation not just of the Laboratory Department, but also of nearly all the other Divisions in the hospital, except perhaps for those such as Food Services, Maintenance, and Security.

good: To be granted tenure, you have to jump through hoops not merely in your own department, but also in what may appear to be every other division of the university, possibly including food services, maintenance, and security.

« fc « fc

bad: Lyn had lunch with her old friend, professor Dupre of the department of philosophy.

good: Lyn spoke to Professor Bessel, Chair of the Department of Intriguing Sounds, about the habit of recording phonemes by forcing balloons down people's throats.

« £ £ is

bad: The university decided 108 that it should create several new slots for Assistant Professors of Multimedia Networking and Communications.

108. This introduction would itself be sufficient for a classification of ugly, as universities do not have mental apparati that allow decision making, and must delegate such activities to the humans who hold administrative offices within them.

SEGMENT 31 TITLES

149

E

good: The new assistant professors of computer science were given airless cubbyholes and antique terminals.

You should capitalize names of companies, organizations, and government agencies, whether or not a title set with them is capitalized.

bad: There have been several directors of the department of health, education, and welfare.

good: The new Director of the National Institute for Science and Technology promised to trim lean meat.

good: Three former directors of the Office of the Martyr have overdosed on port and Stilton, and currently are snoring a cappella on the Oriental 109 carpet.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should save capital letters for people, and should not waste them on titles of office not attached to people. Various presidents are quite different from President Lincoln.

109. Note that, in general, you should write Asian rather than Oriental. To denote the carpet, rather than the peoples, as far as I know, Oriental is still correct, both politically and grammatically.

32 Contractions

A

y

lthough contractions (terms formed of multiple words, in which missing letters are signified by an apostrophe) are respectable terms in casual writing (and in poetry), because they are part of our spoken language, they are out of place in formal writing. I advise you to strive for formal writing that is interesting and amusing, yet still is styled impeccably. Generally speaking, contractions are unnecessarily casual. Most publishers of textbooks and journal articles do not permit contractions.

You should generally spell out terms in formal writing, rather than using contractions.

ugly: Data are useful; to scientists, they're indispensable. good: Cats are so delightful that they are indispensable.

e e e »

ugly: He's so exhausted, he can barely get into bed. good: She is so glad that he did, after all, make it to bed.

« >lr « fc

ugly: We've discussed an inference procedure based on the resolution principle.

good: We have described the simplified version of predicate calculus that is known as clausal form.

You should particularly avoid using contractions that include a negation. Even if you are writing in a casual voice, the negation is easy to miss if it is hidden in a contraction. Instead, be sure to spell out the not.

ugly: You don't need a computer to write a book.

good: You do not need a brain to write a book.

good: Once you have managed to write a book, you do not need any accoutrement except for a sympathetic publisher. 110

good: After you have written a book, you must decide whether to have your publisher do page makeup, or to undertake that task yourself.

« fc « fc

ugly: Can't you understand that a user view is a model or representation of the data requirements for a single business function?

good: Can you not grok 111 that an entity is an agent, location, object, or idea about which you want to record information?

splendid: Can you use a different kind of programming language? 112

« «? « *

ugly: Red absolutely won't go near the water.

110. Based on a contribution by Peter Gordon.

111. The construction is faintly archaic (Canst thou not grok? Grok thou not?); hence, the following splendid example.

112. Often, recasting a negative into positive form will avoid the contraction while giving you a more powerful sentence.

good: BB absolutely will not eat her rice pudding. splendid: Savannah absolutely refuses to eat beets. 115

« » « »

ugly: Haven't you figured out that algorithm yet?

good: Have you not yet prepared my dinner?

splendid: I understand that you have been far too busy to cook dinner; we shall go out to our favorite restaurant instead.

« » « fc

ugly: Isn't the diagram in the figure a typical establishment-wide LAN setup?

good: Is not the rectangle in the middle of the figure a representation of a sitewide backbone?

splendid: Is that odd blur on the lawn not a mongoose? 114

splendid: Was that white furry shape that just whizzed by Red doing his evening exercises? 115

Certain textbook publishers specify let's as the single allowable contraction. I prefer to use let us, but, if you wish, you can adopt the convention of contracting this term.

ugly?: Let's set a equal to {b - c) ± p. good: Let us walk through the algorithm.

113. Absolutely refuses is a stronger phrase than is absolutely will not.

114. Splitting the is and the not creates a more elegant rhythm.

115. Again, recasting to avoid the negative is a strong solution.

SEGMENT 32 CONTRACTIONS

153

« fc « fc

ugly?: Let's examine the results carefully.

good: Let us postulate that the moon is made of green cheese.

ugly?: Let's forget about our date tomorrow, and get our work done instead.

good: Let's forget all our troublers, kick off our shoes, and light the candles.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not use contractions in formal writing; it's OK to use them in casual writing.

33 Per

P

JLer is the correct term to use when you mean for (or on or during) each. In formal writing, 116 you should use per, rather than a, in such cases.

bad: I adore you 7 days a week. good: I respect you 7 days per week.

« » e *-

bad : Shellee made the cookies last by eating only one a day.

good: Shellee got rid of the cookies by giving them out at the party, one per person.

*c » « »

bad: The PAD enters the data-transfer phase, once a call, after it has completed the virtual-call establishment procedure.

good: The circuit-switched network provides one full-duplex, synchronous, data-transmission path per user call.

« f:~ % »

116. In casual writing, or even in a casual sentence, you might say "once a day," for example, without erring.

SEGMENT 33 PER

!55

bad: Lyn sold individually designed, home-dyed, hand-spun, and hand-knitted sweaters for $100 a piece.

good: Lyn declined to sell her hand-carved masks for $500 per unit.

« fc « fe

bad: A least once a day, Lyn begins to wonder whether she has chosen the ideal career.

good: At least once per day, Max enfolds Lyn in his arms and disperses all her cares.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use per to mean for (or on) each. If you read one segment per day, you will learn a useful principle on each day.

34 Number Styles

T

a

here are various rules 117 about styling numbers and related writing. Most of these rules are simply conventions that permit you and other writers to style your numbers consistently. Such conventions may not have any raison d'etre other than that they are standards that encourage writers to create documents that are consistent.

You should use a zero before a decimal point. The lead zero calls your reader's attention to the decimal point, and thus makes your writing clearer.

ugly: BB's perch in the tree was .1 kilometer higher than the maximum distance that BB could jump safely.

good: Red's nose is o.6 inch high.

You should not use a comma in a four-digit number set in base text. 118

117. Here, I use the word rule, in contrast to principle, to denote imperatives that have no particular rhyme or reason.

118. This convention provides a good example of one for which I know of no particular rationale. It is, however, a standard to which most publishers adhere. One theory I have is that the rule is a result of our having entered the computer age. A clever programmer was faced with a computer system unable to distinguish dates (for example, 1995) from other four-digit numbers. Wanting to avoid setting dates with a comma (1,99 5), and being unable to determine how to recognize a date easily, the programmer decided to institute a new convention: Drop the comma from all four-digit numbers.

SEGMENT 34 NUMBER STYLES 157

ugly: Malcolm wrote 3,876 words for his presentation. good: Alyssa giggled 3876 times in her first month.

You should use the comma, however, in tables, in displayed lists, and in any other columns where you want your four-digit numbers to align with other numbers.

bad: The following are the debts incurred by the various countries (in $U.S.)

396,023

2.389

418

32,592

204,592

491

good: The following are the numbers of cats adopted per year, by cities Ci through C6:

2,387 248, 726

734

923,185

5,692

492

You should use the comma in all numbers of greater than four digits.

ugly: That day, Lyn had tried to telephone Max what felt to her to be 987654321 times.

good: Lyn found 987,654,321 pennies in an old sock under the bed. 119

119. Max Henrion, after performing loose calculations at 1:00 a.m. in the

dark, roughly estimates that the pennies would take up 104 cubic feet. He adds that his estimates might be in error by a factor of a hundred or so.

[58 SEGMENT 34 NUMBER STYLES

vBU You should spell our million, billion, and so on for numbers that arc multiples (including fractions set as decimals) of these quantities. 120

bad: Greg thought that 27,000,000,000 flowers might not fit into their garden. 121

good: Nicola thought that she could see 2.7 billion stars.

« fe « iz-

bad: Can this machine perform 1,500,000 fast Fourier transforms without cracking up?

good: The highly parallel and pipelined system achieves a computation rate of 250 million 32-bit arithmetic operations per second.

You should use a dollar sign when you indicate dollar amounts.

bad: Jim gave Benjamin 1 dollar.

bad: Benjamin thinks that one dollar does not go far these days.

good: Lauralee found a super pair of spurs for Benjamin for only $1.

« » « fe

bad: The bill for the network implementation was 2 million dollars.

GOOD: Max's company closed a $2-million contract.

120. In fields where the notation will make sense to your readers, you may prefer to use scientific notation. For example, you can write 1015 instead of quadrillion, or 1039 instead of duodecillion; you can also write, say, 3.46 x 104.

121. You are invited to submit your estimates of the acreage required, based on probabilities for each type of garden flower being present in a given proportion.

B

SEGMENT 34 NUMBER STYLES 159

You should set monetary amounts of less than $i in either of two ways: as whole-number cents or as decimal-number dollars. In general, you should use the latter style when you are comparing dollar amounts. Be careful, however, not to make the common error shown in the first example in the following set:

bad: Reno saved 0.40 cents to buy himself a candy bar.

GOOD: Cosmo found 20 cents on the sidewalk.

good: The price for the earrings varied across jewelry stores, from $0.20 to $30.oo, 122 with an average price of

$5.20.

You should spell out percent, rather than using the percent sign (%), except in tables and figures, when space is constrained tightly, or when you are writing in a domain that uses myriad percentages (such as statistics).

ugly?: Only 2% of journals use the percent sign in base text.

good: Fully 20 percent of the printer's cost is allotted to the toner package.

You should not repeat the percent when giving ranges; you should, however, repeat the percent sign (%) when giving ranges.

ugly: The sampled households varied widely, with 4 percent to 40 percent responding yes to the first query.

good: The interval from 5% to 95% covers the cases in which we are interested.

122. Note that $30 would be incorrect in this case; when you give any numbers in a series to cents precision, give all numbers in that manner.

CI

H

I 60 SEGMENT 34 NUMBER STYLES

good: Lyn swears that 50 to 60 percent of graduate students at the top universities cannot distinguish a clause from a cause.

You should not use the en dash 123 for percent ranges in the text line (that is, you should spell out the to instead); however, you should use the en dash for ranges in tables (and in figure labels).

ugly: Doug reported that 4-40 percent of doctors cannot assess risk intelligently.

good: Doug told Lyn he was now feeling human during 80 to 90 percent of the day.

You should use by, rather than the times sign, to give dimensions.

bad: The mouse pad is 6-by-8 inches.

ugly: The wrist-support pad is 4 x 20 inches.

good: The screen is 12 124 by 8.5 inches.

good: To display the result, we use an 8- by 30-pixel array. 125

You should spell out degrees in temperatures, except when you are specifying Celsius 126 or Fahrenheit and are using the abbreviation C

123. An en dash is the middle-sized dash of the three: hyphen (-), en dash (-), and em dash (—). An en dash is used primarily to indicate ranges or equal-weighted pairs.

124. In this case, it might be correct to write 11.0, rather than simply 11. If, for example, you give many measurements that include tenths of inches, then add the decimal point and the zero. If, however, your grain size is \ inch, then just 11 will suffice.

125. Note the space after the hyphen, which signifies a missing pixel.

126. The Celsius scale is used everywhere except in the United States and, I believe, in Burma.

or F. In the latter case, do use the degree sign and leave thin space 127 between it and the C or F.

bad: Max and Lyn's living room is about 7 0 on most evenings in winter.

bad: Lyn's toes are about -i° Celsius on most evenings in winter.

good: Max and Lyn's living room is about 70 degrees Fahrenheit on most evenings in summer.

good: Max told Lyn that the temperature at the office was 98.6°F.

Note that, if you are giving temperatures in Kelvin, you should not set the degree sign, even with the abbreviation K.

bad: Most people in the United States have no idea how hot 274°K is.

good: Scientists who work with the metric system usually can translate 274 K into degrees Fahrenheit or Celsius.

When you are giving a probability, you should use an italic lowercase p, and should use operators rather than spelling out the operators' names.

ugly: The disparity between men's and women's pay scales is significant at p less than 0.1.

good: The disparity between cohorts is significant at p <

0.05.

127. Thin space is an editor's term for space that is less than the normal interword spacing; it is used without an article (that is, you should not write about a thin space).

You should always set variables in italic type; you should usually set matrices and vectors in boldface type (there are other conventions that are correct as well, but we shall not detail them here). You should set constants (including letters that simply name an object) in roman type.

GOOD: We set x + y = z. good: a = [a„ a Zi ...,aj

C - a x b

good: Transistors Q, and Q z are diode connected.

good: The A, B, and C companies competed in the software-publishing arena.

Note also that, when you set a subscript or superscript 128 that is a term or an abbreviation, you should set it in roman type.

good: We denote by N d the carrier density at the drain end of the channel; v dTift is the drift velocity.

good: We denote by rp 129 the maximum retail price of the

' ' max a

book, and by gtn min the minimum gross margin that Peter is willing to accept.

A A -RTlnK

GOOD: A = Ao e

You should not throw in a spurious hyphen when you speak about an axis or test or other noun that accompanies a variable.

bad: Use the x-axis to represent 7 jn . good: Use the y axis to represent J

128. When you set a subscript or superscript, be sure to reduce the font (size of the type) if your word processor does not reduce fonts automatically.

129. The retail price and the gross margin are variables; in contrast, max is an abbreviation for maximum, and min is an abbreviation for minimum.

£ » « »

bad: We use the y-coordinate to locate the point vertically. good: We can calculate the x coordinate as follows.

« » « fe

bad: The data were analyzed using Student's f-test. 130 good: The results of a two-tailed t test were encouraging. splendid: We were pleased by the results of the t test. 131

« fc « fc

bad: The p-value was highly improbable.

good: The most common p value is 0.05.

splendid: The p value should be related to the distance to the powder room.

Of course, you should use the hyphen when it is correct (whenever two words together modify a third word, the first two should be hyphenated). 132

bad: The x 2 ^st result was astonishing. good: The Mest value remains unknown.

130. This sentence contains two mistakes: It contains a disallowed hyphen, and it mixes a clause that requires an agent with a clause that is cast in passive voice.

131. Recasting in active voice earns the classification of splendid.

132. I have avoided giving cross-references in this book, because I want each segment to stand alone. Nonetheless, hyphenation of compound (more than one word) adjectives (modifiers) is a topic that so greatly deserves your attention that you should know that I discuss it in Segment 29.

SEGMENT 34 NUMBER STYLES

« fc « fe

bad: The y axis value is off the graph. good: The x-axis label is missing.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should learn the rules for styling numbers so that your text will be internally consistent and will be consistent with that of other scientific writers. Keep this book at your elbow, with this page marked, until you know all the rules in this segment. 133 ' 134,135

133. Suggested by Patrick Henry Winston.

134.1 added in this segment after contemplating the meaning of a sign in a local park that reads All dogs must be on a leash.

135. Once you know all the rules given here, you will find that there are many more. I have tried to cover those that I see plaguing writers most often. For the others, consult a stvle manual.

35 Quotations

T

here are several reasons why you should learn how to quote written material. You are setting someone else's words in your own text, so you need to know, for example, precisely how to identify the author.

W ( When you quote written material, you should set the material exactly as set in the original.

bad: Shakespeare tells us that "All that glitters is not gold" [47, p. 185].

good: Shakespeare wrote that "All that glisters is not gold" [Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice, act II, sc. vii, 1,

65].

good: Non teneas aurum totum quod slendet ut aurum.

The exception to this rule is that you can, if you wish, emphasize a portion of the quotation, provided that you indicate that you have done so. Note that any material set in square brackets is assumed not to be part of the original material.

good: President Wimp today agreed to allow industry to decimate or extinguish any species that got in its way, and to ignore all environmental effects such as pollution. This compromise solution [emphasis added] was reached after 2 minutes of arduous negotiations [Hibrow Times, 19 June 1997, p. C4].

If you want to be sure that your reader knows that a particularly noticeably erroneous or distressing or funny portion of the quotation is set accurately, you can add sic in square brackets. Use sic sparingly, however, as it can have the flavor of childish humor.

good: The directions for using Red Panax Ginseng Extractum (Song Shu Pai, Pine Brand package insert) are as follows:

i. Remove the metal cap.

2. Lift the rubber plug.

3. Insert the plastic dropper.

4. Start dropping the tonic [sic].

5. Insert the inner kid [sic].

6. Screw on the plastic cap.

You should use square brackets to insert text into written quoted material when the insertion is required to clarify meaning.

good: Dr. Henrion reportedly said, "I am sure that that she [Elucidator Dupre] has every aspect of the book-production process under control" [Overconfidence, 8 April i993>P Ml-

When you quote written material, you should avoid taking material out of context and thus changing the import of the words.

bad: "East is east and west is west, and never the twain shall meet" [42, p. 707].

good: Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,

Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;

But there is neither East nor West, border, nor breed, nor birth,

i

t

SEGMENT 35 QUOTATIONS 167

When two strong men stand face to face,

though they come from the ends of the earth!

The Ballad of East and West Rudyard Kipling [1889]

When you quote written material, you should always give a reference for the source, and you should include the number of the page from which the quoted material is taken. You should give the reference in whatever form you are using for other citations in your work.

good: "It is an insolveable crisis of unmanageable proportions" according to NASA [Newspeak, 14 May 1992, p. 53].

good: The new tool will "allow you to do everything you always wanted to do with and to your computer" Quresco & Ernesti, p. 46].

good: If you want to start a software company, you should "give up any thought of family life, leisure, relaxation, sports, sex, or sleep" [87, p. 1].

When you quote written material of five or fewer lines, you should set the quotation in the text line, and should use double quotation marks to delineate it.

bad: The demands of a startup company can be intense, as illustrated by this statistic:

"In Silicon Valley, 97 percent of startup presidents reported seeking psychiatric help within 1 year of the company being founded." [92, p. 73]

The quotation should not be set as an extract, because it is five or fewer lines.

El

I 68 SEGMENT 35 QUOTATIONS

good: The demands of a startup can be intense, as illustrated by this statistic: "In Silicon Valley, 97 percent of spouses of presidents reported seeking psychiatric help within 1 year of the company being founded" [92., p. 75]-

Note that you should not put a period before the citation with an inline quotation.

When you use double quotation marks in this manner, you should set any double quotation marks in the original material as single quotation marks.

good: The dialog in the story is atrocious. Consider, "Moe said to Mae, 'Gee that's a nice smile.' Mae said to Moe, 'Gee, that's a nice thing to say.' Moe said to Mae 'Gee; well, gee.'" [Awk & Gawk, 1983, p.

27]. 136

When you quote written material of six or more lines, you should set the quotation as an extract, and should not use double quotation marks around it. You should not set the extract in italics. 137

good: Anna Quindlen writes with passion and insight, yet her prose is always deceptively simple and immaculately clean:

Grief remains one of the few things that has the power to silence us. It is a whisper in the world and a clamor within. More than sex, more than faith, even more than its usher death, grief is unspoken, publicly ignored except for those mo-

136. Note that there is a period at the end of the quotation here, but that period is part of Mae's speech; the period ending the sentence that starts with Consider occurs after the final bracket.

137. If you have no control over the design and the design mandates italics, then you should use italics.

b

SEGMENT 35 QUOTATIONS 169

ments at the funeral that are over too quickly, or the conversations among cognoscenti, those of us who recognize in one another a kindred chasm deep in the center of who we are. [The New York Ttmu, A May 1994, A17] 138

Note that you should put the period before the citation within an extract.

When you set a quotation as an extract, you should set any double quotation marks in the original material as double quotation marks.

Also note that, if the material that you are setting in an extract is a displayed list (whether numbered, bullet, or unnumbered), then you should set the citation before the extract, rather than at the end of it. You should not use quotation marks on the list, of course, just as you should not use quotation marks on any extract.

good: To explore a model in Demos, you can follow these steps [Demos Tutorial and Reference, 1994, p. 7]:

1. Double-click on the Demos folder, to open it.

2. Double-click on the models folder, to open it.

3. Double-click on the icon of the model that you wish to explore. This action will start Demos, and will open the model.

You should use points of ellipsis to indicate any material that is missing from the quoted material. 139

138. Copyright © 1994 by The New York Times Company. Reprinted by permission.

139. In this segment, we shall not delve into the rules governing correct use of points of ellipsis.

SEGMENT 35 QUOTATIONS

GOOD: The after-dinner speeches were predictable. Ron Garble stood swaying before us, and pontificated, "My fellow politicians, I am here tonight to say I will not mention that.... Nor will I mention.... I also will not keep you by telling the well-known story—the one that begins...." I slept.

When you quote written material of 50 or more lines (in total, even if you quote only a few lines at a time), you must obtain permission from the holder of the copyright. You also must set a permission or credit line as specified by that entity. If no permission or credit line is specified, you can use a format such as the following:

good: <Long quotation—50 lines or more—set as extract.> [Source: Really TJ and True QR, More Tall Stories, Fish Press, Palo Alto, CA; used with permission.]

Note that the laws governing the circumstances under which you must, or are not required to, obtain permission are complex. For example, certain documents are considered to be public domain; in contrast, you would need permission to quote a 40-line poem. Consult your publisher (or an appropriate lawyer) to determine for what material you should apply for permission.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should learn the rules associated with quoting written material, because "otherwise at best you will appear unknowledgeable, and at worst you could be sued" [Dupre L. It's safer to cite explicitly. Cover It Up, 9(3): 136].

36 Fuzzy Words

i IF

JLuzzy words have imprecise meanings and add little to the communication value of your writing. Examples of fuzzy words are some, thing, very, truly, really, in fact, and actually.

Ifrj You should avoid writing some; write instead a word that indicates how many you mean.

ugly: You need some utilities to make this system useful.

good: The addition of three utilities would make this system useful.

splendid: The addition of a graphical editor, a text editor, and a formatter would make this system useful. 140

« » « iz-

ugly: Let's give this project some thought.

good: Let's consider carefully whether we should vacation in Tahiti.

You should avoid writing thing; instead, name the entities under discussion.

ugly: There are a few things that might clutter the main logic of the algorithm.

D

140. Specifying not only how many, but also precisely which, items provides the most information.

good: We can eliminate clutter in this algorithm by assuming that the string representing the infix expression contains only arithmetic operators, parentheses, the delimiter #, and operands that each consist of a single character.

e ^ « fe

ugly: I discussed several things in the last section.

good: In Section 5.4,1 shall discuss how my research relates to work on dynamic interpersonal capitulation, and whether such relationships should be pursued.

You should avoid writing very; either use a magnifier that packs punch, or leave out the magnifier entirely (omitting it often is more emphatic than is leaving it in).

ugly: You look very impressive. good: You look exceptionally silly. splendid: You look remarkably ridiculous. 141

« fc « fc

ugly: Max was very angry.

good: Max was noticeably furious.

good: Max was howling with rage.

splendid: Max's wrath was volcanic. 142

HSy The phrase a lot o^has a golly-gosh-gee-whiz flavor to it, and also is fuzzy. Instead of using it in formal writing, you should substitute more expressive and interesting terms.

141. Instead of magnifying a weak term, choose a stronger descriptor.

142. See previous note.

ugly: You have to use a lot of scoring rules to evaluate a set of probability assessments.

good: This book comprises myriad principles for lucid writing.

« » « fc

ugly: Max was late because there were a lot of stationary 143 cars on i o i at rush hour.

good: Lyn was delighted because her new stationery portrayed multifarious creatures in the margins.

£ » « fc

ugly: This circuit has a lot of responses, depending on the input signal.

good: Lyn has multitudinous responses, depending on the body-language signal.

You should generally avoid writing actually, in fact, truly, and really when they fail to add meaning to your sentence. In most cases, you should simply leave them out. If you need a magnifier, use a magnificent one; if you need to emphasize actual versus virtual, then you can use one of these terms.

ugly: Actually, differential files in fact have advantages, such as that recovery after a program error is really fast.

143. Be careful not to confuse stationary, which means immobile or unchanging, with stationery, which is the medium on which people used to write their correspondence, in the dark ages before electronic mail and facsimile transmission. Thus, history as well as language has demonstrated that stationery is not stationary.

SEGMENT 36 FUZZY WORDS

good: Trie hashing has benefits, such as that it preserves order, so sequential accessing is fast.

y :

«

A:

1&

ugly: In fact, what I really want to know truly is whether you actually told your client that he is a dunderhead.

good: I want to know whether you did tell your boss that she is a wimp.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should always use the most specific, informative term available, so that you maximize the communication per word, all other considerations being equal. In fact, there really is something actually very annoying about truly fuzzy terms.

Y

JLou will find it useful to know how to use parentheses correctly (to add remarks to your sentences, for example).

You should enclose in parentheses a remark that you want to downplay slightly. To emphasize a remark, you should enclose it in em dashes. (Both parentheses and em dashes are correct; they just have different effects. Note, however, that you can place in a given sentence only one remark set within em dashes; you can set any number of parenthetical remarks, although setting too many of them gives the cadence of a scatterbrained, self-interrupting writer.)

good: Misha (who was looking especially handsome in his new all-black suit) was in a hurry to get home to call Holly (his wife), to whom he had not spoken in ages (at least 2 hours).

good: Holly—who was looking breathtaking in her red-and-black jumpsuit—was in a hurry to get home to call DeeDee. Holly had not spoken to DeeDee— DeeDee was her daughter—in a long time. By the time Holly had finished dinner, they had not spoken for at least 2 hours.

175

good: You need a custom-tailored delete rule for the CURRENT-BOYFRIEND to trigger creation of an HISTORIC-BOYFRIEND occurrence (which will inherit all relationships to old DATES). 144

You should set in parentheses explanations and examples that are not critical to your sentence.

good: Lyn and Richard used to hang out together (going on hikes, for example, or watching old movies on television); now, they catch each other on the fly (that is, they get together for lunch whenever their schedules do not forbid the meeting too strenuously).

good: How many slices of Spam® can you obtain from the still-solid contents of a single can by making only five straight cuts? (The Spam® must not move while you are slicing it, and each slice must correspond to a plane.) 145

good: Gelareh is no longer nulliparous (she has had a baby).

You should not set punctuation marks other than a period before an opening (left) parenthesis. Any punctuation marks that belong in your sentence at the place where you plunk down your parenthetical remark should follow the right parenthesis.

bad: Jim and Lauralee, (who are clearly fun-loving people) rarely have time to go dancing these days.

144. Note this exception to the rule that you should set end punctuation in the same type style as that of the preceding letter. That is, when you are using an alternate typeface to differentiate code from base text, you should set in that typeface only code. Here, the closing parenthesis and the following period are set in the base-text face.

145. Portions of Spam® that have been folded, bent, or stapled do not count.

good: Jim does the shopping (at the local market), and Lauralee creates a meal from whatever she finds in the kitchen.

£ » « »

bad: When Moises and Tania gave a barbecue—(to celebrate the World Cup finals) on a sunny Saturday afternoon—Max brought his laptop, because he was worried about his work.

good: Tania admitted (because she is a gracious hostess) — but not where the other guests could hear her—that she too had planned to work while watching the game.

The exception to this rule occurs when the parentheses are considered to be part of a term.

good: For example, (x, y, z) could easily be a term in mathematics.

good: In 1993, (Goldstein et al.) reported that all authors experience episodes of acute, blatant psychosis as their books enter production. 146

You should set the period outside of the right parenthesis at the end of a sentence if the parentheses occur within a sentence. You should set the period inside if the contents do not occur within a sentence. Note that, if the parentheses occur within a sentence, you must not enclose a period within them; if the parentheses do not occur within a sentence, you must enclose within them one or more complete sentences and a final period.

146. I detest this particular citation style; however, if you are writing for a publisher that mandates the style, you should know how to use punctuation marks with the citations.

bad: When Marina moved away from her house in Point Reyes, she had to find homes for Buttercup, Hershey, and Ruby (two goats and one horse.) (She also had to find a nursing home for Curly, a geriatric sheep who had turned up on her lawn one day).

The first pair of parentheses contains a fragment and an incorrect period; the second pair contains a full sentence and no period.

good: The new home was somewhat cramped for Swix and Spud (both of them are energetic, healthy dogs). (Swix is a talkative alpha-female malamute; she's not exactly a lapdog.)

4* £ « £

bad: One early system that handled uncertain knowledge was MYCIN (MYCIN aided physicians in diagnosis and treatment tasks within a limited medical domain. Another expert system that could handle uncertain knowledge was Prospector, which was designed to support geologists in mining exploration.), a system developed by Shortliffe [1976].

The pair of parentheses contains two sentences, and two periods; because it occurs in the middle of a sentence, it should contain no periods.

bad: There are several nonprobabilistic approaches to dealing with uncertainty. (For example, modal operators, fuzzy logic, evidential reasoning, and certainty factors.)

The pair of parentheses purports to contain a full sentence, but the words constitute only a fragment.

good: Heckerman gave certainty factors a probabilistic interpretation (Heckerman was at that time a doctoral candidate in Shortliffe's laboratory; he has undertaken other interesting work since then). (Horvitz and Heckerman developed a framework that permitted comparison of several probabilistic techniques with nonprobabilistic approaches.)

You should use paired parentheses to enclose the numbers (or letters) 147 of an intext list. (You should use periods after the numbers [or letters] of a displayed list, and you should never use a single parenthesis.)

bad: Judy had 1) a bicycle accident, and 2) a skiing accident (the first one crushed her knee; fortunately, the second one was not so serious, although it did cause her considerable inconvenience).

good: Steve brought home to Judy (1) chocolate-fudge ice cream, (2) chocolate seven-layer cake, and (3) a bar of dark chocolate. (As you might deduce, Judy is fond of chocolate, and Steve is fond of Judy.)

« » e i-

bad: Betsy had (sequentially, rather than simultaneously) two husbands: 1. Byron, and 2. Richard.

good: Betsy had two daughters: (1) Madeline, and (2) Sophia (one per husband).

You should choose one of two styles to use for nested parenthetical remarks, and you should use that style consistently. You can either alternate parentheses and square brackets, always setting the paren-

147. You might set letters, for example, for the parts of a numbered figure, example, or exercise.

theses on the outermost edges of your remark, or you can use all parentheses. If you must unavoidably nest remarks heavily in your text, you may want to use a different delimiter for each level (for example, ([{< >)]) is a standard sequence), because doing so will slightly reduce the difficulty of the parsing task that your reader faces.

good: Greg (who was born in Jamaica [where he went to high school]) loves to hike in the hills ([partly] because they remind him of his homeland).

good: Nicola (who was born in Canada (one of the provinces, no doubt)) loves to hike also (unfortunately, Austin (where she now lives) is too hot for hiking much of the time).

good: Anthony (who is Marina's brother [and who hates {detests, loathes <choose a word>} to be called Tony]) lives in New York.

You should avoid using too many parenthetical remarks (especially long ones), and you should avoid nesting parenthetical remarks heavily. Long parenthetical remarks 148 force your reader to backtrack to pick up the sense of the enclosing sentence or paragraph; nesting compounds the problem.

ugly: Most of the examples in this segment (for a good reason) contain too many (and not particularly logical) parenthetical (that is, set in parentheses) remarks (or asides, or explanations), which can make reading (well, parsing first) difficult, and can make the author (Lyn in this case) appear confused (or weak brained (or at any rate not well versed in the principles of lucid writing)).

148. If you wish to add long remarks, use a footnote.

SEGMENT 37 PARENTHESES

ugly: Pat (who is Marina's (Marina is the woman who owned the goats (Buttercup and Hershey (who once (accidentally) gored Marina)) and sheep (whose name I cannot remember (my memory is not what it used to be)) and horse (Ruby (who was in a book (called Marina and Ruby) that Paul (Paul is Marina's father) photographed (he is a world-famous photographer)))) (Marina also owned at that time several ducks (Adolph, Bugs, Wiggles, and CalTrans), a chicken (Darth Vader), a couple of geese (You Too (abbreviated U2) and Sandy), and a rooster (Foster (so named because he fell off the back of a Foster Farms® truck))) husband) was relieved when they found a new (perfectly comfortable) home (or cage (but undoubtedly a big, airy, pleasant cage (as cages go))) for the parrots (who were noisy (parrots often are) and jealous (parrots mate for life, so they become attached to their owners (and peck anyone else (if they are feeling insecure)))).

181

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use parentheses to enclose asides (or tangential remarks), explanations (for example, of a word), or numbers (or letters) in an intext list.

3 8 Split Infinitives

A

n infinitive is the to be form of a verb:

good: Examples of infinitives are to giggle, to moan, to rave, to clobber, and to melt.

A split infinitive is one in which text has been inserted between the to and the other word:

bad: There are people who like to impulsively giggle, to continually moan, to insanely rave, to fiercely clobber, and to romantically melt.

Certain people argue that split infinitives have become so common that there is now nothing wrong with split infinitives. I disagree strongly. A split infinitive constitutes a grammatical error, 149 and rasps horribly on a well-tuned ear. Even if it does not yet vex your ear, using it will make you sound illiterate to a portion of your readers. Instead, avoid the error.

bad: You should learn to never split infinitives. good: You should learn never to split infinitives.

149. Joseph Norman suggests that the historical basis for this rule is that, in the original Latin, the infinitive was one word. In addition, other verbs set as several words in English (such as may be, may have been, or is being) look cleanest when set in one block, rather than fractured by inserted words.

«j e *s i-

bad: To always split infinitives is a hallmark of sloppy writing.

good: To split infinitives is always a sloppy choice.

« 1& « »

bad: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

good: To go boldly where no one has gone before—and to return in one piece—would be exhilarating.

good: An infinitive phrase—for example, To boldly go to Hades —be it split or intact, is not a sentence and should not end with a period.

« fc « fc

bad: To easily find a file block, the system must first bring an inode into memory.

good: To convert easily a logical block number to a physical block number, BmapQ interprets the direct and indirect block pointers in an inode.

« * « fc

bad: To easily delete a range name, enter/<Range Name> Delete.

GOOD: To delete all your range names quickly, use the

/<Range Name> Reset command.

« fc « iz-

SEGMENT 38 SPLIT INFINITIVES

bad: It is not a good policy to incessantly criticize your spouse.

GOOD: It is not a bad policy to encourage frequently your spouse.

splendid: We encourage you to increase your degree of ecstasy gradually." 0

splendid: I think that it is a bad policy to criticize your partner incessantly. 151

splendid: You will find it self-defeating to criticize your partner incessantly. 152

The principle for lucid writing here is that there is never a good excuse for splitting an infinitive: Remember that to even occasionally split infinitives is a sloppy habit.

150. Often, not only taking a word out from inside an infinitive, but also banishing it to the end of a clause or sentence, is the most rhythmic solution.

151. When you are faced with a sentence that makes a negative statement about positive entities or qualities, the strongest solution usually is to recast it as a positive statement about negative entities or qualities.

152. See previous note.

39 Is Due To

H

T

^Lhe phrase is due to is subject to considerable disagreement. There are three possible uses for it; you should determine which are acceptable to you.

You should certainly use is due to to indicate just rewards.

good: My thanks are due to Max, for tolerating with good humor the pride of felines in his bed.

good: Three dollars in change is due to me.

I find it acceptable (but there are people who do not so find it) to use is due to to mean is caused by. Alternative phrases are preferable, however.

good: The grapefruit juice on the window pane is due to a small breakfast altercation.

GOOD: The stain is due to a chemical reaction.

good: The fur on the counterpane is due to BB.

good: That nagging sensation in your stomach is due to guilt.

« fc « fc

splendid: Max's headache is caused by overwork. splendid: Lyn's flush is a response to excitement. splendid: Jealousy is one of the sequelae of lack of trust.

SEGMENT 39 IS DUE TO

splendid: The display that you see is a result of the electron-beam sweep.

I do not find it acceptable (but there are people who do so find it) use of is due to to mean was written, developed, invented, published, coined, or otherwise originated by.

ugly: The term coroutine is due to M.E. Conway. ugly: The first tracing routine is due to Stanley Gill. UGLY: TgX is due to Knuth.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use is due to to speak of reparation and perhaps to speak of causes, but should not use it to speak of origination. That much care is due to your reader.

>^

40 Center On

T

he phrase center on 153 is overused and abused so often in formal writing that it is ragged and tatty. In addition, the meaning of center on is not particularly clear. Substitute a term that indicates more precisely what you wish to convey.

ugly: The staff meeting centered on who should clean up the kitchen.

good: The group therapy emphasized personal self-empowerment and inner-idiot actualization.

« » « fe

ugly: The tutorial centers on Quicksort.

good: The book teaches you to avoid phrases such as centers on.

« iz- « i:-

ugly: We shall center on winning in this management class. good: We shall highlight breathing in this yoga class.

« » « fc

153. Center on is first cousin to focus on, and suffers from the same overuse syndrome.

SEGMENT 40 CENTER ON

ugly: This chapter centers on the voltage output of the transconductance-amplifier.

good: In this chapter, we shall explore time-varying signals, and shall describe the resistor-capacitor circuit.

« fc £ »

ugly: Max's conversation tends to center on personnel problems, cash-flow problems, contract problems, and sleep deficiency.

good: Lyn's conversation tends to stress wood carving, cat petting, and person nurturing.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use more interesting—and perhaps more meaningful—phrases in place of centering on tired, overused terms.

41 Quotation Marks

u,

£

t

sing quotation marks (" ") for many purposes for which they were not intended is a common—and nasty—habit. Quotation marks have an important job to do, and you should not ask them to serve in other roles as well.

You should use quotation marks when you are actually quoting a source.

bad: Dupre [1994, page 77] wrote scathingly, This string of foolishness is a poor excuse for a sentence.

good: According to Spingholterusfoo, "Energy that is directed inward will eventually stultify the soul" [45, page 284].

good: The New Yorker Times reported "a calamity of severe proportions" [NYer Times, 8 May 1967, page F.i].

You should use quotation marks when you are writing dialog.

bad: Lyn sobbed on the telephone, My computer screen has turned red and the system is flashing alarm messages at me!

good: "I don't have time," Max squeaked. "Can't you handle the disaster relief yourself?"

good: When Lyn walked in and saw what Red had done, she could only gasp, "Whaaaa, whaaa, whaa?"

190 SEGMENT 41 QUOTATION MARKS

You should use single quotation marks only when they are nested inside of double quotation marks. (European style uses single quotations marks for numerous purposes, but in the United States you should reserve their use for nesting.)

bad: Max read from the paper, "The police spokesman 154 said, "this could be an inside job.""

good: Lyn asked Max if he would mind her quoting him as follows: "Max read to Lyn, 'the sprain and strain is mainly on the wane."'

uBy You should use quotation marks to indicate irony.

good: Max and Lyn were careful not to step in the "gifts" that the neighbor's dog left in the driveway every morning.

good: The president's "honesty" consisted of a series of contradictory press releases.

good: Sondra needed to decide whether to tell Mary that Burt was busily being "faithful" in red-light districts all over the country.

IjJ You can use quotation marks to refer to a word or term itself, rather than to its denotation. It is also correct, and is usually more graceful and pleasing to the eye, to use italics in this situation.

good: "Pollywog" starts with a "p." splendid: Pillowtalk has 10 letters.

154. Unfortunately, many newspapers are not yet sensitive about using gender-specific terms.

155. When you use irony, you write the opposite of what you mean.

£

SEGMENT 41 QUOTATION MARKS 191

You can use quotation marks when you are referring to a string. You can also use them to denote the names of keys on a keyboard. Again, there are often more visually pleasing ways to handle the former case, such as by using an alternate typeface, and the latter case, such as by simply capitalizing the initial letter.

good: Enter the string "grievous_bodily_harm"; 1>6 then, press "return."

splendid: Enter the string dangerous_bodily_charm; then, press Return.

You should not use quotation marks to indicate that you think that your use of a word is humorous (unless the humor is irony) or that you are using a word in an odd way, or that you are not sure that you have chosen the correct word, or just for no good reason at all.

ugly: As a "gold standard," we chose the measurements made by expert lice detectors.

good: Our gold standard was home-made, chunky rocky-road ice cream.

« » £ fc

ugly: The "satisficing" conditions are as delineated in the next paragraph.

156. Note that, if you use quotation marks to delimit a string, you should place the end punctuation after the closing quotation mark; otherwise, your reader cannot tell whether the punctuation mark is part of the string. Use of an alternate typeface avoids the problem entirely and is thus preferable.

good: Lyn decided that minivacations—those lasting for several hours, rather than for several weeks—would have to be satisficing 157 until the company had grown up.

« fc « fe

ugly: The computer "decides" which course to take.

good: Lyn's machine finally started to cooperate, after arguing with her all morning.

You should not use quotation marks simply to call attention to a word. This bad habit is practiced by many sign writers in the United States, with hysterical results.

bad: "Fresh" fish available here!

bad: One-day "sale"—many "bargains"!

bad: "Genuine" pearls at low prices!

bad: "EAT" here!

You should determine what rules you will follow regarding the order of punctuation marks used with quotation marks. The standard U.S. formal-writing usage, adhered to by nearly every publisher, is as follows:

i. Place commas and periods inside quotation marks, no matter what the context.

z. Place colons and semicolons outside quotation marks, no matter what the context.

3. Place exclamation marks and question marks inside or outside of quotation marks, depending on the context:

157. Yes, satisficing is a word, albeit a technical one. Satisficing solutions are those that simply meet the constraints, in contrast to optimizing solutions.

good: Maria asked, "Is that all there is to eat?"

good: Did Maria say "I had enough to eat"?

good: Geoff said, "I am so full I could burst a gut!"

good: I could not believe that Geoff said "burst a gut"!

There are, however, good reasons to reject rule i. British usage dictates that commas and periods should be placed according to context. Because that style provides more information and disambiguates your writing, I find it preferable; I do not use it in my work on books in the United States, however, unless I have the explicit approval of the publisher. 138 British style also avoids problems if you are using quotation marks to delineate strings, where inclusion of a period in a string, for example, might be fatal.

On the other side of the argument, placing the punctuation after the closing quotation mark does leave a nasty hole in the baseline of the type.

better?: I will not shout "I am a walrus", unless you first clear the street.

better?: Type the string "overwhelmed".

If you decide to adhere to British usage for rule i, then you must be prepared to argue with your publisher and copy editor. I wish you luck.

158. Whether to place the period or comma inside or outside of the quotation mark is matter about which people have marvelously vehement opinions. In 25 years, I have failed to detect any preference across the general population, or even across the population of computer people. Each person, however, is mightily assured that her view is the only correct one.

SEGMENT 41 QUOTATION MARKS

E

y

Somewhat tangentially, you should obtain permission to quote any text of which you quote, in total, more than 50 lines within your manuscript. Of course, what constitutes 50 lines will depend on the type font size and column width. Furthermore, there are various situations in which quoting less than 50 lines is not legal without permission, such as if you quote an entire document or a poem. You should consult your publisher or a lawyer if you are in doubt about whether you should obtain permission. If you quote a piece extensively, play it safe and be polite: Get permission.

If you are doing your own typesetting for a document, you should use the curly or slanted quotation marks that allow you to distinguish left (opening) from right (closing) quotation marks; the two are slanted in opposite directions.

ugly: Max said, "I don't have time to sleep." good: Lyn said, "I don't have time to worry."

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid using quotation marks when you have no good reason to use them, and should learn the rules governing correct usage. If you cannot see a problem with "quotation marks," reread this segment.

42 Remarks Inserted After That

JLt is correct to place a comma after that when a separate clause follows. In essence, you are inserting a parenthetical remark that you could remove without ruining your sentence, grammatically speaking. So, you should delimit the remark by placing commas on either side of it. You should not place a comma after the that if what follows is not a separate remark.

bad: Joe decided that because going to medical school was not sufficiently challenging, he would also pick up a doctorate in medical computer science during his sojourn at the university.

Here, because going to medical school was not sufficiently challenging is a separate remark and should be preceding by a comma.

good: Joe decided that, because he was bored today, he would read a manual and then replace his friend's car's muffler, even though he had never worked on a car before.

Here, because he was bored today is a separate remark and is correctly preceded by a comma.

l$6 SEGMENT 42 REMARKS INSERTED AFTER THAT

good: Joe decided that going to medical school and graduate school, not to mention crawling around under cars, was still boring, so he shaved off all his hair as well.

Here, going to medical school and graduate school is not a separate remark; the lack of a comma preceding it is therefore correct.

« » « fc

bad: C is a language that after its development in the early 1970s by Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie at Bell Laboratories, became popular because of its integration with Unix.

good: C was derived from B, a language that, in turn, was derived from BCPL.

good: In 1971, Niklaus Wirth introduced a language that was named after the seventeenth-century French inventor Blaise Pascal.

# f:- « »

bad: Misha was convinced that given time, he could learn to love Portland's intellectual community.

good: Holly hoped that, given time, Misha would learn to appreciate the excruciatingly cute pygmy goats that she was keeping in the backyard of their mansion.

good: DeeDee hoped that she would visit Holly soon.

** & J£ &

bad: Lois decided that partly because she could get a more interesting job on the Peninsula, she would move in with Soren.

SEGMENT 42 REMARKS INSERTED AFTER THAT

197

good: Soren was delighted that, contrary to his expectations, cohabitation suited him just fine.

good: Soren and Lois decided that the only problem was where to park all their various Porsches.

« » « fe

bad: Max hoped that despite the promises he had made, Lyn would forget that he was supposed to take a day 159 off that year.

good: Lyn was ecstatic that, despite his numerous high-pressure commitments, Max kept his promise and spent the day moseying around on the coast with her.

splendid: Max and Lyn agreed that, in every way, the day had been one of the happiest that they had spent together.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, when you insert a separate remark after a that, you should delimit the remark by placing commas on both sides of it. 160

159. If the example occurred in the context of formal writing, the correct phrase would be take off 1 day that year; in this sentence, however, the casual phrasing is more appropriate.

43 Figure Captions

A

figure caption is the text that accompanies a figure: It includes the figure number and title (if you use numbers and titles), and any further explanation of the figure contents. Complete and informative figure captions are critical to intelligent use of graphical information in your text. In addition, with the figure caption, you should set legends and credit lines.

f^l You should use tags in all or no captions. A tag is a sentence fragment that names an item; in this case, a tag names a figure. 161 The tag can be (and usually should be) followed by full sentences. Examples of captions that begin with tags follow:

good: Red. An unusual cat on a variety of measures, Red weighs about twice as much as does the average male Siamese cat. 162

Here, Red is a tag (whereas Red is a cat).

good: Richard making a cynical aside heard by no one. An unusual man on a variety of measures, Richard possesses about twice the wits of the average male scientist.

Here, Richard making a cynical aside heard by no one is a tag.

161. You can also use tabs, for example, to introduce the entries in a displayed list.

162. Red weighs 21 pounds. 198

good: Graphs showing how arbitrary waveforms can be built up from pulses. The response of the system to a waveform also is built up, based on responses to individual pulses.

Here, graphs showing how arbitrary waveforms can be built up from pulses is a tag.

good: A cat on a hot tin roof. Note the energetic leaping and splayed feet; the cat uses these techniques to protect itself from further irritation.

Here, a cat on a hot tin roof is a tag.

A caption that has no tag begins with a full sentence (which may be followed by other full sentences); examples follow:

good: BB, who is an unusual cat on a variety of measures, weighs about one-half as much as does the average female Siamese cat. 163

good: We input the arbitrary waveform in the figure to a linear, time-invariant system. We approximate the input waveform as a sum of narrow pulses, each weighted by the value of the function at time t.

good: A cat on a hot tin roof uses energetic leaping and splayed feet as techniques to protect itself from further irritation.

You should provide sufficient explanation that the figure plus the caption are 164 self-explanatory and stand alone. You should not merely name your figures with a tag line. Often, readers browse through the figures, reading the captions, before they read the asso-

163. BB weighs 7 pounds.

164. A reviewer queried the form of the verb here, pointing out that 2 plus 3 is 5. The difference is that 2 plus 3 is [equal to] 5, whereas apples plus pears are the same as apples and pears.

ciated text—sometimes, they decide whether to read the text based on whether the figures catch their interest. So, do not give long-winded explanations of a figure in the text, and give inadequate information in the caption.

ugly: A map of Silicon Valley.

good: A map of Silicon Valley showing the failure rate of companies started between 1982 and 1992. Successful companies are shown as black dots; companies that went under are shown as red dots. The map may demonstrate a causal factor in the increased sales of antacid tablets in the area during this period.

« fc « fe

ugly: Lyn's office.

good: Lyn's office. The apparent chaos is deceptive. The brightly colored slips of paper stuck on every conceiveable surface are all notes about ideas for segments in the book. The business cards clipped to the lampshade contain telephone numbers for service providers who can help with production. The pillow at the corner of the desk, and the one on top of the computer monitor, are for her editorial assistants.

You should provide captions for all figure parts, and should label the corresponding parts in the figure. A figure part is a subfigure that is labeled a, b, c, and so on. You should never write one caption for two separate figures (figures that have different numbers).

bad: Figure 2.1 A cat. Figure 2.2 A dog. Note the structural differences between these two creatures.

Rather, you should label the two figures as a and b parts within a single numbered figure. You can use a period or a colon after the letter that denotes the part.

good: Figure 2.1 Contrast in the structure of cats and dogs, a: A cat. b: A dog.

good: Figure 2.2 Contrast in the body language of cats and dogs. a. Angry cat lashing its tail. b. Happy dog wagging its tail.

For these subcaptions as well, you should consistently use or not use tags.

good: Timeline and tasks for the proposed study, a: Interviews. We will interview four gorillas from each of six zoos to obtain preferences for banana types. The duration of this task is 6 months, b: Statistical analysis. We will run statistical comparisons for the different groups to detect significant trends in the data. The duration of this task is 6 months, c: Published report. We will write a report of our work, and will submit it to the appropriate peer-review journals. The duration of this task is 4 years.

Tags are used in the subcaptions.

good: Timeline and tasks for the proposed study, a: We will interview four gorillas from each of six zoos to obtain preferences for banana types. The duration of this task is 6 months, b: We will run statistical comparisons for the different groups to detect significant trends in the data. The duration of this task is 6 months, c: We will write a report of our work. The duration of this task is 4 years.

No tags are used in the subcaptions.

c

202 SEGMENT 43 FIGURE CAPTIONS

You should include at the end of your caption a legend for all symbols and abbreviations. (You can set legends for colors, dotted versus solid lines, and so on in the figure itself or in the caption.) Do not put explanations (such as of abbreviations) of labels (text within the figure) in the figure itself. You can put explanations of symbols in the figure in a legend box, or you can put them in the legend that goes with the caption. You can also put legend information in parentheses within the body of your caption.

good: Family tree showing current research interests within our laboratory. AI: artificial intelligence. DA: decision analysis. DS: decision support. ML: machine learning. NN: neural networks.

good: Graph of creatures brought home for tea by Red, 1993-1994. 165 Legend: () rats; A bats; V cats.

good: Bar-chart comparison of domestic violence in urban (black bars), suburban (cross-hatched bars), and country (outlined white bars) settings, 1950 through 1990.

You should include a credit line for any material that you have copied or adapted from another source, or for any data on which you have based your figure. You must obtain permission to reproduce artwork, whether or not you adapt it, from the holders of the copyright. In almost all cases, the publisher holds the copyright, and perhaps shares it with the author—a situation that surprises many authors. When you obtain written permission, the publisher (or other copyright holder) usually will specify how to set the credit line, and you should copy that line exactly. Here are examples of common credit-line formats:

165. Note that it is correct in figure captions, legends, and labels to indicate ranges by an en dash; in text, you should spell out the range in words (for example, from 1993 to 1994, or between 1992. and 1995).

good: Source: From I. Sly and U. Wiley, Why you need our method. Journal of Irresponsible Professionals, 2(7): 43-45, 1994.

good: Source: Adapted from Derek D, An Analysis of all the Humours of the Body. Meridian Press, Newton, CA, 1993, Figure 3.7, page 98.

good: Source: Photograph courtesy of Paul Fusco/Magnum Photos, copyright © 1967.

If no credit line is specified, you can use any of the preceding formats. Or, you can style your credit line to suit the situation.

good: Source: Based on data collected by Winnie Wilson and Wally Wow for a class project for CS 103, spring quarter, Eager Institute of Technology, Down South, CA; used with permission.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should write figure captions that provide explanations, legends, and credit lines, and should set them consistently. Most important, make sure that each figure caption provides sufficient information that the figure plus the caption stand alone.

44 Data

B

P

JL robably the most commonly misused word in science is data. Data is a plural; the singular is datum. Certain people think that, because the mistake of using data as a singular is so common, propagating it is now correct. I do not agree. The use of data as a singular grates on my ears as illiterate foolishness, and will undoubtedly strike at least a portion of your readers that way. In contrast, correct usage will not offend anyone.

You should remember that data is the plural of datum.

bad: The scientist collected data, and put it in his hat.

good: The engineer collected data, and put them in her secret database.

good: One little datum was misread, and the satellite

era

shed.

K* fc £ fc

bad: The data is suspect, because Lyn had had no sleep when she ran the experiment.

good: The data are accurate, because Lyn checked them umpteen times.

SEGMENT 44 DATA

205

8

You should write volumes or numbers ofdata , rather than amounts of data. You cannot have a large amount of objects; you can have only a large amount of (a form of) stuff.

bad: This useless spreadsheet program cannot deal with a large amount of data.

good: You can run the program on any number of data.

good: If you have large volumes of data, you may need to purchase extra memory.

splendid: Max's data were voluminous.

You should write fewer data, rather than less data. You cannot have less objects; you can have only less stuff.

bad: Could you please collect less data next time?

good: Why did you collect fewer data yesterday than Avi did?

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should disregard the rampant misuse of data, and should use data only to denote numerous discrete measurements (or other collections of values). When you wish to refer to a single item, use datum. Data is a plural, so data never is anything.

45 Ensure, Assure, Insure

T

^L he terms ensure, assure, and insure have notably different denotations. To avoid embarrassment, you should distinguish among them.

f^l You should use ensure to mean to make sure of a state of affairs, or to guarantee that an event occurs.

bad: Jim was careful to insure that the project went smoothly.

good: Carol was careful to ensure that the party went smoothly.

Kk is £ &

bad: Using this software will assure that you pay your taxes on time.

good: Using this software will ensure that you pay your rent on time.

You should use insure to mean take out insurance on.

bad: I need to ensure my car before I drive it. good: I need to insure my car before I drive it.

« » « »

i

SEGMENT 45 ENSURE, ASSURE, INSURE 207

bad: Max was disappointed to discover that assuring his hard-disk had not protected the company against an earthquake-induced crash.

good: Max was delighted to find that he had insured his laptop computer before it was stolen.

You should use assure to mean give assurance, or reassure.

bad: I need to assure my car before I drive it. 166 good: I need to assure my passengers before I drive my car.

« » « fc

bad : Lyn ensured Max that it was important that she know precisely when he would be home, so that the dinner party would not turn into a debacle.

good: Max assured Lyn that he would be home in time to greet the guests.

good: Max insured Lyn, so that he would be rich if she died.

good: Lyn ensured that Max would not die young.

« i:- % *

bad: To ensure yourself that all is well, turn on the lights and check under the bed.

good: To assure yourself that the proof is correct, you should take the time to work through it.

good: To insure yourself, call a reliable company such as ■ Lloyd's of London.

166. We can imagine an anthropomorphic world in which such behavior would be required. However, the following example presents a scenario that appears much more probable.

zo8

SEGMENT 45 ENSURE, ASSURE, INSURE

GOOD: To ensure that you are yourself, you might want to visit a psychologist.

e fc « fc

splendid: Rest assured that I have insured your computer to ensure your peace of mind.

splendid: Before I can insure your business, you must assure me that you can ensure that your programmers do careful quality assurance.

The principle for lucid writing here is that ensure, assure, and insure have three distinct and substantially different meanings; you should use each word correctly to ensure that your readers are assured that you know what you are doing, so that they feel no need to insure themselves against damage from bad prose.

46 Foreword Versus Forward

V

JL oreword and forward have vastly different meanings. A foreword is a chunk of writing (often written by someone other than the document's author) that precedes the main text; its opposite is an afterword. Forward is a direction or a personality trait; its opposite is backward.

bad: Certain people think that Lyn is a bit foreword.

bad: You can turn a good marketing trick by asking a well-known expert to write the forward to your book.

good: I have humbly asked an Excessively Important Person whether he would deign to write the foreword to this book.

good: When I get stuck in a paragraph, I just push forward.

« *:- « »

bad: Lyn was worrying again about the forward to her book.

bad: Lyn was also worried because she could not get the cursor to move foreword.

good: Lyn called Peter a dozen times that day to pester him about the foreword.

good: "Oy, Lyn! " exclaimed Peter, "Quit worrying about it, and move forward with your writing instead!"

no

SEGMENT 46 FOREWORD VERSUS FORWARD

« » £ fc

splendid: Max told Lyn that asking that person to write the foreword was much too forward.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should find it astounding that many books open with a section entitled forward.

Writers' Characteristics

Ear is one of the characteristics that good writers develop; ear allows writers to hear what is correct. Another such characteristic is nose, which allows writers to identify their audiences accurately. Eye allows writers to lay out their work pleasingly, to combine graphics and text intelligently, and to use the design elements most suited to the exposition. Mouth is the means by which an author speaks; the amount of mouth that an author has is the degree to which she permits herself to be visible to her audience.

47 Blocks: Theorems, Proofs, Lemmas

w„„ ^ _ „*. _ ^,_,

hypotheses, definitions, or other blocks of text that you use repeatedly for similar situations and to which you may refer back, you will need choose and follow a consistent style for setting the blocks.

In general, you should number all blocks of text to which you may want to refer later. Use single (i, 2, 3) or double (1.1, 2.4, 3.7) numbers, depending on whether your level 1 heads use single or double numbers. You do not have to call out (refer to in text) these blocks of text, but you will have the option of referring to them precisely if you wish.

good: See Definition 1.

good: Using Theorem 4.7, we obtain the following can of worms.

You should use a format that makes clear where the block ends. The most common device is to set an em box (□) at the end. You do not need to set the em box if the entire block is enclosed in a box, is screened (shaded), is set in a different typeface, or is otherwise distinguished from the base text. It never hurts, however, to set the em box.

2.12 SEGMENT 47 BLOCKS: THEOREMS, PROOFS, LEMMAS

good: Definition 5.3. Quadra.

(1) A type of Macintosh computer. (2) An island off the coast of British Columbia.

You should set as the first line of your block the term to be defined, or the hypothesis, lemma, theorem, corollary, or whatever is appropriate. It is also a good idea to use typographical distinction for this line; for example, you can set it in italic or boldface type, and can follow it with a line break. I recommend strongly that you use only a lead capital letter on the line that describes the box, rather than setting combined capital and lowercase letters: Extra capital letters merely distract your reader, without adding information.

good: Hypothesis 6.7: The distribution for cat sizes is log normal.

good: Definition 7: Arithmetic logic unit (ALU).

If you are setting a theorem and a proof, be sure to indicate clearly where the proof begins. The simplest way to do so is to set the word proof. You can set expansions with theorems; set corollaries in their own blocks.

good: Theorem 1.1: Lyn is in love.

Proof: Lyn thinks that every sunrise is an event to celebrate, Lyn sings while she tries to vacuum the house with a machine that merely redistributes the dust in an even patina, and Lyn overseasons her cooking (which her mother always told her was pathognomonic of the disorder).

You should then choose a design for your blocks. If you are writing a book or book chapter, your designer will take care of the details of how your blocks are set, so all you need to do is to make sure that the different parts—title, body, proof, and so on—are clearly distin-

guished. If you are writing a business report, proposal, or other document that will not go through an external publisher, or are otherwise responsible for you own page makeup, you will need to design the blocks yourself. The most important advice that I can give you is this: Keep it simple and consistent. Do not draw your reader's attention away from the content by distracting your reader with unnecessary flourishes.

Theorem i: In a finite partition, the probabilities must sum to i.

In particular, for two complementary events A and A (a partition with n = 2.), it turns out that V(A) + V(A) = i; that is, V(A) = i - V(A) = ~V(A). Put another way, if V(A) = p, then V(A) = p. Z

Theorem 2: Let f and g be two algebraic curves of degree m and n, respectively. If f and g intersect in more than mn points, then they have a common component. □

Theorem 3: (Fermat's theorem, 1640). If p is a prime number, then a p a (modulo p).

Proof: If a is a multiple of p, then a p o a (modulo p), so we need to consider only a mod p * o. Since p is a prime number, a is relatively prime to p. Consider ....

...and this equivalence proves the theorem. U

SEGMENT 47 BLOCKS: THEOREMS, PROOFS, LEMMAS

Definition i: Hamster. Any of various Old World rodents {Cricetus or a related genus) having exceedingly large cheek pouches. □

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should set blocks such as theorems and definitions consistently, should distinguish the block's various elements, and should set off blocks from the base text. □

48 Above and Below

^-J'sing above and below when you mean preceding and following is both misleading and stilted. Many textbook publishers forbid this use of the terms. In addition, you should always tell your reader, as precisely as possible, where to locate items.

You should use words such as previous, preceding, and earlier, rather than above. Often, the chunk to which you refer will not be set above —it may be set, for example, on the previous page.

ugly: The above argument proves that Carver's distaste for croutons in his salad is a symptom of a deep-rooted childhood trauma.

good: The preceding discussion indicates that Carver's frequent shifts in research emphasis reflect his brilliance and enthusiasm.

good: We described earlier how Carver could find his way in the woods, a skill that he learned as a child.

You should use words such as following, next, and here, rather than below. The chunk may well be at the top of the next page, and may not be below anything at all.

ugly: The algorithm given below is useless nonsense.

good: The following code will crash your coworkers' machines without giving you away.

good: We provide the secret password here:

Red fur at sunset makes BB fly

BB greets dawn in roof catapult good: The correlation between anger and heart attacks in this population is given next:

Frequency of Rage Mean Age at (episodes per Sudden Death week) (in years)

1 67

2 53

3 49

4 42.

Whenever possible, you should give explicit cross-references, rather than simply indicating preceding or following. When a number is available, use it. Otherwise, pinpoint the location as precisely as you can, so that you help your reader to find the discussion, equation, example, or mongoose to which you refer.

ugly: We shall describe Greg's struggle with his grant proposal later.

good: We shall discuss Nicola's trial by fire—otherwise known as her first year of university teaching—in Section 4.3.

good: We shall examine the possible etiology of Greg's weak ankle in a moment. First, we look at common aches, pains, sprains, and other sports injuries.

good: We shall analyze Nicola's desire for a garden later in this section.

« fc £ &

SEGMENT 48 ABOVE AND BELOW

217

ugly: This equation is easier to solve than was the earlier

one.

good: The preceding equation is simpler than was Eq. 4.5.

good: The following equation is more elegant than was the one that we discussed in Section 4.5.8.

good: Equation 5.3 is similar to the one used to generate the graph in Figure 7.2.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should avoid using above and below when you mean preceding and following, and that you should use specific cross-references whenever possible. The preceding principle is respected in both the foregoing and the later segments of this book.

fi

49 En Dashes

IP

Jl / n dashes are the correct clashes to use to indicate ranges and

to denote pairs of equal weight that form an adjective.

An en dash is longer than a hyphen and shorter than an em dash; in certain typefaces, it is the width of the letter n. Learn how to create an en dash in your word processor or typesetting system. On many systems, the en dash and minus sign are the same. 167

- hyphen

- en dash — em dash

You should use an en dash when you use a dash to indicate a range.

bad: Read pages 4-12. good: Read Chapters 4-1 z. splendid: Skip Exercises 4 through 12.

« fc « «

bad: The monkeys weighed 40-70 pounds each. good: The wombats weighed 40-70 pounds each.

167. In using this tip, however, be careful that you know how to set a minus sign. The minus sign on the numeric keypad, for example, may not be a minus sign; it may be a hyphen.

splendid: The children weighed 40 to 70 pounds each.

Note that you should not use the en dash to indicate ranges in text; there, you should spell out the range, as in the third of the preceding examples. You should use the en dash to indicate ranges in tables and their titles, in figures and their captions, and in page ranges within reference citations.

You should use the en dash to indicate an equal-weighted pair that is currently serving as an adjective.

bad: Did you check his acid-base balance?

The hyphen should be an en dash.

bad: Do you know what your salt potassium balance is?

bad: The cat-person balance in the DePasquale-Oxhandler household was incorrect.

The hyphens should be en dashes.

good: Have you heard of the work-play balance?

« » K* fe

bad: Interrupts are posted by the controller as each input-output operation completes.

The hyphen should be an en dash.

bad: To initiate a DMA input output operation, a device driver firsts sets up all the device-specific parameters for a transfer.

good: Certain input-output devices require exclusive use of the bus when they are doing data transfers.

« f:- « »

bad: If you travel the New York-San Francisco route, you can take a direct flight.

The hyphen should be an en dash.

bad: If you travel the New York Miami Beach route, you can take a direct dive. 168

good: If you travel the New York-Los Angeles route, you can take a direct hit.

« fc « fc

bad: The read write head performs read/write operations, or read-write functions.

The example demonstrates three incorrect ways to set read-write: with a space, with a solidus, and with a hyphen.

good: Lyn has the suspicion that the object between her shoulders has evolved into a read-write head.

« fc « *?

bad: The Dupre-Henrion algorithm is very 169 complex.

bad: The Dupre Henrion equation is abnormally complex.

good: The Dupre-Henrion relationship is remarkably, if not alarmingly, complex.

« fc « »

good: Before we launch this project, let's do a detailed cost-benefit analysis.

168. You can get off the airplane and into the water, that is. Diving while still in the airplane is not recommended.

169. Avoid fluffy words; use precise terms.

SEGMENT 49 EN DASHES

221

good: The number of shares traded and the price per share are represented by the trade-price node in the diagram.

good: Lyn painted her toenails a deep red-brown shade.

Note that the term equal-weighted pair does not itself contain an equal-weighted pair; that is, the pair is not both equal and weighted. Rather, equal and weighted together make a single compound adjective that modifies pair. Thus, you set equal-weighted pair with a hyphen. In contrast, a brown-red shade is a shade that is both brown and red, so that term is set with an en dash. Similarly, the node represents both trade and price, the analysis takes into account both cost and benefit, the algorithm was developed by both Dupre and Henrion, the route is between both New York and San Francisco, and the electrolyte balance is affected by both acid and base.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use en dashes when you use the dash form of indicating a range (see pages 2-4), and when you have an equal-weighted pair serving as an adjective, such as a love-hate relationship.

50 As to Whether

-Lhe terj

lm as to whether is cumbersome and unnecessary; whether will suffice. As to whether often is coupled with peculiarly stilted phraseology—another reason to avoid its use.

ugly: Provide an analysis as to whether the segment types being exchanged have typical sequence numbers.

good: Discuss whether reliable stream services differ from basic message-transfer services.

« » £ »

ugly: Granger enquired as to whether Max intended to finish the book.

good: Granger enquired whether Max intended to teach any classes.

splendid: Granger asked whether Max intended to go crazy, or had undertaken the journey accidentally. 170

« » « »

ugly: Deborah could inform Lyn as to whether history repeats itself.

good: Deborah could tell Lyn whether history repeats itself.

170. The classification upgrade is based on the change from enquired to asked; the latter term is more vigorous and direct.

£ » *C fc

ugly: Alyssa could inform Gelarah as to whether the world is a nice place when you are 5 months old.

good: Reno could tell Cosmo whether being 3 years old is more fun than is being 2 years old.

€ if:- « fc

ugly: Could you write a report explaining as to whether you will undertake the project?

good: Can you explore whether the alternatives are viable options?

The principle for lucid writing here is that, if you find yourself wondering as to whether you should use that term, you should simply wonder whether instead.

51 Who Versus That

T

_L HAT Dl

B

ienotes nonhuman entities; who is the correct word to use to denote humanoids of various ilks.

You should refer to all humans as who; whether you refer to other creatures in your manuscript as who depends on whether you wish to afford them the status of honorary humans.

bad: People that never express emotions are boring.

good: People who laugh and cry and sulk and yell are, at least, interesting.

splendid: Cats who purr loudly all night while draped over your ears are comforting; they are the most peaceful white-noise generators available.

« i:- « iz-

bad: The scientist that designed this study method must have been a sadist.

good: The programmer who designed this software deserves to reach Nirvana.

good: The robot who delivered the hospital radiology films got lost and fell down the stairs.

« » £ »

SEGMENT 51 WHO VERSUS THAT 225

bad: You need to give your code to one of the hackers in this room; now, to what would you like to give it? 171

good: You should give your spare change to one of the people on this block; now, to whom would you like to donate it?

« if:- « fc

bad: Max told Lyn about all the clients that had irritated him before noon.

good: Lyn told Max about all the writers who had reduced her to tears before noon.

splendid: BB told Red about the handsome seal-point torn around the corner who had been trying to lead her astray.

You should use that for all objects and creatures that you do not consider to be remotely human.

bad: Suresh was trying to identify the computer on the network who was causing all the trouble.

good: Boris was trying to identify the function that would create the most gorgeous graphs for the demo.

« fc « »

bad: Max told Lyn about a book who had changed his life.

good: Lyn told Max about the book that was changing his life.

171. Various comments from the reviewers' peanut gallery have indicated that certain people are unwilling to afford to hackers the status of even honorary humans. Most of the hackers whom I know, however, are decidedly humanoid.

SEGMENT 51 WHO VERSUS THAT

« » *5 ft

bad: The Lumina telephone-answering system is the most annoying result of technical wizardry with whom Lyn have ever had the displeasure to converse.

good: Max was again unable to retrieve his messages from the voice-mail system that he had had installed; he calculated that he had to enter 41 digits to retrieve his messages when the machine was in a cooperative mode, and to enter a multiple of 41 at other times.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use who to denote creatures to whom you grant human characteristics, and should use that for every other object that you discuss.

52 Though

?

IF :

Jl zither although or even though is preferable to the unnecessarily truncated though. 171

You should not write though when you mean although.

ugly: Lyn was surprised to find Max sleeping on his head, though he had been complaining of feeling topsyturvy lately.

good: Max was surprised to find the cat sleeping on his head, although it 173 happened every morning.

« fc « fc

ugly: Though the software is fast, the results that it produces are inaccurate.

good: Although the machine is clumsy to use, its graphics capabilities are stupendous.

« fe « fc

172. Here, and everywhere in this book, I give principles to follow in formal writing. There is nothing objectionable about though in casual writing or in poetry.

173. Note how important is the denotation of a pronoun.

ugly: Mike knew that he wanted to play with DNA, though he was not sure on which strands he wanted to concentrate.

good: Russ knew that he wanted to play in the band, although he was not sure which songs his audience would permit him to sing.

You should write even though, rather than simply though, when you mean despite the fact that. (Although and even though have similar meanings, but even though emphasizes despite more heavily.)

bad: Larry always wore a hat, though once it blew off into a barbecue fire, causing a massive conflagration.

good: Mark always carried his stethoscope, even though it occasionally got caught in his zipper.

« » « if:-

bad: Lynne just kept doing her job, though everyone tried hard to make her life difficult.

good: Rosalind took the job, even though everyone at the laboratory was clearly several standard deviations off the curve.

j£ iy J£ >>

bad: Red allowed Lyn to clean his ears, though he hated the sensation.

good: Lyn allowed Red to burrow into her hair, even though he occasionally got carried away and sank his teeth gently into her scalp.

e fc £ z-

SEGMENT 52 THOUGH

229

bad: I am leaving you, though I love you.

good: I am leaving you, even though I love you.

good: Although I love you, I am leaving you.

splendid: Although I will not leave you, even though you ask it, I will give you a vacation.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, though even though the word is common, f you should not use though on its own; you should use although or even though.

53 References to Parts

w i 7. ;

7 y hen you refer to parts ot sequences, or figures, or tables—or to any other components of a whole—use the letter or number only; there is no need to enclose the letter or number in parentheses. 174

faj, Whenever you refer by number to a part of a document (for example, to a chapter, section, figure, table, box, example, exercise, or equation), you should set the word denoting the part with a lead capital letter: Chapter 3, Section 5, Figure 6.3, Table 3, Box 7.2, Example 5, Exercise 4.8, or Equation 6, for example. You should not capitalize words denoting other kinds of parts, however: step 1, phase 3, day 56, for example. You should also not capitalize words denoting parts of a document when they are set without a number: chapter, figure, table, theorem, for example.

ugly: Read section 7.2, and answer exercises 7.8 and 7.10; then, read the following Section.

good: If you understand Equation 4, you will be able to answer Question 3 in Box 8; if you do not understand it, read the preceding chapter.

174. Certain publishers do use the parentheses; the style suggested here is my preference because it is simplest. If you wish to follow an alternative style, simply be certain to implement it consistently.

« fc £ fc

ugly: Complete Step 3 before you enter Phase II. good: Sit on step 3, and ponder phase 2.

When you refer to a step or phase, or to any other unit in a sequence, you should write only the number, 1 3 without parentheses.

ugly: In phase (II), we will measure the CPU burst times, and will calculate the turnaround time for the different scheduling algorithms.

good: In step 1, we ensure that, if a process P ; is executing in its critical section, then no other process can be executing in its critical section.

good: Cell 3 holds the value for the restaurant bill.

good: Box 7 contains your birthday present.

good: Kiss 8 is for hanging tight for 5 weeks while I refused to answer your calls.

f

When you refer to a part of a figure, exercise, example, or other component of your document, on its own (that is, usually within the figure caption or exercise), you should write only the letter, without parentheses.

ugly: Test the algorithm that you developed in part (b) on three different data sets.

good: Reconsider your answer to part d in light of the following: Mors certa; amor incerta est.

good: Part c shows the history of various versions of Unix.

175. You should write the letter, of course, if you have a good reason (such as a publisher's or funding agency's mandate) for using letters rather than numbers.

m

232 SEGMENT 53 REFERENCES TO PARTS

good: In part d, we described the logical and physical address spaces. Draw a figure that shows the relationship of those components to the CPU, to the page table, and to physical memory.

When you refer to a part of a numbered figure or exercise (or other component) in text, you usually should give the figure or exercise number followed by the parentheses-enclosed letter; that is the style followed by most publishers. You can, if you prefer, adopt the style of omitting the parentheses, provided that you do so consistently.

ugly?: Figure 4a shows why virtual memory can be much larger than physical memory.

ugly?: Figure 5.7a shows the page table when a portion of the pages is not in main memory.

good: Figure 2(b) shows the transfer of paged memory to contiguous disk space.

good: Figure 6.2(c) shows the steps in handling a page fault.

When you refer to a part of a numbered figure (or other component) in parentheses in text, you should simply give the number and figure together, without parentheses.

ugly: Tania and Moises canceled the party because they were worried about flaws in the floor-planning algorithm (see Figure 3.4(a)) that they had used for hot-tub seating.

ugly: Tania spent all day recalculating the degree of increase in mass (see Figure 4(a)) that a person would experience after eating one enormous barbecued chicken breast, two hamburgers, a scoop of potato

SEGMENT 53 REFERENCES TO PARTS

233

salad, a side of slaw, 176 and a handful of tortilla chips with salsa, as well as drinking four bottles of beer.

good: Moises spent each evening that week using an innovative investigative technique (see Figure 3.4b) to collect data on the volume of the space required in the tub for each of his friends.

good: Tania and Moises invited everyone to come over to watch the World Cup finals (see Figure 2a for an explanation) amid plenty of beer and barbecued ribs—but not to go near the water.

If you find the distinction between nonparenthetical and parenthetical callouts confusing or awkward, you can (as I mentioned) choose never to use the parentheses, to be consistent with other references to parts. That is why certain of the preceding examples are classified as only questionably (rather than definitely) ugly.

ugly?: Example 4.9(c) shows that readers are not always able to deduce more than the simplest rules for styling, and argues that a more practical approach may be to value apparent consistency over actual but overly complicated consistency.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, as defined in rule 1, you should generally omit parentheses around letters or numbers that designate parts, unless, as defined in rule 2, you use parentheses for callouts or for parts of numbered manuscript components.

176. A side of slaw is interestingly different from a side of beef.

54 Dates and Times of Day

T"

_L HE F]

B

ew simple rules about styling dates and times of day are primarily matters of convention. It is a good idea to follow them to make your writing consistent, both with your own text and with that of other writers.

You should use a comma after the day of the month when you give a date with the year.

ugly: What happened on March i 5 1022? good: August 9, 1991, is a special day for Lyn.

You should not use a comma after the month when you give a date with no day specified but with the year.

ugly: By the end of March, 1994, Lyn had not written a single word of her manuscript.

good: By the end of October 1994, Lyn's book had been published.

You should spell out first, fifteenth, and so on in a date, as elsewhere.

bad: Lyn had been in a serious car accident on August 9th, many years ago.

good: For years, August ninth has been either wondrously good or appallingly bad.

SEGMENT 54 DATES AND TIMES OF DAY 235

good: Peter suggested making the ninth of August Lyn's honorary birthday.

« i:~ £ i:-

bad: Computer was a job description in the 19th century. GOOD: Homer was born during the nineteenth century.

e » « f:-

bad: Gunnar and Lyn had a few frightening adventures back in the 60s.

bad: Several of their acquaintances OD'd in the 6o's.

good: Overall, the sixties was a marvelous time of growth and discovery for Gunnar, Jessica, Lyn, Bruno, Lisa, and Marilyn, and several other friends.

Note, however, that you should use the numerals with an s and no apostrophe when you give the full year.

bad: In the nineteen-sixties, the war took many lives.

bad: In the i96o's, several colleges were closed down temporarily by protests.

good: In the 1960s, Lyn learned go-go dancing!

You should hyphenate mid- but not early or late when you are speaking of a portion of a decade or century.

bad: This dress was stylish in the mid 1940s. good: Flappers were abundant in the mid-1920s.

« fc « »

bad: During the mid twentieth century, numerous species became extinct, due to the lack of appropriate habitats.

E

136 SEGMENT 54 DATES AND TIMES OF DAY

good: During the mid-eleventh century, certain scholars postulate, many people stank, due to the lack of bathing facilities.

« » « fc

bad: Where exactly is the cutoff line between the late-1840s and the early-i8 50s?

good: Eighteen-fifty is the cutoff line between the late 1840s and the early 1850s.

£ iz- £ iz-

bad: Many patterns of the late-nineteenth century emerged in the early-twentieth century.

good: The early twenty-first century may bring virtual reality to every household in the country.

good: The late twenty-first century may bring reality back into vogue.

You should set times of day in numbers, and should use only one indicator of morning or evening.

bad: At two A.M. in the morning, Red goes out to do his exercises.

bad: At 23:00 at night, BB unrolls the bathroom tissues and festoons the living room with streamers. 177

good: At 9:30 p.m., Lyn climbs into bed with a good book on the nights that Max works late.

good: By 21:00, Lyn is peacefully asleep with Red draped over her head and BB providing toe warming.

177. Contributed by Red.

y

SEGMENT 54 DATES AND TIMES OF DAY 237

good: At 6 in the morning, Lyn brings Max a cup of ginseng tea and a kiss, and brings Red and BB their yeast and garlic vitamin pills.

You should use small capital letters and periods for a.m., p.m., B.C., a.d, b.c.e., and c.e.

bad: Max did not get home from work until 3 AM.

bad: Lyn woke up at 2 a.m., and worried when she realized that there were only three creatures in the bed.

good: By 3:30 a.m., all was well again as the four members of the household curled up together and drifted into the arms of Morpheus.

« to £ to

bad: From 3 PM to 7 p.m., Holly and Misha were cooking up a storm in their gigantic marble-sided kitchen.

good: From 8 p.m. to midnight, Holly and Misha were partying with a huge crowd of convivial and well-fed friends.

« to « to

bad: In 4 BC, there was no mass communication.

bad: Confucius was born in 551 b.c.

good: By 2000 B.C., the Chinese had already established a comprehensive model of diseases and treatments. 178

« to « to

bad: In 73 AD, there were no public telephones. bad: In 73 a.d., there were, however, public baths.

178. Joseph Norman suggests that the correct name for that model is sinomed.

si GMENT 54 DATES AND TIMES OF DAY

good: In a.d. 537, which of your relatives was where? Note that the a.d. precedes the date.

£ i:- « fc

bad: Lyn wondered whether 0 C.E. was identical to 0 B.C.E.

bad: How many years before i c.e. did i b.c.e. occur?

good: The abbreviations c.e. and b.c.e. are becoming common substitutes for a.d. and B.C., respectively.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should learn the contents of this segment so that you will know how to style dates and times of day consistently. You would not want to write at 2:00 pm on December 19 1993, when your colleagues are writing at 2:00 p.m. on December 19, 1993.

55 Reason Is Because

Y

JL ou should not use the phrase the reason is because; the reason for this principle is that the phrase is redundant. The reason that is because, and the reason why is because, suffer from the same disease; use instead the reason is that, the reason why, or simply because.

bad: The reason the machine jammed is because Red objected to having his paws photocopied for the book design.

good: The reason the mail carrier has not come is that she was attacked yesterday by a ferocious field mouse.

good: The mail is early, because the letter carrier wants to rush home to her feline bodyguard.

« fc « »

bad: The reason why Max was late was because he had lost his watch.

good: The reason why Lyn was laughing was that Max was early.

GOOD: Max was early, because he had lost his watch. « fe « fc

SEGMENT 55 REASON IS BECAUSE

bad: The reason that Brian was crying was because the bug list kept growing.

good: The reason that Suresh was giggling was the latest bug, which turned out to be chimerical.

good: Boris sighed, because debugging was not always easy.

« is « i:-

BAD: Remember that the reason why Lyn is cranky is because she had only 5 minutes of sleep last night.

good: Lyn is liable to burst into tears because the computer crash lost all the corrections that she and Max and Adrienne and Jan had made over the long weekend.

good: The reason why Lyn is slightly less hysterical now is that the four musketeers (plus Joe, who arrived back from the wedding in the middle of the crisis) were able to reconstruct most of the manuscript in just 1 day.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use because on its own, or should use the reason that or the reason why, but you should never use because with the latter two phrases; the reason is that the because would be redundant.

56 With Terms

7 7 hen you use common phrases that include with, be careful. Often, the with is unnecessary; sometimes, the with suffices on its own.

|fr] r You should meet people, rather than meeting with them, when the former will suffice.

ugly: I would like to meet with you at work to discuss pointer types.

good: I would like to meet you at a bar to discuss types pointedly.

You should visit people, rather than visiting with them.

ugly: Holly visited with Misha while he lay ill in bed.

good: Sachiko visited Peter while he lay snoring on the brown corduroy couch.

« fc « fe

ugly: Soren went to the Porsche swap meet together with Lois.

good: Jack went to the concert with Emily.

You should consult people, rather than consulting with them.

ugly: I would like to consult with a decision analyst before I draft the global-warming report.

good: Lyn would like to consult her personal decision analyst before she commits to writing another book.

« fc « »

ugly: Experts often consult with one another, but ignore what they hear.

good: Professors often consult one another, but ignore their students.

You should place objects or people with each other, rather than together with each other.

ugly: This table contains the addresses, together with the telephone numbers.

good: This table contains the marketing targets, with the telephone numbers.

« » « fc

ugly: Store the disks together with a few magnets if you want to erase your files.

good: Buy the software with the machine to get a package-deal price.

SEGMENT 56 WITH TERMS

243

C

You should avoid using along with to mean as well as or simply with. 179

ugly: Lyn packed in Max's briefcase the relevant disks, along with a banana and a handful of dried apricots.

good: Max brought Lyn chocolate, as well as nectarines and mints, when they were working late together.

« » « fc

ugly: Lyn took Red along with her when she went to visit Max at Lumina.

good: Max took Lyn with him on his trip to Chile.

good: Red took BB along when he went to check out the neighbors' new Saint Bernard puppy.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should double-check all common terms that include with, to see whether you can cut one of the words to your advantage; consulting with this book, for example, would be awkward.

179. Based on a suggestion by Adrienne Esztergar.

57 Equals

t ir \ =

^L he phrases is equal to, is greater than, and is less than prefer to be left intact; do not drop bits of them.

faj r You should use the term is equal to, and should avoid equals.

bad: If x equals y, then we have no more work to do. good: When x is equal to y, we exit the loop.

« fc « »

bad: We see from Figure 3 that r equals \d.

good: Figure 4 shows that setting r equal to d gets us into trouble.

splendid: Lyn is convinced that Max is equal to the task of starting his own company.

You should be careful when you use the phrase greater than or equal to.

bad: We set a greater or equal to b. good: We set z greater than or equal to p.

« » £ »

bad: Clearly, w cannot be greater than or equal 2.

good: Is it nonsense to think that e could be greater than or equal to 6?

244

SEGMENT 57 EQUALS

245

J Similarly, you should be careful when you use the term less than or equal to.

bad: Let x be less or equal to y.

good: Whenever x is less than or equal to y, we ring the alarm.

£ i- K* &

bad: Set o less than or equals a). good: Use a p value of less than or equal to 0.05.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not lose any pieces of the f phrases is equal to, is greater than, and is less than; doing so equals an error.

58 Placement of Adverbs

JL n general, you should place adverbs after the verbs that they modify, and usually should place them at the end of the phrase or clause to which they belong.

good: Once you get to the auditorium, slowly walk through the door, even if your desire to rush in headlong is powerful.

good: Once you get to the podium, talk slowly to your audience, even if your heart is pounding.

splendid: Once you get to the top, climb into heaven slowly.

If you place the adverb before the verb, you emphasize the adverb. Thus, in the preceding set of examples, if you want everyone to sit up and pay attention to the slowly, then the structure of the first example should be your choice. Usually, you do not wish to convey that emphasis, so you should choose as your default the structure of the second example. The third expresses the same thought (for the purpose under discussion), but does so more gracefully by placing the adverb at the end of the clause; it thus receives the classification of splendid. None of the examples is technically incorrect (bad), however, and whether the first is ugly depends entirely on the writer's intention.

There are no simple, absolute rules here; for example, whether your sentence is improved when you separate adverb and verb is a matter of rhythm—of ear. If the clause is short—if the reader will not have

to backtrack to make sense of an adverb placed at the end of the clause—then you should place the adverb at the end.

good: Pick up lovingly the hamster.

Emphasizes lovingly.

splendid: Pick up the porcupine gingerly.

Placing the adverb at the end is the form most pleasing to the ear, when the sentence is short.

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good: Gently stroke your lover's hair.

Emphasizes gently. good: Stroke firmly your lover's back.

Good default. splendid: Stroke your lover's cat sensually.

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good: Carefully test the null hypothesis.

Emphasizes carefully. good: Distribute normally the sample population. Good default for dishonest researchers. splendid: Apply the test regressively.

K* iz « fe

SEGMENT 58 PLACEMENT OF ADVERBS

splendid: A computer person is anyone who might plausibly be found wandering around in that section of a bookstore where computer-related books are shelved.

/;/ generally, you should leave a term such as might he in one piece; dropping a word into the middle of it emphasizes that word; when the word is an adverb that precedes a verb, then the emphasis is doubled (emphasized?).

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should understand fully the nuances of adverb placement. Unless you have an excellent reason to do otherwise, you should place adverbs at the ends of the phrases to which they belong. What constitutes an excellent reason, in this case, is a matter of ear and intent. 180

180. For example, in the preceding sentence, if I wanted to modify place by carefully, I would not add to the clarity of my sentence by locating carefully at the end, after belong; instead, the carefully should go after the adverbs.

59 U.S. Versus British Spelling

JLt is simple common sense to use the language of the country in which you are publishing. You probably would not submit a paper written in Urdu to an English-language journal published in the United States. British English in markedly different from United States English; you should consider it to be a different language. Thus, you should use spelling that is standard in the United States, rather than that standard in Great Britain. 181

THE PRINCIPLE FOR LUCID WRITING here IS

that you should use U.S., rather than British, spelling; when in doubt, check the dictionary, 182 and use the first spelling given. You should honor the language of the country in which you are publishing, rather than honouring that of a different country.

181. Here, as elsewhere in this book, I am assuming that you are writing for publication in the United States. British and U.S. written language differ in punctuation, spelling, and terminology. All the choices that I recommend in this book are for U.S. written language. If you are publishing in Great Britain or in most other English-speaking countries, you should follow a different—albeit overlapping—set of conventions.

182. Use only the Webster's Collegiate Dictionary that is published by Merriam-Webster, Springfield, MA; there are numerous other versions of Webster's Dictionary. My reason for recommending this dictionary is that most publishers in the United States follow it for style, spelling, and usage. If you use other dictionaries, be cautious. The Oxford English Dictionary, for example, is British.

60 Placement of Prepositions

JLt is cruel to leave prepositions (with, for, to, from, under, on, in, and so on) dangling at the end of the clauses that contain them; instead, keep them warm and cozy by placing them within or at the beginning of the clause, snuggled next to the words for which they define relationships.

Dangling prepositions constitute another of those genuine errors that are so common that many people's ears have been mistuned to accept them. Remember, however, that many other people's ears have not been thus mistuned. If placing the preposition correctly sounds odd to you at first, give it time. I am confident that, eventually, you will find pleasing those sentences that are cast correctly, and will grimace when you see a lonely preposition meandering around far from its home.

bad: Lyn wondered whom she would be living with in Ladakh.

good: Max wondered for whom he would be cooking in Woodside.

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bad: Knuth looked for an algorithm to solve the problem with.

good: Hollerith looked for an instrument with which to punch the cards.

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bad: Whom did the Countess of Lovelace write interesting letters to?

good: For what purpose did Wirth invent this language?

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bad: What did you wear a gorilla suit for? good: For what purpose did you put on your horns and tail? splendid: Why are you wearing that ridiculous getup?

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bad: Red suddenly began to wonder where the mouse had gone to.

good: Red realized under what the mouse was hiding.

splendid: Red realized that the mouse was hiding beneath Lyn's slipper. 183

« fc £ £

bad: What did you base your thesis on? good: In which basket did you put all your eggs?

« fc € fc

bad: What were Swix and Spud growling over?

good: Through which rat tunnel did the skunk come into the bedroom?

183. Recasting for specificity avoids the preposition problem all together.

SEGMENT Go PLACEMENT OF PREPOSITIONS

253

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bad: What did you bring the porcupines in? good: In what part of your anatomy are the quills now?

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bad: What did you pick that up from? good: From whom did you learn that trick?

« * « »

bad: Whom does the bell toll for? good: For whom is Lyn yearning in the deep of the night?

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should wrap up your prepositions at the beginning of or inside the clauses to which they belong, rather than which they belong to.

61 Different From

T

ie phrase different than is never correct; the correct term is different from.

bad: Information is different than knowledge. good: A database is different from a knowledge base.

£ fc 6 »

bad: Judy said that Steve's morning shower arias were quite different than what she had been led to expect would awaken her as the sun rose.

good: Steve said that Judy's evening chocolate binges were quite different from what he had hoped would take up her attention in the fading light.

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bad: A one-way analysis of variance is different than a Chi-square test.

good: The difference between the means is different from the meaning of the difference.

« » « fc

SEGMENT 6l DIFFERENT FROM

^55

bad: Your writing will be different than what it was if you read this book.

good: Your writing will be different from what it used to be if you follow the principles in this book.

good: Following the principles in this book will make your writing different from most of your colleagues' prose.

The principle for lucid writing here is that different than is different from good writing practice.

62 Callouts

B

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JL ou should call out all figures, tables, programs, and boxes, or other numbered blocks in text. 184 A callout is a reference to such a numbered block of text. 185 For example,

good: Figure 3.4 shows a camel after the final straw.

good: The relationship between client and server does not need to be complicated (Figure 4.5).

good: The various modes of attack on networked systems are detailed in Table 7.3.

You should assign a number to every figure and to every table. Avoid using unnumbered figures because they complicate layout; an unnumbered figure must fall exactly where you refer to it in the text column, whereas a numbered figure can be as far as, say, three pages away, if necessary. In addition, you can refer back (or even forward) to a numbered figure with precision, because the number is a unique identifier.

If you are writing a journal article, use single numbers.

184. In text here means within the main text of your document, as opposed to in figures, tables, boxes, exercises, and so on. Note that the term is set as two words, whereas the adjective intext is set as one.

185. Note that you should always call out all numbered figures, tables, boxes, and programs. You do not have to call out numbered examples, theorems, lemmas, definitions, and so on, although you may do so if you wish.

GOOD: Figure 3 shows an influence diagram for the decision of when to hold the wedding.

If you are writing a book chapter, use double numbers (the first number being the chapter number).

good: Figure 4.3 shows a belief network for assessing whether rain is likely to spoil the bride's gown.

If you are writing a proposal, report, or other document that you will publish yourself, you may want to use double numbers because doing so keeps the numbering isolated within a section. If you end up adding a Figure 4 minutes before the express-mail deadline, you will need to renumber all figures from the old Figure 4 on; if, in contrast, you add a Figure 4.3, you will need to renumber only those figures that occur after the old Figure 4.3 in only the relevant section.

If the outline mandated by the organization to which you are submitting your proposal uses letters rather than numbers for sections, use a letter plus a number for a figure or table.

good: Figure B.5 demonstrates why you must give us this funding.

good: Table B.5 shows the divers talent we can muster for this project.

You should call out every figure and every table. Furthermore, you should call out each one in order. That is, first you call out Figure 3.4, then Figure 3.5, and then Figure 3.6. If you find that you are calling Figure 3.5 before Figure 3.4, reverse the numbers of the two figures.

If your document has other numbered, in-text entities—such as boxes, examples, or programs—then you should call them out as well.

In rare cases, it may be appropriate to give a forward reference to a figure or table; for example, it may make more sense to set a table in Chapter 4 where you discuss it, but to refer to it briefly in Chapter 2. In such cases, avoid confusing your reader: Make the forward references explicit.

good: We give an example of a visual illusion in Figure 4.3, in Chapter 4.

Note that a forward reference is the only case in which you should use this redundant construction.

splendid: To see an optical illusion, you should turn to Figure 5.6, on page 486.

You should use a lead capital letter on the words Figure and Table when you call out numbered figures and tables.

bad: By examining figure 3.5, you can see why some people hate the holiday season.

good: By examining Figure 3.5, you can see why certain people hate camping.

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bad: The statistics are given in table 2.1 good: The data are displayed in Table 2.1.

You should write simply Figure X. Y or Table X. Y the first time that you call out a figure or table. Thereafter, for subsequent references to the same figure or table, you can write see Figure X. Y or see Table X.Y; if you choose this style, use it consistently.

good: We discussed this idea in Chapter 1 (see Figure 1.2).

El

SEGMENT 62 CALLOUTS 259

You should not include information about the provenance of a figure or table with the callout; that information goes in the credit line that is set with the figure or table. 186

bad: Figure 12.4 shows how the worldwide web operates; this figure is courtesy of Networking Made Commercial, Inc.

bad: The different message-passing protocols are outlined in Table 4.5; we are grateful to Patricia Meyer and Steven Miller for providing this information.

bad: The network layers interact as shown in Figure 3.7; this figure is adapted from Russell [7].

B?

you wish to refer to a part of a figure, you should use the following form:

good: The complex web of life is shown in Figure 4.5(a).

good: The male and female perspectives are shown in Figure 5.4, parts a and b.

good: The child's perspective also is important (Figure

5.4c).

Thus, you should use parentheses around the part letter when it is set with the figure number but is not itself set in parentheses. If you find this style odd or cumbersome, you can omit the parentheses in all cases; however, certain publishers will argue with you.

Note that you should not refer to all the parts of a figure together; if you want the reader to look at all the parts, just refer to the figure itself. Thus, if Figure 4.9 has exactly three parts,

186. It is not possible to give you an example classified as good here, as the point is that you should not include information. All three examples would be classified as good if the sentences ended at the semicolons and the words after the semicolons were deleted.

SEGMENT 62 CALLOUTS

bad: Figure 4.9, parts a, b, and c, prove that BB may well be god. 187188

good: Figure 4.9 proves that Red may well be god.

splendid: Figure 4.9 proves, in three easy steps, that all felines are manifestations of god.

You should be careful not to refer to parts of a figure that do not exist. That is, if you refer to Figure 13.7(a), be certain that Figure 13.7 has at least two parts, that those parts are labeled a and b, and that each part has a caption.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should provide a callout (for example, Table 4.2), in numerical order, for every numbered table, figure, program, or box.

187. 1 do not follow the convention of capitalizing the word god, because use of the capital G suggests the God of Judeo-Christian monotheism. The lowercase g includes that god, but also encompasses any other gods, including those from other monotheistic systems.

188. Note that goddess is a gender-specific word; I prefer to use god to denote all deities, regardless of their genders.

63 Exclamation Point

fi

verused exclamation points detract from, rather than adding to, the punch of your writing. Learn how to use exclamation marks wisely, and learn how to set them with other punctuation marks.

You should save exclamation points for emphasizing genuinely surprising or earth-shattering material. You should not sprinkle them about indiscriminately, because doing so dilutes their power and gives the impression of an enthusiastically dumb discourser.

ugly: Hi Lyn! How is life?! I have been having my bathroom remodeled (!), and there are 15 (!) people working on it! And every single one of them has made a mistake! We are 4 weeks behind schedule! Everything leaks! And I am tired of having to shower irregularly at my friends' houses!!!

good: Hi Mom, just a quick note to say I got your postcard about the bathroom saga—it sounds dreadful. Life here is fairly hectic too; there are similarities between bathroom remodeling and book production. In any event, we are hoping to get the book out well before the holiday season: About 1 year ahead of schedule!

« » « fc

ugly: "Dammit!" screamed Max, "Why doesn't anyone understand that I just don't have time!?"

good: "Dammit!" roared Lyn, "I hate waiting for people who cannot be bothered to be on time."

J£ is K* &

ugly: I am amazed! How can you think that of me?! I have never eaten pretzels in bed with anyone other than you!

good: I am overwhelmed! How can you be so good to me, when I continually eat pretzels in bed?

The purpose of these examples, in case you are wondering, is to show that the exclamation points fail to add power to the words in most cases.

You should not set commas, semicolons, periods, or question marks 189 with exclamation points.

bad: "Golly gosh darnit!," exclaimed Chuck. good: "Well, tiddly winks to you, too!" retorted Anita.

« fc « fc

bad: My heart was broken!; and then my cat threw up all over my bed.

good: The earth moved! And then the waterbed collapsed. « » « 1&

189. In casual writing, you can set an exclamation point with a question mark: You did what with my hair curlers?! The combination is not correct, however, and you should not use it in formal writing.

g

SEGMENT 63 EXCLAMATION POINT 263

bad: Judy forgot to pack the food!—we shall all starve!.

good: Steve found the chocolate cake—we shall all get fat!

good: Steve found the alfalfa-sprout and soy-bean burgers! We shall all remain disgustingly healthy!

You should set exclamation points inside or outside of quotation marks, depending on over what you are exclaiming.

good: Max cried out, "Agh, you are killing me!" as he pried Lyn's ice-cold toes from his belly button.

GOOD: Lyn always giggles with hysterical delight when Max shrieks "Agh"!

£ & £ &

good: Lyn sniffled, "What difference does it make? I'll still have to rewrite everything from scratch. I hate slobs who call themselves writers!"

GOOD: Lyn, crushed by a cloud of black depression, would scream piercingly and hammer her fists whenever she heard the word "computerize"!

You generally should not set exclamation points with dashes; there are exceptional circumstances, however, in which doing so is the most effective way to convey excited, disjointed speech or thoughts.

bad: The toilet leaked and wrecked the new maple flooring!—didn't I already tell you that the only way to get the job done right is to do it yourself?

The combined exclamation point and em dash are not necessary — didn't could begin a new sentence.

SEGMENT 63 EXCLAMATION POINT

bad: Max missed his flight! — which he does often!

Either the first exclamation point should be left in place, in which case which should begin a new sentence, or the second exclamation point should be left in place, in which case the first one is extraneous.

good: I don't ever want to speak to you again!—get out of my house! !—no, wait a minute!—come back!—I love you!—that's better!

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use exclamation points sparingly (except in exceptional circumstances!), and that you should use with them only quotation marks and, occasionally, dashes.

64 Deduce Versus Infer

T

-Lhe words deduce and infer have usefully different meanings that allow you to distinguish the direction of reasoning. Deduction is reasoning from the general to the specific, or from the population to the individual. Inference is reasoning from the specific to the general, or from the sample to the population.

ugly: Lyn knows that all men are pigheaded, and that Max is a man. Therefore, Lyn infers that Max is pigheaded.

Lyn's reasoning is from the general to the specific.

ugly: Lyn knows that living with Max can be irritating, that Max is a man over 5 feet 10 inches tall, and that the average male height in the United States is 5 feet 10 inches. Therefore, Lyn deduces that living with men who are over average height can be irritating.

Lyn's reasoning is from the specific to the general.

good: Lyn knows that all men are soft inside, and that Max is a man. Therefore, Lyn deduces that Max is soft inside.

Lyn's reasoning is from the general to the specific.

good: Lyn knows that living with Max is a riot, and that Max is a man. Therefore, Lyn infers that living with men is a riot.

Lyn's reasoning is from the specific to the general.

Note that inference is trickier than deduction; you can make mistakes easily when you reason from the specific to the general.

ugly: When Brian dragged a node from one window to another, it left numerous ghost nodes on the screen; Brian deduced that there was a new bug in the system that displayed intermediate sizing.

Brian is reasoning from the specific instance of a ghost-node occurrence to a general hypothesis about a bug type.

good: After Max had given three demos without a single hitch, he inferred that the bug list had been brought under control.

Max is reasoning from the specific instances of smooth demos to the general hypothesis that most of the bugs have been fixed.

good: Max did know, however, that every time he double-clicked on the startup display, the machine hung; therefore, hededuced that he should hit Return when he saw that display.

Max is reasoning from the general knowledge that every double-click brings disaster, to the specific hypothesis that, if he double-clicks on a given startup display, the machine will crash.

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ugly: When Lyn first woke up in the middle of the night to find the bedroom permeated by an overpowering smell of skunk, she deduced the population living in the ceiling above the bed comprised a skunk family.

Lyn's reasoning is from the specific (there is at least one skunk in the area) to the general (all the animals living up there must be skunks).

good: After Lyn had received from Red numerous gifts of dead woodrats, she inferred that the squeaking and scurrying in the ceiling was probably caused by woodrats after all. 190

Lyn's reasoning is from the general (all rats in the vicinity are woodrats) to the specific (the rats in the ceiling must be woodrats).

good: Lyn knew that woodrats have furry tails, so when she saw that the rat that Red had brought her that morning had a furry tail, she deduced that Red was hunting woodrats, rather than roof rats.

Lyn's reasoning is from the general (all woodrats have furry tails) to the specific (the rat that Red brought in is a woodrat). The example also implies, but does not actually claim, that Lyn inferred from the specific (some of the animals that Red hunts are woodrats) to the general (all the animals that Red hunts are roof rats). It is possible that Red was hunting woodrats that night, but would hunt roof rats the next night.

K* ii *; it-

splendid: You may infer from a few examples in this book that Peter generally falls asleep during meetings. However, Lyn can deduce from this propensity that, despite his open eyes, Peter will certainly sleep through his next meeting with her. 191

e » « z-

190. Lyn formulated the companion hypothesis that the rats, on several occasions, startled a skunk who had invaded their ceiling nest.

191. Contributed by Peter Gordon.

splendid: Lyn remarked to Max that historical analysis is fraught with uncertainty, because you are inferring from a few known incidents to a general hypothesis. Max pointed out that, in contrast, when you predict the future, you use deduction to reason from general principles to a single incident in the future—and that is why the science of making predictions is so reliably accurate. 192

Be careful not to confuse infer with imply, which means to indicate or express indirectly.

bad: Betsy, seeing that Richard's coat was soaked through, implied that either Richard had walked home in the rain or that Richard had forgotten to disrobe before his evening shower.

good: Richard, noting that every moveable object in the house was a component of the tangled heap on the living-room floor, and that Betsy's hair was standing on end, inferred that Betsy had had a normal day at home with the children.

« » « »

bad: When served microwaved chicken, Daphne told a long story about how perfectly dreadful had been a meal she had eaten at another house that served microwaved chicken; "Oh dear," she added hastily, "I didn't mean to infer that this chicken won't be delicious, as I am sure it will be wonderful." 193

192. Can you identify precisely the logical flaw in Max's argument?

193. Daphne may indeed have made such an inference, but she did not intend to broadcast it by implication.

1

SEGMENT 64 DEDUCE VERSUS INFER

269

good: When told that Dona's marmalade torn Jackie is almost as big as he is, Red stomped off in a huff; "Oh drat, please come back," Lyn called consolingly, "I didn't mean to imply that you are not the most hugestly immense cat I have ever met."

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should read the examples in this book to infer how to construct your own sentences. When you then review the literature in your field, you may deduce that many authors do not follow the principles in this book (note the implied criticism of much scientific writing).

The BUGS Classification System

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable.

ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct.

When you write well, you get your point across.

splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion.

Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

65 Citations

JLt is important that you use a consistent style to cite your sources. Citations are intext references to sources that are listed in the reference section. 194 The style for citations usually is set by the publisher, and you should identify and follow that style. If no style is set, you can follow any style you wish, provided that your style is consistent. However, there are several considerations that may influence your choice.

1^1 If you use numbers, rather than names and dates, you omit important information. The names of the researchers and the date of the study often allow your reader to weight 1 9j the results that you are citing. If you omit the names and date, and use a number instead, your reader has to flap back and forth to the reference section to get this information. Thus, unless there is a good reason not to do so, I recommend that you use names and dates, rather than numbers. One such good reason might be that you are writing a review article, and that using names and dates would result in your citations overpow-

194. Note the difference between References and Bibliography. The former lists works that are cited in text; the latter simply provides a list of works, for the reader to use as she pleases. When you cite material, you must provide references; including a bibliography, in contrast, is optional. Many authors use terms such as Further Readings, instead of Bibliography. The latter term is also correctly applied to a list of your own publications, such as you might attach to your resume.

195. To weight means to assign weights to; it is different from to weigh.

270

ering your prose. Another might be that you are submitting your article to a journal that mandates that you use numbers.

If you use names and dates, you should use square brackets, rather than parentheses, so that your reader does not confuse parenthetical remarks with citations.

ugly: Some time ago, Peter found Helen (Gordon, 1983); she has been organizing him ever since.

A reader might well think that, in 1983, Peter found someone named Helen Gordon, rather than recognizing that the event of Peter finding Helen was reported by Gordon in 1983.

good: A previous study [Goldstein & Gordon, 1973] demonstrated that placing trust in authors is a necessary but risky policy.

If you use names and dates, you should use last names only. If there is more than one researcher in the field with a given last name, however, then you should include the initials.

ugly: The Berknet and SLIP disciplines have notable differences that affect implementation by requiring work such as modifications to the kernel [McKusick MK, 1991].

We assume that there is only one McKusick in the relevant field, so the initials are extraneous.

good: One center reported that implementation of the system led to an increase in efficiency of 50 percent [Smith LD, 1954].

We assume that there is more than one Smith in the field, so the initials provide a more accurate identifier.

If you use names and dates, you should use et al. for more than two authors. Note that there is a period after al; XHh certain publishers prefer to omit the period. Also note that I prefer to cite only one author before et al.; certain publishers prefer to cite two or more. Set et al. in roman type (et al.) in your citations.

ugly: EBCDIC is an 8-bit code that you should use with all IBM equipment [Fung B, Basevich B, Arnold B, Sterling B, Brown D, Steele M, Cheung T, Chanmugam S, 1986]. 197

good: Forty percent of the staff complained of headaches after installation of the new interface [Giddy et al., 1967].

If you use names and dates, you can use an ampersand (&), an and, or a comma between the names of two authors.

good: All authors are prima donnas 198 [Gordon & Goldstein, 1964].

good: All authors are insecure [Gordon and Goldstein, 1964].

good: All publishers make mistakes [Gordon, Goldstein, 1964]. 199

ff^X tf y° u use nam es and dates, you should not repeat in the citation the name of an author that is given in text.

E

196. There is no period here, because I am referring to only that portion of the term that is made up of two letters.

197. The example contains a double mistake: The authors initials are included, and all the authors names are given.

198. Had Gordon and Goldstein published their article in the 1990s, they undoubtedly have chosen a genderfree term, such as spoiled brats.

199. So do all authors.

ugly: Chaitin [Chaitin, 1994] developed a bureaucratic reminder system that was later discontinued because users reported a high level of annoyance.

good: Chanmugan [1994] developed an innovative bug-tracking system that kept everyone marginally amused in the face of excessive frustration.

Be careful, however: Do not credit only the first author with the entire study.

bad: Arnold [1994] reports that bringing software to market is hard work.

The example is classified as bad only if Arnold had help, in which case the names of his colleagues have disappeared.

good: Arnold and Sterling [1994] report that bringing a port to market involves fast automatic conversion and tedious manual debugging.

good: Arnold and colleagues [Arnold et al., 1994] report that bringing little piggies to market is a major hassle.

You should not use et al. in the text line; instead, use and colleagues or and associates.

ugly: Dupre et al. [1978] reported that most of the scientists attending the meeting were suffering from marked sleep deprivation.

good: Dupre and associates [Dupre et al., 1978] reported severe snoring during the 1977 meeting.

good: Dupre and colleagues [1978] reported a marked increase in attention after removal of the G-string from the sitar.

274 SEGMENT 65 CITATIONS

If you use names and dates, you can use a comma between the name and the date, or you can use no punctuation:

good: An unlikely team can produce gorgeous results [Norman and Dupre 1994].

good: An sophisticated design can produce an inviting book [Dupre & Norman, 1994].

If you use names and dates, and you use a comma before the date, then you should use a semicolon between different citations. If you omit the comma before the date, then you can use either a comma or a semicolon to demarcate citations.

ugly: Two authors [Dupre, 1990, Henrion, 1994] independently discovered that working too hard makes you cranky.

good: Two studies [Dupre, 1990; Henrion, 1994] have noted a shift from left- to right-brain activity that occurs at about 02:00 hours

good: Various researchers [Dupre 1990, Henrion 1994] have reported that eating pretzels in bed presents a severe hazard to health and happiness, in terms of lacerations, sleep deprivation, and marital squabbles.

good: Eating chocolate in bed presents its own array of problems, especially if the sheets are white [Dupre 1990; Henrion 1994].

If you use numbers, you should use square brackets and super-scripting to discourage your reader from confusing citations with powers or other numerical references.

1

y

1

SEGMENT 65 CITATIONS 275

bad: Fifty-three percent of cars studied (13) were abused by their families.

A reader might easily think that 13 cars made up 53 percent of the population under discussion, rather than seeing that the 13 is a citation, and that 53 percent might be 4512 cars.

bad: We can see that co 13 is indeed an interesting variable.

A reader might easily think that the 13 is a power, rather than a citation.

good: Forty-two percent of the married people studied' 131 had affairs with their cars.

The brackets make clear that 13 is a citation.

If you use superscripted numbers, you should place the numbers after any punctuation marks.

bad: As you will recall' 18 ', the program tended to crash' 41 '.

good: As mentioned in our previous report,' 181 the earlier version of the program tended to erase the hard disk.' 41 '

If you use numbers, you can number your references by order of citation in text. Alternatively, you can order the references alphabetically by first author, number them, and then use those numbers for citations.

You should give the citations at the appropriate locations in your sentence, rather than always placing them at the end of the sentence. If you place all the references at the end, you may leave out critical information about which researcher reported which result.

SEGMENT 65 CITATIONS

bad: Several researchers have reported good results, but the two negative reports were from studies on much larger populations [14, 18, 19, 25, 38, 42].

good: Several researchers [14, 19, 25, 42] have reported good results, but the two negative reports [18, 38] were from highly reputable laboratories.

The principles for lucid writing here are ones that you should know already: Always be consistent when you choose among several citation competing styles, and always give your reader pertinent information [Dupre, 1994].

66 The Fact That

T

he phrase the fact that is verbose, clumsy, dry, and overly formal. Substitute for it simpler or more elegant phrases.

ugly: Shellee and Michael wanted to live in California, despite the fact that they owned a gorgeous house in Brooklyn.

good: Al and Mary wanted to spend their weekends in Santa Cruz, even though they owned a condominium in Mountain View.

6 » « fc

ugly: Have you noticed the fact that collisions are not handled well in this data structure?

good: Have you noticed that various collisions have dented Max's car?

« is « fc

ugly: The fact that Red is immense is immediately evident when you meet him.

good: That Red is breathtakingly handsome is immediately evident when he gazes into your eyes and purrs.

« » « »

SEGMENT 66 THE FACT THAT

ugly: The flowchart docs not represent the fact that phase 3 may be bypassed in extraordinary circumstances.

good: The data-flow diagram does not show that data may fall into the bit bucket in extraordinary numbers.

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fe

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ugly: Many years ago, Lyn was not sure how she felt about the fact that Max had a beard.

good: Many years ago, Lyn was unsure how she felt about Max being weird.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid using the fact that; yet* should remember the fact that nothing, simply that, or a recast will work.

67 Cross References

T

£

[E purpose of a cross-reference is to allow your reader to find the relevant passage quickly; if you give a vague cross-reference, you will only frustrate and annoy your reader. Thus, you should provide explicit cross-references to related material within your document. You should use cross-references liberally, because they keep your reader oriented and make your document easy to navigate. 200

You should use the smallest-granularity place indicator when you give a cross-reference.

ugly: We shall discuss wombat mating practices later.

good: We shall discuss the chemical analysis of crocodile tears in Chapter 7.

splendid: We shall discuss how to remove a live mouse from a cat's mouth, without inducing a heart attack in any one of you, in Section 7.4.9.

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ugly: See Table 4.5.

If you write this sentence in Chapter 3; your reader is likely to look first at Table 3.5, or otherwise to become confused.

200. I have provided no cross-references, to keep you disoriented.

GOOD: See Table 4.5 in Section 4.7.

If you write this sentence in Chapter 3, you alert your reader that you are not talking about a table in this chapter, and also tell her where to find the table.

splendid: See Table 4.5 on page 67.

The most explicit locator is a page number; most text formatters will allow you to provide page numbers with cross-references.

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ugly: We have already described in copious detail the two companies that Max is trying to run.

If you wrote this sentence on page 8y9, your reader would have to wade through 8j8 pages to find that detailed description.

good: In Section 2, we discussed how startlingly handsome is Max's visage.

You can tell by the single section number that this cross-reference is written in a paper, rather than in a book; thus, the section is the least specific numbered (or titled) cross-reference, but the example is definitely preferable to the preceding one.

splendid: Recall that, in Section 2.4.9, we described the infinitely interesting characteristics that constitute Max's personality.

We can assume that the sentence provides the most specific reference, because we can also assume that the description of Max's characteristics occupies more than one page.

SEGMENT 67 CROSS REFERENCES z8l

You should not give redundant information in a cross-reference. For example, do not give both the name and the number of a section; the number suffices and is the more accurate locator. If I know that I am looking for Section 3,1 know that it must be after Section 2.7.9, an d before 4.1.3, so my search strategy is simpler than it would be if I knew only a name. In the latter case, I might have to scan numerous heads to find the section that I want.

ugly: The technique is described in the Methods section, Section 3.

good: The statistical analysis that we used is described in Section 3.

splendid: We describe the study population in Section 3. 201

« » « fc

ugly: See Table 4.5 in Chapter 4.

Where else would Table 4.5 be? This form is valid only if you are giving a forward 2 01 reference and if a chapter is the smallest grain size available.

good: See Table 7 on page 8.

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ugly: The correlation between blood-glucose level and belligerence is not necessarily linear (see Figure 8, below).

ugly: The above table (Table 12.5) shows the data that Red collected by sampling the local delicacies.

201. The recast from passive to active voice is the basis for the upgrade in the classification, from good to splendid.

202. Conceivably, if you were giving a backward reference—from Chapter 40 to Chapter 4, say—the redundant information might be justified.

SEGMENT 67 CROSS REFERENCES

GOOD: The graphic in Figure 14.7 indicates that Lyn has not had any lunch.

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ugly: See the review articles cited in the Further Readings for the Chapter section at the end of this Chapter. 203

good: See the articles on inebriation and sex, cited in Further Readings.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use liberal, specific, and nonre-dundant cross-references (see, for example, the top-right corner of page 590).

203. The capitalization of the word chapter is incorrect; you should capitalize names of document parts only when those names are accompanied by a number (or letter). The information on the location of the section also is unnecessary, given the title of the section. In addition, if you write such sections (Further Readings, References, Bibliography, and so on), you should provide them in all relevant chapters, so (except perhaps in Chapter 1) your reader should already know their location.

68 Proposals

A

J^\- proposal has as its goal not so much to inform the reader as to convince—or to sell—the reader. Whether you are writing a white paper, a request for funding, or a business proposition, you should make it easy for your reader to cooperate with you.

You should write an abstract that informs your reader what you are proposing to do and why you are proposing to do just that. Assume that your reader will look at the abstract and the budget; if those two components meet her criteria for goodness in a proposal, then (and perhaps only then), she will read the remainder of what you have written. If the components are mandated by the organization to which you are submitting the proposal, and they do not include an abstract, then use the first paragraph of your beginning text as an abstract.

You should say why your work is important, and why your reader should fund it. Oddly enough, many authors forget to include this vital information. First, you must demonstrate that there is indeed a need (problem, question, void, whatever). Second, you must argue that your reader is the appropriate person to fund the work (or to enter into an alternative contractual relationship with you). I may be convinced that you are right that someone ought to investigate whether clipping nose hair leads to increased sneezing during bouts of influenza; that conviction, however, in no way guarantees that I am convinced that such research is relevant to my goals. Third, you

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2H4 SEGMENT 68 PROPOSALS

must show that you can meet the need. Fourth, you must show that you and your proposed approach are, on an identified measure, more qualified to meet the need than are your (potential or actual) competitors.

You should be explicit about what you are proposing to do. Most funding agencies specify a structure that tells you where to put what information. Nonetheless, remember that your reader is primarily interested in knowing what you will do. I have read grant proposals where, on page 45, I still have not figured out what is being proposed. Be clear about what you have done already, what you have only imagined, what you know you can do, and what you are merely postulating may work. Do not get into the details of your proposal until your reader is fully conversant with the big picture.

You should not make commitments that you cannot keep. You should especially not make commitments that other people will know you cannot keep.

You should give the background to your work in terms of work done by other researchers or organizations, and of work done by you or your organization or laboratory. In the first case, you are telling your reader what progress has already been made, to show how your work will contribute. You want to say that other people have done work on designing a cat brush, but no one has yet designed a self-cleaning, automatic cat brush.

You should talk intelligently about why you (and your laboratory or organization, if applicable) are particularly well qualified to carry out the proposed work. You might have done work in a related area, or work that can serve as a basis for the proposed project. You might have access to specialized equipment. You might have established relationships with people or organizations who are suited to serve as

coinvestigators or subcontractors. You might have a geographical advantage. Give your reader an excuse to choose you above your competitors.

You should talk intelligently about why your proposed work is the best approach by a relevant measure—such as the most feasible, least expensive, or quickest—to providing what the reader needs, whether that work consists of answering a research question, designing a system, conducting a survey, mounting a conference, or building an outhouse. Do not fudge what the alternatives are; it is considerably more useful to mention the alternatives and to argue cogently against them. If you do not believe in your proposal, neither will your reader.

You should specify precisely what you will deliver. Separate from the work that you propose to do, you may be proposing to deliver a system, a written report, a manual, a revamped public image, or an outhouse. What will your reader have in her hands if she awards you the contract and waits for the specified time?

You should indicate what measures you will use to determine your success. You may need to validate a system, for example, which will require specifying the system goals, arguing that the measures that you propose are directly related to those goals, and arguing that your proposed validation study will measure what you claim that it will measure. You may need to determine whether you have conducted a satisfactory advertising campaign; again, you need to design a study to measure your success. The goals and the validation of your project are intertwined; when you discuss the one, you should also discuss the other.

Your reader wants to know how you propose to demonstrate that you have indeed done what you said you would do. In addition, she wants to know how you will determine the success of your work. That is, you may propose to implement an algorithm, and to test its use in a specific domain. Whether you have indeed implemented the algorithm is a question of whether you have fulfilled the terms of your grant or contract, and only an affirmative is acceptable, barring natural disasters and other good excuses; whether the algorithm turns out to be useful in the domain is the answer that you propose to deliver, and a negative is acceptable.

H J You should write authoritatively, so as to inspire confidence in your reader. Never say that you will try to do a task; say rather that you will do it, or that you will investigate whether doing it is feasible. Never apologize for past less-than-perfect work; instead, explain it. Use will rather than shall when you describe what you will do. Even more stringently than in your other writing, use only active voice and make clear who will do (or has done) what.

f^J, You should provide a carefully thought-out budget that allows your reader to see at a glance how funds will be allotted. The budget should be sufficiently detailed that she can suggest areas to cut if she wants to fund you at a level lower than that you have requested, or at least can see whether there is room for you to make cuts. Further, she should be able to tell what she will give up if she reduces funding.

In cases where you are operating without the constraints of established funding agencies or large corporations—if, for example, you are proposing serving as a consultant to a relatively small company—you might consider reflecting contingencies in your budget. The notion of including uncertainty in a budget is a novel one, and yet most budgets are subject to the influences of uncertain variables. That is, most people write in explicit numbers, rather than

*

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SEGMENT 68 PROPOSALS 287

providing a range or probability for a given value. Instead of saying that you will need ioo screws at 4 cents per unit, it might be considerably more honest to say that you will need 50 to 150 screws at 3 to 5 cents per unit, and that if the module turns out to need reengineering—an event with a 40 percent chance of occurring— then you will need 100 to 200 additional screws.

I do not advise you to submit to the National Science Foundation, for example, a probabilistic budget. Depending on the recipient of your proposal, however, you might impress your reader by including ranges and contingencies to the extent practical.

You should follow precisely the structure mandated by the funding agency or other organization to which you are submitting your proposal. You should also follow any mandates on page counts, layout, type sizes, reference style, number and binding or stapling (or lack thereof) of copies, and so on. You may submit a well-written, carefully conceived, highly deserving proposal, and lose your good chance at a grant because the clerk in the receiving office has been directed to toss into the wastebasket any proposal that is not in proper format. It happens; do not risk it.

You should invite your reader to ask questions or otherwise to seek further information. You should tell your reader how to reach you (and, if you are plural, specify to whom each type of inquiry should be directed). Give your reader as many alternative forms of communication as possible: electronic mail, surface mail, telephone, voice mail, facsimile mail, satellite hookup, or semaphore.

Before you begin to write a proposal that involves multiple actors — coinvestigators, or subcontractors, for example—you should clarify what roles everyone will play if the contract or grant is awarded. Then, you should write about those roles in the proposal. This step

is important both for obtaining the grant or contract, and for carrying out the work. Naturally, you must determine who will receive what funding, and what each person will do and deliver, by when, in return. One person failing to meet the terms can botch up an entire project, so you should not only specify what each person is supposed to do, but also agree on what the default will be. For example, if Max fails to write his portion of the code by Monday noon, Brian will write it instead, and Brian will bill his hours against Max's portion of the budget.

H J For a multiauthored proposal, you should plan an outline to which everyone agrees. A common problem with multiauthored proposals is that five different people are writing five different proposals, and it shows. One person—the principal investigator, president of the company, or anyone designated—must take responsibility for the document, articulate its structure, and outline its contents. Even when you have all agreed on what work you propose to carry out, different members of the team may have various ideas about what to emphasize. One person may be more interested in the theory behind a project; another may think that the main point is to build a practical system. Get everyone to agree on such points. To the extent practical, you should also agree on the terminology that you will use in the document; if one section discusses the history of apples and the next describes the canning of pears, your reader will be confused (if you intend her to think about a single fruit). Time invested up front will save you time and protect you from frayed nerves later.

jff^X For a multiauthored proposal, you should make up and agree to a page budget, which specifies who will write what sections, and in how many pages. The purpose of the page budget is twofold. First, many funding agencies and organizations put an overall page limit on proposals, but allow you latitude in the length of any given section. If your overall limit is 50 pages, and one person writing one

of 14 sections writes 40 pages, you have a major cutting headache ahead of you. Second, the lengths of the various sections should correspond to those sections' importance. If work by other laboratories, for example, is only vaguely relevant, it should not take up 90 percent of your proposal.

For a multiauthored proposal, you should set explicit deadlines for each person. Allow time for the substantial editing that may be necessary, even if you have all agreed to an outline and page budget. You will definitely have to edit for consistency of style and usage, and you will definitely find that certain writers are more skilled than are others. Set defaults for nondelivery. If Len does not write the budget by Friday noon, then Bob will write it, but then Bob rather than Len will be funded by the grant, if funding is awarded.

More than 2 minutes before the deadline, you should make sure that your printer, copier, stapler, car, and other necessary pieces of equipment are working. You should also know what fallback options you have if, for example, your copier develops a pharyngeal obstruction and you miss the deadline of your express-mail carrier. Certain organizations will accept proposals by facsimile, followed up by signed hardcopy; others will not. There are usually airport delivery services of various types, including couriers, available at a price. Know where the services are located (and the routes to them), what the prices are, and what the deadlines are, well in advance of any last-minute crisis, so that you do not have to waste precious time on the telephone or, more frustrating still, do not discover, until 5 days after you missed the deadline, that you did have a workable alternative.

After you submit the proposal, you should do your best to forget about it until you get a response.

SEGMENT 68 PROPOSALS

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should write a proposal such that your reader understands immediately what you intend to do, why you are especially qualified to do it, why it is important, and why she should fund it.

69 Better, Best, Worst

V y ords such as better, worse, best, worst are vague and can be ambiguous. You should instead use words that specify the measure of goodness or badness that you are using in your evaluation.

ugly: This algorithm is better. good: This algorithm is faster. good: This algorithm is cheaper to run. good: This algorithm is more efficient. good: This algorithm is more accurate. GOOD: This algorithm is less costly. good: This algorithm is more effective. good: This algorithm is less confusing. GOOD: This algorithm is more awkward. good: This algorithm is more elegant. good: This algorithm is less clumsy. good: This algorithm is more appropriate. GOOD: This algorithm is less likely to cause trouble. good: This algorithm is less difficult to implement. GOOD: This algorithm is more to my liking.

As you can see from this example, clearly better can cover substantial acreage. You should instead say what you mean. Let us consider a few more examples.

ugly: This hand-writing-recognition system is the worst that I have ever seen.

good: This speech-recognition system produces the most inaccurate examination-note translations of all the systems that I have examined.

*s i- e i-

ugly: Bob's cold was worse than any he could remember.

good: Lyn's bout with toxic shock syndrome, subsequent to her knee surgery, was more debilitating than had been any bacterial or other invasion that she had experienced previously.

« fc « fc

ugly: Using this debugger will only make your program worse.

good: Using this debugger will only make your program's behavior still more unexpected.

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ugly: The best way to convince your boss is to show her the decision model.

good: The most effective way to convince your cat is to show him the food dish.

« » « *-

ugly: Neither paging nor segmentation is better, so combining them is best.

good: Both paging and segmentation schemes have advantages and disadvantages; certain systems, such as

SEGMENT 69 BETTER, BEST, WORST

multics, combine the two schemes and thus improve each one.

« fc « 6

ugly: Red is the best cat in the world.

good: Red is the best cat in the world, on every conceivable measure of goodness.

splendid: Red is the cat's whiskers.

Note that there are phrases in which best is sufficiently precise.

good: At best, Max will be rewarded for doing his best by the development a huge, successful company and by the possibility of retirement at an early age; at worst, he will have had fun giving a new venture his best shot, and doing his best by his employees.

293

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid using valuative 204 terms that fail to specify the measure that you are applying. Rather than writing better, for example, you should write more concisely.

204. Valuative terms assign a value, or worth; good, better, and best are thus valuative terms.

70 Missing Words

_L HERE AR]

B

e several useful techniques that you can use to signify missing words.

In quoted material, you can use points of ellipsis 203 to indicate that text is left out.

good: Doug reported that, "The committee on physician's guidelines met for 94 hours straight. The members discussed many items, including the following:.... The meeting was then adjourned."

You can use a 3-em dash ( ) to indicate a missing word. This

technique is a good one to use when, for whatever reason, you do not wish to set the word—for example, if the word would offend readers who have delicate sensibilities. To indicate missing letters, you can use a 2-em dash ( ).

good: Max expostulated, "What the happened

here?" when he saw what BB had done to his papers.

good: Anthony F will be a famous actor one fine day.

When you have two hyphenated terms in which the second word is the same in both, you can simply omit the second word in the first

205. We shall not delve into the details of correct use of points of ellipsis in this segment.

SEGMENT 70 MISSING WORDS

295

term. Note that it is not incorrect to repeat the word; you should, however, choose which style you want to use, and should use that style consistently throughout your document in all similar situations.

good: You can set up the program to calculate the value using either run-time 206 or compile-time techniques.

good: Run- or compile-time techniques will give the same value in this case.

Note that you should not leave out the first word in the first term when the first words in both terms are the same.

bad: The HIS included patient-admitting, -monitoring and -billing modules.

good: The LIS included test-ordering, test-analyzing, and test-reporting functions.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use the various that indicate missing words and 1 ters.

206. Note that the adjective-noun pair run time is not hyphenated; only when the pair is used as a compound adjective, as it is in the example, should you use the hyphen.

71 Aggravate

A.

ggravate and irritate are not synonyms; aggravate (which is derived from the Latin aggravare, to make heavier) is commonly misused to mean irritate. Learn instead to use each word correctly.

fo^j, Aggravate means to increase in severity.

good: Drinking wine will aggravate your headache.

good: Everyone started screaming at once, which only aggravated the confusion.

good: Smoking a Cuban cigar is likely to aggravate a cough.

Irritate means to annoy or provoke when the object irked is animate.

good: Max became irritated when no one worked as hard as he did.

good: Max was irritated to find that he had lost his keys again.

good: Red was irritated when BB leapt on him from the top shelf of the closet.

Irritate can also mean to cause irritation, as in redness, swelling, or inflammation.

good: If you keep picking at that scab, you will irritate the skin.

good: That toe looks irritated; you had best wear sandals. 296

SEGMENT 71 AGGRAVATE

297

BAD:

GOOD:

good: Lyn's eyes were red and irritated, because she had been staring at the computer screen for 6 months.

Be) You should not use aggravate when you mean irritate.

Lyn became aggravated when she could not figure out a use for the offset function.

Lyn became irritated when she forgot to put the global declaration in the handler when she tried to do field decomposition.

« fc « fc

bad: If you try to derive an analytical description for the optimal discriminant surface, in a two-category classification problem, without knowing the class conditional probability-distribution densities or the a priori probabilities, you will just cause aggravation.

GOOD: If you fail to distinguish criticisms of Bayesian pattern recognition that are concerned with Bayesian statistical measures from those concerned with only the appropriateness of a Bayesian approach, you will cause only annoyance.

« » «

>:

BAD:

It is exceedingly aggravating to lose all your work because of a power outage, especially if you forgot to save your file.

good: It is decidedly irritating when the person to whom you are speaking on the telephone continues to type, especially if you can here the key-depression clicks.

SEGMENT 71 AGGRAVATE

bad: Do not aggravate your spouse, or you will simply cause the situation to deteriorate.

splendid: Do not irritate your spouse, or you will simply aggravate the situation.

The principle for lucid writing here is that aggravate does not mean irritate; you should use aggravate to mean to increase in severity. Otherwise, you may irritate your reader.

12 Upon

^_JJ pon (which means up on) is only rarely the correct term to use; in most cases, the more elegant and simple on suffices.

ugly: I shall discourse upon Silicon Valley formalisms in Chapter 5.

good: We shall comment on the spit-happens phenomenon in Chapter 2.

« fe « fc

ugly: Upon glancing down at his lap, after working with great concentration for several hours, Max was appalled to find that Red had left upon it yet another small carcass.

good: On coming home, Lyn was surprised to find BB stuck in the clothes-dryer duct.

splendid: When they got into bed, Max and Lyn were nonplussed to find themselves covered in white fur.

The construction on doing X is awkward; you can often avoid it with more elegant phrasing.

« ii « *

ugly: Maria and Geoff decided upon a control technique that used agendas in a separate element class.

good: Malcolm and Gelareh agreed on a new control WME.

« » « »

ugly: This principle is based upon Occam's razor. good: I would bet all my money on Schrodinger's cat.

Jg fc « iz-

ugly: Marina gazed sadly upon the remains of the petunias. good: Pat gazed gladly on 207 the rains in Petaluma.

« » « fc

ugly: Put your finger upon the Enter key. good: Put your head on my shoulder.

« fe « »

ugly: Moises and Tania were practicing the tango upon the dance floor.

good: Max and BB were practicing one-legged stork fishing in small pond on the living-room floor.

Note that, occasionally, upon is the term of choice.

good: Max leapt upon the chandelier and swung across the room to transport Lyn to safety.

good: Lyn leapt upon her white horse and rescued Max from his distress.

In both cases, on would be correct, but if you want your reader to envision vertical ascension, use upon.

207. Pat would be more likely to gaze at the rains, whereas Marina would be more likely to gaze on the petunias. English is an endlessly fascinating and complex language.

SEGMENT 72 UPON

3OI

You can also use upon in its tried and true—and worn out—place.

good: Once upon a time, a rustic woman skilled at wood working and plumbing lived with a peasant who was an exceptional omelet chef in the woods with their two feline children and the rats and the skunks; after consulting with her guardian angel, she decided to write a book about magic and mythology.

good: Lyn wished upon a star, and soon thereafter met

Max. 208

The principle for lucid writing here is that on does not usually require any help from up, and you should never waste extra letters by putting them t*pon pages where they are not needed.

208. Lyn immediately presented to Max this irrefutable evidence of the ability of an astral body to respond to gentle supplication.

73 Whether Versus If

T

_L HE WORD!

a

• s whether and //have different meanings. So that you can write precisely, you should distinguish the two terms.

You should use whether when you could substitute whether or not without destroying the meaning of your sentence (although you should not generally add the or not —see the next point).

ugly: Moises mumbled, "I don't know if this is a good idea."

good: Tania sighed, "I don't know whether Moises has any ideas left."

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ugly: Ted did not know if the variable n was an integer or a real number.

good: Darlene did not know whether Bachmann's O notation could be used with S{x), where x is a real number.

£ & ** &

ugly: Sally wondered if, once she had tenure, she could stop working long enough to go birding in Alviso with Max and Lyn.

good: Gordon wondered whether, given how busy Sally was these days, he should plan a huge tenure party for her.

In most cases, you should use simply whether, rather than whether or not. Use whether or not when you mean regardless (or irrespective) 109 of whether. Keep intact the phrase whether or not; do not spread it out over your sentence.

ugly: You can use the id 3 approach, whether you know what discrimination trees and features values are or not.

good: Whether or not you understand why, you might accept that id 3 is valid when the data consist of many patterns, each of which comprises an extensive list of feature-attribute values.

good: id 3 will not let you update the decision tree easily; you have to rebuild the entire tree, irrespective of the number of patterns classified incorrectly.

£ £ £ £

UGLY: Lyn asked Doug to review her manuscript, whether he approved of it or not.

good: Doug asked Lyn to include an example about him, irrespective of whether he had completed his review.

GOOD: Lyn asked Doug to supply the example, regardless of whether he was so busy that he did not have time for frivolities such as breathing or sleeping.

You should use //when you are simply placing a constraint.

good: "If it is a good idea," Moises continued to ruminate, "then I need to consider the ramifications." 210

209. Note that your options are regardless and irrespective; irregardless is not a word.

210. Based on a suggestion by Richard Rubinstein.

SEGMENT 73 WHETHER VERSUS IF

good: If you are given the mean, range, and S value for a test distribution, and a single person's score on the test, can you calculate that person's z score?

good: Try to understand the concept of relationships in logical data models, if you want to give your brain a workout.

good: If either of the pen dimensions is set to a negative value, the pen assumes the dimensions (0,0), and the system performs no drawing.

good: If a = b, then go to step 4.

good: Do you know what you should do if your cat brings in a squeaking woodrat?

The principle for lucid writing here is that, if you mean whether or not, you should use whether, so whether you should use if or whether depends on what you intend to say.

. 1

74 Sections and Heads

I

£

T is good practice to subdivide your writing into as many section levels as is appropriate, so that you guide your reader. Subsections keep your reader oriented; give your reader small, digestible chunks to absorb; and provide heads that summarize contents.

You should use numerous heads to keep your reader oriented. If you write for pages and pages without a head, your reader is likely to get lost—to forget what the subject of the section is.

Heads can go to any level, although usually the lowest level used is 5 or 6. (Within a chapter or article, the top level is a level i head, the next is a level 2 head, and so on.)

211. Marina Nims points out that all the cats listed are domestic; domestic shorthair, however, is a breed.

}06 SEGMENT 74 SECTIONS AND HEADS

Section 4.3.1.3 Red [3 head]

Section 4.3.2 Varieties [2 head]

Section 4.4 Abyssinian [1 head]

Chapter 5 Big Cats [chapter title]

Section 5.1 Jaguar [1 head]

You should always use zero, or two or more, heads at any given level. If a portion of your text can be subdivided, then logically there should be at least two such divisions.

bad: Section 4.4 Persian

Section 4.4.1 Himalayan Section 4.5 English Blue

In such a case, you could either subdivide 4.4 into, for example,

good: Section 4.4 Persian

Section 4.4.1 Common Section 4.4.2 Himalayan

or you could simply drop the head Himalayan.

You should number your heads. Numbers tell your reader what the level of a head is, make it easy to find a given section, and allow you to give explicit cross-references. In a chapter, you should use double numbers (<chapter number>.<section number>; for example, 4.7) for 1 heads. In a journal article, you should use single numbers (for example, 4) for 1 heads. In a proposal, manual, or other mid-sized document, you can use either; I recommend that you use double numbers, because that numbering scheme lets you number your figures and tables by section, making renumbering easier.

You should use informative heads that summarize the material in the section. You should not, for example, entitle the leading text of your manuscript Introduction. Everyone knows that the leading text is,

c

SEGMENT 74 SECTIONS AND HEADS 307

by definition, introductory, so such a head adds no useful information and just takes up space. You can, if you wish, leave it out all together. Or, preferably, you can use a head that, for example, sums up the research problem that you will address in your article. Heads such as Summary and Conclusions are reasonable (because they occur after an amount of other text that is not prespecified), but always think about whether you can improve them by substituting a more specific phrase.

ugly: Section 1 Introduction

good: Section 1 Assessment of the Benefits of Qualitative and Quantitative Reasoning

« fc « fc

GOOD: Section 7 Conclusions

splendid: Section 7 Implications of this Work for Public-Policy

Assessment in the 1990s

« » « iz-

good: Section 7.2.9 Summary

splendid: The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use the most informative title that you can invent.

You should not repeat heads. That is, you should not use the same head twice, whether at the same level or within different levels, and you should not break down an upper-level head into two or three lower-level heads. You should not squirm out of this rule by using synonyms. (For an example that is correct, see the cat example at the beginning of the segment; no head is repeated.)

SEGMENT 74 SECTIONS AND HEADS

s

bad: Section i.i Basis for the Research

Section i .2 Reasons for the Research

Section 1.3 Motivation for the Research

bad: Section 8 Summary and Conclusions Section 8.1 Summary Section 8.2 Conclusions

bad: Section 3 Systems with Graphical Interfaces Section 3.1 The weirdo System Section 3.2 The alben-ferris System Section 4 Systems with Unusual Interfaces Section 4.1 The weirdo System Section 4.2 The henrion-dupre System

You should keep heads parallel. That is, all your heads should be in the same form.

bad: Section

Section

Whether to Have Sex

Sex Can be Fun Section 7 Is Sex Dangerous? Section 8 You Should Be Careful with Sex

good: Sect

good: Section 5 Whether to Fall in Love

Section 6 Why Falling in Love Can Be Fun Section 7 How to Avoid the Dangers of Falling

in Love Section 8 What Signs You Can Recognize

ion 5 Section 6 Section 7 Section 8

Assessment of Cohabitation Enjoyment in Cohabitation Domestic Violence and Cohabitation Cohabitation and the Open Tube of Toothpaste Syndrome

ugly?: Section 5 Deciding Whether to Wed

Section 6 Creating a Memorable Wedding

Section 7 Avoiding Homicide on Your Honeymoon

Section 8 Deciding Whether to Divorce

I have classified the final set of examples as questionably ugly because most people prefer to avoid using ing words in heads, titles, and captions.

You should style heads with capital and lowercase letters (called cap/ Ic in publishing). Most publishers will set the style for the different head levels, so your heads may be changed later. However, if you set your heads with lead capital letters, or with all capital letters, and the style calls for capital and lowercase letters, then someone other than you may decide which words to cap. Even more alarmingly, your heads may be rekeyed, with new errors introduced into your carefully proofed copy. If you style your heads (and chapter titles) using capital and lowercase letters, then someone other than you may change them to all capital letters or to lead capital letters, but this latter task requires almost no judgment (there are exceptions!), and leaves little room for problems (it does not even require rekeying). All the section (or, in this case, segment) titles—both example and real—in this book are styled with capital and lowercase letters.

good: The Sentence Is Styled Cap/lc.

Of course, if you are designing your own document, then you can set your heads in whatever style you choose. Be consistent, however!

Note that, based on similar considerations, you should leave your heads left justified; if the design calls for another style, your publisher will have no trouble converting from normal, left-justified test.

M CMENT 74 SECTIONS AND HEADS

If you are creating your own design, you should differentiate head levels typographically, as well as by numbering. The style that you choose (typeface and size, spacing before and after, boldface versus normal type, and so on) should reflect the level: Higher-level heads should be bigger, or otherwise easier to see. If you are using a full-page width (rather than setting type in columns), you should left-justify the heads.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should break up your writing by sections and subsections, each of which you should number. In Section i, for example, you might set subheads for Sections i.i and 1.2, and perhaps for Sections 1.2.1, 1.2.2, and 1.2.3.

75 Comprise

T

JLh

e whole comprises the parts.

£

You should not use comprise to indicate that the parts constitute (or make up) the whole.

bad: Mind and body are sometimes thought to be the two parts comprising a person.

good: A person comprises heart, soul, and mind.

good: Analytic and synthetic together constitute a mind.

good: Creative and scientific skills both make up a person's insight.

good: A person is made up of her past experiences and yesterday's dinner.

K* *• k- ii

bad: Numerical probabilities, if-then default rules, plain beliefs, and logical constraints comprise an information-representation scheme.

good: The proposed framework is a single network representation that comprises probabilities, defaults (plain beliefs), and logical statements.

GOOD: Situation assessment, course-of-action evaluation, and planning together constitute a major challenge for artificial-intelligence research.

good: Explicit uncertainty, hard functional constraints, and ill-formed beliefs make up the inherent problems in these applications.

good: The single computational framework is made up of tools for mixing, managing, and analyzing probabilistic information and logical expressions.

You should never use the phrase is comprised of.

bad: This book is comprised of 150 principles of lucid writing, numerous examples, and a dollop of homespun foolishness.

good: Red's world often comprises the view from the top of the garage roof and the sounds of the wild woozles in the distant hills.

good: BB's world often is made up of the view from the top of Lyn's computer monitor and the sounds of Lyn's keys on the keyboard.

« fc « fc

bad: The software package is comprised of numerous lines of buggy code.

good: The software package comprises a number of useful tools.

good: Many independent modules constitute the software package.

good: Not much other than the interface makes up the software package.

good: The software package is made up of bits and pieces that you can buy separately if you prefer.

SEGMENT 75 COMPRISE

313

« » « p

bad: A difficult marriage is comprised of tense partners.

good: A peaceful marriage comprises patient, supportive partners.

good: Max and Lyn constitute a halcyon partnership at least once per month.

good: Richard and Betsy make up an unexpected marriage.

good: The company's partnership is made up of a demo giver and a finance finder.

The principle for lucid writing here is that the whole comprises the parts, whereas the parts constitute or make up the whole. If you ever find yourself using the phrase is comprised of, give yourself three lashes with a red pencil and recast your sentence.

76 In Order To

T

_L H]

[E phrase in order to is fusty and verbose; in almost all situations, to will suffice. If to is insufficient, I prefer the less klutzy so as to, rather than in order to.

ugly: In order to get ahead, you should learn to laugh when insulted.

good: To get ahead, you should learn not to care about the fools who insult you, and not to insult the cares that fool you.

« » « fc

bad: Use the following equation in order to test whether there exists a linear dependence.

good: To show that this algorithm determines correctly the lexicographic basis in a finite number of steps, you will need to read the entire book.

« iz- « »

ugly: Sally used confidence intervals in order to estimate the population mean, u.

good: Gordon used the notion of levels of significance to determine the probability of a result being caused by a sampling error.

SEGMENT 76 IN ORDER TO

3*5

« fc « fe

ugly: Judy bought Steve new shoes, in order to protect the white linoleum.

good: Steve wrapped Judy in rose petals, so as to comfort her. 212

« fc » »

ugly: Red fought with the neighbors' tomcat, in order to avoid losing his self-esteem.

good: Lyn climbed a tree, to avoid fighting with Max.

splendid: Red climbed the tree after Lyn, so that he could help Lyn to climb down. 213

The principle for lucid writing here is that in order to is a clumsy phrase that you should avoid using, in order to improve your writing, in order so as to communicate effec-

tively.

212. To alone would suffice; I am showing you a good use of so as to.

B

7 7 £w Dashes

A

n em dash—the punctuation-mark dash—delineates a thought that is not a critical part of your sentence. The preceding sentence provides a good example of this principle. The em dash can function as a strong comma, or as a semicolon; it is, in essence, a loosely define break or pause in a sentence that calls attention to the material that it sets off.

Remember that there are three kinds of dashes:

- hyphen

- en dash — em dash

You should use two em dashes if you wish to include in the middle of a sentence a thought that is slightly tangential to your subject, but to which you wish to call attention. (If you want instead to downplay the tangential thought, you should use two parentheses.) When you use dashes to set off a thought in this way, do not forget the second dash and substitute a comma instead.

bad: Max had many worries—for example, his company, his house, his car, and his socks, so he tended to frown often.

good: Max had many sources of joy—for example, his company, his research institute, his house, and his three felines—so he managed to survive from one day to the next.

good: Max had many documents to write (journal articles, white papers, proposals, business plans, company policies—all the usual nonsense), so he decided to take off the afternoon to go to the beach. Lyn fainted—from delight.

« » « fe

bad: Turing decided—after many tests, that the machine was not behaving sufficiently irrationally.

good: Minsky, Simon, Newell, and McCarthy—all grand men, as we know—decided to play a genuinely intelligent game.

good: Von Neuman (who has one characteristic in common with Wright, and one in common with Archimedes) took a long hot bath.

Note that you should use em dashes, rather than commas, to insert a clause that begins with for example or that is.

bad: Howard, that is, the man known for his decisiveness, is sitting at that table.

good: Shannon—that is, the man asking for information— has been cooking up a new theory.

« i:- « fc

bad: Various birds, for example penguins and roast chickens, have had an illustrious history in the field.

good: Various towers—for example, those of Hanoi—have featured largely as well.

You should use one em dash if you wish to tack on an extra thought at the end of a sentence. Note that a colon or semicolon serves the same function as a period in such cases, so it is acceptable to place a clause delineated by dashes before any of these punctuation marks, and thus to leave out the second dash.

good: Spencer also has many business concerns—his coffee company and his cafe being the main ones; nonetheless, he takes off every Sunday to be with Therese.

good: Therese is a thoroughly delightful woman; she is warm, talented, gorgeous, and creative—and she is one of the greatest cooks in California.

good: To get the Rose Cafe off to a good start, the Stars sweated over every aspect—including the amazing menu: 274 different kinds of coffee drink, and 189 different kinds of pizza.

« fc « iz-

good: Peter has a tendency to fall asleep at the first opportunity—or, occasionally, when there is no opportunity visible.

good: Peter once spilled Rocky Road ice cream on his trousers—and made a huge stain; he was shy about removing them to have them cleaned.

good: At one Japanese restaurant, Peter ordered in fluent Japanese—and the waiter brought so much sushi that the table almost fell through the floor: tuna, mackerel, eel, shrimp, lobster, and on and on.

Note that you should use an em dash, rather than a comma, when you add a clause that is not a full sentence and that begins with that is or for example.

SEGMENT 77 EM DASHES 319

bad: The gap between the read-write head and the hard disk is so small that you can cause a crash by inserting into the gap various particles, for example, hair, dust, or smoke.

GOOD: To ensure that the hard disk and drive assembly remain dust free, manufacturers adopt clean-room standards—for example, requiring employees to wear what often resemble Halloween ghost costumes.

>:- & « &

bad: Max's to-do list for that day was about as long as usual, that is, absurdly long.

good: Max had all the necessities of life—that is, food, shelter, warmth, and on-demand snuggles.

You should not use more than two em dashes in any one sentence. If you use more than two, your reader becomes confused about what is the baseline sentence and what is the addition. You can use parentheses or commas instead, in such cases; you can break your sentence with a semicolon and use one dash in each of the portions; or you can break your thoughts into separate sentences, each with only one pair of em dashes.

bad: Mark kept acting like a doctor—running around with his stethoscope swinging and his white coattails flying—yet he also did well as a scientist—flying around the country reviewing goodness knows what—and managed to smile most of the time.

good: Elysse had done interesting work for her doctorate (getting chased through the jungle by someone wielding a machete), and then had to write her dissertation in Palo Alto (which was tame by comparison).

good: Max kept acting like a CEO, running around with his briefcase swinging and his black hair flying; yet he also did superb work as a consultant, zooming around the country reviewing myriad intricate decisions—and managed to grimace most of the time.

good: Lyn had done interesting work for her doctorate— punting on the Cam and sampling the wares of English pubs. Then, she decided instead to write a health-services annual report in Princeton—which was boring by comparison.

good: Lyn was finding it uncommonly difficult to spend all morning editing someone else's work—especially when that work was not particularly enthralling— and then to spend all afternoon doing her own work (especially when that work consisted of complex scheduling of numerous book-production tasks).

The exception to the preceding advice occurs when you use em dashes to indicate disjointed quoted speech. You can also use an em dash to indicate interrupted quoted speech.

good: Richard was teaching Madeline to ride a bicycle: "Put your foot there—other side now—pedal fast—lean left!—steer!—use the brakes—be careful of the rock—hey, slow down—wait for me!"

good: Adrienne called Lyn to explain the latest problem: "We'll need to get those icons up to a higher resolution as EPS files, and I don't have the software to do convert them, and Joe is leaving in an hour on a flight to the East Coast so that he can attend his friend's wedding, so ask Joe—" and then the line went dead.

SEGMENT 77 EM DASHES

321

good: Joe called Lyn from the airport in Boston, where he had flown that day to attend the wedding, even though the wedding was on Long Island, and started to explain to her, "You can deal with those files easily. Just tell Adrienne to open them up, to cut and paste the separate icons, and then the tricky bit is that she has to—" and then that line went dead as well, and Lyn burst into tears.

good: To cheer Lyn up, Max held Lyn tight and exclaimed, "You are so gorgeous, and talented, and funny, and —"; 214 Lyn never heard the rest, because she could not resist planting a wet sloppy kiss on his external speaking apparatus.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use em dashes—singly or in pairs—to add to your sentences information to which you wish to call attention, and that you can also use em dashes to indicate disjointed or interrupted quoted speech.

214. Note that the em dash here signifies that Max stopped speaking; it does not indicate that he spoke words that the author has failed to print. For the latter situation, the correct punctuation would be a three-em dash, .

78 Eminent, Emanate, Imminent, Immanent

T

±H1

[E words eminent, emanate, imminent, and immanent, although they sound and look similar, have different meanings. All the words are correct, so the example sentences formed from them are all classified as good. Do not embarrass yourself, however, by substituting one for another.

Il^j You should write eminent when you mean outstanding.

good: Lyn asked Max, an eminent decision analyst, what he wanted to do about the unpleasant odor that permeated the bedroom.

You should write emanate when you mean to issue forth from, or to spring from.

good: When Max and Lyn tracked down the offensive odor that emanated from under the chest of drawers, they found a decomposing lizard.

You should write imminent when you mean about to happen, or impending.

good: When Lyn saw the lizard, she was in imminent danger of losing her breakfast.

322

Si

SEGMENT 78 EMINENT, EMANATE, IMMINENT, IMMANENT 323

You should write immanent when you mean inherent, or existing only in the mind.

good: An immanent god is an abstract principle that exists in the mind; the smell of the lizard, in contrast, was verging on transcendent.

lJ You should not substitute one of these words for another. Consider the differences among the following sentences:

good: Max had an eminent idea; that is, Max had a brilliant idea.

good: Max had an idea that emanated 21 ' from his past: that is, the idea leaped from Max's history.

good: Max had an imminent idea; that is, Max was about to have an idea, or Max had the beginnings of an as-yet-unformed idea.

good: Max had an immanent idea; Max's idea had existed in his mind only.

splendid: Lyn is an imminent eminent emanator of hitherto immanent ideas.

« fe « fc

good: Carver is an eminent scientist.

good: Carver emanates charm and brilliance.

good: Carver's imminent arrival sent Lyn dashing around the house.

good: Carver was not sure what it would mean for him to be an immanent guest in Lyn's house.

215. Unfortunately, emanant is not considered to be a word. Perhaps we should coin it: An emanant idea should be one that leaps from your mind.

SEGMENT 78 EMINENT, EMANATE, IMMINENT, IMMANENT

The principle for lucid writing here is that it is eminently reasonable to emanate authority and knowledge when you write. Maintaining immanent knowledge carries the imminent risk of forgetting it.

79 Expected but

Nonarriving Agents

/ y hen you create in your reader the expectation that you are about to name an object or creature about which or whom you have been speaking, be careful to name the one that you mean.

bad: Galloping down the road in a frenzy, Lyn saw a horse that had thrown its rider.

After reading the first clause, you are primed to find out precisely who or what was galloping down the road in a state of distress. When Lyn turns up, you immediately form a mental image. There goes Lyn, flying down the road, as she notes over her shoulder in a field a horse, which has recently thrown its rider, grazing peacefully on the daisies. What is wrong with this picture?

good: Galloping down the road in a frenzy, the horse that had thrown its rider sped past Lyn without noticing her feeble attempts to flag it down.

« fc K* fc

bad: Given that she was throwing her favorite teddy bear across the room, Peter deduced that he had crossed one of Sachiko's boundaries.

J26 si GMENT 79 EXPECTED BUT NONARRIVING AGENTS

good: Given that she was singing and waltzing around the living room with a feather duster, Sachiko, Peter deduced, was in a mood more conducive to productive conversation.

« fc « f:-

bad: Giving up her job and traveling for a year or two, Greg surmised might be a good way for Nicola to relax.

good: Giving up his own job and traveling, Greg surmised, might be a good way for him to discover something he knew not what.

« fe « »

bad: Heaving her backpack over her shoulder, Lyn's vacation started as she ran to catch the plane.

good: Throwing down her backpack, Lyn started her visit with her mother with a hug that nearly suffocated both women.

45 « « 6

bad : Sneezing and coughing and sleeping all day, and never purring, Lyn was getting worried about Red.

good: Purring all day and hunting all night, Red demonstrated to Lyn that a trip to The Dreaded Vet was not required.

Note that a special case of this problem occurs when you follow the comma with a clause in passive voice:

SEGMENT 79 EXPECTED BUT NONARRIVING AGENTS

327

bad: To solve the problem of derangements, generating functions were used by Max.

good: To introduce power series, Max defined the general binomial series B t (z) and the generalized exponential series E t (z).

The principles for lucid writing here are that, to be fair to your reader, you should name whom you intend to name, and should deliver on any promises that you make about the forthcoming identification of an agent.

80 Its Versus It's

JL ou should distinguish between its, which means belonging to it, and it's, which means it is. Using the incorrect term is likely to embarrass you. (Using its' will humiliate you.)

Be aware that, in formal writing, you should avoid it's because you should avoid contractions. In casual writing, you can use it's, provided that you use it correctly.

BAD: If the rule base is large, its inefficient to edit, compile, and run repeatedly.

bad: The rule base added a new rule to its' own contents.

GOOD: If a rule base is divided into more than one file, it's a good idea to place the attribute declarations in a separate file that is compiled first.

good: If a rule's specificity is the number of value tests performed on the LHS, then what is its sensitivity?

« fc «- ft

bad: Its been a long time since Max and Lyn spent a few days doing nothing but enjoying each other.

good: It's been a great year for workaholism.

good: One of the delicate spotted fawn twins was prancing along behind its mother, outside of Lyn's study.

SEGMENT 80 ITS VERSUS IT'S

329

« » « »

bad: Raquel believes that its acceptable to wake up people by telephoning them at 2 in the morning.

good: Max believes that one way to answer the telephone is to drop its handset into the wastepaper basket.

good: Lyn believes that it's delicious to turn off the telephone in the evening to ensure a peaceful night.

£ & £

&

bad: When you have to choose between disturbing a cat or remaining trapped in an armchair while that cat snoozes on your lap, its a tough call.

good: When Lyn accidentally knocks BB off the bed, BB thinks it's tough to be a loyal cat.

good: BB wondered whether the banana slug knew how silly its underbelly looked as it traveled slowly across the picture window in the bedroom.

The principle for lucid writing here is that it's a good idea to use its to mean belonging to it, and it's to mean it is. It is also a good idea to avoid contractions in formal writing.

81 Adverbs Versus Adjectives

1 7 ords that modify the way that an activity is performed (adverbs —words that modify a verb) are different from words that modify a result or product or object (adjectives). Often, the difference is signified by whether the word ends in ly (if it does, it is an adverb); in other cases, the adverb and the adjective are different words.

Consider the following examples:

Bad?: Darlene sliced the onions thinly. Good?: Brian chopped the parsley fine.

The first sentence is bad if and only if you mean that Darlene made thin slices; if you mean that she went about slicing in a thin manner—we imagine the wrist-motion equivalent of a thin voice— then the first sentence is good. Similarly, the second sentence is good if and only if you mean that the result of Brian's labor was parsley chopped to fine granularity; if you mean that Brian performed his job brilliantly, then you should instead say

Good?: Brian chopped the fresh parsley well (that is, Brian chopped the parsley with elan).

Here is another example:

Bad ?: Garrett did not like to drive slowly.

If what Garrett did not like was to undertake in a slow manner the captaining of his car (perhaps reaching lazily for the gear shift, or dawdling about dimming his brights), then and only then the sentence is good, not bad. If, however, Garrett was a speed freak, then the sentence should be

good: Garrett did not like to drive slow.

Here are more examples:

good: Sachiko thought that Peter smelled badly.

Perhaps Peter had a cold. good: Sachiko thought that Peter smelled bad.

Perhaps Peter had not bathed recently.

« fc « »

splendid: People smell; life stinks. 216

« » « *:-

good: If we plot V t - V z horizontally, and / vertically, then the transconductance amplifier will work in only the first and second quadrants, and will function as a two-quadrant multiplier.

This example may be misleading, because we might imagine ourselves lying on our backs to plot V t - V z , and standing up to plot I. However, it is correct to say that you plot a function horizontally, meaning that the plotting is carried out in the horizontal direction.

216. Contributed by Richard Adamo.

GOOD: In the graph of the response of the circuit, the horizontal axis represents time, and the vertical axis represents AV 0 ut-

Here, it is the axis, rather than the plotting, that is horizontal or vertical.

« » « fc

good: Max mixed the milkshake smoothly.

Max was his usual urbane self while mixing up the milkshake; that is, he carried out the action of mixing without an awkward gesture.

good: Lyn whirled the yogurt and wheat bran smooth.

Lyn stressed out the blender until the drink had no lumps in it.

« f:- « fc

bad: Firstly, Steve and Judy are in Geneva and thus cannot attend the play; secondly, they are going dancing tonight anyway (because they refuse to stop having fun).

good: First, Max and Lyn are in Woodside and thus cannot hear the traffic; second, they have on their earmuffs tonight anyway (because the house has an average temperature of 40°F in winter).

« *? K: >>

bad: Cheap car, runs good.

good: Expensive copy editor, performs well.

good: When Lyn bounces out the door to hurl herself into his arms in greeting, Max is reassured that Lyn feels both well and good.

SEGMENT 8l ADVERBS VERSUS ADJECTIVES

333

splendid: When asked how he was, Joe replied, "It depends on whether you mean how good I am at existing, in which case I am well, or what value I put on myself, in which case I am good." 21

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should be careful about what you are modifying when you use a modifier. You should mark this principle well so that you can write good prose.

217. Based on a suggestion by Joseph Norman.

82 Persons Versus People

P

JL eople is the plural of that creature denoted by person. Persons is the correct, albeit stilted, word to use when you wish to denote multiple bodies.

ugly: The system is now being used by 145 persons.

good: The installed base comprises 37 people.

good: The users carried their palmtop machines on their persons.

« fe « fc

ugly: The jazz club had so many persons in it, all generating so much smoke, that Tom could not see more than a foot from the stage.

good: Tom was making love to the ivories, and all the people were going crazy.

good: Tom was carrying a fountain pen on his person, just in case the fans asked for his signature.

« is « f:-

ugly: No matter how many persons you please, there will always be someone who has a complaint.

good: People prefer to be happy, if given the chance and the requisite skills.

SEGMENT 82 PERSONS VERSUS PEOPLE

335

good: People prefer not to have pigeon droppings on their persons.

£ fe « fc

ugly: Max found most persons unreasonable.

good: Lyn found most people riotously funny.

splendid: After eating the expensive meal, Max and Lyn found that they had no money on their persons, so they had to ask people for help.

Note that peoples is a plural denoting multiple sets of people who are grouped by their culture, country, tradition, or kinship.

good: After their leaders signed the peace treaty, the peoples of all sides in the conflict celebrated for many days.

good: Peoples of the world, unite!

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should almost never use persons; you should use people 1 ™ when you intend to denote the plural of person, and peoples when you intend to denote multiple groups of people. People may wish to keep this book near their persons.

218. I am not suggesting that you should use people. The principle provides an excellent example of why you must differentiate between a word and that word's denotation.

L

83 Cap/lc V

JL ou will frequently want to style lines in capital and lowercase letters—called cap/lc in publishing. You probably will want to use cap/lc for chapter titles, section headings, or publication titles.

In general, whenever your document is being published with a design other than your own, you should set these items cap/lc. If the design calls for all capital letters, called all caps, for all lowercase letters, called Ic, or for only the first letter to be capitalized, called lead cap, then the conversion is simple; if, however, you set your heads in all caps, lc, or lead caps, and the design calls for cap/lc, someone other than you will have to make judgments about what to capitalize; in addition, your publisher may rekey your heads, with the risk of introducing errors into your carefully proofread manuscript.

Do not use cap/lc in running text where lowercase letters are serviceable. Cap/lc is visually distracting in running text, and is usually unnecessary. Use it only when you have to, such as when you are setting titles of books or movies.

The nine rules are simple; here they are in order of precedence:

i. Always capitalize the first word (that is, begin the first word with a capital letter), unless, for another reason, the first letter would never be set as a capital. For example, if the first letter is the lowercase name of a variable—say, n — then you should not capitalize it. 219

2. Always capitalize the final word (unless, again, for another reason.

3. Always capitalize words containing five or more letters (unless the first letter would never be capitalized).

4. Do not capitalize prepositions (on, in, over, from, to, with, and so on; and, in people's names von, del, de, and so on, if the person who owns the name sets it lowercase).

5. Do not capitalize articles (a, an, the).

6. Do not capitalize the to in an infinitive; do capitalize the other part of the infinitive—for example, to Be.

7. Do not capitalize connectives (and, or, and so on).

8. Capitalize every word.

9. Consider each word in a hyphenated word to stand alone, and capitalize it or do not capitalize it according to the preceding rules.

Thus, you should set the first letter as a capital (with exceptions), and should set every other word lead cap, unless that word is not the

219. In disciplines that use numerous such variables, you may wish to adopt the convention of capitalizing the second word of a sentence that begins with a word that must begin with (or is) a lowercase letter. An example follows:

d Here is used to denote the decision under consideration.

220. Rule 2 can lead to cap/lc lines that look inconsistent; for that reason, I consider adoption of the rule optional. If you do use it, however, then use it consistently throughout your document.

SEGMENT 83 CAP/LC

final word and is a preposition, connective, or article of less than five letters, or is the to in an infinitive.

good: Now Is the Time for All Good Men to Come to the Aid of Their Karakuls

good: Graphics Operations on Rounded-Corner Rectangles

good: Max and Lyn Practicing Footling Nonsense Under the von Neumann Architectural Model

good: The Case of Max v. Lyn to Be Heard in Cosmic Court Tomorrow

good: All of Versus Some Of 221

good: Richard Tickles Madeline While Sophia Bites Betsy

good: Chart of Correlation of Years of Breast Feeding and Number and Severity of Toothmarks

good: How to Get More Memory Crammed into Less Space

good: Screen Dump from Dr. Henrion's Brainchild

The principle for lucid writing here is that, in cap/lc lines, You Should Set the First Letter as a Capital (with Exceptions), and Should Set Every Other Word Lead Cap Unless that Word Is Not the Final Word and Is a Preposition, Connective, or Article of Fewer than Five Letters, or Is the to in an Infinitive.

221. This line provides an example of how application of rule 2 can lead to the appearance of inconsistency.

84 Feel Versus Think

IF

JL eelings are not the same as thoughts, perceptions, or beliefs. Failure to distinguish between the two will lead you to make false claims about the emotional or perceptual capacities of your actors.

You should write feel only when the creature under discussion is experiencing an emotion, is responding to a perceptual stimulus, or is in a given overall state.

good: Jade feels slightly soapy when you rub it.

good: The covering used on the wrist-support pad and on the mousepad feels scratchy.

good: After climbing Windy Hill, Lyn usually feels pleasantly exhausted.

good: Shellee felt delighted to be back in California after all those months in Brooklyn.

good: Michael felt a slight tug as his shorts were caught by a thorn during the hike.

good: Max felt guilty because he had not taken Lyn dancing for more than 3 months.

good: When Max rubbed her back, Lyn felt deliciously sinuous and sensual; she believed that she was in feline heaven.

You should not write feel when you wish to denote an intellectual endeavor. You should use the most appropriate word to denote the thought process that you intend.

bad: Max and Lyn felt that the giant lizard in the bedroom was another of Red's involuntary houseguests.

GOOD: Max and Lyn felt frightened out of their wits when Red dropped a rattlesnake into the bed between them.

good: Max argued that the scurrying in the ceiling was probably caused by rats, whereas Lyn analyzed the noises and decided that they were unquestionably made by a porcupine running under a copper pipe.

good: Max and Lyn thought that enough was enough; they believed that the time had come to limit the household census.

« « « a

bad: Helen feels that computers are not always simpatico companions.

good: Helen thinks that computers can be extremely uncooperative.

good: Helen feels exhausted when she thinks of all the electronic mail she has to answer.

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bad: The researchers felt that their data indicated a negative trend toward the wrong direction. 222

222. It is a common error to speak about trends toward directions; the error is compounded when the writer uses the British spelling towards.

SEGMENT 84 FEEL VERSUS THINK

341

good: The investigators believed that their results were remarkably reliable.

good: The investigators felt ashamed of their sloppy data-collection methods.

« fc « fc

bad: Peter felt that Lyn was not working as hard as she should.

good: Peter felt lousy after eating the cookies that Lyn baked.

GOOD: Peter thought that perhaps Lyn had added crow to the dough.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should limit your use of feel to those situations in which a creature is genuinely experiencing a feeling; you should use think, believe, argue, and so on to denote intellectual activity. You may feel confused, but you should not feel that this segment is confusing.

85 Parallelism

T

^L H

[E notion of parallelism is critical to good writing, yet it is a difficult one to convey without use of technical language. Once you tune your ear, however, parallelism is obvious, and lack of parallelism is not only obvious, but also irritating.

Sentences, and parts of sentences, have form and structure. Basically, you maintain parallelism by ensuring that the various parts of your writing have the same structure and form.

To understand what structure and form are, consider that a question

good: Will you sleep well tonight? is different from an assertion

good: You will sleep well tonight, and from an imperative

good: Sleep well tonight! Similarly, a head with an article (such as the or an)

good: The Fattest Cat in Woodside is different from a head without an article

good: Cutest Fluff ball in California

The following examples all are parallel, although only three of them mention the more than one creature. 223

good: What Red caught. good: How Red caught the king rat. good: When Red dropped the rat. good: Where Lyn found the rat. good: Why Lyn screamed.

The next sentences, however, are different from the preceding set and from each other:

good: Lyn screamed because the rat dropped out of her bedroom closet onto her shoulder.

good: Cats hunt.

You should write parallel chapter titles and beads. Ideally, all your heads, on all levels, should be parallel with one another. If circumstances dictate that global parallelism would be awkward, however, you can get away with maintaining parallelism within a set of heads on a given level.

bad: Chapter 1 The Problem

Chapter 2 Solving the Problem

Chapter 3 A First Solution of the Problem

Chapter 4 Second Problem Solution

Chapter 5 Why Solve the Problem?

Chapter 6 How the Problem is Solved

Chapter 7 Have You Solved the Problem?

Chapter 8 You Should Solve the Problem!

Chapter 9 Problem Solving

223. I am assuming that even a past creature deserves to be thought of and referred to as a creature.

good: Chapter 1 Problem

Chapter 2 Method for Solution of the Problem Chapter 3 First Solution Chapter 4 Second Solution Chapter 5 Rationale for Solutions Chapter 6 History of Solutions

« fe « fe

Ugly?: Section 1 Designing 224 Section 2 Prototyping Section 3 User Testing Section 4 Refining Section 5 Implementing good: Section 1 Design

Section 1.1 Initial Meeting

Section 1.2 Project Objectives

Section 1.3 Specifications Documents

Section 1.4 Time Line Section 2 Prototype

Section 2.1 Why Should You Build It? 225

Section 2.2 How Can You Build It?

Section 2.3 With What Can You Build It?

224. This example receives the questionably ugly classification because many people prefer to avoid using the form Xing in heads. The example is parallel, however, and there might be circumstances in which it is the most informative and least awkward choice.

225.1 do not recommend that you set heads as questions; if you do so, however, then be sure that at least all heads in a set on a given level are cast as questions.

You should write parallel entries in a list or table column.

bad: Homer built the kitchen cabinets using several woodworking techniques:

• Wood carving

• Sawing of wood

• Planing the wood

• The drill

• Sanded it smooth

GOOD: Lyn carves wooden masks in eight steps:

1. Select a block of hardwood

2. Create a form

3. Attach the block to the form

4. Rough out the facial structures

5. Carve the details

6. Scrape the wood smooth

7. Saturate the wood with thin shellac

8. Sand and oil the wood

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bad: In this talk, I shall discuss

• The QMR-DT Project

• Why We Decided to Submit the Original Grant

• How Did We Handle Import Values?

• Assessing Prevalence

• Analysis of Trial Runs

good: In this paper, I shall discuss why we undertook the research, how we carried out the research, what our results were, what our findings mean, and where future researchers might concentrate.

« fc « f:-

bad: The bag of a well-known cat food is printed with this text, with accompanying pictures of healthy cats:

• Health & Vitality

• Bright, Clear Eyes

• Shiny, Full Coat

• Low in Magnesium

good: As no self-respecting cat owner wants to induce a magnesium deficiency in the cat, although she might be willing to buy catfood in a bag that had not been subjected to an editor, the following phrasing would be preferable:

• Good Health and Vitality

• Bright, Clear Eyes

• Shiny, Full Coat

• No Problems from Excess Magnesium

splendid: A cat who eats this food will have all the preceding characteristics; the food is low in magnesium, high in fat, and rich in vitamins.

You should write parallel clauses within a sentence

bad: Adrienne was so worried about work that she contemplated canceling the final day of her honeymoon, had driven home quickly, and to jump out of the car and turned on her terminal.

good: Brian practiced being a good husband by soothing Adrienne, saying not a word in protest, considering carefully whether he would rather be stuck in an airless office in front of his computer, and whispering about opulent sunsets and strolls through charming landscapes.

SEGMENT 85 PARALLELISM

347

B

« » ** is

bad: Max feels pressured because Lyn is talking about beautiful places to go for vacations; when Daphne wanted him to visit England more than once per century; by Devon, who wants checks signed; his in box continues to be full; and Lyn whispering about going to a play, why not attend a movie, and Al and Mary's hot tub.

splendid: Lyn loves to go for long hikes ending at sunset; to sit on the deck watching the fawns graze; and to wake up Max every morning by playing music, brewing ginseng tea, and bestowing a kiss.

« fc « fc

bad: Marina wanted to take the photograph for the book cover, but she was a perfectionist. Thus, she was worried about the quality of the light, about posing the models, about would the children interfere, the problem of props, and could she get the film to the developer on time?

good: Reno and Cosmo wanted to paint a portrait of Swix, but they were inexperienced artists. Thus, they took out their paintbox, spread paper all over the floor, poured paint all over Swix, told Swix to lie down on the paper, told Swix to roll over, let Swix return to snoring on the white living room carpet, and then presented Marina with the product of their labor.

You should generally write parallel sentences or fragments when you are describing a series of steps.

SEGMENT 85 PARALLELISM

bad: The specified code is compared against the values in the left column of the table. We consider as a match the greatest value in the left column that is not greater than the code. You should use offset to determine which value in the row that contains the matching table cell will be returned. A code with a value less than the first value in the left column of the table will be returned as ERR.

good: Enter the query criteria on your worksheet. Enter the field names that you will want to copy in the output area of your worksheet. Enter \Data Query Input, and specify the range for your database, including field names. Choose Criteria from the Query menu, and specify the location of your criteria.

good: Here are three ways to enjoy yourself: eat, hike, and be in love.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should enforce parallelism throughout your writing, should pay attention to parallelism at each level, and should cast all like entities in like form. The three parts of the preceding sentence are parallel.

86 Points of Ellipsis

Pc

i

oints of ellipsis indicate missing words in a quoted passage, or indicate missing entries in a series. Points of ellipsis are three dots (...) set with thin spaces between them. In many text-editing systems, the three points of ellipsis are available as a single character.

You should not use points of ellipsis to indicate missing lead words in what is obviously a fragment of a sentence.

BAD:

GOOD:

BAD:

Max had plenty to say about stubbing his toe, including that he had "...always hated that chair anyway," and thought that "...it should be taken out and shot."

Lyn motor-mouthed about her dinner with Egar, expressing thoughts such as that she had "always thought he has a unique perspective," or "could not understand why he didn't pursue a career in art."

« fc « »

Lyn was reading to Max at breakfast, "...most famous device to utilize the junction between n- and p-type semiconductors is the light-emitting diode."

good: When she had confirmed that Max was indeed stunned by this earth-shattering news, Lyn continued, explaining enthusiastically that the "charge carriers on the n and p sides of the junctions are electrons and holes, respectively."

« fc « fe

bad: The New Yorker Times [16, p. B5] reported that the 140 teen-age fans "...tore the star's clothes off," and "...leapt on his naked body."

good: The Herald Tribunal [35, p. 21] reported that the reception held for the book signing had been "a spectacular success."

You should use points of ellipsis to indicate where words are missing in the middle of a sentence.

bad: Anthony noticed that, if he left out certain words, he could turn around the review that panned his work, making it read "This is the best play ever written! I recommend [that you] see it!" 226

good: Martha said, let's edit the review as follows: "This is... the best... play ever... written.... I recommend... see it." 227

« » « i:-

bad: Peter said, "This manuscript needs repagination."

226.1 assume that you can use your imagination to fill in what the review might actually have said. Here is one possibility: " This is the worst play I have ever seen, and it is being produced at the best time of year. The only play ever put on (or written ) that was more boring is that mounted at the Athenaeum last year. I recommend shooting producers who choose such garbage. If you think that's extreme, I can only say I'd like to see it done." You might try this exercise whenever you see broken quoted material praising a book, play, concert, or other subject that is under review.

227. See previous note.

S3

SEGMENT 86 POINTS OF ELLIPSIS 351

As it stands, the example looks correct, but that is the problem: Words have been left out, and you have no way of knowing that there is a gap.

GOOD: Peter scolded, "This manuscript needs plenty of work, such as...; it also needs repagination."

Now you know part of the story, and you know that you do not know the whole story; your state of enlightenment has improved dramatically.

You should use points of ellipsis followed by a period, 228 exclamation point, or question mark to indicate that a fragment of quoted material was taken from a complete sentence. 229

bad: Max wondered to himself, "When will I." good: Lyn cried, "I cannot do...."

« » « *

bad: Helen, when she read the manuscript, thought "What on earth is she."

good: Helen, having sacrificed her weekend to read the manuscript, now pondered, "What on earth is this author...?"

You should use a period, exclamation point, or question mark followed by points of ellipsis to indicate that you have left out material between quoted sentences.

228. You can distinguish a period from the initial point by checking whether the dot is closed up to the preceding letter; if it is, it is a period.In certain typefaces, the period is also lower and heavier.

229. Certain experts prefer to set the punctuation mark before the points of ellipsis. I find that notation misleading, because it implies that the omission occurs after the punctuation mark, when in fact the omission occurs before the punctuation mark.

good: Red told Lyn, "All I want is a sunny spot in which to lie, and a few hours per day of petting. And I'd like my bowl to be full at all times. ... And a nice crunchy mouse would come in handy now and then."

good: BB was thinking, "He's such an old grump. I'm just trying to groom him!... And all he does is try to bite me."

To indicate that you have left out one or more full paragraphs between others, you should use points of ellipsis after the period of the sentence preceding the omission. If the next quoted paragraph also is missing one or more leading sentences, then you should place points of ellipsis at its beginning.

GOOD: The following is from Dupre:

Climbing Windy Hill can be a spiritual experience, which is one of the reasons why I do it every morning. Another reason is that it's a good 8-mile hike. Often, when I start out in the valley, the sun is shining bright from an azure California sky...

The fog comes swirling over the top, racing down the valleys, reaching out its fingers to greet me, envelop me, wrap me in a cold white blanket. All my senses become muted: sounds are dulled, I cannot see, I can taste only the fog. I am alone—

.. .1 crest the hill suddenly, panting and sweating, and below me the vista opens: many green rolling hills, with the ocean behind them. Sometimes, all is clear; more often, the gray fog covers the water, affording me chance glimpses of the scene below

...And returning I feel my limbs heavy, the morning's tensions washed awa3', leaving me at peace with the world and mvself. [Dupre, 1994'

p. 8 8]

D

SEGMENT 86 POINTS OF ELLIPSIS 353

You should use points of ellipsis to indicate missing entries in a series. In equations, the points should be centered vertically if they are set between operators (that is, if you place the points of ellipsis between plus signs, minus signs, times signs, and so on, then you should raise them so that they are off the base line, to one-half the height of, say, an o; see the second example that follows).

GOOD: (x + i), (x + 2),..., {x + n)

good: a + b + c +••• + z.

good: Bring along a sandwich for Mary, one for Al, one for Jeff, one for Elizabeth, one for Misha, one for Jean, one for Carlo,..., and one for Lyn.

You should use points of ellipsis with nothing after them to indicate missing entries in an infinite series. To indicate a finite series, you should specify the endpoint.

good: (x + y + o), {x + y + 1), (x + y + 2), (x + y + })....

No endpoint indicates an infinite series. good: (x + y + o), (x + y + i), (jc + y + 2),..., (x + y + n).

The endpoint (x + y + n) delimits finite series.

You should not use points of ellipsis to indicate that you are not finishing your own sentence or thought. In such cases, you should use and so on or (in parentheses only, and then only if that is the style that you have adopted) etc.

bad: I just wish that you would take a vacation with me, laugh more often, want to dance with me,....

good: I just hope that you will finish your dissertation, get a good job, buy a house, and so on.

SEGMENT 86 POINTS OF ELLIPSIS

There is an exception to this principle, however: When you want to emphasize that your reader should use her imagination—that is, when, in essence, you are asking your reader to complete a series— then you can use points of ellipsis.

good: Red slipped out in the middle of the night, watched the grass until he saw movement, focused on his nights' prey,...; a few hours later, he jumped happily onto Lyn's pillow and licked himself contentedly.

good: Ann and Ron went to San Gregorio, climbed a sand dune, found a quiet spot, spread out their blanket,...; a few hours later, they left the beach holding hands and beaming. 230

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use points of ellipsis to indicate missing material in quoted passages and in series, that..., and that you should use them with a correctly placed period when appropriate.

230. Based on a suggestion by Peter Gordon.

87 Last

Y

JL ou can run into problems when you use last, because the word is ambiguous. For that reason, you should use more precise terms.

A You should use preceding, previous, foregoing, or a similar word, if that is what you mean.

ugly: The argument given in the last paragraph has been used for centuries.

good: We shall now prove the theorem given in the previous chapter.

splendid: We shall now present the details of the algorithm introduced in Section 11.2.

When you write the last paragraph, your reader does not know whether you mean the preceding paragraph or the final paragraph (which might be several pages ahead), so you should divulge that information. When you write the last chapter, you fog your writing in the same way; writing the previous chapter helps matters but still requires your reader to note which chapter she is reading, so that she will know which the previous one is. Using explicit cross-references, with numbers, is always your most informative option. For cases other than cross-references, use the most specific phrase that you can find.

ugly: During the last performance, the leading male actor tripped and fell off the stage.

J5<5

SEGMENT 87 LAST

good: During the previous evening's performance, the leading female actor 231 walked off the stage in disgust.

You should use final, concluding, closing, terminal, endmost, or a similar word, if that is what you mean.

ugly: The algorithm ensures that all the nodes are visited, but it does not necessarily visit the last node last.

good: The concluding presentation was the one that you just heard; it was not the one that you heard at the end of the evening. 232

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ugly: Richard scolded, "You should have taken the last right turn."

good: Betsy responded, "Do you mean the final turn before the bridge, or the turn we just passed?"

The principle for lucid writing here is that last usually is the last word that you should choose, because it is ambiguous; you should instead choose a word that conveys the specific meaning that you intend.

231. Actress is a gender-specific word; use actor for both genders.

232. The last presentation was the one that you last heard; it was not the one that you heard last. Ah, yes.

88 Focus On

Y :

JL ou should avoid overusing focus on. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the term, but it gets so much use that it has become thin and flimsy. When you do use focus, be certain not to compound your sins by coupling it with upon.

ugly!: This paper focuses upon the telecommuting option in the business world.

ugly: Our discussion focuses on decision making under extreme time pressure.

good: We shall concentrate on the positive aspects of marriage in this dissertation.

« » « »

ugly!: The user is encouraged to focus upon the menu options by the highlighted blinking text.

ugly: The user is forced to focus on the text that she has selected for editing.

good: The user is forced by a loud alarm bell to pay attention to the warnings.

good: During user testing, the lens is focused on the user's face.

e » « »

.

SEGMENT 88 FOCUS ON

ugly!: The model focuses upon the acid-rain component of air pollution.

ugly: The model focuses thought on the key variables.

good: The model emphasizes the complex relationships among variables.

splendid: The model makes alarmingly clear that political variables often are weighted more heavily than are functional variables.

« 6 % ii

ugly: Some people think that Max is far too focused on his work.

good: Several people think that Lyn is obsessed with Max.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid the worn-out focus on, | and should instead focus on turn your attention to more interesting alternatives.

89 Troublesome Plurals

t ir \

.Lhi

[ere are numerous plurals that you do not form by simply adding s to the singular.

You should use Latin and Greek plural endings in formal scientific writing. Generally, whenever you are writing for an academic audience, whatever your topic or intent, I recommend that you use Latin and Greek plural endings. Whatever decision you make for a given manuscript, cleave to it consistently.

SEGMENT 89 TROUBLESOME PLURALS

233. Do not use indices for the plural of any index other than the sort used in mathematics; for an index in which you may look up items, for example, use indexes.

SEGMENT 89 TROUBLESOME PLURALS

36l

\

Similarly, you should form the plural of words ending in is by converting the i to an e.

When you form the plural of a word ending in o, you should determine whether to use s or es by looking up the word. If it is not in the following list, use the first spelling given in the most recent edition of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. 134,

234. I recommend that you use Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster; that is the dictionary of choice for most publishers in the United States.

m

TROUBLESOME PLURALS

You should also be careful in forming the plural of a term comprising more than one word (even if the term has been closed up and is now set as one word); you are particularly likely to get caught in forming the plural of foreign terms (especially French for the compound terms, and all languages for simple words). 235

235. An interesting plural is that for the singular fish. Fish is the plural for many fish of one species; fishes is the plural for many fishes of different species. Thus, All the fishes in the deep blue sea is correct. There are other fish in the ocean is also correct, provided that you agree that only fish of the same species are of interest.

SEGMENT 89 TROUBLESOME PLURALS

363

Singular

aide-de-camp

beau

bete noire

catalogue raisonne

cause celebre

charge d'affaires

cloverleaf

comrade-in-arms

conquistador

court martial

eau de cologne

fait accompli

falling out

fillet mignon

governor general

grant-in-aid

jack-of-all-trades

master-at-arms

member of congress

mother-in-law

mouse device

nom de plume

notary public

objet d'art

passerby

petit four

portmanteau

runner up

sackful

shovelful

spoonful

tableau

Plural

aides-de-camp

beaux

betes noires

catalogues raisonnes

causes celebres

charges d'affaires

cloverleaves

comrades-in-arms

conquistadores

courts martial

eaux de cologne

faits accomplis

fallings out

fillets mignons

governors general

grants-in-aid

jacks-of-all-trades

masters-at-arms

members of congress

mothers-in-law

mouse devices

noms de plume

notaries public

objets d'art

passersby

petits fours

portmanteaux

runners up

sacksful

shovelsful

spoonsful

tableaux

SEGMENT 89 TROUBLESOME PLURALS

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use Latin and Greek plural endings unless you have a good excuse not to do so, 236 and that you should use care in forming plurals from terms that end in o, that comprise more than one word, or that are foreign.

236. A good excuse is that certain publishers explicitly forbid certain Latin plurals, for example. The same publishers also usually forbid Latin abbreviations (e.g., i.e., etc., ibid., op. cit., and so on). Apparently, they believe that the reading public is not sufficiently literate to handle such terms or endings.

(Note that I have broken my own rule, and have put in parentheses a phrase beginning with e.g. and ending with and so on.)

90 Around

A

Xaround has its own proper uses; it does not mean about or approximately or circa.

bad: The program uses around 4 MB of RAM. good: The disk has approximately 4 MB available.

« i:- « »

bad: Max wanted to hold the meeting around 2 o'clock in the morning.

good: Brian suggested that perhaps meeting at about 2 in the afternoon would be more conducive to mutual comprehension.

splendid: Suresh thought they should hold the meeting around the table, but he kept his mouth shut.

« » £ fc

BAD: Lyn's first terminal was an antique Heath kit, from around 1950.

good: Punch cards were in use years ago, circa the era of the flower children.

« » « is

SEGMENT 90 AROUND

bad: Sometimes it seems that there are around 7000 skunks living in Max and Lyn's bedroom ceiling.

good: Lyn thinks that the plasterboard will probably give way if roughly three more skunks join the fray.

good: Lyn thinks it advisable not to walk around the house in heavy boots, because she does not want to startle the skunks.

The principle for lucid writing here is that there are sufficient serviceable words that mean approximately, more or less, about, roughly, generally, and in round numbers; you should not drag around into service for this purpose, but should rather let it stand for its own perfectly respectable meaning. Draw a circle around this principle to be sure that you understand the idea.

91 Nose

JLt is critically important that you sniff out your audience before you begin writing. A good writer develops nose, which is the ability to identify the audience sufficiently well that she can pitch her prose accurately.

J You should assess the backgrounds of your readers. For example, if you are writing about the use of computers in a medical application, does your audience comprise physicians, or computer scientists, or both? If you are writing a proposal, will your readers be from your own discipline, conversant with technical terms, or will they be from diverse backgrounds, several of them possibly being oblivious to work in your field? If you can identify a homogenous audience, your task will be simpler. If, however, your readers are heterogeneous, then you must not ignore that state of affairs. As you write, you must explain concepts that will not be familiar to various segments of your audience. If necessary, you can insert sections or chapters that you label as optional, explaining that people who already have this expertise or are familiar with this information should skip ahead. For short conceptual explanations or definitions, you can use footnotes or end notes.

\

You should judge your readers' levels of expertise. For example, if you are writing a textbook about a given kind of VLSI circuit, you must decide whether you expect your reader already to know the basics of, say, transistor physics, or whether you will provide a tuto-

E

368 SEGMENT 91 NOSE

rial. In a book, you should state in your preface what is the prerequisite knowledge for understanding your writing.

You should determine the degree to which formality is required. In a doctoral dissertation, addressing your audience as you guys probably will not sit well. Less obviously, slightly casual phraseology may not be appropriate. If, in contrast, you are writing an electronic-mail message to your colleagues to invite them to play on the company volleyball team, formal wording may be a turnoff. 237

You should be aware of the political and religious climate. Your blockbuster introductory joke poking fun at the Church will win you no popularity contests when you give a talk in the Bible Belt. Certain forums are appropriate for political riposte; others are decidedly not. As numerous stories of disastrous comments made by holders of public office show, there are circumstances under which it is wise to watch your mouth. 238

You should know enough about the demographics of your audience that you can avoid inadvertently insulting or infuriating a large segment of it. For example, if your audience comprises a large portion of people who are out of work, talking about bleeding hearts who worry about the joblessness problem, which you know does not exist, may earn you a few well-deserved rotten tomatoes. If many of your readers are students, sophomoric may or may not be the adjective you want to use. If you are hoping to sell your book to a major corporation, do not make wisecracks about that corporations' products during your presentation at corporate headquarters.

237. I use the term advisedly, as an example of casual phraseology.

238. See previous note.

The principle for lucid writing here is know thine audience.

The BUGS Classification System

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable. ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct. When you write well, you get your point across. splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion. Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

92 Literal and Virtual

X v JLany writers use literal or literally, and virtual or virtually, to mean the opposite of what these words literally mean.

fafrj You should not use literally as though it is a magnifier (as are extremely, substantially, hugely, vastly, and so on). Literally means not metaphorically.

bad: There was a literal explosion of science at the new research laboratory.

Had there been a literal explosion —a chemistry experiment gone awry, perhaps —there might have been fatalities. We presume that the writer's intended meaning was metaphorical, so literally is precisely the least appropriate word to use in this context.

bad: Lyn was literally green with envy when she thought about the fun Steve and Judy were having in Geneva.

Had Lyn been literally green, Lyn would have been rushed off to the nearest tertiary-referral center to be displayed on grand rounds.

bad: Brian was literally surfing in cyberspace.

Brian died of oxygen deprivation.

bad: It was literally as cold as a witch's teat.

Here, we can only assume that the writer does not have the requisite experience to make such a claim.

SEGMENT 92 LITERAL AND VIRTUAL 371

bad: The faculty meeting was literally a barrel of laughs.

Can you form the appropriate mental image?

bad: A worm can literally bring the Internet to its knees.

But can it cause the Internet to roll over and play dead?

bad: Lyn's computer literally threw a tantrum.

For that matter, it is not clear how anyone can throw a tantrum, or at whom the tantrums get thrown.

bad: BB was literally quaking in her boots when Marina visited to give BB her vaccinations.

BB is not a puss'n'boots.

bad: Max literally came unglued.

Let us hope that Lyn was there to glue him back together again.

The correct use of literally, as I said, is to underline that you do not mean metaphorically.

good: When Max heard the news, his jaw literally dropped.

/ intend you to understand that Max stood there with his mouth open.

good: When Richard decided to take up sky diving, Betsy was literally left holding the baby.

When Richard returned to earth, he diapered Sophia.

good: Lyn was literally dancing with frustration.

A jitterbug of discomfort was on display.

You should use literal to mean accurate, or word for word, as well as to mean not metaphorical.

good: I would like to know the literal translation of mors certi, amor incerta est.

good: Marina's holiday greeting card included a picture of a literal horse's hindquarters. 239

You should use virtual to mean in effect, or in essence —to denote an object that serves the same purpose or has the same function as, but for whatever reason is not the same as, another. Virtual is the antonym of actual, so you should never use virtual to mean actual — or literal.

bad: The crowd in The Shadow is in a virtual panic. 240

bad: Lyn was so frustrated that she virtually sat down on the trail and refused to budge.

K* >> £ £

good: The system provides a virtual address space.

good: Swapping out to virtual memory can free up RAM.

good: Virtual reality used to be called artificial reality, but the latter phrase is an oxymoron.

You can also use virtually to mean almost entirely (but not entirely), or nearly.

good: A good text formatter takes virtually all the work out of compiling a table of contents.

good: When Lyn is working hard, she munches and knoshes and grazes during virtually every waking minute.

239. The horse in question, Ruby, was properly attired in a sign reading Marketing, Curly was labeled RAM Drive, Swix sported Payables, and Spud was billed as Collections.

240. Had the crowd been almost in a panic, the sentence—from a newspaper headline—would be correct. The crowd, however, was in a full-fledged panic.

SEGMENT 92 LITERAL AND VIRTUAL

373

good: Max was so exhausted that he was virtually on the verge of collapsing into the linguini.

good: Lyn was so delighted with the spindle candlesticks that she was virtually flying around the room, bestowing kisses on Max every time she passed him.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use literal when you mean not metaphorical (when you mean metaphorical, you should say so), and should use virtual to mean not actual or nearly. You should take this principle literally, at virtually all times.

93 Semicolon

B

T

-L HI

[E semicolon connects two sentences that are closely related to each other.

You should use a semicolon when what follows constitutes a complete sentence.

When what follows is a fragment, you must use a comma or an em dash. Note, however, that you can use an em dash in various cases where a semicolon also would be correct.

When what follows is a complete sentence, you always have a choice between a period and a semicolon. 241 You should use the semicolon when the two sentences constitute a single thought, or are otherwise highly related. The semicolon tightly couples the two sentences.

bad: Although this monitor reputedly can handle oodles of colors, it provides only black-and-white desktop patterns; checks or vertical lines, for example.

The portion after the semicolon is a fragment, rather than a sentence.

good: Floppy disks can be a risky medium, because you can easily destroy data inadvertently—by parking a disk on a magnet, for example.

241. In certain cases, you also have the option of a colon.

SEGMENT 93 SEMICOLON 375

good: This interface is not particularly friendly—none of the command names mean anything in English.

good: This equation is difficult to parse; that is, I cannot figure out what it is supposed to do.

good: This machine is difficult to use; for example, it crashes whenever you change windows.

« fc « fc

bad: Holly wanted to live on a farm with plenty of chickens; and to have a stellar career as well.

The portion after the semicolon is a fragment, rather than a sentence.

good: Misha enjoyed hot night life—yet he did not mind chickens quite as much as he pretended that he did. 242

good: DeeDee wanted to have her own car; she liked chickens just fine, but she did not think that they were a good transportation medium.

good: Holly and Misha cooked yet another humongous meal—and refused to let anyone help them to wash up.

good: Lyn always hung out in the kitchen while Misha was trying to cook; she pestered him incessantly, and kept trying to lick the spoons.

« i:- « »

good: Max's head was throbbing. Lyn's heart was sinking.

242. He liked them with garlic sauce, for example.

splendid: Max's heart was throbbing; Lyn's head was swimming.

The sentences are highly related, so the semicolon is more appropriate than a period would be.

Note that you should use a semicolon before complete-sentence clauses that begin with for example and that is; it is a common error to use a comma in this situation, rather than a semicolon. If the clause is a fragment, use an em dash, rather than a comma.

bad: Misha was wildly busy these days, that is, he was sleeping even less than usual, and worrying even more than usual.

good: Misha was preparing a wedding feast; that is, he was cooking 493 scrumptious dishes, each from his own special recipe.

« is « fc

bad: We need to handle negated condition elements, that is, not just the joining of positive conditions.

good: The left memory contains with each token a negation count; that is, it holds a count of the number of tokens in the right memory that match the left token.

£ & « £

bad: Suresh found several unusual bugs, for example, the program displayed an upside-down diagram each time that he entered a value.

GOOD: Brian and Adrienne's wedding was well attended; for example, Brian's 4967 cousins all showed up.

« » « fc

SEGMENT 93 SEMICOLON 377

bad: Len spent much of his time making up rules, for example, no spending without money in hand.

good: Brian supposed it was a good idea to have somebody looking after the details—for example, sending out invoices.

« » « fc

bad: Sheila was losing weight, that is, she was getting even slimmer, and everyone wondered whether she would blow away some day.

good: Brian was trying to fatten up Sheila—that is, he kept bring her chocolate-chip cookies—but the technique did not seem to be effective.

« » « *?

bad: Boris realized that true programmers, for example, people who knew at least one programming language, were a valuable resource.

good: Devon was being hassled by every machine in the office—for example, the copier and the telephone network—but she managed to laugh about it all.

You should use a semicolon to separate portions of an in-sentence list when at least one portion contains a comma. Note that you should use commas, rather than semicolons, for cases in which no portion itself contains a comma.

bad: The model contains a decision node, which is a choice you have to make, an outcome node, which indicates what will happen, and various variables, the values of which influence the outcome.

Two of the commas should be semicolons.

bad: When you build a model for a complex public-policy problem, you need to consider numerous variables; to handle uncertainty; and to include political concerns explicitly.

The two semicolons should be commas.

good: When Schmoe does consulting, he has to do knowledge acquisition, which can be tedious or demanding or most often both; model building, in which he makes all the assumptions explicit; and persuading, in which he attempts to convince people not to be such bloody idiots.

« fc « f:-

bad: Lyn decided that she would do her own page makeup because she wanted to work directly with an expert, and to develop the design interactively, because she wanted to see the page layout, so that she could check that it pleased her, and because she wanted to be able to add graphics to the text.

Two of the commas should be semicolons.

bad: Peter decided to give Lyn her head because he had faith that she would produce a high-quality book; because he always tried to be kind to her; and because he knew that trying to rein her in was a hopeless task.

The semicolons should be commas.

good: Peter then worried whether it had been wise to permit Lyn this concession, given that Lyn had not done page layout for a book previously, although she had been working in publishing for many years; given that the publisher had a major investment in the book, having already begun the production process; and given that Lyn could be immensely pigheaded when she was convinced that she was right.

SEGMENT 93 SEMICOLON

379

e » e fe

bad: Homer decided not to complete his doctorate because he was bored with the program; he wanted to get back to being a doctor; and commuting from San Jose was a drag.

The semicolons should be commas.

bad: Greg left the program also, but for different reasons: he already had his doctorate, having earned one by dint of hard work, he wanted to pursue his own specialty, and he liked the snow and the fall leaves on the east coast.

Two of the commas should be semicolons.

good: Maria came back to the program to earn her doctorate, but she also had to deal with partying all the time, at her house and other people's; with running around town with Geoff's daughter, who was in her first decade; and with listening sympathetically to all her friends' troubles.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use a semicolon to set off a portion that is itself a complete sentence; furthermore, you should use a semicolon to separate in-sentence list entries when at least one entry contains a comma.

B

94 Code Y

JL ou should determine in advance what conventions you will use for setting computer code. Using typographical distinction to indicate what is code and what is English will greatly enhance the readability of any document that mixes computer languages with English.

Maintain a specifications document that lists and explains the conventions that you choose. Use the specifications as you write. Then, insert them at the beginning or end of your primary document, so that your reader also will know what conventions you are following.

You can follow common convention and use a monospace typeface for code, to differentiate code from text. Monospace typefaces assign to each letter the same amount of horizontal space; they look like the type produced by old typewriters. Courier and Typewriter, 243 for example, are monospace typefaces. If you use a monospace typeface for code, use that face to set single words of code within a text line, to set code words within figures, and to set bodies of displayed code.

243. The code in this book is set in Monotype Typewriter. 380

If your base text is set in a serif typeface, you may also be able to use a markedly different sans serif typeface for your code. 244

ugly: Use Procedure LoadSymptoms when you need an illness.

good: Use procedure LoadDiseases when you are tired of it all.

£ fc « fc

ugly: The /File Xtract command allows you to save in a worksheet file a portion of your current worksheet.

good: The /System command allows you to use the operating-system commands without quitting 1-2-3.

** is K* *-

ugly: Describe what the functions of begin and end are. good: Do not forget to begin with begin and to end with end.

« i:- « fc

244. Serifs are the small flourishes at the upper and lower ends of the stroke of a letter. Examples of sans (without) serif typefaces are

Gill Sans Helvetica Avant Garde

Examples of serif typefaces are

Garamond Times Roman Palatino

People have extraordinarily strong opinions about serif versus sans serif type— about whether or when you should use either, about which is easier to read, and so on—but everyone disagrees.

T,Hl

SEGMENT 94 CODE

ugly: You can use man in this situation.

good: Be aware that grep might be too powerful to use in this situation.

You should determine a consistent style for comments in code. For example, you should decide whether to capitalize the first letter, and whether to use end punctuation. You may wish to have two styles; for example, you could capitalize the first letter and use a period for comments that comprise one or more sentences, and could use all lowercase letters and no period for comments that are fragments.

good: { InitDoprior(Qcase.Age, Qcase.Sex); is expensive and is not needed. }

good: {creates hypothesis tree until finding all h's with Rscore<Rtotal*RminF, } { or until maxH hypotheses have been generated }

GOOD: end;{ procedure DoCase}

good: procedure LoadDiseases;

{ Loads in all existing not-yet-loaded diseases from KB, gets priors and initializes stuff. }

good: {Get f's associated diseases in links }

DumpChildren(QMRfindingID[f], level*, diseasesForF); { for each disease d linked with f }

for i := i to diseasesForF. Num do

good: baby b //Construct a baby

b.year_born //Specify when it was

born b.percent-loaded //Specify how full

it is //Display age using

a person member

function: cout << "The baby is" <<b/age ( ) << "years old." << endl;

GOOD: (startup

(strategy mea) ; Set the conflict-resolution strategy

(make ...) ; Initialize working

memory with make

(make ...) ; Provide commands

(©wombats.wm)) ; Execute file of

make commands

Note that you should use only a few (at most) parallel styles; do not mix styles indiscriminately.

bad: //Get f's associated diseases //Gets f's associated diseases //f's associated diseases //diseases associated with f are found //Use to get f's associated diseases //Shows how to get f's associated

diseases //a get command, for f's associated

diseases //diseases associated with f

.

You should set large blocks of code as separate numbered figures or programs or boxes, rather than simply inserting them into the text. This approach makes page layout easier, and also makes it easy for you to cross-reference your code by number. Use double numbers (4.3, 8.5, 14.3, and so on) within a book chapter or proposal section, if your level 1 heads use double numbers. Use single numbers (7, 5,19, and so on) in a journal article or whenever your level 1 heads use single numbers.

good: Box 7.3 contains the code for the new fathers' baby-sorting algorithm.

good: Figure 6.4 shows the code for analyzing the stock-market figures.

good: See Program 94.1 for an example of the subject of this example.

Once you have set up your code in a numbered figure, program, or box, call out the code by number, as shown; do not write

bad: The spouse-sorting algorithm follows:

bad: The code for analyzing the annual percentages is as follows:

bad: See the following Program for an example:

bad: The above code will do your laundry in its spare time.

bad: For a solution to the dirty-dishes problem, see below.

You should give each figure or program or box a caption that identifies the code, and that provides any other useful information about the code.

good: Figure 4.5. Code for disentangling organizational snarlups. Note that crossed hierachical divisions and parallel movement create massive confusion.

SEGMENT 94 CODE

385

good: Program 18.4 Code segment showing intelligent use of comment lines to document assumptions in the model. In a complex model, explicit assumptions allow the model to evolve over time, as new data become available. Hidden assumptions make the model inflexible, sentencing it to a short useful lifetime.

good: Box 13: A program to run when you need an excuse to procrastinate. The program contains a game that is guaranteed to waste at least 4 hours of your time.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should set code in a monospace—or otherwise differentiated—typeface, should set comment lines consistently, and should set large chunks of code as numbered figures, programs, or boxes.

SEGMENT 94 CODE

procedure RefineSearch (RminStart, Rfactor, RminStop: RealType; maxH: Longlnt);

{ A breadth-first search algorithm using

stepwise refinement: } { It repeats a search to end with RminFraction,

from RminStart, decreasing by Rfactor, } { until RminFraction< RminStop or until the

total number of hypotheses > maxHyps}

var

n: Longlnt; begin

InitStats(o);

n : = i;

RminFraction := RminStart;

repeat

Search(RminFraction, maxH); Recordstats(n);

if QSPavailable then { Record error as

SD relative to QS results. } RecordError(SdError(diff, QSPdiff~)); RminFraction := RminFraction * Rfactor; n : = n + i; until (RminFraction < RminStop) or

(NumHalloc >= maxH); PrintStats(outfile) end; { RefineSearch }

Program 94-* A portion of the RefineSearch procedure used as an example of one way to set large chunks of code.

95 Comparatives

T 1 hen you use a term that implies a comparison— bigger, faster, quieter, funnier, more enticing, less annoying, and so on—you should specify against what the comparison is being made. Otherwise, you leave out critical information; often, your reader cannot tell what is being compared, even if you can.

You should not leave the compared-against object to your readers' imaginations; you should identify it clearly.

bad: Betsy wanted a larger confidence interval.

good: Richard was hoping for a higher correlation coefficient than the one that they had obtained in the initial study.

« fc « fe

BAD:

Unix was weaker in interprocess communication because its only facility for that activity was the pipe.

good: Now, 4.3 bsd provides a richer set of facilities than that available previously.

splendid: That is, 4.3BSD uses a set of interprocess-communication facilities considerably more comprehensive than that available previously. 245

245. A [richer or more comprehensive] set...than that available previously is an awkward construction; it is more precise to say a set [richer or more comprehensive] than that available previously.

387

« fc « fe

bad: Forming the product of two fuzzy sets is more interesting.

good: Defining the intersection, union, and complement of fuzzy sets is more difficult than is identifying a fuzzy feeling.

« fe « fc

bad: A data-compression utility lets you store more data.

good: A spell program helps you to correct more typos than you would catch if you were to rely on your own proofreading.

« » « »

bad: The primary benefit of this approach is that using the latter 246 makes calculation of large multivariate models simpler. 247

good: The primary drawback of this search method is that using the method requires more storage space than does employing other methods.

246. It set here would refer to the benefit, rather than to the approach —an error common in formal writing. If you find the latter awkward, you can repeat approach, you can use a different term (for example, ... is that use of this technique makes ...), or you can recast to avoid the problem (for example, This approach has the primary benefit that its use makes ...).

247. As an example of the problem similar to that detailed in the previous note, a reviewer suggested, as a splendid example, The main benefit of using computers is that it simplifies the text editing problem. In fact, that sentence would be classified as bad, and the construction is one of the most common errors that people make in using pronouns. The it in the sentence refers to the benefit, rather than to the using. Compare that construction with those that I have used in this example set.

You should specify the comparison either by using a verb or by using a noun.

bad: BB's temper is shorter than Red's.

We do not know the answer to "shorter than Red's what?"

good: Lyn's hair is longer than Max's is.

We have added a verb, which implies the noun hair. good: Lyn's hair is longer than Max's beard.

We have added a noun; note the difference!

>j fi « »

bad: Holly has a wider grin than Misha.

good: Holly has a deeper understanding of chickens than Misha does.

good: Holly has a marvelously decorated hat that is bigger than is Misha's briefcase.

« fc « iz-

bad: Max's models are always more elegant than the general populace.

good: Max's thinking is often more insightful than is that of the general public.

good: Max's intuition is generally less accurate than is Lyn's gut feeling.

You should use the construction as ... as, in preference to 50 ... as. You should also not omit the second verb.

ugly: A resolution graph created with a deletion strategy is not so big as one created with an unconstrained resolution rule.

good: Unit resolution is as easy to comprehend as is input resolution.

« » « fc

ugly: Cosmo is not so tall as Reno. good: Cosmo is not as heavy as Swix is.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, when you use words that imply a comparison, you should specify precisely what you are comparing with what. Merely making your writing clearer is insufficient; you must make your writing clearer than it used to be, or clearer than your dearest colleague's, or clearer than mud.

i

a

96 Tables

T

^L ables convey information that is represented most concisely in tabular form. Numbered tables are preferable, because you do not have to place them in the text column exactly where you mention them; furthermore, you can refer back to them unambiguously.

You should set tabular tables; that is, your tables should have columns and rows. A list is decidedly not a table, and should not be mislabeled as one. Note also that a table is decidedly not a figure, and should not be mislabeled as one.

You should number each table. Use double numbers (2.7, 14.5) if your figures or examples or equations use double numbers; otherwise, use single numbers (7, 16).

You should call out every table in text; that is, you should refer to it by number at least once.

good: Table 6.7 shows the demographics of the study population.

good: We collected numerous data on frantic finicky felines (Table 4.3).

You should write a title for each table. The title names the table, and tells your reader what information the table is designed to convey. Unlike a figure caption, a table title should not contain detailed information. Write the details in the accompanying text or, if neces-

391

CI

392. SEGMENT 96 TABLES

sary, in a table footnote. Your table titles should be tags—that is, they should be noun phrases, or names. Set the titles with the first letter capitalized, and end them with a period. 248

good: Correlation between halitosis and broken dates; by age, gender, and socioeconomic status.

good: Analysis of results of questionnaire study of mating behavior of suburban toms and queens.

You should label each column; that is, each column should have a table head (as shown in Table 96.1).

You should use a spanner —a horizontal line—to indicate level 2 column heads.

good: Hiccoughs per week

Choking Laughing Gurgling Age (years)

You should always indicate the unit of measure, when appropriate, in parentheses under the table column head.

good: Our table has three heads:

Elapsed time Distance Awards won

(minutes) (miles) ($U.S. 1994)

You should choose and stick to a style for table column heads. You will need a style for level 2 heads, as well as one for level 1 heads, if you use spanners. I recommend that you capitalize only the first letter, although you can use combined capital and lowercase (that is, with most words capitalized), or all lowercase letters, or even all

248. This convention is counterintuitive, because a tag is not a sentence. Nonetheless, it is followed by most publishers. In contrast, when table titles are set with combined capital and lowercase letters, the period is omitted.

Table 96.1 Example table with various components.

a A head set above a spanner subsumes the subheads set under the spanner. b Entries may be words or numbers; numbers should be aligned on the decimal point (even if the decimal point is not set).

C CATS is an alternative classification system to BUGS. (Would you have preferred to read CATS in Writing?)

Legend: Head: table column head; Side head: table side head; Entry: table-body entry; B: bad; U: ugly; G: good; S: splendid; C: cosmic; A: acceptable; T: terrible; S: stupid.

Source: Adapted from Dupre L, Not All Examples Are Amusing, Woodside, CA: Homespun Press, 1 994. Used with permission.

B

394 SEGMENT 96 TABI 1 s

capital letters (but only if you have a powerful reason for using them). You should be consistent within and across tables.

You should insert a rule —a line—between the column heads and the main body of table text. You should also insert a rule at the bottom of the table text (see Table 96.1).

In the body of the table, you should not set vertical rules to divide the columns from one another, and you should not set horizontal rules to divide the rows from one another (see Table 96.1). Such flourishes are matters of design, and the publisher may choose a design that includes them; however, you should stick to the basic format of two and only two horizontal rules in the table body (plus one after the table title, if you wish; spanners do not count as horizontal rules). This format is not only simple, but also easy to comprehend. (If you are creating your own design, you can set excess rules if you wish, but I recommend that you not do so.)

In the table body, you should choose a style for your entries; I recommend that you use all lowercase letters, but you can also set only the first letter as a capital, or you can set only the first letter as a capital for the first column and set all other column entries in all lowercase letters. Whichever style you choose, be consistent, within and across tables.

In the table body, you should align columns of numbers on the decimal point, rather than centering the entries.

In the table body, you should choose whether to use periods at the ends of complete-sentence entries, and should stick to your choice within and across tables.

jLJ In the table body, you should use side beads to group row entries. Side heads are, in essence, level i heads within the first column of your table.

You should use table footnotes to explain and annotate the material in your figure. Use small superscripted letters to identify your footnotes, unless your publisher has set a different style. The footnotes should be set under the second rule, above the legends and credit lines.

*l You should use legends to explain any abbreviations or acronyms in your table, whether or not the latter are defined in the accompanying text. Choose a style for your legends, and stick to it. A simple one is

good: RAM: random-access memory. RAW: random-access woman. RAC: random-access cat.

You should set legends under footnotes, at the bottom of the table.

If you prefer, you can simply set footnotes that contain expansions of any acronyms or other abbreviations in your table.

GOOD: a BAA: blind access alley.

"BAH: blonde actress hiccough.

You should use credit (source) lines for tables that you have derived from a source other than your own head. You should get permission to reproduce the table from the copyright holder, which is usually— but not always—the publisher. The permission usually will specify how you should set the credit line. If it does not, you can use one of these styles:

good: Source: Adapted with permission from Dupre L. A longitudinal study of nail biting among editors. Journal of Editorial Nightmares, 48(2), page 67.

J 96

SEGMENT 96 TABLES

good: Source: Data from Gordon P. Authorship and Hardship. Cambridge, MA: In Vain Press, 1982; used with permission.

good: Source: Goldstein H. How to Run Everything While Appearing Merely to Support Everyone. Lake House, NH: New England Publications, 1994; used with permission.

You should set credit lines at the very 249 bottom of the table, under the second rule, and after the footnotes and legends. Alternatively, you can set the credit line at the top of the table, run into (that is, with no line break after) the table title.

The principles for lucid writing here are too numerous to rehash; you should simply remember that tables are highly constrained beasts, and you should take care to set them correctly and consistently.

249. This sentence demonstrates a reasonable use of the otherwise fuzzy very.

JLf you determine before you write which tense you will use for different parts of your presentation, you will not find yourself switching midstream. In general, once you have chosen a tense for any given purpose, you should stick to it, and should not change to another without good cause.

J Within a given discussion, you should maintain the same tense.

bad: Lyn was trying to reach Max. She dials the telephone, but the ring went on and on. She had wondered whether she will call him later. Or, perhaps she has just gone to bed.

bad: When you bring home the machine, first, open the box. Then, you see the display screen is broken. You will cry, but you will not despair. You have been thinking about the warrantee. You realized that to repair the screen would cost only time.

« iz- « is

bad: I would have tried again if I realized that you are hungry and want to eat dinner.

good: In general, you did not need to know the names of all the different tenses in which you could write; you needed only to be sufficiently awake to notice the one in which you found yourself, so that you could cleave to it.

397

When you write similar sections, you should use the same tense across sections. For example, if you are writing a book, each chapter in which ends with a summary, you should always use the same tense in each of the summaries.

bad: In this chapter [Chapter 4], we have discussed three-toed pollywogs.

In this chapter [Chapter 5 J, we discussed tadpoles.

In this chapter [Chapter 6], we discuss salamanders.

« » £ »

bad: In this chapter, we have described what happens when a man never takes a day off work. We examined in detail the health sequelae of such behavior, and we looked at whether they are reversible. We also analyze the reasons why a man might choose to work 7 days per week, despite the apparent irrationality of such a decision.

good: In this chapter, we discussed the purpose served by the cat's purr. We described how a kitten's purr reassures the queen that the kitten is getting sufficient milk and other necessities, and how the queen's purr guides the kitten's sense of well being in the world. We reviewed the research done to try to isolate and describe the mechanisms by which the purr is created. Finally, we gave explicit directions on the most appropriate ways to elicit the purr for further research.

B

SEGMENT 97 TENSE 399

When you describe research results, you should generally use the past tense to indicate that the results apply only to the population studied. If you want to imply that the results generalize, then you can use the present tense.

good: The questionnaire showed that informaticists still had not reached consensus on how to differentiate data, information, and knowledge.

good: The results showed that 34 percent of maniacal CEOs reported happy marriages, 3 3 percent reported a divorce initiated within the past year, and 33 percent said they were too busy to participate in the study.

good: This study confirms that teenagers occasionally fight with their parents.

When you inform your reader of what topics you intend to discuss in a later portion of your manuscript, you can use future tense. However, I find it simpler to use present tense in these cases.

good: We shall discuss do-while loops in Chapter 9. splendid: We describe the do-it-now approach in Chapter 4.

When you remind your reader of topics that you have discussed in an earlier portion of your manuscript, use the simple past tense: Write we did. Avoid we have done, because that formulation is clumsy. More important, avoid present tense— we do —because using it will confuse your reader.

bad: In Chapter 3, we present a lexicon for the subject.

When written in Chapter 5, this example is classified as bad; when written in Chapter 2, it is classified as good.

a

.

SEGMENT 97 TENSE

ugly: We have analyzed the basis for the relationship, in Chapter z,. 250

good: We already saw, in Section 4.7, that this problem is fA^P-hard.

good: We described in Section 7.3 what a toothbrush had to do with the onset of Richard and Betsy's relationship.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should pay attention to the tense in which you are writing, and should not change tenses without due cause (rather than without having had due cause).

250. The problem occurs only when you are referring to previous segments, sections, or chapters. There is no reason not to write, for example, We have analyzed the basis in detail; now we will analyze the outcomes, where you are saying that you have just done the analysis of the basis and are proceeding to the analvsis of the outcomes.

A

98 Abstracts Y

JL ou will need to write abstracts for journal articles and for most proposals. 251 An abstract tells your reader what the contents of your document are. Most important, it answers the question, "Why should I spend my time reading this document?"

You should keep your abstract short, clear, and directly to the point. Here, as everywhere else, you should avoid passive voice. Never tease your reader by promising to reveal interesting ideas later in your document; get the key ideas into the abstract. Avoid, insofar as practical, using technical language, and completely avoid using jargon, if you are able to distinguish these two classes within your discipline. Be aware of your audience, and write to its members. If your audience comprises specialists from numerous and disparate disciplines, explain your terms and concepts sufficiently that all readers can understand, without talking down to any group.

Assume that your reader is tired, bored, and pressed for time. Give your reader a clear notion of what your document contains, and convince your reader that what you have to say is important.

251. Certain funding agencies do not include an abstract in their format for proposals; in such cases, you will need to use the first section (which may be Introduction or may be Specific Aims, or may be who knows what) to serve the function of an abstract.

You should provide in your abstract an overall picture of your topic. You should hit the high points only, without diving into details.

For example, you should not give detailed statistics; it is sufficient, say, to report that your results demonstrated that people who love chocolate are also highly sensual. In the body of your paper, you will presumably justify your conclusion. You should not introduce issues tangential or extraneous to your important conclusions. You should not justify, and usually should not even mention, the statistical measures that you used. In a proposal abstract, you should not speak about the qualifications of the members of the team that you will assemble to carry out the project. You should not give detailed time lines or budgets (you should not give budgets at all in an abstract unless you are explicitly asked to do so—the budget is the other proposal component that everyone reads).

bad: The sample consisted of 190 women, of whom 14 had brown hair, 18 had blonde hair, 142 had red hair, and 16 had indeterminate hair. 2 ^ 2 To see whether there was a correlation between hair color and swimming ability, we first had to ensure that all observed hair colors were natural, or to determine what the original color of dyed hair was. We therefore set up an experiment to collect three hairs from each of the subjects. We utilized cloth caps, which we sewed by hand. We then also decided to investigate whether observable hair color correlated more or less, or to exactly the same degree, with swimming ability. <And so on.>

good: When you set up an advertising campaign, it is important to identify the characteristics of the target market population. We engaged to determine for ProSwim

252. Always be careful when you give the breakdown of a population; frequently, the numbers in published research articles do not add up.

B

SEGMENT 98 ABSTRACTS 403

whether potential buyers would be more likely to identify with models whose hair was a particular color, and, if so, whether that would influence their decision to buy the product. We failed to demonstrate any correlations between hair color and marketing success, but we did determine that running ProSwim advertisements that showed muscular, heavily furred cats lounging by the pool greatly increased profits.

In an abstract for a research paper, you should state

• What the problem was

• What your hypothesis was

• How you tested it

• What the results were

• What your conclusions are

You describe how you tested your hypothesis by providing study design and measures; include this material only if these matters are simple—if they are not, skip them in the abstract.

good: Decision making in medicine requires a method for handling uncertainty, because so many of the important variables have uncertain values. Influence diagrams provide one approach to representing uncertainty explicitly, so we decided to investigate whether we could use that representation to model the limited decision of whether to test for Strepto-. coccus when a patient presents with a sore throat. We describe RedThroat, a decision-support tool that we have implemented in three college health-services clinics, where numerous patients who have sore throats are seen. RedThroat's recommendations compared favorably with those of six experts, and clinicians reported high satisfaction with the tool.

RedThroat demonstrates the feasibility of using influence diagrams to support physicians who are making treatment decisions in a limited medical domain.

In an abstract for a proposal, the contents are much the same: what the problem is, what your hypothesis is about how you can solve (or move your discipline closer to solving) the problem, what you propose to do, how you will measure your success, and perhaps what you will deliver or how quickly you will deliver it.

Of course, in a proposal for a business contract, your primary goal is to tell your reader why she needs you, or what you can do for her. Avoid making wild claims, however, without backing them up (wild claims that you can prove are dandy).

ugly: Your company needs a scheduling algorithm. Our company specializes in scheduling algorithms. We will write a great scheduling algorithm for you if you will award this contract to us.

The preceding example needs only a sentence or two of expansion to be reclassified as good. You could say, for example,

good: Dizzy Flights is attempting to shorten the turnaround time on its airplanes. The people responsible for the task of turning around an airplane for the next flight would be more efficient if they had a good scheduling algorithm to direct their work. Our company specializes in scheduling algorithms. We have helped other companies with similar tasks, such as making up hotel rooms or turning around the space shuttle. We demonstrate in this proposal that we already have in place most of the techniques that would allow us to develop and deliver a custom-tailored algorithm for you quickly.

i

SEGMENT 98 ABSTRACTS 405

You should write your abstract as a stand-alone chunk; you should not consider it to be page i of your document. Thus, for example, you should not define in it abbreviations that you do not need to use in the abstract (you should define in the main text abbreviations that you use in the main text). If you do define and use abbreviations, you still should redefine them when you first use them in the main body of the document. You should not refer to other sections of the document in your abstract.

bad: As we demonstrate in Section 7, our work is so critical to the continued well-being of the citizens of this country that you should not hesitate to fund us, even though our overhead rate is 467 percent.

good: We demonstrate that idiotfear is a serious disorder that strikes 83 percent of males and 82 percent of females attempting to commit to a relationship for the first time, and that our six-step program can greatly reduce the severity of this disorder. Furthermore, we show that reduced severity correlates well with self-reports of improved happiness, increased self-esteem, and decreased nail biting.

You should write your abstract last, after you have finished writing the rest of your document. How can you summarize a document that does not yet exist?

There is another school of thought on this matter, and a valid one. The exercise of writing an abstract can force you to think through what are the key points of your document, and that is useful information to have in hand before you write anything else. If you are working with coauthors, an abstract to which you have all agreed can help to keep you all writing more or less the same document, rather than veering off down different conceptual alleyways. If you are working under an advisor or supervisor, discussing and refining

SEGMENT 98 ABSTRAC IS

the abstract can similarly ensure that you share a vision of the document's structure. If you choose to write your abstract first for these reasons, you should regard it as a working draft abstract. When you finish the document, you should revisit your draft abstract, and should rewrite it as necessary.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should realize that your abstract is often the most critical part of your document; if you write it well, your reader may be seduced into reading the remainder of what you have to say. Keep it clear, simple, direct, and short.

99 Neither Nor

T

fi

he construction neither ...nor is troublesome for many writers. Neither...nor is the negative form of either...or.

You should use nor, rather than or, with neither (use or with either).

bad: Moises had neither a default rule or a logical disjunction, because he was dealing with uncertainties.

good: Moises could perform inference on neither logical propositions nor probabilities, because he had had no sleep.

« tfr * fc

bad: Neither the time stamp or the global ordering is sufficient to determine that event A happened before event B.

good: Neither a common clock nor a set of perfectly synchronized clocks is available in a distributed system.

« 6 « ft

bad: Lyn neither had eaten or slept since she started laying out her book.

good: Adrienne was neither anxious nor dubious about getting the project finished on time.

You should avoid using nor without the accompanying neither.

bad: Judy had not gone swimming that day—nor had she gone bicycling.

good: That day, Steve had neither cooked nor cleaned.

« ic « fc

bad: You have not tried to increase the locality of reference to minimize seek latency, nor to improve the layout of data to make large transfers possible; no wonder that the file-system performance has degraded.

GOOD: In my opinion, neither the global-policy routines nor the local-allocation routines were reasonable file-system-layout policies.

You should use care in the word order of a neither ... nor phrase.

bad: Neither has time sympathy nor malevolence.

good: Time has neither sympathy nor malevolence.

good: Neither time nor I have sympathy or malevolence.

good: Neither sympathy nor malevolence belongs to time.

« fc « if:-

bad: Neither Paul's internship nor her husband's lack of sleep disturbed Andrea.

good: Andrea was neither disturbed nor worried by her husband's career-training demands and resultant lack of sleep.

good: Neither her husband's severe sleep deprivation, nor the nature of his job, could ruffle Andrea's calm.

SEGMENT 99 NEITHER NOR

409

BAD:

GOOD:

GOOD:

« fc « »

Neither BB's hiss was frightening, nor her bared teeth, to Lyn, to whom BB never directed these behaviors.

Lyn knew that neither BB's posturing nor Red's affected disdain were true indicators of underlying felinalities.

Max suspected that neither BB's threats to bite him nor her claims that she would claw out his eyes were at all serious.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use neither and nor together, and should take care in placing other words near them, or your sentence will be neither correct nor clear.

100 Will Likely Be

T

_L H

[E phrase will likely be (or a different verb) is incorrect, although you will see it often. The correct constructions are either probably will be (or a different verb) or is likely to be (or a different infinitive).

bad: Ted thinks that the human-genome project will likely be a good source of funds.

good: Larry thinks that the laboratory's major project is likely to be funded.

good: Darlene thinks that the students probably will be disappointed if their funding is cut again.

« fc « fc

bad : If you keep stomping on the keyboard, the output will likely be disturbing.

good: If you put the disk in the CD-ROM slot, the machine is likely to get confused.

good: If you try to use a rat as an input device, your finger probably will be bitten.

splendid: If you persist in trying to train the rat, she will probably eat the mousepad.

« » « fc

SEGMENT IOO WILL LIKELY BE

4 II

bad: Lyn thought that the concert would likely be a bore.

good: Lyn asked Moises to play for her instead, because his music probably would be more interesting.

good: Greg and Moises agreed to play together, because they thought that the music was likely to lay the foundation for a good working relationship.

« is «

fe

bad: Red thought that stalking racoons would likely be unnecessarily risky.

good: BB thought that hiding in silk cocoons probably would be snug and comfy.

good: Red and BB agreed that traveling in hot-air balloons was likely to be alarming.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you will probably now remember—and are likely to remember—to avoid the construction will likely be.

101 Importantly

M...

B

iy people write importantly (an activity modifier, or an adverb) when they mean important (an object modifier, or an adjective). You should tune your ear to catch this error, because a portion of your audience will find the mistake intensely annoying.

Importantly is an adverb, and you should use it as such, to modify a verb. It means to take a given action in an important manner.

bad: Importantly, the algorithm cannot handle situations with a large state space.

good: Sarah walked importantly in her cheetah bathing suit.

£ « « fc

bad: Most importantly, note that smoking is permitted in only the specially installed dungeon.

good: Cleo managed to wiggle importantly as she showed off her new tricks to Helen.

Important is the word that you should use in all other cases.

ugly: It is important to note that 2 ' 3 we used a sharply constrained domain in our trials.

253. The phrase it is important to note that, although technically correct, is awkward, clumsy, wordy, and generally inexcusable; that is why it has received the rating ugly.

SEGMENT IOI IMPORTANTLY 413

good: Most important, 2 ^ 4 remember to provide fresh food and water, and much petting, for your cats.

splendid: Note that 255 we did not have time to write a coherent paper.

« is « fe

bad : Importantly, Max forgot to shut the door when he left the house, resulting in an influx of racoons.

ugly: It is important to note that, before Lyn joined Max in Woodside, none of the doors had locks on them.

good: Lyn thought it important to install locks immediately, so she got out her power tools and went to work, even though Max was greatly amused by her paranoia.

splendid: Lyn asked Max to note that the locks would be moot if the door were left wide open.

« » £ fc

bad : Importantly, for purposes of the analysis, we removed from the data set those points that represented outliers from the curve.

GOOD: It is important that we removed from the analysis values that were more than three standard deviations from normal.

splendid: Note that we ignored unbelievable values. « » « »

254. Here, we get rid of the awkward phrase, and retain important.

255. For this example (that is, where we are looking for alternatives to it is important to note that), omitting the important and simply saying note that is the most powerful option.

SEGMENT IOI IMPORTANTLY

Splendid Certain of the examples in this book are exceptionally silly, but they are importantly so. 256

The principle for lucid writing here is that it is important that you not use importantly when you mean important. You can write importantly, which is arrogant, or you can write important material.

Writers' Characteristics

Ear is one of the characteristics that good writers develop; ear allows writers to hear what is correct. Another such characteristic is nose, which allows writers to identify their audiences accurately. Eye allows writers to lay out their work pleasingly, to combine graphics and text intelligently, and to use the design elements most suited to the exposition. Mouth is the means by which an author speaks; the amount of mouth that an author has is the degree to which she permits herself to be visible to her audience.

256. Contributed at 2:00 a.m. by Max Henrion.

102 Since

T ~~

^Lhe word since properly denotes relationships of time. The correct term to use to indicate causal relationships is because. Use of since to mean because is so common that it is now on the verge of being correct. However, since is also overused in scientific writing; thus, you should consider resisting using since except to denote relationships of time. At the least, whenever you write since, ask yourself whether you are using it to denote a time relationship; if you are not, ask yourself whether you need to use it at all.

ugly: Malcolm had to get home to babysit, since Gelareh needed to study.

good: Malcolm woke up in wonderment, because Alyssa was sucking his nose.

good: Neither Malcolm nor Gelareh has slept since Alyssa was born.

good: Neither Malcolm nor Gelareh gets any sleep these days, because they have Alyssa.

>? i- >J &

ugly: The computer is useless, since it never had a motherboard.

good: The CD player has been useless since Reno stuck his pacifier into the little slot at the front. 257

good: The computer is useless, because Cosmo carefully put away his chewing gum in the disk drive.

£ fc « fe

ugly: Pipelining will not work in this case, since linkages are disallowed.

good: You cannot use that software, because you do not have sufficient memory to run it.

good: That trick does not work anymore, since we installed the version upgrade.

« fe « fc

ugly: Since she was awake, Lyn decided to get up and to work on her book, even though it was 3 in the morning.

good: Lyn engaged in this odd behavior because there was no point in tossing around in bed and worrying.

good: Max's sleep has been disrupted since Lyn started bouncing out of bed at all hours of the night.

« £ « £

ugly: Max could not get into his car, since he had locked the door while his keys were still in the ignition.

good: Max had been standing forlornly at the curb since he realized his predicament.

good: Lyn was not at all worried, because she had an extra copy of Max's car key in her backpack.

« fc « fe

257. This event occurred not long after Reno broke the needle off the turntable arm.

SEGMENT I02 SINCE

417

ugly: Lyn is grumpy tonight, since she did not make much progress during the day.

good: Lyn has been ecstatic lately, because Max has been bringing her flowers every night.

good: Max has been idiotically happy lately, [ever] since he learned how to parachute.

splendid: Since Red has stopped bringing her carcasses every night, because BB has been distracting him, Lyn has been ridiculously ecstatic. 258

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should reserve since for time relationships, and should use because to indicate causal linkages, since because those are the correct uses of the words.

258. Contributed by Peter Gordon. Occasionally, sentences merit the classification of splendid simply because they address correctly more than one point in our discussion.

a

103 References

JLt is genuinely important that you adopt a consistent and complete style for references. References provide critical information for your readers, who may well wish to look up the citations that you give.

Often, the style is set by the publisher; in such cases, you should follow it compulsively. If you are submitting an article to a journal, for example, you should look at the authors' guidelines (or, if the guidelines do not specify a reference style, you should look at the references in the journal itself) to determine what style to use. If no style is set by the publisher, you can use the style given here, or you can use any style you wish, provided that it is complete and that you implement it consistently. 259

You should avoid using et al. when you are choosing your own style, because it leaves out information. If someone (you, perhaps), later needs to convert your references to another form, she will have to find the missing author names. It is much easier to convert from complete references to those using et al. if and when necessary. If you do decide to use et al., however, use it consistently for more than two authors, for more than three authors, or for more than five authors. (Note that, if you are following a style that uses et al., you must

259. Certain people believe, for example, that including authors' full names is more important than is achieving simplicity. The guidelines suggested here, like those in the rest of the book, reflect my personal preferences.

determine which rule is being applied.) Set et al. in roman type, 260 rather than in italic type, in the body of the reference.

ugly: Darwiche A, et al. good: Dagum P, et al. splendid: Pearl J, Goldszmidt M, Boutilier C.

You should include the initials in the authors' or editors' names. The simplest style, and therefore the one that I suggest, is to give the last name first, followed by the initial, with no comma in between; to use no period after the initial; to use a comma after the initials; to omit the and before the final author; and to use a period after the initials of the final author.

good: Gordon PS, Dupre LA, Goldstein HM.

You should set in italics, and in mixed capital and lowercase letters (called cap/lc in publishing), the title of the book or journal. Place a period at the end of the title.

good: Holloway, Q. Heap Sort Applied to Garbage Collection. New York: Sanitary Publications, 1987.

good: Codswallop TS. Textual deconstruction in BUGS in Writing. Structuralist Critique, 8 (4): 19-3 7, 1996.

You should give the location of the publisher as a city and two-letter state code, or as a city and country, followed by a colon, followed by the publisher's name. There are certain cities in the United States that are considered to be so well known as not to require the state code; examples are New York, Los Angeles, Boston, San Francisco, and Chicago. Again, if you are in doubt, include the state code; it is easy

260. That is, set et al. in roman type unless you are referring to the term, rather than to its denotation, as I am doing here; in such cases, italic type is correct.

__

£1

42.0 SEGMENT IO3 REFERENCES

to remove it later. Note that you must look in the book to discover the publisher's location, because many publishers have separate houses in disparate locations. Use the first location listed on the title page.

GOOD: Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall good: New York: Basic Books

« fc « &

good: Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley good: Menlo Park, CA: Addison-Wesley good: Redwood City, CA: Addison-Wesley good: Wokingham, England: Addison-Wesley

You should use the short form of the publisher's name. In general, you should omit extra words such as Inc. or and Sons. If you are in doubt, spell it out; it is easy to shorten a long name later. Note that, if the publisher sets its name with an ampersand (&), you also should use the ampersand in your reference.

ugly: Charles Scribner's & Sons, Inc. good: Scribner's

« *? « » j

ugly: Harcourt Brace & Company good: Simon & Schuster

« fc £ fc I

ugly: Harper and Row, Inc. good: Harper & Row splendid: HarperCollins

SEGMENT IO3 REFERENCES 421

When you give a reference to a book, you should include the authors, the title, the publisher, the location of the publisher, and the year of publication. If relevant, you should also include information on the edition, the volume number, and the translator.

good: Henrion M, Dupre L. How to Survive Against the Odds (second edition). Translated by Barry A and deWitt K. Woodside, CA: Id Press, 1994.

good: Gordon P. How to Sleep Through Meetings Without Anyone Noticing (volume 2). Cambridge, MA: Greener Grass Publications, 1981.

When you give a reference to a journal article, you should include the authors, the title, the journal name, the volume, the page number, and the year of publication. You can include the issue number if you wish, but if you include the issue number for any journal references, then you must include it for all of them. When you give the page number, you can give first page only, or you can give the range. If you give the range, be consistent in your choice of whether to repeat numbers (321-324 or 321-4), and use an en dash rather than a hyphen.

good: Ahumada A, Doerner M. Hospitality is an art. journal of Meaningful Friendships, 14(3):45-62, 1994.

good: Mulligan J. You too can play volleyball. Weekend journal, 3:467-8.

When you give a reference to a chapter in a book, you should include the authors, the chapter title, the editors of the book, the book title, the publisher, the publisher's location, and the year of publication. If you wish, you can also include the page numbers of the chapter.

E

B

411 SEGMENT 103 REFERENCES

good: Dupre L, Nims M. Questioning standard medical advice: Why two aspirins may not be the most sensible prescription. In Oppenheim G (ed), The Etiology of Difficult Patients. San Rafael, CA: Noodle Age Publications, 1993.

When you give a reference to a doctoral dissertation, you should include the author, the title, the department, the university, the location of the university, and the month and year of publication.

good: Student A, Feline and Insect Symbolism in BUGS in Writing. Doctoral dissertation, Department of Lexical Studies, Humany University, Challow Altos, CA, January 1995.

When you give a reference to a technical report, you should include the author, the title, the technical-report number, the department, the organization, the location of the organization, and the year of publication. Note that, because a technical report is the equivalent of a journal article, rather than of a book, you should set the title accordingly.

good: Lehman H. Assessment of stomach pain and heartburn in crying adults. Technical report #328965, GUI Laboratory, Let's Talk Consulting, Sunnyvale, CA, 1986.

When you give a reference to a paper published in the proceedings of a conference, you should include the author, the title, the editor of the proceedings, the title of the published proceedings, the page numbers, the location of the conference, and the month and year of the conference. Note that various proceedings are published as books by a conventional book publisher. In that case, you can reference them as books, giving the location and name of the publisher.

SEGMENT IO3 REFERENCES

423

0

good: Swerdlow C. Arrhythmias and outcomes. In Harrison D, Reed L (eds). Proceedings of the Fourth Conference on Arrogance and Fun in Cardiology, pp 26-4 8. Beach by the Ocean, OR, May 1984.

When you give a reference to a paper that has been accepted by a journal but has not yet been published, you should include all the information you would include for a published paper, but you should not include the year of publication, even if you feel certain 261 that you know when the paper will be published. Papers often do not get published on schedule.

bad: Goldszmidt M. Qualitative reasoning in quantitative crises. Decision Theorist, 1999.

bad: Adamo R. Logical reasoning in emotional crises. Family Theorist, 1999 (in press).

good: Dagum R Qualitative reasoning applied to car diagnosis. Decision Theorist (in press).

Note that books, too, often do not get published on schedule. Always use in press, without a year, for any document that is in production but is not yet published.

bad: Dupre L. A Litany of Prosaic Catastrophes. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1999. 262

bad: Dupre L. BUGS in Love. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1999 (in press).

good: Dupre L. BUGS and Cats: A Guide to Debugging Your Relationship with Your Cat. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley (in press).

261. Note that feeling certain and being certain are different states.

262. Based on a suggestion by Carver Mead.

When you wish to give a reference to an unpublished paper, you cannot do so. A paper that has not been published should never be cited. Do not ever give a reference to a paper as submitted. Anyone can submit to a journal any twaddle that she chooses; only a paper that has been through the peer-review (or, in a non-peer-review forum, editorial-review) process and has been accepted can be cited in conjunction with the journal. Often, unpublished papers are made into technical reports, and you can refer to them in that way until such time as they are accepted. Otherwise, you can say only personal communication, just as you would if the results, data, anecdotes, or other text worth citing was communicated to you orally, by electronic mail, or by any form of communication other than through a published report. In general, you should set references for personal communications as footnotes to the body of the text, rather than giving a citation in text and setting them in the reference section, which makes them look at first glance to have the authority of a true reference.

good: Rock J, personal communication, Mountain View, CA, 1993.

This example would be set in the reference section, having been cited is text as, say [Rock 1993], which is why it is classified as good rather than as splendid.

splendid: Steve Rock reported that the spins still do not balance out. 263

When you give a reference to a user manual or other documentation, you should give the author (the company is the author if no authors are listed), the title, the company name and location, and the year of publication.

263. Personal communication, electronic-mail message, 1994.

J

SEGMENT IO3 REFERENCES 425

good: Brown D. CEO User Manual. Santa Clara, CA: The Startup Experts, 1992..

good: Provan G, Pradhan M. Diagnostic Assessment of Noisy Max and Leaky Max. Final Report on National Science Foundation Grant # 278543689-not. Los Altos, CA: Institute for Decision Systems Research, 1991.

good: Institute for Decision Systems Research (IDSR). The Spaghetti Belief Network (QMR-DT). Interim report. Los Altos, CA: IDSR, 1994.

When you are faced with an unusual reference, such as one for an unusual medium or in an unusual format, just use your common sense. Be sure to include sufficient information that your reader can locate the source. Include the equivalents of author, title, publisher, location, and date of publication.

good: Lumina Decision Systems (LDS), Online Tutorial for Demos (Decision Modeling System). Los Altos, CA: LDS, 1994.

good: Analyzum I. BUGS in Writing: Fact or Fiction f Course notes, Literary Forms 101. Tappan, New York: Local Junior College, 1996.

good: Dupre L. Tasteful and appropriate office decor that meets feline-factors specifications. Internal memorandum. Woodside, CA: Writers' Madhouse, 1993.

good: Arnold B. Relationship of Bug Lists to Feature Lists: A Problem of Exponentiation. Electronic mail to Software Sobbers BBoard, September 19, 1994.

good: Anonymous. Ode to a Departing Hangnail. Poem graffito on the New York IRT downtown express, May 26, 1969.

SEGMENT 103 REFERENCES

fl^J, References are both demanding and boring, and sloppy writers often ignore them when submitting papers. Such writers may later discover that (1) journal editors do notice references and may use such matters to decide a close call between peer reviewers; (2) reviewers always check the references to see whether they are cited, and become annoyed when their citations are mangled or incomplete; and (3) sorting out references after the fact is a massive headache. Finally, a word to the wise: Do not lift your references from other published sources. Rather, go to the original material. Numerous references are set incorrectly at a point in their citation history, and the errors are propagated as people use the erroneous lists to make up their own. It is exceedingly frustrating to make a trip to the library only to discover that a reference that you are chasing does not exist.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should set your references with compulsive care. If your publisher suggests a I style, use it; otherwise, use any you wish, but use it carefully and consistently.

104 Cannot Versus Can Not

T : :

JLhe word cannot, the opposite of can, is always set as one word. It is correct to set can not only when the negation applies to the activity, rather than to the ability to carry out the activity. In other words, you are saying

X can do not A rather than

X cannot do A

where X is an agent, and A is an activity.

bad: The current-voltage characteristics of this network can not be measured.

good: The current J cannot be plotted as a function of V, and V 2 .

good: The current mirror can work, or, if our luck fails to hold, it can not work.

« f:- « iz-

bad: Steve and Judy can not decide whether to come back to California from Geneva.

GOOD: Steve and Judy cannot earn much of a living in Geneva if they stay.

SEGMENT 104 CANNOT VERSUS CAN NOT

good: Steve and Judy said to each other, "Either we cannot stay, or we can not stay by choice."

Either Steve and Judy are unable to stay in Geneva, or they are able to choose not to stay.

£ fc « fe

bad: When Max realized that Lyn was planning to acquire 200 cats, he thought, "She can not be serious!"

good: Lyn saw Max's expression and decided, "Although Max cannot stop me from pursuing that dream, I would do well to desist on my own."

good: Max, immediately understanding what Lyn was thinking, said, "You can do whatever you wish. You can adopt a pride of lions, or you can not adopt them.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should set the negation of can as cannot; only if you intend to negate an activity, rather than an ability, should you use can not. If you cannot remember the principle, you have no choice; if you can not remember the principle (that is, if you can intentionally forget the principle), you do have a choice.

105 Also

t ir i

^L he placement of also modifies the meaning of your sentence. Although no placement is technically incorrect, a given placement may convey a message different from that you intended to convey. Consider the following examples:

good: Max also loves Lyn. good: Max loves Lyn also.

Clearly, the sentences have different meanings, as illustrated by these expanded versions:

good: Max is angry at Lyn; Max also loves Lyn. good: Dona loves Lyn; Max also loves Lyn. good: Max loves Sarah; Max loves Lyn also.

You should place also before the verb when also modifies either the agent (for example, Max) or the activity (for example, loves).

Another way to think about this principle is that he is one way and she also is that way. He also is means he too is <whatever>.

good: Max and Lyn dashed to the restaurant because they were 20 minutes late; fortunately, Greg and Nicola also were late.

good: To certain people, marriage represents the key to bliss on earth; to relational-database designers, MARRIAGE also represents a one-to-one bill-of-materials rela-

si GMENT 105 Also

tionship that can be reclassified as an entity because of its associated relationships.

good: Carver took Lyn out to breakfast at Late for the Train because he was longing for cheese blintzes; Lyn also was longing for them.

You should place also after the verb (and, usually, after the recipient) when also modifies the recipient of the activity (for example, Lyn).

Another way to think about it is that he is one way and he is also another way. He is also means he is, in addition, <whatever>.

GOOD:

GOOD:

GOOD:

Carver took Lyn out to dinner at Flea Street because he was in need of amusement; he was also hungry.

Mappings between the business conceptual schema and the logical data model also may include naming differences, transformation operations on conceptual schema, interrelation of business rules, and actual conflicts.

If you want to allow remarriages, then you must add date to the primary key; if you want to allow people to marry twice on the same date, then you must add another attribute also.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should keep in mind that there is a major difference between Lyn also loves Max and Lyn loves Max also.

106 Nonwords

JLt is no longer correct to hyphenate words beginning with non. There is a general trend over time in English to close up with hyphens words that were formerly two words, then to close completely words that were formerly hyphenated (baby sitter to baby-sitter to babysitter; bed room to bed-room to bedroom; play school to play-school to playschool). Thus, although hyphenating wowwords was acceptable in the past, it is now outdated.

You should not use the hyphen at all in most nonwords.

bad: Non-monotonic reasoning can be useful for this particular non-trivial problem.

good: Spencer could not imagine a noncaffeinated life.

Note that you should also not use the hyphen in nonwords in which the second word begins with an n.

bad: Use non-numerical analysis when you cannot obtain the exact values.

good: Several nonnuclear sources of power are available.

You should use an en dash when you are modifying a term that itself * contains more than one word.

bad: That is definitely a nonpolar-bear lifeform.

43i

J

SEGMENT I06 NONWORDS

bad: He has a decidedly non-money-market approach to investment.

The mark after non is a hyphen; it should he an en dash.

good: The furry mass is also a non-grizzly-bear creature.

Note that a nongrizzly bear is a bear of a type other than Ursus horribilis, whereas a non-grizzly bear 264 is an object that may be any entity other than a grizzly bear.

You should use an en dash when you are modifying a word that begins with a capital letter.

bad: A non-Unix operating system might allow a more intuitive interface.

The mark after non is a hyphen; it should be an en dash.

bad: His speech is non English.

good: Use non-Monte Carlo sampling methods.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should not hyphenate nonwords unless the second term consists of multiple words or begins with a capital letter. For example, a non-Dupre system might use a hyphen in nonwords.

264. There is no hyphen between grizzly and bear because grizzly bear is a noun here; in the preceding example, non-grizzly-bear is an adjective, and thus takes the hyphen.

107 Missing That

M

any people leave out that from sentences in which it belongs. The result is sloppy prose.

ugly: Devon believes Max is sleeping late every morning.

good: Devon believes Max when he says that he is working at home in the morning.

This example is intended only to show you what is wrong with the preceding example.

good: Max believes that Brian is a superb programmer.

« fc « fc

ugly: Red (a massive chunk of feline masculinity) thinks rats are crunchy and tasty, and should be caught whenever possible.

good: BB (whose delicate chocolate-point body is a mere feline wisp) thinks that rats are hairy and scary, and that they should be avoided at all costs.

« » K- 1&

ugly: The program deletes the first number it encounters.

good: This program now matches the second variable that it instantiates.

« fc % if:-

ugly: Soren has not yet tried the Chinese medicine Lyn recommended for his stuffy nose.

good: Soren recycles the old plastic milk bottles that Lyn brings when he does her the humongous favor of changing the oil in her Volkswagen.

« » « fc

ugly: Judy had trouble opening the beer bottle Steve handed to her, because she had torn a ligament in her thumb; she gave up quickly, because she knew she could injure herself again if she continued.

good: Steve enjoyed opening the bottle that Judy gave back to him in disgust; he promptly poured it into Judy's bath, because he had heard that bathing in beer produces euphoria.

« » « fc

ugly: Red thought it important to wake Lyn up on time every morning, so that he could get his treat.

good: BB thought that it was important to sleep on Lyn's feet all night, so that she could insist on being petted every time that Lyn turned over.

6 » « »

ugly: The code on lines 45 through 47 ensures a process seeking an exclusive lock will not deadlock against a lock that it already holds.

good: The processes that are waiting at lines 40 and 50 are awakened when other processes release the locks.

SEGMENT IO7 MISSING THAT 435

£ * « is

ugly: Lyn and Max hated the squawking, shrieking neighbors' radio they could hear every morning.

good: Lyn and Max loved the squawking, shrieking blue herons that nested in the redwoods above their house every year.

The principle for lucid writing here is that , although it is good practice to leave out unnecessary words, it is not good practice to leave out words that belong in your sentence.

108 All Of

T

-Lhere is no reason to use the stilted and longer term all of when all alone will suffice. Use all of on\y when all alone would not make sense.

ugly: Marina could not afford to spend all of her time driving back and forth over the hill.

good: Pat could not afford to spend all his money on the new mile-wide television set.

good: Reno told Buttercup and Ruby and Hershey and Caltrans that most or all of them were silly.

The most requires the of here.

« £ « fc

ugly: All of the processors receive the same input.

good: Not all types of lateral inhibition can lead to self-organization.

good: Only one-half of the circuits have been delivered, but all of them should be here by the end of the week.

The all of is necessarily to match the one-half of. Jfc fe « fc

SEGMENT 108 ALL OF 437

ugly: Lois complained that Soren was spending all of his time under the car again.

good: Soren pointed out that all the cars were running well all the time.

good: Not all of Soren and Lois's hobbies are related to cars—but most of them are.

The all of is necessary to match the most of; you will almost always need to write all of them.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should omit the of after all unless doing so leaves your sentence stranded without all its meaning intact.

109 Utilize

__L ^ ever utilize any object without considering whether simply using it will suffice. Utilize implies making use of a commodity that would have been wasted or otherwise unused.

good: David and Claire utilize almost all their garbage, either by composting it or by recycling it.

J£ & K: iy

ugly: To enter data into the program, the physician utilizes a light-pen to make selections from multiple-choice displays.

good: To start the program, the nurse uses a mouse device to double-click on the icon.

good: To run this program, we can utilize the terminals that have been sitting in the closet for years.

« » « *:-

ugly: Pat utilizes a posh telephone system in his consulting business.

good: Marina used snazzy pink and blue hair coloring in her personal self-enhancement program.

good: Cosmo and Reno figured out how to utilize Marina's worn-out stockings to make a toy, over which Swix and Spud then spent the afternoon growling.

SEGMENT IO9 UTILIZE

439

« fe « *?

ugly: Michael utilized his hard-earned money to attend an important conference.

good: Shellee used her cash to buy gorgeous trash on a shopping trip with Lyn.

good: Michael and Shellee utilized their extra bedroom to make comfortable the friendly mutt who had followed Michael home in the snow.

6 fe « *:-

ugly: The doctor insisted that her patient utilize the latest physiotherapy equipment.

good: The patient decided to use a couple of old bricks stuffed into a fanny pack.

good: The hospital maintained a history of bed-utilization statistics.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should utilize only those articles that would otherwise have lain stagnant, and should use everything else. Use this principle to avoid utilizing jargon.

B

110 Dissertations

A

dissertation is a document that you write as part of the fulfillment of requirements for a degree (it can also be simply a discourse on a subject). A thesis is an assertion that you have presumably validated or proved, and on which you report in a dissertation.

Your research advisor should give you guidance on writing your dissertation. Academic centers and even departments differ widely in requirements and preferences. I list here just a few points that you may want to consider when you undertake writing your dissertation; for that matter, you probably should consider them when you write any large document.

You should write and agree with your advisor on a detailed outline before you set pen to paper or finger to keyboard. In most cases, this advice will seem ridiculously trivial and obvious; all to the good. But there is no point in your writing reams of prose, only to discover that your advisor had in mind a substantially different approach to your topic.

You should set with your advisor a schedule for you to deliver pieces and for her to respond with comments. Make every attempt to be realistic when you set deadlines, and to adhere to your schedule. If your schedule slips, however, immediately draft and agree to a new one. Do not keep setting back a due date by small increments, and failing repeatedly to deliver, because then you and your advisor will

get into the habit of thinking that it is normal to miss deadlines. Rather, if you miss a deadline, reset it by a sufficiently large increment that you will make it next time.

You should allow time in the schedule for any editing or proofreading that you intend to have done. You should also determine when you will deliver what to other members of your committee, and when they will respond.

You should adopt a formal, careful author's voice. Casual, informal slang or jargon is not at home in a dissertation. I do not mean that you should write dry, boring prose. On the contrary, you should ideally write amusing, fascinating, exciting prose that is impeccable in style, syntax, and semantics. By all means include jokes, but only subtle, erudite ones.

You should number your chapters and heads, using double numbers (such as 4.6, or 8.2) for level 1 heads, figures, tables, and other numbered elements. Use as many levels of heads as is logical; each head should cover more than a paragraph of material, but can cover as little as two or three paragraphs if the subject matter is notably different from that of the preceding subsection. Heads keep your reader oriented. Write small (but more than one-sentence) to medium paragraphs —do not run on for pages without a break in your thought.

You should think about and include figures, displayed lists, tables, boxes, and any other elements that will break up the text visually and conceptually. There is something daunting about page after page of full-margin text: It looks boring.

You should determine early what design elements (types of text, from a visual point of view, such as displayed equations, tables,

boxes, equations, heads, lists, and so on) you will use, and should develop design specifications for each. 265 Most text editors allow you to define environments, which are design specifications that you implement automatically by choosing the environment. Do your best to implement a simple, graceful design, but do not fall into the trap of procrastinating about writing by tinkering with the design elements and wasting hours fiddling with the presentation.

You should write informative beads. Insofar as possible, you should tell your reader in the head what she can expect to find in the accompanying prose. However, you should not write overly long heads; a good rule of thumb is that most of your heads should not wrap— they should cover just one line.

You should write at least one or two sentences of introduction after a head on a given level and before a subhead. That is, you should never have two heads (for example, a i head and a 2 head, or a chapter title and a 1 head) following each other without intervening text.

If you want to add class to your dissertation, you should write a good index. Indexing is a difficult task, because you must think about what concepts are subsumed by what other umbrella concepts. Sometimes, the umbrella concept will not even appear in your document, but will be the word that the reader looks up to find the subsumed concept. (For example, the reader may look for the umbrella concept beer, whereas the words appearing in the text may be ale and stout.) For this reason, you should not rely on automated indexing. Automated indexing creates plenty of other problems as well—I have seen indexes that match almost exactly the heads of a

265. You should first find out the extent to which your formatting and design are dictated by your academic institution.

document 266 and are virtually useless. One technique for writing an index is to maintain a card file as you go along, jotting down key terms that you wish to index, one per card. When you are ready to create the index (after you have finished writing), you sort the cards into related-concept piles, choose umbrella terms, and write from the piles. I realize that this old-fashioned, manual method will not appeal to certain machine-dependent people, but you can use the idea to create a computer-based system of your own.

You should write an abstract that sums up all the important points in your dissertation, without giving details or justifications. Anyone who reads it should know, for example, what you did, what the rationale was for what you did, what the results were, and what conclusions you drew.

You should state at the outset what your hypothesis was and how you tested it. Your hypothesis might be twofold in that you might have a general hypothesis, such as that automated bibliographic search can help people to stay abreast of developments in their field, and a limited hypothesis, such as that a given technique will permit faster searching on bibliographic databases. You should state both explicitly.

You should say at the outset what your measures of success are. You are asserting a hypothesis (or several of them), so you need to say how the work you have done has, after all, tested those hypotheses. (You may argue that you and other scientists are not in a position to test the general hypothesis directly; you may have to rely on common sense, references, or future work to demonstrate it. You should, however, be in a position to validate your limited hypothesis.)

266. The indexes in this book match identically the heads, but I hope are not useless.

If you are implementing a system or algorithm or function, for example, you should explain the validation study that you used, and should justify the measures that you applied. Obviously, validating a laboratory system is quite different from testing a hypothesis about economic systems or cognitive function, but in each case you should state with your hypothesis what the measure of success is.

You should indicate in what order you will discuss the various segments of your exposition, and you should explain why you have chosen that order. Use chapter numbers, so that your reader knows where to find the information she seeks (you should also include a table of contents, of course). Reveal the structure of your document to your reader, so that, at any given point, she will know why she is reading what you have to say. Periodically remind her of the structure as you move from chapter to chapter.

Within each chapter, you should similarly begin by saying what you will discuss; use section numbers, and say what is in which section. State the logic of the order that you have chosen. You can also begin each chapter with an abstract of the chapter, which describes succinctly what the chapter covers.

You should never tease your reader about what you will reveal later in your dissertation. That style is appropriate for a mystery story, or for a magazine article on an epidemiologic study. In a dissertation, there should be no guessing games, and no readers still wondering about what you are babbling as they begin Chapter 4.

You should write in the first person, and should avoid passive voice. Be extremely clear about what work you did and what work was performed by other people, including by members of your team in a research laboratory. A dissertation is a highly personal document; in it, you are reporting primarily your own work. Be sure to take credit (or blame) where it is due.

J

If you have a long background section, detailing work by other investigators, you should think carefully about in what tense you will write it. In most cases, it is easiest and most appropriate to use the simple past.

You should put material in the appropriate section. Do not get ahead of yourself, and start talking about the results of a clinical study before you have described the population from which you sampled. Do not tell your reader what statistical tests you ran while you are reporting the data collected. Do not draw conclusions in the analysis section. Progress logically, purposefully, and in an organized fashion, putting in each section the material promised by the heads.

You should not say that you are in the midst of further work. A dissertation should report a block of work already performed. In your conclusions, when you tie your work into a larger picture of work in your field, you can suggest future research that would carry on where you have left off, or would investigate other paths that your work has uncovered. Do not, however, say that you are undertaking that future research.

You should set your references compulsively as you go along, and should not leave them until the last minute when you will be far too frantic to deal with them. In many dissertations, the reference section is huge. You should also, generally, use a citation style that gives the names of the authors and dates of publication, rather than just a number. It is especially important in a dissertation that your reader be able to tell, without page flapping, whom you are citing, as well as the date of publication of the cited work.

llBki You should consider having your work edited by a professional copy editor. Naturally, after you have absorbed the contents of this book, you will be a superb writer who almost never makes an errors. However, no one can edit her own work completely, so you should have at least one person read for style, syntax, and semantics, in addition to the various people who will read for content.

Whether or not you work with an editor, you may wish to hire a proofreader, who will read for typos and spelling errors.

KJ You should keep this hook next to your bed or favorite armchair, or wherever you might be tempted to look at it frequently. Once you are writing, you will find that the principles contained in it take on alarming relevance.

fa} You should be prepared for thesis psychosis, a disorder that strikes most people at least once while they are writing their dissertations. Thesis psychosis is a type of loss of nerve; it may take the form of writer's block (untreated, it can last for years), or it may manifest itself in various forms of bizarre behavior.

When you write your dissertation and graduate, you move from being a student to being an expert scientist in the community. That transition can be terrifying. In addition, when you write your dissertation, you may be exposing yourself for the first time; you are publicizing your ideas, and your expertise, to be read and critiqued by other experts. Furthermore, if you are like most degree candidates, your dissertation is a much bigger and more complex writing project than any you have ever attempted. The combination of these factors alone is sufficient to cause most people to lose about a year to thesis psychosis, on the road to earning their degrees. If you know that the condition is normal—that, even if you are raving mad, so are most people who are doing what you are doing—then you are well equipped to ride out your bouts of depression or mania.

SEGMENT IIO DISSERTATIONS

447

Concentrate on writing in small increments, and do your best not to worry about exposing your ideas. Tell yourself that nobody ever reads dissertations anyway, that the dissertation requirement is just an archaic form of torture, a rite of passage. Tell yourself that, after you have finished up and have earned your degree, you can edit your dissertation sensibly, and have it published as a book. Tell yourself whatever makes you feel competent, and get back to work. Try to stay calm.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should approach your dissertation as you would any other writing project: with this book in your hand, with as many colleagues and advisors of various ilks as you can muster, and with a number of friends on tap to provide support.

IF :

JL ar too many writers use issue as a catchall term. I recommend that you use more specific and more meaningful terms instead.

ugly: The staff decided to sort out the kitchen-detail issues.

good: Everyone agreed that the kitchen was a mess, and that a roster for kitchen cleanup would repair frayed tempers and soothe agitated souls.

>c >> J£ £

ugly: Health-care issues are at issue in this year's discourse.

good: Problems in health-care delivery and the lack of universal health-care insurance have caught the nation's attention this year.

« » « fc

ugly: We will address funding issues in Section 6.

good: In Section 6, we will analyze our financial needs, present our budget, and describe alternative sources of funding.

£ » J£ %-

ugly: Semantics issues are separate from syntax issues. good: When you write, you must pay attention to both

content and form; however, the structure of sentence often determines the meaning.

448

SEGMENT III ISSUE

449

A:

» « fe

ugly: Max had privacy issues about his diary, and Lyn had back issues of her favorite magazine.

good: Max and Lyn discovered, as have couples throughout history, that relationships elicit strong feelings, and that a companion may range from infuriating, to discombobulating, to disconcerting, to comfortable, to exhilarating, to ravishing.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid writing about issues, and should instead describe your subject clearly and in sufficient detail. This principle is not an issue.

Human—Computer Interaction

manual, you will need to style consistently the terms used to describe a user's interaction with a computer. For example, you will need to determine and follow a style for

• Names of keys

• Names of commands

• Names of buttons on the display

• Names of menus

• Menu items

• Names of functions

• Names of variables

• Names of objects

• Names of nodes or arcs in a diagram

• Names of windows

• Strings that the user is to type

• Ways to refer to actions, such as selecting, clicking, double-clicking, dragging, or highlighting

450

SEGMENT 112 TERMS FOR HUMAN-COMPUTER INTERACTION 451

• Code

• Comment lines in code

• Placeholders for words to be filled in, such as names of files or passwords

The primary principle here is that you should think about how you will set these terms before you begin to write your document. If you put off the decisions, you will find that retrofitting a manual, for example, is a major headache. Instead, begin by making a list of all items in your document that require a style decision. Note the decision, and then follow the style compulsively. As you write, you will find that these design specifications evolve; just maintain the specification document, and keep it at your elbow as you write.

There are no absolute rules covering styling of such terms. There are, however, several principles that you should follow.

You should use typographical distinctions intelligently. For example, you can set code in a monospace typeface, such as Courier or Typewriter MT, 267 (or, if your base text is set in a serif typeface, you may be able to differentiate code by setting it in a markedly different or sans serif typeface). You can set commands in monospace, boldface, or italic type (or in a combination thereof). You can set strings that the user is to enter in boldface or italics, or in a typeface markedly different from that of your base text. You can also use underlining to differentiate terms, although underlining looks messy in many typefaces.

good: Enter yes to indicate that the program is to continue.

good: Max typed I lust after your huge-screen color monitor.

267. In this book, code is set in Adobe Typewriter MT.

452. SEGMENT 112 TERMS FOR HUMAN-COMPUTER INTERACTION

good: Lyn typed / lust after your mouse.

good: Use chmod in this case.

good: Press f6.

good: Open the Options window.

You should use styling distinctions intelligently. For example, you can capitalize the names of keyboard keys. You can set placeholders by using angle brackets <> to enclose a description of what the user is to fill in. You can style menu entries precisely as they are shown on the screen. You can set menu names with a Lead Cap. You can set Boolean operator names (such as and and or) in small capital letters. 268 Note that you can combine styling differentiation with typographical differentiation.

good: I would prefer that you and the expressions that have been ORed.

good: Use the following form: while <Boolean expressions

good: Enter <password>, then press Return.

good: Open the Diagnoses pull-down menu, and select

Carpal-tunnel syndrome.

good: Double-click on the Calculate button.

good: The love node is connected by bidirectional arcs to the peace and hope nodes.

good: Use the PageDown key to navigate the document.

268. The classifications bad, ugly, good, and splendid in this book are set in small capital letters.

i

SEGMENT 112 TERMS FOR HUMAN-COMPUTER INTERACTION 453

You should not distinguish terms that do not require special treatment. The least helpful approach is to clutter up your page with boxes, 12 different typefaces, underlining, boldface and italic type, and so on; the result will be to confuse, rather than to clarify.

ugly: Start up BRAINDEAD™ by clicking on

the Do It Icon. Then, AftSWer "YES" in the dialog flopt that appears in the Control Window. TypC I think this example is a little weird" and FreSS Enter. Close the '"Window by Clicking in the Close r Bo?(. PfeSS the Cancel Button in the Tfiatog 'Bo^ that appears in the corner of your Screen.

Note that the preceding example is classified as ugly, rather than as bad: The terms are styled consistently!

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should determine at the outset of your writing project how you will style terms used to describe human-computer interaction. You should use the arsenal of methods FOR differentiating type , but you should use it wisely, so that the result is to clarify your meaning.

T

_JL he term so called can be troublesome; in addition, it is generally unnecessary.

faj, You should generally simply leave out so called; you will convey the same meaning without it. Note, by the way, that so called is hyphenated (only) when it serves as an adjective.

ugly: The so-called gold standard in this case is determined by common practice.

good: The gold standard in this case is determined by a set of measurements locked in a secure vault.

« fc £ fe

ugly: In the so-called spanning-tree algorithm, all the bridges regularly exchange special frames.

good: The spanning tree is used in source rooting.

£ » J£ »

ugly: So-called interprocess communication can be difficult to set up.

good: Interpersonal communication is the most difficult process to set up.

454

SEGMENT 113 SO CALLED 455

If you think that simply writing the word provides insufficient indication that you are, in effect, naming an entity, you can use italic letters or "quotation marks." (If you are using italics to differentiate a word from its denotation, use italics in this case; if you are using quotation marks for that purpose, use quotation marks in this case.)

ugly: The first two years of marriage constitute the so-called adjustment phase.

good: The second through the nineteenth years of marriage constitute the "working-it-out phase."

good: The twentieth through the fiftieth years of marriage constitute the peaceful-coexistence phase.

£ £ « £

ugly: Brian could not tolerate the so-called happy face. good: Bob was not worried about losing face. good: Tom was concerned about "business face."

If you sometimes feel compelled to use so called, do not introduce redundancy by also using italics or quotation marks.

bad: This so-called "resort" gives you towels so thin and small that they could not keep a cat warm.

bad: The so-called special maharaja dinner comprised so many dishes that Max and Lyn were quite ill after the feast.

good: The so-called computer consisted of three highly competent elderly clerks and three abaci.

€ » « fc

.

45 6

SEGMENT 113 SO CALLED

bad: Len made up a so-called "cashflow forecast analysis predictive no-surprise spreadsheet system."

bad: Devon did not think much of the so-called telephone redirecting and messaging system.

good: Max enjoyed working on the so-called space-mating project at nasa.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid using so called. If you do use it, do not also use quotation marks or italics to delineate the so-called term under discussion.

114 Note That Versus Notice That

rather than notice that, and certainly rather than it is important to note [or notice] that.

Note that is the strongest and most efficient of the four phrases, and will convey your point without adding excess verbiage. Thus, if you want your reader to mark your words, choose note that.

ugly: It is important to note that our sample contained only two data points, so the results may not generalize to the entire population.

ugly: Notice that the previous discussion does not apply to nerds who own more than seven machines.

good: Note that we have truncated the code for this example; were you to run it as shown, you would get spaghetti for results.

« fc £ fc

ugly: It is important to note that Max had been severely provoked before he threw his smelly old socks at Lyn.

ugly: It is important to notice that sure signs that BB is feeling unfriendly are laid-back ears, bared teeth, and loud hisses.

ugly: Notice that, whenever Max has had a tough day, BB acts as though he is her implacable enemy: She threatens to scratch his eyes out if he comes near her.

GOOD: Note that, when Max is relaxed and happy, BB climbs on his lap, rolls on her back, and wriggles invitingly.

In many cases, even note that is redundant; the strongest option often is to let the content of your sentence speak for itself. Presumably, your reader is noting everything you say, so you should not have to flag a sentence to get her attention. 269

good: Note that seven of the 10 subjects in this study died before all the data had been collected; thus, the results may be slightly unreliable.

splendid: Seven of the 10 personnel managers in the meeting asphyxiated before someone took an ax to the specially designed nonopening window; after years of careful study, we have concluded that the recently installed air-circulation system may be suspect.

J£ » « fc

good: Note that Patrick had spent hours making careful suggestions, only to be told that he was reading an outdated document. You should always double-check to be sure that a certain idiot has not given you misleading information.

269.1 use note that frequently in this book, not because I do not credit you with paying full attention, but because I have chosen it as a device to let you know that I am introducing points subsequent to the main one under discussion.

SEGMENT 114 NOTE THAT VERSUS NOTICE THAT

459

i

splendid: Patrick stayed up all night trying to figure out how fly sputum was related to the topic under discussion. You should never assume that a writer has her act together sufficiently that each word that she writes has any business taking up the space in which it sits.

You should use notice that when you are writing about the act of noticing or are inviting your reader to notice a point in passing. Notice that is weaker than note that; it implies more dawning realization than sudden focus.

good: Misha noticed that, since he moved to Oregon, he was not hiking as much as he used to do.

good: Holly noticed that the goats had been gnawing on the corners of the picnic table.

good: In reading this book, have you noticed that Holly and Misha used to live in Palo Alto, California, but now live in Portland, Oregon?

The principle for lucid writing here is that, when you wish to flag a sentence for your readers' attention, you should first ask yourself whether the content is not sufficient to call attention to itself without your aid; if you determine that the sentence needs a flashing light, use the simplest choice: note that. In addition, you should notice that notice that has its uses too.

1YJL any people have difficulty using affect and effect correctly; the two words have usefully different meanings.

• The noun effect denotes the result of a process, event, or activity. An effect is coupled with a cause.

• The verb effect denotes bringing an object into existence, or bringing about a state of affairs.

• The noun affect denotes an emotional state.

• The verb affect denotes producing an influence on, or producing an effect. It also means having a fondness for, or pretending.

Here are examples of correct uses:

good: The most pronounced effect of Lyn's vacation in Canada was a noticeable disappearance of Lyn's sense of humor.

Here, effect is used as a noun.

good: Max effected a change in Lyn's outlook by meeting her at the gate and holding her extremely tight while blocking the egress of all the other passengers.

Here, effect (effected) is used as a verb.

460

good: Max having thus arranged Lyn's homecoming, Lyn's affect changed to one of buoyant delight and glee.

Affect is used as a noun.

good: Max and Lyn thus demonstrated how companions can affect each other's moods.

Max and Lyn wield considerable power over each other's happiness. Affect is used as a verb.

good: Lyn is unable to affect indifference to Max.

Lyn is unable to pretend that Max has no effect on her. Affect is used as a verb.

good: Lyn affects silk dresses.

Lyn sports dresses that float around her as she moves; this predilection for silk might qualify as an affectation. Affect is used as a verb.

You should be extremely careful when you use either affect or effect: Be sure that you are writing what you intend to write. Let us look at another set of examples.

bad: The affect of AVL rotation can be used to keep a tree in height balance.

good: The effect of pointer manipulation is to rotate the subtree whose root is the pivot node.

Here, effect is used as a noun.

« fe « *Z-

bad: Steve affected his pseudosabbatical only after months of negotiation.

good: Judy effected a career change by quitting her job in Palo Alto and prancing off to Geneva without any idea of what she would do next.

Here, effect (effected) is used as a verb.

« fc « »

bad: Lyn carves wooden masks whose faces conspicuously reflect each person's effect.

good: Lyn was always puzzled when she tried to envision a flat affect sufficiently precisely to carve a mask of a person is such a state.

Here, affect is used as a noun.

4; f- e i-

bad: Betsy's social life was effected by Sophia's disinterest in bottle feeding. 2 °

good: Richard's ears were affected by Sophia's penchant for beating biscuits to a pulp with a rubber hammer.

Here, affect is used as a verb.

K* fc « fc

bad: Lyn's torn meniscus, which resulted in her doctor proscribing her daily 13-mile run on pavement, effected Lyn's ability to reach her destination quickly.

good: Lyn's fractured vertebra, which resulted in her doctor prescribing bed rest, affected Lyn's ability to reach her toes quickly.

Here, affect is used as a verb. « » « fe

270. If the sentence was intended to report that Betsy's entire social life was brought into being by this particular preference of Sophia, it would be classified as good. We assume, however, that the intention is to report that Betsy's social calendar was moderately constrained during the first 6 months of Sophia's life.

SEGMENT 115 AFFECT VERSUS EFFECT

463

bad: Max effected disdain for mushy nonsense such as love.

good: Red affected disdain for mushy nonsense such as cottage cheese.

Here, affect is used as a verb.

« *:- « »

bad: Joe effected classy horn-rimmed spectacles and subtle cologne as insurance against mediocrity.

good: Joe affected a shaved head as an antidote for tedium and as a guard against hot-headed behavior.

Here, affect is used as a verb.

« » « iz-

splendid: Lyn's weight lifting effected numerous calluses, giving her hands a calloused 271 texture that affected the people with whom she shook hands.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you can affect your reader adversely if you do not effect correct usage by using words that have a good effect on her ear and thus positively influence her affect.

271. Note the difference between callus (a pad of thickened skin) and callous (thickened, hardened, or having calluses, whether physically or emotionally).

A

lthough both indices and indexes comprise more than one index, the type of index denoted is different.

fa] You should write indices to refer to a number or expression that indicates a position or location in mathematics.

bad: In the expression A = [a t , a Zi tf 3 }, i, z, and 3 are indexes.

good: You can also use letter indices, as in b and b r

K* » « fc

bad: The indexes 1 and 5 indicate that c I5 lies in cell 1 of column 5.

good: The indices 5 and 2 indicate that B 5Z is located in the fifth row of the second column.

You should write indexes to refer to the plural of all other types of index. The alphabetical lists (those at the back of this book, for example) in which you look up entries are indexes, as are indicators and pointers.

bad: The indices for the book series were not well conceived, so it was impossible to look up relevant terms.

good: An indexer is a person who has expertise in writing book indexes.

464

SEGMENT Il6 INDICES VERSUS INDEXES

465

« » « »

bad: A man's swagger may be one of several indices of his machismo.

good: The conditions of a cat's teeth, eyes, and fur are good indexes to the cat's health.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should distinguish between the indexes in, for example, a book, and the indices in, for example, mathematical expressions.

BAD:

The BUGS Classification System

The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely.

Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable.

ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct.

When you write well, you get your point across.

The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion.

Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

SPLENDID

T

_L Hi

[E solidus is the forward slash (/). Used in English terms, 272 it means and or. Most publishers in the United States forbid any (even correct) use of the solidus with English words, perhaps because people so often use the solidus incorrectly. For that reason, I recommend that you avoid setting the solidus in English terms in your formal writing.

fl^j You should generally avoid using the solidus. Many writers use the solidus erroneously to indicate an equal-weighted pair. The correct punctuation mark in this case is an en dash.

ugly: The input/output device drivers must be custom tailored.

good: Input-output is accomplished by numerous peripheral devices.

« » « fc

ugly: The read/write head crashed into the disk. good: The read-write head is a critical component of the

system.

*s ft

272. In contrast to being used, for example, in mathematical expressions.

466

*

SEGMENT 117 SOLIDUS 467

ugly: Our network uses a client/server configuration. good: Which client-server setup do you mean?

« fc « fe

ugly: The overall structure for this pointer-chain representation is an example of parent/child organization.

good: The parent-child structure is based on values for the supplier grocery stores.

« fc Jg fc

ugly: Lyn requested that John use a red/maroon background for the cover art.

good: Lyn asked John whether he had used burnt orange for the background of the central graphic.

« fc « fc

ugly: The doctor/patient relationship often inhibits, rather than encourages, communication.

good: The provider-client relationship can be enhanced if the physician remembers that she is offering a service to a person who retains control and decision-making authority.

You should generally avoid using and/or, for several reasons. First, the term is redundant: It means and and or or. Second, most publishers do not allow its use. Third, you can usually write and without losing any meaning; if it is important to indicate that only one option may be operative, you can assume an inclusive or and simply write or. Fourth, there are other ways to express the same thought.

^.

SEGMENT 117 SOLIDUS

ugly: Sophia likes to be held and/or to eat. good: Madeline likes to play and to eat.

« fc « fc

ugly: You can use a mouse and/or a keyboard for input.

good: If you cannot make a selection, then the mouse or the keyboard is not functioning properly.

« fc « fe

splendid: Max or Lyn will cook dinner, and one or both of them will wash the dishes.

The principle for lucid writing here is that the solidus (forward slash, /) means and or; r you should not use it for equal-weighted pairs or in the redundant term and/or.

118 Equations

V)

_L_^/i splayed equations are equations that are set after and before a line break; they are broken out from the text line. Your primary challenge in setting equations (be they displayed or in text) is likely to be finding and learning to use a text editor that can handle them. Here, we shall look at a few basic ideas for setting displayed equations.

Regarding the complex rules governing setting of mathematical expressions, Ronald Barry 273 gives this advice:

The symbology of mathematical expressions has an immense scope, and adequate coverage might easily require an entire book. At the turn of the century, a candidate for a doctoral degree in mathematics was required to demonstrate at least a rudimentary knowledge of the 20 or so distinct areas of mathematics extant at that time. Today, there probably are about 3000 different areas of study in mathematics, and the field continues to expand, with no sign or slowing down; it is impossible for most people to be acquainted with more than a few of these areas, and even professional mathematicians are unlikely to be conversant with more than a few hundred of them. The practice nowadays, for any branch of mathematics that might conceivably be construed as being outside the mainstream, is for the author of a work on that subject to provide, at the beginning or end of the work, a glossary of terms used throughout

273. Personal communication, Palo Alto, CA, 1994.

that work. I suspect that this approach will continue to be the optimum available technique for any reader who is not intimately familiar with the subject matter, and perhaps even for those readers who do possess such familiarity.

I heartily endorse Barry's advice: Provide a glossary or list of conventions used in any document for which the reader may find such a guide helpful.

j^[ You should set variables in italic type, and constants in roman type.

GOOD: 2 LV^J-

0 s k < n GOOD: f (x) = {0<x<v).

R'

GOOD: log 10 Tl + C + — . GOOD: F c + F' R = 0 .

You should set mathematical expressions in figures in the same way as you set them in text. Do not, for example, set your variables in roman type in the figure label; do not set an expression in capital letters in the figure label, and set it in as lowercase letters in text. Figure 118.1 is an example of this mistake (the X and Y should be lowercase italic letters (x and y), rather than capitalized roman letters); we classify it as bad.

You should be consistent in whether you use end punctuation in displayed equations. I recommend that you do use it, because it gives your reader more information. You should set a period, comma, semicolon, or no punctuation at the end of a displayed equation, depending on where that equation falls within a sentence.

SEGMENT Il8 EQUATIONS

471

Y Annual

royalties per

book

($ U.S.)

2-4 4-8 8-16

X Number of books published

16-32

Figure 118.1 Graph of relationship of annual royalty amount to market glut. [Bad]

i

good: Solve the recurrence

x „ = »,

for 0 < n < m\

X = X

n n-m

+ 1, for n>m.

good: We can see that

a-b = c, given that

a = b + c.

You should set a colon before a displayed equation only when the words preceding the display call for a colon. At minimum, they should constitute a full sentence. Otherwise, you should set whatever punctuation is correct—a comma, semicolon, period, question mark, or exclamation mark each might be a candidate.

E

a

472 SEGMENT Il8 EQUATIONS

good: The equation is as follows:

d-m

c = —•

good: The equation is

o?7 — °n - 1 &n -2'

good: Let us try to prove directly that

J ${d)n m/d = 0 (mod w),

d/m

without using the clue that this equation is related to necklaces. 274

Abbreviations are not variables; you should set abbreviations in roman type.

good: V mm = k(mm(V v V 2 )-V b ).

good: The carrier density at the source end of the channel is denoted by N ; that at the drain end is denoted by

good: One way to use the notion of a standard regression coefficient in a measure of uncertainty importance is in U SKC (x jt y) .

You should generally indent displayed equations, by a consistent distance, unless the design for your document specifies otherwise. When you have several equations in a display, you should align them on the equal-to sign (or equivalence, or greater than, and so on).

274. This example was stolen, with bits and pieces from other examples in this segment, from Graham RL, Knuth DE, Patashnik O, Concrete Mathematics. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1989.

good: Consider the following relations: a + b = c, b s c,

d~e + f.

You should number those equations to which you will want to refer in text. Use single or double numbers, depending on the numbering of your level i heads. Set the number right justified, in parentheses. There is no need to number other equations.

good: You are undoubtedly familiar with the following equivalence:

a z + b L = c\ (5.4)

good: For sets A and B,

AUB*ADB. (18)

When you refer to numbered equations, you should capitalize the word equation, and should not set parentheses around the number. It can be confusing to your reader to use words other than equation (such as equivalence) in these references, so I recommend that you avoid doing so when practical.

GOOD: Equation 4.3 is the general case, valid for n >i.

good: Using Equation 6 and our common sense, we obtain the following:

ab / c +jd *<p±<p. ( 9 )

.

SEGMENT I I 8 EQUATIONS

The principle for lucid writing here is that, after you have mastered a text editor that '/ can handle equations, you should review the few simple ideas presented in this segment.

a

119 Half

7 y hen you refer to one of two parts that constitute a whole, remember that those parts must be equal to deserve the title one-half.

You should write one-half of, rather than half, in most cases. When you write about the other half, it is acceptable to use either form. It is also acceptable to use half in well-known terms or phrases. Finally, you should use half to denote the result of halving.

ugly: Half the expansion boards were defective.

good: One-half of the expansion slots were unused.

good: The store will let you pay half the price down, and the other half in time payments.

K* & £ £

ugly: Greg spent half his weekend looking for a reasonable deal on a used car.

good: Nicola spent one-half of her day working, and one-half gardening.

good: Nicola spent half her evening sewing, and the other half making jewelry.

« » « fe

bad: Steve and Judy had only half a pillow between them on the camping trip.

good: Steve and Judy had between them only one-half of a problem; they solved it without fuss.

good: Steve and Judy were so remarkably efficient at doing their tax returns together that they cut in half the time usually required.

good: Given just half a chance, Judy was able to carve out a new career.

good: Steve's faith in his other half was unshakable.

You should set the numeric fraction (for example, 4275 ), rather than spelling out a fraction (for example, one-half), in situations where

275. There are four ways to set a fraction: case, solidus (or shilling), built up, and piece. You should generally set case fractions in technical material, if you have the capability to do so. In nontechnical material, you can set your fractions solidus or piece.

• A case fraction is set with the numerator directly over the denominator; the entire fraction is the height of one text line:

a b.

• A solidus fraction is set with a solidus, or slash:

alb.

• A built-up fraction is set with the numerator directly over the denominator, with each element being at least the height of one text line:

a

1

• A piece fraction is set with a solidus, but the numerator and the denominator are on different horizontal and vertical lines:

%

or

SEGMENT 119 HALF 477

you would use a numeral for whole numbers (such as with units of measure). You can also, if you prefer, write 0.5.

bad: Max promised to go hiking for half a day.

Because a day is a unit of measure (of time), you should set numerals with it; thus, you should set the fraction y 2 z?6 oro.$.

bad: Lyn's temperature went up by half a degree every time she saw a mistake in her manuscript.

Degrees also are units of measure.

bad: The horse had only half a furlong to go.

Furlongs too are units of measure.

bad: Lyn could not fathom how far down half a fathom was.

Fathoms too are (surprise!) units of measure.

good: Lyn promised to be ready for bed in y 2 hour.

good: To BB, a shrew that stands 0.5 inch tall is a monstrous and frightening beast.

good: The entrance to the walkway in the ceiling above Lyn and Max's bed was just y 2 centimeter too small for Red to squeeze through.

good: Lyn ordered 0.5 cubic feet of feathers for her nest.

good: Sophia is now more than y 2 year old.

You should write moiety, rather than one-half, to refer to a portion of a whole that has been divided into two unequal parts.

276.1 have set the fractions in different ways to give you examples; see previous note.

.

si (, MINT 119 HALF

bad: Cosmo tried to grab the bigger half of the cookie.

good: Marina gave Swix the greater moiety of the can of dog food, because Swix weighed more than Spud and was also dominant.

A:

£ £

fc

bad: Reno quietly fed Swix the smaller half of his broken candy bar.

good: Pat gave the lesser moiety of his waking time to his family, but he provided quality to make up for lack of quantity.

« £ « £

good: Lyn and Max were never sure which of them was the other's better moiety.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use one-half to refer to one of two equal parts, and should use moiety to refer to one of two unequal parts that together constitute a whole. The greater moiety of this book comprises more than one-half of the segments.

120 Media

T

^L he word media denotes more than one medium of the sort that is a member of a broadcast system, or that stores or transmits information (the human variety takes the plural mediums). Never use media as a singular, as that error is anathema to many readers.

bad: The news media has turned out in force to cover the latest scandal.

good: The media have been preoccupied lately with their image.

« f:- *} fe

bad: Tape is a good backup media. good: A floppy disk is a convenient storage medium.

« £ £ iz-

bad: The media is the message; it strikes a happy media. 2 7

good: The medium can be massaged to present what you want presented.

« iz- « fc

bad: Max uses various mediums to give his talks. good: Lyn is learning to program multimedia applications.

277. Contributed by Richard Adamo.

SEGMENT I20 MEDIA

splendid: Max and Lyn consulted several mediums to determine which media reported medium-rare as the most delicious way to cook a steak; they also discovered which news medium had tried to use petri dishes and old socks as the media in which to grow the meat for the barbecue, and an ice locker as the storage medium for the leftovers.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should use media to denote more than one medium, unless the medium is a human being, and that you should never use media as a singular. Either use numerous writing media, or use just one medium.

121 Not Versus Rather Than

JLn sentences such as the following, the correct term is rather than, rather than not:

bad: Max wanted to build decision models all day, not to participate in video conferences, meetings, and conference calls.

good: Lyn wanted to write all day, rather than to fuss with supervising schedules, making telephone calls, and sending faxes.

£ fc « i:-

bad: The logic example demonstrates modus ponens, not modus tolens.

good: You should use proof by refutation, rather than resolution theorem proving.

« fc « fc

bad: Use the vocabulary of nodes and links, not that of frames and slots.

good: The Siamese class is a direct subclass, rather than a direct superclass, of the Cat class.

« fe « fc

bad: Red wanted to capture bats, not to enrapture them.

good: Lyn preferred to thank Red for his generous gifts, rather than to chastise him for murdering every creature in sight.

« fc « fc

bad: Richard was drinking far too much coffee, not sipping herbal tea and fresh juice.

good: Lyn was taking calming Chinese herbs, rather than shooting herself in frustration.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use rather than, rather than not.

122 Visual Aids for Presentations

7 v hen you give a presentation, you will usually prepare slides to accompany your talk. (I shall use slide here loosely to mean any visual aid—a transparency, for example, or a poster, a videotape, or a presentation on a CRT screen or LCD display.) Certain people prepare their slides first, and then talk from the slides. Other people conceive the talk, and then make up their slides. 278

There are two schools of thought 279 on the role that your slides play in your presentation. One school says that the speaker should be the focus of attention, and that therefore the slides should merely make a few points here and there, but should not cover comprehensively the content of the talk. I agree that the speaker should be the focus, provided that the speaker is worth the attention, but I do not agree with the deduction regarding the slides. The other school of thought, to which I adhere, is that the slides provide the anchor for your audience, which has a tendency to drift downstream or onto the banks. Thus, your slides should be comprehensive, and—more important—should keep the audience oriented.

I believe that few people are able to listen to most lectures without a break in their attention; excellent speakers hold audience attention

278. There are numerous techniques for public speaking, and numerous courses and books that will teach you those techniques. If you give presentations often, you would do well to avail yourself of these resources.

279. There are probably 185 perspectives, or more.

a

484 SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

most of the time, and average speakers hold audience attention fitfully. Your slides, however, can bring up the stragglers.

In addition, certain people absorb ideas more easily via visual representations; other people find aural information easier to grasp. By using comprehensive, clear slides, and also speaking well, you will reach both factions of your audience.

Because your slides constitute a shorthand version of your talk, they are highly concentrated information carriers. All the principles for disambiguating and otherwise clarifying your writing apply in spades to slides. Take a great deal of care developing your slides.

I leave out here the audience-softening joke slides and other grab-and-hold tricks you may want to use.

If you have available software for preparing presentations, you may find that using it is extraordinarily helpful. Resist the temptation, however, to use all the bells and whistles suddenly available to you, as otherwise you will create a din above which your meaning cannot be heard.

Use color sparingly. If you are not versed in how color attracts attention, you may want to read up on the subject; failing that alternative, look at your slides from a distance and ponder what happens in terms of understandability when you switch colors. Also use color consistently: If an object is green in one slide, do not color it red in the next. Do not distinguish by color creatures that have no right to be distinguished—if, for purposes of your talk, they form a homogeneous group, then color them to so indicate.

Use highlighting, animation, blinking, and other options thoughtfully. In general, use only one or two visual furbelows per slide, and use only those that have an excuse for being there.

SEGMENT 12.2 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

485

If you or your organization has a logo, you should place the logo in the same corner on every slide. An example of a logo follows: 280

Lumina

DECISION SYSTEMS

If you have no logo, put your name or other appropriate identification (for example, the name of your laboratory) on the slides. The following slide 281 has a logo in the lower-right corner. The subsequent slides have various forms of identification.

Enriching the basic BN20 model

More causal factors

Disease-disease dependencies

Intermediate pathophysiological states

Multiple levels of severity

Treatment

for treatments and diseases

Testing costs

280. Logo courtesy of Max Henrion, Lumina Decision Systems, Inc., Los Altos, California.

281. Slide courtesy of Max Henrion, Institute for Decision-Systems Research, Los Altos, California.

Your opening slide should say who you are, at what organization you work (if that information is relevant or existent), and what the title of your talk is. The title, whether humorous or deathly serious, should tell anyone reading it what the content of the talk is.

Ten Tips for Preparing Slides

Lyn Dupre Corporate Helping Hand, Inc.

Your second slide can be the general question or problem that you will address, if that information is not covered by the title.

How can you keep your audience awake?

Your (second or) third slide should outline the structure of your talk. It should indicate what you will talk about in what sequence; when you show it, you should say why you have adopted that sequence— why the sequence is a logical and helpful way to teach the subject.

All your subsequent slides should be tied to the outline slide. One excellent technique is to keep the outline in a small box in the corner of each slide, with a highlighter indicating where in the outline you are. At minimum, the titles of the subsequent slides should match exactly the titles given in the outline, and you should switch back to the outline slide as you move from segment to segment, reminding your audience of where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. Assume that, at any given time, someone in the audience has just woken up from a daydream and is trying to figure out about what you are talking; help her out!

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

I Selecting a Breed I.I Cat Shows

1 2 Literature

2. Preparing Your Home

2 1 Bedding

2 2 Food and Water 2.3 Litter Box

3. Selecting an Individual

3.1 Gender

3.2 Personality

4 Bringing Home Your New Kitten

3.2 Personality

* Watch how the kitten interacts with her littermates.

*Play with the kitten and pay attention to how she interacts with you.

*Read the kitten's tail language.

*Time the interval between initial petting and loud purring.

Dupre Felines

Your conclusion slide should hark back to the title or question-problem slide. Show that you have answered the question or solved the problem, and say (briefly) how you have done so. Again, assume that your listeners will have forgotten the question, even though you have reminded them several times.

How I Have Kept You Awake Today

I.Vigorous delivery style

2. Intelligent use of visual aids

3. Careful audience selection

4. Friendly interface; excellent rapport

5. Good explanation of topic

i

You should include a final slide that indicates how your work ties into a relevant bigger picture, and what future research on the subject might be, if your conclusion slide does not provide this information. If you are giving a business presentation, you can tie your work to overall goals such as big profits. 282 If you are sharing personal experiences, you can say what (or when, or why, or how, or where) other people might be in similar situations.

282. If it will win you points, you can even talk about profitability in certain (business) forums.

10. Decision Analysis (DA) for the Masses

I have demonstrated why making the general public conversant with the principles of DA would encourage rationale approaches to public policy.To put DA in the hands of everyone, we need tools that

•Are inexpensive and easy to use

•Guide users not versed in the application of statistical measures

•Guide users not familiar with the principles of DA

•Provide summary advice and rationales on demand

Decision Makers Anonymous

You should include a severely limited amount of information per slide. There is no point at all in displaying an elaborate slide with great blocks of text—or intricate diagrams—that no one can read. The problem is that people will try to read it anyway, and will stop listening to what you say. Limit each slide to a small, digestible chunk of information. Use large type that can be seen from the back row, even by someone whose vision is not like that of a hawk. The following slide is thus classified as ugly. 283

283. Text for the second slide courtesy of Max Henrion, Lumina Decision Systems, Inc., Los Altos, California.

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

491

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

EXAMPU Of INTRODUCTORY ADVERTISING COPY

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09:00 TO 18:00

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Demot, from Lumina Decision Systems, 11 a different tund of decision-analysts tool You don't need be a specialist in decision analysis to utc it- Demos leu you do serious modeling, nsk analysts and decision analysis, ail with the same package

Demos is simple to learn: Ycaj ]utt draw your problem as an influence diagram using predefined components Users say that Demos is much easier to use than a spreadsheet is

Demos is powerful: Smart tables * let you create and understand multidimensional models with ease

Demos is astonishingly fast: Demos uses efficient random-sampling algorithms with compute time proportional to model size, where conventional decision-tree methods take exponential time Demos easily evaluates models with many thousands of uncertain variables, where conventional decision-analysis programs bog down when faced with a dozen or so variables.

Demos provides deep insight: Demos helps you to find out what's important, why it matters, and what to do about it Convenient sensitivity-analysis tools grve you these insights fast

I You should use simple graphics liberally. A few boxes with arrows *^ between them can show system flow, for example, much more concisely than can a word description. Be sure that the labels on your graphics are clear (be sure that there are labels!), and that they are tied unambiguously to components of the picture. (In the following graphic, the words CPU, Main Memory, Disk Controller, and Ethernet Controller are labels.)

You should use absolutely consistent styling and spelling of words in both text and graphics, and should proofread every slide numerous times. As the following example shows, slides are a highly distilled form of writing, and any booboos will be disturbingly noticeable.

3.4 Any Booboos will be distirbingly Noticeable

Embarrassing Moments. Inc.

n

You should use parallel heads and structure. By parallel structure, I mean that your slides should be obviously consistent in layout and in use of design elements. Do not set lists in seven different ways; set them in one way. Do not give questions and answers on one slide, and problems and solutions on another that has similar content. Do not set the title of one slide in lowercase letters, the title of another in all capital letters, and the title of a third in both capital and lowercase letters. Do not set one title as a question, the next as an assertion, and the next as an imperative.

You should explain complex ideas as simply as you can. This principle applies to all expository writing, and your ability to carry it out is usually a function of how well you understand your subject matter. Keep asking yourself, as you prepare your talk,

• How can I make this concept simple?

• How can I tie this idea to everyday situations with which people are familiar?

• To what familiar concepts is this idea related?

• What examples can I use to clarify my meaning?

Use examples liberally, and be sure to make them both simple and explicit. In the following examples, there is nothing technically wrong with the first version; the second version, however, is more explicit and thus should be easier for the audience to follow.

ugly: "We consider how to recombine objects, where certain objects are incompatible with others in the absence of a third. The recombination rules are that only two objects at a time can move from one set to another, and that A must be one of those two objects."

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495

good: "Lyn has to transport three entities from the downstairs bedroom to the upstairs deck: Red, a mouse, and a wheel of cheese. How can Lyn get all the entities onto the deck without allowing any of them to be eaten?"

DECK-TRANSPORT DETAIL

1. Lyn can carry only two objects at a time.

2. Without Lyn's supervision, the mouse will eat the cheese.

3. Without Lyn's supervision, Red will eat the mouse.

4. Red is not partial to cheese.

5. Lyn is in good shape, and does not mind running up and down the stairs.

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

ugly: "The patient presents with a symptom, and the doctor must decide whether to prescribe treat-

ment

»284

good: "The client presents with a history of fainting, and the physician must help the client to decide whether to undergo arrhythmia mapping (an invasive procedure that incurs risk, cost, and discomfort to the client), and whether to take antiarrhythmic drugs (which have unpleasant side effects and incur

cost

"285

284. Note that, to Dr. Henrion's disgust, the slide does not contain an influence diagram.

285. The purpose of this example is to emphasize that explicit examples are more interesting and informative than are vague examples. The other content changes are irrelevant to the point under discussion.

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497

Test client by performing arrhythmia mapping?

Treat client by prescribing antiarrhythmic drugs 7

7

Should the client decide to undergo tests? Should she take medication?

If you have a function or equation or other symbolic language in your slide, point to it (or highlight it) and express it in natural language as you talk.

good: "The probability of A given that we know that B has occurred is equal to zero."

P (A|B) = 0

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

good: "If a particle is subject to some external force, then, during the time that it is free, it will accelerate in keeping with Newton's law: Force is equal to mass times acceleration."

Newton's Law f = ma

m

c

You should generally not give your audience handouts at the beginning of, or during, your talk, unless you prefer to see only the tops of people's heads. You should particularly not give your audience the outline and slides of your talk, because people will be happily browsing along three slides ahead of you, and will miss what you have to say. It is often helpful to provide the outline, slides, or other supporting material at the end of your talk. Of course, if you have specific material that you want people to examine and that you cannot project or otherwise display, then you will have to resort to handouts. Do not, however, have the audience pass around objects during your talk. Again, imagine having the woman sitting behind you tap you on the shoulder and hand to you an object that you are supposed to examine and then, by further shoulder tapping, pass on; clearly, such distractions are not conducive to your paying attention to a lecture.

As you speak about a list of items, such as the outline of heads for your talk, you should avoid displaying the entire list at the start. Rather, block out the entries, and reveal them one at a time as you get to them. This technique keeps your audience with you, instead of flailing into the woods ahead of you without a guide. You can use a piece of cardboard, for example, to block a transparency (but pay careful attention to it at all times, as otherwise you will cause

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499

alarming visual distractions). Another technique is to use a piece of transparent, colored (yellow is good) plastic to highlight the item that you are discussing.

good: "Lyn has to balance carefully a full mug of ginseng tea while trotting down an extremely narrow, steep staircase; in addition, she must neatly avoid the two cats who are wreathing around her ankles."

Lyn and Max f s Morning Routine

1. Red and BB wake up Lyn.

2. Lyn makes ginseng tea upstairs.

3. Lyn comes back to bed with the tea.

LD

When doing so is practical, you should alter your slide as you speak, such as by highlighting, pointing to, sticking colored pins in, or otherwise drawing attention to different parts of the display.

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

good: "I shall now discuss the processing step." [Click.]

You should speak about each item in each slide; if you have nothing to say about it, it should not be there. Do not show a list with six entries, but mention only two of them. Do not show a diagram with four components, but speak about only three. By the same token, do not show a diagram with four components, but speak about five of them.

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50I

bad: "There are three considerations in modem communications: the modem speed, the data-bits setting, and the stop-bit setting."

Modem Communications

1. Line speed

2. Data-bits setting

3. Parity-checking setting

4. Stop-bit setting

8

You should use the same terms in your talk as those you use in your slide. Do not label an object in your slide as a magazine, and then talk about a journal. Do not write about a diskette, and then talk about a floppy disk. Do not diagram a gallery-visiting algorithm, and then talk about traveling sales representatives.

bad: "Let's look now at the odds-ratio version of Bayes' rule. By using this rule, we calculate, from the prior on A, the posterior probability on A given B."

Odds-Likelihood Formulation of Bayes' Theorem

O (Q|P) = XO(Q)

We can thus compute the posterior odds on Q (given P) from the prior odds on Q (that is, from the odds on Q before we observed that P was true).

m

E

B

502 SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS

When you point to a component or entry on an overhead-projection transparency or computer screen, you should point to the display at which your audience is looking; do not hunch up over the projector and point to items on it. First, you should be seeing what your audience is seeing; your enormous forefinger jabbing at entries in a list may look quite different from what you imagine. Second, you should be talking to your audience, rather than to your projector.

When you point to an item, you should always point to the side of— rather than across—your body. That is, if you are standing on the right side of the display, from the audience's perspective, then you should use your right hand to point; if your are standing on the left, use your left hand. If you point across your body, you will automatically turn your back on your audience and start mumbling into the screen.

If you use a pointer, you should be careful what you do with it. Do not play with it, wave it around, or otherwise distract people with it. Do not open it and close it against your body, stick it in your pocket, or otherwise risk the gaffe of gaffing yourself.

You should use your hands thoughtfully. Intelligent use of gesture is a superb way to engage your audience; flapping about like a duck that walked into a beehive is not. Do not ball your hands into fists in your pockets; if you want to use your pockets at all, use only one at a time, and never fiddle with the contents. If gesturing is not coming easily because you are tense, use one hand at a time. In generally, you should neither hold your hands close to your body (signaling tension) nor throw them wide (like a politician).

You should not hide the front of your body when you speak, tempting as that may be if you are a shy speaker. Step out from behind the lectern. Uncross your arms. Put down your papers.

E

SEGMENT 122 VISUAL AIDS FOR PRESENTATIONS 503

You should stand to one side of your display, so that you do not block it. If you wish, you can turn off the display when you want your audience to focus on you, and turn it back on again when you want people to switch attention back to it.

You should make eye contact with your listeners. Do not mumble along staring down at your notes; avoid sounding and looking like you are reading a paper (even if that is what you are doing). Find a few people in each area of the audience—front, back, side—who look sufficiently interested and friendly that you can look at them directly without flinching. Shift your gaze as you make different points.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should apply all the principles in this book to your slides, taking even more than your usual care, becuase errors will be expe-cially obvious.

123 Plural Abbreviations

7 1 hen you write about the plural of an object denoted by an abbreviation, you should form the plural correctly.

BYou should (usually) simply append an s to an abbreviation to form the plural; you should not use an apostrophe.

bad: All the CPU's and printers in the office went berserk simultaneously.

good: The CRTs seemed to be unharmed.

« fc € fc

bad: If you live in New York, you know how often the IRT's run.

good: You have only one VAX machine? I expected you two have at least several VAXEN.

You should use apostrophe s to indicate a possessive formed from a singular abbreviation.

bad: DARPAs (now and formerly ARPAs) old system caused the problem.

good: Correct usage would dictate that you write "you know how often the IRT's trains run."

good: The fans at the rock concert reported seeing a UFO's lights.

SEGMENT 123 PLURAL ABBREVIATIONS

505

You should (usually) use s apostrophe to form the plural possessive of an abbreviation. (If you would pronounce the plural possessive as ending with esses, then you should use s apostrophe s.)

bad: The fans rioted because they were afraid of the three UFO's contents.

good: The UIDs' forms were difficult to comprehend.

good: The BONEs's inventor was a desperate woman.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should form the plural of an abbreviation by adding simply s; you should form the possessive of a singular abbreviation by adding apostrophe s; and you should (usually) form the plural possessive by adding s apostrophe. Lyn is BUGS's inventor.

124 Style Sheets and Spell Checkers

c

^—•areful authors and editors use a style sheet to maintain consistency in the way that they handle all the various terms for which they must make a style decision. A style sheet comprises sections to describe styling decisions on such matters as those in the following list. Note that I give here only representative examples; the list is by no means comprehensive.

• Figures: How are they numbered? What kind of captions do they have? How are the labels styled? What convention do you use for calling them out?

• Tables: How are they numbered? How are the titles styled? How are the column heads and side heads styled? Are entries left justified or centered? How many rules do you set? What type do you use for the notes? How do you punctuate legends?

• References: Do you use periods with the authors' initials? Where do you put the date? Do you spell out the month for a conference? Do you abbreviate department or university? Do you give inclusive page numbers? Is there a comma or a period at the end of a title? Are journal titles set in quotation marks? How are titles styled?

• Punctuation: Do you use the series comma? Do you capitalize a full sentence after a colon? 286 Is there a comma after an introductory clause? How do you set displayed lists?

• Abbreviations: What abbreviations do you use? How are abbreviations defined? Do you set in boldface type the definition of an abbreviation? Do you permit Latin abbreviations in parenthetical remarks? Do you define common abbreviations for units of measure?

In addition, the style sheet contains an alphabetical listing of all words or terms about which you have made a style decision. For example, if you decide to capitalize the names of functions in your document, that is a style decision. Or, if you decide to follow the style that I suggest, and to close up wowwords (that is, not to hyphenate them), that too is a style decision. Another (correct) style decision would be to omit the hyphen in two-word adjectives that follow the noun that they modify—to write J want to make the program cost effective, rather than ...program cost-effective.

I recommend that you develop your own style sheet; you will probably want to maintain it online, so that you can search it easily. Think of your style sheet as boilerplate material for the functional specification of your document. That is, when you design a document, you must think first about what it will do (such as sell a product, convey a research finding, or obtain funding for you). You must decide for whom you are writing it, and what you want to say in it. You must determine what the structure of your document will be. Finally, you must choose how the elements of your document— sentences, figures, tables, references, and so on—will be styled. That part of the specification is your style sheet.

286. That is, do you capitalize the first letter after a colon if what follows the colon constitutes a sentence? I recommend that you do.

So8

SEGMENT 124 STYLE SHEETS AND SPELL CHECKERS

Your style sheet should contain numerous entries for all the terms about which you make a decision over the course of your authorship lifetime. Your discipline or company, for example, may use many terms not covered by any dictionary. Nearly every principle in this book would feel at home in your style sheet.

You should make frequent and intelligent use of your spell checker. 1 * Obviously, running the spell checker will catch many typos and spelling errors. In addition, you can use your spell checker to help you implement your style sheet. When you spell check your document, simply add to the spelling dictionary all terms that you have chosen to style in a certain way. Using your spell checker certainly will not eradicate all styling inconsistencies, but it will at least reduce their number.

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should develop and maintain a style sheet, and that you should use your spell checker to help you to implement that style sheet.

287. You may also want to use a smell checker, defined by Richard Adamo as someone who sniffs your manuscript to see which parts stink; such people often are known as copy editors.

125 Maybe Versus May Be

T

ee adverb maybe, set as one word, means perhaps; it is shorthand for it may be that. 288 You should write the verb may be when you mean that an entity may or may not have a characteristic, or that a state of affairs may or may not occur.

bad: May be this book seems long.

good: Maybe the book is simply set in large type, and maybe it is therefore not difficult to read.

good: It may be that large type makes comprehension easy, even though large type also makes the book thick.

« fe « fc

bad: Max thought that may be Lyn's intents and purposes were nefarious.

good: Max realized that maybe Lyn's intense purposes were to his liking.

good: Intense intents may be most effective in getting the job done.

e fe £ &

288. The noun maybe — the wedding tomorrow is a maybe —also is one word.

bad: May be there was a good reason why copy-on-write was not included in 4.2BSD Unix.

good: Maybe there is another way to create processes without exorbitant overhead.

good: When large processes fork, copying the entire user address space may be expensive.

« fc « fc

bad: Gabe thought, "May be this bright shiny object is good to eat."

good: John suggested to Gabe that maybe not all objects on the ground were edible.

good: John may be happier now than he was before Gabe was born; he certainly is busier!

« » « fc

bad: Joe was thinking that may be he should not have volunteered to undertake the design of Lyn's book.

good: Lyn was thinking that maybe they would get the book out the door without any further significant catastrophes, disk crashes, or other unnatural disasters.

good: You may be wondering whether Lyn was writing this book 3 minutes before she sent the file to the film shop.

Be careful not to introduce redundancy when you use maybe or may be. 2S9

289. Weasel wording in research papers often contains such redundancies, as the authors backpedal from commitment of any kind.

SEGMENT 125 MAYBE VERSUS MAY BE

511

ugly: Joe may perhaps decide to do his laboratory work before the semester begins.

ugly: Lyn found maybe approximately 200 spiders in her shower stall this morning.

ugly: Presumably, you may perhaps be able to see that, seemingly, this sentence apparently could maybe contain a redundant phrase.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should set the term maybe, meaning perhaps, as one word. You should set the verb may be as two words. You may be still learning, but maybe you already know this principle.

126 Figures Y

JL ou should use figures wisely as an adjunct to your writing.

A figure is a graphic representation of information; it might be a photograph (halftone), a drawing (line art), or a shaded or screened picture. It might be a screen dump cr a computer-generated graph.

It would not be appropriate in this book to discourse at length on the design of good figures. You should be aware, however, that there is a wealth of information on this topic, and that it is worth the time to make yourself conversant with that material. A good start would be to read Tufte's book:

good: Tufte ER. The Visual Display of Quantitative Information. Cheshire, CT: Graphics Press, 1983. 290

A list of written entries is not a figure—it is simply a list. If, for whatever reason, you wish to highlight or number a list, or any other block of plain text, you can enclose the text in a box; do not, however, call it a figure. 291 Similarly, you should label and number tabular material as a table, rather than as a figure. You can handle a section of computer code as a figure, or you can label and number it as a program (Program 4.5, Program 6), even if it is only a fragment

290. Tufte's book is good; the citation for it is set correctly, so it too is good.

291. Figures can consist of simply text if, for example, they are reproductions of advertisements; in other words, there are exceptions. The problem arises when you try to use slides or transparencies, which often properly comprise only text, as figures.

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

513

of a program. In general, you should set code in a monospace typeface, or in another typeface obviously distinguished from that of your base text (for example, in a sans serif typeface if the base text is in serif typeface). 292

Figure 126.1 should be an intext list or a box, rather than a figure. We thus classify it as bad.

Figure 126.1 Several of BB's favorite activities. [Bad]

292.1 recommend monospace (typefaces in which each letter takes up the same amount of space, like letters printed by an old-fashioned typewriter) because its use for this purpose is currently common, and readers will understand what you are doing. There are other ways to distinguish code from base text, and many people have strong opinions about which ways are preferable. I do not like to set code in a type size different from that of base text, for example, whereas other people find down sizing acceptable. The primary point is that you should choose a convention that will clearly distinguish code from base text and that also will be legible, and you should use your convention consistently.

SEGMENT 126 FIGl Kl S

Figure 126.2 should be a table, rather than a figure; it too is classified as bad.

Figure 126.2 Notable differences between Red and BB. [Bad]

Figures 126.3 anc * 126.4 are set correctly as figures; we classify them as good. Note that, in Figure 126.3, tne legend (the key explaining what is signified by the differentiators, such as dots, lines, colors, shading, and so on) is contained within the figure; it also could be set in the caption.

60

50

40 H Percentage

of total 30

catch ,„

10

0

Spring

Summer Autumn

Winter

Figure 126.3 Bar chart showing various prey that keep Red amused (by percentage of total catch) during the four seasons. Source: Dupre L. What's waiting on the rug in the morning. Fluff and Fancy, 4(4): 444- [Good]

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

515

Diagram * House cost...

Pavs) ( Op ] Model: | House cost~

Decision

Chance variable

Submodel

Objective or criterion

Figure 126.4 Demos screen showing a top-level influence diagram from a model for the decision of whether to buy a house. Rectangles represent decision nodes, rounded-corner rectan gles represent chance variables, thick-line outlined rounded-corner rectangles are submodels, and the diamond node is the objective or criterion node for the decision. The arrows show relations, or influences, between nodes. Courtesy of Max Henrion, Lumina Decision Systems, Inc., Los Altos, California. [Good]

You should number all figures. In an article, proposal, or other short document, you can use single numbers (Figure 2, Figure 6), or you can use double numbers by section (Figure 4.1 being the first figure in Section 4, and so on). In a book chapter, you should use double numbers (Figure 5.3 being the third figure in Chapter 5, and so on). The primary reason for numbering figures is to make layout easy. An unnumbered figure must be set in the text column precisely where the callout for it appears, whereas a numbered figure may be set

$l6 SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

several pages away if necessary. 24 In addition, you can refer precisely to a numbered figure later in the text.

bad: The following figure shows Peter, Lyn, Sarah, and Max, shrieking on Splash Mountain at Disneyland.

good: Figure 12.4 shows that, in 1993, siggraph was held in geographic proximity to Disneyland.

You should call out all numbered figures in text. 294 To call out a figure is to refer to the figure by number.

good: Obelisk's robust cash-flow forecasts for 1994 are shown in Figure 3.2.

You should use figures whenever, and only when, a graphical representation will communicate information more clearly and effectively than will a word description. A figure that is difficult to understand or confusing will serve only to reduce communication with your reader, whereas your goal should be to enhance communication. A good figure is simple and easy to grasp. For these reasons, you should not have a long description in the text that conveys the same information as does a figure. If you present a chart showing the percentage of entrepreneurs who have nervous breakdowns, classified by years since incorporation of their companies, do not add a

293. Obviously, if you are not submitting your manuscript to a publisher (or if you are, at any rate, doing your own page makeup), then you may not be concerned about this difficulty. However, many new authors do not apprehend the layout problems that can arise once a book or article is in production.

294. An excellent technique is to search on words such as Figure, Table, Program, and Box when you finish your document, to ensure that you have called out each element in the proper order. Also, most text formatters will let you use automatic numbering for all numbered elements in your document. I strongly recommend that you use that option if it is available; machines are considerably more accurate counters than are humans.

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

517

redundant paragraph presenting the same data. The figure caption plus the figure should, in most cases, stand alone.

Figure 126.5 * s not a useful figure; we classify it as ugly.

Figure 1 26.5 Data from the experiment. [Ugly]

Figure 126.6 is equally useless, primary because it has no legend, and the caption explains little. It receives the classification of ugly.

Figure 1 26.6 Suggested breakdown of revenue sources. [Ugly]

Figure 126.7 m ^y at first look reasonable, but closer inspection reveals a presumed mismatch with the caption.Therefore, we classify this figure as ugly.

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

Figure 126.7 Scatterplot showing relationship between system reliability and computational effort. A nonlinear relationship can be observed, despite the two outliers. Photograph courtesy of Misha Pavel. [Ugly]

Figure 126.8 is a reasonably clear figure; 295 we classify it as good.

295. It is not, however, a clearly reasonable figure.

,

SEGMENT 12.6 FIGURES

519

Figure 126.8 Max and Lyn's moods, by period of the day. The vertical axis represents a scale from O (no happiness) to IOO (full potential happiness). We could discern in the data set no causal influence of the two variables on each other. [Good]

»

You should label your figures clearly and consistently. A figure label is a word or phrase that indicates what an object in a graphic represents. You might be labeling the axes of a graph, or the nodes of a network, or the components of a VLSI circuit. You might be labeling a house and a happy family, or a flowchart for a system. Figure 126.9 contains numerous labels.

Rectangle

Double-headed arrow

Square

Figure 1 26.9 Figure showing labels for common shapes and artwork. [Good]

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

CI

You should style all labels in all figures consistently, in terms of capital versus lowercase letters. That is, you should set all labels in mixed capital and lowercase letters, with only the first letter capitalized, or in all lowercase letters. Do not set the labels for one figure in all capital letters and set those for the next figure all lowercase letters, and do not mix styles within one figure.

The labels in Figure 126.10 are inconsistent, both internally and as compared to the caption. In addition, the information in the caption does not match that in the graph. Finally, the unit of measure being used in the vertical axis is not specified. With no hesitation, we classify it as bad.

-Production Department

.MARKETING DEP

-Auth

-sales department

-■'■ . ■-'■;■ people

final part

Figure I26.IO Rate of activity of various entities involved in the creation of a book, by phase. In the first phase, the author and sponsoring editor are working at full tilt. In the second phase, the division of sales and marketing begins to develop a strategy, while the author continues to write and the sponsoring editor supervises. The production supervisor comes on board in phase 3 > and the author and editor theoretically have less work to do. In phase 4, manufacturing takes over producing the bound book. By phase 5, sales representatives and marketing specialists are doing the bulk of the work. [Bad]

Occasionally, a figure may be complex enough to require several levels of labels, just like levels of heads in a text outline. For example, if your figures primarily show systems in which there are objects taking up cells, you may wish to label the systems with level i labels and

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

521

the cells with level 2 labels. In that case, choose a logical style for each level, and stick to it. Figure 126.11 has two levels of labels ("users," for example, is level 1, whereas "applications programs" is level 2).

Figure 126.11 Key parts of a computer system. [Good]

»

You should style and spell all labels as they are set in the text (with the exception of capital versus lowercase letters). That is, if you refer to an object as a layer cake in the text, do not label it as a torte in your figure. Also do not label it as a "layer cake" (do not add or delete quotation marks; match the way that the term is set in the text), or as a layer-cake (do not use spelling or hyphenation different from that set in text). Be sure to set all variables in italics, just as they are set in the text, and to set other mathematical symbols in the same way (do not use a times sign in the text and an asterisk in the figure). If you are distinguishing certain terms in the text by using a different typeface—for example, if you are using a monospace face for code, or for names of variables—then be sure to use that typeface for such terms in your figure labels as well. The default face probably will be

J22

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

different from the text default, as most designs call for separate typefaces for figure labels and base text.

Figure 126.12 shows mismatch between labels and caption text; 296 we classify it as bad.

Maxine

Ricardo

Betty

I Playing IResting ■ Working

40 60

Percentage of waking time

80

100

Figure 126.12 Percentage of daytime spent on various activities for Lyn, Max, Richard, and Betsy. Relaxation includes daydreaming and spacing out. Effort includes only those activities undertaken for financial remuneration. Fun is the default category. The researchers have been criticized for failure to recognize that certain hard work is performed gratis. Source: Adapted from Oppenheim G, Past Life Regression Therapy, Tappan, New York: Confide Press, 199 < ) -[Bad]

296. The source note also is suspect.

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

523

You should not set the title of your figure within the figure itself. 297 The title belongs in the caption. 298 Figure 126.13 contains a title; we classify it as ugly.

UNPLEASANT SEQUELAE ASSOCIATED WITH VARIOUS FORMS OF WRITING

Electronic mail

Research articles

Memoranda

Love letters

■ Loss of appetite

■ Depression

■ Backaches DHeadaches

P""P

10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80

Number of reported incidents during the study period

Figure 126.13 Unpleasant sequelae associated with various forms of writing. The data reflect subjects' self-reports of correlations between incidents of the four unpleasant effects (loss of appetite, depression, backache, and headache) and the type of writing that the subjects had done during the study period. [Ugly]

Note that you may find it helpful to design your figures before you begin writing. Just as certain people can talk from any set of slides, certain people can write from any set of figures. Experiment with

297. In slides, transparencies, or other visual aids for presentations, you should have a title. Thus, be careful if you convert a slide to a figure: Remove the title!

298. In traditional book publishing, the art manuscript and the text manuscript are separate entities. The art manuscript contains the figures; the text manuscript includes, in addition to the regular text, figure captions, tables, boxes— in other words, everything else. The figure title should not be part of the art manuscript.

SEGMENT 126 FIGURES

designing your figures before you write your text; see whether the technique works for you.

If that technique does not work for you, consider writing your prose and drawing your figures as you get to them, rather than after you have finished writing. You may find that the process of drawing the figures changes your thinking about the text presentation. In addition, you may find it difficult to reconstruct what you wanted to show when you wrote a section 6 months ago.

The principle for lucid writing here is that graphical representation is a powerful and compact form of communication that you should use wisely. You should choose figures that are clear, simple, and easy to understand, and that are labeled carefully.

127 Gender-Specific Words

7 1 ords that assign a gender that is not relevant to a role will annoy a portion of your readers, and will seriously insult another portion. There is no reason to indicate the gender of people whose job or activity has nothing to do with their gender. Instead, use alternatives that are not gender specific.

When possible, use a word that is genderfree. When no such alternative is available, construct a gender-neutral word by, for example, substituting person for man, or coin a plausible word. Even if the word is awkward, it shows your reader that you are sensitive to gender bias and to other gender-related issues; a large portion of your readers will applaud your sensitivity.

ugly: Richard suggested, "The problem with manned space flights is the human factor."

good: Betsy devised a schedule to ensure that the playschool would be staffed at all times.

« ft « ft

ugly: The car salesman complained to his manager that he was being used to sell man-made objects.

good: Lyn worked out an alternative algorithm to solve the traveling-salesperson problem, in which the salesperson must visit numerous towns to sell artifacts.

$Z6 SEGMENT I 27 GENDER-SPECIFIC WORDS

good: The sales representative for Avon forgot his sales kit, which contained various manufactured and synthesized items.

>:- & £ i-

ugly: Boris is a programmer; he is a sculptor of code and a software craftsman.

good: Lauralee has learned to be an interface designer; she is a sculptor of images, and a graphics artisan.

« fc « »

ugly: Dona missed the ferry from Quadra Island to Campbell River because a "men working" sign demanded that all cars detour to the other end of the island.

good: Every summer, as soon as tourist season starts, "crew working" signs go up all over Quadra, because the roads keep subsiding.

« fe « »

ugly: Len suggested that they discuss manpower requirements for the consulting job, now that Bob had done an analysis of the man-hours required.

good: Max replied that he would prefer to discuss staffing, based on person-hours.

^ *? £ a-

ugly: The stewardesses called a strike when they were asked to pick up after the passengers; they objected to serving as garbagemen. Firemen were asked to stand by.

good: The sanitation workers refused to cross the flight attendant's picket line; the stench soon became unbearable. The firefighters were asked to burn the garbage.

« fc « *:-

ugly: As chairman of the company, Max decided to cancel the launch party because he was too busy to attend.

good: Theodora cried when the board tabled her nomination for chair.

« i:- « is

ugly: The policemen closed the highway to accommodate the congressman's campaign entourage.

good: The congressional representatives who favored privacy and those who favored security collided on the information superhighway; police officers were called in to clean up the mess.

« fc « fe

ugly: The new motherboard perturbed the man-machine interface.

good: The team developed a parentboard that allowed them to try an innovative human-computer interaction.

« fc « iz-

ugly: Since Max's maid left town, the spiders had taken over, and the mailman refused to come to the door.

good: Lyn suggested that they either advertise the spiders on the worldwide web or hire a new housekeeper, so that the mail carrier would resume service.

« » £ fc

ugly: Misha's friends were always trying to introduce Misha to his fellow countrymen, when such people visited from the mother country.

good: Moises visited his homeland to spend time with his compatriots.

« * « »

ugly: The waitress spilled hot coffee on Brian's laptop.

good: The waiter dried Brian's laptop vigorously in the hope of preserving her tip.

good: Brian was unimpressed by the waitperson's clean-up techniques.

good: Brian and Adrienne hired 10 waitrons for their wedding reception.

« » « »

ugly: Martha gave up her career as an actress, whereas Anthony maintained his commitment to being an actor.

good: Whenever Anthony played opposite the new actor in the troupe, she tried to upstage him.

Z: £ £ &

ugly: The landlord wanted to evict the rats from Max and Lyn's ceiling, but Lyn was unwilling to harm any living creature, and she was unable to locate an experienced pied piper.

good: The property owner worked with Lyn and Max on various alternatives, such as smoke, a trail of cheese, or nightly banging of cymbals. They selected, as the method most likely to be effective, continual broadcast of closed-loop demos from computer trade shows.

« if:- « fc

ugly: The fisherman stumbled on the manhole cover.

good: The fish catcher 299 fell down the hole in the street because the subterranean-access lid was missing.

« fc « »

ugly: The businessmen all came to the conference wearing their most conservative gray suits.

good: The businesspeople and the managers attended the exotic erotic ball wearing unexpected costumes.

« fc « i:-

ugly: The question of whether women should be clergymen has excited much debate.

good: Even invidual clergy hold different opinions— particularly those who are women.

« fc « »

ugly: The speaker at the feminist meeting closed by saying, "I'd like to thank you guys for attending my lecture"; several of the ladies threw rotten tomatoes at him.

299. The New York Times has accepted fisher; a. 1994 headline read "With both sexes enjoying the sport, 'fisher' is losing a suffix." [Lawson C. Fly fishing's lure draws women to the river, The New York Times, August 8, 1994, p. Ai.]

SEGMENT 127 GENDER-SPECIFIC WORDS

GOOD: "I wish to remind our speaker," said the meeting's leader, "that there is only one guy present tonight among all the people here."

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ugly: Mankind has always waged war, a testament to man's inhumanity to man.

good: Lyn wondered whether humanity's inhumanity was evident to other Homo sapiens.

Note that there are respectable gender-specific terms that denote roles that are related to gender.

good: The queen kittened while the bitch whelped.

good: What's sauce for the goose is peanut butter for the gander.

good: The mother nursed her daughter while the cock crowed and the peacock spread his fan.

good: Max and Lyn decided to walk around, rather than through, the field in which stood a massively imposing and ferocious-looking bull.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, to mistress the art of writing, you should avoid using words that are gender specific when the roles that they denote are not gender related.

128 Continuous Versus Continual

T : ~~

^Lhe words continuous and continual have different meanings. Continuous means occurring without interruption; continual, means recurring steadily.

ugly: The neighbors' continuous parties often kept everyone awake.

good: The continuous cacophony of the heron chicks allowed Max and Lyn to do away with their stereo system throughout spring.

« fc « »

ugly: The simplest resistive network is a one-dimensional continual network.

good: Continuous networks have characteristics different from those of discrete networks.

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ugly: A virtual-memory system continuously swaps data in and out of memory.

good: The CPU, in a time-sharing system, is continually switching from process to process.

K- if:- *s is

SEGMENT 128 CONTINUOUS VERSUS CONTINUAL

ugly: Max decided that breathing continually was necessary for his continued well being.

good: Lyn was continually amazed by the difficulty of the publishing process.

>:- i:- K* i:-

splendid: If you drink carrot juice continually, you may notice a continuously deepening and disturbingly bright orange cast to your complexion.

The principle for lucid writing here is that, when you are writing, you should be on guard against errors continuously, to avoid making mistakes continually.

129 Fewer Versus Less

T

,

[E word fewer denotes a reduction in the number of a given collection of individual items; less denotes a reduction in the amount of a given stuff.

bad: Steve thought that there should be less cars on the road than there were at rush hour on Highway 101.

good: Judy thought that there should be fewer bicyclists per pack than there were on weekends on Arastradero Road.

« fc « fc

good: Steve and Judy agreed that there should be less traffic on the road on which they wanted to bicycle together.

bad: I think that this manuscript would be clearer if it had less clip-art inserts.

9 fc « fe

good: Desktop-publishing systems allow you to move through the production process in fewer steps than are needed for traditional typesetting systems.

good: Paul Brainerd could have been less successful, but he produced PageMaker™ and made a killing.

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SEGMENT 129 FEWER VERSUS LESS

bad: Reno wanted less toys than Cosmo did; Marina immediately checked Reno's temperature.

GOOD: Swix put up with less adult attention and more tail pulling after Cosmo was born.

good: Spud had fewer tricks in his repertoire than Swix had.

good: Cosmo ate less ice cream than Reno did; Cosmo had fewer stomach aches that week too.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should distinguish between fewer and less; making fewer errors will allow you to feel less foolish.

130 Italic Type

JLtalic type is the most common typographical distinction used in text. If you are familiar with its uses, you can write precisely by, for example, distinguishing terms themselves from denotations, and emphasizing phrases.

Whenever you set text in a typographical style different from that of your base text, remember to set the accompanying punctuation marks in the same style. Set an italic comma, period, quotation mark, parenthesis, question mark, exclamation mark, and so on next to an italic letter. The reason for this convention is that a roman period, for example, will not close up properly to an italic letter, but instead will leave an ugly space on the baseline. Therefore, most publishers adhere to this convention; 300 if you do not do so from the outset, you may find yourself backtracking tediously to reset zillions of punctuation marks.

The exception to the preceding convention occurs in mathematical expressions, where it is standard to set the delimiters (parentheses,

300. Certain people feel strongly that this convention represents a logical error. They argue that, if the text block associated with the punctuation mark is set in roman type, the appearance of a term in italic type should not influence the style used to set the punctuation mark. This matter is another about which people hold powerful opinions. You may choose to follow either convention, provided that your publisher is willing to give you the choice. As always, the critical point is to be consistent across your document. This book is set using the convention suggested in the text, to which Joseph Norman objected nonviolently.

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536 SEGMENT 130 ITALIC TYPE

angle brackets, caret marks, or whatever) in roman, regardless of the style of the alphanumeric characters between the delimiters.

You should use italics for emphasis. You should not use boldface type for this purpose, because boldface leaps off the page too energetically. Reserve boldface for key terms. Do not use boldface and italic type, in any event. 301

ugly: When the visual effect of the pointer manipulation is to rotate the subtree whose root is the pivot node, the operation is referred to as AVL rotation.™ 2

good: The insertion that unbalanced the tree structure occurred in the left subtree of the left child of the pivot node.

« » K* iz-

ugly: Steve cried, "You are disappointed that we can't go to the beach today? How do you think I feel?

good: Judy snapped, "I don't think that's a compromise; it's more of a unilateral mandate."

good: "I really am sorry," sighed Steve; "so am I," whispered Judy, as the couple started to cuddle in the most outrageous manner.

301. In general, you should use boldface and italic type only when you have a reason for each typographic style; for example, if you are using boldface to pick out key terms, and a key term is also a mathematical variable, then you would set it in italic boldface.

302. Of course, depending on context, AVL rotation might well be a key term; in that case, the example would be classified as good.

You should use italics (with no boldface) to indicate that you are speaking about the word itself, rather than about its denotation. 303

ugly: John's father Desmond, and soon many people, used anathema as a noun, to refer to what was left of a loaf after someone had removed only one-half of a slice of bread.

good: Desmond once informed an overly inquisitive interviewer that the difference between a flute and a lute was eff off.

good: Space mating is the interesting term used to describe certain of the research programs on docking in space.

good: The name ARPA was changed to DARPA, and then back to ARPA, in response to the political climates of the times.

good: Many people fail to notice the plural in National Institutes of Health.

You should use italics on foreign words and phrases. Note that you should set in roman type common words and phrases. The test to determine whether a given foreign term is common is to look it up in the main body of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary; 304 ' 305 if it is there, it is considered to be a word of the English language, whatever its derivation, and so should be set in roman type.

good: Lyn still firmly believes that amor vincit omnia, provided that the omnia cooperate.

good: The sign on Max's door read Caveat Entrator.

good: Many couples spend years not only trying to get past their hang ups, but also determining meum et tuum.

303. You can also use double quotation marks for this purpose.

good: Blackford suggested the formation of an ad hoc committee to study the per capita incomes of physicians who serve on numerous committees.

good: Doug reported [Owens etal., 1994] that his guideline work was so rough these days that he was being forced to spend an entire week in Hawaii as a visiting professor.

good: Lyn hoped that there would be no problems when the file was Riped (i.e., they hoped that filmout would be performed without a hitch).

good: Lyn was exceptionally lucky in having superbly competent and confident people (e.g., Max and Jan and Adrienne and Joe) on her book team.

GOOD: The grant has been canceled without warning; requi-escat in pace.

good: In his . plan file, Moises described his current plan as Dolce far niente.

good: "Ah Red," exclaimed Lyn as she saw what Red had wrought in Max's study, "a bon chat, bon rat."

304. Be extremely careful to use only the Webster's published by Merriam-Webster, Springfield, MA; there are zillions of versions of Webster's Dictionary, but only the Merriam-Webster is used by almost all publishers in the United States. The unabridged version is a wonderful book to have, but, because it is updated less frequently, you should use the collegiate edition as your day-to-day reference.

Tangentially, note that Webster's first spelling and styling is the most common or preferred one, whereas the first definition is the oldest one. Subsequent definitions are given in order of common or preferred usage. Certain other dictionaries follow usage in the ordering of all the definitions, and some follow etymology in the order of spelling and styling. Whatever dictionary you use, be sure you know what the orderings mean.

305. If the phrase is listed in the "Foreign Words and Phrases" section, rather than in the main body, you set it in italics.

You should set titles of books and movies in italic type.

good: Max, having had a deprived childhood in London, failed to appreciate fully both Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz.

good: Max, who values privacy highly, did not always appreciate fully the anecdotes in B UGS in Writing.

You should set variables in italic type. Note that, when you set the plural, you should merely add an s—you should not set an apostrophe unless you wish to indicate ownership.

good: We denote by w Lyn's mood on a given Monday.

good: Red sat down on the (« -1 )th step.

good: Calculate all the as.

good: You can calculate x's value if you know y's.

You should not use italics to indicate that you mean the shape of a letter, rather than the letter itself. Rather, set such letters in sans serif type. 306 If your base text is set sans serif (and you are doing your own typesetting), set the letter in boldface type, and in a different sans serif typeface.

ugly: Most people have moderately S-shaped spines.

good: When Jackie sits on Dona's windowsill, he is perfectly A-shaped.

good: Lyn and Max have an L-shaped dining room.

306. Serifs are the small flourishes at the upper and lower ends of the stroke of a letter. Examples of sans (without) serif typefaces are Gill Sans, Helvetica, Avant Garde; examples of serif typefaces are Garamond, Times Roman, and Cochin.

People have extraordinarily strong opinions about serif versus sans serif type— about whether or when you should use either, about which is easier to read, and so on—but everyone disagrees.

SEGMENT 130 ITALIC TYPE

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should set in italic type words that you wish to emphasize, words under discussion, foreign words, and variables.

The BUGS Classification System

bad: The example sentence contains a genuine error or mistake (for example, bad grammar); you should avoid the bad portion completely. Making such a mistake, embarrassment is unavoidable.

ugly: The example sentence is technically correct, but is not acceptable for one reason or another; you should avoid the ugly portion.

When one writes in an ugly manner, in order that one may sound like one knows what one is doing, one may lose credibility with the audience.

good: The example sentence is acceptable and correct. When you write well, you get your point across. splendid: The example sentence demonstrates an improvement over a given good solution or example, or represents correct application of several points under discussion.

Once you have developed ear, you will be able to tell without hesitation what constitutes correct syntax, style, and semantics; you will have competence in written English, and will be equipped to communicate effectively with your fellow humans.

131 Truncated Words

W ~T^

7 7 hen you truncate words without reason, you transmute respectable words into annoying jargon or overly casual phrases that will strike many of your readers as unpleasant. Respect the language by using the full form of its words.

You should write laboratory, rather than lab.

ugly: Ted's lab has grown considerably in the past io years.

good: Carver keeps the size of his laboratory team fairly constant, because he believes that maintaining a small group encourages collaboration.

e « e »

ugly: You should do all the lab work for your science courses on time.

good: Bell Labs attracts a large number of highly qualified scientists

You should write memorandum, rather than memo.

ugly: Some compulsive people file every memo they receive, even memos announcing children's birthday parties or luncheons.

good: Toss that memorandum in the circular file, with all the other silly memoranda.

.

£ » « fc

ugly: Many people feel compelled to fill their memos with jargon; perhaps they think that jargon makes them appear to be experts, but it just makes them appear to be puffed-up silly twits.

good: When you write memoranda, keep them brief and to the point.

You should write mathematics or mathematical, rather than math.

ugly: If you are in math, you need the wherewithal to set math equations.

good: Even though Lyn once majored in mathematics, she could not understand any of the mathematical expressions in the book that she found.

K* » « is

ugly: Backward math induction goes from n to n - 1.

good: We use mathematical induction to prove that a statement about integer n is true for all n > no.

You should write advertisement, rather than ad.

ugly: The space for the ad for the condo cost $500.

GOOD: The advertisement for the condominium covered a full page.

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ugly: Karen placed an ad in the singles column.

GOOD: Max and Lyn designed the new advertisement for Demos.

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SEGMENT 131 TRUNCATED WORDS 543

You should write network, rather than net.

ugly: The company's wide-area net took far too many years to implement.

good: The arcs in a belief network represent dependencies.

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ugly: The Hopfield net is similar to the matrix associative memory.

good: Carver's work on neural networks is highly respected.

You should write telephone, rather than phone, for the noun (denotes an object), adjective (modifies an object), and verb (denotes an action). (Phone is a respectable word with its own meaning in, for example, linguistics.)

ugly: After Max finished being charmingly polite to the less than brilliant client, he tore the phone from the wall, and threw the instrument of his displeasure across the room.

good: You can buy a single device that comprises an alarm clock, a facsimile machine, a radio, a coffee maker, a voice-mail system, and a telephone; to create total chaos in your home, you need to disable only one component.

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ugly: It's not uncommon for people who negotiate via phone calls to get phone ear, a syndrome characterized by constant tinnitus.

good: Twisted-pair wire was originally the same as voice-grade telephone wire.

« » « is

ugly: Lyn kept phoning her publisher, but the automatic messaging system kept erasing her voice mail.

good: Max telephoned Lyn every night while he was traveling on business.

good: Lyn stayed up late waiting until she could place a telephone call 307 to Ladakh.

good: Peter forgot to call Lyn (again), and she was annoyed

(again).

You should write airplane when you are referring to a vehicle for aerial transportation; you should write plane when you are referring to a two-dimensional entity or a shop tool.

ugly: The plane began to rattle and shake during the final descent.

good: Max understands rational approximations of real numbers, but the task of approximating planes leaves him puzzled.

good: The airplane from which Max attempted to log in was not the one that rattled and shook.

splendid: Soren used finger planes—tiny brass planes that you wear on your fingertips—to shape the planes of the wings of the model airplane that he built.

307. Although it is fine to write telephone as a verb, there are other phrases that you can use.

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SEGMENT 131 TRUNCATED WORDS

You should use standard English spelling in formal writing.

bad: BB wriggled thru the door (which had been left just 2 inches ajar), and then got locked in the closet all nite long (which she thought was not all rite).

good: Red squeezed through the cat door (which had been made for mere-mortal-sized domestic cats), and then stayed out hunting under the moon all night long (which he thought was decidedly all right).

£ fc « f:~

bad: Max felt liteheaded after giving his presentation, during which the litebulb on his projector had blown out.

good: Lyn felt lighthearted whenever she kissed Max.

good: Max and Brian discussed bringing to market a lite 308 version of their software.

545

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should avoid truncating words in formal writing. When you are writing lite reading matter, such as silly memos to amuse your lab group, you can do as you wish.

308. The word lite has taken on a meaning in English different from that of light. When you wish to denote, with some cynicism, a version that has fewer calories, less fat, or fewer features, you can use lite.

B

132 Percent

T

[ere are A few simple rules governing the use of percentages that allow you to write a document that is consistent both with itself and with those of other writers.

You should spell out percent in most contexts, rather than using the percent sign (%). The exceptions are that you should use the sign in tables, you can use the sign in figures and captions, and you can use the sign in publications (or even individual papers) in disciplines that use percentages frequently, such as statistics.

ugly: Jim said that 40% of their clients had no taste.

good: Lauralee said that 100 percent of their clients had at least one redeeming factor.

You should always use numerals, rather than spelled-out numbers, with percent (unless, of course, the number is at the beginning of a sentence following a period or colon).

bad: Approximately two percent of people living in the United States know what a scroll bar is.

good: Approximately 87 percent of people living in Silicon Valley know what a GUI is.

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SEGMENT 132 PERCENT 547

You should always write percent as one word; you should not write per cent.

bad: Random errors in our direct measurements of this quantity accounted for 5 o per cent of the weird data points.

good: Nearly 90 percent of uncertainties in empirical quantities arise from the following sources: statistical variation, subjective judgment, linguistic imprecision, variability, inherent randomness, disagreement, and approximation.

You should not repeat percent when you give a range. You should, however, repeat the percentage sign if you are using it.

ugly: Soren has colds on 5 percent to 10 percent of days, depending on the season.

good: Soren can repair 40 to 60 percent of the problems that Lyn's car has, depending on in what mood he is.

good: Lyn sees Soren 80% to 90% less often than she did when they were both carefree bachelors.

You should remember that a percentage is singular.

bad: A large percentage of security breaches result from idiotic choices for passwords.

good: A small percentage of trap doors is placed inadvertently by program and system developers.

When you report studies on samples, you can give both the number and the percent of individuals in the sample that have the attribute that you are describing. Give one first, then give the other in parentheses. The order is up to you, but you should maintain the same order throughout your document.

SEGMENT 132 PERCENT

BAD:

GOOD:

Forty percent (4) of the men in the study sample reported difficulty using the interface; 3 (30 percent) of the men had no clue how to use a keyboard.

Sixty percent (12) of the women, and 80™ 9 percent (14) of the children under 12 years of age, reported difficulty navigating the men's interfaces.

You should hyphenate a number plus percent when the two together constitute a compound adjective (a modifier comprising two words).

ugly: Max estimated that there was a 10 percent chance that he would be home before the sun set.

good: Lyn used a 10-percent screen when she designed the boxes for her book.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should know 100 percent of the few simple rules governing use of percent.

309. The sixty is spelled out because it occurs at the beginning of a sentence; the 80 is set in numerals because (1) you should use numerals for all numbers greater than nine, unless you have a reason not to do so, and (2) you should use numerals with percent, unless you have a reason not to do so.

133 Object, Modifier, Activity

T

[ere are conventions that allow you to distinguish clearly for your reader terms that can be used to describe an object (noun), to modify another word (adjective or predicate adjective), or to describe an activity (verb). (Such terms usually comprise a word plus a preposition.)

Consider these examples:

good: At login, the system requests the user's password. good: The log-in file had been corrupted. good: Max once tried to log in from an airplane.

« fc « fc

good: The man in the trenchcoat with the turned up collar, wearing a battered gray trilby, was heading for the park to make a dropoff.

good: The park bench was a drop-off point for the undercover chili-pepper thieves.

good: The man hurried along, hoping to drop off the jala-penos before anyone became suspicious.

« « K- *:•

good: Betsy never forgets to put on her makeup before she leaves the house.

good: Lyn bestowed on Max a make-up kiss.

good: Max then agreed ardently that they should make up immediately.

« fc « fc

good: The turnoff from the highway looked hideously dark and forbidding.

good: Nonetheless, Max begged Lyn to take advantage of the turn-off exit before they ran out of gas.

good: "Okay," Lyn acquiesced, "I'll turn off here."

« » « »

good: "Wow, Judy!" exclaimed Steve, "That dress is a knockout."

good: Judy meant to give Steve an enthusiastic hug, but she accidentally delivered a knock-out punch.

good: "Oh, gosh, Steve," sobbed Judy, "I didn't intend to knock you out literally as well!"

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good: You should make a backup of your system disk. good: You can use floppy disks as the back-up medium. good: You should back up your files frequently.

« » « fe

good: You should keep in touch with your user base, so that you can do followup.

good: For example, you can send out follow-up questionnaires, asking whether users approve of added features in a new release, or asking what features they would like to see in the next release.

good: You can also use electronic mail to follow up on suggestions and complaints.

« » « fe

good: Have you any idea what a failsafe might be? Is it a secure place to store your failures?

good: The scientists designed a fail-safe program.

good: Critical applications should fail safe.

In this example, fail safe is the activity, or verb, form.

good: That is, critical applications should be fail safe.

In this example, fail safe is a modifier, or adjective. Note that modifiers that follow their objects are set as two, unhyphenated words.

« » « fc

good: As soon as the touchdown was scored, the blastoff of the rocket commenced.

good: Player 43 made the touchdown pass, 310 while the blast-off countdown approached zero.

310. I am informed by Ronald Barry that touchdown is now the correct styling of the adjective, when applied to U.S. football.

good: When the team jet touched down at home, the city blast off a spectacular display of fireworks.

Note that you should not close up to one word (hyphenated or unhyphenated) terms that legitimately comprise two words; you should especially not close or hyphenate terms that comprise a modifier and an activity in the ing form.

bad: Decisionmaking and bungeejumping require similar skills.

good: Car driving and bicycle riding can conflict on the roads in Woodside.

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bad: Many people in this country do not have access to good healthcare.

GOOD: Health care is a major issue in the news these days.

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bad: When the lights went out, the frontend exploded. good: A good front end helps to sell the product.

Note that there are exceptions, because words that start off as two words sometimes get so used to each other that they join up as one. Here are examples, both directly and indirectly related to the preceding discussion.

good: Although Lyn was reputed to be a whizbang copy editor, she was a lousy proofreader; copy editing and proofreading are two different skills.

good: It's no fun to work with someone who browbeats you every day; browbeaters are dirtballs.

SEGMENT 133 OBJECT, MODIFIER, ACTIVITY

553

good: Note that breathtaking and stunning both imply that the beholder's experience has physical (and not necessarily pleasant) components.

good: Intext lists are those that are set intext; that is, they are set in the text line, rather than displayed.

The principles for lucid writing here are that, when a term can take on any of three roles, you should set verbs as two words, adjectives as one hyphenated word, and nouns as one word: To shake down a target, a shakedown artist orchestrates a shakedown. 311

311. She may thus set you up to be upset about the set-up situation.

134 Rewords

et rewords —that is, words beginning with re —as single, unhyphenated words.

bad: Max realized that they would have to re-design the software from scratch.

good: The automatic porting program saved them from having to reimplement the entire interface.

£ £ « >':-

bad: The airline refused to re-estimate the landing time, even though the airplane 312 took off 4 hours late.

good: Reentry can be tough when you have been away for a long time.

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bad: Marty was distraught because Paul had pointed out that he would have to re-do both theorems.

good: Marty decided instead to reevaluate whether his energy would be expended more effectively elsewhere.

312. In passing, note that you should use airplane, rather than plane, especially if your text mentions the planes of geometry, for example. I have seen excessive confusion resulting from use of plane in such contexts.

SEGMENT 134 REWORDS

555

e » « *

bad: Richard took Betsy and Madeline to a re-release of Casa Blanca.

good: Richard was helping Lyn to rerecord her outgoing message, but he dropped a pot and sent Lyn into hysterics while the tape was running.

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bad: Steve and Judy were having trouble re-conciling their differences, so they hiked up a glacier so fast that they were too tired to argue when they got to the top. 313

good: Steve and Judy recycle everything in sight.

Note that, to avoid confusion, you may wish to make an exception for the following case: 314

good: Do you resent that I re-sent your electronic mail to my boss?

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should close up all rewords to avoid rewriting them later.

313. The technique provides adrenalin as needed for daunting physical challenges and other emergency situations.

314. Suggested by Ronald Barry.

J

135 Further Versus Farther

T :

JLhe word farther refers to distance, whereas further refers to all other extents or degrees, and can also denote an activity.

bad: Mike and Shellee live further away than Lyn would like.

bad: Shellee was further along in her exercise program than Lyn was.

GOOD: Mike could bicycle farther than Lyn and Shellee could walk.

good: Mike and Shellee were hoping for further opportunities to dance to Dr. Loco's Rockin' Jalapeno band.

good: Shellee furthered Lyn's interest in Chinese herbal medicine.

« £ « >>

bad: "These points are further out than two standard deviations," exclaimed Max.

bad: "One farther point I would like to make," said Bob, "is that the graphing tool isn't working."

good: Max tried moving the variable's value farther out along the x axis, but the curve was still distinctly odd.

good: "Let's have further discussion after we break for lunch," suggested Max in an affable tone,"so that I do not become further annoyed."

good: Thus did Max further Bob's education in diplomacy. 556

SEGMENT 135 FURTHER VERSUS FARTHER

557

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bad: Powerful transmitters let you move the receiver further away than was previously possible.

bad: A farther advantage is that there are no wires over which to trip.

good: A wide-area network can handle nodes that are farther way from one another than are those in a local-area network.

GOOD: Networking developed further after introduction of fiber-optic technology, and now is used in automated further-education systems.

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bad: Red wished that BB would stay further away from him when he was hunting.

bad: Red farther wished that BB would stop yowling and meowing incessantly.

good: BB realized that the ground was considerably farther down from the branch than she had anticipated.

good: BB decided that further planning was required, before she was further inconvenienced.

« fc « 6

bad: "This icon," Lyn explained impatiently, "should be much farther down on the page."

bad: "And farthermore," Lyn continued her litany, "I have lost the example for farther versus further."

good: "Well," reasoned Jan, "don't write any further material into you get your brain plugged back in."

.

SEGMENT 135 FURTHER VERSUS FARTHER

good: "You're right," Lyn nodded. "I'll just sit a little farther away from you so that I can stop driving you batty."

splendid: "We can go further into the issue of why the icon should be farther down," Jan comforted, "after you have calmed down further."

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use farther to denote distances, and, further, you should use further to denote any other dimension of increase.

136 Pronouns for Recipients

P

JL ay attention to which form of a pronoun you use in a given sentence. If the creature or object denoted by the pronoun is the recipient of the action, rather than being the agent, you need a recipient (an objective) pronoun.

Max handed Red to Lyn

He (agent) handed (action) him (recipient) to her (recipient).

Note that I am not suggesting that the second sentence would be acceptable, given the plethora of male pronouns.

The rules governing pronouns are complex; if you find yourself in doubt about a given pronoun, look up the answer to your question in a good style manual. 31 * Here, we shall look at examples that will help you to begin to tune your ear. It is always more useful to tune your ear than to remember a huge body of rules, I find.

bad: Between you and I, it is not always easy to avoid using the terminology of English grammar when you are explaining the finer points of that subject.

good: Between you and me, it is sometimes difficult to think of any but the most trivial and boring examples, yet I believe that it is important to break the cardinal rule that the content of the examples should not distract the reader from the point of them. 316

£ » « fe

bad: It's me who drew the ternary-tree representation of the general tree.

good: It is I who ordered postorder traversal of the binary-tree representation of the general tree.

« » « >:?

bad: You want to talk to Lyn? This is her. 317

good: No—that cougar is not Lyn! The woman standing near the edge of the picture is she.

315. Your best bet, because it is accepted by most publishers, is the Chicago Manual of Style, Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

316. If you enjoy reading this book, you may absorb the knowledge in it without realizing what you have done (until you next set out to write).

317. The alert reader—that means you—will note the unreferenced this.

« » « fe

bad: To who did you give the leftover chocolate cake?

Or, worse yet, who did you give the leftover chocolate truffles to?

good: I am glad to hear that you gave it to Brendan, who will certainly appreciate it, given that he bicycles a few hundred miles each day.

« » « fc

bad: I shall severely whip with a strand of silk whomever is caught stealing chocolate chip cookies in the middle of the night.

good: In fairness to those masochists who are shy, I shall not whip anyone who begs me to do so.

£ » £ i:-

bad: After he discovered several major dents in his back, Max asked Lyn just whom had been eating hard pretzels in bed again.

good: Lyn replied that he knew perfectly well who, as it had been he who devoured the entire box, and he never had learned the art of keeping the crumbs in his hands rather than all over the sheets.

« fc « »

bad: Do you believe that you are as good as them? good: They believe that they are as good as I am.

£ fc « *:-

SEGMENT 136 PRONOUNS FOR RECIPIENTS

bad: The hysteretic differentiators were offered to all the girls except she.

good: All the girls except her were awarded spanking-new hysterical differentiators.

« fc £ fc

bad: Lyn did not know who (or what) she had tripped over in the dark.

good: Max knew for whom (and why) he was bringing home a colossal bouquet of deep red roses.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should think about whether the creature or object that you wish to denote by a pronoun is an agent; if it or he or she is not, use it or him or her.

137 Authorship on Research Articles

JLt is good practice to agree with your coworkers in advance how you will handle authorship on papers that result from a research project. There are various ways to handle assignment of authorship, not to mention assignment of the various responsibilities involved in carrying out a project. That everyone on the research team agrees in advance about the responsibilities and rewards is what is important.

I suggest that you construct a list of roles, and that, during your initial project meeting, you assign roles to people. The resultant pairings should be circulated to all team members, and should be updated periodically if and when roles change.

I offer here one of many possible approaches to authorship. 318 1 suggest that you not so much adopt or even adapt it, as use it as a springboard for open discussion with your coworkers. It is, obviously, designed to cover only one general area of research.

Authorship generally reflects a primary contribution to the project. The primary contributions can be classified as follows:

318. Gregory Provan and Max Henrion contributed to my thinking about this matter.

J

i. Generation of original ideas:

• Identification of issue and inspiration for approach

• Development of theory and proofs

• Design of algorithms

• Design of user interfaces

• Design of experiments

2. Project oversight and management of execution (getting the work done, which may involve doing the work yourself, or may involve delegating it to other people whom you then have to supervise):

• Implementation of software

• Running of software

• Performance of experiments

• Collection of data

• Running of statistical analyses

• Formatting of papers

• Identification and generation of references

3. Responsibility for the written report (which may, again, mean doing it yourself, or delegating and supervising):

• Generation of an outline

• Writing of abstract, introduction, and background

• Review of related literature

• Description of research methods

• Interpretation of data-analysis results

• Design of figures

• Summarization of conclusions

• Suggestions for future work

If one person both has the original ideas and takes on management, that person is responsible for the paper; if two people fulfill these roles, usually the person managing the project is responsible. The person who is responsible for the written document is the first author. If the person on whose ideas the research is based is not the first author, that person is the last author. Note that the first author often, but not always, does the writing. It may well be that the person (or people) who takes the roles of ideas and management is not a good writer.

Authorship on a paper is not an acknowledgment of writing skills— it is an indication of research performed. It is perfectly acceptable to obtain the help of a technical writer or editor, including the help of someone who has worked on the project in another capacity. If you make the determination of what goes into the paper and what does not, what gets covered and what does not, which paragraphs are acceptable and which are not, how the topic should be introduced, what the conclusions should be, which figures should be used, who should be cited, and so on, then you are still first author, even if you do not construct the sentences.

Given that the last author is the person on whose ideas the project is based, being principal investigator on a grant, for example, or otherwise designing the research, may well be regarded as sufficient. Similarly, being principal investigator and overseeing the writing is sufficient for first authorship.

Other authors are assumed to have contributed substantially to the design or management of the research. They may be listed alphabetically, or by a weighting scheme designed to reflect contribution. The people who carry out the work, but who do not think up the ideas or manage the project, are not necessarily entitled to any authorship. Authorship of a paper is taken to indicate that you are a researcher

I

SEGMENT 137 AUTHORSHIP ON RESEARCH ARTICLES

on the project (or that you did theoretical work), rather than that you carried out work (or that you did practical work). People who only carry out work (be they editors, technicians, programmers, statisticians, librarians, or computer scientists) are properly mentioned in the acknowledgments section. If the first, or first and last, author agree that a person who has (in this sense) carried out work has, in the process, also contributed intellectually and substantially, then she or they may decide to put that person's name on the paper. You should determine in advance what it means to contribute intellectually and substantially.

THE PRINCIPLE FOR PEACEFUL COWRITING

here is that you and your coworkers should discuss in advance, and should agree to, the various roles and responsibilities that you will each have in carrying out a research project and reporting the results.

138 Respectively

T

he useful word respectively indicates what object or creature belongs with what other object or creature.

You should use respectively when you write about n items, each of which is associated with one of another n /terns. Without respectively, the first n items are assumed to be associated with all n of the second set of items.

bad: Marina, Nicola, Dona, and Helen are honorary mothers to Savannah, Tabitha, Woozle, and Cleo.

The example sentence lies; Marina is honorary mother to only Savannah, Nicola is honorary mother to only Tabitha, Dona is honorary mother to only Woozle, 3 ' 9 and Helen is honorary mother to only Cleo.

bad: Felines and humans use mice as prey and as pointing devices. 320

As a counterexample, Red is not yet computer literate, and Lyn does not yet fully appreciate the thrill of mouse hunting.

319. Dona is also real mother to Lyn.

320. For most readers of this book, this sentence would not require respectively; for the population at large, the addition of respectively might be insufficient to clarify meaning. This example highlights the importance of having nose.

good: Steve, Mike, Richard, and Misha are married to Judy, Shellee, Betsy, and Holly, respectively.

Without respectively, the sentence would describe a communal marriage of eight members.

You should place a comma before respectively when you set respectively after the terms to which it applies.

bad: Soren and Lois know nothing about accounting and motion physics respectively; the negation of this assertion, however, is not true.

Respectively is set after accounting and motion physics; it should be preceded by a comma.

good: Steve and Judy know about high-energy physics and breast feeding as a method of birth control, respectively; the negation of this assertion has an unknown truth value.

Respectively is set after high-energy physics and breast feeding as a method of birth control; it is correctly preceded by a comma.

« fc « it-

bad: The original Unix interface and the Macintosh interface are command line and graphical respectively.

good: Impact and laser printers have the disadvantages of being noisy and expensive, respectively.

You should not use respectively when the meaning that it would add to the sentence is already implied clearly, either from context or from knowledge that your reader can be assumed to have. Such sentences tend to be clumsy either way, however.

SEGMENT 138 RESPECTIVELY

569

ugly?: Interrogator and suspect ask and answer questions, respectively.

good: People with sweet teeth and people with a yen for savories prefer chocolate or sharp cheese for the final course of the meal. 321

splendid: Birds gotta fly, and bees gotta buzz. 322

« » « »

ugly?: Max and Lyn went to work and groomed the cats respectively.

good: Max and Lyn are a decision analyst and a writer.

splendid: Max was finally able to take off time for a holiday, but Lyn was unable to accompany him because she had to work on her book. 323

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use respectively to indicate that the relationships described are between members of groups in your sentences, rather than between the groups themselves. Max and Lyn are a man and a woman, respectively.

321. People with civilized taste buds naturally have the sweet and the savory, in sequential order.

322. Placing the items with their companions avoids the problem entirely.

B

139 Possessives

JL ossessives are words that indicate that one creature or object belongs to another. Knowing how to form them will save you from a few common, embarrassing errors.

You should form simple possessives of singular creatures by adding apostrophe s ('s).

bad: Maxs habit of stroking his right eyebrow vigorously was leading to marked facial asymmetry.

good: Lyn's habit of lighting 20 to 40 candles every evening was having a marked influence on wax futures.

You should form simple possessives of plural creatures whose names end in s by adding an apostrophe.

bad: The computers's operating systems's processes were hung.

good: The page-replacement algorithms' code turned up in the trashcan.

good: The cacti's spines left holes in the boys' trousers.

When the plural does not end in s, add apostrophe s.

SEGMENT 139 POSSESSIVES 571

When you are writing about two creatures who share ownership, you should form the possessive with only the second one.

bad: In Palo Alto, Holly's and Misha's chickens and rabbits had shared their feed with the local rat brigade.

good: Steve and Judy's postcard reported that the couple had spent 11 hours lying on a beach in Italy slathering their hot bodies with oil.

When the creature who is the owner has a name ending in the sound eez, you should use only the apostrophe, just as you would not pronounce the possessive eezes.

bad: Cleanthes's stoicism is as well known as is Cleis-thenes's diplomacy.

GOOD: Circes' sorcery did not make all that notable a change in the state of Odysseus's men.

You should set the possessive form of a pronoun without the apostrophe or the s.

bad: His's machine be broke. good: Her machine runs faster than their machine does.

When the pronoun follows the item owned, you should use the possessive form of the pronoun without the apostrophe, but with the s when appropriate.

bad: The nuclear-waste problem is your's. good: The industrial cleanup problem is hers.

« fe £ fc

bad: The oil-spill report is their's. good: The environmental-impact statement is ours.

SEGMENT 139 POSSESSIVES

« fc «

>':-

bad: Rambo, the maniacal and huge German Shepherd that attempts to bite Max when Max runs up the road, is not his's.

good: Jackie and Woozle, the fattest and fluffiest cats imaginable, are hers.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should generally, but not always, use apostrophe s ('s) to indicate that an object is someone's.

140 Cliches, Jargon, and Euphemisms

c

^=»y liches and jargon, and idiotic euphemisms, degrade your writing. Cliches are always originally particularly apt phrasings that become tired through overuse, until they are so thin as to have lost all meaning, descending into the realm of the hackneyed and trite. Jargon is verbiage that obfuscates rather than clarifies; you should not confuse it with the highly precise technical terms adopted by a given discipline. Many euphemisms are jargon terms. Our political language is rife with all three pests, as is our advertising language.

ugly: Each department was asked to respond to the latest productivity challenge. 324

good: Each department was notified of the latest i o-percent budget cut.

« fe « fc

324. Contributed by Max Henrion; the meaning of the euphemism is explained in the good example in the pair.

ugly: The senator proposed paying for the new housing initiative via revenue enhancement.' 2 '

good: The mandated changes will be paid for by increased taxes.

« fe « fe

ugly: Both sides in the conflict suffered collateral damage, as well as friendly fire that failed flagrantly to encourage friendship.

ugly: The possibility of capital punishment led inevitably to a hung jury, despite the hanging judge.

ugly: When you get stuck writing a document, try playing with your own euphemisms.

ugly: Most new authors tell their publishers that they cherish a firmly held belief that they have written readable books. 326

ugly: The new powerful software sported an innovative design and unlimited functionality.

ugly: The twentieth century has seen an explosion of research in computer applications.

ugly: The company announced that it would undertake a major smart-sizing effort over the next year. 327

ugly: The latest messaging technology allows you to communicate effectively with your workgroup partners, and to open conversations to explore new directions and to avoid breakdowns.

325. Here, too, the meaning is explained in the good example of the pair.

326. Based on a suggestion by Peter Gordon.

327. Based on a suggestion by Suresh Chanmugam.

ugly: The loved one was laid to rest amid great pomp and circumlocution.

ugly: Contemplating the vast expanse of the Pacific ocean from Windy Hill is an ataractic undertaking.

ugly: Our software is based on a new paradigm in spreadsheets, putting at the tip of your fingers the vast power of computerized expertise to guide your business decision forecasting.

ugly: We could have avoided this snafu if we had remembered GIGO.

ugly: Len tried to engage Max in a constructive dialog to formulate creative options for their mutual benefit, but Max had had a long hard day at the office and was too exhausted to see straight.

ugly: Tom explained to Max that, to leverage the targeted clients as they prepared to go to market, the company would have to develop a more highly polished business face.

ugly: Politicians are usually cautiously optimistic, whereas advertisers entertain no ifs, ands, or buts.

ugly: Lyn's heart was bursting with joy, her feet barely touched the ground, her heart was singing, her toes were tingling, her heart was worn on her sleeve; her feet, however, were made of clay.

Proverbs—popular, pithy sayings—can be used as cliches also.

ugly: When you considering coauthoring a book, remember that too many cooks spoil the broth; then again, many hands make light work.

ugly: Fools rush in where angels fear to tread; but, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

SEGMENT 140 CLICHES, JARGON, AND EUPHEMISMS

ugly: Great minds run in the same channels, and fools think alike.

ugly: People who are penny wise and pound foolish appreciate that a penny saved is a penny earned.

ugly: Marry in haste; repent in leisure; but remember that she who hesitates is lost.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should render unusual mots and gnomes, rather than appropriating the consuetudinary argot of other scrivener's missives.

141 Design Elements and Eye

T

JLi

he concept of a design element is critical in the document-production process. A design element is a chunk of text that looks the same as other similar chunks. Thus, base text is one design element, a level 3 head is another, and a numbered displayed list is a third.

If your manuscript is being published by a journal, magazine, newspaper, book publisher, or similar publisher, the design specifications will be developed by a designer. Design specifications indicate how a given design element should be set; for example, they might say that the base text should be 14-point Sabon, with 2-point leading (space between lines), no indentations at the beginnings of paragraphs, and so on.

I If your manuscript will be set according to a designer's specifications, * then your primary job is to prepare your manuscript such that

another person can see easily how many and what kind of design

elements you have.

You should use a minimum number of design elements. For example, you should probably have only one kind of bullet displayed list, and only one kind of numbered displayed list—so you should not set 12 different kinds of lists. Do not draw numerous different boxes around words, definitions, theorems, and so on; rather, leave it to the designer to decide how such design elements should be handled. Your job is to make clear that this chunk is a theorem, this chunk is

a definition, and so on. Beyond that, the less you do, the less undoing your publisher will have to do.

An excellent approach that you can use is to make up a list of design elements, and to use that list as you write. Your publisher will love you if you submit a list of design elements, called a design memorandum, with your book manuscript. To give you an idea of what entries such a list might have, I show you an initial design memorandum for this book in Box 141.1. Be aware that the design elements for this book are particularly numerous because of the nature of the material: I have shown you an example of nearly every possible design element, so my designer 328 was faced with a daunting task!

If your manuscript will be set with your own design, then you should read several of the many books available on typography, composition (here, how you put together words and text, for example), and layout for book (or brochure, or manual, or whatever) design.

Writing design specifications requires eye, a skill that is similar to ear and mouth. Certain talented people have innate eye; other people require years of training to develop eye. Be aware, in any event, that eye is no simple skill. My primary advice to you is to keep it simple and consistent. You should make up a limited list of design elements, and should design all the elements to go with one another.

328. My designer, after an initial unsuccessful foray, turned out to be Joseph Norman and me.

SEGMENT 141 DESIGN ELEMENTS AND EYE

579

The principles for lucid writing here are that you should think about the design elements in your manuscript before you begin writing; should develop and maintain a design memorandum; and should use a few, consistently set elements.

Box 141.1 Design memorandum for BUGS in Writing.

TO: Peter Gordon FR: Lyn Dupre

■les on Design. HI 'OS m Writing ON: 1 July 1994

Tin* type should he large and simple, and tlie general look and feel should be open and inviting — fun even! — like a children's book.

Each segment should be preceded by a page break.

There should be plenty ol white space around the displayed examples.

There is only one type of level I head or chapter heading — it's a mix ol both (the segment heads). Should be cap/lc.

The examples are set In groups sometimes, with extra space between to show grouping. So there should be one spec tor inteiexainple spacing within a group, and one for extra space between groups.

Many of the examples are annotated. The annotation follows the example and is preceded by a line break. It contains at least one complete sentence, ends in a period, and is set in italic type.

The subpoints within a segment should not l>e interpreted as bullet-list entries. Rather, we need an icon or dingbat to mark separate points. A cat would be suitable, or a cat's paw. (Please note that, in general, cats would be a highly appropriate item to drag in — by the tail ii need be — to the design.) The effect should be that ol a thick arrow or pointing hand. Not all segments nave subpoints.

Each segment ends with "The principle(s) ol lucid writing here is (arc) " This portion ol text should be set oil, by a box, screening, icon

(cat on a CRT monitor?), or alternative type. The effect should be that the principle stands alone, rather than being just the final text in the segment.

We need specs lor the lollowing elements:

• About The Author backmatter; head and text

• BUGS list; explanation ol the classification system, to be set periodically in book where segment breaks Leave more than one-half of a page of whitespacc

• Bullet list

• Bullet lisi extract

• Boxed text (numbered and captioned, with sour* t notes)

• Bullet list within box

• Bullet list within example

• Bullet list within footnote

• Chapter/segment Opener (number, title, some kind ol opener)

• Code segment (set in monospace typeface) within box, to lie Sel as a numbered and captioned program

• Code segment (set in monoface typeface) within example

• Code, single words (sel in a monospace typeface), in examples

SEGMENT 141 DESIGN ELEMENTS AND EYE

Definition (probabl) should be boxed: can look like thi

Equation, diipleyecL within example

Equation, displayed and numbered, within example

Equation ih.it comprise* an example

Example (BUGS); hang BUGS, align with right ju

colon, text should be indented from both margins

I ample (BUGS) annotation

Example (BUGS) continuation (second paragraph or other

continuation text)

Example (BUGS) group spacing (between sets of examples or. mgle example that is not grouped)

Example, textbook-style, with que.'turn and answer heads and text (probably should be boxed for clarity) Exercise, textbook-style, with lettered displayed pans list, also within example

Exercise, textbook-style, numbered but no subparts, within example

Extract within an example; must be clearly different from regular example text; use narrow column, tight leading, Times Roman or other different serif face, small font

• Extract within text; see preceding entry

• Figures — placement, enclosing boxes, labels, line weights, and so on

• Figure captions and source notes

• Figure labels (two levels)

• Footnotes (must be set at page bottoms, must not wrap to next page, must have rule above)

• Frontmatter head (dedication, disclaimer, foreword, required reading)

• Frontmatter text

• Icon for subpoints (cat's paw?); should hang in margin

• Index by Category: Alphabetical by subheads (10 categories), with alphabetical entries ol segment names, segment numbers, and page numbers. Thus, need specs lor heads and for entries.

Index ol Principles: Alphabetical by segment title, with segment and page number, annotated « ith "Prim iple: —."

Mulli< olumn list

.Miiliu oluinn list head

Muticolumn list within example — head; set centered over column

Multicolumn list within example; set with column entries centered

Numbered list

Numbered list extract within example Numbered list within example

Outline list (bullets embedded within numbered list) in an

example

Outline list (bullets embedded within numbered list) in text

Paragraph divider, to divide sections ot the Read Ate: Ear segment; should have effect of a horizontal rule (cat paws? cat with long tail?)

Principle — should be boxed or otherwise definitely set off from text, to stand alone; should have graphical treatment of some kind

Slides: These elements should resemble overhead-projection transparencies or slides. Some have graphics, some are all text. All must be enclosed in a heavy box. Many different type sizes are used, but typeface should be drastically different from that of base text. Will need to be laid out individually.

• Table of Contents

• Table with number and title; column heads (with spanners), body (contains side heads), footnotes, source notes, and legend

• Theorem with proof (probably should be boxed); needs clear differentiation from base text; will be used also for lemma

• Theorem without proof

• Title page; two, one straight, one with numerous subtitles

• Unnumbered list within example

• Unnumbered list within footnote

• Warning page "STOP! Do not read further...."

Note; In final example in segment on human-computer interaction, I use many different faces and tvpe styles; must be set pretty much as shown.

Note: No bibliography or reference sections in text.

142 Word Match

A

ny two words or phrases that you use in conjunction with each other (most often a verb and a noun, but you could also be misdescribing an entire clause) should match each other. Consider these examples:

ugly: We had to expend substantial time reengineering the system after the Beta test version flopped.

good: We had to spend substantial time comforting the distraught systems engineers.

good: We had to expend substantial energy moving the furniture when everyone switched offices.

The point here is that you can either spend time or expend energy, but you cannot—or at any rate should not— expend time.

ugly: It is difficult to convince a cat to use a cat door; the answer to this question is to leave the door open at first, and to put cat food on the side on which the cat is not.

No question was asked.

good: How do you convince a cat to use a toothbrush? The answer to this question is that you teach yourself and your cat to cooperate in dental hygiene, you wrap your finger in gauze, and you purchase malt-flavored toothpaste.

good: The difficulty that you encounter in teaching your cat to use a flush toilet may be considerable. The solution to this problem is to put a piece of cardboard covered with kitty litter between the seat and the bowl, to punch a small hole in the cardboard, and to enlarge the hole slightly each day.

good: It is difficult to convince a cat that the kitchen counter is off limits. You can remedy this difficulty by placing precariously on the counter many old pots, such that they will fall with a deafening crash if only slightly disturbed. 329

« » « »

ugly: Moises asked Tom to blow a tune on the piano.

good: Lyn asked Moises to blow his sax for her.

GOOD: Greg played his guitar for Nicola; it had been so long since he had played that he hoped he would not blow it completely.

« fc « fe

ugly: The weather was raining 330 on Sunday afternoon during the barbecue; Martin, being German and inured to rain, cooked the sausages anyway.

good: It was raining on Monday afternoon during Lyn's weekly visit; Adelheid put Suzannah in the stroller with the canopy, and the two women went for a walk anyway.

329. Contributed by BB, who still has nightmares. The discovery of this pedagogic technique was accidental.

330. Weather never rains.

good: The weather was wet on Tuesday afternoon during the picnic; Suzzanah enjoyed mashing cookies into lumps of dough and then eating them anyway.

« fc « fe

ugly: After Lyn had shampooed her toes, she gave them a manicure.

good: After Lyn had shampooed Max's hair, she manicured his hands and pedicured his feet.

£ fe « »

ugly: "Let's solve this issue now," Malcolm suggested.

good: "I'd rather resolve the issue," Brendan piped up.

good: "It might be more productive to solve the problem," suggested Greg, "because issues are so tricky to define."

« £ £ £

ugly: We can deduce from these results the hypothesis'' 1 that all men are repressed by their mothers, after which they must find a woman to derepress them.

good: We can formulate the hypothesis that women invented this system as a way of keeping men dependent.

good: We can draw the conclusion that the strongest marriages are formed in the most repressed cultures.

« if:- « i:-

331. It might be dangerous to deduce hypotheses.

SEGMENT 142 WORD MATCH

ugly: Max called Lyn because he was tired of working, and wondered whether there was a play that they could listen to 332 that evening.

good: Lyn said they could see Ain't Misbehaving or M. Butterfly; there were also several concerts that they could attend.

« i- K- »

ugly: Lyn recommended that everyone avoid strenuously those constructions classified as ugly.

good: Jan pointed out that Lyn was now guilty of word mismatch, as strenuous avoidance behavior was difficult to visualize. In this case, as in many others, the strongest choice is to leave out the adjective.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should pay attention to the contents of your words, so that you do not place the words in untenable positions. Do not expend time learning this principle; rather, spend time doing so.

332. It would, admittedly, be possible to listen to a play; indeed, a large portion of the audience does listen if the play is good and the actors' diction acceptable. However, most people in most circumstances ask other people about seeing a play.

143 Sex Versus Gender

7 7 hether a person is male or female is a question of gender; whether a couple has undertaken the most common way to conceive a child is a question of sex.

ugly: The researchers investigated whether there were any sex-related differences in the way that users hold a joystick.

good: The study demonstrated a strong correlation between gender and use of electronic mail to establish a social-support network.

>c >'* *z >'-

ugly: In language, the battle of the sexes is fought over gender. 333

good: When Helen taught introductory French, she guaranteed attendance at the following class by promising to explain all about sex; the students were somewhat disappointed when Helen presented a lively discussion of gender. 334

333. Contributed by Peter Gordon. The classification of this sentence is dubious. On the one hand, sexes should be genders; on the other, battle of the sexes is a common phrase, whereas battle of the genders is not. The use of gender is the sentence is correct.

334. Contributed by Helen Goldstein.

« » « fe

ugly: It is difficult to imagine a society that does not propagate sex-related role models.' iS

good: People who believe themselves to suffer from gender mismatch face an arduous undertaking, comprising counseling, medication, and sometimes surgery.

splendid: Gender identity and sexual identity are distinct; a transsexual may be either hetero- or homosexual.

« fc « fe

ugly: When Holly still lived in Palo Alto, she was horrified to discover that the chick that she had adopted turned out to be a rooster; the bird's sex would be noted all too soon by the neighbors of her suburban house.

good: Holly managed to find a good home for the rooster, and everyone settled down again after the case of mistaken gender.

good: It can be difficult to sex a baby chick.

« » « fe

ugly: Betsy had amniocentesis to determine the sex of the child that she was expecting.

good: Richard told Betsy that he had no preferences regarding the gender of their child, because he would be ecstatic whether they had a girl or a boy.

good: We shall avoid mentioning sex in this context.

335. It would be entirely possible for this sentence to receive the classification good; the sentence might be ugly in the context of, say, a tract on why there are few women in electrical engineering, but good (vis a vis style) in the context of a Masters and Johnson-style study.

SEGMENT 143 SEX VERSUS GENDER

587

« fc « fc

ugly: Red and BB thought that they were exemplars of different sexes.

good: Max and Lyn are delighted to be of different genders.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should distinguish males and females by gender. 336

336. Whom you distinguish by sex is a private matter.

144 Awhile

T

-L he word awhile means for a while; thus, the phrase for awhile is redundant. In most cases, you should write a while.

bad: Lyn was in the neighborhood, so she decided to drop in at Doug's office for a while to see how his guidelines were coming along, and generally to interrupt his busy schedule.

good: "Why don't you kick off your shoes and stay awhile?" Doug suggested.

good: "Well, I have to go in a short while," answered Lyn as she flopped into the chair, "but I'll help you to drink that chocolate soda first."

£ » « fc

bad: The program takes awhile to do the calculations and to graph the results.

good: It may take a while to load the software, given that there are 18 floppy disks; just set aside a weekend for the job.

« iz- K* »

bad: Nicola was happy to be in California for awhile before heading back to Austin.

good: Greg was happy to be going to the East Coast for a while, before returning to his work in the Bay Area.

SEGMENT 144 AWHILE

589

« » « fc

bad: Learning to write error-free prose will take you awhile.

good: A while back, you had to prepare your manuscript on a manual typewriter, and a spell checker was a good friend on whom you imposed.

good: It's been a long while since I have used that white gunk in a little bottle to correct typos.

The principles for lucid writing here are that awhile means for a while, and that you should usually write a while. If you invite a literate person to stay for awhile, she may prefer to leave.

145 Footnotes

IF

JL ootnotes allow you to add to your document information that is relevant but that does not belong in the text line. You can think of them as optional reading. 337

You should write full sentences 338 for your footnotes, rather than setting only fragments. r,y

ugly: An LFU 340 page-replacement algorithm keeps a counter of the number of references that have been made to each page.

good: Most frequently used (MFU) 341 replacement assumes that the page with the smallest count was just brought in and has not yet been used.

In a document that contains few citations, you can provide refer--=^-* ences in footnotes.

fi

337. They are optional reading only insofar as the base text is required reading

338. This footnote is an example of a full sentence.

339. an example of a fragment

340. least recently used

341. Define your abbreviations in the base text, rather than in footnotes.

good: Mors certa; amor incerta est. 341 good: Solum certum nihil esse certi. 343

For any references to personal communications, you should use footnotes. 344 ' 345

good: Ingo now requires that all the workers at his startup take 6-week vacations every year. 346

good: Cats should be fluffy, but not prose. 347

You should use footnotes to provide information, or to hold a discussion, that is tangential to the material in the text. For example, a footnote may provide further information that is interesting but not critical. It may explain notions with which only a small percentage of your readers are not familiar. It may hold asides, or jokes, or bits of arcane erudition.

342. Dupre L, Henrion M. The most difficult decision of all. Home Decision Analysis, 6(5): 4!-5 2 7> 1 995-

343. If you are interested in learning about uncertainty, I recommend that you read the following: Henrion M. Uncertainty: A Guide to Dealing with Uncertainty in Quantitative Risk and Policy Analysis. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1990.

344. You can cite personal communications as name and date, or as number, and tell the reader in the reference section that your information is from a personal communication, rather than from a published study. However, you slightly mislead your reader, because, from the text, she cannot tell that the reference carries only the weight of a personal communication.

345. Note that such notes do not need to contain the words personal communication, as demonstrated by the second example.

346. Personal communication, John Egar, Woodside, CA, 1994.

347. This sentiment was expressed to me by Max Henrion, who apparently believes that cats should not be prose.

592 si GMENT 145 FOOTNOTES

good: Demos' 48 was developed by 34s Max Henrion" 0 at Carnegie Mellon" 1 University.^ 2

good: Lyn 353 interrupted 1 ' 4 her work 355 to feed Red ,S6 and BB. ,S "

348. Demos is an acronym for Decision Mo deling System; note that the name follows British convention, whereby only the first letter is capped in an acronym that is pronounced as a word, rather than as a series of letters.

349. That is, Dr. Henrion both created the software and did the initial development of it.

350. Dr. Henrion is English, so he has a marginal excuse for adopting British usage.

351. The name was formerly hyphenated, but was officially changed by the university to two words, several years ago.

352. Dr. Henrion supervised the Demos development project while he was on the faculty at Carnegie Mellon University.

353. Lyn has been driving Max to distraction, because she keeps popping out of bed in the middle of the night to add another example to her book.

354. That is, Lyn stopped working and climbed upstairs.

355. Lyn has worked for several decades as a developmental editor; these days, she is also writing.

356. Red eats frequently, which is not surprising, given that he is larger by a factor of 2 than most Siamese cats, but which is surprising, given the frequency with which he supplements his diet from the surrounding woods.

357. BB is considerably smaller (or, as she would say, more delicate) than Red, and thus requires less sustenance.

SEGMENT 145 FOOTNOTES

593

The principle for lucid writing here is that footnotes provide a useful vehicle for introducing into your text material that belongs in the text, but that also does not belong there. 358

358. You have presumably noticed that this book contains myriad footnotes. To get an idea of the kind of material that is appropriate for footnotes, you can simply skim through those footnotes.

146 Mouth

IF

Jl i ar is one of the characteristics that good writers develop; ear

allows writers to hear what is correct. Another such characteristic is nose, which allows writers to identify their audiences accurately. Eye allows writers to lay out their work pleasingly, to combine graphics and text intelligently, and to use the design elements most suited to the exposition. Mouth is the means by which an author speaks; the amount of mouth that an author has is the degree to which she permits herself to be visible to her audience.

When you write, you control the degree to which your personal views, biases, and beliefs come through the words. Most expository writing in this country gives you little clue about the feelings or perceptions of the authors. Yet, writing that has a perspective, that has a definite person driving it—writing that has mouth—is considerably more interesting.

In the years that I have worked as an editor, I have read hundreds of textbooks; I discovered long ago that the subject matter has almost nothing to do with how interesting a book is. Rather, it is the author's enthusiasm for her subject—or lack thereof—that determines the interest generated in the reader. Good expository writers are good teachers. They get excited about their subjects. The most eloquent of them convey respect, wonder, and awe for their discipline. They want to tell you about an idea or fact because it is neat, miraculous, absurd, or otherwise worth your attention. An author who just drones along presenting fact after fact, even if the discussion is

faultlessly structured and the syntax is perfect, produces soporific prose.

In contrast, the writer who tells you what her biases and opinions are is taking a risk. You may hate her or love her, but you will certainly have a reaction to her. I encourage you to take that risk, to tell your reader who you are and what your relationship to your subject matter is. Develop mouth.

When you introduce your topic, whether you are describing a system, program, or clinical research study, always begin by justifying your work in terms of a big picture. You must have a general hypothesis about the world that implies that your work is valuable. You may have implemented an algorithm for scheduling complex, interdependent tasks. Instead of beginning by talking about your algorithm, however, talk about what scheduling is, why it might be important to have a computer-based tool to assist humans in doing it, what are the research problems that need to be solved to create such a tool, and how your work contributes to those solutions. I call this the general hypothesis of your work, and you may not be able to talk about testing it directly; rather, you may appeal to literature or even common sense to convince your reader to accept the general hypothesis. The local hypothesis is that your algorithm will perform in a certain way, and that is the hypothesis that you prove or disprove in your paper.

By thinking in terms of hypotheses, or in terms of justifications, you show your reader why you believe that your work is important, and to what you believe it contributes. You begin to develop mouth.

You should express appropriate, relevant opinions. Such opinions should have to do directly with the work that you are reporting. If you think that a school of thought is misguided, and can explain cogently why you think so, and you will not be committing political

suicide if you do so, then, provided that such an opinion is directly relevant to justifying your own work, say so. I am certainly not suggesting that you enter into a political harangue in the middle of an article on object-oriented programming. I am not suggesting that you jump on your hobby horses, onto soap boxes, or into pulpits whenever you get the chance. I am suggesting that you not hide your opinions, which you as an expert have developed thoughtfully.

You should loosen up. This aspect of mouth is the key component, yet it is extremely difficult to describe. I think that you first have to develop a comfortable relationship with written language; that is, you first have to develop ear. Ear permits you to apprehend, intuitively, whether a given construction is right. Once you have ear, you can forget the principles that allowed you to develop it; you can simply listen. And, once you have ear, you will stop worrying about the medium that you are using to express yourself, and will instead be able to concentrate on what you want to express. This book will help you to develop ear.

Next, you have to be comfortable with your topic. You have to be able to think clearly about what you want to communicate, or you will not be able to convey your thoughts to your reader.

Finally, you have to let the writing flow out of you, to let your mind leap ahead with thoughts. Certain people write more easily if they do not worry about structure and organization when they start, but rather just get the ideas down on paper, to be organized later. I have often worked with authors who are daunted by writing, but who are articulate and fluent in describing the topic about which they want to write. An author will present me with a mangled, indecipherable paragraph; I will ask, "What does this paragraph mean?" and will receive a cogent, well-organized answer. Then, I say, "So why didn't you write that?" In other words, writing as though you are talking to someone you know can help you to let your writing flow.

You should use examples wisely and frequently. Avoid writing boring, pedestrian, or vague examples. Make them specific, but do not be afraid to make them whimsical or otherwise interesting. Examples provide an excellent way to tie your discussion to reality, to tell your audience what the point of your work is. Whenever you write or talk about theory and concept, tie your ideas to numerous real-world examples.

The principle for lucid writing here is that this book has plenty of mouth.

147 Boxes

a

oxes are simply containers for text that has been enclosed and set off from the main body of text. Most popular news magazines use boxes extensively, so leaf through one of them if you are not clear about what a box is.

Boxes add to your repertoire of ways to present information to your reader; most writers do not know about boxes and thus do not use them. The next time you find that you want to include a block of text, but you cannot find a way to integrate it into the flow of your discussion, ask yourself whether a box would be appropriate.

You should use boxes to delineate text that is tangential to the primary subject, or text that you are using as you would a figure. You can place quoted text or your own text in a box, and the text can comprise a displayed list.

If, for example, you are writing a long history of a workaholic, you might have boxed text that describes the epidemiology of workaho-lism, or that analyzes workaholism as a cross-cultural phenomenon. If you are writing about the history of computers in biology, you might have boxed text giving brief personal histories of well-known scientists in the field. If you are writing about stress reduction, you might have a box that contains a list of steps for a relaxation and visualization exercise.

You can also use boxes to reproduce text from other sources, such as advertisements or leaflets. 3 ^ 9

You should give each box a number. If you are using double numbers (for example, 7.3, 14.2) for 1 heads, figures, and tables—in a book chapter, say, or in a proposal—then use double numbers for boxes as well. Otherwise, use single numbers (for example, 3, 18).

■jjj You should give each box a title. You can use complete sentences if **&** you wish, although it is more common to tag—that is, to name—the box. You should generally set the title with the first letter capitalized and with a period at the end, as you would a figure caption. If your design calls for it, however, you can use mixed capital and lowercase letters, and no period, as in the second of the following examples:

good: Box 4.3 Tips for cleaning a cat's tail.

good: Box 6.7 Carver Mead: A Scientist with Many Hats

good: Box 9.4 Advertisement for snake oil, circa 1907.

You should include a credit line and should obtain permission if you use material from a source other than your own mind. You obtain permission from the holder of the copyright—the holder is usually, but not always, the publisher. The permission will probably specify how the credit line should be set. If it does not, you can write a credit line like these examples (note that you should give the page number from which you took the material):

good: Source: Adapted with permission from Dupre, L. Bellybutton Lint and Inspiration: A Guide to Peculiar Meditation. Woodside, CA: Homespun Press, 1963; page 45.

359. Do not forget to get permission and to set a credit line if you reproduce such (or other) material.

E

600 SEGMENT 147 BOXES

good: Source: From Henrion, M. Risk-aversive behaviors and personal bias. Journal of Public-Policy Nonsense, 7:85, 1994; used with permission.

good: Source: Package insert, Healthy Child Snake Oil, packaged by True Industries, Oaktree, CA, copyright

© 1821. 360

good: Source: Data collected by Red and BB.

good: Source: Based on a painting by Lauralee Alben.

good: Source: Arnold B, Henrion M. Launch without tears. Silicon Journal, 3(7):94.

You should call out each box. That is, you should mention the box by number in the text, at least once.

good: Box 7 details the evolution of the personal computer.

good: Boxes 14 7.1 and 147.2. provide examples for the material in this segment.

good: A checklist for diagnosing failure of a program to perform as expected is given in Box 5.6.

good: Box 147.1 examines how you can encourage your reader to care about your topic.

good: The concept of a transporting angel is central to certain pages in this book; if you have been wondering what a transporting angel is, you can satisfy your cu-riousity by reading Box 147.2.

good: The principle for lucid writing in this segment is contained within Box 147.3

360. What is incongruous in this example?

SEGMENT 147 BOXES

6oi

Box 147.1 Why should your reader care?

When you write an article, you should remember that the critical information to give your reader right away is an answer to the question "Why should I spend my time reading your article?" You should answer that question in both the abstract and the introductory paragraphs.

Frequently, authors are so wrapped up in their research projects that they forget that their readers do not yet know the subject of their endeavors. They jump right in by telling the reader the details of the study, without ever explaining what it is they have done, within the general picture, and why they have done it. For example, it you write that you have been studying voice input for progress notes in a medical-records system, and immediately start talking about the problems of parsing natural language, \'ou have neglected to tell me the critical information that, for example, previous experience has shown that physicians are reluctant to do keyboard entry of patient data, or that coding schemes often fail to capture the nuances of natural-language notes, or that the single greatest obstacle to widespread implementation of such systems has been lack of physician-user acceptance. Even more important, then, you need to tell me why I should think it a shame that such systems have not been entirely successful to date, and why I should be excited that you are doing research that will reverse that situation.

In a proposal, failure to say clearly what you are offering and why your reader should be interested —what the big picture is and where your work fits into it — is a fatal flaw. If your reader has to wade through 30 pages of detail before saying, "Aha, so tbat'j what they are proposing to do! " then you do not deserve the money. Say immediately precisely what you propose to do, and why your results will be valuable. Remember that you should, of course, tailor your presentation to the agency from which you hope to obtain funding.

In your conclusions, return to your justification. In an article, show that you have, after all, accomplished the work that you promised to report when you began. In a proposal, quickly sum up how you have covered the ground and have justified your planned research.

SEGMENT 147 BOXES

Box 147.2 Transporting angels.

A transporting angel is a person who enters your lire to lift you to a new and higher level of consciousness or awareness. The process of being transported is frequently severely uncomfortable, and the transportee often perceives the transporter as a devil sent especially to irritate, frustrate, infuriate, or otherwise torture. Thus, the person lucky enough to be visited by a transporting angel often struggles mightily, ranting and raving and generally making a major fuss, and thus drastically complicating the transporting angel's job. In calm moments, however, the transportee nurtures a growing suspicion that all this discomfort is serving a critical purpose, and that the destination is well worth all the jouncing and jiggling of the journey.

Sourer: From Dupre L, Henrion M. Kicking and Screaming All the Way. Woodside, CA: Enlightenment Press. 1994, page 1. Used with permission.

Box 147.5 Principle for lucid writing.

You should remember that boxes provide an alternative way to present text that does not integrate directly into the structure of your writing.

148 Exercises, Examples, and Questions

Y

JL ou should use exercises, examples, and questions for discussion in expository material such as a textbook, or as handouts to go with a presentation, or in any situation in which you are teaching people and want to give your audience a chance to rehearse what it is learning.

• An exercise is a question that asks the reader for an answer that can be gleaned directly from the text. In other words, if you read (and understand) the text, you can answer the question correctly. Furthermore, an exercise has at least one correct answer, and defines what constitutes a correct answer.

• An example is an exercise plus an answer. You should use examples to show your reader how to apply a technique that you have described in your text.

• A question for discussion is a question that asks the reader for an answer that may not be covered directly in the text, or that may have more than one (or even no) correct answer. You should use questions for discussion to explore ideas that are tangential to your text, or to encourage your reader to think about (and to discuss) ideas that are presented in your text.

fi

604 SEGMENT 148 EXERCISES, EXAMPLES, AND QUESTIONS

• You can also use essay questions —which are the same as questions for discussion, except that they request the reader to write down her ideas, rather than to discuss those ideas with her peers.

• You can also use practice exercises, which ask the reader to undertake a practical experiment or study, such as using a computer, observing a cat playing, writing a program, or interviewing an expert.

You should number all exercises, examples, and questions for discussion. Use double (3.6, 19.2) or single (5, 17) numbers, depending on whether you are using double or single numbers for your level 1 heads. (If the exercises, examples, and questions for discussion are presented in a handout, use single numbers, of course.) You should capitalize the words Exercise, Example, and Question when—and only when 361 —you set them in running text with a number, just as you would Figure, Table, Chapter, or Section.

good: Example 4.5 shows how to work through the proof that Max and Lyn live together. The examples that follow deal with mundane details.

good: We leave the proof of this theorem to Exercise 5.6. Several of the exercises in other chapters are even more challenging.

good: In Question 8, you are asked to explore whether this book qualifies as a work of fiction. The previous seven questions are immaterial.

You should set exercises and questions for discussion at the end of your text (end of the paper or end of the chapter; certain writers set

361. You should, of course, capitalize these words when they occur at the beginning of a sentence or in a line that is set in mixed capital and lowercase letters.

them at the end of each section), and should set examples within the text at the appropriate place.

You should call out all examples; examples are just like boxes or figures or tables in this regard. That is, you should refer to all examples by number in your text. (You do not need to call out exercises or questions for discussion.)

good: Example 5.7 shows how to take an integral. good: Example 4.3 shows how to take a walk.

You should distinguish the question from the answer in your exam-- pies. You can use any convention that you like, as long as you are consistent. You also should set an em box (Z) to indicate where your example ends and your regular text resumes. Example 148.1 is an example of an example.

When you ask for more than one answer in an exercise, you should specify the number of answers. You should never use terms such as some, a few, or several in this context. Remember, anyone should be able to determine without doubt whether a given scribble constitutes an answer to an exercise. If you ask for some examples and your reader provides two, has she completed the exercise satisfactorily?

ugly: Name a few babies mentioned in this book. good: Name five cats mentioned in this book.

« fe « fc

ugly: What are some of the activities that Max undertakes on a normal workday?

good: What are four activities that Lyn enjoys?

SEGMENT 148 EXERCISES, EXAMPLES, AND QUESTIONS

Example 148.1 Calculation of productivity in a workweek.

Question: During the next week, Max must write one outline for a manual; two white papers; three SB1R proposals, phase I; seven letters to colleagues; one review of a paper for a journal; 49 5 electronic-mail messages; an update ol the design specifications; three reviews of employees; one job specification; two advertisements; and one love letter. He must also attend a 2-day conference in Washington where he is conducting an all-day tutorial; make I 84 telephone calls; return 734 telephone calls; attend two staff meetings; supervise I 2 employees; soothe one disgruntled client; learn how to calculate the maximum expected belch (MEB) of a waste-storage tank; eat seven power breakfasts; take Lyn out to dinner and a movie twice; and sleep 7 nights.

The time (in hours) allotted to each task (performed once) is as follows:

Answer: Max should soak in a hot tub with Lyn under the redwoods and stars on a clear cold night. Then, he should sleep for I 2 hours. Finally, he should rewrite his to-do list. □

B

SEGMENT 148 EXERCISES, EXAMPLES, AND QUESTIONS 607

« » £ fc

ugly: Describe several of the creatures brought home by Red.

good: Identify four people who work at Max's company.

« » 6 fc

ugly: Name some of Lyn's friends.

good: Name six people who have contributed material to Lyn's book.

When you ask a yes-or-no question in an exercise, you should almost always request that your reader explain her answer. Otherwise, simply yes or no will constitute a correct answer. Be careful not to give away the answer (yes or no) when you ask for the explanation. Do not write if so when you mean if you do (or if it is, if she would, and so on), and do not write if not when you mean if you do not.

ugly: Do you think that Gelareh is sleep deprived?

ugly: Do you think that Malcolm is particularly busy these days? Explain why he is.

You have just told your reader that the correct answer to the question is yes.

ugly: Do you think that Alyssa is a lucky kid? If so, describe in what ways she is. If not, explain what would have to change for you to think of her as lucky.

This example would he classified as good were it not for the if so and if not.

GOOD: Do you think that Malcolm is tolerant? Explain your answer.

« » « i:-

ugly: Do you know where Mike and Shellee are living?

ugly: Do you know where Red and BB are living? If you do, describe where.

GOOD: Do you know where Steve and Judy are living? If you do, describe where. If you do not, describe how you might find out.

« fc » fc

ugly: Do you think that reading this book will improve your ability to give presentations?

good: Do you think that reading this book will improve your social life? Explain your answer, giving an example of each point you make.

« » « »

ugly: Can you name one of Carver's scientific hats?

good: Can you guess in what kind of institution Eddie works? What is your best guess? 362

When you ask several related questions within one exercise, you should use lettered parts. You can phrase the question as a complete sentence, followed by fragment parts. In this case, you can set the parts as a list within the text line, or you can use a displayed list.

good: Identify the jobs of the following people: (a) Devon, (b) Brian, (c) Boris, (d) Suresh, (e) Len, (f) Max.

362. Best guess is one of the few phrases where best is not objectionably fuzzy.

good: What kind of creatures are the following?

a. Swix and Spud

b. Reno and Cosmo

c. Sophia and Madeline

d. Bugs and Wiggles

e. Blackford and Ursula

f. Gabe and Bruno

g. Buttercup and Hershey h. Red and BB

good: Name the partners of the following creatures:

a. Misha

b. Lauralee

c. Lois

d. Marina

e. Sachiko

f. Moises

g. Max h. Red

Alternatively, you can phrase the question as a subject area or topic, followed by parts that comprise one or more sentences. (Note that you should not, however, jump into a part without providing an introductory sentence.) In this case, you should use a displayed list for the parts.

good: This book has introduced you to a number of characters, and has taught you about their lives. Let's see how carefully you have been reading.

a. What are three of Joe's areas of expertise?

b. What big event did Brian and Adrienne celebrate recently?

c. What academic advancement will Sally probably receive soon?

d. What is one of Marina's many talents?

e. What is one skill at which both Darlene and Therese excel?

f. For what four animals does Holly have a marked fondness? Note: Consider Homo sapiens as well as other species. i63

g. What three careers could Egar pursue? h. What favor does Soren do regularly for

Lyn? i. Why do Al and Mary have two houses? j. What kind of instrument does Tom play? k. How many Gregs, Homers, and Brians are

there in this book? 1. What is the genealogy of a guardian angel?

You can also use lettered parts to create multiple-choice questions. Note that you can use commas, semicolons, or periods between the parts if you set the parts as an intext list—the only rule to follow is that you should be consistent. If you use periods, begin each entry with a capital letter; otherwise, begin each with a lowercase letter unless you have good reason to use a capital letter. 364 You can also use a displayed list for this purpose (with end periods if the entries are sentences, and with no end punctuation otherwise).

good: How often does Max work? (a) Every day. (b) Five days per week, (c) Only on weekends, (d) Rarely.

good: What made Brian cry? (a) the release date, (b) the bugs, (c) the onions, (d) all the preceding answers.

good: Who is Lyn's transporting angel?

a. Max

b. Red

c. BART

363. Based on a suggestion by Misha Pavel.

364. A good reason might be, for example, that the word is a proper name.

SEGMENT 148 EXERCISES, EXAMPLES, AND QUESTIONS

6ll

When you write a question for discussion, you should suggest the type of answer that you wish the reader to explore.

good: Do you think that Max and Lyn will be together 20 years from now? Provide explicit evidence for your opinion, citing relevant articles and research studies. Draw a relational diagram to emphasize the causal links that you perceive. Interview several couples, and enter your data into a relational database. Perform multiple regression analyses on cells. Apply the results to answer this question.

good: Do you think that the methods used to present material in this book are helpful? Explain the ways in which you think they are, and the ways in which you think they are not. Identify problems that you had in understanding the principles. Discuss the extent to which you found the material relevant to your own writing. In what ways do you think the book could be changed to serve you more effectively? What other information would you like to see in it?

Please send your conclusions to

dupre@aw.com

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should use the pedagogic tools of exercises, examples, and questions for discussion whenever appropriate. Should you be certain that your exercises identify precisely what will constitute a correct answer? Explain your response, citing evidence to support your opinions.

149 Writer's Block

7 7 riter's block is a peculiarly nasty syndrome that can strike any author. It is the author's equivalent of stage fright—a loss of nerve that can paralyze you.

If you are planning to write—or even are already writing—a document that sums up your knowledge on a topic, then you are exposing yourself in two ways. First, you are making public your expertise, and thus are inviting other experts to point out to you what is wrong. Second, you are making public your writing ability, about which you may feel less than confident. This book will help you to lay to rest the second form of insecurity. It will also tune up your ear, so that soon you will not even have to think about what is correct: You will simply know what sounds right.

The first fear—of holding up your expertise for public scrutiny— has little to do with your knowledge of your subject. For example, most graduate students go along happily researching their thesis for years, without too much doubt that what they are doing is important. Faced with the task of writing a dissertation, however, they may suddenly think, u Gosh, what if no one cares about this stuff? What if everyone thinks it trivial, or misguided?"

In addition, doctoral candidates often face the peculiar problem that, when their dissertations are written and their degrees earned, they will have to switch from being students to holding "real" 365 jobs. Major career changes are stressful; it is much easier not to write, and thus not to finish.

A third, related problem that you as a writer may have springs from the idea that you are putting down everything you know about the topic under discussion, yet you do not want to stop learning, to draw the line, and to publish. By the time the article comes out, you think, I will know so much more, I will be ashamed of what I said here.

This loss of nerve can have devastating effects if one of your primary tasks in life at the moment is to write a document. You may be convinced that you are a worthless dodo, incapable of writing a single sentence that anyone else would want to read.

My publisher suggested to me the seed of the idea for this book more than 7 years before I sat down to write. I was always busy with other projects, and was not sure how I wanted to approach this one, so we let it slide for a long time, until the right moment came and we developed and signed a contract. Having felt complete confidence all those years that, when the time came, I would simply write effortlessly, 366 I now woke up one morning convinced that I knew nothing about the discipline I had pursued for the previous 25 years. Write a book? Hah! No way!

Instead, I went into a down state, avoiding talking or even thinking about the project for fully 4 months. I was not my usual laughing

365. This case is one of the few in which I believe quotation marks are appropriate.

366. Writing is always plain hard work for everyone, of course, but certain of us are fortunate in that the work flows easily—most of the time.

self; I was a puddle of spineless misery. Yet, you are reading the book that I wrote— and had considerable fun writing.

There are numerous ways to overcome writer's block. I was helped by three people's input, which I shall pass along to you.

First, Kirk McKusick told me that he writes by jotting down not so much an outline as a set of pieces that will eventually constitute the document. He starts by choosing the simplest, easiest-to-write-about piece; in any given writing session, he continues to choose whatever topic looks most inviting. By the time that only nasty bits are left, he has sufficient mass behind him to carry him through on momentum. I used this technique, and for me it made the task vastly simpler. This book is particularly well suited to a divide-and-conquer approach, but any document has components, and there is no reason why you should write those components in sequential order.

Second, Carver Mead related to me an incident that had permitted him to overcome his own grueling case of writer's block. One weekend while he was in Jack London park, he approached a museum case in which sat an original London manuscript. London was one of Carver's boyhood idols. The placard on the manuscript read, "Jack London wrote 2 pages per day." Carver stood, transfixed; "Hey," he thought, "I can do that!"

In both cases, you are breaking down the single overwhelming or seemingly impossible task into a series of doable subtasks. You are committing to undertake an action that you are capable of carrying out, even if you are not feeling like Superwriter. The approach works for just about any problem that you need to solve, and it works for overcoming writer's block.

Third, Eddie Herskovits offered to receive and to read, via electronic mail, my first few paragraphs. I made a deal with him: I promised to send him one paragraph on a particular day. I kept that promise, so

I then promised to send him another paragraph on the next day. After a few days, I felt sufficiently confident that I committed to sending a paragraph on each day for the next week. By the time that week was out, the block had melted, and I was getting interested in what I was writing. A few weeks later, I was glued to my terminal, and my only problems were trying to catch up with all the ideas that were whizzing through my head, and remembering to eat.

In this case, the trick was to make a commitment to someone other than myself. It worked for me, and it will work for anyone who has an abject terror of missing deadlines or of breaking promises. For people who are a bit more laid back about life, it may not be effective. It may give you an idea, however, of what trick might work for you. You almost have to sneak up behind yourself, to start writing without realizing or admitting that that is what you are doing.

In summary, if you unexpectedly freeze up when faced with a writing task, keep telling yourself that you are experiencing a normal form of incapacitation. Get all your friends to tell you that your self-doubts are nonsense, and that they have unflinching faith in your abilities. Ask them to refuse to hear you when you moan that you will never write a word, and to tell you instead how confident they are that you will find your voice again. Then, break down your writing task into small pieces, using whatever technique appeals to you. Start writing. Tell yourself that it does not matter if what you write is garbage; all that matters is that you write words, or close approximations to words. If you cannot write words, then draw pictures. Once you have got through the block, you can edit and rewrite, and that task will be simple. Keep writing. It works.

SKiMENT 149 WRITER S BLOCK

The principle for lucid writing here is... the principle for lucid writing here is... the

principle for lucid writing here is....

150 Acknowledgments

y the time that they publish a document, most authors are indebted to numerous people and organizations. The acknowledgments section is the proper arena for expressing gratitude to all those people.

In journal articles and other short documents, the acknowledgments section is usually set at the end of the text, before the references. Certain journals set the funding sources as a footnote to the title or to the authors' names. In books, the acknowledgments section is usually set at the end of the front matter, either after the preface or as a subsection within the preface.

You should spell acknowledgments with only two es. The alternative, acknowledgements, is the British spelling and is incorrect for manuscripts published in the United States. This spelling error is the second most common of those you will see in heads. 367

bad: I forgot to update the acknowledgements!

good: The acknowledgments section gives you an opportunity to express a fraction of your indebtedness and appreciation.

367. The most common is forward to mean foreword.

You should mention in your acknowledgments people who contributed to the work reported in your document, but whose contribution does not merit joint authorship. For example, you might acknowledge people who discussed ideas with you, who performed laboratory work, who programmed a module, who helped you with the statistical analysis, who helped you with the artwork, or who edited your text. In books, authors often mention friends and family whose patience and support, or cold collations, for example, made the writing project bearable. Such acknowledgments are not usually appropriate for articles.

You can either identify the feeling or attitude that you have toward the contributor (gratitude, indebtedness, and so on), or you can simply list the contribution and assume that your reader will understand how you feel.

good: Peter Gordon, my sponsoring editor and guardian angel, provided during this book's development, among other gems, the initial concept, technical expertise, substantial hand holding, and a pair of jade balls. The prodigious feats that Peter performed to enable the publication of this book put Hercules to shame.

good: I am indebted to Nancy Fenton, Eileen Hoff, Helen Goldstein, and James Rigney, all of Addison-Wesley, who offered their time and expertise. I am also grateful for the help of the many people in manufacturing, marketing, and sales whose work contributed to this project.

good: Richard Adamo has remained a staunch friend, shoring me up when I doubted myself, encouraging me to reject mediocrity at the expense of peace; Richard's quirky, razor-edged wit made me burst into giggles amid the book's most trying moments.

good: I am delighted to acknowledge the help of Malcolm Pradhan, who managed to read a draft of the manuscript during Alyssa's meals, time sharing between baby and book without ever confusing the two.

good: My friend Marina Nims read various drafts of the manuscript and pointed out, with her usual gentleness and kindness, places where my prose was opaque. Marina is always an excellent listener, knowing precisely when to laugh and when to groan.

good: Ann Barry's optimism, encouragement, and endless support allowed me to discover my voice.

good: Patrick Henry Winston gave me early, fast, winsome, and thoughtful feedback, my responses to which substantially increased clarity and reduced idiocy in the text.

good: I had the good fortune of getting to know Joseph Norman at the critical moment when this book most needed him. He dove into the project of design, bringing to the task precision and attention to detail. Joe lost many nights of sleep during the final countdown, unselfishly dedicating himself to excellence. I, the book, and you all benefit prodigiously from his contributions.

good: When the fire-breathing dragons threatened me with a disaster unimaginable, Adrienne Esztergar (hitherto oblivious to my appropriation of her name for a character in this book) strapped on her shimmering armor, drew her mouse from its sheath, leaped astride her page-layout software, and came to my rescue. She took over page makeup without turning a hair when mine had already been torn out and thrown on the floor, and calmly decimated the army of problems that we faced. When the dragons regenerated and once again threatened to consume us, Jan Clayton

m

6lO SK.MENT 150 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

weighed in with unruffled competence, shoring us up and slicing through obstacles to bring the project to completion. Without the help of both women, this book risked never seeing the printer's press.

good: I am indebted to John Gamache, whose effervescent creativity and instant grasp of the book's personality allowed him to design the enchanting cover and the icons used in the book, in between the closings on two houses and the resulting move. He also tolerated numerous changes and telephone calls with good humor, for which I am deeply grateful.

good: I am profoundly grateful to Max Henrion, who tolerated continual conversational interruptions to allow me to jot notes on any scraps of paper or flesh that I could find, who listened understandingly to my endless perseverations about all events and thoughts related to the project, who provided a serene and creature-filled environment for my work, who served as my primary computer-support staff, and whose patience and pertinacity allowed him to tread the heavily mined path between constructive criticism and inducement to riot. Max has forged with me my first true home—a state of mind and heart, more than a physical location—and in it I have discovered the creativity and energy to bring forth this book.

You should generally use people's full first names, rather than their nicknames (and certainly rather than silly, made-up names), when you acknowledge their work-related contributions to your formal written documents. You can use titles if you wish, but be consistent in giving them to everyone or to no one. When you acknowledge friendship or any non-work-related help, you can use whatever form of the name you prefer, including nickname only.

ugly: I cannot express my gratitude to 368 Ron Barry, Jenny Knuth, Doug Owens, Dick Rubinstein, and Wyn Snow.

good: Many people gave generously of their time and intellect, reading and patiently correcting various drafts of my manuscript. From each of them I received extraordinarily helpful advice; several of them also contributed examples. Among other reviewers, the following thoughtful people deserve credit for helping me to polish this book: Ronald Barry, Jennifer Knuth, Douglas K. Owens, Richard Rubinstein, and Wynter Snow. 369

« fc « fe

ugly: Greg, my hiking companion, selfishly sprained his ankle midway through the writing process, leaving me to compose alone on my morning adventures.

ugly: Avi sent regular messages letting me know that he was too busy to think, much less to send a message.

good: Dr. Provan provided the delirium-tremens version of the QMR database.

good: Abraham Silberschatz read a draft of this manuscript while doing 19 other tasks, sending staccato bits of electronic-mail advice.

368. The introductory phrase alone would be sufficient to classify this sentence as ugly. If you cannot express your gratitude, then what are you doing when you write the phrase? Similarly, do not say / cannot thank sufficiently.

369. Note that, when you want to indicate that you are equally indebted to multiple people, you should list the names alphabetically if you want to signify that the ordering is not by weight of contribution.

« fe « fc

ugly: Drs. Pavel and Jimison's warm hospitality ensured that Max and I were well fed and well rested during a critical small vacation.

Presumably, the visit was not a formal business undertaking, so the titles are out of place.

good: We should all stop by to thank Brian and Adrienne for the fabulous postnuptial barbecue and chocolate party that they threw yesterday, even though they neglected to provide tongs or potholders, and everyone came home with lightly toasted fingers, and several people are still trying to figure out how to charbroil a chocolate cake.

« » £ fe

ugly: Brendan "MacPerson," and Suresh "BugPerson," kept my Mac in a cooperative mood, despite its blatant bipolar disorder.

good: Red and BB Dupre literally sat at my elbow throughout most of my work on the book.

You should avoid using roundabout phrasing when you thank people.

ugly: I would like to thank Devon Brown for fielding facsimiles and telephone messages.

good: I thank Brian Arnold for guiding me on my first Mac tour, and for showing me that it is possible to appear serene and to remain friendly in the midst of crises and chaos.

« fc « fc

ugly: Thanks are due to the numerous reviewers of this book, who pointed out countless sources of contamination and confusion. 3 °

good: The team that Peter and I eventually assembled did a stellar job in producing this book.

£ & £ i-

ugly: I would like to express my gratitude to Judy for suggesting the underground version of this book, and a backward R.

good: I am grateful to Steve for taking me out for a night of frenetic dancing, punctuated by confidence-building strokes, just when I needed it most.

« fe « fc

ugly: I cannot begin to thank all the numerous people who contributed.

good: I thank the many people who contributed to this book, both directly, such as by reviewing various drafts, and indirectly, by giving freely of their time and friendship, and thus filling my life with pleasure and joy.

You should acknowledge sources of funding, and providers of any equipment or other resources.

If you are acknowledging grant support, include the grant number. Spell out the name of the funding agency (that is, do not use an ac-

370. This example has at least three objectionable characteristics. Can you identify them?

SEGMENT 150 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ronym). If you are acknowledging corporate provision of resources, give the company name in full, as well as the location of the company if you wish. If you acknowledge both personal contributions (that is, the people who helped you in your work) and direct sources (the providers of funding and resources), put the contributors first, followed by an extra line break, followed by the sources.

good: Funds for this research were provided by grant #432t9342jK from the Starving Authors Guild. 371

GOOD: Equipment support for this work was generously donated by Lumina Decision Systems, Inc., of Los Altos, California.

good: Max Henrion supplied nutritional support from numerous Bay Area restaurants; externally forced rest and relaxation in the form of plays, movies, and concerts, as needed; and comic relief at home.

The principle for lucid writing here is that you should include an acknowledgments section where you list contributors to your work and providers of resources, and where you make feeble and inadequate attempts to compensate people for the hours of time and yards of patience that they invested in your work.

I thank you all.

371. Dream on.

Index by Category

Conventions and Standards

INDEX BY CATEGORY

Parsing, Syntax, and Parts of Speech

A J verbs Versus Adjectives Segment Si Page 330

1 \pccted but Nonarriving Agents Segment 79 Page 325

Full Versus Incomplete Infinitives Segment 30 Page 144

Missing That Segment 107 Page 433

Missing Words Segment 70 Page 294

Passive or Missing Agents Segment 1 Page 1

Placement of Adverbs Segment 58 Page 246

Placement of Prepositions Segment 60 Page 251

Possessives Segment 139 Page 570

Pronouns for Recipients Segment 136 Page 559

Pronouns Segment 7 Page 29

Remarks Inserted After That Segment 42 Page 195

Repeated Prepositions Segment 20 Page 77

Split Infinitives Segment 38 Page 182

Spread-Out Phrases Segment 18 Page 72

Tense Segment 97 Page 397

Word Match Segment 142 Page 581

Punctuation Marks

Colon

Commas

Em Dashes

En Dashes

Exclamation Point

Hyphens

Parentheses

Points of Ellipsis

Quotation Marks

Semicolon

Solidus

Segment 15

Segment 23

Segment 77

Segment 49

Segment 63

Segment 29

Segment 37

Segment 86

Segment 41

Segment 93

Segment 117

Page 60

Page 94

Page 316

Page 218

Page 261

Page 134

Page 175

Page 349

Page 189

Page 374

Page 466

Terms Often Confused

Affect Versus Effect Segment 115 Page 460

Cannot Versus Can Not Segment 104 Page 427

Continuous Versus Continual Segment 128 Page 531

Deduce Versus Infer Segment 64 Page 265

Eminent, Emanate, Imminent, Immanent Segment 78 Page 322

Ensure, Assure, Insure Segment 45 Page 206

Feel Versus Think Segment 84 Page 339

Fewer Versus Less Segment 129 Page 533

Foreword and Forward Segment 46 Page 209

Further Versus Farther Segment 135 Page 556

Indices Versus Indexes Segment 116 Page 464

INDEX BY CATEGORY

627

INDEX BY CATEGORY

Index of Principles

Abbreviations and Acronyms Segment 21 Page 80

Principle: Use a minimum number of abbreviations and acronym terms in your text (i.e., num abbrevs and ATs can be dfclt to read). Any that you do use, define on first use and use always thereafter.

Above and Below Segment 48 Page 215

Principles: Avoid using above and below when you mean preceding and following, and use specific cross-references whenever possible. The preceding principle is respected in both the foregoing and the later segments of this book.

Abstracts Segment 98 Page 401

Principle: Realize that your abstract is often the most critical part of your document; if you write it well, your reader may be seduced into reading the remainder of what you have to say. Keep it clear, simple, direct, and short.

Acknowledgments Segment 150 Page 617

Principle: Include an acknowledgments section where you list contributors to your work and providers of resources, and where you make feeble and inadequate attempts to compensate people for the hours of time and yards of patience that they invested in your work.

Adverbs Versus Adjectives Segment 81 Page 330

Principle: Be careful about what you are modifying when you use a modifier. Mark this principle well so that you can write good prose.

Affect Versus Effect Segment 115 Page 460

Principle: You can affect your reader adversely if you do not effect correct usage by using words that have a good effect on her ear and thus positively influence her affect.

Aggravate Segment 71 Page 296

Principle: Aggravate does not mean irritate; use aggravate to mean to increase in severity. Otherwise, you may irritate your reader.

All Of Segment 108 Page 436

Principle: Omit the of after all unless doing so leaves your sentence stranded without all its meaning intact.

Also Segment 105 Page 429

Principle: Keep in mind that there is a major difference between Lyn also loves Max and Lyn loves Max also.

Around Segment 90 Page 365

Principle: There arc sufficient sen iceable words that mean approximately, more or less, about, roughly, generally, and in round numbers. Do not drag around into service for this purpose; rather, let it stand tor its own perfectly respectable meaning. Draw a circle around this principle to be sure that you understand the idea.

As to Whether Segment 50 Page 222

Principle: It you find yourself wondering as to whether you should use that term, you should simply wonder whether instead.

Authorship on Research Articles Segment 137 Page 563

Principle: You and your coworkers should discuss in advance, and should agree to, the various roles and responsibilities that you will each have in carrying out a research project and reporting the results.

Awhile Segment 144 Page 588

Principles: Awhile means for a while; you should usually write a while. If you invite a literate person to stay for awhile, she may prefer to leave.

Better, Best, Worst Segment 69 Page 291

Principle: Avoid using valuative terms that fail to specify the measure that you are applying. Rather than writing better, for example, you should write more concisely.

Blocks: Theorems, Proofs, Lemmas Segment 47 Page 211

Principles: Set blocks such as theorems and definitions consistently, distinguish the block's various elements, and set off blocks from the base text.

Boxes Segment 147 Page 598

Principle: Remember that boxes provide an alternative way to present text that does not integrate directly into the structure of your writing.

Callouts Segment 62 Page 256

Principle: Provide a callout (for example, Table 4.2), in numerical order, for every numbered table, figure, program, or box.

Cannot Versus Can Not Segment 104 Page 427

Principle: Set the negation of can as cannot; if and only if you intend to negate an activity, rather than an ability, use can not. If you cannot remember the principle, you have no choice; if you can not remember the principle (that is, if you can intentionally forget the principle), you do have a choice.

Cap/lc Segment 83 Page 336

Principle: In cap/lc lines, Set the First Letter Capitalized (with Exceptions), and Set Every Other Word Lead Cap Unless that Word Is Not the Final Word and Is a Preposition, Connective, or Article of Less than Five Letters, or Is the to in an Infinitive.

Center On Segment 40 Page 187

Principle: Use more interesting — and perhaps more meaningful — phrases in place of centering ©« tired, overused terms.

Citations Segment 65 Page 270

Principles: Always be consistent when you choose among several competing citation styles, and always give your reader pertinent information [Dupre, 1994].

Cliches, Jargon, and Euphemisms Segment 140 Page 573

Principle: Render unusual mots and gnomes, rather than appropriating the consuetudinary argot of other scrivener's missives.

Code Segment 94 Page 380

Principles: Set code in a monospace — or otherwise differentiated — typeface, set comment lines consistently, and set large chunks of code as numbered figures, programs, or boxes.

Colon Segment 15 Page 60

Principle: Use a colon at the end of a sentence to indicate that further explanation follows: An explanation might consist of a detailed list, for example, or of an example.

Commas Segment 23 Page 94

Principle: Always include commas that are logical and helpful, such as those indicating pauses, or those after introductory remarks , and also remember not to splice together artificially two sentences simply by inserting a comma and an and.

Comparatives Segment 95 Page 387

Principle: When you use words that imply a comparison, specify precisely what you are comparing with what. Merely making your writing clearer is insufficient; you must make your writing clearer than it used to be, or clearer than your dearest colleague's, or clearer than mud.

Comprise Segment 75 Page 311

Principle: The whole comprises the parts, whereas the parts constitute or make up the whole. If you ever find yourself using the phrase is comprised of, give yourself three lashes with a red pencil and recast your sentence.

Continuous Versus Continual Segment 128 Page 531

Principle: When you are writing, be on guard against errors continuously, to avoid making mistakes continually.

Contractions Segment 32 Page 150

Principle: Do not use contractions in formal writing; it's OK to use them in casual writing.

Cross References Segment 67 Page 279

Principle: Use liberal, specific, and nonredundant cross-references (see, for example, the top-right corner of page 590).

Data Segment 44 Page 204

Principle: Disregard the rampant misuse of data, and use data only to denote numerous discrete measurements (or other collections of values). When you wish to refer to a single item, use datum. Data is a plural, so data never is anything.

Dates and Times of Day Segment 54 Page 234

Principle: I.earn the contents of this segment so that you will know how to style dates and times of day consistently. You would not want to write at 2:00 pm on December 19 1993, when your colleagues are writing at 2:00 p.m. on December 19, 1993.

Deduce Versus Infer Segment 64 Page 265

Principle: Read the examples in this book to infer how to construct your own sentences. When you then review the literature in your field, you may deduce that many authors do not follow the principles in this book (note the implied criticism of much scientific writing).

Design Elements and Eye Segment 141 Page 577

Principles: Think about the design elements in your manuscript before you begin writing; develop and maintain a design memorandum; and use a few, consistently set elements.

Different From Segment 61 Page 254

Principle: Different than is different from good writing practice.

Dissertations Segment no Page 440

Principle: Approach your dissertation as you would any other writing project: with this book in your hand, with as many colleagues and advisors of various ilks as you can muster, and with a number of friends on tap to provide support.

Effort Segment 16 Page 65

Principle: View effort as a tired, thin, overused word; omit it, or make an effort to substitute for it a more informative term that indicates more precisely what you mean.

Either and Both Segment 28 Page 129

Principle: A word placed before either or both applies to both alternatives, whereas a word placed after either or both applies to only (but not to either) one. You can either remember this principle or mark the page, but both remembering and marking would be redundant.

Em Dashes Segment 77 Page 316

Principles: Use em dashes — singly or in pairs — to add to your sentences information to which you wish to call attention; you can also use em dashes to indicate disjointed or interrupted quoted speech.

Eminent, Emanate, Imminent, Immanent Segment 78 Page 322

Principle: It is eminently reasonable to emanate authority and knowledge when you write. Maintaining immanent knowledge carries the imminent risk of forgetting it.

En Dashes Segment 49 Page 218

Use en dashes when you use the dash form of indicating a range (see pages 2-4), and when you have an equal-weighted pair serving as an adjective, such as a love-hate relationship.

Ensure, Assure, Insure Segment 45 Page 206

Ensure, assure, and insure have three distinct and substantially different meanings; use each word correctly to ensure that your readers are assured that you know what you are doing, so that they feel no need to insure themselves against damage from bad prose.

Equals Segment 57 Page 244

Principle: Do not lose any pieces of the phrases is equal to, is greater than, and is less than; doing so equals an error.

Equations Segment 118 Page 469

Principle: After you have mastered a text editor that can handle equations, review the few simple ideas presented in this segment.

Everyone, Someone, No One, None Segment 14 Page 57

Principle: Everyone should remember that only no one and every one have a space in them, and someone should remind you that none can be singular or plural.

Exclamation Point Segment 63 Page 261

Principle: Use exclamation points sparingly (except in exceptional circumstances!), and use with them only quotation marks and, occasionally, dashes.

Exercises, Examples, and Questions Segment 148 Page 603

Principle: Use the pedagogic tools of exercises, examples, and questions for discussion whenever appropriate. Should you be certain that your exercises identify precisely what will constitute a correct answer? Explain your response, citing evidence to support your opinions.

Expected but Nonarriving Agents Segment 79 Page 325

Principles: To be fair to your reader, you should name whom you intend to name, and should deliver on any that promises that you make about the forthcoming identification of an agent.

Feel Versus Think Segment 84 Page 339

Principle: Limit your use of feel to those situations in which a creature is genuinely experiencing a feeling; use think, believe, argue, and so on to denote intellectual activity. You may feel confused, but you should not feel that this segment is confusing.

Fewer Versus Less Segment 129 Page 533

Principle: Distinguish between fewer and less; making fewer errors will allow you to feel less foolish.

Figure Captions Segment 43 Page 198

Principle: Write figure captions that provide explanations, legends, and credit lines, and set them consistently. Most important, make sure that each figure caption provides sufficient information that the figure plus the caption stand alone.

Figures Segment 126 Page 512

Principle: Graphical representation is a powerful and compact form of communication that you should use wisely. Choose figures that are clear, simple, and easy to understand, and that are labeled carefully.

Focus On Segment 88 Page 357

Principle: Avoid the worn-out focus on; instead, focu s on turn your attention to more interesting alternatives.

Footnotes Segment 145 Page 590

Principle: Footnotes 88 provide a useful vehicle for introducing into your text material that belongs in the text, but that also does not belong there.

Foreword and Forward Segment 46 Page 209

Principle: You should find it astounding that many books open with a section entitled forward.

Full Versus Incomplete Infinitives Segment 30 Page 144

Principle: Use full infinitives in a series in which the infinitives are modified in different ways. That is, to write well, or to avoid mistakes, you should learn when to repeat the to.

Further Versus Farther Segment 135 Page 556

Principle: Use farther to denote distances, and, further, use further to denote any other dimension of increase.

Fuzzy Words Segment 36 Page 171

Principle: Always use the most specific, informative term available, so that you maximize the communication per word, all other considerations being equal. In fact, there really is something actually very annoying about truly fuzzy terms.

Gender-Specific Words Segment 127 Page 525

Principle: To mistress the art of writing, you should avoid using words that are gender specific when the roles that they denote are not gender related.

Half Segment 119 Page 475

Principle: Use one-half to refer to one of two equal parts, and use moiety to refer to one of two unequal parts that together constitute a whole. The greater moiety of this book comprises more than one-half of the segments.

Hyphens Segment 29 Page 134

Principle: Hyphenate most compound-adjectives terms, but do not hyphenate terms that are compound adjectives that follow the noun. A user-friendly book is not user unfriendly.

Impact Segment 25 Page 108

Principle: Do not use impact when you mean influence or effect, and certainly do not use impact when you mean affect, because impacting people is incredibly impolite.

Importantly Segment 101 Page 412

Principle: It is important that you not use importantly when you mean important. You can write importantly, which is arrogant, or you can write important material.

In Order To Segment 76 Page 314

Principle: In order to is a clumsy phrase that you should avoid using, in order to improve your writing, in order so as to communicate effectively.

Indices Versus Indexes Segment 116 Page 464

Principle: Distinguish between the indexes in, for example, a book, and the indices in, for example, mathematical expressions.

Is Due To Segment 39 Page 185

Principle: Use is due to to speak of reparation and perhaps to speak of causes, but do not use it to speak of origination. That much care is due to your reader.

Issue Segment 111 Page 448

Principle: Avoid writing about issues; instead, describe your subject clearly and in sufficient detail. This principle is not an issue.

Italic Type Segment 130 Page 535

Principle: Set in italic type words that you wish to emphasize, words under discussion, foreign words, and variables.

Its Versus It's Segment 80 Page 328

Principle: It's a good idea to use its to mean belonging to it, and it's to mean it is. It is also a good idea to avoid contractions in formal writing.

Key Terms Segment 12 Page 51

Principle: Consider organizing your presentation based on key terms, which are terms critical to the meaning of your discussion; defining key terms in text; and using a form of typographical distinction (usually boldface type) to highlight key terms.

Last Segment 87 Page 355

Principles: Use points of ellipsis to indicate missing material in quoted passages and in series,..., and use them with a correctly placed period when appropriate.

Like Versus Such As Segment 27 Page 125

Principle: Always use like correctly to refer to likeness, or resemblance. Use such as to indicate an example member of a group about which you are speaking. Use as to indicate a likeness in activities. If you use your ear as I do, then your prose will be like mine, and you can compose sentences such as this one.

Lists Segment 26 Page 111

Principles: (1) at first blush, you may find the rules associated with the correct use of lists too numerous to swallow (but you should keep chewing); (2) you should learn to distinguish among the various lists; and (3) you should use the type and format that are most suited to the message that you want to communicate.

Literal and Virtual Segment 92 Page 370

Principles: Use literal when you mean not metaphorical (when you mean metaphorical, you should say so), and use virtual to mean not actual or nearly. You should take this principle literally, at virtually all times.

Maybe Versus May Be Segment 125 Page 509

Principle: Set the term maybe, meaning perhaps, as one word. Set the verb may he as two words. You may be still learning, but maybe you already know this principle.

Media Segment 120 Page 479

Principles: Use media to denote more than one medium, unless the medium is a human being; never use media as a singular. Either use numerous writing media, or use just one medium.

Missing That Segment 107 Page 433

Principle: Although it is good practice to leave out unnecessary words, it is not good practice to leave out words that belong in your sentence.

Missing Words Segment 70 Page 294

Principle: Use the various that indicate missing words and 1 ters.

Motivate Segment 9 Page 41

Principle: Never attempt to motivate any entity that is not a living creature.

Mouth Segment 146 Page 594

Principle: This book has plenty of mouth.

Neither Nor Segment 99 Page 407

Principle: Use neither and nor together, and take care in placing other words near them, or your sentence will be neither correct nor clear.

Nonwords Segment 106 Page 431

Principle: Do not hyphenate nonwords unless the second term consists of multiple words or begins with a capital letter. For example, a non-Dupre system might use a hyphen in nonwords.

Nose Segment 91 Page 367

Principle: Know thine audience.

Not Versus Rather Than Segment 121 Page 481

Principle: Use rather than, rather than not.

Note That Versus Notice That Segment 114 Page 457

Principle: When you wish to flag a sentence for your readers' attention, first ask yourself whether the content is not sufficient to call attention to itself without your aid; if you determine that the sentence needs a flashing light, use the simplest choice: note that. In addition, notice that notice that has its uses too.

Number Spelling Segment 24 Page 99

Principle: In general, spell out numbers from one to nine, and use numerals otherwise; there are, however, many exceptions. This area is one of the few in which ear will get you nowhere; rote memorization or frequent lookups are your choices.

Number Styles Segment 34 Page 156

Principle: Learn the rules for styling numbers so that your text will be internally consistent and will be consistent with that of other scientific writers. Keep this book at your elbow, with this page marked, until you know all the rules in this segment.

Object, Modifier, Activity Segment 133 Page 549

Principles: When a term can take on any of three roles, set verbs as two words, adjectives as one hyphenated word, and nouns as one word: To shake down a target, a shake-down artist orchestrates a shakedown.

Only Segment 5 Page 23

Principle: Whenever you use only, double-check that you intend it to modify only the term that follows it directly.

Oxymorons Segment 10 Page 43

Principle: Do not use phrases that are internally inconsistent unless you do so knowingly with the intent to amuse your reader. If your words are intelligibly incomprehensible, your reader may become clearly confused.

Parallelism Segment 85 Page 342

Principles: Enforce parallelism throughout your writing, pay attention to parallelism at each level, and cast all like entities in like form. The three parts of the preceding sentence are parallel.

Parentheses Segment 37 Page 175

Principle: Use parentheses to enclose asides (or tangential remarks), explanations (for example, of a word), or numbers (or letters) in an intext list.

Passive or Missing Agents Segment 1 Page 1

Principle: To the extent possible, avoid using passive voice in your writing; instead, use active voice, and name your agents. In addition, by using clauses such as this one, you promise your reader to name an agent: Keep your promise.

Per Segment 33 Page 154

Principle: Use per to mean for (or on) each. If you read one segment per day, you will learn a useful principle on each day.

Percent Segment 132 Page 546

Principle: Know 100 percent of the few simple rules governing use of percent.

Persons Versus People Segment 82 Page 334

Principle: Almost never use persons; use people when you intend to denote the plural of person, and peoples when you intend to denote multiple groups of people. People may wish to keep this book near their persons.

Placement of Adverbs Segment 58 Page 246

Principle: Understand fully the nuances of adverb placement. Unless you have an excellent reason to do otherwise, place adverbs at the ends of the phrases to which they belong. What constitutes an excellent reason, in this case, is a matter of ear and intent.

Placement of Prepositions Segment 60 Page 251

Principle: Wrap up your prepositions at the beginning of or inside the clauses to which they belong, rather than which they belong to.

Plural Abbreviations Segment 123 Page 504

Principle: Form the plural of an abbreviation by adding simply s; form the possessive of a singular abbreviation by adding apostrophe s; and (usually) form the plural possessive by adding s apostrophe, l.yn is BUGS's inventor.

Points of Ellipsis Segment 86 Page 349

Principles: Use points of ellipsis to indicate missing material in quoted passages and in series, use..., and use them with a correctly placed period when appropriate.

Possessives Segment 139 Page 570

Principle: In general, but not always, use apostrophe s fs) to indicate that an object is someone's.

Pronouns for Recipients Segment 136 Page 559

Principle: Think about whether the creature or object that you wish to denote by a pronoun is an agent; if it or he or she is not, use it or him or her.

Pronouns Segment 7 Page 29

Principle: Watch your pronouns with a hawk's eye, to ensure that they denote what you intend.

Proposals Segment 68 Page 283

Principle: Write a proposal such that your reader understands immediately what you intend to do, why you are especially qualified to do it, why it is important, and why she should fund it.

Proven Versus Proved Segment 13 Page 55

Principle: We have proved that you should use proven only as a modifier.

Quotation Marks Segment 41 Page 189

Principle: Avoid using quotation marks when you have no good reason to use them, and learn the rules governing correct usage. If you cannot see a problem with "quotation marks," reread this segment.

Quotations Segment 35 Page 165

Principle: Learn the rules associated with quoting written material, because "otherwise at best you will appear unknowledgeable, and at worst you could be sued" [Dupre L. It's safer to cite explicitly. Cover It Up, 9(3): 136].

Reason Is Because Segment 55 Page 239

Principle: Use because on its own, or use the reason that or the reason why, but never use because with the latter two phrases; the reason is that the because would be redundant.

Redundant Terms Segment 6 Page 26

Principle: Express a thought only once, and do not express your ideas twice.

References Segment 103 Page 418

Principle: Set your references with compulsive care. If your publisher suggests a style, use it; otherwise, use any you wish, but use it carefully and consistently.

References to Parts Segment 53 Page 230

Principle: You should generally, as defined in rule 1, omit parentheses around letters or numbers that designate parts, unless, as defined in rule 2, you use parentheses for callouts or for parts of numbered manuscript components.

Remarks Inserted After That Segment 42 Page 195

Principle: Remember that, when you insert a separate remark after a that, you must delimit the remark by placing commas on both sides of it.

Repeated Prepositions Segment 20 Page 77

Principle: Repeat prepositions to indicate governance of the words that follow, or of entire terms.

Respectively Segment 138 Page 567

Principle: Use respectively to indicate that the relationships described are between members of groups in your sentences, rather than between the groups themselves. Max and Lyn are a man and a woman, respectively.

Rewords Segment 134 Page 554

Principle: Close up all rewords to avoid rewriting them later.

Sections and Heads Segment 74 Page 304

Principle: Break up your writing by sections and subsections, each of which you should number. In Section 1, for example, you might set subheads for Sections 1.1 and 1.2, and perhaps for Sections 1.2.1, 1.2.2, and 1.2.3.

Semicolon Segment 93 Pageo374

Principle: Use a semicolon to set off a portion that is itself a complete sentence; furthermore, use a semicolon to separate in-sentence list entries when at least one entry contains a comma.

Sex Versus Gender Segment 143 Page 585

Principle: Distinguish males and females by gender.

Shall Versus Will Segment 11 Page 47

Principle: Use shall to predict the future (when you are speaking of yourself, alone or with other creatures), and will to imply intentionality. I shall teach, and you will learn.

Since Segment 102 Page 415

Principle: Reserve since for time relationships, and use because to indicate causal linkages, s ince because those are the correct uses of the words.

So Called Segment 113 Page 454

Principle: Avoid using so called. If you do use it, do not also use quotation marks or italics to delineate the so called "term under discussion."

So, So That, Such That Segment 3 Page 14

Principle: Distinguish among the three terms so, so that, and such that, so that you write more accurately, such that you use words correctly, so you feel confident when you publish your document.

Solidus Segment 117 Page 466

Principle: The solidus (forward slash, /) means and or; do not use it for equal-weighted pairs or in the redundant term and/or.

Split Infinitives Segment 38 Page 182

Principle: There is never a good excuse for splitting an infinitive: Remember that to even occasionally split infinitives is a sloppy habit.

Spread-Out Phrases Segment 18 Page 72

Principle: Do not force your reader to backtrack by spreading relevant phrases, over the expanse of your sentence, out.

Style Sheets and Spell Checkers Segment 124 Page 506

Principles: Develop and maintain a style sheet, and use your spell checker to help you to implement that style sheet.

Tables Segment 96 Page 391

Principles: Simply remember that tables are highly constrained beasts, and take care to set them correctly and consistently.

Tense Segment 97 Page 397

Principles: Pay attention to the tense in which you are writing, and do not change tenses without due cause (rather than without having had due cause).

Terms for Human-Computer Interaction Segment 112 Page 450

Principle: Determine at the outset of your writing project how you will style terms used to describe human-computer interaction. Use the arsenal of methods for differentiating type , but use it wisely, so that the result is to clarify your meaning.

The Fact That Segment 66 Page 277

Principle: Avoid using the fact that; you should remember the fact that nothing, simply that, or a recast will work.

Though Segment 52 Page 227

Principle: Though Even though the word is common, do not use though on its own; use although or even though.

Titles Segment 31 Page 146

Principle: Save capital letters for people; do not waste them on titles of office not attached to people. Various presidents are quite different from President Lincoln.

Troublesome Plurals Segment 89 Page 359

Principles: Use Latin and Greek plural endings unless you have a good excuse not to do so, and use care in forming plurals from terms that end in o, that comprise more than one word, or that are foreign.

Truncated Words Segment 131 Page 541

Principle: Avoid truncating words in formal writing. When you are writing lite reading matter, such as silly memos to amuse your lab group, you can do as you wish.

Two or More Segment 4 Page 19

Principles: Use the terms between, each other, either, and a couple to refer to precisely two entities; use the terms among, one another, any one of, and several to refer to more than two entities.

Undefined This Segment 8 Page 38

Principle: Do not leave running around in your text words that are defined insufficiently. Rather than writing that this is a bad example, write that this example is a good one.

Upon Segment 72 Page 299

Principle: On does not usually require any help from up; never waste extra letters by putting them upon pages where they are not needed.

U.S. Versus British Spelling Segment 59 Page 249

Principle: Use U.S., rather than British, spelling; when in doubt, check the dictionary, and use the first spelling given. Honor the language of the country in which you are publishing, rather than honouring that of a different country.

Utilize Segment 109 Page 438

Principle: Utilize only those articles that would otherwise have lain stagnant, and use everything else. Use this principle to avoid utilizing jargon.

Verbize Segment 22 Page 92

Principle: Avoid verbizing, to avoid miserizing your reader.

Visual Aids for Presentations Segment 122 Page 483

Principle: Apply all the principles in this book to your slides, taking even more than your usual care, becuase errors will be expecially obvious.

Whether Versus If Segment 73 Page 302

Principle: If you mean whether or not, use whether; so whether you use //or whether depends on what you intend to say.

Which Versus That Segment 17 Page 67

Principle: Use that to identify objects (which may be creatures), and use which to make remarks that provide extra information about them.

While Segment 19 Page 75

Principle: While Although people use while incorrectly, you should use it to mean only at the same time as; you should not use it to mean whereas or although.

Who Versus That Segment 51 Page 224

Principle: Use who to denote creatures to whom you grant human characteristics, and should use that tor every other object that you discuss.

Will Likely Be Segment 100 Page 410

Principle: You will probably now remember — and are likely to remember — to avoid the construction will likely be.

With Terms Segment 56 Page 241

Principle: Double-check all common terms that include with, to see whether you can cut one of the words to your advantage; consulting with this book, for example, would be awkward.

Word Match Segment 142 Page 581

Principle: Pay attention to the contents of your words, so that you do not place the words in untenable positions. Do not expend time learning this principle; rather, spend time doing so.

Writer's Block Segment 149 Page 612

Principle: The principle for lucid writing here is... the principle for lucid writing here is... the principle for lucid writing here is....

You and Your Reader Segment 2 Page 11

Principle: I encourage you to speak directly to your reader: Call yourself / if you are the only author, or we if you have coauthors; call your reader you; and call the team comprising you and vour reader we.

About the Author

Until we met Lyn, I thought grammar was only a way for snobbish bourgeois and upper-class twits to make artistic rebels and the jalt of the earth working-class people feel inferior. Mi\i. McGowen, my third-grade teacher, convinced me that, if I spoke and wrote correctly, I would end up like her, and would be dull, gray, and flabby. Then Lyn appeared in my life: vibrant, colorful, and fit, someone who can both speak correctly and not correct my pronunciation or grammar. (Though there are occasional blank looks when participles dangle too far from whatever they dangle from.) She u a true daughter of GRIMMER, teaching the word by an exemplary life. I have now changed my ways and will follow HER, even if she is crucified by pop culture.

Steven (and Judy-the-human-spellchecker) Hock

Geneva, Switzerland

She made my eyes brighter and my coat shinier.

Marina Nims San Rafael, California

This b an author that tries to always avoid all alliteration, but seems not to always be able to get his knickers in a twist when put on the spot to write things that others might read and chide him about, since there are so many errors in such short silly sentences that may put you off to the extent that you cannot follow the line of thought. But at least in reading this book you too may learn how to write good: I can write a billion times better now, and that's coming from someone who never overstates his case.

Gregory Provan Palo Alto, California

BEFORE: "To acknowledge assistance, editorial advice has been sought."

Yech! Ugh! Doug, no! You must learn not to mix passive and active voice. AFTER: "My thanks to Lyn Dupre (again) for outstanding editorial advice."

Douglas K. Owens Palo Alto, California

Incredibly exciting ... win keep you up all night ... leave* you wanting more ... great book tool

Richard Adamo Palo Alto, California

One night when Lyn was 5 year,' old, I noticed that she wad starting to eat her dinner with a knife. Holding out a fork, I said "Try this, kid " The next night, when we were having dinner with friend*. Lyn watched with a frown as our friend* 1-year-old daughter tried to matter her meal with only a knife. Lyn slipped off her chair and earned her fork over to the toddler. "Afore effective I "she asserted, banding over the implement. Thus began Lyn s career as an editor.

Garrett Oppenheim Tappan, New York

/ am a bard-working linguist at I 'TAustin, and I certainly don 't hare time to write copy for other people s hooks.

Nicola Bessell Austin, Texas

We are generally pleased with the way that Lyn has turned out. We have found her to he malleable: After 9 years of daily correction and reinforcement, she has learned to provide high-quality meals (she and Max gel the leftovers), to keep our beds soft and warm (she and Max are allowed to share the bed with us, provided that they are not overly restless), and to provide appropriate perches throughout the house (for example, she now keeps pillows on her desk, in the windows, and atop her computer). We have also encouraged her to limit her friendships to creatures who do not object to large quantities of white fur adhering to their skin or garments, and certainly to animals who do not sneeze frenetically in our vicinity, as we find the sneezing disturbingly reminiscent of hissing. We granted her permission to undertake this project because it kept her seated at her desk for many hours each day, giving us an abundance of lap tune. We have proofread the manuscript carefully. Please excuse us if we did not always remember to wipe our feet carefully before we looked over the pages.

Red and BB Woodside, California

My daughter is not a bureaucrat. She doesn 't put up with crap. She expects the best. She is not a wimp. She b not lots of things, thank goodness!

Dona DeP. Oppenheim Ouadra Island, British Columbia

Dear Lyn,

Friendship goo only so far, Lyn. Do you actually expect me to read a grammar book?! The reason that I became a scientist was that I wanted to ensure that I would never have to write or speak correctly. I think I will start another trashy novel instead.

Name withheld by request Planet Earth

Lyn has always been more interested in teaching us how to think (and thus to write) in good English than in keeping her job a** an editor. She possesses an exquisitely perceptive sensor, tuned to the subtlest bugs in writing, which are frequently symptoms of musing logical links or of superficial thinking. By eradicating such bugs from countless papers, Lyn has surely made many important (and not always fully appreciated) contributions to science and technology.

Misha Pavel and Holly Jimison Portland, Oregon

With this book, Ms. Dupre'ha^i developed an entirely new literary form: exemplary fiction.

Professor Schmoe Angstrom University of the Hebrides

Lyn Dtipre was born in Manhattan, where her father was an editor for the Wall Street Journal, the Herald Tribune, and the New York Times, and where her mother was the buyer for the Teacher's College Bookstore. She studied philosophy and law at Barnard College and at Cambridge University. She has had over 1 5 years of experience as a freelance copy editor and developmental editor, specializing in computer-science, science, and medical textbooks. She has edited over 400 books for various major publishers, and has worked for numerous academic institutions. She a bo works directly with graduate students and other authors to help them improve their writing. Lyn edits and writes during breaks from her serious work as a wood carver and photographer. She wrote this book under the close supervision of her cats, BB and Red. Her fondest hope is that the availability of this book will eliminate any future need for her work as a copy editor.

Max Henrion Woodside, California

BUGS in Writing

A Guide to Debugging Your Prode

John Gamache designed the hook cover and the icons used in the interior design.

Lyn Dupre and Joseph Norman designed the hook.

Lyn Dupre and Joseph Norman, and Adrienne Edztergar and Jan Clayton of Expert Support, Inc., did the page makeup for the hook.

The primary fonts that we used are Linotype-Hell Sahon, Garamond Three, and Cochin; and Monotype Gill Sans, Caste liar, and Typewriter.

New England Book Components, Inc., printed the cover on 10' Carolina CIS cover stock.

Maple Press Company printed the hook on Saimamatt -ft.9# text stock; Alaple Press also hound the hook.